Guidance to the Mentally Exhausted and Very Stressed

[Guest guest]

My mother is once again hospitalized… im sorry im exhausted and

very stressed. After five years of taking care of her entirely on

my own, as other family members have washed their hands off, I feel

completely exhausted. She is also a alzheimers patient exhibiting

all behaviour related to this deadly disease. She continues to be

extremely stubborn in receiving any kind of help which is continuing

to exhaust and drain all her financial resources.

 

Caring for her for so long, I feel like I will have a stroke or a

heart attack. There have been many incidents where I have been

completely freaked out, totally drained of all energy. This extreme

physical and mental exhaustion has reached a point where I can

barely make it off the bed, with my eyes swollen from exhaustion.

 

I read the words in your daily posting and though i know they are

true, they mean nothing in my serious state of exhaustion. I can

no longer care for my mother and have told her doctors so and they

know and agree. Knowing that I still feel responsible, but at the

same time, feel completely unable to deal with the situation.

There appears to be no Light in sight! How do I connect to this

Light? I seek any guidance you can offer to be free of suffering

and to be at Peace!

 

May all souls cross over the horrid ocean of suffering

including me.

 

 

Anonymous

--------------------------

 

GITA TALK GROUP GUIDELINES: PLEASE -

1. Only responses that further clarify Gita message will be posted.

2. Quote Gitaji/scriptures wherever possible..

3. Limit personal feelings, opinions, beliefs etc. to the

extent that they further help in understanding the Gita shlokas

4. Be as concise, to the point, respecting sadhaka's time.

5. Focus on subject at hand only.

6. Do not include links to the other sites.

7. Do not include your personal information (Ph #, address etc).

8. Do not personalize message

9. All responses may not be posted.

10. Moderator at his discretion, may modify the posting.

11. Take into consideration the novices, youth, westerners, non-

sectarian audience. i.e. limit the use to Sanskrit words only.

Provide English word bracketed.

 

MODERATOR

Ram Ram

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------

 

Post message:

Subscribe: -

Un: -

[Guest guest]

My mother is once again hospitalized… im sorry im exhausted and

very stressed. After five years of taking care of her entirely on

my own, as other family members have washed their hands off, I feel

completely exhausted. She is also a alzheimers patient exhibiting

all behaviour related to this deadly disease. She continues to be

extremely stubborn in receiving any kind of help which is continuing

to exhaust and drain all her financial resources.

 

Caring for her for so long, I feel like I will have a stroke or a

heart attack. There have been many incidents where I have been

completely freaked out, totally drained of all energy. This extreme

physical and mental exhaustion has reached a point where I can

barely make it off the bed, with my eyes swollen from exhaustion.

 

I read the words in your daily posting and though i know they are

true, they mean nothing in my serious state of exhaustion. I can

no longer care for my mother and have told her doctors so and they

know and agree. Knowing that I still feel responsible, but at the

same time, feel completely unable to deal with the situation.

There appears to be no Light in sight! How do I connect to this

Light? I seek any guidance you can offer to be free of suffering

and to be at Peace!

 

May all souls cross over the horrid ocean of suffering

including me.

 

 

Anonymous

===========================================================

NEW POSTING

 

Hari Om

 

You have every right to be peaceful. " Duty " - is what you CAN and

what you SHOULD. Once you have done what ever you could, there is no

need for you to feel guilty when you CAN NOT anymore. What you can

not do, it is not your duty to do.

Hence be brave, be guiltfree, and see God's hand in every result.

See God live in your Mom, in your mind, in your circumstances - and

for once with a simple heart surrender yourself completely into the

hands of Paramatma. Once you surrender, thereafter you should not

worry.

 

Stand erect. Be peaceful by realising that you did your level best.

Don't look at all at the conduct of " relatives " ! They are made like

that only. They were not " yours " , they are not " yours " , they will

not be " yours " - there is no possibility of their ever

being " yours " . Yours is only Paramatma ! Once you accept " mineness "

with Him (He is always yours) , it would not matter to you, if

anybody is " yours " or not. GUARANTEED !! Remain Doubtless.

Worryless. Griefless. Fearless.

 

Cry before Him- only before Him. Say now take over My Lord. He

surely will. Have trust. Have belief. Thank Him any way !

 

Jai Shree Krishna

 

Vyas N B

 

-Shree Hari-

 

Dear Anonymous,

 

My wife and I are in a very similar position to you, almost a

reflection of that which you have written.

My role in all this is to mainly support my wife.

 

May I point out the family members have washed their hands of much

more than caring for mother.

Surely if they find themselves incapable of helping her directly can

they not at least support you?

 

You have done something very important, you have contacted this site

with so much divine love and wisdom.

 

I feel that you need direct support, as I have no idea where you live

I cannot offer much, here in Australia there are support groups,

religious and none religious.

 

You do not have to remain anonymous, but if you wish to fine.

 

Do come back to this site, I personally promise you I will always

reply and support you to best of my abilities.

 

You may find this site of value, I cannot recommend it too much.

http://swamiramsukhdasji.net

 

May God bless you.

 

With Respect and Divine Love,

 

Mike (Keenor).

--------------------------------

 

Priy Anonimous

I say you are choosen by god to serve your mother.

It comes rarely occassion that U get such chance.

Whatever the situation please do all servings on the basis of

Almighty lord.

God is seeing every moment. He knows better than all of us.

In MANAS:

PRABHU BHANJIHI DARUN BIPATI, JAANAT JAN KI PIR.

God will take care coz he knows all ur pains.

Have faith. please.

Raja Gurdasani

--------------------------------

Namasthe anonymous, I read your message and I guess I understand

what you must be going through. do not worry much. God is there and

everything will be fine too. I just was wondering..where do you

live ? in which country ?

Please try to find the local support groups regarding these

alzeimers' illness. I guess, u are handling this all on ur own and

it would definitely get exhausting. Please find some of the members

who are going thro similar situations via support groups.

 

also, when u mention about exhausting financial resources..how is it

happening ? is it possible if some nurse or anyone can take care of

her 2 to 3 days a week and during that time..u can do other things

and you take care 2 to 3 days..so that you will also get a break

from the routine and get refreshed also.

 

Also, please think about this. in case if u are caring of ur any

family member..the other type of exhaustion we all may feel worried

thinking that it is our family member. Rather than that, if

possible, just try to think that whatever situation we are in

either by choice or circumstance, think its God's work and do it. In

the respect, although u may get physically exhausted, atleast the

exhaustion will not be much from the emotional perspective. once

the mental energy is not drained, you can be calm in every day's

action u do.

 

Please be strong and I am sure everything will be fine. Do not

thnk..its ur mother..just think that it is God's work whatever u are

doing to ur mother. Definitely, please check on the support

groups/non-profit organizations..they will definitely be there to

help the people who are taking care of the people with illness.

 

My prayers and good wishes and so u feel peac in ur heart even in

the midst of all these.

 

namsthe again,

Bharathi

----------------------------

Consider yourself as Arjuna in the battlefied of Kurukshetra, where

in the midst of the war between mother' illness including her

stubborn rejection of all help and your own physical and mental

resources, you are completely dejected and despondent. This is the

reality of the situation you cannot bear. Reading Gita is your Lord

Krishna: read this and identify the Truth. You are not responsible

for anything, you are not the cause of anything. You have done what

you have been doing and continue to be doing. But your actions do

not cause the consequences that you desire and you do not desire.

Whatever happens to Mother is destined to happen and you are neither

the cause nor the one responsible for. You are just an witness to

all happening.

You are only to act as per the propensities/ tendencies that have

been imparted in you by your genetics and past interactions/

experiences with the environment you have grown up. This you have no

alternative but to accept the pains and sufferings.

Get out of identification with this You. This you is just an

illusion that this you will have to live. But the Real You are the

God. Read Gita again and again to realize your Real You and get

beyond the chained you attached to the happenings of this World

around you. Pray and pray to God that He lifts you to the Real You.

Know that when you try in this way to get into your Real you, your

apparent worldy you will have no suffering at all.

All above are words and really cannot help you. Sincere and

continuous prayer and submission to God as you read Gita can only

help you.

Basudeb Sen

------------------------

Yes, on a physical level it is all very difficult to understand and

cope up with.

But these things do happen with many families and part of our

worldly existence.

 

What helps us in these and all other situations is the spiritual

wisdom/rules of our lives,

knowing ourselves, doing things by remaining at the source......

It may appear difficult but with some practice, one start getting

the results....

So please read the messages on this group and get into the spiritual

mode....

 

Humble suggestions:

 

1) You have to understand who you are. So, ask yourself " Who am I? "

and wait for the answer.

Then try again...see what happens....what happens to the

feelings...the stress....Keep this practice

on whenever you can and find time or even while doing something....

 

2) Second question that may burst many myths is to understand who is

getting exhausted and

who is stressed....So ask your self " Who is getting exhausted " , " Who

is getting stressed "

and again wait for the answer........

 

Our mind/ Mann is a wonderful instrument and able to create things

out of nothing.....and we

slowly become slaves of thoughts and further thoughts....The above

questions help you to get rid of the

these absolutely unnecessary and unwanted thoughts. Once that begin

to happen, you can see the

light which shall direct you to do what needs to be done happily and

without much effort....

 

Best wishes....

Sushil Jain

 

-------------------------

Hi ,

 

God is only testing you, do your work and manage to distance

yourself from now or you will be heart broken when the time comes to

say good bye, god willing.

 

Pray more and carry on with your work, you have done your duty and

this is all you can do. You are answerable to only The Almighty, so

go about your work and pray when you find the time to do so.

 

All the best till you feel good.

 

BARBARA ALI

-------------------------

Dear Sadhak,

Under the circumstances of your mother please do not lose confidence

in your sincere caring of your mother who has given birth to you.If

you are tired then ask other members of your family to take care of

her If you have money please put her in a nursing home or any such

place where her care is properly taken

Matru devo Bhava " is a great obligation as narrated in Upnishad.

 

For her salvation please start reading one chapter of Bhagavat Gita

or the whole Gita on Sunday or any important day. Keep some chanting

program at your place for finding a solution and relief to both of

you. Have faith in God and a solutions will come within six months

of your resolution to seek peace in your family.

 

Truly yours

Shankerprasad S Bhatt

-------------------------------

Dear anonymous....

My heart truly goes out to you.....unless one has been in a

similar situation, it is impossible to understand the level of

stress that you are experiencing. I am presently caring for an 84

yr. old mataji, whose son passed away from cancer last November.

(2008). He was only 54. She has one other son, but he is not

vegetarian, so she does not wish to live with him, nor does she wish

to relocate away from the devotional community she has grown used to

in Los Angeles. I promised her son, who was not related to me, that

I would care for his mother. But I have my husband to help me. I

am constantly on the lookout for individuals from my temple who can

spare time and energy to stay with this sweet, elderly lady,

otherwise I take her everywhere with me, because to leave her alone

is quite scary...both for her, as she sits alone and doesn't move,

and for me, because I am so worried about her when she is alone!

And she doesn't even have alzheimer's, or anything like that. Just

incontinence, which of course brings a load of social

pressures......and she screams about having to take a shower. It

is certainly a demanding service....one which the Supreme Lord will

bless you millions of times over for executing so faithfully for so

long......may you always be guided by the Lord in your heart to know

how to continue pleasing Him.

respectfully, Mahalaksmi Dasi

------------------------------

Arvind Khetia, engineer and a Hindu:

Discouragement and hopelessness can arise due to many reasons.

Spiritual wisdom is essential to cultivating a balanced mind. Then,

one recognizes the negative influence of ego, greed and excessive

material pleasures on one's mind and society. Consequently, one

learns to cultivate self-control, discriminate between what is

eternal and transient, practice equanimity and follow one's dharma.

Dharma requires one to perform the duties of life in accordance with

universal ethical values.

 

Therefore, one's faith must be founded on spiritual reality to help

combat discouragement and hopelessness. The Bhagavad-Gita

states, " When spiritual wisdom is the highest goal, one's faith is

deep and senses restrained, then one attains wisdom and acquires

perfect peace. "

 

According to Vedanta, true faith begins with having faith in

ourselves. Then, through practicing the spiritual disciplines of

meditation and yoga, one achieves a transformation of one's

character. Thus, one's faith evolves into the realization of one's

inner spiritual nature and manifests as enlightened optimism.

 

Arvind Khetia

--------------------------

Dear Exhausted ,

 

The True answer must come from your ' inside ', from inside you.

No-one from outside can give you the correct answer for you, in your

particular situation

 

Meditation will lead you to your inner being .

Meditation is the only Way.....................

Sit for formal meditation , morning and evening, half an hour .

 

BUT..................

 

When meditation does not ' happen', especially in the beginning(

your mind does not move into it so easily), and Karma ( sewa) is

also so exhausting and stressful, ' prayer and satsanga' is the

answer ..........

 

A Prayer to God ( Krishna, Rama,Shiva, Allah, Waheguru ) for

strength and wisdom, whenever the mind falls ... Being at the feet

of a master can do wonders !

 

narinder bhandari

-------------------------------

 

 

SUMMARY OF SADHAK POSTINGS -

 

 

- Being Peaceful is your birth right! What you can not do, it is

not your duty! be guiltfree. See God in Mom, and take complete

refuge in the Divine (God); accept only Him as yours; thereafter do

not worry! Remain Doubtless. Worryless. Griefless. Fearless.

- you are choosen by god to serve your mother; a rare opportunity!

Serve as if serving Almighty! He knows what is best! He knows ur pain

- My heart truly goes out to you.....it is certainly a demanding

service. may you always be guided by the Lord in your heart to know

how to continue pleasing Him.

- you are being tested; You have done your duty! continue working

but becoming detached. Pray. You are only answerable to God.

- Whatever happens to Mother is destined to happen and you are

neither the cause nor the one responsible for. Stop identification

with Body/Mind and identify with the Truth of the Gita. Read Gita

again and again! prayer and submission to God/Gita can only help you.

- Spiritual wisdom is essential to cultivating a balanced mind.

True faith begins with having faith in ourselves.

- Question over and over again.. who am I? who is getting

exhausted? Who is getting stressed? and wait for the answer! Mind

creates things out of nothing! The above questions help you to get

rid of the unnecessary thoughts. thereafter light shall direct you

to do what needs to be done happily and without much effort

- Meditate and Pray... at lotus feet of Lord

- Do not lose confidence. Seek Help! Read Gita! Have Faith in God

and solution will come.

- You need direct support! Are there support groups / others?

Don't hesitated to rely on sadhaks in this forum. They are

personally committed to support.

- Please seek out a local support group! Possibly a break, through

hired nurse help, so can get some rest!

- think its God's work you are doing for your mother and do it!

There will be less emotional exhaustion, therefore you'll be calm

even though physical strain.

- Please be strong and all will be fine!

 

--------------------------

 

GITA TALK GROUP GUIDELINES: PLEASE -

1. Only responses that further clarify Gita message will be posted.

2. Quote Gitaji/scriptures wherever possible..

3. Limit personal feelings, opinions, beliefs etc. to the

extent that they further help in understanding the Gita shlokas

4. Be as concise, to the point, respecting sadhaka's time.

5. Focus on subject at hand only.

6. Do not include links to the other sites.

7. Do not include your personal information (Ph #, address etc).

8. Do not personalize message

9. All responses may not be posted.

10. Moderator at his discretion, may modify the posting.

11. Take into consideration the novices, youth, westerners, non-

sectarian audience. i.e. limit the use to Sanskrit words only.

Provide English word bracketed.

 

MODERATOR

Ram Ram

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------

 

Post message:

Subscribe: -

Un: -

[Guest guest]

My mother is once again hospitalized… im sorry im exhausted and

very stressed. After five years of taking care of her entirely on

my own, as other family members have washed their hands off, I feel

completely exhausted. She is also a alzheimers patient exhibiting

all behaviour related to this deadly disease. She continues to be

extremely stubborn in receiving any kind of help which is continuing

to exhaust and drain all her financial resources.

 

Caring for her for so long, I feel like I will have a stroke or a

heart attack. There have been many incidents where I have been

completely freaked out, totally drained of all energy. This extreme

physical and mental exhaustion has reached a point where I can

barely make it off the bed, with my eyes swollen from exhaustion.

 

I read the words in your daily posting and though i know they are

true, they mean nothing in my serious state of exhaustion. I can

no longer care for my mother and have told her doctors so and they

know and agree. Knowing that I still feel responsible, but at the

same time, feel completely unable to deal with the situation.

There appears to be no Light in sight! How do I connect to this

Light? I seek any guidance you can offer to be free of suffering

and to be at Peace!

 

May all souls cross over the horrid ocean of suffering

including me.

 

 

Anonymous

===========================================================

NEW POSTING

 

I KINDLY THANK EVERY SOUL THAT HAS TAKEN THEIR TIME TO SPEAK WORDS

OF INSIGHT AND KINDNESS. I am in nyc and have reache d out over

the years to the caregiver s groups, alzheimers org and such.

I gave up my career as actress and opera singer and left hollywood

over 5 yrs ago to alone take care of a very abusive ill mother.I am

longtime sadhak, vegan , meditator a & practice yoga. the intensity

daily stress has broken me i am now ill myself. as of friday night

mothe r is back in the hospital.perhaps she will listen to the drs.

only God know. she also knows I can no longer take care of her the

way i have my strength is gone and now i am under drs. care.

i will bring Gita to hospital and read every day, continue to pray

and ask my self the query

who is sick and who am i ? i know i am not my body i know mother

is not mine. but the continuous activity of the daily taking care

of is done in this body which is now worn out I will follow all

suggestions kindly spoken of by spiritual friends here.

Karmically i think, it is interesting to note my mother threw me out

on the streets in the dead of winter with no winter coat or money

at age 17.5 (nyc streets). I was never allowed home again even when

i called terrified at 3 am in the snow sleeping outside.

i was abandoned by both mother and father in this life and

brother. i chose not to abandon my mother. i dont abandon birds

and animals i wouldnt abandon mother. my brother whom my mother

worships, and whom took care of my brother who is very wealthy

abandoned my mother years ago & has taken no responsibility or

offered any help of any kind.

she still cries for him while im trying to care for her knowing he

hates her & i shut up. i try i really try to do the right thing

i try and have tried to detach and be witness. it is very

difficult when getting screamed at and spit at within 1 inch of your

face while you a re trying to care physically care for a parent

who abused you growing up and , well, yes i see the only only

solution is deeply spiritual . i do i will go pray now and read

gita again i wish to thank everyone.

moksha

 

sophia

nyc

moskha

---------------------------

 

Namaskaar.

 

After several years in the United States I returned to Trinidad to

take care of my mother. I have several sisters who do all they can

to help her but as a son to my dear mother, with whom I have a

special bond, I could not resist when Mataji asked me over the

phone, several times: when are you coming home? After about two

weeks of those questions it suddenly dawned on me that Mataji really

wanted me to come back, and as a true son I had an obligation to do

so. I packed my bags, bid goodbye to all, and returned home.

 

It wasn't an easy decision but I had to come home to her and I thank

Bhagavan for giving me the courage and determination to leave that

life and come home to her. Mata ji is 81, paralyzed and unable to

walk, and my sisters and I do all we can to make her comfortable

even though sometimes she can be difficult. But we know this is not

deliberate as it is symptomatic of old age and senility.

 

It can be tiring and difficult and it takes a lot from us and for me

it has been a sacrifice of much of my personal life but every day I

thank Bhagavan for giving me the opportunity and the honour to help

her and be there with her. Sometime Mataji forgets we are there with

her and when I enter her room she pleads with me 'not to leave her.'

I assure her I will never leave her and I will there for her as long

I am alive.

 

Yes, it consumes mental and physical energy, there are costs

nvolved, but I encourage everyone to take care of parents and elders

no matter how burdensome you may think it is and how much energy and

resources are necessary. Try as hard as you can to take care of

them at home rather than in a Senior citizens' home. I know for

sure that the day my Mataji goes into one of those places she will

not survive for more than a week so sending her there is like a

death sentence.

 

As Hindus, we have a long and glorious tradition of our extended

family and caring for all at our homes. Let us strive to maintain

that treasured custom, even in this hectic and tiring world. It is

most fulfilling to serve parents and elders as it is one of the

most exalted characteristics of Sanatan Dharma.

You should not ignore parents and elders - they are our Gods on

earth and if you can't honour and pray to them then it is

meaningless and even hypocritical to pray to Bhagavan.

 

Hari Om

 

Deosaran Bisnath

---------------------------

Shree Hari

Ram Ram

 

My heart aches on reading your email... and deep within long to

reach out ...I am certain many other sadhaks emotionally can

experience what you are going through simply from your note. But

remain ever in that LIGHT that you speak off... never turn away from

it. It is His eternal promise to us... in Gita 9:22 that He will

take care of us !

 

Key is detachment and only doing to the best of your ability what

you can do and forgetting the past or the future. Think of yourself

as a Nurse hired by the divine Light, the Source. You are only

hired to do this work, rather the chosen One, you are merely taking

care of her to the best of your ability and nothing more.

Absolutely nothing more. Live moment to moment guided by the

Light... Not thinking about what will happen or what has happened in

the past... but living only in the present, in that Light that you

speak off in your note and guided by That and That alone. If you

feel exhausted, sleep and rest it out. Do not take the entire burden

on your head.

 

Swamiji often speaks of a wonderful example of a dog who is walking

under a bullock cart filled with heavy goods. He is walking there

only for protection against the heat of the sun (i.e. for shade).

However, after sometime, the dog begins to feel he is the one that

is carrying the burden / weight of the entire cart and all the stuff

on it. We all are like that dog. We begin to carry all the weight

on our shoulder. Krishna clearly showed us with the Govardhan

mountain...that HE ALONE is the One holding up the mountain with the

tip of his tiny finger... that it is He and we are merely

instruments and basking in His glory... nothing more!!!! Therefore

do the best you can... if you miss a day of care, a nurse or someone

at the hospital will fill the gap.

 

As Vyasji and other sadhaks have said... be fearless, worriless,

doubtless, griefless.... without regreting the past or concern about

the future.. only doing what you are able to do... and leaving the

rest up to the Divine, the Beloved, the Light.. .the Spirit...

And as Mike said, you definitely have direct support from this group

therefore be strong. It is not an ordinary thing that you have

started receiving these messages and reading them... and seeking out

help from this group. You have done your part... let the rest

flow!!!! May That Divine Light Always be with you!

 

Meera Das

Ram Ram

 

---------------------------

PRIOR POSTING

 

Hari Om

 

You have every right to be peaceful. " Duty " - is what you CAN and

what you SHOULD. Once you have done what ever you could, there is no

need for you to feel guilty when you CAN NOT anymore. What you can

not do, it is not your duty to do.

Hence be brave, be guiltfree, and see God's hand in every result.

See God live in your Mom, in your mind, in your circumstances - and

for once with a simple heart surrender yourself completely into the

hands of Paramatma. Once you surrender, thereafter you should not

worry.

 

Stand erect. Be peaceful by realising that you did your level best.

Don't look at all at the conduct of " relatives " ! They are made like

that only. They were not " yours " , they are not " yours " , they will

not be " yours " - there is no possibility of their ever

being " yours " . Yours is only Paramatma ! Once you accept " mineness "

with Him (He is always yours) , it would not matter to you, if

anybody is " yours " or not. GUARANTEED !! Remain Doubtless.

Worryless. Griefless. Fearless.

 

Cry before Him- only before Him. Say now take over My Lord. He

surely will. Have trust. Have belief. Thank Him any way !

 

Jai Shree Krishna

 

Vyas N B

 

-Shree Hari-

 

Dear Anonymous,

 

My wife and I are in a very similar position to you, almost a

reflection of that which you have written.

My role in all this is to mainly support my wife.

 

May I point out the family members have washed their hands of much

more than caring for mother.

Surely if they find themselves incapable of helping her directly can

they not at least support you?

 

You have done something very important, you have contacted this site

with so much divine love and wisdom.

 

I feel that you need direct support, as I have no idea where you live

I cannot offer much, here in Australia there are support groups,

religious and none religious.

 

You do not have to remain anonymous, but if you wish to fine.

 

Do come back to this site, I personally promise you I will always

reply and support you to best of my abilities.

 

You may find this site of value, I cannot recommend it too much.

http://swamiramsukhdasji.net

 

May God bless you.

 

With Respect and Divine Love,

 

Mike (Keenor).

--------------------------------

 

Priy Anonimous

I say you are choosen by god to serve your mother.

It comes rarely occassion that U get such chance.

Whatever the situation please do all servings on the basis of

Almighty lord.

God is seeing every moment. He knows better than all of us.

In MANAS:

PRABHU BHANJIHI DARUN BIPATI, JAANAT JAN KI PIR.

God will take care coz he knows all ur pains.

Have faith. please.

Raja Gurdasani

--------------------------------

Namasthe anonymous, I read your message and I guess I understand

what you must be going through. do not worry much. God is there and

everything will be fine too. I just was wondering..where do you

live ? in which country ?

Please try to find the local support groups regarding these

alzeimers' illness. I guess, u are handling this all on ur own and

it would definitely get exhausting. Please find some of the members

who are going thro similar situations via support groups.

 

also, when u mention about exhausting financial resources..how is it

happening ? is it possible if some nurse or anyone can take care of

her 2 to 3 days a week and during that time..u can do other things

and you take care 2 to 3 days..so that you will also get a break

from the routine and get refreshed also.

 

Also, please think about this. in case if u are caring of ur any

family member..the other type of exhaustion we all may feel worried

thinking that it is our family member. Rather than that, if

possible, just try to think that whatever situation we are in

either by choice or circumstance, think its God's work and do it. In

the respect, although u may get physically exhausted, atleast the

exhaustion will not be much from the emotional perspective. once

the mental energy is not drained, you can be calm in every day's

action u do.

 

Please be strong and I am sure everything will be fine. Do not

thnk..its ur mother..just think that it is God's work whatever u are

doing to ur mother. Definitely, please check on the support

groups/non-profit organizations..they will definitely be there to

help the people who are taking care of the people with illness.

 

My prayers and good wishes and so u feel peac in ur heart even in

the midst of all these.

 

namsthe again,

Bharathi

----------------------------

Consider yourself as Arjuna in the battlefied of Kurukshetra, where

in the midst of the war between mother' illness including her

stubborn rejection of all help and your own physical and mental

resources, you are completely dejected and despondent. This is the

reality of the situation you cannot bear. Reading Gita is your Lord

Krishna: read this and identify the Truth. You are not responsible

for anything, you are not the cause of anything. You have done what

you have been doing and continue to be doing. But your actions do

not cause the consequences that you desire and you do not desire.

Whatever happens to Mother is destined to happen and you are neither

the cause nor the one responsible for. You are just an witness to

all happening.

You are only to act as per the propensities/ tendencies that have

been imparted in you by your genetics and past interactions/

experiences with the environment you have grown up. This you have no

alternative but to accept the pains and sufferings.

Get out of identification with this You. This you is just an

illusion that this you will have to live. But the Real You are the

God. Read Gita again and again to realize your Real You and get

beyond the chained you attached to the happenings of this World

around you. Pray and pray to God that He lifts you to the Real You.

Know that when you try in this way to get into your Real you, your

apparent worldy you will have no suffering at all.

All above are words and really cannot help you. Sincere and

continuous prayer and submission to God as you read Gita can only

help you.

Basudeb Sen

------------------------

Yes, on a physical level it is all very difficult to understand and

cope up with.

But these things do happen with many families and part of our

worldly existence.

 

What helps us in these and all other situations is the spiritual

wisdom/rules of our lives,

knowing ourselves, doing things by remaining at the source......

It may appear difficult but with some practice, one start getting

the results....

So please read the messages on this group and get into the spiritual

mode....

 

Humble suggestions:

 

1) You have to understand who you are. So, ask yourself " Who am I? "

and wait for the answer.

Then try again...see what happens....what happens to the

feelings...the stress....Keep this practice

on whenever you can and find time or even while doing something....

 

2) Second question that may burst many myths is to understand who is

getting exhausted and

who is stressed....So ask your self " Who is getting exhausted " , " Who

is getting stressed "

and again wait for the answer........

 

Our mind/ Mann is a wonderful instrument and able to create things

out of nothing.....and we

slowly become slaves of thoughts and further thoughts....The above

questions help you to get rid of the

these absolutely unnecessary and unwanted thoughts. Once that begin

to happen, you can see the

light which shall direct you to do what needs to be done happily and

without much effort....

 

Best wishes....

Sushil Jain

 

-------------------------

Hi ,

 

God is only testing you, do your work and manage to distance

yourself from now or you will be heart broken when the time comes to

say good bye, god willing.

 

Pray more and carry on with your work, you have done your duty and

this is all you can do. You are answerable to only The Almighty, so

go about your work and pray when you find the time to do so.

 

All the best till you feel good.

 

BARBARA ALI

-------------------------

Dear Sadhak,

Under the circumstances of your mother please do not lose confidence

in your sincere caring of your mother who has given birth to you.If

you are tired then ask other members of your family to take care of

her If you have money please put her in a nursing home or any such

place where her care is properly taken

Matru devo Bhava " is a great obligation as narrated in Upnishad.

 

For her salvation please start reading one chapter of Bhagavat Gita

or the whole Gita on Sunday or any important day. Keep some chanting

program at your place for finding a solution and relief to both of

you. Have faith in God and a solutions will come within six months

of your resolution to seek peace in your family.

 

Truly yours

Shankerprasad S Bhatt

-------------------------------

Dear anonymous....

My heart truly goes out to you.....unless one has been in a

similar situation, it is impossible to understand the level of

stress that you are experiencing. I am presently caring for an 84

yr. old mataji, whose son passed away from cancer last November.

(2008). He was only 54. She has one other son, but he is not

vegetarian, so she does not wish to live with him, nor does she wish

to relocate away from the devotional community she has grown used to

in Los Angeles. I promised her son, who was not related to me, that

I would care for his mother. But I have my husband to help me. I

am constantly on the lookout for individuals from my temple who can

spare time and energy to stay with this sweet, elderly lady,

otherwise I take her everywhere with me, because to leave her alone

is quite scary...both for her, as she sits alone and doesn't move,

and for me, because I am so worried about her when she is alone!

And she doesn't even have alzheimer's, or anything like that. Just

incontinence, which of course brings a load of social

pressures......and she screams about having to take a shower. It

is certainly a demanding service....one which the Supreme Lord will

bless you millions of times over for executing so faithfully for so

long......may you always be guided by the Lord in your heart to know

how to continue pleasing Him.

respectfully, Mahalaksmi Dasi

------------------------------

Arvind Khetia, engineer and a Hindu:

Discouragement and hopelessness can arise due to many reasons.

Spiritual wisdom is essential to cultivating a balanced mind. Then,

one recognizes the negative influence of ego, greed and excessive

material pleasures on one's mind and society. Consequently, one

learns to cultivate self-control, discriminate between what is

eternal and transient, practice equanimity and follow one's dharma.

Dharma requires one to perform the duties of life in accordance with

universal ethical values.

 

Therefore, one's faith must be founded on spiritual reality to help

combat discouragement and hopelessness. The Bhagavad-Gita

states, " When spiritual wisdom is the highest goal, one's faith is

deep and senses restrained, then one attains wisdom and acquires

perfect peace. "

 

According to Vedanta, true faith begins with having faith in

ourselves. Then, through practicing the spiritual disciplines of

meditation and yoga, one achieves a transformation of one's

character. Thus, one's faith evolves into the realization of one's

inner spiritual nature and manifests as enlightened optimism.

 

Arvind Khetia

--------------------------

Dear Exhausted ,

 

The True answer must come from your ' inside ', from inside you.

No-one from outside can give you the correct answer for you, in your

particular situation

 

Meditation will lead you to your inner being .

Meditation is the only Way.....................

Sit for formal meditation , morning and evening, half an hour .

 

BUT..................

 

When meditation does not ' happen', especially in the beginning(

your mind does not move into it so easily), and Karma ( sewa) is

also so exhausting and stressful, ' prayer and satsanga' is the

answer ..........

 

A Prayer to God ( Krishna, Rama,Shiva, Allah, Waheguru ) for

strength and wisdom, whenever the mind falls ... Being at the feet

of a master can do wonders !

 

narinder bhandari

-------------------------------

 

 

SUMMARY OF SADHAK POSTINGS -

 

 

- Being Peaceful is your birth right! What you can not do, it is

not your duty! be guiltfree. See God in Mom, and take complete

refuge in the Divine (God); accept only Him as yours; thereafter do

not worry! Remain Doubtless. Worryless. Griefless. Fearless.

- you are choosen by god to serve your mother; a rare opportunity!

Serve as if serving Almighty! He knows what is best! He knows ur pain

- My heart truly goes out to you.....it is certainly a demanding

service. may you always be guided by the Lord in your heart to know

how to continue pleasing Him.

- you are being tested; You have done your duty! continue working

but becoming detached. Pray. You are only answerable to God.

- Whatever happens to Mother is destined to happen and you are

neither the cause nor the one responsible for. Stop identification

with Body/Mind and identify with the Truth of the Gita. Read Gita

again and again! prayer and submission to God/Gita can only help you.

- Spiritual wisdom is essential to cultivating a balanced mind.

True faith begins with having faith in ourselves.

- Question over and over again.. who am I? who is getting

exhausted? Who is getting stressed? and wait for the answer! Mind

creates things out of nothing! The above questions help you to get

rid of the unnecessary thoughts. thereafter light shall direct you

to do what needs to be done happily and without much effort

- Meditate and Pray... at lotus feet of Lord

- Do not lose confidence. Seek Help! Read Gita! Have Faith in God

and solution will come.

- You need direct support! Are there support groups / others?

Don't hesitated to rely on sadhaks in this forum. They are

personally committed to support.

- Please seek out a local support group! Possibly a break, through

hired nurse help, so can get some rest!

- Think of yourself as a Nurse only... taking care of her for short

time... not thinking of past or future. Live in present, guided by

the light.

- think its God's work you are doing for your mother and do it!

There will be less emotional exhaustion, therefore you'll be calm

even though physical strain.

- Please be strong and all will be fine!

- every day I thank Bhagavan for giving me the opportunity and the

honour to help her and be there with her

- Let us strive to maintain that treasured custom, even in this

hectic and tiring world. It is most fulfilling to serve parents and

elders as it is one of the most exalted characteristics of Sanatan

Dharma.

 

--------------------------

 

GITA TALK GROUP GUIDELINES: PLEASE -

1. Only responses that further clarify Gita message will be posted.

2. Quote Gitaji/scriptures wherever possible..

3. Limit personal feelings, opinions, beliefs etc. to the

extent that they further help in understanding the Gita shlokas

4. Be as concise, to the point, respecting sadhaka's time.

5. Focus on subject at hand only.

6. Do not include links to the other sites.

7. Do not include your personal information (Ph #, address etc).

8. Do not personalize message

9. All responses may not be posted.

10. Moderator at his discretion, may modify the posting.

11. Take into consideration the novices, youth, westerners, non-

sectarian audience. i.e. limit the use to Sanskrit words only.

Provide English word bracketed.

 

MODERATOR

Ram Ram

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------

 

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[Guest guest]

My mother is once again hospitalized… im sorry im exhausted and

very stressed. After five years of taking care of her entirely on

my own, as other family members have washed their hands off, I feel

completely exhausted. She is also a alzheimers patient exhibiting

all behaviour related to this deadly disease. She continues to be

extremely stubborn in receiving any kind of help which is continuing

to exhaust and drain all her financial resources.

 

Caring for her for so long, I feel like I will have a stroke or a

heart attack. There have been many incidents where I have been

completely freaked out, totally drained of all energy. This extreme

physical and mental exhaustion has reached a point where I can

barely make it off the bed, with my eyes swollen from exhaustion.

 

I read the words in your daily posting and though i know they are

true, they mean nothing in my serious state of exhaustion. I can

no longer care for my mother and have told her doctors so and they

know and agree. Knowing that I still feel responsible, but at the

same time, feel completely unable to deal with the situation.

There appears to be no Light in sight! How do I connect to this

Light? I seek any guidance you can offer to be free of suffering

and to be at Peace!

 

May all souls cross over the horrid ocean of suffering

including me.

 

 

Sophia

===========================================================

 

---------------------------

 

NEW POSTING

 

Hello The Universal Individual (Trust me! there can be hardly

anybody who have not felt like you at one time or the other!!),

 

The complaint raises from the violation of one's core limits as well

as limitations - natural, psychological, physiological, financial,

social as well as spiritual - leading to exhaustion and distress. It

is essential to appreciate one's limits as well as limitations to

break them open for an expansive horizon. Also, I can assure, from

my experience, that one cannot attempt this while being bound within

a state of violent distress. One has to releive oneself from the

distress to clarify one's appreciation of the whole situation.

 

I do not know the individual limits and limitations here except for

the lack of support from the relatives (which is not surprising).

However, I urge you to seek professional help for yourself as well

as for your mother contacting appropriate agencies. Bhagavadgita and

the spiritual talk appeals ONLY IF you are ready for facing The

Truth stark naked. At this point, you may mentally not be ready to

face the same as your inner turmoil is churning your presence away

from any such possible appreciation. You have to releive your system

to relax before appreciating the depth of spirituality.

 

Therefore, seek some physical help from whichever source that is

congenial ... If it helps ... I learnt a lot by observing the

saintly nurses who were taking care of my father when he was

critically ill once ... pure service, so impersonal, and yet so

compassionate ... if we could be like that in spite of having

emotional relations ... it would be the best. It is easy to

preach ... therefore, let me restrain myself from that ... yet, if

possible, try it out along with all other possible psycho-physio-

medical help as well as financial aid that you could possibly

extract from yourself as well as from your environment.

 

One thing is for sure ... if you are not at peace within, you can

not comfort anybody else no matter what your understanding/

determination/ intention is. Also, if you break down, your mother

will have nobody to care of her ... think of that as well.

Therefore, my suggestion is to gather all your strength to establish

your integrity within first ... relax for that ... relax within as

much as possible in spite of the gruelling environmental demands ...

relax within in spite of the personal anguish and physical

exhaustion ...

 

Take it as an opportunity to appreciate how your relaxation is, in

fact, independent of all the relations in this life; to realize its

true transcendental nature as such ... if possible ... as much as

possible ... relax please ...

 

Best Wishes.

 

Naga Narayana

 

-----------------------------

 

-Shree Hari-

 

Dear Sophia,

 

To be apparently all alone in this situation is an added burden,

let me put you in the picture right now , my beloved wife is talking

to her sister, my wife and I have spent the afternoon with her

mother, and consultants. She needs to talk to lighten her load.

 

There was a time long passed, that I, it seems was the most hated

person on planet earth in my in laws eyes. The hatred was so intense,

that I actually started to stutter, I swear to all I never knew that

one could hate so much, I don't think I ever hated.

 

What a destructive force is hatred? And how indestructible is 'Divine

Love'. Some people will never abandon any needy, it is their very

nature to care.

 

Karma, yes indeed, I have watched the unfolding over the years, never

voiced it, just observed. My in laws watched helplessly, as the other

son in law died a slow and painful death, (we got on well, he and I).

Then my mother in law was widowed.

 

Old 'Black Sheep' moved interstate, to the same town in which my

mother in law lived.

It is I who picked her off the floor when she had a fall, who pushed

her around shopping centers, fixed things, etc.

Now I am a shining light in her eyes, " God must have brought you her

for a reason " , she has often said. She's got that right, but 'The

Divine Beloved', did it not just for her, but also for me, God who I

love so much, has exposed me to so much, helping my stony heart to

break.

 

Living in the West you may have heard of the poem 'Dark Night of the

Soul', by St. John of the Cross. " Oh Night! more glorious than the

Rising Sun! "

 

Look! Entering into the depth of 'Darkness', it is there that you can

see the Divine Light. The dawn is coming you know, I think maybe you

might just start to see it's first glimmer.

 

Brother Vyas gave a powerful piece of advice, I will paste it in

here with respect:

'Cry before Him- only before Him. Say now take over My Lord. He

surely will. Have trust. Have belief. Thank Him any way !'

 

Every one is different, but try this if you wish; go to a place where

none can hear you, ask out loud for GOD to help you, from your soul

cry out like a child who is lost and is looking for Mother or Father,

place no restriction call to Him as child, go where it takes you.

 

B.G. 7

At the end of his many births

The wise man takes refuge in Me.

He knows: " All is Vasudeva.3 "

How very rare is that great soul! (19)

 

With Respect and Divine Love,

 

Mike (Keenor).

------------------------------

 

Hari Om

 

Sadhak Sophia ! Real Sadhak you are !! This group is privileged to

have you as one of us. Please keep the divinity in you prospering.

 

Remove now old memories of ill treatment. It is necessary Dear

Sister for removal of pains. Could they have come to you without

divine will? Is it not now a real " experiential knowledge " for you

that " Nothing is mine " ( Doosara na Koi ) ?

You in fact paid a very little cost of " knowing " that precious

priceless knowledge.

 

What is needed now once " doosara na koi " is part of your direct

experience ? In fact - Mere to Girdhar Gopal (Only God is

mine ) !!! Once God is yours and no one else- why worry? Why

exhaustion? Why weariness? Why that subtle insistence on recovery of

Mom? As you are of God, is she not? What can you do , except doing

your duty? AND THAT YOU HAVE DONE and ARE DOING !

 

It is a law that duty doesnot generate sorrows. But you are not

feeling well. Where is the clue/ fault? Fault is linking duty with

old memories ! Check with your conscience, are you not reliving

those days? Are you not keeping the wounds green? Let them heal now!

This is final frontier which you should cross now . Forgive and

forget the past. Don't insist for any favourable or unfavourable

happennings in life. Past does not exist Dear Sister !

Nor does future exist now? Why worry then?

 

I am sure once you shed this insistence over the results of your

otherwise divine performance of duties, peace, much awaited peace

will generate in abundance in you.

 

Try it and keep in touch. Do take interest in other Qs also. That,

in itself, will make you happy and peaceful. " Sharing " reduces pain

and increases pleasure ! Isn't it?

 

May Paramatma bless you !

 

Jai Shree Krishna

 

Vyas N B

-----------------------------

I have been undergoing a similar situation for years. I can

empathise with you. Stressful days and even worst nights. not been

on a holiday for the last 15 years. Used to crib many years back,

then went deeper into astrology which perhaps if nothing else I

learnt to bear with this as my karmic destiny.

 

I remember my father used to say, " if God chooses to give me old

age I pray to him to give me good children " The full impact of this

sentence came in much later. But strive thru it all to remember that

perhaps of all the persons in our family we are the chosen ones. I

feel there are no options regarding caring for parents. We have to

do it. On bad days just tell yourself you are getting there full

blessings. And these special blessings can turn any negativity in a

patri to the most blessed and enriched life.

 

I am sure nobody on this forum or any other can refute this. You are

truly blessed believe me. Turn this into an oppurtunity rather than

a crisis. With you .

Take care.

Vats (Pradeep Sahai)

--------------------------

Jai Hanuman

 

Dear Sophiaji ! Thanks for sharing with us the voice of your soul. I give a

small example to you to ponder.

 

You kept a nurse for taking care of your child. You pay her and she takes care

of the child like you, yourself take care. One day there is some disruption in

relationship/money/etc. You ask her to go . How easily she leaves the affection

of that child? Will she look back? Will she enquire about the child ? No !

 

Be like that. Do your duty and forget. Nothing is ours. Only Paramatma is ours.

Serve fearlessly. If you get disrespect/ abuses in return , then consider

yourself to be lucky. Results of your service are not getting frittered away in

petty respects/praises/acknowledgements ! Higher results are in store for you.

 

My Mom in law, 75, often says- Let Rupee remain Rupee ! (Don't seek any

reciprocation for your good deeds, you are reducing the value of a rupee to few

paise only, because you expect immediate result).

 

In your case, Dear Sophiaji - the Rupee is increasing in value with every

disrespect, every abuse, every spit on the face ! Believe me on this ! Let it

increase. Wish now that you don't need respect honor/respect/acknowledgement .

Leave for ever " desire for happiness " . Immediately / Instantly pains will

vanish.

 

You used the word " karmic " in your last post. Now if we look at Law of Karma,

you will find that in your case the Divine is working with double speed. On one

hand you are doing selfless duty and thus accumulating " assets " . On other hand

with every abuse/disrespect/spit on the face your " liabilities " are

simultaneously getting wiped out- without any effort at your end ! By Divine

Will !

 

Tell me now honestly, do you want respect/praise etc in return for your " duty " ?

With double speed , Sophiaji, Law of Karma is functioning in your favour. Think

about it ! Tell me how I am wrong ? Do tell me or else become happy. Become

peaceful. Become grateful to Paramatma ! He only is ours. Other than Him there

is only " duty " !

 

Namaste Jee

 

Jee Jee

Shashikala

---------------------------

Sophia-ji you are on the right path. If you can sacrifice your interest in favor

of birds and animals, you can sacrifice, only to the extent possible and

bearable, for your Mother - not merely because she is your mother but because

she is as much a manifestation of God as you or anyone else are/ is. God,

genetics and previous experiences have giving you the propensity and strength to

sacrifice for others, even if they do not tolerate you or behave badly with you.

You are fortunate to have such properties. And, the current experience in

dealing with the ailing, stuborn and unloving mother will enhance your

capability to endure and love anyone and help anyone who needs. Pray to God. You

are doing what He desires. He will give you the strength and lead you to more

important, interesting experiences and knowledge. He will take care of your

physical and mental health or change your duty. Submit to him and pray to him

with the joy of doing what he has ordained for you.

Read Gita again and again. But only those portions on the concept of God and

what the wise persons do.

Basudeb Sen

-----------------------------

Dear Annonimous,

 

The Nature has made all the life forms self-sufficient. Each one has

to face their own fate all alone. You know it very well, whosoever is

born, has to die one day. The ways of death are different for

different persons. so be brave...

 

G. Waman

 

 

---------------------------

PRIOR POSTING

 

 

 

I KINDLY THANK EVERY SOUL THAT HAS TAKEN THEIR TIME TO SPEAK WORDS

OF INSIGHT AND KINDNESS. I am in nyc and have reache d out over

the years to the caregiver s groups, alzheimers org and such.

I gave up my career as actress and opera singer and left hollywood

over 5 yrs ago to alone take care of a very abusive ill mother.I am

longtime sadhak, vegan , meditator a & practice yoga. the intensity

daily stress has broken me i am now ill myself. as of friday night

mothe r is back in the hospital.perhaps she will listen to the drs.

only God know. she also knows I can no longer take care of her the

way i have my strength is gone and now i am under drs. care.

i will bring Gita to hospital and read every day, continue to pray

and ask my self the query

who is sick and who am i ? i know i am not my body i know mother

is not mine. but the continuous activity of the daily taking care

of is done in this body which is now worn out I will follow all

suggestions kindly spoken of by spiritual friends here.

Karmically i think, it is interesting to note my mother threw me out

on the streets in the dead of winter with no winter coat or money

at age 17.5 (nyc streets). I was never allowed home again even when

i called terrified at 3 am in the snow sleeping outside.

i was abandoned by both mother and father in this life and

brother. i chose not to abandon my mother. i dont abandon birds

and animals i wouldnt abandon mother. my brother whom my mother

worships, and whom took care of my brother who is very wealthy

abandoned my mother years ago & has taken no responsibility or

offered any help of any kind.

she still cries for him while im trying to care for her knowing he

hates her & i shut up. i try i really try to do the right thing

i try and have tried to detach and be witness. it is very

difficult when getting screamed at and spit at within 1 inch of your

face while you a re trying to care physically care for a parent

who abused you growing up and , well, yes i see the only only

solution is deeply spiritual . i do i will go pray now and read

gita again i wish to thank everyone.

moksha

 

sophia

nyc

moskha

 

-------------------------------

Namaskaar.

 

After several years in the United States I returned to Trinidad to

take care of my mother. I have several sisters who do all they can

to help her but as a son to my dear mother, with whom I have a

special bond, I could not resist when Mataji asked me over the

phone, several times: when are you coming home? After about two

weeks of those questions it suddenly dawned on me that Mataji really

wanted me to come back, and as a true son I had an obligation to do

so. I packed my bags, bid goodbye to all, and returned home.

 

It wasn't an easy decision but I had to come home to her and I thank

Bhagavan for giving me the courage and determination to leave that

life and come home to her. Mata ji is 81, paralyzed and unable to

walk, and my sisters and I do all we can to make her comfortable

even though sometimes she can be difficult. But we know this is not

deliberate as it is symptomatic of old age and senility.

 

It can be tiring and difficult and it takes a lot from us and for me

it has been a sacrifice of much of my personal life but every day I

thank Bhagavan for giving me the opportunity and the honour to help

her and be there with her. Sometime Mataji forgets we are there with

her and when I enter her room she pleads with me 'not to leave her.'

I assure her I will never leave her and I will there for her as long

I am alive.

 

Yes, it consumes mental and physical energy, there are costs

nvolved, but I encourage everyone to take care of parents and elders

no matter how burdensome you may think it is and how much energy and

resources are necessary. Try as hard as you can to take care of

them at home rather than in a Senior citizens' home. I know for

sure that the day my Mataji goes into one of those places she will

not survive for more than a week so sending her there is like a

death sentence.

 

As Hindus, we have a long and glorious tradition of our extended

family and caring for all at our homes. Let us strive to maintain

that treasured custom, even in this hectic and tiring world. It is

most fulfilling to serve parents and elders as it is one of the

most exalted characteristics of Sanatan Dharma.

You should not ignore parents and elders - they are our Gods on

earth and if you can't honour and pray to them then it is

meaningless and even hypocritical to pray to Bhagavan.

 

Hari Om

 

Deosaran Bisnath

---------------------------

Shree Hari

Ram Ram

 

My heart aches on reading your email... and deep within long to

reach out ...I am certain many other sadhaks emotionally can

experience what you are going through simply from your note. But

remain ever in that LIGHT that you speak off... never turn away from

it. It is His eternal promise to us... in Gita 9:22 that He will

take care of us !

 

Key is detachment and only doing to the best of your ability what

you can do and forgetting the past or the future. Think of yourself

as a Nurse hired by the divine Light, the Source. You are only

hired to do this work, rather the chosen One, you are merely taking

care of her to the best of your ability and nothing more.

Absolutely nothing more. Live moment to moment guided by the

Light... Not thinking about what will happen or what has happened in

the past... but living only in the present, in that Light that you

speak off in your note and guided by That and That alone. If you

feel exhausted, sleep and rest it out. Do not take the entire burden

on your head.

 

Swamiji often speaks of a wonderful example of a dog who is walking

under a bullock cart filled with heavy goods. He is walking there

only for protection against the heat of the sun (i.e. for shade).

However, after sometime, the dog begins to feel he is the one that

is carrying the burden / weight of the entire cart and all the stuff

on it. We all are like that dog. We begin to carry all the weight

on our shoulder. Krishna clearly showed us with the Govardhan

mountain...that HE ALONE is the One holding up the mountain with the

tip of his tiny finger... that it is He and we are merely

instruments and basking in His glory... nothing more!!!! Therefore

do the best you can... if you miss a day of care, a nurse or someone

at the hospital will fill the gap.

 

As Vyasji and other sadhaks have said... be fearless, worriless,

doubtless, griefless.... without regreting the past or concern about

the future.. only doing what you are able to do... and leaving the

rest up to the Divine, the Beloved, the Light.. .the Spirit...

And as Mike said, you definitely have direct support from this group

therefore be strong. It is not an ordinary thing that you have

started receiving these messages and reading them... and seeking out

help from this group. You have done your part... let the rest

flow!!!! May That Divine Light Always be with you!

 

Meera Das

Ram Ram

 

---------------------------

PRIOR POSTING

 

Hari Om

 

You have every right to be peaceful. " Duty " - is what you CAN and

what you SHOULD. Once you have done what ever you could, there is no

need for you to feel guilty when you CAN NOT anymore. What you can

not do, it is not your duty to do.

Hence be brave, be guiltfree, and see God's hand in every result.

See God live in your Mom, in your mind, in your circumstances - and

for once with a simple heart surrender yourself completely into the

hands of Paramatma. Once you surrender, thereafter you should not

worry.

 

Stand erect. Be peaceful by realising that you did your level best.

Don't look at all at the conduct of " relatives " ! They are made like

that only. They were not " yours " , they are not " yours " , they will

not be " yours " - there is no possibility of their ever

being " yours " . Yours is only Paramatma ! Once you accept " mineness "

with Him (He is always yours) , it would not matter to you, if

anybody is " yours " or not. GUARANTEED !! Remain Doubtless.

Worryless. Griefless. Fearless.

 

Cry before Him- only before Him. Say now take over My Lord. He

surely will. Have trust. Have belief. Thank Him any way !

 

Jai Shree Krishna

 

Vyas N B

 

-Shree Hari-

 

Dear Anonymous,

 

My wife and I are in a very similar position to you, almost a

reflection of that which you have written.

My role in all this is to mainly support my wife.

 

May I point out the family members have washed their hands of much

more than caring for mother.

Surely if they find themselves incapable of helping her directly can

they not at least support you?

 

You have done something very important, you have contacted this site

with so much divine love and wisdom.

 

I feel that you need direct support, as I have no idea where you live

I cannot offer much, here in Australia there are support groups,

religious and none religious.

 

You do not have to remain anonymous, but if you wish to fine.

 

Do come back to this site, I personally promise you I will always

reply and support you to best of my abilities.

 

You may find this site of value, I cannot recommend it too much.

http://swamiramsukhdasji.net

 

May God bless you.

 

With Respect and Divine Love,

 

Mike (Keenor).

--------------------------------

 

Priy Anonimous

I say you are choosen by god to serve your mother.

It comes rarely occassion that U get such chance.

Whatever the situation please do all servings on the basis of

Almighty lord.

God is seeing every moment. He knows better than all of us.

In MANAS:

PRABHU BHANJIHI DARUN BIPATI, JAANAT JAN KI PIR.

God will take care coz he knows all ur pains.

Have faith. please.

Raja Gurdasani

--------------------------------

Namasthe anonymous, I read your message and I guess I understand

what you must be going through. do not worry much. God is there and

everything will be fine too. I just was wondering..where do you

live ? in which country ?

Please try to find the local support groups regarding these

alzeimers' illness. I guess, u are handling this all on ur own and

it would definitely get exhausting. Please find some of the members

who are going thro similar situations via support groups.

 

also, when u mention about exhausting financial resources..how is it

happening ? is it possible if some nurse or anyone can take care of

her 2 to 3 days a week and during that time..u can do other things

and you take care 2 to 3 days..so that you will also get a break

from the routine and get refreshed also.

 

Also, please think about this. in case if u are caring of ur any

family member..the other type of exhaustion we all may feel worried

thinking that it is our family member. Rather than that, if

possible, just try to think that whatever situation we are in

either by choice or circumstance, think its God's work and do it. In

the respect, although u may get physically exhausted, atleast the

exhaustion will not be much from the emotional perspective. once

the mental energy is not drained, you can be calm in every day's

action u do.

 

Please be strong and I am sure everything will be fine. Do not

thnk..its ur mother..just think that it is God's work whatever u are

doing to ur mother. Definitely, please check on the support

groups/non-profit organizations..they will definitely be there to

help the people who are taking care of the people with illness.

 

My prayers and good wishes and so u feel peac in ur heart even in

the midst of all these.

 

namsthe again,

Bharathi

----------------------------

Consider yourself as Arjuna in the battlefied of Kurukshetra, where

in the midst of the war between mother' illness including her

stubborn rejection of all help and your own physical and mental

resources, you are completely dejected and despondent. This is the

reality of the situation you cannot bear. Reading Gita is your Lord

Krishna: read this and identify the Truth. You are not responsible

for anything, you are not the cause of anything. You have done what

you have been doing and continue to be doing. But your actions do

not cause the consequences that you desire and you do not desire.

Whatever happens to Mother is destined to happen and you are neither

the cause nor the one responsible for. You are just an witness to

all happening.

You are only to act as per the propensities/ tendencies that have

been imparted in you by your genetics and past interactions/

experiences with the environment you have grown up. This you have no

alternative but to accept the pains and sufferings.

Get out of identification with this You. This you is just an

illusion that this you will have to live. But the Real You are the

God. Read Gita again and again to realize your Real You and get

beyond the chained you attached to the happenings of this World

around you. Pray and pray to God that He lifts you to the Real You.

Know that when you try in this way to get into your Real you, your

apparent worldy you will have no suffering at all.

All above are words and really cannot help you. Sincere and

continuous prayer and submission to God as you read Gita can only

help you.

Basudeb Sen

------------------------

Yes, on a physical level it is all very difficult to understand and

cope up with.

But these things do happen with many families and part of our

worldly existence.

 

What helps us in these and all other situations is the spiritual

wisdom/rules of our lives,

knowing ourselves, doing things by remaining at the source......

It may appear difficult but with some practice, one start getting

the results....

So please read the messages on this group and get into the spiritual

mode....

 

Humble suggestions:

 

1) You have to understand who you are. So, ask yourself " Who am I? "

and wait for the answer.

Then try again...see what happens....what happens to the

feelings...the stress....Keep this practice

on whenever you can and find time or even while doing something....

 

2) Second question that may burst many myths is to understand who is

getting exhausted and

who is stressed....So ask your self " Who is getting exhausted " , " Who

is getting stressed "

and again wait for the answer........

 

Our mind/ Mann is a wonderful instrument and able to create things

out of nothing.....and we

slowly become slaves of thoughts and further thoughts....The above

questions help you to get rid of the

these absolutely unnecessary and unwanted thoughts. Once that begin

to happen, you can see the

light which shall direct you to do what needs to be done happily and

without much effort....

 

Best wishes....

Sushil Jain

 

-------------------------

Hi ,

 

God is only testing you, do your work and manage to distance

yourself from now or you will be heart broken when the time comes to

say good bye, god willing.

 

Pray more and carry on with your work, you have done your duty and

this is all you can do. You are answerable to only The Almighty, so

go about your work and pray when you find the time to do so.

 

All the best till you feel good.

 

BARBARA ALI

-------------------------

Dear Sadhak,

Under the circumstances of your mother please do not lose confidence

in your sincere caring of your mother who has given birth to you.If

you are tired then ask other members of your family to take care of

her If you have money please put her in a nursing home or any such

place where her care is properly taken

Matru devo Bhava " is a great obligation as narrated in Upnishad.

 

For her salvation please start reading one chapter of Bhagavat Gita

or the whole Gita on Sunday or any important day. Keep some chanting

program at your place for finding a solution and relief to both of

you. Have faith in God and a solutions will come within six months

of your resolution to seek peace in your family.

 

Truly yours

Shankerprasad S Bhatt

-------------------------------

Dear anonymous....

My heart truly goes out to you.....unless one has been in a

similar situation, it is impossible to understand the level of

stress that you are experiencing. I am presently caring for an 84

yr. old mataji, whose son passed away from cancer last November.

(2008). He was only 54. She has one other son, but he is not

vegetarian, so she does not wish to live with him, nor does she wish

to relocate away from the devotional community she has grown used to

in Los Angeles. I promised her son, who was not related to me, that

I would care for his mother. But I have my husband to help me. I

am constantly on the lookout for individuals from my temple who can

spare time and energy to stay with this sweet, elderly lady,

otherwise I take her everywhere with me, because to leave her alone

is quite scary...both for her, as she sits alone and doesn't move,

and for me, because I am so worried about her when she is alone!

And she doesn't even have alzheimer's, or anything like that. Just

incontinence, which of course brings a load of social

pressures......and she screams about having to take a shower. It

is certainly a demanding service....one which the Supreme Lord will

bless you millions of times over for executing so faithfully for so

long......may you always be guided by the Lord in your heart to know

how to continue pleasing Him.

respectfully, Mahalaksmi Dasi

------------------------------

Arvind Khetia, engineer and a Hindu:

Discouragement and hopelessness can arise due to many reasons.

Spiritual wisdom is essential to cultivating a balanced mind. Then,

one recognizes the negative influence of ego, greed and excessive

material pleasures on one's mind and society. Consequently, one

learns to cultivate self-control, discriminate between what is

eternal and transient, practice equanimity and follow one's dharma.

Dharma requires one to perform the duties of life in accordance with

universal ethical values.

 

Therefore, one's faith must be founded on spiritual reality to help

combat discouragement and hopelessness. The Bhagavad-Gita

states, " When spiritual wisdom is the highest goal, one's faith is

deep and senses restrained, then one attains wisdom and acquires

perfect peace. "

 

According to Vedanta, true faith begins with having faith in

ourselves. Then, through practicing the spiritual disciplines of

meditation and yoga, one achieves a transformation of one's

character. Thus, one's faith evolves into the realization of one's

inner spiritual nature and manifests as enlightened optimism.

 

Arvind Khetia

--------------------------

Dear Exhausted ,

 

The True answer must come from your ' inside ', from inside you.

No-one from outside can give you the correct answer for you, in your

particular situation

 

Meditation will lead you to your inner being .

Meditation is the only Way.....................

Sit for formal meditation , morning and evening, half an hour .

 

BUT..................

 

When meditation does not ' happen', especially in the beginning(

your mind does not move into it so easily), and Karma ( sewa) is

also so exhausting and stressful, ' prayer and satsanga' is the

answer ..........

 

A Prayer to God ( Krishna, Rama,Shiva, Allah, Waheguru ) for

strength and wisdom, whenever the mind falls ... Being at the feet

of a master can do wonders !

 

narinder bhandari

-------------------------------

 

 

SUMMARY OF SADHAK POSTINGS -

 

- complaint raises from the violation of one's core limits as well

as limitations - natural, psychological, physiological, financial,

social as well as spiritual - leading to exhaustion and distress.

- you are on the right path.

- You have already experienced " nothing is mine, " ... now the next

step... " only God is mine " . Why subtle insistence on recovery

etc., What can you do , except doing your duty? AND THAT YOU HAVE

DONE and ARE DOING ! Fault is linking duty with old memories ! Fault

is in re-living the past! which does not exist! Forgive and forget!

on shedding the insistence, peace will prevail.

- if you are not at peace within, you can not comfort anybody else no matter

what your understanding/determination/ intention is.

- What a destructive force is hatred? And how indestructible

is 'Divine Love'. Some people will never abandon any needy, it is

their very nature to care.

- Do your duty and forget. Nothing is ours.

- you can sacrifice, only to the extent possible and bearable, for your Mother -

not merely because she is your mother but because she is as much a manifestation

of God

- Nurse - pure service, so impersonal, and yet so compassionate ... if we could

be like that in spite of having emotional relations

- we are the chosen ones. there are no options regarding caring for

parents. We have to do it.

- as far as possible keep them at home.

- Don't seek any reciprocation for your good deeds

- Being Peaceful is your birth right! What you can not do, it is

not your duty! be guiltfree. See God in Mom, and take complete

refuge in the Divine (God); accept only Him as yours; thereafter do

not worry! Remain Doubtless. Worryless. Griefless. Fearless.

- you are choosen by god to serve your mother; a rare opportunity!

Serve as if serving Almighty! He knows what is best! He knows ur pain

- My heart truly goes out to you.....it is certainly a demanding

service. may you always be guided by the Lord in your heart to know

how to continue pleasing Him.

- you are being tested; You have done your duty! continue working

but becoming detached. Pray. You are only answerable to God.

- Karma Favoring you - On one hand you are doing selfless duty and thus

accumulating " assets " . On other hand with every abuse/disrespect/spit on the

face your " liabilities " are simultaneously getting wiped out- without any effort

at your end ! Become grateful to Paramatma ! He only is ours. Other than Him

there is only " duty " !

- Whatever happens to Mother is destined to happen and you are

neither the cause nor the one responsible for. Stop identification

with Body/Mind and identify with the Truth of the Gita. Read Gita

again and again! prayer and submission to God/Gita can only help you.

- Leave for ever " desire for happiness " . Immediately / Instantly pains will

vanish.

- Spiritual wisdom is essential to cultivating a balanced mind.

True faith begins with having faith in ourselves.

- Question over and over again.. who am I? who is getting

exhausted? Who is getting stressed? and wait for the answer! Mind

creates things out of nothing! The above questions help you to get

rid of the unnecessary thoughts. thereafter light shall direct you

to do what needs to be done happily and without much effort

- Meditate and Pray... at lotus feet of Lord

- Pray to God. You are doing what He desires. He will give you the strength and

lead you to more important, interesting experiences and knowledge

- Do not lose confidence. Seek Help! Read Gita! Have Faith in God

and solution will come.

- Read Gita again and again. But only those portions on the concept of God and

what the wise persons do.

- you are getting their full blessings. And these special blessings

can turn any negativity in a patri to the most blessed and enriched

life. You are truly blessed believe me. Turn this into an

oppurtunity rather than a crisis.

- You need direct support! Are there support groups / others?

Don't hesitated to rely on sadhaks in this forum. They are

personally committed to support.

- Please seek out a local support group! Possibly a break, through

hired nurse help, so can get some rest!

- Think of yourself as a Nurse only... taking care of her for short

time... not thinking of past or future. Live in present, guided by

the light.

- think its God's work you are doing for your mother and do it!

There will be less emotional exhaustion, therefore you'll be calm

even though physical strain.

- The Nature has made all the life forms self-sufficient. Each one has to face

their own fate all alone. Whosoever is born, has to die one day. so be brave...

- Please be strong and all will be fine!

- relax please ...

- every day I thank Bhagavan for giving me the opportunity and the

honour to help her and be there with her

- Let us strive to maintain that treasured custom, even in this

hectic and tiring world. It is most fulfilling to serve parents and

elders as it is one of the most exalted characteristics of Sanatan

Dharma.

- Entering into the depth of 'Darkness', it is there that you can

see the Divine Light.

- 'Cry before Him- only before Him. Say now take over My Lord. He

surely will. Have trust. Have belief. Thank Him any way !'

- cry out like a child who is lost and is looking for Mother or

Father, place no restriction call to Him as child, go where it takes

you

 

 

--------------------------

 

GITA TALK GROUP GUIDELINES: PLEASE -

1. Only responses that further clarify Gita message will be posted.

2. Quote Gitaji/scriptures wherever possible..

3. Limit personal feelings, opinions, beliefs etc. to the

extent that they further help in understanding the Gita shlokas

4. Be as concise, to the point, respecting sadhaka's time.

5. Focus on subject at hand only.

6. Do not include links to the other sites.

7. Do not include your personal information (Ph #, address etc).

8. Do not personalize message

9. All responses may not be posted.

10. Moderator at his discretion, may modify the posting.

11. Take into consideration the novices, youth, westerners, non-

sectarian audience. i.e. limit the use to Sanskrit words only.

Provide English word bracketed.

 

MODERATOR

Ram Ram

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------

 

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[Guest guest]

My mother is once again hospitalized… im sorry im exhausted and

very stressed. After five years of taking care of her entirely on

my own, as other family members have washed their hands off, I feel

completely exhausted. She is also a alzheimers patient exhibiting

all behaviour related to this deadly disease. She continues to be

extremely stubborn in receiving any kind of help which is continuing

to exhaust and drain all her financial resources.

 

Caring for her for so long, I feel like I will have a stroke or a

heart attack. There have been many incidents where I have been

completely freaked out, totally drained of all energy. This extreme

physical and mental exhaustion has reached a point where I can

barely make it off the bed, with my eyes swollen from exhaustion.

 

I read the words in your daily posting and though i know they are

true, they mean nothing in my serious state of exhaustion. I can

no longer care for my mother and have told her doctors so and they

know and agree. Knowing that I still feel responsible, but at the

same time, feel completely unable to deal with the situation.

There appears to be no Light in sight! How do I connect to this

Light? I seek any guidance you can offer to be free of suffering

and to be at Peace!

 

May all souls cross over the horrid ocean of suffering

including me.

 

 

Sophia

===========================================================

 

NEW POSTING

 

I AM DEEPLY TOUCHED AND SITTING HERE CRYING OVER THE KINDNESS OF ALL

WHO HAVE SPOKEN HERE TO HELP ME. CRYING. DOING AS SUGGESTED CRYING

OUT TO GOD STUDYING GITA AND FOR THE PAST 2 DAYS RESTING IN BED WITH

GITA EXHAUSTED. ALONG WITH MEDITATION, YOGA , MANTRA. I HAVE BEEN

IN THERAPIES WITH DRS FOR MANY YEARS HERE. EVERY WESTERN DR. HAS

TOLD ME TO GET AWAY FROM MY MOTHER to leave her to her own

sufferings and rot. This I would not do the many many layers of

emotional pain i have dealt with over the years with very little

healing. and i have forgiven her but one day when she was abusing me

so i yelled at her & then i felt guilty. the trick is to detach to

organically understand i am not the suffering. i know that but to

organically get that , well then i would be enlightened but that

is not the case. when i lived on the streets of nyc i did not shoot

heroin or kill myself because i knew this was karma and i had to

walk a spiritual path that has never changed. but i wish not to

speak of myself anymore. i have reached out and you have all been

spiritually gracious. i hope i may serve as well to help those that

suffer including crippled nyc pigeons that some children try to

hit. there is too much sorrow in this world. i wish i could wave a

magic wand

 

I LOVE THIS

 

Living in the West you may have heard of the poem 'Dark Night of the

Soul', by St. John of the Cross. " Oh Night! more glorious than the

Rising Sun! "

 

Look! Entering into the depth of 'Darkness', it is there that you can

see the Divine Light. The dawn is coming you know, I think maybe you

might just start to see it's first glimmer.

 

Brother Vyas gave a powerful piece of advice, I will paste it in

here with respect:

'Cry before Him- only before Him. Say now take over My Lord. He

surely will. Have trust. Have belief. Thank Him any way

 

I WILL SAY THIS AS MANTRA TODAY ON JAPA MALA - " Doosara na koi " -

There is " no one else " " None Other " .

 

Sophia

--------------------------

Hari Om

 

Swamiji Ramsukhdasji Maharaj would very rarely give mantras/

formulas. But once he wrote that if you distribute sweets / candy to

poor children then the grief DEFINITELY goes !

 

I believe it is an infallible formula for quick relief in

stress/worry/anxiety levels.

 

Jai Shree Krishna

 

Vyas N B

---------------------------

Dear Sadhak

 

Surrender your self to the feet of your God and offer sincere and

prayers to him urging your personal God to relieve your mother from

all these pains and also give you confidence and love for taking

care of your mother till her death.

 

Please keep confidence in God who will find a way our of your

worries and direct you about the action you have to take

 

Truly yours

 

S S Bhatt

---------------------------

Hi anonymous,

It is extremely difficult to look after a mentallyill person and

being a carer myself i know.

the most important thing to realise is that YOUR HEALTH IS

INTRICATELY CONNECTED TO YOUR MOTHER'S WELL-BEING. That is if you are

not there or breakdown , she goes to the streets.

so

1.Plan in case you are not there because one can never say. This will

give you lot of peace. If it makes sense, just harden your heart and

place her in an old age home if you can afford.

2.so your health and happiness and longlife is important for her

also.

3. Take time for some rest and relaxation - e.g. Music go to Music

concert, films, good food EAT, bhajans sing them. Just be happy for

that you must learn to enjoy life without being GUILTY.

 

4.Normally CARERS get a mental illness called DYSTHEMIA. You are

showing early signs so get out of it.

 

captain Johann samuhanand

 

---------------------------

This situation indeed is very difficult. Am sure many of us may

have gone thru similar situation (incl me). My humble suggestion

would be that before taking any decision, we must think 10 times.

Had this position been with a child then could any mother abandon

her child although she also at times be tired and be almost in

similar position but am sure she could not abandon. Secondly,

whatever action/step we take today, we must think 10-15 yrs

henceforward - and we may not regret the step that we take now. But

we all are human and feeling exhausted and tired is also human and

very right emotion too sp. when no other sibling is there to lend a

helping hand even temporarily. I remember myself crying loudly

oblivious of surroundings in the parking lot of hospital. Crying

out to God for his help and mercy. I do not know was it due to

stress, helplessness, anguish, unable to see my Mom suffering, out

of exhaustion, desperation, as I am also suffering from 3 major

diseases myself.

 

Pls seek temporary helping hand may it be physical / financial -

wherever it may come from, relax, take good care of yourself first

and then think about taking care of your Mom.

 

Wish you good health and peace.

 

Warm regards and lots of love to you who has stood by her Mom for so

many years which itself is commendable, when people can barely take

this for couple of months.

 

Mrs K Asani

 

---------------------------

Dear Sophia,

Your situation reminds me of my own. I am second number child of my

parents, the elder sister was married when I was only in tenth

standard. I completed my studies ( engineering) by tuitions

supporting my family. My younger brother who is 3 years younger to

me was adorned by my parents too much and always being treated with

much more love and affections as a result he became acute mental

patient for last 20 years. My parents always discarded me and my

wife, abused us inspite of living dependently with me on my income.

My mother used to support my sister family all along her life. She

was dominating and never even shown any affection to me, my wife or

my two kids. My brother was married but was divorced due to his

mental problem, so my wife was the only daughter in law of my mother.

In 2002 my father's both kidneys failed and after a prolong and

costly treatment of two years he survived. Myself and my wife alone

spent our day and night, borne all the expenses and he is still

survving and is a healthy person ( except that he cannot see

clearly). My mother never visited him in hospital and used to abuse

us as why we are getting him the treatment. My sister who is married

to a very top doctor never bothered to take any interest in the

treatment or support us, my brother as a mental patinet is totally

dependent on me.

Last year my mother met an accident in January 08 and she was

operated and inserted steel rod and was bed ridden for almost nine

months before she finally left for heavenly abode in Sept. Me and my

wife only took care for her during this period. My sister who lives

very near never bothered to provide any help or assistance but

ensured abusing us all the time on some or other pretext by finding

fault in the treatement given to her which I ensured in the best

hospitals in Jaipur. It was hell for us getting abused for the

responsibilty for treatment to parents by themselves and also my

sister. But we never lost our patience. My brother is on mental

treatment, needs daily medicines otherwise becomes extreme vilolent

and my wife used to give him also medicines, handle my mother

treatment who was bed ridden for nine months and also take care of

my father who is also now 80 years.

My kids some time ask me why amma, dada and bua are so cruel to you

are you their step son ? and why so are taking so much care of them?

Our neighbours were amused by our patience and handling of the

situation and always praised us, so were all our distance relatives

who used to come to meet my mother.

I run my own business and have to travel abroad frequnetly.I lost

lot of money in business during that period as I was badly stressed

all the time.

After my mother expired my sister abusued us publically that I

killed my mother but everyone knew the truth, so she herself got

a bad name.

I can visualise your situation , but I can only say time will pass

and these are the tough situations which as a human being any one

can come across so need to have a patience, and only thing in our

control is our work and discharge of duties earnestly.

 

I know every situation is unique but my own case will surely give

you some solace and strenght to bear the pain.

 

Ajay Gupta

------------------------------

 

PRIOR POSTING

 

Hello The Universal Individual (Trust me! there can be hardly

anybody who have not felt like you at one time or the other!!),

 

The complaint raises from the violation of one's core limits as well

as limitations - natural, psychological, physiological, financial,

social as well as spiritual - leading to exhaustion and distress. It

is essential to appreciate one's limits as well as limitations to

break them open for an expansive horizon. Also, I can assure, from

my experience, that one cannot attempt this while being bound within

a state of violent distress. One has to releive oneself from the

distress to clarify one's appreciation of the whole situation.

 

I do not know the individual limits and limitations here except for

the lack of support from the relatives (which is not surprising).

However, I urge you to seek professional help for yourself as well

as for your mother contacting appropriate agencies. Bhagavadgita and

the spiritual talk appeals ONLY IF you are ready for facing The

Truth stark naked. At this point, you may mentally not be ready to

face the same as your inner turmoil is churning your presence away

from any such possible appreciation. You have to releive your system

to relax before appreciating the depth of spirituality.

 

Therefore, seek some physical help from whichever source that is

congenial ... If it helps ... I learnt a lot by observing the

saintly nurses who were taking care of my father when he was

critically ill once ... pure service, so impersonal, and yet so

compassionate ... if we could be like that in spite of having

emotional relations ... it would be the best. It is easy to

preach ... therefore, let me restrain myself from that ... yet, if

possible, try it out along with all other possible psycho-physio-

medical help as well as financial aid that you could possibly

extract from yourself as well as from your environment.

 

One thing is for sure ... if you are not at peace within, you can

not comfort anybody else no matter what your understanding/

determination/ intention is. Also, if you break down, your mother

will have nobody to care of her ... think of that as well.

Therefore, my suggestion is to gather all your strength to establish

your integrity within first ... relax for that ... relax within as

much as possible in spite of the gruelling environmental demands ...

relax within in spite of the personal anguish and physical

exhaustion ...

 

Take it as an opportunity to appreciate how your relaxation is, in

fact, independent of all the relations in this life; to realize its

true transcendental nature as such ... if possible ... as much as

possible ... relax please ...

 

Best Wishes.

 

Naga Narayana

 

-----------------------------

 

-Shree Hari-

 

Dear Sophia,

 

To be apparently all alone in this situation is an added burden,

let me put you in the picture right now , my beloved wife is talking

to her sister, my wife and I have spent the afternoon with her

mother, and consultants. She needs to talk to lighten her load.

 

There was a time long passed, that I, it seems was the most hated

person on planet earth in my in laws eyes. The hatred was so intense,

that I actually started to stutter, I swear to all I never knew that

one could hate so much, I don't think I ever hated.

 

What a destructive force is hatred? And how indestructible is 'Divine

Love'. Some people will never abandon any needy, it is their very

nature to care.

 

Karma, yes indeed, I have watched the unfolding over the years, never

voiced it, just observed. My in laws watched helplessly, as the other

son in law died a slow and painful death, (we got on well, he and I).

Then my mother in law was widowed.

 

Old 'Black Sheep' moved interstate, to the same town in which my

mother in law lived.

It is I who picked her off the floor when she had a fall, who pushed

her around shopping centers, fixed things, etc.

Now I am a shining light in her eyes, " God must have brought you her

for a reason " , she has often said. She's got that right, but 'The

Divine Beloved', did it not just for her, but also for me, God who I

love so much, has exposed me to so much, helping my stony heart to

break.

 

Living in the West you may have heard of the poem 'Dark Night of the

Soul', by St. John of the Cross. " Oh Night! more glorious than the

Rising Sun! "

 

Look! Entering into the depth of 'Darkness', it is there that you can

see the Divine Light. The dawn is coming you know, I think maybe you

might just start to see it's first glimmer.

 

Brother Vyas gave a powerful piece of advice, I will paste it in

here with respect:

'Cry before Him- only before Him. Say now take over My Lord. He

surely will. Have trust. Have belief. Thank Him any way !'

 

Every one is different, but try this if you wish; go to a place where

none can hear you, ask out loud for GOD to help you, from your soul

cry out like a child who is lost and is looking for Mother or Father,

place no restriction call to Him as child, go where it takes you.

 

B.G. 7

At the end of his many births

The wise man takes refuge in Me.

He knows: " All is Vasudeva.3 "

How very rare is that great soul! (19)

 

With Respect and Divine Love,

 

Mike (Keenor).

------------------------------

 

Hari Om

 

Sadhak Sophia ! Real Sadhak you are !! This group is privileged to

have you as one of us. Please keep the divinity in you prospering.

 

Remove now old memories of ill treatment. It is necessary Dear

Sister for removal of pains. Could they have come to you without

divine will? Is it not now a real " experiential knowledge " for you

that " Nothing is mine " ( Doosara na Koi ) ?

You in fact paid a very little cost of " knowing " that precious

priceless knowledge.

 

What is needed now once " doosara na koi " is part of your direct

experience ? In fact - Mere to Girdhar Gopal (Only God is

mine ) !!! Once God is yours and no one else- why worry? Why

exhaustion? Why weariness? Why that subtle insistence on recovery of

Mom? As you are of God, is she not? What can you do , except doing

your duty? AND THAT YOU HAVE DONE and ARE DOING !

 

It is a law that duty doesnot generate sorrows. But you are not

feeling well. Where is the clue/ fault? Fault is linking duty with

old memories ! Check with your conscience, are you not reliving

those days? Are you not keeping the wounds green? Let them heal now!

This is final frontier which you should cross now . Forgive and

forget the past. Don't insist for any favourable or unfavourable

happennings in life. Past does not exist Dear Sister !

Nor does future exist now? Why worry then?

 

I am sure once you shed this insistence over the results of your

otherwise divine performance of duties, peace, much awaited peace

will generate in abundance in you.

 

Try it and keep in touch. Do take interest in other Qs also. That,

in itself, will make you happy and peaceful. " Sharing " reduces pain

and increases pleasure ! Isn't it?

 

May Paramatma bless you !

 

Jai Shree Krishna

 

Vyas N B

-----------------------------

I have been undergoing a similar situation for years. I can

empathise with you. Stressful days and even worst nights. not been

on a holiday for the last 15 years. Used to crib many years back,

then went deeper into astrology which perhaps if nothing else I

learnt to bear with this as my karmic destiny.

 

I remember my father used to say, " if God chooses to give me old

age I pray to him to give me good children " The full impact of this

sentence came in much later. But strive thru it all to remember that

perhaps of all the persons in our family we are the chosen ones. I

feel there are no options regarding caring for parents. We have to

do it. On bad days just tell yourself you are getting there full

blessings. And these special blessings can turn any negativity in a

patri to the most blessed and enriched life.

 

I am sure nobody on this forum or any other can refute this. You are

truly blessed believe me. Turn this into an oppurtunity rather than

a crisis. With you .

Take care.

Vats (Pradeep Sahai)

--------------------------

Jai Hanuman

 

Dear Sophiaji ! Thanks for sharing with us the voice of your soul. I

give a

small example to you to ponder.

 

You kept a nurse for taking care of your child. You pay her and she

takes care

of the child like you, yourself take care. One day there is some

disruption in

relationship/money/etc. You ask her to go . How easily she leaves

the affection

of that child? Will she look back? Will she enquire about the

child ? No !

 

Be like that. Do your duty and forget. Nothing is ours. Only

Paramatma is ours.

Serve fearlessly. If you get disrespect/ abuses in return , then

consider

yourself to be lucky. Results of your service are not getting

frittered away in

petty respects/praises/acknowledgements ! Higher results are in

store for you.

 

My Mom in law, 75, often says- Let Rupee remain Rupee ! (Don't seek

any

reciprocation for your good deeds, you are reducing the value of a

rupee to few

paise only, because you expect immediate result).

 

In your case, Dear Sophiaji - the Rupee is increasing in value with

every

disrespect, every abuse, every spit on the face ! Believe me on

this ! Let it

increase. Wish now that you don't need respect

honor/respect/acknowledgement .

Leave for ever " desire for happiness " . Immediately / Instantly

pains will

vanish.

 

You used the word " karmic " in your last post. Now if we look at Law

of Karma,

you will find that in your case the Divine is working with double

speed. On one

hand you are doing selfless duty and thus accumulating " assets " . On

other hand

with every abuse/disrespect/spit on the face your " liabilities " are

simultaneously getting wiped out- without any effort at your end !

By Divine

Will !

 

Tell me now honestly, do you want respect/praise etc in return for

your " duty " ?

With double speed , Sophiaji, Law of Karma is functioning in your

favour. Think

about it ! Tell me how I am wrong ? Do tell me or else become happy.

Become

peaceful. Become grateful to Paramatma ! He only is ours. Other than

Him there

is only " duty " !

 

Namaste Jee

 

Jee Jee

Shashikala

---------------------------

Sophia-ji you are on the right path. If you can sacrifice your

interest in favor

of birds and animals, you can sacrifice, only to the extent possible

and

bearable, for your Mother - not merely because she is your mother

but because

she is as much a manifestation of God as you or anyone else are/ is.

God,

genetics and previous experiences have giving you the propensity and

strength to

sacrifice for others, even if they do not tolerate you or behave

badly with you.

You are fortunate to have such properties. And, the current

experience in

dealing with the ailing, stuborn and unloving mother will enhance

your

capability to endure and love anyone and help anyone who needs. Pray

to God. You

are doing what He desires. He will give you the strength and lead

you to more

important, interesting experiences and knowledge. He will take care

of your

physical and mental health or change your duty. Submit to him and

pray to him

with the joy of doing what he has ordained for you.

Read Gita again and again. But only those portions on the concept of

God and

what the wise persons do.

Basudeb Sen

-----------------------------

Dear Annonimous,

 

The Nature has made all the life forms self-sufficient. Each one has

to face their own fate all alone. You know it very well, whosoever is

born, has to die one day. The ways of death are different for

different persons. so be brave...

 

G. Waman

 

 

---------------------------

PRIOR POSTING

 

 

 

I KINDLY THANK EVERY SOUL THAT HAS TAKEN THEIR TIME TO SPEAK WORDS

OF INSIGHT AND KINDNESS. I am in nyc and have reache d out over

the years to the caregiver s groups, alzheimers org and such.

I gave up my career as actress and opera singer and left hollywood

over 5 yrs ago to alone take care of a very abusive ill mother.I am

longtime sadhak, vegan , meditator a & practice yoga. the intensity

daily stress has broken me i am now ill myself. as of friday night

mothe r is back in the hospital.perhaps she will listen to the drs.

only God know. she also knows I can no longer take care of her the

way i have my strength is gone and now i am under drs. care.

i will bring Gita to hospital and read every day, continue to pray

and ask my self the query

who is sick and who am i ? i know i am not my body i know mother

is not mine. but the continuous activity of the daily taking care

of is done in this body which is now worn out I will follow all

suggestions kindly spoken of by spiritual friends here.

Karmically i think, it is interesting to note my mother threw me out

on the streets in the dead of winter with no winter coat or money

at age 17.5 (nyc streets). I was never allowed home again even when

i called terrified at 3 am in the snow sleeping outside.

i was abandoned by both mother and father in this life and

brother. i chose not to abandon my mother. i dont abandon birds

and animals i wouldnt abandon mother. my brother whom my mother

worships, and whom took care of my brother who is very wealthy

abandoned my mother years ago & has taken no responsibility or

offered any help of any kind.

she still cries for him while im trying to care for her knowing he

hates her & i shut up. i try i really try to do the right thing

i try and have tried to detach and be witness. it is very

difficult when getting screamed at and spit at within 1 inch of your

face while you a re trying to care physically care for a parent

who abused you growing up and , well, yes i see the only only

solution is deeply spiritual . i do i will go pray now and read

gita again i wish to thank everyone.

moksha

 

sophia

nyc

moskha

 

-------------------------------

Namaskaar.

 

After several years in the United States I returned to Trinidad to

take care of my mother. I have several sisters who do all they can

to help her but as a son to my dear mother, with whom I have a

special bond, I could not resist when Mataji asked me over the

phone, several times: when are you coming home? After about two

weeks of those questions it suddenly dawned on me that Mataji really

wanted me to come back, and as a true son I had an obligation to do

so. I packed my bags, bid goodbye to all, and returned home.

 

It wasn't an easy decision but I had to come home to her and I thank

Bhagavan for giving me the courage and determination to leave that

life and come home to her. Mata ji is 81, paralyzed and unable to

walk, and my sisters and I do all we can to make her comfortable

even though sometimes she can be difficult. But we know this is not

deliberate as it is symptomatic of old age and senility.

 

It can be tiring and difficult and it takes a lot from us and for me

it has been a sacrifice of much of my personal life but every day I

thank Bhagavan for giving me the opportunity and the honour to help

her and be there with her. Sometime Mataji forgets we are there with

her and when I enter her room she pleads with me 'not to leave her.'

I assure her I will never leave her and I will there for her as long

I am alive.

 

Yes, it consumes mental and physical energy, there are costs

nvolved, but I encourage everyone to take care of parents and elders

no matter how burdensome you may think it is and how much energy and

resources are necessary. Try as hard as you can to take care of

them at home rather than in a Senior citizens' home. I know for

sure that the day my Mataji goes into one of those places she will

not survive for more than a week so sending her there is like a

death sentence.

 

As Hindus, we have a long and glorious tradition of our extended

family and caring for all at our homes. Let us strive to maintain

that treasured custom, even in this hectic and tiring world. It is

most fulfilling to serve parents and elders as it is one of the

most exalted characteristics of Sanatan Dharma.

You should not ignore parents and elders - they are our Gods on

earth and if you can't honour and pray to them then it is

meaningless and even hypocritical to pray to Bhagavan.

 

Hari Om

 

Deosaran Bisnath

---------------------------

Shree Hari

Ram Ram

 

My heart aches on reading your email... and deep within long to

reach out ...I am certain many other sadhaks emotionally can

experience what you are going through simply from your note. But

remain ever in that LIGHT that you speak off... never turn away from

it. It is His eternal promise to us... in Gita 9:22 that He will

take care of us !

 

Key is detachment and only doing to the best of your ability what

you can do and forgetting the past or the future. Think of yourself

as a Nurse hired by the divine Light, the Source. You are only

hired to do this work, rather the chosen One, you are merely taking

care of her to the best of your ability and nothing more.

Absolutely nothing more. Live moment to moment guided by the

Light... Not thinking about what will happen or what has happened in

the past... but living only in the present, in that Light that you

speak off in your note and guided by That and That alone. If you

feel exhausted, sleep and rest it out. Do not take the entire burden

on your head.

 

Swamiji often speaks of a wonderful example of a dog who is walking

under a bullock cart filled with heavy goods. He is walking there

only for protection against the heat of the sun (i.e. for shade).

However, after sometime, the dog begins to feel he is the one that

is carrying the burden / weight of the entire cart and all the stuff

on it. We all are like that dog. We begin to carry all the weight

on our shoulder. Krishna clearly showed us with the Govardhan

mountain...that HE ALONE is the One holding up the mountain with the

tip of his tiny finger... that it is He and we are merely

instruments and basking in His glory... nothing more!!!! Therefore

do the best you can... if you miss a day of care, a nurse or someone

at the hospital will fill the gap.

 

As Vyasji and other sadhaks have said... be fearless, worriless,

doubtless, griefless.... without regreting the past or concern about

the future.. only doing what you are able to do... and leaving the

rest up to the Divine, the Beloved, the Light.. .the Spirit...

And as Mike said, you definitely have direct support from this group

therefore be strong. It is not an ordinary thing that you have

started receiving these messages and reading them... and seeking out

help from this group. You have done your part... let the rest

flow!!!! May That Divine Light Always be with you!

 

Meera Das

Ram Ram

 

---------------------------

PRIOR POSTING

 

Hari Om

 

You have every right to be peaceful. " Duty " - is what you CAN and

what you SHOULD. Once you have done what ever you could, there is no

need for you to feel guilty when you CAN NOT anymore. What you can

not do, it is not your duty to do.

Hence be brave, be guiltfree, and see God's hand in every result.

See God live in your Mom, in your mind, in your circumstances - and

for once with a simple heart surrender yourself completely into the

hands of Paramatma. Once you surrender, thereafter you should not

worry.

 

Stand erect. Be peaceful by realising that you did your level best.

Don't look at all at the conduct of " relatives " ! They are made like

that only. They were not " yours " , they are not " yours " , they will

not be " yours " - there is no possibility of their ever

being " yours " . Yours is only Paramatma ! Once you accept " mineness "

with Him (He is always yours) , it would not matter to you, if

anybody is " yours " or not. GUARANTEED !! Remain Doubtless.

Worryless. Griefless. Fearless.

 

Cry before Him- only before Him. Say now take over My Lord. He

surely will. Have trust. Have belief. Thank Him any way !

 

Jai Shree Krishna

 

Vyas N B

 

-Shree Hari-

 

Dear Anonymous,

 

My wife and I are in a very similar position to you, almost a

reflection of that which you have written.

My role in all this is to mainly support my wife.

 

May I point out the family members have washed their hands of much

more than caring for mother.

Surely if they find themselves incapable of helping her directly can

they not at least support you?

 

You have done something very important, you have contacted this site

with so much divine love and wisdom.

 

I feel that you need direct support, as I have no idea where you live

I cannot offer much, here in Australia there are support groups,

religious and none religious.

 

You do not have to remain anonymous, but if you wish to fine.

 

Do come back to this site, I personally promise you I will always

reply and support you to best of my abilities.

 

You may find this site of value, I cannot recommend it too much.

http://swamiramsukhdasji.net

 

May God bless you.

 

With Respect and Divine Love,

 

Mike (Keenor).

--------------------------------

 

Priy Anonimous

I say you are choosen by god to serve your mother.

It comes rarely occassion that U get such chance.

Whatever the situation please do all servings on the basis of

Almighty lord.

God is seeing every moment. He knows better than all of us.

In MANAS:

PRABHU BHANJIHI DARUN BIPATI, JAANAT JAN KI PIR.

God will take care coz he knows all ur pains.

Have faith. please.

Raja Gurdasani

--------------------------------

Namasthe anonymous, I read your message and I guess I understand

what you must be going through. do not worry much. God is there and

everything will be fine too. I just was wondering..where do you

live ? in which country ?

Please try to find the local support groups regarding these

alzeimers' illness. I guess, u are handling this all on ur own and

it would definitely get exhausting. Please find some of the members

who are going thro similar situations via support groups.

 

also, when u mention about exhausting financial resources..how is it

happening ? is it possible if some nurse or anyone can take care of

her 2 to 3 days a week and during that time..u can do other things

and you take care 2 to 3 days..so that you will also get a break

from the routine and get refreshed also.

