Golden rules for finding your life partner by Dov Heller, M.A

August 8, 2009

Hare Krishna,

For Inform

Golden rules for finding your life partner by Dov Heller, M.AWhen it comes to making the decision about choosing a life partner,

no one wants to make a mistake. Yet, with a divorce rate of

close to 50%, it appears that many are making serious mistakes

in their approach to findingMr./Miss. Right!If you ask most couples who are engaged why they're getting

married, they'll say: "We're in love".

I believe this is the #1 mistake people make when they date.

Choosing a life partner should never be based on love.

(Just read on ... Its not what it sounds like ...)

Though this may sound "not politically correct", there's a profoundtruth here. Love is not the basis for getting married.

Rather, love is the result of a good marriage.

When the other ingredients are right, then the love will come.

Let me say it again:

"You can't build a lifetime relationship on love alone".

You need a lot more!!!(see...)

Here are five questions you must ask yourself

if you're serious about finding and keeping a life partner.QUESTION 1: Do we share a common life purpose?Why is this so important? Let me put it this way:

If you're married for 20 or 30 years, that's a long time

to live with someone.

What do you plan to do with each other all that time?

Travel, eat and jog together?

You need to share something deeper and more meaningful.

You need a common life purpose.Two things can happen in a marriage:(1) You can grow together, or(2) You can grow apart.

50% of the people out there are growing apart.

To make a marriage work, you need to know

what you want out of life!

Bottom line; Marry someone who wants the same thing.QUESTION 2: Do I feel safe expressing my feelings

and thoughts with this person?This question goes to the core of the quality of your relationship.Feeling safe means you can communicate openly with this person.

The basis of having good communication is trust

- i.e. trust that I won't get "punished" ;

or hurt for expressing my honest thoughts and feelings.

A colleague of mine defines an abusive person as someone

with whom you feel afraid to express your thoughts and feelings.

Be honest with yourself on this one.Make sure you feel emotionally safe with the person

you plan to marry.QUESTION 3: Is he/she a mensch?A mensch is someone who is a refined and sensitive person.

How can you test?

Here are some suggestions.Do they work on personal growth on a regular basis?Are they serious about improving themselves?

A teacher of mine defines a good person as "someone

who is always striving to be good and do the right ".

So ask your significant other what do they do with their time?

Is this person materialistic?Usually a materialistic person is not someone

whose top priority is character refinement.There are essentially two types of people in the world:(1) People who are dedicated to personal growth, and(2) People who are dedicated to seeking comfort.

Someone whose goal in life is to be comfortable

will put personal comfort ahead of doing the right thing.You need to know that before walking down the aisle.QUESTION 4: How does he/she treat other people?

The one most important thing that makes any relationship

work is the ability to give. By giving, we mean the ability to

give another person pleasure.Ask: Is this someone who enjoys giving pleasure

to others or are they wrapped up in themselves

and self-absorbed?

To measure this, think about the following:How do they treat people whom they do not have to be nice to,

such as waiters, bus boys, taxi drivers, etc.How do they treat their parents and siblings?

Do they have gratitude and appreciation?

If they don't have gratitude for the people

who have given them everything;Can you do nearly as much for them?

You can be sure that someone who treats others poorly,

will eventually treat you poorly as well.QUESTION 5: Is there anything I'm hoping to change

about this person after we're married?Too many people make the mistake of marrying someone

with the intention Of trying to "improve" them after they're married.

As a colleague of mine puts it,

"You can probably expect someone to change

after marriage for the worse".

If you cannot fully accept this person the way they are now,then you are not ready to marry them.In conclusion, dating doesn't have to be difficult and

treacherous. The key is to try leading a little more

with your head and less with your heart.

It pays to be as objective as possible when you are dating;

so be sure to ask questions that will help you

get to the key issues.

Falling in love is a great feeling,

but when you wake up with a ring on your finger,

you don't want to find yourself in trouble

because you didn't do your homework.Another perspective. ...

There are some people in your life that need to be loved

from a distance....

It's amazing what you can accomplish when you let go

of or at least minimize your time with draining, negative,

incompatible, not-going anywhere relationships.

Observe the relationships around you.Pay attention... .

Which ones lift and which ones lean?

Which ones encourage and which ones discourage?

Which ones are on a path of growth uphill and

which ones are going downhill?

When you leave certain people do you feelBetter or feel worse?

Which ones always have drama or don't reallyunderstand, know, or appreciate you?

The more you seek quality, respect, growth, peace of mind,

love and truth around you...the easier it will become for you

to decide who gets to sit in the front row and who should be

moved to the balcony of your life.

An African proverb states,

"Before you get married, keep both eyes open,and after you marry, close one eye".

Before you get involved and make a commitment to someone,

don't let lust, pity, desperation, immaturity, ignorance,

pressure from others or a low self-esteem

make you blind to warning signs.

Keep your eyes open, and don't fool yourself that you can

change someone or that what you see as faults aren't really

that important.Do you bring out the best in each other?

Do you compliment and compromise with each other,

or do you compete, compare and control?

What do you bring to the relationship?

Do you bring past relationships, past hurt, past mistrust,

past pain?

You can't take someone to the altar to alter them.

You can't make someone love you or make someone stay.If you develop self-esteem, spiritual discernment, and "a life";

you won't find yourself making someone else responsible

for your happiness or responsible for your pain.

Seeking status, sex, and security are thewrong reasons to be in a relationship.WHAT KEEPS A RELATIONSHIP STRONG ARE:1. TRUST2. COMMUNICATION3. INTIMACY4. A SENSE OF HUMOR5. SHARING TASKS6. SOME GETAWAY TIME WITHOUT BUSINESS OR CHILDREN7. DAILY EXCHANGES (meal, shared activity, hug, call, touch, notes)8. SHARING COMMON GOALS AND INTERESTS9. GIVING EACH OTHER SPACE TO GROW WITHOUT FEELING

INSECURE10. GIVING EACH OTHER A SENSE OF BELONGING AND

ASSURANCES OF COMMITMENTIf these qualities are missing, the relationship will erode

as resentment withdrawal, abuse, neglect, and dishonesty;

and pain will replace it.Happiness keeps You Sweet,Trials keep You Strong,Sorrows keep You Human,Failures keep You Humble,Success keeps You Glowing,But......... .Only faith keeps You Going!"In search for me, I discovered truth.

In search for truth, I discovered love and

in search for love, I discovered faith.

In faith, I have found everything."

"Obstacles are those frightful things you seewhen youtake your eyes off your goals."...Authors Unknown

Author - Dov Heller, M.A

============ ========= =====

Until next time, make it a blessed day,

Make this day good

Working for God on earth does not pay much, but His Retirement plan is out of this world.

Help someone have a nice day,

visit www.thehungersite. com

August 8, 2009

Hari-Om

For Westerners, Love starts before marriage and ends the day after the wedding

but for Indians marriage is first and Love follows automatically. That is called

a bonded love. Number one rule is choose the right would-be partner and an ever

lasting love affair will follow.

The golden rules for finding the life's partner were laid down by our

anscesters thousands of years ago and these rules were strictly dhered to until

we Hindus adopted the modern westernised mode of living. Our way of thinking

changed with that the concept of marriage too.

We traded our age-old customs and traditions for the pot smoking, bikini clad

hippy style way of the west in the name of fashion and development. We became

addicted to T V and Bollywood movies and believed it as god-sent. Here if a girl

( or a boy ) does not have a boy/girl friend it is considered a failure .

That brought in the seeds of disaster for our community.Fifty years ago divorce

was almost unheard of but now there are more divorces TAKING PLACE THAN

MARRIAGE ITSELF, all in the name of fashion and modernisation.

There are other types of mrriages that are arranged based on mterial benefits

only. Here the life partners are mere pawns in the business deal. These too end

up in divorce.

Our forefathers believed that :

The character of a person is more important than beauty and wealth.

But we believe that marriage is a business deal, the package contains a palacial

bunglow. a Benz car, 100 kg of gold , Kancheepuram sarees costing Rs 250,000 a

piece in exchange for a M.D , MBA or an Engineering Degree.

The love here is for the money and status not for the individual.

WE should remember

that marriages although made in heaven, the maintanance is done on earh.

jai shree krishna !

Achuthan Nair.

guruvayur , " sreedhar c.p " <sreepal20 wrote:

>

> Hare Krishna,

>

> For Inform

>

> Golden rules for finding your life partner by Dov Heller, M.A

>

> When it comes to making the decision about choosing a life partner,

> no one wants to make a mistake. Yet, with a divorce rate of

> close to 50%, it appears that many are making serious mistakes

> in their approach to finding

>

> Mr./Miss. Right!

>

> If you ask most couples who are engaged why they're getting

> married, they'll say: " We're in love " .

> I believe this is the #1 mistake people make when they date.

>

> Choosing a life partner should never be based on love.

> (Just read on ... Its not what it sounds like ...)

>

> Though this may sound " not politically correct " , there's a profound

> truth here. Love is not the basis for getting married.

> Rather, love is the result of a good marriage.

> When the other ingredients are right, then the love will come.

>

> Let me say it again:

>

> " You can't build a lifetime relationship on love alone " .

> You need a lot more!!!

> (see...)

>

> Here are five questions you must ask yourself

> if you're serious about finding and keeping a life partner.

>

> QUESTION 1: Do we share a common life purpose?

>

> Why is this so important? Let me put it this way:

> If you're married for 20 or 30 years, that's a long time

> to live with someone.

>

> What do you plan to do with each other all that time?

> Travel, eat and jog together?

> You need to share something deeper and more meaningful.

> You need a common life purpose.

>

> Two things can happen in a marriage:

>

> (1) You can grow together, or

>

> (2) You can grow apart.

>

> 50% of the people out there are growing apart.

> To make a marriage work, you need to know

> what you want out of life!

>

> Bottom line; Marry someone who wants the same thing.

>

> QUESTION 2: Do I feel safe expressing my feelings

> and thoughts with this person?

>

> This question goes to the core of the quality of your relationship.

> Feeling safe means you can communicate openly with this person.

>

> The basis of having good communication is trust

> - i.e. trust that I won't get " punished " ;

> or hurt for expressing my honest thoughts and feelings.

>

> A colleague of mine defines an abusive person as someone

> with whom you feel afraid to express your thoughts and feelings.

>

> Be honest with yourself on this one.

> Make sure you feel emotionally safe with the person

> you plan to marry.

>

> QUESTION 3: Is he/she a mensch?

>

> A mensch is someone who is a refined and sensitive person.

> How can you test?

>

> Here are some suggestions.

>

> Do they work on personal growth on a regular basis?

> Are they serious about improving themselves?

>

> A teacher of mine defines a good person as " someone

> who is always striving to be good and do the right " .

>

> So ask your significant other what do they do with their time?

> Is this person materialistic?

> Usually a materialistic person is not someone

> whose top priority is character refinement.

>

> There are essentially two types of people in the world:

>

> (1) People who are dedicated to personal growth, and

> (2) People who are dedicated to seeking comfort.

>

> Someone whose goal in life is to be comfortable

> will put personal comfort ahead of doing the right thing.

> You need to know that before walking down the aisle.

>

> QUESTION 4: How does he/she treat other people?

>

> The one most important thing that makes any relationship

> work is the ability to give. By giving, we mean the ability to

> give another person pleasure.

>

> Ask: Is this someone who enjoys giving pleasure

> to others or are they wrapped up in themselves

> and self-absorbed?

>

> To measure this, think about the following:

>

> How do they treat people whom they do not have to be nice to,

> such as waiters, bus boys, taxi drivers, etc.

> How do they treat their parents and siblings?

> Do they have gratitude and appreciation?

>

> If they don't have gratitude for the people

> who have given them everything;

>

> Can you do nearly as much for them?

>

> You can be sure that someone who treats others poorly,

> will eventually treat you poorly as well.

>

> QUESTION 5: Is there anything I'm hoping to change

> about this person after we're married?

>

> Too many people make the mistake of marrying someone

> with the intention Of trying to " improve " them after they're married.

>

> As a colleague of mine puts it,

> " You can probably expect someone to change

> after marriage for the worse " .

>

> If you cannot fully accept this person the way they are now,

> then you are not ready to marry them.

>

> In conclusion, dating doesn't have to be difficult and

> treacherous. The key is to try leading a little more

> with your head and less with your heart.

>

> It pays to be as objective as possible when you are dating;

> so be sure to ask questions that will help you

> get to the key issues.

>

> Falling in love is a great feeling,

> but when you wake up with a ring on your finger,

> you don't want to find yourself in trouble

> because you didn't do your homework.

>

> Another perspective. ...

>

> There are some people in your life that need to be loved

> from a distance....

>

> It's amazing what you can accomplish when you let go

> of or at least minimize your time with draining, negative,

> incompatible, not-going anywhere relationships.

>

> Observe the relationships around you.

>

> Pay attention... .

>

> Which ones lift and which ones lean?

> Which ones encourage and which ones discourage?

> Which ones are on a path of growth uphill and

> which ones are going downhill?

>

> When you leave certain people do you feel

> Better or feel worse?

>

> Which ones always have drama or don't really

> understand, know, or appreciate you?

>

> The more you seek quality, respect, growth, peace of mind,

> love and truth around you...the easier it will become for you

> to decide who gets to sit in the front row and who should be

> moved to the balcony of your life.

>

> An African proverb states,

>

> " Before you get married, keep both eyes open,

> and after you marry, close one eye " .

>

> Before you get involved and make a commitment to someone,

> don't let lust, pity, desperation, immaturity, ignorance,

> pressure from others or a low self-esteem

> make you blind to warning signs.

>

> Keep your eyes open, and don't fool yourself that you can

> change someone or that what you see as faults aren't really

> that important.

>

> Do you bring out the best in each other?

>

> Do you compliment and compromise with each other,

> or do you compete, compare and control?

>

> What do you bring to the relationship?

>

> Do you bring past relationships, past hurt, past mistrust,

> past pain?

>

> You can't take someone to the altar to alter them.

>

> You can't make someone love you or make someone stay.

>

> If you develop self-esteem, spiritual discernment, and " a life " ;

> you won't find yourself making someone else responsible

> for your happiness or responsible for your pain.

>

> Seeking status, sex, and security are the

> wrong reasons to be in a relationship.

