Guest guest Posted February 11, 2003 Report Share Posted February 11, 2003 dear jagbir, i have tried forgiving everybody but u know my present state of affairs as in my career,my relations with my father/mother/sis/bro took a big turn for the worse because of bad guidance. before sahaj also i used to brood but after that episode i turned my anger towards my mother and family and self destructed myself. all this has taken a big toll on me and virtually destroyed my career.my earnings and my life could definitely have been better. i know i am a half baked person because i still allow doubts to upset me.i have experienced shri mataji's grace on a couple of occasions. however sometimes i feel that i have lost my battle. how will anyone forgive me for all my misdeeds towards my family, i blamed them for everything how will my bad karmas due to these actions ever get erased. today i no peace of mind due to all this.i am not able to meditate in thoughtless awareness(i have told u how i was thoughtless when i had received my self realization for the first time.in fact during those days i could become thoughtless at will,i could become thoughtless in the bus.etc.had anybody just told me that this is all that matters i would have been a happy man today.but no they made me think about so many other things about sahaja yoga which are not so important for a newcomer.maybe if they had been a bit more practical in my case rather than giving it in one dose.here i beg to differ from your view that u should announce to newcomers directly that shri mataji is adishakti and that there is no other path other than this.because i got rather confused with all this talk.i would have rather tried to awaken the qualities of each chakra and be thoughtless rather than worry about all the treatments.in fact some sahajis also tried giving advice about my career and how i should not aspire to go abroad for further studies because of all negativity out there.see satisfaction is a good thing but i would rather have earnt lot of money by stabilizing my career so that i could achieve financial freedom and helped my family which has suffered greatly due to my father.mine probably was a case where i was required as the eldest son to be more practical about life and career rather than allow any distraction or confusion.) that is why today i am very angry with myself.i allowed myself to be driven by negative emotions purposely to trouble my mother because i blamed her. can i ever regain my thoughtless awareness ever again.? i get worried with also the effects of all these sins on my life.god will start putting more difficulty in my life to erase the bad karma effect.no jagbir i have suffered less,purposely troubled others more . in a way i was also trying to get my family to come to the sahaj centre so that i could benefit. it's all my fault really.but i am unable to face my tattered life today. i felt like telling u all this because u spoke about how i had erased my past karmas.in reality i have not .i have only added to my past karmas by my confused negative reactions. in a sense i have brought a bad name to sahaja yoga but sometimes i still wonder is shri mataji really adishakti? regards, tiger Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 12, 2003 Report Share Posted February 12, 2003 shriadishakti , " seekertiger <seekertiger> " <seekertiger> wrote: > dear jagbir, > i have tried forgiving everybody but u know my present > state of affairs as in my career,my relations with my > father/mother/sis/bro took a big turn for the worse because of bad > guidance. before sahaj also i used to brood but after that episode > i turned my anger towards my mother and family and self destructed > myself. all this has taken a big toll on me and virtually > destroyed my career.my earnings and my life could definitely have > been better. > > i know i am a half baked person because i still allow doubts to > upset me.i have experienced shri mataji's grace on a couple of > occasions. however sometimes i feel that i have lost my battle. > how will anyone forgive me for all my misdeeds towards my family, > i blamed them for everything how will my bad karmas due to these > actions ever get erased. > Dear Tiger, Namaste! You should not blame yourself for all the troubles. It will not help in any way but only worsen then situation. You are caught in a catch 22 situation - you think about how to solve the problems and bad karma, and your thoughts make you more guilty and accumulate even more bad karma. This bad thoughts = bad karma is far less potent than what you should allow yourself to believe. There is one thing to think about stealing and another to actually commit the crime. Sometimes there are thoughts that just appear out of nowhere and i shake you head in disbelief that i still harbor such negativity. In your case the mind might magnify pettiness into serious problems. What might seem harmless to me may be terribly sinful to you. i really cannot judge and no one else for the matter. The healing of the mind, especially a disturbed mind, takes time. You should go back to see the psychologist because this loop seems to be infinite. Maybe some medication would also help but i am in no position to dispense medical advise, just suggestions to help you. You should not blame SYs for not telling you that the thoughtless state is the most important when you joined. Just listening to a few tapes of Shri Mataji would have been sufficient to reach this conclusion. If it helps you should go back to the practice that made you thoughtless. Don't force yourself to do something that troubles you. Be free to make your own decisions and do not brood over the past. If i want to get guilty and miserable all i need to do is to remember my past and all the sins i committed, the pain and turmoil my drinking and self-abuse tormented my parents and wife, the social madness my mind was capable of before Sahaja Yoga. You can get a glimpse of it at: http://www.adishakti.org/introduction.htm Tiger, you have committed just a fraction of the sins accumulated by me over nearly three decades of a life drinking, smoking and taking drugs. So why so much guilt, much of which may be imaginary? If this is not the case then i should become quite mad by reliving those horrible years. i was so sure that the drinking demons would never leave me that i was resigned to a life of drinking till death. This would have been the case if i had not known Shri Mataji. My mother, who had for decades prayed that God Almighty help her son stop drinking, finally got her deepest wish fulfilled. It was the Adi Shakti within who awakened me from the spiritual comatose. And Tiger, one should not feel so frustrated just because a SY or two told you not to go overseas because there is much negativity there. This is a common talk among ordinary folks, and a concern to those sending their sons or daughters overseas. You may one day tell the same thing to your son or daughter who might want to go overseas to study ................. exactly what SYs have told you now. Moreover, India has highly regarded institutions that would have fit your needs. It would have cost your parents a fortune to fulfill your desire for an education abroad. So there are other factors in reaching such a conclusion, not just the decadence (negativity) in the West. Your mind can easily torment you by suggesting that all this is not only due by SYs but also bad karma. To make it worse it may even point the finger at God for putting you in such a confused and miserable situation. Where will it end Tiger? And if you are having doubts about Shri Mataji being the Adi Shakti the best solution would be to find the path you are comfortable with. Don't torture yourself further with that state of mind. No matter what i tell you will not heal. Please, my brother Tiger, go back to the psychologist who treated you. It might turn out to be the best cure after all. warmest regards, jagbir Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 13, 2003 Report Share Posted February 13, 2003 dear jagbir, thanks for your advice.i will try to follow it to heal myself.u are right maybe the mind is playing games and traumatising me with thoughts of inferiority and worthlessness. but i desperately want to get out of all this mess.please pray for me. regards, tiger Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 26, 2003 Report Share Posted February 26, 2003 Hi Tiger, You sound exactly like me. But don't give up faith in Shri Mataji. If you do that, negativities would have an enjoyable time playing around with your emotions. Faith in Shri Mataji is the only thing that gives me peace. Whenever I loose my faith, I can really become very disturbed. It's got nothing to do with your karma. It's to do with you trying to do something good for yourself when you are hurting inside and surrounded by negativities who hurt you emotionally and mentally. Look inside yourself and write what you are really feeling in a journal/paper. Then just let it go and don't bother about it again. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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