 

Also, please think about this. in case if u are caring of ur any

family member..the other type of exhaustion we all may feel worried

thinking that it is our family member. Rather than that, if

possible, just try to think that whatever situation we are in

either by choice or circumstance, think its God's work and do it. In

the respect, although u may get physically exhausted, atleast the

exhaustion will not be much from the emotional perspective. once

the mental energy is not drained, you can be calm in every day's

action u do.

 

Please be strong and I am sure everything will be fine. Do not

thnk..its ur mother..just think that it is God's work whatever u are

doing to ur mother. Definitely, please check on the support

groups/non-profit organizations..they will definitely be there to

help the people who are taking care of the people with illness.

 

My prayers and good wishes and so u feel peac in ur heart even in

the midst of all these.

 

namsthe again,

Bharathi

----------------------------

Consider yourself as Arjuna in the battlefied of Kurukshetra, where

in the midst of the war between mother' illness including her

stubborn rejection of all help and your own physical and mental

resources, you are completely dejected and despondent. This is the

reality of the situation you cannot bear. Reading Gita is your Lord

Krishna: read this and identify the Truth. You are not responsible

for anything, you are not the cause of anything. You have done what

you have been doing and continue to be doing. But your actions do

not cause the consequences that you desire and you do not desire.

Whatever happens to Mother is destined to happen and you are neither

the cause nor the one responsible for. You are just an witness to

all happening.

You are only to act as per the propensities/ tendencies that have

been imparted in you by your genetics and past interactions/

experiences with the environment you have grown up. This you have no

alternative but to accept the pains and sufferings.

Get out of identification with this You. This you is just an

illusion that this you will have to live. But the Real You are the

God. Read Gita again and again to realize your Real You and get

beyond the chained you attached to the happenings of this World

around you. Pray and pray to God that He lifts you to the Real You.

Know that when you try in this way to get into your Real you, your

apparent worldy you will have no suffering at all.

All above are words and really cannot help you. Sincere and

continuous prayer and submission to God as you read Gita can only

help you.

Basudeb Sen

------------------------

Yes, on a physical level it is all very difficult to understand and

cope up with.

But these things do happen with many families and part of our

worldly existence.

 

What helps us in these and all other situations is the spiritual

wisdom/rules of our lives,

knowing ourselves, doing things by remaining at the source......

It may appear difficult but with some practice, one start getting

the results....

So please read the messages on this group and get into the spiritual

mode....

 

Humble suggestions:

 

1) You have to understand who you are. So, ask yourself " Who am I? "

and wait for the answer.

Then try again...see what happens....what happens to the

feelings...the stress....Keep this practice

on whenever you can and find time or even while doing something....

 

2) Second question that may burst many myths is to understand who is

getting exhausted and

who is stressed....So ask your self " Who is getting exhausted " , " Who

is getting stressed "

and again wait for the answer........

 

Our mind/ Mann is a wonderful instrument and able to create things

out of nothing.....and we

slowly become slaves of thoughts and further thoughts....The above

questions help you to get rid of the

these absolutely unnecessary and unwanted thoughts. Once that begin

to happen, you can see the

light which shall direct you to do what needs to be done happily and

without much effort....

 

Best wishes....

Sushil Jain

 

-------------------------

Hi ,

 

God is only testing you, do your work and manage to distance

yourself from now or you will be heart broken when the time comes to

say good bye, god willing.

 

Pray more and carry on with your work, you have done your duty and

this is all you can do. You are answerable to only The Almighty, so

go about your work and pray when you find the time to do so.

 

All the best till you feel good.

 

BARBARA ALI

-------------------------

Dear Sadhak,

Under the circumstances of your mother please do not lose confidence

in your sincere caring of your mother who has given birth to you.If

you are tired then ask other members of your family to take care of

her If you have money please put her in a nursing home or any such

place where her care is properly taken

Matru devo Bhava " is a great obligation as narrated in Upnishad.

 

For her salvation please start reading one chapter of Bhagavat Gita

or the whole Gita on Sunday or any important day. Keep some chanting

program at your place for finding a solution and relief to both of

you. Have faith in God and a solutions will come within six months

of your resolution to seek peace in your family.

 

Truly yours

Shankerprasad S Bhatt

-------------------------------

Dear anonymous....

My heart truly goes out to you.....unless one has been in a

similar situation, it is impossible to understand the level of

stress that you are experiencing. I am presently caring for an 84

yr. old mataji, whose son passed away from cancer last November.

(2008). He was only 54. She has one other son, but he is not

vegetarian, so she does not wish to live with him, nor does she wish

to relocate away from the devotional community she has grown used to

in Los Angeles. I promised her son, who was not related to me, that

I would care for his mother. But I have my husband to help me. I

am constantly on the lookout for individuals from my temple who can

spare time and energy to stay with this sweet, elderly lady,

otherwise I take her everywhere with me, because to leave her alone

is quite scary...both for her, as she sits alone and doesn't move,

and for me, because I am so worried about her when she is alone!

And she doesn't even have alzheimer's, or anything like that. Just

incontinence, which of course brings a load of social

pressures......and she screams about having to take a shower. It

is certainly a demanding service....one which the Supreme Lord will

bless you millions of times over for executing so faithfully for so

long......may you always be guided by the Lord in your heart to know

how to continue pleasing Him.

respectfully, Mahalaksmi Dasi

------------------------------

Arvind Khetia, engineer and a Hindu:

Discouragement and hopelessness can arise due to many reasons.

Spiritual wisdom is essential to cultivating a balanced mind. Then,

one recognizes the negative influence of ego, greed and excessive

material pleasures on one's mind and society. Consequently, one

learns to cultivate self-control, discriminate between what is

eternal and transient, practice equanimity and follow one's dharma.

Dharma requires one to perform the duties of life in accordance with

universal ethical values.

 

Therefore, one's faith must be founded on spiritual reality to help

combat discouragement and hopelessness. The Bhagavad-Gita

states, " When spiritual wisdom is the highest goal, one's faith is

deep and senses restrained, then one attains wisdom and acquires

perfect peace. "

 

According to Vedanta, true faith begins with having faith in

ourselves. Then, through practicing the spiritual disciplines of

meditation and yoga, one achieves a transformation of one's

character. Thus, one's faith evolves into the realization of one's

inner spiritual nature and manifests as enlightened optimism.

 

Arvind Khetia

--------------------------

Dear Exhausted ,

 

The True answer must come from your ' inside ', from inside you.

No-one from outside can give you the correct answer for you, in your

particular situation

 

Meditation will lead you to your inner being .

Meditation is the only Way.....................

Sit for formal meditation , morning and evening, half an hour .

 

BUT..................

 

When meditation does not ' happen', especially in the beginning(

your mind does not move into it so easily), and Karma ( sewa) is

also so exhausting and stressful, ' prayer and satsanga' is the

answer ..........

 

A Prayer to God ( Krishna, Rama,Shiva, Allah, Waheguru ) for

strength and wisdom, whenever the mind falls ... Being at the feet

of a master can do wonders !

 

narinder bhandari

-------------------------------

 

 

SUMMARY OF SADHAK POSTINGS -

 

- complaint raises from the violation of one's core limits as well

as limitations - natural, psychological, physiological, financial,

social as well as spiritual - leading to exhaustion and distress.

- you are on the right path.

- You have already experienced " nothing is mine, " ... now the next

step... " only God is mine " . Why subtle insistence on recovery

etc., What can you do , except doing your duty? AND THAT YOU HAVE

DONE and ARE DOING ! Fault is linking duty with old memories ! Fault

is in re-living the past! which does not exist! Forgive and forget!

on shedding the insistence, peace will prevail.

- if you are not at peace within, you can not comfort anybody else

no matter

what your understanding/determination/ intention is.

- What a destructive force is hatred? And how indestructible

is 'Divine Love'. Some people will never abandon any needy, it is

their very nature to care.

- Do your duty and forget. Nothing is ours.

- think 10 times before taking any decision, so that there be no

regrets.

- you can sacrifice, only to the extent possible and bearable, for

your Mother -

not merely because she is your mother but because she is as much a

manifestation of God

- do work deligently and discharge of duties earnestly

- Nurse - pure service, so impersonal, and yet so compassionate ...

if we could

be like that in spite of having emotional relations

- we are the chosen ones. there are no options regarding caring for

parents. We have to do it.

- as far as possible keep them (elders) at home.

- distribute sweets / candy to poor children then the grief

DEFINITELY goes !

- Don't seek any reciprocation for your good deeds

- Being Peaceful is your birth right! What you can not do, it is

not your duty! be guiltfree. See God in Mom, and take complete

refuge in the Divine (God); accept only Him as yours; thereafter do

not worry! Remain Doubtless. Worryless. Griefless. Fearless.

- you are choosen by god to serve your mother; a rare opportunity!

Serve as if serving Almighty! He knows what is best! He knows ur pain

- My heart truly goes out to you.....it is certainly a demanding

service. may you always be guided by the Lord in your heart to know

how to continue pleasing Him.

- YOUR HEALTH IS INTRICATELY CONNECTED TO YOUR MOTHER'S WELL-BEING.

- you are being tested; You have done your duty! continue working

but becoming detached. Pray. You are only answerable to God.

- Karma Favoring you - On one hand you are doing selfless duty and

thus

accumulating " assets " . On other hand with every

abuse/disrespect/spit on the

face your " liabilities " are simultaneously getting wiped out-

without any effort

at your end ! Become grateful to Paramatma ! He only is ours. Other

than Him

there is only " duty " !

- Whatever happens to Mother is destined to happen and you are

neither the cause nor the one responsible for. Stop identification

with Body/Mind and identify with the Truth of the Gita. Read Gita

again and again! prayer and submission to God/Gita can only help you.

- Leave for ever " desire for happiness " . Immediately / Instantly

pains will

vanish.

- Spiritual wisdom is essential to cultivating a balanced mind.

True faith begins with having faith in ourselves.

- Question over and over again.. who am I? who is getting

exhausted? Who is getting stressed? and wait for the answer! Mind

creates things out of nothing! The above questions help you to get

rid of the unnecessary thoughts. thereafter light shall direct you

to do what needs to be done happily and without much effort

- Meditate and Pray... at lotus feet of Lord

- Pray to God. You are doing what He desires. He will give you the

strength and

lead you to more important, interesting experiences and knowledge

- Do not lose confidence. Seek Help! Read Gita! Have Faith in God

and solution will come.

- Read Gita again and again. But only those portions on the concept

of God and what the wise persons do.

- Take time out for personal rest and relaxation. Avoid getting the

carer disease...DYSTHEMIA

- you are getting their full blessings. And these special blessings

can turn any negativity in a patri to the most blessed and enriched

life. You are truly blessed believe me. Turn this into an

oppurtunity rather than a crisis.

- You need direct support! Are there support groups / others?

Don't hesitated to rely on sadhaks in this forum. They are

personally committed to support.

- Please seek out a local support group! Possibly a break, through

hired nurse help, so can get some rest!

- Think of yourself as a Nurse only... taking care of her for short

time... not thinking of past or future. Live in present, guided by

the light.

- think its God's work you are doing for your mother and do it!

There will be less emotional exhaustion, therefore you'll be calm

even though physical strain.

- The Nature has made all the life forms self-sufficient. Each one

has to face

their own fate all alone. Whosoever is born, has to die one day. so

be brave...

- Please keep confidence in God who will find a way our of your

worries and direct you about the action you have to take

- Please be strong and all will be fine!

- relax please ...

- every day I thank Bhagavan for giving me the opportunity and the

honour to help her and be there with her

- keep confidence in God who will find a way our of your worries and

direct you about the action you have to take

- Let us strive to maintain that treasured custom, even in this

hectic and tiring world. It is most fulfilling to serve parents and

elders as it is one of the most exalted characteristics of Sanatan

Dharma.

- Entering into the depth of 'Darkness', it is there that you can

see the Divine Light.

- 'Cry before Him- only before Him. Say now take over My Lord. He

surely will. Have trust. Have belief. Thank Him any way !'

- cry out like a child who is lost and is looking for Mother or

Father, place no restriction call to Him as child, go where it takes

you

 

 

--------------------------

 

GITA TALK GROUP GUIDELINES: PLEASE -

1. Only responses that further clarify Gita message will be posted.

2. Quote Gitaji/scriptures wherever possible..

3. Limit personal feelings, opinions, beliefs etc. to the

extent that they further help in understanding the Gita shlokas

4. Be as concise, to the point, respecting sadhaka's time.

5. Focus on subject at hand only.

6. Do not include links to the other sites.

7. Do not include your personal information (Ph #, address etc).

8. Do not personalize message

9. All responses may not be posted.

10. Moderator at his discretion, may modify the posting.

11. Take into consideration the novices, youth, westerners, non-

sectarian audience. i.e. limit the use to Sanskrit words only.

Provide English word bracketed.

 

MODERATOR

Ram Ram

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------

 

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[Guest guest]

My mother is once again hospitalized… im sorry im exhausted and

very stressed. After five years of taking care of her entirely on

my own, as other family members have washed their hands off, I feel

completely exhausted. She is also a alzheimers patient exhibiting

all behaviour related to this deadly disease. She continues to be

extremely stubborn in receiving any kind of help which is continuing

to exhaust and drain all her financial resources.

 

Caring for her for so long, I feel like I will have a stroke or a

heart attack. There have been many incidents where I have been

completely freaked out, totally drained of all energy. This extreme

physical and mental exhaustion has reached a point where I can

barely make it off the bed, with my eyes swollen from exhaustion.

 

I read the words in your daily posting and though i know they are

true, they mean nothing in my serious state of exhaustion. I can

no longer care for my mother and have told her doctors so and they

know and agree. Knowing that I still feel responsible, but at the

same time, feel completely unable to deal with the situation.

There appears to be no Light in sight! How do I connect to this

Light? I seek any guidance you can offer to be free of suffering

and to be at Peace!

 

May all souls cross over the horrid ocean of suffering

including me.

 

 

Sophia

===========================================================

 

NEW POSTING

 

i have been DIAGNOSED NOW WITH DEPRESSION A ND CHRONIC FATIGUE

SYNDROME .. yes i am depressed, but who is depressed? i keep asking

myself these questions but meanwhile this body is exhausted and so

is the small I here in this body to be a caregiver here in the

united states is legendary with the caregivers dying now or

becoming very ill & unable to take care of their parents with

alzheimers.

 

i am going to rest today again she is in the hospital for a few

more days i rest before i take her home & i pray. i have nothing

left to give no finances anymore no physical or emotional strength

but i still do my duty & pray.

 

To ajay and all caregivers who have responded -

it seems here all have been like me the black sheep the abused one

the disrespectedoone. but the one that took the responsibility. it

is very odd. I'm sorry for all of your suffering. I think it is

a good thing we speak of our pain with this group. Mother is mother

she gave us the birth to be able to know God

We may have even chosen her in this incarnation.i know i should not

complain but God I am so tired.. so so tired. I am going to lay

down again...

 

Sophia

---------------------------

 

Hare Krishna,

I can understand a bit of the pain suffered by you, because I have

my wife (who is ill since 6 years). I am lucky that I have my son to

share the problems. Here you are alone. In my view (actually

Gita's) we should accept this fact that every thing/situation is

composed by God and we are just puppets. We are supposed to do our

duty and not to interfere with the result, just accept it. If you

too accept this fact then there will be no stress no exhaustion no

disappointments.

May God bless you and give you enough courage and energy.

Ashok Goenka

-----------------------------

" Two Yrs. back I was also trapped in almost similar situation

related to my job -I literally wept in front of Lord Jagannath for

his help , undoubtedly I got it .

He gets away all your pain depending upon intensity and sincerity of

your prayer . "

 

 

Arun Sharma

---------------------------

dear Sophia,

 

What you need is a " break " from your mother's bedside and go for a

walk in the park. Ask a friend to relieve you for an afternoon and

go- to a spa or someplace that will make you feel " pampered " !

Practice your yoga, meditation on a daily basis at home, even

while caring for your mom. All the best and know that YOU are

fortunate to serve YOUR mother. Yu have no idea just how much of

karma you burn by doing that act lovingly- this same mother was the

one who cleaned up after us so many umpteen times without a

break!

 

Love and blessings,

Meenakshi

---------------------------

 

PRIOR POSTING

 

I AM DEEPLY TOUCHED AND SITTING HERE CRYING OVER THE KINDNESS OF ALL

WHO HAVE SPOKEN HERE TO HELP ME. CRYING. DOING AS SUGGESTED CRYING

OUT TO GOD STUDYING GITA AND FOR THE PAST 2 DAYS RESTING IN BED WITH

GITA EXHAUSTED. ALONG WITH MEDITATION, YOGA , MANTRA. I HAVE BEEN

IN THERAPIES WITH DRS FOR MANY YEARS HERE. EVERY WESTERN DR. HAS

TOLD ME TO GET AWAY FROM MY MOTHER to leave her to her own

sufferings and rot. This I would not do the many many layers of

emotional pain i have dealt with over the years with very little

healing. and i have forgiven her but one day when she was abusing me

so i yelled at her & then i felt guilty. the trick is to detach to

organically understand i am not the suffering. i know that but to

organically get that , well then i would be enlightened but that

is not the case. when i lived on the streets of nyc i did not shoot

heroin or kill myself because i knew this was karma and i had to

walk a spiritual path that has never changed. but i wish not to

speak of myself anymore. i have reached out and you have all been

spiritually gracious. i hope i may serve as well to help those that

suffer including crippled nyc pigeons that some children try to

hit. there is too much sorrow in this world. i wish i could wave a

magic wand

 

I LOVE THIS

 

Living in the West you may have heard of the poem 'Dark Night of the

Soul', by St. John of the Cross. " Oh Night! more glorious than the

Rising Sun! "

 

Look! Entering into the depth of 'Darkness', it is there that you can

see the Divine Light. The dawn is coming you know, I think maybe you

might just start to see it's first glimmer.

 

Brother Vyas gave a powerful piece of advice, I will paste it in

here with respect:

'Cry before Him- only before Him. Say now take over My Lord. He

surely will. Have trust. Have belief. Thank Him any way

 

I WILL SAY THIS AS MANTRA TODAY ON JAPA MALA - " Doosara na koi " -

There is " no one else " " None Other " .

 

Sophia

--------------------------

Hari Om

 

Swamiji Ramsukhdasji Maharaj would very rarely give mantras/

formulas. But once he wrote that if you distribute sweets / candy to

poor children then the grief DEFINITELY goes !

 

I believe it is an infallible formula for quick relief in

stress/worry/anxiety levels.

 

Jai Shree Krishna

 

Vyas N B

---------------------------

Dear Sadhak

 

Surrender your self to the feet of your God and offer sincere and

prayers to him urging your personal God to relieve your mother from

all these pains and also give you confidence and love for taking

care of your mother till her death.

 

Please keep confidence in God who will find a way our of your

worries and direct you about the action you have to take

 

Truly yours

 

S S Bhatt

---------------------------

Hi anonymous,

It is extremely difficult to look after a mentallyill person and

being a carer myself i know.

the most important thing to realise is that YOUR HEALTH IS

INTRICATELY CONNECTED TO YOUR MOTHER'S WELL-BEING. That is if you are

not there or breakdown , she goes to the streets.

so

1.Plan in case you are not there because one can never say. This will

give you lot of peace. If it makes sense, just harden your heart and

place her in an old age home if you can afford.

2.so your health and happiness and longlife is important for her

also.

3. Take time for some rest and relaxation - e.g. Music go to Music

concert, films, good food EAT, bhajans sing them. Just be happy for

that you must learn to enjoy life without being GUILTY.

 

4.Normally CARERS get a mental illness called DYSTHEMIA. You are

showing early signs so get out of it.

 

captain Johann samuhanand

 

---------------------------

This situation indeed is very difficult. Am sure many of us may

have gone thru similar situation (incl me). My humble suggestion

would be that before taking any decision, we must think 10 times.

Had this position been with a child then could any mother abandon

her child although she also at times be tired and be almost in

similar position but am sure she could not abandon. Secondly,

whatever action/step we take today, we must think 10-15 yrs

henceforward - and we may not regret the step that we take now. But

we all are human and feeling exhausted and tired is also human and

very right emotion too sp. when no other sibling is there to lend a

helping hand even temporarily. I remember myself crying loudly

oblivious of surroundings in the parking lot of hospital. Crying

out to God for his help and mercy. I do not know was it due to

stress, helplessness, anguish, unable to see my Mom suffering, out

of exhaustion, desperation, as I am also suffering from 3 major

diseases myself.

 

Pls seek temporary helping hand may it be physical / financial -

wherever it may come from, relax, take good care of yourself first

and then think about taking care of your Mom.

 

Wish you good health and peace.

 

Warm regards and lots of love to you who has stood by her Mom for so

many years which itself is commendable, when people can barely take

this for couple of months.

 

Mrs K Asani

 

---------------------------

Dear Sophia,

Your situation reminds me of my own. I am second number child of my

parents, the elder sister was married when I was only in tenth

standard. I completed my studies ( engineering) by tuitions

supporting my family. My younger brother who is 3 years younger to

me was adorned by my parents too much and always being treated with

much more love and affections as a result he became acute mental

patient for last 20 years. My parents always discarded me and my

wife, abused us inspite of living dependently with me on my income.

My mother used to support my sister family all along her life. She

was dominating and never even shown any affection to me, my wife or

my two kids. My brother was married but was divorced due to his

mental problem, so my wife was the only daughter in law of my mother.

In 2002 my father's both kidneys failed and after a prolong and

costly treatment of two years he survived. Myself and my wife alone

spent our day and night, borne all the expenses and he is still

survving and is a healthy person ( except that he cannot see

clearly). My mother never visited him in hospital and used to abuse

us as why we are getting him the treatment. My sister who is married

to a very top doctor never bothered to take any interest in the

treatment or support us, my brother as a mental patinet is totally

dependent on me.

Last year my mother met an accident in January 08 and she was

operated and inserted steel rod and was bed ridden for almost nine

months before she finally left for heavenly abode in Sept. Me and my

wife only took care for her during this period. My sister who lives

very near never bothered to provide any help or assistance but

ensured abusing us all the time on some or other pretext by finding

fault in the treatement given to her which I ensured in the best

hospitals in Jaipur. It was hell for us getting abused for the

responsibilty for treatment to parents by themselves and also my

sister. But we never lost our patience. My brother is on mental

treatment, needs daily medicines otherwise becomes extreme vilolent

and my wife used to give him also medicines, handle my mother

treatment who was bed ridden for nine months and also take care of

my father who is also now 80 years.

My kids some time ask me why amma, dada and bua are so cruel to you

are you their step son ? and why so are taking so much care of them?

Our neighbours were amused by our patience and handling of the

situation and always praised us, so were all our distance relatives

who used to come to meet my mother.

I run my own business and have to travel abroad frequnetly.I lost

lot of money in business during that period as I was badly stressed

all the time.

After my mother expired my sister abusued us publically that I

killed my mother but everyone knew the truth, so she herself got

a bad name.

I can visualise your situation , but I can only say time will pass

and these are the tough situations which as a human being any one

can come across so need to have a patience, and only thing in our

control is our work and discharge of duties earnestly.

 

I know every situation is unique but my own case will surely give

you some solace and strenght to bear the pain.

 

Ajay Gupta

------------------------------

 

PRIOR POSTING

 

Hello The Universal Individual (Trust me! there can be hardly

anybody who have not felt like you at one time or the other!!),

 

The complaint raises from the violation of one's core limits as well

as limitations - natural, psychological, physiological, financial,

social as well as spiritual - leading to exhaustion and distress. It

is essential to appreciate one's limits as well as limitations to

break them open for an expansive horizon. Also, I can assure, from

my experience, that one cannot attempt this while being bound within

a state of violent distress. One has to releive oneself from the

distress to clarify one's appreciation of the whole situation.

 

I do not know the individual limits and limitations here except for

the lack of support from the relatives (which is not surprising).

However, I urge you to seek professional help for yourself as well

as for your mother contacting appropriate agencies. Bhagavadgita and

the spiritual talk appeals ONLY IF you are ready for facing The

Truth stark naked. At this point, you may mentally not be ready to

face the same as your inner turmoil is churning your presence away

from any such possible appreciation. You have to releive your system

to relax before appreciating the depth of spirituality.

 

Therefore, seek some physical help from whichever source that is

congenial ... If it helps ... I learnt a lot by observing the

saintly nurses who were taking care of my father when he was

critically ill once ... pure service, so impersonal, and yet so

compassionate ... if we could be like that in spite of having

emotional relations ... it would be the best. It is easy to

preach ... therefore, let me restrain myself from that ... yet, if

possible, try it out along with all other possible psycho-physio-

medical help as well as financial aid that you could possibly

extract from yourself as well as from your environment.

 

One thing is for sure ... if you are not at peace within, you can

not comfort anybody else no matter what your understanding/

determination/ intention is. Also, if you break down, your mother

will have nobody to care of her ... think of that as well.

Therefore, my suggestion is to gather all your strength to establish

your integrity within first ... relax for that ... relax within as

much as possible in spite of the gruelling environmental demands ...

relax within in spite of the personal anguish and physical

exhaustion ...

 

Take it as an opportunity to appreciate how your relaxation is, in

fact, independent of all the relations in this life; to realize its

true transcendental nature as such ... if possible ... as much as

possible ... relax please ...

 

Best Wishes.

 

Naga Narayana

 

-----------------------------

 

-Shree Hari-

 

Dear Sophia,

 

To be apparently all alone in this situation is an added burden,

let me put you in the picture right now , my beloved wife is talking

to her sister, my wife and I have spent the afternoon with her

mother, and consultants. She needs to talk to lighten her load.

 

There was a time long passed, that I, it seems was the most hated

person on planet earth in my in laws eyes. The hatred was so intense,

that I actually started to stutter, I swear to all I never knew that

one could hate so much, I don't think I ever hated.

 

What a destructive force is hatred? And how indestructible is 'Divine

Love'. Some people will never abandon any needy, it is their very

nature to care.

 

Karma, yes indeed, I have watched the unfolding over the years, never

voiced it, just observed. My in laws watched helplessly, as the other

son in law died a slow and painful death, (we got on well, he and I).

Then my mother in law was widowed.

 

Old 'Black Sheep' moved interstate, to the same town in which my

mother in law lived.

It is I who picked her off the floor when she had a fall, who pushed

her around shopping centers, fixed things, etc.

Now I am a shining light in her eyes, " God must have brought you her

for a reason " , she has often said. She's got that right, but 'The

Divine Beloved', did it not just for her, but also for me, God who I

love so much, has exposed me to so much, helping my stony heart to

break.

 

Living in the West you may have heard of the poem 'Dark Night of the

Soul', by St. John of the Cross. " Oh Night! more glorious than the

Rising Sun! "

 

Look! Entering into the depth of 'Darkness', it is there that you can

see the Divine Light. The dawn is coming you know, I think maybe you

might just start to see it's first glimmer.

 

Brother Vyas gave a powerful piece of advice, I will paste it in

here with respect:

'Cry before Him- only before Him. Say now take over My Lord. He

surely will. Have trust. Have belief. Thank Him any way !'

 

Every one is different, but try this if you wish; go to a place where

none can hear you, ask out loud for GOD to help you, from your soul

cry out like a child who is lost and is looking for Mother or Father,

place no restriction call to Him as child, go where it takes you.

 

B.G. 7

At the end of his many births

The wise man takes refuge in Me.

He knows: " All is Vasudeva.3 "

How very rare is that great soul! (19)

 

With Respect and Divine Love,

 

Mike (Keenor).

------------------------------

 

Hari Om

 

Sadhak Sophia ! Real Sadhak you are !! This group is privileged to

have you as one of us. Please keep the divinity in you prospering.

 

Remove now old memories of ill treatment. It is necessary Dear

Sister for removal of pains. Could they have come to you without

divine will? Is it not now a real " experiential knowledge " for you

that " Nothing is mine " ( Doosara na Koi ) ?

You in fact paid a very little cost of " knowing " that precious

priceless knowledge.

 

What is needed now once " doosara na koi " is part of your direct

experience ? In fact - Mere to Girdhar Gopal (Only God is

mine ) !!! Once God is yours and no one else- why worry? Why

exhaustion? Why weariness? Why that subtle insistence on recovery of

Mom? As you are of God, is she not? What can you do , except doing

your duty? AND THAT YOU HAVE DONE and ARE DOING !

 

It is a law that duty doesnot generate sorrows. But you are not

feeling well. Where is the clue/ fault? Fault is linking duty with

old memories ! Check with your conscience, are you not reliving

those days? Are you not keeping the wounds green? Let them heal now!

This is final frontier which you should cross now . Forgive and

forget the past. Don't insist for any favourable or unfavourable

happennings in life. Past does not exist Dear Sister !

Nor does future exist now? Why worry then?

 

I am sure once you shed this insistence over the results of your

otherwise divine performance of duties, peace, much awaited peace

will generate in abundance in you.

 

Try it and keep in touch. Do take interest in other Qs also. That,

in itself, will make you happy and peaceful. " Sharing " reduces pain

and increases pleasure ! Isn't it?

 

May Paramatma bless you !

 

Jai Shree Krishna

 

Vyas N B

-----------------------------

I have been undergoing a similar situation for years. I can

empathise with you. Stressful days and even worst nights. not been

on a holiday for the last 15 years. Used to crib many years back,

then went deeper into astrology which perhaps if nothing else I

learnt to bear with this as my karmic destiny.

 

I remember my father used to say, " if God chooses to give me old

age I pray to him to give me good children " The full impact of this

sentence came in much later. But strive thru it all to remember that

perhaps of all the persons in our family we are the chosen ones. I

feel there are no options regarding caring for parents. We have to

do it. On bad days just tell yourself you are getting there full

blessings. And these special blessings can turn any negativity in a

patri to the most blessed and enriched life.

 

I am sure nobody on this forum or any other can refute this. You are

truly blessed believe me. Turn this into an oppurtunity rather than

a crisis. With you .

Take care.

Vats (Pradeep Sahai)

--------------------------

Jai Hanuman

 

Dear Sophiaji ! Thanks for sharing with us the voice of your soul. I

give a

small example to you to ponder.

 

You kept a nurse for taking care of your child. You pay her and she

takes care

of the child like you, yourself take care. One day there is some

disruption in

relationship/money/etc. You ask her to go . How easily she leaves

the affection

of that child? Will she look back? Will she enquire about the

child ? No !

 

Be like that. Do your duty and forget. Nothing is ours. Only

Paramatma is ours.

Serve fearlessly. If you get disrespect/ abuses in return , then

consider

yourself to be lucky. Results of your service are not getting

frittered away in

petty respects/praises/acknowledgements ! Higher results are in

store for you.

 

My Mom in law, 75, often says- Let Rupee remain Rupee ! (Don't seek

any

reciprocation for your good deeds, you are reducing the value of a

rupee to few

paise only, because you expect immediate result).

 

In your case, Dear Sophiaji - the Rupee is increasing in value with

every

disrespect, every abuse, every spit on the face ! Believe me on

this ! Let it

increase. Wish now that you don't need respect

honor/respect/acknowledgement .

Leave for ever " desire for happiness " . Immediately / Instantly

pains will

vanish.

 

You used the word " karmic " in your last post. Now if we look at Law

of Karma,

you will find that in your case the Divine is working with double

speed. On one

hand you are doing selfless duty and thus accumulating " assets " . On

other hand

with every abuse/disrespect/spit on the face your " liabilities " are

simultaneously getting wiped out- without any effort at your end !

By Divine

Will !

 

Tell me now honestly, do you want respect/praise etc in return for

your " duty " ?

With double speed , Sophiaji, Law of Karma is functioning in your

favour. Think

about it ! Tell me how I am wrong ? Do tell me or else become happy.

Become

peaceful. Become grateful to Paramatma ! He only is ours. Other than

Him there

is only " duty " !

 

Namaste Jee

 

Jee Jee

Shashikala

---------------------------

Sophia-ji you are on the right path. If you can sacrifice your

interest in favor

of birds and animals, you can sacrifice, only to the extent possible

and

bearable, for your Mother - not merely because she is your mother

but because

she is as much a manifestation of God as you or anyone else are/ is.

God,

genetics and previous experiences have giving you the propensity and

strength to

sacrifice for others, even if they do not tolerate you or behave

badly with you.

You are fortunate to have such properties. And, the current

experience in

dealing with the ailing, stuborn and unloving mother will enhance

your

capability to endure and love anyone and help anyone who needs. Pray

to God. You

are doing what He desires. He will give you the strength and lead

you to more

important, interesting experiences and knowledge. He will take care

of your

physical and mental health or change your duty. Submit to him and

pray to him

with the joy of doing what he has ordained for you.

Read Gita again and again. But only those portions on the concept of

God and

what the wise persons do.

Basudeb Sen

-----------------------------

Dear Annonimous,

 

The Nature has made all the life forms self-sufficient. Each one has

to face their own fate all alone. You know it very well, whosoever is

born, has to die one day. The ways of death are different for

different persons. so be brave...

 

G. Waman

 

 

---------------------------

PRIOR POSTING

 

 

 

I KINDLY THANK EVERY SOUL THAT HAS TAKEN THEIR TIME TO SPEAK WORDS

OF INSIGHT AND KINDNESS. I am in nyc and have reache d out over

the years to the caregiver s groups, alzheimers org and such.

I gave up my career as actress and opera singer and left hollywood

over 5 yrs ago to alone take care of a very abusive ill mother.I am

longtime sadhak, vegan , meditator a & practice yoga. the intensity

daily stress has broken me i am now ill myself. as of friday night

mothe r is back in the hospital.perhaps she will listen to the drs.

only God know. she also knows I can no longer take care of her the

way i have my strength is gone and now i am under drs. care.

i will bring Gita to hospital and read every day, continue to pray

and ask my self the query

who is sick and who am i ? i know i am not my body i know mother

is not mine. but the continuous activity of the daily taking care

of is done in this body which is now worn out I will follow all

suggestions kindly spoken of by spiritual friends here.

Karmically i think, it is interesting to note my mother threw me out

on the streets in the dead of winter with no winter coat or money

at age 17.5 (nyc streets). I was never allowed home again even when

i called terrified at 3 am in the snow sleeping outside.

i was abandoned by both mother and father in this life and

brother. i chose not to abandon my mother. i dont abandon birds

and animals i wouldnt abandon mother. my brother whom my mother

worships, and whom took care of my brother who is very wealthy

abandoned my mother years ago & has taken no responsibility or

offered any help of any kind.

she still cries for him while im trying to care for her knowing he

hates her & i shut up. i try i really try to do the right thing

i try and have tried to detach and be witness. it is very

difficult when getting screamed at and spit at within 1 inch of your

face while you a re trying to care physically care for a parent

who abused you growing up and , well, yes i see the only only

solution is deeply spiritual . i do i will go pray now and read

gita again i wish to thank everyone.

moksha

 

sophia

nyc

moskha

 

-------------------------------

Namaskaar.

 

After several years in the United States I returned to Trinidad to

take care of my mother. I have several sisters who do all they can

to help her but as a son to my dear mother, with whom I have a

special bond, I could not resist when Mataji asked me over the

phone, several times: when are you coming home? After about two

weeks of those questions it suddenly dawned on me that Mataji really

wanted me to come back, and as a true son I had an obligation to do

so. I packed my bags, bid goodbye to all, and returned home.

 

It wasn't an easy decision but I had to come home to her and I thank

Bhagavan for giving me the courage and determination to leave that

life and come home to her. Mata ji is 81, paralyzed and unable to

walk, and my sisters and I do all we can to make her comfortable

even though sometimes she can be difficult. But we know this is not

deliberate as it is symptomatic of old age and senility.

 

It can be tiring and difficult and it takes a lot from us and for me

it has been a sacrifice of much of my personal life but every day I

thank Bhagavan for giving me the opportunity and the honour to help

her and be there with her. Sometime Mataji forgets we are there with

her and when I enter her room she pleads with me 'not to leave her.'

I assure her I will never leave her and I will there for her as long

I am alive.

 

Yes, it consumes mental and physical energy, there are costs

nvolved, but I encourage everyone to take care of parents and elders

no matter how burdensome you may think it is and how much energy and

resources are necessary. Try as hard as you can to take care of

them at home rather than in a Senior citizens' home. I know for

sure that the day my Mataji goes into one of those places she will

not survive for more than a week so sending her there is like a

death sentence.

 

As Hindus, we have a long and glorious tradition of our extended

family and caring for all at our homes. Let us strive to maintain

that treasured custom, even in this hectic and tiring world. It is

most fulfilling to serve parents and elders as it is one of the

most exalted characteristics of Sanatan Dharma.

You should not ignore parents and elders - they are our Gods on

earth and if you can't honour and pray to them then it is

meaningless and even hypocritical to pray to Bhagavan.

 

Hari Om

 

Deosaran Bisnath

---------------------------

Shree Hari

Ram Ram

 

My heart aches on reading your email... and deep within long to

reach out ...I am certain many other sadhaks emotionally can

experience what you are going through simply from your note. But

remain ever in that LIGHT that you speak off... never turn away from

it. It is His eternal promise to us... in Gita 9:22 that He will

take care of us !

 

Key is detachment and only doing to the best of your ability what

you can do and forgetting the past or the future. Think of yourself

as a Nurse hired by the divine Light, the Source. You are only

hired to do this work, rather the chosen One, you are merely taking

care of her to the best of your ability and nothing more.

Absolutely nothing more. Live moment to moment guided by the

Light... Not thinking about what will happen or what has happened in

the past... but living only in the present, in that Light that you

speak off in your note and guided by That and That alone. If you

feel exhausted, sleep and rest it out. Do not take the entire burden

on your head.

 

Swamiji often speaks of a wonderful example of a dog who is walking

under a bullock cart filled with heavy goods. He is walking there

only for protection against the heat of the sun (i.e. for shade).

However, after sometime, the dog begins to feel he is the one that

is carrying the burden / weight of the entire cart and all the stuff

on it. We all are like that dog. We begin to carry all the weight

on our shoulder. Krishna clearly showed us with the Govardhan

mountain...that HE ALONE is the One holding up the mountain with the

tip of his tiny finger... that it is He and we are merely

instruments and basking in His glory... nothing more!!!! Therefore

do the best you can... if you miss a day of care, a nurse or someone

at the hospital will fill the gap.

 

As Vyasji and other sadhaks have said... be fearless, worriless,

doubtless, griefless.... without regreting the past or concern about

the future.. only doing what you are able to do... and leaving the

rest up to the Divine, the Beloved, the Light.. .the Spirit...

And as Mike said, you definitely have direct support from this group

therefore be strong. It is not an ordinary thing that you have

started receiving these messages and reading them... and seeking out

help from this group. You have done your part... let the rest

flow!!!! May That Divine Light Always be with you!

 

Meera Das

Ram Ram

 

---------------------------

PRIOR POSTING

 

Hari Om

 

You have every right to be peaceful. " Duty " - is what you CAN and

what you SHOULD. Once you have done what ever you could, there is no

need for you to feel guilty when you CAN NOT anymore. What you can

not do, it is not your duty to do.

Hence be brave, be guiltfree, and see God's hand in every result.

See God live in your Mom, in your mind, in your circumstances - and

for once with a simple heart surrender yourself completely into the

hands of Paramatma. Once you surrender, thereafter you should not

worry.

 

Stand erect. Be peaceful by realising that you did your level best.

Don't look at all at the conduct of " relatives " ! They are made like

that only. They were not " yours " , they are not " yours " , they will

not be " yours " - there is no possibility of their ever

being " yours " . Yours is only Paramatma ! Once you accept " mineness "

with Him (He is always yours) , it would not matter to you, if

anybody is " yours " or not. GUARANTEED !! Remain Doubtless.

Worryless. Griefless. Fearless.

 

Cry before Him- only before Him. Say now take over My Lord. He

surely will. Have trust. Have belief. Thank Him any way !

 

Jai Shree Krishna

 

Vyas N B

 

-Shree Hari-

 

Dear Anonymous,

 

My wife and I are in a very similar position to you, almost a

reflection of that which you have written.

My role in all this is to mainly support my wife.

 

May I point out the family members have washed their hands of much

more than caring for mother.

Surely if they find themselves incapable of helping her directly can

they not at least support you?

 

You have done something very important, you have contacted this site

with so much divine love and wisdom.

 

I feel that you need direct support, as I have no idea where you live

I cannot offer much, here in Australia there are support groups,

religious and none religious.

 

You do not have to remain anonymous, but if you wish to fine.

 

Do come back to this site, I personally promise you I will always

reply and support you to best of my abilities.

 

You may find this site of value, I cannot recommend it too much.

http://swamiramsukhdasji.net

 

May God bless you.

 

With Respect and Divine Love,

 

Mike (Keenor).

--------------------------------

 

Priy Anonimous

I say you are choosen by god to serve your mother.

It comes rarely occassion that U get such chance.

Whatever the situation please do all servings on the basis of

Almighty lord.

God is seeing every moment. He knows better than all of us.

In MANAS:

PRABHU BHANJIHI DARUN BIPATI, JAANAT JAN KI PIR.

God will take care coz he knows all ur pains.

Have faith. please.

Raja Gurdasani

--------------------------------

Namasthe anonymous, I read your message and I guess I understand

what you must be going through. do not worry much. God is there and

everything will be fine too. I just was wondering..where do you

live ? in which country ?

Please try to find the local support groups regarding these

alzeimers' illness. I guess, u are handling this all on ur own and

it would definitely get exhausting. Please find some of the members

who are going thro similar situations via support groups.

 

also, when u mention about exhausting financial resources..how is it

happening ? is it possible if some nurse or anyone can take care of

her 2 to 3 days a week and during that time..u can do other things

and you take care 2 to 3 days..so that you will also get a break

from the routine and get refreshed also.

 

Also, please think about this. in case if u are caring of ur any

family member..the other type of exhaustion we all may feel worried

thinking that it is our family member. Rather than that, if

possible, just try to think that whatever situation we are in

either by choice or circumstance, think its God's work and do it. In

the respect, although u may get physically exhausted, atleast the

exhaustion will not be much from the emotional perspective. once

the mental energy is not drained, you can be calm in every day's

action u do.

 

Please be strong and I am sure everything will be fine. Do not

thnk..its ur mother..just think that it is God's work whatever u are

doing to ur mother. Definitely, please check on the support

groups/non-profit organizations..they will definitely be there to

help the people who are taking care of the people with illness.

 

My prayers and good wishes and so u feel peac in ur heart even in

the midst of all these.

 

namsthe again,

Bharathi

----------------------------

Consider yourself as Arjuna in the battlefied of Kurukshetra, where

in the midst of the war between mother' illness including her

stubborn rejection of all help and your own physical and mental

resources, you are completely dejected and despondent. This is the

reality of the situation you cannot bear. Reading Gita is your Lord

Krishna: read this and identify the Truth. You are not responsible

for anything, you are not the cause of anything. You have done what

you have been doing and continue to be doing. But your actions do

not cause the consequences that you desire and you do not desire.

Whatever happens to Mother is destined to happen and you are neither

the cause nor the one responsible for. You are just an witness to

all happening.

You are only to act as per the propensities/ tendencies that have

been imparted in you by your genetics and past interactions/

experiences with the environment you have grown up. This you have no

alternative but to accept the pains and sufferings.

Get out of identification with this You. This you is just an

illusion that this you will have to live. But the Real You are the

God. Read Gita again and again to realize your Real You and get

beyond the chained you attached to the happenings of this World

around you. Pray and pray to God that He lifts you to the Real You.

Know that when you try in this way to get into your Real you, your

apparent worldy you will have no suffering at all.

All above are words and really cannot help you. Sincere and

continuous prayer and submission to God as you read Gita can only

help you.

Basudeb Sen

------------------------

Yes, on a physical level it is all very difficult to understand and

cope up with.

But these things do happen with many families and part of our

worldly existence.

 

What helps us in these and all other situations is the spiritual

wisdom/rules of our lives,

knowing ourselves, doing things by remaining at the source......

It may appear difficult but with some practice, one start getting

the results....

So please read the messages on this group and get into the spiritual

mode....

 

Humble suggestions:

 

1) You have to understand who you are. So, ask yourself " Who am I? "

and wait for the answer.

Then try again...see what happens....what happens to the

feelings...the stress....Keep this practice

on whenever you can and find time or even while doing something....

 

2) Second question that may burst many myths is to understand who is

getting exhausted and

who is stressed....So ask your self " Who is getting exhausted " , " Who

is getting stressed "

and again wait for the answer........

 

Our mind/ Mann is a wonderful instrument and able to create things

out of nothing.....and we

slowly become slaves of thoughts and further thoughts....The above

questions help you to get rid of the

these absolutely unnecessary and unwanted thoughts. Once that begin

to happen, you can see the

light which shall direct you to do what needs to be done happily and

without much effort....

 

Best wishes....

Sushil Jain

 

-------------------------

Hi ,

 

God is only testing you, do your work and manage to distance

yourself from now or you will be heart broken when the time comes to

say good bye, god willing.

 

Pray more and carry on with your work, you have done your duty and

this is all you can do. You are answerable to only The Almighty, so

go about your work and pray when you find the time to do so.

 

All the best till you feel good.

 

BARBARA ALI

-------------------------

Dear Sadhak,

Under the circumstances of your mother please do not lose confidence

in your sincere caring of your mother who has given birth to you.If

you are tired then ask other members of your family to take care of

her If you have money please put her in a nursing home or any such

place where her care is properly taken

Matru devo Bhava " is a great obligation as narrated in Upnishad.

 

For her salvation please start reading one chapter of Bhagavat Gita

or the whole Gita on Sunday or any important day. Keep some chanting

program at your place for finding a solution and relief to both of

you. Have faith in God and a solutions will come within six months

of your resolution to seek peace in your family.

 

Truly yours

Shankerprasad S Bhatt

-------------------------------

Dear anonymous....

My heart truly goes out to you.....unless one has been in a

similar situation, it is impossible to understand the level of

stress that you are experiencing. I am presently caring for an 84

yr. old mataji, whose son passed away from cancer last November.

(2008). He was only 54. She has one other son, but he is not

vegetarian, so she does not wish to live with him, nor does she wish

to relocate away from the devotional community she has grown used to

in Los Angeles. I promised her son, who was not related to me, that

I would care for his mother. But I have my husband to help me. I

am constantly on the lookout for individuals from my temple who can

spare time and energy to stay with this sweet, elderly lady,

otherwise I take her everywhere with me, because to leave her alone

is quite scary...both for her, as she sits alone and doesn't move,

and for me, because I am so worried about her when she is alone!

And she doesn't even have alzheimer's, or anything like that. Just

incontinence, which of course brings a load of social

pressures......and she screams about having to take a shower. It

is certainly a demanding service....one which the Supreme Lord will

bless you millions of times over for executing so faithfully for so

long......may you always be guided by the Lord in your heart to know

how to continue pleasing Him.

respectfully, Mahalaksmi Dasi

------------------------------

Arvind Khetia, engineer and a Hindu:

Discouragement and hopelessness can arise due to many reasons.

Spiritual wisdom is essential to cultivating a balanced mind. Then,

one recognizes the negative influence of ego, greed and excessive

material pleasures on one's mind and society. Consequently, one

learns to cultivate self-control, discriminate between what is

eternal and transient, practice equanimity and follow one's dharma.

Dharma requires one to perform the duties of life in accordance with

universal ethical values.

 

Therefore, one's faith must be founded on spiritual reality to help

combat discouragement and hopelessness. The Bhagavad-Gita

states, " When spiritual wisdom is the highest goal, one's faith is

deep and senses restrained, then one attains wisdom and acquires

perfect peace. "

 

According to Vedanta, true faith begins with having faith in

ourselves. Then, through practicing the spiritual disciplines of

meditation and yoga, one achieves a transformation of one's

character. Thus, one's faith evolves into the realization of one's

inner spiritual nature and manifests as enlightened optimism.

 

Arvind Khetia

--------------------------

Dear Exhausted ,

 

The True answer must come from your ' inside ', from inside you.

No-one from outside can give you the correct answer for you, in your

particular situation

 

Meditation will lead you to your inner being .

Meditation is the only Way.....................

Sit for formal meditation , morning and evening, half an hour .

 

BUT..................

 

When meditation does not ' happen', especially in the beginning(

your mind does not move into it so easily), and Karma ( sewa) is

also so exhausting and stressful, ' prayer and satsanga' is the

answer ..........

 

A Prayer to God ( Krishna, Rama,Shiva, Allah, Waheguru ) for

strength and wisdom, whenever the mind falls ... Being at the feet

of a master can do wonders !

 

narinder bhandari

-------------------------------

 

 

SUMMARY OF SADHAK POSTINGS -

 

- complaint raises from the violation of one's core limits as well

as limitations - natural, psychological, physiological, financial,

social as well as spiritual - leading to exhaustion and distress.

- you are on the right path.

- You have already experienced " nothing is mine, " ... now the next

step... " only God is mine " . Why subtle insistence on recovery

etc., What can you do , except doing your duty? AND THAT YOU HAVE

DONE and ARE DOING ! Fault is linking duty with old memories ! Fault

is in re-living the past! which does not exist! Forgive and forget!

on shedding the insistence, peace will prevail.

- if you are not at peace within, you can not comfort anybody else

no matter

what your understanding/determination/ intention is.

- What a destructive force is hatred? And how indestructible

is 'Divine Love'. Some people will never abandon any needy, it is

their very nature to care.

- Do your duty and forget. Nothing is ours.

- think 10 times before taking any decision, so that there be no

regrets.

- you can sacrifice, only to the extent possible and bearable, for

your Mother -

not merely because she is your mother but because she is as much a

manifestation of God

- do work deligently and discharge of duties earnestly

- Nurse - pure service, so impersonal, and yet so compassionate ...

if we could

be like that in spite of having emotional relations

- we are the chosen ones. there are no options regarding caring for

parents. We have to do it.

- as far as possible keep them (elders) at home.

- distribute sweets / candy to poor children then the grief

DEFINITELY goes !

- Don't seek any reciprocation for your good deeds

- Being Peaceful is your birth right! What you can not do, it is

not your duty! be guiltfree. See God in Mom, and take complete

refuge in the Divine (God); accept only Him as yours; thereafter do

not worry! Remain Doubtless. Worryless. Griefless. Fearless.

- you are choosen by god to serve your mother; a rare opportunity!

Serve as if serving Almighty! He knows what is best! He knows ur pain

- My heart truly goes out to you.....it is certainly a demanding

service. may you always be guided by the Lord in your heart to know

how to continue pleasing Him.

- YOUR HEALTH IS INTRICATELY CONNECTED TO YOUR MOTHER'S WELL-BEING.

- you are being tested; You have done your duty! continue working

but becoming detached. Pray. You are only answerable to God.

- Karma Favoring you - On one hand you are doing selfless duty and

thus accumulating " assets " . On other hand with every

abuse/disrespect/spit on the face your " liabilities " are

simultaneously getting wiped out-

without any effort at your end ! Become grateful to Paramatma ! He

only is ours. Other than Him there is only " duty " !

- you need a break, some relief. DO yoga/meditate regularly.

- Whatever happens to Mother is destined to happen and you are

neither the cause nor the one responsible for. Stop identification

with Body/Mind and identify with the Truth of the Gita. Read Gita

again and again! prayer and submission to God/Gita can only help you.

- Leave for ever " desire for happiness " . Immediately / Instantly

pains will vanish.

- we are just puppets. We are supposed to do our duty and not to

interfere with the result, just accept it. If you too accept this

fact then there will be no stress, no exhaustion, no disappointments.

- Spiritual wisdom is essential to cultivating a balanced mind.

True faith begins with having faith in ourselves.

- Question over and over again.. who am I? who is getting

exhausted? Who is getting stressed? and wait for the answer! Mind

creates things out of nothing! The above questions help you to get

rid of the unnecessary thoughts. thereafter light shall direct you

to do what needs to be done happily and without much effort

- Meditate and Pray... at lotus feet of Lord

- Pray to God. You are doing what He desires. He will give you the

strength and

lead you to more important, interesting experiences and knowledge

- Do not lose confidence. Seek Help! Read Gita! Have Faith in God

and solution will come.

- Read Gita again and again. But only those portions on the concept

of God and what the wise persons do.

- Take time out for personal rest and relaxation. Avoid getting the

carer disease...DYSTHEMIA

- you are getting their full blessings. And these special blessings

can turn any negativity in a patri to the most blessed and enriched

life. You are truly blessed believe me. Turn this into an

oppurtunity rather than a crisis.

- You need direct support! Are there support groups / others?

Don't hesitated to rely on sadhaks in this forum. They are

personally committed to support.

- Please seek out a local support group! Possibly a break, through

hired nurse help, so can get some rest!

- Think of yourself as a Nurse only... taking care of her for short

time... not thinking of past or future. Live in present, guided by

the light.

- think its God's work you are doing for your mother and do it!

There will be less emotional exhaustion, therefore you'll be calm

even though physical strain.

- The Nature has made all the life forms self-sufficient. Each one

has to face their own fate all alone. Whosoever is born, has to die

one day. so be brave...

- Please keep confidence in God who will find a way our of your

worries and direct you about the action you have to take

- Please be strong and all will be fine!

- relax please ...

- every day I thank Bhagavan for giving me the opportunity and the

honour to help her and be there with her

- keep confidence in God who will find a way our of your worries and

direct you about the action you have to take

- Let us strive to maintain that treasured custom, even in this

hectic and tiring world. It is most fulfilling to serve parents and

elders as it is one of the most exalted characteristics of Sanatan

Dharma.

- Entering into the depth of 'Darkness', it is there that you can

see the Divine Light.

- 'Cry before Him- only before Him. Say now take over My Lord. He

surely will. Have trust. Have belief. Thank Him any way !'

- cry out like a child who is lost and is looking for Mother or

Father, place no restriction call to Him as child, go where it takes

you - He gets away all your pain depending upon intensity and

sincerity of your prayer

 

 

--------------------------

 

GITA TALK GROUP GUIDELINES: PLEASE -

1. Only responses that further clarify Gita message will be posted.

2. Quote Gitaji/scriptures wherever possible..

3. Limit personal feelings, opinions, beliefs etc. to the

extent that they further help in understanding the Gita shlokas

4. Be as concise, to the point, respecting sadhaka's time.

5. Focus on subject at hand only.

6. Do not include links to the other sites.

7. Do not include your personal information (Ph #, address etc).

8. Do not personalize message

9. All responses may not be posted.

10. Moderator at his discretion, may modify the posting.

11. Take into consideration the novices, youth, westerners, non-

sectarian audience. i.e. limit the use to Sanskrit words only.

Provide English word bracketed.

 

MODERATOR

Ram Ram

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------

 

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[Guest guest]

My mother is once again hospitalized… im sorry im exhausted and

very stressed. After five years of taking care of her entirely on

my own, as other family members have washed their hands off, I feel

completely exhausted. She is also a alzheimers patient exhibiting

all behaviour related to this deadly disease. She continues to be

extremely stubborn in receiving any kind of help which is continuing

to exhaust and drain all her financial resources.

 

Caring for her for so long, I feel like I will have a stroke or a

heart attack. There have been many incidents where I have been

completely freaked out, totally drained of all energy. This extreme

physical and mental exhaustion has reached a point where I can

barely make it off the bed, with my eyes swollen from exhaustion.

 

I read the words in your daily posting and though i know they are

true, they mean nothing in my serious state of exhaustion. I can

no longer care for my mother and have told her doctors so and they

know and agree. Knowing that I still feel responsible, but at the

same time, feel completely unable to deal with the situation.

There appears to be no Light in sight! How do I connect to this

Light? I seek any guidance you can offer to be free of suffering

and to be at Peace!

 

May all souls cross over the horrid ocean of suffering

including me.

 

 

Sophia

===========================================================

 

NEW POSTING

 

Dear Sophia Bahenji

 

No ! No tears please. You havent done anything bad to regret. Angels

dont weep. Your mother is not abusing you. Her sickness is as such.

All mothers are good. There is benefit of you hidden in each of the

moves of mother. She may not be knowing, but God knows that. God

cannot use a mother for hurting her children. If God does that , it

means huge benefit is hidden in that. Even if she means to hurt you,

because of karmic reasons, God will ensure your safety. Can any one

get killed by consuming nectar ? No Bahenjee! No tears please. Laugh

it out. What depression? As Sadhu Vyas told you she made you realise

a truth which people dont realise in ages and eras. Nothing/Nobody

is Mine. What a truth. Could you have realised that without the help

of mother? You should not mind the abuses or ill treatment of

mother because all said and done, the very body of yours belongs to

her only. Above all she is not in her senses. Believe me, she loves

you more than anyone else. Is there no love in hate? Is there no

love in a slap of mother? Try it. She will never let others ill

treat you, even when she is in this mental state. Past is past. She

might have erred when you were 18 years old. But is she not

sufferring? She is paying for that only. Dear Bahenji ! It is only

because she erred with your reference that she is in this shape

today. Even in this mental state , does she not know about the

conduct of her son? She knows. She is more sufferring than you.

Believe me.

 

Hence it is time that you develop 'compassion " for her. Sadhu Mike

Keenor loves to be compassionate. Learn from his experiences. Read

old Qs on this site. Your depression will get cured the moment you

forget and forgive. Replace weariness, hate, anger with love and

compassion, please. Immediately, you will get peace, Bahenjee!

Immediately. You are so great otherwise. We all are proud of you

and of your tolerance so far. Please oblige us by being divine.

What a pleasure it will give you in future , when you would recall

how love healed the wounds.

 

No ! No tears please. Angels dont weep !

 

I bow to you Bahenjee.

 

Khan Jarsingh

--

 

Hari Om

 

Depression / Mental Fatigue . What is Depression ? I am not a

doctor. Hence In my language : Depression is tendency of mind to

travel excessively into NOTHINGNESS and into pessimism! Your mind

is capable only of travelling either in past or in future. Both do

not exist NOW ! The cure is simple ! Simply disown the mind

emotionally. Replace worldly thoughts automatically coming into

mind, by thoughts of Paramatma dwelling within. How do you do

that ? " Become " of Paramatma by firmly resolving : MERE TO GIRDHAR

GOPAAL, DOOSARA NA KOI . ( Only Paramatma is mine, no one else is

mine). That single resolution must make you peaceful in an instant

and forever. Thereafter DO WHAT YOU CAN AND WHAT YOU SHOULD.

Depression is self conceived. Don't feel that you are depressed and

you are not depressed. Don't let the worldly anxieties, old

memories, fears for future haunt you. When any worldly thought comes

into mind – IGNORE. Neither like it nor dislike it ! Just be

indifferent, UDAASIN , remain unruffled to those waves of old

memories and anxieties. Think at that time : I am of God. Why I

should bother about a thing on which I have no control. God will

take care if He desires to do so. Else whatever is to happen, let it

happen. See henceforth all the happenings in your life as you see a

movie. Now that you have surrendered to God and you have experienced

the world closely, now don't worry! Start dancing !! What a thing

you have got !! You are of GOD !!! God is your Father ! He has taken

over your life with immediate effect. How beautiful. Now every of

your burden is that of God ! You are free . Just take one care.

Don't doubt this, don't fear, don't ever worry now. NEVER NEVER

WORRY HENCE FORTH. What can happen ? You are immortal, the body is

mortal. Your father is God. He is immortal. What can happen to

you ? Hence DON'T WORRY.

 

REMEMBER : Neither past nor future exists NOW ! A thing which does

not exist, why to worry about the same? Depression causes you to do

that. See happiness in small small things. Admire beauty of a flower

or a bird. Remember you are not alone. EACH AND EVERY HUMAN BEING

IS BURNING IN THE FIRE OF SORROW. This world has been defined as "

DUKHALAYAM " . ( Abode of sorrow) in the very Holy Gita. Your job now

is to convert this DUKHALAYAM into VASUDEVAH SARVAM. Keep in touch

with this divine site on a daily basis. Start replying to various

questions that are raised in this forum. You will find peace here.

 

REMEMBER : TU JAANE MERE SANG BEETI, EK EK BAAR SABHI SANG BEETI ! (

You are thinking that it (adversity) has happened in your case only.

But the fact is that it has happened with each and every human being

once). DEH DHARE KA DAND HAI, SAB KAHOO KO HOY ! GYAANI BHUGATE

GYAAN SE, MOORAKH BHUGATE ROY !! ( Worldly sorrows is a universal

tax to be borne by every human being. A learned persons tolerates

this tax by wisdom, while a fool tolerates this by regretting/

crying.)

 

Hence be brave. One who has given beak to you, will give food also !

Simply DON'T WORRY !!!

 

Jai Shree Krishna

Vyas N B

-------------------------

Hare Krishna

 

Sophiaji ! Now that you have joined Sadhaks , every day should be a

new day for you.. Every day you will get more and more peace ! Just

think that you are not depressed. Just think that you are alright

and you shall be so ! Brother Mike, Vyasji, Mira Dassji, Jee Jee

Shashikalaji all have given you sterling and really soul touching

messages. Surrender to God is a complete solution in itself. Gita

starts with " Worry " of Arjuna. Gita ends with advice of Lord

Krishna : Ma Suchah - PLEASE DO NOT WORRY ! On the contrary be happy

that now everything related with you is in the powerful hands of

God .

 

Please keep sharing your experiences regularly.

 

Gopal Mehta

 

 

My dear Sophia,

 

narinder has been going through all the sharing on the

subject ........... and what comes to mind is this :

 

while all the love and consolation offered to you is worthy of

repect and reverence , and is the truth of being .............

 

Sophia will not be helped, in any deep measure, by consolation and

comfort offered.......

 

when all things fail... and they do ..... only the self can

help ....... you, yourself ..... your own being ..... with the

right resolve .......

 

One stroke of will power .... just one ..... to be able to

understand that you are seeking freedom from pain, not just a relief

for a short duration ! And , only the self can help.

 

Here comes the advice from all Knowers of Truth ........ when self

too is down and out ...... seek the company of the saints, sages,

and sadhaks true .... be with them for short periods of time ....

physically, be in their presence .... let your mind self be

subjected to the strength of the self , the aura of Nothingness,

which is perpetually emanating from the Sages as love divine that

heals !

 

A prayer goes out to you, Sophia .... joy and love to you ......

 

The prayer

 

Rises in the heart when it rises.

Out of nowhere does prayer arise in the Heart,

No reason !

It rises, this prayer, for Heart itself is nothing but Prayer

Nothing but the Light of One-ness

Nothing but Love

Nothing but Silence .

In Silence of Being, the Prayer blossoms:

And, ah ! What Joy !

The fragrance from the Blossoms knows no frontiers !!!

The Heart is the Giver divine

All Gifts are from the Source, all !

And the heart verily is the only Source, the One Source, the True

Source.

 

And one day, Krishna's Heart

Chooses for Krishna

The Gift of Gifts

It's own Self !

And Krishna's flute resounds in Eternity

As the soundless sound of OM

And Krishna sleeps the sleepless sleep forever !

Jai Krishna ! Jai Krishna !

Krishna Krishna , jai jai Krishna

Jai Jai Krishna Hare Hare

 

May Krishna fill you with strength, love and resolve

 

Be yourself. Love yourself.

Love is the Way

 

AUM

narinder bhandari

--------------------------

You are great Sister Sophia. Nothing wrong with you. There is no

reason for you to feel guilty. No body takes so much care of moms as

you took. Depression is a tendency of mind. Mind changes. In your

case too it will change. Watch and enjoy in the meantime this

depression also. Now God is with you. Depression cant reach you. Who

is depressed ? Mind may be depressed, but not our Divine Sophia.

Nothing now can harm you, once you have cried before God. Just feel

jubilant. You tried to be a witness in the past. Try now , as you

have now taken shelter of God.

 

Wishing you very peaceful nice, sound sleeps and rest. Sleep well.

Remember God when awake. See how the world has been made. See how

the God , your Father, is ! Trust Him. Give Love to all and sundry.

Dont feel depressed. You are not depressed. You are tired.

 

Nisha Chatterji

 

--------------------------

Sophiaji

 

Depression ? Nothing to worry. We shall make it run , Sister. We

will not acknowledge that depression. So simple. How can daughter of

Paramatma be depressed? Is God not there? He is alive. He is there.

We all are with you. Our prayers will make both of you alright.

Please remain cheerful. Depression does not like laughter. The

moment you laugh , depression will run away. Depression. These

doctors when they do not know call it depression. In those hearts

where God has entered , where is the space for depression? A good

sleep is the medicine. When God is yours, what can make you tense or

depressed. Dont acknowledge that you are depressed. Simple!

 

Thakurlingam

-------------------------

Dear Sophia

 

Just as relatives are not yours , similarly mind , intellect, body

etc are also not yours. Experience yourself to be separate from

your mind. Depression will evaporate. When mind is not yours , what

difference does it make to you, whether it is depressed or

suppressed? Dont bother. Watch your mind as a separate entity. It

will become like a dog. Just dont pay any attention. You can do

that. Take sufficient rest now. Just dont bother about anything.

Whatever is destined will take place. Take sufficient rest. If sleep

does not come easily, then keep chanting God's name and become

happy. Wish : Let there be no sleep so that I can take God's name

more. Whatever be the case, feel cheerful. Depression has no basis

to survive. Only when you provide it a shelter or respect or

recognition that it can survive. Be optimist.

 

Shyama Chhangani

 

--------------------------

PRIOR POSTING

 

i have been DIAGNOSED NOW WITH DEPRESSION A ND CHRONIC FATIGUE

SYNDROME .. yes i am depressed, but who is depressed? i keep asking

myself these questions but meanwhile this body is exhausted and so

is the small I here in this body to be a caregiver here in the

united states is legendary with the caregivers dying now or

becoming very ill & unable to take care of their parents with

alzheimers.

 

i am going to rest today again she is in the hospital for a few

more days i rest before i take her home & i pray. i have nothing

left to give no finances anymore no physical or emotional strength

but i still do my duty & pray.

 

To ajay and all caregivers who have responded -

it seems here all have been like me the black sheep the abused one

the disrespectedoone. but the one that took the responsibility. it

is very odd. I'm sorry for all of your suffering. I think it is

a good thing we speak of our pain with this group. Mother is mother

she gave us the birth to be able to know God

We may have even chosen her in this incarnation.i know i should not

complain but God I am so tired.. so so tired. I am going to lay

down again...

 

Sophia

---------------------------

 

Hare Krishna,

I can understand a bit of the pain suffered by you, because I have

my wife (who is ill since 6 years). I am lucky that I have my son to

share the problems. Here you are alone. In my view (actually

Gita's) we should accept this fact that every thing/situation is

composed by God and we are just puppets. We are supposed to do our

duty and not to interfere with the result, just accept it. If you

too accept this fact then there will be no stress no exhaustion no

disappointments.

May God bless you and give you enough courage and energy.

Ashok Goenka

-----------------------------

" Two Yrs. back I was also trapped in almost similar situation

related to my job -I literally wept in front of Lord Jagannath for

his help , undoubtedly I got it .

He gets away all your pain depending upon intensity and sincerity of

your prayer . "

 

 

Arun Sharma

---------------------------

dear Sophia,

 

What you need is a " break " from your mother's bedside and go for a

walk in the park. Ask a friend to relieve you for an afternoon and

go- to a spa or someplace that will make you feel " pampered " !

Practice your yoga, meditation on a daily basis at home, even

while caring for your mom. All the best and know that YOU are

fortunate to serve YOUR mother. Yu have no idea just how much of

karma you burn by doing that act lovingly- this same mother was the

one who cleaned up after us so many umpteen times without a

break!

 

Love and blessings,

Meenakshi

---------------------------

 

PRIOR POSTING

 

I AM DEEPLY TOUCHED AND SITTING HERE CRYING OVER THE KINDNESS OF ALL

WHO HAVE SPOKEN HERE TO HELP ME. CRYING. DOING AS SUGGESTED CRYING

OUT TO GOD STUDYING GITA AND FOR THE PAST 2 DAYS RESTING IN BED WITH

GITA EXHAUSTED. ALONG WITH MEDITATION, YOGA , MANTRA. I HAVE BEEN

IN THERAPIES WITH DRS FOR MANY YEARS HERE. EVERY WESTERN DR. HAS

TOLD ME TO GET AWAY FROM MY MOTHER to leave her to her own

sufferings and rot. This I would not do the many many layers of

emotional pain i have dealt with over the years with very little

healing. and i have forgiven her but one day when she was abusing me

so i yelled at her & then i felt guilty. the trick is to detach to

organically understand i am not the suffering. i know that but to

organically get that , well then i would be enlightened but that

is not the case. when i lived on the streets of nyc i did not shoot

heroin or kill myself because i knew this was karma and i had to

walk a spiritual path that has never changed. but i wish not to

speak of myself anymore. i have reached out and you have all been

spiritually gracious. i hope i may serve as well to help those that

suffer including crippled nyc pigeons that some children try to

hit. there is too much sorrow in this world. i wish i could wave a

magic wand

 

I LOVE THIS

 

Living in the West you may have heard of the poem 'Dark Night of the

Soul', by St. John of the Cross. " Oh Night! more glorious than the

Rising Sun! "

 

Look! Entering into the depth of 'Darkness', it is there that you can

see the Divine Light. The dawn is coming you know, I think maybe you

might just start to see it's first glimmer.

 

Brother Vyas gave a powerful piece of advice, I will paste it in

here with respect:

'Cry before Him- only before Him. Say now take over My Lord. He

surely will. Have trust. Have belief. Thank Him any way

 

I WILL SAY THIS AS MANTRA TODAY ON JAPA MALA - " Doosara na koi " -

There is " no one else " " None Other " .

 

Sophia

--------------------------

Hari Om

 

Swamiji Ramsukhdasji Maharaj would very rarely give mantras/

formulas. But once he wrote that if you distribute sweets / candy to

poor children then the grief DEFINITELY goes !

 

I believe it is an infallible formula for quick relief in

stress/worry/anxiety levels.

 

Jai Shree Krishna

 

Vyas N B

---------------------------

Dear Sadhak

 

Surrender your self to the feet of your God and offer sincere and

prayers to him urging your personal God to relieve your mother from

all these pains and also give you confidence and love for taking

care of your mother till her death.

 

Please keep confidence in God who will find a way our of your

worries and direct you about the action you have to take

 

Truly yours

 

S S Bhatt

---------------------------

Hi anonymous,

It is extremely difficult to look after a mentallyill person and

being a carer myself i know.

the most important thing to realise is that YOUR HEALTH IS

INTRICATELY CONNECTED TO YOUR MOTHER'S WELL-BEING. That is if you are

not there or breakdown , she goes to the streets.

so

1.Plan in case you are not there because one can never say. This will

give you lot of peace. If it makes sense, just harden your heart and

place her in an old age home if you can afford.

2.so your health and happiness and longlife is important for her

also.

3. Take time for some rest and relaxation - e.g. Music go to Music

concert, films, good food EAT, bhajans sing them. Just be happy for

that you must learn to enjoy life without being GUILTY.

 

4.Normally CARERS get a mental illness called DYSTHEMIA. You are

showing early signs so get out of it.

 

captain Johann samuhanand

 

---------------------------

This situation indeed is very difficult. Am sure many of us may

have gone thru similar situation (incl me). My humble suggestion

would be that before taking any decision, we must think 10 times.

Had this position been with a child then could any mother abandon

her child although she also at times be tired and be almost in

similar position but am sure she could not abandon. Secondly,

whatever action/step we take today, we must think 10-15 yrs

henceforward - and we may not regret the step that we take now. But

we all are human and feeling exhausted and tired is also human and

very right emotion too sp. when no other sibling is there to lend a

helping hand even temporarily. I remember myself crying loudly

oblivious of surroundings in the parking lot of hospital. Crying

out to God for his help and mercy. I do not know was it due to

stress, helplessness, anguish, unable to see my Mom suffering, out

of exhaustion, desperation, as I am also suffering from 3 major

diseases myself.

 

Pls seek temporary helping hand may it be physical / financial -

wherever it may come from, relax, take good care of yourself first

and then think about taking care of your Mom.

 

Wish you good health and peace.

 

Warm regards and lots of love to you who has stood by her Mom for so

many years which itself is commendable, when people can barely take

this for couple of months.

 

Mrs K Asani

 

---------------------------

Dear Sophia,

Your situation reminds me of my own. I am second number child of my

parents, the elder sister was married when I was only in tenth

standard. I completed my studies ( engineering) by tuitions

supporting my family. My younger brother who is 3 years younger to

me was adorned by my parents too much and always being treated with

much more love and affections as a result he became acute mental

patient for last 20 years. My parents always discarded me and my

wife, abused us inspite of living dependently with me on my income.

My mother used to support my sister family all along her life. She

was dominating and never even shown any affection to me, my wife or

my two kids. My brother was married but was divorced due to his

mental problem, so my wife was the only daughter in law of my mother.

In 2002 my father's both kidneys failed and after a prolong and

costly treatment of two years he survived. Myself and my wife alone

spent our day and night, borne all the expenses and he is still

survving and is a healthy person ( except that he cannot see

clearly). My mother never visited him in hospital and used to abuse

us as why we are getting him the treatment. My sister who is married

to a very top doctor never bothered to take any interest in the

treatment or support us, my brother as a mental patinet is totally

dependent on me.

Last year my mother met an accident in January 08 and she was

operated and inserted steel rod and was bed ridden for almost nine

months before she finally left for heavenly abode in Sept. Me and my

wife only took care for her during this period. My sister who lives

very near never bothered to provide any help or assistance but

ensured abusing us all the time on some or other pretext by finding

fault in the treatement given to her which I ensured in the best

hospitals in Jaipur. It was hell for us getting abused for the

responsibilty for treatment to parents by themselves and also my

sister. But we never lost our patience. My brother is on mental

treatment, needs daily medicines otherwise becomes extreme vilolent

and my wife used to give him also medicines, handle my mother

treatment who was bed ridden for nine months and also take care of

my father who is also now 80 years.

My kids some time ask me why amma, dada and bua are so cruel to you

are you their step son ? and why so are taking so much care of them?

Our neighbours were amused by our patience and handling of the

situation and always praised us, so were all our distance relatives

who used to come to meet my mother.

I run my own business and have to travel abroad frequnetly.I lost

lot of money in business during that period as I was badly stressed

all the time.

After my mother expired my sister abusued us publically that I

killed my mother but everyone knew the truth, so she herself got

a bad name.

I can visualise your situation , but I can only say time will pass

and these are the tough situations which as a human being any one

can come across so need to have a patience, and only thing in our

control is our work and discharge of duties earnestly.

 

I know every situation is unique but my own case will surely give

you some solace and strenght to bear the pain.

 

Ajay Gupta

------------------------------

 

PRIOR POSTING

 

Hello The Universal Individual (Trust me! there can be hardly

anybody who have not felt like you at one time or the other!!),

 

The complaint raises from the violation of one's core limits as well

as limitations - natural, psychological, physiological, financial,

social as well as spiritual - leading to exhaustion and distress. It

is essential to appreciate one's limits as well as limitations to

break them open for an expansive horizon. Also, I can assure, from

my experience, that one cannot attempt this while being bound within

a state of violent distress. One has to releive oneself from the

distress to clarify one's appreciation of the whole situation.

 

I do not know the individual limits and limitations here except for

the lack of support from the relatives (which is not surprising).

However, I urge you to seek professional help for yourself as well

as for your mother contacting appropriate agencies. Bhagavadgita and

the spiritual talk appeals ONLY IF you are ready for facing The

Truth stark naked. At this point, you may mentally not be ready to

face the same as your inner turmoil is churning your presence away

from any such possible appreciation. You have to releive your system

to relax before appreciating the depth of spirituality.

 

Therefore, seek some physical help from whichever source that is

congenial ... If it helps ... I learnt a lot by observing the

saintly nurses who were taking care of my father when he was

critically ill once ... pure service, so impersonal, and yet so

compassionate ... if we could be like that in spite of having

emotional relations ... it would be the best. It is easy to

preach ... therefore, let me restrain myself from that ... yet, if

possible, try it out along with all other possible psycho-physio-

medical help as well as financial aid that you could possibly

extract from yourself as well as from your environment.

 

One thing is for sure ... if you are not at peace within, you can

not comfort anybody else no matter what your understanding/

determination/ intention is. Also, if you break down, your mother

will have nobody to care of her ... think of that as well.

Therefore, my suggestion is to gather all your strength to establish

your integrity within first ... relax for that ... relax within as

much as possible in spite of the gruelling environmental demands ...

relax within in spite of the personal anguish and physical

exhaustion ...

 

Take it as an opportunity to appreciate how your relaxation is, in

fact, independent of all the relations in this life; to realize its

true transcendental nature as such ... if possible ... as much as

possible ... relax please ...

 

Best Wishes.

 

Naga Narayana

 

-----------------------------

 

-Shree Hari-

 

Dear Sophia,

 

To be apparently all alone in this situation is an added burden,

let me put you in the picture right now , my beloved wife is talking

to her sister, my wife and I have spent the afternoon with her

mother, and consultants. She needs to talk to lighten her load.

 

There was a time long passed, that I, it seems was the most hated

person on planet earth in my in laws eyes. The hatred was so intense,

that I actually started to stutter, I swear to all I never knew that

one could hate so much, I don't think I ever hated.

 

What a destructive force is hatred? And how indestructible is 'Divine

Love'. Some people will never abandon any needy, it is their very

nature to care.

 

Karma, yes indeed, I have watched the unfolding over the years, never

voiced it, just observed. My in laws watched helplessly, as the other

son in law died a slow and painful death, (we got on well, he and I).

Then my mother in law was widowed.

 

Old 'Black Sheep' moved interstate, to the same town in which my

mother in law lived.

It is I who picked her off the floor when she had a fall, who pushed

her around shopping centers, fixed things, etc.

Now I am a shining light in her eyes, " God must have brought you her

for a reason " , she has often said. She's got that right, but 'The

Divine Beloved', did it not just for her, but also for me, God who I

love so much, has exposed me to so much, helping my stony heart to

break.

 

Living in the West you may have heard of the poem 'Dark Night of the

Soul', by St. John of the Cross. " Oh Night! more glorious than the

Rising Sun! "

 

Look! Entering into the depth of 'Darkness', it is there that you can

see the Divine Light. The dawn is coming you know, I think maybe you

might just start to see it's first glimmer.

 

Brother Vyas gave a powerful piece of advice, I will paste it in

here with respect:

'Cry before Him- only before Him. Say now take over My Lord. He

surely will. Have trust. Have belief. Thank Him any way !'

 

Every one is different, but try this if you wish; go to a place where

none can hear you, ask out loud for GOD to help you, from your soul

cry out like a child who is lost and is looking for Mother or Father,

place no restriction call to Him as child, go where it takes you.

 

B.G. 7

At the end of his many births

The wise man takes refuge in Me.

He knows: " All is Vasudeva.3 "

How very rare is that great soul! (19)

 

With Respect and Divine Love,

 

Mike (Keenor).

------------------------------

 

Hari Om

 

Sadhak Sophia ! Real Sadhak you are !! This group is privileged to

have you as one of us. Please keep the divinity in you prospering.

 

Remove now old memories of ill treatment. It is necessary Dear

Sister for removal of pains. Could they have come to you without

divine will? Is it not now a real " experiential knowledge " for you

that " Nothing is mine " ( Doosara na Koi ) ?

You in fact paid a very little cost of " knowing " that precious

priceless knowledge.

 

What is needed now once " doosara na koi " is part of your direct

experience ? In fact - Mere to Girdhar Gopal (Only God is

mine ) !!! Once God is yours and no one else- why worry? Why

exhaustion? Why weariness? Why that subtle insistence on recovery of

Mom? As you are of God, is she not? What can you do , except doing

your duty? AND THAT YOU HAVE DONE and ARE DOING !

 

It is a law that duty doesnot generate sorrows. But you are not

feeling well. Where is the clue/ fault? Fault is linking duty with

old memories ! Check with your conscience, are you not reliving

those days? Are you not keeping the wounds green? Let them heal now!

This is final frontier which you should cross now . Forgive and

forget the past. Don't insist for any favourable or unfavourable

happennings in life. Past does not exist Dear Sister !

Nor does future exist now? Why worry then?

 

I am sure once you shed this insistence over the results of your

otherwise divine performance of duties, peace, much awaited peace

will generate in abundance in you.

 

Try it and keep in touch. Do take interest in other Qs also. That,

in itself, will make you happy and peaceful. " Sharing " reduces pain

and increases pleasure ! Isn't it?

 

May Paramatma bless you !

 

Jai Shree Krishna

 

Vyas N B

-----------------------------

I have been undergoing a similar situation for years. I can

empathise with you. Stressful days and even worst nights. not been

on a holiday for the last 15 years. Used to crib many years back,

then went deeper into astrology which perhaps if nothing else I

learnt to bear with this as my karmic destiny.

 

I remember my father used to say, " if God chooses to give me old

age I pray to him to give me good children " The full impact of this

sentence came in much later. But strive thru it all to remember that

perhaps of all the persons in our family we are the chosen ones. I

feel there are no options regarding caring for parents. We have to

do it. On bad days just tell yourself you are getting there full

blessings. And these special blessings can turn any negativity in a

patri to the most blessed and enriched life.

 

I am sure nobody on this forum or any other can refute this. You are

truly blessed believe me. Turn this into an oppurtunity rather than

a crisis. With you .

Take care.

Vats (Pradeep Sahai)

--------------------------

Jai Hanuman

 

Dear Sophiaji ! Thanks for sharing with us the voice of your soul. I

give a

small example to you to ponder.

 

You kept a nurse for taking care of your child. You pay her and she

takes care

of the child like you, yourself take care. One day there is some

disruption in

relationship/money/etc. You ask her to go . How easily she leaves

the affection

of that child? Will she look back? Will she enquire about the

child ? No !

 

Be like that. Do your duty and forget. Nothing is ours. Only

Paramatma is ours.

Serve fearlessly. If you get disrespect/ abuses in return , then

consider

yourself to be lucky. Results of your service are not getting

frittered away in

petty respects/praises/acknowledgements ! Higher results are in

store for you.

 

My Mom in law, 75, often says- Let Rupee remain Rupee ! (Don't seek

any

reciprocation for your good deeds, you are reducing the value of a

rupee to few

paise only, because you expect immediate result).

 

In your case, Dear Sophiaji - the Rupee is increasing in value with

every

disrespect, every abuse, every spit on the face ! Believe me on

this ! Let it

increase. Wish now that you don't need respect

honor/respect/acknowledgement .

Leave for ever " desire for happiness " . Immediately / Instantly

pains will

vanish.

 

You used the word " karmic " in your last post. Now if we look at Law

of Karma,

you will find that in your case the Divine is working with double

speed. On one

hand you are doing selfless duty and thus accumulating " assets " . On

other hand

with every abuse/disrespect/spit on the face your " liabilities " are

simultaneously getting wiped out- without any effort at your end !

By Divine

Will !

 

Tell me now honestly, do you want respect/praise etc in return for

your " duty " ?

With double speed , Sophiaji, Law of Karma is functioning in your

favour. Think

about it ! Tell me how I am wrong ? Do tell me or else become happy.

Become

peaceful. Become grateful to Paramatma ! He only is ours. Other than

Him there

is only " duty " !

 

Namaste Jee

 

Jee Jee

Shashikala

---------------------------

Sophia-ji you are on the right path. If you can sacrifice your

interest in favor

of birds and animals, you can sacrifice, only to the extent possible

and

bearable, for your Mother - not merely because she is your mother

but because

she is as much a manifestation of God as you or anyone else are/ is.

God,

genetics and previous experiences have giving you the propensity and

strength to

sacrifice for others, even if they do not tolerate you or behave

badly with you.

You are fortunate to have such properties. And, the current

experience in

dealing with the ailing, stuborn and unloving mother will enhance

your

capability to endure and love anyone and help anyone who needs. Pray

to God. You

are doing what He desires. He will give you the strength and lead

you to more

important, interesting experiences and knowledge. He will take care

of your

physical and mental health or change your duty. Submit to him and

pray to him

with the joy of doing what he has ordained for you.

Read Gita again and again. But only those portions on the concept of

God and

what the wise persons do.

Basudeb Sen

-----------------------------

Dear Annonimous,

 

The Nature has made all the life forms self-sufficient. Each one has

to face their own fate all alone. You know it very well, whosoever is

born, has to die one day. The ways of death are different for

different persons. so be brave...

 

G. Waman

 

 

---------------------------

PRIOR POSTING

 

 

 

I KINDLY THANK EVERY SOUL THAT HAS TAKEN THEIR TIME TO SPEAK WORDS

OF INSIGHT AND KINDNESS. I am in nyc and have reache d out over

the years to the caregiver s groups, alzheimers org and such.

I gave up my career as actress and opera singer and left hollywood

over 5 yrs ago to alone take care of a very abusive ill mother.I am

longtime sadhak, vegan , meditator a & practice yoga. the intensity

daily stress has broken me i am now ill myself. as of friday night

mothe r is back in the hospital.perhaps she will listen to the drs.

only God know. she also knows I can no longer take care of her the

way i have my strength is gone and now i am under drs. care.

i will bring Gita to hospital and read every day, continue to pray

and ask my self the query

who is sick and who am i ? i know i am not my body i know mother

is not mine. but the continuous activity of the daily taking care

of is done in this body which is now worn out I will follow all

suggestions kindly spoken of by spiritual friends here.

Karmically i think, it is interesting to note my mother threw me out

on the streets in the dead of winter with no winter coat or money

at age 17.5 (nyc streets). I was never allowed home again even when

i called terrified at 3 am in the snow sleeping outside.

i was abandoned by both mother and father in this life and

brother. i chose not to abandon my mother. i dont abandon birds

and animals i wouldnt abandon mother. my brother whom my mother

worships, and whom took care of my brother who is very wealthy

abandoned my mother years ago & has taken no responsibility or

offered any help of any kind.

she still cries for him while im trying to care for her knowing he

hates her & i shut up. i try i really try to do the right thing

i try and have tried to detach and be witness. it is very

difficult when getting screamed at and spit at within 1 inch of your

face while you a re trying to care physically care for a parent

who abused you growing up and , well, yes i see the only only

solution is deeply spiritual . i do i will go pray now and read

gita again i wish to thank everyone.

moksha

 

sophia

nyc

moskha

 

-------------------------------

Namaskaar.

 

After several years in the United States I returned to Trinidad to

take care of my mother. I have several sisters who do all they can

to help her but as a son to my dear mother, with whom I have a

special bond, I could not resist when Mataji asked me over the

phone, several times: when are you coming home? After about two

weeks of those questions it suddenly dawned on me that Mataji really

wanted me to come back, and as a true son I had an obligation to do

so. I packed my bags, bid goodbye to all, and returned home.

 

It wasn't an easy decision but I had to come home to her and I thank

Bhagavan for giving me the courage and determination to leave that

life and come home to her. Mata ji is 81, paralyzed and unable to

walk, and my sisters and I do all we can to make her comfortable

even though sometimes she can be difficult. But we know this is not

deliberate as it is symptomatic of old age and senility.

 

It can be tiring and difficult and it takes a lot from us and for me

it has been a sacrifice of much of my personal life but every day I

thank Bhagavan for giving me the opportunity and the honour to help

her and be there with her. Sometime Mataji forgets we are there with

her and when I enter her room she pleads with me 'not to leave her.'

I assure her I will never leave her and I will there for her as long

I am alive.

 

Yes, it consumes mental and physical energy, there are costs

nvolved, but I encourage everyone to take care of parents and elders

no matter how burdensome you may think it is and how much energy and

resources are necessary. Try as hard as you can to take care of

them at home rather than in a Senior citizens' home. I know for

sure that the day my Mataji goes into one of those places she will

not survive for more than a week so sending her there is like a

death sentence.

 

As Hindus, we have a long and glorious tradition of our extended

family and caring for all at our homes. Let us strive to maintain

that treasured custom, even in this hectic and tiring world. It is

most fulfilling to serve parents and elders as it is one of the

most exalted characteristics of Sanatan Dharma.

You should not ignore parents and elders - they are our Gods on

earth and if you can't honour and pray to them then it is

meaningless and even hypocritical to pray to Bhagavan.

 

Hari Om

 

Deosaran Bisnath

---------------------------

Shree Hari

Ram Ram

 

My heart aches on reading your email... and deep within long to

reach out ...I am certain many other sadhaks emotionally can

experience what you are going through simply from your note. But

remain ever in that LIGHT that you speak off... never turn away from

it. It is His eternal promise to us... in Gita 9:22 that He will

take care of us !

 

Key is detachment and only doing to the best of your ability what

you can do and forgetting the past or the future. Think of yourself

as a Nurse hired by the divine Light, the Source. You are only

hired to do this work, rather the chosen One, you are merely taking

care of her to the best of your ability and nothing more.

Absolutely nothing more. Live moment to moment guided by the

Light... Not thinking about what will happen or what has happened in

the past... but living only in the present, in that Light that you

speak off in your note and guided by That and That alone. If you

feel exhausted, sleep and rest it out. Do not take the entire burden

on your head.

 

Swamiji often speaks of a wonderful example of a dog who is walking

under a bullock cart filled with heavy goods. He is walking there

only for protection against the heat of the sun (i.e. for shade).

However, after sometime, the dog begins to feel he is the one that

is carrying the burden / weight of the entire cart and all the stuff

on it. We all are like that dog. We begin to carry all the weight

on our shoulder. Krishna clearly showed us with the Govardhan

mountain...that HE ALONE is the One holding up the mountain with the

tip of his tiny finger... that it is He and we are merely

instruments and basking in His glory... nothing more!!!! Therefore

do the best you can... if you miss a day of care, a nurse or someone

at the hospital will fill the gap.

 

As Vyasji and other sadhaks have said... be fearless, worriless,

doubtless, griefless.... without regreting the past or concern about

the future.. only doing what you are able to do... and leaving the

rest up to the Divine, the Beloved, the Light.. .the Spirit...

And as Mike said, you definitely have direct support from this group

therefore be strong. It is not an ordinary thing that you have

started receiving these messages and reading them... and seeking out

help from this group. You have done your part... let the rest

flow!!!! May That Divine Light Always be with you!

 

Meera Das

Ram Ram

 

---------------------------

PRIOR POSTING

 

Hari Om

 

You have every right to be peaceful. " Duty " - is what you CAN and

what you SHOULD. Once you have done what ever you could, there is no

need for you to feel guilty when you CAN NOT anymore. What you can

not do, it is not your duty to do.

Hence be brave, be guiltfree, and see God's hand in every result.

See God live in your Mom, in your mind, in your circumstances - and

for once with a simple heart surrender yourself completely into the

hands of Paramatma. Once you surrender, thereafter you should not

worry.

 

Stand erect. Be peaceful by realising that you did your level best.

Don't look at all at the conduct of " relatives " ! They are made like

that only. They were not " yours " , they are not " yours " , they will

not be " yours " - there is no possibility of their ever

being " yours " . Yours is only Paramatma ! Once you accept " mineness "

with Him (He is always yours) , it would not matter to you, if

anybody is " yours " or not. GUARANTEED !! Remain Doubtless.

Worryless. Griefless. Fearless.

 

Cry before Him- only before Him. Say now take over My Lord. He

surely will. Have trust. Have belief. Thank Him any way !

 

Jai Shree Krishna

 

Vyas N B

 

-Shree Hari-

 

Dear Anonymous,

 

My wife and I are in a very similar position to you, almost a

reflection of that which you have written.

My role in all this is to mainly support my wife.

 

May I point out the family members have washed their hands of much

more than caring for mother.

Surely if they find themselves incapable of helping her directly can

they not at least support you?

 

You have done something very important, you have contacted this site

with so much divine love and wisdom.

 

I feel that you need direct support, as I have no idea where you live

I cannot offer much, here in Australia there are support groups,

religious and none religious.

 

You do not have to remain anonymous, but if you wish to fine.

 

Do come back to this site, I personally promise you I will always

reply and support you to best of my abilities.

 

You may find this site of value, I cannot recommend it too much.

http://swamiramsukhdasji.net

 

May God bless you.

 

With Respect and Divine Love,

 

Mike (Keenor).

--------------------------------

 

Priy Anonimous

I say you are choosen by god to serve your mother.

It comes rarely occassion that U get such chance.

Whatever the situation please do all servings on the basis of

Almighty lord.

God is seeing every moment. He knows better than all of us.

In MANAS:

PRABHU BHANJIHI DARUN BIPATI, JAANAT JAN KI PIR.

God will take care coz he knows all ur pains.

Have faith. please.

Raja Gurdasani

--------------------------------

Namasthe anonymous, I read your message and I guess I understand

what you must be going through. do not worry much. God is there and

everything will be fine too. I just was wondering..where do you

live ? in which country ?

Please try to find the local support groups regarding these

alzeimers' illness. I guess, u are handling this all on ur own and

it would definitely get exhausting. Please find some of the members

who are going thro similar situations via support groups.

 

also, when u mention about exhausting financial resources..how is it

happening ? is it possible if some nurse or anyone can take care of

her 2 to 3 days a week and during that time..u can do other things

and you take care 2 to 3 days..so that you will also get a break

from the routine and get refreshed also.

 

Also, please think about this. in case if u are caring of ur any

family member..the other type of exhaustion we all may feel worried

thinking that it is our family member. Rather than that, if

possible, just try to think that whatever situation we are in

either by choice or circumstance, think its God's work and do it. In

the respect, although u may get physically exhausted, atleast the

exhaustion will not be much from the emotional perspective. once

the mental energy is not drained, you can be calm in every day's

action u do.

