Sahaja Yoga; Stumbling Blocks

[Guest guest]

Dear all,

 

i have been asked to post this e-mail i sent to Violet not too long ago, as it

may help any others who are struggling with Sy, especially in the begining. Hope

you all find it useful.

 

Kyyan

 

====================================================

 

I have to say that things have been getting interesting in a very subtle way

lately.

 

I sort of hit a rough spot over the holidays where I didn't meditate for a few

days to a week and kind of became frustrated/disillusioned to the point where I

just said (I need a break from all this for a week or whatever and went back to

some of my old destructive, habits). Over that time (up to today) just thinking

of things and trying to see things for what they are its like I'm beginning to

understand and see how I approached Sy completely wrong and with a completely

wrong mind set.

 

I went in there expecting short term physical cures, amazing experiences, etc,

like all the ones I have read about. When I didn't get much of anything at all I

began to get worried that all my searching and " belief " was again invested into

something that doesn't work, despite the evidence. I began to ask others to

clear me out, began ritualistice use of treatments with soo much doubt that they

would have never worked anyways. I have come to realize looking back on the past

2 and a half months that all I have been doing and how I approached SY is

exactly why I really haven't moved one square inch.

 

I am seeing now, quite subtly I might add, that I went in there with all this

built up belief in Shri Mataji, SY and everything else without every really

experiencing it on my own. I guess you would call it " blind faith " coupled with

hope that had me believing and making up small occurrences to be these

charismatic events inside my own head, when in fact none of what I experienced

was even remotely flashy, amazing or noticeable at all. I wanted so bad for my

blind beliefs to be validated that I would maybe auto suggest occurrences hoping

they were truly those experiences, or dwell on them in my head and imagine them

to be something they were not. Like for example, I would get myself believing

that if I suddenly had to go to the washroom (barely) that it was my mooldhara

showing progress, or if I had shortness of breath from anxiety that my heart was

clearing out by breathing properly, etc. Basically I was trying to put mystical

reasons behind events that warranted no mystical explanation.

 

It's like after all of that effort I can look back and see that none of what I

had myself believing and none of what I " experienced " was anything more then a

self made delusion that I was making up in an attempt to hold onto what I so

badly wanted to believe simply because it made sense. It is like I have been

shown that there is no way to know God or self or Shri Mataji or Meditation, or

anything else I have read personal accounts of and otherwise, except to

experience them by myself. It's like after trying to hold on to all this

nonsense hoping any day now that id have an amazing mystical experience that

would validate my efforts and " beliefs " , I finally had to give all those beliefs

up completely and start over in a completely relaxed, patient, take it one day

at a time with no expectations attitude. More importantly I had to stop

believing (without feeling guilty), and start allowing myself time to

experience things for myself, instead of asking for third party validation or

aspiring for such happenings. I had to get to rock bottom, forced into letting

go of my hopes, beliefs and supports of a similar nature, accept the fact that

nothing has happened as of yet and in reality I have no true proof or personal

feeling that Shri Mataji is " the divine mother " through experience, and only by

letting go of those things and simply meditating with the desire to know and

hope to advance instead of the desire to have and hope to receive, could I then

truly begin to meditate and begin the journey.

 

I began to notice that most of the people on this forum came to Sy with simply

the desire to know if what has been said is true and not to heal themselves of

physical problems, or to have mystical experiences, but a pure desire and a day

by day, no rush, relaxed, consistent attitude towards meditation. Comparing them

to me has shown me the huge difference in what I was doing and what I presume

they are doing. It's like " mother " (as if I can say that with true belief yet)

was letting me run around doing this and that, acting and pretending I felt what

others felt and backed that up by what I know via reading the website until I

got to the point where I broke myself down to nothing, collapsed my " house of

cards " if you will, and had to come back to the start fresh, with no

expectations. It seems like it was a necessary step, perhaps even a breaking of

certain conditionings that was so subtle that I didn't realize what was

happening until I had a chance to reflect back at what I have been doing since I

began.

 

I am in no way fully understanding of this, but this little bit of insight that

feels uniquely different from " thinking " this is something coming from outside

my own mind (meaning it just feels right and I don't feel any doubts at all when

I think of it) has me relaxed, excited to continue to meditate, and no longer

worried about having this and that happen; as I feel now that whatever happens -

happens and if I just meditate and take the learning curve slow, with no real

detriment to any perceived timeline hanging over my head, all will work itself

out. Maybe this is introspecting I don't know, but all I have said above seems

so right to me when I think about it and it makes me happy and excited to see

what other things about myself, both good and bad, can be found out and lovingly

guided into correction; It really feels, well, full of love.

 

Most of the last two paragraphs I didn't intend to write, but the words just

seemed to be welling up from inside along with the feelings.

 

Anyways, I just wanted to share all this with someone.

 

Kyyan

[Guest guest]

Dear Kyyan,

 

Thank you for this article which i am sure will help others to understand that

each person must make their own individual spiritual quest and that nobody else

can do that for us.

 

As you yourself have experienced Kyyan, this can involve becoming aware of

certain conditionings which we may not even realize we have. In your case, you

found that you had approached Sahaja Yoga in the Christian mode of " blind

faith " , and with this " blind faith " you were accepting the teachings without

really examining them and making them your very own.

