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How to deal with a disobedient son? What to do if he behaves in a

manner which is absolutely improper? What to do? If he is drawn

towards the drugs? The kind of trauma and horror which such addicted

or misguided souls are causing to loving parents - what is spiritual

advice or ( give practical advice pls) do's /donts for parents. How

to bring such souls towards the God? Why children give so much pain

to their parents? Fajeeti Rani

 

--------------------------------

GITA TALK GROUP GUIDELINES:

1. Purpose of the group is to help Sadhakas clarify their doubts

related to Gitaji shalokas. Therefore, responses which further

clarify the understanding of Gitaji, will only be posted.

2. Wherever possible, please quote Gitaji or other scriptures to

substantiate your response.

3. Kindly limit personal feelings, opinions, beliefs etc. to the

extent that they further help in understanding the Gita shlokas

4. Please be as concise and to the point as possible, respecting

sadhaka's time.

5. Kindly focus your writing to the subject at hand only.

6. Please do not include links to the other sites or other

organizations.

7. Kindly do not include your personal information such as phone

number, address etc.

8. Please do not address the response to a particular individual

since the message is going to the entire group.

9. Due to the large readership, all responses may not be posted.

10. Moderator at his discretion, may modify the posting, if content

is unclear or not appropriate for distribution to the group.

11. Please respond taking into consideration the novices, youth,

westerners, non-sectarian audience. Kindly limit the use to Sanskrit

words only, rather provide the English word with Sanskrit bracketed

wherever possible.

 

MODERATOR

Ram Ram

------------------------

 

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Posted
Posted

How to deal with a disobedient son? What to do if he behaves in a

manner which is absolutely improper? What to do? If he is drawn

towards the drugs? The kind of trauma and horror which such addicted

or misguided souls are causing to loving parents - what is spiritual

advice or ( give practical advice pls) do's /donts for parents. How

to bring such souls towards the God? Why children give so much pain

to their parents? Fajeeti Rani

 

-------------------------------

NEW POSTING

 

Shree Hari

Ram Ram

 

Sushree Fajeeti Raniji, A solution to your dilemma although not that

simple. however Shraddhey Swamiji has on this matter, earlier

instructed to surrender the son to Bhagwaan. Remove your attachment

from your son. AFter that make every effort and attempt, then you

will be able to work towards his improvement, suffering less, and

being less distressed. Those related writings on this subject that

Shraddhey Swamiji has written for this very purpose, please do not

be grieving and suffering or feel sorry, because by distress and

grieving, nothing will be attained and the damage is significant.

Bhagwaan does for everyone's welfare and benefit. On this point

have unshaken faith. (What I am writing is from my experience. I am

not advicing and counseling only based on what I have read and

studied. Good-wishes ! Vineet Sarvottam

 

--------------------------

It is sad when our children do not behave in a way we expect them to.

 

First, stop blaming yourself (or taking responsibility) for the

behavior of your son.

Each individual has his/her own life/rewards. As parents, we can

only do our best

and that does not mean our children will have to take that in.

Your son has to be ready to change, and you can be there for him,

when he is ready.

It takes two hands to clap. There is very little you can do, unless

he is ready to change.

Anyhow, we should never let someone else run our affairs. We should

not

make someone else's behavior as the source/means of our happiness.

That is putting control of our life in someone else's hand- even if

it

is your own child or spouse.

 

So stop worrying about things you have very little control.

Your son's characteristics have been described in detail in BG

chapter 16.

 

Regards

 

KST

(Koti Shreekrishna)

 

 

---------------------------

Dear Sadhak, in life, one has to take everything that happens as

preordained by God for the Karmas one has done in the past . So the

behaviour of children is also on account of that. One way of

dealing with such disobedient son/daughter is to punish yourseves

for each wrond deed done by your son/daughter and this will have

demonstrating effect on them.Pl also have frequent satsangs at

home , which will provide a positive energy in the house, which in

turn will influence the erring children to realise their wrongs.

 

G.Vaidyanathan.

--------------------------------

Dear Friend

 

The disobedient children causes a lot of pain and suffering to

parents.There is no easy solution but this advice can be taken as a

starting point.

1)Never talk to children when you are angry,frustrated,resenful or

depressed.Talk only when you are under control

2)Do not criticise,blame.

3)Look into your life as to whether you have caused suffering to

your parents in some or other way.We are cause in the matter and

nothing happens to us which we have not caused.

4)Child needs appreciation,love and affection,provide that.

5)Spend quality time with the child.

6)Explain what is not acceptable and what you expect from them.

7)Children resort to addiction due to emotional vacuum and

responsibility of aprents is to fill that vacuum.

 

Love is the greatest power and force in the universe and child is to

be treated tenderely.

 

While I have full sympathy with the parents ,approach suggested

above with 100% patience will certainly help to overcome the

problem.

 

regards

 

Ashok Jain

 

--------------------------------

Dear Sadak,

Arrogant, disobedient, ruthless children are born to such parents

who indulge in mating on Ekadasi day, resulting in conceiving on the

same day. Example: Iranaya and his brother were conceived on

Ekadasi day. The DNA in such children are like that. They need

perfect counselling, good people to mix with. Best is to listen to

such children in a friendly manner, then slowly put them on

conselling.

Parents of such children should abstain from Non-Veg foods, daily

bath twice, do pooja, feed poor children. Then marvellous change

will take place.

 

Jai Sri Krishna

 

baiya sathyanarayan

 

--------------------------------

GITA TALK GROUP GUIDELINES:

1. Purpose of the group is to help Sadhakas clarify their doubts

related to Gitaji shalokas. Therefore, responses which further

clarify the understanding of Gitaji, will only be posted.

2. Wherever possible, please quote Gitaji or other scriptures to

substantiate your response.

3. Kindly limit personal feelings, opinions, beliefs etc. to the

extent that they further help in understanding the Gita shlokas

4. Please be as concise and to the point as possible, respecting

sadhaka's time.

5. Kindly focus your writing to the subject at hand only.

6. Please do not include links to the other sites or other

organizations.

7. Kindly do not include your personal information such as phone

number, address etc.

8. Please do not address the response to a particular individual

since the message is going to the entire group.

9. Due to the large readership, all responses may not be posted.

10. Moderator at his discretion, may modify the posting, if content

is unclear or not appropriate for distribution to the group.

11. Please respond taking into consideration the novices, youth,

westerners, non-sectarian audience. Kindly limit the use to Sanskrit

words only, rather provide the English word with Sanskrit bracketed

wherever possible.

 

MODERATOR

Ram Ram

------------------------

 

Post message:

Subscribe: -

Un: -

Link to comment
Share on other sites
Guest guest

Guest guest

Posted
Posted

How to deal with a disobedient son? What to do if he behaves in a

manner which is absolutely improper? What to do? If he is drawn

towards the drugs? The kind of trauma and horror which such addicted

or misguided souls are causing to loving parents - what is spiritual

advice or ( give practical advice pls) do's /donts for parents. How

to bring such souls towards the God? Why children give so much pain

to their parents? Fajeeti Rani

 

-------------------------------

NEW POSTING

 

-Shree Hari-

 

Fajeeti Raniji.

 

I do not know your circumstances, so I will just write my thoughts as

I would to any person in my country that may ask a question like the

one you asked.

 

If your son has reached an age that he considers he is independent,

then your immediate chance of healing him may be beyond you.

There are support groups for people who are going through the pain

you are going through, they have a great deal of support to give,

essentially it's how to detach from the one you brought into the

world, as he/she is hell bent on self destruction.(This divine site

will augment any help offered).

 

If you can detach with compassion from a lost soul, you will much

better be able to catch them when they fall.

 

For those who have younger families, remember you cannot mould your

children, better to guide them, support them don't drive them.

A personnel technique I used with my sons, was to take the dog for a

walk each evening with them, often after dark, and and just talk,

often they would dump on me, but that was my job to be their father

and council or, as they grew into men and went there own way a bond

was well established and still remains.

 

B.G.:16 is worth a read as mentioned by a fellow Sadhak, 16:21-24 I

would consider good council.

 

Yea, triple is this gate of hell,

That is destructive of the self–

Lust, anger, and greed; therefore one

Should forsake ev'ry one of these. (21)

 

The man who has got beyond these

Three gates of darkness, Arjuna,

Practices what is good for him,

And thus goes to the Goal Supreme. (22)

 

He who sets aside the counsels

Of scriptures from desire's impulse,

Attains not unto perfection,

Nor happiness, nor Goal Supreme. (23)

 

The scriptures should be your guide in

What should be done and what should not.

Knowing what the scriptures prescribe,

You should act here within the world. (24)

 

The demonic influence can be destroyed by the Divine Love, the light

of Bhagwan has the power to burn away the dross.

 

Finally if you read or re-read Sadhak_insight messages, 2126 and

2113, posted 25/11/08 and 13/11/08, you will find the words of

Swamiji a very good platform for rebuilding internal peace and

harmony with respect to your pain.

 

I do not usually write long comments it is not in my nature, but I

have seen so much of this all around me, and my heart goes out to

you.

 

I will be spending time with 'The Beloved' in meditation soon, I will

remember your anguish, thats how I pray.

 

With Respect and Divine Love,

 

Mike Keenor

--------------------------------

 

-------------------------------

Jai Hanuman

 

Dear Sister! Hey Come On! The child is not yours ! He is of God ! He

has been given to you and will be taken away ! By merely not

considering the child to be " yours " the scenario will change

considerably. First thing to do !!

 

Secondly, when he does " taandav " ( inappropriate conduct/deeds)

think that God is doing Lila of Kaliyuga!!

More you will try or worry or get concerned or feel attached- more

will be inappropriate conduct from his side- because you are then

playing on his strong point- your helplessness for your child ! That

is where he scores and you suffer. Love him, wish good for him but

not as " your " son but as of God's son given under your care !! This

is internal- vibration sort. No outer reflection is needed. No

declaration of the sort - " I damn care for you " is warranted. Inside

your heart you have to be clinical, calm, cold and unattached ! He

will grasp without your telling the same- and will SURELY AND

CERTAINLY start improving! That is Swamiji Ramsukhdasji Maharaj !!.

 

Now come to his getting drawn towards drugs. This is pretty serious.

Stop blaming first to yourself or to your husband. Get united. It is

a must. Don't waste time in fixing responsibilities. Ensure without

any outer reflections as to the facts. Find out reality without your

son knowing that. Never talk rudely to him. Never blame him. Find

out correctly first. Then talk with a psychiatrist.He will tell you

what to do. Do that ! Try to remove the surroundings triggering your

son's going towards drugs. Don't brood and fret. Get extra calm,

composed and focused. Be as cold as ice.

 

If the things are very bad - chronic addiction- do write full facts.

There are methods to deal with the same. Seek medical help. Believe

me- spiritual guidance helps much more in curing such diseases than

medical help. Medical help plus spiritual guidance is the ideal

solution for chronic addiction.

 

See God always in your child. He will become Godly. Don't sleep

peacefully till he is cured fully. (Don't worry, but feel commited.

Focus on him, on his getting alright . See the situation as a

task/duty/role- just as a movie actor sees the task/role)

 

Do write again with more information if the problem is chronic.

 

Namaste Jee

 

Jee Jee

Shashikala

Hari Om

 

Do's/Don'ts

 

1 Don't consider child to be yours. It is very important. Consider

him to be of God. It is more important than all other things.

(Formula given by Swamiji). Next important thing is LOVE ! Hence

there should be Love for the God's child and not for your child!

For " your " child if it is revealed that he is " addicted " to drugs,

you may have to become cold hearted, and ruthless later on. Hence

Don't love your child. Love God's child.

 

2. Don't blame anyone for whatever has happened. Neither the child,

nor father, nor mother. Just focus on the present- WHAT " IS " !

 

3 Entire home should get united to get the child on course, without

child knowing that.

 

4 Pray for his betterment. Cry before the God, but only before the

God. Surrender. Then get up and with precision deal with the Child

of the God.

 

5 Distribute Sweets to poor children every day/week till at least

the boy becomes ok- as a rule. (Formula given by Swamiji)

 

6 Stop any expectations regarding career, future, studies etc of

the child for the time being. Don't get depressed yourself when

getting in ready mode to cure the child.

 

7 Child must get extra love from mother. Love is the best medicine.

Mother should be ready to feed him when he comes home even if very

late. Child should trust mother. Child should get encouraged to pour

his heart before his mother. Mother may share information with

father, but without child knowing that.

 

8 Father should distance himself visibly. Let son get scared about

his reactions. Let him always carry a worry Father should work

through Mom. There must be one person in the house who is working

invisibly and who can take the lead later on.