 

Please be strong and I am sure everything will be fine. Do not

thnk..its ur mother..just think that it is God's work whatever u are

doing to ur mother. Definitely, please check on the support

groups/non-profit organizations..they will definitely be there to

help the people who are taking care of the people with illness.

 

My prayers and good wishes and so u feel peac in ur heart even in

the midst of all these.

 

namsthe again,

Bharathi

----------------------------

Consider yourself as Arjuna in the battlefied of Kurukshetra, where

in the midst of the war between mother' illness including her

stubborn rejection of all help and your own physical and mental

resources, you are completely dejected and despondent. This is the

reality of the situation you cannot bear. Reading Gita is your Lord

Krishna: read this and identify the Truth. You are not responsible

for anything, you are not the cause of anything. You have done what

you have been doing and continue to be doing. But your actions do

not cause the consequences that you desire and you do not desire.

Whatever happens to Mother is destined to happen and you are neither

the cause nor the one responsible for. You are just an witness to

all happening.

You are only to act as per the propensities/ tendencies that have

been imparted in you by your genetics and past interactions/

experiences with the environment you have grown up. This you have no

alternative but to accept the pains and sufferings.

Get out of identification with this You. This you is just an

illusion that this you will have to live. But the Real You are the

God. Read Gita again and again to realize your Real You and get

beyond the chained you attached to the happenings of this World

around you. Pray and pray to God that He lifts you to the Real You.

Know that when you try in this way to get into your Real you, your

apparent worldy you will have no suffering at all.

All above are words and really cannot help you. Sincere and

continuous prayer and submission to God as you read Gita can only

help you.

Basudeb Sen

------------------------

Yes, on a physical level it is all very difficult to understand and

cope up with.

But these things do happen with many families and part of our

worldly existence.

 

What helps us in these and all other situations is the spiritual

wisdom/rules of our lives,

knowing ourselves, doing things by remaining at the source......

It may appear difficult but with some practice, one start getting

the results....

So please read the messages on this group and get into the spiritual

mode....

 

Humble suggestions:

 

1) You have to understand who you are. So, ask yourself " Who am I? "

and wait for the answer.

Then try again...see what happens....what happens to the

feelings...the stress....Keep this practice

on whenever you can and find time or even while doing something....

 

2) Second question that may burst many myths is to understand who is

getting exhausted and

who is stressed....So ask your self " Who is getting exhausted " , " Who

is getting stressed "

and again wait for the answer........

 

Our mind/ Mann is a wonderful instrument and able to create things

out of nothing.....and we

slowly become slaves of thoughts and further thoughts....The above

questions help you to get rid of the

these absolutely unnecessary and unwanted thoughts. Once that begin

to happen, you can see the

light which shall direct you to do what needs to be done happily and

without much effort....

 

Best wishes....

Sushil Jain

 

-------------------------

Hi ,

 

God is only testing you, do your work and manage to distance

yourself from now or you will be heart broken when the time comes to

say good bye, god willing.

 

Pray more and carry on with your work, you have done your duty and

this is all you can do. You are answerable to only The Almighty, so

go about your work and pray when you find the time to do so.

 

All the best till you feel good.

 

BARBARA ALI

-------------------------

Dear Sadhak,

Under the circumstances of your mother please do not lose confidence

in your sincere caring of your mother who has given birth to you.If

you are tired then ask other members of your family to take care of

her If you have money please put her in a nursing home or any such

place where her care is properly taken

Matru devo Bhava " is a great obligation as narrated in Upnishad.

 

For her salvation please start reading one chapter of Bhagavat Gita

or the whole Gita on Sunday or any important day. Keep some chanting

program at your place for finding a solution and relief to both of

you. Have faith in God and a solutions will come within six months

of your resolution to seek peace in your family.

 

Truly yours

Shankerprasad S Bhatt

-------------------------------

Dear anonymous....

My heart truly goes out to you.....unless one has been in a

similar situation, it is impossible to understand the level of

stress that you are experiencing. I am presently caring for an 84

yr. old mataji, whose son passed away from cancer last November.

(2008). He was only 54. She has one other son, but he is not

vegetarian, so she does not wish to live with him, nor does she wish

to relocate away from the devotional community she has grown used to

in Los Angeles. I promised her son, who was not related to me, that

I would care for his mother. But I have my husband to help me. I

am constantly on the lookout for individuals from my temple who can

spare time and energy to stay with this sweet, elderly lady,

otherwise I take her everywhere with me, because to leave her alone

is quite scary...both for her, as she sits alone and doesn't move,

and for me, because I am so worried about her when she is alone!

And she doesn't even have alzheimer's, or anything like that. Just

incontinence, which of course brings a load of social

pressures......and she screams about having to take a shower. It

is certainly a demanding service....one which the Supreme Lord will

bless you millions of times over for executing so faithfully for so

long......may you always be guided by the Lord in your heart to know

how to continue pleasing Him.

respectfully, Mahalaksmi Dasi

------------------------------

Arvind Khetia, engineer and a Hindu:

Discouragement and hopelessness can arise due to many reasons.

Spiritual wisdom is essential to cultivating a balanced mind. Then,

one recognizes the negative influence of ego, greed and excessive

material pleasures on one's mind and society. Consequently, one

learns to cultivate self-control, discriminate between what is

eternal and transient, practice equanimity and follow one's dharma.

Dharma requires one to perform the duties of life in accordance with

universal ethical values.

 

Therefore, one's faith must be founded on spiritual reality to help

combat discouragement and hopelessness. The Bhagavad-Gita

states, " When spiritual wisdom is the highest goal, one's faith is

deep and senses restrained, then one attains wisdom and acquires

perfect peace. "

 

According to Vedanta, true faith begins with having faith in

ourselves. Then, through practicing the spiritual disciplines of

meditation and yoga, one achieves a transformation of one's

character. Thus, one's faith evolves into the realization of one's

inner spiritual nature and manifests as enlightened optimism.

 

Arvind Khetia

--------------------------

Dear Exhausted ,

 

The True answer must come from your ' inside ', from inside you.

No-one from outside can give you the correct answer for you, in your

particular situation

 

Meditation will lead you to your inner being .

Meditation is the only Way.....................

Sit for formal meditation , morning and evening, half an hour .

 

BUT..................

 

When meditation does not ' happen', especially in the beginning(

your mind does not move into it so easily), and Karma ( sewa) is

also so exhausting and stressful, ' prayer and satsanga' is the

answer ..........

 

A Prayer to God ( Krishna, Rama,Shiva, Allah, Waheguru ) for

strength and wisdom, whenever the mind falls ... Being at the feet

of a master can do wonders !

 

narinder bhandari

-------------------------------

 

 

SUMMARY OF SADHAK POSTINGS -

 

- complaint raises from the violation of one's core limits as well

as limitations - natural, psychological, physiological, financial,

social as well as spiritual - leading to exhaustion and distress.

- you are on the right path.

- You have already experienced " nothing is mine, " ... now the next

step... " only God is mine " . Why subtle insistence on recovery

etc., What can you do , except doing your duty? AND THAT YOU HAVE

DONE and ARE DOING ! Fault is linking duty with old memories ! Fault

is in re-living the past! which does not exist! Forgive and forget!

on shedding the insistence, peace will prevail.

- if you are not at peace within, you can not comfort anybody else

no matter

what your understanding/determination/ intention is.

- What a destructive force is hatred? And how indestructible

is 'Divine Love'. Some people will never abandon any needy, it is

their very nature to care.

- Do your duty and forget. Nothing is ours.

- think 10 times before taking any decision, so that there be no

regrets.

- you can sacrifice, only to the extent possible and bearable, for

your Mother -

not merely because she is your mother but because she is as much a

manifestation of God

- do work deligently and discharge of duties earnestly

- Nurse - pure service, so impersonal, and yet so compassionate ...

if we could

be like that in spite of having emotional relations

- we are the chosen ones. there are no options regarding caring for

parents. We have to do it.

- as far as possible keep them (elders) at home.

- distribute sweets / candy to poor children then the grief

DEFINITELY goes !

- Don't seek any reciprocation for your good deeds

- Being Peaceful is your birth right! What you can not do, it is

not your duty! be guiltfree. See God in Mom, and take complete

refuge in the Divine (God); accept only Him as yours; thereafter do

not worry! Remain Doubtless. Worryless. Griefless. Fearless.

- you are choosen by god to serve your mother; a rare opportunity!

Serve as if serving Almighty! He knows what is best! He knows ur pain

- My heart truly goes out to you.....it is certainly a demanding

service. may you always be guided by the Lord in your heart to know

how to continue pleasing Him.

- YOUR HEALTH IS INTRICATELY CONNECTED TO YOUR MOTHER'S WELL-BEING.

- you are being tested; You have done your duty! continue working

but becoming detached. Pray. You are only answerable to God.

- Karma Favoring you - On one hand you are doing selfless duty and

thus accumulating " assets " . On other hand with every

abuse/disrespect/spit on the face your " liabilities " are

simultaneously getting wiped out-

without any effort at your end ! Become grateful to Paramatma ! He

only is ours. Other than Him there is only " duty " !

- you need a break, some relief. DO yoga/meditate regularly.

- Whatever happens to Mother is destined to happen and you are

neither the cause nor the one responsible for. Stop identification

with Body/Mind and identify with the Truth of the Gita. Read Gita

again and again! prayer and submission to God/Gita can only help you.

- Leave for ever " desire for happiness " . Immediately / Instantly

pains will vanish.

- we are just puppets. We are supposed to do our duty and not to

interfere with the result, just accept it. If you too accept this

fact then there will be no stress, no exhaustion, no disappointments.

- Spiritual wisdom is essential to cultivating a balanced mind.

True faith begins with having faith in ourselves.

- Question over and over again.. who am I? who is getting

exhausted? Who is getting stressed? and wait for the answer! Mind

creates things out of nothing! The above questions help you to get

rid of the unnecessary thoughts. thereafter light shall direct you

to do what needs to be done happily and without much effort

- Meditate and Pray... at lotus feet of Lord

- Pray to God. You are doing what He desires. He will give you the

strength and

lead you to more important, interesting experiences and knowledge

- Do not lose confidence. Seek Help! Read Gita! Have Faith in God

and solution will come.

- Read Gita again and again. But only those portions on the concept

of God and what the wise persons do.

- Take time out for personal rest and relaxation. Avoid getting the

carer disease...DYSTHEMIA

- you are getting their full blessings. And these special blessings

can turn any negativity in a patri to the most blessed and enriched

life. You are truly blessed believe me. Turn this into an

oppurtunity rather than a crisis.

- You need direct support! Are there support groups / others?

Don't hesitated to rely on sadhaks in this forum. They are

personally committed to support.

- Please seek out a local support group! Possibly a break, through

hired nurse help, so can get some rest!

- Think of yourself as a Nurse only... taking care of her for short

time... not thinking of past or future. Live in present, guided by

the light.

- think its God's work you are doing for your mother and do it!

There will be less emotional exhaustion, therefore you'll be calm

even though physical strain.

- The Nature has made all the life forms self-sufficient. Each one

has to face their own fate all alone. Whosoever is born, has to die

one day. so be brave...

- Please keep confidence in God who will find a way our of your

worries and direct you about the action you have to take

- Please be strong and all will be fine!

- relax please ...

- every day I thank Bhagavan for giving me the opportunity and the

honour to help her and be there with her

- keep confidence in God who will find a way our of your worries and

direct you about the action you have to take

- Let us strive to maintain that treasured custom, even in this

hectic and tiring world. It is most fulfilling to serve parents and

elders as it is one of the most exalted characteristics of Sanatan

Dharma.

- Entering into the depth of 'Darkness', it is there that you can

see the Divine Light.

- 'Cry before Him- only before Him. Say now take over My Lord. He

surely will. Have trust. Have belief. Thank Him any way !'

- cry out like a child who is lost and is looking for Mother or

Father, place no restriction call to Him as child, go where it takes

you - He gets away all your pain depending upon intensity and

sincerity of your prayer

 

- Depression is tendency of mind to travel excessively into

NOTHINGNESS and into pessimism! Simply disown the mind emotionally.

When any worldly thought comes into mind – IGNORE. Neither like it

nor dislike it ! Just be indifferent, UDAASIN. Neither past nor

future exists NOW ! A thing which does not exist, why to worry about

the same? convert this DUKHALAYAM into VASUDEVAH SARVAM. A learned

persons tolerates this tax by wisdom, while a fool tolerates this by

regretting/ crying.) Hence be brave. One who has given beak to you,

will give food also ! Simply DON'T WORRY !!! NEVER NEVER WORRY

HENCE FORTH.

- Gita ends with advice of Lord Krishna : Ma Suchah - PLEASE DO NOT

WORRY !

- One stroke of will power .... just one ..... to Understand that

you are seeking freedom from pain, not just a relief for a short

duration ! And , only the self can help. Be yourself. Love

yourself. Love is the Way

- How can daughter of Paramatma be depressed? Is God not there? He

is alive. He is there. We all are with you. Our prayers will make

both of you alright. Please remain cheerful. Depression does not

like laughter. The moment you laugh , depression will run away.

- No tears please. Angels dont weep !

- Just dont bother about anything. Whatever is destined will take

place. Take sufficient rest. If sleep does not come easily, then

keep chanting God's name

- Mind may be depressed, but not our Divine Sophia. Nothing now can

harm you, once you have cried before God. Just feel jubilant.

 

 

--------------------------

 

GITA TALK GROUP GUIDELINES: PLEASE -

1. Only responses that further clarify Gita message will be posted.

2. Quote Gitaji/scriptures wherever possible..

3. Limit personal feelings, opinions, beliefs etc. to the

extent that they further help in understanding the Gita shlokas

4. Be as concise, to the point, respecting sadhaka's time.

5. Focus on subject at hand only.

6. Do not include links to the other sites.

7. Do not include your personal information (Ph #, address etc).

8. Do not personalize message

9. All responses may not be posted.

10. Moderator at his discretion, may modify the posting.

11. Take into consideration the novices, youth, westerners, non-

sectarian audience. i.e. limit the use to Sanskrit words only.

Provide English word bracketed.

 

MODERATOR

Ram Ram

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------

 

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[Guest guest]

QUESTION SUMMARIZED (Details at end of posting)

My mother is once again hospitalized… im sorry im exhausted and

very stressed. After five years of taking care of her entirely on

my own, I feel totally drained of all energy and extreme

physical and mental exhaustion to the point where I can

barely make it off the bed. There appears to be no Light in sight! I

am also now diagnosed as severely depressed. How do I connect to

this Light? I seek any guidance you can offer to be free of

suffering and to be at Peace! Sophia

===========================================================

 

NEW POSTING

 

im sorry i am stupid

everyone has been so very kind

im sorry but the body um i have this stupid girl that has

incarnated into is exhausted and un well being. i am sorry i have

taken everyone's time and this is one truth i know better than most.

 

REMEMBER : TU JAANE MERE SANG BEETI, EK EK BAAR SABHI SANG BEETI ! (

You are thinking that it (adversity) has happened in your case only.

But the fact is that it has happened with each and every human being

once). DEH DHARE KA DAND HAI, SAB KAHOO KO HOY ! GYAANI BHUGATE

GYAAN SE, MOORAKH BHUGATE ROY !! ( Worldly sorrows is a universal

tax to be borne by every human being.

 

Sophia

---------------------------

 

Dear Sophia,

 

The 'Black Dog', is the name we have for serious depression here,

and how many of us have had him howling at our door, dogging our

every step as it were. You know, the sun is shining spring is in the

air and you feel disconnected, joyless, a lump of existence.

Yes I know the chemical balance may be out of balance in the brain,

but, take some advice from one that knows, don't throw a bone to him,

throw a stone instead shoo him away.(My medication is 'The Divine

Beloved', none other).

 

A major turning point came about, when I,looking for some way of

helping myself, sat before a High Lama, he said while we were

attempting to meditate, " Here we have very good condition, think of

Africa, all that poverty and suffering " , and you know what? I did

just that, I disconnected from my own miseries and for a moment I was

concerned for others. A seed had been in sown in my heart by that

great man, I swear it is still growing.

 

The essence of this is TO FIND A WAY TO HELP YOURSELF. After my cry

for help I stumbled upon the Tibetan Buddhist, God took me there I

know. Slowly my head started to turn towards the Great Indian

traditions.......

 

Look if you feel you need medical support, consider it temporary. And

do all you can to connect to an M.D./Healer that is connected to an

Ashram. Oddly enough the Guide/Guru I had some years back, had a

sister who was an M.D. at an Ashram in the USA, and she herself

worked as a Homeopath/Naturopath in an Ashram in India for quite

some time. My present homeopath is a Sikh; healing and the

spiritual, cannot be separated.

Maybe other Sadhaks can give more information regarding healers

within the Hindu society.

 

Please do not restrict you life to four walls and your sorrows.

 

In passing, I have sat in sweet bliss in meditation, tears pouring

from my eyes, these are not tears of sorrow, oh no these are

something else, I do hope you experience these tears, your heart

will be opening to the Universe.

 

One more thing dear friend, the 'Black Sheep', may not be bad, maybe

she/he marches to the beat of a different drum, or dances to the far

off tune of a Murali that non other can hear.(Echoing down the

corridors of Time).

 

With Respect and Divine Love,

 

Mike Keenor

-------------------------

Dear Sophiaji !

 

AAJ KAL MAIN DHAL GAYA, DIN HUA TAMAAM ! TU BHI SOJA, SOGAYEE RANG

BHARI SHAAM !!

 

Today has converted into tomorrow. Day is over! ( Sorrow is gone) .

Now have a nice sleep ! (Be peaceful) !

 

HAI BUJHA BUJHA SA DIL, BOJH SAANS SAANS PAR, JEE RAHEN HAI PHIR BHI

HAM, SIRF KAL KI AASH PAR ! NEEND KAH RAHI HAI , MERI BAAHEN THAM !!

 

Very very dejected was heart. There was a weight on each and every

breath. Living only on a hope of a better tomorrow. But now PEACE (

sleep ) is telling me - Hey come, hold my arms.

 

KAUN AYEGA IDHAR , KISKI RAAH DEKHE HAM ! JINKI AAHATE SUNI JAANE

KISKE THE KADAM !!

 

APNA KOI BHI NAHIN, APNE HAIN TO RAAM !!

 

TU BHI SOJA, SO GAYEE RANG BHARI SHAAM !!

 

Who will come here? I should wait for whom? ( Nobody is mine) Those

sounds of steps were of strangers ( Illusion) !

 

No body is mine ! Only Raam ( Paramatma) is mine !

 

Day is over! ( Sorrow is gone) . Now have a nice sleep ! (Be

peaceful) !

 

Namaste Jee

 

Jee Jee

Shashikala

 

Sophiaji Namaste!

 

Stand aside and be a witness! Yes, try to observe the happenings as

a witness. Analyse it. Try to put into practise. It might be of some

help.. Sandeep Pathak

--------------------------

Dear Sophia

 

Love and Love alone....

 

Life is what it has to be and NOT what you wish it to be. Accept

this bitter Truth, you feel relieved of all your stress and tension.

Acceptance leads to surrender and the results in strength. My dear,

accept the service you are rendering to your Mother is the service

to God and by serving Him, you are reaching and realising the utmost

reality of your life. It is the way for you to reach the Ultimate

Goal. Accept it my dear, accept it. Wish you all the best and May

God bless you.

 

Love and Love alone....

 

Paritala Gopi Krishna

-------------------------------

 

 

---------------------------

PRIOR POSTING

 

Dear Sophia Bahenji

 

No ! No tears please. You havent done anything bad to regret. Angels

dont weep. Your mother is not abusing you. Her sickness is as such.

All mothers are good. There is benefit of you hidden in each of the

moves of mother. She may not be knowing, but God knows that. God

cannot use a mother for hurting her children. If God does that , it

means huge benefit is hidden in that. Even if she means to hurt you,

because of karmic reasons, God will ensure your safety. Can any one

get killed by consuming nectar ? No Bahenjee! No tears please. Laugh

it out. What depression? As Sadhu Vyas told you she made you realise

a truth which people dont realise in ages and eras. Nothing/Nobody

is Mine. What a truth. Could you have realised that without the help

of mother? You should not mind the abuses or ill treatment of

mother because all said and done, the very body of yours belongs to

her only. Above all she is not in her senses. Believe me, she loves

you more than anyone else. Is there no love in hate? Is there no

love in a slap of mother? Try it. She will never let others ill

treat you, even when she is in this mental state. Past is past. She

might have erred when you were 18 years old. But is she not

sufferring? She is paying for that only. Dear Bahenji ! It is only

because she erred with your reference that she is in this shape

today. Even in this mental state , does she not know about the

conduct of her son? She knows. She is more sufferring than you.

Believe me.

 

Hence it is time that you develop 'compassion " for her. Sadhu Mike

Keenor loves to be compassionate. Learn from his experiences. Read

old Qs on this site. Your depression will get cured the moment you

forget and forgive. Replace weariness, hate, anger with love and

compassion, please. Immediately, you will get peace, Bahenjee!

Immediately. You are so great otherwise. We all are proud of you

and of your tolerance so far. Please oblige us by being divine.

What a pleasure it will give you in future , when you would recall

how love healed the wounds.

 

No ! No tears please. Angels dont weep !

 

I bow to you Bahenjee.

 

Khan Jarsingh

--

 

Hari Om

 

Depression / Mental Fatigue . What is Depression ? I am not a

doctor. Hence In my language : Depression is tendency of mind to

travel excessively into NOTHINGNESS and into pessimism! Your mind

is capable only of travelling either in past or in future. Both do

not exist NOW ! The cure is simple ! Simply disown the mind

emotionally. Replace worldly thoughts automatically coming into

mind, by thoughts of Paramatma dwelling within. How do you do

that ? " Become " of Paramatma by firmly resolving : MERE TO GIRDHAR

GOPAAL, DOOSARA NA KOI . ( Only Paramatma is mine, no one else is

mine). That single resolution must make you peaceful in an instant

and forever. Thereafter DO WHAT YOU CAN AND WHAT YOU SHOULD.

Depression is self conceived. Don't feel that you are depressed and

you are not depressed. Don't let the worldly anxieties, old

memories, fears for future haunt you. When any worldly thought comes

into mind – IGNORE. Neither like it nor dislike it ! Just be

indifferent, UDAASIN , remain unruffled to those waves of old

memories and anxieties. Think at that time : I am of God. Why I

should bother about a thing on which I have no control. God will

take care if He desires to do so. Else whatever is to happen, let it

happen. See henceforth all the happenings in your life as you see a

movie. Now that you have surrendered to God and you have experienced

the world closely, now don't worry! Start dancing !! What a thing

you have got !! You are of GOD !!! God is your Father ! He has taken

over your life with immediate effect. How beautiful. Now every of

your burden is that of God ! You are free . Just take one care.

Don't doubt this, don't fear, don't ever worry now. NEVER NEVER

WORRY HENCE FORTH. What can happen ? You are immortal, the body is

mortal. Your father is God. He is immortal. What can happen to

you ? Hence DON'T WORRY.

 

REMEMBER : Neither past nor future exists NOW ! A thing which does

not exist, why to worry about the same? Depression causes you to do

that. See happiness in small small things. Admire beauty of a flower

or a bird. Remember you are not alone. EACH AND EVERY HUMAN BEING

IS BURNING IN THE FIRE OF SORROW. This world has been defined as "

DUKHALAYAM " . ( Abode of sorrow) in the very Holy Gita. Your job now

is to convert this DUKHALAYAM into VASUDEVAH SARVAM. Keep in touch

with this divine site on a daily basis. Start replying to various

questions that are raised in this forum. You will find peace here.

 

REMEMBER : TU JAANE MERE SANG BEETI, EK EK BAAR SABHI SANG BEETI ! (

You are thinking that it (adversity) has happened in your case only.

But the fact is that it has happened with each and every human being

once). DEH DHARE KA DAND HAI, SAB KAHOO KO HOY ! GYAANI BHUGATE

GYAAN SE, MOORAKH BHUGATE ROY !! ( Worldly sorrows is a universal

tax to be borne by every human being. A learned persons tolerates

this tax by wisdom, while a fool tolerates this by regretting/

crying.)

 

Hence be brave. One who has given beak to you, will give food also !

Simply DON'T WORRY !!!

 

Jai Shree Krishna

Vyas N B

-------------------------

Hare Krishna

 

Sophiaji ! Now that you have joined Sadhaks , every day should be a

new day for you.. Every day you will get more and more peace ! Just

think that you are not depressed. Just think that you are alright

and you shall be so ! Brother Mike, Vyasji, Mira Dassji, Jee Jee

Shashikalaji all have given you sterling and really soul touching

messages. Surrender to God is a complete solution in itself. Gita

starts with " Worry " of Arjuna. Gita ends with advice of Lord

Krishna : Ma Suchah - PLEASE DO NOT WORRY ! On the contrary be happy

that now everything related with you is in the powerful hands of

God .

 

Please keep sharing your experiences regularly.

 

Gopal Mehta

 

 

My dear Sophia,

 

narinder has been going through all the sharing on the

subject ........... and what comes to mind is this :

 

while all the love and consolation offered to you is worthy of

repect and reverence , and is the truth of being .............

 

Sophia will not be helped, in any deep measure, by consolation and

comfort offered.......

 

when all things fail... and they do ..... only the self can

help ....... you, yourself ..... your own being ..... with the

right resolve .......

 

One stroke of will power .... just one ..... to be able to

understand that you are seeking freedom from pain, not just a relief

for a short duration ! And , only the self can help.

 

Here comes the advice from all Knowers of Truth ........ when self

too is down and out ...... seek the company of the saints, sages,

and sadhaks true .... be with them for short periods of time ....

physically, be in their presence .... let your mind self be

subjected to the strength of the self , the aura of Nothingness,

which is perpetually emanating from the Sages as love divine that

heals !

 

A prayer goes out to you, Sophia .... joy and love to you ......

 

The prayer

 

Rises in the heart when it rises.

Out of nowhere does prayer arise in the Heart,

No reason !

It rises, this prayer, for Heart itself is nothing but Prayer

Nothing but the Light of One-ness

Nothing but Love

Nothing but Silence .

In Silence of Being, the Prayer blossoms:

And, ah ! What Joy !

The fragrance from the Blossoms knows no frontiers !!!

The Heart is the Giver divine

All Gifts are from the Source, all !

And the heart verily is the only Source, the One Source, the True

Source.

 

And one day, Krishna's Heart

Chooses for Krishna

The Gift of Gifts

It's own Self !

And Krishna's flute resounds in Eternity

As the soundless sound of OM

And Krishna sleeps the sleepless sleep forever !

Jai Krishna ! Jai Krishna !

Krishna Krishna , jai jai Krishna

Jai Jai Krishna Hare Hare

 

May Krishna fill you with strength, love and resolve

 

Be yourself. Love yourself.

Love is the Way

 

AUM

narinder bhandari

--------------------------

You are great Sister Sophia. Nothing wrong with you. There is no

reason for you to feel guilty. No body takes so much care of moms as

you took. Depression is a tendency of mind. Mind changes. In your

case too it will change. Watch and enjoy in the meantime this

depression also. Now God is with you. Depression cant reach you. Who

is depressed ? Mind may be depressed, but not our Divine Sophia.

Nothing now can harm you, once you have cried before God. Just feel

jubilant. You tried to be a witness in the past. Try now , as you

have now taken shelter of God.

 

Wishing you very peaceful nice, sound sleeps and rest. Sleep well.

Remember God when awake. See how the world has been made. See how

the God , your Father, is ! Trust Him. Give Love to all and sundry.

Dont feel depressed. You are not depressed. You are tired.

 

Nisha Chatterji

 

--------------------------

Sophiaji

 

Depression ? Nothing to worry. We shall make it run , Sister. We

will not acknowledge that depression. So simple. How can daughter of

Paramatma be depressed? Is God not there? He is alive. He is there.

We all are with you. Our prayers will make both of you alright.

Please remain cheerful. Depression does not like laughter. The

moment you laugh , depression will run away. Depression. These

doctors when they do not know call it depression. In those hearts

where God has entered , where is the space for depression? A good

sleep is the medicine. When God is yours, what can make you tense or

depressed. Dont acknowledge that you are depressed. Simple!

 

Thakurlingam

-------------------------

Dear Sophia

 

Just as relatives are not yours , similarly mind , intellect, body

etc are also not yours. Experience yourself to be separate from

your mind. Depression will evaporate. When mind is not yours , what

difference does it make to you, whether it is depressed or

suppressed? Dont bother. Watch your mind as a separate entity. It

will become like a dog. Just dont pay any attention. You can do

that. Take sufficient rest now. Just dont bother about anything.

Whatever is destined will take place. Take sufficient rest. If sleep

does not come easily, then keep chanting God's name and become

happy. Wish : Let there be no sleep so that I can take God's name

more. Whatever be the case, feel cheerful. Depression has no basis

to survive. Only when you provide it a shelter or respect or

recognition that it can survive. Be optimist.

 

Shyama Chhangani

 

--------------------------

PRIOR POSTING

 

i have been DIAGNOSED NOW WITH DEPRESSION A ND CHRONIC FATIGUE

SYNDROME .. yes i am depressed, but who is depressed? i keep asking

myself these questions but meanwhile this body is exhausted and so

is the small I here in this body to be a caregiver here in the

united states is legendary with the caregivers dying now or

becoming very ill & unable to take care of their parents with

alzheimers.

 

i am going to rest today again she is in the hospital for a few

more days i rest before i take her home & i pray. i have nothing

left to give no finances anymore no physical or emotional strength

but i still do my duty & pray.

 

To ajay and all caregivers who have responded -

it seems here all have been like me the black sheep the abused one

the disrespectedoone. but the one that took the responsibility. it

is very odd. I'm sorry for all of your suffering. I think it is

a good thing we speak of our pain with this group. Mother is mother

she gave us the birth to be able to know God

We may have even chosen her in this incarnation.i know i should not

complain but God I am so tired.. so so tired. I am going to lay

down again...

 

Sophia

---------------------------

 

Hare Krishna,

I can understand a bit of the pain suffered by you, because I have

my wife (who is ill since 6 years). I am lucky that I have my son to

share the problems. Here you are alone. In my view (actually

Gita's) we should accept this fact that every thing/situation is

composed by God and we are just puppets. We are supposed to do our

duty and not to interfere with the result, just accept it. If you

too accept this fact then there will be no stress no exhaustion no

disappointments.

May God bless you and give you enough courage and energy.

Ashok Goenka

-----------------------------

" Two Yrs. back I was also trapped in almost similar situation

related to my job -I literally wept in front of Lord Jagannath for

his help , undoubtedly I got it .

He gets away all your pain depending upon intensity and sincerity of

your prayer . "

 

 

Arun Sharma

---------------------------

dear Sophia,

 

What you need is a " break " from your mother's bedside and go for a

walk in the park. Ask a friend to relieve you for an afternoon and

go- to a spa or someplace that will make you feel " pampered " !

Practice your yoga, meditation on a daily basis at home, even

while caring for your mom. All the best and know that YOU are

fortunate to serve YOUR mother. Yu have no idea just how much of

karma you burn by doing that act lovingly- this same mother was the

one who cleaned up after us so many umpteen times without a

break!

 

Love and blessings,

Meenakshi

---------------------------

 

PRIOR POSTING

 

I AM DEEPLY TOUCHED AND SITTING HERE CRYING OVER THE KINDNESS OF ALL

WHO HAVE SPOKEN HERE TO HELP ME. CRYING. DOING AS SUGGESTED CRYING

OUT TO GOD STUDYING GITA AND FOR THE PAST 2 DAYS RESTING IN BED WITH

GITA EXHAUSTED. ALONG WITH MEDITATION, YOGA , MANTRA. I HAVE BEEN

IN THERAPIES WITH DRS FOR MANY YEARS HERE. EVERY WESTERN DR. HAS

TOLD ME TO GET AWAY FROM MY MOTHER to leave her to her own

sufferings and rot. This I would not do the many many layers of

emotional pain i have dealt with over the years with very little

healing. and i have forgiven her but one day when she was abusing me

so i yelled at her & then i felt guilty. the trick is to detach to

organically understand i am not the suffering. i know that but to

organically get that , well then i would be enlightened but that

is not the case. when i lived on the streets of nyc i did not shoot

heroin or kill myself because i knew this was karma and i had to

walk a spiritual path that has never changed. but i wish not to

speak of myself anymore. i have reached out and you have all been

spiritually gracious. i hope i may serve as well to help those that

suffer including crippled nyc pigeons that some children try to

hit. there is too much sorrow in this world. i wish i could wave a

magic wand

 

I LOVE THIS

 

Living in the West you may have heard of the poem 'Dark Night of the

Soul', by St. John of the Cross. " Oh Night! more glorious than the

Rising Sun! "

 

Look! Entering into the depth of 'Darkness', it is there that you can

see the Divine Light. The dawn is coming you know, I think maybe you

might just start to see it's first glimmer.

 

Brother Vyas gave a powerful piece of advice, I will paste it in

here with respect:

'Cry before Him- only before Him. Say now take over My Lord. He

surely will. Have trust. Have belief. Thank Him any way

 

I WILL SAY THIS AS MANTRA TODAY ON JAPA MALA - " Doosara na koi " -

There is " no one else " " None Other " .

 

Sophia

--------------------------

Hari Om

 

Swamiji Ramsukhdasji Maharaj would very rarely give mantras/

formulas. But once he wrote that if you distribute sweets / candy to

poor children then the grief DEFINITELY goes !

 

I believe it is an infallible formula for quick relief in

stress/worry/anxiety levels.

 

Jai Shree Krishna

 

Vyas N B

---------------------------

Dear Sadhak

 

Surrender your self to the feet of your God and offer sincere and

prayers to him urging your personal God to relieve your mother from

all these pains and also give you confidence and love for taking

care of your mother till her death.

 

Please keep confidence in God who will find a way our of your

worries and direct you about the action you have to take

 

Truly yours

 

S S Bhatt

---------------------------

Hi anonymous,

It is extremely difficult to look after a mentallyill person and

being a carer myself i know.

the most important thing to realise is that YOUR HEALTH IS

INTRICATELY CONNECTED TO YOUR MOTHER'S WELL-BEING. That is if you are

not there or breakdown , she goes to the streets.

so

1.Plan in case you are not there because one can never say. This will

give you lot of peace. If it makes sense, just harden your heart and

place her in an old age home if you can afford.

2.so your health and happiness and longlife is important for her

also.

3. Take time for some rest and relaxation - e.g. Music go to Music

concert, films, good food EAT, bhajans sing them. Just be happy for

that you must learn to enjoy life without being GUILTY.

 

4.Normally CARERS get a mental illness called DYSTHEMIA. You are

showing early signs so get out of it.

 

captain Johann samuhanand

 

---------------------------

This situation indeed is very difficult. Am sure many of us may

have gone thru similar situation (incl me). My humble suggestion

would be that before taking any decision, we must think 10 times.

Had this position been with a child then could any mother abandon

her child although she also at times be tired and be almost in

similar position but am sure she could not abandon. Secondly,

whatever action/step we take today, we must think 10-15 yrs

henceforward - and we may not regret the step that we take now. But

we all are human and feeling exhausted and tired is also human and

very right emotion too sp. when no other sibling is there to lend a

helping hand even temporarily. I remember myself crying loudly

oblivious of surroundings in the parking lot of hospital. Crying

out to God for his help and mercy. I do not know was it due to

stress, helplessness, anguish, unable to see my Mom suffering, out

of exhaustion, desperation, as I am also suffering from 3 major

diseases myself.

 

Pls seek temporary helping hand may it be physical / financial -

wherever it may come from, relax, take good care of yourself first

and then think about taking care of your Mom.

 

Wish you good health and peace.

 

Warm regards and lots of love to you who has stood by her Mom for so

many years which itself is commendable, when people can barely take

this for couple of months.

 

Mrs K Asani

 

---------------------------

Dear Sophia,

Your situation reminds me of my own. I am second number child of my

parents, the elder sister was married when I was only in tenth

standard. I completed my studies ( engineering) by tuitions

supporting my family. My younger brother who is 3 years younger to

me was adorned by my parents too much and always being treated with

much more love and affections as a result he became acute mental

patient for last 20 years. My parents always discarded me and my

wife, abused us inspite of living dependently with me on my income.

My mother used to support my sister family all along her life. She

was dominating and never even shown any affection to me, my wife or

my two kids. My brother was married but was divorced due to his

mental problem, so my wife was the only daughter in law of my mother.

In 2002 my father's both kidneys failed and after a prolong and

costly treatment of two years he survived. Myself and my wife alone

spent our day and night, borne all the expenses and he is still

survving and is a healthy person ( except that he cannot see

clearly). My mother never visited him in hospital and used to abuse

us as why we are getting him the treatment. My sister who is married

to a very top doctor never bothered to take any interest in the

treatment or support us, my brother as a mental patinet is totally

dependent on me.

Last year my mother met an accident in January 08 and she was

operated and inserted steel rod and was bed ridden for almost nine

months before she finally left for heavenly abode in Sept. Me and my

wife only took care for her during this period. My sister who lives

very near never bothered to provide any help or assistance but

ensured abusing us all the time on some or other pretext by finding

fault in the treatement given to her which I ensured in the best

hospitals in Jaipur. It was hell for us getting abused for the

responsibilty for treatment to parents by themselves and also my

sister. But we never lost our patience. My brother is on mental

treatment, needs daily medicines otherwise becomes extreme vilolent

and my wife used to give him also medicines, handle my mother

treatment who was bed ridden for nine months and also take care of

my father who is also now 80 years.

My kids some time ask me why amma, dada and bua are so cruel to you

are you their step son ? and why so are taking so much care of them?

Our neighbours were amused by our patience and handling of the

situation and always praised us, so were all our distance relatives

who used to come to meet my mother.

I run my own business and have to travel abroad frequnetly.I lost

lot of money in business during that period as I was badly stressed

all the time.

After my mother expired my sister abusued us publically that I

killed my mother but everyone knew the truth, so she herself got

a bad name.

I can visualise your situation , but I can only say time will pass

and these are the tough situations which as a human being any one

can come across so need to have a patience, and only thing in our

control is our work and discharge of duties earnestly.

 

I know every situation is unique but my own case will surely give

you some solace and strenght to bear the pain.

 

Ajay Gupta

------------------------------

 

PRIOR POSTING

 

Hello The Universal Individual (Trust me! there can be hardly

anybody who have not felt like you at one time or the other!!),

 

The complaint raises from the violation of one's core limits as well

as limitations - natural, psychological, physiological, financial,

social as well as spiritual - leading to exhaustion and distress. It

is essential to appreciate one's limits as well as limitations to

break them open for an expansive horizon. Also, I can assure, from

my experience, that one cannot attempt this while being bound within

a state of violent distress. One has to releive oneself from the

distress to clarify one's appreciation of the whole situation.

 

I do not know the individual limits and limitations here except for

the lack of support from the relatives (which is not surprising).

However, I urge you to seek professional help for yourself as well

as for your mother contacting appropriate agencies. Bhagavadgita and

the spiritual talk appeals ONLY IF you are ready for facing The

Truth stark naked. At this point, you may mentally not be ready to

face the same as your inner turmoil is churning your presence away

from any such possible appreciation. You have to releive your system

to relax before appreciating the depth of spirituality.

 

Therefore, seek some physical help from whichever source that is

congenial ... If it helps ... I learnt a lot by observing the

saintly nurses who were taking care of my father when he was

critically ill once ... pure service, so impersonal, and yet so

compassionate ... if we could be like that in spite of having

emotional relations ... it would be the best. It is easy to

preach ... therefore, let me restrain myself from that ... yet, if

possible, try it out along with all other possible psycho-physio-

medical help as well as financial aid that you could possibly

extract from yourself as well as from your environment.

 

One thing is for sure ... if you are not at peace within, you can

not comfort anybody else no matter what your understanding/

determination/ intention is. Also, if you break down, your mother

will have nobody to care of her ... think of that as well.

Therefore, my suggestion is to gather all your strength to establish

your integrity within first ... relax for that ... relax within as

much as possible in spite of the gruelling environmental demands ...

relax within in spite of the personal anguish and physical

exhaustion ...

 

Take it as an opportunity to appreciate how your relaxation is, in

fact, independent of all the relations in this life; to realize its

true transcendental nature as such ... if possible ... as much as

possible ... relax please ...

 

Best Wishes.

 

Naga Narayana

 

-----------------------------

 

-Shree Hari-

 

Dear Sophia,

 

To be apparently all alone in this situation is an added burden,

let me put you in the picture right now , my beloved wife is talking

to her sister, my wife and I have spent the afternoon with her

mother, and consultants. She needs to talk to lighten her load.

 

There was a time long passed, that I, it seems was the most hated

person on planet earth in my in laws eyes. The hatred was so intense,

that I actually started to stutter, I swear to all I never knew that

one could hate so much, I don't think I ever hated.

 

What a destructive force is hatred? And how indestructible is 'Divine

Love'. Some people will never abandon any needy, it is their very

nature to care.

 

Karma, yes indeed, I have watched the unfolding over the years, never

voiced it, just observed. My in laws watched helplessly, as the other

son in law died a slow and painful death, (we got on well, he and I).

Then my mother in law was widowed.

 

Old 'Black Sheep' moved interstate, to the same town in which my

mother in law lived.

It is I who picked her off the floor when she had a fall, who pushed

her around shopping centers, fixed things, etc.

Now I am a shining light in her eyes, " God must have brought you her

for a reason " , she has often said. She's got that right, but 'The

Divine Beloved', did it not just for her, but also for me, God who I

love so much, has exposed me to so much, helping my stony heart to

break.

 

Living in the West you may have heard of the poem 'Dark Night of the

Soul', by St. John of the Cross. " Oh Night! more glorious than the

Rising Sun! "

 

Look! Entering into the depth of 'Darkness', it is there that you can

see the Divine Light. The dawn is coming you know, I think maybe you

might just start to see it's first glimmer.

 

Brother Vyas gave a powerful piece of advice, I will paste it in

here with respect:

'Cry before Him- only before Him. Say now take over My Lord. He

surely will. Have trust. Have belief. Thank Him any way !'

 

Every one is different, but try this if you wish; go to a place where

none can hear you, ask out loud for GOD to help you, from your soul

cry out like a child who is lost and is looking for Mother or Father,

place no restriction call to Him as child, go where it takes you.

 

B.G. 7

At the end of his many births

The wise man takes refuge in Me.

He knows: " All is Vasudeva.3 "

How very rare is that great soul! (19)

 

With Respect and Divine Love,

 

Mike (Keenor).

------------------------------

 

Hari Om

 

Sadhak Sophia ! Real Sadhak you are !! This group is privileged to

have you as one of us. Please keep the divinity in you prospering.

 

Remove now old memories of ill treatment. It is necessary Dear

Sister for removal of pains. Could they have come to you without

divine will? Is it not now a real " experiential knowledge " for you

that " Nothing is mine " ( Doosara na Koi ) ?

You in fact paid a very little cost of " knowing " that precious

priceless knowledge.

 

What is needed now once " doosara na koi " is part of your direct

experience ? In fact - Mere to Girdhar Gopal (Only God is

mine ) !!! Once God is yours and no one else- why worry? Why

exhaustion? Why weariness? Why that subtle insistence on recovery of

Mom? As you are of God, is she not? What can you do , except doing

your duty? AND THAT YOU HAVE DONE and ARE DOING !

 

It is a law that duty doesnot generate sorrows. But you are not

feeling well. Where is the clue/ fault? Fault is linking duty with

old memories ! Check with your conscience, are you not reliving

those days? Are you not keeping the wounds green? Let them heal now!

This is final frontier which you should cross now . Forgive and

forget the past. Don't insist for any favourable or unfavourable

happennings in life. Past does not exist Dear Sister !

Nor does future exist now? Why worry then?

 

I am sure once you shed this insistence over the results of your

otherwise divine performance of duties, peace, much awaited peace

will generate in abundance in you.

 

Try it and keep in touch. Do take interest in other Qs also. That,

in itself, will make you happy and peaceful. " Sharing " reduces pain

and increases pleasure ! Isn't it?

 

May Paramatma bless you !

 

Jai Shree Krishna

 

Vyas N B

-----------------------------

I have been undergoing a similar situation for years. I can

empathise with you. Stressful days and even worst nights. not been

on a holiday for the last 15 years. Used to crib many years back,

then went deeper into astrology which perhaps if nothing else I

learnt to bear with this as my karmic destiny.

 

I remember my father used to say, " if God chooses to give me old

age I pray to him to give me good children " The full impact of this

sentence came in much later. But strive thru it all to remember that

perhaps of all the persons in our family we are the chosen ones. I

feel there are no options regarding caring for parents. We have to

do it. On bad days just tell yourself you are getting there full

blessings. And these special blessings can turn any negativity in a

patri to the most blessed and enriched life.

 

I am sure nobody on this forum or any other can refute this. You are

truly blessed believe me. Turn this into an oppurtunity rather than

a crisis. With you .

Take care.

Vats (Pradeep Sahai)

--------------------------

Jai Hanuman

 

Dear Sophiaji ! Thanks for sharing with us the voice of your soul. I

give a

small example to you to ponder.

 

You kept a nurse for taking care of your child. You pay her and she

takes care

of the child like you, yourself take care. One day there is some

disruption in

relationship/money/etc. You ask her to go . How easily she leaves

the affection

of that child? Will she look back? Will she enquire about the

child ? No !

 

Be like that. Do your duty and forget. Nothing is ours. Only

Paramatma is ours.

Serve fearlessly. If you get disrespect/ abuses in return , then

consider

yourself to be lucky. Results of your service are not getting

frittered away in

petty respects/praises/acknowledgements ! Higher results are in

store for you.

 

My Mom in law, 75, often says- Let Rupee remain Rupee ! (Don't seek

any

reciprocation for your good deeds, you are reducing the value of a

rupee to few

paise only, because you expect immediate result).

 

In your case, Dear Sophiaji - the Rupee is increasing in value with

every

disrespect, every abuse, every spit on the face ! Believe me on

this ! Let it

increase. Wish now that you don't need respect

honor/respect/acknowledgement .

Leave for ever " desire for happiness " . Immediately / Instantly

pains will

vanish.

 

You used the word " karmic " in your last post. Now if we look at Law

of Karma,

you will find that in your case the Divine is working with double

speed. On one

hand you are doing selfless duty and thus accumulating " assets " . On

other hand

with every abuse/disrespect/spit on the face your " liabilities " are

simultaneously getting wiped out- without any effort at your end !

By Divine

Will !

 

Tell me now honestly, do you want respect/praise etc in return for

your " duty " ?

With double speed , Sophiaji, Law of Karma is functioning in your

favour. Think

about it ! Tell me how I am wrong ? Do tell me or else become happy.

Become

peaceful. Become grateful to Paramatma ! He only is ours. Other than

Him there

is only " duty " !

 

Namaste Jee

 

Jee Jee

Shashikala

---------------------------

Sophia-ji you are on the right path. If you can sacrifice your

interest in favor

of birds and animals, you can sacrifice, only to the extent possible

and

bearable, for your Mother - not merely because she is your mother

but because

she is as much a manifestation of God as you or anyone else are/ is.

God,

genetics and previous experiences have giving you the propensity and

strength to

sacrifice for others, even if they do not tolerate you or behave

badly with you.

You are fortunate to have such properties. And, the current

experience in

dealing with the ailing, stuborn and unloving mother will enhance

your

capability to endure and love anyone and help anyone who needs. Pray

to God. You

are doing what He desires. He will give you the strength and lead

you to more

important, interesting experiences and knowledge. He will take care

of your

physical and mental health or change your duty. Submit to him and

pray to him

with the joy of doing what he has ordained for you.

Read Gita again and again. But only those portions on the concept of

God and

what the wise persons do.

Basudeb Sen

-----------------------------

Dear Annonimous,

 

The Nature has made all the life forms self-sufficient. Each one has

to face their own fate all alone. You know it very well, whosoever is

born, has to die one day. The ways of death are different for

different persons. so be brave...

 

G. Waman

 

 

---------------------------

PRIOR POSTING

 

 

 

I KINDLY THANK EVERY SOUL THAT HAS TAKEN THEIR TIME TO SPEAK WORDS

OF INSIGHT AND KINDNESS. I am in nyc and have reache d out over

the years to the caregiver s groups, alzheimers org and such.

I gave up my career as actress and opera singer and left hollywood

over 5 yrs ago to alone take care of a very abusive ill mother.I am

longtime sadhak, vegan , meditator a & practice yoga. the intensity

daily stress has broken me i am now ill myself. as of friday night

mothe r is back in the hospital.perhaps she will listen to the drs.

only God know. she also knows I can no longer take care of her the

way i have my strength is gone and now i am under drs. care.

i will bring Gita to hospital and read every day, continue to pray

and ask my self the query

who is sick and who am i ? i know i am not my body i know mother

is not mine. but the continuous activity of the daily taking care

of is done in this body which is now worn out I will follow all

suggestions kindly spoken of by spiritual friends here.

Karmically i think, it is interesting to note my mother threw me out

on the streets in the dead of winter with no winter coat or money

at age 17.5 (nyc streets). I was never allowed home again even when

i called terrified at 3 am in the snow sleeping outside.

i was abandoned by both mother and father in this life and

brother. i chose not to abandon my mother. i dont abandon birds

and animals i wouldnt abandon mother. my brother whom my mother

worships, and whom took care of my brother who is very wealthy

abandoned my mother years ago & has taken no responsibility or

offered any help of any kind.

she still cries for him while im trying to care for her knowing he

hates her & i shut up. i try i really try to do the right thing

i try and have tried to detach and be witness. it is very

difficult when getting screamed at and spit at within 1 inch of your

face while you a re trying to care physically care for a parent

who abused you growing up and , well, yes i see the only only

solution is deeply spiritual . i do i will go pray now and read

gita again i wish to thank everyone.

moksha

 

sophia

nyc

moskha

 

-------------------------------

Namaskaar.

 

After several years in the United States I returned to Trinidad to

take care of my mother. I have several sisters who do all they can

to help her but as a son to my dear mother, with whom I have a

special bond, I could not resist when Mataji asked me over the

phone, several times: when are you coming home? After about two

weeks of those questions it suddenly dawned on me that Mataji really

wanted me to come back, and as a true son I had an obligation to do

so. I packed my bags, bid goodbye to all, and returned home.

 

It wasn't an easy decision but I had to come home to her and I thank

Bhagavan for giving me the courage and determination to leave that

life and come home to her. Mata ji is 81, paralyzed and unable to

walk, and my sisters and I do all we can to make her comfortable

even though sometimes she can be difficult. But we know this is not

deliberate as it is symptomatic of old age and senility.

 

It can be tiring and difficult and it takes a lot from us and for me

it has been a sacrifice of much of my personal life but every day I

thank Bhagavan for giving me the opportunity and the honour to help

her and be there with her. Sometime Mataji forgets we are there with

her and when I enter her room she pleads with me 'not to leave her.'

I assure her I will never leave her and I will there for her as long

I am alive.

 

Yes, it consumes mental and physical energy, there are costs

nvolved, but I encourage everyone to take care of parents and elders

no matter how burdensome you may think it is and how much energy and

resources are necessary. Try as hard as you can to take care of

them at home rather than in a Senior citizens' home. I know for

sure that the day my Mataji goes into one of those places she will

not survive for more than a week so sending her there is like a

death sentence.

 

As Hindus, we have a long and glorious tradition of our extended

family and caring for all at our homes. Let us strive to maintain

that treasured custom, even in this hectic and tiring world. It is

most fulfilling to serve parents and elders as it is one of the

most exalted characteristics of Sanatan Dharma.

You should not ignore parents and elders - they are our Gods on

earth and if you can't honour and pray to them then it is

meaningless and even hypocritical to pray to Bhagavan.

 

Hari Om

 

Deosaran Bisnath

---------------------------

Shree Hari

Ram Ram

 

My heart aches on reading your email... and deep within long to

reach out ...I am certain many other sadhaks emotionally can

experience what you are going through simply from your note. But

remain ever in that LIGHT that you speak off... never turn away from

it. It is His eternal promise to us... in Gita 9:22 that He will

take care of us !

 

Key is detachment and only doing to the best of your ability what

you can do and forgetting the past or the future. Think of yourself

as a Nurse hired by the divine Light, the Source. You are only

hired to do this work, rather the chosen One, you are merely taking

care of her to the best of your ability and nothing more.

Absolutely nothing more. Live moment to moment guided by the

Light... Not thinking about what will happen or what has happened in

the past... but living only in the present, in that Light that you

speak off in your note and guided by That and That alone. If you

feel exhausted, sleep and rest it out. Do not take the entire burden

on your head.

 

Swamiji often speaks of a wonderful example of a dog who is walking

under a bullock cart filled with heavy goods. He is walking there

only for protection against the heat of the sun (i.e. for shade).

However, after sometime, the dog begins to feel he is the one that

is carrying the burden / weight of the entire cart and all the stuff

on it. We all are like that dog. We begin to carry all the weight

on our shoulder. Krishna clearly showed us with the Govardhan

mountain...that HE ALONE is the One holding up the mountain with the

tip of his tiny finger... that it is He and we are merely

instruments and basking in His glory... nothing more!!!! Therefore

do the best you can... if you miss a day of care, a nurse or someone

at the hospital will fill the gap.

 

As Vyasji and other sadhaks have said... be fearless, worriless,

doubtless, griefless.... without regreting the past or concern about

the future.. only doing what you are able to do... and leaving the

rest up to the Divine, the Beloved, the Light.. .the Spirit...

And as Mike said, you definitely have direct support from this group

therefore be strong. It is not an ordinary thing that you have

started receiving these messages and reading them... and seeking out

help from this group. You have done your part... let the rest

flow!!!! May That Divine Light Always be with you!

 

Meera Das

Ram Ram

 

---------------------------

PRIOR POSTING

 

Hari Om

 

You have every right to be peaceful. " Duty " - is what you CAN and

what you SHOULD. Once you have done what ever you could, there is no

need for you to feel guilty when you CAN NOT anymore. What you can

not do, it is not your duty to do.

Hence be brave, be guiltfree, and see God's hand in every result.

See God live in your Mom, in your mind, in your circumstances - and

for once with a simple heart surrender yourself completely into the

hands of Paramatma. Once you surrender, thereafter you should not

worry.

 

Stand erect. Be peaceful by realising that you did your level best.

Don't look at all at the conduct of " relatives " ! They are made like

that only. They were not " yours " , they are not " yours " , they will

not be " yours " - there is no possibility of their ever

being " yours " . Yours is only Paramatma ! Once you accept " mineness "

with Him (He is always yours) , it would not matter to you, if

anybody is " yours " or not. GUARANTEED !! Remain Doubtless.

Worryless. Griefless. Fearless.

 

Cry before Him- only before Him. Say now take over My Lord. He

surely will. Have trust. Have belief. Thank Him any way !

 

Jai Shree Krishna

 

Vyas N B

 

-Shree Hari-

 

Dear Anonymous,

 

My wife and I are in a very similar position to you, almost a

reflection of that which you have written.

My role in all this is to mainly support my wife.

 

May I point out the family members have washed their hands of much

more than caring for mother.

Surely if they find themselves incapable of helping her directly can

they not at least support you?

 

You have done something very important, you have contacted this site

with so much divine love and wisdom.

 

I feel that you need direct support, as I have no idea where you live

I cannot offer much, here in Australia there are support groups,

religious and none religious.

 

You do not have to remain anonymous, but if you wish to fine.

 

Do come back to this site, I personally promise you I will always

reply and support you to best of my abilities.

 

You may find this site of value, I cannot recommend it too much.

http://swamiramsukhdasji.net

 

May God bless you.

 

With Respect and Divine Love,

 

Mike (Keenor).

--------------------------------

 

Priy Anonimous

I say you are choosen by god to serve your mother.

It comes rarely occassion that U get such chance.

Whatever the situation please do all servings on the basis of

Almighty lord.

God is seeing every moment. He knows better than all of us.

In MANAS:

PRABHU BHANJIHI DARUN BIPATI, JAANAT JAN KI PIR.

God will take care coz he knows all ur pains.

Have faith. please.

Raja Gurdasani

--------------------------------

Namasthe anonymous, I read your message and I guess I understand

what you must be going through. do not worry much. God is there and

everything will be fine too. I just was wondering..where do you

live ? in which country ?

Please try to find the local support groups regarding these

alzeimers' illness. I guess, u are handling this all on ur own and

it would definitely get exhausting. Please find some of the members

who are going thro similar situations via support groups.

 

also, when u mention about exhausting financial resources..how is it

happening ? is it possible if some nurse or anyone can take care of

her 2 to 3 days a week and during that time..u can do other things

and you take care 2 to 3 days..so that you will also get a break

from the routine and get refreshed also.

 

Also, please think about this. in case if u are caring of ur any

family member..the other type of exhaustion we all may feel worried

thinking that it is our family member. Rather than that, if

possible, just try to think that whatever situation we are in

either by choice or circumstance, think its God's work and do it. In

the respect, although u may get physically exhausted, atleast the

exhaustion will not be much from the emotional perspective. once

the mental energy is not drained, you can be calm in every day's

action u do.

 

Please be strong and I am sure everything will be fine. Do not

thnk..its ur mother..just think that it is God's work whatever u are

doing to ur mother. Definitely, please check on the support

groups/non-profit organizations..they will definitely be there to

help the people who are taking care of the people with illness.

 

My prayers and good wishes and so u feel peac in ur heart even in

the midst of all these.

 

namsthe again,

Bharathi

----------------------------

Consider yourself as Arjuna in the battlefied of Kurukshetra, where

in the midst of the war between mother' illness including her

stubborn rejection of all help and your own physical and mental

resources, you are completely dejected and despondent. This is the

reality of the situation you cannot bear. Reading Gita is your Lord

Krishna: read this and identify the Truth. You are not responsible

for anything, you are not the cause of anything. You have done what

you have been doing and continue to be doing. But your actions do

not cause the consequences that you desire and you do not desire.

Whatever happens to Mother is destined to happen and you are neither

the cause nor the one responsible for. You are just an witness to

all happening.

You are only to act as per the propensities/ tendencies that have

been imparted in you by your genetics and past interactions/

experiences with the environment you have grown up. This you have no

alternative but to accept the pains and sufferings.

Get out of identification with this You. This you is just an

illusion that this you will have to live. But the Real You are the

God. Read Gita again and again to realize your Real You and get

beyond the chained you attached to the happenings of this World

around you. Pray and pray to God that He lifts you to the Real You.

Know that when you try in this way to get into your Real you, your

apparent worldy you will have no suffering at all.

All above are words and really cannot help you. Sincere and

continuous prayer and submission to God as you read Gita can only

help you.

Basudeb Sen

------------------------

Yes, on a physical level it is all very difficult to understand and

cope up with.

But these things do happen with many families and part of our

worldly existence.

 

What helps us in these and all other situations is the spiritual

wisdom/rules of our lives,

knowing ourselves, doing things by remaining at the source......

It may appear difficult but with some practice, one start getting

the results....

So please read the messages on this group and get into the spiritual

mode....

 

Humble suggestions:

 

1) You have to understand who you are. So, ask yourself " Who am I? "

and wait for the answer.

Then try again...see what happens....what happens to the

feelings...the stress....Keep this practice

on whenever you can and find time or even while doing something....

 

2) Second question that may burst many myths is to understand who is

getting exhausted and

who is stressed....So ask your self " Who is getting exhausted " , " Who

is getting stressed "

and again wait for the answer........

 

Our mind/ Mann is a wonderful instrument and able to create things

out of nothing.....and we

slowly become slaves of thoughts and further thoughts....The above

questions help you to get rid of the

these absolutely unnecessary and unwanted thoughts. Once that begin

to happen, you can see the

light which shall direct you to do what needs to be done happily and

without much effort....

 

Best wishes....

Sushil Jain

 

-------------------------

Hi ,

 

God is only testing you, do your work and manage to distance

yourself from now or you will be heart broken when the time comes to

say good bye, god willing.

 

Pray more and carry on with your work, you have done your duty and

this is all you can do. You are answerable to only The Almighty, so

go about your work and pray when you find the time to do so.

 

All the best till you feel good.

 

BARBARA ALI

-------------------------

Dear Sadhak,

Under the circumstances of your mother please do not lose confidence

in your sincere caring of your mother who has given birth to you.If

you are tired then ask other members of your family to take care of

her If you have money please put her in a nursing home or any such

place where her care is properly taken

Matru devo Bhava " is a great obligation as narrated in Upnishad.

 

For her salvation please start reading one chapter of Bhagavat Gita

or the whole Gita on Sunday or any important day. Keep some chanting

program at your place for finding a solution and relief to both of

you. Have faith in God and a solutions will come within six months

of your resolution to seek peace in your family.

 

Truly yours

Shankerprasad S Bhatt

-------------------------------

Dear anonymous....

My heart truly goes out to you.....unless one has been in a

similar situation, it is impossible to understand the level of

stress that you are experiencing. I am presently caring for an 84

yr. old mataji, whose son passed away from cancer last November.

(2008). He was only 54. She has one other son, but he is not

vegetarian, so she does not wish to live with him, nor does she wish

to relocate away from the devotional community she has grown used to

in Los Angeles. I promised her son, who was not related to me, that

I would care for his mother. But I have my husband to help me. I

am constantly on the lookout for individuals from my temple who can

spare time and energy to stay with this sweet, elderly lady,

otherwise I take her everywhere with me, because to leave her alone

is quite scary...both for her, as she sits alone and doesn't move,

and for me, because I am so worried about her when she is alone!

And she doesn't even have alzheimer's, or anything like that. Just

incontinence, which of course brings a load of social

pressures......and she screams about having to take a shower. It

is certainly a demanding service....one which the Supreme Lord will

bless you millions of times over for executing so faithfully for so

long......may you always be guided by the Lord in your heart to know

how to continue pleasing Him.

respectfully, Mahalaksmi Dasi

------------------------------

Arvind Khetia, engineer and a Hindu:

Discouragement and hopelessness can arise due to many reasons.

Spiritual wisdom is essential to cultivating a balanced mind. Then,

one recognizes the negative influence of ego, greed and excessive

material pleasures on one's mind and society. Consequently, one

learns to cultivate self-control, discriminate between what is

eternal and transient, practice equanimity and follow one's dharma.

Dharma requires one to perform the duties of life in accordance with

universal ethical values.

 

Therefore, one's faith must be founded on spiritual reality to help

combat discouragement and hopelessness. The Bhagavad-Gita

states, " When spiritual wisdom is the highest goal, one's faith is

deep and senses restrained, then one attains wisdom and acquires

perfect peace. "

 

According to Vedanta, true faith begins with having faith in

ourselves. Then, through practicing the spiritual disciplines of

meditation and yoga, one achieves a transformation of one's

character. Thus, one's faith evolves into the realization of one's

inner spiritual nature and manifests as enlightened optimism.

 

Arvind Khetia

--------------------------

Dear Exhausted ,

 

The True answer must come from your ' inside ', from inside you.

No-one from outside can give you the correct answer for you, in your

particular situation

 

Meditation will lead you to your inner being .

Meditation is the only Way.....................

Sit for formal meditation , morning and evening, half an hour .

 

BUT..................

 

When meditation does not ' happen', especially in the beginning(

your mind does not move into it so easily), and Karma ( sewa) is

also so exhausting and stressful, ' prayer and satsanga' is the

answer ..........

 

A Prayer to God ( Krishna, Rama,Shiva, Allah, Waheguru ) for

strength and wisdom, whenever the mind falls ... Being at the feet

of a master can do wonders !

 

narinder bhandari

-------------------------------

 

 

SUMMARY OF SADHAK POSTINGS -

 

- complaint raises from the violation of one's core limits as well

as limitations - natural, psychological, physiological, financial,

social as well as spiritual - leading to exhaustion and distress.

- you are on the right path.

- You have already experienced " nothing is mine, " ... now the next

step... " only God is mine " . Why subtle insistence on recovery

etc., What can you do , except doing your duty? AND THAT YOU HAVE

DONE and ARE DOING ! Fault is linking duty with old memories ! Fault

is in re-living the past! which does not exist! Forgive and forget!

on shedding the insistence, peace will prevail.

- if you are not at peace within, you can not comfort anybody else

no matter

what your understanding/determination/ intention is.

- What a destructive force is hatred? And how indestructible

is 'Divine Love'. Some people will never abandon any needy, it is

their very nature to care.

- Do your duty and forget. Nothing is ours.

- think 10 times before taking any decision, so that there be no

regrets.

- you can sacrifice, only to the extent possible and bearable, for

your Mother -

not merely because she is your mother but because she is as much a

manifestation of God

- do work deligently and discharge of duties earnestly

- Nurse - pure service, so impersonal, and yet so compassionate ...

if we could

be like that in spite of having emotional relations

- we are the chosen ones. there are no options regarding caring for

parents. We have to do it.

- as far as possible keep them (elders) at home.

- distribute sweets / candy to poor children then the grief

DEFINITELY goes !

- Don't seek any reciprocation for your good deeds

- Being Peaceful is your birth right! What you can not do, it is

not your duty! be guiltfree. See God in Mom, and take complete

refuge in the Divine (God); accept only Him as yours; thereafter do

not worry! Remain Doubtless. Worryless. Griefless. Fearless.

- you are choosen by god to serve your mother; a rare opportunity!

Serve as if serving Almighty! He knows what is best! He knows ur pain

- My heart truly goes out to you.....it is certainly a demanding

service. may you always be guided by the Lord in your heart to know

how to continue pleasing Him.

- YOUR HEALTH IS INTRICATELY CONNECTED TO YOUR MOTHER'S WELL-BEING.

- you are being tested; You have done your duty! continue working

but becoming detached. Pray. You are only answerable to God.

- Karma Favoring you - On one hand you are doing selfless duty and

thus accumulating " assets " . On other hand with every

abuse/disrespect/spit on the face your " liabilities " are

simultaneously getting wiped out-

without any effort at your end ! Become grateful to Paramatma ! He

only is ours. Other than Him there is only " duty " !

- you need a break, some relief. DO yoga/meditate regularly.

- Whatever happens to Mother is destined to happen and you are

neither the cause nor the one responsible for. Stop identification

with Body/Mind and identify with the Truth of the Gita. Read Gita

again and again! prayer and submission to God/Gita can only help you.

- Leave for ever " desire for happiness " . Immediately / Instantly

pains will vanish.

- we are just puppets. We are supposed to do our duty and not to

interfere with the result, just accept it. If you too accept this

fact then there will be no stress, no exhaustion, no disappointments.

- Spiritual wisdom is essential to cultivating a balanced mind.

True faith begins with having faith in ourselves.

- Question over and over again.. who am I? who is getting

exhausted? Who is getting stressed? and wait for the answer! Mind

creates things out of nothing! The above questions help you to get

rid of the unnecessary thoughts. thereafter light shall direct you

to do what needs to be done happily and without much effort

- Meditate and Pray... at lotus feet of Lord

- Pray to God. You are doing what He desires. He will give you the

strength and

lead you to more important, interesting experiences and knowledge

- Do not lose confidence. Seek Help! Read Gita! Have Faith in God

and solution will come.

- Read Gita again and again. But only those portions on the concept

of God and what the wise persons do.

- Take time out for personal rest and relaxation. Avoid getting the

carer disease...DYSTHEMIA

- you are getting their full blessings. And these special blessings

can turn any negativity in a patri to the most blessed and enriched

life. You are truly blessed believe me. Turn this into an

oppurtunity rather than a crisis.

- You need direct support! Are there support groups / others?

Don't hesitated to rely on sadhaks in this forum. They are

personally committed to support.

- Please seek out a local support group! Possibly a break, through

hired nurse help, so can get some rest!

- Think of yourself as a Nurse only... taking care of her for short

time... not thinking of past or future. Live in present, guided by

the light.

- think its God's work you are doing for your mother and do it!

There will be less emotional exhaustion, therefore you'll be calm

even though physical strain.

- The Nature has made all the life forms self-sufficient. Each one

has to face their own fate all alone. Whosoever is born, has to die

one day. so be brave...

- Please keep confidence in God who will find a way our of your

worries and direct you about the action you have to take

- Please be strong and all will be fine!

- relax please ...

- every day I thank Bhagavan for giving me the opportunity and the

honour to help her and be there with her

- keep confidence in God who will find a way our of your worries and

direct you about the action you have to take

- Let us strive to maintain that treasured custom, even in this

hectic and tiring world. It is most fulfilling to serve parents and

elders as it is one of the most exalted characteristics of Sanatan

Dharma.

- Entering into the depth of 'Darkness', it is there that you can

see the Divine Light.

- 'Cry before Him- only before Him. Say now take over My Lord. He

surely will. Have trust. Have belief. Thank Him any way !'

- cry out like a child who is lost and is looking for Mother or

Father, place no restriction call to Him as child, go where it takes

you - He gets away all your pain depending upon intensity and

sincerity of your prayer

 

- Life is what it has to be and NOT what you wish it to be.

ACCEPTANCE is key. rendering to your Mother is the service to God.

- Depression is tendency of mind to travel excessively into

NOTHINGNESS and into pessimism! Simply disown the mind emotionally.

When any worldly thought comes into mind – IGNORE. Neither like it

nor dislike it ! Just be indifferent, UDAASIN. Neither past nor

future exists NOW ! A thing which does not exist, why to worry about

the same? convert this DUKHALAYAM into VASUDEVAH SARVAM. A learned

persons tolerates this tax by wisdom, while a fool tolerates this by

regretting/ crying.) Hence be brave. One who has given beak to you,

will give food also ! Simply DON'T WORRY !!! NEVER NEVER WORRY

HENCE FORTH.

- Gita ends with advice of Lord Krishna : Ma Suchah - PLEASE DO NOT

WORRY !

- One stroke of will power .... just one ..... to Understand that

you are seeking freedom from pain, not just a relief for a short

duration ! And , only the self can help. Be yourself. Love

yourself. Love is the Way

- How can daughter of Paramatma be depressed? Is God not there? He

is alive. He is there. We all are with you. Our prayers will make

both of you alright. Please remain cheerful. Depression does not

like laughter. The moment you laugh , depression will run away.

- No tears please. Angels dont weep !

- Just dont bother about anything. Whatever is destined will take

place. Take sufficient rest. If sleep does not come easily, then

keep chanting God's name

- Day is over! ( Sorrow is gone) . Now have a nice sleep ! (Be

peaceful) !

- Mind may be depressed, but not our Divine Sophia. Nothing now can

harm you, once you have cried before God. Just feel jubilant.

- Be a witness to all happenings

- Do no encourage the depression by giving it importance..shoo is

away. think of those in worst of situations (Africa, all that

poverty and suffering); healing and spiritually cannot be separated;

-------------------------

My mother is once again hospitalized… im sorry im exhausted and

very stressed. After five years of taking care of her entirely on

my own, as other family members have washed their hands off, I feel

completely exhausted. She is also a alzheimers patient exhibiting

all behaviour related to this deadly disease. She continues to be

extremely stubborn in receiving any kind of help which is continuing

to exhaust and drain all her financial resources.

 

Caring for her for so long, I feel like I will have a stroke or a

heart attack. There have been many incidents where I have been

completely freaked out, totally drained of all energy. This extreme

physical and mental exhaustion has reached a point where I can

barely make it off the bed, with my eyes swollen from exhaustion.

 

I read the words in your daily posting and though i know they are

true, they mean nothing in my serious state of exhaustion. I can

no longer care for my mother and have told her doctors so and they

know and agree. Knowing that I still feel responsible, but at the

same time, feel completely unable to deal with the situation.

There appears to be no Light in sight! How do I connect to this

Light? I seek any guidance you can offer to be free of suffering

and to be at Peace!

 

May all souls cross over the horrid ocean of suffering

including me.

 

Sophia

 

 

--------------------------

 

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QUESTION SUMMARIZED (Details at end of posting)

My mother is once again hospitalized… im sorry im exhausted and

very stressed. After five years of taking care of her entirely on

my own, I feel totally drained of all energy and extreme

physical and mental exhaustion to the point where I can

barely make it off the bed. There appears to be no Light in sight! I

am also now diagnosed as severely depressed. How do I connect to

this Light? I seek any guidance you can offer to be free of

suffering and to be at Peace! Sophia

===========================================================

 

NEW POSTING

 

Dear Sophie,

So sorry to hear of your woes but remember every day that I am Gods

Only and no one else is mine. Rest in Paramaatma as taking care of

your self is as if taking care of Gods Temple and rest at His Holy

Feet knowing He would want you to take care of yourself as a

beautiful child of Gods. Pray that you be granted equanimity as

seeker I strive for this as well.God is Light and remember to pray

all times to be Gods only and serve HIM with all that you have. God

wants you be His Happy child as He loves you like a good mother

loves her child.

 

catherine andersen

 

---------------------------

 

Generally in India we are to respect our mothers like Goddesses

because they brought us into this world. We can never repay Doodh

ka Karj, or the debt of mother's milk. We are perpetually indebted

to our mothers. So though it is a gruelling task, you should not

shrink from your duty to serve your mother in her hour of need.

 

Hari Shanker Deo

------------------------

Dear Sophia,

My heart went out to you. I can totally empathise with you because I

too am in a similar boat. Recently I created a small sanctuary in my

house where I hide to be with God so I can get strength from him.

Also I took a lesson from Julia Cameron and I have started wrting

three pages to God daily, first thing in the morning, and this has

really helped me. Her book called artists way I can recommend to you.

Blessings

Chandrika

-----------------------------

 

 

-------------------------

PRIOR POSTING

 

im sorry i am stupid

everyone has been so very kind

im sorry but the body um i have this stupid girl that has

incarnated into is exhausted and un well being. i am sorry i have

taken everyone's time and this is one truth i know better than most.

 

REMEMBER : TU JAANE MERE SANG BEETI, EK EK BAAR SABHI SANG BEETI ! (

You are thinking that it (adversity) has happened in your case only.

But the fact is that it has happened with each and every human being

once). DEH DHARE KA DAND HAI, SAB KAHOO KO HOY ! GYAANI BHUGATE

GYAAN SE, MOORAKH BHUGATE ROY !! ( Worldly sorrows is a universal

tax to be borne by every human being.

 

Sophia

---------------------------

 

Dear Sophia,

 

The 'Black Dog', is the name we have for serious depression here,

and how many of us have had him howling at our door, dogging our

every step as it were. You know, the sun is shining spring is in the

air and you feel disconnected, joyless, a lump of existence.

Yes I know the chemical balance may be out of balance in the brain,

but, take some advice from one that knows, don't throw a bone to him,

throw a stone instead shoo him away.(My medication is 'The Divine

Beloved', none other).

 

A major turning point came about, when I,looking for some way of

helping myself, sat before a High Lama, he said while we were

attempting to meditate, " Here we have very good condition, think of

Africa, all that poverty and suffering " , and you know what? I did

just that, I disconnected from my own miseries and for a moment I was

concerned for others. A seed had been in sown in my heart by that

great man, I swear it is still growing.

 

The essence of this is TO FIND A WAY TO HELP YOURSELF. After my cry

for help I stumbled upon the Tibetan Buddhist, God took me there I

know. Slowly my head started to turn towards the Great Indian

traditions.......

 

Look if you feel you need medical support, consider it temporary. And

do all you can to connect to an M.D./Healer that is connected to an

Ashram. Oddly enough the Guide/Guru I had some years back, had a

sister who was an M.D. at an Ashram in the USA, and she herself

worked as a Homeopath/Naturopath in an Ashram in India for quite

some time. My present homeopath is a Sikh; healing and the

spiritual, cannot be separated.

Maybe other Sadhaks can give more information regarding healers

within the Hindu society.

 

Please do not restrict you life to four walls and your sorrows.

 

In passing, I have sat in sweet bliss in meditation, tears pouring

from my eyes, these are not tears of sorrow, oh no these are

something else, I do hope you experience these tears, your heart

will be opening to the Universe.

 

One more thing dear friend, the 'Black Sheep', may not be bad, maybe

she/he marches to the beat of a different drum, or dances to the far

off tune of a Murali that non other can hear.(Echoing down the

corridors of Time).

 

With Respect and Divine Love,

 

Mike Keenor

-------------------------

Dear Sophiaji !

 

AAJ KAL MAIN DHAL GAYA, DIN HUA TAMAAM ! TU BHI SOJA, SOGAYEE RANG

BHARI SHAAM !!

 

Today has converted into tomorrow. Day is over! ( Sorrow is gone) .

Now have a nice sleep ! (Be peaceful) !

 

HAI BUJHA BUJHA SA DIL, BOJH SAANS SAANS PAR, JEE RAHEN HAI PHIR BHI

HAM, SIRF KAL KI AASH PAR ! NEEND KAH RAHI HAI , MERI BAAHEN THAM !!

 

Very very dejected was heart. There was a weight on each and every

breath. Living only on a hope of a better tomorrow. But now PEACE (

sleep ) is telling me - Hey come, hold my arms.

 

KAUN AYEGA IDHAR , KISKI RAAH DEKHE HAM ! JINKI AAHATE SUNI JAANE

KISKE THE KADAM !!

 

APNA KOI BHI NAHIN, APNE HAIN TO RAAM !!

 

TU BHI SOJA, SO GAYEE RANG BHARI SHAAM !!

 

Who will come here? I should wait for whom? ( Nobody is mine) Those

sounds of steps were of strangers ( Illusion) !

 

No body is mine ! Only Raam ( Paramatma) is mine !

 

Day is over! ( Sorrow is gone) . Now have a nice sleep ! (Be

peaceful) !

 

Namaste Jee

 

Jee Jee

Shashikala

 

Sophiaji Namaste!

 

Stand aside and be a witness! Yes, try to observe the happenings as

a witness. Analyse it. Try to put into practise. It might be of some

help.. Sandeep Pathak

--------------------------

Dear Sophia

 

Love and Love alone....

 

Life is what it has to be and NOT what you wish it to be. Accept

this bitter Truth, you feel relieved of all your stress and tension.

Acceptance leads to surrender and the results in strength. My dear,

accept the service you are rendering to your Mother is the service

to God and by serving Him, you are reaching and realising the utmost

reality of your life. It is the way for you to reach the Ultimate

Goal. Accept it my dear, accept it. Wish you all the best and May

God bless you.

 

Love and Love alone....

 

Paritala Gopi Krishna

-------------------------------

 

 

---------------------------

PRIOR POSTING

 

Dear Sophia Bahenji

 

No ! No tears please. You havent done anything bad to regret. Angels

dont weep. Your mother is not abusing you. Her sickness is as such.

All mothers are good. There is benefit of you hidden in each of the

moves of mother. She may not be knowing, but God knows that. God

cannot use a mother for hurting her children. If God does that , it

means huge benefit is hidden in that. Even if she means to hurt you,

because of karmic reasons, God will ensure your safety. Can any one

get killed by consuming nectar ? No Bahenjee! No tears please. Laugh

it out. What depression? As Sadhu Vyas told you she made you realise

a truth which people dont realise in ages and eras. Nothing/Nobody

is Mine. What a truth. Could you have realised that without the help

of mother? You should not mind the abuses or ill treatment of

mother because all said and done, the very body of yours belongs to

her only. Above all she is not in her senses. Believe me, she loves

you more than anyone else. Is there no love in hate? Is there no

love in a slap of mother? Try it. She will never let others ill

treat you, even when she is in this mental state. Past is past. She

might have erred when you were 18 years old. But is she not

sufferring? She is paying for that only. Dear Bahenji ! It is only

because she erred with your reference that she is in this shape

today. Even in this mental state , does she not know about the

conduct of her son? She knows. She is more sufferring than you.

Believe me.

 

Hence it is time that you develop 'compassion " for her. Sadhu Mike

Keenor loves to be compassionate. Learn from his experiences. Read

old Qs on this site. Your depression will get cured the moment you

forget and forgive. Replace weariness, hate, anger with love and

compassion, please. Immediately, you will get peace, Bahenjee!

Immediately. You are so great otherwise. We all are proud of you

and of your tolerance so far. Please oblige us by being divine.

What a pleasure it will give you in future , when you would recall

how love healed the wounds.

 

No ! No tears please. Angels dont weep !

 

I bow to you Bahenjee.

 

Khan Jarsingh

--

 

Hari Om

 

Depression / Mental Fatigue . What is Depression ? I am not a

doctor. Hence In my language : Depression is tendency of mind to

travel excessively into NOTHINGNESS and into pessimism! Your mind

is capable only of travelling either in past or in future. Both do

not exist NOW ! The cure is simple ! Simply disown the mind

emotionally. Replace worldly thoughts automatically coming into

mind, by thoughts of Paramatma dwelling within. How do you do

that ? " Become " of Paramatma by firmly resolving : MERE TO GIRDHAR

GOPAAL, DOOSARA NA KOI . ( Only Paramatma is mine, no one else is

mine). That single resolution must make you peaceful in an instant

and forever. Thereafter DO WHAT YOU CAN AND WHAT YOU SHOULD.

Depression is self conceived. Don't feel that you are depressed and

you are not depressed. Don't let the worldly anxieties, old

memories, fears for future haunt you. When any worldly thought comes

into mind – IGNORE. Neither like it nor dislike it ! Just be

indifferent, UDAASIN , remain unruffled to those waves of old

memories and anxieties. Think at that time : I am of God. Why I

should bother about a thing on which I have no control. God will

take care if He desires to do so. Else whatever is to happen, let it

happen. See henceforth all the happenings in your life as you see a

movie. Now that you have surrendered to God and you have experienced

the world closely, now don't worry! Start dancing !! What a thing

you have got !! You are of GOD !!! God is your Father ! He has taken

over your life with immediate effect. How beautiful. Now every of

your burden is that of God ! You are free . Just take one care.

Don't doubt this, don't fear, don't ever worry now. NEVER NEVER

WORRY HENCE FORTH. What can happen ? You are immortal, the body is

mortal. Your father is God. He is immortal. What can happen to

you ? Hence DON'T WORRY.

 

REMEMBER : Neither past nor future exists NOW ! A thing which does

not exist, why to worry about the same? Depression causes you to do

that. See happiness in small small things. Admire beauty of a flower

or a bird. Remember you are not alone. EACH AND EVERY HUMAN BEING

IS BURNING IN THE FIRE OF SORROW. This world has been defined as "

DUKHALAYAM " . ( Abode of sorrow) in the very Holy Gita. Your job now

is to convert this DUKHALAYAM into VASUDEVAH SARVAM. Keep in touch

with this divine site on a daily basis. Start replying to various

questions that are raised in this forum. You will find peace here.

 

REMEMBER : TU JAANE MERE SANG BEETI, EK EK BAAR SABHI SANG BEETI ! (

You are thinking that it (adversity) has happened in your case only.

But the fact is that it has happened with each and every human being

once). DEH DHARE KA DAND HAI, SAB KAHOO KO HOY ! GYAANI BHUGATE

GYAAN SE, MOORAKH BHUGATE ROY !! ( Worldly sorrows is a universal

tax to be borne by every human being. A learned persons tolerates

this tax by wisdom, while a fool tolerates this by regretting/

crying.)

 

Hence be brave. One who has given beak to you, will give food also !

Simply DON'T WORRY !!!

 

Jai Shree Krishna

Vyas N B

-------------------------

Hare Krishna

 

Sophiaji ! Now that you have joined Sadhaks , every day should be a

new day for you.. Every day you will get more and more peace ! Just

think that you are not depressed. Just think that you are alright

and you shall be so ! Brother Mike, Vyasji, Mira Dassji, Jee Jee

Shashikalaji all have given you sterling and really soul touching

messages. Surrender to God is a complete solution in itself. Gita

starts with " Worry " of Arjuna. Gita ends with advice of Lord

Krishna : Ma Suchah - PLEASE DO NOT WORRY ! On the contrary be happy

that now everything related with you is in the powerful hands of

God .

 

Please keep sharing your experiences regularly.

 

Gopal Mehta

 

 

My dear Sophia,

 

narinder has been going through all the sharing on the

subject ........... and what comes to mind is this :

 

while all the love and consolation offered to you is worthy of

repect and reverence , and is the truth of being .............

 

Sophia will not be helped, in any deep measure, by consolation and

comfort offered.......

 

when all things fail... and they do ..... only the self can

help ....... you, yourself ..... your own being ..... with the

right resolve .......

 

One stroke of will power .... just one ..... to be able to

understand that you are seeking freedom from pain, not just a relief

for a short duration ! And , only the self can help.

 

Here comes the advice from all Knowers of Truth ........ when self

too is down and out ...... seek the company of the saints, sages,

and sadhaks true .... be with them for short periods of time ....

physically, be in their presence .... let your mind self be

subjected to the strength of the self , the aura of Nothingness,

which is perpetually emanating from the Sages as love divine that

heals !

 

A prayer goes out to you, Sophia .... joy and love to you ......

 

The prayer

 

Rises in the heart when it rises.

Out of nowhere does prayer arise in the Heart,

No reason !

It rises, this prayer, for Heart itself is nothing but Prayer

Nothing but the Light of One-ness

Nothing but Love

Nothing but Silence .

In Silence of Being, the Prayer blossoms:

And, ah ! What Joy !

The fragrance from the Blossoms knows no frontiers !!!

The Heart is the Giver divine

All Gifts are from the Source, all !

And the heart verily is the only Source, the One Source, the True

Source.

 

And one day, Krishna's Heart

Chooses for Krishna

The Gift of Gifts

It's own Self !

And Krishna's flute resounds in Eternity

As the soundless sound of OM

And Krishna sleeps the sleepless sleep forever !

Jai Krishna ! Jai Krishna !

Krishna Krishna , jai jai Krishna

Jai Jai Krishna Hare Hare

 

May Krishna fill you with strength, love and resolve

 

Be yourself. Love yourself.

Love is the Way

 

AUM

narinder bhandari

--------------------------

You are great Sister Sophia. Nothing wrong with you. There is no

reason for you to feel guilty. No body takes so much care of moms as

you took. Depression is a tendency of mind. Mind changes. In your

case too it will change. Watch and enjoy in the meantime this

depression also. Now God is with you. Depression cant reach you. Who

is depressed ? Mind may be depressed, but not our Divine Sophia.

Nothing now can harm you, once you have cried before God. Just feel

jubilant. You tried to be a witness in the past. Try now , as you

have now taken shelter of God.

 

Wishing you very peaceful nice, sound sleeps and rest. Sleep well.

Remember God when awake. See how the world has been made. See how

the God , your Father, is ! Trust Him. Give Love to all and sundry.

Dont feel depressed. You are not depressed. You are tired.

 

Nisha Chatterji

 

--------------------------

Sophiaji

 

Depression ? Nothing to worry. We shall make it run , Sister. We

will not acknowledge that depression. So simple. How can daughter of

Paramatma be depressed? Is God not there? He is alive. He is there.

We all are with you. Our prayers will make both of you alright.

Please remain cheerful. Depression does not like laughter. The

moment you laugh , depression will run away. Depression. These

doctors when they do not know call it depression. In those hearts

where God has entered , where is the space for depression? A good

sleep is the medicine. When God is yours, what can make you tense or

depressed. Dont acknowledge that you are depressed. Simple!

 

Thakurlingam

-------------------------

Dear Sophia

 

Just as relatives are not yours , similarly mind , intellect, body

etc are also not yours. Experience yourself to be separate from

your mind. Depression will evaporate. When mind is not yours , what

difference does it make to you, whether it is depressed or

suppressed? Dont bother. Watch your mind as a separate entity. It

will become like a dog. Just dont pay any attention. You can do

that. Take sufficient rest now. Just dont bother about anything.

Whatever is destined will take place. Take sufficient rest. If sleep

does not come easily, then keep chanting God's name and become

happy. Wish : Let there be no sleep so that I can take God's name

more. Whatever be the case, feel cheerful. Depression has no basis

to survive. Only when you provide it a shelter or respect or

recognition that it can survive. Be optimist.

 

Shyama Chhangani

 

--------------------------

PRIOR POSTING

 

i have been DIAGNOSED NOW WITH DEPRESSION A ND CHRONIC FATIGUE

SYNDROME .. yes i am depressed, but who is depressed? i keep asking

myself these questions but meanwhile this body is exhausted and so

is the small I here in this body to be a caregiver here in the

united states is legendary with the caregivers dying now or

becoming very ill & unable to take care of their parents with

alzheimers.

 

i am going to rest today again she is in the hospital for a few

more days i rest before i take her home & i pray. i have nothing

left to give no finances anymore no physical or emotional strength

but i still do my duty & pray.

 

To ajay and all caregivers who have responded -

it seems here all have been like me the black sheep the abused one

the disrespectedoone. but the one that took the responsibility. it

is very odd. I'm sorry for all of your suffering. I think it is

a good thing we speak of our pain with this group. Mother is mother

she gave us the birth to be able to know God

We may have even chosen her in this incarnation.i know i should not

complain but God I am so tired.. so so tired. I am going to lay

down again...

 

Sophia

---------------------------

 

Hare Krishna,

I can understand a bit of the pain suffered by you, because I have

my wife (who is ill since 6 years). I am lucky that I have my son to

share the problems. Here you are alone. In my view (actually

Gita's) we should accept this fact that every thing/situation is

composed by God and we are just puppets. We are supposed to do our

duty and not to interfere with the result, just accept it. If you

too accept this fact then there will be no stress no exhaustion no

disappointments.

May God bless you and give you enough courage and energy.

Ashok Goenka

-----------------------------

" Two Yrs. back I was also trapped in almost similar situation

related to my job -I literally wept in front of Lord Jagannath for

his help , undoubtedly I got it .

He gets away all your pain depending upon intensity and sincerity of

your prayer . "

 

 

Arun Sharma

---------------------------

dear Sophia,

 

What you need is a " break " from your mother's bedside and go for a

walk in the park. Ask a friend to relieve you for an afternoon and

go- to a spa or someplace that will make you feel " pampered " !

Practice your yoga, meditation on a daily basis at home, even

while caring for your mom. All the best and know that YOU are

fortunate to serve YOUR mother. Yu have no idea just how much of

karma you burn by doing that act lovingly- this same mother was the

one who cleaned up after us so many umpteen times without a

break!

 

Love and blessings,

Meenakshi

---------------------------

 

PRIOR POSTING

 

I AM DEEPLY TOUCHED AND SITTING HERE CRYING OVER THE KINDNESS OF ALL

WHO HAVE SPOKEN HERE TO HELP ME. CRYING. DOING AS SUGGESTED CRYING

OUT TO GOD STUDYING GITA AND FOR THE PAST 2 DAYS RESTING IN BED WITH

GITA EXHAUSTED. ALONG WITH MEDITATION, YOGA , MANTRA. I HAVE BEEN

IN THERAPIES WITH DRS FOR MANY YEARS HERE. EVERY WESTERN DR. HAS

TOLD ME TO GET AWAY FROM MY MOTHER to leave her to her own

sufferings and rot. This I would not do the many many layers of

emotional pain i have dealt with over the years with very little

healing. and i have forgiven her but one day when she was abusing me

so i yelled at her & then i felt guilty. the trick is to detach to

organically understand i am not the suffering. i know that but to

organically get that , well then i would be enlightened but that

is not the case. when i lived on the streets of nyc i did not shoot

heroin or kill myself because i knew this was karma and i had to

walk a spiritual path that has never changed. but i wish not to

speak of myself anymore. i have reached out and you have all been

spiritually gracious. i hope i may serve as well to help those that

suffer including crippled nyc pigeons that some children try to

hit. there is too much sorrow in this world. i wish i could wave a

magic wand

 

I LOVE THIS

 

Living in the West you may have heard of the poem 'Dark Night of the

Soul', by St. John of the Cross. " Oh Night! more glorious than the

Rising Sun! "

 

Look! Entering into the depth of 'Darkness', it is there that you can

see the Divine Light. The dawn is coming you know, I think maybe you

might just start to see it's first glimmer.

 

Brother Vyas gave a powerful piece of advice, I will paste it in

here with respect:

'Cry before Him- only before Him. Say now take over My Lord. He

surely will. Have trust. Have belief. Thank Him any way

 

I WILL SAY THIS AS MANTRA TODAY ON JAPA MALA - " Doosara na koi " -

There is " no one else " " None Other " .

 

Sophia

--------------------------

Hari Om

 

Swamiji Ramsukhdasji Maharaj would very rarely give mantras/

formulas. But once he wrote that if you distribute sweets / candy to

poor children then the grief DEFINITELY goes !

 

I believe it is an infallible formula for quick relief in

stress/worry/anxiety levels.

 

Jai Shree Krishna

 

Vyas N B

---------------------------

Dear Sadhak

 

Surrender your self to the feet of your God and offer sincere and

prayers to him urging your personal God to relieve your mother from

all these pains and also give you confidence and love for taking

care of your mother till her death.

 

Please keep confidence in God who will find a way our of your

worries and direct you about the action you have to take

 

Truly yours

 

S S Bhatt

---------------------------

Hi anonymous,

It is extremely difficult to look after a mentallyill person and

being a carer myself i know.

the most important thing to realise is that YOUR HEALTH IS

INTRICATELY CONNECTED TO YOUR MOTHER'S WELL-BEING. That is if you are

not there or breakdown , she goes to the streets.

so

1.Plan in case you are not there because one can never say. This will

give you lot of peace. If it makes sense, just harden your heart and

place her in an old age home if you can afford.

2.so your health and happiness and longlife is important for her

also.

