Guest guest Posted March 13, 2005 Report Share Posted March 13, 2005 More suggestions Ana: Dear Jagbir, After looking carefully at the text of the bbforum, I found just a couple of small changes that could be considered with regards to correct English, in addition to those that you have already posted on the forum; 1:The Sahaj Society, Sahaj Activities and Events Present format:Forum aimed to offer a view on the society of realised souls envisioned by Shri Mataji and enjoyed in the Sahaj collectivities, also to announce activities and events in the Sahaj collectives world wide. Suggested change:Forum offering perspectives on the society of realised souls envisioned by Shri Mataji and enjoyed in the Sahaj collectives; also to announce activities and events in Sahaj collectives worldwide. Reason:' Aimed to offer a view on' is better expressed as 'offering perspectives on' 'collectivities' should this be ' collectives', as in the second part of the sentence here? 'worldwide' is a single word. 2:Her Love Reflected Present format: Forum for stories told by persons who have met Shri Mataji Suggested change: Forum for personal accounts of people who have met Shri Mataji Reason:The word 'stories' implies fiction; therefore personal accounts is a better choice here. 3: Yuva Shakti Present format:Forum to welcome all youth practicing... Suggested change: Forum to welcome all youth practising... Reason: Practice is a noun; Practise is the verb form, with 's' 4:Improving the Forum and the Site Present format: Questions and recommendations regarding the forum and the site structure and functioning. Suggested change: Questions and recommendations regarding the forum,site structure and functioning Reason: correct sentence structure , " jagbir singh " <adishakti_org> wrote: > > Dear Ana, > > i have received an email to improve the categories and am really > thankful for the suggestions. i agree they enhance/clarify better. > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 14, 2005 Report Share Posted March 14, 2005 , ana trandafir <anatrandafir> wrote: > > Addressing the yogi who is setting up the forum and the site: > > I've seen in other forums that they have a field for the gender, to > be filled either when registering (yuvashakti.com) or later ( > http://www.mysticwicks.com/ ). The latter forum has 3 options: > 'undisclosed', 'male', 'female'. > Also, it has an optional birthday field (year is, again, optional), > and at the bottom of the index page all the persons who have > birthday appear everyday. I don't know if he has time for this right > now, maybe later... Birthdays are not so important, but gender is. > I'm often confused and I don't know how to address people (last week > I wished 'Happy Mother's day' to someone who turned out to be a > boy!) > Ana, this should not be a problem and will let him know. > > On this forum > http://www.createforum.com/phpbb/index.php?mforum=autumnclair they have > an announcement posted in each forum, called 'Rules'. Shall we have > something similar, to define the purpose and the general discussion > atmosphere we desire for this forum, in order to inspire everyone to > lead peaceful and spiritual conversations? Also to keep in mind the > respect towards Shri Mataji and her work (especially if we post the > link to this forum on other forums, enviting people to the Sahaj > collective). Shall we try to write such a short text? > That would be welcome. Just write the text. > Also, the page introducing the forum ( > http://www.adishakti.org/shri_adi_shakti_forum.htm ) is now a bit > too long, could it be concentrated, so that anyone who registers, > (including a non-Sahaja Yogi) would get easily an idea of what this > forum is intended to be and would feel the invitation to join in? > i will work on this. > Mr. Singh, how will be the forum presented to Shri Mataji? Will > someone go with a computer and show Her the site? And if this will > be done, maybe some other senior yogis/yoginis would like to join, > and maybe someone would like to be a moderator. Some of them could > be invited, as a matter of protocol (?). > Actually i was talking in terms of the Adi Shakti within - sorry if i did not clarify. i mean She witnesses what is taking place, i.e. we are presenting this forum as a birthday gift to Her physical incarnation Shri Mataji Nirmala Devi. However, if we are to physically tell Her, that can only be done next year. There is a lot of work to be done to populate the categories so that seekers and SYs alike understand Shri Mataji's vision better. To present it to Shri Mataji the forum must have lots of content that can be read. Right now we hardly have anything. Maybe next year we can show it to Her Ana. regards, jagbir Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 14, 2005 Report Share Posted March 14, 2005 Dear Ana, You wrote:- 1./ In " What is Meditation? " 'Forum to define meditation on the basis of spiritual scriptures and the writings of enlightened souls' - Is it not better to add 'the' also before 'spiritual scriptures', too? There is already a " the " in the phrase " the basis of spiritual scriptures " . The word " basis " is the " noun " and " of spiritual scriptures " modifies the word " basis " ; in other words they are " tied together " . Therefore the " the " in front of the word " basis " takes care of the whole phrase and you do not need another " the " in front of " spiritual scriptures " because it is unnecessary. Three " the's " in a short sentence also stop the " flow " of the sentence. You wrote:- 2./ In 'Enlightened Medicine and Psychology', Forum to discover the role of Self-Realisation in the healing process and in psychic growth (i.e. pertaining to the transformation of the psyche, soul or mind)' - 'psyche' includes 'soul' and 'mind'. Could we leave only 'psyche'...pertaining to the transformation of the psyche'? Yes, that would actually be better. 