>

> WHAT KEEPS A RELATIONSHIP STRONG ARE:

>

> 1. TRUST

>

> 2. COMMUNICATION

>

> 3. INTIMACY

>

> 4. A SENSE OF HUMOR

>

> 5. SHARING TASKS

>

> 6. SOME GETAWAY TIME WITHOUT BUSINESS OR CHILDREN

>

> 7. DAILY EXCHANGES (meal, shared activity, hug, call, touch, notes)

>

> 8. SHARING COMMON GOALS AND INTERESTS

>

> 9. GIVING EACH OTHER SPACE TO GROW WITHOUT FEELING

> INSECURE

>

> 10. GIVING EACH OTHER A SENSE OF BELONGING AND

> ASSURANCES OF COMMITMENT

>

> If these qualities are missing, the relationship will erode

> as resentment withdrawal, abuse, neglect, and dishonesty;

> and pain will replace it.

>

> Happiness keeps You Sweet,

>

> Trials keep You Strong,

>

> Sorrows keep You Human,

>

> Failures keep You Humble,

>

> Success keeps You Glowing,

>

> But......... .

>

> Only faith keeps You Going!

>

> " In search for me, I discovered truth.

> In search for truth, I discovered love and

> in search for love, I discovered faith.

> In faith, I have found everything. "

>

> " Obstacles are those frightful things you see

> when youtake your eyes off your goals. " ...Authors Unknown

>

> Author - Dov Heller, M.A

>

> ============ ========= =====

>

Until next time, make it a blessed day,

> Make this day good

>

> Working for God on earth does not pay much,

> but His Retirement plan is out of this world.

> Help someone have a nice day,

> visit www.thehungersite. com

>

August 8, 2009

Hari-Om

A caption at the very end of this article states :

Working for God on earth does not pay much but,

His retirement plans are out of this workd.

I say: Work with God for salvation as your only aim in life and it will be

Heaven on Earth for you all your life before and after retirement.

God bless !

jai shree krishna !

guruvayur , " sreedhar c.p " <sreepal20 wrote:

>

> Hare Krishna,

>

> For Inform

>

> Golden rules for finding your life partner by Dov Heller, M.A

>

> When it comes to making the decision about choosing a life partner,

> no one wants to make a mistake. Yet, with a divorce rate of

> close to 50%, it appears that many are making serious mistakes

> in their approach to finding

>

> Mr./Miss. Right!

>

> If you ask most couples who are engaged why they're getting

> married, they'll say: " We're in love " .

> I believe this is the #1 mistake people make when they date.

>

> Choosing a life partner should never be based on love.

> (Just read on ... Its not what it sounds like ...)

>

> Though this may sound " not politically correct " , there's a profound

> truth here. Love is not the basis for getting married.

> Rather, love is the result of a good marriage.

> When the other ingredients are right, then the love will come.

>

> Let me say it again:

>

> " You can't build a lifetime relationship on love alone " .

> You need a lot more!!!

> (see...)

>

> Here are five questions you must ask yourself

> if you're serious about finding and keeping a life partner.

>

> QUESTION 1: Do we share a common life purpose?

>

> Why is this so important? Let me put it this way:

> If you're married for 20 or 30 years, that's a long time

> to live with someone.

>

> What do you plan to do with each other all that time?

> Travel, eat and jog together?

> You need to share something deeper and more meaningful.

> You need a common life purpose.

>

> Two things can happen in a marriage:

>

> (1) You can grow together, or

>

> (2) You can grow apart.

>

> 50% of the people out there are growing apart.

> To make a marriage work, you need to know

> what you want out of life!

>

> Bottom line; Marry someone who wants the same thing.

>

> QUESTION 2: Do I feel safe expressing my feelings

> and thoughts with this person?

>

> This question goes to the core of the quality of your relationship.

> Feeling safe means you can communicate openly with this person.

>

> The basis of having good communication is trust

> - i.e. trust that I won't get " punished " ;

> or hurt for expressing my honest thoughts and feelings.

>

> A colleague of mine defines an abusive person as someone

> with whom you feel afraid to express your thoughts and feelings.

>

> Be honest with yourself on this one.

> Make sure you feel emotionally safe with the person

> you plan to marry.

>

> QUESTION 3: Is he/she a mensch?

>

> A mensch is someone who is a refined and sensitive person.

> How can you test?

>

> Here are some suggestions.

>

> Do they work on personal growth on a regular basis?

> Are they serious about improving themselves?

>

> A teacher of mine defines a good person as " someone

> who is always striving to be good and do the right " .

>

> So ask your significant other what do they do with their time?

> Is this person materialistic?

> Usually a materialistic person is not someone

> whose top priority is character refinement.

>

> There are essentially two types of people in the world:

>

> (1) People who are dedicated to personal growth, and

> (2) People who are dedicated to seeking comfort.

>

> Someone whose goal in life is to be comfortable

> will put personal comfort ahead of doing the right thing.

> You need to know that before walking down the aisle.

>

> QUESTION 4: How does he/she treat other people?

>

> The one most important thing that makes any relationship

> work is the ability to give. By giving, we mean the ability to

> give another person pleasure.

>

> Ask: Is this someone who enjoys giving pleasure

> to others or are they wrapped up in themselves

> and self-absorbed?

>

> To measure this, think about the following:

>

> How do they treat people whom they do not have to be nice to,

> such as waiters, bus boys, taxi drivers, etc.

> How do they treat their parents and siblings?

> Do they have gratitude and appreciation?

>

> If they don't have gratitude for the people

> who have given them everything;

>

> Can you do nearly as much for them?

>

> You can be sure that someone who treats others poorly,

> will eventually treat you poorly as well.

>

> QUESTION 5: Is there anything I'm hoping to change

> about this person after we're married?

>

> Too many people make the mistake of marrying someone

> with the intention Of trying to " improve " them after they're married.

>

> As a colleague of mine puts it,

> " You can probably expect someone to change

> after marriage for the worse " .

>

> If you cannot fully accept this person the way they are now,

> then you are not ready to marry them.

>

> In conclusion, dating doesn't have to be difficult and

> treacherous. The key is to try leading a little more

> with your head and less with your heart.

>

> It pays to be as objective as possible when you are dating;

> so be sure to ask questions that will help you

> get to the key issues.

>

> Falling in love is a great feeling,

> but when you wake up with a ring on your finger,

> you don't want to find yourself in trouble

> because you didn't do your homework.

>

> Another perspective. ...

>

> There are some people in your life that need to be loved

> from a distance....

>

> It's amazing what you can accomplish when you let go

> of or at least minimize your time with draining, negative,

> incompatible, not-going anywhere relationships.

>

> Observe the relationships around you.

>

> Pay attention... .

>

> Which ones lift and which ones lean?

> Which ones encourage and which ones discourage?

> Which ones are on a path of growth uphill and

> which ones are going downhill?

>

> When you leave certain people do you feel

> Better or feel worse?

>

> Which ones always have drama or don't really

> understand, know, or appreciate you?

>

> The more you seek quality, respect, growth, peace of mind,

> love and truth around you...the easier it will become for you

> to decide who gets to sit in the front row and who should be

> moved to the balcony of your life.

>

> An African proverb states,

>

> " Before you get married, keep both eyes open,

> and after you marry, close one eye " .

>

> Before you get involved and make a commitment to someone,

> don't let lust, pity, desperation, immaturity, ignorance,

> pressure from others or a low self-esteem

> make you blind to warning signs.

>

> Keep your eyes open, and don't fool yourself that you can

> change someone or that what you see as faults aren't really

> that important.

>

> Do you bring out the best in each other?

>

> Do you compliment and compromise with each other,

> or do you compete, compare and control?

>

> What do you bring to the relationship?

>

> Do you bring past relationships, past hurt, past mistrust,

> past pain?

>

> You can't take someone to the altar to alter them.

>

> You can't make someone love you or make someone stay.

>

> If you develop self-esteem, spiritual discernment, and " a life " ;

> you won't find yourself making someone else responsible

> for your happiness or responsible for your pain.

>

> Seeking status, sex, and security are the

> wrong reasons to be in a relationship.

>

> WHAT KEEPS A RELATIONSHIP STRONG ARE:

>

> 1. TRUST

>

> 2. COMMUNICATION

>

> 3. INTIMACY

>

> 4. A SENSE OF HUMOR

>

> 5. SHARING TASKS

>

> 6. SOME GETAWAY TIME WITHOUT BUSINESS OR CHILDREN

>

> 7. DAILY EXCHANGES (meal, shared activity, hug, call, touch, notes)

>

> 8. SHARING COMMON GOALS AND INTERESTS

>

> 9. GIVING EACH OTHER SPACE TO GROW WITHOUT FEELING

> INSECURE

>

> 10. GIVING EACH OTHER A SENSE OF BELONGING AND

> ASSURANCES OF COMMITMENT

>

> If these qualities are missing, the relationship will erode

> as resentment withdrawal, abuse, neglect, and dishonesty;

> and pain will replace it.

>

> Happiness keeps You Sweet,

>

> Trials keep You Strong,

>

> Sorrows keep You Human,

>

> Failures keep You Humble,

>

> Success keeps You Glowing,

>

> But......... .

>

> Only faith keeps You Going!

>

> " In search for me, I discovered truth.

> In search for truth, I discovered love and

> in search for love, I discovered faith.

> In faith, I have found everything. "

>

> " Obstacles are those frightful things you see

> when youtake your eyes off your goals. " ...Authors Unknown

>

> Author - Dov Heller, M.A

>

> ============ ========= =====

>

Until next time, make it a blessed day,

> Make this day good

>

> Working for God on earth does not pay much,

> but His Retirement plan is out of this world.

> Help someone have a nice day,

> visit www.thehungersite. com

>

August 9, 2009

Well said Achyutha Nairji.

There is nothing to beat the Dharma of Hindu Marriage, which is completely supported by FAITH, the entire essence of the message forwarded by brother Sreedharji.

â€œHeavenly made and earthly maintainedâ€ is the Humanity and marriage, which follows one after the other.

Regards,

Sastry --- On Sat, 8/8/09, anair1101 <anair1101 wrote:

anair1101 <anair1101[Guruvayur] Re: Golden rules for finding your life partner by Dov Heller, M.Aguruvayur Date: Saturday, August 8, 2009, 2:57 PM

Hari-OmFor Westerners, Love starts before marriage and ends the day after the wedding but for Indians marriage is first and Love follows automatically. That is called a bonded love. Number one rule is choose the right would-be partner and an ever lasting love affair will follow. The golden rules for finding the life's partner were laid down by our anscesters thousands of years ago and these rules were strictly dhered to until we Hindus adopted the modern westernised mode of living. Our way of thinking changed with that the concept of marriage too. We traded our age-old customs and traditions for the pot smoking, bikini clad hippy style way of the west in the name of fashion and development. We became addicted to T V and Bollywood movies and believed it as god-sent. Here if a girl ( or a boy ) does not have a boy/girl friend it is considered a failure . That brought in the seeds of disaster for our community.Fifty years ago

divorce was almost unheard of but now there are more divorces TAKING PLACE THAN MARRIAGE ITSELF, all in the name of fashion and modernisation. There are other types of mrriages that are arranged based on mterial benefits only. Here the life partners are mere pawns in the business deal. These too end up in divorce. Our forefathers believed that :The character of a person is more important than beauty and wealth. But we believe that marriage is a business deal, the package contains a palacial bunglow. a Benz car, 100 kg of gold , Kancheepuram sarees costing Rs 250,000 a piece in exchange for a M.D , MBA or an Engineering Degree. The love here is for the money and status not for the individual. WE should remember that marriages although made in heaven, the maintanance is done on earh. jai shree krishna !Achuthan Nair.guruvayur@grou ps.com, "sreedhar c.p" <sreepal20@. ..> wrote:>> > Hare Krishna,> > For Inform> > > Golden rules for finding your life partner by Dov Heller, M.A> > When it comes to making the decision about choosing a life partner, > no one wants to make a mistake. Yet, with a divorce rate of > close to 50%, it appears that many are making serious mistakes > in their approach to finding> > > Mr./Miss. Right!> > > If you ask most couples who are engaged why they're getting > married, they'll say: "We're in love". > I believe this is the #1 mistake people make when they date. > > Choosing a life partner should never be based on love.> (Just read on ... Its not what it sounds like

....)> > Though this may sound "not politically correct", there's a profound> truth here. Love is not the basis for getting married. > Rather, love is the result of a good marriage. > When the other ingredients are right, then the love will come. > > Let me say it again:> > "You can't build a lifetime relationship on love alone". > You need a lot more!!!> (see...)> > Here are five questions you must ask yourself > if you're serious about finding and keeping a life partner.> > QUESTION 1: Do we share a common life purpose?> > Why is this so important? Let me put it this way: > If you're married for 20 or 30 years, that's a long time> to live with someone. > > What do you plan to do with each other all that time? > Travel, eat and jog together? > You need to share something

deeper and more meaningful. > You need a common life purpose.> > > Two things can happen in a marriage:> > (1) You can grow together, or> > (2) You can grow apart.> > 50% of the people out there are growing apart. > To make a marriage work, you need to know > what you want out of life! > > Bottom line; Marry someone who wants the same thing.> > QUESTION 2: Do I feel safe expressing my feelings > and thoughts with this person?> > This question goes to the core of the quality of your relationship.> Feeling safe means you can communicate openly with this person. > > The basis of having good communication is trust > - i.e. trust

that I won't get "punished" ; > or hurt for expressing my honest thoughts and feelings. > > A colleague of mine defines an abusive person as someone > with whom you feel afraid to express your thoughts and feelings. > > Be honest with yourself on this one.> Make sure you feel emotionally safe with the person > you plan to marry.> > > QUESTION 3: Is he/she a mensch?> > A mensch is someone who is a refined and sensitive person. > How can you test? > > Here are some suggestions.> > Do they work on personal growth on a regular basis?> Are they serious about improving themselves?> > A teacher of mine defines a good person as "someone > who is always striving to be good and do the right ". > > So ask your significant other what do they do with their time? > Is

this person materialistic?> Usually a materialistic person is not someone > whose top priority is character refinement.> > > There are essentially two types of people in the world:> > (1) People who are dedicated to personal growth, and> (2) People who are dedicated to seeking comfort.> > Someone whose goal in life is to be comfortable > will put personal comfort ahead of doing the right thing.> You need to know that before walking down the aisle.> > QUESTION 4: How does he/she treat other people?> > > > The one most important thing that makes any relationship > work is the ability to give. By giving, we mean the ability to > give another person pleasure.> > Ask: Is this someone who enjoys giving pleasure > to others or are they wrapped up in themselves > and self-absorbed? >

> To measure this, think about the following:> > How do they treat people whom they do not have to be nice to, > such as waiters, bus boys, taxi drivers, etc.> How do they treat their parents and siblings? > Do they have gratitude and appreciation? > > If they don't have gratitude for the people > who have given them everything;> > Can you do nearly as much for them? > > You can be sure that someone who treats others poorly, > will eventually treat you poorly as well.> > > > QUESTION 5: Is there anything I'm hoping to change > about this person after we're married?> > Too many people make the mistake of marrying someone > with the intention

