Always Helping but receiving No Gratitude in Return, What should I do?

November 16, 2007

My question is - I met a friend in july, 2007, he asked me to help

him. I helped him buy a car, the car is only in my name but he pays

for it. After he got the car, he stopped calling me and he even

insulted me. I forgave him. Once again he called because he needed

my help. Stupid me, I helped him again. I took a loan in my name

and he is

paying for the loan. After that he stopped calling. Do you think I

should continue to help people like this in my life? I feel very

used,

I feel I can't trust anyone. I am always helpful but receive no

gratitude,

What does Gita say about how to deal with such situations? What is

one's duty in such situations? (Moderator addition)

britbriann

Gita Talk Guidelines

FROM THE MODERATOR

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1. Purpose of the group is to help Sadhaks clarify their doubts

related to Gita shlokas. For responses to be posted, they must

further clarify the understanding of Gitaji.

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Ram Ram

November 16, 2007

Thakurji (God) has given us the strength to do things i e- helping , caring ,loving . In this case you were having expectations from your friend thus making you feel hurt . Stop having expectations from anyone and keep doing your duty and if you are not comfortable in doing something then learn to say NO . Keep thanking Thakurji (God) each and every minute for making you such a kind and generous person. Ram Ram --- Hemlata Khemka sadhak_insight <sadhak_insight wrote: My question is - I met a friend in july, 2007, he asked

me to help him. I helped him buy a car, the car is only in my name but he pays for it. After he got the car, he stopped calling me and he even insulted me. I forgave him. Once again he called because he needed my help. Stupid me, I helped him again. I took a loan in my name and he ispaying for the loan. After that he stopped calling. Do you think Ishould continue to help people like this in my life? I feel very used,I feel I can't trust anyone. I am always helpful but receive no gratitude,What does Gita say about how to deal with such situations? What is one's duty in such situations? (Moderator addition)britbriannGita Talk GuidelinesFROM THE MODERATORThe following are the guidelines for Gita-Talk discussions.1. Purpose of the group is to help Sadhaks clarify their doubts related to Gita shlokas. For responses to be posted, they must further clarify the understanding of

Gitaji.2. Wherever possible, please quote Gitaji or other scriptures to substantiate the response3. Please limit personal feelings, opinions, beliefs etc.4. Kindly make your responses concise and to the point. (Up to twenty line maximum, if possible).5. Please limit discussions to subject at hand.6. Please do not include links to other sites or other organizations7. Please do not include your personal information such as phone number, address etc.8. Kindly do not address the response to a particular individual, since the message is going to the entire group.9. Due to a large readership, not all responses will be posted.10. Moderator at his discretion, may modify the posting, if content is unclear or not appropriate for distribution to the group.11. Please respond taking into consideration novices, youth, westerners, non-secterian audience. Please limit the use on only sanskrit words, and provide the

english word with sanskrit bracketed wherever possible. MODERATORRam Ram

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November 17, 2007

Dear, I remember one saying in Ramcharit manas by Lord Ram,

SATH SAN VINAY KUTIL SAN PREETI, SAHAJ KRAPAN SAN SUNDAR NEETI....

ITS IN SUNDER KAND..

That means ..... all these go futile.

Sadhak does not have to be a stupid.

Geeta says - fight against unrighteousness (Adharm).

thanx raja. sadhak_insight <sadhak_insight wrote: My question is - I met a friend in july, 2007, he asked me to help him. I helped him buy a car, the car

is only in my name but he pays for it. After he got the car, he stopped calling me and he even insulted me. I forgave him. Once again he called because he needed my help. Stupid me, I helped him again. I took a loan in my name and he ispaying for the loan. After that he stopped calling. Do you think Ishould continue to help people like this in my life? I feel very used,I feel I can't trust anyone. I am always helpful but receive no gratitude,What does Gita say about how to deal with such situations? What is one's duty in such situations? (Moderator addition)britbriannGita Talk GuidelinesFROM THE MODERATORThe following are the guidelines for Gita-Talk discussions.1. Purpose of the group is to help Sadhaks clarify their doubts related to Gita shlokas. For responses to be posted, they must further clarify the understanding of Gitaji.2. Wherever possible, please quote Gitaji or