 

9 Find out more and more about the child's activities, friends,

routine, attendance at school/college and patterns. Let the child

not know about it. Don't reveal to him your findings of the day- and

snub the child ! If he knows that you know, the pressure is gone,

the guilt or fear is gone ! Find out if it is " drug addiction "

or " depression " or " mere bad company " or " simple carelessness "

or " some affair " . Keep a special watch over his eating/sleeping

patterns. Prepare a good summary for Doctor. Honest summary.

Silently.

 

10 Consult a good Doctor privately and if adviced by him do not

hesitate to even forcibly impart medical assistance, if need be, to

the child. There are methods to counter non cooperation from the

child.

 

11 See always God in the child. (Formula given by Swamiji).

 

Remember in such circumstances patience, calmness, focus, cold

heartedness, ruthlessness, and readiness to sacrifice any other

important thing in life pays. So pays sheer, selfless

expectationless, LOVE for the child. In helpless times pray to God.

Surrender to God both your efforts and the child. He will become

alright.

 

Jai Shree Krishna

 

Vyas N B

 

 

--------------------------------

Do not create a feejeta. If the child is out of your control then

you must be firm but gentle and show him the error of his ways. A

spiritual atmosphere at home helps.

 

Hari Shanker Deo

 

 

 

 

 

Shree Hari

Ram Ram

 

Sushree Fajeeti Raniji, A solution to your dilemma although not that

simple. however Shraddhey Swamiji has on this matter, earlier

instructed to surrender the son to Bhagwaan. Remove your attachment

from your son. AFter that make every effort and attempt, then you

will be able to work towards his improvement, suffering less, and

being less distressed. Those related writings on this subject that

Shraddhey Swamiji has written for this very purpose, please do not

be grieving and suffering or feel sorry, because by distress and

grieving, nothing will be attained and the damage is significant.

Bhagwaan does for everyone's welfare and benefit. On this point

have unshaken faith. (What I am writing is from my experience. I am

not advicing and counseling only based on what I have read and

studied. Good-wishes ! Vineet Sarvottam

 

-------------------------------

PRIOR POSTING

--------------------------

It is sad when our children do not behave in a way we expect them to.

 

First, stop blaming yourself (or taking responsibility) for the

behavior of your son.

Each individual has his/her own life/rewards. As parents, we can

only do our best

and that does not mean our children will have to take that in.

Your son has to be ready to change, and you can be there for him,

when he is ready.

It takes two hands to clap. There is very little you can do, unless

he is ready to change.

Anyhow, we should never let someone else run our affairs. We should

not

make someone else's behavior as the source/means of our happiness.

That is putting control of our life in someone else's hand- even if

it

is your own child or spouse.

 

So stop worrying about things you have very little control.

Your son's characteristics have been described in detail in BG

chapter 16.

 

Regards

 

KST

(Koti Shreekrishna)

 

 

---------------------------

Dear Sadhak, in life, one has to take everything that happens as

preordained by God for the Karmas one has done in the past . So the

behaviour of children is also on account of that. One way of

dealing with such disobedient son/daughter is to punish yourseves

for each wrond deed done by your son/daughter and this will have

demonstrating effect on them.Pl also have frequent satsangs at

home , which will provide a positive energy in the house, which in

turn will influence the erring children to realise their wrongs.

 

G.Vaidyanathan.

--------------------------------

Dear Friend

 

The disobedient children causes a lot of pain and suffering to

parents.There is no easy solution but this advice can be taken as a

starting point.

1)Never talk to children when you are angry,frustrated,resenful or

depressed.Talk only when you are under control

2)Do not criticise,blame.

3)Look into your life as to whether you have caused suffering to

your parents in some or other way.We are cause in the matter and

nothing happens to us which we have not caused.

4)Child needs appreciation,love and affection,provide that.

5)Spend quality time with the child.

6)Explain what is not acceptable and what you expect from them.

7)Children resort to addiction due to emotional vacuum and

responsibility of aprents is to fill that vacuum.

 

Love is the greatest power and force in the universe and child is to

be treated tenderely.

 

While I have full sympathy with the parents ,approach suggested

above with 100% patience will certainly help to overcome the

problem.

 

regards

 

Ashok Jain

 

--------------------------------

Dear Sadak,

Arrogant, disobedient, ruthless children are born to such parents

who indulge in mating on Ekadasi day, resulting in conceiving on the

same day. Example: Iranaya and his brother were conceived on

Ekadasi day. The DNA in such children are like that. They need

perfect counselling, good people to mix with. Best is to listen to

such children in a friendly manner, then slowly put them on

conselling.

Parents of such children should abstain from Non-Veg foods, daily

bath twice, do pooja, feed poor children. Then marvellous change

will take place.

 

Jai Sri Krishna

 

baiya sathyanarayan

 

--------------------------------

GITA TALK GROUP GUIDELINES:

1. Purpose of the group is to help Sadhakas clarify their doubts

related to Gitaji shalokas. Therefore, responses which further

clarify the understanding of Gitaji, will only be posted.

2. Wherever possible, please quote Gitaji or other scriptures to

substantiate your response.

3. Kindly limit personal feelings, opinions, beliefs etc. to the

extent that they further help in understanding the Gita shlokas

4. Please be as concise and to the point as possible, respecting

sadhaka's time.

5. Kindly focus your writing to the subject at hand only.

6. Please do not include links to the other sites or other

organizations.

7. Kindly do not include your personal information such as phone

number, address etc.

8. Please do not address the response to a particular individual

since the message is going to the entire group.

9. Due to the large readership, all responses may not be posted.

10. Moderator at his discretion, may modify the posting, if content

is unclear or not appropriate for distribution to the group.

11. Please respond taking into consideration the novices, youth,

westerners, non-sectarian audience. Kindly limit the use to Sanskrit

words only, rather provide the English word with Sanskrit bracketed

wherever possible.

 

MODERATOR

Ram Ram

------------------------

 

Post message:

Subscribe: -

Un: -

Link to comment
Share on other sites
Guest guest

Guest guest

Posted
Posted

How to deal with a disobedient son? What to do if he behaves in a

manner which is absolutely improper? What to do? If he is drawn

towards the drugs? The kind of trauma and horror which such addicted

or misguided souls are causing to loving parents - what is spiritual

advice or ( give practical advice pls) do's /donts for parents. How

to bring such souls towards the God? Why children give so much pain

to their parents? Fajeeti Rani

 

-------------------------------

NEW POSTING

 

Dear Sadhika,

The society today is the reflection of our collective disobedience

of Dharma.

 

This whole world is called Dhukhalaya(sorrowful place). Krishna said

that the root cause of suffering is desire(kaam). Bhudhdha left all

pleasures to find out why we have sufferings in this world ? And he

found out the same -desire.

 

1. I see desire for " Obedient/well behaved Son " in yr suffering. So

first thing you need to do is-free yr self from all kinds of

desires.All kinds of liking/dislikings.

 

2. Only God is mine and I am God's. This whole world is God's.

Everything you think yours is God's only. So donot claim that the

son is mine, efforts are mine or even pain/pleasure is mine.

Surrender everything to Him.

 

3. I would say go to yr own teenage and think-how obedient you were

at that age? How much pain or pleasure you gave to yr parents ? This

thinking will give you a way to deal with yr kids.

 

4. If he is not taking drugs infront of you and you only know

indirectly then keep this veil of ignorance. Indirect preachings are

more effective on teens then direct orders.

 

5. Some quality time with the kids, and lots of love, spiritual

teachings from childhood, healthy and positive atmosphere at home

help install good sanskara in kids,but good or bad, the kids are not

parents property, they are independent soul on their own individual

jorney according to their own karmas.

 

5. If you will change yr own self, the situations around you will

change automatically.So pray and meditate. Purify yr own self by

prayer, meditation and contemplating on Gita. Fill the whole house

with Love, kindness, prayers, patience and trust. Throw all the

unnecessary stuff out of yr house,keep the house as clean and pious

as a temple.Put fresh flowers in all corners of yr houese, fill the

house with pleasant aroma. All these positive vibrations will

produce positivity in everyone living in the house.

 

6.Sadhika Shahsikalaji, Sadhak Vyasji and Mikeji,and all others

have given you excellent practical and spiritual advise, follow them

undoubtly.

 

Sarve bhavantu sukhina, sarve santu niramaya.......Let all be happy,

let all be healthy.....we all are praying .....

 

With lots of Love,

a sadhika

Sadhna Karigar

---------------------------

 

I wanted to add this to my previous posting...

 

12. MOST IMPORTANT : Never Never think that child is bad- WHATEVER

be his conduct towards you or others ! Pay no consideration to his

present conduct whatsoever. Consider him or always think about him

to be a sick person - to be treated/cured with utmost care, love

and affection- after all he is God's son left by Him in your care.

 

Vyas,N.B

--------------------------------

 

-Shree Hari-

 

Fajeeti Raniji.

 

I do not know your circumstances, so I will just write my thoughts as

I would to any person in my country that may ask a question like the

one you asked.

 

If your son has reached an age that he considers he is independent,

then your immediate chance of healing him may be beyond you.

There are support groups for people who are going through the pain

you are going through, they have a great deal of support to give,

essentially it's how to detach from the one you brought into the

world, as he/she is hell bent on self destruction.(This divine site

will augment any help offered).

 

If you can detach with compassion from a lost soul, you will much

better be able to catch them when they fall.

 

For those who have younger families, remember you cannot mould your

children, better to guide them, support them don't drive them.

A personnel technique I used with my sons, was to take the dog for a

walk each evening with them, often after dark, and and just talk,

often they would dump on me, but that was my job to be their father

and council or, as they grew into men and went there own way a bond

was well established and still remains.

 

B.G.:16 is worth a read as mentioned by a fellow Sadhak, 16:21-24 I

would consider good council.

 

Yea, triple is this gate of hell,

That is destructive of the self–

Lust, anger, and greed; therefore one

Should forsake ev'ry one of these. (21)

 

The man who has got beyond these

Three gates of darkness, Arjuna,

Practices what is good for him,

And thus goes to the Goal Supreme. (22)

 

He who sets aside the counsels

Of scriptures from desire's impulse,

Attains not unto perfection,

Nor happiness, nor Goal Supreme. (23)

 

The scriptures should be your guide in

What should be done and what should not.

Knowing what the scriptures prescribe,

You should act here within the world. (24)

 

The demonic influence can be destroyed by the Divine Love, the light

of Bhagwan has the power to burn away the dross.

 

Finally if you read or re-read Sadhak_insight messages, 2126 and

2113, posted 25/11/08 and 13/11/08, you will find the words of

Swamiji a very good platform for rebuilding internal peace and

harmony with respect to your pain.

 

I do not usually write long comments it is not in my nature, but I

have seen so much of this all around me, and my heart goes out to

you.

 

I will be spending time with 'The Beloved' in meditation soon, I will

remember your anguish, thats how I pray.

 

With Respect and Divine Love,

 

Mike Keenor

--------------------------------

 

-------------------------------

Jai Hanuman

 

Dear Sister! Hey Come On! The child is not yours ! He is of God ! He

has been given to you and will be taken away ! By merely not

considering the child to be " yours " the scenario will change

considerably. First thing to do !!

 

Secondly, when he does " taandav " ( inappropriate conduct/deeds)

think that God is doing Lila of Kaliyuga!!

More you will try or worry or get concerned or feel attached- more

will be inappropriate conduct from his side- because you are then

playing on his strong point- your helplessness for your child ! That

is where he scores and you suffer. Love him, wish good for him but

not as " your " son but as of God's son given under your care !! This

is internal- vibration sort. No outer reflection is needed. No

declaration of the sort - " I damn care for you " is warranted. Inside

your heart you have to be clinical, calm, cold and unattached ! He

will grasp without your telling the same- and will SURELY AND

CERTAINLY start improving! That is Swamiji Ramsukhdasji Maharaj !!.

 

Now come to his getting drawn towards drugs. This is pretty serious.

Stop blaming first to yourself or to your husband. Get united. It is

a must. Don't waste time in fixing responsibilities. Ensure without

any outer reflections as to the facts. Find out reality without your

son knowing that. Never talk rudely to him. Never blame him. Find

out correctly first. Then talk with a psychiatrist.He will tell you

what to do. Do that ! Try to remove the surroundings triggering your

son's going towards drugs. Don't brood and fret. Get extra calm,

composed and focused. Be as cold as ice.

 

If the things are very bad - chronic addiction- do write full facts.

There are methods to deal with the same. Seek medical help. Believe

me- spiritual guidance helps much more in curing such diseases than

medical help. Medical help plus spiritual guidance is the ideal

solution for chronic addiction.

 

See God always in your child. He will become Godly. Don't sleep

peacefully till he is cured fully. (Don't worry, but feel commited.

Focus on him, on his getting alright . See the situation as a

task/duty/role- just as a movie actor sees the task/role)

 

Do write again with more information if the problem is chronic.

