My deepest desire

[Guest guest]

Dear members,

 

I do not wish to reveal about myself to anyone or my personal

details. But I have one deep,very deep desire in me which can take

even yugas(millions of years) or maybe even kalpas(one kalpa=4 yugas

put together) to fructify (provided I dont take birth as a dog or a

rat! and start my evolutionary process from there again)

 

My deepest desire is to be born as the physical son(and ofcourse the spiritual

son) of Rajarajeshwari devi(like muruga of Lord shiva and parvathy) in a real

sense (no deviputra manasika putra business)

I know this is a very very far fetched and highly impossible desire

(maybe you should all forgive this emotionality of mine) and maybe

this is not even appropriate as there are millions of great srividya

upasakas before and will be after me. Iam just a half baked young

idiot who both imperfect and a 'mahapavi'.Infact it is even insulting to Godess

Rajarajeshwari to hear from me such a desire. But you know what?? even an ant

can go before the Petrona towers and sigh " well I want to be as big as that! " No

one can prevent me sighing atleast! can they eh?(I also respect the ant's

courage and the fact that parabrahmam is in it too like the Petrona towers)

 

Hope Divine mother hears this lament and in some kalpa makes me her

child in a real way(in all ways, from her flesh like a normal

mother,like how muruga is the son of Parvathy and from her rays a spiritual son

like some rishis).

 

I do not even seek moksha or saanidhyam in her chintamani griha!

 

I know this is a strange wish for many srividya upasakas here but

that is all this ignoramus wishes for. I know not tantras nor mantras

nor seek a high pedestal.

 

Na janaami mantram,,...I do not know any mantra

Na jaanami tantram,....I do not know any tantra

Na jaanami bhasha,.....I do not know any language

Na jaanami vedam.......I do not know any veda

 

 

 

.........shunyoham,...Iam a zero!

 

Subodha

 

ps:these are not words of pretended modesty. It is coming from my

heart...'direct dilse'. I really do not know anything. For every veda

which we learn there are tons of vedas in paraloka. Our earth has

just access to 4 vedas but it is said in braham loka said Lord brahma once

showed a moutain of vedas to one saint(guru charitra).

Corroborating some of my personal experiences I can say that there are

paralokas and also such things as 'tons of vedas'.

 

Then just imagine where this stupid subodha lies in the hirearchy!!I

can hardly chant a few panasas of my sakha krishna yajur veda!

 

Somedays I do not do any srividya worship. I just sit before my

mahameru and photo of Rajarajeshwari(and my gurunatha) and cry out ma,ma, ma

,amma ,amma thats all i do...for what

can we pray and what can she give ?????when we are all Her!!

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~`subodham!!~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~`

[Guest guest]

Iam told both by my guru and by intutive sense that any God or godess

can pull you to Himself/Herself. It is not unique just to srividya.

 

I really do not know whether I was ''shankara'' in my previous birth

or this birth. I have not been told by my guru despite me being in

this path in a humble way.

 

It is however true based on what I have written above that Godess

Rajarajeshwari Devi draws devotees to herself.

 

I also believe that when the disciple is ready the Master comes and

draws toward Himself or Herself.

 

Regarding one being 'Shankara' I can reveal only this much that it is

something to do with the actual Yoga.

Maybe your guru can throw more light on that than this ignoramus.

 

I however analyse every word in my posting normally before I post

 

Subodha

ps: My desire remains the same and Godess can grant it if at all she

wants it. There are no hard and fast rules that this will be the last

birth as per my guru. Have you not heard of srividya pathitha?(If one

leaves one's srividya guru,or conducts himself very immorally. do you

think this will be his last birth and that he will get slavation this

birth? will parbrahmam say " Oh! Ok thats ok you were doing srividya

it's alright if you sin? "

There have instances of many 'pathithas' too in srividya history. It

is a very dangerous path Mother! Not as simple or easy as it sounds..

Even a pathitha will be saved but GURUDROHI can never be saved!If one

becomes a pathitha and conduts himself immorally his gurnatha might

chide him and bring to the path but a Gurudrohi has no salvation and

has to take birth again

 

I still stick to my desire!

---------------------------Jayosthu Paramba!------------------------

 

 

Rajarajeshwari_Kalpataru , " NMadasamy "

<nmadasamy@s...> wrote:

>

> I am being told my by guru, you dont choose Sri Vidya but Sri Vidya

> chooses you. Also I am told, unless you have become a " sankara " or

in

> your previous life time you are a " sankara " , this life time ure a

> SriVidya Upasaka. I am told further, Sri Vidya is the last stage of

> your journey.