Of trying to "improve" them after they're married. > > As a colleague of mine puts it, > "You can probably expect someone to change > after marriage for the worse". > > If you cannot fully accept this person the way they are now,> then you are not ready to marry them.> > In conclusion, dating doesn't have to be difficult and > treacherous. The key is to try leading a little more > with your head and less with your heart.> > It pays to be as objective as possible when you are dating; > so be sure to ask questions that will help you > get to the key issues. > > Falling in love is a great feeling, > but when you wake up with a ring on your finger, > you don't want to find yourself in trouble > because you didn't do your homework.> > > Another perspective. ...> >

There are some people in your life that need to be loved > from a distance....> > It's amazing what you can accomplish when you let go > of or at least minimize your time with draining, negative, > incompatible, not-going anywhere relationships. > > Observe the relationships around you.> > Pay attention.... .> > Which ones lift and which ones lean? > Which ones encourage and which ones discourage? > Which ones are on a path of growth uphill and > which ones are going downhill? > > When you leave certain people do you feel> Better or feel worse? > > Which ones always have drama or don't really> understand, know, or appreciate you?> > The more you seek quality, respect, growth, peace of mind, > love and truth around you...the easier it will become for you > to decide who

gets to sit in the front row and who should be > moved to the balcony of your life.> > > An African proverb states, > > "Before you get married, keep both eyes open,> and after you marry, close one eye". > > Before you get involved and make a commitment to someone, > don't let lust, pity, desperation, immaturity, ignorance, > pressure from others or a low self-esteem > make you blind to warning signs. > > Keep your eyes open, and don't fool yourself that you can > change someone or that what you see as faults aren't really > that important.> > Do you bring out the best in each other? > > Do you compliment and compromise with each other, > or do you compete, compare and control?> > What do you bring to the relationship? > > Do you bring past

relationships, past hurt, past mistrust, > past pain?> > You can't take someone to the altar to alter them. > > You can't make someone love you or make someone stay.> > If you develop self-esteem, spiritual discernment, and "a life"; > you won't find yourself making someone else responsible > for your happiness or responsible for your pain. > > Seeking status, sex, and security are the> wrong reasons to be in a relationship.> > WHAT KEEPS A RELATIONSHIP STRONG ARE:> > 1. TRUST> > 2. COMMUNICATION> > 3. INTIMACY> > 4. A SENSE OF HUMOR> > 5. SHARING TASKS> > 6. SOME GETAWAY TIME WITHOUT BUSINESS OR CHILDREN> > 7. DAILY EXCHANGES (meal, shared activity, hug, call, touch, notes)> > 8. SHARING COMMON GOALS AND INTERESTS> > 9.

GIVING EACH OTHER SPACE TO GROW WITHOUT FEELING > INSECURE> > 10. GIVING EACH OTHER A SENSE OF BELONGING AND > ASSURANCES OF COMMITMENT> > > > If these qualities are missing, the relationship will erode > as resentment withdrawal, abuse, neglect, and dishonesty; > and pain will replace it.> > > Happiness keeps You Sweet,> > Trials keep You Strong,> > Sorrows keep You Human,> > Failures keep You Humble,> > Success keeps You Glowing,> > But......... .> > Only faith keeps You Going!> > > > "In search for me, I discovered truth. > In search for truth, I discovered love and > in search for love, I discovered faith. > In faith, I have found everything." > >

> "Obstacles are those frightful things you see> when youtake your eyes off your goals."...Authors Unknown> > Author - Dov Heller, M.A> > > > > > > > > > > ============ ========= =====> > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > Until next time, make it a blessed day,> Make this day good > > > > Working for God on earth does not pay much, > but His Retirement plan is out of this world. > Help someone have a nice day,> visit www.thehungersite. com> >

August 9, 2009

Guruvayoorappa,

Dear Devotee of

the Lord,

“I say: Work with God for

salvation as your only aim in life and it will be Heaven on Earth for you

all your life before and after retirement.”

I have a doubt

(kindly excuse me if it is a foolishness). In the above sentence, please note the

underlined words,

‘ for

salvation as your only aim in life’. Is it not selfishness?- a selfish

motive behind that? When we are with God, it is ‘Bhakthi’.

When we work with

the aim of salvation only in life, how it could be a ‘nishkama bhakthi’

? Is it not necessary that our bhakthi

should be

nishkama, with out any desire ? Also, with malice towards none and charity to

all. Will not true bhakthi, with out any motive,

take us beyond

salvation? When we concentrate on salvation as the only aim of our life, and

work with God, will there not be chance

to ignore

certain human values, which may cause pain to others?

Kindly

enlighten Gurudev,

Padaravindame

Saranam, Guruvayoorappa Saranam,

mpr

Thank you,

Have a great

day,

mprnair,

nairradhakrishnan.

guruvayur [guruvayur ] On Behalf Of anair1101

Saturday, August 08, 2009

11:40 AM

guruvayur

[Guruvayur] Re: Golden

rules for finding your life partner by Dov Heller, M.A

Hari-Om

A caption at the very end of this article states :

Working for God on earth does not pay much but,

His retirement plans are out of this workd.

I say: Work with God for salvation as your only aim in life and it will be

Heaven on Earth for you all your life before and after retirement.

God bless !

jai shree krishna !

guruvayur ,

" sreedhar c.p " <sreepal20 wrote:

>

> Hare Krishna,

>

> For Inform

>

> Golden rules for finding your life partner by Dov Heller, M.A

>

> When it comes to making the decision about choosing a life partner,

> no one wants to make a mistake. Yet, with a divorce rate of

> close to 50%, it appears that many are making serious mistakes

> in their approach to finding

>

> Mr./Miss. Right!

>

> If you ask most couples who are engaged why they're getting

> married, they'll say: " We're in love " .

> I believe this is the #1 mistake people make when they date.

>

> Choosing a life partner should never be based on love.

> (Just read on ... Its not what it sounds like ...)

>

> Though this may sound " not politically correct " , there's a

profound

> truth here. Love is not the basis for getting married.

> Rather, love is the result of a good marriage.

> When the other ingredients are right, then the love will come.

>

> Let me say it again:

>

> " You can't build a lifetime relationship on love alone " .

> You need a lot more!!!

> (see...)

>

> Here are five questions you must ask yourself

> if you're serious about finding and keeping a life partner.

>

> QUESTION 1: Do we share a common life purpose?

>

> Why is this so important? Let me put it this way:

> If you're married for 20 or 30 years, that's a long time

> to live with someone.

>

> What do you plan to do with each other all that time?

> Travel, eat and jog together?

> You need to share something deeper and more meaningful.

> You need a common life purpose.

>

> Two things can happen in a marriage:

>

> (1) You can grow together, or

>

> (2) You can grow apart.

>

> 50% of the people out there are growing apart.

> To make a marriage work, you need to know

> what you want out of life!

>

> Bottom line; Marry someone who wants the same thing.

>

> QUESTION 2: Do I feel safe expressing my feelings

>

and thoughts with this person?

>

> This question goes to the core of the quality of your relationship.

> Feeling safe means you can communicate openly with this person.

>

> The basis of having good communication is trust

> - i.e. trust that I won't get " punished " ;

> or hurt for expressing my honest thoughts and feelings.

>

> A colleague of mine defines an abusive person as someone

> with whom you feel afraid to express your thoughts and feelings.

>

> Be honest with yourself on this one.

> Make sure you feel emotionally safe with the person

> you plan to marry.

>

> QUESTION 3: Is he/she a mensch?

>

> A mensch is someone who is a refined and sensitive person.

> How can you test?

>

> Here are some suggestions.

>

> Do they work on personal growth on a regular basis?

> Are they serious about improving themselves?

>

> A teacher of mine defines a good person as " someone

> who is always striving to be good and do the right " .

>

> So ask your significant other what do they do with their time?

> Is this person materialistic?

> Usually a materialistic person is not someone

> whose top priority is character refinement.

>

> There are essentially two types of people in the world:

>

> (1) People who are dedicated to personal growth, and

> (2) People who are dedicated to seeking comfort.

>

> Someone whose goal in life is to be comfortable

> will put personal comfort ahead of doing the right thing.

> You need to know that before walking down the aisle.

>

> QUESTION 4: How does he/she treat other people?

>

> The one most important thing that makes any relationship

> work is the ability to give. By giving, we mean the ability to

> give another person pleasure.

>

> Ask: Is this someone who enjoys giving pleasure

> to others or are they wrapped up in themselves

> and self-absorbed?

>

> To measure this, think about the following:

>

> How do they treat people whom they do not have to be nice to,

> such as waiters, bus boys, taxi drivers, etc.

> How do they treat their parents and siblings?

> Do they have gratitude and appreciation?

>

> If they don't have gratitude for the people

> who have given them everything;

>

> Can you do nearly as much for them?

>

> You can be sure that someone who treats others poorly,

> will eventually treat you poorly as well.

>

> QUESTION 5: Is there anything I'm hoping to change

>

about this person after we're married?

>

> Too many people make the mistake of marrying someone

> with the intention Of trying to " improve " them after they're

married.

>

> As a colleague of mine puts it,

> " You can probably expect someone to change

> after marriage for the worse " .

>

> If you cannot fully accept this person the way they are now,

> then you are not ready to marry them.

>

> In conclusion, dating doesn't have to be difficult and

> treacherous. The key is to try leading a little more

> with your head and less with your heart.

>

> It pays to be as objective as possible when you are dating;

> so be sure to ask questions that will help you

> get to the key issues.

>

> Falling in love is a great feeling,

> but when you wake up with a ring on your finger,

> you don't want to find yourself in trouble

> because you didn't do your homework.

>

> Another perspective. ...

>

> There are some people in your life that need to be loved

> from a distance....

>

> It's amazing what you can accomplish when you let go

> of or at least minimize your time with draining, negative,

> incompatible, not-going anywhere relationships.

>

> Observe the relationships around you.

>

> Pay attention... .

>

> Which ones lift and which ones lean?

> Which ones encourage and which ones discourage?

> Which ones are on a path of growth uphill and

> which ones are going downhill?

>

> When you leave certain people do you feel

> Better or feel worse?

>

> Which ones always have drama or don't really

> understand, know, or appreciate you?

>

> The more you seek quality, respect, growth, peace of mind,

> love and truth around you...the easier it will become for you

> to decide who gets to sit in the front row and who should be

> moved to the balcony of your life.

>

> An African proverb states,

>

> " Before you get married, keep both eyes open,

> and after you marry, close one eye " .

>

> Before you get involved and make a commitment to someone,

> don't let lust, pity, desperation, immaturity, ignorance,

> pressure from others or a low self-esteem

> make you blind to warning signs.

>

> Keep your eyes open, and don't fool yourself that you can

> change someone or that what you see as faults aren't really

> that important.

>

> Do you bring out the best in each other?

>

> Do you compliment and compromise with each other,

> or do you compete, compare and control?

>

> What do you bring to the relationship?

>

> Do you bring past relationships, past hurt, past mistrust,

> past pain?

>

> You can't take someone to the altar to alter them.

>

> You can't make someone love you or make someone stay.

>

> If you develop self-esteem, spiritual discernment, and " a life " ;

> you won't find yourself making someone else responsible

> for your happiness or responsible for your pain.

>

> Seeking status, sex, and security are the

> wrong reasons to be in a relationship.

>

> WHAT KEEPS A RELATIONSHIP STRONG ARE:

>

> 1. TRUST

>

> 2. COMMUNICATION

>

> 3. INTIMACY

>

> 4. A SENSE OF HUMOR

>

> 5. SHARING TASKS

>

> 6. SOME GETAWAY TIME WITHOUT BUSINESS OR CHILDREN

>

> 7. DAILY EXCHANGES (meal, shared activity, hug, call, touch, notes)

>

> 8. SHARING COMMON GOALS AND INTERESTS

>

> 9. GIVING EACH OTHER SPACE TO GROW WITHOUT FEELING

> INSECURE

>

> 10. GIVING EACH OTHER A SENSE OF BELONGING AND

> ASSURANCES OF COMMITMENT

>

> If these qualities are missing, the relationship will erode

> as resentment withdrawal, abuse, neglect, and dishonesty;

> and pain will replace it.

>

> Happiness keeps You Sweet,

>

> Trials keep You Strong,

>

> Sorrows keep You Human,

>

> Failures keep You Humble,

>

> Success keeps You Glowing,

>

> But......... .

>

> Only faith keeps You Going!

>

> " In search for me, I discovered truth.

> In search for truth, I discovered love and

> in search for love, I discovered faith.

> In faith, I have found everything. "

>

> " Obstacles are those frightful things you see

> when youtake your eyes off your goals. " ...Authors Unknown

>

> Author - Dov Heller, M.A

>

> ============ ========= =====

>

> Until next time, make it a blessed day,

> Make this day good

>

> Working for God on earth does not pay much,

> but His Retirement plan is out of this world.

> Help someone have a nice day,

> visit www.thehungersite. com

>

August 9, 2009

Hari-Om

Bhakti is different from Salvation.

Hindu salvation is self-realization. According to Hindu beliefs, one's body is

perishable but the soul or the Athman within the body is part of the Paramathman

and hence it is imperishable. Our thinking power is veiled in Maya and this maya

makes the ordinary being to believe that the body is the achiever .

Our purpose as a gifted human being is to realise the super soul within us and

ultimately merge with the parent Godhead, that is the Paramathma. In other

words, our purpose in this world is to attain MOKSHA. or to be One With the

Almighty God.

Bhakti is the path to achieve self-realisation and self-realisation

culminates in Salvation ( Moksha ).

THerefore Seeking salvation is not selfishness but God ordaained karnma

of each individual who is a born Hindu.

So Bhakti should not be confused with Salvation. Salvation means MOKSHA, the

ultimate aim of all devotees of Bhagavan; but only one in maany thousands strive

to achieve it and only one in those thousands really achieve it.

jai shree krishna !

Achuthan Nair

guruvayur , " mprnair " <nairradhakrishnan wrote:

>

> Guruvayoorappa,

>

> Dear Devotee of the Lord,

>

> " I say: Work with God for salvation as your only aim in life and it will be

> Heaven on Earth for you all your life before and after retirement. "

>

> I have a doubt (kindly excuse me if it is a foolishness). In the above

> sentence, please note the underlined words,

>

> ' for salvation as your only aim in life'. Is it not selfishness?- a

> selfish motive behind that? When we are with God, it is 'Bhakthi'.