3. Take time for some rest and relaxation - e.g. Music go to Music

concert, films, good food EAT, bhajans sing them. Just be happy for

that you must learn to enjoy life without being GUILTY.

 

4.Normally CARERS get a mental illness called DYSTHEMIA. You are

showing early signs so get out of it.

 

captain Johann samuhanand

 

---------------------------

This situation indeed is very difficult. Am sure many of us may

have gone thru similar situation (incl me). My humble suggestion

would be that before taking any decision, we must think 10 times.

Had this position been with a child then could any mother abandon

her child although she also at times be tired and be almost in

similar position but am sure she could not abandon. Secondly,

whatever action/step we take today, we must think 10-15 yrs

henceforward - and we may not regret the step that we take now. But

we all are human and feeling exhausted and tired is also human and

very right emotion too sp. when no other sibling is there to lend a

helping hand even temporarily. I remember myself crying loudly

oblivious of surroundings in the parking lot of hospital. Crying

out to God for his help and mercy. I do not know was it due to

stress, helplessness, anguish, unable to see my Mom suffering, out

of exhaustion, desperation, as I am also suffering from 3 major

diseases myself.

 

Pls seek temporary helping hand may it be physical / financial -

wherever it may come from, relax, take good care of yourself first

and then think about taking care of your Mom.

 

Wish you good health and peace.

 

Warm regards and lots of love to you who has stood by her Mom for so

many years which itself is commendable, when people can barely take

this for couple of months.

 

Mrs K Asani

 

---------------------------

Dear Sophia,

Your situation reminds me of my own. I am second number child of my

parents, the elder sister was married when I was only in tenth

standard. I completed my studies ( engineering) by tuitions

supporting my family. My younger brother who is 3 years younger to

me was adorned by my parents too much and always being treated with

much more love and affections as a result he became acute mental

patient for last 20 years. My parents always discarded me and my

wife, abused us inspite of living dependently with me on my income.

My mother used to support my sister family all along her life. She

was dominating and never even shown any affection to me, my wife or

my two kids. My brother was married but was divorced due to his

mental problem, so my wife was the only daughter in law of my mother.

In 2002 my father's both kidneys failed and after a prolong and

costly treatment of two years he survived. Myself and my wife alone

spent our day and night, borne all the expenses and he is still

survving and is a healthy person ( except that he cannot see

clearly). My mother never visited him in hospital and used to abuse

us as why we are getting him the treatment. My sister who is married

to a very top doctor never bothered to take any interest in the

treatment or support us, my brother as a mental patinet is totally

dependent on me.

Last year my mother met an accident in January 08 and she was

operated and inserted steel rod and was bed ridden for almost nine

months before she finally left for heavenly abode in Sept. Me and my

wife only took care for her during this period. My sister who lives

very near never bothered to provide any help or assistance but

ensured abusing us all the time on some or other pretext by finding

fault in the treatement given to her which I ensured in the best

hospitals in Jaipur. It was hell for us getting abused for the

responsibilty for treatment to parents by themselves and also my

sister. But we never lost our patience. My brother is on mental

treatment, needs daily medicines otherwise becomes extreme vilolent

and my wife used to give him also medicines, handle my mother

treatment who was bed ridden for nine months and also take care of

my father who is also now 80 years.

My kids some time ask me why amma, dada and bua are so cruel to you

are you their step son ? and why so are taking so much care of them?

Our neighbours were amused by our patience and handling of the

situation and always praised us, so were all our distance relatives

who used to come to meet my mother.

I run my own business and have to travel abroad frequnetly.I lost

lot of money in business during that period as I was badly stressed

all the time.

After my mother expired my sister abusued us publically that I

killed my mother but everyone knew the truth, so she herself got

a bad name.

I can visualise your situation , but I can only say time will pass

and these are the tough situations which as a human being any one

can come across so need to have a patience, and only thing in our

control is our work and discharge of duties earnestly.

 

I know every situation is unique but my own case will surely give

you some solace and strenght to bear the pain.

 

Ajay Gupta

------------------------------

 

PRIOR POSTING

 

Hello The Universal Individual (Trust me! there can be hardly

anybody who have not felt like you at one time or the other!!),

 

The complaint raises from the violation of one's core limits as well

as limitations - natural, psychological, physiological, financial,

social as well as spiritual - leading to exhaustion and distress. It

is essential to appreciate one's limits as well as limitations to

break them open for an expansive horizon. Also, I can assure, from

my experience, that one cannot attempt this while being bound within

a state of violent distress. One has to releive oneself from the

distress to clarify one's appreciation of the whole situation.

 

I do not know the individual limits and limitations here except for

the lack of support from the relatives (which is not surprising).

However, I urge you to seek professional help for yourself as well

as for your mother contacting appropriate agencies. Bhagavadgita and

the spiritual talk appeals ONLY IF you are ready for facing The

Truth stark naked. At this point, you may mentally not be ready to

face the same as your inner turmoil is churning your presence away

from any such possible appreciation. You have to releive your system

to relax before appreciating the depth of spirituality.

 

Therefore, seek some physical help from whichever source that is

congenial ... If it helps ... I learnt a lot by observing the

saintly nurses who were taking care of my father when he was

critically ill once ... pure service, so impersonal, and yet so

compassionate ... if we could be like that in spite of having

emotional relations ... it would be the best. It is easy to

preach ... therefore, let me restrain myself from that ... yet, if

possible, try it out along with all other possible psycho-physio-

medical help as well as financial aid that you could possibly

extract from yourself as well as from your environment.

 

One thing is for sure ... if you are not at peace within, you can

not comfort anybody else no matter what your understanding/

determination/ intention is. Also, if you break down, your mother

will have nobody to care of her ... think of that as well.

Therefore, my suggestion is to gather all your strength to establish

your integrity within first ... relax for that ... relax within as

much as possible in spite of the gruelling environmental demands ...

relax within in spite of the personal anguish and physical

exhaustion ...

 

Take it as an opportunity to appreciate how your relaxation is, in

fact, independent of all the relations in this life; to realize its

true transcendental nature as such ... if possible ... as much as

possible ... relax please ...

 

Best Wishes.

 

Naga Narayana

 

-----------------------------

 

-Shree Hari-

 

Dear Sophia,

 

To be apparently all alone in this situation is an added burden,

let me put you in the picture right now , my beloved wife is talking

to her sister, my wife and I have spent the afternoon with her

mother, and consultants. She needs to talk to lighten her load.

 

There was a time long passed, that I, it seems was the most hated

person on planet earth in my in laws eyes. The hatred was so intense,

that I actually started to stutter, I swear to all I never knew that

one could hate so much, I don't think I ever hated.

 

What a destructive force is hatred? And how indestructible is 'Divine

Love'. Some people will never abandon any needy, it is their very

nature to care.

 

Karma, yes indeed, I have watched the unfolding over the years, never

voiced it, just observed. My in laws watched helplessly, as the other

son in law died a slow and painful death, (we got on well, he and I).

Then my mother in law was widowed.

 

Old 'Black Sheep' moved interstate, to the same town in which my

mother in law lived.

It is I who picked her off the floor when she had a fall, who pushed

her around shopping centers, fixed things, etc.

Now I am a shining light in her eyes, " God must have brought you her

for a reason " , she has often said. She's got that right, but 'The

Divine Beloved', did it not just for her, but also for me, God who I

love so much, has exposed me to so much, helping my stony heart to

break.

 

Living in the West you may have heard of the poem 'Dark Night of the

Soul', by St. John of the Cross. " Oh Night! more glorious than the

Rising Sun! "

 

Look! Entering into the depth of 'Darkness', it is there that you can

see the Divine Light. The dawn is coming you know, I think maybe you

might just start to see it's first glimmer.

 

Brother Vyas gave a powerful piece of advice, I will paste it in

here with respect:

'Cry before Him- only before Him. Say now take over My Lord. He

surely will. Have trust. Have belief. Thank Him any way !'

 

Every one is different, but try this if you wish; go to a place where

none can hear you, ask out loud for GOD to help you, from your soul

cry out like a child who is lost and is looking for Mother or Father,

place no restriction call to Him as child, go where it takes you.

 

B.G. 7

At the end of his many births

The wise man takes refuge in Me.

He knows: " All is Vasudeva.3 "

How very rare is that great soul! (19)

 

With Respect and Divine Love,

 

Mike (Keenor).

------------------------------

 

Hari Om

 

Sadhak Sophia ! Real Sadhak you are !! This group is privileged to

have you as one of us. Please keep the divinity in you prospering.

 

Remove now old memories of ill treatment. It is necessary Dear

Sister for removal of pains. Could they have come to you without

divine will? Is it not now a real " experiential knowledge " for you

that " Nothing is mine " ( Doosara na Koi ) ?

You in fact paid a very little cost of " knowing " that precious

priceless knowledge.

 

What is needed now once " doosara na koi " is part of your direct

experience ? In fact - Mere to Girdhar Gopal (Only God is

mine ) !!! Once God is yours and no one else- why worry? Why

exhaustion? Why weariness? Why that subtle insistence on recovery of

Mom? As you are of God, is she not? What can you do , except doing

your duty? AND THAT YOU HAVE DONE and ARE DOING !

 

It is a law that duty doesnot generate sorrows. But you are not

feeling well. Where is the clue/ fault? Fault is linking duty with

old memories ! Check with your conscience, are you not reliving

those days? Are you not keeping the wounds green? Let them heal now!

This is final frontier which you should cross now . Forgive and

forget the past. Don't insist for any favourable or unfavourable

happennings in life. Past does not exist Dear Sister !

Nor does future exist now? Why worry then?

 

I am sure once you shed this insistence over the results of your

otherwise divine performance of duties, peace, much awaited peace

will generate in abundance in you.

 

Try it and keep in touch. Do take interest in other Qs also. That,

in itself, will make you happy and peaceful. " Sharing " reduces pain

and increases pleasure ! Isn't it?

 

May Paramatma bless you !

 

Jai Shree Krishna

 

Vyas N B

-----------------------------

I have been undergoing a similar situation for years. I can

empathise with you. Stressful days and even worst nights. not been

on a holiday for the last 15 years. Used to crib many years back,

then went deeper into astrology which perhaps if nothing else I

learnt to bear with this as my karmic destiny.

 

I remember my father used to say, " if God chooses to give me old

age I pray to him to give me good children " The full impact of this

sentence came in much later. But strive thru it all to remember that

perhaps of all the persons in our family we are the chosen ones. I

feel there are no options regarding caring for parents. We have to

do it. On bad days just tell yourself you are getting there full

blessings. And these special blessings can turn any negativity in a

patri to the most blessed and enriched life.

 

I am sure nobody on this forum or any other can refute this. You are

truly blessed believe me. Turn this into an oppurtunity rather than

a crisis. With you .

Take care.

Vats (Pradeep Sahai)

--------------------------

Jai Hanuman

 

Dear Sophiaji ! Thanks for sharing with us the voice of your soul. I

give a

small example to you to ponder.

 

You kept a nurse for taking care of your child. You pay her and she

takes care

of the child like you, yourself take care. One day there is some

disruption in

relationship/money/etc. You ask her to go . How easily she leaves

the affection

of that child? Will she look back? Will she enquire about the

child ? No !

 

Be like that. Do your duty and forget. Nothing is ours. Only

Paramatma is ours.

Serve fearlessly. If you get disrespect/ abuses in return , then

consider

yourself to be lucky. Results of your service are not getting

frittered away in

petty respects/praises/acknowledgements ! Higher results are in

store for you.

 

My Mom in law, 75, often says- Let Rupee remain Rupee ! (Don't seek

any

reciprocation for your good deeds, you are reducing the value of a

rupee to few

paise only, because you expect immediate result).

 

In your case, Dear Sophiaji - the Rupee is increasing in value with

every

disrespect, every abuse, every spit on the face ! Believe me on

this ! Let it

increase. Wish now that you don't need respect

honor/respect/acknowledgement .

Leave for ever " desire for happiness " . Immediately / Instantly

pains will

vanish.

 

You used the word " karmic " in your last post. Now if we look at Law

of Karma,

you will find that in your case the Divine is working with double

speed. On one

hand you are doing selfless duty and thus accumulating " assets " . On

other hand

with every abuse/disrespect/spit on the face your " liabilities " are

simultaneously getting wiped out- without any effort at your end !

By Divine

Will !

 

Tell me now honestly, do you want respect/praise etc in return for

your " duty " ?

With double speed , Sophiaji, Law of Karma is functioning in your

favour. Think

about it ! Tell me how I am wrong ? Do tell me or else become happy.

Become

peaceful. Become grateful to Paramatma ! He only is ours. Other than

Him there

is only " duty " !

 

Namaste Jee

 

Jee Jee

Shashikala

---------------------------

Sophia-ji you are on the right path. If you can sacrifice your

interest in favor

of birds and animals, you can sacrifice, only to the extent possible

and

bearable, for your Mother - not merely because she is your mother

but because

she is as much a manifestation of God as you or anyone else are/ is.

God,

genetics and previous experiences have giving you the propensity and

strength to

sacrifice for others, even if they do not tolerate you or behave

badly with you.

You are fortunate to have such properties. And, the current

experience in

dealing with the ailing, stuborn and unloving mother will enhance

your

capability to endure and love anyone and help anyone who needs. Pray

to God. You

are doing what He desires. He will give you the strength and lead

you to more

important, interesting experiences and knowledge. He will take care

of your

physical and mental health or change your duty. Submit to him and

pray to him

with the joy of doing what he has ordained for you.

Read Gita again and again. But only those portions on the concept of

God and

what the wise persons do.

Basudeb Sen

-----------------------------

Dear Annonimous,

 

The Nature has made all the life forms self-sufficient. Each one has

to face their own fate all alone. You know it very well, whosoever is

born, has to die one day. The ways of death are different for

different persons. so be brave...

 

G. Waman

 

 

---------------------------

PRIOR POSTING

 

 

 

I KINDLY THANK EVERY SOUL THAT HAS TAKEN THEIR TIME TO SPEAK WORDS

OF INSIGHT AND KINDNESS. I am in nyc and have reache d out over

the years to the caregiver s groups, alzheimers org and such.

I gave up my career as actress and opera singer and left hollywood

over 5 yrs ago to alone take care of a very abusive ill mother.I am

longtime sadhak, vegan , meditator a & practice yoga. the intensity

daily stress has broken me i am now ill myself. as of friday night

mothe r is back in the hospital.perhaps she will listen to the drs.

only God know. she also knows I can no longer take care of her the

way i have my strength is gone and now i am under drs. care.

i will bring Gita to hospital and read every day, continue to pray

and ask my self the query

who is sick and who am i ? i know i am not my body i know mother

is not mine. but the continuous activity of the daily taking care

of is done in this body which is now worn out I will follow all

suggestions kindly spoken of by spiritual friends here.

Karmically i think, it is interesting to note my mother threw me out

on the streets in the dead of winter with no winter coat or money

at age 17.5 (nyc streets). I was never allowed home again even when

i called terrified at 3 am in the snow sleeping outside.

i was abandoned by both mother and father in this life and

brother. i chose not to abandon my mother. i dont abandon birds

and animals i wouldnt abandon mother. my brother whom my mother

worships, and whom took care of my brother who is very wealthy

abandoned my mother years ago & has taken no responsibility or

offered any help of any kind.

she still cries for him while im trying to care for her knowing he

hates her & i shut up. i try i really try to do the right thing

i try and have tried to detach and be witness. it is very

difficult when getting screamed at and spit at within 1 inch of your

face while you a re trying to care physically care for a parent

who abused you growing up and , well, yes i see the only only

solution is deeply spiritual . i do i will go pray now and read

gita again i wish to thank everyone.

moksha

 

sophia

nyc

moskha

 

-------------------------------

Namaskaar.

 

After several years in the United States I returned to Trinidad to

take care of my mother. I have several sisters who do all they can

to help her but as a son to my dear mother, with whom I have a

special bond, I could not resist when Mataji asked me over the

phone, several times: when are you coming home? After about two

weeks of those questions it suddenly dawned on me that Mataji really

wanted me to come back, and as a true son I had an obligation to do

so. I packed my bags, bid goodbye to all, and returned home.

 

It wasn't an easy decision but I had to come home to her and I thank

Bhagavan for giving me the courage and determination to leave that

life and come home to her. Mata ji is 81, paralyzed and unable to

walk, and my sisters and I do all we can to make her comfortable

even though sometimes she can be difficult. But we know this is not

deliberate as it is symptomatic of old age and senility.

 

It can be tiring and difficult and it takes a lot from us and for me

it has been a sacrifice of much of my personal life but every day I

thank Bhagavan for giving me the opportunity and the honour to help

her and be there with her. Sometime Mataji forgets we are there with

her and when I enter her room she pleads with me 'not to leave her.'

I assure her I will never leave her and I will there for her as long

I am alive.

 

Yes, it consumes mental and physical energy, there are costs

nvolved, but I encourage everyone to take care of parents and elders

no matter how burdensome you may think it is and how much energy and

resources are necessary. Try as hard as you can to take care of

them at home rather than in a Senior citizens' home. I know for

sure that the day my Mataji goes into one of those places she will

not survive for more than a week so sending her there is like a

death sentence.

 

As Hindus, we have a long and glorious tradition of our extended

family and caring for all at our homes. Let us strive to maintain

that treasured custom, even in this hectic and tiring world. It is

most fulfilling to serve parents and elders as it is one of the

most exalted characteristics of Sanatan Dharma.

You should not ignore parents and elders - they are our Gods on

earth and if you can't honour and pray to them then it is

meaningless and even hypocritical to pray to Bhagavan.

 

Hari Om

 

Deosaran Bisnath

---------------------------

Shree Hari

Ram Ram

 

My heart aches on reading your email... and deep within long to

reach out ...I am certain many other sadhaks emotionally can

experience what you are going through simply from your note. But

remain ever in that LIGHT that you speak off... never turn away from

it. It is His eternal promise to us... in Gita 9:22 that He will

take care of us !

 

Key is detachment and only doing to the best of your ability what

you can do and forgetting the past or the future. Think of yourself

as a Nurse hired by the divine Light, the Source. You are only

hired to do this work, rather the chosen One, you are merely taking

care of her to the best of your ability and nothing more.

Absolutely nothing more. Live moment to moment guided by the

Light... Not thinking about what will happen or what has happened in

the past... but living only in the present, in that Light that you

speak off in your note and guided by That and That alone. If you

feel exhausted, sleep and rest it out. Do not take the entire burden

on your head.

 

Swamiji often speaks of a wonderful example of a dog who is walking

under a bullock cart filled with heavy goods. He is walking there

only for protection against the heat of the sun (i.e. for shade).

However, after sometime, the dog begins to feel he is the one that

is carrying the burden / weight of the entire cart and all the stuff

on it. We all are like that dog. We begin to carry all the weight

on our shoulder. Krishna clearly showed us with the Govardhan

mountain...that HE ALONE is the One holding up the mountain with the

tip of his tiny finger... that it is He and we are merely

instruments and basking in His glory... nothing more!!!! Therefore

do the best you can... if you miss a day of care, a nurse or someone

at the hospital will fill the gap.

 

As Vyasji and other sadhaks have said... be fearless, worriless,

doubtless, griefless.... without regreting the past or concern about

the future.. only doing what you are able to do... and leaving the

rest up to the Divine, the Beloved, the Light.. .the Spirit...

And as Mike said, you definitely have direct support from this group

therefore be strong. It is not an ordinary thing that you have

started receiving these messages and reading them... and seeking out

help from this group. You have done your part... let the rest

flow!!!! May That Divine Light Always be with you!

 

Meera Das

Ram Ram

 

---------------------------

PRIOR POSTING

 

Hari Om

 

You have every right to be peaceful. " Duty " - is what you CAN and

what you SHOULD. Once you have done what ever you could, there is no

need for you to feel guilty when you CAN NOT anymore. What you can

not do, it is not your duty to do.

Hence be brave, be guiltfree, and see God's hand in every result.

See God live in your Mom, in your mind, in your circumstances - and

for once with a simple heart surrender yourself completely into the

hands of Paramatma. Once you surrender, thereafter you should not

worry.

 

Stand erect. Be peaceful by realising that you did your level best.

Don't look at all at the conduct of " relatives " ! They are made like

that only. They were not " yours " , they are not " yours " , they will

not be " yours " - there is no possibility of their ever

being " yours " . Yours is only Paramatma ! Once you accept " mineness "

with Him (He is always yours) , it would not matter to you, if

anybody is " yours " or not. GUARANTEED !! Remain Doubtless.

Worryless. Griefless. Fearless.

 

Cry before Him- only before Him. Say now take over My Lord. He

surely will. Have trust. Have belief. Thank Him any way !

 

Jai Shree Krishna

 

Vyas N B

 

-Shree Hari-

 

Dear Anonymous,

 

My wife and I are in a very similar position to you, almost a

reflection of that which you have written.

My role in all this is to mainly support my wife.

 

May I point out the family members have washed their hands of much

more than caring for mother.

Surely if they find themselves incapable of helping her directly can

they not at least support you?

 

You have done something very important, you have contacted this site

with so much divine love and wisdom.

 

I feel that you need direct support, as I have no idea where you live

I cannot offer much, here in Australia there are support groups,

religious and none religious.

 

You do not have to remain anonymous, but if you wish to fine.

 

Do come back to this site, I personally promise you I will always

reply and support you to best of my abilities.

 

You may find this site of value, I cannot recommend it too much.

http://swamiramsukhdasji.net

 

May God bless you.

 

With Respect and Divine Love,

 

Mike (Keenor).

--------------------------------

 

Priy Anonimous

I say you are choosen by god to serve your mother.

It comes rarely occassion that U get such chance.

Whatever the situation please do all servings on the basis of

Almighty lord.

God is seeing every moment. He knows better than all of us.

In MANAS:

PRABHU BHANJIHI DARUN BIPATI, JAANAT JAN KI PIR.

God will take care coz he knows all ur pains.

Have faith. please.

Raja Gurdasani

--------------------------------

Namasthe anonymous, I read your message and I guess I understand

what you must be going through. do not worry much. God is there and

everything will be fine too. I just was wondering..where do you

live ? in which country ?

Please try to find the local support groups regarding these

alzeimers' illness. I guess, u are handling this all on ur own and

it would definitely get exhausting. Please find some of the members

who are going thro similar situations via support groups.

 

also, when u mention about exhausting financial resources..how is it

happening ? is it possible if some nurse or anyone can take care of

her 2 to 3 days a week and during that time..u can do other things

and you take care 2 to 3 days..so that you will also get a break

from the routine and get refreshed also.

 

Also, please think about this. in case if u are caring of ur any

family member..the other type of exhaustion we all may feel worried

thinking that it is our family member. Rather than that, if

possible, just try to think that whatever situation we are in

either by choice or circumstance, think its God's work and do it. In

the respect, although u may get physically exhausted, atleast the

exhaustion will not be much from the emotional perspective. once

the mental energy is not drained, you can be calm in every day's

action u do.

 

Please be strong and I am sure everything will be fine. Do not

thnk..its ur mother..just think that it is God's work whatever u are

doing to ur mother. Definitely, please check on the support

groups/non-profit organizations..they will definitely be there to

help the people who are taking care of the people with illness.

 

My prayers and good wishes and so u feel peac in ur heart even in

the midst of all these.

 

namsthe again,

Bharathi

----------------------------

Consider yourself as Arjuna in the battlefied of Kurukshetra, where

in the midst of the war between mother' illness including her

stubborn rejection of all help and your own physical and mental

resources, you are completely dejected and despondent. This is the

reality of the situation you cannot bear. Reading Gita is your Lord

Krishna: read this and identify the Truth. You are not responsible

for anything, you are not the cause of anything. You have done what

you have been doing and continue to be doing. But your actions do

not cause the consequences that you desire and you do not desire.

Whatever happens to Mother is destined to happen and you are neither

the cause nor the one responsible for. You are just an witness to

all happening.

You are only to act as per the propensities/ tendencies that have

been imparted in you by your genetics and past interactions/

experiences with the environment you have grown up. This you have no

alternative but to accept the pains and sufferings.

Get out of identification with this You. This you is just an

illusion that this you will have to live. But the Real You are the

God. Read Gita again and again to realize your Real You and get

beyond the chained you attached to the happenings of this World

around you. Pray and pray to God that He lifts you to the Real You.

Know that when you try in this way to get into your Real you, your

apparent worldy you will have no suffering at all.

All above are words and really cannot help you. Sincere and

continuous prayer and submission to God as you read Gita can only

help you.

Basudeb Sen

------------------------

Yes, on a physical level it is all very difficult to understand and

cope up with.

But these things do happen with many families and part of our

worldly existence.

 

What helps us in these and all other situations is the spiritual

wisdom/rules of our lives,

knowing ourselves, doing things by remaining at the source......

It may appear difficult but with some practice, one start getting

the results....

So please read the messages on this group and get into the spiritual

mode....

 

Humble suggestions:

 

1) You have to understand who you are. So, ask yourself " Who am I? "

and wait for the answer.

Then try again...see what happens....what happens to the

feelings...the stress....Keep this practice

on whenever you can and find time or even while doing something....

 

2) Second question that may burst many myths is to understand who is

getting exhausted and

who is stressed....So ask your self " Who is getting exhausted " , " Who

is getting stressed "

and again wait for the answer........

 

Our mind/ Mann is a wonderful instrument and able to create things

out of nothing.....and we

slowly become slaves of thoughts and further thoughts....The above

questions help you to get rid of the

these absolutely unnecessary and unwanted thoughts. Once that begin

to happen, you can see the

light which shall direct you to do what needs to be done happily and

without much effort....

 

Best wishes....

Sushil Jain

 

-------------------------

Hi ,

 

God is only testing you, do your work and manage to distance

yourself from now or you will be heart broken when the time comes to

say good bye, god willing.

 

Pray more and carry on with your work, you have done your duty and

this is all you can do. You are answerable to only The Almighty, so

go about your work and pray when you find the time to do so.

 

All the best till you feel good.

 

BARBARA ALI

-------------------------

Dear Sadhak,

Under the circumstances of your mother please do not lose confidence

in your sincere caring of your mother who has given birth to you.If

you are tired then ask other members of your family to take care of

her If you have money please put her in a nursing home or any such

place where her care is properly taken

Matru devo Bhava " is a great obligation as narrated in Upnishad.

 

For her salvation please start reading one chapter of Bhagavat Gita

or the whole Gita on Sunday or any important day. Keep some chanting

program at your place for finding a solution and relief to both of

you. Have faith in God and a solutions will come within six months

of your resolution to seek peace in your family.

 

Truly yours

Shankerprasad S Bhatt

-------------------------------

Dear anonymous....

My heart truly goes out to you.....unless one has been in a

similar situation, it is impossible to understand the level of

stress that you are experiencing. I am presently caring for an 84

yr. old mataji, whose son passed away from cancer last November.

(2008). He was only 54. She has one other son, but he is not

vegetarian, so she does not wish to live with him, nor does she wish

to relocate away from the devotional community she has grown used to

in Los Angeles. I promised her son, who was not related to me, that

I would care for his mother. But I have my husband to help me. I

am constantly on the lookout for individuals from my temple who can

spare time and energy to stay with this sweet, elderly lady,

otherwise I take her everywhere with me, because to leave her alone

is quite scary...both for her, as she sits alone and doesn't move,

and for me, because I am so worried about her when she is alone!

And she doesn't even have alzheimer's, or anything like that. Just

incontinence, which of course brings a load of social

pressures......and she screams about having to take a shower. It

is certainly a demanding service....one which the Supreme Lord will

bless you millions of times over for executing so faithfully for so

long......may you always be guided by the Lord in your heart to know

how to continue pleasing Him.

respectfully, Mahalaksmi Dasi

------------------------------

Arvind Khetia, engineer and a Hindu:

Discouragement and hopelessness can arise due to many reasons.

Spiritual wisdom is essential to cultivating a balanced mind. Then,

one recognizes the negative influence of ego, greed and excessive

material pleasures on one's mind and society. Consequently, one

learns to cultivate self-control, discriminate between what is

eternal and transient, practice equanimity and follow one's dharma.

Dharma requires one to perform the duties of life in accordance with

universal ethical values.

 

Therefore, one's faith must be founded on spiritual reality to help

combat discouragement and hopelessness. The Bhagavad-Gita

states, " When spiritual wisdom is the highest goal, one's faith is

deep and senses restrained, then one attains wisdom and acquires

perfect peace. "

 

According to Vedanta, true faith begins with having faith in

ourselves. Then, through practicing the spiritual disciplines of

meditation and yoga, one achieves a transformation of one's

character. Thus, one's faith evolves into the realization of one's

inner spiritual nature and manifests as enlightened optimism.

 

Arvind Khetia

--------------------------

Dear Exhausted ,

 

The True answer must come from your ' inside ', from inside you.

No-one from outside can give you the correct answer for you, in your

particular situation

 

Meditation will lead you to your inner being .

Meditation is the only Way.....................

Sit for formal meditation , morning and evening, half an hour .

 

BUT..................

 

When meditation does not ' happen', especially in the beginning(

your mind does not move into it so easily), and Karma ( sewa) is

also so exhausting and stressful, ' prayer and satsanga' is the

answer ..........

 

A Prayer to God ( Krishna, Rama,Shiva, Allah, Waheguru ) for

strength and wisdom, whenever the mind falls ... Being at the feet

of a master can do wonders !

 

narinder bhandari

-------------------------------

 

 

SUMMARY OF SADHAK POSTINGS -

 

- complaint raises from the violation of one's core limits as well

as limitations - natural, psychological, physiological, financial,

social as well as spiritual - leading to exhaustion and distress.

- you are on the right path.

- You have already experienced " nothing is mine, " ... now the next

step... " only God is mine " . Why subtle insistence on recovery

etc., What can you do , except doing your duty? AND THAT YOU HAVE

DONE and ARE DOING ! Fault is linking duty with old memories ! Fault

is in re-living the past! which does not exist! Forgive and forget!

on shedding the insistence, peace will prevail.

- if you are not at peace within, you can not comfort anybody else

no matter

what your understanding/determination/ intention is.

- What a destructive force is hatred? And how indestructible

is 'Divine Love'. Some people will never abandon any needy, it is

their very nature to care.

- Do your duty and forget. Nothing is ours.

- think 10 times before taking any decision, so that there be no

regrets.

- you can sacrifice, only to the extent possible and bearable, for

your Mother -

not merely because she is your mother but because she is as much a

manifestation of God

- do work deligently and discharge of duties earnestly

- Nurse - pure service, so impersonal, and yet so compassionate ...

if we could

be like that in spite of having emotional relations

- we are the chosen ones. there are no options regarding caring for

parents. We have to do it.

- as far as possible keep them (elders) at home.

- distribute sweets / candy to poor children then the grief

DEFINITELY goes !

- Don't seek any reciprocation for your good deeds

- Being Peaceful is your birth right! What you can not do, it is

not your duty! be guiltfree. See God in Mom, and take complete

refuge in the Divine (God); accept only Him as yours; thereafter do

not worry! Remain Doubtless. Worryless. Griefless. Fearless.

- you are choosen by god to serve your mother; a rare opportunity!

Serve as if serving Almighty! He knows what is best! He knows ur pain

- My heart truly goes out to you.....it is certainly a demanding

service. may you always be guided by the Lord in your heart to know

how to continue pleasing Him.

- YOUR HEALTH IS INTRICATELY CONNECTED TO YOUR MOTHER'S WELL-BEING.

- you are being tested; You have done your duty! continue working

but becoming detached. Pray. You are only answerable to God.

- Karma Favoring you - On one hand you are doing selfless duty and

thus accumulating " assets " . On other hand with every

abuse/disrespect/spit on the face your " liabilities " are

simultaneously getting wiped out-

without any effort at your end ! Become grateful to Paramatma ! He

only is ours. Other than Him there is only " duty " !

- you need a break, some relief. DO yoga/meditate regularly.

- Whatever happens to Mother is destined to happen and you are

neither the cause nor the one responsible for. Stop identification

with Body/Mind and identify with the Truth of the Gita. Read Gita

again and again! prayer and submission to God/Gita can only help you.

- Leave for ever " desire for happiness " . Immediately / Instantly

pains will vanish.

- we are just puppets. We are supposed to do our duty and not to

interfere with the result, just accept it. If you too accept this

fact then there will be no stress, no exhaustion, no disappointments.

- Spiritual wisdom is essential to cultivating a balanced mind.

True faith begins with having faith in ourselves.

- Question over and over again.. who am I? who is getting

exhausted? Who is getting stressed? and wait for the answer! Mind

creates things out of nothing! The above questions help you to get

rid of the unnecessary thoughts. thereafter light shall direct you

to do what needs to be done happily and without much effort

- Meditate and Pray... at lotus feet of Lord

- Pray to God. You are doing what He desires. He will give you the

strength and

lead you to more important, interesting experiences and knowledge

- Do not lose confidence. Seek Help! Read Gita! Have Faith in God

and solution will come.

- Read Gita again and again. But only those portions on the concept

of God and what the wise persons do.

- Take time out for personal rest and relaxation. Avoid getting the

carer disease...DYSTHEMIA

- you are getting their full blessings. And these special blessings

can turn any negativity in a patri to the most blessed and enriched

life. You are truly blessed believe me. Turn this into an

oppurtunity rather than a crisis.

- created a small sanctuary in my house where I hide to be with God

- You need direct support! Are there support groups / others?

Don't hesitated to rely on sadhaks in this forum. They are

personally committed to support.

- Please seek out a local support group! Possibly a break, through

hired nurse help, so can get some rest!

- Think of yourself as a Nurse only... taking care of her for short

time... not thinking of past or future. Live in present, guided by

the light.

- remember every day that I am Gods Only and no one else is mine.

Rest in Paramaatma as taking care of your self.

- think its God's work you are doing for your mother and do it!

There will be less emotional exhaustion, therefore you'll be calm

even though physical strain.

- The Nature has made all the life forms self-sufficient. Each one

has to face their own fate all alone. Whosoever is born, has to die

one day. so be brave...

- wrting three pages to God daily, first thing in the morning

- Please keep confidence in God who will find a way our of your

worries and direct you about the action you have to take

- Please be strong and all will be fine!

- relax please ...

- every day I thank Bhagavan for giving me the opportunity and the

honour to help her and be there with her

- keep confidence in God who will find a way our of your worries and

direct you about the action you have to take

- Let us strive to maintain that treasured custom, even in this

hectic and tiring world. It is most fulfilling to serve parents and

elders as it is one of the most exalted characteristics of Sanatan

Dharma.

- Entering into the depth of 'Darkness', it is there that you can

see the Divine Light.

- 'Cry before Him- only before Him. Say now take over My Lord. He

surely will. Have trust. Have belief. Thank Him any way !'

- cry out like a child who is lost and is looking for Mother or

Father, place no restriction call to Him as child, go where it takes

you - He gets away all your pain depending upon intensity and

sincerity of your prayer

- We can never repay the debt of mother's milk; therefore do not

shrink from your duty to serve your mother in her hour of need

- Life is what it has to be and NOT what you wish it to be.

ACCEPTANCE is key. rendering to your Mother is the service to God.

- Depression is tendency of mind to travel excessively into

NOTHINGNESS and into pessimism! Simply disown the mind emotionally.

When any worldly thought comes into mind – IGNORE. Neither like it

nor dislike it ! Just be indifferent, UDAASIN. Neither past nor

future exists NOW ! A thing which does not exist, why to worry about

the same? convert this DUKHALAYAM into VASUDEVAH SARVAM. A learned

persons tolerates this tax by wisdom, while a fool tolerates this by

regretting/ crying.) Hence be brave. One who has given beak to you,

will give food also ! Simply DON'T WORRY !!! NEVER NEVER WORRY

HENCE FORTH.

- Gita ends with advice of Lord Krishna : Ma Suchah - PLEASE DO NOT

WORRY !

- One stroke of will power .... just one ..... to Understand that

you are seeking freedom from pain, not just a relief for a short

duration ! And , only the self can help. Be yourself. Love

yourself. Love is the Way

- How can daughter of Paramatma be depressed? Is God not there? He

is alive. He is there. We all are with you. Our prayers will make

both of you alright. Please remain cheerful. Depression does not

like laughter. The moment you laugh , depression will run away.

- No tears please. Angels dont weep !

- Just dont bother about anything. Whatever is destined will take

place. Take sufficient rest. If sleep does not come easily, then

keep chanting God's name

- Day is over! ( Sorrow is gone) . Now have a nice sleep ! (Be

peaceful) !

 

- Mind may be depressed, but not our Divine Sophia. Nothing now can

harm you, once you have cried before God. Just feel jubilant.

- Be a witness to all happenings

- Do no encourage the depression by giving it importance..shoo is

away. think of those in worst of situations (Africa, all that

poverty and suffering); healing and spiritually cannot be separated;

- God wants you be His Happy child

-------------------------

My mother is once again hospitalized… im sorry im exhausted and

very stressed. After five years of taking care of her entirely on

my own, as other family members have washed their hands off, I feel

completely exhausted. She is also a alzheimers patient exhibiting

all behaviour related to this deadly disease. She continues to be

extremely stubborn in receiving any kind of help which is continuing

to exhaust and drain all her financial resources.

 

Caring for her for so long, I feel like I will have a stroke or a

heart attack. There have been many incidents where I have been

completely freaked out, totally drained of all energy. This extreme

physical and mental exhaustion has reached a point where I can

barely make it off the bed, with my eyes swollen from exhaustion.

 

I read the words in your daily posting and though i know they are

true, they mean nothing in my serious state of exhaustion. I can

no longer care for my mother and have told her doctors so and they

know and agree. Knowing that I still feel responsible, but at the

same time, feel completely unable to deal with the situation.

There appears to be no Light in sight! How do I connect to this

Light? I seek any guidance you can offer to be free of suffering

and to be at Peace!

 

May all souls cross over the horrid ocean of suffering

including me.

 

Sophia

 

 

--------------------------

 

GITA TALK GROUP GUIDELINES: PLEASE -

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2. Quote Gitaji/scriptures wherever possible..

3. Limit personal feelings, opinions, beliefs etc. to the

extent that they further help in understanding the Gita shlokas

4. Be as concise, to the point, respecting sadhaka's time.

5. Focus on subject at hand only.

6. Do not include links to the other sites.

7. Do not include your personal information (Ph #, address etc).

8. Do not personalize message

9. All responses may not be posted.

10. Moderator at his discretion, may modify the posting.

11. Take into consideration the novices, youth, westerners, non-

sectarian audience. i.e. limit the use to Sanskrit words only.

Provide English word bracketed.

 

MODERATOR

Ram Ram

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------

 

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QUESTION SUMMARIZED (Details at end of posting)

My mother is once again hospitalized… im sorry im exhausted and

very stressed. After five years of taking care of her entirely on

my own, I feel totally drained of all energy and extreme

physical and mental exhaustion to the point where I can

barely make it off the bed. There appears to be no Light in sight! I

am also now diagnosed as severely depressed. How do I connect to

this Light? I seek any guidance you can offer to be free of

suffering and to be at Peace!

 

Sophia

===========================================================

 

NEW POSTING

 

NAMASKAR

SORRY DEAR SADHAK MEMBERS I AM TRYING REALLY DO DO EVERYTHING

SUGGESTED. BUT TODAY WHEN I AM SUPPOSED TO TAKE HER HOME FROM THE

HOSPITAL AND STAY WITH HER UNTIL AN AID COMES FOR A FEW DAYS I

CANNOT GET UP AND I AM THROWING UP WITH A STOMACH VIRUS, i am burnt

out and weak and crying and thats it

i cant do this anymore. Sophia

------------------------

Shree Hari

Ram Ram

 

Sophiaji, it will be very helpful if you let us know the three

things that you are currently following through with from the

sadhak's suggestions, but only after you regain some energy and

strength. It will be helpful to understand.

From Gita Talk Moderators, Ram Ram

-------------------------

 

 

Dear Sadaks,

Did anyone solve Ravana`s distress on his last day of war with Sri

Rama. Many good advises did not work. Same with Kans when Bagavan

entered Mathura. Only Bagavan can help, like in the case of Drowpati

being disrobed.

 

My humble opinion:

Let only Sadhaks, Guru and GOD be dear to us. Why dear Sophia? Why

attachment even in mind level?

B.Sathyanarayan

 

-------------------------

PRIOR POSTING

 

Dear Sophie,

So sorry to hear of your woes but remember every day that I am Gods

Only and no one else is mine. Rest in Paramaatma as taking care of

your self is as if taking care of Gods Temple and rest at His Holy

Feet knowing He would want you to take care of yourself as a

beautiful child of Gods. Pray that you be granted equanimity as

seeker I strive for this as well.God is Light and remember to pray

all times to be Gods only and serve HIM with all that you have. God

wants you be His Happy child as He loves you like a good mother

loves her child.

 

catherine andersen

 

---------------------------

 

Generally in India we are to respect our mothers like Goddesses

because they brought us into this world. We can never repay Doodh

ka Karj, or the debt of mother's milk. We are perpetually indebted

to our mothers. So though it is a gruelling task, you should not

shrink from your duty to serve your mother in her hour of need.

 

Hari Shanker Deo

------------------------

Dear Sophia,

My heart went out to you. I can totally empathise with you because I

too am in a similar boat. Recently I created a small sanctuary in my

house where I hide to be with God so I can get strength from him.

Also I took a lesson from Julia Cameron and I have started wrting

three pages to God daily, first thing in the morning, and this has

really helped me. Her book called artists way I can recommend to you.

Blessings

Chandrika

-----------------------------

 

 

-------------------------

PRIOR POSTING

 

im sorry i am stupid

everyone has been so very kind

im sorry but the body um i have this stupid girl that has

incarnated into is exhausted and un well being. i am sorry i have

taken everyone's time and this is one truth i know better than most.

 

REMEMBER : TU JAANE MERE SANG BEETI, EK EK BAAR SABHI SANG BEETI ! (

You are thinking that it (adversity) has happened in your case only.

But the fact is that it has happened with each and every human being

once). DEH DHARE KA DAND HAI, SAB KAHOO KO HOY ! GYAANI BHUGATE

GYAAN SE, MOORAKH BHUGATE ROY !! ( Worldly sorrows is a universal

tax to be borne by every human being.

 

Sophia

---------------------------

 

Dear Sophia,

 

The 'Black Dog', is the name we have for serious depression here,

and how many of us have had him howling at our door, dogging our

every step as it were. You know, the sun is shining spring is in the

air and you feel disconnected, joyless, a lump of existence.

Yes I know the chemical balance may be out of balance in the brain,

but, take some advice from one that knows, don't throw a bone to him,

throw a stone instead shoo him away.(My medication is 'The Divine

Beloved', none other).

 

A major turning point came about, when I,looking for some way of

helping myself, sat before a High Lama, he said while we were

attempting to meditate, " Here we have very good condition, think of

Africa, all that poverty and suffering " , and you know what? I did

just that, I disconnected from my own miseries and for a moment I was

concerned for others. A seed had been in sown in my heart by that

great man, I swear it is still growing.

 

The essence of this is TO FIND A WAY TO HELP YOURSELF. After my cry

for help I stumbled upon the Tibetan Buddhist, God took me there I

know. Slowly my head started to turn towards the Great Indian

traditions.......

 

Look if you feel you need medical support, consider it temporary. And

do all you can to connect to an M.D./Healer that is connected to an

Ashram. Oddly enough the Guide/Guru I had some years back, had a

sister who was an M.D. at an Ashram in the USA, and she herself

worked as a Homeopath/Naturopath in an Ashram in India for quite

some time. My present homeopath is a Sikh; healing and the

spiritual, cannot be separated.

Maybe other Sadhaks can give more information regarding healers

within the Hindu society.

 

Please do not restrict you life to four walls and your sorrows.

 

In passing, I have sat in sweet bliss in meditation, tears pouring

from my eyes, these are not tears of sorrow, oh no these are

something else, I do hope you experience these tears, your heart

will be opening to the Universe.

 

One more thing dear friend, the 'Black Sheep', may not be bad, maybe

she/he marches to the beat of a different drum, or dances to the far

off tune of a Murali that non other can hear.(Echoing down the

corridors of Time).

 

With Respect and Divine Love,

 

Mike Keenor

-------------------------

Dear Sophiaji !

 

AAJ KAL MAIN DHAL GAYA, DIN HUA TAMAAM ! TU BHI SOJA, SOGAYEE RANG

BHARI SHAAM !!

 

Today has converted into tomorrow. Day is over! ( Sorrow is gone) .

Now have a nice sleep ! (Be peaceful) !

 

HAI BUJHA BUJHA SA DIL, BOJH SAANS SAANS PAR, JEE RAHEN HAI PHIR BHI

HAM, SIRF KAL KI AASH PAR ! NEEND KAH RAHI HAI , MERI BAAHEN THAM !!

 

Very very dejected was heart. There was a weight on each and every

breath. Living only on a hope of a better tomorrow. But now PEACE (

sleep ) is telling me - Hey come, hold my arms.

 

KAUN AYEGA IDHAR , KISKI RAAH DEKHE HAM ! JINKI AAHATE SUNI JAANE

KISKE THE KADAM !!

 

APNA KOI BHI NAHIN, APNE HAIN TO RAAM !!

 

TU BHI SOJA, SO GAYEE RANG BHARI SHAAM !!

 

Who will come here? I should wait for whom? ( Nobody is mine) Those

sounds of steps were of strangers ( Illusion) !

 

No body is mine ! Only Raam ( Paramatma) is mine !

 

Day is over! ( Sorrow is gone) . Now have a nice sleep ! (Be

peaceful) !

 

Namaste Jee

 

Jee Jee

Shashikala

 

Sophiaji Namaste!

 

Stand aside and be a witness! Yes, try to observe the happenings as

a witness. Analyse it. Try to put into practise. It might be of some

help.. Sandeep Pathak

--------------------------

Dear Sophia

 

Love and Love alone....

 

Life is what it has to be and NOT what you wish it to be. Accept

this bitter Truth, you feel relieved of all your stress and tension.

Acceptance leads to surrender and the results in strength. My dear,

accept the service you are rendering to your Mother is the service

to God and by serving Him, you are reaching and realising the utmost

reality of your life. It is the way for you to reach the Ultimate

Goal. Accept it my dear, accept it. Wish you all the best and May

God bless you.

 

Love and Love alone....

 

Paritala Gopi Krishna

-------------------------------

 

 

---------------------------

PRIOR POSTING

 

Dear Sophia Bahenji

 

No ! No tears please. You havent done anything bad to regret. Angels

dont weep. Your mother is not abusing you. Her sickness is as such.

All mothers are good. There is benefit of you hidden in each of the

moves of mother. She may not be knowing, but God knows that. God

cannot use a mother for hurting her children. If God does that , it

means huge benefit is hidden in that. Even if she means to hurt you,

because of karmic reasons, God will ensure your safety. Can any one

get killed by consuming nectar ? No Bahenjee! No tears please. Laugh

it out. What depression? As Sadhu Vyas told you she made you realise

a truth which people dont realise in ages and eras. Nothing/Nobody

is Mine. What a truth. Could you have realised that without the help

of mother? You should not mind the abuses or ill treatment of

mother because all said and done, the very body of yours belongs to

her only. Above all she is not in her senses. Believe me, she loves

you more than anyone else. Is there no love in hate? Is there no

love in a slap of mother? Try it. She will never let others ill

treat you, even when she is in this mental state. Past is past. She

might have erred when you were 18 years old. But is she not

sufferring? She is paying for that only. Dear Bahenji ! It is only

because she erred with your reference that she is in this shape

today. Even in this mental state , does she not know about the

conduct of her son? She knows. She is more sufferring than you.

Believe me.

 

Hence it is time that you develop 'compassion " for her. Sadhu Mike

Keenor loves to be compassionate. Learn from his experiences. Read

old Qs on this site. Your depression will get cured the moment you

forget and forgive. Replace weariness, hate, anger with love and

compassion, please. Immediately, you will get peace, Bahenjee!

Immediately. You are so great otherwise. We all are proud of you

and of your tolerance so far. Please oblige us by being divine.

What a pleasure it will give you in future , when you would recall

how love healed the wounds.

 

No ! No tears please. Angels dont weep !

 

I bow to you Bahenjee.

 

Khan Jarsingh

--

 

Hari Om

 

Depression / Mental Fatigue . What is Depression ? I am not a

doctor. Hence In my language : Depression is tendency of mind to

travel excessively into NOTHINGNESS and into pessimism! Your mind

is capable only of travelling either in past or in future. Both do

not exist NOW ! The cure is simple ! Simply disown the mind

emotionally. Replace worldly thoughts automatically coming into

mind, by thoughts of Paramatma dwelling within. How do you do

that ? " Become " of Paramatma by firmly resolving : MERE TO GIRDHAR

GOPAAL, DOOSARA NA KOI . ( Only Paramatma is mine, no one else is

mine). That single resolution must make you peaceful in an instant

and forever. Thereafter DO WHAT YOU CAN AND WHAT YOU SHOULD.

Depression is self conceived. Don't feel that you are depressed and

you are not depressed. Don't let the worldly anxieties, old

memories, fears for future haunt you. When any worldly thought comes

into mind – IGNORE. Neither like it nor dislike it ! Just be

indifferent, UDAASIN , remain unruffled to those waves of old

memories and anxieties. Think at that time : I am of God. Why I

should bother about a thing on which I have no control. God will

take care if He desires to do so. Else whatever is to happen, let it

happen. See henceforth all the happenings in your life as you see a

movie. Now that you have surrendered to God and you have experienced

the world closely, now don't worry! Start dancing !! What a thing

you have got !! You are of GOD !!! God is your Father ! He has taken

over your life with immediate effect. How beautiful. Now every of

your burden is that of God ! You are free . Just take one care.

Don't doubt this, don't fear, don't ever worry now. NEVER NEVER

WORRY HENCE FORTH. What can happen ? You are immortal, the body is

mortal. Your father is God. He is immortal. What can happen to

you ? Hence DON'T WORRY.

 

REMEMBER : Neither past nor future exists NOW ! A thing which does

not exist, why to worry about the same? Depression causes you to do

that. See happiness in small small things. Admire beauty of a flower

or a bird. Remember you are not alone. EACH AND EVERY HUMAN BEING

IS BURNING IN THE FIRE OF SORROW. This world has been defined as "

DUKHALAYAM " . ( Abode of sorrow) in the very Holy Gita. Your job now

is to convert this DUKHALAYAM into VASUDEVAH SARVAM. Keep in touch

with this divine site on a daily basis. Start replying to various

questions that are raised in this forum. You will find peace here.

 

REMEMBER : TU JAANE MERE SANG BEETI, EK EK BAAR SABHI SANG BEETI ! (

You are thinking that it (adversity) has happened in your case only.

But the fact is that it has happened with each and every human being

once). DEH DHARE KA DAND HAI, SAB KAHOO KO HOY ! GYAANI BHUGATE

GYAAN SE, MOORAKH BHUGATE ROY !! ( Worldly sorrows is a universal

tax to be borne by every human being. A learned persons tolerates

this tax by wisdom, while a fool tolerates this by regretting/

crying.)

 

Hence be brave. One who has given beak to you, will give food also !

Simply DON'T WORRY !!!

 

Jai Shree Krishna

Vyas N B

-------------------------

Hare Krishna

 

Sophiaji ! Now that you have joined Sadhaks , every day should be a

new day for you.. Every day you will get more and more peace ! Just

think that you are not depressed. Just think that you are alright

and you shall be so ! Brother Mike, Vyasji, Mira Dassji, Jee Jee

Shashikalaji all have given you sterling and really soul touching

messages. Surrender to God is a complete solution in itself. Gita

starts with " Worry " of Arjuna. Gita ends with advice of Lord

Krishna : Ma Suchah - PLEASE DO NOT WORRY ! On the contrary be happy

that now everything related with you is in the powerful hands of

God .

 

Please keep sharing your experiences regularly.

 

Gopal Mehta

 

 

My dear Sophia,

 

narinder has been going through all the sharing on the

subject ........... and what comes to mind is this :

 

while all the love and consolation offered to you is worthy of

repect and reverence , and is the truth of being .............

 

Sophia will not be helped, in any deep measure, by consolation and

comfort offered.......

 

when all things fail... and they do ..... only the self can

help ....... you, yourself ..... your own being ..... with the

right resolve .......

 

One stroke of will power .... just one ..... to be able to

understand that you are seeking freedom from pain, not just a relief

for a short duration ! And , only the self can help.

 

Here comes the advice from all Knowers of Truth ........ when self

too is down and out ...... seek the company of the saints, sages,

and sadhaks true .... be with them for short periods of time ....

physically, be in their presence .... let your mind self be

subjected to the strength of the self , the aura of Nothingness,

which is perpetually emanating from the Sages as love divine that

heals !

 

A prayer goes out to you, Sophia .... joy and love to you ......

 

The prayer

 

Rises in the heart when it rises.

Out of nowhere does prayer arise in the Heart,

No reason !

It rises, this prayer, for Heart itself is nothing but Prayer

Nothing but the Light of One-ness

Nothing but Love

Nothing but Silence .

In Silence of Being, the Prayer blossoms:

And, ah ! What Joy !

The fragrance from the Blossoms knows no frontiers !!!

The Heart is the Giver divine

All Gifts are from the Source, all !

And the heart verily is the only Source, the One Source, the True

Source.

 

And one day, Krishna's Heart

Chooses for Krishna

The Gift of Gifts

It's own Self !

And Krishna's flute resounds in Eternity

As the soundless sound of OM

And Krishna sleeps the sleepless sleep forever !

Jai Krishna ! Jai Krishna !

Krishna Krishna , jai jai Krishna

Jai Jai Krishna Hare Hare

 

May Krishna fill you with strength, love and resolve

 

Be yourself. Love yourself.

Love is the Way

 

AUM

narinder bhandari

--------------------------

You are great Sister Sophia. Nothing wrong with you. There is no

reason for you to feel guilty. No body takes so much care of moms as

you took. Depression is a tendency of mind. Mind changes. In your

case too it will change. Watch and enjoy in the meantime this

depression also. Now God is with you. Depression cant reach you. Who

is depressed ? Mind may be depressed, but not our Divine Sophia.

Nothing now can harm you, once you have cried before God. Just feel

jubilant. You tried to be a witness in the past. Try now , as you

have now taken shelter of God.

 

Wishing you very peaceful nice, sound sleeps and rest. Sleep well.

Remember God when awake. See how the world has been made. See how

the God , your Father, is ! Trust Him. Give Love to all and sundry.

Dont feel depressed. You are not depressed. You are tired.

 

Nisha Chatterji

 

--------------------------

Sophiaji

 

Depression ? Nothing to worry. We shall make it run , Sister. We

will not acknowledge that depression. So simple. How can daughter of

Paramatma be depressed? Is God not there? He is alive. He is there.

We all are with you. Our prayers will make both of you alright.

Please remain cheerful. Depression does not like laughter. The

moment you laugh , depression will run away. Depression. These

doctors when they do not know call it depression. In those hearts

where God has entered , where is the space for depression? A good

sleep is the medicine. When God is yours, what can make you tense or

depressed. Dont acknowledge that you are depressed. Simple!

 

Thakurlingam

-------------------------

Dear Sophia

 

Just as relatives are not yours , similarly mind , intellect, body

etc are also not yours. Experience yourself to be separate from

your mind. Depression will evaporate. When mind is not yours , what

difference does it make to you, whether it is depressed or

suppressed? Dont bother. Watch your mind as a separate entity. It

will become like a dog. Just dont pay any attention. You can do

that. Take sufficient rest now. Just dont bother about anything.

Whatever is destined will take place. Take sufficient rest. If sleep

does not come easily, then keep chanting God's name and become

happy. Wish : Let there be no sleep so that I can take God's name

more. Whatever be the case, feel cheerful. Depression has no basis

to survive. Only when you provide it a shelter or respect or

recognition that it can survive. Be optimist.

 

Shyama Chhangani

 

--------------------------

PRIOR POSTING

 

i have been DIAGNOSED NOW WITH DEPRESSION A ND CHRONIC FATIGUE

SYNDROME .. yes i am depressed, but who is depressed? i keep asking

myself these questions but meanwhile this body is exhausted and so

is the small I here in this body to be a caregiver here in the

united states is legendary with the caregivers dying now or

becoming very ill & unable to take care of their parents with

alzheimers.

 

i am going to rest today again she is in the hospital for a few

more days i rest before i take her home & i pray. i have nothing

left to give no finances anymore no physical or emotional strength

but i still do my duty & pray.

 

To ajay and all caregivers who have responded -

it seems here all have been like me the black sheep the abused one

the disrespectedoone. but the one that took the responsibility. it

is very odd. I'm sorry for all of your suffering. I think it is

a good thing we speak of our pain with this group. Mother is mother

she gave us the birth to be able to know God

We may have even chosen her in this incarnation.i know i should not

complain but God I am so tired.. so so tired. I am going to lay

down again...

 

Sophia

---------------------------

 

Hare Krishna,

I can understand a bit of the pain suffered by you, because I have

my wife (who is ill since 6 years). I am lucky that I have my son to

share the problems. Here you are alone. In my view (actually

Gita's) we should accept this fact that every thing/situation is

composed by God and we are just puppets. We are supposed to do our

duty and not to interfere with the result, just accept it. If you

too accept this fact then there will be no stress no exhaustion no

disappointments.

May God bless you and give you enough courage and energy.

Ashok Goenka

-----------------------------

" Two Yrs. back I was also trapped in almost similar situation

related to my job -I literally wept in front of Lord Jagannath for

his help , undoubtedly I got it .

He gets away all your pain depending upon intensity and sincerity of

your prayer . "

 

 

Arun Sharma

---------------------------

dear Sophia,

 

What you need is a " break " from your mother's bedside and go for a

walk in the park. Ask a friend to relieve you for an afternoon and

go- to a spa or someplace that will make you feel " pampered " !

Practice your yoga, meditation on a daily basis at home, even

while caring for your mom. All the best and know that YOU are

fortunate to serve YOUR mother. Yu have no idea just how much of

karma you burn by doing that act lovingly- this same mother was the

one who cleaned up after us so many umpteen times without a

break!

 

Love and blessings,

Meenakshi

---------------------------

 

PRIOR POSTING

 

I AM DEEPLY TOUCHED AND SITTING HERE CRYING OVER THE KINDNESS OF ALL

WHO HAVE SPOKEN HERE TO HELP ME. CRYING. DOING AS SUGGESTED CRYING

OUT TO GOD STUDYING GITA AND FOR THE PAST 2 DAYS RESTING IN BED WITH

GITA EXHAUSTED. ALONG WITH MEDITATION, YOGA , MANTRA. I HAVE BEEN

IN THERAPIES WITH DRS FOR MANY YEARS HERE. EVERY WESTERN DR. HAS

TOLD ME TO GET AWAY FROM MY MOTHER to leave her to her own

sufferings and rot. This I would not do the many many layers of

emotional pain i have dealt with over the years with very little

healing. and i have forgiven her but one day when she was abusing me

so i yelled at her & then i felt guilty. the trick is to detach to

organically understand i am not the suffering. i know that but to

organically get that , well then i would be enlightened but that

is not the case. when i lived on the streets of nyc i did not shoot

heroin or kill myself because i knew this was karma and i had to

walk a spiritual path that has never changed. but i wish not to

speak of myself anymore. i have reached out and you have all been

spiritually gracious. i hope i may serve as well to help those that

suffer including crippled nyc pigeons that some children try to

hit. there is too much sorrow in this world. i wish i could wave a

magic wand

 

I LOVE THIS

 

Living in the West you may have heard of the poem 'Dark Night of the

Soul', by St. John of the Cross. " Oh Night! more glorious than the

Rising Sun! "

 

Look! Entering into the depth of 'Darkness', it is there that you can

see the Divine Light. The dawn is coming you know, I think maybe you

might just start to see it's first glimmer.

 

Brother Vyas gave a powerful piece of advice, I will paste it in

here with respect:

'Cry before Him- only before Him. Say now take over My Lord. He

surely will. Have trust. Have belief. Thank Him any way

 

I WILL SAY THIS AS MANTRA TODAY ON JAPA MALA - " Doosara na koi " -

There is " no one else " " None Other " .

 

Sophia

--------------------------

Hari Om

 

Swamiji Ramsukhdasji Maharaj would very rarely give mantras/

formulas. But once he wrote that if you distribute sweets / candy to

poor children then the grief DEFINITELY goes !

 

I believe it is an infallible formula for quick relief in

stress/worry/anxiety levels.

 

Jai Shree Krishna

 

Vyas N B

---------------------------

Dear Sadhak

 

Surrender your self to the feet of your God and offer sincere and

prayers to him urging your personal God to relieve your mother from

all these pains and also give you confidence and love for taking

care of your mother till her death.

 

Please keep confidence in God who will find a way our of your

worries and direct you about the action you have to take

 

Truly yours

 

S S Bhatt

---------------------------

Hi anonymous,

It is extremely difficult to look after a mentallyill person and

being a carer myself i know.

the most important thing to realise is that YOUR HEALTH IS

INTRICATELY CONNECTED TO YOUR MOTHER'S WELL-BEING. That is if you are

not there or breakdown , she goes to the streets.

so

1.Plan in case you are not there because one can never say. This will

give you lot of peace. If it makes sense, just harden your heart and

place her in an old age home if you can afford.

2.so your health and happiness and longlife is important for her

also.

3. Take time for some rest and relaxation - e.g. Music go to Music

concert, films, good food EAT, bhajans sing them. Just be happy for

that you must learn to enjoy life without being GUILTY.

 

4.Normally CARERS get a mental illness called DYSTHEMIA. You are

showing early signs so get out of it.

 

captain Johann samuhanand

 

---------------------------

This situation indeed is very difficult. Am sure many of us may

have gone thru similar situation (incl me). My humble suggestion

would be that before taking any decision, we must think 10 times.

Had this position been with a child then could any mother abandon

her child although she also at times be tired and be almost in

similar position but am sure she could not abandon. Secondly,

whatever action/step we take today, we must think 10-15 yrs

henceforward - and we may not regret the step that we take now. But

we all are human and feeling exhausted and tired is also human and

very right emotion too sp. when no other sibling is there to lend a

helping hand even temporarily. I remember myself crying loudly

oblivious of surroundings in the parking lot of hospital. Crying

out to God for his help and mercy. I do not know was it due to

stress, helplessness, anguish, unable to see my Mom suffering, out

of exhaustion, desperation, as I am also suffering from 3 major

diseases myself.

 

Pls seek temporary helping hand may it be physical / financial -

wherever it may come from, relax, take good care of yourself first

and then think about taking care of your Mom.

 

Wish you good health and peace.

 

Warm regards and lots of love to you who has stood by her Mom for so

many years which itself is commendable, when people can barely take

this for couple of months.

 

Mrs K Asani

 

---------------------------

Dear Sophia,

Your situation reminds me of my own. I am second number child of my

parents, the elder sister was married when I was only in tenth

standard. I completed my studies ( engineering) by tuitions

supporting my family. My younger brother who is 3 years younger to

me was adorned by my parents too much and always being treated with

much more love and affections as a result he became acute mental

patient for last 20 years. My parents always discarded me and my

wife, abused us inspite of living dependently with me on my income.

My mother used to support my sister family all along her life. She

was dominating and never even shown any affection to me, my wife or

my two kids. My brother was married but was divorced due to his

mental problem, so my wife was the only daughter in law of my mother.

In 2002 my father's both kidneys failed and after a prolong and

costly treatment of two years he survived. Myself and my wife alone

spent our day and night, borne all the expenses and he is still

survving and is a healthy person ( except that he cannot see

clearly). My mother never visited him in hospital and used to abuse

us as why we are getting him the treatment. My sister who is married

to a very top doctor never bothered to take any interest in the

treatment or support us, my brother as a mental patinet is totally

dependent on me.

Last year my mother met an accident in January 08 and she was

operated and inserted steel rod and was bed ridden for almost nine

months before she finally left for heavenly abode in Sept. Me and my

wife only took care for her during this period. My sister who lives

very near never bothered to provide any help or assistance but

ensured abusing us all the time on some or other pretext by finding

fault in the treatement given to her which I ensured in the best

hospitals in Jaipur. It was hell for us getting abused for the

responsibilty for treatment to parents by themselves and also my

sister. But we never lost our patience. My brother is on mental

treatment, needs daily medicines otherwise becomes extreme vilolent

and my wife used to give him also medicines, handle my mother

treatment who was bed ridden for nine months and also take care of

my father who is also now 80 years.

My kids some time ask me why amma, dada and bua are so cruel to you

are you their step son ? and why so are taking so much care of them?

Our neighbours were amused by our patience and handling of the

situation and always praised us, so were all our distance relatives

who used to come to meet my mother.

I run my own business and have to travel abroad frequnetly.I lost

lot of money in business during that period as I was badly stressed

all the time.

After my mother expired my sister abusued us publically that I

killed my mother but everyone knew the truth, so she herself got

a bad name.

I can visualise your situation , but I can only say time will pass

and these are the tough situations which as a human being any one

can come across so need to have a patience, and only thing in our

control is our work and discharge of duties earnestly.

 

I know every situation is unique but my own case will surely give

you some solace and strenght to bear the pain.

 

Ajay Gupta

------------------------------

 

PRIOR POSTING

 

Hello The Universal Individual (Trust me! there can be hardly

anybody who have not felt like you at one time or the other!!),

 

The complaint raises from the violation of one's core limits as well

as limitations - natural, psychological, physiological, financial,

social as well as spiritual - leading to exhaustion and distress. It

is essential to appreciate one's limits as well as limitations to

break them open for an expansive horizon. Also, I can assure, from

my experience, that one cannot attempt this while being bound within

a state of violent distress. One has to releive oneself from the

distress to clarify one's appreciation of the whole situation.

 

I do not know the individual limits and limitations here except for

the lack of support from the relatives (which is not surprising).

However, I urge you to seek professional help for yourself as well

as for your mother contacting appropriate agencies. Bhagavadgita and

the spiritual talk appeals ONLY IF you are ready for facing The

Truth stark naked. At this point, you may mentally not be ready to

face the same as your inner turmoil is churning your presence away

from any such possible appreciation. You have to releive your system

to relax before appreciating the depth of spirituality.

 

Therefore, seek some physical help from whichever source that is

congenial ... If it helps ... I learnt a lot by observing the

saintly nurses who were taking care of my father when he was

critically ill once ... pure service, so impersonal, and yet so

compassionate ... if we could be like that in spite of having

emotional relations ... it would be the best. It is easy to

preach ... therefore, let me restrain myself from that ... yet, if

possible, try it out along with all other possible psycho-physio-

medical help as well as financial aid that you could possibly

extract from yourself as well as from your environment.

 

One thing is for sure ... if you are not at peace within, you can

not comfort anybody else no matter what your understanding/

determination/ intention is. Also, if you break down, your mother

will have nobody to care of her ... think of that as well.

Therefore, my suggestion is to gather all your strength to establish

your integrity within first ... relax for that ... relax within as

much as possible in spite of the gruelling environmental demands ...

relax within in spite of the personal anguish and physical

exhaustion ...

 

Take it as an opportunity to appreciate how your relaxation is, in

fact, independent of all the relations in this life; to realize its

true transcendental nature as such ... if possible ... as much as

possible ... relax please ...

 

Best Wishes.

 

Naga Narayana

 

-----------------------------

 

-Shree Hari-

 

Dear Sophia,

 

To be apparently all alone in this situation is an added burden,

let me put you in the picture right now , my beloved wife is talking

to her sister, my wife and I have spent the afternoon with her

mother, and consultants. She needs to talk to lighten her load.

 

There was a time long passed, that I, it seems was the most hated

person on planet earth in my in laws eyes. The hatred was so intense,

that I actually started to stutter, I swear to all I never knew that

one could hate so much, I don't think I ever hated.

 

What a destructive force is hatred? And how indestructible is 'Divine

Love'. Some people will never abandon any needy, it is their very

nature to care.

 

Karma, yes indeed, I have watched the unfolding over the years, never

voiced it, just observed. My in laws watched helplessly, as the other

son in law died a slow and painful death, (we got on well, he and I).

Then my mother in law was widowed.

 

Old 'Black Sheep' moved interstate, to the same town in which my

mother in law lived.

It is I who picked her off the floor when she had a fall, who pushed

her around shopping centers, fixed things, etc.

Now I am a shining light in her eyes, " God must have brought you her

for a reason " , she has often said. She's got that right, but 'The

Divine Beloved', did it not just for her, but also for me, God who I

love so much, has exposed me to so much, helping my stony heart to

break.

 

Living in the West you may have heard of the poem 'Dark Night of the

Soul', by St. John of the Cross. " Oh Night! more glorious than the

Rising Sun! "

 

Look! Entering into the depth of 'Darkness', it is there that you can

see the Divine Light. The dawn is coming you know, I think maybe you

might just start to see it's first glimmer.

 

Brother Vyas gave a powerful piece of advice, I will paste it in

here with respect:

'Cry before Him- only before Him. Say now take over My Lord. He

surely will. Have trust. Have belief. Thank Him any way !'

 

Every one is different, but try this if you wish; go to a place where

none can hear you, ask out loud for GOD to help you, from your soul

cry out like a child who is lost and is looking for Mother or Father,

place no restriction call to Him as child, go where it takes you.

 

B.G. 7

At the end of his many births

The wise man takes refuge in Me.

He knows: " All is Vasudeva.3 "

How very rare is that great soul! (19)

 

With Respect and Divine Love,

 

Mike (Keenor).

------------------------------

 

Hari Om

 

Sadhak Sophia ! Real Sadhak you are !! This group is privileged to

have you as one of us. Please keep the divinity in you prospering.

 

Remove now old memories of ill treatment. It is necessary Dear

Sister for removal of pains. Could they have come to you without

divine will? Is it not now a real " experiential knowledge " for you

that " Nothing is mine " ( Doosara na Koi ) ?

You in fact paid a very little cost of " knowing " that precious

priceless knowledge.

 

What is needed now once " doosara na koi " is part of your direct

experience ? In fact - Mere to Girdhar Gopal (Only God is

mine ) !!! Once God is yours and no one else- why worry? Why

exhaustion? Why weariness? Why that subtle insistence on recovery of

Mom? As you are of God, is she not? What can you do , except doing

your duty? AND THAT YOU HAVE DONE and ARE DOING !

 

It is a law that duty doesnot generate sorrows. But you are not

feeling well. Where is the clue/ fault? Fault is linking duty with

old memories ! Check with your conscience, are you not reliving

those days? Are you not keeping the wounds green? Let them heal now!

This is final frontier which you should cross now . Forgive and

forget the past. Don't insist for any favourable or unfavourable

happennings in life. Past does not exist Dear Sister !

Nor does future exist now? Why worry then?

 

I am sure once you shed this insistence over the results of your

otherwise divine performance of duties, peace, much awaited peace

will generate in abundance in you.

 

Try it and keep in touch. Do take interest in other Qs also. That,

in itself, will make you happy and peaceful. " Sharing " reduces pain

and increases pleasure ! Isn't it?

 

May Paramatma bless you !

 

Jai Shree Krishna

 

Vyas N B

-----------------------------

I have been undergoing a similar situation for years. I can

empathise with you. Stressful days and even worst nights. not been

on a holiday for the last 15 years. Used to crib many years back,

then went deeper into astrology which perhaps if nothing else I

learnt to bear with this as my karmic destiny.

 

I remember my father used to say, " if God chooses to give me old

age I pray to him to give me good children " The full impact of this

sentence came in much later. But strive thru it all to remember that

perhaps of all the persons in our family we are the chosen ones. I

feel there are no options regarding caring for parents. We have to

do it. On bad days just tell yourself you are getting there full

blessings. And these special blessings can turn any negativity in a

patri to the most blessed and enriched life.

 

I am sure nobody on this forum or any other can refute this. You are

truly blessed believe me. Turn this into an oppurtunity rather than

a crisis. With you .

Take care.

Vats (Pradeep Sahai)

--------------------------

Jai Hanuman

 

Dear Sophiaji ! Thanks for sharing with us the voice of your soul. I

give a

small example to you to ponder.

 

You kept a nurse for taking care of your child. You pay her and she

takes care

of the child like you, yourself take care. One day there is some

disruption in

relationship/money/etc. You ask her to go . How easily she leaves

the affection

of that child? Will she look back? Will she enquire about the

child ? No !

 

Be like that. Do your duty and forget. Nothing is ours. Only

Paramatma is ours.

Serve fearlessly. If you get disrespect/ abuses in return , then

consider

yourself to be lucky. Results of your service are not getting

frittered away in

petty respects/praises/acknowledgements ! Higher results are in

store for you.

 

My Mom in law, 75, often says- Let Rupee remain Rupee ! (Don't seek

any

reciprocation for your good deeds, you are reducing the value of a

rupee to few

paise only, because you expect immediate result).

 

In your case, Dear Sophiaji - the Rupee is increasing in value with

every

disrespect, every abuse, every spit on the face ! Believe me on

this ! Let it

increase. Wish now that you don't need respect

honor/respect/acknowledgement .

Leave for ever " desire for happiness " . Immediately / Instantly

pains will

vanish.

 

You used the word " karmic " in your last post. Now if we look at Law

of Karma,

you will find that in your case the Divine is working with double

speed. On one

hand you are doing selfless duty and thus accumulating " assets " . On

other hand

with every abuse/disrespect/spit on the face your " liabilities " are

simultaneously getting wiped out- without any effort at your end !

By Divine

Will !

 

Tell me now honestly, do you want respect/praise etc in return for

your " duty " ?

With double speed , Sophiaji, Law of Karma is functioning in your

favour. Think

about it ! Tell me how I am wrong ? Do tell me or else become happy.

Become

peaceful. Become grateful to Paramatma ! He only is ours. Other than

Him there

is only " duty " !

 

Namaste Jee

 

Jee Jee

Shashikala

---------------------------

Sophia-ji you are on the right path. If you can sacrifice your

interest in favor

of birds and animals, you can sacrifice, only to the extent possible

and

bearable, for your Mother - not merely because she is your mother

but because

she is as much a manifestation of God as you or anyone else are/ is.

God,

genetics and previous experiences have giving you the propensity and

strength to

sacrifice for others, even if they do not tolerate you or behave

badly with you.

You are fortunate to have such properties. And, the current

experience in

dealing with the ailing, stuborn and unloving mother will enhance

your

capability to endure and love anyone and help anyone who needs. Pray

to God. You

are doing what He desires. He will give you the strength and lead

you to more

important, interesting experiences and knowledge. He will take care

of your

physical and mental health or change your duty. Submit to him and

pray to him

with the joy of doing what he has ordained for you.

Read Gita again and again. But only those portions on the concept of

God and

what the wise persons do.

Basudeb Sen

-----------------------------

Dear Annonimous,

 

The Nature has made all the life forms self-sufficient. Each one has

to face their own fate all alone. You know it very well, whosoever is

born, has to die one day. The ways of death are different for

different persons. so be brave...

 

G. Waman

 

 

---------------------------

PRIOR POSTING

 

 

 

I KINDLY THANK EVERY SOUL THAT HAS TAKEN THEIR TIME TO SPEAK WORDS

OF INSIGHT AND KINDNESS. I am in nyc and have reache d out over

the years to the caregiver s groups, alzheimers org and such.

I gave up my career as actress and opera singer and left hollywood

over 5 yrs ago to alone take care of a very abusive ill mother.I am

longtime sadhak, vegan , meditator a & practice yoga. the intensity

daily stress has broken me i am now ill myself. as of friday night

mothe r is back in the hospital.perhaps she will listen to the drs.

only God know. she also knows I can no longer take care of her the

way i have my strength is gone and now i am under drs. care.

i will bring Gita to hospital and read every day, continue to pray

and ask my self the query

who is sick and who am i ? i know i am not my body i know mother

is not mine. but the continuous activity of the daily taking care

of is done in this body which is now worn out I will follow all

suggestions kindly spoken of by spiritual friends here.

Karmically i think, it is interesting to note my mother threw me out

on the streets in the dead of winter with no winter coat or money

at age 17.5 (nyc streets). I was never allowed home again even when

i called terrified at 3 am in the snow sleeping outside.

i was abandoned by both mother and father in this life and

brother. i chose not to abandon my mother. i dont abandon birds

and animals i wouldnt abandon mother. my brother whom my mother

worships, and whom took care of my brother who is very wealthy

abandoned my mother years ago & has taken no responsibility or

offered any help of any kind.

she still cries for him while im trying to care for her knowing he

hates her & i shut up. i try i really try to do the right thing

i try and have tried to detach and be witness. it is very

difficult when getting screamed at and spit at within 1 inch of your

face while you a re trying to care physically care for a parent

who abused you growing up and , well, yes i see the only only

solution is deeply spiritual . i do i will go pray now and read

gita again i wish to thank everyone.

moksha

 

sophia

nyc

moskha

 

-------------------------------

Namaskaar.

 

After several years in the United States I returned to Trinidad to

take care of my mother. I have several sisters who do all they can

to help her but as a son to my dear mother, with whom I have a

special bond, I could not resist when Mataji asked me over the

phone, several times: when are you coming home? After about two

weeks of those questions it suddenly dawned on me that Mataji really

wanted me to come back, and as a true son I had an obligation to do

so. I packed my bags, bid goodbye to all, and returned home.

 

It wasn't an easy decision but I had to come home to her and I thank

Bhagavan for giving me the courage and determination to leave that

life and come home to her. Mata ji is 81, paralyzed and unable to

walk, and my sisters and I do all we can to make her comfortable

even though sometimes she can be difficult. But we know this is not

deliberate as it is symptomatic of old age and senility.

 

It can be tiring and difficult and it takes a lot from us and for me

it has been a sacrifice of much of my personal life but every day I

thank Bhagavan for giving me the opportunity and the honour to help

her and be there with her. Sometime Mataji forgets we are there with

her and when I enter her room she pleads with me 'not to leave her.'

I assure her I will never leave her and I will there for her as long

I am alive.

 

Yes, it consumes mental and physical energy, there are costs

nvolved, but I encourage everyone to take care of parents and elders

no matter how burdensome you may think it is and how much energy and

resources are necessary. Try as hard as you can to take care of

them at home rather than in a Senior citizens' home. I know for

sure that the day my Mataji goes into one of those places she will

not survive for more than a week so sending her there is like a

death sentence.

 

As Hindus, we have a long and glorious tradition of our extended

family and caring for all at our homes. Let us strive to maintain

that treasured custom, even in this hectic and tiring world. It is

most fulfilling to serve parents and elders as it is one of the

most exalted characteristics of Sanatan Dharma.

You should not ignore parents and elders - they are our Gods on

earth and if you can't honour and pray to them then it is

meaningless and even hypocritical to pray to Bhagavan.

 

Hari Om

 

Deosaran Bisnath

---------------------------

Shree Hari

Ram Ram

 

My heart aches on reading your email... and deep within long to

reach out ...I am certain many other sadhaks emotionally can

experience what you are going through simply from your note. But

remain ever in that LIGHT that you speak off... never turn away from

it. It is His eternal promise to us... in Gita 9:22 that He will

take care of us !

 

Key is detachment and only doing to the best of your ability what

you can do and forgetting the past or the future. Think of yourself

as a Nurse hired by the divine Light, the Source. You are only

hired to do this work, rather the chosen One, you are merely taking

care of her to the best of your ability and nothing more.

Absolutely nothing more. Live moment to moment guided by the

Light... Not thinking about what will happen or what has happened in

the past... but living only in the present, in that Light that you

speak off in your note and guided by That and That alone. If you

feel exhausted, sleep and rest it out. Do not take the entire burden

on your head.

 

Swamiji often speaks of a wonderful example of a dog who is walking

under a bullock cart filled with heavy goods. He is walking there

only for protection against the heat of the sun (i.e. for shade).

However, after sometime, the dog begins to feel he is the one that

is carrying the burden / weight of the entire cart and all the stuff

on it. We all are like that dog. We begin to carry all the weight

on our shoulder. Krishna clearly showed us with the Govardhan

mountain...that HE ALONE is the One holding up the mountain with the

tip of his tiny finger... that it is He and we are merely

instruments and basking in His glory... nothing more!!!! Therefore

do the best you can... if you miss a day of care, a nurse or someone

at the hospital will fill the gap.

 

As Vyasji and other sadhaks have said... be fearless, worriless,

doubtless, griefless.... without regreting the past or concern about

the future.. only doing what you are able to do... and leaving the

rest up to the Divine, the Beloved, the Light.. .the Spirit...

And as Mike said, you definitely have direct support from this group

therefore be strong. It is not an ordinary thing that you have

started receiving these messages and reading them... and seeking out

help from this group. You have done your part... let the rest

flow!!!! May That Divine Light Always be with you!

 

Meera Das

Ram Ram

 

---------------------------

PRIOR POSTING

 

Hari Om

 

You have every right to be peaceful. " Duty " - is what you CAN and

what you SHOULD. Once you have done what ever you could, there is no

need for you to feel guilty when you CAN NOT anymore. What you can

not do, it is not your duty to do.

Hence be brave, be guiltfree, and see God's hand in every result.

See God live in your Mom, in your mind, in your circumstances - and

for once with a simple heart surrender yourself completely into the

hands of Paramatma. Once you surrender, thereafter you should not

worry.

 

Stand erect. Be peaceful by realising that you did your level best.

Don't look at all at the conduct of " relatives " ! They are made like

that only. They were not " yours " , they are not " yours " , they will

not be " yours " - there is no possibility of their ever

being " yours " . Yours is only Paramatma ! Once you accept " mineness "

with Him (He is always yours) , it would not matter to you, if

anybody is " yours " or not. GUARANTEED !! Remain Doubtless.

Worryless. Griefless. Fearless.

 

Cry before Him- only before Him. Say now take over My Lord. He

surely will. Have trust. Have belief. Thank Him any way !

 

Jai Shree Krishna

 

Vyas N B

 

-Shree Hari-

 

Dear Anonymous,

 

My wife and I are in a very similar position to you, almost a

reflection of that which you have written.

My role in all this is to mainly support my wife.

 

May I point out the family members have washed their hands of much

more than caring for mother.

Surely if they find themselves incapable of helping her directly can

they not at least support you?

 

You have done something very important, you have contacted this site

with so much divine love and wisdom.

 

I feel that you need direct support, as I have no idea where you live

I cannot offer much, here in Australia there are support groups,

religious and none religious.

 

You do not have to remain anonymous, but if you wish to fine.

 

Do come back to this site, I personally promise you I will always

reply and support you to best of my abilities.

 

You may find this site of value, I cannot recommend it too much.

http://swamiramsukhdasji.net

 

May God bless you.

 

With Respect and Divine Love,

 

Mike (Keenor).

--------------------------------

 

Priy Anonimous

I say you are choosen by god to serve your mother.

It comes rarely occassion that U get such chance.

Whatever the situation please do all servings on the basis of

Almighty lord.

God is seeing every moment. He knows better than all of us.

In MANAS:

PRABHU BHANJIHI DARUN BIPATI, JAANAT JAN KI PIR.

God will take care coz he knows all ur pains.

Have faith. please.

Raja Gurdasani

--------------------------------

Namasthe anonymous, I read your message and I guess I understand

what you must be going through. do not worry much. God is there and

everything will be fine too. I just was wondering..where do you

live ? in which country ?

Please try to find the local support groups regarding these

alzeimers' illness. I guess, u are handling this all on ur own and

it would definitely get exhausting. Please find some of the members

who are going thro similar situations via support groups.

 

also, when u mention about exhausting financial resources..how is it

happening ? is it possible if some nurse or anyone can take care of

her 2 to 3 days a week and during that time..u can do other things

and you take care 2 to 3 days..so that you will also get a break

from the routine and get refreshed also.

 

Also, please think about this. in case if u are caring of ur any

family member..the other type of exhaustion we all may feel worried

thinking that it is our family member. Rather than that, if

possible, just try to think that whatever situation we are in

either by choice or circumstance, think its God's work and do it. In

the respect, although u may get physically exhausted, atleast the

exhaustion will not be much from the emotional perspective. once

the mental energy is not drained, you can be calm in every day's

action u do.

 

Please be strong and I am sure everything will be fine. Do not

thnk..its ur mother..just think that it is God's work whatever u are

doing to ur mother. Definitely, please check on the support

groups/non-profit organizations..they will definitely be there to

help the people who are taking care of the people with illness.

 

My prayers and good wishes and so u feel peac in ur heart even in

the midst of all these.

 

namsthe again,

Bharathi

----------------------------

Consider yourself as Arjuna in the battlefied of Kurukshetra, where

in the midst of the war between mother' illness including her

stubborn rejection of all help and your own physical and mental

resources, you are completely dejected and despondent. This is the

reality of the situation you cannot bear. Reading Gita is your Lord

Krishna: read this and identify the Truth. You are not responsible

for anything, you are not the cause of anything. You have done what

you have been doing and continue to be doing. But your actions do

not cause the consequences that you desire and you do not desire.

Whatever happens to Mother is destined to happen and you are neither

the cause nor the one responsible for. You are just an witness to

all happening.

You are only to act as per the propensities/ tendencies that have

been imparted in you by your genetics and past interactions/

experiences with the environment you have grown up. This you have no

alternative but to accept the pains and sufferings.

Get out of identification with this You. This you is just an

illusion that this you will have to live. But the Real You are the

God. Read Gita again and again to realize your Real You and get

beyond the chained you attached to the happenings of this World

around you. Pray and pray to God that He lifts you to the Real You.

Know that when you try in this way to get into your Real you, your

apparent worldy you will have no suffering at all.

All above are words and really cannot help you. Sincere and

continuous prayer and submission to God as you read Gita can only

help you.

Basudeb Sen

------------------------

Yes, on a physical level it is all very difficult to understand and

cope up with.

But these things do happen with many families and part of our

worldly existence.

 

What helps us in these and all other situations is the spiritual

wisdom/rules of our lives,

knowing ourselves, doing things by remaining at the source......

It may appear difficult but with some practice, one start getting

the results....

So please read the messages on this group and get into the spiritual

mode....

 

Humble suggestions:

 

1) You have to understand who you are. So, ask yourself " Who am I? "

and wait for the answer.

Then try again...see what happens....what happens to the

feelings...the stress....Keep this practice

on whenever you can and find time or even while doing something....

 

2) Second question that may burst many myths is to understand who is

getting exhausted and

who is stressed....So ask your self " Who is getting exhausted " , " Who

is getting stressed "

and again wait for the answer........

 

Our mind/ Mann is a wonderful instrument and able to create things

out of nothing.....and we

slowly become slaves of thoughts and further thoughts....The above

questions help you to get rid of the

these absolutely unnecessary and unwanted thoughts. Once that begin

to happen, you can see the

light which shall direct you to do what needs to be done happily and

without much effort....

 

Best wishes....

Sushil Jain

 

-------------------------

Hi ,

 

God is only testing you, do your work and manage to distance

yourself from now or you will be heart broken when the time comes to

say good bye, god willing.

 

Pray more and carry on with your work, you have done your duty and

this is all you can do. You are answerable to only The Almighty, so

go about your work and pray when you find the time to do so.

 

All the best till you feel good.

 

BARBARA ALI

-------------------------

Dear Sadhak,

Under the circumstances of your mother please do not lose confidence

in your sincere caring of your mother who has given birth to you.If

you are tired then ask other members of your family to take care of

her If you have money please put her in a nursing home or any such

place where her care is properly taken

Matru devo Bhava " is a great obligation as narrated in Upnishad.

 

For her salvation please start reading one chapter of Bhagavat Gita

or the whole Gita on Sunday or any important day. Keep some chanting

program at your place for finding a solution and relief to both of

you. Have faith in God and a solutions will come within six months

of your resolution to seek peace in your family.

 

Truly yours

Shankerprasad S Bhatt

-------------------------------

Dear anonymous....

My heart truly goes out to you.....unless one has been in a

similar situation, it is impossible to understand the level of

stress that you are experiencing. I am presently caring for an 84

yr. old mataji, whose son passed away from cancer last November.

(2008). He was only 54. She has one other son, but he is not

vegetarian, so she does not wish to live with him, nor does she wish

to relocate away from the devotional community she has grown used to

in Los Angeles. I promised her son, who was not related to me, that

I would care for his mother. But I have my husband to help me. I

am constantly on the lookout for individuals from my temple who can

spare time and energy to stay with this sweet, elderly lady,

otherwise I take her everywhere with me, because to leave her alone

is quite scary...both for her, as she sits alone and doesn't move,

and for me, because I am so worried about her when she is alone!

And she doesn't even have alzheimer's, or anything like that. Just

incontinence, which of course brings a load of social

pressures......and she screams about having to take a shower. It

is certainly a demanding service....one which the Supreme Lord will

bless you millions of times over for executing so faithfully for so

long......may you always be guided by the Lord in your heart to know

how to continue pleasing Him.

respectfully, Mahalaksmi Dasi

------------------------------

Arvind Khetia, engineer and a Hindu:

Discouragement and hopelessness can arise due to many reasons.

Spiritual wisdom is essential to cultivating a balanced mind. Then,

one recognizes the negative influence of ego, greed and excessive

material pleasures on one's mind and society. Consequently, one

learns to cultivate self-control, discriminate between what is

eternal and transient, practice equanimity and follow one's dharma.

Dharma requires one to perform the duties of life in accordance with

universal ethical values.

 

Therefore, one's faith must be founded on spiritual reality to help

combat discouragement and hopelessness. The Bhagavad-Gita

states, " When spiritual wisdom is the highest goal, one's faith is

deep and senses restrained, then one attains wisdom and acquires

perfect peace. "

 

According to Vedanta, true faith begins with having faith in

ourselves. Then, through practicing the spiritual disciplines of

meditation and yoga, one achieves a transformation of one's

character. Thus, one's faith evolves into the realization of one's

inner spiritual nature and manifests as enlightened optimism.

 

Arvind Khetia

--------------------------

Dear Exhausted ,

 

The True answer must come from your ' inside ', from inside you.

No-one from outside can give you the correct answer for you, in your

particular situation

 

Meditation will lead you to your inner being .

Meditation is the only Way.....................

Sit for formal meditation , morning and evening, half an hour .

 

BUT..................

 

When meditation does not ' happen', especially in the beginning(

your mind does not move into it so easily), and Karma ( sewa) is

also so exhausting and stressful, ' prayer and satsanga' is the

answer ..........

 

A Prayer to God ( Krishna, Rama,Shiva, Allah, Waheguru ) for

strength and wisdom, whenever the mind falls ... Being at the feet

of a master can do wonders !

 

narinder bhandari

-------------------------------

 

 

SUMMARY OF SADHAK POSTINGS -

 

- Many good advices do not work... Only Bagavan can help, like in

the case of Drowpati being disrobed. Why attachment even in mind

level?

 

 

- complaint raises from the violation of one's core limits as well

as limitations - natural, psychological, physiological, financial,

social as well as spiritual - leading to exhaustion and distress.

- you are on the right path.

- You have already experienced " nothing is mine, " ... now the next

step... " only God is mine " . Why subtle insistence on recovery

etc., What can you do , except doing your duty? AND THAT YOU HAVE

DONE and ARE DOING ! Fault is linking duty with old memories ! Fault

is in re-living the past! which does not exist! Forgive and forget!

on shedding the insistence, peace will prevail.

- if you are not at peace within, you can not comfort anybody else

no matter

what your understanding/determination/ intention is.

- What a destructive force is hatred? And how indestructible

is 'Divine Love'. Some people will never abandon any needy, it is

their very nature to care.

- Do your duty and forget. Nothing is ours.

- think 10 times before taking any decision, so that there be no

regrets.

- you can sacrifice, only to the extent possible and bearable, for

your Mother -

not merely because she is your mother but because she is as much a

manifestation of God

- do work deligently and discharge of duties earnestly

- Nurse - pure service, so impersonal, and yet so compassionate ...

if we could

be like that in spite of having emotional relations

- we are the chosen ones. there are no options regarding caring for

parents. We have to do it.

- as far as possible keep them (elders) at home.

- distribute sweets / candy to poor children then the grief

DEFINITELY goes !

- Don't seek any reciprocation for your good deeds

- Being Peaceful is your birth right! What you can not do, it is

not your duty! be guiltfree. See God in Mom, and take complete

refuge in the Divine (God); accept only Him as yours; thereafter do

not worry! Remain Doubtless. Worryless. Griefless. Fearless.

- you are choosen by god to serve your mother; a rare opportunity!

Serve as if serving Almighty! He knows what is best! He knows ur pain

- My heart truly goes out to you.....it is certainly a demanding

service. may you always be guided by the Lord in your heart to know

how to continue pleasing Him.

- YOUR HEALTH IS INTRICATELY CONNECTED TO YOUR MOTHER'S WELL-BEING.

- you are being tested; You have done your duty! continue working

but becoming detached. Pray. You are only answerable to God.

- Karma Favoring you - On one hand you are doing selfless duty and

thus accumulating " assets " . On other hand with every

abuse/disrespect/spit on the face your " liabilities " are

simultaneously getting wiped out-

without any effort at your end ! Become grateful to Paramatma ! He

only is ours. Other than Him there is only " duty " !

- you need a break, some relief. DO yoga/meditate regularly.

- Whatever happens to Mother is destined to happen and you are

neither the cause nor the one responsible for. Stop identification

with Body/Mind and identify with the Truth of the Gita. Read Gita

again and again! prayer and submission to God/Gita can only help you.

