Annapoorneshwari Seista

April 25, 2009

(Abridged version of an e-mail sent to friend of mine)

Dear N,

The day was somewhere in the late eighties, which one, is not relevant.

It was really hot in May in Chennai.

They call it in Chennai as 'Kathiri'(same word in Telugu too).My brahmanical mother preferred the sanskrit word 'Agni Nakshatram' destesting the word "katthiri" as something abominal.

However, I used to refer it as "Kathiri" because of its simplicity and because the word "Agni-Nakshatram" seemed to add a few more degrees to the already torrid chennai summer much like the Windchill factor reducing the temperature here in Canada!

Whatever be the appellation, the result was sweat beads,prickles all over the body,sunburnt skin, rashes all over my fair skin.

Summer used to bring in the following comments:

"Hey, Ram your fair skin is now blemished, dont go out in the sun"

"Dattu why dont you stay in the house, see all the pimples on your face"

(I used to correct them saying they were not pimples but heat rashes but none used to be bothered about such granular expositions)

"Apply some sandal Choo Chooo such a fine boy ..."

After hearing all these assorted comments, I used come home and look at the mirror instinctively and turn towards my mother and ask squeamishly,

" Am I looking ugly Amma?"

The fool that I was, I normally get a reply like, "You are the most handsom of all my children" or the like.

I hated to be indoors sequestered like a widow of a bygone era or a diseased person.My High School spirits always longed for a football kick or a cycle 'shikaar' in the dusty streets of Chennai.

The Chennai then is not the Chennai now.Much has changed.

Yeah, I begin to sound like a noneganerian saying, "Cluck Cluck! The times then were different" with a long drawn hissing sigh.

But then everyone have these moments and these sighs(longdrawn or otherwise)

That day during the summer holidays.

I had a really heavy lipsmacking lunch.I really felt tired('Bhukthaaayaasam/Undakalappu to be precise).

(Karupatti Mittai can also be mixed in milk and drunk like "Masala Milk'')

After finishing the lunch, I had a habit of muching a sweetmeat made from Toddywater,Cardomom,Palmfruit,ginger,etc.It was kept in a box made from palmleaves and was called "Sillikarupatti", my father used to call it "Injimurrabba"(typical Andhrite fashion) but my mother who was highly technical like me used to correct him and say it was "Sillikaruppatti mittai".

Again, I was sick of these corrections and appelations and thus opted the easy way out always and so asked my mother where the "Murrabba" was and she after her usual correction of the name directed me to the place.

I was really surprised at her punctillious behaviour.

After having it, I went to my room.

My room faced east but had a window on the north.

My father used to tell me that whenever I sit facing that direction Himalayan Yogis would bless me.I used to wonder at such statements but nevertheless believed in the efficacy of such words.

(An example of a Khuskhus curtain)

That day because of the heat.I had closed all the windows, curtained it with thick Vetiver(Khuskhus)curtains sprayed with cool fridge water, mixed a considerable portion of Eau de Cologone in fridge water and then dipped a white sheet into it and placed it strategically infront of a table fan.

Apparently the ceiling fan provided some acoustic entertainment but no wind as such(No pun,this!).We were not so well-to-do to afford an AC and having an AC in those days was considered a sinful luxury.

But I had my ingenious way of having an AC environment.This Eau de Cologne White Sheet and Vetiver curtain was my specific invention of those days.

The table fan bearing a strong wind struck heavily onto the white sheet and a cool wind came forth with a pleaseant fragrance.I had created a wooden stand meticulously with my hands to keep the white sheet in place while the wind blew and imparted the coolness and fragrance to the room.Whenever the white sheet dried itself in its assay to cool me and the room, I replenished its hunger with a dash of water mixed with cologne which I had hung onto a small bottle ontop of the wooden contraption I had devised, which I pulled with a string I had tied below.

I wondered whether I should patent this particular invention.Many Indian homes could afford it easily.I can grow famous and rich and maybe start a factory of this AC which would revolutionize the whole world into making it free from CFCs and the noxious stuff which ordinary ACs emit.

I entered the room with these thoughts.The Injimurrabba-Sillikarupattimittai swished in the sea of my saliva in my mouth and was lashed from one side of my mouth to the other and was dissolving fast.

Forget it, who wants to be a millionaire? Thats too much of work.Let me just slop onto the bed and enjoy this Himalayan Oasis in the midst of Chennai desert! My dream of an AC factory also dissolved like the sweetmeat in my mouth.

I was verily transported to the land of the Himalayan Yogis which my father mentioned.