>

> When we work with the aim of salvation only in life, how it could be a

> 'nishkama bhakthi' ? Is it not necessary that our bhakthi

>

> should be nishkama, with out any desire ? Also, with malice towards none and

> charity to all. Will not true bhakthi, with out any motive,

>

> take us beyond salvation? When we concentrate on salvation as the only aim

> of our life, and work with God, will there not be chance

>

> to ignore certain human values, which may cause pain to others?

>

> Kindly enlighten Gurudev,

>

> Padaravindame Saranam, Guruvayoorappa Saranam,

>

> mpr

>

> Thank you,

>

> Have a great day,

>

> mprnair,

>

> nairradhakrishnan

_____

>

> guruvayur [guruvayur ] On Behalf

> Of anair1101

> Saturday, August 08, 2009 11:40 AM

> guruvayur

> [Guruvayur] Re: Golden rules for finding your life partner by Dov

> Heller, M.A

>

> Hari-Om

>

> A caption at the very end of this article states :

>

> Working for God on earth does not pay much but,

> His retirement plans are out of this workd.

>

> I say: Work with God for salvation as your only aim in life and it will be

> Heaven on Earth for you all your life before and after retirement.

>

> God bless !

>

> jai shree krishna !

>

> guruvayur@grou <guruvayur%40> ps.com,

> " sreedhar c.p " <sreepal20@> wrote:

> >

> > Hare Krishna,

> >

> > For Inform

> >

> > Golden rules for finding your life partner by Dov Heller, M.A

> >

> > When it comes to making the decision about choosing a life partner,

> > no one wants to make a mistake. Yet, with a divorce rate of

> > close to 50%, it appears that many are making serious mistakes

> > in their approach to finding

> >

> > Mr./Miss. Right!

> >

> > If you ask most couples who are engaged why they're getting

> > married, they'll say: " We're in love " .

> > I believe this is the #1 mistake people make when they date.

> >

> > Choosing a life partner should never be based on love.

> > (Just read on ... Its not what it sounds like ...)

> >

> > Though this may sound " not politically correct " , there's a profound

> > truth here. Love is not the basis for getting married.

> > Rather, love is the result of a good marriage.

> > When the other ingredients are right, then the love will come.

> >

> > Let me say it again:

> >

> > " You can't build a lifetime relationship on love alone " .

> > You need a lot more!!!

> > (see...)

> >

> > Here are five questions you must ask yourself

> > if you're serious about finding and keeping a life partner.

> >

> > QUESTION 1: Do we share a common life purpose?

> >

> > Why is this so important? Let me put it this way:

> > If you're married for 20 or 30 years, that's a long time

> > to live with someone.

> >

> > What do you plan to do with each other all that time?

> > Travel, eat and jog together?

> > You need to share something deeper and more meaningful.

> > You need a common life purpose.

> >

> > Two things can happen in a marriage:

> >

> > (1) You can grow together, or

> >

> > (2) You can grow apart.

> >

> > 50% of the people out there are growing apart.

> > To make a marriage work, you need to know

> > what you want out of life!

> >

> > Bottom line; Marry someone who wants the same thing.

> >

> > QUESTION 2: Do I feel safe expressing my feelings

> > and thoughts with this person?

> >

> > This question goes to the core of the quality of your relationship.

> > Feeling safe means you can communicate openly with this person.

> >

> > The basis of having good communication is trust

> > - i.e. trust that I won't get " punished " ;

> > or hurt for expressing my honest thoughts and feelings.

> >

> > A colleague of mine defines an abusive person as someone

> > with whom you feel afraid to express your thoughts and feelings.

> >

> > Be honest with yourself on this one.

> > Make sure you feel emotionally safe with the person

> > you plan to marry.

> >

> > QUESTION 3: Is he/she a mensch?

> >

> > A mensch is someone who is a refined and sensitive person.

> > How can you test?

> >

> > Here are some suggestions.

> >

> > Do they work on personal growth on a regular basis?

> > Are they serious about improving themselves?

> >

> > A teacher of mine defines a good person as " someone

> > who is always striving to be good and do the right " .

> >

> > So ask your significant other what do they do with their time?

> > Is this person materialistic?

> > Usually a materialistic person is not someone

> > whose top priority is character refinement.

> >

> > There are essentially two types of people in the world:

> >

> > (1) People who are dedicated to personal growth, and

> > (2) People who are dedicated to seeking comfort.

> >

> > Someone whose goal in life is to be comfortable

> > will put personal comfort ahead of doing the right thing.

> > You need to know that before walking down the aisle.

> >

> > QUESTION 4: How does he/she treat other people?

> >

> > The one most important thing that makes any relationship

> > work is the ability to give. By giving, we mean the ability to

> > give another person pleasure.

> >

> > Ask: Is this someone who enjoys giving pleasure

> > to others or are they wrapped up in themselves

> > and self-absorbed?

> >

> > To measure this, think about the following:

> >

> > How do they treat people whom they do not have to be nice to,

> > such as waiters, bus boys, taxi drivers, etc.

> > How do they treat their parents and siblings?

> > Do they have gratitude and appreciation?

> >

> > If they don't have gratitude for the people

> > who have given them everything;

> >

> > Can you do nearly as much for them?

> >

> > You can be sure that someone who treats others poorly,

> > will eventually treat you poorly as well.

> >

> > QUESTION 5: Is there anything I'm hoping to change

> > about this person after we're married?

> >

> > Too many people make the mistake of marrying someone

> > with the intention Of trying to " improve " them after they're married.

> >

> > As a colleague of mine puts it,

> > " You can probably expect someone to change

> > after marriage for the worse " .

> >

> > If you cannot fully accept this person the way they are now,

> > then you are not ready to marry them.

> >

> > In conclusion, dating doesn't have to be difficult and

> > treacherous. The key is to try leading a little more

> > with your head and less with your heart.

> >

> > It pays to be as objective as possible when you are dating;

> > so be sure to ask questions that will help you

> > get to the key issues.

> >

> > Falling in love is a great feeling,

> > but when you wake up with a ring on your finger,

> > you don't want to find yourself in trouble

> > because you didn't do your homework.

> >

> > Another perspective. ...

> >

> > There are some people in your life that need to be loved

> > from a distance....

> >

> > It's amazing what you can accomplish when you let go

> > of or at least minimize your time with draining, negative,

> > incompatible, not-going anywhere relationships.

> >

> > Observe the relationships around you.

> >

> > Pay attention... .

> >

> > Which ones lift and which ones lean?

> > Which ones encourage and which ones discourage?

> > Which ones are on a path of growth uphill and

> > which ones are going downhill?

> >

> > When you leave certain people do you feel

> > Better or feel worse?

> >

> > Which ones always have drama or don't really

> > understand, know, or appreciate you?

> >

> > The more you seek quality, respect, growth, peace of mind,

> > love and truth around you...the easier it will become for you

> > to decide who gets to sit in the front row and who should be

> > moved to the balcony of your life.

> >

> > An African proverb states,

> >

> > " Before you get married, keep both eyes open,

> > and after you marry, close one eye " .

> >

> > Before you get involved and make a commitment to someone,

> > don't let lust, pity, desperation, immaturity, ignorance,

> > pressure from others or a low self-esteem

> > make you blind to warning signs.

> >

> > Keep your eyes open, and don't fool yourself that you can

> > change someone or that what you see as faults aren't really

> > that important.

> >

> > Do you bring out the best in each other?

> >

> > Do you compliment and compromise with each other,

> > or do you compete, compare and control?

> >

> > What do you bring to the relationship?

> >

> > Do you bring past relationships, past hurt, past mistrust,

> > past pain?

> >

> > You can't take someone to the altar to alter them.

> >

> > You can't make someone love you or make someone stay.

> >

> > If you develop self-esteem, spiritual discernment, and " a life " ;

> > you won't find yourself making someone else responsible

> > for your happiness or responsible for your pain.

> >

> > Seeking status, sex, and security are the

> > wrong reasons to be in a relationship.

> >

> > WHAT KEEPS A RELATIONSHIP STRONG ARE:

> >

> > 1. TRUST

> >

> > 2. COMMUNICATION

> >

> > 3. INTIMACY

> >

> > 4. A SENSE OF HUMOR

> >

> > 5. SHARING TASKS

> >

> > 6. SOME GETAWAY TIME WITHOUT BUSINESS OR CHILDREN

> >

> > 7. DAILY EXCHANGES (meal, shared activity, hug, call, touch, notes)

> >

> > 8. SHARING COMMON GOALS AND INTERESTS

> >

> > 9. GIVING EACH OTHER SPACE TO GROW WITHOUT FEELING

> > INSECURE

> >

> > 10. GIVING EACH OTHER A SENSE OF BELONGING AND

> > ASSURANCES OF COMMITMENT

> >

> > If these qualities are missing, the relationship will erode

> > as resentment withdrawal, abuse, neglect, and dishonesty;

> > and pain will replace it.

> >

> > Happiness keeps You Sweet,

> >

> > Trials keep You Strong,

> >

> > Sorrows keep You Human,

> >

> > Failures keep You Humble,

> >

> > Success keeps You Glowing,

> >

> > But......... .

> >

> > Only faith keeps You Going!

> >

> > " In search for me, I discovered truth.

> > In search for truth, I discovered love and

> > in search for love, I discovered faith.

> > In faith, I have found everything. "

> >

> > " Obstacles are those frightful things you see

> > when youtake your eyes off your goals. " ...Authors Unknown

> >

> > Author - Dov Heller, M.A

> >

> > ============ ========= =====

> >

> > Until next time, make it a blessed day,

> > Make this day good

> >

> > Working for God on earth does not pay much,

> > but His Retirement plan is out of this world.

> > Help someone have a nice day,

> > visit www.thehungersite. com

> >

>

August 9, 2009

Guruvayoorappa,

Dear Devotee,

While

expressing profound thankfulness for the reply, I have no confusion that

Bhakthi

and Salvation

are different, though I know that Salvation can be achieved only through

Bhakthi and in

that sense they are inter-related.

My doubt is , ‘Is

the ultimate aim of Bhakthi is Salvation?’. If so, will it not mean that

our

Bhkathi is very

limited and selfish. Is not Salvation an insignificant thing in front of un limited,

un conditional,

real and pure nishkama bhakthi? Is that then only can we have a Bhakthi

unlimited?

Excuse me for

my doubt,

Padaravindame

Saranam, Guruvayoorappa Saranam,

mpr

Thank you,

Have a great

day,

mprnair,

nairradhakrishnan.

guruvayur [guruvayur ] On Behalf Of anair1101

Sunday, August 09, 2009 2:43

PM

guruvayur

[Guruvayur] Re: Golden

rules for finding your life partner by Dov Heller, M.A

Hari-Om

Bhakti is different from Salvation.

Hindu salvation is self-realization. According to Hindu beliefs, one's body is

perishable but the soul or the Athman within the body is part of the

Paramathman and hence it is imperishable. Our thinking power is veiled in Maya

and this maya makes the ordinary being to believe that the body is the achiever

..

Our purpose as a gifted human being is to realise the super soul within us and

ultimately merge with the parent Godhead, that is the Paramathma. In other

words, our purpose in this world is to attain MOKSHA. or to be One With the

Almighty God.

Bhakti is the path to achieve self-realisation and self-realisation

culminates in Salvation ( Moksha ).

THerefore Seeking salvation is not selfishness but God ordaained karnma

of each individual who is a born Hindu.

So Bhakti should not be confused with Salvation. Salvation means MOKSHA, the

ultimate aim of all devotees of Bhagavan; but only one in maany thousands

strive to achieve it and only one in those thousands really achieve it.

jai shree krishna !

Achuthan Nair

guruvayur ,

" mprnair " <nairradhakrishnan wrote:

>

> Guruvayoorappa,

>

> Dear Devotee of the Lord,

>

> " I say: Work with God for salvation as your only aim in life and it

will be

> Heaven on Earth for you all your life before and after retirement. "

>

> I have a doubt (kindly excuse me if it is a foolishness). In the

above

> sentence, please note the underlined words,

>

> ' for salvation as your only aim in life'. Is it not selfishness?- a

> selfish motive behind that? When we are with God, it is 'Bhakthi'.

>

> When we work with the aim of salvation only in life, how it could be a

> 'nishkama bhakthi' ? Is it not necessary that our bhakthi

>

> should be nishkama, with out any desire ? Also, with malice towards none

and

> charity to all. Will not true bhakthi, with out any motive,

>

> take us beyond salvation? When we concentrate on salvation as the only aim

> of our life, and work with God, will there not be chance

>

> to ignore certain human values, which may cause pain to others?

>

> Kindly enlighten Gurudev,

>

> Padaravindame Saranam, Guruvayoorappa Saranam,

>

> mpr

>

> Thank you,

>

> Have a great day,

>

> mprnair,

>

> nairradhakrishnan

>

> _____

>

> guruvayur

[guruvayur ]

On Behalf

> Of anair1101

> Saturday, August 08, 2009 11:40 AM

> guruvayur

> [Guruvayur] Re: Golden rules for finding your life partner by Dov

> Heller, M.A

>

> Hari-Om

>

> A caption at the very end of this article states :

>

> Working for God on earth does not pay much but,

> His retirement plans are out of this workd.

>

> I say: Work with God for salvation as your only aim in life and it will be

> Heaven on Earth for you all your life before and after retirement.

>

> God bless !

>

> jai shree krishna !

>

> guruvayur@grou <guruvayur%40>

ps.com,

> " sreedhar c.p " <sreepal20@> wrote:

> >

> > Hare Krishna,

> >

> > For Inform

> >

> > Golden rules for finding your life partner by Dov Heller, M.A

> >

> > When it comes to making the decision about choosing a life partner,

> > no one wants to make a mistake. Yet, with a divorce rate of

> > close to 50%, it appears that many are making serious mistakes

> > in their approach to finding

> >

> > Mr./Miss. Right!

> >

> > If you ask most couples who are engaged why they're getting

> > married, they'll say: " We're in love " .

> > I believe this is the #1 mistake people make when they date.

> >

> > Choosing a life partner should never be based on love.

> > (Just read on ... Its not what it sounds like ...)

> >

> > Though this may sound " not politically correct " , there's a

profound

> > truth here. Love is not the basis for getting married.

> > Rather, love is the result of a good marriage.

> > When the other ingredients are right, then the love will come.

> >

> > Let me say it again:

> >

> > " You can't build a lifetime relationship on love alone " .

> > You need a lot more!!!

> > (see...)

> >

> > Here are five questions you must ask yourself

> > if you're serious about finding and keeping a life partner.

> >

> > QUESTION 1: Do we share a common life purpose?