- Leave for ever " desire for happiness " . Immediately / Instantly

pains will vanish.

- we are just puppets. We are supposed to do our duty and not to

interfere with the result, just accept it. If you too accept this

fact then there will be no stress, no exhaustion, no disappointments.

- Spiritual wisdom is essential to cultivating a balanced mind.

True faith begins with having faith in ourselves.

- Question over and over again.. who am I? who is getting

exhausted? Who is getting stressed? and wait for the answer! Mind

creates things out of nothing! The above questions help you to get

rid of the unnecessary thoughts. thereafter light shall direct you

to do what needs to be done happily and without much effort

- Meditate and Pray... at lotus feet of Lord

- Pray to God. You are doing what He desires. He will give you the

strength and

lead you to more important, interesting experiences and knowledge

- Do not lose confidence. Seek Help! Read Gita! Have Faith in God

and solution will come.

- Read Gita again and again. But only those portions on the concept

of God and what the wise persons do.

- Take time out for personal rest and relaxation. Avoid getting the

carer disease...DYSTHEMIA

- you are getting their full blessings. And these special blessings

can turn any negativity in a patri to the most blessed and enriched

life. You are truly blessed believe me. Turn this into an

oppurtunity rather than a crisis.

- created a small sanctuary in my house where I hide to be with God

- You need direct support! Are there support groups / others?

Don't hesitated to rely on sadhaks in this forum. They are

personally committed to support.

- Please seek out a local support group! Possibly a break, through

hired nurse help, so can get some rest!

- Think of yourself as a Nurse only... taking care of her for short

time... not thinking of past or future. Live in present, guided by

the light.

- remember every day that I am Gods Only and no one else is mine.

Rest in Paramaatma as taking care of your self.

- think its God's work you are doing for your mother and do it!

There will be less emotional exhaustion, therefore you'll be calm

even though physical strain.

- The Nature has made all the life forms self-sufficient. Each one

has to face their own fate all alone. Whosoever is born, has to die

one day. so be brave...

- wrting three pages to God daily, first thing in the morning

- Please keep confidence in God who will find a way our of your

worries and direct you about the action you have to take

- Please be strong and all will be fine!

- relax please ...

- every day I thank Bhagavan for giving me the opportunity and the

honour to help her and be there with her

- keep confidence in God who will find a way our of your worries and

direct you about the action you have to take

- Let us strive to maintain that treasured custom, even in this

hectic and tiring world. It is most fulfilling to serve parents and

elders as it is one of the most exalted characteristics of Sanatan

Dharma.

- Entering into the depth of 'Darkness', it is there that you can

see the Divine Light.

- 'Cry before Him- only before Him. Say now take over My Lord. He

surely will. Have trust. Have belief. Thank Him any way !'

- cry out like a child who is lost and is looking for Mother or

Father, place no restriction call to Him as child, go where it takes

you - He gets away all your pain depending upon intensity and

sincerity of your prayer

- We can never repay the debt of mother's milk; therefore do not

shrink from your duty to serve your mother in her hour of need

- Life is what it has to be and NOT what you wish it to be.

ACCEPTANCE is key. rendering to your Mother is the service to God.

- Depression is tendency of mind to travel excessively into

NOTHINGNESS and into pessimism! Simply disown the mind emotionally.

When any worldly thought comes into mind – IGNORE. Neither like it

nor dislike it ! Just be indifferent, UDAASIN. Neither past nor

future exists NOW ! A thing which does not exist, why to worry about

the same? convert this DUKHALAYAM into VASUDEVAH SARVAM. A learned

persons tolerates this tax by wisdom, while a fool tolerates this by

regretting/ crying.) Hence be brave. One who has given beak to you,

will give food also ! Simply DON'T WORRY !!! NEVER NEVER WORRY

HENCE FORTH.

- Gita ends with advice of Lord Krishna : Ma Suchah - PLEASE DO NOT

WORRY !

- One stroke of will power .... just one ..... to Understand that

you are seeking freedom from pain, not just a relief for a short

duration ! And , only the self can help. Be yourself. Love

yourself. Love is the Way

- How can daughter of Paramatma be depressed? Is God not there? He

is alive. He is there. We all are with you. Our prayers will make

both of you alright. Please remain cheerful. Depression does not

like laughter. The moment you laugh , depression will run away.

- No tears please. Angels dont weep !

- Just dont bother about anything. Whatever is destined will take

place. Take sufficient rest. If sleep does not come easily, then

keep chanting God's name

- Day is over! ( Sorrow is gone) . Now have a nice sleep ! (Be

peaceful) !

 

- Mind may be depressed, but not our Divine Sophia. Nothing now can

harm you, once you have cried before God. Just feel jubilant.

- Be a witness to all happenings

- Do no encourage the depression by giving it importance..shoo is

away. think of those in worst of situations (Africa, all that

poverty and suffering); healing and spiritually cannot be separated;

- God wants you be His Happy child

-------------------------

My mother is once again hospitalized… im sorry im exhausted and

very stressed. After five years of taking care of her entirely on

my own, as other family members have washed their hands off, I feel

completely exhausted. She is also a alzheimers patient exhibiting

all behaviour related to this deadly disease. She continues to be

extremely stubborn in receiving any kind of help which is continuing

to exhaust and drain all her financial resources.

 

Caring for her for so long, I feel like I will have a stroke or a

heart attack. There have been many incidents where I have been

completely freaked out, totally drained of all energy. This extreme

physical and mental exhaustion has reached a point where I can

barely make it off the bed, with my eyes swollen from exhaustion.

 

I read the words in your daily posting and though i know they are

true, they mean nothing in my serious state of exhaustion. I can

no longer care for my mother and have told her doctors so and they

know and agree. Knowing that I still feel responsible, but at the

same time, feel completely unable to deal with the situation.

There appears to be no Light in sight! How do I connect to this

Light? I seek any guidance you can offer to be free of suffering

and to be at Peace!

 

May all souls cross over the horrid ocean of suffering

including me.

 

Sophia

 

 

--------------------------

 

GITA TALK GROUP GUIDELINES: PLEASE -

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2. Quote Gitaji/scriptures wherever possible..

3. Limit personal feelings, opinions, beliefs etc. to the

extent that they further help in understanding the Gita shlokas

4. Be as concise, to the point, respecting sadhaka's time.

5. Focus on subject at hand only.

6. Do not include links to the other sites.

7. Do not include your personal information (Ph #, address etc).

8. Do not personalize message

9. All responses may not be posted.

10. Moderator at his discretion, may modify the posting.

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Provide English word bracketed.

 

MODERATOR

Ram Ram

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------

 

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[Guest guest]

QUESTION SUMMARIZED (Details at end of posting)

My mother is once again hospitalized… im sorry im exhausted and

very stressed. After five years of taking care of her entirely on

my own, I feel totally drained of all energy and extreme

physical and mental exhaustion to the point where I can

barely make it off the bed. There appears to be no Light in sight! I

am also now diagnosed as severely depressed. How do I connect to

this Light? I seek any guidance you can offer to be free of

suffering and to be at Peace!

 

Sophia

===========================================================

 

NEW POSTING

 

Dear Sadhakas, Namaste!

To Sophiaji,

Please remember this: If suffering like the one you are going

through, comes our way for whatever reason or no reason, God will

make sure, it is not greater than you can bear!

This I have seen in my life over and over again.

Have tremendous trust in this, and in God doing just this right now.

Also remember " this shall pass too " . As simple as it may sound but

has power to withstand any pain if one keeps reminding oneself often

with faith.

Another suggestion: Write your prayer on a piece of paper.

Write it as if talking to God. Ask for help acknowledging you cannot

alone resolve this problem alone, so you will appreciate the help.

Be impersonal rather than asking for " me " . Say this is what you like

to have but you will go along with whatever He knows is right for

all of you including the other family members, mother herself, and

yourself.

Place this paper under His feet on alter if you have one.

This may sound like rituals but it is more of what is to be felt

deep within as we do this offering to surrender our ego!

Then Relax and do the best you can to do your part. As many sadhakas

have suggested call for help of organization(s) who can help.

Remember God helps through people only!

While doing the best, try to find out the true meaning of God.

Namaskar.............Pratap Bhatt

 

------------------------------

 

Jai Hanuman

 

Dear Sophia. Among many suggestions of learned sadhaks add the

following.

 

When you regain some strength and vitality , go to some " Gaushala " (

place where there are cows). Take your mom there with you. If you

keep or let your mom keep caressing the body of cows for some

period, the cow will get pleased. When cow gets pleased, what to

talk of ordinary diseases, even incurable diseases get cured.

 

( From the last page of many books of Swamiji Ramsukhdasji Maharaj

published from Gita Press, Gorakhpur)

 

Dear Sister- Please do not worry ! Please !!

 

Namaste Jee

 

Jee Jee

Shashikala

------------------------------

 

PRIOR POSTING

 

NAMASKAR

SORRY DEAR SADHAK MEMBERS I AM TRYING REALLY DO DO EVERYTHING

SUGGESTED. BUT TODAY WHEN I AM SUPPOSED TO TAKE HER HOME FROM THE

HOSPITAL AND STAY WITH HER UNTIL AN AID COMES FOR A FEW DAYS I

CANNOT GET UP AND I AM THROWING UP WITH A STOMACH VIRUS, i am burnt

out and weak and crying and thats it

i cant do this anymore. Sophia

------------------------

Shree Hari

Ram Ram

 

Sophiaji, it will be very helpful if you let us know the three

things that you are currently following through with from the

sadhak's suggestions, but only after you regain some energy and

strength. It will be helpful to understand.

From Gita Talk Moderators, Ram Ram

-------------------------

 

 

Dear Sadaks,

Did anyone solve Ravana`s distress on his last day of war with Sri

Rama. Many good advises did not work. Same with Kans when Bagavan

entered Mathura. Only Bagavan can help, like in the case of Drowpati

being disrobed.

 

My humble opinion:

Let only Sadhaks, Guru and GOD be dear to us. Why dear Sophia? Why

attachment even in mind level?

B.Sathyanarayan

 

-------------------------

PRIOR POSTING

 

Dear Sophie,

So sorry to hear of your woes but remember every day that I am Gods

Only and no one else is mine. Rest in Paramaatma as taking care of

your self is as if taking care of Gods Temple and rest at His Holy

Feet knowing He would want you to take care of yourself as a

beautiful child of Gods. Pray that you be granted equanimity as

seeker I strive for this as well.God is Light and remember to pray

all times to be Gods only and serve HIM with all that you have. God

wants you be His Happy child as He loves you like a good mother

loves her child.

 

catherine andersen

 

---------------------------

 

Generally in India we are to respect our mothers like Goddesses

because they brought us into this world. We can never repay Doodh

ka Karj, or the debt of mother's milk. We are perpetually indebted

to our mothers. So though it is a gruelling task, you should not

shrink from your duty to serve your mother in her hour of need.

 

Hari Shanker Deo

------------------------

Dear Sophia,

My heart went out to you. I can totally empathise with you because I

too am in a similar boat. Recently I created a small sanctuary in my

house where I hide to be with God so I can get strength from him.

Also I took a lesson from Julia Cameron and I have started wrting

three pages to God daily, first thing in the morning, and this has

really helped me. Her book called artists way I can recommend to you.

Blessings

Chandrika

-----------------------------

 

 

-------------------------

PRIOR POSTING

 

im sorry i am stupid

everyone has been so very kind

im sorry but the body um i have this stupid girl that has

incarnated into is exhausted and un well being. i am sorry i have

taken everyone's time and this is one truth i know better than most.

 

REMEMBER : TU JAANE MERE SANG BEETI, EK EK BAAR SABHI SANG BEETI ! (

You are thinking that it (adversity) has happened in your case only.

But the fact is that it has happened with each and every human being

once). DEH DHARE KA DAND HAI, SAB KAHOO KO HOY ! GYAANI BHUGATE

GYAAN SE, MOORAKH BHUGATE ROY !! ( Worldly sorrows is a universal

tax to be borne by every human being.

 

Sophia

---------------------------

 

Dear Sophia,

 

The 'Black Dog', is the name we have for serious depression here,

and how many of us have had him howling at our door, dogging our

every step as it were. You know, the sun is shining spring is in the

air and you feel disconnected, joyless, a lump of existence.

Yes I know the chemical balance may be out of balance in the brain,

but, take some advice from one that knows, don't throw a bone to him,

throw a stone instead shoo him away.(My medication is 'The Divine

Beloved', none other).

 

A major turning point came about, when I,looking for some way of

helping myself, sat before a High Lama, he said while we were

attempting to meditate, " Here we have very good condition, think of

Africa, all that poverty and suffering " , and you know what? I did

just that, I disconnected from my own miseries and for a moment I was

concerned for others. A seed had been in sown in my heart by that

great man, I swear it is still growing.

 

The essence of this is TO FIND A WAY TO HELP YOURSELF. After my cry

for help I stumbled upon the Tibetan Buddhist, God took me there I

know. Slowly my head started to turn towards the Great Indian

traditions.......

 

Look if you feel you need medical support, consider it temporary. And

do all you can to connect to an M.D./Healer that is connected to an

Ashram. Oddly enough the Guide/Guru I had some years back, had a

sister who was an M.D. at an Ashram in the USA, and she herself

worked as a Homeopath/Naturopath in an Ashram in India for quite

some time. My present homeopath is a Sikh; healing and the

spiritual, cannot be separated.

Maybe other Sadhaks can give more information regarding healers

within the Hindu society.

 

Please do not restrict you life to four walls and your sorrows.

 

In passing, I have sat in sweet bliss in meditation, tears pouring

from my eyes, these are not tears of sorrow, oh no these are

something else, I do hope you experience these tears, your heart

will be opening to the Universe.

 

One more thing dear friend, the 'Black Sheep', may not be bad, maybe

she/he marches to the beat of a different drum, or dances to the far

off tune of a Murali that non other can hear.(Echoing down the

corridors of Time).

 

With Respect and Divine Love,

 

Mike Keenor

-------------------------

Dear Sophiaji !

 

AAJ KAL MAIN DHAL GAYA, DIN HUA TAMAAM ! TU BHI SOJA, SOGAYEE RANG

BHARI SHAAM !!

 

Today has converted into tomorrow. Day is over! ( Sorrow is gone) .

Now have a nice sleep ! (Be peaceful) !

 

HAI BUJHA BUJHA SA DIL, BOJH SAANS SAANS PAR, JEE RAHEN HAI PHIR BHI

HAM, SIRF KAL KI AASH PAR ! NEEND KAH RAHI HAI , MERI BAAHEN THAM !!

 

Very very dejected was heart. There was a weight on each and every

breath. Living only on a hope of a better tomorrow. But now PEACE (

sleep ) is telling me - Hey come, hold my arms.

 

KAUN AYEGA IDHAR , KISKI RAAH DEKHE HAM ! JINKI AAHATE SUNI JAANE

KISKE THE KADAM !!

 

APNA KOI BHI NAHIN, APNE HAIN TO RAAM !!

 

TU BHI SOJA, SO GAYEE RANG BHARI SHAAM !!

 

Who will come here? I should wait for whom? ( Nobody is mine) Those

sounds of steps were of strangers ( Illusion) !

 

No body is mine ! Only Raam ( Paramatma) is mine !

 

Day is over! ( Sorrow is gone) . Now have a nice sleep ! (Be

peaceful) !

 

Namaste Jee

 

Jee Jee

Shashikala

 

Sophiaji Namaste!

 

Stand aside and be a witness! Yes, try to observe the happenings as

a witness. Analyse it. Try to put into practise. It might be of some

help.. Sandeep Pathak

--------------------------

Dear Sophia

 

Love and Love alone....

 

Life is what it has to be and NOT what you wish it to be. Accept

this bitter Truth, you feel relieved of all your stress and tension.

Acceptance leads to surrender and the results in strength. My dear,

accept the service you are rendering to your Mother is the service

to God and by serving Him, you are reaching and realising the utmost

reality of your life. It is the way for you to reach the Ultimate

Goal. Accept it my dear, accept it. Wish you all the best and May

God bless you.

 

Love and Love alone....

 

Paritala Gopi Krishna

-------------------------------

 

 

---------------------------

PRIOR POSTING

 

Dear Sophia Bahenji

 

No ! No tears please. You havent done anything bad to regret. Angels

dont weep. Your mother is not abusing you. Her sickness is as such.

All mothers are good. There is benefit of you hidden in each of the

moves of mother. She may not be knowing, but God knows that. God

cannot use a mother for hurting her children. If God does that , it

means huge benefit is hidden in that. Even if she means to hurt you,

because of karmic reasons, God will ensure your safety. Can any one

get killed by consuming nectar ? No Bahenjee! No tears please. Laugh

it out. What depression? As Sadhu Vyas told you she made you realise

a truth which people dont realise in ages and eras. Nothing/Nobody

is Mine. What a truth. Could you have realised that without the help

of mother? You should not mind the abuses or ill treatment of

mother because all said and done, the very body of yours belongs to

her only. Above all she is not in her senses. Believe me, she loves

you more than anyone else. Is there no love in hate? Is there no

love in a slap of mother? Try it. She will never let others ill

treat you, even when she is in this mental state. Past is past. She

might have erred when you were 18 years old. But is she not

sufferring? She is paying for that only. Dear Bahenji ! It is only

because she erred with your reference that she is in this shape

today. Even in this mental state , does she not know about the

conduct of her son? She knows. She is more sufferring than you.

Believe me.

 

Hence it is time that you develop 'compassion " for her. Sadhu Mike

Keenor loves to be compassionate. Learn from his experiences. Read

old Qs on this site. Your depression will get cured the moment you

forget and forgive. Replace weariness, hate, anger with love and

compassion, please. Immediately, you will get peace, Bahenjee!

Immediately. You are so great otherwise. We all are proud of you

and of your tolerance so far. Please oblige us by being divine.

What a pleasure it will give you in future , when you would recall

how love healed the wounds.

 

No ! No tears please. Angels dont weep !

 

I bow to you Bahenjee.

 

Khan Jarsingh

--

 

Hari Om

 

Depression / Mental Fatigue . What is Depression ? I am not a

doctor. Hence In my language : Depression is tendency of mind to

travel excessively into NOTHINGNESS and into pessimism! Your mind

is capable only of travelling either in past or in future. Both do

not exist NOW ! The cure is simple ! Simply disown the mind

emotionally. Replace worldly thoughts automatically coming into

mind, by thoughts of Paramatma dwelling within. How do you do

that ? " Become " of Paramatma by firmly resolving : MERE TO GIRDHAR

GOPAAL, DOOSARA NA KOI . ( Only Paramatma is mine, no one else is

mine). That single resolution must make you peaceful in an instant

and forever. Thereafter DO WHAT YOU CAN AND WHAT YOU SHOULD.

Depression is self conceived. Don't feel that you are depressed and

you are not depressed. Don't let the worldly anxieties, old

memories, fears for future haunt you. When any worldly thought comes

into mind – IGNORE. Neither like it nor dislike it ! Just be

indifferent, UDAASIN , remain unruffled to those waves of old

memories and anxieties. Think at that time : I am of God. Why I

should bother about a thing on which I have no control. God will

take care if He desires to do so. Else whatever is to happen, let it

happen. See henceforth all the happenings in your life as you see a

movie. Now that you have surrendered to God and you have experienced

the world closely, now don't worry! Start dancing !! What a thing

you have got !! You are of GOD !!! God is your Father ! He has taken

over your life with immediate effect. How beautiful. Now every of

your burden is that of God ! You are free . Just take one care.

Don't doubt this, don't fear, don't ever worry now. NEVER NEVER

WORRY HENCE FORTH. What can happen ? You are immortal, the body is

mortal. Your father is God. He is immortal. What can happen to

you ? Hence DON'T WORRY.

 

REMEMBER : Neither past nor future exists NOW ! A thing which does

not exist, why to worry about the same? Depression causes you to do

that. See happiness in small small things. Admire beauty of a flower

or a bird. Remember you are not alone. EACH AND EVERY HUMAN BEING

IS BURNING IN THE FIRE OF SORROW. This world has been defined as "

DUKHALAYAM " . ( Abode of sorrow) in the very Holy Gita. Your job now

is to convert this DUKHALAYAM into VASUDEVAH SARVAM. Keep in touch

with this divine site on a daily basis. Start replying to various

questions that are raised in this forum. You will find peace here.

 

REMEMBER : TU JAANE MERE SANG BEETI, EK EK BAAR SABHI SANG BEETI ! (

You are thinking that it (adversity) has happened in your case only.

But the fact is that it has happened with each and every human being

once). DEH DHARE KA DAND HAI, SAB KAHOO KO HOY ! GYAANI BHUGATE

GYAAN SE, MOORAKH BHUGATE ROY !! ( Worldly sorrows is a universal

tax to be borne by every human being. A learned persons tolerates

this tax by wisdom, while a fool tolerates this by regretting/

crying.)

 

Hence be brave. One who has given beak to you, will give food also !

Simply DON'T WORRY !!!

 

Jai Shree Krishna

Vyas N B

-------------------------

Hare Krishna

 

Sophiaji ! Now that you have joined Sadhaks , every day should be a

new day for you.. Every day you will get more and more peace ! Just

think that you are not depressed. Just think that you are alright

and you shall be so ! Brother Mike, Vyasji, Mira Dassji, Jee Jee

Shashikalaji all have given you sterling and really soul touching

messages. Surrender to God is a complete solution in itself. Gita

starts with " Worry " of Arjuna. Gita ends with advice of Lord

Krishna : Ma Suchah - PLEASE DO NOT WORRY ! On the contrary be happy

that now everything related with you is in the powerful hands of

God .

 

Please keep sharing your experiences regularly.

 

Gopal Mehta

 

 

My dear Sophia,

 

narinder has been going through all the sharing on the

subject ........... and what comes to mind is this :

 

while all the love and consolation offered to you is worthy of

repect and reverence , and is the truth of being .............

 

Sophia will not be helped, in any deep measure, by consolation and

comfort offered.......

 

when all things fail... and they do ..... only the self can

help ....... you, yourself ..... your own being ..... with the

right resolve .......

 

One stroke of will power .... just one ..... to be able to

understand that you are seeking freedom from pain, not just a relief

for a short duration ! And , only the self can help.

 

Here comes the advice from all Knowers of Truth ........ when self

too is down and out ...... seek the company of the saints, sages,

and sadhaks true .... be with them for short periods of time ....

physically, be in their presence .... let your mind self be

subjected to the strength of the self , the aura of Nothingness,

which is perpetually emanating from the Sages as love divine that

heals !

 

A prayer goes out to you, Sophia .... joy and love to you ......

 

The prayer

 

Rises in the heart when it rises.

Out of nowhere does prayer arise in the Heart,

No reason !

It rises, this prayer, for Heart itself is nothing but Prayer

Nothing but the Light of One-ness

Nothing but Love

Nothing but Silence .

In Silence of Being, the Prayer blossoms:

And, ah ! What Joy !

The fragrance from the Blossoms knows no frontiers !!!

The Heart is the Giver divine

All Gifts are from the Source, all !

And the heart verily is the only Source, the One Source, the True

Source.

 

And one day, Krishna's Heart

Chooses for Krishna

The Gift of Gifts

It's own Self !

And Krishna's flute resounds in Eternity

As the soundless sound of OM

And Krishna sleeps the sleepless sleep forever !

Jai Krishna ! Jai Krishna !

Krishna Krishna , jai jai Krishna

Jai Jai Krishna Hare Hare

 

May Krishna fill you with strength, love and resolve

 

Be yourself. Love yourself.

Love is the Way

 

AUM

narinder bhandari

--------------------------

You are great Sister Sophia. Nothing wrong with you. There is no

reason for you to feel guilty. No body takes so much care of moms as

you took. Depression is a tendency of mind. Mind changes. In your

case too it will change. Watch and enjoy in the meantime this

depression also. Now God is with you. Depression cant reach you. Who

is depressed ? Mind may be depressed, but not our Divine Sophia.

Nothing now can harm you, once you have cried before God. Just feel

jubilant. You tried to be a witness in the past. Try now , as you

have now taken shelter of God.

 

Wishing you very peaceful nice, sound sleeps and rest. Sleep well.

Remember God when awake. See how the world has been made. See how

the God , your Father, is ! Trust Him. Give Love to all and sundry.

Dont feel depressed. You are not depressed. You are tired.

 

Nisha Chatterji

 

--------------------------

Sophiaji

 

Depression ? Nothing to worry. We shall make it run , Sister. We

will not acknowledge that depression. So simple. How can daughter of

Paramatma be depressed? Is God not there? He is alive. He is there.

We all are with you. Our prayers will make both of you alright.

Please remain cheerful. Depression does not like laughter. The

moment you laugh , depression will run away. Depression. These

doctors when they do not know call it depression. In those hearts

where God has entered , where is the space for depression? A good

sleep is the medicine. When God is yours, what can make you tense or

depressed. Dont acknowledge that you are depressed. Simple!

 

Thakurlingam

-------------------------

Dear Sophia

 

Just as relatives are not yours , similarly mind , intellect, body

etc are also not yours. Experience yourself to be separate from

your mind. Depression will evaporate. When mind is not yours , what

difference does it make to you, whether it is depressed or

suppressed? Dont bother. Watch your mind as a separate entity. It

will become like a dog. Just dont pay any attention. You can do

that. Take sufficient rest now. Just dont bother about anything.

Whatever is destined will take place. Take sufficient rest. If sleep

does not come easily, then keep chanting God's name and become

happy. Wish : Let there be no sleep so that I can take God's name

more. Whatever be the case, feel cheerful. Depression has no basis

to survive. Only when you provide it a shelter or respect or

recognition that it can survive. Be optimist.

 

Shyama Chhangani

 

--------------------------

PRIOR POSTING

 

i have been DIAGNOSED NOW WITH DEPRESSION A ND CHRONIC FATIGUE

SYNDROME .. yes i am depressed, but who is depressed? i keep asking

myself these questions but meanwhile this body is exhausted and so

is the small I here in this body to be a caregiver here in the

united states is legendary with the caregivers dying now or

becoming very ill & unable to take care of their parents with

alzheimers.

 

i am going to rest today again she is in the hospital for a few

more days i rest before i take her home & i pray. i have nothing

left to give no finances anymore no physical or emotional strength

but i still do my duty & pray.

 

To ajay and all caregivers who have responded -

it seems here all have been like me the black sheep the abused one

the disrespectedoone. but the one that took the responsibility. it

is very odd. I'm sorry for all of your suffering. I think it is

a good thing we speak of our pain with this group. Mother is mother

she gave us the birth to be able to know God

We may have even chosen her in this incarnation.i know i should not

complain but God I am so tired.. so so tired. I am going to lay

down again...

 

Sophia

---------------------------

 

Hare Krishna,

I can understand a bit of the pain suffered by you, because I have

my wife (who is ill since 6 years). I am lucky that I have my son to

share the problems. Here you are alone. In my view (actually

Gita's) we should accept this fact that every thing/situation is

composed by God and we are just puppets. We are supposed to do our

duty and not to interfere with the result, just accept it. If you

too accept this fact then there will be no stress no exhaustion no

disappointments.

May God bless you and give you enough courage and energy.

Ashok Goenka

-----------------------------

" Two Yrs. back I was also trapped in almost similar situation

related to my job -I literally wept in front of Lord Jagannath for

his help , undoubtedly I got it .

He gets away all your pain depending upon intensity and sincerity of

your prayer . "

 

 

Arun Sharma

---------------------------

dear Sophia,

 

What you need is a " break " from your mother's bedside and go for a

walk in the park. Ask a friend to relieve you for an afternoon and

go- to a spa or someplace that will make you feel " pampered " !

Practice your yoga, meditation on a daily basis at home, even

while caring for your mom. All the best and know that YOU are

fortunate to serve YOUR mother. Yu have no idea just how much of

karma you burn by doing that act lovingly- this same mother was the

one who cleaned up after us so many umpteen times without a

break!

 

Love and blessings,

Meenakshi

---------------------------

 

PRIOR POSTING

 

I AM DEEPLY TOUCHED AND SITTING HERE CRYING OVER THE KINDNESS OF ALL

WHO HAVE SPOKEN HERE TO HELP ME. CRYING. DOING AS SUGGESTED CRYING

OUT TO GOD STUDYING GITA AND FOR THE PAST 2 DAYS RESTING IN BED WITH

GITA EXHAUSTED. ALONG WITH MEDITATION, YOGA , MANTRA. I HAVE BEEN

IN THERAPIES WITH DRS FOR MANY YEARS HERE. EVERY WESTERN DR. HAS

TOLD ME TO GET AWAY FROM MY MOTHER to leave her to her own

sufferings and rot. This I would not do the many many layers of

emotional pain i have dealt with over the years with very little

healing. and i have forgiven her but one day when she was abusing me

so i yelled at her & then i felt guilty. the trick is to detach to

organically understand i am not the suffering. i know that but to

organically get that , well then i would be enlightened but that

is not the case. when i lived on the streets of nyc i did not shoot

heroin or kill myself because i knew this was karma and i had to

walk a spiritual path that has never changed. but i wish not to

speak of myself anymore. i have reached out and you have all been

spiritually gracious. i hope i may serve as well to help those that

suffer including crippled nyc pigeons that some children try to

hit. there is too much sorrow in this world. i wish i could wave a

magic wand

 

I LOVE THIS

 

Living in the West you may have heard of the poem 'Dark Night of the

Soul', by St. John of the Cross. " Oh Night! more glorious than the

Rising Sun! "

 

Look! Entering into the depth of 'Darkness', it is there that you can

see the Divine Light. The dawn is coming you know, I think maybe you

might just start to see it's first glimmer.

 

Brother Vyas gave a powerful piece of advice, I will paste it in

here with respect:

'Cry before Him- only before Him. Say now take over My Lord. He

surely will. Have trust. Have belief. Thank Him any way

 

I WILL SAY THIS AS MANTRA TODAY ON JAPA MALA - " Doosara na koi " -

There is " no one else " " None Other " .

 

Sophia

--------------------------

Hari Om

 

Swamiji Ramsukhdasji Maharaj would very rarely give mantras/

formulas. But once he wrote that if you distribute sweets / candy to

poor children then the grief DEFINITELY goes !

 

I believe it is an infallible formula for quick relief in

stress/worry/anxiety levels.

 

Jai Shree Krishna

 

Vyas N B

---------------------------

Dear Sadhak

 

Surrender your self to the feet of your God and offer sincere and

prayers to him urging your personal God to relieve your mother from

all these pains and also give you confidence and love for taking

care of your mother till her death.

 

Please keep confidence in God who will find a way our of your

worries and direct you about the action you have to take

 

Truly yours

 

S S Bhatt

---------------------------

Hi anonymous,

It is extremely difficult to look after a mentallyill person and

being a carer myself i know.

the most important thing to realise is that YOUR HEALTH IS

INTRICATELY CONNECTED TO YOUR MOTHER'S WELL-BEING. That is if you are

not there or breakdown , she goes to the streets.

so

1.Plan in case you are not there because one can never say. This will

give you lot of peace. If it makes sense, just harden your heart and

place her in an old age home if you can afford.

2.so your health and happiness and longlife is important for her

also.

3. Take time for some rest and relaxation - e.g. Music go to Music

concert, films, good food EAT, bhajans sing them. Just be happy for

that you must learn to enjoy life without being GUILTY.

 

4.Normally CARERS get a mental illness called DYSTHEMIA. You are

showing early signs so get out of it.

 

captain Johann samuhanand

 

---------------------------

This situation indeed is very difficult. Am sure many of us may

have gone thru similar situation (incl me). My humble suggestion

would be that before taking any decision, we must think 10 times.

Had this position been with a child then could any mother abandon

her child although she also at times be tired and be almost in

similar position but am sure she could not abandon. Secondly,

whatever action/step we take today, we must think 10-15 yrs

henceforward - and we may not regret the step that we take now. But

we all are human and feeling exhausted and tired is also human and

very right emotion too sp. when no other sibling is there to lend a

helping hand even temporarily. I remember myself crying loudly

oblivious of surroundings in the parking lot of hospital. Crying

out to God for his help and mercy. I do not know was it due to

stress, helplessness, anguish, unable to see my Mom suffering, out

of exhaustion, desperation, as I am also suffering from 3 major

diseases myself.

 

Pls seek temporary helping hand may it be physical / financial -

wherever it may come from, relax, take good care of yourself first

and then think about taking care of your Mom.

 

Wish you good health and peace.

 

Warm regards and lots of love to you who has stood by her Mom for so

many years which itself is commendable, when people can barely take

this for couple of months.

 

Mrs K Asani

 

---------------------------

Dear Sophia,

Your situation reminds me of my own. I am second number child of my

parents, the elder sister was married when I was only in tenth

standard. I completed my studies ( engineering) by tuitions

supporting my family. My younger brother who is 3 years younger to

me was adorned by my parents too much and always being treated with

much more love and affections as a result he became acute mental

patient for last 20 years. My parents always discarded me and my

wife, abused us inspite of living dependently with me on my income.

My mother used to support my sister family all along her life. She

was dominating and never even shown any affection to me, my wife or

my two kids. My brother was married but was divorced due to his

mental problem, so my wife was the only daughter in law of my mother.

In 2002 my father's both kidneys failed and after a prolong and

costly treatment of two years he survived. Myself and my wife alone

spent our day and night, borne all the expenses and he is still

survving and is a healthy person ( except that he cannot see

clearly). My mother never visited him in hospital and used to abuse

us as why we are getting him the treatment. My sister who is married

to a very top doctor never bothered to take any interest in the

treatment or support us, my brother as a mental patinet is totally

dependent on me.

Last year my mother met an accident in January 08 and she was

operated and inserted steel rod and was bed ridden for almost nine

months before she finally left for heavenly abode in Sept. Me and my

wife only took care for her during this period. My sister who lives

very near never bothered to provide any help or assistance but

ensured abusing us all the time on some or other pretext by finding

fault in the treatement given to her which I ensured in the best

hospitals in Jaipur. It was hell for us getting abused for the

responsibilty for treatment to parents by themselves and also my

sister. But we never lost our patience. My brother is on mental

treatment, needs daily medicines otherwise becomes extreme vilolent

and my wife used to give him also medicines, handle my mother

treatment who was bed ridden for nine months and also take care of

my father who is also now 80 years.

My kids some time ask me why amma, dada and bua are so cruel to you

are you their step son ? and why so are taking so much care of them?

Our neighbours were amused by our patience and handling of the

situation and always praised us, so were all our distance relatives

who used to come to meet my mother.

I run my own business and have to travel abroad frequnetly.I lost

lot of money in business during that period as I was badly stressed

all the time.

After my mother expired my sister abusued us publically that I

killed my mother but everyone knew the truth, so she herself got

a bad name.

I can visualise your situation , but I can only say time will pass

and these are the tough situations which as a human being any one

can come across so need to have a patience, and only thing in our

control is our work and discharge of duties earnestly.

 

I know every situation is unique but my own case will surely give

you some solace and strenght to bear the pain.

 

Ajay Gupta

------------------------------

 

PRIOR POSTING

 

Hello The Universal Individual (Trust me! there can be hardly

anybody who have not felt like you at one time or the other!!),

 

The complaint raises from the violation of one's core limits as well

as limitations - natural, psychological, physiological, financial,

social as well as spiritual - leading to exhaustion and distress. It

is essential to appreciate one's limits as well as limitations to

break them open for an expansive horizon. Also, I can assure, from

my experience, that one cannot attempt this while being bound within

a state of violent distress. One has to releive oneself from the

distress to clarify one's appreciation of the whole situation.

 

I do not know the individual limits and limitations here except for

the lack of support from the relatives (which is not surprising).

However, I urge you to seek professional help for yourself as well

as for your mother contacting appropriate agencies. Bhagavadgita and

the spiritual talk appeals ONLY IF you are ready for facing The

Truth stark naked. At this point, you may mentally not be ready to

face the same as your inner turmoil is churning your presence away

from any such possible appreciation. You have to releive your system

to relax before appreciating the depth of spirituality.

 

Therefore, seek some physical help from whichever source that is

congenial ... If it helps ... I learnt a lot by observing the

saintly nurses who were taking care of my father when he was

critically ill once ... pure service, so impersonal, and yet so

compassionate ... if we could be like that in spite of having

emotional relations ... it would be the best. It is easy to

preach ... therefore, let me restrain myself from that ... yet, if

possible, try it out along with all other possible psycho-physio-

medical help as well as financial aid that you could possibly

extract from yourself as well as from your environment.

 

One thing is for sure ... if you are not at peace within, you can

not comfort anybody else no matter what your understanding/

determination/ intention is. Also, if you break down, your mother

will have nobody to care of her ... think of that as well.

Therefore, my suggestion is to gather all your strength to establish

your integrity within first ... relax for that ... relax within as

much as possible in spite of the gruelling environmental demands ...

relax within in spite of the personal anguish and physical

exhaustion ...

 

Take it as an opportunity to appreciate how your relaxation is, in

fact, independent of all the relations in this life; to realize its

true transcendental nature as such ... if possible ... as much as

possible ... relax please ...

 

Best Wishes.

 

Naga Narayana

 

-----------------------------

 

-Shree Hari-

 

Dear Sophia,

 

To be apparently all alone in this situation is an added burden,

let me put you in the picture right now , my beloved wife is talking

to her sister, my wife and I have spent the afternoon with her

mother, and consultants. She needs to talk to lighten her load.

 

There was a time long passed, that I, it seems was the most hated

person on planet earth in my in laws eyes. The hatred was so intense,

that I actually started to stutter, I swear to all I never knew that

one could hate so much, I don't think I ever hated.

 

What a destructive force is hatred? And how indestructible is 'Divine

Love'. Some people will never abandon any needy, it is their very

nature to care.

 

Karma, yes indeed, I have watched the unfolding over the years, never

voiced it, just observed. My in laws watched helplessly, as the other

son in law died a slow and painful death, (we got on well, he and I).

Then my mother in law was widowed.

 

Old 'Black Sheep' moved interstate, to the same town in which my

mother in law lived.

It is I who picked her off the floor when she had a fall, who pushed

her around shopping centers, fixed things, etc.

Now I am a shining light in her eyes, " God must have brought you her

for a reason " , she has often said. She's got that right, but 'The

Divine Beloved', did it not just for her, but also for me, God who I

love so much, has exposed me to so much, helping my stony heart to

break.

 

Living in the West you may have heard of the poem 'Dark Night of the

Soul', by St. John of the Cross. " Oh Night! more glorious than the

Rising Sun! "

 

Look! Entering into the depth of 'Darkness', it is there that you can

see the Divine Light. The dawn is coming you know, I think maybe you

might just start to see it's first glimmer.

 

Brother Vyas gave a powerful piece of advice, I will paste it in

here with respect:

'Cry before Him- only before Him. Say now take over My Lord. He

surely will. Have trust. Have belief. Thank Him any way !'

 

Every one is different, but try this if you wish; go to a place where

none can hear you, ask out loud for GOD to help you, from your soul

cry out like a child who is lost and is looking for Mother or Father,

place no restriction call to Him as child, go where it takes you.

 

B.G. 7

At the end of his many births

The wise man takes refuge in Me.

He knows: " All is Vasudeva.3 "

How very rare is that great soul! (19)

 

With Respect and Divine Love,

 

Mike (Keenor).

------------------------------

 

Hari Om

 

Sadhak Sophia ! Real Sadhak you are !! This group is privileged to

have you as one of us. Please keep the divinity in you prospering.

 

Remove now old memories of ill treatment. It is necessary Dear

Sister for removal of pains. Could they have come to you without

divine will? Is it not now a real " experiential knowledge " for you

that " Nothing is mine " ( Doosara na Koi ) ?

You in fact paid a very little cost of " knowing " that precious

priceless knowledge.

 

What is needed now once " doosara na koi " is part of your direct

experience ? In fact - Mere to Girdhar Gopal (Only God is

mine ) !!! Once God is yours and no one else- why worry? Why

exhaustion? Why weariness? Why that subtle insistence on recovery of

Mom? As you are of God, is she not? What can you do , except doing

your duty? AND THAT YOU HAVE DONE and ARE DOING !

 

It is a law that duty doesnot generate sorrows. But you are not

feeling well. Where is the clue/ fault? Fault is linking duty with

old memories ! Check with your conscience, are you not reliving

those days? Are you not keeping the wounds green? Let them heal now!

This is final frontier which you should cross now . Forgive and

forget the past. Don't insist for any favourable or unfavourable

happennings in life. Past does not exist Dear Sister !

Nor does future exist now? Why worry then?

 

I am sure once you shed this insistence over the results of your

otherwise divine performance of duties, peace, much awaited peace

will generate in abundance in you.

 

Try it and keep in touch. Do take interest in other Qs also. That,

in itself, will make you happy and peaceful. " Sharing " reduces pain

and increases pleasure ! Isn't it?

 

May Paramatma bless you !

 

Jai Shree Krishna

 

Vyas N B

-----------------------------

I have been undergoing a similar situation for years. I can

empathise with you. Stressful days and even worst nights. not been

on a holiday for the last 15 years. Used to crib many years back,

then went deeper into astrology which perhaps if nothing else I

learnt to bear with this as my karmic destiny.

 

I remember my father used to say, " if God chooses to give me old

age I pray to him to give me good children " The full impact of this

sentence came in much later. But strive thru it all to remember that

perhaps of all the persons in our family we are the chosen ones. I

feel there are no options regarding caring for parents. We have to

do it. On bad days just tell yourself you are getting there full

blessings. And these special blessings can turn any negativity in a

patri to the most blessed and enriched life.

 

I am sure nobody on this forum or any other can refute this. You are

truly blessed believe me. Turn this into an oppurtunity rather than

a crisis. With you .

Take care.

Vats (Pradeep Sahai)

--------------------------

Jai Hanuman

 

Dear Sophiaji ! Thanks for sharing with us the voice of your soul. I

give a

small example to you to ponder.

 

You kept a nurse for taking care of your child. You pay her and she

takes care

of the child like you, yourself take care. One day there is some

disruption in

relationship/money/etc. You ask her to go . How easily she leaves

the affection

of that child? Will she look back? Will she enquire about the

child ? No !

 

Be like that. Do your duty and forget. Nothing is ours. Only

Paramatma is ours.

Serve fearlessly. If you get disrespect/ abuses in return , then

consider

yourself to be lucky. Results of your service are not getting

frittered away in

petty respects/praises/acknowledgements ! Higher results are in

store for you.

 

My Mom in law, 75, often says- Let Rupee remain Rupee ! (Don't seek

any

reciprocation for your good deeds, you are reducing the value of a

rupee to few

paise only, because you expect immediate result).

 

In your case, Dear Sophiaji - the Rupee is increasing in value with

every

disrespect, every abuse, every spit on the face ! Believe me on

this ! Let it

increase. Wish now that you don't need respect

honor/respect/acknowledgement .

Leave for ever " desire for happiness " . Immediately / Instantly

pains will

vanish.

 

You used the word " karmic " in your last post. Now if we look at Law

of Karma,

you will find that in your case the Divine is working with double

speed. On one

hand you are doing selfless duty and thus accumulating " assets " . On

other hand

with every abuse/disrespect/spit on the face your " liabilities " are

simultaneously getting wiped out- without any effort at your end !

By Divine

Will !

 

Tell me now honestly, do you want respect/praise etc in return for

your " duty " ?

With double speed , Sophiaji, Law of Karma is functioning in your

favour. Think

about it ! Tell me how I am wrong ? Do tell me or else become happy.

Become

peaceful. Become grateful to Paramatma ! He only is ours. Other than

Him there

is only " duty " !

 

Namaste Jee

 

Jee Jee

Shashikala

---------------------------

Sophia-ji you are on the right path. If you can sacrifice your

interest in favor

of birds and animals, you can sacrifice, only to the extent possible

and

bearable, for your Mother - not merely because she is your mother

but because

she is as much a manifestation of God as you or anyone else are/ is.

God,

genetics and previous experiences have giving you the propensity and

strength to

sacrifice for others, even if they do not tolerate you or behave

badly with you.

You are fortunate to have such properties. And, the current

experience in

dealing with the ailing, stuborn and unloving mother will enhance

your

capability to endure and love anyone and help anyone who needs. Pray

to God. You

are doing what He desires. He will give you the strength and lead

you to more

important, interesting experiences and knowledge. He will take care

of your

physical and mental health or change your duty. Submit to him and

pray to him

with the joy of doing what he has ordained for you.

Read Gita again and again. But only those portions on the concept of

God and

what the wise persons do.

Basudeb Sen

-----------------------------

Dear Annonimous,

 

The Nature has made all the life forms self-sufficient. Each one has

to face their own fate all alone. You know it very well, whosoever is

born, has to die one day. The ways of death are different for

different persons. so be brave...

 

G. Waman

 

 

---------------------------

PRIOR POSTING

 

 

 

I KINDLY THANK EVERY SOUL THAT HAS TAKEN THEIR TIME TO SPEAK WORDS

OF INSIGHT AND KINDNESS. I am in nyc and have reache d out over

the years to the caregiver s groups, alzheimers org and such.

I gave up my career as actress and opera singer and left hollywood

over 5 yrs ago to alone take care of a very abusive ill mother.I am

longtime sadhak, vegan , meditator a & practice yoga. the intensity

daily stress has broken me i am now ill myself. as of friday night

mothe r is back in the hospital.perhaps she will listen to the drs.

only God know. she also knows I can no longer take care of her the

way i have my strength is gone and now i am under drs. care.

i will bring Gita to hospital and read every day, continue to pray

and ask my self the query

who is sick and who am i ? i know i am not my body i know mother

is not mine. but the continuous activity of the daily taking care

of is done in this body which is now worn out I will follow all

suggestions kindly spoken of by spiritual friends here.

Karmically i think, it is interesting to note my mother threw me out

on the streets in the dead of winter with no winter coat or money

at age 17.5 (nyc streets). I was never allowed home again even when

i called terrified at 3 am in the snow sleeping outside.

i was abandoned by both mother and father in this life and

brother. i chose not to abandon my mother. i dont abandon birds

and animals i wouldnt abandon mother. my brother whom my mother

worships, and whom took care of my brother who is very wealthy

abandoned my mother years ago & has taken no responsibility or

offered any help of any kind.

she still cries for him while im trying to care for her knowing he

hates her & i shut up. i try i really try to do the right thing

i try and have tried to detach and be witness. it is very

difficult when getting screamed at and spit at within 1 inch of your

face while you a re trying to care physically care for a parent

who abused you growing up and , well, yes i see the only only

solution is deeply spiritual . i do i will go pray now and read

gita again i wish to thank everyone.

moksha

 

sophia

nyc

moskha

 

-------------------------------

Namaskaar.

 

After several years in the United States I returned to Trinidad to

take care of my mother. I have several sisters who do all they can

to help her but as a son to my dear mother, with whom I have a

special bond, I could not resist when Mataji asked me over the

phone, several times: when are you coming home? After about two

weeks of those questions it suddenly dawned on me that Mataji really

wanted me to come back, and as a true son I had an obligation to do

so. I packed my bags, bid goodbye to all, and returned home.

 

It wasn't an easy decision but I had to come home to her and I thank

Bhagavan for giving me the courage and determination to leave that

life and come home to her. Mata ji is 81, paralyzed and unable to

walk, and my sisters and I do all we can to make her comfortable

even though sometimes she can be difficult. But we know this is not

deliberate as it is symptomatic of old age and senility.

 

It can be tiring and difficult and it takes a lot from us and for me

it has been a sacrifice of much of my personal life but every day I

thank Bhagavan for giving me the opportunity and the honour to help

her and be there with her. Sometime Mataji forgets we are there with

her and when I enter her room she pleads with me 'not to leave her.'

I assure her I will never leave her and I will there for her as long

I am alive.

 

Yes, it consumes mental and physical energy, there are costs

nvolved, but I encourage everyone to take care of parents and elders

no matter how burdensome you may think it is and how much energy and

resources are necessary. Try as hard as you can to take care of

them at home rather than in a Senior citizens' home. I know for

sure that the day my Mataji goes into one of those places she will

not survive for more than a week so sending her there is like a

death sentence.

 

As Hindus, we have a long and glorious tradition of our extended

family and caring for all at our homes. Let us strive to maintain

that treasured custom, even in this hectic and tiring world. It is

most fulfilling to serve parents and elders as it is one of the

most exalted characteristics of Sanatan Dharma.

You should not ignore parents and elders - they are our Gods on

earth and if you can't honour and pray to them then it is

meaningless and even hypocritical to pray to Bhagavan.

 

Hari Om

 

Deosaran Bisnath

---------------------------

Shree Hari

Ram Ram

 

My heart aches on reading your email... and deep within long to

reach out ...I am certain many other sadhaks emotionally can

experience what you are going through simply from your note. But

remain ever in that LIGHT that you speak off... never turn away from

it. It is His eternal promise to us... in Gita 9:22 that He will

take care of us !

 

Key is detachment and only doing to the best of your ability what

you can do and forgetting the past or the future. Think of yourself

as a Nurse hired by the divine Light, the Source. You are only

hired to do this work, rather the chosen One, you are merely taking

care of her to the best of your ability and nothing more.

Absolutely nothing more. Live moment to moment guided by the

Light... Not thinking about what will happen or what has happened in

the past... but living only in the present, in that Light that you

speak off in your note and guided by That and That alone. If you

feel exhausted, sleep and rest it out. Do not take the entire burden

on your head.

 

Swamiji often speaks of a wonderful example of a dog who is walking

under a bullock cart filled with heavy goods. He is walking there

only for protection against the heat of the sun (i.e. for shade).

However, after sometime, the dog begins to feel he is the one that

is carrying the burden / weight of the entire cart and all the stuff

on it. We all are like that dog. We begin to carry all the weight

on our shoulder. Krishna clearly showed us with the Govardhan

mountain...that HE ALONE is the One holding up the mountain with the

tip of his tiny finger... that it is He and we are merely

instruments and basking in His glory... nothing more!!!! Therefore

do the best you can... if you miss a day of care, a nurse or someone

at the hospital will fill the gap.

 

As Vyasji and other sadhaks have said... be fearless, worriless,

doubtless, griefless.... without regreting the past or concern about

the future.. only doing what you are able to do... and leaving the

rest up to the Divine, the Beloved, the Light.. .the Spirit...

And as Mike said, you definitely have direct support from this group

therefore be strong. It is not an ordinary thing that you have

started receiving these messages and reading them... and seeking out

help from this group. You have done your part... let the rest

flow!!!! May That Divine Light Always be with you!

 

Meera Das

Ram Ram

 

---------------------------

PRIOR POSTING

 

Hari Om

 

You have every right to be peaceful. " Duty " - is what you CAN and

what you SHOULD. Once you have done what ever you could, there is no

need for you to feel guilty when you CAN NOT anymore. What you can

not do, it is not your duty to do.

Hence be brave, be guiltfree, and see God's hand in every result.

See God live in your Mom, in your mind, in your circumstances - and

for once with a simple heart surrender yourself completely into the

hands of Paramatma. Once you surrender, thereafter you should not

worry.

 

Stand erect. Be peaceful by realising that you did your level best.

Don't look at all at the conduct of " relatives " ! They are made like

that only. They were not " yours " , they are not " yours " , they will

not be " yours " - there is no possibility of their ever

being " yours " . Yours is only Paramatma ! Once you accept " mineness "

with Him (He is always yours) , it would not matter to you, if

anybody is " yours " or not. GUARANTEED !! Remain Doubtless.

Worryless. Griefless. Fearless.

 

Cry before Him- only before Him. Say now take over My Lord. He

surely will. Have trust. Have belief. Thank Him any way !

 

Jai Shree Krishna

 

Vyas N B

 

-Shree Hari-

 

Dear Anonymous,

 

My wife and I are in a very similar position to you, almost a

reflection of that which you have written.

My role in all this is to mainly support my wife.

 

May I point out the family members have washed their hands of much

more than caring for mother.

Surely if they find themselves incapable of helping her directly can

they not at least support you?

 

You have done something very important, you have contacted this site

with so much divine love and wisdom.

 

I feel that you need direct support, as I have no idea where you live

I cannot offer much, here in Australia there are support groups,

religious and none religious.

 

You do not have to remain anonymous, but if you wish to fine.

 

Do come back to this site, I personally promise you I will always

reply and support you to best of my abilities.

 

You may find this site of value, I cannot recommend it too much.

http://swamiramsukhdasji.net

 

May God bless you.

 

With Respect and Divine Love,

 

Mike (Keenor).

--------------------------------

 

Priy Anonimous

I say you are choosen by god to serve your mother.

It comes rarely occassion that U get such chance.

Whatever the situation please do all servings on the basis of

Almighty lord.

God is seeing every moment. He knows better than all of us.

In MANAS:

PRABHU BHANJIHI DARUN BIPATI, JAANAT JAN KI PIR.

God will take care coz he knows all ur pains.

Have faith. please.

Raja Gurdasani

--------------------------------

Namasthe anonymous, I read your message and I guess I understand

what you must be going through. do not worry much. God is there and

everything will be fine too. I just was wondering..where do you

live ? in which country ?

Please try to find the local support groups regarding these

alzeimers' illness. I guess, u are handling this all on ur own and

it would definitely get exhausting. Please find some of the members

who are going thro similar situations via support groups.

 

also, when u mention about exhausting financial resources..how is it

happening ? is it possible if some nurse or anyone can take care of

her 2 to 3 days a week and during that time..u can do other things

and you take care 2 to 3 days..so that you will also get a break

from the routine and get refreshed also.

 

Also, please think about this. in case if u are caring of ur any

family member..the other type of exhaustion we all may feel worried

thinking that it is our family member. Rather than that, if

possible, just try to think that whatever situation we are in

either by choice or circumstance, think its God's work and do it. In

the respect, although u may get physically exhausted, atleast the

exhaustion will not be much from the emotional perspective. once

the mental energy is not drained, you can be calm in every day's

action u do.

 

Please be strong and I am sure everything will be fine. Do not

thnk..its ur mother..just think that it is God's work whatever u are

doing to ur mother. Definitely, please check on the support

groups/non-profit organizations..they will definitely be there to

help the people who are taking care of the people with illness.

 

My prayers and good wishes and so u feel peac in ur heart even in

the midst of all these.

 

namsthe again,

Bharathi

----------------------------

Consider yourself as Arjuna in the battlefied of Kurukshetra, where

in the midst of the war between mother' illness including her

stubborn rejection of all help and your own physical and mental

resources, you are completely dejected and despondent. This is the

reality of the situation you cannot bear. Reading Gita is your Lord

Krishna: read this and identify the Truth. You are not responsible

for anything, you are not the cause of anything. You have done what

you have been doing and continue to be doing. But your actions do

not cause the consequences that you desire and you do not desire.

Whatever happens to Mother is destined to happen and you are neither

the cause nor the one responsible for. You are just an witness to

all happening.

You are only to act as per the propensities/ tendencies that have

been imparted in you by your genetics and past interactions/

experiences with the environment you have grown up. This you have no

alternative but to accept the pains and sufferings.

Get out of identification with this You. This you is just an

illusion that this you will have to live. But the Real You are the

God. Read Gita again and again to realize your Real You and get

beyond the chained you attached to the happenings of this World

around you. Pray and pray to God that He lifts you to the Real You.

Know that when you try in this way to get into your Real you, your

apparent worldy you will have no suffering at all.

All above are words and really cannot help you. Sincere and

continuous prayer and submission to God as you read Gita can only

help you.

Basudeb Sen

------------------------

Yes, on a physical level it is all very difficult to understand and

cope up with.

But these things do happen with many families and part of our

worldly existence.

 

What helps us in these and all other situations is the spiritual

wisdom/rules of our lives,

knowing ourselves, doing things by remaining at the source......

It may appear difficult but with some practice, one start getting

the results....

So please read the messages on this group and get into the spiritual

mode....

 

Humble suggestions:

 

1) You have to understand who you are. So, ask yourself " Who am I? "

and wait for the answer.

Then try again...see what happens....what happens to the

feelings...the stress....Keep this practice

on whenever you can and find time or even while doing something....

 

2) Second question that may burst many myths is to understand who is

getting exhausted and

who is stressed....So ask your self " Who is getting exhausted " , " Who

is getting stressed "

and again wait for the answer........

 

Our mind/ Mann is a wonderful instrument and able to create things

out of nothing.....and we

slowly become slaves of thoughts and further thoughts....The above

questions help you to get rid of the

these absolutely unnecessary and unwanted thoughts. Once that begin

to happen, you can see the

light which shall direct you to do what needs to be done happily and

without much effort....

 

Best wishes....

Sushil Jain

 

-------------------------

Hi ,

 

God is only testing you, do your work and manage to distance

yourself from now or you will be heart broken when the time comes to

say good bye, god willing.

 

Pray more and carry on with your work, you have done your duty and

this is all you can do. You are answerable to only The Almighty, so

go about your work and pray when you find the time to do so.

 

All the best till you feel good.

 

BARBARA ALI

-------------------------

Dear Sadhak,

Under the circumstances of your mother please do not lose confidence

in your sincere caring of your mother who has given birth to you.If

you are tired then ask other members of your family to take care of

her If you have money please put her in a nursing home or any such

place where her care is properly taken

Matru devo Bhava " is a great obligation as narrated in Upnishad.

 

For her salvation please start reading one chapter of Bhagavat Gita

or the whole Gita on Sunday or any important day. Keep some chanting

program at your place for finding a solution and relief to both of

you. Have faith in God and a solutions will come within six months

of your resolution to seek peace in your family.

 

Truly yours

Shankerprasad S Bhatt

-------------------------------

Dear anonymous....

My heart truly goes out to you.....unless one has been in a

similar situation, it is impossible to understand the level of

stress that you are experiencing. I am presently caring for an 84

yr. old mataji, whose son passed away from cancer last November.

(2008). He was only 54. She has one other son, but he is not

vegetarian, so she does not wish to live with him, nor does she wish

to relocate away from the devotional community she has grown used to

in Los Angeles. I promised her son, who was not related to me, that

I would care for his mother. But I have my husband to help me. I

am constantly on the lookout for individuals from my temple who can

spare time and energy to stay with this sweet, elderly lady,

otherwise I take her everywhere with me, because to leave her alone

is quite scary...both for her, as she sits alone and doesn't move,

and for me, because I am so worried about her when she is alone!

And she doesn't even have alzheimer's, or anything like that. Just

incontinence, which of course brings a load of social

pressures......and she screams about having to take a shower. It

is certainly a demanding service....one which the Supreme Lord will

bless you millions of times over for executing so faithfully for so

long......may you always be guided by the Lord in your heart to know

how to continue pleasing Him.

respectfully, Mahalaksmi Dasi

------------------------------

Arvind Khetia, engineer and a Hindu:

Discouragement and hopelessness can arise due to many reasons.

Spiritual wisdom is essential to cultivating a balanced mind. Then,

one recognizes the negative influence of ego, greed and excessive

material pleasures on one's mind and society. Consequently, one

learns to cultivate self-control, discriminate between what is

eternal and transient, practice equanimity and follow one's dharma.

Dharma requires one to perform the duties of life in accordance with

universal ethical values.

 

Therefore, one's faith must be founded on spiritual reality to help

combat discouragement and hopelessness. The Bhagavad-Gita

states, " When spiritual wisdom is the highest goal, one's faith is

deep and senses restrained, then one attains wisdom and acquires

perfect peace. "

 

According to Vedanta, true faith begins with having faith in

ourselves. Then, through practicing the spiritual disciplines of

meditation and yoga, one achieves a transformation of one's

character. Thus, one's faith evolves into the realization of one's

inner spiritual nature and manifests as enlightened optimism.

 

Arvind Khetia

--------------------------

Dear Exhausted ,

 

The True answer must come from your ' inside ', from inside you.

No-one from outside can give you the correct answer for you, in your

particular situation

 

Meditation will lead you to your inner being .

Meditation is the only Way.....................

Sit for formal meditation , morning and evening, half an hour .

 

BUT..................

 

When meditation does not ' happen', especially in the beginning(

your mind does not move into it so easily), and Karma ( sewa) is

also so exhausting and stressful, ' prayer and satsanga' is the

answer ..........

 

A Prayer to God ( Krishna, Rama,Shiva, Allah, Waheguru ) for

strength and wisdom, whenever the mind falls ... Being at the feet

of a master can do wonders !

 

narinder bhandari

-------------------------------

 

 

SUMMARY OF SADHAK POSTINGS -

 

- Many good advices do not work... Only Bagavan can help, like in

the case of Drowpati being disrobed. Why attachment even in mind

level?

 

 

- complaint raises from the violation of one's core limits as well

as limitations - natural, psychological, physiological, financial,

social as well as spiritual - leading to exhaustion and distress.

- you are on the right path.

- You have already experienced " nothing is mine, " ... now the next

step... " only God is mine " . Why subtle insistence on recovery

etc., What can you do , except doing your duty? AND THAT YOU HAVE

DONE and ARE DOING ! Fault is linking duty with old memories ! Fault

is in re-living the past! which does not exist! Forgive and forget!

on shedding the insistence, peace will prevail.

- if you are not at peace within, you can not comfort anybody else

no matter

what your understanding/determination/ intention is.

- What a destructive force is hatred? And how indestructible

is 'Divine Love'. Some people will never abandon any needy, it is

their very nature to care.

- Do your duty and forget. Nothing is ours.

- think 10 times before taking any decision, so that there be no

regrets.

- you can sacrifice, only to the extent possible and bearable, for

your Mother -

not merely because she is your mother but because she is as much a

manifestation of God

- do work deligently and discharge of duties earnestly

- Nurse - pure service, so impersonal, and yet so compassionate ...

if we could be like that in spite of having emotional relations

- we are the chosen ones. there are no options regarding caring for

parents. We have to do it.

- as far as possible keep them (elders) at home.

- distribute sweets / candy to poor children then the grief

DEFINITELY goes !

- You only receiving suffering to the extent that you can handle.

- Don't seek any reciprocation for your good deeds

- Being Peaceful is your birth right! What you can not do, it is

not your duty! be guiltfree. See God in Mom, and take complete

refuge in the Divine (God); accept only Him as yours; thereafter do

not worry! Remain Doubtless. Worryless. Griefless. Fearless.

- you are choosen by god to serve your mother; a rare opportunity!

Serve as if serving Almighty! He knows what is best! He knows ur pain

- My heart truly goes out to you.....it is certainly a demanding

service. may you always be guided by the Lord in your heart to know

how to continue pleasing Him.

- YOUR HEALTH IS INTRICATELY CONNECTED TO YOUR MOTHER'S WELL-BEING.

- you are being tested; You have done your duty! continue working

but becoming detached. Pray. You are only answerable to God.

- Karma Favoring you - On one hand you are doing selfless duty and

thus accumulating " assets " . On other hand with every

abuse/disrespect/spit on the face your " liabilities " are

simultaneously getting wiped out-

without any effort at your end ! Become grateful to Paramatma ! He

only is ours. Other than Him there is only " duty " !

- you need a break, some relief. DO yoga/meditate regularly.

- Whatever happens to Mother is destined to happen and you are

neither the cause nor the one responsible for. Stop identification

with Body/Mind and identify with the Truth of the Gita. Read Gita

again and again! prayer and submission to God/Gita can only help you.

- Leave for ever " desire for happiness " . Immediately / Instantly

pains will vanish.

- Have tremendous trust in God doing just what is right. " this

shall pass too " .

- Write your prayer on a piece of paper. acknowledging you cannot

resolve this problem alone, seek help! place at His feet and become

worriless.

- we are just puppets. We are supposed to do our duty and not to

interfere with the result, just accept it. If you too accept this

fact then there will be no stress, no exhaustion, no disappointments.

- Spiritual wisdom is essential to cultivating a balanced mind.

True faith begins with having faith in ourselves.

- Question over and over again.. who am I? who is getting

exhausted? Who is getting stressed? and wait for the answer! Mind

creates things out of nothing! The above questions help you to get

rid of the unnecessary thoughts. thereafter light shall direct you

to do what needs to be done happily and without much effort

- Meditate and Pray... at lotus feet of Lord

- Pray to God. You are doing what He desires. He will give you the

strength and

lead you to more important, interesting experiences and knowledge

- Do not lose confidence. Seek Help! Read Gita! Have Faith in God

and solution will come.

- Read Gita again and again. But only those portions on the concept

of God and what the wise persons do.

- Take time out for personal rest and relaxation. Avoid getting the

carer disease...DYSTHEMIA

- you are getting their full blessings. And these special blessings

can turn any negativity in a patri to the most blessed and enriched

life. You are truly blessed believe me. Turn this into an

oppurtunity rather than a crisis.

- created a small sanctuary in my house where I hide to be with God

- You need direct support! Are there support groups / others?

Don't hesitated to rely on sadhaks in this forum. They are

personally committed to support.

- Please seek out a local support group! Possibly a break, through

hired nurse help, so can get some rest!

- Think of yourself as a Nurse only... taking care of her for short

time... not thinking of past or future. Live in present, guided by

the light.

- remember every day that I am Gods Only and no one else is mine.

Rest in Paramaatma as taking care of your self.

- think its God's work you are doing for your mother and do it!

There will be less emotional exhaustion, therefore you'll be calm

even though physical strain.

- The Nature has made all the life forms self-sufficient. Each one

has to face their own fate all alone. Whosoever is born, has to die

one day. so be brave...

- wrting three pages to God daily, first thing in the morning

- Please keep confidence in God who will find a way our of your

worries and direct you about the action you have to take

- Please be strong and all will be fine!

- relax please ...

- every day I thank Bhagavan for giving me the opportunity and the

honour to help her and be there with her

- keep confidence in God who will find a way our of your worries and

direct you about the action you have to take

- Let us strive to maintain that treasured custom, even in this

hectic and tiring world. It is most fulfilling to serve parents and

elders as it is one of the most exalted characteristics of Sanatan

Dharma.

- Entering into the depth of 'Darkness', it is there that you can

see the Divine Light.

- 'Cry before Him- only before Him. Say now take over My Lord. He

surely will. Have trust. Have belief. Thank Him any way !'

- cry out like a child who is lost and is looking for Mother or

Father, place no restriction call to Him as child, go where it takes

you - He gets away all your pain depending upon intensity and

sincerity of your prayer

- We can never repay the debt of mother's milk; therefore do not

shrink from your duty to serve your mother in her hour of need

- Life is what it has to be and NOT what you wish it to be.

ACCEPTANCE is key. rendering to your Mother is the service to God.

- Depression is tendency of mind to travel excessively into

NOTHINGNESS and into pessimism! Simply disown the mind emotionally.

When any worldly thought comes into mind – IGNORE. Neither like it

nor dislike it ! Just be indifferent, UDAASIN. Neither past nor

future exists NOW ! A thing which does not exist, why to worry about

the same? convert this DUKHALAYAM into VASUDEVAH SARVAM. A learned

persons tolerates this tax by wisdom, while a fool tolerates this by

regretting/ crying.) Hence be brave. One who has given beak to you,

will give food also ! Simply DON'T WORRY !!! NEVER NEVER WORRY

HENCE FORTH.

- Gita ends with advice of Lord Krishna : Ma Suchah - PLEASE DO NOT

WORRY !

- One stroke of will power .... just one ..... to Understand that

you are seeking freedom from pain, not just a relief for a short

duration ! And , only the self can help. Be yourself. Love

yourself. Love is the Way

- How can daughter of Paramatma be depressed? Is God not there? He

is alive. He is there. We all are with you. Our prayers will make

both of you alright. Please remain cheerful. Depression does not

like laughter. The moment you laugh , depression will run away.

- No tears please. Angels dont weep !

- Just dont bother about anything. Whatever is destined will take

place. Take sufficient rest. If sleep does not come easily, then

keep chanting God's name

- Day is over! ( Sorrow is gone) . Now have a nice sleep ! (Be

peaceful) !

 

- Pet a cow in a " Gaushala " ( place where there are cows). Take your

mom there with you. By caressing the body of cows is capable of

curing even incurable diseases.

 

- Mind may be depressed, but not our Divine Sophia. Nothing now can

harm you, once you have cried before God. Just feel jubilant.

- Be a witness to all happenings

- Do no encourage the depression by giving it importance..shoo is

away. think of those in worst of situations (Africa, all that

poverty and suffering); healing and spiritually cannot be separated;

- God wants you be His Happy child

-------------------------

My mother is once again hospitalized… im sorry im exhausted and

very stressed. After five years of taking care of her entirely on

my own, as other family members have washed their hands off, I feel

completely exhausted. She is also a alzheimers patient exhibiting

all behaviour related to this deadly disease. She continues to be

extremely stubborn in receiving any kind of help which is continuing

to exhaust and drain all her financial resources.

 

Caring for her for so long, I feel like I will have a stroke or a

heart attack. There have been many incidents where I have been

completely freaked out, totally drained of all energy. This extreme

physical and mental exhaustion has reached a point where I can

barely make it off the bed, with my eyes swollen from exhaustion.

 

I read the words in your daily posting and though i know they are

true, they mean nothing in my serious state of exhaustion. I can

no longer care for my mother and have told her doctors so and they

know and agree. Knowing that I still feel responsible, but at the

same time, feel completely unable to deal with the situation.

There appears to be no Light in sight! How do I connect to this

Light? I seek any guidance you can offer to be free of suffering

and to be at Peace!

 

May all souls cross over the horrid ocean of suffering

including me.

 

Sophia

 

 

--------------------------

 

GITA TALK GROUP GUIDELINES: PLEASE -

1. Only responses that further clarify Gita message will be posted.

2. Quote Gitaji/scriptures wherever possible..

3. Limit personal feelings, opinions, beliefs etc. to the

extent that they further help in understanding the Gita shlokas

4. Be as concise, to the point, respecting sadhaka's time.

5. Focus on subject at hand only.

6. Do not include links to the other sites.

7. Do not include your personal information (Ph #, address etc).

8. Do not personalize message

9. All responses may not be posted.

10. Moderator at his discretion, may modify the posting.

11. Take into consideration the novices, youth, westerners, non-

sectarian audience. i.e. limit the use to Sanskrit words only.

Provide English word bracketed.

 

MODERATOR

Ram Ram

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------

 

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QUESTION SUMMARIZED (Details at end of posting)

My mother is once again hospitalized… im sorry im exhausted and

very stressed. After five years of taking care of her entirely on

my own, I feel totally drained of all energy and extreme

physical and mental exhaustion to the point where I can

barely make it off the bed. There appears to be no Light in sight! I

am also now diagnosed as severely depressed. How do I connect to

this Light? I seek any guidance you can offer to be free of

suffering and to be at Peace!

 

Sophia

===========================================================

 

NEW POSTING

 

Shree Hari

 

|| Ram Ram ||

 

Dear Sophiaji,

 

Hope you have received immediate medical care to gain some strength.

Suggest some deep breathing to slow down the speed of the mind and

to be able to relax.

 

Mr. Pratap Bhattji has few excellent suggestions about prayer in his

message, posted today!

 

Hats off to you for the tough penance you have already have done,

serving the sick mother for 5 long and hard years. In the face of

such difficult situations, only rare souls could stand to test. Here

are few thoughts to ponder over …

 

A change in mind-set can go a long way to help at this critical

time. If you are able to visualize God in the form of suffering

mother, then indeed you are serving God, scene start to look very

different. Swamiji Maharaj has given us all the " Panch Amrita " (I am

only God's, Wherever I live, live in His court only, do all actions

for Him, whatever I get is His Prasad (blessing) only, I serve His

children with the His Prasad only). In his profound discourses,

Swamiji Maharaj has made it very clear - we do not have a choice in

what situation we are presented with (it is strictly based on

Prarabhda) but we do have a choice, as to how we deal with the given

situation, in terms of what actions we take we are independent

(Purshartha). Like someone said –

 

" PAIN IS INEVITABLE BUT SUFFERING IS OPTIONAL " .

 

In no way or form, God would let his children suffer. His compassion

and mercy are always there. For example – say it is raining, if the

pitcher sitting outside in the rain happens to be upside down, no

rain drops will get into the pitcher. Once we turn the pitcher face

up, it fills with rain water. Likewise, if we do not turn to God for

help, help is very slow in coming but if we pray to Him with a

sincere and earnest heart, there is no way that He would not send

help. All one has to do is to be ready to receive His bounty.

Turning towards Him simply means accepting Him and believing in Him

and seeking refuge in Him only. When we cry out loud that I have no

place to turn, He cannot turn away. When we pray in desperation with

a sobbing heart that we have exhausted of all our energies and you

are the last stop for me. His help has to come because He has

declared in Gita –

 

" kaunteya pratijanihi na me bhakta pranasyati " ,

 

(O son of Kunti, know that, for certain My devotee never perishes

(Gita: 9-31)).

 

There is always a silver lining behind the dark clouds, looking at

the intensity of this sad crisis, it is a very precise moment to

take Sharanagatih with the Almighty. I see the parallels here with

the crisis Arjuna had faced - He says (Gita 1/28-29-30):

 

" My limbs give way and my mouth is parched, my body trembles and my

hair stands on end. Gandiva (the bow), slips from my hand, and my

skin burns all over, my mind is reeling, as it were and I am not

able to stand. "

 

Sanjay says (Gita 2/1):

 

" To him (Arjuna), who was overcome with faint-heartedness, grief,

whose eyes were filled with tears and sorrow and who was sunk deep

in depression. "

 

Arjuna says (Gita 2/8, 2nd line):

 

" I do not see any means that can drive away the grief which is

drying up my senses. "

 

Arjuna says (Gita 2/7)

 

" My very being is overpowered by the sense of faintheartedness, my

understanding is confused as to my duty (Dharama-sammudhacetah), I

ask thee. Tell me, for certain, which is better. I am thy disciple;

pray instruct me, who has sought refuge in Thee. "

 

Will continue to pray to the Almighty to empower you with continuing

strength and courage.

 

|| Ram Ram ||

 

Humble regards,

Madan Kaura

 

-------------------------

-Shree Hari-

 

Dear Sophiaji,

 

Pratap Bhatt, said something oh so true, 'God will make sure, it is

not greater than you can bear!', I was told by a sweet soul once

when my whole world was confounded, " God will only give you what you

can take " . She was right!

 

The latest advice of Jee Jee Shashikalaji, has a lot in it, actually

it dunbfounded me.

An event happened some years back that puzzled me. I had been

collecting firewood in the middle of winter, loaded up the trailer

stowed the equipment, was relaxing at a gate of a paddock of beef

cattle. They usually shy away from people. One of the cows sauntered

up to the gate, and licked my hand, I then rubbed it between the

horns, it licked my hand again, I said to it sadly, " You poor thing

you will be a burger soon " , I sighed and said, " At least you have

nothing to fear from me " .

 

I am not sure where you will find cattle in New York, go find them,

your seeking may be the tipping point for your well-being.

 

With Respect and Divine Love,

 

Mike (Keenor)

 

 

--------------------------

PRIOR POSTING

 

Dear Sadhakas, Namaste!

To Sophiaji,

Please remember this: If suffering like the one you are going

through, comes our way for whatever reason or no reason, God will

make sure, it is not greater than you can bear!

This I have seen in my life over and over again.

Have tremendous trust in this, and in God doing just this right now.

Also remember " this shall pass too " . As simple as it may sound but

has power to withstand any pain if one keeps reminding oneself often

with faith.

Another suggestion: Write your prayer on a piece of paper.

Write it as if talking to God. Ask for help acknowledging you cannot

alone resolve this problem alone, so you will appreciate the help.

Be impersonal rather than asking for " me " . Say this is what you like

to have but you will go along with whatever He knows is right for

all of you including the other family members, mother herself, and

yourself.

Place this paper under His feet on alter if you have one.

This may sound like rituals but it is more of what is to be felt

deep within as we do this offering to surrender our ego!

Then Relax and do the best you can to do your part. As many sadhakas

have suggested call for help of organization(s) who can help.

Remember God helps through people only!

While doing the best, try to find out the true meaning of God.

Namaskar.............Pratap Bhatt

 

------------------------------

 

Jai Hanuman

 

Dear Sophia. Among many suggestions of learned sadhaks add the

following.

 

When you regain some strength and vitality , go to some " Gaushala " (

place where there are cows). Take your mom there with you. If you

keep or let your mom keep caressing the body of cows for some

period, the cow will get pleased. When cow gets pleased, what to

talk of ordinary diseases, even incurable diseases get cured.

 

( From the last page of many books of Swamiji Ramsukhdasji Maharaj

published from Gita Press, Gorakhpur)

 

Dear Sister- Please do not worry ! Please !!

 

Namaste Jee

 

Jee Jee

Shashikala

------------------------------

 

PRIOR POSTING

 

NAMASKAR

SORRY DEAR SADHAK MEMBERS I AM TRYING REALLY DO DO EVERYTHING

SUGGESTED. BUT TODAY WHEN I AM SUPPOSED TO TAKE HER HOME FROM THE

HOSPITAL AND STAY WITH HER UNTIL AN AID COMES FOR A FEW DAYS I

CANNOT GET UP AND I AM THROWING UP WITH A STOMACH VIRUS, i am burnt

out and weak and crying and thats it

i cant do this anymore. Sophia

------------------------

Shree Hari

Ram Ram

 

Sophiaji, it will be very helpful if you let us know the three

things that you are currently following through with from the

sadhak's suggestions, but only after you regain some energy and

strength. It will be helpful to understand.

From Gita Talk Moderators, Ram Ram

-------------------------

 

 

Dear Sadaks,

Did anyone solve Ravana`s distress on his last day of war with Sri

Rama. Many good advises did not work. Same with Kans when Bagavan

entered Mathura. Only Bagavan can help, like in the case of Drowpati

being disrobed.

 

My humble opinion:

Let only Sadhaks, Guru and GOD be dear to us. Why dear Sophia? Why

attachment even in mind level?

B.Sathyanarayan

 

-------------------------

PRIOR POSTING

 

Dear Sophie,

So sorry to hear of your woes but remember every day that I am Gods

Only and no one else is mine. Rest in Paramaatma as taking care of

your self is as if taking care of Gods Temple and rest at His Holy

Feet knowing He would want you to take care of yourself as a

beautiful child of Gods. Pray that you be granted equanimity as

seeker I strive for this as well.God is Light and remember to pray

all times to be Gods only and serve HIM with all that you have. God

wants you be His Happy child as He loves you like a good mother

loves her child.

 

catherine andersen

 

---------------------------

 

Generally in India we are to respect our mothers like Goddesses

because they brought us into this world. We can never repay Doodh

ka Karj, or the debt of mother's milk. We are perpetually indebted

to our mothers. So though it is a gruelling task, you should not

shrink from your duty to serve your mother in her hour of need.

 

Hari Shanker Deo

------------------------

Dear Sophia,

My heart went out to you. I can totally empathise with you because I

too am in a similar boat. Recently I created a small sanctuary in my

house where I hide to be with God so I can get strength from him.

Also I took a lesson from Julia Cameron and I have started wrting

three pages to God daily, first thing in the morning, and this has

really helped me. Her book called artists way I can recommend to you.

Blessings

Chandrika

-----------------------------

 

 

-------------------------

PRIOR POSTING

 

im sorry i am stupid

everyone has been so very kind

im sorry but the body um i have this stupid girl that has

incarnated into is exhausted and un well being. i am sorry i have

taken everyone's time and this is one truth i know better than most.

 

REMEMBER : TU JAANE MERE SANG BEETI, EK EK BAAR SABHI SANG BEETI ! (

You are thinking that it (adversity) has happened in your case only.

But the fact is that it has happened with each and every human being

once). DEH DHARE KA DAND HAI, SAB KAHOO KO HOY ! GYAANI BHUGATE

GYAAN SE, MOORAKH BHUGATE ROY !! ( Worldly sorrows is a universal

tax to be borne by every human being.

 

Sophia

---------------------------

 

Dear Sophia,

 

The 'Black Dog', is the name we have for serious depression here,

and how many of us have had him howling at our door, dogging our

every step as it were. You know, the sun is shining spring is in the

air and you feel disconnected, joyless, a lump of existence.

Yes I know the chemical balance may be out of balance in the brain,

but, take some advice from one that knows, don't throw a bone to him,

throw a stone instead shoo him away.(My medication is 'The Divine

Beloved', none other).

 

A major turning point came about, when I,looking for some way of

helping myself, sat before a High Lama, he said while we were

attempting to meditate, " Here we have very good condition, think of

Africa, all that poverty and suffering " , and you know what? I did

just that, I disconnected from my own miseries and for a moment I was

concerned for others. A seed had been in sown in my heart by that

great man, I swear it is still growing.

 

The essence of this is TO FIND A WAY TO HELP YOURSELF. After my cry

for help I stumbled upon the Tibetan Buddhist, God took me there I

know. Slowly my head started to turn towards the Great Indian

traditions.......

 

Look if you feel you need medical support, consider it temporary. And

do all you can to connect to an M.D./Healer that is connected to an

Ashram. Oddly enough the Guide/Guru I had some years back, had a

sister who was an M.D. at an Ashram in the USA, and she herself

worked as a Homeopath/Naturopath in an Ashram in India for quite

some time. My present homeopath is a Sikh; healing and the

spiritual, cannot be separated.

Maybe other Sadhaks can give more information regarding healers

within the Hindu society.

 

Please do not restrict you life to four walls and your sorrows.

 

In passing, I have sat in sweet bliss in meditation, tears pouring

from my eyes, these are not tears of sorrow, oh no these are

something else, I do hope you experience these tears, your heart

will be opening to the Universe.

 

One more thing dear friend, the 'Black Sheep', may not be bad, maybe

she/he marches to the beat of a different drum, or dances to the far

off tune of a Murali that non other can hear.(Echoing down the

corridors of Time).

 

With Respect and Divine Love,

 

Mike Keenor

-------------------------

Dear Sophiaji !

 

AAJ KAL MAIN DHAL GAYA, DIN HUA TAMAAM ! TU BHI SOJA, SOGAYEE RANG

BHARI SHAAM !!

 

Today has converted into tomorrow. Day is over! ( Sorrow is gone) .

Now have a nice sleep ! (Be peaceful) !

 

HAI BUJHA BUJHA SA DIL, BOJH SAANS SAANS PAR, JEE RAHEN HAI PHIR BHI

HAM, SIRF KAL KI AASH PAR ! NEEND KAH RAHI HAI , MERI BAAHEN THAM !!

 

Very very dejected was heart. There was a weight on each and every

breath. Living only on a hope of a better tomorrow. But now PEACE (

sleep ) is telling me - Hey come, hold my arms.

 

KAUN AYEGA IDHAR , KISKI RAAH DEKHE HAM ! JINKI AAHATE SUNI JAANE

KISKE THE KADAM !!

 

APNA KOI BHI NAHIN, APNE HAIN TO RAAM !!

 

TU BHI SOJA, SO GAYEE RANG BHARI SHAAM !!

 

Who will come here? I should wait for whom? ( Nobody is mine) Those

sounds of steps were of strangers ( Illusion) !

 

No body is mine ! Only Raam ( Paramatma) is mine !

 

Day is over! ( Sorrow is gone) . Now have a nice sleep ! (Be

peaceful) !

 

Namaste Jee

 

Jee Jee

Shashikala

 

Sophiaji Namaste!

 

Stand aside and be a witness! Yes, try to observe the happenings as

a witness. Analyse it. Try to put into practise. It might be of some

help.. Sandeep Pathak

--------------------------

Dear Sophia

 

Love and Love alone....

 

Life is what it has to be and NOT what you wish it to be. Accept

this bitter Truth, you feel relieved of all your stress and tension.

Acceptance leads to surrender and the results in strength. My dear,

accept the service you are rendering to your Mother is the service

to God and by serving Him, you are reaching and realising the utmost

reality of your life. It is the way for you to reach the Ultimate

Goal. Accept it my dear, accept it. Wish you all the best and May

God bless you.

 

Love and Love alone....

 

Paritala Gopi Krishna

-------------------------------

 

 

---------------------------

PRIOR POSTING

 

Dear Sophia Bahenji

 

No ! No tears please. You havent done anything bad to regret. Angels

dont weep. Your mother is not abusing you. Her sickness is as such.

All mothers are good. There is benefit of you hidden in each of the

moves of mother. She may not be knowing, but God knows that. God

cannot use a mother for hurting her children. If God does that , it

means huge benefit is hidden in that. Even if she means to hurt you,

because of karmic reasons, God will ensure your safety. Can any one

get killed by consuming nectar ? No Bahenjee! No tears please. Laugh

it out. What depression? As Sadhu Vyas told you she made you realise

a truth which people dont realise in ages and eras. Nothing/Nobody

is Mine. What a truth. Could you have realised that without the help

of mother? You should not mind the abuses or ill treatment of

mother because all said and done, the very body of yours belongs to

her only. Above all she is not in her senses. Believe me, she loves

you more than anyone else. Is there no love in hate? Is there no

love in a slap of mother? Try it. She will never let others ill

treat you, even when she is in this mental state. Past is past. She

might have erred when you were 18 years old. But is she not

sufferring? She is paying for that only. Dear Bahenji ! It is only

because she erred with your reference that she is in this shape

today. Even in this mental state , does she not know about the

conduct of her son? She knows. She is more sufferring than you.

Believe me.

 

Hence it is time that you develop 'compassion " for her. Sadhu Mike

Keenor loves to be compassionate. Learn from his experiences. Read

old Qs on this site. Your depression will get cured the moment you

forget and forgive. Replace weariness, hate, anger with love and

compassion, please. Immediately, you will get peace, Bahenjee!

Immediately. You are so great otherwise. We all are proud of you

and of your tolerance so far. Please oblige us by being divine.

What a pleasure it will give you in future , when you would recall

how love healed the wounds.

 

No ! No tears please. Angels dont weep !

 

I bow to you Bahenjee.

 

Khan Jarsingh

--

 

Hari Om

 

Depression / Mental Fatigue . What is Depression ? I am not a

doctor. Hence In my language : Depression is tendency of mind to

travel excessively into NOTHINGNESS and into pessimism! Your mind

is capable only of travelling either in past or in future. Both do

not exist NOW ! The cure is simple ! Simply disown the mind

emotionally. Replace worldly thoughts automatically coming into

mind, by thoughts of Paramatma dwelling within. How do you do

that ? " Become " of Paramatma by firmly resolving : MERE TO GIRDHAR

GOPAAL, DOOSARA NA KOI . ( Only Paramatma is mine, no one else is

mine). That single resolution must make you peaceful in an instant

and forever. Thereafter DO WHAT YOU CAN AND WHAT YOU SHOULD.

Depression is self conceived. Don't feel that you are depressed and

you are not depressed. Don't let the worldly anxieties, old

memories, fears for future haunt you. When any worldly thought comes

into mind – IGNORE. Neither like it nor dislike it ! Just be

indifferent, UDAASIN , remain unruffled to those waves of old

memories and anxieties. Think at that time : I am of God. Why I

should bother about a thing on which I have no control. God will

take care if He desires to do so. Else whatever is to happen, let it

happen. See henceforth all the happenings in your life as you see a

movie. Now that you have surrendered to God and you have experienced

the world closely, now don't worry! Start dancing !! What a thing

you have got !! You are of GOD !!! God is your Father ! He has taken

over your life with immediate effect. How beautiful. Now every of

your burden is that of God ! You are free . Just take one care.

Don't doubt this, don't fear, don't ever worry now. NEVER NEVER

WORRY HENCE FORTH. What can happen ? You are immortal, the body is

mortal. Your father is God. He is immortal. What can happen to

you ? Hence DON'T WORRY.

 

REMEMBER : Neither past nor future exists NOW ! A thing which does

not exist, why to worry about the same? Depression causes you to do

that. See happiness in small small things. Admire beauty of a flower

or a bird. Remember you are not alone. EACH AND EVERY HUMAN BEING

IS BURNING IN THE FIRE OF SORROW. This world has been defined as "

DUKHALAYAM " . ( Abode of sorrow) in the very Holy Gita. Your job now

is to convert this DUKHALAYAM into VASUDEVAH SARVAM. Keep in touch

with this divine site on a daily basis. Start replying to various

questions that are raised in this forum. You will find peace here.

 

REMEMBER : TU JAANE MERE SANG BEETI, EK EK BAAR SABHI SANG BEETI ! (

You are thinking that it (adversity) has happened in your case only.

But the fact is that it has happened with each and every human being

once). DEH DHARE KA DAND HAI, SAB KAHOO KO HOY ! GYAANI BHUGATE

GYAAN SE, MOORAKH BHUGATE ROY !! ( Worldly sorrows is a universal

tax to be borne by every human being. A learned persons tolerates

this tax by wisdom, while a fool tolerates this by regretting/

crying.)

 

Hence be brave. One who has given beak to you, will give food also !

Simply DON'T WORRY !!!

 

Jai Shree Krishna

Vyas N B

-------------------------

Hare Krishna

 

Sophiaji ! Now that you have joined Sadhaks , every day should be a

new day for you.. Every day you will get more and more peace ! Just

think that you are not depressed. Just think that you are alright

and you shall be so ! Brother Mike, Vyasji, Mira Dassji, Jee Jee

Shashikalaji all have given you sterling and really soul touching

messages. Surrender to God is a complete solution in itself. Gita

starts with " Worry " of Arjuna. Gita ends with advice of Lord

Krishna : Ma Suchah - PLEASE DO NOT WORRY ! On the contrary be happy

that now everything related with you is in the powerful hands of

God .

 

Please keep sharing your experiences regularly.

 

Gopal Mehta

 

 

My dear Sophia,

 

narinder has been going through all the sharing on the

subject ........... and what comes to mind is this :

 

while all the love and consolation offered to you is worthy of

repect and reverence , and is the truth of being .............

 

Sophia will not be helped, in any deep measure, by consolation and

comfort offered.......

 

when all things fail... and they do ..... only the self can

help ....... you, yourself ..... your own being ..... with the

right resolve .......

 

One stroke of will power .... just one ..... to be able to

understand that you are seeking freedom from pain, not just a relief

for a short duration ! And , only the self can help.

 

Here comes the advice from all Knowers of Truth ........ when self

too is down and out ...... seek the company of the saints, sages,

and sadhaks true .... be with them for short periods of time ....

physically, be in their presence .... let your mind self be

subjected to the strength of the self , the aura of Nothingness,

which is perpetually emanating from the Sages as love divine that

heals !

 

A prayer goes out to you, Sophia .... joy and love to you ......

 

The prayer

 

Rises in the heart when it rises.

Out of nowhere does prayer arise in the Heart,

No reason !

It rises, this prayer, for Heart itself is nothing but Prayer

Nothing but the Light of One-ness

Nothing but Love

Nothing but Silence .

In Silence of Being, the Prayer blossoms:

And, ah ! What Joy !

The fragrance from the Blossoms knows no frontiers !!!

The Heart is the Giver divine

All Gifts are from the Source, all !

And the heart verily is the only Source, the One Source, the True

Source.

 

And one day, Krishna's Heart

Chooses for Krishna

The Gift of Gifts

It's own Self !

And Krishna's flute resounds in Eternity

As the soundless sound of OM

And Krishna sleeps the sleepless sleep forever !

Jai Krishna ! Jai Krishna !

Krishna Krishna , jai jai Krishna

Jai Jai Krishna Hare Hare

 

May Krishna fill you with strength, love and resolve

 

Be yourself. Love yourself.

Love is the Way

 

AUM

narinder bhandari

--------------------------

You are great Sister Sophia. Nothing wrong with you. There is no

reason for you to feel guilty. No body takes so much care of moms as

you took. Depression is a tendency of mind. Mind changes. In your

case too it will change. Watch and enjoy in the meantime this

depression also. Now God is with you. Depression cant reach you. Who

is depressed ? Mind may be depressed, but not our Divine Sophia.

Nothing now can harm you, once you have cried before God. Just feel

jubilant. You tried to be a witness in the past. Try now , as you

have now taken shelter of God.

 

Wishing you very peaceful nice, sound sleeps and rest. Sleep well.

Remember God when awake. See how the world has been made. See how

the God , your Father, is ! Trust Him. Give Love to all and sundry.

Dont feel depressed. You are not depressed. You are tired.

 

Nisha Chatterji

 

--------------------------

Sophiaji

 

Depression ? Nothing to worry. We shall make it run , Sister. We

will not acknowledge that depression. So simple. How can daughter of

Paramatma be depressed? Is God not there? He is alive. He is there.

We all are with you. Our prayers will make both of you alright.

Please remain cheerful. Depression does not like laughter. The

moment you laugh , depression will run away. Depression. These

doctors when they do not know call it depression. In those hearts

where God has entered , where is the space for depression? A good

sleep is the medicine. When God is yours, what can make you tense or

depressed. Dont acknowledge that you are depressed. Simple!

 

Thakurlingam

-------------------------

Dear Sophia

 

Just as relatives are not yours , similarly mind , intellect, body

etc are also not yours. Experience yourself to be separate from

your mind. Depression will evaporate. When mind is not yours , what

difference does it make to you, whether it is depressed or

suppressed? Dont bother. Watch your mind as a separate entity. It

will become like a dog. Just dont pay any attention. You can do

that. Take sufficient rest now. Just dont bother about anything.

Whatever is destined will take place. Take sufficient rest. If sleep

does not come easily, then keep chanting God's name and become

happy. Wish : Let there be no sleep so that I can take God's name

more. Whatever be the case, feel cheerful. Depression has no basis

to survive. Only when you provide it a shelter or respect or

recognition that it can survive. Be optimist.