other scriptures to substantiate the response3. Please limit personal feelings, opinions, beliefs etc.4. Kindly make your responses concise and to the point. (Up to twenty line maximum, if possible).5. Please limit discussions to subject at hand.6. Please do not include links to other sites or other organizations7. Please do not include your personal information such as phone number, address etc.8. Kindly do not address the response to a particular individual, since the message is going to the entire group.9. Due to a large readership, not all responses will be posted.10. Moderator at his discretion, may modify the posting, if content is unclear or not appropriate for distribution to the group.11. Please respond taking into consideration novices, youth, westerners, non-secterian audience. Please limit the use on only sanskrit words, and provide the english word with sanskrit bracketed wherever possible.

MODERATORRam Ram

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November 19, 2007

Jai Guru Datta! Om NamhShivay! As long as the service is done with the thought of "I am doing this for this person", the feeling of doership exists and creates expectation; however, if it is possible to do the service with the thought of "I am serving God" resting "all results good or bad" in His hands, you will feel liberated from the pain of "feeling abused". If we are not able to do that then we are still developing devotion and it is yet to mature to raise our vibration to our heart where we already feel the joy of God enough to give the excess without expectng return. My feeling is that circular relationships are non-binding so long as they are pure otherwise they increase resentment within us and retard our progress. For the next little while, a better practice would be to develop Bhakti & heal from it. I believe that one must be careful not to judge because judging others separates us from the Oneness and unless we are trying to uphold "Dharma" it doesnt "uplift" us, but it infact lowers our vibration to the level of resentment. Many a time, the other person is crying to be proven wrong that goodness doesnt exist and challenging it. Sree Guru Datta! ShivMallikraja gurdasani <muhurmuhu wrote: Dear, I remember one saying in Ramcharit manas by Lord Ram, SATH SAN VINAY KUTIL SAN PREETI, SAHAJ KRAPAN SAN SUNDAR NEETI.... ITS IN SUNDER KAND.. That means ..... all these go futile. Sadhak does not have to be a stupid. Geeta says - fight against unrighteousness (Adharm). thanx raja. sadhak_insight <sadhak_insight > wrote: My question is - I met a friend in july, 2007, he asked me to help him. I helped him buy a car, the car is only in my name but he pays for it. After he got the car, he stopped calling me and he even insulted me. I forgave him. Once again he called because he needed my help. Stupid me, I helped him again. I took a loan in my name and he ispaying for the loan. After that he stopped calling. Do you think Ishould continue to help people like this in my life? I feel very used,I feel I can't

trust anyone. I am always helpful but receive no gratitude,What does Gita say about how to deal with such situations? What is one's duty in such situations? (Moderator addition)britbriannGita Talk GuidelinesFROM THE MODERATORThe following are the guidelines for Gita-Talk discussions.1. Purpose of the group is to help Sadhaks clarify their doubts related to Gita shlokas. For responses to be posted, they must further clarify the understanding of Gitaji.2. Wherever possible, please quote Gitaji or other scriptures to substantiate the response3. Please limit personal feelings, opinions, beliefs etc.4. Kindly make your responses concise and to the point. (Up to twenty line maximum, if possible).5. Please limit discussions to subject at hand.6. Please do not include links to other sites or other organizations7. Please do not include your personal information such as phone number,

address etc.8. Kindly do not address the response to a particular individual, since the message is going to the entire group.9. Due to a large readership, not all responses will be posted.10. Moderator at his discretion, may modify the posting, if content is unclear or not appropriate for distribution to the group.11. Please respond taking into consideration novices, youth, westerners, non-secterian audience. Please limit the use on only sanskrit words, and provide the english word with sanskrit bracketed wherever possible. MODERATORRam Ram Be a better sports nut! Let your teams follow you with Mobile. Try it now.

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November 22, 2007

My personal opinion is that the thought, "I am serving the God" also should vanish. Everyone has experienced abuses and praises. Are we worth the praises or abuses? Were the praises totally by our effort? Are abuses given to us because of our faults or effort? So many times for doing good effort, we get abused. So many times we get praises, for doing even little effort. Nothing is in our hands. Just doing what the circumstances demands with Dharmic Thought and instantly forgetting it is true realization of divinity.