 

Namaste Jee

 

Jee Jee

Shashikala

Hari Om

 

Do's/Don'ts

 

1 Don't consider child to be yours. It is very important. Consider

him to be of God. It is more important than all other things.

(Formula given by Swamiji). Next important thing is LOVE ! Hence

there should be Love for the God's child and not for your child!

For " your " child if it is revealed that he is " addicted " to drugs,

you may have to become cold hearted, and ruthless later on. Hence

Don't love your child. Love God's child.

 

2. Don't blame anyone for whatever has happened. Neither the child,

nor father, nor mother. Just focus on the present- WHAT " IS " !

 

3 Entire home should get united to get the child on course, without

child knowing that.

 

4 Pray for his betterment. Cry before the God, but only before the

God. Surrender. Then get up and with precision deal with the Child

of the God.

 

5 Distribute Sweets to poor children every day/week till at least

the boy becomes ok- as a rule. (Formula given by Swamiji)

 

6 Stop any expectations regarding career, future, studies etc of

the child for the time being. Don't get depressed yourself when

getting in ready mode to cure the child.

 

7 Child must get extra love from mother. Love is the best medicine.

Mother should be ready to feed him when he comes home even if very

late. Child should trust mother. Child should get encouraged to pour

his heart before his mother. Mother may share information with

father, but without child knowing that.

 

8 Father should distance himself visibly. Let son get scared about

his reactions. Let him always carry a worry Father should work

through Mom. There must be one person in the house who is working

invisibly and who can take the lead later on.

 

9 Find out more and more about the child's activities, friends,

routine, attendance at school/college and patterns. Let the child

not know about it. Don't reveal to him your findings of the day- and

snub the child ! If he knows that you know, the pressure is gone,

the guilt or fear is gone ! Find out if it is " drug addiction "

or " depression " or " mere bad company " or " simple carelessness "

or " some affair " . Keep a special watch over his eating/sleeping

patterns. Prepare a good summary for Doctor. Honest summary.

Silently.

 

10 Consult a good Doctor privately and if adviced by him do not

hesitate to even forcibly impart medical assistance, if need be, to

the child. There are methods to counter non cooperation from the

child.

 

11 See always God in the child. (Formula given by Swamiji).

 

Remember in such circumstances patience, calmness, focus, cold

heartedness, ruthlessness, and readiness to sacrifice any other

important thing in life pays. So pays sheer, selfless

expectationless, LOVE for the child. In helpless times pray to God.

Surrender to God both your efforts and the child. He will become

alright.

 

Jai Shree Krishna

 

Vyas N B

 

 

--------------------------------

Do not create a feejeta. If the child is out of your control then

you must be firm but gentle and show him the error of his ways. A

spiritual atmosphere at home helps.

 

Hari Shanker Deo

 

 

 

 

 

Shree Hari

Ram Ram

 

Sushree Fajeeti Raniji, A solution to your dilemma although not that

simple. however Shraddhey Swamiji has on this matter, earlier

instructed to surrender the son to Bhagwaan. Remove your attachment

from your son. AFter that make every effort and attempt, then you

will be able to work towards his improvement, suffering less, and

being less distressed. Those related writings on this subject that

Shraddhey Swamiji has written for this very purpose, please do not

be grieving and suffering or feel sorry, because by distress and

grieving, nothing will be attained and the damage is significant.

Bhagwaan does for everyone's welfare and benefit. On this point

have unshaken faith. (What I am writing is from my experience. I am

not advicing and counseling only based on what I have read and

studied. Good-wishes ! Vineet Sarvottam

 

-------------------------------

PRIOR POSTING

--------------------------

It is sad when our children do not behave in a way we expect them to.

 

First, stop blaming yourself (or taking responsibility) for the

behavior of your son.

Each individual has his/her own life/rewards. As parents, we can

only do our best

and that does not mean our children will have to take that in.

Your son has to be ready to change, and you can be there for him,

when he is ready.

It takes two hands to clap. There is very little you can do, unless

he is ready to change.

Anyhow, we should never let someone else run our affairs. We should

not

make someone else's behavior as the source/means of our happiness.

That is putting control of our life in someone else's hand- even if

it

is your own child or spouse.

 

So stop worrying about things you have very little control.

Your son's characteristics have been described in detail in BG

chapter 16.

 

Regards

 

KST

(Koti Shreekrishna)

 

 

---------------------------

Dear Sadhak, in life, one has to take everything that happens as

preordained by God for the Karmas one has done in the past . So the

behaviour of children is also on account of that. One way of

dealing with such disobedient son/daughter is to punish yourseves

for each wrond deed done by your son/daughter and this will have

demonstrating effect on them.Pl also have frequent satsangs at

home , which will provide a positive energy in the house, which in

turn will influence the erring children to realise their wrongs.

 

G.Vaidyanathan.

--------------------------------

Dear Friend

 

The disobedient children causes a lot of pain and suffering to

parents.There is no easy solution but this advice can be taken as a

starting point.

1)Never talk to children when you are angry,frustrated,resenful or

depressed.Talk only when you are under control

2)Do not criticise,blame.

3)Look into your life as to whether you have caused suffering to

your parents in some or other way.We are cause in the matter and

nothing happens to us which we have not caused.

4)Child needs appreciation,love and affection,provide that.

5)Spend quality time with the child.

6)Explain what is not acceptable and what you expect from them.

7)Children resort to addiction due to emotional vacuum and

responsibility of aprents is to fill that vacuum.

 

Love is the greatest power and force in the universe and child is to

be treated tenderely.

 

While I have full sympathy with the parents ,approach suggested

above with 100% patience will certainly help to overcome the

problem.

 

regards

 

Ashok Jain

 

--------------------------------

Dear Sadak,

Arrogant, disobedient, ruthless children are born to such parents

who indulge in mating on Ekadasi day, resulting in conceiving on the

same day. Example: Iranaya and his brother were conceived on

Ekadasi day. The DNA in such children are like that. They need

perfect counselling, good people to mix with. Best is to listen to

such children in a friendly manner, then slowly put them on

conselling.

Parents of such children should abstain from Non-Veg foods, daily

bath twice, do pooja, feed poor children. Then marvellous change

will take place.

 

Jai Sri Krishna

 

baiya sathyanarayan

 

--------------------------------

GITA TALK GROUP GUIDELINES:

1. Purpose of the group is to help Sadhakas clarify their doubts

related to Gitaji shalokas. Therefore, responses which further

clarify the understanding of Gitaji, will only be posted.

2. Wherever possible, please quote Gitaji or other scriptures to

substantiate your response.

3. Kindly limit personal feelings, opinions, beliefs etc. to the

extent that they further help in understanding the Gita shlokas

4. Please be as concise and to the point as possible, respecting

sadhaka's time.

5. Kindly focus your writing to the subject at hand only.

6. Please do not include links to the other sites or other

organizations.

7. Kindly do not include your personal information such as phone

number, address etc.

8. Please do not address the response to a particular individual

since the message is going to the entire group.

9. Due to the large readership, all responses may not be posted.

10. Moderator at his discretion, may modify the posting, if content

is unclear or not appropriate for distribution to the group.

11. Please respond taking into consideration the novices, youth,

westerners, non-sectarian audience. Kindly limit the use to Sanskrit

words only, rather provide the English word with Sanskrit bracketed

wherever possible.

 

MODERATOR

Ram Ram

------------------------

 

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Posted

Shree Hari

Ram Ram

A couple of extra emails today as we clear pending queue due to bimonthly

administration. Ram Ram

-----------------------------

 

How to deal with a disobedient son? What to do if he behaves in a

manner which is absolutely improper? What to do? If he is drawn

towards the drugs? The kind of trauma and horror which such addicted

or misguided souls are causing to loving parents - what is spiritual

advice or ( give practical advice pls) do's /donts for parents. How

to bring such souls towards the God? Why children give so much pain

to their parents? Fajeeti Rani

 

-------------------------------

NEW POSTING

 

Shree Hari

Ram Ram

 

Here are somethings Swamiji that may be related - Please ponder over them

seriously -

 

Per Swamiji, children are received by us... not ours, but " received " .

Everything that we have received must be properly utilized / taken care off.

This means they must be raised well with good education, helping develop good

character, honesty, good sentiments (Bhaav) and overall decent human being.

Swamiji clearly states that we spend ample time in earning money, but what the

children are doing? How they are being raised? what they are learning? regarding

these things we pay no attention. Our real wealth is our children says Swamiji.

Studying the history of great souls/saints it was found their mothers were

pious. children learn more from observation than anything else.

 

We have to be a living example, we have to pleasantly perform our duty to the

best of our ability. Whether anyone in the family listens to us or not, we must

give the right advice without insisting

that others should follow. Others will have to deal with the consequences of

what they do. Our duty is not to find faults and not to order them around but

instead to help them to improve in a constructive and positive manner.

 

Please look into your personal situation and where the parents can rectify their

own personal behaviour, what they have in the past given importance to (e.g.

money, name, fame, movies, film stars etc.) as opposed to spending time with

children, communicating, family activities etc. As Swamiji says, you have to do

your part, but have no insistence beyond that. It will all work out.

 

Meera Das

Ram Ram

 

-----------------------------

Dear Sadhak

According to Shastras/Gurus, the process of joining wife and husband

for producing a child is highly divine. Getting a child should be

by choice and not by chance.

 

When the wife and husband get the desire of joining together for

producing a child, both of them think of each others first, then

they think of other members of their house, other members of the

family, think of the neighbours, think about the society, think

about the surroundings, think of the nature, think of all creatures,

think of the rivers, the hills, think about the tiny creature to the

biggest, the whole country, the whole world, the universe and

finally the ultimate - the God. They arrive at an inner decision

that the child that would be born should be in conformity with the

nature and nature’s laws. He should become of use to others, to

the nation and to the whole world. Thus a child born to such

parents will be exemplary and others will be examples of all

negatives.

 

Presently at the time of joining of husband and wife, no physical

cleanliness is observed, no mental balancing is maintained, the

joining is just for a pleasure and " after all it is for satisfying

the animal instinct " . We do not understand that " animal instinct "

cannot be satisfied by man, may be, it is true to animals. Man is

not animal to satisfy animal instinct. Man has to satisfy man's

instinct for which he has to behave as a man. Generally people are

now a days behaving as animals in the bedroom and the resultant will

be the birth of an animal. Since it is for satisfying for animal

instinct, one cannot expect to get a child of good behaviour as he

will be an animal only. If the action of uniting physically is for

satisfying animal instinct, the new born will also be the result of

such a satisfaction, no wonder to that.

 

If this is understood properly, other questions get automatically

answered.

 

With love and Pranaams

vijayan

 

 

 

 

--------------------------------

PRIOR POSTING

Dear Sadhika,

The society today is the reflection of our collective disobedience

of Dharma.

 

This whole world is called Dhukhalaya(sorrowful place). Krishna said

that the root cause of suffering is desire(kaam). Bhudhdha left all

pleasures to find out why we have sufferings in this world ? And he

found out the same -desire.

 

1. I see desire for " Obedient/well behaved Son " in yr suffering. So

first thing you need to do is-free yr self from all kinds of

desires.All kinds of liking/dislikings.

 

2. Only God is mine and I am God's. This whole world is God's.

Everything you think yours is God's only. So donot claim that the

son is mine, efforts are mine or even pain/pleasure is mine.

Surrender everything to Him.

 

3. I would say go to yr own teenage and think-how obedient you were

at that age? How much pain or pleasure you gave to yr parents ? This

thinking will give you a way to deal with yr kids.

 

4. If he is not taking drugs infront of you and you only know

indirectly then keep this veil of ignorance. Indirect preachings are

more effective on teens then direct orders.

 

5. Some quality time with the kids, and lots of love, spiritual

teachings from childhood, healthy and positive atmosphere at home

help install good sanskara in kids,but good or bad, the kids are not

parents property, they are independent soul on their own individual

jorney according to their own karmas.

 

5. If you will change yr own self, the situations around you will

change automatically.So pray and meditate. Purify yr own self by

prayer, meditation and contemplating on Gita. Fill the whole house

with Love, kindness, prayers, patience and trust. Throw all the

unnecessary stuff out of yr house,keep the house as clean and pious

as a temple.Put fresh flowers in all corners of yr houese, fill the

house with pleasant aroma. All these positive vibrations will

produce positivity in everyone living in the house.

 

6.Sadhika Shahsikalaji, Sadhak Vyasji and Mikeji,and all others

have given you excellent practical and spiritual advise, follow them

undoubtly.

 

Sarve bhavantu sukhina, sarve santu niramaya.......Let all be happy,

let all be healthy.....we all are praying .....

 

With lots of Love,

a sadhika

Sadhna Karigar

---------------------------

 

I wanted to add this to my previous posting...