> >

> > Why is this so important? Let me put it this way:

> > If you're married for 20 or 30 years, that's a long time

> > to live with someone.

> >

> > What do you plan to do with each other all that time?

> > Travel, eat and jog together?

> > You need to share something deeper and more meaningful.

> > You need a common life purpose.

> >

> > Two things can happen in a marriage:

> >

> > (1) You can grow together, or

> >

> > (2) You can grow apart.

> >

> > 50% of the people out there are growing apart.

> > To make a marriage work, you need to know

> > what you want out of life!

> >

> > Bottom line; Marry someone who wants the same thing.

> >

> > QUESTION 2: Do I feel safe expressing my feelings

> > and thoughts with this person?

> >

> > This question goes to the core of the quality of your relationship.

> > Feeling safe means you can communicate openly with this person.

> >

> > The basis of having good communication is trust

> > - i.e. trust that I won't get " punished " ;

> > or hurt for expressing my honest thoughts and feelings.

> >

> > A colleague of mine defines an abusive person as someone

> > with whom you feel afraid to express your thoughts and feelings.

> >

> > Be honest with yourself on this one.

> > Make sure you feel emotionally safe with the person

> > you plan to marry.

> >

> > QUESTION 3: Is he/she a mensch?

> >

> > A mensch is someone who is a refined and sensitive person.

> > How can you test?

> >

> > Here are some suggestions.

> >

> > Do they work on personal growth on a regular basis?

> > Are they serious about improving themselves?

> >

> > A teacher of mine defines a good person as " someone

> > who is always striving to be good and do the right " .

> >

> > So ask your significant other what do they do with their time?

> > Is this person materialistic?

> > Usually a materialistic person is not someone

> > whose top priority is character refinement.

> >

> > There are essentially two types of people in the world:

> >

> > (1) People who are dedicated to personal growth, and

> > (2) People who are dedicated to seeking comfort.

> >

> > Someone whose goal in life is to be comfortable

> > will put personal comfort ahead of doing the right thing.

> > You need to know that before walking down the aisle.

> >

> > QUESTION 4: How does he/she treat other people?

> >

> > The one most important thing that makes any relationship

> > work is the ability to give. By giving, we mean the ability to

> > give another person pleasure.

> >

> > Ask: Is this someone who enjoys giving pleasure

> > to others or are they wrapped up in themselves

> > and self-absorbed?

> >

> > To measure this, think about the following:

> >

> > How do they treat people whom they do not have to be nice to,

> > such as waiters, bus boys, taxi drivers, etc.

> > How do they treat their parents and siblings?

> > Do they have gratitude and appreciation?

> >

> > If they don't have gratitude for the people

> > who have given them everything;

> >

> > Can you do nearly as much for them?

> >

> > You can be sure that someone who treats others poorly,

> > will eventually treat you poorly as well.

> >

> > QUESTION 5: Is there anything I'm hoping to change

> > about this person after we're married?

> >

> > Too many people make the mistake of marrying someone

> > with the intention Of trying to " improve " them after

they're married.

> >

> > As a colleague of mine puts it,

> > " You can probably expect someone to change

> > after marriage for the worse " .

> >

> > If you cannot fully accept this person the way they are now,

> > then you are not ready to marry them.

> >

> > In conclusion, dating doesn't have to be difficult and

> > treacherous. The key is to try leading a little more

> > with your head and less with your heart.

> >

> > It pays to be as objective as possible when you are dating;

> > so be sure to ask questions that will help you

> > get to the key issues.

> >

> > Falling in love is a great feeling,

> > but when you wake up with a ring on your finger,

> > you don't want to find yourself in trouble

> > because you didn't do your homework.

> >

> > Another perspective. ...

> >

> > There are some people in your life that need to be loved

> > from a distance....

> >

> > It's amazing what you can accomplish when you let go

> > of or at least minimize your time with draining, negative,

> > incompatible, not-going anywhere relationships.

> >

> > Observe the relationships around you.

> >

> > Pay attention... .

> >

> > Which ones lift and which ones lean?

> > Which ones encourage and which ones discourage?

> > Which ones are on a path of growth uphill and

> > which ones are going downhill?

> >

> > When you leave certain people do you feel

> > Better or feel worse?

> >

> > Which ones always have drama or don't really

> > understand, know, or appreciate you?

> >

> > The more you seek quality, respect, growth, peace of mind,

> > love and truth around you...the easier it will become for you

> > to decide who gets to sit in the front row and who should be

> > moved to the balcony of your life.

> >

> > An African proverb states,

> >

> > " Before you get married, keep both eyes open,

> > and after you marry, close one eye " .

> >

> > Before you get involved and make a commitment to someone,

> > don't let lust, pity, desperation, immaturity, ignorance,

> > pressure from others or a low self-esteem

> > make you blind to warning signs.

> >

> > Keep your eyes open, and don't fool yourself that you can

> > change someone or that what you see as faults aren't really

> > that important.

> >

> > Do you bring out the best in each other?

> >

> > Do you compliment and compromise with each other,

> > or do you compete, compare and control?

> >

> > What do you bring to the relationship?

> >

> > Do you bring past relationships, past hurt, past mistrust,

> > past pain?

> >

> > You can't take someone to the altar to alter them.

> >

> > You can't make someone love you or make someone stay.

> >

> > If you develop self-esteem, spiritual discernment, and " a

life " ;

> > you won't find yourself making someone else responsible

> > for your happiness or responsible for your pain.

> >

> > Seeking status, sex, and security are the

> > wrong reasons to be in a relationship.

> >

> > WHAT KEEPS A RELATIONSHIP STRONG ARE:

> >

> > 1. TRUST

> >

> > 2. COMMUNICATION

> >

> > 3. INTIMACY

> >

> > 4. A SENSE OF HUMOR

> >

> > 5. SHARING TASKS

> >

> > 6. SOME GETAWAY TIME WITHOUT BUSINESS OR CHILDREN

> >

> > 7. DAILY EXCHANGES (meal, shared activity, hug, call, touch, notes)

> >

> > 8. SHARING COMMON GOALS AND INTERESTS

> >

> > 9. GIVING EACH OTHER SPACE TO GROW WITHOUT FEELING

> > INSECURE

> >

> > 10. GIVING EACH OTHER A SENSE OF BELONGING AND

> > ASSURANCES OF COMMITMENT

> >

> > If these qualities are missing, the relationship will erode

> > as resentment withdrawal, abuse, neglect, and dishonesty;

> > and pain will replace it.

> >

> > Happiness keeps You Sweet,

> >

> > Trials keep You Strong,

> >

> > Sorrows keep You Human,

> >

> > Failures keep You Humble,

> >

> > Success keeps You Glowing,

> >

> > But......... .

> >

> > Only faith keeps You Going!

> >

> > " In search for me, I discovered truth.

> > In search for truth, I discovered love and

> > in search for love, I discovered faith.

> > In faith, I have found everything. "

> >

> > " Obstacles are those frightful things you see

> > when youtake your eyes off your goals. " ...Authors Unknown

> >

> > Author - Dov Heller, M.A

> >

> > ============ ========= =====

> >

> > Until next time, make it a blessed day,

> > Make this day good

> >

> > Working for God on earth does not pay much,

> > but His Retirement plan is out of this world.

> > Help someone have a nice day,

> > visit www.thehungersite. com

> >

>

August 10, 2009

Hari-om

Thank u Sastriji,

We Indians like everything western and try to copy them in every aspect. We

depend on foreigners to interpret for us our own cultures and traditions . We do

not trust anything Indian how authentic it may be. It in keeping up with

status-quo. Hindu marriage ceremony or a birhdy prty without " cutting the Cake

' and/or " happy birthdy to you ' song is incomplete and unthinkable.

So all we can say is, GOD save the Hindu marriage ! Amen !

( Amen is borrowed from Sanscrit word AUM )

ji shree krishna 1

Achuthan Nair

guruvayur , " Dr.B.G.Y Sastry " <drbgysastry wrote:

>

> Well said Achyutha Nairji.

> There is nothing to beat the Dharma of Hindu Marriage, which is completely

supported by FAITH, the entire essence of the message forwarded by brother

Sreedharji.

> Â

> â€œHeavenly made and earthly maintainedâ€ is the Humanity and marriage, which

follows one after the other.

> Regards,Â

> Sastry

> --- On Sat, 8/8/09, anair1101 <anair1101 wrote:

>

> anair1101 <anair1101

> [Guruvayur] Re: Golden rules for finding your life partner by Dov

Heller, M.A

> guruvayur

> Saturday, August 8, 2009, 2:57 PM

>

> Â

>

> Hari-Om

> For Westerners, Love starts before marriage and ends the day after the wedding

but for Indians marriage is first and Love follows automatically. That is called

a bonded love. Number one rule is choose the right would-be partner and an ever

lasting love affair will follow.

>

> The golden rules for finding the life's partner were laid down by our

anscesters thousands of years ago and these rules were strictly dhered to until

we Hindus adopted the modern westernised mode of living. Our way of thinking

changed with that the concept of marriage too.

> We traded our age-old customs and traditions for the pot smoking, bikini clad

hippy style way of the west in the name of fashion and development. We became

addicted to T V and Bollywood movies and believed it as god-sent. Here if a girl

( or a boy ) does not have a boy/girl friend it is considered a failure .

> That brought in the seeds of disaster for our community.Fifty years ago

divorce was almost unheard of but now there are more divorces TAKING PLACE THAN

MARRIAGE ITSELF, all in the name of fashion and modernisation.

> There are other types of mrriages that are arranged based on mterial benefits

only. Here the life partners are mere pawns in the business deal. These too end

up in divorce.

> Our forefathers believed that :

> The character of a person is more important than beauty and wealth.

> But we believe that marriage is a business deal, the package contains a

palacial bunglow. a Benz car, 100 kg of gold , Kancheepuram sarees costing Rs

250,000 a piece in exchange for a M.D , MBA or an Engineering Degree.

> The love here is for the money and status not for the individual.

> WE should remember

> that marriages although made in heaven, the maintanance is done on earh.

>

> jai shree krishna !

> Achuthan Nair.

>

> guruvayur@grou ps.com, " sreedhar c.p " <sreepal20@ ..> wrote:

> >

> > Â

> > Hare Krishna,

> > Â

> > For Inform

> > Â

> >

> > Golden rules for finding your life partner by Dov Heller, M.A

> >

> > When it comes to making the decision about choosing a life partner,

> > no one wants to make a mistake. Yet, with a divorce rate of

> > close to 50%, it appears that many are making serious mistakes

> > in their approach to finding

> >

> > Mr./Miss. Right!

> >

> > If you ask most couples who are engaged why they're getting

> > married, they'll say: " We're in love " .

> > I believe this is the #1 mistake people make when they date.

> > Â

> > Choosing a life partner should never be based on love.

> > (Just read on ... Its not what it sounds like ...)

> >

> > Though this may sound " not politically correct " , there's a profound

> > truth here. Love is not the basis for getting married.

> > Rather, love is the result of a good marriage.

> > When the other ingredients are right, then the love will come.

> > Â

> > Let me say it again:

> >

> > " You can't build a lifetime relationship on love alone " .

> > You need a lot more!!!

> > (see...)

> >

> > Here are five questions you must ask yourself

> > if you're serious about finding and keeping a life partner.

> >

> > QUESTION 1: Do we share a common life purpose?

> >

> > Why is this so important? Let me put it this way:

> > If you're married for 20 or 30 years, that's a long time

> > to live with someone.

> > Â

> > What do you plan to do with each other all that time?

> > Travel, eat and jog together?

> > You need to share something deeper and more meaningful.

> > You need a common life purpose.

> >

> > Two things can happen in a marriage:

> >

> > (1) You can grow together, or

> >

> > (2) You can grow apart.

> >

> > 50% of the people out there are growing apart.

> > To make a marriage work, you need to know

> > what you want out of life!

> > Â

> > Bottom line;Â Marry someone who wants the same thing.

> >

> > QUESTION 2: Do I feel safe expressing my feelings

> > Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â and thoughtsÂ with this

person?

> >

> > This question goes to the core of the quality of your relationship.

> > Feeling safe means you can communicate openly with this person.

> > Â

> > The basis of having good communication is trust

> > - i.e. trust that I won't get " punished " ;

> > or hurt for expressing my honest thoughts and feelings.

> > Â

> > A colleague of mine defines an abusive person as someone

> > with whom you feel afraid to express your thoughts and feelings.

> > Â

> > Be honest with yourself on this one.

> > Make sure you feel emotionally safe with the person

> > you plan to marry.

> >

> > QUESTION 3: Is he/she a mensch?

> >

> > A mensch is someone who is a refined and sensitive person.

> > How can you test?

> > Â

> > Here are some suggestions.

> >

> > Do they work on personal growth on a regular basis?

> > Are they serious about improving themselves?

> >

> > A teacher of mine defines a good person as " someone

> > who is always striving to be good and do the right " .

> > Â

> > So ask your significant other what do they do with their time?

> > Is this person materialistic?

> > Usually a materialistic person is not someone

> > whose top priority is character refinement.

> >

> > There are essentially two types of people in the world:

> >

> > (1) People who are dedicated to personal growth, and

> > (2) People who are dedicated to seeking comfort.

> >

> > Someone whose goal in life is to be comfortable

> > will put personal comfort ahead of doing the right thing.

> > You need to know that before walking down the aisle.

> >

> > QUESTION 4: How does he/she treat other people?

> >

> > The one most important thing that makes any relationship

> > work is the ability to give. By giving, we mean the ability to

> > give another person pleasure.

> >

> > Ask: Is this someone who enjoys giving pleasure

> > to others or are they wrapped up in themselves

> > and self-absorbed?

> > Â

> > To measure this, think about the following:

> >

> > How do they treat people whom they do not have to be nice to,

> > such as waiters, bus boys, taxi drivers, etc.

> > How do they treat their parents and siblings?

> > Do they have gratitude and appreciation?

> > Â

> > If they don't have gratitude for the people

> > who have given them everything;

> >

> > Can you do nearly as much for them?

> > Â

> > You can be sure that someone who treats others poorly,

> > will eventually treat you poorly as well.

> >

> > QUESTION 5: Is there anything I'm hoping to change

> > Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â about this person after

we're married?

> >

> > Too many people make the mistake of marrying someone

> > with the intention Of trying to " improve " them after they're married.

> > Â

> > As a colleague of mine puts it,

> > " You can probably expect someone to change

> > after marriage for the worse " .

> > Â

> > If you cannot fully accept this person the way they are now,

> > then you are not ready to marry them.

> >

> > In conclusion, dating doesn't have to be difficult and

> > treacherous. The key is to try leading a little more

> > with your head and less with your heart.