One would have come across many stories about saints who done good but were abused. But they did good to the same person who abused them. This is because they do not remember the action done nor expected any results. Their mind was God bent, so nothing remains in them.

B.Sathyanarayan

---------

Hello Dear sadhak, I understand what you feel. In karma yoga in gita, the main message goes this way. Just do whatever action you need to do and leave the fruits of your actions onto that Lord.

Just surrender yourself onto that SUPREME whatever you do, whatever you eat, whatever you bestow as a gift, whatever you do as a charity and all in the name of God. Thant way, you will not be affected if someone praises you or even if someone insults you. Its no harm to enjoy if someone praises you. You need not have to shun your pleasures/happiness..but do not count or get anchored to it since whatever praises/insults you get..its not permanenet. Once you become steady in your mind, you wil be joyfull all the time irrespective of what others think or whatever they do to u.

Think on these lines: Everything we do is for that GOD and nothing else. It may be difficult to understand this..on the lines of if we do not expect anything, how can we live..Its not like we do not want anything in life..its only the change in attitude with which you look at the same action you do. But you still do whatever actions/duties you think u need to do.

Regards,

Bharathi

---------

WE HAVE TO BE NICE NOT BECAUSE OTHERS ARE NICE TOWARDS US BUT BECAUSE WE ARE NICE.

Nobody can transfer us pleasures or griefs. We get what our destiny has in store for us. These type of friends are only instrumental (nimit-mattra) to courier our dues as our prarbadha. Be nice and GO ON GO ON helping others according to your affordibility. Your accounts are with God not these people. By being nice we earn nice prarbadha.

TRUST IN GOD AND CONTINUE YOUR HELPING ATTITUDE. Help people but donot expect proper response because of this help. You will be blessed be blessed be blessed.

May God bless you.

pklamba

---------Dear friend

Bhagwat Gita starts off with a statement of DhritRastra "hey Sanjay what do you see in the workplace (Kuru shetra) when characters (Dharma) of Kaurav (Mamkah - my sons) and Pandava are in conflict (Uddha)?" Here, Dhrit Rashtra is embodiment of Laws on which a nation (Rastra) is based (Dhrit) and is also blind and unenlightened like corrupt cotrie of judges and governments. Kaurav and Pandav are brothers in blood relation but are of different character (swabhav dharma) and are in conflict. Kaurav are evil character who try to decive others for perrty gains in control, property and wealth and Pandav are of divine character who try to establish peace and equality. Although both are justified in thier character but sucess in work (Kuru Shetra) also called war (Uddha) of character (Dharma) determines true knowledge (free of ignorance) of the Bhagwat Gita. Unjust laws of a nation (Dhrit Rashtra) is cause behind this war because the entire society was at peril. You are in midest of Kuru Shetra and faced with your question to Sri Krishna.

All beings act by their swabhav (character, dharma), and this dharma is in a constant state of evolution by every experiences of life. For example, a person whom you help buy car may not have money to repay, and stopped talking. Your giving help to others is your 'swabhav' and truly speaking, it is not in your hand to alter it just because one of your friend did not return your call. If you decide to alter your swabhav and become more calculative, your life will become like that of a miserable accountant and deprive you of creation, happiness and sharing. Which is a better bargain?

Gita callst 'Dharma Uddha' or managing conflict amongst Dharmas (swabhav, characters) in work place (kuru kshetra). Not only yours but all life at every step are inside kuru shetra and have to resolve conflicts in dharma as per their current state of realization, and improve it from it onwards.

Imagine how could killing is non violence!! So was it taught by Sri Krishna to Arjun. What to kill? Kill Bhisma. Kill Duryodhan. These are result of loss of ignorance in the Dharma Uddha of Kuru Shetra. I give you another example to explain it. In my small town city, there are lots of mosquitoes, and people try to kill them by chemical fumes. But this method is inappropriate. The real problem is cleanliness and untreated sewer flowing in the open trenches. If the trenches are covered, and cleaned, there will not be any mosquitoes, and this is a true learning of the Bhagwat Gita in dharma of self improvement rather than mindless killing of mosquitoes.

The enemy is within yourself and your common interest with your friend whom you pay to buy car and who did not respond. You should disassociate with ignorance that binds you with your such friend who tries to create negative attitude in you, and you should soon have new companion ship.