 

12. MOST IMPORTANT : Never Never think that child is bad- WHATEVER

be his conduct towards you or others ! Pay no consideration to his

present conduct whatsoever. Consider him or always think about him

to be a sick person - to be treated/cured with utmost care, love

and affection- after all he is God's son left by Him in your care.

 

Vyas,N.B

--------------------------------

 

-Shree Hari-

 

Fajeeti Raniji.

 

I do not know your circumstances, so I will just write my thoughts as

I would to any person in my country that may ask a question like the

one you asked.

 

If your son has reached an age that he considers he is independent,

then your immediate chance of healing him may be beyond you.

There are support groups for people who are going through the pain

you are going through, they have a great deal of support to give,

essentially it's how to detach from the one you brought into the

world, as he/she is hell bent on self destruction.(This divine site

will augment any help offered).

 

If you can detach with compassion from a lost soul, you will much

better be able to catch them when they fall.

 

For those who have younger families, remember you cannot mould your

children, better to guide them, support them don't drive them.

A personnel technique I used with my sons, was to take the dog for a

walk each evening with them, often after dark, and and just talk,

often they would dump on me, but that was my job to be their father

and council or, as they grew into men and went there own way a bond

was well established and still remains.

 

B.G.:16 is worth a read as mentioned by a fellow Sadhak, 16:21-24 I

would consider good council.

 

Yea, triple is this gate of hell,

That is destructive of the self–

Lust, anger, and greed; therefore one

Should forsake ev'ry one of these. (21)

 

The man who has got beyond these

Three gates of darkness, Arjuna,

Practices what is good for him,

And thus goes to the Goal Supreme. (22)

 

He who sets aside the counsels

Of scriptures from desire's impulse,

Attains not unto perfection,

Nor happiness, nor Goal Supreme. (23)

 

The scriptures should be your guide in

What should be done and what should not.

Knowing what the scriptures prescribe,

You should act here within the world. (24)

 

The demonic influence can be destroyed by the Divine Love, the light

of Bhagwan has the power to burn away the dross.

 

Finally if you read or re-read Sadhak_insight messages, 2126 and

2113, posted 25/11/08 and 13/11/08, you will find the words of

Swamiji a very good platform for rebuilding internal peace and

harmony with respect to your pain.

 

I do not usually write long comments it is not in my nature, but I

have seen so much of this all around me, and my heart goes out to

you.

 

I will be spending time with 'The Beloved' in meditation soon, I will

remember your anguish, thats how I pray.

 

With Respect and Divine Love,

 

Mike Keenor

--------------------------------

 

-------------------------------

Jai Hanuman

 

Dear Sister! Hey Come On! The child is not yours ! He is of God ! He

has been given to you and will be taken away ! By merely not

considering the child to be " yours " the scenario will change

considerably. First thing to do !!

 

Secondly, when he does " taandav " ( inappropriate conduct/deeds)

think that God is doing Lila of Kaliyuga!!

More you will try or worry or get concerned or feel attached- more

will be inappropriate conduct from his side- because you are then

playing on his strong point- your helplessness for your child ! That

is where he scores and you suffer. Love him, wish good for him but

not as " your " son but as of God's son given under your care !! This

is internal- vibration sort. No outer reflection is needed. No

declaration of the sort - " I damn care for you " is warranted. Inside

your heart you have to be clinical, calm, cold and unattached ! He

will grasp without your telling the same- and will SURELY AND

CERTAINLY start improving! That is Swamiji Ramsukhdasji Maharaj !!.

 

Now come to his getting drawn towards drugs. This is pretty serious.

Stop blaming first to yourself or to your husband. Get united. It is

a must. Don't waste time in fixing responsibilities. Ensure without

any outer reflections as to the facts. Find out reality without your

son knowing that. Never talk rudely to him. Never blame him. Find

out correctly first. Then talk with a psychiatrist.He will tell you

what to do. Do that ! Try to remove the surroundings triggering your

son's going towards drugs. Don't brood and fret. Get extra calm,

composed and focused. Be as cold as ice.

 

If the things are very bad - chronic addiction- do write full facts.

There are methods to deal with the same. Seek medical help. Believe

me- spiritual guidance helps much more in curing such diseases than

medical help. Medical help plus spiritual guidance is the ideal

solution for chronic addiction.

 

See God always in your child. He will become Godly. Don't sleep

peacefully till he is cured fully. (Don't worry, but feel commited.

Focus on him, on his getting alright . See the situation as a

task/duty/role- just as a movie actor sees the task/role)

 

Do write again with more information if the problem is chronic.

 

Namaste Jee

 

Jee Jee

Shashikala

Hari Om

 

Do's/Don'ts

 

1 Don't consider child to be yours. It is very important. Consider

him to be of God. It is more important than all other things.

(Formula given by Swamiji). Next important thing is LOVE ! Hence

there should be Love for the God's child and not for your child!

For " your " child if it is revealed that he is " addicted " to drugs,

you may have to become cold hearted, and ruthless later on. Hence

Don't love your child. Love God's child.

 

2. Don't blame anyone for whatever has happened. Neither the child,

nor father, nor mother. Just focus on the present- WHAT " IS " !

 

3 Entire home should get united to get the child on course, without

child knowing that.

 

4 Pray for his betterment. Cry before the God, but only before the

God. Surrender. Then get up and with precision deal with the Child

of the God.

 

5 Distribute Sweets to poor children every day/week till at least

the boy becomes ok- as a rule. (Formula given by Swamiji)

 

6 Stop any expectations regarding career, future, studies etc of

the child for the time being. Don't get depressed yourself when

getting in ready mode to cure the child.

 

7 Child must get extra love from mother. Love is the best medicine.

Mother should be ready to feed him when he comes home even if very

late. Child should trust mother. Child should get encouraged to pour

his heart before his mother. Mother may share information with

father, but without child knowing that.

 

8 Father should distance himself visibly. Let son get scared about

his reactions. Let him always carry a worry Father should work

through Mom. There must be one person in the house who is working

invisibly and who can take the lead later on.

 

9 Find out more and more about the child's activities, friends,

routine, attendance at school/college and patterns. Let the child

not know about it. Don't reveal to him your findings of the day- and

snub the child ! If he knows that you know, the pressure is gone,

the guilt or fear is gone ! Find out if it is " drug addiction "

or " depression " or " mere bad company " or " simple carelessness "

or " some affair " . Keep a special watch over his eating/sleeping

patterns. Prepare a good summary for Doctor. Honest summary.

Silently.

 

10 Consult a good Doctor privately and if adviced by him do not

hesitate to even forcibly impart medical assistance, if need be, to

the child. There are methods to counter non cooperation from the

child.

 

11 See always God in the child. (Formula given by Swamiji).

 

Remember in such circumstances patience, calmness, focus, cold

heartedness, ruthlessness, and readiness to sacrifice any other

important thing in life pays. So pays sheer, selfless

expectationless, LOVE for the child. In helpless times pray to God.

Surrender to God both your efforts and the child. He will become

alright.

 

Jai Shree Krishna

 

Vyas N B

 

 

--------------------------------

Do not create a feejeta. If the child is out of your control then

you must be firm but gentle and show him the error of his ways. A

spiritual atmosphere at home helps.

 

Hari Shanker Deo

 

 

 

 

 

Shree Hari

Ram Ram

 

Sushree Fajeeti Raniji, A solution to your dilemma although not that

simple. however Shraddhey Swamiji has on this matter, earlier

instructed to surrender the son to Bhagwaan. Remove your attachment

from your son. AFter that make every effort and attempt, then you

will be able to work towards his improvement, suffering less, and

being less distressed. Those related writings on this subject that

Shraddhey Swamiji has written for this very purpose, please do not

be grieving and suffering or feel sorry, because by distress and

grieving, nothing will be attained and the damage is significant.

Bhagwaan does for everyone's welfare and benefit. On this point

have unshaken faith. (What I am writing is from my experience. I am

not advicing and counseling only based on what I have read and

studied. Good-wishes ! Vineet Sarvottam

 

-------------------------------

PRIOR POSTING

--------------------------

It is sad when our children do not behave in a way we expect them to.

 

First, stop blaming yourself (or taking responsibility) for the

behavior of your son.

Each individual has his/her own life/rewards. As parents, we can

only do our best

and that does not mean our children will have to take that in.

Your son has to be ready to change, and you can be there for him,

when he is ready.

It takes two hands to clap. There is very little you can do, unless

he is ready to change.

Anyhow, we should never let someone else run our affairs. We should

not

make someone else's behavior as the source/means of our happiness.

That is putting control of our life in someone else's hand- even if

it

is your own child or spouse.

 

So stop worrying about things you have very little control.

Your son's characteristics have been described in detail in BG

chapter 16.

 

Regards

 

KST

(Koti Shreekrishna)

 

 

---------------------------

Dear Sadhak, in life, one has to take everything that happens as

preordained by God for the Karmas one has done in the past . So the

behaviour of children is also on account of that. One way of

dealing with such disobedient son/daughter is to punish yourseves

for each wrond deed done by your son/daughter and this will have

demonstrating effect on them.Pl also have frequent satsangs at

home , which will provide a positive energy in the house, which in

turn will influence the erring children to realise their wrongs.

 

G.Vaidyanathan.

--------------------------------

Dear Friend

 

The disobedient children causes a lot of pain and suffering to

parents.There is no easy solution but this advice can be taken as a

starting point.

1)Never talk to children when you are angry,frustrated,resenful or

depressed.Talk only when you are under control

2)Do not criticise,blame.

3)Look into your life as to whether you have caused suffering to

your parents in some or other way.We are cause in the matter and

nothing happens to us which we have not caused.

4)Child needs appreciation,love and affection,provide that.

5)Spend quality time with the child.

6)Explain what is not acceptable and what you expect from them.

7)Children resort to addiction due to emotional vacuum and

responsibility of aprents is to fill that vacuum.

 

Love is the greatest power and force in the universe and child is to

be treated tenderely.

 

While I have full sympathy with the parents ,approach suggested

above with 100% patience will certainly help to overcome the

problem.

 

regards

 

Ashok Jain

 

--------------------------------

Dear Sadak,

Arrogant, disobedient, ruthless children are born to such parents

who indulge in mating on Ekadasi day, resulting in conceiving on the

same day. Example: Iranaya and his brother were conceived on

Ekadasi day. The DNA in such children are like that. They need

perfect counselling, good people to mix with. Best is to listen to

such children in a friendly manner, then slowly put them on

conselling.

Parents of such children should abstain from Non-Veg foods, daily

bath twice, do pooja, feed poor children. Then marvellous change

will take place.

 

Jai Sri Krishna

 

baiya sathyanarayan

 

--------------------------------

GITA TALK GROUP GUIDELINES:

1. Purpose of the group is to help Sadhakas clarify their doubts

related to Gitaji shalokas. Therefore, responses which further

clarify the understanding of Gitaji, will only be posted.

2. Wherever possible, please quote Gitaji or other scriptures to

substantiate your response.

3. Kindly limit personal feelings, opinions, beliefs etc. to the

extent that they further help in understanding the Gita shlokas

4. Please be as concise and to the point as possible, respecting

sadhaka's time.

5. Kindly focus your writing to the subject at hand only.

6. Please do not include links to the other sites or other

organizations.

7. Kindly do not include your personal information such as phone

number, address etc.

8. Please do not address the response to a particular individual

since the message is going to the entire group.

9. Due to the large readership, all responses may not be posted.

10. Moderator at his discretion, may modify the posting, if content

is unclear or not appropriate for distribution to the group.

11. Please respond taking into consideration the novices, youth,

westerners, non-sectarian audience. Kindly limit the use to Sanskrit

words only, rather provide the English word with Sanskrit bracketed

wherever possible.

 

MODERATOR

Ram Ram

------------------------

 

Post message:

Subscribe: -

Un: -

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  • 2 weeks later...
Guest guest

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Posted
Posted

Shree Hari

Ram Ram

A couple of extra emails today as we clear pending queue due to

bimonthly administration. Ram Ram

-----------------------------

 

How to deal with a disobedient son? What to do if he behaves in a

manner which is absolutely improper? What to do? If he is drawn

towards the drugs? The kind of trauma and horror which such addicted

or misguided souls are causing to loving parents - what is spiritual

advice or ( give practical advice pls) do's /donts for parents. How

to bring such souls towards the God? Why children give so much pain

to their parents? Fajeeti Rani

 

-------------------------------

NEW POSTING

Hari Om

 

I have been in this situation and my son today is standing tall as

good husband, father and son. When I asked him, when he was in his

twenties, what made him change and put order into his life again, he

said " you never gave up hope and continued to be there to advise

me. Your love changed me. "

 

So there is light at the end of the tunnel. Everything will be fine.

 

Namaste

 

Lakshmi Krishnan

 

----------------------------

PRIOR POSTING

 

Shree Hari

Ram Ram

 

Here are somethings Swamiji that may be related - Please ponder over

them seriously -

 

Per Swamiji, children are received by us... not ours,out " received " .