> >

> > It pays to be as objective as possible when you are dating;

> > so be sure to ask questions that will help you

> > get to the key issues.

> > Â

> > Falling in love is a great feeling,

> > but when you wake up with a ring on your finger,

> > you don't want to find yourself in trouble

> > because you didn't do your homework.

> >

> > Another perspective. ...

> >

> > There are some people in your life that need to be loved

> > from a distance....

> >

> > It's amazing what you can accomplish when you let go

> > of or at least minimize your time with draining, negative,

> > incompatible, not-going anywhere relationships.

> > Â

> > Observe the relationships around you.

> >

> > Pay attention... .

> >

> > Which ones lift and which ones lean?

> > Which ones encourage and which ones discourage?

> > Which ones are on a path of growth uphill and

> > which ones are going downhill?

> > Â

> > When you leave certain people do you feel

> > Better or feel worse?

> > Â

> > Which ones always have drama or don't really

> > understand, know, or appreciate you?

> >

> > The more you seek quality, respect, growth, peace of mind,

> > love and truth around you...the easier it will become for you

> > to decide who gets to sit in the front row and who should be

> > moved to the balcony of your life.

> >

> > Â

> > An African proverb states,

> > Â

> > " Before you get married, keep both eyes open,

> > and after you marry, close one eye " .

> > Â

> > Before you get involved and make a commitment to someone,

> > don't let lust, pity, desperation, immaturity, ignorance,

> > pressure from others or a low self-esteem

> > make you blind to warning signs.

> > Â

> > Keep your eyes open, and don't fool yourself that you can

> > change someone or that what you see as faults aren't really

> > that important.

> >

> > Do you bring out the best in each other?

> > Â

> > Do you compliment and compromise with each other,

> > or do you compete, compare and control?

> >

> > What do you bring to the relationship?

> > Â

> > Do you bring past relationships, past hurt, past mistrust,

> > past pain?

> >

> > You can't take someone to the altar to alter them.

> > Â

> > You can't make someone love you or make someone stay.

> >

> > If you develop self-esteem, spiritual discernment, and " a life " ;

> > you won't find yourself making someone else responsible

> > for your happiness or responsible for your pain.

> > Â

> > Seeking status, sex, and security are the

> > wrong reasons to be in a relationship.

> >

> > WHAT KEEPS A RELATIONSHIP STRONG ARE:

> >

> > 1. TRUST

> >

> > 2. COMMUNICATION

> >

> > 3. INTIMACY

> >

> > 4. A SENSE OF HUMOR

> >

> > 5. SHARING TASKS

> >

> > 6. SOME GETAWAY TIME WITHOUT BUSINESS OR CHILDREN

> >

> > 7. DAILY EXCHANGES (meal, shared activity, hug, call, touch, notes)

> >

> > 8. SHARING COMMON GOALS AND INTERESTS

> >

> > 9. GIVING EACH OTHER SPACE TO GROW WITHOUT FEELING

> > Â Â Â INSECURE

> >

> > 10. GIVING EACH OTHER A SENSE OF BELONGING AND

> > Â Â Â Â Â ASSURANCES OF COMMITMENT

> >

> > If these qualities are missing, the relationship will erode

> > as resentment withdrawal, abuse, neglect, and dishonesty;

> > and pain will replace it.

> >

> > Happiness keeps You Sweet,

> >

> > Trials keep You Strong,

> >

> > Sorrows keep You Human,

> >

> > Failures keep You Humble,

> >

> > Success keeps You Glowing,

> >

> > But......... .

> >

> > Only faith keeps You Going!

> >

> > " In search for me, I discovered truth.

> > In search for truth, I discovered love and

> > in search for love, I discovered faith.

> > In faith, I have found everything. "

> > Â

> > " Obstacles are those frightful things you see

> > when youtake your eyes off your goals. " ...Authors Unknown

> > Â

> > Author -Â Dov Heller, M.A

> > Â

> >

> > Â

> >

> > ============ ========= =====

> >

> > Â

> >

> > Until next time, make it a blessed day,

> > Make this day good

> > Â Â

> >

> > Working for God on earth does not pay much, Â Â

> > but His Retirement plan is out of this world.

> > Help someone have a nice day,

> > visit www.thehungersite. com

> > Â

> >

>

August 10, 2009

Hari-Om

=======

Thank you Sir.

SORRY, I do not understand the query and since the differene between bhakti and

salvation is clear , I do not wish to make further comments.

My apologies.

jai shree krishna !

Achuthan Nair

guruvayur , " mprnair " <nairradhakrishnan wrote:

>

> Guruvayoorappa,

>

> Dear Devotee,

>

> While expressing profound thankfulness for the reply, I have no confusion

> that Bhakthi

>

> and Salvation are different, though I know that Salvation can be achieved

> only through

>

> Bhakthi and in that sense they are inter-related.

>

> My doubt is , 'Is the ultimate aim of Bhakthi is Salvation?'. If so, will it

> not mean that our

>

> Bhkathi is very limited and selfish. Is not Salvation an insignificant thing

> in front of un limited,

>

> un conditional, real and pure nishkama bhakthi? Is that then only can we

> have a Bhakthi unlimited?

>

> Excuse me for my doubt,

>

> Padaravindame Saranam, Guruvayoorappa Saranam,

>

> mpr

>

> Thank you,

>

> Have a great day,

>

> mprnair,

>

> nairradhakrishnan

>

> _____

>

> guruvayur [guruvayur ] On Behalf

> Of anair1101

> Sunday, August 09, 2009 2:43 PM

> guruvayur

> [Guruvayur] Re: Golden rules for finding your life partner by Dov

> Heller, M.A

>

> Hari-Om

>

> Bhakti is different from Salvation.

> Hindu salvation is self-realization. According to Hindu beliefs, one's body

> is perishable but the soul or the Athman within the body is part of the

> Paramathman and hence it is imperishable. Our thinking power is veiled in

> Maya and this maya makes the ordinary being to believe that the body is the

> achiever .

> Our purpose as a gifted human being is to realise the super soul within us

> and ultimately merge with the parent Godhead, that is the Paramathma. In

> other words, our purpose in this world is to attain MOKSHA. or to be One

> With the Almighty God.

> Bhakti is the path to achieve self-realisation and self-realisation

> culminates in Salvation ( Moksha ).

> THerefore Seeking salvation is not selfishness but God ordaained karnma

> of each individual who is a born Hindu.

> So Bhakti should not be confused with Salvation. Salvation means MOKSHA, the

> ultimate aim of all devotees of Bhagavan; but only one in maany thousands

> strive to achieve it and only one in those thousands really achieve it.

>

> jai shree krishna !

>

> Achuthan Nair

>

> guruvayur@grou <guruvayur%40> ps.com,

> " mprnair " <nairradhakrishnan@> wrote:

> >

> > Guruvayoorappa,

> >

> > Dear Devotee of the Lord,

> >

> > " I say: Work with God for salvation as your only aim in life and it will

> be

> > Heaven on Earth for you all your life before and after retirement. "

> >

> > I have a doubt (kindly excuse me if it is a foolishness). In the above

> > sentence, please note the underlined words,

> >

> > ' for salvation as your only aim in life'. Is it not selfishness?- a

> > selfish motive behind that? When we are with God, it is 'Bhakthi'.

> >

> > When we work with the aim of salvation only in life, how it could be a

> > 'nishkama bhakthi' ? Is it not necessary that our bhakthi

> >

> > should be nishkama, with out any desire ? Also, with malice towards none

> and

> > charity to all. Will not true bhakthi, with out any motive,

> >

> > take us beyond salvation? When we concentrate on salvation as the only aim

> > of our life, and work with God, will there not be chance

> >

> > to ignore certain human values, which may cause pain to others?

> >

> > Kindly enlighten Gurudev,

> >

> > Padaravindame Saranam, Guruvayoorappa Saranam,

> >

> > mpr

> >

> > Thank you,

> >

> > Have a great day,

> >

> > mprnair,

> >

> > nairradhakrishnan@

> >

> > _____

> >

> > guruvayur@grou <guruvayur%40> ps.com

> [guruvayur@grou <guruvayur%40> ps.com] On

> Behalf

> > Of anair1101

> > Saturday, August 08, 2009 11:40 AM

> > guruvayur@grou <guruvayur%40> ps.com

> > [Guruvayur] Re: Golden rules for finding your life partner by Dov

> > Heller, M.A

> >

> > Hari-Om

> >

> > A caption at the very end of this article states :

> >

> > Working for God on earth does not pay much but,

> > His retirement plans are out of this workd.

> >

> > I say: Work with God for salvation as your only aim in life and it will be

> > Heaven on Earth for you all your life before and after retirement.

> >

> > God bless !

> >

> > jai shree krishna !

> >

> > guruvayur@grou <guruvayur%40> ps.com,

> > " sreedhar c.p " <sreepal20@> wrote:

> > >

> > > Hare Krishna,

> > >

> > > For Inform

> > >

> > > Golden rules for finding your life partner by Dov Heller, M.A

> > >

> > > When it comes to making the decision about choosing a life partner,

> > > no one wants to make a mistake. Yet, with a divorce rate of

> > > close to 50%, it appears that many are making serious mistakes

> > > in their approach to finding

> > >

> > > Mr./Miss. Right!

> > >

> > > If you ask most couples who are engaged why they're getting

> > > married, they'll say: " We're in love " .

> > > I believe this is the #1 mistake people make when they date.

> > >

> > > Choosing a life partner should never be based on love.

> > > (Just read on ... Its not what it sounds like ...)

> > >

> > > Though this may sound " not politically correct " , there's a profound

> > > truth here. Love is not the basis for getting married.

> > > Rather, love is the result of a good marriage.

> > > When the other ingredients are right, then the love will come.

> > >

> > > Let me say it again:

> > >

> > > " You can't build a lifetime relationship on love alone " .

> > > You need a lot more!!!

> > > (see...)

> > >

> > > Here are five questions you must ask yourself

> > > if you're serious about finding and keeping a life partner.

> > >

> > > QUESTION 1: Do we share a common life purpose?

> > >

> > > Why is this so important? Let me put it this way:

> > > If you're married for 20 or 30 years, that's a long time

> > > to live with someone.

> > >

> > > What do you plan to do with each other all that time?

> > > Travel, eat and jog together?

> > > You need to share something deeper and more meaningful.

> > > You need a common life purpose.

> > >

> > > Two things can happen in a marriage:

> > >

> > > (1) You can grow together, or

> > >

> > > (2) You can grow apart.

> > >

> > > 50% of the people out there are growing apart.

> > > To make a marriage work, you need to know

> > > what you want out of life!

> > >

> > > Bottom line; Marry someone who wants the same thing.

> > >

> > > QUESTION 2: Do I feel safe expressing my feelings

> > > and thoughts with this person?

> > >

> > > This question goes to the core of the quality of your relationship.

> > > Feeling safe means you can communicate openly with this person.

> > >

> > > The basis of having good communication is trust

> > > - i.e. trust that I won't get " punished " ;

> > > or hurt for expressing my honest thoughts and feelings.

> > >

> > > A colleague of mine defines an abusive person as someone

> > > with whom you feel afraid to express your thoughts and feelings.

> > >

> > > Be honest with yourself on this one.

> > > Make sure you feel emotionally safe with the person

> > > you plan to marry.

> > >

> > > QUESTION 3: Is he/she a mensch?

> > >

> > > A mensch is someone who is a refined and sensitive person.

> > > How can you test?

> > >

> > > Here are some suggestions.

> > >

> > > Do they work on personal growth on a regular basis?

> > > Are they serious about improving themselves?

> > >

> > > A teacher of mine defines a good person as " someone

> > > who is always striving to be good and do the right " .

> > >

> > > So ask your significant other what do they do with their time?

> > > Is this person materialistic?

> > > Usually a materialistic person is not someone

> > > whose top priority is character refinement.

> > >

> > > There are essentially two types of people in the world:

> > >

> > > (1) People who are dedicated to personal growth, and

> > > (2) People who are dedicated to seeking comfort.

> > >

> > > Someone whose goal in life is to be comfortable

> > > will put personal comfort ahead of doing the right thing.

> > > You need to know that before walking down the aisle.

> > >

> > > QUESTION 4: How does he/she treat other people?

> > >

> > > The one most important thing that makes any relationship

> > > work is the ability to give. By giving, we mean the ability to

> > > give another person pleasure.

> > >

> > > Ask: Is this someone who enjoys giving pleasure

> > > to others or are they wrapped up in themselves

> > > and self-absorbed?

> > >

> > > To measure this, think about the following:

> > >

> > > How do they treat people whom they do not have to be nice to,

> > > such as waiters, bus boys, taxi drivers, etc.

> > > How do they treat their parents and siblings?

> > > Do they have gratitude and appreciation?

> > >

> > > If they don't have gratitude for the people

> > > who have given them everything;

> > >

> > > Can you do nearly as much for them?

> > >

> > > You can be sure that someone who treats others poorly,

> > > will eventually treat you poorly as well.

> > >

> > > QUESTION 5: Is there anything I'm hoping to change

> > > about this person after we're married?

> > >

> > > Too many people make the mistake of marrying someone

> > > with the intention Of trying to " improve " them after they're married.

> > >

> > > As a colleague of mine puts it,

> > > " You can probably expect someone to change

> > > after marriage for the worse " .

> > >

> > > If you cannot fully accept this person the way they are now,

> > > then you are not ready to marry them.

> > >

> > > In conclusion, dating doesn't have to be difficult and

> > > treacherous. The key is to try leading a little more

> > > with your head and less with your heart.

> > >

> > > It pays to be as objective as possible when you are dating;

> > > so be sure to ask questions that will help you

> > > get to the key issues.

> > >

> > > Falling in love is a great feeling,

> > > but when you wake up with a ring on your finger,

> > > you don't want to find yourself in trouble

> > > because you didn't do your homework.

> > >

> > > Another perspective. ...

> > >

> > > There are some people in your life that need to be loved

> > > from a distance....

> > >

> > > It's amazing what you can accomplish when you let go

> > > of or at least minimize your time with draining, negative,

> > > incompatible, not-going anywhere relationships.

> > >

> > > Observe the relationships around you.

> > >

> > > Pay attention... .

> > >

> > > Which ones lift and which ones lean?

> > > Which ones encourage and which ones discourage?

> > > Which ones are on a path of growth uphill and

> > > which ones are going downhill?

> > >

> > > When you leave certain people do you feel

> > > Better or feel worse?

> > >

> > > Which ones always have drama or don't really

> > > understand, know, or appreciate you?