 

Thank you for sharing your insights with us on how you have been able to turn

some " stumbling blocks " on your journey into " stepping stones " . It is wonderful

to see that you are now able to move forward with renewed joy and confidence.

 

Jai Shri Mataji!

 

Violet

 

 

, " v_koa " <v_koa>

wrote:

>

> Dear all,

>

> i have been asked to post this e-mail i sent to Violet not too

long ago, as it may help any others who are struggling with Sy,

especially in the begining. Hope you all find it useful.

>

> Kyyan

>

> ====================================================

>

> I have to say that things have been getting interesting in a very

subtle way lately.

>

> I sort of hit a rough spot over the holidays where I didn't

meditate for a few days to a week and kind of became

frustrated/disillusioned to the point where I just said (I need a

break from all this for a week or whatever and went back to some of

my old destructive, habits). Over that time (up to today) just

thinking of things and trying to see things for what they are its

like I'm beginning to understand and see how I approached Sy

completely wrong and with a completely wrong mind set.

>

> I went in there expecting short term physical cures, amazing

experiences, etc, like all the ones I have read about. When I didn't

get much of anything at all I began to get worried that all my

searching and " belief " was again invested into something that

doesn't work, despite the evidence. I began to ask others to clear

me out, began ritualistice use of treatments with soo much doubt

that they would have never worked anyways. I have come to realize

looking back on the past 2 and a half months that all I have been

doing and how I approached SY is exactly why I really haven't moved

one square inch.

>

> I am seeing now, quite subtly I might add, that I went in there

with all this built up belief in Shri Mataji, SY and everything else

without every really experiencing it on my own. I guess you would

call it " blind faith " coupled with hope that had me believing and

making up small occurrences to be these charismatic events inside my

own head, when in fact none of what I experienced was even remotely

flashy, amazing or noticeable at all. I wanted so bad for my blind

beliefs to be validated that I would maybe auto suggest occurrences

hoping they were truly those experiences, or dwell on them in my

head and imagine them to be something they were not. Like for

example, I would get myself believing that if I suddenly had to go

to the washroom (barely) that it was my mooldhara showing progress,

or if I had shortness of breath from anxiety that my heart was

clearing out by breathing properly, etc. Basically I was trying to

put mystical reasons behind events that warranted no mystical

explanation.

>

> It's like after all of that effort I can look back and see that

none of what I had myself believing and none of what I " experienced "

was anything more then a self made delusion that I was making up in

an attempt to hold onto what I so badly wanted to believe simply

because it made sense. It is like I have been shown that there is no

way to know God or self or Shri Mataji or Meditation, or anything

else I have read personal accounts of and otherwise, except to

experience them by myself. It's like after trying to hold on to all

this nonsense hoping any day now that id have an amazing mystical

experience that would validate my efforts and " beliefs " , I finally

had to give all those beliefs up completely and start over in a

completely relaxed, patient, take it one day at a time with no

expectations attitude. More importantly I had to stop believing

(without feeling guilty), and start allowing myself time to

experience things for myself, instead of asking for third party

validation or aspiring for such happenings. I had to get to rock

bottom, forced into letting go of my hopes, beliefs and supports of

a similar nature, accept the fact that nothing has happened as of

yet and in reality I have no true proof or personal feeling that

Shri Mataji is " the divine mother " through experience, and only by

letting go of those things and simply meditating with the desire to

know and hope to advance instead of the desire to have and hope to

receive, could I then truly begin to meditate and begin the journey.

>

> I began to notice that most of the people on this forum came to Sy

with simply the desire to know if what has been said is true and not

to heal themselves of physical problems, or to have mystical

experiences, but a pure desire and a day by day, no rush, relaxed,

consistent attitude towards meditation. Comparing them to me has

shown me the huge difference in what I was doing and what I presume

they are doing. It's like " mother " (as if I can say that with true

belief yet) was letting me run around doing this and that, acting

and pretending I felt what others felt and backed that up by what I

know via reading the website until I got to the point where I broke

myself down to nothing, collapsed my " house of cards " if you will,

and had to come back to the start fresh, with no expectations. It

seems like it was a necessary step, perhaps even a breaking of

certain conditionings that was so subtle that I didn't realize what

was happening until I had a chance to reflect back at what I have

been doing since I began.

>

> I am in no way fully understanding of this, but this little bit

of insight that feels uniquely different from " thinking " this is

something coming from outside my own mind (meaning it just feels

right and I don't feel any doubts at all when I think of it) has me

relaxed, excited to continue to meditate, and no longer worried

about having this and that happen; as I feel now that whatever

happens - happens and if I just meditate and take the learning curve

slow, with no real detriment to any perceived timeline hanging over

my head, all will work itself out. Maybe this is introspecting I

don't know, but all I have said above seems so right to me when I

think about it and it makes me happy and excited to see what other

things about myself, both good and bad, can be found out and

lovingly guided into correction; It really feels, well, full of

love.

>

> Most of the last two paragraphs I didn't intend to write, but the

words just seemed to be welling up from inside along with the

feelings.

>

> Anyways, I just wanted to share all this with someone.

>

> Kyyan

>