Everything that we have received must be properly utilized / taken

care off. This means they must be raised well with good education,

helping develop good character, honesty, good sentiments (Bhaav) and

overall decent human being.

Swamiji clearly states that we spend ample time in earning money,

but what the children are doing? How they are being raised? what

they are learning? regarding these things we pay no attention. Our

real wealth is our children says Swamiji. Studying the history of

great souls/saints it was found their mothers were pious. children

learn more from observation than anything else.

 

We have to be a living example, we have to pleasantly perform our

duty to the best of our ability. Whether anyone in the family

listens to us or not, we must give the right advice without insisting

that others should follow. Others will have to deal with the

consequences of what they do. Our duty is not to find faults and not

to order them around but instead to help them to improve in a

constructive and positive manner.

 

Please look into your personal situation and where the parents can

rectify their own personal behaviour, what they have in the past

given importance to (e.g. money, name, fame, movies, film stars

etc.) as opposed to spending time with children, communicating,

family activities etc. As Swamiji says, you have to do your part,

but have no insistence beyond that. It will all work out.

 

Meera Das

Ram Ram

 

-----------------------------

Dear Sadhak

According to Shastras/Gurus, the process of joining wife and husband

for producing a child is highly divine. Getting a child should be

by choice and not by chance.

 

When the wife and husband get the desire of joining together for

producing a child, both of them think of each others first, then

they think of other members of their house, other members of the

family, think of the neighbours, think about the society, think

about the surroundings, think of the nature, think of all creatures,

think of the rivers, the hills, think about the tiny creature to the

biggest, the whole country, the whole world, the universe and

finally the ultimate - the God. They arrive at an inner decision

that the child that would be born should be in conformity with the

nature and nature’s laws. He should become of use to others, to

the nation and to the whole world. Thus a child born to such

parents will be exemplary and others will be examples of all

negatives.

 

Presently at the time of joining of husband and wife, no physical

cleanliness is observed, no mental balancing is maintained, the

joining is just for a pleasure and " after all it is for satisfying

the animal instinct " . We do not understand that " animal instinct "

cannot be satisfied by man, may be, it is true to animals. Man is

not animal to satisfy animal instinct. Man has to satisfy man's

instinct for which he has to behave as a man. Generally people are

now a days behaving as animals in the bedroom and the resultant will

be the birth of an animal. Since it is for satisfying for animal

instinct, one cannot expect to get a child of good behaviour as he

will be an animal only. If the action of uniting physically is for

satisfying animal instinct, the new born will also be the result of

such a satisfaction, no wonder to that.

 

If this is understood properly, other questions get automatically

answered.

 

With love and Pranaams

vijayan

 

--------------------------------

PRIOR POSTING

Dear Sadhika,

The society today is the reflection of our collective disobedience

of Dharma.

 

This whole world is called Dhukhalaya(sorrowful place). Krishna said

that the root cause of suffering is desire(kaam). Bhudhdha left all

pleasures to find out why we have sufferings in this world ? And he

found out the same -desire.

 

1. I see desire for " Obedient/well behaved Son " in yr suffering. So

first thing you need to do is-free yr self from all kinds of

desires.All kinds of liking/dislikings.

 

2. Only God is mine and I am God's. This whole world is God's.

Everything you think yours is God's only. So donot claim that the

son is mine, efforts are mine or even pain/pleasure is mine.

Surrender everything to Him.

 

3. I would say go to yr own teenage and think-how obedient you were

at that age? How much pain or pleasure you gave to yr parents ? This

thinking will give you a way to deal with yr kids.

 

4. If he is not taking drugs infront of you and you only know

indirectly then keep this veil of ignorance. Indirect preachings are

more effective on teens then direct orders.

 

5. Some quality time with the kids, and lots of love, spiritual

teachings from childhood, healthy and positive atmosphere at home

help install good sanskara in kids,but good or bad, the kids are not

parents property, they are independent soul on their own individual

jorney according to their own karmas.

 

5. If you will change yr own self, the situations around you will

change automatically.So pray and meditate. Purify yr own self by

prayer, meditation and contemplating on Gita. Fill the whole house

with Love, kindness, prayers, patience and trust. Throw all the

unnecessary stuff out of yr house,keep the house as clean and pious

as a temple.Put fresh flowers in all corners of yr houese, fill the

house with pleasant aroma. All these positive vibrations will

produce positivity in everyone living in the house.

 

6.Sadhika Shahsikalaji, Sadhak Vyasji and Mikeji,and all others

have given you excellent practical and spiritual advise, follow them

undoubtly.

 

Sarve bhavantu sukhina, sarve santu niramaya.......Let all be happy,

let all be healthy.....we all are praying .....

 

With lots of Love,

a sadhika

Sadhna Karigar

---------------------------

 

I wanted to add this to my previous posting...

 

12. MOST IMPORTANT : Never Never think that child is bad- WHATEVER

be his conduct towards you or others ! Pay no consideration to his

present conduct whatsoever. Consider him or always think about him

to be a sick person - to be treated/cured with utmost care, love

and affection- after all he is God's son left by Him in your care.

 

Vyas,N.B

--------------------------------

 

-Shree Hari-

 

Fajeeti Raniji.

 

I do not know your circumstances, so I will just write my thoughts as

I would to any person in my country that may ask a question like the

one you asked.

 

If your son has reached an age that he considers he is independent,

then your immediate chance of healing him may be beyond you.

There are support groups for people who are going through the pain

you are going through, they have a great deal of support to give,

essentially it's how to detach from the one you brought into the

world, as he/she is hell bent on self destruction.(This divine site

will augment any help offered).

 

If you can detach with compassion from a lost soul, you will much

better be able to catch them when they fall.

 

For those who have younger families, remember you cannot mould your

children, better to guide them, support them don't drive them.

A personnel technique I used with my sons, was to take the dog for a

walk each evening with them, often after dark, and and just talk,

often they would dump on me, but that was my job to be their father

and council or, as they grew into men and went there own way a bond

was well established and still remains.

 

B.G.:16 is worth a read as mentioned by a fellow Sadhak, 16:21-24 I

would consider good council.

 

Yea, triple is this gate of hell,

That is destructive of the self–

Lust, anger, and greed; therefore one

Should forsake ev'ry one of these. (21)

 

The man who has got beyond these

Three gates of darkness, Arjuna,

Practices what is good for him,

And thus goes to the Goal Supreme. (22)

 

He who sets aside the counsels

Of scriptures from desire's impulse,

Attains not unto perfection,

Nor happiness, nor Goal Supreme. (23)

 

The scriptures should be your guide in

What should be done and what should not.

Knowing what the scriptures prescribe,

You should act here within the world. (24)

 

The demonic influence can be destroyed by the Divine Love, the light

of Bhagwan has the power to burn away the dross.

 

Finally if you read or re-read Sadhak_insight messages, 2126 and

2113, posted 25/11/08 and 13/11/08, you will find the words of

Swamiji a very good platform for rebuilding internal peace and

harmony with respect to your pain.

 

I do not usually write long comments it is not in my nature, but I

have seen so much of this all around me, and my heart goes out to

you.

 

I will be spending time with 'The Beloved' in meditation soon, I will

remember your anguish, thats how I pray.

 

With Respect and Divine Love,

 

Mike Keenor

--------------------------------

 

-------------------------------

Jai Hanuman

 

Dear Sister! Hey Come On! The child is not yours ! He is of God ! He

has been given to you and will be taken away ! By merely not

considering the child to be " yours " the scenario will change

considerably. First thing to do !!

 

Secondly, when he does " taandav " ( inappropriate conduct/deeds)

think that God is doing Lila of Kaliyuga!!

More you will try or worry or get concerned or feel attached- more

will be inappropriate conduct from his side- because you are then

playing on his strong point- your helplessness for your child ! That

is where he scores and you suffer. Love him, wish good for him but

not as " your " son but as of God's son given under your care !! This

is internal- vibration sort. No outer reflection is needed. No

declaration of the sort - " I damn care for you " is warranted. Inside

your heart you have to be clinical, calm, cold and unattached ! He

will grasp without your telling the same- and will SURELY AND

CERTAINLY start improving! That is Swamiji Ramsukhdasji Maharaj !!.

 

Now come to his getting drawn towards drugs. This is pretty serious.

Stop blaming first to yourself or to your husband. Get united. It is

a must. Don't waste time in fixing responsibilities. Ensure without

any outer reflections as to the facts. Find out reality without your

son knowing that. Never talk rudely to him. Never blame him. Find

out correctly first. Then talk with a psychiatrist.He will tell you

what to do. Do that ! Try to remove the surroundings triggering your

son's going towards drugs. Don't brood and fret. Get extra calm,

composed and focused. Be as cold as ice.

 

If the things are very bad - chronic addiction- do write full facts.

There are methods to deal with the same. Seek medical help. Believe

me- spiritual guidance helps much more in curing such diseases than

medical help. Medical help plus spiritual guidance is the ideal

solution for chronic addiction.

 

See God always in your child. He will become Godly. Don't sleep

peacefully till he is cured fully. (Don't worry, but feel commited.

Focus on him, on his getting alright . See the situation as a

task/duty/role- just as a movie actor sees the task/role)

 

Do write again with more information if the problem is chronic.

 

Namaste Jee

 

Jee Jee

Shashikala

Hari Om

 

Do's/Don'ts

 

1 Don't consider child to be yours. It is very important. Consider

him to be of God. It is more important than all other things.

(Formula given by Swamiji). Next important thing is LOVE ! Hence

there should be Love for the God's child and not for your child!

For " your " child if it is revealed that he is " addicted " to drugs,

you may have to become cold hearted, and ruthless later on. Hence

Don't love your child. Love God's child.

 

2. Don't blame anyone for whatever has happened. Neither the child,

nor father, nor mother. Just focus on the present- WHAT " IS " !

 

3 Entire home should get united to get the child on course, without

child knowing that.

 

4 Pray for his betterment. Cry before the God, but only before the

God. Surrender. Then get up and with precision deal with the Child

of the God.

 

5 Distribute Sweets to poor children every day/week till at least

the boy becomes ok- as a rule. (Formula given by Swamiji)

 

6 Stop any expectations regarding career, future, studies etc of

the child for the time being. Don't get depressed yourself when

getting in ready mode to cure the child.

 

7 Child must get extra love from mother. Love is the best medicine.

Mother should be ready to feed him when he comes home even if very

late. Child should trust mother. Child should get encouraged to pour

his heart before his mother. Mother may share information with

father, but without child knowing that.

 

8 Father should distance himself visibly. Let son get scared about

his reactions. Let him always carry a worry Father should work

through Mom. There must be one person in the house who is working

invisibly and who can take the lead later on.

 

9 Find out more and more about the child's activities, friends,

routine, attendance at school/college and patterns. Let the child

not know about it. Don't reveal to him your findings of the day- and

snub the child ! If he knows that you know, the pressure is gone,

the guilt or fear is gone ! Find out if it is " drug addiction "

or " depression " or " mere bad company " or " simple carelessness "

or " some affair " . Keep a special watch over his eating/sleeping

patterns. Prepare a good summary for Doctor. Honest summary.

Silently.

 

10 Consult a good Doctor privately and if adviced by him do not

hesitate to even forcibly impart medical assistance, if need be, to

the child. There are methods to counter non cooperation from the

child.

 

11 See always God in the child. (Formula given by Swamiji).

 

Remember in such circumstances patience, calmness, focus, cold

heartedness, ruthlessness, and readiness to sacrifice any other

important thing in life pays. So pays sheer, selfless

expectationless, LOVE for the child. In helpless times pray to God.

Surrender to God both your efforts and the child. He will become

alright.

 

Jai Shree Krishna

 

Vyas N B

 

 

--------------------------------

Do not create a feejeta. If the child is out of your control then

you must be firm but gentle and show him the error of his ways. A

spiritual atmosphere at home helps.

 

Hari Shanker Deo

 

 

 

 

 

Shree Hari

Ram Ram

 

Sushree Fajeeti Raniji, A solution to your dilemma although not that

simple. however Shraddhey Swamiji has on this matter, earlier

instructed to surrender the son to Bhagwaan. Remove your attachment

from your son. AFter that make every effort and attempt, then you

will be able to work towards his improvement, suffering less, and

being less distressed. Those related writings on this subject that

Shraddhey Swamiji has written for this very purpose, please do not

be grieving and suffering or feel sorry, because by distress and

grieving, nothing will be attained and the damage is significant.

Bhagwaan does for everyone's welfare and benefit. On this point

have unshaken faith. (What I am writing is from my experience. I am

not advicing and counseling only based on what I have read and

studied. Good-wishes ! Vineet Sarvottam

 

-------------------------------

PRIOR POSTING

--------------------------

It is sad when our children do not behave in a way we expect them to.