> > >

> > > The more you seek quality, respect, growth, peace of mind,

> > > love and truth around you...the easier it will become for you

> > > to decide who gets to sit in the front row and who should be

> > > moved to the balcony of your life.

> > >

> > > An African proverb states,

> > >

> > > " Before you get married, keep both eyes open,

> > > and after you marry, close one eye " .

> > >

> > > Before you get involved and make a commitment to someone,

> > > don't let lust, pity, desperation, immaturity, ignorance,

> > > pressure from others or a low self-esteem

> > > make you blind to warning signs.

> > >

> > > Keep your eyes open, and don't fool yourself that you can

> > > change someone or that what you see as faults aren't really

> > > that important.

> > >

> > > Do you bring out the best in each other?

> > >

> > > Do you compliment and compromise with each other,

> > > or do you compete, compare and control?

> > >

> > > What do you bring to the relationship?

> > >

> > > Do you bring past relationships, past hurt, past mistrust,

> > > past pain?

> > >

> > > You can't take someone to the altar to alter them.

> > >

> > > You can't make someone love you or make someone stay.

> > >

> > > If you develop self-esteem, spiritual discernment, and " a life " ;

> > > you won't find yourself making someone else responsible

> > > for your happiness or responsible for your pain.

> > >

> > > Seeking status, sex, and security are the

> > > wrong reasons to be in a relationship.

> > >

> > > WHAT KEEPS A RELATIONSHIP STRONG ARE:

> > >

> > > 1. TRUST

> > >

> > > 2. COMMUNICATION

> > >

> > > 3. INTIMACY

> > >

> > > 4. A SENSE OF HUMOR

> > >

> > > 5. SHARING TASKS

> > >

> > > 6. SOME GETAWAY TIME WITHOUT BUSINESS OR CHILDREN

> > >

> > > 7. DAILY EXCHANGES (meal, shared activity, hug, call, touch, notes)

> > >

> > > 8. SHARING COMMON GOALS AND INTERESTS

> > >

> > > 9. GIVING EACH OTHER SPACE TO GROW WITHOUT FEELING

> > > INSECURE

> > >

> > > 10. GIVING EACH OTHER A SENSE OF BELONGING AND

> > > ASSURANCES OF COMMITMENT

> > >

> > > If these qualities are missing, the relationship will erode

> > > as resentment withdrawal, abuse, neglect, and dishonesty;

> > > and pain will replace it.

> > >

> > > Happiness keeps You Sweet,

> > >

> > > Trials keep You Strong,

> > >

> > > Sorrows keep You Human,

> > >

> > > Failures keep You Humble,

> > >

> > > Success keeps You Glowing,

> > >

> > > But......... .

> > >

> > > Only faith keeps You Going!

> > >

> > > " In search for me, I discovered truth.

> > > In search for truth, I discovered love and

> > > in search for love, I discovered faith.

> > > In faith, I have found everything. "

> > >

> > > " Obstacles are those frightful things you see

> > > when youtake your eyes off your goals. " ...Authors Unknown

> > >

> > > Author - Dov Heller, M.A

> > >

> > > ============ ========= =====

> > >

> > > Until next time, make it a blessed day,

> > > Make this day good

> > >

> > > Working for God on earth does not pay much,

> > > but His Retirement plan is out of this world.

> > > Help someone have a nice day,

> > > visit www.thehungersite. com

> > >

> >

>

August 10, 2009

Dear and respected Nairji and Gurudevs,

Let me humbly share what I understand with my limited capablility about Bhakthi and salvation. As per scriptures such as the Bhagavad Gita and the Bhagavata Purana, Bhakti Yoga or the Path of Devotion is a means to salvation. In the sentence you have quoted, " work with God, with salvation as your only aim in life " , can we take the meaning of salvation as to be with God or the union of Jeevathma with Parmaathma? Then the qaotation can be rewritten as " work with God to be with God " . In that case, can we take the meaning that we should do everything with God as the centre point

and think that we are doing everything as an offering to God? Of course in that case, all out thoughts, actions, and movements should be pure enough to be offered at His feet. Then my humble opinion is that the question of selfishenss does not arise. Becasue of God's " prachodanam " one may leave this material world and take sanyasam or Jnana margam as his chosen method . Another devotee may chose Karma margam to serve Bhagavan by God's " prachodanam " . Bhakthi margam may appeal to another one as his chosen path. Even in these three different paths one may or may not be in the midst of people. There are so many jnaanis. karmayogis and Bhakthas who spend their whole life in Himalayas never to come down to spread the word about Paramathma. But they bless the whole world just by being there and spreading Bhagavaan's brilliance through their power of the mind. Then there are all the three types of saadhakkas moving around people spreading bhakthi and Jnaanam either by their service, or devotion or knowledge. As long as the saadhaka's sadhana is sincere, the question of sefishness do not arise. That is my humble opinion.

When I was a college student, one very pious woman told us this: " even if you are making a cup of tea for somebody, just think that you are making that cup of tea for Krishna. Then how can you make it less than your best? Put your best effort in to anyting you are doing and think that you are doing that for Krishna (or Ishtadevatha or Parmaathma). Even though it is very hard to practice this, if one can practice that, everything becomes Nishkaama karma. Then You are doing things with God and for God and that is salvation. "

When we work with God for God, we will never cause any pain to anybody becasue in doing that, we are hurting God. I may be hundred percent wrong in my understanding. But I was reminded of this pious woman's advice and I wanted to share that with all Gurudevs. Please forgive me if my understanding is wrong and please take the freedom to correct and advise.

Regards and prayers

Savitri

On Sun, Aug 9, 2009 at 8:37 AM, mprnair <nairradhakrishnan wrote:

Guruvayoorappa,

Dear Devotee of the Lord,

“I say: Work with God for salvation as your only aim in life and it will be Heaven on Earth for you all your life before and after retirement.”

I have a doubt (kindly excuse me if it is a foolishness). In the above sentence, please note the underlined words,

‘ for salvation as your only aim in life’. Is it not selfishness?- a selfish motive behind that? When we are with God, it is ‘Bhakthi’.

When we work with the aim of salvation only in life, how it could be a ‘nishkama bhakthi’ ? Is it not necessary that our bhakthi

should be nishkama, with out any desire ? Also, with malice towards none and charity to all. Will not true bhakthi, with out any motive,

take us beyond salvation? When we concentrate on salvation as the only aim of our life, and work with God, will there not be chance

to ignore certain human values, which may cause pain to others?

Kindly enlighten Gurudev,

Padaravindame Saranam, Guruvayoorappa Saranam,

mpr

Thank you,

Have a great day,

mprnair,

nairradhakrishnan.

guruvayur [guruvayur ] On Behalf Of anair1101

Saturday, August 08, 2009 11:40 AMguruvayur

[Guruvayur] Re: Golden rules for finding your life partner by Dov Heller, M.A

Hari-OmA caption at the very end of this article states :Working for God on earth does not pay much but,His retirement plans are out of this workd.

I say: Work with God for salvation as your only aim in life and it will be Heaven on Earth for you all your life before and after retirement. God bless !jai shree krishna !guruvayur , " sreedhar c.p " <sreepal20 wrote:

>> > Hare Krishna,> > For Inform> > > Golden rules for finding your life partner by Dov Heller, M.A> > When it comes to making the decision about choosing a life partner,

> no one wants to make a mistake. Yet, with a divorce rate of > close to 50%, it appears that many are making serious mistakes > in their approach to finding> > > Mr./Miss. Right!

> > > If you ask most couples who are engaged why they're getting > married, they'll say: " We're in love " . > I believe this is the #1 mistake people make when they date.

> > Choosing a life partner should never be based on love.> (Just read on ... Its not what it sounds like ...)> > Though this may sound " not politically correct " , there's a profound

> truth here. Love is not the basis for getting married. > Rather, love is the result of a good marriage. > When the other ingredients are right, then the love will come. > > Let me say it again:

> > " You can't build a lifetime relationship on love alone " . > You need a lot more!!!> (see...)> > Here are five questions you must ask yourself > if you're serious about finding and keeping a life partner.

> > QUESTION 1: Do we share a common life purpose?> > Why is this so important? Let me put it this way: > If you're married for 20 or 30 years, that's a long time> to live with someone.

> > What do you plan to do with each other all that time? > Travel, eat and jog together? > You need to share something deeper and more meaningful. > You need a common life purpose.>

> > Two things can happen in a marriage:> > (1) You can grow together, or> > (2) You can grow apart.> > 50% of the people out there are growing apart. > To make a marriage work, you need to know

> what you want out of life! > > Bottom line; Marry someone who wants the same thing.> > QUESTION 2: Do I feel safe expressing my feelings > and thoughts with this person?

> > This question goes to the core of the quality of your relationship.> Feeling safe means you can communicate openly with this person. > > The basis of having good communication is trust

> - i.e. trust that I won't get " punished " ; > or hurt for expressing my honest thoughts and feelings. > > A colleague of mine defines an abusive person as someone > with whom you feel afraid to express your thoughts and feelings.

> > Be honest with yourself on this one.> Make sure you feel emotionally safe with the person > you plan to marry.> > > QUESTION 3: Is he/she a mensch?> > A mensch is someone who is a refined and sensitive person.

> How can you test? > > Here are some suggestions.> > Do they work on personal growth on a regular basis?> Are they serious about improving themselves?> > A teacher of mine defines a good person as " someone

> who is always striving to be good and do the right " . > > So ask your significant other what do they do with their time? > Is this person materialistic?> Usually a materialistic person is not someone

> whose top priority is character refinement.> > > There are essentially two types of people in the world:> > (1) People who are dedicated to personal growth, and> (2) People who are dedicated to seeking comfort.

> > Someone whose goal in life is to be comfortable > will put personal comfort ahead of doing the right thing.> You need to know that before walking down the aisle.> > QUESTION 4: How does he/she treat other people?

> > > > The one most important thing that makes any relationship > work is the ability to give. By giving, we mean the ability to > give another person pleasure.> > Ask: Is this someone who enjoys giving pleasure

> to others or are they wrapped up in themselves > and self-absorbed? > > To measure this, think about the following:> > How do they treat people whom they do not have to be nice to,

> such as waiters, bus boys, taxi drivers, etc.> How do they treat their parents and siblings? > Do they have gratitude and appreciation? > > If they don't have gratitude for the people

> who have given them everything;> > Can you do nearly as much for them? > > You can be sure that someone who treats others poorly, > will eventually treat you poorly as well.>

> > > QUESTION 5: Is there anything I'm hoping to change > about this person after we're married?> > Too many people make the mistake of marrying someone

> with the intention Of trying to " improve " them after they're married. > > As a colleague of mine puts it, > " You can probably expect someone to change > after marriage for the worse " .

> > If you cannot fully accept this person the way they are now,> then you are not ready to marry them.> > In conclusion, dating doesn't have to be difficult and > treacherous. The key is to try leading a little more

> with your head and less with your heart.> > It pays to be as objective as possible when you are dating; > so be sure to ask questions that will help you > get to the key issues. >

> Falling in love is a great feeling, > but when you wake up with a ring on your finger, > you don't want to find yourself in trouble > because you didn't do your homework.> >

> Another perspective. ...> > There are some people in your life that need to be loved > from a distance....> > It's amazing what you can accomplish when you let go > of or at least minimize your time with draining, negative,

> incompatible, not-going anywhere relationships. > > Observe the relationships around you.> > Pay attention... .> > Which ones lift and which ones lean? > Which ones encourage and which ones discourage?

> Which ones are on a path of growth uphill and > which ones are going downhill? > > When you leave certain people do you feel> Better or feel worse? > > Which ones always have drama or don't really

> understand, know, or appreciate you?> > The more you seek quality, respect, growth, peace of mind, > love and truth around you...the easier it will become for you > to decide who gets to sit in the front row and who should be

> moved to the balcony of your life.> > > An African proverb states, > > " Before you get married, keep both eyes open,> and after you marry, close one eye " . >

> Before you get involved and make a commitment to someone, > don't let lust, pity, desperation, immaturity, ignorance, > pressure from others or a low self-esteem > make you blind to warning signs.

> > Keep your eyes open, and don't fool yourself that you can > change someone or that what you see as faults aren't really > that important.> > Do you bring out the best in each other?

> > Do you compliment and compromise with each other, > or do you compete, compare and control?> > What do you bring to the relationship? > > Do you bring past relationships, past hurt, past mistrust,

> past pain?> > You can't take someone to the altar to alter them. > > You can't make someone love you or make someone stay.> > If you develop self-esteem, spiritual discernment, and " a life " ;

> you won't find yourself making someone else responsible > for your happiness or responsible for your pain. > > Seeking status, sex, and security are the> wrong reasons to be in a relationship.

> > WHAT KEEPS A RELATIONSHIP STRONG ARE:> > 1. TRUST> > 2. COMMUNICATION> > 3. INTIMACY> > 4. A SENSE OF HUMOR> > 5. SHARING TASKS>

> 6. SOME GETAWAY TIME WITHOUT BUSINESS OR CHILDREN> > 7. DAILY EXCHANGES (meal, shared activity, hug, call, touch, notes)> > 8. SHARING COMMON GOALS AND INTERESTS> > 9. GIVING EACH OTHER SPACE TO GROW WITHOUT FEELING

> INSECURE> > 10. GIVING EACH OTHER A SENSE OF BELONGING AND > ASSURANCES OF COMMITMENT> > > > If these qualities are missing, the relationship will erode

> as resentment withdrawal, abuse, neglect, and dishonesty; > and pain will replace it.> > > Happiness keeps You Sweet,> > Trials keep You Strong,> > Sorrows keep You Human,

> > Failures keep You Humble,> > Success keeps You Glowing,> > But......... .> > Only faith keeps You Going!> > > > " In search for me, I discovered truth.

> In search for truth, I discovered love and > in search for love, I discovered faith. > In faith, I have found everything. " > > > " Obstacles are those frightful things you see

> when youtake your eyes off your goals. " ...Authors Unknown> > Author - Dov Heller, M.A> > > > > > > > > > > ============ ========= =====

> > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > Until next time, make it a blessed day,

> Make this day good > > > > Working for God on earth does not pay much, > but His Retirement plan is out of this world. > Help someone have a nice day,> visit www.thehungersite. com

> >

August 10, 2009

Gurvayoorappa,

Punya Sree Achuthan

Nair Sir,

You should

never say sorry or apology, since I think I should say those words ,

because it is

my words that made confusion to you. Sorry if I hurt your feelings

in any way.

