Achalatwam-Part-4

[Guest guest]

Dear LP, Today morning I got up a bit late. Maybe my biological clock was a bit confused with the dull ambience of the morning sky lulling it into thinking the sly Bhaskara had not come into the sky yet and that the star-laden night still existed. In a hurry I got up and finished my Kalakrithyas and did a small puja for Amba after Sandhyavandana. As the beads of my Rakthachandana-rosary flowed through my thumb and middle finger, I was initially reminded of the bank of the river nearby which these days has melted water

trickling through it drop by drop into the river and then freezing again. Was my japa a similar Unfreeze-freeze mode of Nishkama and Sakama? I then dived deep into meditation unbeknownst to my subconscious mind, the great elephant, which needed the goad of Shakambary to prod it on to a divine apogee. Kama leela dhanusannibha brullatha pushpa Sandoha sandeha krullochane, Vak sudha sechane, (One who has eye lashes which resemble the flower arrows coming from the playful bow of the God of love and who (mother) cools down the universe with nectar like words…) This e-mail I will concentrate on the ways people camouflage anger. Camouflaging of anger occurs when people aren’t aware of their anger. Take the case of one AB. He is a Vedantist with a big smile on his face as he greets students who come to his Vedanta lectures

in C-city. He talks about AdiShankara’s works and greatest vedantic concepts with élan. People talk about how kind and understanding he is and how much of wisdom he has-he always seems to have time to listen. I used to pose him many doubts to the consternation of the audience but he always answered me patiently. But little do they (the audience and not-so-close) know about what goes on at home. Only AB’s family knows how verbally abusive he can be. He doesn’t use filthy language but still his words are very sharp and hurt everyone around him. For example, one morning as he herded his family into the car, the tension was palpable. The children weren’t ready to leave on time, and he went on and on to his wife(C Mami) about how “she was responsible”. (I was unfortunately sitting behind in the big car and was witness to all this). But when he arrived at Music Academy parking lot, a sudden metamorphosis took place. AB put on his Vedanta-lecture-face and instantly became the

model vedantist and Dakshinamurthy swaroopa. I was amazed at his hypocrisy. This was more fun than his lectures I thought as a kid! We might call this behavior as psychologists call the righteous camouflage. Then there is this Mr. Sivam (name changed for privacy reasons) I know, a 53-year-old executive, who one met me in Ayodhya Mandapam and listened to one of my speeches to my close friends (just five of them) in the library about Shaktham and who came to me and said “Tambi, I want to get out of my marriage of 32 years”. He felt he could cope better with divorce/separation than with his

marriage. He described himself as a person who wanted “peace at any price” after yielding for years to the pressures and demands of his wife. He said he “faked harmony” but always resented this deception. He said it would take years to work out the problems of his marriage and that he had little time left and that he could take up spirituality and meditation in his final days. I tried dissuading him but he was adamant and though he did not divorce because of his orthodox brahminical upbringing, he did separate from his wife and kids and lived in an apartment doing his meditation and Rajayoga practices. He had been having some physical symptoms like ulcers and asthma; however, they disappeared within a week of separation from his wife! Mr.Sivam illustrates yet another form that camouflaged anger can take-peace-at-any-price individual. This individual will take the blame for anything, even things for which he (she) is in no way responsible. He (She) is self-effacing and never appears to be angry. But the peace is sham. He (she) has psychosomatic complaints that serve as a means of dissipating the anger. This kind of person I have seen is frequently married to someone who is more aggressive, who tyrannizes the peace-at-any-price individual. Next, email I will broach upon some other forms of camouflaged anger and then the forthcoming email; I will concentrate on what happens with all these types of anger, misconceptions, and camouflages and how they affect one’s spirituality. When the base itself is not correct then what can Bhagavathy do? By chanting Panchadasi, Trishathi or Lalitha Sahasranama nothing can be rectified if one does not in the first place understand what the problem is. In fact such practices need discipline and with such behaviors it is bound to be detrimental to the individual. Anger is natural but what is the basis and how much is appropriate and in what manner we must constructively put it to use is the moot point. Why am I giving these emails? Did I not get “angry” when the lady accused me for no fault of mine? Instead of pouting or retaliating to the lady, I thought let me write these set of emails and even post it in the group so that people might benefit. This is what is called constructive use of anger. If I say, “No, I did not get angry or even the least bit upset. I’m my vedantic self.” Iam cheating myself and in the end reality will come and live with me! As long as ego exists in some form, one cannot avoid all these things, unless one has entered into Samadhi and lost all sense of “I”-ness. May Amba guide us all to that light within us. That effulgent taintless light! Shakambary Namosthuthe’ Shreeram Balijepalli Purity, Powers, Parabrahmam... IIश्रीराम बलिजेपल्ली II Click to join Rajarajeshwari_Kalpataru

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[Guest guest]

You are so young but so wise-I have observed/experienced most of the things you talk about. My teeth have been ground so much (bruxism) because of all the pent up emotions.I hope by reading this, I will become aware-by becoming aware, I hope to diffuse the pent up emotions. Thanks so much. In february,I plan to visit India-please give me details about Naganallur rRjarajeswari temple-we have one in Bangalore too-I would like to visit both if time permits. affly ramaa

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