 

First, stop blaming yourself (or taking responsibility) for the

behavior of your son.

Each individual has his/her own life/rewards. As parents, we can

only do our best

and that does not mean our children will have to take that in.

Your son has to be ready to change, and you can be there for him,

when he is ready.

It takes two hands to clap. There is very little you can do, unless

he is ready to change.

Anyhow, we should never let someone else run our affairs. We should

not

make someone else's behavior as the source/means of our happiness.

That is putting control of our life in someone else's hand- even if

it

is your own child or spouse.

 

So stop worrying about things you have very little control.

Your son's characteristics have been described in detail in BG

chapter 16.

 

Regards

 

KST

(Koti Shreekrishna)

 

 

---------------------------

Dear Sadhak, in life, one has to take everything that happens as

preordained by God for the Karmas one has done in the past . So the

behaviour of children is also on account of that. One way of

dealing with such disobedient son/daughter is to punish yourseves

for each wrond deed done by your son/daughter and this will have

demonstrating effect on them.Pl also have frequent satsangs at

home , which will provide a positive energy in the house, which in

turn will influence the erring children to realise their wrongs.

 

G.Vaidyanathan.

--------------------------------

Dear Friend

 

The disobedient children causes a lot of pain and suffering to

parents.There is no easy solution but this advice can be taken as a

starting point.

1)Never talk to children when you are angry,frustrated,resenful or

depressed.Talk only when you are under control

2)Do not criticise,blame.

3)Look into your life as to whether you have caused suffering to

your parents in some or other way.We are cause in the matter and

nothing happens to us which we have not caused.

4)Child needs appreciation,love and affection,provide that.

5)Spend quality time with the child.

6)Explain what is not acceptable and what you expect from them.

7)Children resort to addiction due to emotional vacuum and

responsibility of aprents is to fill that vacuum.

 

Love is the greatest power and force in the universe and child is to

be treated tenderely.

 

While I have full sympathy with the parents ,approach suggested

above with 100% patience will certainly help to overcome the

problem.

 

regards

 

Ashok Jain

 

--------------------------------

Dear Sadak,

Arrogant, disobedient, ruthless children are born to such parents

who indulge in mating on Ekadasi day, resulting in conceiving on the

same day. Example: Iranaya and his brother were conceived on

Ekadasi day. The DNA in such children are like that. They need

perfect counselling, good people to mix with. Best is to listen to

such children in a friendly manner, then slowly put them on

conselling.

Parents of such children should abstain from Non-Veg foods, daily

bath twice, do pooja, feed poor children. Then marvellous change

will take place.

 

Jai Sri Krishna

 

baiya sathyanarayan

 

--------------------------------

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Posted
Posted

How to deal with a disobedient son? What to do if he behaves in a

manner which is absolutely improper? What to do? If he is drawn

towards the drugs? The kind of trauma and horror which such addicted

or misguided souls are causing to loving parents - what is spiritual

advice or ( give practical advice pls) do's /donts for parents. How

to bring such souls towards the God? Why children give so much pain

to their parents? Fajeeti Rani

 

-------------------------------

NEW POSTING

 

Dear Sadhakas, Namaste!

I am deeply touched by the answer Lakshmiji's son gave her when

asked what changed him(son) to be a good husband, father and son.

The answer every parent would love to hear: " you never gave up hope

and continued to be there, your love changed me " . Sooner or later,

Sun of unconditional Love shines through the clouds of

misunderstanding, confusions, strong disagreements, stubbornness etc

on the part of everyone involved! Patience has its reward written

all over it! Patience is reward itself! Patience doesn't mean long

time, but means no time limit, just eternity.

Such Love flows naturally when we surrender " me " that separates

us. " me " takes disguises like race, caste, nation, color, religion,

personal beliefs, even a gender and that's why it is difficult to

spot such a con-artist!

Namaskar............Pratap Bhatt

-------------------------------

Dear Friends,

I just want to add a small comment that only man in the animal

kingdom indulges in sex for pleasure instead of procreation.

Therefore to say that man behaves like an animal is an insult to

animals.

Sincerely,

Dr Vispi Jokhi

______________

PRIOR POSTING

Hari Om

 

I have been in this situation and my son today is standing tall as

good husband, father and son. When I asked him, when he was in his

twenties, what made him change and put order into his life again, he

said " you never gave up hope and continued to be there to advise

me. Your love changed me. "

 

So there is light at the end of the tunnel. Everything will be fine.

 

Namaste

 

Lakshmi Krishnan

 

----------------------------

PRIOR POSTING

 

Shree Hari

Ram Ram

 

Here are somethings Swamiji that may be related - Please ponder over

them seriously -

 

Per Swamiji, children are received by us... not ours,out " received " .

Everything that we have received must be properly utilized / taken

care off. This means they must be raised well with good education,

helping develop good character, honesty, good sentiments (Bhaav) and

overall decent human being.

Swamiji clearly states that we spend ample time in earning money,

but what the children are doing? How they are being raised? what

they are learning? regarding these things we pay no attention. Our

real wealth is our children says Swamiji. Studying the history of

great souls/saints it was found their mothers were pious. children

learn more from observation than anything else.

 

We have to be a living example, we have to pleasantly perform our

duty to the best of our ability. Whether anyone in the family

listens to us or not, we must give the right advice without insisting

that others should follow. Others will have to deal with the

consequences of what they do. Our duty is not to find faults and not

to order them around but instead to help them to improve in a

constructive and positive manner.

 

Please look into your personal situation and where the parents can

rectify their own personal behaviour, what they have in the past

given importance to (e.g. money, name, fame, movies, film stars

etc.) as opposed to spending time with children, communicating,

family activities etc. As Swamiji says, you have to do your part,

but have no insistence beyond that. It will all work out.

 

Meera Das

Ram Ram

 

-----------------------------

Dear Sadhak

According to Shastras/Gurus, the process of joining wife and husband

for producing a child is highly divine. Getting a child should be

by choice and not by chance.

 

When the wife and husband get the desire of joining together for

producing a child, both of them think of each others first, then

they think of other members of their house, other members of the

family, think of the neighbours, think about the society, think

about the surroundings, think of the nature, think of all creatures,

think of the rivers, the hills, think about the tiny creature to the

biggest, the whole country, the whole world, the universe and

finally the ultimate - the God. They arrive at an inner decision

that the child that would be born should be in conformity with the

nature and nature’s laws. He should become of use to others, to

the nation and to the whole world. Thus a child born to such

parents will be exemplary and others will be examples of all

negatives.

 

Presently at the time of joining of husband and wife, no physical

cleanliness is observed, no mental balancing is maintained, the

joining is just for a pleasure and " after all it is for satisfying

the animal instinct " . We do not understand that " animal instinct "

cannot be satisfied by man, may be, it is true to animals. Man is

not animal to satisfy animal instinct. Man has to satisfy man's

instinct for which he has to behave as a man. Generally people are

now a days behaving as animals in the bedroom and the resultant will

be the birth of an animal. Since it is for satisfying for animal

instinct, one cannot expect to get a child of good behaviour as he

will be an animal only. If the action of uniting physically is for

satisfying animal instinct, the new born will also be the result of

such a satisfaction, no wonder to that.

 

If this is understood properly, other questions get automatically

answered.

 

With love and Pranaams

vijayan

 

--------------------------------

PRIOR POSTING

Dear Sadhika,

The society today is the reflection of our collective disobedience

of Dharma.

 

This whole world is called Dhukhalaya(sorrowful place). Krishna said

that the root cause of suffering is desire(kaam). Bhudhdha left all

pleasures to find out why we have sufferings in this world ? And he

found out the same -desire.

 

1. I see desire for " Obedient/well behaved Son " in yr suffering. So

first thing you need to do is-free yr self from all kinds of

desires.All kinds of liking/dislikings.

 

2. Only God is mine and I am God's. This whole world is God's.

Everything you think yours is God's only. So donot claim that the

son is mine, efforts are mine or even pain/pleasure is mine.

Surrender everything to Him.

 

3. I would say go to yr own teenage and think-how obedient you were

at that age? How much pain or pleasure you gave to yr parents ? This

thinking will give you a way to deal with yr kids.

 

4. If he is not taking drugs infront of you and you only know

indirectly then keep this veil of ignorance. Indirect preachings are

more effective on teens then direct orders.

 

5. Some quality time with the kids, and lots of love, spiritual

teachings from childhood, healthy and positive atmosphere at home

help install good sanskara in kids,but good or bad, the kids are not

parents property, they are independent soul on their own individual

jorney according to their own karmas.

 

5. If you will change yr own self, the situations around you will

change automatically.So pray and meditate. Purify yr own self by

prayer, meditation and contemplating on Gita. Fill the whole house

with Love, kindness, prayers, patience and trust. Throw all the

unnecessary stuff out of yr house,keep the house as clean and pious

as a temple.Put fresh flowers in all corners of yr houese, fill the

house with pleasant aroma. All these positive vibrations will

produce positivity in everyone living in the house.

 

6.Sadhika Shahsikalaji, Sadhak Vyasji and Mikeji,and all others

have given you excellent practical and spiritual advise, follow them

undoubtly.

 

Sarve bhavantu sukhina, sarve santu niramaya.......Let all be happy,

let all be healthy.....we all are praying .....

 

With lots of Love,

a sadhika

Sadhna Karigar

---------------------------

 

I wanted to add this to my previous posting...

 

12. MOST IMPORTANT : Never Never think that child is bad- WHATEVER

be his conduct towards you or others ! Pay no consideration to his

present conduct whatsoever. Consider him or always think about him

to be a sick person - to be treated/cured with utmost care, love

and affection- after all he is God's son left by Him in your care.

 

Vyas,N.B

--------------------------------

 

-Shree Hari-

 

Fajeeti Raniji.

 

I do not know your circumstances, so I will just write my thoughts as

I would to any person in my country that may ask a question like the

one you asked.

 

If your son has reached an age that he considers he is independent,

then your immediate chance of healing him may be beyond you.

There are support groups for people who are going through the pain

you are going through, they have a great deal of support to give,

essentially it's how to detach from the one you brought into the

world, as he/she is hell bent on self destruction.(This divine site

will augment any help offered).

 

If you can detach with compassion from a lost soul, you will much

better be able to catch them when they fall.

 

For those who have younger families, remember you cannot mould your

children, better to guide them, support them don't drive them.

A personnel technique I used with my sons, was to take the dog for a

walk each evening with them, often after dark, and and just talk,

often they would dump on me, but that was my job to be their father

and council or, as they grew into men and went there own way a bond

was well established and still remains.

 

B.G.:16 is worth a read as mentioned by a fellow Sadhak, 16:21-24 I

would consider good council.

 

Yea, triple is this gate of hell,

That is destructive of the self–

Lust, anger, and greed; therefore one

Should forsake ev'ry one of these. (21)

 

The man who has got beyond these

Three gates of darkness, Arjuna,

Practices what is good for him,

And thus goes to the Goal Supreme. (22)

 

He who sets aside the counsels

Of scriptures from desire's impulse,

Attains not unto perfection,

Nor happiness, nor Goal Supreme. (23)

 

The scriptures should be your guide in

What should be done and what should not.

Knowing what the scriptures prescribe,

You should act here within the world. (24)

 

The demonic influence can be destroyed by the Divine Love, the light

of Bhagwan has the power to burn away the dross.

 

Finally if you read or re-read Sadhak_insight messages, 2126 and

2113, posted 25/11/08 and 13/11/08, you will find the words of

Swamiji a very good platform for rebuilding internal peace and

harmony with respect to your pain.

 

I do not usually write long comments it is not in my nature, but I

have seen so much of this all around me, and my heart goes out to

you.

 

I will be spending time with 'The Beloved' in meditation soon, I will

remember your anguish, thats how I pray.

 

With Respect and Divine Love,

 

Mike Keenor

--------------------------------

 

-------------------------------

Jai Hanuman

 

Dear Sister! Hey Come On! The child is not yours ! He is of God ! He

has been given to you and will be taken away ! By merely not

considering the child to be " yours " the scenario will change

considerably. First thing to do !!

 

Secondly, when he does " taandav " ( inappropriate conduct/deeds)

think that God is doing Lila of Kaliyuga!!

More you will try or worry or get concerned or feel attached- more

will be inappropriate conduct from his side- because you are then

playing on his strong point- your helplessness for your child ! That

is where he scores and you suffer. Love him, wish good for him but

not as " your " son but as of God's son given under your care !! This

is internal- vibration sort. No outer reflection is needed. No

declaration of the sort - " I damn care for you " is warranted. Inside

your heart you have to be clinical, calm, cold and unattached ! He

will grasp without your telling the same- and will SURELY AND

CERTAINLY start improving! That is Swamiji Ramsukhdasji Maharaj !!.