Padaravindame Saranam,

Guruvayoorappa Saranam,

mpr

Thank you,

Have a great

day,

mprnair,

nairradhakrishnan.

guruvayur [guruvayur ] On Behalf Of anair1101

Sunday, August 09, 2009

11:18 PM

guruvayur

[Guruvayur] Re: Golden

rules for finding your life partner by Dov Heller, M.A

Hari-Om

=======

Thank you Sir.

SORRY, I do not understand the query and since the differene between bhakti and

salvation is clear , I do not wish to make further comments.

My apologies.

jai shree krishna !

Achuthan Nair

guruvayur ,

" mprnair " <nairradhakrishnan wrote:

>

> Guruvayoorappa,

>

> Dear Devotee,

>

> While expressing profound thankfulness for the reply, I have no confusion

> that Bhakthi

>

> and Salvation are different, though I know that Salvation can be achieved

> only through

>

> Bhakthi and in that sense they are inter-related.

>

> My doubt is , 'Is the ultimate aim of Bhakthi is Salvation?'. If so, will

it

> not mean that our

>

> Bhkathi is very limited and selfish. Is not Salvation an insignificant

thing

> in front of un limited,

>

> un conditional, real and pure nishkama bhakthi? Is that then only can we

> have a Bhakthi unlimited?

>

> Excuse me for my doubt,

>

> Padaravindame Saranam, Guruvayoorappa Saranam,

>

> mpr

>

> Thank you,

>

> Have a great day,

>

> mprnair,

>

> nairradhakrishnan

>

> _____

>

> guruvayur

[guruvayur ]

On Behalf

> Of anair1101

> Sunday, August 09, 2009 2:43 PM

> guruvayur

> [Guruvayur] Re: Golden rules for finding your life partner by Dov

> Heller, M.A

>

> Hari-Om

>

> Bhakti is different from Salvation.

> Hindu salvation is self-realization. According to Hindu beliefs, one's

body

> is perishable but the soul or the Athman within the body is part of the

> Paramathman and hence it is imperishable. Our thinking power is veiled in

> Maya and this maya makes the ordinary being to believe that the body is

the

> achiever .

> Our purpose as a gifted human being is to realise the super soul within us

> and ultimately merge with the parent Godhead, that is the Paramathma. In

> other words, our purpose in this world is to attain MOKSHA. or to be One

> With the Almighty God.

> Bhakti is the path to achieve self-realisation and self-realisation

> culminates in Salvation ( Moksha ).

> THerefore Seeking salvation is not selfishness but God ordaained karnma

> of each individual who is a born Hindu.

> So Bhakti should not be confused with Salvation. Salvation means MOKSHA,

the

> ultimate aim of all devotees of Bhagavan; but only one in maany thousands

> strive to achieve it and only one in those thousands really achieve it.

>

> jai shree krishna !

>

> Achuthan Nair

>

> guruvayur@grou <guruvayur%40>

ps.com,

> " mprnair " <nairradhakrishnan@> wrote:

> >

> > Guruvayoorappa,

> >

> > Dear Devotee of the Lord,

> >

> > " I say: Work with God for salvation as your only aim in life and

it will

> be

> > Heaven on Earth for you all your life before and after

retirement. "

> >

> > I have a doubt (kindly excuse me if it is a foolishness). In the

above

> > sentence, please note the underlined words,

> >

> > ' for salvation as your only aim in life'. Is it not selfishness?-

a

> > selfish motive behind that? When we are with God, it is 'Bhakthi'.

> >

> > When we work with the aim of salvation only in life, how it could be

a

> > 'nishkama bhakthi' ? Is it not necessary that our bhakthi

> >

> > should be nishkama, with out any desire ? Also, with malice towards

none

> and

> > charity to all. Will not true bhakthi, with out any motive,

> >

> > take us beyond salvation? When we concentrate on salvation as the

only aim

> > of our life, and work with God, will there not be chance

> >

> > to ignore certain human values, which may cause pain to others?

> >

> > Kindly enlighten Gurudev,

> >

> > Padaravindame Saranam, Guruvayoorappa Saranam,

> >

> > mpr

> >

> > Thank you,

> >

> > Have a great day,

> >

> > mprnair,

> >

> > nairradhakrishnan@

> >

> > _____

> >

> > guruvayur@grou <guruvayur%40>

ps.com

> [guruvayur@grou <guruvayur%40>

ps.com] On

> Behalf

> > Of anair1101

> > Saturday, August 08, 2009 11:40 AM

> > guruvayur@grou <guruvayur%40>

ps.com

> > [Guruvayur] Re: Golden rules for finding your life partner

by Dov

> > Heller, M.A

> >

> > Hari-Om

> >

> > A caption at the very end of this article states :

> >

> > Working for God on earth does not pay much but,

> > His retirement plans are out of this workd.

> >

> > I say: Work with God for salvation as your only aim in life and it

will be

> > Heaven on Earth for you all your life before and after retirement.

> >

> > God bless !

> >

> > jai shree krishna !

> >

> > guruvayur@grou <guruvayur%40>

ps.com,

> > " sreedhar c.p " <sreepal20@> wrote:

> > >

> > > Hare Krishna,

> > >

> > > For Inform

> > >

> > > Golden rules for finding your life partner by Dov Heller, M.A

> > >

> > > When it comes to making the decision about choosing a life

partner,

> > > no one wants to make a mistake. Yet, with a divorce rate of

> > > close to 50%, it appears that many are making serious mistakes

> > > in their approach to finding

> > >

> > > Mr./Miss. Right!

> > >

> > > If you ask most couples who are engaged why they're getting

> > > married, they'll say: " We're in love " .

> > > I believe this is the #1 mistake people make when they date.

> > >

> > > Choosing a life partner should never be based on love.

> > > (Just read on ... Its not what it sounds like ...)

> > >

> > > Though this may sound " not politically correct " ,

there's a profound

> > > truth here. Love is not the basis for getting married.

> > > Rather, love is the result of a good marriage.

> > > When the other ingredients are right, then the love will come.

> > >

> > > Let me say it again:

> > >

> > > " You can't build a lifetime relationship on love

alone " .

> > > You need a lot more!!!

> > > (see...)

> > >

> > > Here are five questions you must ask yourself

> > > if you're serious about finding and keeping a life partner.

> > >

> > > QUESTION 1: Do we share a common life purpose?

> > >

> > > Why is this so important? Let me put it this way:

> > > If you're married for 20 or 30 years, that's a long time

> > > to live with someone.

> > >

> > > What do you plan to do with each other all that time?

> > > Travel, eat and jog together?

> > > You need to share something deeper and more meaningful.

> > > You need a common life purpose.

> > >

> > > Two things can happen in a marriage:

> > >

> > > (1) You can grow together, or

> > >

> > > (2) You can grow apart.

> > >

> > > 50% of the people out there are growing apart.

> > > To make a marriage work, you need to know

> > > what you want out of life!

> > >

> > > Bottom line; Marry someone who wants the same thing.

> > >

> > > QUESTION 2: Do I feel safe expressing my feelings

> > > and thoughts with this person?

> > >

> > > This question goes to the core of the quality of your

relationship.

> > > Feeling safe means you can communicate openly with this person.

> > >

> > > The basis of having good communication is trust

> > > - i.e. trust that I won't get " punished " ;

> > > or hurt for expressing my honest thoughts and feelings.

> > >

> > > A colleague of mine defines an abusive person as someone

> > > with whom you feel afraid to express your thoughts and feelings.

> > >

> > > Be honest with yourself on this one.

> > > Make sure you feel emotionally safe with the person

> > > you plan to marry.

> > >

> > > QUESTION 3: Is he/she a mensch?

> > >

> > > A mensch is someone who is a refined and sensitive person.

> > > How can you test?

> > >

> > > Here are some suggestions.

> > >

> > > Do they work on personal growth on a regular basis?

> > > Are they serious about improving themselves?

> > >

> > > A teacher of mine defines a good person as " someone

> > > who is always striving to be good and do the right " .

> > >

> > > So ask your significant other what do they do with their time?

> > > Is this person materialistic?

> > > Usually a materialistic person is not someone

> > > whose top priority is character refinement.

> > >

> > > There are essentially two types of people in the world:

> > >

> > > (1) People who are dedicated to personal growth, and

> > > (2) People who are dedicated to seeking comfort.

> > >

> > > Someone whose goal in life is to be comfortable

> > > will put personal comfort ahead of doing the right thing.

> > > You need to know that before walking down the aisle.

> > >

> > > QUESTION 4: How does he/she treat other people?

> > >

> > > The one most important thing that makes any relationship

> > > work is the ability to give. By giving, we mean the ability to

> > > give another person pleasure.

> > >

> > > Ask: Is this someone who enjoys giving pleasure

> > > to others or are they wrapped up in themselves

> > > and self-absorbed?

> > >

> > > To measure this, think about the following:

> > >

> > > How do they treat people whom they do not have to be nice to,

> > > such as waiters, bus boys, taxi drivers, etc.

> > > How do they treat their parents and siblings?

> > > Do they have gratitude and appreciation?

> > >

> > > If they don't have gratitude for the people

> > > who have given them everything;

> > >

> > > Can you do nearly as much for them?

> > >

> > > You can be sure that someone who treats others poorly,

> > > will eventually treat you poorly as well.

> > >

> > > QUESTION 5: Is there anything I'm hoping to change

> > > about this person after we're married?

> > >

> > > Too many people make the mistake of marrying someone

> > > with the intention Of trying to " improve " them after

they're married.

> > >

> > > As a colleague of mine puts it,

> > > " You can probably expect someone to change

> > > after marriage for the worse " .

> > >

> > > If you cannot fully accept this person the way they are now,

> > > then you are not ready to marry them.

> > >

> > > In conclusion, dating doesn't have to be difficult and

> > > treacherous. The key is to try leading a little more

> > > with your head and less with your heart.

> > >

> > > It pays to be as objective as possible when you are dating;

> > > so be sure to ask questions that will help you

> > > get to the key issues.

> > >

> > > Falling in love is a great feeling,

> > > but when you wake up with a ring on your finger,

> > > you don't want to find yourself in trouble

> > > because you didn't do your homework.

> > >

> > > Another perspective. ...

> > >

> > > There are some people in your life that need to be loved

> > > from a distance....

> > >

> > > It's amazing what you can accomplish when you let go

> > > of or at least minimize your time with draining, negative,

> > > incompatible, not-going anywhere relationships.

> > >

> > > Observe the relationships around you.

> > >

> > > Pay attention... .

> > >

> > > Which ones lift and which ones lean?

> > > Which ones encourage and which ones discourage?

> > > Which ones are on a path of growth uphill and

> > > which ones are going downhill?

> > >

> > > When you leave certain people do you feel

> > > Better or feel worse?

> > >

> > > Which ones always have drama or don't really

> > > understand, know, or appreciate you?

> > >

> > > The more you seek quality, respect, growth, peace of mind,

> > > love and truth around you...the easier it will become for you

> > > to decide who gets to sit in the front row and who should be

> > > moved to the balcony of your life.

> > >

> > > An African proverb states,

> > >

> > > " Before you get married, keep both eyes open,

> > > and after you marry, close one eye " .

> > >

> > > Before you get involved and make a commitment to someone,

> > > don't let lust, pity, desperation, immaturity, ignorance,

> > > pressure from others or a low self-esteem

> > > make you blind to warning signs.

> > >

> > > Keep your eyes open, and don't fool yourself that you can

> > > change someone or that what you see as faults aren't really

> > > that important.

> > >

> > > Do you bring out the best in each other?

> > >

> > > Do you compliment and compromise with each other,

> > > or do you compete, compare and control?

> > >

> > > What do you bring to the relationship?

> > >

> > > Do you bring past relationships, past hurt, past mistrust,

> > > past pain?

> > >

> > > You can't take someone to the altar to alter them.

> > >

> > > You can't make someone love you or make someone stay.

> > >

> > > If you develop self-esteem, spiritual discernment, and " a

life " ;

> > > you won't find yourself making someone else responsible

> > > for your happiness or responsible for your pain.

> > >

> > > Seeking status, sex, and security are the

> > > wrong reasons to be in a relationship.

> > >

> > > WHAT KEEPS A RELATIONSHIP STRONG ARE:

> > >

> > > 1. TRUST

> > >

> > > 2. COMMUNICATION

> > >

> > > 3. INTIMACY

> > >

> > > 4. A SENSE OF HUMOR

> > >

> > > 5. SHARING TASKS

> > >

> > > 6. SOME GETAWAY TIME WITHOUT BUSINESS OR CHILDREN

> > >

> > > 7. DAILY EXCHANGES (meal, shared activity, hug, call, touch,

notes)

> > >

> > > 8. SHARING COMMON GOALS AND INTERESTS

> > >

> > > 9. GIVING EACH OTHER SPACE TO GROW WITHOUT FEELING

> > > INSECURE

> > >

> > > 10. GIVING EACH OTHER A SENSE OF BELONGING AND

> > > ASSURANCES OF COMMITMENT

> > >

> > > If these qualities are missing, the relationship will erode

> > > as resentment withdrawal, abuse, neglect, and dishonesty;

> > > and pain will replace it.

> > >

> > > Happiness keeps You Sweet,

> > >

> > > Trials keep You Strong,

> > >

> > > Sorrows keep You Human,

> > >

> > > Failures keep You Humble,

> > >

> > > Success keeps You Glowing,

> > >

> > > But......... .

> > >

> > > Only faith keeps You Going!

> > >

> > > " In search for me, I discovered truth.

> > > In search for truth, I discovered love and

> > > in search for love, I discovered faith.

> > > In faith, I have found everything. "

> > >

> > > " Obstacles are those frightful things you see

> > > when youtake your eyes off your goals. " ...Authors Unknown

> > >

> > > Author - Dov Heller, M.A

> > >

> > > ============ ========= =====

> > >

> > > Until next time, make it a blessed day,

> > > Make this day good

> > >

> > > Working for God on earth does not pay much,

> > > but His Retirement plan is out of this world.

> > > Help someone have a nice day,

> > > visit www.thehungersite. com

> > >

> >

>

Sign In

Golden rules for finding your life partner by Dov Heller, M.A

Recommended Posts

Guest guest

Link to comment

Share on other sites

Guest guest

Link to comment

Share on other sites

Guest guest

Link to comment

Share on other sites

Guest guest

Link to comment

Share on other sites

Guest guest

Link to comment

Share on other sites

Guest guest

Link to comment

Share on other sites

Guest guest

Link to comment

Share on other sites

Guest guest

Link to comment

Share on other sites

Guest guest

Link to comment

Share on other sites

Guest guest

Link to comment

Share on other sites

Guest guest

Link to comment

Share on other sites

Join the conversation

Support the Ashram

Join Groups

Top Downloads