I will never give up...

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Nectarean Mellows

 

I will never give up...

 

But after years of hearing and chanting and after years of working so

hard, sometimes giving up so much, of what is precious to the ordinary

beings, our health, our youth; still the ego is there, the lust, the

anger, the envy, the pride, the illusions are there, why? I have tried

once, I have tried twice; how many times have I dressed Radha

Gopinatha, how many times have I completed my 16 rounds, how many

times I have bowed and said Vancha Kalpa to the vaisnavas, how many

books have I distributed, how many risks I have taken, how many people

I have brought to Krsna consciousness, how many times have I become

sick invalid and gone on with my service, and still my heart is not

pure? Patience means that Krsna I am always going to be examining and

re-examining the quality of my service and the intentions of my

service, because I am not pure, perhaps I am not doing it right,

perhaps there is some flaw; perhaps I am making some offences. So we

can't just be patient, because if you are making aparadhs, if you are

negligent of vaisnava principles, then you can be patient for millions

of births. So we always have to be scrutinisingly examining and

re-examining what is the quality of my sadhana, my bhajan, my seva, my

relationships with vaisnavas and what is the inner content of my heart

when I am performing it? Am I doing it for pratistha, for recognition,

or am I doing it to please Krsna, to please guru, to please

vaishnavas? And by carefully practicing in this way, if it takes our

whole life, if it takes hundreds of millions of births, it doesn't

matter; because I know that if it is pleasing to Krsna, He will

deliver me, I am His servant. I do not want money, I do not want

women, I do not want followers & disciples, I do not even want

liberation; I only want to serve you birth after birth after birth

unconditionally. Unconditional service mean patience; whenever Krsna

so desires He will deliver me, it is His promise, " always think of Me,

always become My devotee, worship Me and offer your homage unto Me, in

this way you will come to Me without fail " . Srila Prabhupada explains

the essences of being patience; patience is necessary for developing

the confidence that Krsna will certainly accept me because I am

engaging in devotional service. One has only to execute service

according to the rule and regulations to ensure success.

We worship the deity as Krsna Himself, we honour every living entity

as part of Krsna, we worship and respect every vaisnava with maturity

and we carry on in this way: chanting the holy names, hearing the

glories of the Lord, serving His devotees with patience and faith,

never to give up, if ever we give up that means we are not worthy of

bhakti, if our intentions are clear that I will go on as long as you

want me to, O Krsna!! and when you want to purify my heart that is

Your business, I will never give up. It is that consciousness that is

the price of Krsna consciousness.

 

 

H H Radhanath Swami Maharaj