Achalatwam-Part-5

December 25, 2007

Dear LP,

Happy Christmas! May Christmas bring in lot more spirituality to you, your family and Ammu.

Today is Christmas and so I got up a bit early to imbibe the essence of Christ in my meditation. Though I do not personally believe that `Jesus' was born on this day, I still love the fervor of true Christians who pray with all their heart, mind, soul and strength. Fervent prayer of a righteous man avails much. I then glanced at the snow bed right in our parking lot. Yesterday's sun has melted its resistance and it lay like white-dough kneaded by Divine Hands ready to take on any imprint.

Asaapasa klesa vinasam vidhadhaanaam,Padham bhoja dhyana paraanaam purushaanaam,Esaam easaardhangaharaam thaam abhiraamam,Gowri mamba maboorahakshie maham meede

I praise Gauri, my Mother, Who has lotus-like beautiful eyes, who destroys the shackles created by the incessant human hopes, on whom humans — who are meditating on the lotus-feet — fix their mind, who is the Goddess, who has captured the half-body of Shiva, and who is pleasing.

Last post I stopped at Peace-at-any-price anger camouflaging.

Let me now come to another way people camouflage anger. In Chennai, there used to be one Ajmer stores which used to sell stamps. I was an avid philatelist when I was young. I collected stamps of various nations, shapes, sizes, including 3-D stamps of Bhutan. The stores used to have a scheme which appealed some. They promised to give Rs.100 in return for an album filled with stamps of a particular nation. All the stamps must be genuine. Many of my friends fell for it and collected stamps and gave the album to Ajmer (Store-owner) who picked it cheerfully and doled out the reward.

There are some people who are like these. They are stamp-savers. This person is the one who carefully saves up each little grievance, annoyance or irritation. He/She tells himself/herself that each aggravation is not enough to deal with in itself. If asked, he/she would probably deny that there was anything bothering him at all. He/She may tell himself/herself that the problem is so small that he/she shouldn't make an issue of it-he/she should be able to forget it. But the fact is the person does not forget it!

He/She pastes a "stamp" somewhere in his/her head. When the book is full, he/she impulsively cashes it in. Unfortunately there is no "Ajmer". The last stamp may have been a very minor incident, but out comes pent-up rage that baffles the recipient ("Ajmer" if you please). This outbreak may then be justified by a detailed cataloging of all past offenses. (Past saved "stamps")

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Then we have one other form of camaflouged anger called "Silent approach". This person suddenly retreats into icy silence when something is bothering him. If you ask if anything is wrong, he often flatly denies it, but he usually manages to let everyone know he's upset by making grumpy remarks, or closing kitchen cupboards just a little bit harder than normal. The people around this person often don't know what has upset him (or her), and asking him doesn't help, since he usually won't say anything until he is good and ready to do so.

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The fifth form of camouflaging anger is the Gooey-sweet kind of person. The lady who had an anger bout at me for no reason was of this kind. Her sweetness was saccharin and very tacky. She talked about Narada Bhakthi sutras, he devotion to Kanha, her motherly nature, etc. There was something phony about it, something artificial. I felt that she was faking the whole thing. And I was proved right when she burst into a big temper tantrum for no apparent reason. Often underneath such gooey-sweet façade is a great deal of anger.

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Another camouflage is criticism. This is very common among Indians! This angry individual (be it male of female) is critical and sometimes sarcastic about everything. In comparison with the previous camouflage (Gooey-sweet kind), this veneer tends to wear a bit thin. Often his criticisms are supported by seemingly well-founded intellectual or rational reasoning, yet through it all something seems wrong, and you can sense an undertone of anger, hostility, and negativism.

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There is one final form of camouflage called passive-aggressive attitude. This attitude is characterized by aggressive behavior exhibited in passive ways such as obstructionism, pouting, procrastination, avoiding the person. intentional inefficiency, or taking the opposite point of view on an issue (as a habit). The passive-aggressive person tends to be out of sync with others. If you say something is white he/she might say it is black; if you say it's black, he or she might say it's white. He is often late and keeps others waiting for him. Although he is perpetually pleasant mannered, he still manages to upset others plans. For example, let's say you planned a committee meeting on a certain Thursday night, but when you check it out with ABC, he/she says, "Oh, I'm so sorry-I have another obligation that night. But I could do it on Wednesday." You go to great lengths to change your own schedule and get everyone to agree to the alternate arrangement. You then call ABC back, only to have him/her say, "Oh, IAM SO VERY,VERY VERY, SORRY, but my Aunt XYZ will be in town that night. However, I could make the meeting if it were Tuesday night." Prolonged contact with this kind of person can be extremely frustrating.

The list I have given is in no way all-inclusive, maybe a psychologist may write a tome on how people camouflage anger and how many misconceptions about anger there might be. There are as many ways to camouflage anger as there are people to camouflage it. Camouflages are emotional subterfuges we devise for ourselves-subterfuges that extract tremendous toll on everyone involved.

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Next e-mail, I will deal with the Tantric-principles of anger which we all must know. Remember one thing though; anger can also be of the positive or Sathwic kind too. I will broach upon that in the appropriate place. The Sanskrit word "Krodha" means a sinful kind of anger not positive anger. If that be so, then the anger of Narasimha toward Hiranyakasipu is wrong. He must go and gently chide Hiranyakasipu "Dear Child, don't hurt Prahalada. God bless you." Do you think Hiranyakasipu will change?

Hiranyakasipu might change but do you think Ambi will change?Hehe! So, what might be the strategy to tackle such difficult people. That forms part of another posting.

Take care and be merry in Christmas!

Yours Yogically,

Shreeram Balijepalli