Regards

K G Misra

--------- om kalanki namah

what was the motto to help a person whom you call as a friend

if he is only using u for his wish then he is not the friend and in my view first u should know to select friend and do not generalise ur experience so do not stop to help people but to start how to make good friends

om kalanki namah

NITIN BORA

---------

You think that everyone should respect me. Am I right ? If I am not right then this feeling that (Why he insulted me ?) should not come in you. Love for Love's sake; This was

the Secret of Great Sukaraat, Mahatama Gandhi, Ram Krishna, Regarding Sai Baba, Once a person beated him, After beating, SAAI BABA

cried "God forgive me"; Please ! Please ! Please; Do you know why he said so ? because; he thought that the person underwent pain in his hand from beating him. Do you have so courage to make yourself so Great?

As RAHEEM DAAS SAYS -

RAHiMAN AAP THAGAAIYE AUR NAA THAGIYE KOI

AAP THAGE SUKH OOPAJE AUR THAGE DUKH HOI

NO ONE CAN INSULT ME (even God also can not if I am not wrong)

Go according your heart and Soul.Be happy always......

Ashish Mishra

-

mallik kotamarti <mkotamarti wrote: Jai Guru Datta! Om NamhShivay! As long as the service is done with the thought of "I am doing this for this person", the feeling of doership exists and creates expectation; however, if it is possible to do the service with the thought of "I am serving God" resting "all results good or bad" in His hands, you will feel liberated from the pain of "feeling abused". If we are not able to do that then we are still developing devotion and it is yet to mature to raise our vibration to our heart where we already feel the joy of God enough to give the excess without expectng

return. My feeling is that circular relationships are non-binding so long as they are pure otherwise they increase resentment within us and retard our progress. For the next little while, a better practice would be to develop Bhakti & heal from it. I believe that one must be careful not to judge because judging others separates us from the Oneness and unless we are trying to uphold "Dharma" it doesnt "uplift" us, but it infact lowers our vibration to the level of resentment. Many a time, the other person is crying to be proven wrong that goodness doesnt exist and challenging it. Sree Guru Datta! ShivMallikraja gurdasani <muhurmuhu > wrote: Dear, I remember one saying in Ramcharit manas by

Lord Ram, SATH SAN VINAY KUTIL SAN PREETI, SAHAJ KRAPAN SAN SUNDAR NEETI.... ITS IN SUNDER KAND.. That means ..... all these go futile. Sadhak does not have to be a stupid. Geeta says - fight against unrighteousness (Adharm). thanx raja. sadhak_insight <sadhak_insight > wrote: My question is - I met a friend in july, 2007, he asked me to help him. I helped him buy a car, the car is only in my name but he pays for it. After he got the car, he stopped calling me and he even insulted me. I forgave him. Once again he called because he needed my help. Stupid me, I helped him again. I took a loan in my name and he ispaying for the loan. After that he stopped calling. Do you think Ishould continue to help people like this in my life? I feel very

used,I feel I can't trust anyone. I am always helpful but receive no gratitude,What does Gita say about how to deal with such situations? What is one's duty in such situations? (Moderator addition)britbriannGita Talk GuidelinesFROM THE MODERATORThe following are the guidelines for Gita-Talk discussions.1. Purpose of the group is to help Sadhaks clarify their doubts related to Gita shlokas. For responses to be posted, they must further clarify the understanding of Gitaji.2. Wherever possible, please quote Gitaji or other scriptures to substantiate the response3. Please limit personal feelings, opinions, beliefs etc.4. Kindly make your responses concise and to the point. (Up to twenty line maximum, if possible).5. Please limit discussions to subject at hand.6. Please do not include links to other sites or other organizations7. Please do not include your personal information

such as phone number, address etc.8. Kindly do not address the response to a particular individual, since the message is going to the entire group.9. Due to a large readership, not all responses will be posted.10. Moderator at his discretion, may modify the posting, if content is unclear or not appropriate for distribution to the group.11. Please respond taking into consideration novices, youth, westerners, non-secterian audience. Please limit the use on only sanskrit words, and provide the english word with sanskrit bracketed wherever possible. MODERATORRam Ram Be a better sports nut! Let your teams follow you with Mobile. Try it now. Be a better pen pal. Text or chat with friends inside Mail. See how.

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