3./ You wrote:- In 'Enlightened Culture' - Could we add another forum: 'Enlightened Politics' or 'Enlightened Social Studies and Politics' or with another name, to cover this field? What a good idea! There are so many things happening in the world today and that would enable us to put our enlightened attention on the spiritual transformations that are happening in the world today. I like " Enlightened Social Studies and Politics " . There would be a wealth of information that could be put in such a category. What a great job you are doing Ana and what great ideas you have. It is a pleasure working together with you. Jai Shri Mataji! Love from Violet - " jagbir singh " <adishakti_org Sunday, March 13, 2005 7:25 AM Ana, please look into this. > > > Dear Ana, > > i have received an email to improve the categories and am really > thankful for the suggestions. i agree they enhance/clarify better. > > Since i am really very busy setting up the new forum, tranfering files > to the new server, and ironing some glitches please look into these > rewording and make the necessary changes at the new forum. (Please > note that the " /forum " link may be changed to " /sahaja_yoga_forum " > soon - will inform as soon as this change is made.) > > Ana, there are just a few changes that has been suggested in order to > improve the flow, clarity and accurate grammatical/phraseological > rendition of the English language. > > The " Present format " below indicates the way the words are " worded " at > present on the Forum Index. > > The " Suggested change " underneath, indicates the suggestions for > change. > > Ana, if you are unsure if you prefer the " Present format " or would > rather have the " Suggested change " , just read both sentences to > yourself and see which one " flows " better and is easier to read and > understand. That will be your best guide as to how new people to the > forum will best understand what each forum is really about. > > > > > A./ Present format:- An Invitation to Paradise: The Metamodern Era - > (1st Paragraph) > > " Explanatory articles about Sahaja Yoga method and vision and about > the projects realised or by Shri Mataji and the Sahaja Yogis " > > Suggested change:- > > " Explanatory articles about the Sahaja Yoga method, vision, and the > projects realised or initiated by Shri Mataji and the Sahaja Yogis " > > Edits were:- (4 edits) > > 1./ (method, vision and about the projects realised " ) sounds better > than ( " method and vision and about the projects realised) which has > too many " ands " in it to flow well. > 2./ (word " initiated " left out) after the words " projects realised or > . > 3./ the word " the " placed in front of the words " Sahaja Yoga method > and vision " (English rendition) > 4./ the word " about " in front of the phrase " the projects realised " > deleted. (the word " about " only needs to be used once) > > > > > > B./ Present format:- An Invitation to Paradise: The Metamodern Era - > (3rd Paragraph) > > " Sahaj Books and magazines " (TITLE) > > Suggested change:- > > " Sahaj Books and Magazines " (TITLE) > > Edit was - (1 edit) > > 1./ the word " magazines " needs to be capitalized as it is part of a > title. > > > > > C./ Present format:- The Ascent of the Whole - (1st Paragraph) > > " Forum to define and to discover together the need to collective > ascent and integration, the present times call for " > > Suggested change:- > > " Forum to define and to discover together the need for collective > ascent and integration that the present times call for " > > Edits were:- (2 edits) > > 1./ " for " is the correct preposition here. If you want to use " to " ; it > should really read this way:- " the need to collectively ascend and > integrate that the present times call for " > 2./ the word " that " after the word " integration " ties the whole > sentence together and makes it flow better for easy comprehension. > > > > > > D./ Present format:- The Ascent of the Whole - (2nd Paragraph) > > " A place to change Information about Sahaj centers all over the world " > > Suggested change:- > > " A place to exchange Information about Sahaj centers all over the > world " > > Edits were:- (1 edit) > > 1./ " exchange " is the meaning you want; to " change " Information would > be to " alter Information " whereas to " exchange " Information would be > to " share Information " > > > > > > E./ Present format:- The Ascent of the Whole - (4th Paragraph) > > " Forum for yogis from different parts of the world to know each other, > to strengthen the bonds within the collective and to welcome all the > seekers of truth " > > Suggested change:- > > " Forum for yogis from different parts of the world to communicate with > each other, to strengthen the bonds within the collective and to > welcome all the seekers of truth " > > Edit was - (1 edit) > > 1./ it is all about the word " know " > > The word " communicate " is a more accurate meaning of how yogis will > interact with each other on a forum. > > If you still want to use the word to " know " each other; it should read > " to get to know each other " as per below:- > > " Forum for yogis from different parts of the world to get to know each > other, to strengthen the