 

Shyama Chhangani

 

--------------------------

PRIOR POSTING

 

i have been DIAGNOSED NOW WITH DEPRESSION A ND CHRONIC FATIGUE

SYNDROME .. yes i am depressed, but who is depressed? i keep asking

myself these questions but meanwhile this body is exhausted and so

is the small I here in this body to be a caregiver here in the

united states is legendary with the caregivers dying now or

becoming very ill & unable to take care of their parents with

alzheimers.

 

i am going to rest today again she is in the hospital for a few

more days i rest before i take her home & i pray. i have nothing

left to give no finances anymore no physical or emotional strength

but i still do my duty & pray.

 

To ajay and all caregivers who have responded -

it seems here all have been like me the black sheep the abused one

the disrespectedoone. but the one that took the responsibility. it

is very odd. I'm sorry for all of your suffering. I think it is

a good thing we speak of our pain with this group. Mother is mother

she gave us the birth to be able to know God

We may have even chosen her in this incarnation.i know i should not

complain but God I am so tired.. so so tired. I am going to lay

down again...

 

Sophia

---------------------------

 

Hare Krishna,

I can understand a bit of the pain suffered by you, because I have

my wife (who is ill since 6 years). I am lucky that I have my son to

share the problems. Here you are alone. In my view (actually

Gita's) we should accept this fact that every thing/situation is

composed by God and we are just puppets. We are supposed to do our

duty and not to interfere with the result, just accept it. If you

too accept this fact then there will be no stress no exhaustion no

disappointments.

May God bless you and give you enough courage and energy.

Ashok Goenka

-----------------------------

" Two Yrs. back I was also trapped in almost similar situation

related to my job -I literally wept in front of Lord Jagannath for

his help , undoubtedly I got it .

He gets away all your pain depending upon intensity and sincerity of

your prayer . "

 

 

Arun Sharma

---------------------------

dear Sophia,

 

What you need is a " break " from your mother's bedside and go for a

walk in the park. Ask a friend to relieve you for an afternoon and

go- to a spa or someplace that will make you feel " pampered " !

Practice your yoga, meditation on a daily basis at home, even

while caring for your mom. All the best and know that YOU are

fortunate to serve YOUR mother. Yu have no idea just how much of

karma you burn by doing that act lovingly- this same mother was the

one who cleaned up after us so many umpteen times without a

break!

 

Love and blessings,

Meenakshi

---------------------------

 

PRIOR POSTING

 

I AM DEEPLY TOUCHED AND SITTING HERE CRYING OVER THE KINDNESS OF ALL

WHO HAVE SPOKEN HERE TO HELP ME. CRYING. DOING AS SUGGESTED CRYING

OUT TO GOD STUDYING GITA AND FOR THE PAST 2 DAYS RESTING IN BED WITH

GITA EXHAUSTED. ALONG WITH MEDITATION, YOGA , MANTRA. I HAVE BEEN

IN THERAPIES WITH DRS FOR MANY YEARS HERE. EVERY WESTERN DR. HAS

TOLD ME TO GET AWAY FROM MY MOTHER to leave her to her own

sufferings and rot. This I would not do the many many layers of

emotional pain i have dealt with over the years with very little

healing. and i have forgiven her but one day when she was abusing me

so i yelled at her & then i felt guilty. the trick is to detach to

organically understand i am not the suffering. i know that but to

organically get that , well then i would be enlightened but that

is not the case. when i lived on the streets of nyc i did not shoot

heroin or kill myself because i knew this was karma and i had to

walk a spiritual path that has never changed. but i wish not to

speak of myself anymore. i have reached out and you have all been

spiritually gracious. i hope i may serve as well to help those that

suffer including crippled nyc pigeons that some children try to

hit. there is too much sorrow in this world. i wish i could wave a

magic wand

 

I LOVE THIS

 

Living in the West you may have heard of the poem 'Dark Night of the

Soul', by St. John of the Cross. " Oh Night! more glorious than the

Rising Sun! "

 

Look! Entering into the depth of 'Darkness', it is there that you can

see the Divine Light. The dawn is coming you know, I think maybe you

might just start to see it's first glimmer.

 

Brother Vyas gave a powerful piece of advice, I will paste it in

here with respect:

'Cry before Him- only before Him. Say now take over My Lord. He

surely will. Have trust. Have belief. Thank Him any way

 

I WILL SAY THIS AS MANTRA TODAY ON JAPA MALA - " Doosara na koi " -

There is " no one else " " None Other " .

 

Sophia

--------------------------

Hari Om

 

Swamiji Ramsukhdasji Maharaj would very rarely give mantras/

formulas. But once he wrote that if you distribute sweets / candy to

poor children then the grief DEFINITELY goes !

 

I believe it is an infallible formula for quick relief in

stress/worry/anxiety levels.

 

Jai Shree Krishna

 

Vyas N B

---------------------------

Dear Sadhak

 

Surrender your self to the feet of your God and offer sincere and

prayers to him urging your personal God to relieve your mother from

all these pains and also give you confidence and love for taking

care of your mother till her death.

 

Please keep confidence in God who will find a way our of your

worries and direct you about the action you have to take

 

Truly yours

 

S S Bhatt

---------------------------

Hi anonymous,

It is extremely difficult to look after a mentallyill person and

being a carer myself i know.

the most important thing to realise is that YOUR HEALTH IS

INTRICATELY CONNECTED TO YOUR MOTHER'S WELL-BEING. That is if you are

not there or breakdown , she goes to the streets.

so

1.Plan in case you are not there because one can never say. This will

give you lot of peace. If it makes sense, just harden your heart and

place her in an old age home if you can afford.

2.so your health and happiness and longlife is important for her

also.

3. Take time for some rest and relaxation - e.g. Music go to Music

concert, films, good food EAT, bhajans sing them. Just be happy for

that you must learn to enjoy life without being GUILTY.

 

4.Normally CARERS get a mental illness called DYSTHEMIA. You are

showing early signs so get out of it.

 

captain Johann samuhanand

 

---------------------------

This situation indeed is very difficult. Am sure many of us may

have gone thru similar situation (incl me). My humble suggestion

would be that before taking any decision, we must think 10 times.

Had this position been with a child then could any mother abandon

her child although she also at times be tired and be almost in

similar position but am sure she could not abandon. Secondly,

whatever action/step we take today, we must think 10-15 yrs

henceforward - and we may not regret the step that we take now. But

we all are human and feeling exhausted and tired is also human and

very right emotion too sp. when no other sibling is there to lend a

helping hand even temporarily. I remember myself crying loudly

oblivious of surroundings in the parking lot of hospital. Crying

out to God for his help and mercy. I do not know was it due to

stress, helplessness, anguish, unable to see my Mom suffering, out

of exhaustion, desperation, as I am also suffering from 3 major

diseases myself.

 

Pls seek temporary helping hand may it be physical / financial -

wherever it may come from, relax, take good care of yourself first

and then think about taking care of your Mom.

 

Wish you good health and peace.

 

Warm regards and lots of love to you who has stood by her Mom for so

many years which itself is commendable, when people can barely take

this for couple of months.

 

Mrs K Asani

 

---------------------------

Dear Sophia,

Your situation reminds me of my own. I am second number child of my

parents, the elder sister was married when I was only in tenth

standard. I completed my studies ( engineering) by tuitions

supporting my family. My younger brother who is 3 years younger to

me was adorned by my parents too much and always being treated with

much more love and affections as a result he became acute mental

patient for last 20 years. My parents always discarded me and my

wife, abused us inspite of living dependently with me on my income.

My mother used to support my sister family all along her life. She

was dominating and never even shown any affection to me, my wife or

my two kids. My brother was married but was divorced due to his

mental problem, so my wife was the only daughter in law of my mother.

In 2002 my father's both kidneys failed and after a prolong and

costly treatment of two years he survived. Myself and my wife alone

spent our day and night, borne all the expenses and he is still

survving and is a healthy person ( except that he cannot see

clearly). My mother never visited him in hospital and used to abuse

us as why we are getting him the treatment. My sister who is married

to a very top doctor never bothered to take any interest in the

treatment or support us, my brother as a mental patinet is totally

dependent on me.

Last year my mother met an accident in January 08 and she was

operated and inserted steel rod and was bed ridden for almost nine

months before she finally left for heavenly abode in Sept. Me and my

wife only took care for her during this period. My sister who lives

very near never bothered to provide any help or assistance but

ensured abusing us all the time on some or other pretext by finding

fault in the treatement given to her which I ensured in the best

hospitals in Jaipur. It was hell for us getting abused for the

responsibilty for treatment to parents by themselves and also my

sister. But we never lost our patience. My brother is on mental

treatment, needs daily medicines otherwise becomes extreme vilolent

and my wife used to give him also medicines, handle my mother

treatment who was bed ridden for nine months and also take care of

my father who is also now 80 years.

My kids some time ask me why amma, dada and bua are so cruel to you

are you their step son ? and why so are taking so much care of them?

Our neighbours were amused by our patience and handling of the

situation and always praised us, so were all our distance relatives

who used to come to meet my mother.

I run my own business and have to travel abroad frequnetly.I lost

lot of money in business during that period as I was badly stressed

all the time.

After my mother expired my sister abusued us publically that I

killed my mother but everyone knew the truth, so she herself got

a bad name.

I can visualise your situation , but I can only say time will pass

and these are the tough situations which as a human being any one

can come across so need to have a patience, and only thing in our

control is our work and discharge of duties earnestly.

 

I know every situation is unique but my own case will surely give

you some solace and strenght to bear the pain.

 

Ajay Gupta

------------------------------

 

PRIOR POSTING

 

Hello The Universal Individual (Trust me! there can be hardly

anybody who have not felt like you at one time or the other!!),

 

The complaint raises from the violation of one's core limits as well

as limitations - natural, psychological, physiological, financial,

social as well as spiritual - leading to exhaustion and distress. It

is essential to appreciate one's limits as well as limitations to

break them open for an expansive horizon. Also, I can assure, from

my experience, that one cannot attempt this while being bound within

a state of violent distress. One has to releive oneself from the

distress to clarify one's appreciation of the whole situation.

 

I do not know the individual limits and limitations here except for

the lack of support from the relatives (which is not surprising).

However, I urge you to seek professional help for yourself as well

as for your mother contacting appropriate agencies. Bhagavadgita and

the spiritual talk appeals ONLY IF you are ready for facing The

Truth stark naked. At this point, you may mentally not be ready to

face the same as your inner turmoil is churning your presence away

from any such possible appreciation. You have to releive your system

to relax before appreciating the depth of spirituality.

 

Therefore, seek some physical help from whichever source that is

congenial ... If it helps ... I learnt a lot by observing the

saintly nurses who were taking care of my father when he was

critically ill once ... pure service, so impersonal, and yet so

compassionate ... if we could be like that in spite of having

emotional relations ... it would be the best. It is easy to

preach ... therefore, let me restrain myself from that ... yet, if

possible, try it out along with all other possible psycho-physio-

medical help as well as financial aid that you could possibly

extract from yourself as well as from your environment.

 

One thing is for sure ... if you are not at peace within, you can

not comfort anybody else no matter what your understanding/

determination/ intention is. Also, if you break down, your mother

will have nobody to care of her ... think of that as well.

Therefore, my suggestion is to gather all your strength to establish

your integrity within first ... relax for that ... relax within as

much as possible in spite of the gruelling environmental demands ...

relax within in spite of the personal anguish and physical

exhaustion ...

 

Take it as an opportunity to appreciate how your relaxation is, in

fact, independent of all the relations in this life; to realize its

true transcendental nature as such ... if possible ... as much as

possible ... relax please ...

 

Best Wishes.

 

Naga Narayana

 

-----------------------------

 

-Shree Hari-

 

Dear Sophia,

 

To be apparently all alone in this situation is an added burden,

let me put you in the picture right now , my beloved wife is talking

to her sister, my wife and I have spent the afternoon with her

mother, and consultants. She needs to talk to lighten her load.

 

There was a time long passed, that I, it seems was the most hated

person on planet earth in my in laws eyes. The hatred was so intense,

that I actually started to stutter, I swear to all I never knew that

one could hate so much, I don't think I ever hated.

 

What a destructive force is hatred? And how indestructible is 'Divine

Love'. Some people will never abandon any needy, it is their very

nature to care.

 

Karma, yes indeed, I have watched the unfolding over the years, never

voiced it, just observed. My in laws watched helplessly, as the other

son in law died a slow and painful death, (we got on well, he and I).

Then my mother in law was widowed.

 

Old 'Black Sheep' moved interstate, to the same town in which my

mother in law lived.

It is I who picked her off the floor when she had a fall, who pushed

her around shopping centers, fixed things, etc.

Now I am a shining light in her eyes, " God must have brought you her

for a reason " , she has often said. She's got that right, but 'The

Divine Beloved', did it not just for her, but also for me, God who I

love so much, has exposed me to so much, helping my stony heart to

break.

 

Living in the West you may have heard of the poem 'Dark Night of the

Soul', by St. John of the Cross. " Oh Night! more glorious than the

Rising Sun! "

 

Look! Entering into the depth of 'Darkness', it is there that you can

see the Divine Light. The dawn is coming you know, I think maybe you

might just start to see it's first glimmer.

 

Brother Vyas gave a powerful piece of advice, I will paste it in

here with respect:

'Cry before Him- only before Him. Say now take over My Lord. He

surely will. Have trust. Have belief. Thank Him any way !'

 

Every one is different, but try this if you wish; go to a place where

none can hear you, ask out loud for GOD to help you, from your soul

cry out like a child who is lost and is looking for Mother or Father,

place no restriction call to Him as child, go where it takes you.

 

B.G. 7

At the end of his many births

The wise man takes refuge in Me.

He knows: " All is Vasudeva.3 "

How very rare is that great soul! (19)

 

With Respect and Divine Love,

 

Mike (Keenor).

------------------------------

 

Hari Om

 

Sadhak Sophia ! Real Sadhak you are !! This group is privileged to

have you as one of us. Please keep the divinity in you prospering.

 

Remove now old memories of ill treatment. It is necessary Dear

Sister for removal of pains. Could they have come to you without

divine will? Is it not now a real " experiential knowledge " for you

that " Nothing is mine " ( Doosara na Koi ) ?

You in fact paid a very little cost of " knowing " that precious

priceless knowledge.

 

What is needed now once " doosara na koi " is part of your direct

experience ? In fact - Mere to Girdhar Gopal (Only God is

mine ) !!! Once God is yours and no one else- why worry? Why

exhaustion? Why weariness? Why that subtle insistence on recovery of

Mom? As you are of God, is she not? What can you do , except doing

your duty? AND THAT YOU HAVE DONE and ARE DOING !

 

It is a law that duty doesnot generate sorrows. But you are not

feeling well. Where is the clue/ fault? Fault is linking duty with

old memories ! Check with your conscience, are you not reliving

those days? Are you not keeping the wounds green? Let them heal now!

This is final frontier which you should cross now . Forgive and

forget the past. Don't insist for any favourable or unfavourable

happennings in life. Past does not exist Dear Sister !

Nor does future exist now? Why worry then?

 

I am sure once you shed this insistence over the results of your

otherwise divine performance of duties, peace, much awaited peace

will generate in abundance in you.

 

Try it and keep in touch. Do take interest in other Qs also. That,

in itself, will make you happy and peaceful. " Sharing " reduces pain

and increases pleasure ! Isn't it?

 

May Paramatma bless you !

 

Jai Shree Krishna

 

Vyas N B

-----------------------------

I have been undergoing a similar situation for years. I can

empathise with you. Stressful days and even worst nights. not been

on a holiday for the last 15 years. Used to crib many years back,

then went deeper into astrology which perhaps if nothing else I

learnt to bear with this as my karmic destiny.

 

I remember my father used to say, " if God chooses to give me old

age I pray to him to give me good children " The full impact of this

sentence came in much later. But strive thru it all to remember that

perhaps of all the persons in our family we are the chosen ones. I

feel there are no options regarding caring for parents. We have to

do it. On bad days just tell yourself you are getting there full

blessings. And these special blessings can turn any negativity in a

patri to the most blessed and enriched life.

 

I am sure nobody on this forum or any other can refute this. You are

truly blessed believe me. Turn this into an oppurtunity rather than

a crisis. With you .

Take care.

Vats (Pradeep Sahai)

--------------------------

Jai Hanuman

 

Dear Sophiaji ! Thanks for sharing with us the voice of your soul. I

give a

small example to you to ponder.

 

You kept a nurse for taking care of your child. You pay her and she

takes care

of the child like you, yourself take care. One day there is some

disruption in

relationship/money/etc. You ask her to go . How easily she leaves

the affection

of that child? Will she look back? Will she enquire about the

child ? No !

 

Be like that. Do your duty and forget. Nothing is ours. Only

Paramatma is ours.

Serve fearlessly. If you get disrespect/ abuses in return , then

consider

yourself to be lucky. Results of your service are not getting

frittered away in

petty respects/praises/acknowledgements ! Higher results are in

store for you.

 

My Mom in law, 75, often says- Let Rupee remain Rupee ! (Don't seek

any

reciprocation for your good deeds, you are reducing the value of a

rupee to few

paise only, because you expect immediate result).

 

In your case, Dear Sophiaji - the Rupee is increasing in value with

every

disrespect, every abuse, every spit on the face ! Believe me on

this ! Let it

increase. Wish now that you don't need respect

honor/respect/acknowledgement .

Leave for ever " desire for happiness " . Immediately / Instantly

pains will

vanish.

 

You used the word " karmic " in your last post. Now if we look at Law

of Karma,

you will find that in your case the Divine is working with double

speed. On one

hand you are doing selfless duty and thus accumulating " assets " . On

other hand

with every abuse/disrespect/spit on the face your " liabilities " are

simultaneously getting wiped out- without any effort at your end !

By Divine

Will !

 

Tell me now honestly, do you want respect/praise etc in return for

your " duty " ?

With double speed , Sophiaji, Law of Karma is functioning in your

favour. Think

about it ! Tell me how I am wrong ? Do tell me or else become happy.

Become

peaceful. Become grateful to Paramatma ! He only is ours. Other than

Him there

is only " duty " !

 

Namaste Jee

 

Jee Jee

Shashikala

---------------------------

Sophia-ji you are on the right path. If you can sacrifice your

interest in favor

of birds and animals, you can sacrifice, only to the extent possible

and

bearable, for your Mother - not merely because she is your mother

but because

she is as much a manifestation of God as you or anyone else are/ is.

God,

genetics and previous experiences have giving you the propensity and

strength to

sacrifice for others, even if they do not tolerate you or behave

badly with you.

You are fortunate to have such properties. And, the current

experience in

dealing with the ailing, stuborn and unloving mother will enhance

your

capability to endure and love anyone and help anyone who needs. Pray

to God. You

are doing what He desires. He will give you the strength and lead

you to more

important, interesting experiences and knowledge. He will take care

of your

physical and mental health or change your duty. Submit to him and

pray to him

with the joy of doing what he has ordained for you.

Read Gita again and again. But only those portions on the concept of

God and

what the wise persons do.

Basudeb Sen

-----------------------------

Dear Annonimous,

 

The Nature has made all the life forms self-sufficient. Each one has

to face their own fate all alone. You know it very well, whosoever is

born, has to die one day. The ways of death are different for

different persons. so be brave...

 

G. Waman

 

 

---------------------------

PRIOR POSTING

 

 

 

I KINDLY THANK EVERY SOUL THAT HAS TAKEN THEIR TIME TO SPEAK WORDS

OF INSIGHT AND KINDNESS. I am in nyc and have reache d out over

the years to the caregiver s groups, alzheimers org and such.

I gave up my career as actress and opera singer and left hollywood

over 5 yrs ago to alone take care of a very abusive ill mother.I am

longtime sadhak, vegan , meditator a & practice yoga. the intensity

daily stress has broken me i am now ill myself. as of friday night

mothe r is back in the hospital.perhaps she will listen to the drs.

only God know. she also knows I can no longer take care of her the

way i have my strength is gone and now i am under drs. care.

i will bring Gita to hospital and read every day, continue to pray

and ask my self the query

who is sick and who am i ? i know i am not my body i know mother

is not mine. but the continuous activity of the daily taking care

of is done in this body which is now worn out I will follow all

suggestions kindly spoken of by spiritual friends here.

Karmically i think, it is interesting to note my mother threw me out

on the streets in the dead of winter with no winter coat or money

at age 17.5 (nyc streets). I was never allowed home again even when

i called terrified at 3 am in the snow sleeping outside.

i was abandoned by both mother and father in this life and

brother. i chose not to abandon my mother. i dont abandon birds

and animals i wouldnt abandon mother. my brother whom my mother

worships, and whom took care of my brother who is very wealthy

abandoned my mother years ago & has taken no responsibility or

offered any help of any kind.

she still cries for him while im trying to care for her knowing he

hates her & i shut up. i try i really try to do the right thing

i try and have tried to detach and be witness. it is very

difficult when getting screamed at and spit at within 1 inch of your

face while you a re trying to care physically care for a parent

who abused you growing up and , well, yes i see the only only

solution is deeply spiritual . i do i will go pray now and read

gita again i wish to thank everyone.

moksha

 

sophia

nyc

moskha

 

-------------------------------

Namaskaar.

 

After several years in the United States I returned to Trinidad to

take care of my mother. I have several sisters who do all they can

to help her but as a son to my dear mother, with whom I have a

special bond, I could not resist when Mataji asked me over the

phone, several times: when are you coming home? After about two

weeks of those questions it suddenly dawned on me that Mataji really

wanted me to come back, and as a true son I had an obligation to do

so. I packed my bags, bid goodbye to all, and returned home.

 

It wasn't an easy decision but I had to come home to her and I thank

Bhagavan for giving me the courage and determination to leave that

life and come home to her. Mata ji is 81, paralyzed and unable to

walk, and my sisters and I do all we can to make her comfortable

even though sometimes she can be difficult. But we know this is not

deliberate as it is symptomatic of old age and senility.

 

It can be tiring and difficult and it takes a lot from us and for me

it has been a sacrifice of much of my personal life but every day I

thank Bhagavan for giving me the opportunity and the honour to help

her and be there with her. Sometime Mataji forgets we are there with

her and when I enter her room she pleads with me 'not to leave her.'

I assure her I will never leave her and I will there for her as long

I am alive.

 

Yes, it consumes mental and physical energy, there are costs

nvolved, but I encourage everyone to take care of parents and elders

no matter how burdensome you may think it is and how much energy and

resources are necessary. Try as hard as you can to take care of

them at home rather than in a Senior citizens' home. I know for

sure that the day my Mataji goes into one of those places she will

not survive for more than a week so sending her there is like a

death sentence.

 

As Hindus, we have a long and glorious tradition of our extended

family and caring for all at our homes. Let us strive to maintain

that treasured custom, even in this hectic and tiring world. It is

most fulfilling to serve parents and elders as it is one of the

most exalted characteristics of Sanatan Dharma.

You should not ignore parents and elders - they are our Gods on

earth and if you can't honour and pray to them then it is

meaningless and even hypocritical to pray to Bhagavan.

 

Hari Om

 

Deosaran Bisnath

---------------------------

Shree Hari

Ram Ram

 

My heart aches on reading your email... and deep within long to

reach out ...I am certain many other sadhaks emotionally can

experience what you are going through simply from your note. But

remain ever in that LIGHT that you speak off... never turn away from

it. It is His eternal promise to us... in Gita 9:22 that He will

take care of us !

 

Key is detachment and only doing to the best of your ability what

you can do and forgetting the past or the future. Think of yourself

as a Nurse hired by the divine Light, the Source. You are only

hired to do this work, rather the chosen One, you are merely taking

care of her to the best of your ability and nothing more.

Absolutely nothing more. Live moment to moment guided by the

Light... Not thinking about what will happen or what has happened in

the past... but living only in the present, in that Light that you

speak off in your note and guided by That and That alone. If you

feel exhausted, sleep and rest it out. Do not take the entire burden

on your head.

 

Swamiji often speaks of a wonderful example of a dog who is walking

under a bullock cart filled with heavy goods. He is walking there

only for protection against the heat of the sun (i.e. for shade).

However, after sometime, the dog begins to feel he is the one that

is carrying the burden / weight of the entire cart and all the stuff

on it. We all are like that dog. We begin to carry all the weight

on our shoulder. Krishna clearly showed us with the Govardhan

mountain...that HE ALONE is the One holding up the mountain with the

tip of his tiny finger... that it is He and we are merely

instruments and basking in His glory... nothing more!!!! Therefore

do the best you can... if you miss a day of care, a nurse or someone

at the hospital will fill the gap.

 

As Vyasji and other sadhaks have said... be fearless, worriless,

doubtless, griefless.... without regreting the past or concern about

the future.. only doing what you are able to do... and leaving the

rest up to the Divine, the Beloved, the Light.. .the Spirit...

And as Mike said, you definitely have direct support from this group

therefore be strong. It is not an ordinary thing that you have

started receiving these messages and reading them... and seeking out

help from this group. You have done your part... let the rest

flow!!!! May That Divine Light Always be with you!

 

Meera Das

Ram Ram

 

---------------------------

PRIOR POSTING

 

Hari Om

 

You have every right to be peaceful. " Duty " - is what you CAN and

what you SHOULD. Once you have done what ever you could, there is no

need for you to feel guilty when you CAN NOT anymore. What you can

not do, it is not your duty to do.

Hence be brave, be guiltfree, and see God's hand in every result.

See God live in your Mom, in your mind, in your circumstances - and

for once with a simple heart surrender yourself completely into the

hands of Paramatma. Once you surrender, thereafter you should not

worry.

 

Stand erect. Be peaceful by realising that you did your level best.

Don't look at all at the conduct of " relatives " ! They are made like

that only. They were not " yours " , they are not " yours " , they will

not be " yours " - there is no possibility of their ever

being " yours " . Yours is only Paramatma ! Once you accept " mineness "

with Him (He is always yours) , it would not matter to you, if

anybody is " yours " or not. GUARANTEED !! Remain Doubtless.

Worryless. Griefless. Fearless.

 

Cry before Him- only before Him. Say now take over My Lord. He

surely will. Have trust. Have belief. Thank Him any way !

 

Jai Shree Krishna

 

Vyas N B

 

-Shree Hari-

 

Dear Anonymous,

 

My wife and I are in a very similar position to you, almost a

reflection of that which you have written.

My role in all this is to mainly support my wife.

 

May I point out the family members have washed their hands of much

more than caring for mother.

Surely if they find themselves incapable of helping her directly can

they not at least support you?

 

You have done something very important, you have contacted this site

with so much divine love and wisdom.

 

I feel that you need direct support, as I have no idea where you live

I cannot offer much, here in Australia there are support groups,

religious and none religious.

 

You do not have to remain anonymous, but if you wish to fine.

 

Do come back to this site, I personally promise you I will always

reply and support you to best of my abilities.

 

You may find this site of value, I cannot recommend it too much.

http://swamiramsukhdasji.net

 

May God bless you.

 

With Respect and Divine Love,

 

Mike (Keenor).

--------------------------------

 

Priy Anonimous

I say you are choosen by god to serve your mother.

It comes rarely occassion that U get such chance.

Whatever the situation please do all servings on the basis of

Almighty lord.

God is seeing every moment. He knows better than all of us.

In MANAS:

PRABHU BHANJIHI DARUN BIPATI, JAANAT JAN KI PIR.

God will take care coz he knows all ur pains.

Have faith. please.

Raja Gurdasani

--------------------------------

Namasthe anonymous, I read your message and I guess I understand

what you must be going through. do not worry much. God is there and

everything will be fine too. I just was wondering..where do you

live ? in which country ?

Please try to find the local support groups regarding these

alzeimers' illness. I guess, u are handling this all on ur own and

it would definitely get exhausting. Please find some of the members

who are going thro similar situations via support groups.

 

also, when u mention about exhausting financial resources..how is it

happening ? is it possible if some nurse or anyone can take care of

her 2 to 3 days a week and during that time..u can do other things

and you take care 2 to 3 days..so that you will also get a break

from the routine and get refreshed also.

 

Also, please think about this. in case if u are caring of ur any

family member..the other type of exhaustion we all may feel worried

thinking that it is our family member. Rather than that, if

possible, just try to think that whatever situation we are in

either by choice or circumstance, think its God's work and do it. In

the respect, although u may get physically exhausted, atleast the

exhaustion will not be much from the emotional perspective. once

the mental energy is not drained, you can be calm in every day's

action u do.

 

Please be strong and I am sure everything will be fine. Do not

thnk..its ur mother..just think that it is God's work whatever u are

doing to ur mother. Definitely, please check on the support

groups/non-profit organizations..they will definitely be there to

help the people who are taking care of the people with illness.

 

My prayers and good wishes and so u feel peac in ur heart even in

the midst of all these.

 

namsthe again,

Bharathi

----------------------------

Consider yourself as Arjuna in the battlefied of Kurukshetra, where

in the midst of the war between mother' illness including her

stubborn rejection of all help and your own physical and mental

resources, you are completely dejected and despondent. This is the

reality of the situation you cannot bear. Reading Gita is your Lord

Krishna: read this and identify the Truth. You are not responsible

for anything, you are not the cause of anything. You have done what

you have been doing and continue to be doing. But your actions do

not cause the consequences that you desire and you do not desire.

Whatever happens to Mother is destined to happen and you are neither

the cause nor the one responsible for. You are just an witness to

all happening.

You are only to act as per the propensities/ tendencies that have

been imparted in you by your genetics and past interactions/

experiences with the environment you have grown up. This you have no

alternative but to accept the pains and sufferings.

Get out of identification with this You. This you is just an

illusion that this you will have to live. But the Real You are the

God. Read Gita again and again to realize your Real You and get

beyond the chained you attached to the happenings of this World

around you. Pray and pray to God that He lifts you to the Real You.

Know that when you try in this way to get into your Real you, your

apparent worldy you will have no suffering at all.

All above are words and really cannot help you. Sincere and

continuous prayer and submission to God as you read Gita can only

help you.

Basudeb Sen

------------------------

Yes, on a physical level it is all very difficult to understand and

cope up with.

But these things do happen with many families and part of our

worldly existence.

 

What helps us in these and all other situations is the spiritual

wisdom/rules of our lives,

knowing ourselves, doing things by remaining at the source......

It may appear difficult but with some practice, one start getting

the results....

So please read the messages on this group and get into the spiritual

mode....

 

Humble suggestions:

 

1) You have to understand who you are. So, ask yourself " Who am I? "

and wait for the answer.

Then try again...see what happens....what happens to the

feelings...the stress....Keep this practice

on whenever you can and find time or even while doing something....

 

2) Second question that may burst many myths is to understand who is

getting exhausted and

who is stressed....So ask your self " Who is getting exhausted " , " Who

is getting stressed "

and again wait for the answer........

 

Our mind/ Mann is a wonderful instrument and able to create things

out of nothing.....and we

slowly become slaves of thoughts and further thoughts....The above

questions help you to get rid of the

these absolutely unnecessary and unwanted thoughts. Once that begin

to happen, you can see the

light which shall direct you to do what needs to be done happily and

without much effort....

 

Best wishes....

Sushil Jain

 

-------------------------

Hi ,

 

God is only testing you, do your work and manage to distance

yourself from now or you will be heart broken when the time comes to

say good bye, god willing.

 

Pray more and carry on with your work, you have done your duty and

this is all you can do. You are answerable to only The Almighty, so

go about your work and pray when you find the time to do so.

 

All the best till you feel good.

 

BARBARA ALI

-------------------------

Dear Sadhak,

Under the circumstances of your mother please do not lose confidence

in your sincere caring of your mother who has given birth to you.If

you are tired then ask other members of your family to take care of

her If you have money please put her in a nursing home or any such

place where her care is properly taken

Matru devo Bhava " is a great obligation as narrated in Upnishad.

 

For her salvation please start reading one chapter of Bhagavat Gita

or the whole Gita on Sunday or any important day. Keep some chanting

program at your place for finding a solution and relief to both of

you. Have faith in God and a solutions will come within six months

of your resolution to seek peace in your family.

 

Truly yours

Shankerprasad S Bhatt

-------------------------------

Dear anonymous....

My heart truly goes out to you.....unless one has been in a

similar situation, it is impossible to understand the level of

stress that you are experiencing. I am presently caring for an 84

yr. old mataji, whose son passed away from cancer last November.

(2008). He was only 54. She has one other son, but he is not

vegetarian, so she does not wish to live with him, nor does she wish

to relocate away from the devotional community she has grown used to

in Los Angeles. I promised her son, who was not related to me, that

I would care for his mother. But I have my husband to help me. I

am constantly on the lookout for individuals from my temple who can

spare time and energy to stay with this sweet, elderly lady,

otherwise I take her everywhere with me, because to leave her alone

is quite scary...both for her, as she sits alone and doesn't move,

and for me, because I am so worried about her when she is alone!

And she doesn't even have alzheimer's, or anything like that. Just

incontinence, which of course brings a load of social

pressures......and she screams about having to take a shower. It

is certainly a demanding service....one which the Supreme Lord will

bless you millions of times over for executing so faithfully for so

long......may you always be guided by the Lord in your heart to know

how to continue pleasing Him.

respectfully, Mahalaksmi Dasi

------------------------------

Arvind Khetia, engineer and a Hindu:

Discouragement and hopelessness can arise due to many reasons.

Spiritual wisdom is essential to cultivating a balanced mind. Then,

one recognizes the negative influence of ego, greed and excessive

material pleasures on one's mind and society. Consequently, one

learns to cultivate self-control, discriminate between what is

eternal and transient, practice equanimity and follow one's dharma.

Dharma requires one to perform the duties of life in accordance with

universal ethical values.

 

Therefore, one's faith must be founded on spiritual reality to help

combat discouragement and hopelessness. The Bhagavad-Gita

states, " When spiritual wisdom is the highest goal, one's faith is

deep and senses restrained, then one attains wisdom and acquires

perfect peace. "

 

According to Vedanta, true faith begins with having faith in

ourselves. Then, through practicing the spiritual disciplines of

meditation and yoga, one achieves a transformation of one's

character. Thus, one's faith evolves into the realization of one's

inner spiritual nature and manifests as enlightened optimism.

 

Arvind Khetia

--------------------------

Dear Exhausted ,

 

The True answer must come from your ' inside ', from inside you.

No-one from outside can give you the correct answer for you, in your

particular situation

 

Meditation will lead you to your inner being .

Meditation is the only Way.....................

Sit for formal meditation , morning and evening, half an hour .

 

BUT..................

 

When meditation does not ' happen', especially in the beginning(

your mind does not move into it so easily), and Karma ( sewa) is

also so exhausting and stressful, ' prayer and satsanga' is the

answer ..........

 

A Prayer to God ( Krishna, Rama,Shiva, Allah, Waheguru ) for

strength and wisdom, whenever the mind falls ... Being at the feet

of a master can do wonders !

 

narinder bhandari

-------------------------------

 

 

SUMMARY OF SADHAK POSTINGS -

 

- Many good advices do not work... Only Bagavan can help, like in

the case of Drowpati being disrobed. Why attachment even in mind

level?

 

 

- complaint raises from the violation of one's core limits as well

as limitations - natural, psychological, physiological, financial,

social as well as spiritual - leading to exhaustion and distress.

- you are on the right path.

- You have already experienced " nothing is mine, " ... now the next

step... " only God is mine " . Why subtle insistence on recovery

etc., What can you do , except doing your duty? AND THAT YOU HAVE

DONE and ARE DOING ! Fault is linking duty with old memories ! Fault

is in re-living the past! which does not exist! Forgive and forget!

on shedding the insistence, peace will prevail.

- if you are not at peace within, you can not comfort anybody else

no matter

what your understanding/determination/ intention is.

- What a destructive force is hatred? And how indestructible

is 'Divine Love'. Some people will never abandon any needy, it is

their very nature to care.

- Do your duty and forget. Nothing is ours.

- think 10 times before taking any decision, so that there be no

regrets.

- you can sacrifice, only to the extent possible and bearable, for

your Mother -

not merely because she is your mother but because she is as much a

manifestation of God

- do work deligently and discharge of duties earnestly

- Nurse - pure service, so impersonal, and yet so compassionate ...

if we could be like that in spite of having emotional relations

- we are the chosen ones. there are no options regarding caring for

parents. We have to do it.

- as far as possible keep them (elders) at home.

- distribute sweets / candy to poor children then the grief

DEFINITELY goes !

- You only receiving suffering to the extent that you can handle.

- Don't seek any reciprocation for your good deeds

- Being Peaceful is your birth right! What you can not do, it is

not your duty! be guiltfree. See God in Mom, and take complete

refuge in the Divine (God); accept only Him as yours; thereafter do

not worry! Remain Doubtless. Worryless. Griefless. Fearless.

- you are choosen by god to serve your mother; a rare opportunity!

Serve as if serving Almighty! He knows what is best! He knows ur pain

- My heart truly goes out to you.....it is certainly a demanding

service. may you always be guided by the Lord in your heart to know

how to continue pleasing Him.

- YOUR HEALTH IS INTRICATELY CONNECTED TO YOUR MOTHER'S WELL-BEING.

- you are being tested; You have done your duty! continue working

but becoming detached. Pray. You are only answerable to God.

- Karma Favoring you - On one hand you are doing selfless duty and

thus accumulating " assets " . On other hand with every

abuse/disrespect/spit on the face your " liabilities " are

simultaneously getting wiped out-

without any effort at your end ! Become grateful to Paramatma ! He

only is ours. Other than Him there is only " duty " !

- you need a break, some relief. DO yoga/meditate regularly.

- Whatever happens to Mother is destined to happen and you are

neither the cause nor the one responsible for. Stop identification

with Body/Mind and identify with the Truth of the Gita. Read Gita

again and again! prayer and submission to God/Gita can only help you.

- Leave for ever " desire for happiness " . Immediately / Instantly

pains will vanish.

- Have tremendous trust in God doing just what is right. " this

shall pass too " .

- Write your prayer on a piece of paper. acknowledging you cannot

resolve this problem alone, seek help! place at His feet and become

worriless.

- we are just puppets. We are supposed to do our duty and not to

interfere with the result, just accept it. If you too accept this

fact then there will be no stress, no exhaustion, no disappointments.

- Spiritual wisdom is essential to cultivating a balanced mind.

True faith begins with having faith in ourselves.

- Question over and over again.. who am I? who is getting

exhausted? Who is getting stressed? and wait for the answer! Mind

creates things out of nothing! The above questions help you to get

rid of the unnecessary thoughts. thereafter light shall direct you

to do what needs to be done happily and without much effort

- Meditate and Pray... at lotus feet of Lord

- Pray to God. You are doing what He desires. He will give you the

strength and

lead you to more important, interesting experiences and knowledge

- Do not lose confidence. Seek Help! Read Gita! Have Faith in God

and solution will come.

- Read Gita again and again. But only those portions on the concept

of God and what the wise persons do.

- Take time out for personal rest and relaxation. Avoid getting the

carer disease...DYSTHEMIA

- you are getting their full blessings. And these special blessings

can turn any negativity in a patri to the most blessed and enriched

life. You are truly blessed believe me. Turn this into an

oppurtunity rather than a crisis.

- created a small sanctuary in my house where I hide to be with God

- You need direct support! Are there support groups / others?

Don't hesitated to rely on sadhaks in this forum. They are

personally committed to support.

- Please seek out a local support group! Possibly a break, through

hired nurse help, so can get some rest!

- Think of yourself as a Nurse only... taking care of her for short

time... not thinking of past or future. Live in present, guided by

the light.

- remember every day that I am Gods Only and no one else is mine.

Rest in Paramaatma as taking care of your self.

- think its God's work you are doing for your mother and do it!

There will be less emotional exhaustion, therefore you'll be calm

even though physical strain.

- The Nature has made all the life forms self-sufficient. Each one

has to face their own fate all alone. Whosoever is born, has to die

one day. so be brave...

- we do not have a choice in what situation we are presented with

(it is strictly based on Prarabhda) but we do have a choice, as to

how we deal with the given situation, in terms of what actions we

take we are independent

- wrting three pages to God daily, first thing in the morning

- Please keep confidence in God who will find a way our of your

worries and direct you about the action you have to take

- Please be strong and all will be fine!

- relax please ...

- every day I thank Bhagavan for giving me the opportunity and the

honour to help her and be there with her

- keep confidence in God who will find a way our of your worries and

direct you about the action you have to take

- Let us strive to maintain that treasured custom, even in this

hectic and tiring world. It is most fulfilling to serve parents and

elders as it is one of the most exalted characteristics of Sanatan

Dharma.

- Entering into the depth of 'Darkness', it is there that you can

see the Divine Light.

- 'Cry before Him- only before Him. Say now take over My Lord. He

surely will. Have trust. Have belief. Thank Him any way !'

- cry out like a child who is lost and is looking for Mother or

Father, place no restriction call to Him as child, go where it takes

you - He gets away all your pain depending upon intensity and

sincerity of your prayer

- We can never repay the debt of mother's milk; therefore do not

shrink from your duty to serve your mother in her hour of need

- Life is what it has to be and NOT what you wish it to be.

ACCEPTANCE is key. rendering to your Mother is the service to God.

- Depression is tendency of mind to travel excessively into

NOTHINGNESS and into pessimism! Simply disown the mind emotionally.

When any worldly thought comes into mind – IGNORE. Neither like it

nor dislike it ! Just be indifferent, UDAASIN. Neither past nor

future exists NOW ! A thing which does not exist, why to worry about

the same? convert this DUKHALAYAM into VASUDEVAH SARVAM. A learned

persons tolerates this tax by wisdom, while a fool tolerates this by

regretting/ crying.) Hence be brave. One who has given beak to you,

will give food also ! Simply DON'T WORRY !!! NEVER NEVER WORRY

HENCE FORTH.

- Gita ends with advice of Lord Krishna : Ma Suchah - PLEASE DO NOT

WORRY !

- One stroke of will power .... just one ..... to Understand that

you are seeking freedom from pain, not just a relief for a short

duration ! And , only the self can help. Be yourself. Love

yourself. Love is the Way

- How can daughter of Paramatma be depressed? Is God not there? He

is alive. He is there. We all are with you. Our prayers will make

both of you alright. Please remain cheerful. Depression does not

like laughter. The moment you laugh , depression will run away.

- No tears please. Angels dont weep !

- Just dont bother about anything. Whatever is destined will take

place. Take sufficient rest. If sleep does not come easily, then

keep chanting God's name

- Day is over! ( Sorrow is gone) . Now have a nice sleep ! (Be

peaceful) !

- A change in mind-set can go a long way to help at this critical

time. The 5 Golden Principles will help immensely.

- Pet a cow in a " Gaushala " ( place where there are cows). Take your

mom there with you. By caressing the body of cows is capable of

curing even incurable diseases.

- go find the cows, your seeking may be the tipping point for your

well-being.

- Turning towards Him simply means accepting Him and believing in

Him and seeking refuge in Him only. When we cry out loud that I have

no place to turn, He cannot turn away.

- Mind may be depressed, but not our Divine Sophia. Nothing now can

harm you, once you have cried before God. Just feel jubilant.

- Be a witness to all happenings

- Do no encourage the depression by giving it importance..shoo is

away. think of those in worst of situations (Africa, all that

poverty and suffering); healing and spiritually cannot be separated;

- God wants you be His Happy child

-------------------------

My mother is once again hospitalized… im sorry im exhausted and

very stressed. After five years of taking care of her entirely on

my own, as other family members have washed their hands off, I feel

completely exhausted. She is also a alzheimers patient exhibiting

all behaviour related to this deadly disease. She continues to be

extremely stubborn in receiving any kind of help which is continuing

to exhaust and drain all her financial resources.

 

Caring for her for so long, I feel like I will have a stroke or a

heart attack. There have been many incidents where I have been

completely freaked out, totally drained of all energy. This extreme

physical and mental exhaustion has reached a point where I can

barely make it off the bed, with my eyes swollen from exhaustion.

 

I read the words in your daily posting and though i know they are

true, they mean nothing in my serious state of exhaustion. I can

no longer care for my mother and have told her doctors so and they

know and agree. Knowing that I still feel responsible, but at the

same time, feel completely unable to deal with the situation.

There appears to be no Light in sight! How do I connect to this

Light? I seek any guidance you can offer to be free of suffering

and to be at Peace!

 

May all souls cross over the horrid ocean of suffering

including me.

 

Sophia

 

 

--------------------------

 

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2. Quote Gitaji/scriptures wherever possible..

3. Limit personal feelings, opinions, beliefs etc. to the

extent that they further help in understanding the Gita shlokas

4. Be as concise, to the point, respecting sadhaka's time.

5. Focus on subject at hand only.

6. Do not include links to the other sites.

7. Do not include your personal information (Ph #, address etc).

8. Do not personalize message

9. All responses may not be posted.

10. Moderator at his discretion, may modify the posting.

11. Take into consideration the novices, youth, westerners, non-

sectarian audience. i.e. limit the use to Sanskrit words only.

Provide English word bracketed.

 

MODERATOR

Ram Ram

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------

 

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QUESTION SUMMARIZED (Details at end of posting)

My mother is once again hospitalized… im sorry im exhausted and

very stressed. After five years of taking care of her entirely on

my own, I feel totally drained of all energy and extreme

physical and mental exhaustion to the point where I can

barely make it off the bed. There appears to be no Light in sight! I

am also now diagnosed as severely depressed. How do I connect to

this Light? I seek any guidance you can offer to be free of

suffering and to be at Peace!

 

Sophia

===========================================================

 

NEW POSTING

 

Hari Om

 

I agree with Madanji Kaura. One should develop habit of 'seeing God'

in every one, in every thing, in every happening, in every

circumstance, in every incidence !! That in itself provides relief!

 

Remember: There is GOD AND GOD ONLY EVERYWHERE ! Nothing else exists

except you yourself and God. Rest all is illusion. There is God in

Mother. There is God in Father. There is God in husband. There is

God in wife. There is God in everybody/thing! Recognise in every

circumstance/every body Him only. Your eye should search Him only-

you will find Him. The moment you separate 'x' and 'y' - he can't be

God , he can only be God_ you are lost in a never ending

maze/mirage ! Literally lost !

 

Hence all scriptures advice you to see God everywhere.

 

How to reconcile the above with 'Doosara na koi' (Nobody else is

mine) ? Think about it. If you can give your views , give ! All

sadhaks are praying for and awaiting your recovery and contribution

in deliberations. Answer me, Dear Sister ! How do we

reconcile " Vasudevah Sarvam " with " Doosara na koi " ? Answer is

hidden in this very posting . Search it !! Get going spiritually

once you regain strength and vitality. Think of such questions.

Occupy yourself on such issues. There is peace here ! Believe us on

that, Dear Divine Sister !

 

I am insisting on satsanga at this critical period of your life,

because as one learned sadhak stated it is right time to get

spiritual. When wax melts and you add colour into that, it becomes

permanent. Every calamity, every crisis, every sorrow melts your

heart, purifies you, eliminates 'liabilities' from the Balance Sheet

of your karmic life, and drags you towards your Father- Paramatma.

Turn decisively towards Him. Then there will be only bliss, only

Peace, only ANANDA ! Only Him ! Absolute Ananda with not even an

iota of relativity !! Become Happy! Start dancing! You have known

now that you are daughter of the King of all the Kings ! Dear Dear

Daughter! What is now there to worry for ! If some body tells Mr X

that President of a Nation has adopted him to be his son, how happy

Mr X will become? Become more happy than him. You are daughter of

the Emperor of all the Emperors !

 

Jai Shree Krishna

 

Vyas N B

------------------------

namastey,

 

In UK there are many services available for care givers like you.

Once you contact social services dept I am certain you can receive

assistance, plus put you in touch with other care givers, arrange

for an off day where someone else can take on the responsibility of

caretaking, while you catch up on sleep or chores etc.

 

In UK, if your mum is a pensioner, she would get free treatment when

she hands over her pension book to care home. Council's social

service dept would look after payments of services. Do check into

available services. There must be something comparable in USA.

 

Ramesh Jhalla

 

 

-------------------------

PRIOR POSTING

 

Dear Sadhakas, Namaste!

To Sophiaji,

Please remember this: If suffering like the one you are going

through, comes our way for whatever reason or no reason, God will

make sure, it is not greater than you can bear!

This I have seen in my life over and over again.

Have tremendous trust in this, and in God doing just this right now.

Also remember " this shall pass too " . As simple as it may sound but

has power to withstand any pain if one keeps reminding oneself often

with faith.

Another suggestion: Write your prayer on a piece of paper.

Write it as if talking to God. Ask for help acknowledging you cannot

alone resolve this problem alone, so you will appreciate the help.

Be impersonal rather than asking for " me " . Say this is what you like

to have but you will go along with whatever He knows is right for

all of you including the other family members, mother herself, and

yourself.

Place this paper under His feet on alter if you have one.

This may sound like rituals but it is more of what is to be felt

deep within as we do this offering to surrender our ego!

Then Relax and do the best you can to do your part. As many sadhakas

have suggested call for help of organization(s) who can help.

Remember God helps through people only!

While doing the best, try to find out the true meaning of God.

Namaskar.............Pratap Bhatt

 

------------------------------

 

Jai Hanuman

 

Dear Sophia. Among many suggestions of learned sadhaks add the

following.

 

When you regain some strength and vitality , go to some " Gaushala " (

place where there are cows). Take your mom there with you. If you

keep or let your mom keep caressing the body of cows for some

period, the cow will get pleased. When cow gets pleased, what to

talk of ordinary diseases, even incurable diseases get cured.

 

( From the last page of many books of Swamiji Ramsukhdasji Maharaj

published from Gita Press, Gorakhpur)

 

Dear Sister- Please do not worry ! Please !!

 

Namaste Jee

 

Jee Jee

Shashikala

------------------------------

 

PRIOR POSTING

 

NAMASKAR

SORRY DEAR SADHAK MEMBERS I AM TRYING REALLY DO DO EVERYTHING

SUGGESTED. BUT TODAY WHEN I AM SUPPOSED TO TAKE HER HOME FROM THE

HOSPITAL AND STAY WITH HER UNTIL AN AID COMES FOR A FEW DAYS I

CANNOT GET UP AND I AM THROWING UP WITH A STOMACH VIRUS, i am burnt

out and weak and crying and thats it

i cant do this anymore. Sophia

------------------------

Shree Hari

Ram Ram

 

Sophiaji, it will be very helpful if you let us know the three

things that you are currently following through with from the

sadhak's suggestions, but only after you regain some energy and

strength. It will be helpful to understand.

From Gita Talk Moderators, Ram Ram

-------------------------

 

 

Dear Sadaks,

Did anyone solve Ravana`s distress on his last day of war with Sri

Rama. Many good advises did not work. Same with Kans when Bagavan

entered Mathura. Only Bagavan can help, like in the case of Drowpati

being disrobed.

 

My humble opinion:

Let only Sadhaks, Guru and GOD be dear to us. Why dear Sophia? Why

attachment even in mind level?

B.Sathyanarayan

 

-------------------------

PRIOR POSTING

 

Dear Sophie,

So sorry to hear of your woes but remember every day that I am Gods

Only and no one else is mine. Rest in Paramaatma as taking care of

your self is as if taking care of Gods Temple and rest at His Holy

Feet knowing He would want you to take care of yourself as a

beautiful child of Gods. Pray that you be granted equanimity as

seeker I strive for this as well.God is Light and remember to pray

all times to be Gods only and serve HIM with all that you have. God

wants you be His Happy child as He loves you like a good mother

loves her child.

 

catherine andersen

 

---------------------------

 

Generally in India we are to respect our mothers like Goddesses

because they brought us into this world. We can never repay Doodh

ka Karj, or the debt of mother's milk. We are perpetually indebted

to our mothers. So though it is a gruelling task, you should not

shrink from your duty to serve your mother in her hour of need.

 

Hari Shanker Deo

------------------------

Dear Sophia,

My heart went out to you. I can totally empathise with you because I

too am in a similar boat. Recently I created a small sanctuary in my

house where I hide to be with God so I can get strength from him.

Also I took a lesson from Julia Cameron and I have started wrting

three pages to God daily, first thing in the morning, and this has

really helped me. Her book called artists way I can recommend to you.

Blessings

Chandrika

-----------------------------

 

 

-------------------------

PRIOR POSTING

 

im sorry i am stupid

everyone has been so very kind

im sorry but the body um i have this stupid girl that has

incarnated into is exhausted and un well being. i am sorry i have

taken everyone's time and this is one truth i know better than most.

 

REMEMBER : TU JAANE MERE SANG BEETI, EK EK BAAR SABHI SANG BEETI ! (

You are thinking that it (adversity) has happened in your case only.

But the fact is that it has happened with each and every human being

once). DEH DHARE KA DAND HAI, SAB KAHOO KO HOY ! GYAANI BHUGATE

GYAAN SE, MOORAKH BHUGATE ROY !! ( Worldly sorrows is a universal

tax to be borne by every human being.

 

Sophia

---------------------------

 

Dear Sophia,

 

The 'Black Dog', is the name we have for serious depression here,

and how many of us have had him howling at our door, dogging our

every step as it were. You know, the sun is shining spring is in the

air and you feel disconnected, joyless, a lump of existence.

Yes I know the chemical balance may be out of balance in the brain,

but, take some advice from one that knows, don't throw a bone to him,

throw a stone instead shoo him away.(My medication is 'The Divine

Beloved', none other).

 

A major turning point came about, when I,looking for some way of

helping myself, sat before a High Lama, he said while we were

attempting to meditate, " Here we have very good condition, think of

Africa, all that poverty and suffering " , and you know what? I did

just that, I disconnected from my own miseries and for a moment I was

concerned for others. A seed had been in sown in my heart by that

great man, I swear it is still growing.

 

The essence of this is TO FIND A WAY TO HELP YOURSELF. After my cry

for help I stumbled upon the Tibetan Buddhist, God took me there I

know. Slowly my head started to turn towards the Great Indian

traditions.......

 

Look if you feel you need medical support, consider it temporary. And

do all you can to connect to an M.D./Healer that is connected to an

Ashram. Oddly enough the Guide/Guru I had some years back, had a

sister who was an M.D. at an Ashram in the USA, and she herself

worked as a Homeopath/Naturopath in an Ashram in India for quite

some time. My present homeopath is a Sikh; healing and the

spiritual, cannot be separated.

Maybe other Sadhaks can give more information regarding healers

within the Hindu society.

 

Please do not restrict you life to four walls and your sorrows.

 

In passing, I have sat in sweet bliss in meditation, tears pouring

from my eyes, these are not tears of sorrow, oh no these are

something else, I do hope you experience these tears, your heart

will be opening to the Universe.

 

One more thing dear friend, the 'Black Sheep', may not be bad, maybe

she/he marches to the beat of a different drum, or dances to the far

off tune of a Murali that non other can hear.(Echoing down the

corridors of Time).

 

With Respect and Divine Love,

 

Mike Keenor

-------------------------

Dear Sophiaji !

 

AAJ KAL MAIN DHAL GAYA, DIN HUA TAMAAM ! TU BHI SOJA, SOGAYEE RANG

BHARI SHAAM !!

 

Today has converted into tomorrow. Day is over! ( Sorrow is gone) .

Now have a nice sleep ! (Be peaceful) !

 

HAI BUJHA BUJHA SA DIL, BOJH SAANS SAANS PAR, JEE RAHEN HAI PHIR BHI

HAM, SIRF KAL KI AASH PAR ! NEEND KAH RAHI HAI , MERI BAAHEN THAM !!

 

Very very dejected was heart. There was a weight on each and every

breath. Living only on a hope of a better tomorrow. But now PEACE (

sleep ) is telling me - Hey come, hold my arms.

 

KAUN AYEGA IDHAR , KISKI RAAH DEKHE HAM ! JINKI AAHATE SUNI JAANE

KISKE THE KADAM !!

 

APNA KOI BHI NAHIN, APNE HAIN TO RAAM !!

 

TU BHI SOJA, SO GAYEE RANG BHARI SHAAM !!

 

Who will come here? I should wait for whom? ( Nobody is mine) Those

sounds of steps were of strangers ( Illusion) !

 

No body is mine ! Only Raam ( Paramatma) is mine !

 

Day is over! ( Sorrow is gone) . Now have a nice sleep ! (Be

peaceful) !

 

Namaste Jee

 

Jee Jee

Shashikala

 

Sophiaji Namaste!

 

Stand aside and be a witness! Yes, try to observe the happenings as

a witness. Analyse it. Try to put into practise. It might be of some

help.. Sandeep Pathak

--------------------------

Dear Sophia

 

Love and Love alone....

 

Life is what it has to be and NOT what you wish it to be. Accept

this bitter Truth, you feel relieved of all your stress and tension.

Acceptance leads to surrender and the results in strength. My dear,

accept the service you are rendering to your Mother is the service

to God and by serving Him, you are reaching and realising the utmost

reality of your life. It is the way for you to reach the Ultimate

Goal. Accept it my dear, accept it. Wish you all the best and May

God bless you.

 

Love and Love alone....

 

Paritala Gopi Krishna

-------------------------------

 

 

---------------------------

PRIOR POSTING

 

Dear Sophia Bahenji

 

No ! No tears please. You havent done anything bad to regret. Angels

dont weep. Your mother is not abusing you. Her sickness is as such.

All mothers are good. There is benefit of you hidden in each of the

moves of mother. She may not be knowing, but God knows that. God

cannot use a mother for hurting her children. If God does that , it

means huge benefit is hidden in that. Even if she means to hurt you,

because of karmic reasons, God will ensure your safety. Can any one

get killed by consuming nectar ? No Bahenjee! No tears please. Laugh

it out. What depression? As Sadhu Vyas told you she made you realise

a truth which people dont realise in ages and eras. Nothing/Nobody

is Mine. What a truth. Could you have realised that without the help

of mother? You should not mind the abuses or ill treatment of

mother because all said and done, the very body of yours belongs to

her only. Above all she is not in her senses. Believe me, she loves

you more than anyone else. Is there no love in hate? Is there no

love in a slap of mother? Try it. She will never let others ill

treat you, even when she is in this mental state. Past is past. She

might have erred when you were 18 years old. But is she not

sufferring? She is paying for that only. Dear Bahenji ! It is only

because she erred with your reference that she is in this shape

today. Even in this mental state , does she not know about the

conduct of her son? She knows. She is more sufferring than you.

Believe me.

 

Hence it is time that you develop 'compassion " for her. Sadhu Mike

Keenor loves to be compassionate. Learn from his experiences. Read

old Qs on this site. Your depression will get cured the moment you

forget and forgive. Replace weariness, hate, anger with love and

compassion, please. Immediately, you will get peace, Bahenjee!

Immediately. You are so great otherwise. We all are proud of you

and of your tolerance so far. Please oblige us by being divine.

What a pleasure it will give you in future , when you would recall

how love healed the wounds.

 

No ! No tears please. Angels dont weep !

 

I bow to you Bahenjee.

 

Khan Jarsingh

--

 

Hari Om

 

Depression / Mental Fatigue . What is Depression ? I am not a

doctor. Hence In my language : Depression is tendency of mind to

travel excessively into NOTHINGNESS and into pessimism! Your mind

is capable only of travelling either in past or in future. Both do

not exist NOW ! The cure is simple ! Simply disown the mind

emotionally. Replace worldly thoughts automatically coming into

mind, by thoughts of Paramatma dwelling within. How do you do

that ? " Become " of Paramatma by firmly resolving : MERE TO GIRDHAR

GOPAAL, DOOSARA NA KOI . ( Only Paramatma is mine, no one else is

mine). That single resolution must make you peaceful in an instant

and forever. Thereafter DO WHAT YOU CAN AND WHAT YOU SHOULD.

Depression is self conceived. Don't feel that you are depressed and

you are not depressed. Don't let the worldly anxieties, old

memories, fears for future haunt you. When any worldly thought comes

into mind – IGNORE. Neither like it nor dislike it ! Just be

indifferent, UDAASIN , remain unruffled to those waves of old

memories and anxieties. Think at that time : I am of God. Why I

should bother about a thing on which I have no control. God will

take care if He desires to do so. Else whatever is to happen, let it

happen. See henceforth all the happenings in your life as you see a

movie. Now that you have surrendered to God and you have experienced

the world closely, now don't worry! Start dancing !! What a thing

you have got !! You are of GOD !!! God is your Father ! He has taken

over your life with immediate effect. How beautiful. Now every of

your burden is that of God ! You are free . Just take one care.

Don't doubt this, don't fear, don't ever worry now. NEVER NEVER

WORRY HENCE FORTH. What can happen ? You are immortal, the body is

mortal. Your father is God. He is immortal. What can happen to

you ? Hence DON'T WORRY.

 

REMEMBER : Neither past nor future exists NOW ! A thing which does

not exist, why to worry about the same? Depression causes you to do

that. See happiness in small small things. Admire beauty of a flower

or a bird. Remember you are not alone. EACH AND EVERY HUMAN BEING

IS BURNING IN THE FIRE OF SORROW. This world has been defined as "

DUKHALAYAM " . ( Abode of sorrow) in the very Holy Gita. Your job now

is to convert this DUKHALAYAM into VASUDEVAH SARVAM. Keep in touch

with this divine site on a daily basis. Start replying to various

questions that are raised in this forum. You will find peace here.

 

REMEMBER : TU JAANE MERE SANG BEETI, EK EK BAAR SABHI SANG BEETI ! (

You are thinking that it (adversity) has happened in your case only.

But the fact is that it has happened with each and every human being

once). DEH DHARE KA DAND HAI, SAB KAHOO KO HOY ! GYAANI BHUGATE

GYAAN SE, MOORAKH BHUGATE ROY !! ( Worldly sorrows is a universal

tax to be borne by every human being. A learned persons tolerates

this tax by wisdom, while a fool tolerates this by regretting/

crying.)

 

Hence be brave. One who has given beak to you, will give food also !

Simply DON'T WORRY !!!

 

Jai Shree Krishna

Vyas N B

-------------------------

Hare Krishna

 

Sophiaji ! Now that you have joined Sadhaks , every day should be a

new day for you.. Every day you will get more and more peace ! Just

think that you are not depressed. Just think that you are alright

and you shall be so ! Brother Mike, Vyasji, Mira Dassji, Jee Jee

Shashikalaji all have given you sterling and really soul touching

messages. Surrender to God is a complete solution in itself. Gita

starts with " Worry " of Arjuna. Gita ends with advice of Lord

Krishna : Ma Suchah - PLEASE DO NOT WORRY ! On the contrary be happy

that now everything related with you is in the powerful hands of

God .

 

Please keep sharing your experiences regularly.

 

Gopal Mehta

 

 

My dear Sophia,

 

narinder has been going through all the sharing on the

subject ........... and what comes to mind is this :

 

while all the love and consolation offered to you is worthy of

repect and reverence , and is the truth of being .............

 

Sophia will not be helped, in any deep measure, by consolation and

comfort offered.......

 

when all things fail... and they do ..... only the self can

help ....... you, yourself ..... your own being ..... with the

right resolve .......

 

One stroke of will power .... just one ..... to be able to

understand that you are seeking freedom from pain, not just a relief

for a short duration ! And , only the self can help.

 

Here comes the advice from all Knowers of Truth ........ when self

too is down and out ...... seek the company of the saints, sages,

and sadhaks true .... be with them for short periods of time ....

physically, be in their presence .... let your mind self be

subjected to the strength of the self , the aura of Nothingness,

which is perpetually emanating from the Sages as love divine that

heals !

 

A prayer goes out to you, Sophia .... joy and love to you ......

 

The prayer

 

Rises in the heart when it rises.

Out of nowhere does prayer arise in the Heart,

No reason !

It rises, this prayer, for Heart itself is nothing but Prayer

Nothing but the Light of One-ness

Nothing but Love

Nothing but Silence .

In Silence of Being, the Prayer blossoms:

And, ah ! What Joy !

The fragrance from the Blossoms knows no frontiers !!!

The Heart is the Giver divine

All Gifts are from the Source, all !

And the heart verily is the only Source, the One Source, the True

Source.

 

And one day, Krishna's Heart

Chooses for Krishna

The Gift of Gifts

It's own Self !

And Krishna's flute resounds in Eternity

As the soundless sound of OM

And Krishna sleeps the sleepless sleep forever !

Jai Krishna ! Jai Krishna !

Krishna Krishna , jai jai Krishna

Jai Jai Krishna Hare Hare

 

May Krishna fill you with strength, love and resolve

 

Be yourself. Love yourself.

Love is the Way

 

AUM

narinder bhandari

--------------------------

You are great Sister Sophia. Nothing wrong with you. There is no

reason for you to feel guilty. No body takes so much care of moms as

you took. Depression is a tendency of mind. Mind changes. In your

case too it will change. Watch and enjoy in the meantime this

depression also. Now God is with you. Depression cant reach you. Who

is depressed ? Mind may be depressed, but not our Divine Sophia.

Nothing now can harm you, once you have cried before God. Just feel

jubilant. You tried to be a witness in the past. Try now , as you

have now taken shelter of God.

 

Wishing you very peaceful nice, sound sleeps and rest. Sleep well.

Remember God when awake. See how the world has been made. See how

the God , your Father, is ! Trust Him. Give Love to all and sundry.

Dont feel depressed. You are not depressed. You are tired.

 

Nisha Chatterji

 

--------------------------

Sophiaji

 

Depression ? Nothing to worry. We shall make it run , Sister. We

will not acknowledge that depression. So simple. How can daughter of

Paramatma be depressed? Is God not there? He is alive. He is there.

We all are with you. Our prayers will make both of you alright.

Please remain cheerful. Depression does not like laughter. The

moment you laugh , depression will run away. Depression. These

doctors when they do not know call it depression. In those hearts

where God has entered , where is the space for depression? A good

sleep is the medicine. When God is yours, what can make you tense or

depressed. Dont acknowledge that you are depressed. Simple!

 

Thakurlingam

-------------------------

Dear Sophia

 

Just as relatives are not yours , similarly mind , intellect, body

etc are also not yours. Experience yourself to be separate from

your mind. Depression will evaporate. When mind is not yours , what

difference does it make to you, whether it is depressed or

suppressed? Dont bother. Watch your mind as a separate entity. It

will become like a dog. Just dont pay any attention. You can do

that. Take sufficient rest now. Just dont bother about anything.

Whatever is destined will take place. Take sufficient rest. If sleep

does not come easily, then keep chanting God's name and become

happy. Wish : Let there be no sleep so that I can take God's name

more. Whatever be the case, feel cheerful. Depression has no basis

to survive. Only when you provide it a shelter or respect or

recognition that it can survive. Be optimist.

 

Shyama Chhangani

 

--------------------------

PRIOR POSTING

 

i have been DIAGNOSED NOW WITH DEPRESSION A ND CHRONIC FATIGUE

SYNDROME .. yes i am depressed, but who is depressed? i keep asking

myself these questions but meanwhile this body is exhausted and so

is the small I here in this body to be a caregiver here in the

united states is legendary with the caregivers dying now or

becoming very ill & unable to take care of their parents with

alzheimers.

 

i am going to rest today again she is in the hospital for a few

more days i rest before i take her home & i pray. i have nothing

left to give no finances anymore no physical or emotional strength

but i still do my duty & pray.

 

To ajay and all caregivers who have responded -

it seems here all have been like me the black sheep the abused one

the disrespectedoone. but the one that took the responsibility. it

is very odd. I'm sorry for all of your suffering. I think it is

a good thing we speak of our pain with this group. Mother is mother

she gave us the birth to be able to know God

We may have even chosen her in this incarnation.i know i should not

complain but God I am so tired.. so so tired. I am going to lay

down again...

 

Sophia

---------------------------

 

Hare Krishna,

I can understand a bit of the pain suffered by you, because I have

my wife (who is ill since 6 years). I am lucky that I have my son to

share the problems. Here you are alone. In my view (actually

Gita's) we should accept this fact that every thing/situation is

composed by God and we are just puppets. We are supposed to do our

duty and not to interfere with the result, just accept it. If you

too accept this fact then there will be no stress no exhaustion no

disappointments.

May God bless you and give you enough courage and energy.

Ashok Goenka

-----------------------------

" Two Yrs. back I was also trapped in almost similar situation

related to my job -I literally wept in front of Lord Jagannath for

his help , undoubtedly I got it .

He gets away all your pain depending upon intensity and sincerity of

your prayer . "

 

 

Arun Sharma

---------------------------

dear Sophia,

 

What you need is a " break " from your mother's bedside and go for a

walk in the park. Ask a friend to relieve you for an afternoon and

go- to a spa or someplace that will make you feel " pampered " !

Practice your yoga, meditation on a daily basis at home, even

while caring for your mom. All the best and know that YOU are

fortunate to serve YOUR mother. Yu have no idea just how much of

karma you burn by doing that act lovingly- this same mother was the

one who cleaned up after us so many umpteen times without a

break!

 

Love and blessings,

Meenakshi

---------------------------

 

PRIOR POSTING

 

I AM DEEPLY TOUCHED AND SITTING HERE CRYING OVER THE KINDNESS OF ALL

WHO HAVE SPOKEN HERE TO HELP ME. CRYING. DOING AS SUGGESTED CRYING

OUT TO GOD STUDYING GITA AND FOR THE PAST 2 DAYS RESTING IN BED WITH

GITA EXHAUSTED. ALONG WITH MEDITATION, YOGA , MANTRA. I HAVE BEEN

IN THERAPIES WITH DRS FOR MANY YEARS HERE. EVERY WESTERN DR. HAS

TOLD ME TO GET AWAY FROM MY MOTHER to leave her to her own

sufferings and rot. This I would not do the many many layers of

emotional pain i have dealt with over the years with very little

healing. and i have forgiven her but one day when she was abusing me

so i yelled at her & then i felt guilty. the trick is to detach to

organically understand i am not the suffering. i know that but to

organically get that , well then i would be enlightened but that

is not the case. when i lived on the streets of nyc i did not shoot

heroin or kill myself because i knew this was karma and i had to

walk a spiritual path that has never changed. but i wish not to

speak of myself anymore. i have reached out and you have all been

spiritually gracious. i hope i may serve as well to help those that

suffer including crippled nyc pigeons that some children try to

hit. there is too much sorrow in this world. i wish i could wave a

magic wand

 

I LOVE THIS

 

Living in the West you may have heard of the poem 'Dark Night of the

Soul', by St. John of the Cross. " Oh Night! more glorious than the

Rising Sun! "

 

Look! Entering into the depth of 'Darkness', it is there that you can

see the Divine Light. The dawn is coming you know, I think maybe you

might just start to see it's first glimmer.

 

Brother Vyas gave a powerful piece of advice, I will paste it in

here with respect:

'Cry before Him- only before Him. Say now take over My Lord. He

surely will. Have trust. Have belief. Thank Him any way

 

I WILL SAY THIS AS MANTRA TODAY ON JAPA MALA - " Doosara na koi " -

There is " no one else " " None Other " .

 

Sophia

--------------------------

Hari Om

 

Swamiji Ramsukhdasji Maharaj would very rarely give mantras/

formulas. But once he wrote that if you distribute sweets / candy to

poor children then the grief DEFINITELY goes !

 

I believe it is an infallible formula for quick relief in

stress/worry/anxiety levels.

 

Jai Shree Krishna

 

Vyas N B

---------------------------

Dear Sadhak

 

Surrender your self to the feet of your God and offer sincere and

prayers to him urging your personal God to relieve your mother from

all these pains and also give you confidence and love for taking

care of your mother till her death.

 

Please keep confidence in God who will find a way our of your

worries and direct you about the action you have to take

 

Truly yours

 

S S Bhatt

---------------------------

Hi anonymous,

It is extremely difficult to look after a mentallyill person and

being a carer myself i know.

the most important thing to realise is that YOUR HEALTH IS

INTRICATELY CONNECTED TO YOUR MOTHER'S WELL-BEING. That is if you are

not there or breakdown , she goes to the streets.

so

1.Plan in case you are not there because one can never say. This will

give you lot of peace. If it makes sense, just harden your heart and

place her in an old age home if you can afford.

2.so your health and happiness and longlife is important for her

also.

3. Take time for some rest and relaxation - e.g. Music go to Music

concert, films, good food EAT, bhajans sing them. Just be happy for

that you must learn to enjoy life without being GUILTY.

 

4.Normally CARERS get a mental illness called DYSTHEMIA. You are

showing early signs so get out of it.

 

captain Johann samuhanand

 

---------------------------

This situation indeed is very difficult. Am sure many of us may

have gone thru similar situation (incl me). My humble suggestion

would be that before taking any decision, we must think 10 times.

Had this position been with a child then could any mother abandon

her child although she also at times be tired and be almost in

similar position but am sure she could not abandon. Secondly,

whatever action/step we take today, we must think 10-15 yrs

henceforward - and we may not regret the step that we take now. But

we all are human and feeling exhausted and tired is also human and

very right emotion too sp. when no other sibling is there to lend a

helping hand even temporarily. I remember myself crying loudly

oblivious of surroundings in the parking lot of hospital. Crying

out to God for his help and mercy. I do not know was it due to

stress, helplessness, anguish, unable to see my Mom suffering, out

of exhaustion, desperation, as I am also suffering from 3 major

diseases myself.

 

Pls seek temporary helping hand may it be physical / financial -

wherever it may come from, relax, take good care of yourself first

and then think about taking care of your Mom.

 

Wish you good health and peace.

 

Warm regards and lots of love to you who has stood by her Mom for so

many years which itself is commendable, when people can barely take

this for couple of months.

 

Mrs K Asani

 

---------------------------

Dear Sophia,

Your situation reminds me of my own. I am second number child of my

parents, the elder sister was married when I was only in tenth

standard. I completed my studies ( engineering) by tuitions

supporting my family. My younger brother who is 3 years younger to

me was adorned by my parents too much and always being treated with

much more love and affections as a result he became acute mental

patient for last 20 years. My parents always discarded me and my

wife, abused us inspite of living dependently with me on my income.

My mother used to support my sister family all along her life. She

was dominating and never even shown any affection to me, my wife or

my two kids. My brother was married but was divorced due to his

mental problem, so my wife was the only daughter in law of my mother.

In 2002 my father's both kidneys failed and after a prolong and

costly treatment of two years he survived. Myself and my wife alone

spent our day and night, borne all the expenses and he is still

survving and is a healthy person ( except that he cannot see

clearly). My mother never visited him in hospital and used to abuse

us as why we are getting him the treatment. My sister who is married

to a very top doctor never bothered to take any interest in the

treatment or support us, my brother as a mental patinet is totally

dependent on me.

Last year my mother met an accident in January 08 and she was

operated and inserted steel rod and was bed ridden for almost nine

months before she finally left for heavenly abode in Sept. Me and my

wife only took care for her during this period. My sister who lives

very near never bothered to provide any help or assistance but

ensured abusing us all the time on some or other pretext by finding

fault in the treatement given to her which I ensured in the best

hospitals in Jaipur. It was hell for us getting abused for the

responsibilty for treatment to parents by themselves and also my

sister. But we never lost our patience. My brother is on mental

treatment, needs daily medicines otherwise becomes extreme vilolent

and my wife used to give him also medicines, handle my mother

treatment who was bed ridden for nine months and also take care of

my father who is also now 80 years.

My kids some time ask me why amma, dada and bua are so cruel to you

are you their step son ? and why so are taking so much care of them?

Our neighbours were amused by our patience and handling of the

situation and always praised us, so were all our distance relatives

who used to come to meet my mother.

I run my own business and have to travel abroad frequnetly.I lost

lot of money in business during that period as I was badly stressed

all the time.

After my mother expired my sister abusued us publically that I

killed my mother but everyone knew the truth, so she herself got

a bad name.

I can visualise your situation , but I can only say time will pass

and these are the tough situations which as a human being any one

can come across so need to have a patience, and only thing in our

control is our work and discharge of duties earnestly.

 

I know every situation is unique but my own case will surely give

you some solace and strenght to bear the pain.

 

Ajay Gupta

------------------------------

 

PRIOR POSTING

 

Hello The Universal Individual (Trust me! there can be hardly

anybody who have not felt like you at one time or the other!!),

 

The complaint raises from the violation of one's core limits as well

as limitations - natural, psychological, physiological, financial,

social as well as spiritual - leading to exhaustion and distress. It

is essential to appreciate one's limits as well as limitations to

break them open for an expansive horizon. Also, I can assure, from

my experience, that one cannot attempt this while being bound within

a state of violent distress. One has to releive oneself from the

distress to clarify one's appreciation of the whole situation.

 

I do not know the individual limits and limitations here except for

the lack of support from the relatives (which is not surprising).

However, I urge you to seek professional help for yourself as well

as for your mother contacting appropriate agencies. Bhagavadgita and

the spiritual talk appeals ONLY IF you are ready for facing The

Truth stark naked. At this point, you may mentally not be ready to

face the same as your inner turmoil is churning your presence away

from any such possible appreciation. You have to releive your system

to relax before appreciating the depth of spirituality.

 

Therefore, seek some physical help from whichever source that is

congenial ... If it helps ... I learnt a lot by observing the

saintly nurses who were taking care of my father when he was

critically ill once ... pure service, so impersonal, and yet so

compassionate ... if we could be like that in spite of having

emotional relations ... it would be the best. It is easy to

preach ... therefore, let me restrain myself from that ... yet, if

possible, try it out along with all other possible psycho-physio-

medical help as well as financial aid that you could possibly

extract from yourself as well as from your environment.

 

One thing is for sure ... if you are not at peace within, you can

not comfort anybody else no matter what your understanding/

determination/ intention is. Also, if you break down, your mother

will have nobody to care of her ... think of that as well.

Therefore, my suggestion is to gather all your strength to establish

your integrity within first ... relax for that ... relax within as

much as possible in spite of the gruelling environmental demands ...

relax within in spite of the personal anguish and physical

exhaustion ...

 

Take it as an opportunity to appreciate how your relaxation is, in

fact, independent of all the relations in this life; to realize its

true transcendental nature as such ... if possible ... as much as

possible ... relax please ...

 

Best Wishes.

 

Naga Narayana

 

-----------------------------

 

-Shree Hari-

 

Dear Sophia,

 

To be apparently all alone in this situation is an added burden,

let me put you in the picture right now , my beloved wife is talking

to her sister, my wife and I have spent the afternoon with her

mother, and consultants. She needs to talk to lighten her load.

 

There was a time long passed, that I, it seems was the most hated

person on planet earth in my in laws eyes. The hatred was so intense,

that I actually started to stutter, I swear to all I never knew that

one could hate so much, I don't think I ever hated.

 

What a destructive force is hatred? And how indestructible is 'Divine

Love'. Some people will never abandon any needy, it is their very

nature to care.

 

Karma, yes indeed, I have watched the unfolding over the years, never

voiced it, just observed. My in laws watched helplessly, as the other

son in law died a slow and painful death, (we got on well, he and I).

Then my mother in law was widowed.

 

Old 'Black Sheep' moved interstate, to the same town in which my

mother in law lived.

It is I who picked her off the floor when she had a fall, who pushed

her around shopping centers, fixed things, etc.

Now I am a shining light in her eyes, " God must have brought you her

for a reason " , she has often said. She's got that right, but 'The

Divine Beloved', did it not just for her, but also for me, God who I

love so much, has exposed me to so much, helping my stony heart to

break.

 

Living in the West you may have heard of the poem 'Dark Night of the

Soul', by St. John of the Cross. " Oh Night! more glorious than the

Rising Sun! "

 

Look! Entering into the depth of 'Darkness', it is there that you can

see the Divine Light. The dawn is coming you know, I think maybe you

might just start to see it's first glimmer.

 

Brother Vyas gave a powerful piece of advice, I will paste it in

here with respect:

'Cry before Him- only before Him. Say now take over My Lord. He

surely will. Have trust. Have belief. Thank Him any way !'

 

Every one is different, but try this if you wish; go to a place where

none can hear you, ask out loud for GOD to help you, from your soul

cry out like a child who is lost and is looking for Mother or Father,

place no restriction call to Him as child, go where it takes you.

 

B.G. 7

At the end of his many births

The wise man takes refuge in Me.

He knows: " All is Vasudeva.3 "

How very rare is that great soul! (19)

 

With Respect and Divine Love,

 

Mike (Keenor).

------------------------------

 

Hari Om

 

Sadhak Sophia ! Real Sadhak you are !! This group is privileged to

have you as one of us. Please keep the divinity in you prospering.

 

Remove now old memories of ill treatment. It is necessary Dear

Sister for removal of pains. Could they have come to you without

divine will? Is it not now a real " experiential knowledge " for you

that " Nothing is mine " ( Doosara na Koi ) ?

You in fact paid a very little cost of " knowing " that precious

priceless knowledge.

 

What is needed now once " doosara na koi " is part of your direct

experience ? In fact - Mere to Girdhar Gopal (Only God is

mine ) !!! Once God is yours and no one else- why worry? Why

exhaustion? Why weariness? Why that subtle insistence on recovery of

Mom? As you are of God, is she not? What can you do , except doing

your duty? AND THAT YOU HAVE DONE and ARE DOING !

 

It is a law that duty doesnot generate sorrows. But you are not

feeling well. Where is the clue/ fault? Fault is linking duty with

old memories ! Check with your conscience, are you not reliving

those days? Are you not keeping the wounds green? Let them heal now!

This is final frontier which you should cross now . Forgive and

forget the past. Don't insist for any favourable or unfavourable

happennings in life. Past does not exist Dear Sister !

Nor does future exist now? Why worry then?

 

I am sure once you shed this insistence over the results of your

otherwise divine performance of duties, peace, much awaited peace

will generate in abundance in you.

 

Try it and keep in touch. Do take interest in other Qs also. That,

in itself, will make you happy and peaceful. " Sharing " reduces pain

and increases pleasure ! Isn't it?

 

May Paramatma bless you !

 

Jai Shree Krishna

 

Vyas N B

-----------------------------

I have been undergoing a similar situation for years. I can

empathise with you. Stressful days and even worst nights. not been

on a holiday for the last 15 years. Used to crib many years back,

then went deeper into astrology which perhaps if nothing else I

learnt to bear with this as my karmic destiny.

 

I remember my father used to say, " if God chooses to give me old

age I pray to him to give me good children " The full impact of this

sentence came in much later. But strive thru it all to remember that

perhaps of all the persons in our family we are the chosen ones. I

feel there are no options regarding caring for parents. We have to

do it. On bad days just tell yourself you are getting there full

blessings. And these special blessings can turn any negativity in a

patri to the most blessed and enriched life.

 

I am sure nobody on this forum or any other can refute this. You are

truly blessed believe me. Turn this into an oppurtunity rather than

a crisis. With you .

Take care.

Vats (Pradeep Sahai)

--------------------------

Jai Hanuman

 

Dear Sophiaji ! Thanks for sharing with us the voice of your soul. I

give a

small example to you to ponder.

 

You kept a nurse for taking care of your child. You pay her and she

takes care

of the child like you, yourself take care. One day there is some

disruption in

relationship/money/etc. You ask her to go . How easily she leaves

the affection

of that child? Will she look back? Will she enquire about the

child ? No !

 

Be like that. Do your duty and forget. Nothing is ours. Only

Paramatma is ours.

Serve fearlessly. If you get disrespect/ abuses in return , then

consider

yourself to be lucky. Results of your service are not getting

frittered away in

petty respects/praises/acknowledgements ! Higher results are in

store for you.

 

My Mom in law, 75, often says- Let Rupee remain Rupee ! (Don't seek

any

reciprocation for your good deeds, you are reducing the value of a

rupee to few

paise only, because you expect immediate result).

 

In your case, Dear Sophiaji - the Rupee is increasing in value with

every

disrespect, every abuse, every spit on the face ! Believe me on

this ! Let it

increase. Wish now that you don't need respect

honor/respect/acknowledgement .

Leave for ever " desire for happiness " . Immediately / Instantly

pains will

vanish.

 

You used the word " karmic " in your last post. Now if we look at Law

of Karma,

you will find that in your case the Divine is working with double

speed. On one

hand you are doing selfless duty and thus accumulating " assets " . On

other hand

with every abuse/disrespect/spit on the face your " liabilities " are

simultaneously getting wiped out- without any effort at your end !

By Divine

Will !

 

Tell me now honestly, do you want respect/praise etc in return for

your " duty " ?

With double speed , Sophiaji, Law of Karma is functioning in your

favour. Think

about it ! Tell me how I am wrong ? Do tell me or else become happy.

Become

peaceful. Become grateful to Paramatma ! He only is ours. Other than

Him there

is only " duty " !

 

Namaste Jee

 

Jee Jee

Shashikala

---------------------------

Sophia-ji you are on the right path. If you can sacrifice your

interest in favor

of birds and animals, you can sacrifice, only to the extent possible

and

bearable, for your Mother - not merely because she is your mother

but because

she is as much a manifestation of God as you or anyone else are/ is.

God,

genetics and previous experiences have giving you the propensity and

strength to

sacrifice for others, even if they do not tolerate you or behave

badly with you.

You are fortunate to have such properties. And, the current

experience in

dealing with the ailing, stuborn and unloving mother will enhance

your

capability to endure and love anyone and help anyone who needs. Pray

to God. You

are doing what He desires. He will give you the strength and lead

you to more

important, interesting experiences and knowledge. He will take care

of your

physical and mental health or change your duty. Submit to him and

pray to him

with the joy of doing what he has ordained for you.

Read Gita again and again. But only those portions on the concept of

God and

what the wise persons do.

Basudeb Sen

-----------------------------

Dear Annonimous,

 

The Nature has made all the life forms self-sufficient. Each one has

to face their own fate all alone. You know it very well, whosoever is

born, has to die one day. The ways of death are different for

different persons. so be brave...

 

G. Waman

 

 

---------------------------

PRIOR POSTING

 

 

 

I KINDLY THANK EVERY SOUL THAT HAS TAKEN THEIR TIME TO SPEAK WORDS

OF INSIGHT AND KINDNESS. I am in nyc and have reache d out over

the years to the caregiver s groups, alzheimers org and such.

I gave up my career as actress and opera singer and left hollywood

over 5 yrs ago to alone take care of a very abusive ill mother.I am

longtime sadhak, vegan , meditator a & practice yoga. the intensity

daily stress has broken me i am now ill myself. as of friday night

mothe r is back in the hospital.perhaps she will listen to the drs.

only God know. she also knows I can no longer take care of her the

way i have my strength is gone and now i am under drs. care.

i will bring Gita to hospital and read every day, continue to pray

and ask my self the query

who is sick and who am i ? i know i am not my body i know mother

is not mine. but the continuous activity of the daily taking care

of is done in this body which is now worn out I will follow all

suggestions kindly spoken of by spiritual friends here.

Karmically i think, it is interesting to note my mother threw me out

on the streets in the dead of winter with no winter coat or money

at age 17.5 (nyc streets). I was never allowed home again even when

i called terrified at 3 am in the snow sleeping outside.

i was abandoned by both mother and father in this life and

brother. i chose not to abandon my mother. i dont abandon birds

and animals i wouldnt abandon mother. my brother whom my mother

worships, and whom took care of my brother who is very wealthy

abandoned my mother years ago & has taken no responsibility or

offered any help of any kind.

she still cries for him while im trying to care for her knowing he

hates her & i shut up. i try i really try to do the right thing

i try and have tried to detach and be witness. it is very

difficult when getting screamed at and spit at within 1 inch of your

face while you a re trying to care physically care for a parent

who abused you growing up and , well, yes i see the only only

solution is deeply spiritual . i do i will go pray now and read

gita again i wish to thank everyone.

moksha

 

sophia

nyc

moskha

 

-------------------------------

Namaskaar.

 

After several years in the United States I returned to Trinidad to

take care of my mother. I have several sisters who do all they can

to help her but as a son to my dear mother, with whom I have a

special bond, I could not resist when Mataji asked me over the

phone, several times: when are you coming home? After about two

weeks of those questions it suddenly dawned on me that Mataji really

wanted me to come back, and as a true son I had an obligation to do

so. I packed my bags, bid goodbye to all, and returned home.

 

It wasn't an easy decision but I had to come home to her and I thank

Bhagavan for giving me the courage and determination to leave that

life and come home to her. Mata ji is 81, paralyzed and unable to

walk, and my sisters and I do all we can to make her comfortable

even though sometimes she can be difficult. But we know this is not

deliberate as it is symptomatic of old age and senility.

 

It can be tiring and difficult and it takes a lot from us and for me

it has been a sacrifice of much of my personal life but every day I

thank Bhagavan for giving me the opportunity and the honour to help

her and be there with her. Sometime Mataji forgets we are there with

her and when I enter her room she pleads with me 'not to leave her.'

I assure her I will never leave her and I will there for her as long

I am alive.

 

Yes, it consumes mental and physical energy, there are costs

nvolved, but I encourage everyone to take care of parents and elders

no matter how burdensome you may think it is and how much energy and

resources are necessary. Try as hard as you can to take care of

them at home rather than in a Senior citizens' home. I know for

sure that the day my Mataji goes into one of those places she will

not survive for more than a week so sending her there is like a

death sentence.

 

As Hindus, we have a long and glorious tradition of our extended

family and caring for all at our homes. Let us strive to maintain

that treasured custom, even in this hectic and tiring world. It is

most fulfilling to serve parents and elders as it is one of the

most exalted characteristics of Sanatan Dharma.

You should not ignore parents and elders - they are our Gods on

earth and if you can't honour and pray to them then it is

meaningless and even hypocritical to pray to Bhagavan.

 

Hari Om

 

Deosaran Bisnath

---------------------------

Shree Hari

Ram Ram

 

My heart aches on reading your email... and deep within long to

reach out ...I am certain many other sadhaks emotionally can

experience what you are going through simply from your note. But

remain ever in that LIGHT that you speak off... never turn away from

it. It is His eternal promise to us... in Gita 9:22 that He will

take care of us !

 

Key is detachment and only doing to the best of your ability what

you can do and forgetting the past or the future. Think of yourself

as a Nurse hired by the divine Light, the Source. You are only

hired to do this work, rather the chosen One, you are merely taking

care of her to the best of your ability and nothing more.

Absolutely nothing more. Live moment to moment guided by the

Light... Not thinking about what will happen or what has happened in

the past... but living only in the present, in that Light that you

speak off in your note and guided by That and That alone. If you

feel exhausted, sleep and rest it out. Do not take the entire burden

on your head.

 

Swamiji often speaks of a wonderful example of a dog who is walking

under a bullock cart filled with heavy goods. He is walking there

only for protection against the heat of the sun (i.e. for shade).

However, after sometime, the dog begins to feel he is the one that

is carrying the burden / weight of the entire cart and all the stuff

on it. We all are like that dog. We begin to carry all the weight

on our shoulder. Krishna clearly showed us with the Govardhan

mountain...that HE ALONE is the One holding up the mountain with the

tip of his tiny finger... that it is He and we are merely

instruments and basking in His glory... nothing more!!!! Therefore

do the best you can... if you miss a day of care, a nurse or someone

at the hospital will fill the gap.

 

As Vyasji and other sadhaks have said... be fearless, worriless,

doubtless, griefless.... without regreting the past or concern about

the future.. only doing what you are able to do... and leaving the

rest up to the Divine, the Beloved, the Light.. .the Spirit...

And as Mike said, you definitely have direct support from this group

therefore be strong. It is not an ordinary thing that you have

started receiving these messages and reading them... and seeking out

help from this group. You have done your part... let the rest

flow!!!! May That Divine Light Always be with you!

 

Meera Das

Ram Ram

 

---------------------------

PRIOR POSTING

 

Hari Om

 

You have every right to be peaceful. " Duty " - is what you CAN and

what you SHOULD. Once you have done what ever you could, there is no

need for you to feel guilty when you CAN NOT anymore. What you can

not do, it is not your duty to do.

Hence be brave, be guiltfree, and see God's hand in every result.

See God live in your Mom, in your mind, in your circumstances - and

for once with a simple heart surrender yourself completely into the

hands of Paramatma. Once you surrender, thereafter you should not

worry.

 

Stand erect. Be peaceful by realising that you did your level best.

Don't look at all at the conduct of " relatives " ! They are made like

that only. They were not " yours " , they are not " yours " , they will

not be " yours " - there is no possibility of their ever

being " yours " . Yours is only Paramatma ! Once you accept " mineness "

with Him (He is always yours) , it would not matter to you, if

anybody is " yours " or not. GUARANTEED !! Remain Doubtless.

Worryless. Griefless. Fearless.

 

Cry before Him- only before Him. Say now take over My Lord. He

surely will. Have trust. Have belief. Thank Him any way !

 

Jai Shree Krishna

 

Vyas N B

 

-Shree Hari-

 

Dear Anonymous,

 

My wife and I are in a very similar position to you, almost a

reflection of that which you have written.

My role in all this is to mainly support my wife.

 

May I point out the family members have washed their hands of much

more than caring for mother.

Surely if they find themselves incapable of helping her directly can

they not at least support you?

 

You have done something very important, you have contacted this site

with so much divine love and wisdom.

 

I feel that you need direct support, as I have no idea where you live

I cannot offer much, here in Australia there are support groups,

religious and none religious.

 

You do not have to remain anonymous, but if you wish to fine.

 

Do come back to this site, I personally promise you I will always

reply and support you to best of my abilities.

 

You may find this site of value, I cannot recommend it too much.

http://swamiramsukhdasji.net

 

May God bless you.

 

With Respect and Divine Love,

 

Mike (Keenor).