 

Now come to his getting drawn towards drugs. This is pretty serious.

Stop blaming first to yourself or to your husband. Get united. It is

a must. Don't waste time in fixing responsibilities. Ensure without

any outer reflections as to the facts. Find out reality without your

son knowing that. Never talk rudely to him. Never blame him. Find

out correctly first. Then talk with a psychiatrist.He will tell you

what to do. Do that ! Try to remove the surroundings triggering your

son's going towards drugs. Don't brood and fret. Get extra calm,

composed and focused. Be as cold as ice.

 

If the things are very bad - chronic addiction- do write full facts.

There are methods to deal with the same. Seek medical help. Believe

me- spiritual guidance helps much more in curing such diseases than

medical help. Medical help plus spiritual guidance is the ideal

solution for chronic addiction.

 

See God always in your child. He will become Godly. Don't sleep

peacefully till he is cured fully. (Don't worry, but feel commited.

Focus on him, on his getting alright . See the situation as a

task/duty/role- just as a movie actor sees the task/role)

 

Do write again with more information if the problem is chronic.

 

Namaste Jee

 

Jee Jee

Shashikala

Hari Om

 

Do's/Don'ts

 

1 Don't consider child to be yours. It is very important. Consider

him to be of God. It is more important than all other things.

(Formula given by Swamiji). Next important thing is LOVE ! Hence

there should be Love for the God's child and not for your child!

For " your " child if it is revealed that he is " addicted " to drugs,

you may have to become cold hearted, and ruthless later on. Hence

Don't love your child. Love God's child.

 

2. Don't blame anyone for whatever has happened. Neither the child,

nor father, nor mother. Just focus on the present- WHAT " IS " !

 

3 Entire home should get united to get the child on course, without

child knowing that.

 

4 Pray for his betterment. Cry before the God, but only before the

God. Surrender. Then get up and with precision deal with the Child

of the God.

 

5 Distribute Sweets to poor children every day/week till at least

the boy becomes ok- as a rule. (Formula given by Swamiji)

 

6 Stop any expectations regarding career, future, studies etc of

the child for the time being. Don't get depressed yourself when

getting in ready mode to cure the child.

 

7 Child must get extra love from mother. Love is the best medicine.

Mother should be ready to feed him when he comes home even if very

late. Child should trust mother. Child should get encouraged to pour

his heart before his mother. Mother may share information with

father, but without child knowing that.

 

8 Father should distance himself visibly. Let son get scared about

his reactions. Let him always carry a worry Father should work

through Mom. There must be one person in the house who is working

invisibly and who can take the lead later on.

 

9 Find out more and more about the child's activities, friends,

routine, attendance at school/college and patterns. Let the child

not know about it. Don't reveal to him your findings of the day- and

snub the child ! If he knows that you know, the pressure is gone,

the guilt or fear is gone ! Find out if it is " drug addiction "

or " depression " or " mere bad company " or " simple carelessness "

or " some affair " . Keep a special watch over his eating/sleeping

patterns. Prepare a good summary for Doctor. Honest summary.

Silently.

 

10 Consult a good Doctor privately and if adviced by him do not

hesitate to even forcibly impart medical assistance, if need be, to

the child. There are methods to counter non cooperation from the

child.

 

11 See always God in the child. (Formula given by Swamiji).

 

Remember in such circumstances patience, calmness, focus, cold

heartedness, ruthlessness, and readiness to sacrifice any other

important thing in life pays. So pays sheer, selfless

expectationless, LOVE for the child. In helpless times pray to God.

Surrender to God both your efforts and the child. He will become

alright.

 

Jai Shree Krishna

 

Vyas N B

 

 

--------------------------------

Do not create a feejeta. If the child is out of your control then

you must be firm but gentle and show him the error of his ways. A

spiritual atmosphere at home helps.

 

Hari Shanker Deo

 

 

 

 

 

Shree Hari

Ram Ram

 

Sushree Fajeeti Raniji, A solution to your dilemma although not that

simple. however Shraddhey Swamiji has on this matter, earlier

instructed to surrender the son to Bhagwaan. Remove your attachment

from your son. AFter that make every effort and attempt, then you

will be able to work towards his improvement, suffering less, and

being less distressed. Those related writings on this subject that

Shraddhey Swamiji has written for this very purpose, please do not

be grieving and suffering or feel sorry, because by distress and

grieving, nothing will be attained and the damage is significant.

Bhagwaan does for everyone's welfare and benefit. On this point

have unshaken faith. (What I am writing is from my experience. I am

not advicing and counseling only based on what I have read and

studied. Good-wishes ! Vineet Sarvottam

 

-------------------------------

PRIOR POSTING

--------------------------

It is sad when our children do not behave in a way we expect them to.

 

First, stop blaming yourself (or taking responsibility) for the

behavior of your son.

Each individual has his/her own life/rewards. As parents, we can

only do our best

and that does not mean our children will have to take that in.

Your son has to be ready to change, and you can be there for him,

when he is ready.

It takes two hands to clap. There is very little you can do, unless

he is ready to change.

Anyhow, we should never let someone else run our affairs. We should

not

make someone else's behavior as the source/means of our happiness.

That is putting control of our life in someone else's hand- even if

it

is your own child or spouse.

 

So stop worrying about things you have very little control.

Your son's characteristics have been described in detail in BG

chapter 16.

 

Regards

 

KST

(Koti Shreekrishna)

 

 

---------------------------

Dear Sadhak, in life, one has to take everything that happens as

preordained by God for the Karmas one has done in the past . So the

behaviour of children is also on account of that. One way of

dealing with such disobedient son/daughter is to punish yourseves

for each wrond deed done by your son/daughter and this will have

demonstrating effect on them.Pl also have frequent satsangs at

home , which will provide a positive energy in the house, which in

turn will influence the erring children to realise their wrongs.

 

G.Vaidyanathan.

--------------------------------

Dear Friend

 

The disobedient children causes a lot of pain and suffering to

parents.There is no easy solution but this advice can be taken as a

starting point.

1)Never talk to children when you are angry,frustrated,resenful or

depressed.Talk only when you are under control

2)Do not criticise,blame.

3)Look into your life as to whether you have caused suffering to

your parents in some or other way.We are cause in the matter and

nothing happens to us which we have not caused.

4)Child needs appreciation,love and affection,provide that.

5)Spend quality time with the child.

6)Explain what is not acceptable and what you expect from them.

7)Children resort to addiction due to emotional vacuum and

responsibility of aprents is to fill that vacuum.

 

Love is the greatest power and force in the universe and child is to

be treated tenderely.

 

While I have full sympathy with the parents ,approach suggested

above with 100% patience will certainly help to overcome the

problem.

 

regards

 

Ashok Jain

 

--------------------------------

Dear Sadak,

Arrogant, disobedient, ruthless children are born to such parents

who indulge in mating on Ekadasi day, resulting in conceiving on the

same day. Example: Iranaya and his brother were conceived on

Ekadasi day. The DNA in such children are like that. They need

perfect counselling, good people to mix with. Best is to listen to

such children in a friendly manner, then slowly put them on

conselling.

Parents of such children should abstain from Non-Veg foods, daily

bath twice, do pooja, feed poor children. Then marvellous change

will take place.

 

Jai Sri Krishna

 

baiya sathyanarayan

 

--------------------------------

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Shree Hari

Ram Ram

We are clearing up pending queue this week due to significant back

log. You will receive few extra emails next couple of days. Only

reply if essential point not covered by other sadhaks

From Gita Talk Moderators, Ram Ram

--------------------------------

 

How to deal with a disobedient son? What to do if he behaves in a

manner which is absolutely improper? What to do? If he is drawn

towards the drugs? The kind of trauma and horror which such addicted

or misguided souls are causing to loving parents - what is spiritual

advice or ( give practical advice pls) do's /donts for parents. How

to bring such souls towards the God? Why children give so much pain

to their parents? Fajeeti Rani

 

-------------------------------

NEW POSTING

 

Hari Om.

A poor mother expects,

a good mother explains how much pain and pleasure she attains

A Great mother inspires her children to be in the path of

rightiousness.

We cannot expect anything from our child .

Disobedient term shows how much ego we have.

we should serve our child like a servant.

we cannot teach and train obdience,godliness etc

but put them on constant practice.

Our child should get it through habit formation.

If our child is watched always for their mistakes,

they will never grow into a balanced youth.

Whatever he gets he will return back with interest.

If we have faith he shall return faith.

If we have disrespect for our child

he will also show disrespect and shall not behave properly.

we should never forget the monkey and the cap seller story.

Insted we can show tolerance and toleration to all his pranks.

Then we will WIN.

Hari OM.

with best wishes,

Usha sridhar

 

-------------------------------

PRIOR POSTING

 

Dear Sadhakas, Namaste!

I am deeply touched by the answer Lakshmiji's son gave her when

asked what changed him(son) to be a good husband, father and son.

The answer every parent would love to hear: " you never gave up hope

and continued to be there, your love changed me " . Sooner or later,

Sun of unconditional Love shines through the clouds of

misunderstanding, confusions, strong disagreements, stubbornness etc

on the part of everyone involved! Patience has its reward written

all over it! Patience is reward itself! Patience doesn't mean long

time, but means no time limit, just eternity.

Such Love flows naturally when we surrender " me " that separates

us. " me " takes disguises like race, caste, nation, color, religion,

personal beliefs, even a gender and that's why it is difficult to

spot such a con-artist!

Namaskar............Pratap Bhatt

-------------------------------

Dear Friends,

I just want to add a small comment that only man in the animal

kingdom indulges in sex for pleasure instead of procreation.

Therefore to say that man behaves like an animal is an insult to

animals.

Sincerely,

Dr Vispi Jokhi

______________

PRIOR POSTING

Hari Om

 

I have been in this situation and my son today is standing tall as

good husband, father and son. When I asked him, when he was in his

twenties, what made him change and put order into his life again, he

said " you never gave up hope and continued to be there to advise

me. Your love changed me. "

 

So there is light at the end of the tunnel. Everything will be fine.

 

Namaste

 

Lakshmi Krishnan

 

----------------------------

PRIOR POSTING

 

Shree Hari

Ram Ram

 

Here are somethings Swamiji that may be related - Please ponder over

them seriously -

 

Per Swamiji, children are received by us... not ours,out " received " .

Everything that we have received must be properly utilized / taken

care off. This means they must be raised well with good education,

helping develop good character, honesty, good sentiments (Bhaav) and

overall decent human being.

Swamiji clearly states that we spend ample time in earning money,

but what the children are doing? How they are being raised? what

they are learning? regarding these things we pay no attention. Our

real wealth is our children says Swamiji. Studying the history of

great souls/saints it was found their mothers were pious. children

learn more from observation than anything else.

 

We have to be a living example, we have to pleasantly perform our

duty to the best of our ability. Whether anyone in the family

listens to us or not, we must give the right advice without insisting

that others should follow. Others will have to deal with the

consequences of what they do. Our duty is not to find faults and not

to order them around but instead to help them to improve in a

constructive and positive manner.

 

Please look into your personal situation and where the parents can

rectify their own personal behaviour, what they have in the past

given importance to (e.g. money, name, fame, movies, film stars

etc.) as opposed to spending time with children, communicating,

family activities etc. As Swamiji says, you have to do your part,

but have no insistence beyond that. It will all work out.

 

Meera Das

Ram Ram

 

-----------------------------

Dear Sadhak

According to Shastras/Gurus, the process of joining wife and husband

for producing a child is highly divine. Getting a child should be

by choice and not by chance.

 

When the wife and husband get the desire of joining together for

producing a child, both of them think of each others first, then

they think of other members of their house, other members of the

family, think of the neighbours, think about the society, think

about the surroundings, think of the nature, think of all creatures,

think of the rivers, the hills, think about the tiny creature to the

biggest, the whole country, the whole world, the universe and

finally the ultimate - the God. They arrive at an inner decision

that the child that would be born should be in conformity with the

nature and nature’s laws. He should become of use to others, to

the nation and to the whole world. Thus a child born to such

parents will be exemplary and others will be examples of all

negatives.

 

Presently at the time of joining of husband and wife, no physical

cleanliness is observed, no mental balancing is maintained, the

joining is just for a pleasure and " after all it is for satisfying

the animal instinct " . We do not understand that " animal instinct "

cannot be satisfied by man, may be, it is true to animals. Man is

not animal to satisfy animal instinct. Man has to satisfy man's

instinct for which he has to behave as a man. Generally people are

now a days behaving as animals in the bedroom and the resultant will

be the birth of an animal. Since it is for satisfying for animal

instinct, one cannot expect to get a child of good behaviour as he

will be an animal only. If the action of uniting physically is for

satisfying animal instinct, the new born will also be the result of

such a satisfaction, no wonder to that.

 

If this is understood properly, other questions get automatically

answered.

