In India, an institute that trains women to be 'ideal' wives

[Guest guest]

In India, an institute for ideal wives

 

" We don't have any objection if the center starts teaching

men to be an ideal husband, father or son. It would be a step

towards building a balanced society. " -- Sandhya Shelly,

All India Democratic Women's Association

 

[This would be funny if it weren't real.

See the paragraphs at the bottom of the article for what

Indian activists have to say about the school.]

 

By Shuriah Niazi

Asia Times

Jan. 30, 2008

BHOPAL, India

 

None of India's immensely popular soap operas are

complete without a good and angry family feud. Television

serials like Kutumb focus on traditional Indian family

relationships within the sometimes conflicting, usually

contentious, context a modern, global India. With class

issues, jealousies, money problems and career woes, these

dramas present today's nuclear family as on the verge of

explosion. Almost always at the center, is that time-honored

troublemaker - the mother-in-law.

 

Observers say the soaps and other aspects of popular culture

reflect a society in intense transition, and a widening

generation gap that's disrupting the traditional family nexus.

The Indian constitution grants equal rights, but strong

patriarchal traditions persist, and women's lives are shaped

by customs that are centuries old. There is fear in the minds

of many young couples that the arrival of a new bride will

create rifts among family members, specifically with the

mother-in-law, as the newcomer may have insufficient

knowledge and respect for Indian culture and family

traditions.

 

Enter the world's only institute for ideal wives. The Manju

Sanskar Kendra (MSK), on the outskirts of Bophal in the

Central Indian state of Madhya Pradesh, has for 20 years

undertaken the task of removing such worries and

instructing young girls in the customs believed to be

essential for a successful married life. The MSK provides a

training course, complete with textbooks and three months

of daily instruction, for women to become happy, efficient

wives and ideal daughters-in-law. Bhau Aildas Hemnani,

the 68-year-old director of the center, told Asia Times

Online that he believes it is the only school of its kind on

earth.

 

" Men build society and women build homes, " Hemnani, a

retired local government officer who founded the MSK to

thwart the " constant bickering " he heard around him, once

declared to a journalist. He claims that more than 4,500

young women have graduated from the MSK, most from

southern India, but many from distant areas and some from

overseas. The school is supported by community donations

totaling some 35,000 rupees (US$$888) per month and

doesn't bother to advertise. According to Hemnani, the

school's popularity is generated by reputation and word of

mouth. In 1994, the MSK upgraded to a permanent building,

and expanded its faculty to two, when Mumbai-based

stockbroker Sukhram Das Mehtani donated one million

rupees on the condition the school be named for his

daughter who died before she was 18. Grants from wealthy

businessmen are not uncommon, Hemnani says.

 

Young women of marriageable age arrive early in the

morning six days a week. After listening to sermons and a

session of singing bhajans (religious songs), the girls begin

instruction in cooking, sewing and praying. Students spend

the first month learning Sikh and Hindu scriptures, the

second month has lessons in naturopathy and the third is

entirely dedicated to domestic life

 

A typical class averages around 20 girls who pursue a

curriculum of " wifely manners " that includes, among other

things, how to brush one's teeth in the in-law's house, how

to eat, and how to control one's sex drive in a family home

with limited private space. As the Times of India reported in

2005, at the MSK the seven vows of saath pheras are passed

on as lifelong commandments, that an ideal wife must have

five " ornaments " - coyness in her eyes, a smile on her face,

sweetness in her speech, love in her heart and a hand that

can work very hard.

 

Hemnani has authored three textbooks and distributes them

free to his students. In his book (Practical Married Life),

Hemnani writes " Science has proved that when

menstruating women touch leaves and plants they wilt and

decay faster. "

 

Another passage reads, " Too much sex is the cause of

diabetes and tuberculosis among men. " Hemnani goes on to

stress abstinence as the most proper contraceptive tactic and

advises women to engage in sex only for procreation.

During pregnancy it is not advised to for women to look at

blind, disabled, deaf or " unattractive " people.

 

The books are dotted with such nonsense. Similar remarks

have been laughed-off by women's rights groups and social

activists, many who call the MSK " ridiculous " , anti-women

and regressive. " We don't have any objection if the center

starts teaching men to be an ideal husband, father or son. It

would be a step towards building a balanced society. Why

only train girls to be submissive? " wondered Sandhya

Shelly, state president of the All India Democratic Women's

Association in a 2003 press statement.

 

An entire textbook chapter is dedicated to dealing with the

mother-in-law. The book reads, " If she is short-tempered,

greedy and haughty, you can still win her over with your

docile and polite behavior. Along with your patience and

soft behavior, you should pray to God for a change in her

behavior. Whenever possible take your mother-in-law out

for religious deliberations and sing holy bhajans to purify

her heart. "

 

Hemnan is a believer. He told Asia Times Online, " These

girls will be ideal brides when they reach the house of their

in-laws. A good bride can bring happiness and prosperity in

the family of their husbands by fulfilling her duties and

respecting the Indian traditions. We try to check the break-

ups in the Indian families and develop qualities of

forbearance and graciousness in girls. "

 

Just ask Asha Wadhwani, a school teacher, who joined the

MSK on the advice of her friend. She's very pleased with

the course and believes it's given her a better understanding

of cultural differences.

 

" All that is required in a girl's personality is taught here, "

Wadhwani said. " I teach English and see that the children

are very much impressed by the Western culture. Such a

situation leads to discords. The children only begin to learn

and respect Indian traditions and cultures if they are told

about [them]. "

 

Sushma, another MSK alumnus, agrees. " Now I'm confident

that I'll not commit any mistake after marriage. If there is

Western atmosphere in the home of in-laws then I'll first try

to understand their viewpoint. I'll accept whatever I'll feel is

right. I shall also try to explain to them politely whatever

education I've received here, " she said.

 

Classmate Anamika Phoolwani said that only after coming

to the center did she realized the grave mistakes she was

making before her elders.

 

" It was my viewpoint before coming to this center that I

must not do domestic work since I [have] a job. But after

receiving the training here I feel that my thinking was

wrong, " she said.

 

And MSK graduate Anupama witnessed big personal

changes. " I live in my [in-laws] family. I've witnessed a big

change in myself after visiting this center, " she said. " I find

that the qualities of mercy, compassion and forgiveness

have added to the charm in my personality. "

 

Phoolwani says that by learning to give love and respect to

her mother-in-law domestic chores are now handled easily

between them. " Egoism leads to quarrels between mother-

in-law and daughter-in-law. But there are some

responsibilities, which must be fulfilled after the marriage.

Now my mother-in-law is very happy with me. "

 

Despite the endorsements, many believe the teachings of the

MSK to be anachronistic, baseless and utterly out of touch

with modern realities. Social activist Sadhna Karnik told

Asia Times Online that the school misses miserably on its

approach to lowering domestic violence and the infamous

" dowry deaths " that have been publicized in India recently.

" Such a school should be shut down, " she said.

 

Others, such as local activist Vijya Pathak, say the MSK has

no value and hinders social integration for many rural and

uneducated young women. " It is my view that school, and

schools like it, are of no use for girls. It's up to them to

decide how they want to lead their life, " she said.

 

http://www.atimes.com/atimes/South_Asia/JA30Df04.html