bonds within the collective and to welcome > all the seekers of truth " > > > > > > F./ Present Format:- Guidance for Meditation ( TITLE) > > " What is the Meditation? " (TITLE) > > Suggested change:- > > " What is Meditation? " (TITLE) > > Edit was - (1 edit) > > 1./ Easier to read plus the English rendition would not put " the " in > front of the word " Meditation " in this context. > > > > > > G./ Present format:- Guidance for Meditation (1st Paragraph) > > " Forum to define the meditation on the basis of spiritual scriptures > and writings of enlightened souls " > > Suggested change:- > > " Forum to define meditation on the basis of spiritual scriptures and > the writings of enlightened souls " > > Edits were - (2 edits) > > 1./ the word " the " before the word " meditation " is deleted; makes the > sentence easier to read, plus the English rendition would not put > " the " in front of the word " meditation " in this context. > > 2./ the word " the " is put in front of the words " writings of > enlightened souls " (English rendition) > > > > > > H./ Present format:- Guidance for Meditation (2nd Paragraph) > > " Guidance in the technique of Sahaj meditation, subtle body > improvement, vibration awareness, energy protection and Self > Realization " > > Suggested change:- > > " Guidance in the technique of Sahaj meditation, subtle body > improvement, vibrational awareness, energy protection and Self > Realization " > > Edit was - (1 edit) > > 1./ the words " vibration awareness " should read as " vibrational > awareness " > > > > > > I./ Present format:- Guidance for Meditation (4th Paragraph) > > " Forum for guidance and support in enhancing the knowledge of the > Self, the capacity to introspect, to discover the meaning of life and > the Kingdom of God within " > > Suggested change:- > > " Forum for guidance and support in enhancing the knowledge of the > Self, the capacity to introspect and the ability to discover the > meaning of life and the Kingdom of God within " > > Edit was - (2 edits) > > 1./ added the words " and the ability " in front of the words " to > discover the meaning of life and the Kingdom of God within " to give a > more connected idea of what we are talking about here. > > 2./ Got rid of the comma as you do not need it in front of a > conjunction i.e. " and " . > > > > > > J./ Present format:- Enlightened Culture (1st Paragraph) > > " Forum to discover the hidden knowledge or Self- and God Realisation > reflected in world's Scriptures " > > Suggested change:- > > " Forum to discover the hidden knowledge or Self-Realisation and/or > God-Realisation as reflected in the world's Scriptures " > > Edit was - (3 edits) > > 1./ changed phrase " Self-and God Realisation " to " Self-Realisation > and/or God-Realisation " (for reason of clarity) > > 2./ added the word " as " in front of " reflected in the world's > Scriptures " (to create flow and clarity) > > 3./ inserted the word " the " in front of the words " world's Scriptures " > (use of English) > > > > > > K./ Present format:- Enlightened Cullture (5th Paragraph) > > " Forum to discover the effects of Self realisation in the healing > process and in the psychic growth " > > Suggested change:- > > " Forum to discover the role of Self-Realisation in the healing process > and in psychic growth (i.e. pertaining to the transformaton of the > psyche, soul, or mind) > > Edit was - (4 edits) > > 1./ Added a description of the meaning of the words " psychic growth " > with the " (i.e. pertaining to the transformation of the psyche, soul > or mind) for clarification and also to make it clear that the words > " psychic growth " are not confused with " psychic development " , as in > the popular New Age " psychic development classes " . > > 2./ replaced the word " effects " with the word " role " . > > Using the word " effects " i think is too " clinical " a word. I know this > is about Medicine/Psychology but i don't think a person can really > reduce the process of establishing one's Self-realization to a > clinical process. This " clinical process " is alright in a clinic > situation when doctors etc. get together but at this forum, i think > the bigger picture needs to be seen. The Primordial Kundalini is not > clinical and She has a " role " and that is more respectful to Her than > saying She has an " effect " on someone, which makes Her seem like a > " thing " . > > 3./ the word Self realisation written like this " Self-Realisation " > (most important word in whole phrase; needs to stand out) > > 4./ delete the word " the " in front of the words " psychic growth " > (English rendition) > > > > > > L./ Present format:- Technical Discussions (2nd Paragraph) > > " Spreading Self Realisation through media " (TITLE) > > Suggested change:- > > " Spreading Self-Realisation through the media " (TITLE) > > Edit was (2 edits) > > 1./ A hyphen put between " Self " and " Realisation " > > 2./ the word " the " placed in front of the word " media " (English > rendition) > > > > > > M./ Present format:- Technical Discussions (2nd Paragraph) > > " Forum to support the development of projects to promote Self > Realisation through media " > > Suggested change:- > > " Forum to support the development of projects to promote > Self-Realisation through the media " > > Edit was (2 edits) > > 1./ a hyphen put between " Self " and " Realisation " > > 2./ the word " the " placed in front of the word " media " (English > rendition) > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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