--------------------------------

 

Priy Anonimous

I say you are choosen by god to serve your mother.

It comes rarely occassion that U get such chance.

Whatever the situation please do all servings on the basis of

Almighty lord.

God is seeing every moment. He knows better than all of us.

In MANAS:

PRABHU BHANJIHI DARUN BIPATI, JAANAT JAN KI PIR.

God will take care coz he knows all ur pains.

Have faith. please.

Raja Gurdasani

--------------------------------

Namasthe anonymous, I read your message and I guess I understand

what you must be going through. do not worry much. God is there and

everything will be fine too. I just was wondering..where do you

live ? in which country ?

Please try to find the local support groups regarding these

alzeimers' illness. I guess, u are handling this all on ur own and

it would definitely get exhausting. Please find some of the members

who are going thro similar situations via support groups.

 

also, when u mention about exhausting financial resources..how is it

happening ? is it possible if some nurse or anyone can take care of

her 2 to 3 days a week and during that time..u can do other things

and you take care 2 to 3 days..so that you will also get a break

from the routine and get refreshed also.

 

Also, please think about this. in case if u are caring of ur any

family member..the other type of exhaustion we all may feel worried

thinking that it is our family member. Rather than that, if

possible, just try to think that whatever situation we are in

either by choice or circumstance, think its God's work and do it. In

the respect, although u may get physically exhausted, atleast the

exhaustion will not be much from the emotional perspective. once

the mental energy is not drained, you can be calm in every day's

action u do.

 

Please be strong and I am sure everything will be fine. Do not

thnk..its ur mother..just think that it is God's work whatever u are

doing to ur mother. Definitely, please check on the support

groups/non-profit organizations..they will definitely be there to

help the people who are taking care of the people with illness.

 

My prayers and good wishes and so u feel peac in ur heart even in

the midst of all these.

 

namsthe again,

Bharathi

----------------------------

Consider yourself as Arjuna in the battlefied of Kurukshetra, where

in the midst of the war between mother' illness including her

stubborn rejection of all help and your own physical and mental

resources, you are completely dejected and despondent. This is the

reality of the situation you cannot bear. Reading Gita is your Lord

Krishna: read this and identify the Truth. You are not responsible

for anything, you are not the cause of anything. You have done what

you have been doing and continue to be doing. But your actions do

not cause the consequences that you desire and you do not desire.

Whatever happens to Mother is destined to happen and you are neither

the cause nor the one responsible for. You are just an witness to

all happening.

You are only to act as per the propensities/ tendencies that have

been imparted in you by your genetics and past interactions/

experiences with the environment you have grown up. This you have no

alternative but to accept the pains and sufferings.

Get out of identification with this You. This you is just an

illusion that this you will have to live. But the Real You are the

God. Read Gita again and again to realize your Real You and get

beyond the chained you attached to the happenings of this World

around you. Pray and pray to God that He lifts you to the Real You.

Know that when you try in this way to get into your Real you, your

apparent worldy you will have no suffering at all.

All above are words and really cannot help you. Sincere and

continuous prayer and submission to God as you read Gita can only

help you.

Basudeb Sen

------------------------

Yes, on a physical level it is all very difficult to understand and

cope up with.

But these things do happen with many families and part of our

worldly existence.

 

What helps us in these and all other situations is the spiritual

wisdom/rules of our lives,

knowing ourselves, doing things by remaining at the source......

It may appear difficult but with some practice, one start getting

the results....

So please read the messages on this group and get into the spiritual

mode....

 

Humble suggestions:

 

1) You have to understand who you are. So, ask yourself " Who am I? "

and wait for the answer.

Then try again...see what happens....what happens to the

feelings...the stress....Keep this practice

on whenever you can and find time or even while doing something....

 

2) Second question that may burst many myths is to understand who is

getting exhausted and

who is stressed....So ask your self " Who is getting exhausted " , " Who

is getting stressed "

and again wait for the answer........

 

Our mind/ Mann is a wonderful instrument and able to create things

out of nothing.....and we

slowly become slaves of thoughts and further thoughts....The above

questions help you to get rid of the

these absolutely unnecessary and unwanted thoughts. Once that begin

to happen, you can see the

light which shall direct you to do what needs to be done happily and

without much effort....

 

Best wishes....

Sushil Jain

 

-------------------------

Hi ,

 

God is only testing you, do your work and manage to distance

yourself from now or you will be heart broken when the time comes to

say good bye, god willing.

 

Pray more and carry on with your work, you have done your duty and

this is all you can do. You are answerable to only The Almighty, so

go about your work and pray when you find the time to do so.

 

All the best till you feel good.

 

BARBARA ALI

-------------------------

Dear Sadhak,

Under the circumstances of your mother please do not lose confidence

in your sincere caring of your mother who has given birth to you.If

you are tired then ask other members of your family to take care of

her If you have money please put her in a nursing home or any such

place where her care is properly taken

Matru devo Bhava " is a great obligation as narrated in Upnishad.

 

For her salvation please start reading one chapter of Bhagavat Gita

or the whole Gita on Sunday or any important day. Keep some chanting

program at your place for finding a solution and relief to both of

you. Have faith in God and a solutions will come within six months

of your resolution to seek peace in your family.

 

Truly yours

Shankerprasad S Bhatt

-------------------------------

Dear anonymous....

My heart truly goes out to you.....unless one has been in a

similar situation, it is impossible to understand the level of

stress that you are experiencing. I am presently caring for an 84

yr. old mataji, whose son passed away from cancer last November.

(2008). He was only 54. She has one other son, but he is not

vegetarian, so she does not wish to live with him, nor does she wish

to relocate away from the devotional community she has grown used to

in Los Angeles. I promised her son, who was not related to me, that

I would care for his mother. But I have my husband to help me. I

am constantly on the lookout for individuals from my temple who can

spare time and energy to stay with this sweet, elderly lady,

otherwise I take her everywhere with me, because to leave her alone

is quite scary...both for her, as she sits alone and doesn't move,

and for me, because I am so worried about her when she is alone!

And she doesn't even have alzheimer's, or anything like that. Just

incontinence, which of course brings a load of social

pressures......and she screams about having to take a shower. It

is certainly a demanding service....one which the Supreme Lord will

bless you millions of times over for executing so faithfully for so

long......may you always be guided by the Lord in your heart to know

how to continue pleasing Him.

respectfully, Mahalaksmi Dasi

------------------------------

Arvind Khetia, engineer and a Hindu:

Discouragement and hopelessness can arise due to many reasons.

Spiritual wisdom is essential to cultivating a balanced mind. Then,

one recognizes the negative influence of ego, greed and excessive

material pleasures on one's mind and society. Consequently, one

learns to cultivate self-control, discriminate between what is

eternal and transient, practice equanimity and follow one's dharma.

Dharma requires one to perform the duties of life in accordance with

universal ethical values.

 

Therefore, one's faith must be founded on spiritual reality to help

combat discouragement and hopelessness. The Bhagavad-Gita

states, " When spiritual wisdom is the highest goal, one's faith is

deep and senses restrained, then one attains wisdom and acquires

perfect peace. "

 

According to Vedanta, true faith begins with having faith in

ourselves. Then, through practicing the spiritual disciplines of

meditation and yoga, one achieves a transformation of one's

character. Thus, one's faith evolves into the realization of one's

inner spiritual nature and manifests as enlightened optimism.

 

Arvind Khetia

--------------------------

Dear Exhausted ,

 

The True answer must come from your ' inside ', from inside you.

No-one from outside can give you the correct answer for you, in your

particular situation

 

Meditation will lead you to your inner being .

Meditation is the only Way.....................

Sit for formal meditation , morning and evening, half an hour .

 

BUT..................

 

When meditation does not ' happen', especially in the beginning(

your mind does not move into it so easily), and Karma ( sewa) is

also so exhausting and stressful, ' prayer and satsanga' is the

answer ..........

 

A Prayer to God ( Krishna, Rama,Shiva, Allah, Waheguru ) for

strength and wisdom, whenever the mind falls ... Being at the feet

of a master can do wonders !

 

narinder bhandari

-------------------------------

 

 

SUMMARY OF SADHAK POSTINGS -

 

- Many good advices do not work... Only Bagavan can help, like in

the case of Drowpati being disrobed. Why attachment even in mind

level?

 

 

- complaint raises from the violation of one's core limits as well

as limitations - natural, psychological, physiological, financial,

social as well as spiritual - leading to exhaustion and distress.

- you are on the right path.

- You have already experienced " nothing is mine, " ... now the next

step... " only God is mine " . Why subtle insistence on recovery

etc., What can you do , except doing your duty? AND THAT YOU HAVE

DONE and ARE DOING ! Fault is linking duty with old memories ! Fault

is in re-living the past! which does not exist! Forgive and forget!

on shedding the insistence, peace will prevail.

- if you are not at peace within, you can not comfort anybody else

no matter

what your understanding/determination/ intention is.

- What a destructive force is hatred? And how indestructible

is 'Divine Love'. Some people will never abandon any needy, it is

their very nature to care.

- Do your duty and forget. Nothing is ours.

- think 10 times before taking any decision, so that there be no

regrets.

- you can sacrifice, only to the extent possible and bearable, for

your Mother -

not merely because she is your mother but because she is as much a

manifestation of God

- do work deligently and discharge of duties earnestly

- Nurse - pure service, so impersonal, and yet so compassionate ...

if we could be like that in spite of having emotional relations

- we are the chosen ones. there are no options regarding caring for

parents. We have to do it.

- as far as possible keep them (elders) at home.

- distribute sweets / candy to poor children then the grief

DEFINITELY goes !

- You only receiving suffering to the extent that you can handle.

- Don't seek any reciprocation for your good deeds

- Being Peaceful is your birth right! What you can not do, it is

not your duty! be guiltfree. See God in Mom, and take complete

refuge in the Divine (God); accept only Him as yours; thereafter do

not worry! Remain Doubtless. Worryless. Griefless. Fearless.

- you are choosen by god to serve your mother; a rare opportunity!

Serve as if serving Almighty! He knows what is best! He knows ur pain

- My heart truly goes out to you.....it is certainly a demanding

service. may you always be guided by the Lord in your heart to know

how to continue pleasing Him.

- YOUR HEALTH IS INTRICATELY CONNECTED TO YOUR MOTHER'S WELL-BEING.

- you are being tested; You have done your duty! continue working

but becoming detached. Pray. You are only answerable to God.

- Karma Favoring you - On one hand you are doing selfless duty and

thus accumulating " assets " . On other hand with every

abuse/disrespect/spit on the face your " liabilities " are

simultaneously getting wiped out-

without any effort at your end ! Become grateful to Paramatma ! He

only is ours. Other than Him there is only " duty " !

- you need a break, some relief. DO yoga/meditate regularly.

- Whatever happens to Mother is destined to happen and you are

neither the cause nor the one responsible for. Stop identification

with Body/Mind and identify with the Truth of the Gita. Read Gita

again and again! prayer and submission to God/Gita can only help you.

- Leave for ever " desire for happiness " . Immediately / Instantly

pains will vanish.

- Have tremendous trust in God doing just what is right. " this

shall pass too " .

- Write your prayer on a piece of paper. acknowledging you cannot

resolve this problem alone, seek help! place at His feet and become

worriless.

- we are just puppets. We are supposed to do our duty and not to

interfere with the result, just accept it. If you too accept this

fact then there will be no stress, no exhaustion, no disappointments.

- Spiritual wisdom is essential to cultivating a balanced mind.

True faith begins with having faith in ourselves.

- Question over and over again.. who am I? who is getting

exhausted? Who is getting stressed? and wait for the answer! Mind

creates things out of nothing! The above questions help you to get

rid of the unnecessary thoughts. thereafter light shall direct you

to do what needs to be done happily and without much effort

- Meditate and Pray... at lotus feet of Lord

- Pray to God. You are doing what He desires. He will give you the

strength and

lead you to more important, interesting experiences and knowledge

- Do not lose confidence. Seek Help! Read Gita! Have Faith in God

and solution will come.

- Read Gita again and again. But only those portions on the concept

of God and what the wise persons do.

- Take time out for personal rest and relaxation. Avoid getting the

carer disease...DYSTHEMIA

- you are getting their full blessings. And these special blessings

can turn any negativity in a patri to the most blessed and enriched

life. You are truly blessed believe me. Turn this into an

oppurtunity rather than a crisis.

- created a small sanctuary in my house where I hide to be with God

- You need direct support! Are there support groups / others?

Don't hesitated to rely on sadhaks in this forum. They are

personally committed to support.

- Please seek out a local support group! Possibly a break, through

hired nurse help, so can get some rest!

- Think of yourself as a Nurse only... taking care of her for short

time... not thinking of past or future. Live in present, guided by

the light.

- remember every day that I am Gods Only and no one else is mine.

Rest in Paramaatma as taking care of your self.

- think its God's work you are doing for your mother and do it!

There will be less emotional exhaustion, therefore you'll be calm

even though physical strain.

- The Nature has made all the life forms self-sufficient. Each one

has to face their own fate all alone. Whosoever is born, has to die

one day. so be brave...

- wrting three pages to God daily, first thing in the morning

- Please keep confidence in God who will find a way our of your

worries and direct you about the action you have to take

- Please be strong and all will be fine!

- relax please ...

- every day I thank Bhagavan for giving me the opportunity and the

honour to help her and be there with her

- keep confidence in God who will find a way our of your worries and

direct you about the action you have to take

- Let us strive to maintain that treasured custom, even in this

hectic and tiring world. It is most fulfilling to serve parents and

elders as it is one of the most exalted characteristics of Sanatan

Dharma.

- Entering into the depth of 'Darkness', it is there that you can

see the Divine Light.

- 'Cry before Him- only before Him. Say now take over My Lord. He

surely will. Have trust. Have belief. Thank Him any way !'

- cry out like a child who is lost and is looking for Mother or

Father, place no restriction call to Him as child, go where it takes

you - He gets away all your pain depending upon intensity and

sincerity of your prayer

- We can never repay the debt of mother's milk; therefore do not

shrink from your duty to serve your mother in her hour of need

- Life is what it has to be and NOT what you wish it to be.

ACCEPTANCE is key. rendering to your Mother is the service to God.

- Depression is tendency of mind to travel excessively into

NOTHINGNESS and into pessimism! Simply disown the mind emotionally.

When any worldly thought comes into mind – IGNORE. Neither like it

nor dislike it ! Just be indifferent, UDAASIN. Neither past nor

future exists NOW ! A thing which does not exist, why to worry about

the same? convert this DUKHALAYAM into VASUDEVAH SARVAM. A learned

persons tolerates this tax by wisdom, while a fool tolerates this by

regretting/ crying.) Hence be brave. One who has given beak to you,

will give food also ! Simply DON'T WORRY !!! NEVER NEVER WORRY

HENCE FORTH.

- Gita ends with advice of Lord Krishna : Ma Suchah - PLEASE DO NOT

WORRY !

- One stroke of will power .... just one ..... to Understand that

you are seeking freedom from pain, not just a relief for a short

duration ! And , only the self can help. Be yourself. Love

yourself. Love is the Way

- How can daughter of Paramatma be depressed? Is God not there? He

is alive. He is there. We all are with you. Our prayers will make

both of you alright. Please remain cheerful. Depression does not

like laughter. The moment you laugh , depression will run away.

- No tears please. Angels dont weep !

- Just dont bother about anything. Whatever is destined will take

place. Take sufficient rest. If sleep does not come easily, then

keep chanting God's name

- Day is over! ( Sorrow is gone) . Now have a nice sleep ! (Be

peaceful) !

 

- Pet a cow in a " Gaushala " ( place where there are cows). Take your

mom there with you. By caressing the body of cows is capable of

curing even incurable diseases.

 

- Mind may be depressed, but not our Divine Sophia. Nothing now can

harm you, once you have cried before God. Just feel jubilant.

- Be a witness to all happenings

- Do no encourage the depression by giving it importance..shoo is

away. think of those in worst of situations (Africa, all that

poverty and suffering); healing and spiritually cannot be separated;

- God wants you be His Happy child

-------------------------

My mother is once again hospitalized… im sorry im exhausted and

very stressed. After five years of taking care of her entirely on

my own, as other family members have washed their hands off, I feel

completely exhausted. She is also a alzheimers patient exhibiting

all behaviour related to this deadly disease. She continues to be

extremely stubborn in receiving any kind of help which is continuing

to exhaust and drain all her financial resources.

 

Caring for her for so long, I feel like I will have a stroke or a

heart attack. There have been many incidents where I have been

completely freaked out, totally drained of all energy. This extreme

physical and mental exhaustion has reached a point where I can

barely make it off the bed, with my eyes swollen from exhaustion.

 

I read the words in your daily posting and though i know they are

true, they mean nothing in my serious state of exhaustion. I can

no longer care for my mother and have told her doctors so and they

know and agree. Knowing that I still feel responsible, but at the

same time, feel completely unable to deal with the situation.

There appears to be no Light in sight! How do I connect to this

Light? I seek any guidance you can offer to be free of suffering

and to be at Peace!

 

May all souls cross over the horrid ocean of suffering

including me.

 

Sophia

 

 

--------------------------

 

GITA TALK GROUP GUIDELINES: PLEASE -

1. Only responses that further clarify Gita message will be posted.

2. Quote Gitaji/scriptures wherever possible..

3. Limit personal feelings, opinions, beliefs etc. to the

extent that they further help in understanding the Gita shlokas

4. Be as concise, to the point, respecting sadhaka's time.

5. Focus on subject at hand only.

6. Do not include links to the other sites.

7. Do not include your personal information (Ph #, address etc).

8. Do not personalize message

9. All responses may not be posted.

10. Moderator at his discretion, may modify the posting.

11. Take into consideration the novices, youth, westerners, non-

sectarian audience. i.e. limit the use to Sanskrit words only.

Provide English word bracketed.

 

MODERATOR

Ram Ram

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------

 

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QUESTION SUMMARIZED (Details at end of posting)

My mother is once again hospitalized… im sorry im exhausted and

very stressed. After five years of taking care of her entirely on

my own, I feel totally drained of all energy and extreme

physical and mental exhaustion to the point where I can

barely make it off the bed. There appears to be no Light in sight! I

am also now diagnosed as severely depressed. How do I connect to

this Light? I seek any guidance you can offer to be free of

suffering and to be at Peace!

 

Sophia

===========================================================

 

NEW POSTING

 

 

Yes i do understand this that God is all there is. i have

understood this but obviously not in the way to give me the physical

and emotional strength to carry on any longer it is also most

difficult when getting beaten by your father abused and beaten and

abandoned by both parents surviving on the streets in nyc and a

panoply of tragically impossible situations, to continually be

detached and see all as god i am also a 9/11 survivor. i have

been sadhak long time which has kept me from suicide and yes this

is all past.

the sincere people having posted here to support me is greatly

respected and appreciated.

 

to friend in london

yes we have the same caregivers support here in the u.s

particularly in nyc where i live for alzheimers. Mother has refused

everything & as she is in early stages she cannot legally be

forced. well now she is in the hospital and i have a weeks respite.

unfortunately it is not enough time to physically get well. I will in

this time meditate and pray and sleep and perhaps i can organically

recognize the truth spoken of by sadhak friends

thankyou you all.

every word i read reread and try to follow including

 

> Love and Love alone....

>

> Life is what it has to be and NOT what you wish it to be. Accept

> this bitter Truth, you feel relieved of all your stress and

tension.

> Acceptance leads to surrender and the results in strength. My dear,

> accept the service you are rendering to your Mother is the service

> to God and by serving Him, you are reaching and realising the

utmost

> reality of your life. It is the way for you to reach the Ultimate

> Goal. Accept it my dear, accept it.

 

thank you, Sophia

-------------------------

Shree Hari

Ram Ram

 

Sophia, Please kindly read the recent prayer from sadhak daily

messages.

 

sadhaka/message/2199

 

I truely believe you will get comfort. You will regain your

strength in due time. You will feel peace! You will feel Love! You

will feel protected and not abandoned! after reading this prayer.

Read it with total attentiveness, read it with an open mind, read it

as if you are in the Light! Read it as if you are sitting in front of your

Beloved, your only Love! Read it as if you are that little

young girl on the streets of NYC, calling for Help !

 

Let us know after reading what your thoughts are... not about the past, not

about the future but in the moment!

 

Meera Das

Ram Ram

 

--------------------------

 

Hello,

There is no " playbook " that we can refer to to live our life. There

is no human who can alleviate our suffering. We need to understand

this clearly. We are always alone (rather only with our source) -

and on our own. We ALL have the capacity to find life's answers

directly from the source. Life itself is a teacher and we need no

one else- all others are co- passengers and can only mouth

platitudes of empathy. Therefore let us get to the root of all

answers by ourself. You are your best guide- because there is

really no separation from you and HIM (Your Divine Light)!

 

Regards

Anand S

 

---------------------------

PRIOR POSTING

 

Hari Om

 

I agree with Madanji Kaura. One should develop habit of 'seeing God'

in every one, in every thing, in every happening, in every

circumstance, in every incidence !! That in itself provides relief!

 

Remember: There is GOD AND GOD ONLY EVERYWHERE ! Nothing else exists

except you yourself and God. Rest all is illusion. There is God in

Mother. There is God in Father. There is God in husband. There is

God in wife. There is God in everybody/thing! Recognise in every

circumstance/every body Him only. Your eye should search Him only-

you will find Him. The moment you separate 'x' and 'y' - he can't be

God , he can only be God_ you are lost in a never ending

maze/mirage ! Literally lost !

 

Hence all scriptures advice you to see God everywhere.

 

How to reconcile the above with 'Doosara na koi' (Nobody else is

mine) ? Think about it. If you can give your views , give ! All

sadhaks are praying for and awaiting your recovery and contribution

in deliberations. Answer me, Dear Sister ! How do we

reconcile " Vasudevah Sarvam " with " Doosara na koi " ? Answer is

hidden in this very posting . Search it !! Get going spiritually

once you regain strength and vitality. Think of such questions.

Occupy yourself on such issues. There is peace here ! Believe us on

that, Dear Divine Sister !

 

I am insisting on satsanga at this critical period of your life,

because as one learned sadhak stated it is right time to get

spiritual. When wax melts and you add colour into that, it becomes

permanent. Every calamity, every crisis, every sorrow melts your

heart, purifies you, eliminates 'liabilities' from the Balance Sheet

of your karmic life, and drags you towards your Father- Paramatma.

Turn decisively towards Him. Then there will be only bliss, only

Peace, only ANANDA ! Only Him ! Absolute Ananda with not even an

iota of relativity !! Become Happy! Start dancing! You have known

now that you are daughter of the King of all the Kings ! Dear Dear

Daughter! What is now there to worry for ! If some body tells Mr X

that President of a Nation has adopted him to be his son, how happy

Mr X will become? Become more happy than him. You are daughter of

the Emperor of all the Emperors !

 

Jai Shree Krishna

 

Vyas N B

------------------------

namastey,

 

In UK there are many services available for care givers like you.

Once you contact social services dept I am certain you can receive

assistance, plus put you in touch with other care givers, arrange

for an off day where someone else can take on the responsibility of

caretaking, while you catch up on sleep or chores etc.

 

In UK, if your mum is a pensioner, she would get free treatment when

she hands over her pension book to care home. Council's social

service dept would look after payments of services. Do check into

available services. There must be something comparable in USA.

 

Ramesh Jhalla

 

 

-------------------------

PRIOR POSTING

 

Dear Sadhakas, Namaste!

To Sophiaji,

Please remember this: If suffering like the one you are going

through, comes our way for whatever reason or no reason, God will

make sure, it is not greater than you can bear!

This I have seen in my life over and over again.

Have tremendous trust in this, and in God doing just this right now.

Also remember " this shall pass too " . As simple as it may sound but

has power to withstand any pain if one keeps reminding oneself often

with faith.

Another suggestion: Write your prayer on a piece of paper.

Write it as if talking to God. Ask for help acknowledging you cannot

alone resolve this problem alone, so you will appreciate the help.

Be impersonal rather than asking for " me " . Say this is what you like

to have but you will go along with whatever He knows is right for

all of you including the other family members, mother herself, and

yourself.

Place this paper under His feet on alter if you have one.

This may sound like rituals but it is more of what is to be felt

deep within as we do this offering to surrender our ego!

Then Relax and do the best you can to do your part. As many sadhakas

have suggested call for help of organization(s) who can help.

Remember God helps through people only!

While doing the best, try to find out the true meaning of God.

Namaskar.............Pratap Bhatt

 

------------------------------

 

Jai Hanuman

 

Dear Sophia. Among many suggestions of learned sadhaks add the

following.

 

When you regain some strength and vitality , go to some " Gaushala " (

place where there are cows). Take your mom there with you. If you

keep or let your mom keep caressing the body of cows for some

period, the cow will get pleased. When cow gets pleased, what to

talk of ordinary diseases, even incurable diseases get cured.

 

( From the last page of many books of Swamiji Ramsukhdasji Maharaj

published from Gita Press, Gorakhpur)

 

Dear Sister- Please do not worry ! Please !!

 

Namaste Jee

 

Jee Jee

Shashikala

------------------------------

 

PRIOR POSTING

 

NAMASKAR

SORRY DEAR SADHAK MEMBERS I AM TRYING REALLY DO DO EVERYTHING

SUGGESTED. BUT TODAY WHEN I AM SUPPOSED TO TAKE HER HOME FROM THE

HOSPITAL AND STAY WITH HER UNTIL AN AID COMES FOR A FEW DAYS I

CANNOT GET UP AND I AM THROWING UP WITH A STOMACH VIRUS, i am burnt

out and weak and crying and thats it

i cant do this anymore. Sophia

------------------------

Shree Hari

Ram Ram

 

Sophiaji, it will be very helpful if you let us know the three

things that you are currently following through with from the

sadhak's suggestions, but only after you regain some energy and

strength. It will be helpful to understand.

From Gita Talk Moderators, Ram Ram

-------------------------

 

 

Dear Sadaks,

Did anyone solve Ravana`s distress on his last day of war with Sri

Rama. Many good advises did not work. Same with Kans when Bagavan

entered Mathura. Only Bagavan can help, like in the case of Drowpati

being disrobed.

 

My humble opinion:

Let only Sadhaks, Guru and GOD be dear to us. Why dear Sophia? Why

attachment even in mind level?

B.Sathyanarayan

 

-------------------------

PRIOR POSTING

 

Dear Sophie,

So sorry to hear of your woes but remember every day that I am Gods

Only and no one else is mine. Rest in Paramaatma as taking care of

your self is as if taking care of Gods Temple and rest at His Holy

Feet knowing He would want you to take care of yourself as a

beautiful child of Gods. Pray that you be granted equanimity as

seeker I strive for this as well.God is Light and remember to pray

all times to be Gods only and serve HIM with all that you have. God

wants you be His Happy child as He loves you like a good mother

loves her child.

 

catherine andersen

 

---------------------------

 

Generally in India we are to respect our mothers like Goddesses

because they brought us into this world. We can never repay Doodh

ka Karj, or the debt of mother's milk. We are perpetually indebted

to our mothers. So though it is a gruelling task, you should not

shrink from your duty to serve your mother in her hour of need.

 

Hari Shanker Deo

------------------------

Dear Sophia,

My heart went out to you. I can totally empathise with you because I

too am in a similar boat. Recently I created a small sanctuary in my

house where I hide to be with God so I can get strength from him.

Also I took a lesson from Julia Cameron and I have started wrting

three pages to God daily, first thing in the morning, and this has

really helped me. Her book called artists way I can recommend to you.

Blessings

Chandrika

-----------------------------

 

 

-------------------------

PRIOR POSTING

 

im sorry i am stupid

everyone has been so very kind

im sorry but the body um i have this stupid girl that has

incarnated into is exhausted and un well being. i am sorry i have

taken everyone's time and this is one truth i know better than most.

 

REMEMBER : TU JAANE MERE SANG BEETI, EK EK BAAR SABHI SANG BEETI ! (

You are thinking that it (adversity) has happened in your case only.

But the fact is that it has happened with each and every human being

once). DEH DHARE KA DAND HAI, SAB KAHOO KO HOY ! GYAANI BHUGATE

GYAAN SE, MOORAKH BHUGATE ROY !! ( Worldly sorrows is a universal

tax to be borne by every human being.

 

Sophia

---------------------------

 

Dear Sophia,

 

The 'Black Dog', is the name we have for serious depression here,

and how many of us have had him howling at our door, dogging our

every step as it were. You know, the sun is shining spring is in the

air and you feel disconnected, joyless, a lump of existence.

Yes I know the chemical balance may be out of balance in the brain,

but, take some advice from one that knows, don't throw a bone to him,

throw a stone instead shoo him away.(My medication is 'The Divine

Beloved', none other).

 

A major turning point came about, when I,looking for some way of

helping myself, sat before a High Lama, he said while we were

attempting to meditate, " Here we have very good condition, think of

Africa, all that poverty and suffering " , and you know what? I did

just that, I disconnected from my own miseries and for a moment I was

concerned for others. A seed had been in sown in my heart by that

great man, I swear it is still growing.

 

The essence of this is TO FIND A WAY TO HELP YOURSELF. After my cry

for help I stumbled upon the Tibetan Buddhist, God took me there I

know. Slowly my head started to turn towards the Great Indian

traditions.......

 

Look if you feel you need medical support, consider it temporary. And

do all you can to connect to an M.D./Healer that is connected to an

Ashram. Oddly enough the Guide/Guru I had some years back, had a

sister who was an M.D. at an Ashram in the USA, and she herself

worked as a Homeopath/Naturopath in an Ashram in India for quite

some time. My present homeopath is a Sikh; healing and the

spiritual, cannot be separated.

Maybe other Sadhaks can give more information regarding healers

within the Hindu society.

 

Please do not restrict you life to four walls and your sorrows.

 

In passing, I have sat in sweet bliss in meditation, tears pouring

from my eyes, these are not tears of sorrow, oh no these are

something else, I do hope you experience these tears, your heart

will be opening to the Universe.

 

One more thing dear friend, the 'Black Sheep', may not be bad, maybe

she/he marches to the beat of a different drum, or dances to the far

off tune of a Murali that non other can hear.(Echoing down the

corridors of Time).

 

With Respect and Divine Love,

 

Mike Keenor

-------------------------

Dear Sophiaji !

 

AAJ KAL MAIN DHAL GAYA, DIN HUA TAMAAM ! TU BHI SOJA, SOGAYEE RANG

BHARI SHAAM !!

 

Today has converted into tomorrow. Day is over! ( Sorrow is gone) .

Now have a nice sleep ! (Be peaceful) !

 

HAI BUJHA BUJHA SA DIL, BOJH SAANS SAANS PAR, JEE RAHEN HAI PHIR BHI

HAM, SIRF KAL KI AASH PAR ! NEEND KAH RAHI HAI , MERI BAAHEN THAM !!

 

Very very dejected was heart. There was a weight on each and every

breath. Living only on a hope of a better tomorrow. But now PEACE (

sleep ) is telling me - Hey come, hold my arms.

 

KAUN AYEGA IDHAR , KISKI RAAH DEKHE HAM ! JINKI AAHATE SUNI JAANE

KISKE THE KADAM !!

 

APNA KOI BHI NAHIN, APNE HAIN TO RAAM !!

 

TU BHI SOJA, SO GAYEE RANG BHARI SHAAM !!

 

Who will come here? I should wait for whom? ( Nobody is mine) Those

sounds of steps were of strangers ( Illusion) !

 

No body is mine ! Only Raam ( Paramatma) is mine !

 

Day is over! ( Sorrow is gone) . Now have a nice sleep ! (Be

peaceful) !

 

Namaste Jee

 

Jee Jee

Shashikala

 

Sophiaji Namaste!

 

Stand aside and be a witness! Yes, try to observe the happenings as

a witness. Analyse it. Try to put into practise. It might be of some

help.. Sandeep Pathak

--------------------------

Dear Sophia

 

Love and Love alone....

 

Life is what it has to be and NOT what you wish it to be. Accept

this bitter Truth, you feel relieved of all your stress and tension.

Acceptance leads to surrender and the results in strength. My dear,

accept the service you are rendering to your Mother is the service

to God and by serving Him, you are reaching and realising the utmost

reality of your life. It is the way for you to reach the Ultimate

Goal. Accept it my dear, accept it. Wish you all the best and May

God bless you.

 

Love and Love alone....

 

Paritala Gopi Krishna

-------------------------------

 

 

---------------------------

PRIOR POSTING

 

Dear Sophia Bahenji

 

No ! No tears please. You havent done anything bad to regret. Angels

dont weep. Your mother is not abusing you. Her sickness is as such.

All mothers are good. There is benefit of you hidden in each of the

moves of mother. She may not be knowing, but God knows that. God

cannot use a mother for hurting her children. If God does that , it

means huge benefit is hidden in that. Even if she means to hurt you,

because of karmic reasons, God will ensure your safety. Can any one

get killed by consuming nectar ? No Bahenjee! No tears please. Laugh

it out. What depression? As Sadhu Vyas told you she made you realise

a truth which people dont realise in ages and eras. Nothing/Nobody

is Mine. What a truth. Could you have realised that without the help

of mother? You should not mind the abuses or ill treatment of

mother because all said and done, the very body of yours belongs to

her only. Above all she is not in her senses. Believe me, she loves

you more than anyone else. Is there no love in hate? Is there no

love in a slap of mother? Try it. She will never let others ill

treat you, even when she is in this mental state. Past is past. She

might have erred when you were 18 years old. But is she not

sufferring? She is paying for that only. Dear Bahenji ! It is only

because she erred with your reference that she is in this shape

today. Even in this mental state , does she not know about the

conduct of her son? She knows. She is more sufferring than you.

Believe me.

 

Hence it is time that you develop 'compassion " for her. Sadhu Mike

Keenor loves to be compassionate. Learn from his experiences. Read

old Qs on this site. Your depression will get cured the moment you

forget and forgive. Replace weariness, hate, anger with love and

compassion, please. Immediately, you will get peace, Bahenjee!

Immediately. You are so great otherwise. We all are proud of you

and of your tolerance so far. Please oblige us by being divine.

What a pleasure it will give you in future , when you would recall

how love healed the wounds.

 

No ! No tears please. Angels dont weep !

 

I bow to you Bahenjee.

 

Khan Jarsingh

--

 

Hari Om

 

Depression / Mental Fatigue . What is Depression ? I am not a

doctor. Hence In my language : Depression is tendency of mind to

travel excessively into NOTHINGNESS and into pessimism! Your mind

is capable only of travelling either in past or in future. Both do

not exist NOW ! The cure is simple ! Simply disown the mind

emotionally. Replace worldly thoughts automatically coming into

mind, by thoughts of Paramatma dwelling within. How do you do

that ? " Become " of Paramatma by firmly resolving : MERE TO GIRDHAR

GOPAAL, DOOSARA NA KOI . ( Only Paramatma is mine, no one else is

mine). That single resolution must make you peaceful in an instant

and forever. Thereafter DO WHAT YOU CAN AND WHAT YOU SHOULD.

Depression is self conceived. Don't feel that you are depressed and

you are not depressed. Don't let the worldly anxieties, old

memories, fears for future haunt you. When any worldly thought comes

into mind – IGNORE. Neither like it nor dislike it ! Just be

indifferent, UDAASIN , remain unruffled to those waves of old

memories and anxieties. Think at that time : I am of God. Why I

should bother about a thing on which I have no control. God will

take care if He desires to do so. Else whatever is to happen, let it

happen. See henceforth all the happenings in your life as you see a

movie. Now that you have surrendered to God and you have experienced

the world closely, now don't worry! Start dancing !! What a thing

you have got !! You are of GOD !!! God is your Father ! He has taken

over your life with immediate effect. How beautiful. Now every of

your burden is that of God ! You are free . Just take one care.

Don't doubt this, don't fear, don't ever worry now. NEVER NEVER

WORRY HENCE FORTH. What can happen ? You are immortal, the body is

mortal. Your father is God. He is immortal. What can happen to

you ? Hence DON'T WORRY.

 

REMEMBER : Neither past nor future exists NOW ! A thing which does

not exist, why to worry about the same? Depression causes you to do

that. See happiness in small small things. Admire beauty of a flower

or a bird. Remember you are not alone. EACH AND EVERY HUMAN BEING

IS BURNING IN THE FIRE OF SORROW. This world has been defined as "

DUKHALAYAM " . ( Abode of sorrow) in the very Holy Gita. Your job now

is to convert this DUKHALAYAM into VASUDEVAH SARVAM. Keep in touch

with this divine site on a daily basis. Start replying to various

questions that are raised in this forum. You will find peace here.

 

REMEMBER : TU JAANE MERE SANG BEETI, EK EK BAAR SABHI SANG BEETI ! (

You are thinking that it (adversity) has happened in your case only.

But the fact is that it has happened with each and every human being

once). DEH DHARE KA DAND HAI, SAB KAHOO KO HOY ! GYAANI BHUGATE

GYAAN SE, MOORAKH BHUGATE ROY !! ( Worldly sorrows is a universal

tax to be borne by every human being. A learned persons tolerates

this tax by wisdom, while a fool tolerates this by regretting/

crying.)

 

Hence be brave. One who has given beak to you, will give food also !

Simply DON'T WORRY !!!

 

Jai Shree Krishna

Vyas N B

-------------------------

Hare Krishna

 

Sophiaji ! Now that you have joined Sadhaks , every day should be a

new day for you.. Every day you will get more and more peace ! Just

think that you are not depressed. Just think that you are alright

and you shall be so ! Brother Mike, Vyasji, Mira Dassji, Jee Jee

Shashikalaji all have given you sterling and really soul touching

messages. Surrender to God is a complete solution in itself. Gita

starts with " Worry " of Arjuna. Gita ends with advice of Lord

Krishna : Ma Suchah - PLEASE DO NOT WORRY ! On the contrary be happy

that now everything related with you is in the powerful hands of

God .

 

Please keep sharing your experiences regularly.

 

Gopal Mehta

 

 

My dear Sophia,

 

narinder has been going through all the sharing on the

subject ........... and what comes to mind is this :

 

while all the love and consolation offered to you is worthy of

repect and reverence , and is the truth of being .............

 

Sophia will not be helped, in any deep measure, by consolation and

comfort offered.......

 

when all things fail... and they do ..... only the self can

help ....... you, yourself ..... your own being ..... with the

right resolve .......

 

One stroke of will power .... just one ..... to be able to

understand that you are seeking freedom from pain, not just a relief

for a short duration ! And , only the self can help.

 

Here comes the advice from all Knowers of Truth ........ when self

too is down and out ...... seek the company of the saints, sages,

and sadhaks true .... be with them for short periods of time ....

physically, be in their presence .... let your mind self be

subjected to the strength of the self , the aura of Nothingness,

which is perpetually emanating from the Sages as love divine that

heals !

 

A prayer goes out to you, Sophia .... joy and love to you ......

 

The prayer

 

Rises in the heart when it rises.

Out of nowhere does prayer arise in the Heart,

No reason !

It rises, this prayer, for Heart itself is nothing but Prayer

Nothing but the Light of One-ness

Nothing but Love

Nothing but Silence .

In Silence of Being, the Prayer blossoms:

And, ah ! What Joy !

The fragrance from the Blossoms knows no frontiers !!!

The Heart is the Giver divine

All Gifts are from the Source, all !

And the heart verily is the only Source, the One Source, the True

Source.

 

And one day, Krishna's Heart

Chooses for Krishna

The Gift of Gifts

It's own Self !

And Krishna's flute resounds in Eternity

As the soundless sound of OM

And Krishna sleeps the sleepless sleep forever !

Jai Krishna ! Jai Krishna !

Krishna Krishna , jai jai Krishna

Jai Jai Krishna Hare Hare

 

May Krishna fill you with strength, love and resolve

 

Be yourself. Love yourself.

Love is the Way

 

AUM

narinder bhandari

--------------------------

You are great Sister Sophia. Nothing wrong with you. There is no

reason for you to feel guilty. No body takes so much care of moms as

you took. Depression is a tendency of mind. Mind changes. In your

case too it will change. Watch and enjoy in the meantime this

depression also. Now God is with you. Depression cant reach you. Who

is depressed ? Mind may be depressed, but not our Divine Sophia.

Nothing now can harm you, once you have cried before God. Just feel

jubilant. You tried to be a witness in the past. Try now , as you

have now taken shelter of God.

 

Wishing you very peaceful nice, sound sleeps and rest. Sleep well.

Remember God when awake. See how the world has been made. See how

the God , your Father, is ! Trust Him. Give Love to all and sundry.

Dont feel depressed. You are not depressed. You are tired.

 

Nisha Chatterji

 

--------------------------

Sophiaji

 

Depression ? Nothing to worry. We shall make it run , Sister. We

will not acknowledge that depression. So simple. How can daughter of

Paramatma be depressed? Is God not there? He is alive. He is there.

We all are with you. Our prayers will make both of you alright.

Please remain cheerful. Depression does not like laughter. The

moment you laugh , depression will run away. Depression. These

doctors when they do not know call it depression. In those hearts

where God has entered , where is the space for depression? A good

sleep is the medicine. When God is yours, what can make you tense or

depressed. Dont acknowledge that you are depressed. Simple!

 

Thakurlingam

-------------------------

Dear Sophia

 

Just as relatives are not yours , similarly mind , intellect, body

etc are also not yours. Experience yourself to be separate from

your mind. Depression will evaporate. When mind is not yours , what

difference does it make to you, whether it is depressed or

suppressed? Dont bother. Watch your mind as a separate entity. It

will become like a dog. Just dont pay any attention. You can do

that. Take sufficient rest now. Just dont bother about anything.

Whatever is destined will take place. Take sufficient rest. If sleep

does not come easily, then keep chanting God's name and become

happy. Wish : Let there be no sleep so that I can take God's name

more. Whatever be the case, feel cheerful. Depression has no basis

to survive. Only when you provide it a shelter or respect or

recognition that it can survive. Be optimist.

 

Shyama Chhangani

 

--------------------------

PRIOR POSTING

 

i have been DIAGNOSED NOW WITH DEPRESSION A ND CHRONIC FATIGUE

SYNDROME .. yes i am depressed, but who is depressed? i keep asking

myself these questions but meanwhile this body is exhausted and so

is the small I here in this body to be a caregiver here in the

united states is legendary with the caregivers dying now or

becoming very ill & unable to take care of their parents with

alzheimers.

 

i am going to rest today again she is in the hospital for a few

more days i rest before i take her home & i pray. i have nothing

left to give no finances anymore no physical or emotional strength

but i still do my duty & pray.

 

To ajay and all caregivers who have responded -

it seems here all have been like me the black sheep the abused one

the disrespectedoone. but the one that took the responsibility. it

is very odd. I'm sorry for all of your suffering. I think it is

a good thing we speak of our pain with this group. Mother is mother

she gave us the birth to be able to know God

We may have even chosen her in this incarnation.i know i should not

complain but God I am so tired.. so so tired. I am going to lay

down again...

 

Sophia

---------------------------

 

Hare Krishna,

I can understand a bit of the pain suffered by you, because I have

my wife (who is ill since 6 years). I am lucky that I have my son to

share the problems. Here you are alone. In my view (actually

Gita's) we should accept this fact that every thing/situation is

composed by God and we are just puppets. We are supposed to do our

duty and not to interfere with the result, just accept it. If you

too accept this fact then there will be no stress no exhaustion no

disappointments.

May God bless you and give you enough courage and energy.

Ashok Goenka

-----------------------------

" Two Yrs. back I was also trapped in almost similar situation

related to my job -I literally wept in front of Lord Jagannath for

his help , undoubtedly I got it .

He gets away all your pain depending upon intensity and sincerity of

your prayer . "

 

 

Arun Sharma

---------------------------

dear Sophia,

 

What you need is a " break " from your mother's bedside and go for a

walk in the park. Ask a friend to relieve you for an afternoon and

go- to a spa or someplace that will make you feel " pampered " !

Practice your yoga, meditation on a daily basis at home, even

while caring for your mom. All the best and know that YOU are

fortunate to serve YOUR mother. Yu have no idea just how much of

karma you burn by doing that act lovingly- this same mother was the

one who cleaned up after us so many umpteen times without a

break!

 

Love and blessings,

Meenakshi

---------------------------

 

PRIOR POSTING

 

I AM DEEPLY TOUCHED AND SITTING HERE CRYING OVER THE KINDNESS OF ALL

WHO HAVE SPOKEN HERE TO HELP ME. CRYING. DOING AS SUGGESTED CRYING

OUT TO GOD STUDYING GITA AND FOR THE PAST 2 DAYS RESTING IN BED WITH

GITA EXHAUSTED. ALONG WITH MEDITATION, YOGA , MANTRA. I HAVE BEEN

IN THERAPIES WITH DRS FOR MANY YEARS HERE. EVERY WESTERN DR. HAS

TOLD ME TO GET AWAY FROM MY MOTHER to leave her to her own

sufferings and rot. This I would not do the many many layers of

emotional pain i have dealt with over the years with very little

healing. and i have forgiven her but one day when she was abusing me

so i yelled at her & then i felt guilty. the trick is to detach to

organically understand i am not the suffering. i know that but to

organically get that , well then i would be enlightened but that

is not the case. when i lived on the streets of nyc i did not shoot

heroin or kill myself because i knew this was karma and i had to

walk a spiritual path that has never changed. but i wish not to

speak of myself anymore. i have reached out and you have all been

spiritually gracious. i hope i may serve as well to help those that

suffer including crippled nyc pigeons that some children try to

hit. there is too much sorrow in this world. i wish i could wave a

magic wand

 

I LOVE THIS

 

Living in the West you may have heard of the poem 'Dark Night of the

Soul', by St. John of the Cross. " Oh Night! more glorious than the

Rising Sun! "

 

Look! Entering into the depth of 'Darkness', it is there that you can

see the Divine Light. The dawn is coming you know, I think maybe you

might just start to see it's first glimmer.

 

Brother Vyas gave a powerful piece of advice, I will paste it in

here with respect:

'Cry before Him- only before Him. Say now take over My Lord. He

surely will. Have trust. Have belief. Thank Him any way

 

I WILL SAY THIS AS MANTRA TODAY ON JAPA MALA - " Doosara na koi " -

There is " no one else " " None Other " .

 

Sophia

--------------------------

Hari Om

 

Swamiji Ramsukhdasji Maharaj would very rarely give mantras/

formulas. But once he wrote that if you distribute sweets / candy to

poor children then the grief DEFINITELY goes !

 

I believe it is an infallible formula for quick relief in

stress/worry/anxiety levels.

 

Jai Shree Krishna

 

Vyas N B

---------------------------

Dear Sadhak

 

Surrender your self to the feet of your God and offer sincere and

prayers to him urging your personal God to relieve your mother from

all these pains and also give you confidence and love for taking

care of your mother till her death.

 

Please keep confidence in God who will find a way our of your

worries and direct you about the action you have to take

 

Truly yours

 

S S Bhatt

---------------------------

Hi anonymous,

It is extremely difficult to look after a mentallyill person and

being a carer myself i know.

the most important thing to realise is that YOUR HEALTH IS

INTRICATELY CONNECTED TO YOUR MOTHER'S WELL-BEING. That is if you are

not there or breakdown , she goes to the streets.

so

1.Plan in case you are not there because one can never say. This will

give you lot of peace. If it makes sense, just harden your heart and

place her in an old age home if you can afford.

2.so your health and happiness and longlife is important for her

also.

3. Take time for some rest and relaxation - e.g. Music go to Music

concert, films, good food EAT, bhajans sing them. Just be happy for

that you must learn to enjoy life without being GUILTY.

 

4.Normally CARERS get a mental illness called DYSTHEMIA. You are

showing early signs so get out of it.

 

captain Johann samuhanand

 

---------------------------

This situation indeed is very difficult. Am sure many of us may

have gone thru similar situation (incl me). My humble suggestion

would be that before taking any decision, we must think 10 times.

Had this position been with a child then could any mother abandon

her child although she also at times be tired and be almost in

similar position but am sure she could not abandon. Secondly,

whatever action/step we take today, we must think 10-15 yrs

henceforward - and we may not regret the step that we take now. But

we all are human and feeling exhausted and tired is also human and

very right emotion too sp. when no other sibling is there to lend a

helping hand even temporarily. I remember myself crying loudly

oblivious of surroundings in the parking lot of hospital. Crying

out to God for his help and mercy. I do not know was it due to

stress, helplessness, anguish, unable to see my Mom suffering, out

of exhaustion, desperation, as I am also suffering from 3 major

diseases myself.

 

Pls seek temporary helping hand may it be physical / financial -

wherever it may come from, relax, take good care of yourself first

and then think about taking care of your Mom.

 

Wish you good health and peace.

 

Warm regards and lots of love to you who has stood by her Mom for so

many years which itself is commendable, when people can barely take

this for couple of months.

 

Mrs K Asani

 

---------------------------

Dear Sophia,

Your situation reminds me of my own. I am second number child of my

parents, the elder sister was married when I was only in tenth

standard. I completed my studies ( engineering) by tuitions

supporting my family. My younger brother who is 3 years younger to

me was adorned by my parents too much and always being treated with

much more love and affections as a result he became acute mental

patient for last 20 years. My parents always discarded me and my

wife, abused us inspite of living dependently with me on my income.

My mother used to support my sister family all along her life. She

was dominating and never even shown any affection to me, my wife or

my two kids. My brother was married but was divorced due to his

mental problem, so my wife was the only daughter in law of my mother.

In 2002 my father's both kidneys failed and after a prolong and

costly treatment of two years he survived. Myself and my wife alone

spent our day and night, borne all the expenses and he is still

survving and is a healthy person ( except that he cannot see

clearly). My mother never visited him in hospital and used to abuse

us as why we are getting him the treatment. My sister who is married

to a very top doctor never bothered to take any interest in the

treatment or support us, my brother as a mental patinet is totally

dependent on me.

Last year my mother met an accident in January 08 and she was

operated and inserted steel rod and was bed ridden for almost nine

months before she finally left for heavenly abode in Sept. Me and my

wife only took care for her during this period. My sister who lives

very near never bothered to provide any help or assistance but

ensured abusing us all the time on some or other pretext by finding

fault in the treatement given to her which I ensured in the best

hospitals in Jaipur. It was hell for us getting abused for the

responsibilty for treatment to parents by themselves and also my

sister. But we never lost our patience. My brother is on mental

treatment, needs daily medicines otherwise becomes extreme vilolent

and my wife used to give him also medicines, handle my mother

treatment who was bed ridden for nine months and also take care of

my father who is also now 80 years.

My kids some time ask me why amma, dada and bua are so cruel to you

are you their step son ? and why so are taking so much care of them?

Our neighbours were amused by our patience and handling of the

situation and always praised us, so were all our distance relatives

who used to come to meet my mother.

I run my own business and have to travel abroad frequnetly.I lost

lot of money in business during that period as I was badly stressed

all the time.

After my mother expired my sister abusued us publically that I

killed my mother but everyone knew the truth, so she herself got

a bad name.

I can visualise your situation , but I can only say time will pass

and these are the tough situations which as a human being any one

can come across so need to have a patience, and only thing in our

control is our work and discharge of duties earnestly.

 

I know every situation is unique but my own case will surely give

you some solace and strenght to bear the pain.

 

Ajay Gupta

------------------------------

 

PRIOR POSTING

 

Hello The Universal Individual (Trust me! there can be hardly

anybody who have not felt like you at one time or the other!!),

 

The complaint raises from the violation of one's core limits as well

as limitations - natural, psychological, physiological, financial,

social as well as spiritual - leading to exhaustion and distress. It

is essential to appreciate one's limits as well as limitations to

break them open for an expansive horizon. Also, I can assure, from

my experience, that one cannot attempt this while being bound within

a state of violent distress. One has to releive oneself from the

distress to clarify one's appreciation of the whole situation.

 

I do not know the individual limits and limitations here except for

the lack of support from the relatives (which is not surprising).

However, I urge you to seek professional help for yourself as well

as for your mother contacting appropriate agencies. Bhagavadgita and

the spiritual talk appeals ONLY IF you are ready for facing The

Truth stark naked. At this point, you may mentally not be ready to

face the same as your inner turmoil is churning your presence away

from any such possible appreciation. You have to releive your system

to relax before appreciating the depth of spirituality.

 

Therefore, seek some physical help from whichever source that is

congenial ... If it helps ... I learnt a lot by observing the

saintly nurses who were taking care of my father when he was

critically ill once ... pure service, so impersonal, and yet so

compassionate ... if we could be like that in spite of having

emotional relations ... it would be the best. It is easy to

preach ... therefore, let me restrain myself from that ... yet, if

possible, try it out along with all other possible psycho-physio-

medical help as well as financial aid that you could possibly

extract from yourself as well as from your environment.

 

One thing is for sure ... if you are not at peace within, you can

not comfort anybody else no matter what your understanding/

determination/ intention is. Also, if you break down, your mother

will have nobody to care of her ... think of that as well.

Therefore, my suggestion is to gather all your strength to establish

your integrity within first ... relax for that ... relax within as

much as possible in spite of the gruelling environmental demands ...

relax within in spite of the personal anguish and physical

exhaustion ...

 

Take it as an opportunity to appreciate how your relaxation is, in

fact, independent of all the relations in this life; to realize its

true transcendental nature as such ... if possible ... as much as

possible ... relax please ...

 

Best Wishes.

 

Naga Narayana

 

-----------------------------

 

-Shree Hari-

 

Dear Sophia,

 

To be apparently all alone in this situation is an added burden,

let me put you in the picture right now , my beloved wife is talking

to her sister, my wife and I have spent the afternoon with her

mother, and consultants. She needs to talk to lighten her load.

 

There was a time long passed, that I, it seems was the most hated

person on planet earth in my in laws eyes. The hatred was so intense,

that I actually started to stutter, I swear to all I never knew that

one could hate so much, I don't think I ever hated.

 

What a destructive force is hatred? And how indestructible is 'Divine

Love'. Some people will never abandon any needy, it is their very

nature to care.

 

Karma, yes indeed, I have watched the unfolding over the years, never

voiced it, just observed. My in laws watched helplessly, as the other

son in law died a slow and painful death, (we got on well, he and I).

Then my mother in law was widowed.

 

Old 'Black Sheep' moved interstate, to the same town in which my

mother in law lived.

It is I who picked her off the floor when she had a fall, who pushed

her around shopping centers, fixed things, etc.

Now I am a shining light in her eyes, " God must have brought you her

for a reason " , she has often said. She's got that right, but 'The

Divine Beloved', did it not just for her, but also for me, God who I

love so much, has exposed me to so much, helping my stony heart to

break.

 

Living in the West you may have heard of the poem 'Dark Night of the

Soul', by St. John of the Cross. " Oh Night! more glorious than the

Rising Sun! "

 

Look! Entering into the depth of 'Darkness', it is there that you can

see the Divine Light. The dawn is coming you know, I think maybe you

might just start to see it's first glimmer.

 

Brother Vyas gave a powerful piece of advice, I will paste it in

here with respect:

'Cry before Him- only before Him. Say now take over My Lord. He

surely will. Have trust. Have belief. Thank Him any way !'

 

Every one is different, but try this if you wish; go to a place where

none can hear you, ask out loud for GOD to help you, from your soul

cry out like a child who is lost and is looking for Mother or Father,

place no restriction call to Him as child, go where it takes you.

 

B.G. 7

At the end of his many births

The wise man takes refuge in Me.

He knows: " All is Vasudeva.3 "

How very rare is that great soul! (19)

 

With Respect and Divine Love,

 

Mike (Keenor).

------------------------------

 

Hari Om

 

Sadhak Sophia ! Real Sadhak you are !! This group is privileged to

have you as one of us. Please keep the divinity in you prospering.

 

Remove now old memories of ill treatment. It is necessary Dear

Sister for removal of pains. Could they have come to you without

divine will? Is it not now a real " experiential knowledge " for you

that " Nothing is mine " ( Doosara na Koi ) ?

You in fact paid a very little cost of " knowing " that precious

priceless knowledge.

 

What is needed now once " doosara na koi " is part of your direct

experience ? In fact - Mere to Girdhar Gopal (Only God is

mine ) !!! Once God is yours and no one else- why worry? Why

exhaustion? Why weariness? Why that subtle insistence on recovery of

Mom? As you are of God, is she not? What can you do , except doing

your duty? AND THAT YOU HAVE DONE and ARE DOING !

 

It is a law that duty doesnot generate sorrows. But you are not

feeling well. Where is the clue/ fault? Fault is linking duty with

old memories ! Check with your conscience, are you not reliving

those days? Are you not keeping the wounds green? Let them heal now!

This is final frontier which you should cross now . Forgive and

forget the past. Don't insist for any favourable or unfavourable

happennings in life. Past does not exist Dear Sister !

Nor does future exist now? Why worry then?

 

I am sure once you shed this insistence over the results of your

otherwise divine performance of duties, peace, much awaited peace

will generate in abundance in you.

 

Try it and keep in touch. Do take interest in other Qs also. That,

in itself, will make you happy and peaceful. " Sharing " reduces pain

and increases pleasure ! Isn't it?

 

May Paramatma bless you !

 

Jai Shree Krishna

 

Vyas N B

-----------------------------

I have been undergoing a similar situation for years. I can

empathise with you. Stressful days and even worst nights. not been

on a holiday for the last 15 years. Used to crib many years back,

then went deeper into astrology which perhaps if nothing else I

learnt to bear with this as my karmic destiny.

 

I remember my father used to say, " if God chooses to give me old

age I pray to him to give me good children " The full impact of this

sentence came in much later. But strive thru it all to remember that

perhaps of all the persons in our family we are the chosen ones. I

feel there are no options regarding caring for parents. We have to

do it. On bad days just tell yourself you are getting there full

blessings. And these special blessings can turn any negativity in a

patri to the most blessed and enriched life.

 

I am sure nobody on this forum or any other can refute this. You are

truly blessed believe me. Turn this into an oppurtunity rather than

a crisis. With you .

Take care.

Vats (Pradeep Sahai)

--------------------------

Jai Hanuman

 

Dear Sophiaji ! Thanks for sharing with us the voice of your soul. I

give a

small example to you to ponder.

 

You kept a nurse for taking care of your child. You pay her and she

takes care

of the child like you, yourself take care. One day there is some

disruption in

relationship/money/etc. You ask her to go . How easily she leaves

the affection

of that child? Will she look back? Will she enquire about the

child ? No !

 

Be like that. Do your duty and forget. Nothing is ours. Only

Paramatma is ours.

Serve fearlessly. If you get disrespect/ abuses in return , then

consider

yourself to be lucky. Results of your service are not getting

frittered away in

petty respects/praises/acknowledgements ! Higher results are in

store for you.

 

My Mom in law, 75, often says- Let Rupee remain Rupee ! (Don't seek

any

reciprocation for your good deeds, you are reducing the value of a

rupee to few

paise only, because you expect immediate result).

 

In your case, Dear Sophiaji - the Rupee is increasing in value with

every

disrespect, every abuse, every spit on the face ! Believe me on

this ! Let it

increase. Wish now that you don't need respect

honor/respect/acknowledgement .

Leave for ever " desire for happiness " . Immediately / Instantly

pains will

vanish.

 

You used the word " karmic " in your last post. Now if we look at Law

of Karma,

you will find that in your case the Divine is working with double

speed. On one

hand you are doing selfless duty and thus accumulating " assets " . On

other hand

with every abuse/disrespect/spit on the face your " liabilities " are

simultaneously getting wiped out- without any effort at your end !

By Divine

Will !

 

Tell me now honestly, do you want respect/praise etc in return for

your " duty " ?

With double speed , Sophiaji, Law of Karma is functioning in your

favour. Think

about it ! Tell me how I am wrong ? Do tell me or else become happy.

Become

peaceful. Become grateful to Paramatma ! He only is ours. Other than

Him there

is only " duty " !

 

Namaste Jee

 

Jee Jee

Shashikala

---------------------------

Sophia-ji you are on the right path. If you can sacrifice your

interest in favor

of birds and animals, you can sacrifice, only to the extent possible

and

bearable, for your Mother - not merely because she is your mother

but because

she is as much a manifestation of God as you or anyone else are/ is.

God,

genetics and previous experiences have giving you the propensity and

strength to

sacrifice for others, even if they do not tolerate you or behave

badly with you.

You are fortunate to have such properties. And, the current

experience in

dealing with the ailing, stuborn and unloving mother will enhance

your

capability to endure and love anyone and help anyone who needs. Pray

to God. You

are doing what He desires. He will give you the strength and lead

you to more

important, interesting experiences and knowledge. He will take care

of your

physical and mental health or change your duty. Submit to him and

pray to him

with the joy of doing what he has ordained for you.

Read Gita again and again. But only those portions on the concept of

God and

what the wise persons do.

Basudeb Sen

-----------------------------

Dear Annonimous,

 

The Nature has made all the life forms self-sufficient. Each one has

to face their own fate all alone. You know it very well, whosoever is

born, has to die one day. The ways of death are different for

different persons. so be brave...

 

G. Waman

 

 

---------------------------

PRIOR POSTING

 

 

 

I KINDLY THANK EVERY SOUL THAT HAS TAKEN THEIR TIME TO SPEAK WORDS

OF INSIGHT AND KINDNESS. I am in nyc and have reache d out over

the years to the caregiver s groups, alzheimers org and such.

I gave up my career as actress and opera singer and left hollywood

over 5 yrs ago to alone take care of a very abusive ill mother.I am

longtime sadhak, vegan , meditator a & practice yoga. the intensity

daily stress has broken me i am now ill myself. as of friday night

mothe r is back in the hospital.perhaps she will listen to the drs.

only God know. she also knows I can no longer take care of her the

way i have my strength is gone and now i am under drs. care.

i will bring Gita to hospital and read every day, continue to pray

and ask my self the query

who is sick and who am i ? i know i am not my body i know mother

is not mine. but the continuous activity of the daily taking care

of is done in this body which is now worn out I will follow all

suggestions kindly spoken of by spiritual friends here.

Karmically i think, it is interesting to note my mother threw me out

on the streets in the dead of winter with no winter coat or money

at age 17.5 (nyc streets). I was never allowed home again even when

i called terrified at 3 am in the snow sleeping outside.

i was abandoned by both mother and father in this life and

brother. i chose not to abandon my mother. i dont abandon birds

and animals i wouldnt abandon mother. my brother whom my mother

worships, and whom took care of my brother who is very wealthy

abandoned my mother years ago & has taken no responsibility or

offered any help of any kind.

she still cries for him while im trying to care for her knowing he

hates her & i shut up. i try i really try to do the right thing

i try and have tried to detach and be witness. it is very

difficult when getting screamed at and spit at within 1 inch of your

face while you a re trying to care physically care for a parent

who abused you growing up and , well, yes i see the only only

solution is deeply spiritual . i do i will go pray now and read

gita again i wish to thank everyone.

moksha

 

sophia

nyc

moskha

 

-------------------------------

Namaskaar.

 

After several years in the United States I returned to Trinidad to

take care of my mother. I have several sisters who do all they can

to help her but as a son to my dear mother, with whom I have a

special bond, I could not resist when Mataji asked me over the

phone, several times: when are you coming home? After about two

weeks of those questions it suddenly dawned on me that Mataji really

wanted me to come back, and as a true son I had an obligation to do

so. I packed my bags, bid goodbye to all, and returned home.

 

It wasn't an easy decision but I had to come home to her and I thank

Bhagavan for giving me the courage and determination to leave that

life and come home to her. Mata ji is 81, paralyzed and unable to

walk, and my sisters and I do all we can to make her comfortable

even though sometimes she can be difficult. But we know this is not

deliberate as it is symptomatic of old age and senility.

 

It can be tiring and difficult and it takes a lot from us and for me

it has been a sacrifice of much of my personal life but every day I

thank Bhagavan for giving me the opportunity and the honour to help

her and be there with her. Sometime Mataji forgets we are there with

her and when I enter her room she pleads with me 'not to leave her.'

I assure her I will never leave her and I will there for her as long

I am alive.

 

Yes, it consumes mental and physical energy, there are costs

nvolved, but I encourage everyone to take care of parents and elders

no matter how burdensome you may think it is and how much energy and

resources are necessary. Try as hard as you can to take care of

them at home rather than in a Senior citizens' home. I know for

sure that the day my Mataji goes into one of those places she will

not survive for more than a week so sending her there is like a

death sentence.

 

As Hindus, we have a long and glorious tradition of our extended

family and caring for all at our homes. Let us strive to maintain

that treasured custom, even in this hectic and tiring world. It is

most fulfilling to serve parents and elders as it is one of the

most exalted characteristics of Sanatan Dharma.

You should not ignore parents and elders - they are our Gods on

earth and if you can't honour and pray to them then it is

meaningless and even hypocritical to pray to Bhagavan.

 

Hari Om

 

Deosaran Bisnath

---------------------------

Shree Hari

Ram Ram

 

My heart aches on reading your email... and deep within long to

reach out ...I am certain many other sadhaks emotionally can

experience what you are going through simply from your note. But

remain ever in that LIGHT that you speak off... never turn away from

it. It is His eternal promise to us... in Gita 9:22 that He will

take care of us !

 

Key is detachment and only doing to the best of your ability what

you can do and forgetting the past or the future. Think of yourself

as a Nurse hired by the divine Light, the Source. You are only

hired to do this work, rather the chosen One, you are merely taking

care of her to the best of your ability and nothing more.

Absolutely nothing more. Live moment to moment guided by the

Light... Not thinking about what will happen or what has happened in

the past... but living only in the present, in that Light that you

speak off in your note and guided by That and That alone. If you

feel exhausted, sleep and rest it out. Do not take the entire burden

on your head.

 

Swamiji often speaks of a wonderful example of a dog who is walking

under a bullock cart filled with heavy goods. He is walking there

only for protection against the heat of the sun (i.e. for shade).

However, after sometime, the dog begins to feel he is the one that

is carrying the burden / weight of the entire cart and all the stuff

on it. We all are like that dog. We begin to carry all the weight

on our shoulder. Krishna clearly showed us with the Govardhan

mountain...that HE ALONE is the One holding up the mountain with the

tip of his tiny finger... that it is He and we are merely

instruments and basking in His glory... nothing more!!!! Therefore

do the best you can... if you miss a day of care, a nurse or someone

at the hospital will fill the gap.

 

As Vyasji and other sadhaks have said... be fearless, worriless,

doubtless, griefless.... without regreting the past or concern about

the future.. only doing what you are able to do... and leaving the

rest up to the Divine, the Beloved, the Light.. .the Spirit...

And as Mike said, you definitely have direct support from this group

therefore be strong. It is not an ordinary thing that you have

started receiving these messages and reading them... and seeking out

help from this group. You have done your part... let the rest

flow!!!! May That Divine Light Always be with you!

 

Meera Das

Ram Ram

 

---------------------------

PRIOR POSTING

 

Hari Om

 

You have every right to be peaceful. " Duty " - is what you CAN and

what you SHOULD. Once you have done what ever you could, there is no

need for you to feel guilty when you CAN NOT anymore. What you can

not do, it is not your duty to do.

Hence be brave, be guiltfree, and see God's hand in every result.

See God live in your Mom, in your mind, in your circumstances - and

for once with a simple heart surrender yourself completely into the

hands of Paramatma. Once you surrender, thereafter you should not

worry.

 

Stand erect. Be peaceful by realising that you did your level best.

Don't look at all at the conduct of " relatives " ! They are made like

that only. They were not " yours " , they are not " yours " , they will

not be " yours " - there is no possibility of their ever

being " yours " . Yours is only Paramatma ! Once you accept " mineness "

with Him (He is always yours) , it would not matter to you, if

anybody is " yours " or not. GUARANTEED !! Remain Doubtless.

Worryless. Griefless. Fearless.

 

Cry before Him- only before Him. Say now take over My Lord. He

surely will. Have trust. Have belief. Thank Him any way !

 

Jai Shree Krishna

 

Vyas N B

 

-Shree Hari-

 

Dear Anonymous,

 

My wife and I are in a very similar position to you, almost a

reflection of that which you have written.

My role in all this is to mainly support my wife.

 

May I point out the family members have washed their hands of much

more than caring for mother.

Surely if they find themselves incapable of helping her directly can

they not at least support you?

 

You have done something very important, you have contacted this site

with so much divine love and wisdom.

 

I feel that you need direct support, as I have no idea where you live

I cannot offer much, here in Australia there are support groups,

religious and none religious.

 

You do not have to remain anonymous, but if you wish to fine.

 

Do come back to this site, I personally promise you I will always

reply and support you to best of my abilities.

 

You may find this site of value, I cannot recommend it too much.

http://swamiramsukhdasji.net

 

May God bless you.

 

With Respect and Divine Love,

 

Mike (Keenor).

--------------------------------

 

Priy Anonimous

I say you are choosen by god to serve your mother.

It comes rarely occassion that U get such chance.

Whatever the situation please do all servings on the basis of

Almighty lord.

God is seeing every moment. He knows better than all of us.

In MANAS:

PRABHU BHANJIHI DARUN BIPATI, JAANAT JAN KI PIR.

God will take care coz he knows all ur pains.

Have faith. please.

Raja Gurdasani

--------------------------------

Namasthe anonymous, I read your message and I guess I understand

what you must be going through. do not worry much. God is there and

everything will be fine too. I just was wondering..where do you

live ? in which country ?

Please try to find the local support groups regarding these

alzeimers' illness. I guess, u are handling this all on ur own and

it would definitely get exhausting. Please find some of the members

who are going thro similar situations via support groups.

 

also, when u mention about exhausting financial resources..how is it

happening ? is it possible if some nurse or anyone can take care of

her 2 to 3 days a week and during that time..u can do other things

and you take care 2 to 3 days..so that you will also get a break

from the routine and get refreshed also.

 

Also, please think about this. in case if u are caring of ur any

family member..the other type of exhaustion we all may feel worried

thinking that it is our family member. Rather than that, if

possible, just try to think that whatever situation we are in

either by choice or circumstance, think its God's work and do it. In

the respect, although u may get physically exhausted, atleast the

exhaustion will not be much from the emotional perspective. once

the mental energy is not drained, you can be calm in every day's

action u do.

 

Please be strong and I am sure everything will be fine. Do not

thnk..its ur mother..just think that it is God's work whatever u are

doing to ur mother. Definitely, please check on the support

groups/non-profit organizations..they will definitely be there to

help the people who are taking care of the people with illness.

 

My prayers and good wishes and so u feel peac in ur heart even in

the midst of all these.

 

namsthe again,

Bharathi

----------------------------

Consider yourself as Arjuna in the battlefied of Kurukshetra, where

in the midst of the war between mother' illness including her

stubborn rejection of all help and your own physical and mental

resources, you are completely dejected and despondent. This is the

reality of the situation you cannot bear. Reading Gita is your Lord

Krishna: read this and identify the Truth. You are not responsible

for anything, you are not the cause of anything. You have done what

you have been doing and continue to be doing. But your actions do

not cause the consequences that you desire and you do not desire.

Whatever happens to Mother is destined to happen and you are neither

the cause nor the one responsible for. You are just an witness to

all happening.

You are only to act as per the propensities/ tendencies that have

been imparted in you by your genetics and past interactions/

experiences with the environment you have grown up. This you have no

alternative but to accept the pains and sufferings.

Get out of identification with this You. This you is just an

illusion that this you will have to live. But the Real You are the

God. Read Gita again and again to realize your Real You and get

beyond the chained you attached to the happenings of this World

around you. Pray and pray to God that He lifts you to the Real You.

Know that when you try in this way to get into your Real you, your

apparent worldy you will have no suffering at all.

All above are words and really cannot help you. Sincere and

continuous prayer and submission to God as you read Gita can only

help you.

Basudeb Sen

------------------------

Yes, on a physical level it is all very difficult to understand and

cope up with.

But these things do happen with many families and part of our

worldly existence.

 

What helps us in these and all other situations is the spiritual

wisdom/rules of our lives,

knowing ourselves, doing things by remaining at the source......

It may appear difficult but with some practice, one start getting

the results....

So please read the messages on this group and get into the spiritual

mode....

 

Humble suggestions:

 

1) You have to understand who you are. So, ask yourself " Who am I? "

and wait for the answer.

Then try again...see what happens....what happens to the

feelings...the stress....Keep this practice

on whenever you can and find time or even while doing something....

 

2) Second question that may burst many myths is to understand who is

getting exhausted and

who is stressed....So ask your self " Who is getting exhausted " , " Who

is getting stressed "

and again wait for the answer........

 

Our mind/ Mann is a wonderful instrument and able to create things

out of nothing.....and we

slowly become slaves of thoughts and further thoughts....The above

questions help you to get rid of the

these absolutely unnecessary and unwanted thoughts. Once that begin

to happen, you can see the

light which shall direct you to do what needs to be done happily and

without much effort....

 

Best wishes....

Sushil Jain

 

-------------------------

Hi ,

 

God is only testing you, do your work and manage to distance

yourself from now or you will be heart broken when the time comes to

say good bye, god willing.

 

Pray more and carry on with your work, you have done your duty and

this is all you can do. You are answerable to only The Almighty, so

go about your work and pray when you find the time to do so.

 

All the best till you feel good.

 

BARBARA ALI

-------------------------

Dear Sadhak,

Under the circumstances of your mother please do not lose confidence

in your sincere caring of your mother who has given birth to you.If

you are tired then ask other members of your family to take care of

her If you have money please put her in a nursing home or any such

place where her care is properly taken

Matru devo Bhava " is a great obligation as narrated in Upnishad.

 

For her salvation please start reading one chapter of Bhagavat Gita

or the whole Gita on Sunday or any important day. Keep some chanting

program at your place for finding a solution and relief to both of

you. Have faith in God and a solutions will come within six months

of your resolution to seek peace in your family.

 

Truly yours

Shankerprasad S Bhatt

-------------------------------

Dear anonymous....

My heart truly goes out to you.....unless one has been in a

similar situation, it is impossible to understand the level of

stress that you are experiencing. I am presently caring for an 84

yr. old mataji, whose son passed away from cancer last November.

(2008). He was only 54. She has one other son, but he is not

vegetarian, so she does not wish to live with him, nor does she wish

to relocate away from the devotional community she has grown used to

in Los Angeles. I promised her son, who was not related to me, that

I would care for his mother. But I have my husband to help me. I

am constantly on the lookout for individuals from my temple who can

spare time and energy to stay with this sweet, elderly lady,

otherwise I take her everywhere with me, because to leave her alone

is quite scary...both for her, as she sits alone and doesn't move,

and for me, because I am so worried about her when she is alone!

And she doesn't even have alzheimer's, or anything like that. Just

incontinence, which of course brings a load of social

pressures......and she screams about having to take a shower. It

is certainly a demanding service....one which the Supreme Lord will

bless you millions of times over for executing so faithfully for so

long......may you always be guided by the Lord in your heart to know

how to continue pleasing Him.

respectfully, Mahalaksmi Dasi

------------------------------

Arvind Khetia, engineer and a Hindu:

Discouragement and hopelessness can arise due to many reasons.

Spiritual wisdom is essential to cultivating a balanced mind. Then,

one recognizes the negative influence of ego, greed and excessive

material pleasures on one's mind and society. Consequently, one

learns to cultivate self-control, discriminate between what is

eternal and transient, practice equanimity and follow one's dharma.

Dharma requires one to perform the duties of life in accordance with

universal ethical values.

 

Therefore, one's faith must be founded on spiritual reality to help

combat discouragement and hopelessness. The Bhagavad-Gita

states, " When spiritual wisdom is the highest goal, one's faith is

deep and senses restrained, then one attains wisdom and acquires

perfect peace. "

 

According to Vedanta, true faith begins with having faith in

ourselves. Then, through practicing the spiritual disciplines of

meditation and yoga, one achieves a transformation of one's

character. Thus, one's faith evolves into the realization of one's

inner spiritual nature and manifests as enlightened optimism.

 

Arvind Khetia

--------------------------

Dear Exhausted ,

 

The True answer must come from your ' inside ', from inside you.

No-one from outside can give you the correct answer for you, in your

particular situation

 

Meditation will lead you to your inner being .

Meditation is the only Way.....................

Sit for formal meditation , morning and evening, half an hour .

 

BUT..................

 

When meditation does not ' happen', especially in the beginning(

your mind does not move into it so easily), and Karma ( sewa) is

also so exhausting and stressful, ' prayer and satsanga' is the

answer ..........

 

A Prayer to God ( Krishna, Rama,Shiva, Allah, Waheguru ) for

strength and wisdom, whenever the mind falls ... Being at the feet

of a master can do wonders !

 

narinder bhandari

-------------------------------

 

 

SUMMARY OF SADHAK POSTINGS -

 

- Many good advices do not work... Only Bagavan can help, like in

the case of Drowpati being disrobed. Why attachment even in mind

level?

 

 

- complaint raises from the violation of one's core limits as well

as limitations - natural, psychological, physiological, financial,

social as well as spiritual - leading to exhaustion and distress.

- you are on the right path.

- You have already experienced " nothing is mine, " ... now the next

step... " only God is mine " . Why subtle insistence on recovery

etc., What can you do , except doing your duty? AND THAT YOU HAVE

DONE and ARE DOING ! Fault is linking duty with old memories ! Fault

is in re-living the past! which does not exist! Forgive and forget!

on shedding the insistence, peace will prevail.

- if you are not at peace within, you can not comfort anybody else

no matter

what your understanding/determination/ intention is.

- What a destructive force is hatred? And how indestructible

is 'Divine Love'. Some people will never abandon any needy, it is

their very nature to care.

- Do your duty and forget. Nothing is ours.

- think 10 times before taking any decision, so that there be no

regrets.

- you can sacrifice, only to the extent possible and bearable, for

your Mother -

not merely because she is your mother but because she is as much a

manifestation of God

- do work deligently and discharge of duties earnestly

- Nurse - pure service, so impersonal, and yet so compassionate ...

if we could be like that in spite of having emotional relations

- we are the chosen ones. there are no options regarding caring for

parents. We have to do it.

- as far as possible keep them (elders) at home.

- distribute sweets / candy to poor children then the grief

DEFINITELY goes !

- You only receiving suffering to the extent that you can handle.

- Don't seek any reciprocation for your good deeds

- Being Peaceful is your birth right! What you can not do, it is

not your duty! be guiltfree. See God in Mom, and take complete

refuge in the Divine (God); accept only Him as yours; thereafter do

not worry! Remain Doubtless. Worryless. Griefless. Fearless.

- you are choosen by god to serve your mother; a rare opportunity!

Serve as if serving Almighty! He knows what is best! He knows ur pain

- My heart truly goes out to you.....it is certainly a demanding

service. may you always be guided by the Lord in your heart to know

how to continue pleasing Him.

- YOUR HEALTH IS INTRICATELY CONNECTED TO YOUR MOTHER'S WELL-BEING.

- you are being tested; You have done your duty! continue working

but becoming detached. Pray. You are only answerable to God.

- Karma Favoring you - On one hand you are doing selfless duty and

thus accumulating " assets " . On other hand with every

abuse/disrespect/spit on the face your " liabilities " are

simultaneously getting wiped out-

without any effort at your end ! Become grateful to Paramatma ! He

only is ours. Other than Him there is only " duty " !

- you need a break, some relief. DO yoga/meditate regularly.

- Whatever happens to Mother is destined to happen and you are

neither the cause nor the one responsible for. Stop identification

with Body/Mind and identify with the Truth of the Gita. Read Gita

again and again! prayer and submission to God/Gita can only help you.

- Leave for ever " desire for happiness " . Immediately / Instantly

pains will vanish.

- Have tremendous trust in God doing just what is right. " this

shall pass too " .

- Write your prayer on a piece of paper. acknowledging you cannot

resolve this problem alone, seek help! place at His feet and become

worriless.

- we are just puppets. We are supposed to do our duty and not to

interfere with the result, just accept it. If you too accept this

fact then there will be no stress, no exhaustion, no disappointments.

- Spiritual wisdom is essential to cultivating a balanced mind.

True faith begins with having faith in ourselves.

- Question over and over again.. who am I? who is getting

exhausted? Who is getting stressed? and wait for the answer! Mind

creates things out of nothing! The above questions help you to get

rid of the unnecessary thoughts. thereafter light shall direct you

to do what needs to be done happily and without much effort

- Meditate and Pray... at lotus feet of Lord

- Pray to God. You are doing what He desires. He will give you the

strength and

lead you to more important, interesting experiences and knowledge

- Do not lose confidence. Seek Help! Read Gita! Have Faith in God

and solution will come.

- Read Gita again and again. But only those portions on the concept

of God and what the wise persons do.

- Take time out for personal rest and relaxation. Avoid getting the

carer disease...DYSTHEMIA

- you are getting their full blessings. And these special blessings

can turn any negativity in a patri to the most blessed and enriched

life. You are truly blessed believe me. Turn this into an

oppurtunity rather than a crisis.

- created a small sanctuary in my house where I hide to be with God

- You need direct support! Are there support groups / others?

Don't hesitated to rely on sadhaks in this forum. They are

personally committed to support.

- Please seek out a local support group! Possibly a break, through

hired nurse help, so can get some rest!

- Think of yourself as a Nurse only... taking care of her for short

time... not thinking of past or future. Live in present, guided by

the light.

- remember every day that I am Gods Only and no one else is mine.

Rest in Paramaatma as taking care of your self.

- think its God's work you are doing for your mother and do it!

There will be less emotional exhaustion, therefore you'll be calm

even though physical strain.

- The Nature has made all the life forms self-sufficient. Each one

has to face their own fate all alone. Whosoever is born, has to die

one day. so be brave...

- wrting three pages to God daily, first thing in the morning

- Please keep confidence in God who will find a way our of your

worries and direct you about the action you have to take

- Please be strong and all will be fine!

- relax please ...

- every day I thank Bhagavan for giving me the opportunity and the

honour to help her and be there with her

- keep confidence in God who will find a way our of your worries and

direct you about the action you have to take

- Let us strive to maintain that treasured custom, even in this

hectic and tiring world. It is most fulfilling to serve parents and

elders as it is one of the most exalted characteristics of Sanatan

Dharma.

- Entering into the depth of 'Darkness', it is there that you can

see the Divine Light.

- 'Cry before Him- only before Him. Say now take over My Lord. He

surely will. Have trust. Have belief. Thank Him any way !'

- cry out like a child who is lost and is looking for Mother or

Father, place no restriction call to Him as child, go where it takes

you - He gets away all your pain depending upon intensity and

sincerity of your prayer

- We can never repay the debt of mother's milk; therefore do not

shrink from your duty to serve your mother in her hour of need

- Life is what it has to be and NOT what you wish it to be.

ACCEPTANCE is key. rendering to your Mother is the service to God.

- Depression is tendency of mind to travel excessively into

NOTHINGNESS and into pessimism! Simply disown the mind emotionally.

When any worldly thought comes into mind – IGNORE. Neither like it

nor dislike it ! Just be indifferent, UDAASIN. Neither past nor

future exists NOW ! A thing which does not exist, why to worry about

the same? convert this DUKHALAYAM into VASUDEVAH SARVAM. A learned

persons tolerates this tax by wisdom, while a fool tolerates this by

regretting/ crying.) Hence be brave. One who has given beak to you,

will give food also ! Simply DON'T WORRY !!! NEVER NEVER WORRY

HENCE FORTH.

- Gita ends with advice of Lord Krishna : Ma Suchah - PLEASE DO NOT

WORRY !

- One stroke of will power .... just one ..... to Understand that

you are seeking freedom from pain, not just a relief for a short

duration ! And , only the self can help. Be yourself. Love

yourself. Love is the Way

- How can daughter of Paramatma be depressed? Is God not there? He

is alive. He is there. We all are with you. Our prayers will make

both of you alright. Please remain cheerful. Depression does not

like laughter. The moment you laugh , depression will run away.

- No tears please. Angels dont weep !

- Just dont bother about anything. Whatever is destined will take

place. Take sufficient rest. If sleep does not come easily, then

keep chanting God's name

- Day is over! ( Sorrow is gone) . Now have a nice sleep ! (Be

peaceful) !

 

- Pet a cow in a " Gaushala " ( place where there are cows). Take your

mom there with you. By caressing the body of cows is capable of

curing even incurable diseases.

 

- Mind may be depressed, but not our Divine Sophia. Nothing now can

harm you, once you have cried before God. Just feel jubilant.

- Be a witness to all happenings

- Do no encourage the depression by giving it importance..shoo is

away. think of those in worst of situations (Africa, all that

poverty and suffering); healing and spiritually cannot be separated;

- God wants you be His Happy child

-------------------------

My mother is once again hospitalized… im sorry im exhausted and

very stressed. After five years of taking care of her entirely on

my own, as other family members have washed their hands off, I feel

completely exhausted. She is also a alzheimers patient exhibiting

all behaviour related to this deadly disease. She continues to be

extremely stubborn in receiving any kind of help which is continuing

to exhaust and drain all her financial resources.

 

Caring for her for so long, I feel like I will have a stroke or a

heart attack. There have been many incidents where I have been

completely freaked out, totally drained of all energy. This extreme

physical and mental exhaustion has reached a point where I can

barely make it off the bed, with my eyes swollen from exhaustion.

 

I read the words in your daily posting and though i know they are

true, they mean nothing in my serious state of exhaustion. I can

no longer care for my mother and have told her doctors so and they

know and agree. Knowing that I still feel responsible, but at the

same time, feel completely unable to deal with the situation.

There appears to be no Light in sight! How do I connect to this

Light? I seek any guidance you can offer to be free of suffering

and to be at Peace!

 

May all souls cross over the horrid ocean of suffering

including me.

 

Sophia

 

 

--------------------------

 

GITA TALK GROUP GUIDELINES: PLEASE -

1. Only responses that further clarify Gita message will be posted.

2. Quote Gitaji/scriptures wherever possible..

3. Limit personal feelings, opinions, beliefs etc. to the

extent that they further help in understanding the Gita shlokas

4. Be as concise, to the point, respecting sadhaka's time.

5. Focus on subject at hand only.

6. Do not include links to the other sites.

7. Do not include your personal information (Ph #, address etc).

8. Do not personalize message

9. All responses may not be posted.

10. Moderator at his discretion, may modify the posting.

11. Take into consideration the novices, youth, westerners, non-

sectarian audience. i.e. limit the use to Sanskrit words only.

Provide English word bracketed.

 

MODERATOR

Ram Ram

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------

 

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QUESTION SUMMARIZED (Details at end of posting)

My mother is once again hospitalized… im sorry im exhausted and

very stressed. After five years of taking care of her entirely on

my own, I feel totally drained of all energy and extreme

physical and mental exhaustion to the point where I can

barely make it off the bed. There appears to be no Light in sight! I

am also now diagnosed as severely depressed. How do I connect to

this Light? I seek any guidance you can offer to be free of

suffering and to be at Peace!

 

Sophia

===========================================================

 

NEW POSTING

 

Dear Sadhika,

You said you are mentally exhausted and physically tired.

Are you the body which is tired?

Are you the mind which is stressed ?

Are you the emotions which continuously overwhelming you ?

????

Stop my dear, stop identifying yr self with yr body, mind, emotions

and also with yr story, no matter how happy or sad yr story is, it

is just a story, not you.

" Arise and Awake.... " Know yr true Self. Connect yr self to the

Source. That Source which is pure Existence, which is unbounded

Energy and unparallel Intelligence. Connect to IT, in other terms

establish yr self in YOGA. Unite with that Source of unmeasurable

enegy!!

Stop thinking that yr Mom is your Mom, she belongs to God. And what

are you thinking? You think that you are serving her ? Wrong my

dear. Do any of us have any capacity to serve anybody? No, we

donot!!!, It is all a play, it is all His Will. If you have even a

slightest notion that you are serving her, then drop it right now.

Without His Grace no one can do anything in this world. So donot

block His Grace by thinking that you are serving her with yr limited

capabilities.

Take care of her(if you can) as she is a gift given to you by yr

beloved God. Her body is here for a while and yr body is also here

for a while, no body exist forever, one day all bodies will meet the

same end-dust.

" Do din ka jag main mela re, sab chala chali ka fera " (We all are

here for few days only, then we all must go, must leave this body

and this world)

Swamiji says-Ek bharosa, ek asara Tera..Trust only on His strength...

Pray and meditate. Nothing exist forever.Change is invitable.

With Love,

A sadhika

Sadhana Karigar

-------------------------

 

 

PRIOR POSTING

Yes i do understand this that God is all there is. i have

understood this but obviously not in the way to give me the physical

and emotional strength to carry on any longer it is also most

difficult when getting beaten by your father abused and beaten and

abandoned by both parents surviving on the streets in nyc and a

panoply of tragically impossible situations, to continually be

detached and see all as god i am also a 9/11 survivor. i have

been sadhak long time which has kept me from suicide and yes this

is all past.

the sincere people having posted here to support me is greatly

respected and appreciated.

 

to friend in london

yes we have the same caregivers support here in the u.s

particularly in nyc where i live for alzheimers. Mother has refused

everything & as she is in early stages she cannot legally be

forced. well now she is in the hospital and i have a weeks respite.

unfortunately it is not enough time to physically get well. I will in

this time meditate and pray and sleep and perhaps i can organically

recognize the truth spoken of by sadhak friends

thankyou you all.

every word i read reread and try to follow including

 

> Love and Love alone....

>

> Life is what it has to be and NOT what you wish it to be. Accept

> this bitter Truth, you feel relieved of all your stress and

tension.

> Acceptance leads to surrender and the results in strength. My dear,

> accept the service you are rendering to your Mother is the service

> to God and by serving Him, you are reaching and realising the

utmost

> reality of your life. It is the way for you to reach the Ultimate

> Goal. Accept it my dear, accept it.

 

thank you, Sophia

-------------------------

Shree Hari

Ram Ram

 

Sophia, Please kindly read the recent prayer from sadhak daily

messages.

 

sadhaka/message/2199

 

I truely believe you will get comfort. You will regain your

strength in due time. You will feel peace! You will feel Love! You

will feel protected and not abandoned! after reading this prayer.

Read it with total attentiveness, read it with an open mind, read it

as if you are in the Light! Read it as if you are sitting in front

of your

Beloved, your only Love! Read it as if you are that little

young girl on the streets of NYC, calling for Help !

 

Let us know after reading what your thoughts are... not about the

past, not

about the future but in the moment!

 

Meera Das

Ram Ram

 

--------------------------

 

Hello,

There is no " playbook " that we can refer to to live our life. There

is no human who can alleviate our suffering. We need to understand

this clearly. We are always alone (rather only with our source) -

and on our own. We ALL have the capacity to find life's answers

directly from the source. Life itself is a teacher and we need no

one else- all others are co- passengers and can only mouth

platitudes of empathy. Therefore let us get to the root of all

answers by ourself. You are your best guide- because there is

really no separation from you and HIM (Your Divine Light)!

 

Regards

Anand S

 

---------------------------

PRIOR POSTING

 

Hari Om

 

I agree with Madanji Kaura. One should develop habit of 'seeing God'

in every one, in every thing, in every happening, in every

circumstance, in every incidence !! That in itself provides relief!

 

Remember: There is GOD AND GOD ONLY EVERYWHERE ! Nothing else exists

except you yourself and God. Rest all is illusion. There is God in

Mother. There is God in Father. There is God in husband. There is

God in wife. There is God in everybody/thing! Recognise in every

circumstance/every body Him only. Your eye should search Him only-

you will find Him. The moment you separate 'x' and 'y' - he can't be

God , he can only be God_ you are lost in a never ending

maze/mirage ! Literally lost !

 

Hence all scriptures advice you to see God everywhere.

 

How to reconcile the above with 'Doosara na koi' (Nobody else is

mine) ? Think about it. If you can give your views , give ! All

sadhaks are praying for and awaiting your recovery and contribution

in deliberations. Answer me, Dear Sister ! How do we

reconcile " Vasudevah Sarvam " with " Doosara na koi " ? Answer is

hidden in this very posting . Search it !! Get going spiritually

once you regain strength and vitality. Think of such questions.

Occupy yourself on such issues. There is peace here ! Believe us on

that, Dear Divine Sister !

 

I am insisting on satsanga at this critical period of your life,

because as one learned sadhak stated it is right time to get

spiritual. When wax melts and you add colour into that, it becomes

permanent. Every calamity, every crisis, every sorrow melts your

heart, purifies you, eliminates 'liabilities' from the Balance Sheet

of your karmic life, and drags you towards your Father- Paramatma.

Turn decisively towards Him. Then there will be only bliss, only

Peace, only ANANDA ! Only Him ! Absolute Ananda with not even an

iota of relativity !! Become Happy! Start dancing! You have known

now that you are daughter of the King of all the Kings ! Dear Dear

Daughter! What is now there to worry for ! If some body tells Mr X

that President of a Nation has adopted him to be his son, how happy

Mr X will become? Become more happy than him. You are daughter of

the Emperor of all the Emperors !

 

Jai Shree Krishna

 

Vyas N B

------------------------

namastey,

 

In UK there are many services available for care givers like you.

Once you contact social services dept I am certain you can receive

assistance, plus put you in touch with other care givers, arrange

for an off day where someone else can take on the responsibility of

caretaking, while you catch up on sleep or chores etc.

 

In UK, if your mum is a pensioner, she would get free treatment when

she hands over her pension book to care home. Council's social

service dept would look after payments of services. Do check into

available services. There must be something comparable in USA.

