NEED HELP!

[Guest guest]

Om Maharjashri Rajarajeshwari Sri Tulurvanavasini Prassana!

 

I hail from a family of Shaktha worshippers. We are in spirit and

heart Ballals of Tuluvanam. But later on rechritined as Nairs. We

had a small kingdom ranging from Sullia in the North to Karike in

the South. We were the protector of Tulurvanam - forest of

Tulunadu. My family temple has a Meru handed over to us by none

other than the great Adi Shankaracharya himself. We are one of a

kind of family residing in the foothills of Karike, in Kodagu

district in Karnataka. People flock my Maternal Grand Uncle who is

called the " Mukteshwara Dharmadhikari " (MD) for all their problems,

be it family feuds or removal of evil spirits etc. Even people from

other religion also come for solving their problem to our temple!

 

Let me come straight to my problems!

 

1. My BalaIinitiation Guru (BIG) is not my Uncle MD.

 

2. I was initiated into the Kaula Marga and was given the Bala by

someone who happens to be my client's father, who is a Pujari. No,

not a brahmin or a Namboothiri, but a Nair who had learnt Pooja

vidhi since his teens and who now works as a Pujari of a Vishnu

temple in Coimbatore.

 

3. We have a family festival clearly based on the concept of Pancha

Makaras, once in a year which spans 9 days just after Shiva Ratri.

There are also Poojas on all Tuesdays and on Sankranti days. And

once in a year we have the UdayaAsthamaya Pooja in remembrance of

our Guru, in our case it is mainly our Maternal Uncles! We follow

Aliya sampradaya or Marumakka thayam as in Malayalam. That is the

Mantra and the tradition of MD follows from Uncle to Nephew.

 

4. Right from the very start when I introduced BIG to MD, BIG was

always skeptical about my temple and its functions. Off course BIG

wanted to see the Meru and wanted to know what Mantra MD practised,

but all that was turned away by MD.

 

5. It seemed that BIG had a dream of a temple situated on a bank of

a river and that he wanted to make it known to the people, mainly to

the sadhakas from far and near of South India!

 

6. MD on the other hand has different ideas about the temple,

ranging from conducting a Sahasra Chandika Maha Yagam and to built a

Kalyana Mantapa for the poor section of the society, where we would

not charge any money from the section of the society for conducting

marriages!

 

7. I and my wife got initiated into the Marga quite accidently even

before we realising what was actually happeining in our life. Infact

BIG and one of his friend forced me into it as they thought that the

Meru was lying unattended to and that it needs to be taken care of!

 

8. I was to naive to understand what was goind around! I was not

comfortable with BIG right from the very start when I met him even

before the inititiation. It was only through his companions constant

 

9. On the day of inititiation to both me and my my wife, BIG was

very angry and the whole situation was very confused and irritating.

I still am trying to come to terms with the whole thing. I was

initiated on March 14th 2006 and since this day I am confused as

ever.

 

10. I am not able to talk to BIG as he is a very short tempered

person and often when we had questions and doubts, all we got was

scorn and remarks directed at us saying that we would not be able to

get accross Bala in this life.

 

11. Whenever I am in my office BIG just comes over and sits there

passing his time, giving me lectures on spiritualism, without even

realising that I had work at hand. Even here he used to scorn me if

I was not attentive! How can I be, when I have clients calling me

and visiting me?

 

12. When I had differences with my Father, he had adviced me to stay

away from him and not actually to resolve the differences with him.

 

13. In fact to run away from BIG, I have opened up a office far away

from the earlier office where I used to sit! This has cost me my

money!

 

14. I have been to Mookambika Amma and I literally cry for help, I

have stopped calling my Uncle and visiting my Temple. I am incharge

of Sahasra Chandika Yagam which is to take place in the year 2009.

But I am too confused.

 

15. We are doing our daily Japa, but that too without any sense, we

are just doing it mechanically as we are afraid that Amma will be

angry on us! I am also afraid of BIG as he also does Bhadrakali

Mantra!

 

16. I have somehow stopped attending calls from BIG.

 

17. My uncle MD, was not so against my initiation, but he did tell

me to accompany me to Mookambika before my initiation. I did that!

 

18. I know I have to do a lot of things in my life. In fact I was so

active with my family temple affairs that I was successful in all my

other activities as well. I was more accurate in my decisions and

more clear visioned, until BIG came into my life!

 

Somehow, we have lost faith in ourselves. I am crumbling

financially. The whole thing has affected my Job, I am unable to

take corrective decisions at my Job front and also my family front.

I am always burdened by thoughts of my initiation. We want to run

away from BIG! What should we do?

 

These are some of the many confusions we face!

 

My friends, co-sadhakas, I need your support and affection.

 

May peace be to you all!

 

Katoor Vivek