 

With love and Pranaams

vijayan

 

--------------------------------

PRIOR POSTING

Dear Sadhika,

The society today is the reflection of our collective disobedience

of Dharma.

 

This whole world is called Dhukhalaya(sorrowful place). Krishna said

that the root cause of suffering is desire(kaam). Bhudhdha left all

pleasures to find out why we have sufferings in this world ? And he

found out the same -desire.

 

1. I see desire for " Obedient/well behaved Son " in yr suffering. So

first thing you need to do is-free yr self from all kinds of

desires.All kinds of liking/dislikings.

 

2. Only God is mine and I am God's. This whole world is God's.

Everything you think yours is God's only. So donot claim that the

son is mine, efforts are mine or even pain/pleasure is mine.

Surrender everything to Him.

 

3. I would say go to yr own teenage and think-how obedient you were

at that age? How much pain or pleasure you gave to yr parents ? This

thinking will give you a way to deal with yr kids.

 

4. If he is not taking drugs infront of you and you only know

indirectly then keep this veil of ignorance. Indirect preachings are

more effective on teens then direct orders.

 

5. Some quality time with the kids, and lots of love, spiritual

teachings from childhood, healthy and positive atmosphere at home

help install good sanskara in kids,but good or bad, the kids are not

parents property, they are independent soul on their own individual

jorney according to their own karmas.

 

5. If you will change yr own self, the situations around you will

change automatically.So pray and meditate. Purify yr own self by

prayer, meditation and contemplating on Gita. Fill the whole house

with Love, kindness, prayers, patience and trust. Throw all the

unnecessary stuff out of yr house,keep the house as clean and pious

as a temple.Put fresh flowers in all corners of yr houese, fill the

house with pleasant aroma. All these positive vibrations will

produce positivity in everyone living in the house.

 

6.Sadhika Shahsikalaji, Sadhak Vyasji and Mikeji,and all others

have given you excellent practical and spiritual advise, follow them

undoubtly.

 

Sarve bhavantu sukhina, sarve santu niramaya.......Let all be happy,

let all be healthy.....we all are praying .....

 

With lots of Love,

a sadhika

Sadhna Karigar

---------------------------

 

I wanted to add this to my previous posting...

 

12. MOST IMPORTANT : Never Never think that child is bad- WHATEVER

be his conduct towards you or others ! Pay no consideration to his

present conduct whatsoever. Consider him or always think about him

to be a sick person - to be treated/cured with utmost care, love

and affection- after all he is God's son left by Him in your care.

 

Vyas,N.B

--------------------------------

 

-Shree Hari-

 

Fajeeti Raniji.

 

I do not know your circumstances, so I will just write my thoughts as

I would to any person in my country that may ask a question like the

one you asked.

 

If your son has reached an age that he considers he is independent,

then your immediate chance of healing him may be beyond you.

There are support groups for people who are going through the pain

you are going through, they have a great deal of support to give,

essentially it's how to detach from the one you brought into the

world, as he/she is hell bent on self destruction.(This divine site

will augment any help offered).

 

If you can detach with compassion from a lost soul, you will much

better be able to catch them when they fall.

 

For those who have younger families, remember you cannot mould your

children, better to guide them, support them don't drive them.

A personnel technique I used with my sons, was to take the dog for a

walk each evening with them, often after dark, and and just talk,

often they would dump on me, but that was my job to be their father

and council or, as they grew into men and went there own way a bond

was well established and still remains.

 

B.G.:16 is worth a read as mentioned by a fellow Sadhak, 16:21-24 I

would consider good council.

 

Yea, triple is this gate of hell,

That is destructive of the self–

Lust, anger, and greed; therefore one

Should forsake ev'ry one of these. (21)

 

The man who has got beyond these

Three gates of darkness, Arjuna,

Practices what is good for him,

And thus goes to the Goal Supreme. (22)

 

He who sets aside the counsels

Of scriptures from desire's impulse,

Attains not unto perfection,

Nor happiness, nor Goal Supreme. (23)

 

The scriptures should be your guide in

What should be done and what should not.

Knowing what the scriptures prescribe,

You should act here within the world. (24)

 

The demonic influence can be destroyed by the Divine Love, the light

of Bhagwan has the power to burn away the dross.

 

Finally if you read or re-read Sadhak_insight messages, 2126 and

2113, posted 25/11/08 and 13/11/08, you will find the words of

Swamiji a very good platform for rebuilding internal peace and

harmony with respect to your pain.

 

I do not usually write long comments it is not in my nature, but I

have seen so much of this all around me, and my heart goes out to

you.

 

I will be spending time with 'The Beloved' in meditation soon, I will

remember your anguish, thats how I pray.

 

With Respect and Divine Love,

 

Mike Keenor

--------------------------------

 

-------------------------------

Jai Hanuman

 

Dear Sister! Hey Come On! The child is not yours ! He is of God ! He

has been given to you and will be taken away ! By merely not

considering the child to be " yours " the scenario will change

considerably. First thing to do !!

 

Secondly, when he does " taandav " ( inappropriate conduct/deeds)

think that God is doing Lila of Kaliyuga!!

More you will try or worry or get concerned or feel attached- more

will be inappropriate conduct from his side- because you are then

playing on his strong point- your helplessness for your child ! That

is where he scores and you suffer. Love him, wish good for him but

not as " your " son but as of God's son given under your care !! This

is internal- vibration sort. No outer reflection is needed. No

declaration of the sort - " I damn care for you " is warranted. Inside

your heart you have to be clinical, calm, cold and unattached ! He

will grasp without your telling the same- and will SURELY AND

CERTAINLY start improving! That is Swamiji Ramsukhdasji Maharaj !!.

 

Now come to his getting drawn towards drugs. This is pretty serious.

Stop blaming first to yourself or to your husband. Get united. It is

a must. Don't waste time in fixing responsibilities. Ensure without

any outer reflections as to the facts. Find out reality without your

son knowing that. Never talk rudely to him. Never blame him. Find

out correctly first. Then talk with a psychiatrist.He will tell you

what to do. Do that ! Try to remove the surroundings triggering your

son's going towards drugs. Don't brood and fret. Get extra calm,

composed and focused. Be as cold as ice.

 

If the things are very bad - chronic addiction- do write full facts.

There are methods to deal with the same. Seek medical help. Believe

me- spiritual guidance helps much more in curing such diseases than

medical help. Medical help plus spiritual guidance is the ideal

solution for chronic addiction.

 

See God always in your child. He will become Godly. Don't sleep

peacefully till he is cured fully. (Don't worry, but feel commited.

Focus on him, on his getting alright . See the situation as a

task/duty/role- just as a movie actor sees the task/role)

 

Do write again with more information if the problem is chronic.

 

Namaste Jee

 

Jee Jee

Shashikala

Hari Om

 

Do's/Don'ts

 

1 Don't consider child to be yours. It is very important. Consider

him to be of God. It is more important than all other things.

(Formula given by Swamiji). Next important thing is LOVE ! Hence

there should be Love for the God's child and not for your child!

For " your " child if it is revealed that he is " addicted " to drugs,

you may have to become cold hearted, and ruthless later on. Hence

Don't love your child. Love God's child.

 

2. Don't blame anyone for whatever has happened. Neither the child,

nor father, nor mother. Just focus on the present- WHAT " IS " !

 

3 Entire home should get united to get the child on course, without

child knowing that.

 

4 Pray for his betterment. Cry before the God, but only before the

God. Surrender. Then get up and with precision deal with the Child

of the God.

 

5 Distribute Sweets to poor children every day/week till at least

the boy becomes ok- as a rule. (Formula given by Swamiji)

 

6 Stop any expectations regarding career, future, studies etc of

the child for the time being. Don't get depressed yourself when

getting in ready mode to cure the child.

 

7 Child must get extra love from mother. Love is the best medicine.

Mother should be ready to feed him when he comes home even if very

late. Child should trust mother. Child should get encouraged to pour

his heart before his mother. Mother may share information with

father, but without child knowing that.

 

8 Father should distance himself visibly. Let son get scared about

his reactions. Let him always carry a worry Father should work

through Mom. There must be one person in the house who is working

invisibly and who can take the lead later on.

 

9 Find out more and more about the child's activities, friends,

routine, attendance at school/college and patterns. Let the child

not know about it. Don't reveal to him your findings of the day- and

snub the child ! If he knows that you know, the pressure is gone,

the guilt or fear is gone ! Find out if it is " drug addiction "

or " depression " or " mere bad company " or " simple carelessness "

or " some affair " . Keep a special watch over his eating/sleeping

patterns. Prepare a good summary for Doctor. Honest summary.

Silently.

 

10 Consult a good Doctor privately and if adviced by him do not

hesitate to even forcibly impart medical assistance, if need be, to

the child. There are methods to counter non cooperation from the

child.

 

11 See always God in the child. (Formula given by Swamiji).

 

Remember in such circumstances patience, calmness, focus, cold

heartedness, ruthlessness, and readiness to sacrifice any other

important thing in life pays. So pays sheer, selfless

expectationless, LOVE for the child. In helpless times pray to God.

Surrender to God both your efforts and the child. He will become

alright.

 

Jai Shree Krishna

 

Vyas N B

 

 

--------------------------------

Do not create a feejeta. If the child is out of your control then

you must be firm but gentle and show him the error of his ways. A

spiritual atmosphere at home helps.

 

Hari Shanker Deo

 

 

 

 

 

Shree Hari

Ram Ram

 

Sushree Fajeeti Raniji, A solution to your dilemma although not that

simple. however Shraddhey Swamiji has on this matter, earlier

instructed to surrender the son to Bhagwaan. Remove your attachment

from your son. AFter that make every effort and attempt, then you

will be able to work towards his improvement, suffering less, and

being less distressed. Those related writings on this subject that

Shraddhey Swamiji has written for this very purpose, please do not

be grieving and suffering or feel sorry, because by distress and

grieving, nothing will be attained and the damage is significant.

Bhagwaan does for everyone's welfare and benefit. On this point

have unshaken faith. (What I am writing is from my experience. I am

not advicing and counseling only based on what I have read and

studied. Good-wishes ! Vineet Sarvottam

 

-------------------------------

PRIOR POSTING

--------------------------

It is sad when our children do not behave in a way we expect them to.

 

First, stop blaming yourself (or taking responsibility) for the

behavior of your son.

Each individual has his/her own life/rewards. As parents, we can

only do our best

and that does not mean our children will have to take that in.

Your son has to be ready to change, and you can be there for him,

when he is ready.

It takes two hands to clap. There is very little you can do, unless

he is ready to change.

Anyhow, we should never let someone else run our affairs. We should

not

make someone else's behavior as the source/means of our happiness.

That is putting control of our life in someone else's hand- even if

it

is your own child or spouse.

 

So stop worrying about things you have very little control.

Your son's characteristics have been described in detail in BG

chapter 16.

 

Regards

 

KST

(Koti Shreekrishna)

 

 

---------------------------

Dear Sadhak, in life, one has to take everything that happens as

preordained by God for the Karmas one has done in the past . So the

behaviour of children is also on account of that. One way of

dealing with such disobedient son/daughter is to punish yourseves

for each wrond deed done by your son/daughter and this will have

demonstrating effect on them.Pl also have frequent satsangs at

home , which will provide a positive energy in the house, which in

turn will influence the erring children to realise their wrongs.

 

G.Vaidyanathan.

--------------------------------

Dear Friend

 

The disobedient children causes a lot of pain and suffering to

parents.There is no easy solution but this advice can be taken as a

starting point.

1)Never talk to children when you are angry,frustrated,resenful or

depressed.Talk only when you are under control

2)Do not criticise,blame.

3)Look into your life as to whether you have caused suffering to

your parents in some or other way.We are cause in the matter and

nothing happens to us which we have not caused.

4)Child needs appreciation,love and affection,provide that.

5)Spend quality time with the child.

6)Explain what is not acceptable and what you expect from them.

7)Children resort to addiction due to emotional vacuum and

responsibility of aprents is to fill that vacuum.

 

Love is the greatest power and force in the universe and child is to

be treated tenderely.

 

While I have full sympathy with the parents ,approach suggested

above with 100% patience will certainly help to overcome the

problem.

 

regards

 

Ashok Jain

 

--------------------------------

Dear Sadak,

Arrogant, disobedient, ruthless children are born to such parents

who indulge in mating on Ekadasi day, resulting in conceiving on the

same day. Example: Iranaya and his brother were conceived on

Ekadasi day. The DNA in such children are like that. They need

perfect counselling, good people to mix with. Best is to listen to

such children in a friendly manner, then slowly put them on

conselling.

Parents of such children should abstain from Non-Veg foods, daily

bath twice, do pooja, feed poor children. Then marvellous change

will take place.

 

Jai Sri Krishna

 

baiya sathyanarayan

 

--------------------------------

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------------------------

 

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