Digest Number 58

[Guest guest]

Hi to All,

You are all very kind with your words of caring, encouragement and prayers. I think I did the right thing but taking the courage to share my problem(s) with you all. I am very grateful.

Before I go on thanking each of you, just to let you know I am a lady and I am from Singapore. Presently I am doing my Master in Law in London. The reason I am here is because of HIM. Just before I came here for my studies I went on a temple pilgrimage in Tamil Nadu. I love going to the temples and have done so previously with my mom and this time around I did it with my father who is the solely responsible for my and my siblings faith in Hinduism. It was a great experience for me to visit the temples with my father who has a fairly good knowledge of each temple's history. I have visited all the 6 Aarupadai veedu of HIS with my mother. However this time around though I wanted to do that again, but did not get to go to Palani and Palamuthri cholai. But I did go to Maruthamalai. I simply feel happy when I am there with HIM - be it MURUGA , SHIVA, PERUMAL, AMMAN - I feel joy.... There is a deep personal proble!

m which I am not able to share with you all at the moment. As I was not able to cope (suicidal thoughts did cross my mind then and even now ) but I decided to resign from my job as I was not able to perform as my career is quite demanding most of the times. I have almost used up all my savings, I have not paid my full fees here , there is a problem with my sponsorship. HE somehow just does not seem right for me to receive any financial aid as yet. But I am looking at other means to raise money, but that has never been a problem for me. I know HE will somehow pull me through the financial, it is the personal problem that eats me to the core at times. And that is when I fear that will cost my studies.

Mr Meyappan, I am thankful for the mantras, yes I will memorise that and will recite it. Presently I tend to recite OM SARAVANA BHAVA OM. Yes, I have read that HE is to be loved for HIS sake. But are we all HIS children and as children we are human and do have needs which though are materialistic but it is needed for this world, right? Our basic need to be sheltered, protected, fed and above all to be Loved by one whom you love with all your heart , i.e. mortal love. My love for HIM doesn't diminish but I know my faith is being tested and that is when I gain strength from reading the trials of the great Saints. I love Vedan Kannapar and admire his pure love for GOD. However, I am still an average lady who wants to live life as any other lady of my age. So this is when I falter and do tend to be upset with HIM. But of course it does not last even for more a few seconds or minutes. I have thought of bei!

ng a nun but am not sure as to how to go out doing it.

Ms Patricia, I am grateful. Your words are real encouragement and am glad to found a friend in you. I am trying to do that- the switching off part. My being here in London is a sort of miracle by itself. I switched of for that and HE saw me through and now I am here. But HE then brought a big hurdle. I know HE will see me through this too.

Mr Thiru, the Kavasams were given to me by one good MURUGAN devotee. Please visit the website Kaumaram.com - you will be able to obtain them there. HE had a hand in that too but it took me about a year to listen to the cds. HE conjured up events for me to do that too.

Mr Senthil, I am grateful to you too. But I did not receive the attachement though. When I was at Swamimalai, I did surrender myself to HIM. Please let me have the attachement again, if that is not too time consuming for you. I do count my blessings too. That is what keeps me going each day. One of my blessing at the moment is having met all of you through this website.

Once again, I am very grateful to each and everyone for being prompt in your replies and care and concern. Please do forgive me if I have said any that might not be to your liking.

With faith,

Kala M K