One year on in SY...

September 25, 2003

Hello everyone! Just thought I'd share some of my experiences with you all one year on in Sahaja Yoga and I would like some advice too please...sorry for the length of the mail, please read it when you get some free time or something...

I have now been meditating for over a year (since August 2002) and can happily report that when I evaluate my present self compared with that of before August 2002, I have been cured of various problems with the mind, particularly of uncontrolable negative thoughts which were at times affecting the quality of my life and my work as a graphic designer. As we all know, true thoughtless awareness is a state where there are no problems (the only problem is sometimes I become so thoughtless that I can't recall even why I had to meditate in the first place! Ha, ha, but of course the reasons are forever stored in the super-ego for whenever I need to access them! : )

I have discovered that being in SY is a true battle against the forces of negativity. I now identify certain behaviour in people which I used to think was okay/tolerable, as negative behaviour and can therefore take the correct steps/position instead of entertaining these negative forces and unknowingly feeling worse in myself afterwards! (Isn't it wonderful?) I have noticed that generally only other yogis understand why I began meditating and dicussing why one meditates with un-realised people can leave you very unhappy indeed! If someone has never travelled deep into Ida Nadi or Pingala Nadi and got lost, they do not understand how it feels to find the Sushumna Nadi again but this time know that you are supposed to stay in this channel. Isn't it funny how some spirits just don't stray away from the centre to such extremes as others?

I have many questions but right now I'd just like to mention that I've noticed at certain points throughout the year it seems the kundalini gets some help to rise and that you go into deeper thoughtlessness than at other periods in the year when it can be even difficult to meditate! For me, I'd just like to mention that when I got my realisation in August 2002 I went into amazing thoughtlessness after every meditation but from approx March to May 03 I couldn't feel the cool breeze/kundalini as much and of course more doubt and trips into the 2 nadis set in (like I was being tested???), but slowly from May 03 to now I've been going into deeper meditations again and feeling the kundalini so clearly moving in my head until it completely goes through my Sahastrara manifesting as cool breeze over my head (I know I am speaking quite generally here and that there could be other reasons for this and not just the divine 'pulling out' for a while but this is the impression I get).

There were times last October to February when the kundalini came up without me even meditaing and that felt great!!! I am aware that Sri Mataji opened the Sahastrara in May 1970 but can anyone else throw some more light on why the divine seems to help the holy ghost rise powerfully sometimes but at other times 'leave you in the lurch' so to speak (when you have to really concentrate hard to reach thoughtlessness).

The other part of advice that I'd like to ask those with more experience is:

Before finding Sahaja Yoga I relied on various types of physical excercise/training to help me 'feel' good about myself (feed/pamper my ego as I now understand it! : ) It was this excercise that I now also understand contributed to me getting lost/dislodged from the central channel because I became so reliant on a certain way of feeling I got after a intense training session that I began to really believe 'I' was that way of feeling ('that' person if you like). I carried on like this for years and eventually ended up struggling to be creative, collective, calm etc having strayed spiritually so far from my real spirit/personality/self.

What I want to ask though is that....now that I know how to keep in the centre and I am aware of the dangers of the left and the right etc etc, is it okay for me to continue with certain physical training because as we all know, there are some benefits through it and I seem to find at work that being the pure spirit all the time (in the centre) I get attacked by peoples egos/negativity which I don't like AT ALL and feel that certain physical training will make me feel more secure against these people as it did before SY except that I went to the extremes and got caught up/lost. I guess what I am asking is, can we go into the left or right channels deliberately if it is in the interest of defending the pure knowledge/truth/Sahaja Yoga.....is anyone following me here? I would greatly appreciate feed-back on this as sometimes I wonder if me continuing with various training/sports is just the negativity getting to me? Sometimes I feel as though you have no choice but to battle the unrealised negative (even evil) people with their own medicine (left and right useage...but knowing exactly all along what you are doing and that you are right!).

Anyway, I think I've written enough here and that you get the jist of it! Thank you all for reading this far!! God bless Sri Mataji and the rest of you good people doing the work of the divine! (Apparantly Sri Mataji arrived in London this evening!)

Adam (London, UK)