That particular day,I was really tired on two counts

1. My heavy lunch which sucked all the brain I had in my brain to my stomach,making me drowsy

2. A certain sanskrit verse upon which I was doing some etymological research and finally gave up exhausted before my noon meals.

I was learning sanskrit from a very young age from Ahobila Mutt school privately.

The verses were Adi Shankara's Annapoornaashtakam.

The verses were beautiful and my friend gave me a cassettes which had a very modern rendering of the verse('modern' for those days of re-recording).Modern both with respect to the style of rendering it and the quality of sound.

This was the spur for me to analyze the verses indepth with some books and sanskrit dictionaries I had.

But presently, I started drowsing into the elysican fields of slumber hearing those strains of notes...

Praalyeaanchala vamshapaavanakari......

Maathaaannnapoorneshwareeee....

The male voice sounded funny with a Northindian accent of sanskrit with no emphasis on hrasvaas and Dheergaas, yet it sounded so melodious and the singer was dedicated.

Eau de Cologne fragrance, cool Himalayan wind, heavy lunch, the sweetmeat,the sweet notes of the music, the sweetmeat in my mouth,soft mattress beneath....Could there be any heaven apart from this?

In the sweet spring a grassy bank I soughtAnd thither wine and a fair Houri brought;And, though the people called me graceless dog,Gave not to Paradise another thought!

(This quatrain of Rubaiyath traversed my mind)

But, I did not have a "Houri" or the poetic "wine" with me, yet this Saathwic pleasure was more than compensatory.The bliss which Divine Mother gave me exceeded any Houri or Wine could afford me.

I was not even initiated into Srividya at that age, though I was doing my Sandhyavandana and other Japam-regimens which my father had given me.

Yet, Divine Mother held me in awe.Anything 'wee-bitsy' connected with Her attracted me like bees to honey.

All of a sudden, I saw a lightening flash through my brain.

NEVER BEFORE has anything happened of that sort to me before.

I suddenly saw myself looking at a scene wherein I saw a heavily bedecked but very beautiful lady sitting in a simhasan and a man who was smeared with ashes taking Bikshatana from Her.The scene was definitely not in my room.

Was I sleeping? Till date, I do not know whether it was lucid dreaming or a dream state or a hallucination due to some random neurons firing in my brain.

I found myself asking whether I was sleeping but somehow my mind seemed to be numb, as if some force controlled me and wanted me to just watch without murmuring anything.

I watched the mendicant smeared in ashes taking Bhikshatana from the Lady in Gold.

I was watching all this at a distance and so could not really see their faces.However both had a golden glow, real golden dazzle.I could see some Devas, saints present.

The musical notes was coming off and on and the scene was going on in front of me.

Obviously it was Lord Shiva taking Bikshatana from Divine Mother Annapoorna Devi.

I was crying profusely.I tried stopping the tears.Why the heck was it coming? I really did not have an answer.Yet I was copiously crying, endlessly crying.Somehow I felt the infinite

compassion of Divine Mother,somehow I felt as if I was a child of Devi.

I broke down completely

I was sobbing on my bed uncontrollably "AMMA AMMA AMMAA"

My mother came rushing in and touched me gently, "Im here Raam"

I woke up with a start.

I was back in the "cool" room.I caught my mother and cried uncontrollably.

My mother was taken aback.Although I was in High School, I was not a small kid.

She enquired whether I had done my ninth std final exams well and was worried about the results.

I did not reply but kept crying and crying saying only the words "Amma Amma Ammaaaa..."

My mother hugged me and then stroked my head.

I became calm and composed after sometime.

I then felt really embarrassed and told my mother I had a bad dream lest I frighten her with my stories of visions and hallucinations.

She asked me to keep a "Patikam"(Padigam in Tamizh) below my pillow and sleep.She also asked me to avoid afternoon seistas which would dull a bright mind(according to her).

For the first time in my life, I really listened to her.

I did not sleep

but

nor did I switch on the player with the Annapoornaashtakam.I was afraid a bit.

It was really weird, really really weird, out of an ordinary thing to happen...for an ordinary guy like me.

For days I would tremble but then rationalized it as some hallucination.

But hey wait---I dinsticntly saw the flash of lightening!

Even to this day I horripilate remembering that divine incident.

Bhikshaam dehi kripavalambanakari Mathaaannapoorneshwaree!

Shreeram Balijepalli

Hreem Rajarajeshwari Paradevatha!

Purity, Powers, Parabrahmam...