 

Ramesh Jhalla

 

 

-------------------------

PRIOR POSTING

 

Dear Sadhakas, Namaste!

To Sophiaji,

Please remember this: If suffering like the one you are going

through, comes our way for whatever reason or no reason, God will

make sure, it is not greater than you can bear!

This I have seen in my life over and over again.

Have tremendous trust in this, and in God doing just this right now.

Also remember " this shall pass too " . As simple as it may sound but

has power to withstand any pain if one keeps reminding oneself often

with faith.

Another suggestion: Write your prayer on a piece of paper.

Write it as if talking to God. Ask for help acknowledging you cannot

alone resolve this problem alone, so you will appreciate the help.

Be impersonal rather than asking for " me " . Say this is what you like

to have but you will go along with whatever He knows is right for

all of you including the other family members, mother herself, and

yourself.

Place this paper under His feet on alter if you have one.

This may sound like rituals but it is more of what is to be felt

deep within as we do this offering to surrender our ego!

Then Relax and do the best you can to do your part. As many sadhakas

have suggested call for help of organization(s) who can help.

Remember God helps through people only!

While doing the best, try to find out the true meaning of God.

Namaskar.............Pratap Bhatt

 

------------------------------

 

Jai Hanuman

 

Dear Sophia. Among many suggestions of learned sadhaks add the

following.

 

When you regain some strength and vitality , go to some " Gaushala " (

place where there are cows). Take your mom there with you. If you

keep or let your mom keep caressing the body of cows for some

period, the cow will get pleased. When cow gets pleased, what to

talk of ordinary diseases, even incurable diseases get cured.

 

( From the last page of many books of Swamiji Ramsukhdasji Maharaj

published from Gita Press, Gorakhpur)

 

Dear Sister- Please do not worry ! Please !!

 

Namaste Jee

 

Jee Jee

Shashikala

------------------------------

 

PRIOR POSTING

 

NAMASKAR

SORRY DEAR SADHAK MEMBERS I AM TRYING REALLY DO DO EVERYTHING

SUGGESTED. BUT TODAY WHEN I AM SUPPOSED TO TAKE HER HOME FROM THE

HOSPITAL AND STAY WITH HER UNTIL AN AID COMES FOR A FEW DAYS I

CANNOT GET UP AND I AM THROWING UP WITH A STOMACH VIRUS, i am burnt

out and weak and crying and thats it

i cant do this anymore. Sophia

------------------------

Shree Hari

Ram Ram

 

Sophiaji, it will be very helpful if you let us know the three

things that you are currently following through with from the

sadhak's suggestions, but only after you regain some energy and

strength. It will be helpful to understand.

From Gita Talk Moderators, Ram Ram

-------------------------

 

 

Dear Sadaks,

Did anyone solve Ravana`s distress on his last day of war with Sri

Rama. Many good advises did not work. Same with Kans when Bagavan

entered Mathura. Only Bagavan can help, like in the case of Drowpati

being disrobed.

 

My humble opinion:

Let only Sadhaks, Guru and GOD be dear to us. Why dear Sophia? Why

attachment even in mind level?

B.Sathyanarayan

 

-------------------------

PRIOR POSTING

 

Dear Sophie,

So sorry to hear of your woes but remember every day that I am Gods

Only and no one else is mine. Rest in Paramaatma as taking care of

your self is as if taking care of Gods Temple and rest at His Holy

Feet knowing He would want you to take care of yourself as a

beautiful child of Gods. Pray that you be granted equanimity as

seeker I strive for this as well.God is Light and remember to pray

all times to be Gods only and serve HIM with all that you have. God

wants you be His Happy child as He loves you like a good mother

loves her child.

 

catherine andersen

 

---------------------------

 

Generally in India we are to respect our mothers like Goddesses

because they brought us into this world. We can never repay Doodh

ka Karj, or the debt of mother's milk. We are perpetually indebted

to our mothers. So though it is a gruelling task, you should not

shrink from your duty to serve your mother in her hour of need.

 

Hari Shanker Deo

------------------------

Dear Sophia,

My heart went out to you. I can totally empathise with you because I

too am in a similar boat. Recently I created a small sanctuary in my

house where I hide to be with God so I can get strength from him.

Also I took a lesson from Julia Cameron and I have started wrting

three pages to God daily, first thing in the morning, and this has

really helped me. Her book called artists way I can recommend to you.

Blessings

Chandrika

-----------------------------

 

 

-------------------------

PRIOR POSTING

 

im sorry i am stupid

everyone has been so very kind

im sorry but the body um i have this stupid girl that has

incarnated into is exhausted and un well being. i am sorry i have

taken everyone's time and this is one truth i know better than most.

 

REMEMBER : TU JAANE MERE SANG BEETI, EK EK BAAR SABHI SANG BEETI ! (

You are thinking that it (adversity) has happened in your case only.

But the fact is that it has happened with each and every human being

once). DEH DHARE KA DAND HAI, SAB KAHOO KO HOY ! GYAANI BHUGATE

GYAAN SE, MOORAKH BHUGATE ROY !! ( Worldly sorrows is a universal

tax to be borne by every human being.

 

Sophia

---------------------------

 

Dear Sophia,

 

The 'Black Dog', is the name we have for serious depression here,

and how many of us have had him howling at our door, dogging our

every step as it were. You know, the sun is shining spring is in the

air and you feel disconnected, joyless, a lump of existence.

Yes I know the chemical balance may be out of balance in the brain,

but, take some advice from one that knows, don't throw a bone to him,

throw a stone instead shoo him away.(My medication is 'The Divine

Beloved', none other).

 

A major turning point came about, when I,looking for some way of

helping myself, sat before a High Lama, he said while we were

attempting to meditate, " Here we have very good condition, think of

Africa, all that poverty and suffering " , and you know what? I did

just that, I disconnected from my own miseries and for a moment I was

concerned for others. A seed had been in sown in my heart by that

great man, I swear it is still growing.

 

The essence of this is TO FIND A WAY TO HELP YOURSELF. After my cry

for help I stumbled upon the Tibetan Buddhist, God took me there I

know. Slowly my head started to turn towards the Great Indian

traditions.......

 

Look if you feel you need medical support, consider it temporary. And

do all you can to connect to an M.D./Healer that is connected to an

Ashram. Oddly enough the Guide/Guru I had some years back, had a

sister who was an M.D. at an Ashram in the USA, and she herself

worked as a Homeopath/Naturopath in an Ashram in India for quite

some time. My present homeopath is a Sikh; healing and the

spiritual, cannot be separated.

Maybe other Sadhaks can give more information regarding healers

within the Hindu society.

 

Please do not restrict you life to four walls and your sorrows.

 

In passing, I have sat in sweet bliss in meditation, tears pouring

from my eyes, these are not tears of sorrow, oh no these are

something else, I do hope you experience these tears, your heart

will be opening to the Universe.

 

One more thing dear friend, the 'Black Sheep', may not be bad, maybe

she/he marches to the beat of a different drum, or dances to the far

off tune of a Murali that non other can hear.(Echoing down the

corridors of Time).

 

With Respect and Divine Love,

 

Mike Keenor

-------------------------

Dear Sophiaji !

 

AAJ KAL MAIN DHAL GAYA, DIN HUA TAMAAM ! TU BHI SOJA, SOGAYEE RANG

BHARI SHAAM !!

 

Today has converted into tomorrow. Day is over! ( Sorrow is gone) .

Now have a nice sleep ! (Be peaceful) !

 

HAI BUJHA BUJHA SA DIL, BOJH SAANS SAANS PAR, JEE RAHEN HAI PHIR BHI

HAM, SIRF KAL KI AASH PAR ! NEEND KAH RAHI HAI , MERI BAAHEN THAM !!

 

Very very dejected was heart. There was a weight on each and every

breath. Living only on a hope of a better tomorrow. But now PEACE (

sleep ) is telling me - Hey come, hold my arms.

 

KAUN AYEGA IDHAR , KISKI RAAH DEKHE HAM ! JINKI AAHATE SUNI JAANE

KISKE THE KADAM !!

 

APNA KOI BHI NAHIN, APNE HAIN TO RAAM !!

 

TU BHI SOJA, SO GAYEE RANG BHARI SHAAM !!

 

Who will come here? I should wait for whom? ( Nobody is mine) Those

sounds of steps were of strangers ( Illusion) !

 

No body is mine ! Only Raam ( Paramatma) is mine !

 

Day is over! ( Sorrow is gone) . Now have a nice sleep ! (Be

peaceful) !

 

Namaste Jee

 

Jee Jee

Shashikala

 

Sophiaji Namaste!

 

Stand aside and be a witness! Yes, try to observe the happenings as

a witness. Analyse it. Try to put into practise. It might be of some

help.. Sandeep Pathak

--------------------------

Dear Sophia

 

Love and Love alone....

 

Life is what it has to be and NOT what you wish it to be. Accept

this bitter Truth, you feel relieved of all your stress and tension.

Acceptance leads to surrender and the results in strength. My dear,

accept the service you are rendering to your Mother is the service

to God and by serving Him, you are reaching and realising the utmost

reality of your life. It is the way for you to reach the Ultimate

Goal. Accept it my dear, accept it. Wish you all the best and May

God bless you.

 

Love and Love alone....

 

Paritala Gopi Krishna

-------------------------------

 

 

---------------------------

PRIOR POSTING

 

Dear Sophia Bahenji

 

No ! No tears please. You havent done anything bad to regret. Angels

dont weep. Your mother is not abusing you. Her sickness is as such.

All mothers are good. There is benefit of you hidden in each of the

moves of mother. She may not be knowing, but God knows that. God

cannot use a mother for hurting her children. If God does that , it

means huge benefit is hidden in that. Even if she means to hurt you,

because of karmic reasons, God will ensure your safety. Can any one

get killed by consuming nectar ? No Bahenjee! No tears please. Laugh

it out. What depression? As Sadhu Vyas told you she made you realise

a truth which people dont realise in ages and eras. Nothing/Nobody

is Mine. What a truth. Could you have realised that without the help

of mother? You should not mind the abuses or ill treatment of

mother because all said and done, the very body of yours belongs to

her only. Above all she is not in her senses. Believe me, she loves

you more than anyone else. Is there no love in hate? Is there no

love in a slap of mother? Try it. She will never let others ill

treat you, even when she is in this mental state. Past is past. She

might have erred when you were 18 years old. But is she not

sufferring? She is paying for that only. Dear Bahenji ! It is only

because she erred with your reference that she is in this shape

today. Even in this mental state , does she not know about the

conduct of her son? She knows. She is more sufferring than you.

Believe me.

 

Hence it is time that you develop 'compassion " for her. Sadhu Mike

Keenor loves to be compassionate. Learn from his experiences. Read

old Qs on this site. Your depression will get cured the moment you

forget and forgive. Replace weariness, hate, anger with love and

compassion, please. Immediately, you will get peace, Bahenjee!

Immediately. You are so great otherwise. We all are proud of you

and of your tolerance so far. Please oblige us by being divine.

What a pleasure it will give you in future , when you would recall

how love healed the wounds.

 

No ! No tears please. Angels dont weep !

 

I bow to you Bahenjee.

 

Khan Jarsingh

--

 

Hari Om

 

Depression / Mental Fatigue . What is Depression ? I am not a

doctor. Hence In my language : Depression is tendency of mind to

travel excessively into NOTHINGNESS and into pessimism! Your mind

is capable only of travelling either in past or in future. Both do

not exist NOW ! The cure is simple ! Simply disown the mind

emotionally. Replace worldly thoughts automatically coming into

mind, by thoughts of Paramatma dwelling within. How do you do

that ? " Become " of Paramatma by firmly resolving : MERE TO GIRDHAR

GOPAAL, DOOSARA NA KOI . ( Only Paramatma is mine, no one else is

mine). That single resolution must make you peaceful in an instant

and forever. Thereafter DO WHAT YOU CAN AND WHAT YOU SHOULD.

Depression is self conceived. Don't feel that you are depressed and

you are not depressed. Don't let the worldly anxieties, old

memories, fears for future haunt you. When any worldly thought comes

into mind – IGNORE. Neither like it nor dislike it ! Just be

indifferent, UDAASIN , remain unruffled to those waves of old

memories and anxieties. Think at that time : I am of God. Why I

should bother about a thing on which I have no control. God will

take care if He desires to do so. Else whatever is to happen, let it

happen. See henceforth all the happenings in your life as you see a

movie. Now that you have surrendered to God and you have experienced

the world closely, now don't worry! Start dancing !! What a thing

you have got !! You are of GOD !!! God is your Father ! He has taken

over your life with immediate effect. How beautiful. Now every of

your burden is that of God ! You are free . Just take one care.

Don't doubt this, don't fear, don't ever worry now. NEVER NEVER

WORRY HENCE FORTH. What can happen ? You are immortal, the body is

mortal. Your father is God. He is immortal. What can happen to

you ? Hence DON'T WORRY.

 

REMEMBER : Neither past nor future exists NOW ! A thing which does

not exist, why to worry about the same? Depression causes you to do

that. See happiness in small small things. Admire beauty of a flower

or a bird. Remember you are not alone. EACH AND EVERY HUMAN BEING

IS BURNING IN THE FIRE OF SORROW. This world has been defined as "

DUKHALAYAM " . ( Abode of sorrow) in the very Holy Gita. Your job now

is to convert this DUKHALAYAM into VASUDEVAH SARVAM. Keep in touch

with this divine site on a daily basis. Start replying to various

questions that are raised in this forum. You will find peace here.

 

REMEMBER : TU JAANE MERE SANG BEETI, EK EK BAAR SABHI SANG BEETI ! (

You are thinking that it (adversity) has happened in your case only.

But the fact is that it has happened with each and every human being

once). DEH DHARE KA DAND HAI, SAB KAHOO KO HOY ! GYAANI BHUGATE

GYAAN SE, MOORAKH BHUGATE ROY !! ( Worldly sorrows is a universal

tax to be borne by every human being. A learned persons tolerates

this tax by wisdom, while a fool tolerates this by regretting/

crying.)

 

Hence be brave. One who has given beak to you, will give food also !

Simply DON'T WORRY !!!

 

Jai Shree Krishna

Vyas N B

-------------------------

Hare Krishna

 

Sophiaji ! Now that you have joined Sadhaks , every day should be a

new day for you.. Every day you will get more and more peace ! Just

think that you are not depressed. Just think that you are alright

and you shall be so ! Brother Mike, Vyasji, Mira Dassji, Jee Jee

Shashikalaji all have given you sterling and really soul touching

messages. Surrender to God is a complete solution in itself. Gita

starts with " Worry " of Arjuna. Gita ends with advice of Lord

Krishna : Ma Suchah - PLEASE DO NOT WORRY ! On the contrary be happy

that now everything related with you is in the powerful hands of

God .

 

Please keep sharing your experiences regularly.

 

Gopal Mehta

 

 

My dear Sophia,

 

narinder has been going through all the sharing on the

subject ........... and what comes to mind is this :

 

while all the love and consolation offered to you is worthy of

repect and reverence , and is the truth of being .............

 

Sophia will not be helped, in any deep measure, by consolation and

comfort offered.......

 

when all things fail... and they do ..... only the self can

help ....... you, yourself ..... your own being ..... with the

right resolve .......

 

One stroke of will power .... just one ..... to be able to

understand that you are seeking freedom from pain, not just a relief

for a short duration ! And , only the self can help.

 

Here comes the advice from all Knowers of Truth ........ when self

too is down and out ...... seek the company of the saints, sages,

and sadhaks true .... be with them for short periods of time ....

physically, be in their presence .... let your mind self be

subjected to the strength of the self , the aura of Nothingness,

which is perpetually emanating from the Sages as love divine that

heals !

 

A prayer goes out to you, Sophia .... joy and love to you ......

 

The prayer

 

Rises in the heart when it rises.

Out of nowhere does prayer arise in the Heart,

No reason !

It rises, this prayer, for Heart itself is nothing but Prayer

Nothing but the Light of One-ness

Nothing but Love

Nothing but Silence .

In Silence of Being, the Prayer blossoms:

And, ah ! What Joy !

The fragrance from the Blossoms knows no frontiers !!!

The Heart is the Giver divine

All Gifts are from the Source, all !

And the heart verily is the only Source, the One Source, the True

Source.

 

And one day, Krishna's Heart

Chooses for Krishna

The Gift of Gifts

It's own Self !

And Krishna's flute resounds in Eternity

As the soundless sound of OM

And Krishna sleeps the sleepless sleep forever !

Jai Krishna ! Jai Krishna !

Krishna Krishna , jai jai Krishna

Jai Jai Krishna Hare Hare

 

May Krishna fill you with strength, love and resolve

 

Be yourself. Love yourself.

Love is the Way

 

AUM

narinder bhandari

--------------------------

You are great Sister Sophia. Nothing wrong with you. There is no

reason for you to feel guilty. No body takes so much care of moms as

you took. Depression is a tendency of mind. Mind changes. In your

case too it will change. Watch and enjoy in the meantime this

depression also. Now God is with you. Depression cant reach you. Who

is depressed ? Mind may be depressed, but not our Divine Sophia.

Nothing now can harm you, once you have cried before God. Just feel

jubilant. You tried to be a witness in the past. Try now , as you

have now taken shelter of God.

 

Wishing you very peaceful nice, sound sleeps and rest. Sleep well.

Remember God when awake. See how the world has been made. See how

the God , your Father, is ! Trust Him. Give Love to all and sundry.

Dont feel depressed. You are not depressed. You are tired.

 

Nisha Chatterji

 

--------------------------

Sophiaji

 

Depression ? Nothing to worry. We shall make it run , Sister. We

will not acknowledge that depression. So simple. How can daughter of

Paramatma be depressed? Is God not there? He is alive. He is there.

We all are with you. Our prayers will make both of you alright.

Please remain cheerful. Depression does not like laughter. The

moment you laugh , depression will run away. Depression. These

doctors when they do not know call it depression. In those hearts

where God has entered , where is the space for depression? A good

sleep is the medicine. When God is yours, what can make you tense or

depressed. Dont acknowledge that you are depressed. Simple!

 

Thakurlingam

-------------------------

Dear Sophia

 

Just as relatives are not yours , similarly mind , intellect, body

etc are also not yours. Experience yourself to be separate from

your mind. Depression will evaporate. When mind is not yours , what

difference does it make to you, whether it is depressed or

suppressed? Dont bother. Watch your mind as a separate entity. It

will become like a dog. Just dont pay any attention. You can do

that. Take sufficient rest now. Just dont bother about anything.

Whatever is destined will take place. Take sufficient rest. If sleep

does not come easily, then keep chanting God's name and become

happy. Wish : Let there be no sleep so that I can take God's name

more. Whatever be the case, feel cheerful. Depression has no basis

to survive. Only when you provide it a shelter or respect or

recognition that it can survive. Be optimist.

 

Shyama Chhangani

 

--------------------------

PRIOR POSTING

 

i have been DIAGNOSED NOW WITH DEPRESSION A ND CHRONIC FATIGUE

SYNDROME .. yes i am depressed, but who is depressed? i keep asking

myself these questions but meanwhile this body is exhausted and so

is the small I here in this body to be a caregiver here in the

united states is legendary with the caregivers dying now or

becoming very ill & unable to take care of their parents with

alzheimers.

 

i am going to rest today again she is in the hospital for a few

more days i rest before i take her home & i pray. i have nothing

left to give no finances anymore no physical or emotional strength

but i still do my duty & pray.

 

To ajay and all caregivers who have responded -

it seems here all have been like me the black sheep the abused one

the disrespectedoone. but the one that took the responsibility. it

is very odd. I'm sorry for all of your suffering. I think it is

a good thing we speak of our pain with this group. Mother is mother

she gave us the birth to be able to know God

We may have even chosen her in this incarnation.i know i should not

complain but God I am so tired.. so so tired. I am going to lay

down again...

 

Sophia

---------------------------

 

Hare Krishna,

I can understand a bit of the pain suffered by you, because I have

my wife (who is ill since 6 years). I am lucky that I have my son to

share the problems. Here you are alone. In my view (actually

Gita's) we should accept this fact that every thing/situation is

composed by God and we are just puppets. We are supposed to do our

duty and not to interfere with the result, just accept it. If you

too accept this fact then there will be no stress no exhaustion no

disappointments.

May God bless you and give you enough courage and energy.

Ashok Goenka

-----------------------------

" Two Yrs. back I was also trapped in almost similar situation

related to my job -I literally wept in front of Lord Jagannath for

his help , undoubtedly I got it .

He gets away all your pain depending upon intensity and sincerity of

your prayer . "

 

 

Arun Sharma

---------------------------

dear Sophia,

 

What you need is a " break " from your mother's bedside and go for a

walk in the park. Ask a friend to relieve you for an afternoon and

go- to a spa or someplace that will make you feel " pampered " !

Practice your yoga, meditation on a daily basis at home, even

while caring for your mom. All the best and know that YOU are

fortunate to serve YOUR mother. Yu have no idea just how much of

karma you burn by doing that act lovingly- this same mother was the

one who cleaned up after us so many umpteen times without a

break!

 

Love and blessings,

Meenakshi

---------------------------

 

PRIOR POSTING

 

I AM DEEPLY TOUCHED AND SITTING HERE CRYING OVER THE KINDNESS OF ALL

WHO HAVE SPOKEN HERE TO HELP ME. CRYING. DOING AS SUGGESTED CRYING

OUT TO GOD STUDYING GITA AND FOR THE PAST 2 DAYS RESTING IN BED WITH

GITA EXHAUSTED. ALONG WITH MEDITATION, YOGA , MANTRA. I HAVE BEEN

IN THERAPIES WITH DRS FOR MANY YEARS HERE. EVERY WESTERN DR. HAS

TOLD ME TO GET AWAY FROM MY MOTHER to leave her to her own

sufferings and rot. This I would not do the many many layers of

emotional pain i have dealt with over the years with very little

healing. and i have forgiven her but one day when she was abusing me

so i yelled at her & then i felt guilty. the trick is to detach to

organically understand i am not the suffering. i know that but to

organically get that , well then i would be enlightened but that

is not the case. when i lived on the streets of nyc i did not shoot

heroin or kill myself because i knew this was karma and i had to

walk a spiritual path that has never changed. but i wish not to

speak of myself anymore. i have reached out and you have all been

spiritually gracious. i hope i may serve as well to help those that

suffer including crippled nyc pigeons that some children try to

hit. there is too much sorrow in this world. i wish i could wave a

magic wand

 

I LOVE THIS

 

Living in the West you may have heard of the poem 'Dark Night of the

Soul', by St. John of the Cross. " Oh Night! more glorious than the

Rising Sun! "

 

Look! Entering into the depth of 'Darkness', it is there that you can

see the Divine Light. The dawn is coming you know, I think maybe you

might just start to see it's first glimmer.

 

Brother Vyas gave a powerful piece of advice, I will paste it in

here with respect:

'Cry before Him- only before Him. Say now take over My Lord. He

surely will. Have trust. Have belief. Thank Him any way

 

I WILL SAY THIS AS MANTRA TODAY ON JAPA MALA - " Doosara na koi " -

There is " no one else " " None Other " .

 

Sophia

--------------------------

Hari Om

 

Swamiji Ramsukhdasji Maharaj would very rarely give mantras/

formulas. But once he wrote that if you distribute sweets / candy to

poor children then the grief DEFINITELY goes !

 

I believe it is an infallible formula for quick relief in

stress/worry/anxiety levels.

 

Jai Shree Krishna

 

Vyas N B

---------------------------

Dear Sadhak

 

Surrender your self to the feet of your God and offer sincere and

prayers to him urging your personal God to relieve your mother from

all these pains and also give you confidence and love for taking

care of your mother till her death.

 

Please keep confidence in God who will find a way our of your

worries and direct you about the action you have to take

 

Truly yours

 

S S Bhatt

---------------------------

Hi anonymous,

It is extremely difficult to look after a mentallyill person and

being a carer myself i know.

the most important thing to realise is that YOUR HEALTH IS

INTRICATELY CONNECTED TO YOUR MOTHER'S WELL-BEING. That is if you are

not there or breakdown , she goes to the streets.

so

1.Plan in case you are not there because one can never say. This will

give you lot of peace. If it makes sense, just harden your heart and

place her in an old age home if you can afford.

2.so your health and happiness and longlife is important for her

also.

3. Take time for some rest and relaxation - e.g. Music go to Music

concert, films, good food EAT, bhajans sing them. Just be happy for

that you must learn to enjoy life without being GUILTY.

 

4.Normally CARERS get a mental illness called DYSTHEMIA. You are

showing early signs so get out of it.

 

captain Johann samuhanand

 

---------------------------

This situation indeed is very difficult. Am sure many of us may

have gone thru similar situation (incl me). My humble suggestion

would be that before taking any decision, we must think 10 times.

Had this position been with a child then could any mother abandon

her child although she also at times be tired and be almost in

similar position but am sure she could not abandon. Secondly,

whatever action/step we take today, we must think 10-15 yrs

henceforward - and we may not regret the step that we take now. But

we all are human and feeling exhausted and tired is also human and

very right emotion too sp. when no other sibling is there to lend a

helping hand even temporarily. I remember myself crying loudly

oblivious of surroundings in the parking lot of hospital. Crying

out to God for his help and mercy. I do not know was it due to

stress, helplessness, anguish, unable to see my Mom suffering, out

of exhaustion, desperation, as I am also suffering from 3 major

diseases myself.

 

Pls seek temporary helping hand may it be physical / financial -

wherever it may come from, relax, take good care of yourself first

and then think about taking care of your Mom.

 

Wish you good health and peace.

 

Warm regards and lots of love to you who has stood by her Mom for so

many years which itself is commendable, when people can barely take

this for couple of months.

 

Mrs K Asani

 

---------------------------

Dear Sophia,

Your situation reminds me of my own. I am second number child of my

parents, the elder sister was married when I was only in tenth

standard. I completed my studies ( engineering) by tuitions

supporting my family. My younger brother who is 3 years younger to

me was adorned by my parents too much and always being treated with

much more love and affections as a result he became acute mental

patient for last 20 years. My parents always discarded me and my

wife, abused us inspite of living dependently with me on my income.

My mother used to support my sister family all along her life. She

was dominating and never even shown any affection to me, my wife or

my two kids. My brother was married but was divorced due to his

mental problem, so my wife was the only daughter in law of my mother.

In 2002 my father's both kidneys failed and after a prolong and

costly treatment of two years he survived. Myself and my wife alone

spent our day and night, borne all the expenses and he is still

survving and is a healthy person ( except that he cannot see

clearly). My mother never visited him in hospital and used to abuse

us as why we are getting him the treatment. My sister who is married

to a very top doctor never bothered to take any interest in the

treatment or support us, my brother as a mental patinet is totally

dependent on me.

Last year my mother met an accident in January 08 and she was

operated and inserted steel rod and was bed ridden for almost nine

months before she finally left for heavenly abode in Sept. Me and my

wife only took care for her during this period. My sister who lives

very near never bothered to provide any help or assistance but

ensured abusing us all the time on some or other pretext by finding

fault in the treatement given to her which I ensured in the best

hospitals in Jaipur. It was hell for us getting abused for the

responsibilty for treatment to parents by themselves and also my

sister. But we never lost our patience. My brother is on mental

treatment, needs daily medicines otherwise becomes extreme vilolent

and my wife used to give him also medicines, handle my mother

treatment who was bed ridden for nine months and also take care of

my father who is also now 80 years.

My kids some time ask me why amma, dada and bua are so cruel to you

are you their step son ? and why so are taking so much care of them?

Our neighbours were amused by our patience and handling of the

situation and always praised us, so were all our distance relatives

who used to come to meet my mother.

I run my own business and have to travel abroad frequnetly.I lost

lot of money in business during that period as I was badly stressed

all the time.

After my mother expired my sister abusued us publically that I

killed my mother but everyone knew the truth, so she herself got

a bad name.

I can visualise your situation , but I can only say time will pass

and these are the tough situations which as a human being any one

can come across so need to have a patience, and only thing in our

control is our work and discharge of duties earnestly.

 

I know every situation is unique but my own case will surely give

you some solace and strenght to bear the pain.

 

Ajay Gupta

------------------------------

 

PRIOR POSTING

 

Hello The Universal Individual (Trust me! there can be hardly

anybody who have not felt like you at one time or the other!!),

 

The complaint raises from the violation of one's core limits as well

as limitations - natural, psychological, physiological, financial,

social as well as spiritual - leading to exhaustion and distress. It

is essential to appreciate one's limits as well as limitations to

break them open for an expansive horizon. Also, I can assure, from

my experience, that one cannot attempt this while being bound within

a state of violent distress. One has to releive oneself from the

distress to clarify one's appreciation of the whole situation.

 

I do not know the individual limits and limitations here except for

the lack of support from the relatives (which is not surprising).

However, I urge you to seek professional help for yourself as well

as for your mother contacting appropriate agencies. Bhagavadgita and

the spiritual talk appeals ONLY IF you are ready for facing The

Truth stark naked. At this point, you may mentally not be ready to

face the same as your inner turmoil is churning your presence away

from any such possible appreciation. You have to releive your system

to relax before appreciating the depth of spirituality.

 

Therefore, seek some physical help from whichever source that is

congenial ... If it helps ... I learnt a lot by observing the

saintly nurses who were taking care of my father when he was

critically ill once ... pure service, so impersonal, and yet so

compassionate ... if we could be like that in spite of having

emotional relations ... it would be the best. It is easy to

preach ... therefore, let me restrain myself from that ... yet, if

possible, try it out along with all other possible psycho-physio-

medical help as well as financial aid that you could possibly

extract from yourself as well as from your environment.

 

One thing is for sure ... if you are not at peace within, you can

not comfort anybody else no matter what your understanding/

determination/ intention is. Also, if you break down, your mother

will have nobody to care of her ... think of that as well.

Therefore, my suggestion is to gather all your strength to establish

your integrity within first ... relax for that ... relax within as

much as possible in spite of the gruelling environmental demands ...

relax within in spite of the personal anguish and physical

exhaustion ...

 

Take it as an opportunity to appreciate how your relaxation is, in

fact, independent of all the relations in this life; to realize its

true transcendental nature as such ... if possible ... as much as

possible ... relax please ...

 

Best Wishes.

 

Naga Narayana

 

-----------------------------

 

-Shree Hari-

 

Dear Sophia,

 

To be apparently all alone in this situation is an added burden,

let me put you in the picture right now , my beloved wife is talking

to her sister, my wife and I have spent the afternoon with her

mother, and consultants. She needs to talk to lighten her load.

 

There was a time long passed, that I, it seems was the most hated

person on planet earth in my in laws eyes. The hatred was so intense,

that I actually started to stutter, I swear to all I never knew that

one could hate so much, I don't think I ever hated.

 

What a destructive force is hatred? And how indestructible is 'Divine

Love'. Some people will never abandon any needy, it is their very

nature to care.

 

Karma, yes indeed, I have watched the unfolding over the years, never

voiced it, just observed. My in laws watched helplessly, as the other

son in law died a slow and painful death, (we got on well, he and I).

Then my mother in law was widowed.

 

Old 'Black Sheep' moved interstate, to the same town in which my

mother in law lived.

It is I who picked her off the floor when she had a fall, who pushed

her around shopping centers, fixed things, etc.

Now I am a shining light in her eyes, " God must have brought you her

for a reason " , she has often said. She's got that right, but 'The

Divine Beloved', did it not just for her, but also for me, God who I

love so much, has exposed me to so much, helping my stony heart to

break.

 

Living in the West you may have heard of the poem 'Dark Night of the

Soul', by St. John of the Cross. " Oh Night! more glorious than the

Rising Sun! "

 

Look! Entering into the depth of 'Darkness', it is there that you can

see the Divine Light. The dawn is coming you know, I think maybe you

might just start to see it's first glimmer.

 

Brother Vyas gave a powerful piece of advice, I will paste it in

here with respect:

'Cry before Him- only before Him. Say now take over My Lord. He

surely will. Have trust. Have belief. Thank Him any way !'

 

Every one is different, but try this if you wish; go to a place where

none can hear you, ask out loud for GOD to help you, from your soul

cry out like a child who is lost and is looking for Mother or Father,

place no restriction call to Him as child, go where it takes you.

 

B.G. 7

At the end of his many births

The wise man takes refuge in Me.

He knows: " All is Vasudeva.3 "

How very rare is that great soul! (19)

 

With Respect and Divine Love,

 

Mike (Keenor).

------------------------------

 

Hari Om

 

Sadhak Sophia ! Real Sadhak you are !! This group is privileged to

have you as one of us. Please keep the divinity in you prospering.

 

Remove now old memories of ill treatment. It is necessary Dear

Sister for removal of pains. Could they have come to you without

divine will? Is it not now a real " experiential knowledge " for you

that " Nothing is mine " ( Doosara na Koi ) ?

You in fact paid a very little cost of " knowing " that precious

priceless knowledge.

 

What is needed now once " doosara na koi " is part of your direct

experience ? In fact - Mere to Girdhar Gopal (Only God is

mine ) !!! Once God is yours and no one else- why worry? Why

exhaustion? Why weariness? Why that subtle insistence on recovery of

Mom? As you are of God, is she not? What can you do , except doing

your duty? AND THAT YOU HAVE DONE and ARE DOING !

 

It is a law that duty doesnot generate sorrows. But you are not

feeling well. Where is the clue/ fault? Fault is linking duty with

old memories ! Check with your conscience, are you not reliving

those days? Are you not keeping the wounds green? Let them heal now!

This is final frontier which you should cross now . Forgive and

forget the past. Don't insist for any favourable or unfavourable

happennings in life. Past does not exist Dear Sister !

Nor does future exist now? Why worry then?

 

I am sure once you shed this insistence over the results of your

otherwise divine performance of duties, peace, much awaited peace

will generate in abundance in you.

 

Try it and keep in touch. Do take interest in other Qs also. That,

in itself, will make you happy and peaceful. " Sharing " reduces pain

and increases pleasure ! Isn't it?

 

May Paramatma bless you !

 

Jai Shree Krishna

 

Vyas N B

-----------------------------

I have been undergoing a similar situation for years. I can

empathise with you. Stressful days and even worst nights. not been

on a holiday for the last 15 years. Used to crib many years back,

then went deeper into astrology which perhaps if nothing else I

learnt to bear with this as my karmic destiny.

 

I remember my father used to say, " if God chooses to give me old

age I pray to him to give me good children " The full impact of this

sentence came in much later. But strive thru it all to remember that

perhaps of all the persons in our family we are the chosen ones. I

feel there are no options regarding caring for parents. We have to

do it. On bad days just tell yourself you are getting there full

blessings. And these special blessings can turn any negativity in a

patri to the most blessed and enriched life.

 

I am sure nobody on this forum or any other can refute this. You are

truly blessed believe me. Turn this into an oppurtunity rather than

a crisis. With you .

Take care.

Vats (Pradeep Sahai)

--------------------------

Jai Hanuman

 

Dear Sophiaji ! Thanks for sharing with us the voice of your soul. I

give a

small example to you to ponder.

 

You kept a nurse for taking care of your child. You pay her and she

takes care

of the child like you, yourself take care. One day there is some

disruption in

relationship/money/etc. You ask her to go . How easily she leaves

the affection

of that child? Will she look back? Will she enquire about the

child ? No !

 

Be like that. Do your duty and forget. Nothing is ours. Only

Paramatma is ours.

Serve fearlessly. If you get disrespect/ abuses in return , then

consider

yourself to be lucky. Results of your service are not getting

frittered away in

petty respects/praises/acknowledgements ! Higher results are in

store for you.

 

My Mom in law, 75, often says- Let Rupee remain Rupee ! (Don't seek

any

reciprocation for your good deeds, you are reducing the value of a

rupee to few

paise only, because you expect immediate result).

 

In your case, Dear Sophiaji - the Rupee is increasing in value with

every

disrespect, every abuse, every spit on the face ! Believe me on

this ! Let it

increase. Wish now that you don't need respect

honor/respect/acknowledgement .

Leave for ever " desire for happiness " . Immediately / Instantly

pains will

vanish.

 

You used the word " karmic " in your last post. Now if we look at Law

of Karma,

you will find that in your case the Divine is working with double

speed. On one

hand you are doing selfless duty and thus accumulating " assets " . On

other hand

with every abuse/disrespect/spit on the face your " liabilities " are

simultaneously getting wiped out- without any effort at your end !

By Divine

Will !

 

Tell me now honestly, do you want respect/praise etc in return for

your " duty " ?

With double speed , Sophiaji, Law of Karma is functioning in your

favour. Think

about it ! Tell me how I am wrong ? Do tell me or else become happy.

Become

peaceful. Become grateful to Paramatma ! He only is ours. Other than

Him there

is only " duty " !

 

Namaste Jee

 

Jee Jee

Shashikala

---------------------------

Sophia-ji you are on the right path. If you can sacrifice your

interest in favor

of birds and animals, you can sacrifice, only to the extent possible

and

bearable, for your Mother - not merely because she is your mother

but because

she is as much a manifestation of God as you or anyone else are/ is.

God,

genetics and previous experiences have giving you the propensity and

strength to

sacrifice for others, even if they do not tolerate you or behave

badly with you.

You are fortunate to have such properties. And, the current

experience in

dealing with the ailing, stuborn and unloving mother will enhance

your

capability to endure and love anyone and help anyone who needs. Pray

to God. You

are doing what He desires. He will give you the strength and lead

you to more

important, interesting experiences and knowledge. He will take care

of your

physical and mental health or change your duty. Submit to him and

pray to him

with the joy of doing what he has ordained for you.

Read Gita again and again. But only those portions on the concept of

God and

what the wise persons do.

Basudeb Sen

-----------------------------

Dear Annonimous,

 

The Nature has made all the life forms self-sufficient. Each one has

to face their own fate all alone. You know it very well, whosoever is

born, has to die one day. The ways of death are different for

different persons. so be brave...

 

G. Waman

 

 

---------------------------

PRIOR POSTING

 

 

 

I KINDLY THANK EVERY SOUL THAT HAS TAKEN THEIR TIME TO SPEAK WORDS

OF INSIGHT AND KINDNESS. I am in nyc and have reache d out over

the years to the caregiver s groups, alzheimers org and such.

I gave up my career as actress and opera singer and left hollywood

over 5 yrs ago to alone take care of a very abusive ill mother.I am

longtime sadhak, vegan , meditator a & practice yoga. the intensity

daily stress has broken me i am now ill myself. as of friday night

mothe r is back in the hospital.perhaps she will listen to the drs.

only God know. she also knows I can no longer take care of her the

way i have my strength is gone and now i am under drs. care.

i will bring Gita to hospital and read every day, continue to pray

and ask my self the query

who is sick and who am i ? i know i am not my body i know mother

is not mine. but the continuous activity of the daily taking care

of is done in this body which is now worn out I will follow all

suggestions kindly spoken of by spiritual friends here.

Karmically i think, it is interesting to note my mother threw me out

on the streets in the dead of winter with no winter coat or money

at age 17.5 (nyc streets). I was never allowed home again even when

i called terrified at 3 am in the snow sleeping outside.

i was abandoned by both mother and father in this life and

brother. i chose not to abandon my mother. i dont abandon birds

and animals i wouldnt abandon mother. my brother whom my mother

worships, and whom took care of my brother who is very wealthy

abandoned my mother years ago & has taken no responsibility or

offered any help of any kind.

she still cries for him while im trying to care for her knowing he

hates her & i shut up. i try i really try to do the right thing

i try and have tried to detach and be witness. it is very

difficult when getting screamed at and spit at within 1 inch of your

face while you a re trying to care physically care for a parent

who abused you growing up and , well, yes i see the only only

solution is deeply spiritual . i do i will go pray now and read

gita again i wish to thank everyone.

moksha

 

sophia

nyc

moskha

 

-------------------------------

Namaskaar.

 

After several years in the United States I returned to Trinidad to

take care of my mother. I have several sisters who do all they can

to help her but as a son to my dear mother, with whom I have a

special bond, I could not resist when Mataji asked me over the

phone, several times: when are you coming home? After about two

weeks of those questions it suddenly dawned on me that Mataji really

wanted me to come back, and as a true son I had an obligation to do

so. I packed my bags, bid goodbye to all, and returned home.

 

It wasn't an easy decision but I had to come home to her and I thank

Bhagavan for giving me the courage and determination to leave that

life and come home to her. Mata ji is 81, paralyzed and unable to

walk, and my sisters and I do all we can to make her comfortable

even though sometimes she can be difficult. But we know this is not

deliberate as it is symptomatic of old age and senility.

 

It can be tiring and difficult and it takes a lot from us and for me

it has been a sacrifice of much of my personal life but every day I

thank Bhagavan for giving me the opportunity and the honour to help

her and be there with her. Sometime Mataji forgets we are there with

her and when I enter her room she pleads with me 'not to leave her.'

I assure her I will never leave her and I will there for her as long

I am alive.

 

Yes, it consumes mental and physical energy, there are costs

nvolved, but I encourage everyone to take care of parents and elders

no matter how burdensome you may think it is and how much energy and

resources are necessary. Try as hard as you can to take care of

them at home rather than in a Senior citizens' home. I know for

sure that the day my Mataji goes into one of those places she will

not survive for more than a week so sending her there is like a

death sentence.

 

As Hindus, we have a long and glorious tradition of our extended

family and caring for all at our homes. Let us strive to maintain

that treasured custom, even in this hectic and tiring world. It is

most fulfilling to serve parents and elders as it is one of the

most exalted characteristics of Sanatan Dharma.

You should not ignore parents and elders - they are our Gods on

earth and if you can't honour and pray to them then it is

meaningless and even hypocritical to pray to Bhagavan.

 

Hari Om

 

Deosaran Bisnath

---------------------------

Shree Hari

Ram Ram

 

My heart aches on reading your email... and deep within long to

reach out ...I am certain many other sadhaks emotionally can

experience what you are going through simply from your note. But

remain ever in that LIGHT that you speak off... never turn away from

it. It is His eternal promise to us... in Gita 9:22 that He will

take care of us !

 

Key is detachment and only doing to the best of your ability what

you can do and forgetting the past or the future. Think of yourself

as a Nurse hired by the divine Light, the Source. You are only

hired to do this work, rather the chosen One, you are merely taking

care of her to the best of your ability and nothing more.

Absolutely nothing more. Live moment to moment guided by the

Light... Not thinking about what will happen or what has happened in

the past... but living only in the present, in that Light that you

speak off in your note and guided by That and That alone. If you

feel exhausted, sleep and rest it out. Do not take the entire burden

on your head.

 

Swamiji often speaks of a wonderful example of a dog who is walking

under a bullock cart filled with heavy goods. He is walking there

only for protection against the heat of the sun (i.e. for shade).

However, after sometime, the dog begins to feel he is the one that

is carrying the burden / weight of the entire cart and all the stuff

on it. We all are like that dog. We begin to carry all the weight

on our shoulder. Krishna clearly showed us with the Govardhan

mountain...that HE ALONE is the One holding up the mountain with the

tip of his tiny finger... that it is He and we are merely

instruments and basking in His glory... nothing more!!!! Therefore

do the best you can... if you miss a day of care, a nurse or someone

at the hospital will fill the gap.

 

As Vyasji and other sadhaks have said... be fearless, worriless,

doubtless, griefless.... without regreting the past or concern about

the future.. only doing what you are able to do... and leaving the

rest up to the Divine, the Beloved, the Light.. .the Spirit...

And as Mike said, you definitely have direct support from this group

therefore be strong. It is not an ordinary thing that you have

started receiving these messages and reading them... and seeking out

help from this group. You have done your part... let the rest

flow!!!! May That Divine Light Always be with you!

 

Meera Das

Ram Ram

 

---------------------------

PRIOR POSTING

 

Hari Om

 

You have every right to be peaceful. " Duty " - is what you CAN and

what you SHOULD. Once you have done what ever you could, there is no

need for you to feel guilty when you CAN NOT anymore. What you can

not do, it is not your duty to do.

Hence be brave, be guiltfree, and see God's hand in every result.

See God live in your Mom, in your mind, in your circumstances - and

for once with a simple heart surrender yourself completely into the

hands of Paramatma. Once you surrender, thereafter you should not

worry.

 

Stand erect. Be peaceful by realising that you did your level best.

Don't look at all at the conduct of " relatives " ! They are made like

that only. They were not " yours " , they are not " yours " , they will

not be " yours " - there is no possibility of their ever

being " yours " . Yours is only Paramatma ! Once you accept " mineness "

with Him (He is always yours) , it would not matter to you, if

anybody is " yours " or not. GUARANTEED !! Remain Doubtless.

Worryless. Griefless. Fearless.

 

Cry before Him- only before Him. Say now take over My Lord. He

surely will. Have trust. Have belief. Thank Him any way !

 

Jai Shree Krishna

 

Vyas N B

 

-Shree Hari-

 

Dear Anonymous,

 

My wife and I are in a very similar position to you, almost a

reflection of that which you have written.

My role in all this is to mainly support my wife.

 

May I point out the family members have washed their hands of much

more than caring for mother.

Surely if they find themselves incapable of helping her directly can

they not at least support you?

 

You have done something very important, you have contacted this site

with so much divine love and wisdom.

 

I feel that you need direct support, as I have no idea where you live

I cannot offer much, here in Australia there are support groups,

religious and none religious.

 

You do not have to remain anonymous, but if you wish to fine.

 

Do come back to this site, I personally promise you I will always

reply and support you to best of my abilities.

 

You may find this site of value, I cannot recommend it too much.

http://swamiramsukhdasji.net

 

May God bless you.

 

With Respect and Divine Love,

 

Mike (Keenor).

--------------------------------

 

Priy Anonimous

I say you are choosen by god to serve your mother.

It comes rarely occassion that U get such chance.

Whatever the situation please do all servings on the basis of

Almighty lord.

God is seeing every moment. He knows better than all of us.

In MANAS:

PRABHU BHANJIHI DARUN BIPATI, JAANAT JAN KI PIR.

God will take care coz he knows all ur pains.

Have faith. please.

Raja Gurdasani

--------------------------------

Namasthe anonymous, I read your message and I guess I understand

what you must be going through. do not worry much. God is there and

everything will be fine too. I just was wondering..where do you

live ? in which country ?

Please try to find the local support groups regarding these

alzeimers' illness. I guess, u are handling this all on ur own and

it would definitely get exhausting. Please find some of the members

who are going thro similar situations via support groups.

 

also, when u mention about exhausting financial resources..how is it

happening ? is it possible if some nurse or anyone can take care of

her 2 to 3 days a week and during that time..u can do other things

and you take care 2 to 3 days..so that you will also get a break

from the routine and get refreshed also.

 

Also, please think about this. in case if u are caring of ur any

family member..the other type of exhaustion we all may feel worried

thinking that it is our family member. Rather than that, if

possible, just try to think that whatever situation we are in

either by choice or circumstance, think its God's work and do it. In

the respect, although u may get physically exhausted, atleast the

exhaustion will not be much from the emotional perspective. once

the mental energy is not drained, you can be calm in every day's

action u do.

 

Please be strong and I am sure everything will be fine. Do not

thnk..its ur mother..just think that it is God's work whatever u are

doing to ur mother. Definitely, please check on the support

groups/non-profit organizations..they will definitely be there to

help the people who are taking care of the people with illness.

 

My prayers and good wishes and so u feel peac in ur heart even in

the midst of all these.

 

namsthe again,

Bharathi

----------------------------

Consider yourself as Arjuna in the battlefied of Kurukshetra, where

in the midst of the war between mother' illness including her

stubborn rejection of all help and your own physical and mental

resources, you are completely dejected and despondent. This is the

reality of the situation you cannot bear. Reading Gita is your Lord

Krishna: read this and identify the Truth. You are not responsible

for anything, you are not the cause of anything. You have done what

you have been doing and continue to be doing. But your actions do

not cause the consequences that you desire and you do not desire.

Whatever happens to Mother is destined to happen and you are neither

the cause nor the one responsible for. You are just an witness to

all happening.

You are only to act as per the propensities/ tendencies that have

been imparted in you by your genetics and past interactions/

experiences with the environment you have grown up. This you have no

alternative but to accept the pains and sufferings.

Get out of identification with this You. This you is just an

illusion that this you will have to live. But the Real You are the

God. Read Gita again and again to realize your Real You and get

beyond the chained you attached to the happenings of this World

around you. Pray and pray to God that He lifts you to the Real You.

Know that when you try in this way to get into your Real you, your

apparent worldy you will have no suffering at all.

All above are words and really cannot help you. Sincere and

continuous prayer and submission to God as you read Gita can only

help you.

Basudeb Sen

------------------------

Yes, on a physical level it is all very difficult to understand and

cope up with.

But these things do happen with many families and part of our

worldly existence.

 

What helps us in these and all other situations is the spiritual

wisdom/rules of our lives,

knowing ourselves, doing things by remaining at the source......

It may appear difficult but with some practice, one start getting

the results....

So please read the messages on this group and get into the spiritual

mode....

 

Humble suggestions:

 

1) You have to understand who you are. So, ask yourself " Who am I? "

and wait for the answer.

Then try again...see what happens....what happens to the

feelings...the stress....Keep this practice

on whenever you can and find time or even while doing something....

 

2) Second question that may burst many myths is to understand who is

getting exhausted and

who is stressed....So ask your self " Who is getting exhausted " , " Who

is getting stressed "

and again wait for the answer........

 

Our mind/ Mann is a wonderful instrument and able to create things

out of nothing.....and we

slowly become slaves of thoughts and further thoughts....The above

questions help you to get rid of the

these absolutely unnecessary and unwanted thoughts. Once that begin

to happen, you can see the

light which shall direct you to do what needs to be done happily and

without much effort....

 

Best wishes....

Sushil Jain

 

-------------------------

Hi ,

 

God is only testing you, do your work and manage to distance

yourself from now or you will be heart broken when the time comes to

say good bye, god willing.

 

Pray more and carry on with your work, you have done your duty and

this is all you can do. You are answerable to only The Almighty, so

go about your work and pray when you find the time to do so.

 

All the best till you feel good.

 

BARBARA ALI

-------------------------

Dear Sadhak,

Under the circumstances of your mother please do not lose confidence

in your sincere caring of your mother who has given birth to you.If

you are tired then ask other members of your family to take care of

her If you have money please put her in a nursing home or any such

place where her care is properly taken

Matru devo Bhava " is a great obligation as narrated in Upnishad.

 

For her salvation please start reading one chapter of Bhagavat Gita

or the whole Gita on Sunday or any important day. Keep some chanting

program at your place for finding a solution and relief to both of

you. Have faith in God and a solutions will come within six months

of your resolution to seek peace in your family.

 

Truly yours

Shankerprasad S Bhatt

-------------------------------

Dear anonymous....

My heart truly goes out to you.....unless one has been in a

similar situation, it is impossible to understand the level of

stress that you are experiencing. I am presently caring for an 84

yr. old mataji, whose son passed away from cancer last November.

(2008). He was only 54. She has one other son, but he is not

vegetarian, so she does not wish to live with him, nor does she wish

to relocate away from the devotional community she has grown used to

in Los Angeles. I promised her son, who was not related to me, that

I would care for his mother. But I have my husband to help me. I

am constantly on the lookout for individuals from my temple who can

spare time and energy to stay with this sweet, elderly lady,

otherwise I take her everywhere with me, because to leave her alone

is quite scary...both for her, as she sits alone and doesn't move,

and for me, because I am so worried about her when she is alone!

And she doesn't even have alzheimer's, or anything like that. Just

incontinence, which of course brings a load of social

pressures......and she screams about having to take a shower. It

is certainly a demanding service....one which the Supreme Lord will

bless you millions of times over for executing so faithfully for so

long......may you always be guided by the Lord in your heart to know

how to continue pleasing Him.

respectfully, Mahalaksmi Dasi

------------------------------

Arvind Khetia, engineer and a Hindu:

Discouragement and hopelessness can arise due to many reasons.

Spiritual wisdom is essential to cultivating a balanced mind. Then,

one recognizes the negative influence of ego, greed and excessive

material pleasures on one's mind and society. Consequently, one

learns to cultivate self-control, discriminate between what is

eternal and transient, practice equanimity and follow one's dharma.

Dharma requires one to perform the duties of life in accordance with

universal ethical values.

 

Therefore, one's faith must be founded on spiritual reality to help

combat discouragement and hopelessness. The Bhagavad-Gita

states, " When spiritual wisdom is the highest goal, one's faith is

deep and senses restrained, then one attains wisdom and acquires

perfect peace. "

 

According to Vedanta, true faith begins with having faith in

ourselves. Then, through practicing the spiritual disciplines of

meditation and yoga, one achieves a transformation of one's

character. Thus, one's faith evolves into the realization of one's

inner spiritual nature and manifests as enlightened optimism.

 

Arvind Khetia

--------------------------

Dear Exhausted ,

 

The True answer must come from your ' inside ', from inside you.

No-one from outside can give you the correct answer for you, in your

particular situation

 

Meditation will lead you to your inner being .

Meditation is the only Way.....................

Sit for formal meditation , morning and evening, half an hour .

 

BUT..................

 

When meditation does not ' happen', especially in the beginning(

your mind does not move into it so easily), and Karma ( sewa) is

also so exhausting and stressful, ' prayer and satsanga' is the

answer ..........

 

A Prayer to God ( Krishna, Rama,Shiva, Allah, Waheguru ) for

strength and wisdom, whenever the mind falls ... Being at the feet

of a master can do wonders !

 

narinder bhandari

-------------------------------

 

 

SUMMARY OF SADHAK POSTINGS -

 

- Many good advices do not work... Only Bagavan can help, like in

the case of Drowpati being disrobed. Why attachment even in mind

level?

 

 

- complaint raises from the violation of one's core limits as well

as limitations - natural, psychological, physiological, financial,

social as well as spiritual - leading to exhaustion and distress.

- you are on the right path.

- You have already experienced " nothing is mine, " ... now the next

step... " only God is mine " . Why subtle insistence on recovery

etc., What can you do , except doing your duty? AND THAT YOU HAVE

DONE and ARE DOING ! Fault is linking duty with old memories ! Fault

is in re-living the past! which does not exist! Forgive and forget!

on shedding the insistence, peace will prevail.

- if you are not at peace within, you can not comfort anybody else

no matter

what your understanding/determination/ intention is.

- What a destructive force is hatred? And how indestructible

is 'Divine Love'. Some people will never abandon any needy, it is

their very nature to care.

- Do your duty and forget. Nothing is ours.

- think 10 times before taking any decision, so that there be no

regrets.

- you can sacrifice, only to the extent possible and bearable, for

your Mother -

not merely because she is your mother but because she is as much a

manifestation of God

- do work deligently and discharge of duties earnestly

- Nurse - pure service, so impersonal, and yet so compassionate ...

if we could be like that in spite of having emotional relations

- we are the chosen ones. there are no options regarding caring for

parents. We have to do it.

- as far as possible keep them (elders) at home.

- distribute sweets / candy to poor children then the grief

DEFINITELY goes !

- You only receiving suffering to the extent that you can handle.

- Don't seek any reciprocation for your good deeds

- Being Peaceful is your birth right! What you can not do, it is

not your duty! be guiltfree. See God in Mom, and take complete

refuge in the Divine (God); accept only Him as yours; thereafter do

not worry! Remain Doubtless. Worryless. Griefless. Fearless.

- you are choosen by god to serve your mother; a rare opportunity!

Serve as if serving Almighty! He knows what is best! He knows ur pain

- My heart truly goes out to you.....it is certainly a demanding

service. may you always be guided by the Lord in your heart to know

how to continue pleasing Him.

- YOUR HEALTH IS INTRICATELY CONNECTED TO YOUR MOTHER'S WELL-BEING.

- you are being tested; You have done your duty! continue working

but becoming detached. Pray. You are only answerable to God.

- Karma Favoring you - On one hand you are doing selfless duty and

thus accumulating " assets " . On other hand with every

abuse/disrespect/spit on the face your " liabilities " are

simultaneously getting wiped out-

without any effort at your end ! Become grateful to Paramatma ! He

only is ours. Other than Him there is only " duty " !

- you need a break, some relief. DO yoga/meditate regularly.

- Whatever happens to Mother is destined to happen and you are

neither the cause nor the one responsible for. Stop identification

with Body/Mind and identify with the Truth of the Gita. Read Gita

again and again! prayer and submission to God/Gita can only help you.

- Leave for ever " desire for happiness " . Immediately / Instantly

pains will vanish.

- Have tremendous trust in God doing just what is right. " this

shall pass too " .

- Write your prayer on a piece of paper. acknowledging you cannot

resolve this problem alone, seek help! place at His feet and become

worriless.

- we are just puppets. We are supposed to do our duty and not to

interfere with the result, just accept it. If you too accept this

fact then there will be no stress, no exhaustion, no disappointments.

- Spiritual wisdom is essential to cultivating a balanced mind.

True faith begins with having faith in ourselves.

- Question over and over again.. who am I? who is getting

exhausted? Who is getting stressed? and wait for the answer! Mind

creates things out of nothing! The above questions help you to get

rid of the unnecessary thoughts. thereafter light shall direct you

to do what needs to be done happily and without much effort

- Meditate and Pray... at lotus feet of Lord

- Pray to God. You are doing what He desires. He will give you the

strength and

lead you to more important, interesting experiences and knowledge

- Do not lose confidence. Seek Help! Read Gita! Have Faith in God

and solution will come.

- Read Gita again and again. But only those portions on the concept

of God and what the wise persons do.

- Take time out for personal rest and relaxation. Avoid getting the

carer disease...DYSTHEMIA

- you are getting their full blessings. And these special blessings

can turn any negativity in a patri to the most blessed and enriched

life. You are truly blessed believe me. Turn this into an

oppurtunity rather than a crisis.

- created a small sanctuary in my house where I hide to be with God

- You need direct support! Are there support groups / others?

Don't hesitated to rely on sadhaks in this forum. They are

personally committed to support.

- Please seek out a local support group! Possibly a break, through

hired nurse help, so can get some rest!

- Think of yourself as a Nurse only... taking care of her for short

time... not thinking of past or future. Live in present, guided by

the light.

- remember every day that I am Gods Only and no one else is mine.

Rest in Paramaatma as taking care of your self.

- think its God's work you are doing for your mother and do it!

There will be less emotional exhaustion, therefore you'll be calm

even though physical strain.

- The Nature has made all the life forms self-sufficient. Each one

has to face their own fate all alone. Whosoever is born, has to die

one day. so be brave...

- wrting three pages to God daily, first thing in the morning

- Please keep confidence in God who will find a way our of your

worries and direct you about the action you have to take

- Please be strong and all will be fine!

- relax please ...

- every day I thank Bhagavan for giving me the opportunity and the

honour to help her and be there with her

- keep confidence in God who will find a way our of your worries and

direct you about the action you have to take

- Let us strive to maintain that treasured custom, even in this

hectic and tiring world. It is most fulfilling to serve parents and

elders as it is one of the most exalted characteristics of Sanatan

Dharma.

- Entering into the depth of 'Darkness', it is there that you can

see the Divine Light.

- 'Cry before Him- only before Him. Say now take over My Lord. He

surely will. Have trust. Have belief. Thank Him any way !'

- cry out like a child who is lost and is looking for Mother or

Father, place no restriction call to Him as child, go where it takes

you - He gets away all your pain depending upon intensity and

sincerity of your prayer

- We can never repay the debt of mother's milk; therefore do not

shrink from your duty to serve your mother in her hour of need

- Life is what it has to be and NOT what you wish it to be.

ACCEPTANCE is key. rendering to your Mother is the service to God.

- Depression is tendency of mind to travel excessively into

NOTHINGNESS and into pessimism! Simply disown the mind emotionally.

When any worldly thought comes into mind – IGNORE. Neither like it

nor dislike it ! Just be indifferent, UDAASIN. Neither past nor

future exists NOW ! A thing which does not exist, why to worry about

the same? convert this DUKHALAYAM into VASUDEVAH SARVAM. A learned

persons tolerates this tax by wisdom, while a fool tolerates this by

regretting/ crying.) Hence be brave. One who has given beak to you,

will give food also ! Simply DON'T WORRY !!! NEVER NEVER WORRY

HENCE FORTH.

- Gita ends with advice of Lord Krishna : Ma Suchah - PLEASE DO NOT

WORRY !

- One stroke of will power .... just one ..... to Understand that

you are seeking freedom from pain, not just a relief for a short

duration ! And , only the self can help. Be yourself. Love

yourself. Love is the Way

- How can daughter of Paramatma be depressed? Is God not there? He

is alive. He is there. We all are with you. Our prayers will make

both of you alright. Please remain cheerful. Depression does not

like laughter. The moment you laugh , depression will run away.

- No tears please. Angels dont weep !

- Just dont bother about anything. Whatever is destined will take

place. Take sufficient rest. If sleep does not come easily, then

keep chanting God's name

- Day is over! ( Sorrow is gone) . Now have a nice sleep ! (Be

peaceful) !

 

- Pet a cow in a " Gaushala " ( place where there are cows). Take your

mom there with you. By caressing the body of cows is capable of

curing even incurable diseases.

 

- Mind may be depressed, but not our Divine Sophia. Nothing now can

harm you, once you have cried before God. Just feel jubilant.

- Be a witness to all happenings

- Do no encourage the depression by giving it importance..shoo is

away. think of those in worst of situations (Africa, all that

poverty and suffering); healing and spiritually cannot be separated;

- God wants you be His Happy child

-------------------------

My mother is once again hospitalized… im sorry im exhausted and

very stressed. After five years of taking care of her entirely on

my own, as other family members have washed their hands off, I feel

completely exhausted. She is also a alzheimers patient exhibiting

all behaviour related to this deadly disease. She continues to be

extremely stubborn in receiving any kind of help which is continuing

to exhaust and drain all her financial resources.

 

Caring for her for so long, I feel like I will have a stroke or a

heart attack. There have been many incidents where I have been

completely freaked out, totally drained of all energy. This extreme

physical and mental exhaustion has reached a point where I can

barely make it off the bed, with my eyes swollen from exhaustion.

 

I read the words in your daily posting and though i know they are

true, they mean nothing in my serious state of exhaustion. I can

no longer care for my mother and have told her doctors so and they

know and agree. Knowing that I still feel responsible, but at the

same time, feel completely unable to deal with the situation.

There appears to be no Light in sight! How do I connect to this

Light? I seek any guidance you can offer to be free of suffering

and to be at Peace!

 

May all souls cross over the horrid ocean of suffering

including me.

 

Sophia

 

 

--------------------------

 

GITA TALK GROUP GUIDELINES: PLEASE -

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2. Quote Gitaji/scriptures wherever possible..

3. Limit personal feelings, opinions, beliefs etc. to the

extent that they further help in understanding the Gita shlokas

4. Be as concise, to the point, respecting sadhaka's time.

5. Focus on subject at hand only.

6. Do not include links to the other sites.

7. Do not include your personal information (Ph #, address etc).

8. Do not personalize message

9. All responses may not be posted.

10. Moderator at his discretion, may modify the posting.

11. Take into consideration the novices, youth, westerners, non-

sectarian audience. i.e. limit the use to Sanskrit words only.

Provide English word bracketed.

 

MODERATOR

Ram Ram

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------

 

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QUESTION SUMMARIZED (Details at end of posting)

My mother is once again hospitalized… im sorry im exhausted and

very stressed. After five years of taking care of her entirely on

my own, I feel totally drained of all energy and extreme

physical and mental exhaustion to the point where I can

barely make it off the bed. There appears to be no Light in sight! I

am also now diagnosed as severely depressed. How do I connect to

this Light? I seek any guidance you can offer to be free of

suffering and to be at Peace!

 

Sophia

===========================================================

 

NEW POSTING

 

-Shree Hari-

 

Dear Sophiaji,

 

My mother in law is a little further down the path than your mother

it

seems.

I like to tell you what happened the other day; my wife and her

sister

and I went to the hospital where she is under supervised care.

They went directly to see the medical/welfare staff, I went downtown

to buy some items, an returned before they had completed their

meeting.

So I went into the ward where my mother in law was staying.

There was, (as you may understand), sad demented women all around;

once fine minds gone.

I sat down beside her, tuned out the distractions, we said very

little, but oddly enough there was a silent connection, an air of

tranquility, finally interrupted by my mobile phone, as my wife

contacted me.

When my wife and her sister returned and started to talk to their

mother, she became agitated, and said, " Mike just sat with me, he

didn't come to annoy me " .

Thinking about this, I remembered a conversation we had with this

very

sweet elderly lady some time ago. Although pretty sick herself, she

used to visit an old priest with advanced dementia. She remarked, " We

never talk, but I think he is very close to God " .

The time will come dear sister, when the finest thing you can give

your mother is silent compassion, there is great power in silence.

 

B.G. 17

Steady serenity of mind,

Kindliness, silence, self-control, Honesty of motive–all this

Is called mental austerity. (16)

 

This threefold austerity done

With highest faith by those without

Desire for fruit, also steadfast

Is considered to be sattwic. (17)

 

I hope these humble reflections will be of value to you.

 

With Respect and Divine Love,

 

Mike Keenor

--------------------------

Hello

 

As Respected Vyasji pointed, a Satsang will definitely help you.

 

When you know that you are part and parcel of that Supreme and know

that you are much more than what you see or perceive you are, you

will get the inner energy and feel peace.

 

You know when a poor man learns that he just won a million dollar

lottery, his attitude changes, his walk changes, his communication

changes, his perception to the whole world changes suddenly. He may

have been cursing the world for his fate all this time. Like that

when you know that you are beyond your gross and subtle body, you

will start viewing Life from the Wide angle lens.

 

These situations come and goes like clouds. Both good and bad. Are

you saying that you were in trouble all your life or you were happy

all the time? One cannot claim so, isn't it? You were happy for

sometime and then for sometime you were unhappy. Again the same

cycle repeats. So the first things is to understand the impermanence

of these changes in life. You are able to recognize this

impermanence because you have something permanent within your

gross/subtle body. Something which acts like a reference point. That

is the Self. Know that this Self is part and parcel of that Giridhar

Gopal. In Satsang or a prayer you will surrender everything to HIM.

Surrender is a process where you give away all the things you think

of as yours; pleasure, pain, fame , insult whatever..

 

Second you have to let go the past. As the scriptures says, one will

not bath in the same river twice. The water in the river is flowing

incessantly in one direction. So you are ever new -Punarnavam. If

you really observe you will know that. Even your body changes, your

cells have changed and replaced with new ones, your opinions or

perception changes, your taste changes. Seeing GOD in everyone is

not an emotion, it is a state of mind. When you are at the pinnacle

of devotion you will reach that state.

 

 

With warm regards

= = = = = = = = =

Venu

= = = = = = = = =

--------------------------

thanks..

Gitanjali singh

 

--------------------------

PRIOR POSTING

 

Dear Sadhika,

You said you are mentally exhausted and physically tired.

Are you the body which is tired?

Are you the mind which is stressed ?

Are you the emotions which continuously overwhelming you ?

????

Stop my dear, stop identifying yr self with yr body, mind, emotions

and also with yr story, no matter how happy or sad yr story is, it

is just a story, not you.

" Arise and Awake.... " Know yr true Self. Connect yr self to the

Source. That Source which is pure Existence, which is unbounded

Energy and unparallel Intelligence. Connect to IT, in other terms

establish yr self in YOGA. Unite with that Source of unmeasurable

enegy!!

Stop thinking that yr Mom is your Mom, she belongs to God. And what

are you thinking? You think that you are serving her ? Wrong my

dear. Do any of us have any capacity to serve anybody? No, we

donot!!!, It is all a play, it is all His Will. If you have even a

slightest notion that you are serving her, then drop it right now.

Without His Grace no one can do anything in this world. So donot

block His Grace by thinking that you are serving her with yr limited

capabilities.

Take care of her(if you can) as she is a gift given to you by yr

beloved God. Her body is here for a while and yr body is also here

for a while, no body exist forever, one day all bodies will meet the

same end-dust.

" Do din ka jag main mela re, sab chala chali ka fera " (We all are

here for few days only, then we all must go, must leave this body

and this world)

Swamiji says-Ek bharosa, ek asara Tera..Trust only on His strength...

Pray and meditate. Nothing exist forever.Change is invitable.

With Love,

A sadhika

Sadhana Karigar

-------------------------

 

 

PRIOR POSTING

Yes i do understand this that God is all there is. i have

understood this but obviously not in the way to give me the physical

and emotional strength to carry on any longer it is also most

difficult when getting beaten by your father abused and beaten and

abandoned by both parents surviving on the streets in nyc and a

panoply of tragically impossible situations, to continually be

detached and see all as god i am also a 9/11 survivor. i have

been sadhak long time which has kept me from suicide and yes this

is all past.

the sincere people having posted here to support me is greatly

respected and appreciated.

 

to friend in london

yes we have the same caregivers support here in the u.s

particularly in nyc where i live for alzheimers. Mother has refused

everything & as she is in early stages she cannot legally be

forced. well now she is in the hospital and i have a weeks respite.

unfortunately it is not enough time to physically get well. I will in

this time meditate and pray and sleep and perhaps i can organically

recognize the truth spoken of by sadhak friends

thankyou you all.

every word i read reread and try to follow including

 

> Love and Love alone....

>

> Life is what it has to be and NOT what you wish it to be. Accept

> this bitter Truth, you feel relieved of all your stress and

tension.

> Acceptance leads to surrender and the results in strength. My dear,

> accept the service you are rendering to your Mother is the service

> to God and by serving Him, you are reaching and realising the

utmost

> reality of your life. It is the way for you to reach the Ultimate

> Goal. Accept it my dear, accept it.

 

thank you, Sophia

-------------------------

Shree Hari

Ram Ram

 

Sophia, Please kindly read the recent prayer from sadhak daily

messages.

 

sadhaka/message/2199

 

I truely believe you will get comfort. You will regain your

strength in due time. You will feel peace! You will feel Love! You

will feel protected and not abandoned! after reading this prayer.

Read it with total attentiveness, read it with an open mind, read it

as if you are in the Light! Read it as if you are sitting in front

of your

Beloved, your only Love! Read it as if you are that little

young girl on the streets of NYC, calling for Help !

 

Let us know after reading what your thoughts are... not about the

past, not

about the future but in the moment!

 

Meera Das

Ram Ram

 

--------------------------

 

Hello,

There is no " playbook " that we can refer to to live our life. There

is no human who can alleviate our suffering. We need to understand

this clearly. We are always alone (rather only with our source) -

and on our own. We ALL have the capacity to find life's answers

directly from the source. Life itself is a teacher and we need no

one else- all others are co- passengers and can only mouth

platitudes of empathy. Therefore let us get to the root of all

answers by ourself. You are your best guide- because there is

really no separation from you and HIM (Your Divine Light)!

 

Regards

Anand S

 

---------------------------

PRIOR POSTING

 

Hari Om

 

I agree with Madanji Kaura. One should develop habit of 'seeing God'

in every one, in every thing, in every happening, in every

circumstance, in every incidence !! That in itself provides relief!

 

Remember: There is GOD AND GOD ONLY EVERYWHERE ! Nothing else exists

except you yourself and God. Rest all is illusion. There is God in

Mother. There is God in Father. There is God in husband. There is

God in wife. There is God in everybody/thing! Recognise in every

circumstance/every body Him only. Your eye should search Him only-

you will find Him. The moment you separate 'x' and 'y' - he can't be

God , he can only be God_ you are lost in a never ending

maze/mirage ! Literally lost !

 

Hence all scriptures advice you to see God everywhere.

 

How to reconcile the above with 'Doosara na koi' (Nobody else is

mine) ? Think about it. If you can give your views , give ! All

sadhaks are praying for and awaiting your recovery and contribution

in deliberations. Answer me, Dear Sister ! How do we

reconcile " Vasudevah Sarvam " with " Doosara na koi " ? Answer is

hidden in this very posting . Search it !! Get going spiritually

once you regain strength and vitality. Think of such questions.

Occupy yourself on such issues. There is peace here ! Believe us on

that, Dear Divine Sister !

 

I am insisting on satsanga at this critical period of your life,

because as one learned sadhak stated it is right time to get

spiritual. When wax melts and you add colour into that, it becomes

permanent. Every calamity, every crisis, every sorrow melts your

heart, purifies you, eliminates 'liabilities' from the Balance Sheet

of your karmic life, and drags you towards your Father- Paramatma.

Turn decisively towards Him. Then there will be only bliss, only

Peace, only ANANDA ! Only Him ! Absolute Ananda with not even an

iota of relativity !! Become Happy! Start dancing! You have known

now that you are daughter of the King of all the Kings ! Dear Dear

Daughter! What is now there to worry for ! If some body tells Mr X

that President of a Nation has adopted him to be his son, how happy

Mr X will become? Become more happy than him. You are daughter of

the Emperor of all the Emperors !

 

Jai Shree Krishna

 

Vyas N B

------------------------

namastey,

 

In UK there are many services available for care givers like you.

Once you contact social services dept I am certain you can receive

assistance, plus put you in touch with other care givers, arrange

for an off day where someone else can take on the responsibility of

caretaking, while you catch up on sleep or chores etc.

 

In UK, if your mum is a pensioner, she would get free treatment when

she hands over her pension book to care home. Council's social

service dept would look after payments of services. Do check into

available services. There must be something comparable in USA.

 

Ramesh Jhalla

 

 

-------------------------

PRIOR POSTING

 

Dear Sadhakas, Namaste!

To Sophiaji,

Please remember this: If suffering like the one you are going

through, comes our way for whatever reason or no reason, God will

make sure, it is not greater than you can bear!

This I have seen in my life over and over again.

Have tremendous trust in this, and in God doing just this right now.

Also remember " this shall pass too " . As simple as it may sound but

has power to withstand any pain if one keeps reminding oneself often

with faith.

Another suggestion: Write your prayer on a piece of paper.

Write it as if talking to God. Ask for help acknowledging you cannot

alone resolve this problem alone, so you will appreciate the help.

Be impersonal rather than asking for " me " . Say this is what you like

to have but you will go along with whatever He knows is right for

all of you including the other family members, mother herself, and

yourself.

Place this paper under His feet on alter if you have one.

This may sound like rituals but it is more of what is to be felt

deep within as we do this offering to surrender our ego!

Then Relax and do the best you can to do your part. As many sadhakas

have suggested call for help of organization(s) who can help.

Remember God helps through people only!

While doing the best, try to find out the true meaning of God.

Namaskar.............Pratap Bhatt

 

------------------------------

 

Jai Hanuman

 

Dear Sophia. Among many suggestions of learned sadhaks add the

following.

 

When you regain some strength and vitality , go to some " Gaushala " (

place where there are cows). Take your mom there with you. If you

keep or let your mom keep caressing the body of cows for some

period, the cow will get pleased. When cow gets pleased, what to

talk of ordinary diseases, even incurable diseases get cured.

 

( From the last page of many books of Swamiji Ramsukhdasji Maharaj

published from Gita Press, Gorakhpur)

 

Dear Sister- Please do not worry ! Please !!

 

Namaste Jee

 

Jee Jee

Shashikala

------------------------------

 

PRIOR POSTING

 

NAMASKAR

SORRY DEAR SADHAK MEMBERS I AM TRYING REALLY DO DO EVERYTHING

SUGGESTED. BUT TODAY WHEN I AM SUPPOSED TO TAKE HER HOME FROM THE

HOSPITAL AND STAY WITH HER UNTIL AN AID COMES FOR A FEW DAYS I

CANNOT GET UP AND I AM THROWING UP WITH A STOMACH VIRUS, i am burnt

out and weak and crying and thats it

i cant do this anymore. Sophia

------------------------

Shree Hari

Ram Ram

 

Sophiaji, it will be very helpful if you let us know the three

things that you are currently following through with from the

sadhak's suggestions, but only after you regain some energy and

strength. It will be helpful to understand.

From Gita Talk Moderators, Ram Ram

-------------------------

 

 

Dear Sadaks,

Did anyone solve Ravana`s distress on his last day of war with Sri

Rama. Many good advises did not work. Same with Kans when Bagavan

entered Mathura. Only Bagavan can help, like in the case of Drowpati

being disrobed.

 

My humble opinion:

Let only Sadhaks, Guru and GOD be dear to us. Why dear Sophia? Why

attachment even in mind level?

B.Sathyanarayan

 

-------------------------

PRIOR POSTING

 

Dear Sophie,

So sorry to hear of your woes but remember every day that I am Gods

Only and no one else is mine. Rest in Paramaatma as taking care of

your self is as if taking care of Gods Temple and rest at His Holy

Feet knowing He would want you to take care of yourself as a

beautiful child of Gods. Pray that you be granted equanimity as

seeker I strive for this as well.God is Light and remember to pray

all times to be Gods only and serve HIM with all that you have. God

wants you be His Happy child as He loves you like a good mother

loves her child.

 

catherine andersen

 

---------------------------

 

Generally in India we are to respect our mothers like Goddesses

because they brought us into this world. We can never repay Doodh

ka Karj, or the debt of mother's milk. We are perpetually indebted

to our mothers. So though it is a gruelling task, you should not

shrink from your duty to serve your mother in her hour of need.

 

Hari Shanker Deo

------------------------

Dear Sophia,

My heart went out to you. I can totally empathise with you because I

too am in a similar boat. Recently I created a small sanctuary in my

house where I hide to be with God so I can get strength from him.

Also I took a lesson from Julia Cameron and I have started wrting

three pages to God daily, first thing in the morning, and this has

really helped me. Her book called artists way I can recommend to you.

Blessings

Chandrika

-----------------------------

 

 

-------------------------

PRIOR POSTING

 

im sorry i am stupid

everyone has been so very kind

im sorry but the body um i have this stupid girl that has

incarnated into is exhausted and un well being. i am sorry i have

taken everyone's time and this is one truth i know better than most.

 

REMEMBER : TU JAANE MERE SANG BEETI, EK EK BAAR SABHI SANG BEETI ! (

You are thinking that it (adversity) has happened in your case only.

But the fact is that it has happened with each and every human being

once). DEH DHARE KA DAND HAI, SAB KAHOO KO HOY ! GYAANI BHUGATE

GYAAN SE, MOORAKH BHUGATE ROY !! ( Worldly sorrows is a universal

tax to be borne by every human being.

 

Sophia

---------------------------

 

Dear Sophia,

 

The 'Black Dog', is the name we have for serious depression here,

and how many of us have had him howling at our door, dogging our

every step as it were. You know, the sun is shining spring is in the

air and you feel disconnected, joyless, a lump of existence.

Yes I know the chemical balance may be out of balance in the brain,

but, take some advice from one that knows, don't throw a bone to him,

throw a stone instead shoo him away.(My medication is 'The Divine

Beloved', none other).

 

A major turning point came about, when I,looking for some way of

helping myself, sat before a High Lama, he said while we were

attempting to meditate, " Here we have very good condition, think of

Africa, all that poverty and suffering " , and you know what? I did

just that, I disconnected from my own miseries and for a moment I was

concerned for others. A seed had been in sown in my heart by that

great man, I swear it is still growing.

 

The essence of this is TO FIND A WAY TO HELP YOURSELF. After my cry

for help I stumbled upon the Tibetan Buddhist, God took me there I

know. Slowly my head started to turn towards the Great Indian

traditions.......

 

Look if you feel you need medical support, consider it temporary. And

do all you can to connect to an M.D./Healer that is connected to an

Ashram. Oddly enough the Guide/Guru I had some years back, had a

sister who was an M.D. at an Ashram in the USA, and she herself

worked as a Homeopath/Naturopath in an Ashram in India for quite

some time. My present homeopath is a Sikh; healing and the

spiritual, cannot be separated.

Maybe other Sadhaks can give more information regarding healers

within the Hindu society.

 

Please do not restrict you life to four walls and your sorrows.

 

In passing, I have sat in sweet bliss in meditation, tears pouring

from my eyes, these are not tears of sorrow, oh no these are

something else, I do hope you experience these tears, your heart

will be opening to the Universe.

 

One more thing dear friend, the 'Black Sheep', may not be bad, maybe

she/he marches to the beat of a different drum, or dances to the far

off tune of a Murali that non other can hear.(Echoing down the

corridors of Time).

 

With Respect and Divine Love,

 

Mike Keenor

-------------------------

Dear Sophiaji !

 

AAJ KAL MAIN DHAL GAYA, DIN HUA TAMAAM ! TU BHI SOJA, SOGAYEE RANG

BHARI SHAAM !!

 

Today has converted into tomorrow. Day is over! ( Sorrow is gone) .

Now have a nice sleep ! (Be peaceful) !

 

HAI BUJHA BUJHA SA DIL, BOJH SAANS SAANS PAR, JEE RAHEN HAI PHIR BHI

HAM, SIRF KAL KI AASH PAR ! NEEND KAH RAHI HAI , MERI BAAHEN THAM !!

 

Very very dejected was heart. There was a weight on each and every

breath. Living only on a hope of a better tomorrow. But now PEACE (

sleep ) is telling me - Hey come, hold my arms.

 

KAUN AYEGA IDHAR , KISKI RAAH DEKHE HAM ! JINKI AAHATE SUNI JAANE

KISKE THE KADAM !!

 

APNA KOI BHI NAHIN, APNE HAIN TO RAAM !!

 

TU BHI SOJA, SO GAYEE RANG BHARI SHAAM !!

 

Who will come here? I should wait for whom? ( Nobody is mine) Those

sounds of steps were of strangers ( Illusion) !

 

No body is mine ! Only Raam ( Paramatma) is mine !

 

Day is over! ( Sorrow is gone) . Now have a nice sleep ! (Be

peaceful) !

 

Namaste Jee

 

Jee Jee

Shashikala

 

Sophiaji Namaste!

 

Stand aside and be a witness! Yes, try to observe the happenings as

a witness. Analyse it. Try to put into practise. It might be of some

help.. Sandeep Pathak

--------------------------

Dear Sophia

 

Love and Love alone....

 

Life is what it has to be and NOT what you wish it to be. Accept

this bitter Truth, you feel relieved of all your stress and tension.

Acceptance leads to surrender and the results in strength. My dear,

accept the service you are rendering to your Mother is the service

to God and by serving Him, you are reaching and realising the utmost

reality of your life. It is the way for you to reach the Ultimate

Goal. Accept it my dear, accept it. Wish you all the best and May

God bless you.

 

Love and Love alone....

 

Paritala Gopi Krishna

-------------------------------

 

 

---------------------------

PRIOR POSTING

 

Dear Sophia Bahenji

 

No ! No tears please. You havent done anything bad to regret. Angels

dont weep. Your mother is not abusing you. Her sickness is as such.

All mothers are good. There is benefit of you hidden in each of the

moves of mother. She may not be knowing, but God knows that. God

cannot use a mother for hurting her children. If God does that , it

means huge benefit is hidden in that. Even if she means to hurt you,

because of karmic reasons, God will ensure your safety. Can any one

get killed by consuming nectar ? No Bahenjee! No tears please. Laugh

it out. What depression? As Sadhu Vyas told you she made you realise

a truth which people dont realise in ages and eras. Nothing/Nobody

is Mine. What a truth. Could you have realised that without the help

of mother? You should not mind the abuses or ill treatment of

mother because all said and done, the very body of yours belongs to

her only. Above all she is not in her senses. Believe me, she loves

you more than anyone else. Is there no love in hate? Is there no

love in a slap of mother? Try it. She will never let others ill

treat you, even when she is in this mental state. Past is past. She

might have erred when you were 18 years old. But is she not

sufferring? She is paying for that only. Dear Bahenji ! It is only

because she erred with your reference that she is in this shape

today. Even in this mental state , does she not know about the

conduct of her son? She knows. She is more sufferring than you.

Believe me.

 

Hence it is time that you develop 'compassion " for her. Sadhu Mike

Keenor loves to be compassionate. Learn from his experiences. Read

old Qs on this site. Your depression will get cured the moment you

forget and forgive. Replace weariness, hate, anger with love and

compassion, please. Immediately, you will get peace, Bahenjee!

Immediately. You are so great otherwise. We all are proud of you

and of your tolerance so far. Please oblige us by being divine.

What a pleasure it will give you in future , when you would recall

how love healed the wounds.

 

No ! No tears please. Angels dont weep !

 

I bow to you Bahenjee.

 

Khan Jarsingh

--

 

Hari Om

 

Depression / Mental Fatigue . What is Depression ? I am not a

doctor. Hence In my language : Depression is tendency of mind to

travel excessively into NOTHINGNESS and into pessimism! Your mind

is capable only of travelling either in past or in future. Both do

not exist NOW ! The cure is simple ! Simply disown the mind

emotionally. Replace worldly thoughts automatically coming into

mind, by thoughts of Paramatma dwelling within. How do you do

that ? " Become " of Paramatma by firmly resolving : MERE TO GIRDHAR

GOPAAL, DOOSARA NA KOI . ( Only Paramatma is mine, no one else is

mine). That single resolution must make you peaceful in an instant

and forever. Thereafter DO WHAT YOU CAN AND WHAT YOU SHOULD.

Depression is self conceived. Don't feel that you are depressed and

you are not depressed. Don't let the worldly anxieties, old

memories, fears for future haunt you. When any worldly thought comes

into mind – IGNORE. Neither like it nor dislike it ! Just be

indifferent, UDAASIN , remain unruffled to those waves of old

memories and anxieties. Think at that time : I am of God. Why I

should bother about a thing on which I have no control. God will

take care if He desires to do so. Else whatever is to happen, let it

happen. See henceforth all the happenings in your life as you see a

movie. Now that you have surrendered to God and you have experienced

the world closely, now don't worry! Start dancing !! What a thing

you have got !! You are of GOD !!! God is your Father ! He has taken

over your life with immediate effect. How beautiful. Now every of

your burden is that of God ! You are free . Just take one care.

Don't doubt this, don't fear, don't ever worry now. NEVER NEVER

WORRY HENCE FORTH. What can happen ? You are immortal, the body is

mortal. Your father is God. He is immortal. What can happen to

you ? Hence DON'T WORRY.

 

REMEMBER : Neither past nor future exists NOW ! A thing which does

not exist, why to worry about the same? Depression causes you to do

that. See happiness in small small things. Admire beauty of a flower

or a bird. Remember you are not alone. EACH AND EVERY HUMAN BEING

IS BURNING IN THE FIRE OF SORROW. This world has been defined as "

DUKHALAYAM " . ( Abode of sorrow) in the very Holy Gita. Your job now

is to convert this DUKHALAYAM into VASUDEVAH SARVAM. Keep in touch

with this divine site on a daily basis. Start replying to various

questions that are raised in this forum. You will find peace here.

 

REMEMBER : TU JAANE MERE SANG BEETI, EK EK BAAR SABHI SANG BEETI ! (

You are thinking that it (adversity) has happened in your case only.

But the fact is that it has happened with each and every human being

once). DEH DHARE KA DAND HAI, SAB KAHOO KO HOY ! GYAANI BHUGATE

GYAAN SE, MOORAKH BHUGATE ROY !! ( Worldly sorrows is a universal

tax to be borne by every human being. A learned persons tolerates

this tax by wisdom, while a fool tolerates this by regretting/

crying.)

 

Hence be brave. One who has given beak to you, will give food also !

Simply DON'T WORRY !!!

 

Jai Shree Krishna

Vyas N B

-------------------------

Hare Krishna

 

Sophiaji ! Now that you have joined Sadhaks , every day should be a

new day for you.. Every day you will get more and more peace ! Just

think that you are not depressed. Just think that you are alright

and you shall be so ! Brother Mike, Vyasji, Mira Dassji, Jee Jee

Shashikalaji all have given you sterling and really soul touching

messages. Surrender to God is a complete solution in itself. Gita

starts with " Worry " of Arjuna. Gita ends with advice of Lord

Krishna : Ma Suchah - PLEASE DO NOT WORRY ! On the contrary be happy

that now everything related with you is in the powerful hands of

God .

 

Please keep sharing your experiences regularly.

 

Gopal Mehta

 

 

My dear Sophia,

 

narinder has been going through all the sharing on the

subject ........... and what comes to mind is this :

 

while all the love and consolation offered to you is worthy of

repect and reverence , and is the truth of being .............

 

Sophia will not be helped, in any deep measure, by consolation and

comfort offered.......

 

when all things fail... and they do ..... only the self can

help ....... you, yourself ..... your own being ..... with the

right resolve .......

 

One stroke of will power .... just one ..... to be able to

understand that you are seeking freedom from pain, not just a relief

for a short duration ! And , only the self can help.

 

Here comes the advice from all Knowers of Truth ........ when self

too is down and out ...... seek the company of the saints, sages,

and sadhaks true .... be with them for short periods of time ....

physically, be in their presence .... let your mind self be

subjected to the strength of the self , the aura of Nothingness,

which is perpetually emanating from the Sages as love divine that

heals !

 

A prayer goes out to you, Sophia .... joy and love to you ......

 

The prayer

 

Rises in the heart when it rises.

Out of nowhere does prayer arise in the Heart,

No reason !

It rises, this prayer, for Heart itself is nothing but Prayer

Nothing but the Light of One-ness

Nothing but Love

Nothing but Silence .

In Silence of Being, the Prayer blossoms:

And, ah ! What Joy !

The fragrance from the Blossoms knows no frontiers !!!

The Heart is the Giver divine

All Gifts are from the Source, all !

And the heart verily is the only Source, the One Source, the True

Source.

 

And one day, Krishna's Heart

Chooses for Krishna

The Gift of Gifts

It's own Self !

And Krishna's flute resounds in Eternity

As the soundless sound of OM

And Krishna sleeps the sleepless sleep forever !

Jai Krishna ! Jai Krishna !

Krishna Krishna , jai jai Krishna

Jai Jai Krishna Hare Hare

 

May Krishna fill you with strength, love and resolve

 

Be yourself. Love yourself.

Love is the Way

 

AUM

narinder bhandari

--------------------------

You are great Sister Sophia. Nothing wrong with you. There is no

reason for you to feel guilty. No body takes so much care of moms as

you took. Depression is a tendency of mind. Mind changes. In your

case too it will change. Watch and enjoy in the meantime this

depression also. Now God is with you. Depression cant reach you. Who

is depressed ? Mind may be depressed, but not our Divine Sophia.

Nothing now can harm you, once you have cried before God. Just feel

jubilant. You tried to be a witness in the past. Try now , as you

have now taken shelter of God.

 

Wishing you very peaceful nice, sound sleeps and rest. Sleep well.

Remember God when awake. See how the world has been made. See how

the God , your Father, is ! Trust Him. Give Love to all and sundry.

Dont feel depressed. You are not depressed. You are tired.

 

Nisha Chatterji

 

--------------------------

Sophiaji

 

Depression ? Nothing to worry. We shall make it run , Sister. We

will not acknowledge that depression. So simple. How can daughter of

Paramatma be depressed? Is God not there? He is alive. He is there.

We all are with you. Our prayers will make both of you alright.

Please remain cheerful. Depression does not like laughter. The

moment you laugh , depression will run away. Depression. These

doctors when they do not know call it depression. In those hearts

where God has entered , where is the space for depression? A good

sleep is the medicine. When God is yours, what can make you tense or

depressed. Dont acknowledge that you are depressed. Simple!

 

Thakurlingam

-------------------------

Dear Sophia

 

Just as relatives are not yours , similarly mind , intellect, body

etc are also not yours. Experience yourself to be separate from

your mind. Depression will evaporate. When mind is not yours , what

difference does it make to you, whether it is depressed or

suppressed? Dont bother. Watch your mind as a separate entity. It

will become like a dog. Just dont pay any attention. You can do

that. Take sufficient rest now. Just dont bother about anything.

Whatever is destined will take place. Take sufficient rest. If sleep

does not come easily, then keep chanting God's name and become

happy. Wish : Let there be no sleep so that I can take God's name

more. Whatever be the case, feel cheerful. Depression has no basis

to survive. Only when you provide it a shelter or respect or

recognition that it can survive. Be optimist.

 

Shyama Chhangani

 

--------------------------

PRIOR POSTING

 

i have been DIAGNOSED NOW WITH DEPRESSION A ND CHRONIC FATIGUE

SYNDROME .. yes i am depressed, but who is depressed? i keep asking

myself these questions but meanwhile this body is exhausted and so

is the small I here in this body to be a caregiver here in the

united states is legendary with the caregivers dying now or

becoming very ill & unable to take care of their parents with

alzheimers.

 

i am going to rest today again she is in the hospital for a few

more days i rest before i take her home & i pray. i have nothing

left to give no finances anymore no physical or emotional strength

but i still do my duty & pray.

 

To ajay and all caregivers who have responded -

it seems here all have been like me the black sheep the abused one

the disrespectedoone. but the one that took the responsibility. it

is very odd. I'm sorry for all of your suffering. I think it is

a good thing we speak of our pain with this group. Mother is mother

she gave us the birth to be able to know God

We may have even chosen her in this incarnation.i know i should not

complain but God I am so tired.. so so tired. I am going to lay

down again...

 

Sophia

---------------------------

 

Hare Krishna,

I can understand a bit of the pain suffered by you, because I have

my wife (who is ill since 6 years). I am lucky that I have my son to

share the problems. Here you are alone. In my view (actually

Gita's) we should accept this fact that every thing/situation is

composed by God and we are just puppets. We are supposed to do our

duty and not to interfere with the result, just accept it. If you

too accept this fact then there will be no stress no exhaustion no

disappointments.

May God bless you and give you enough courage and energy.

Ashok Goenka

-----------------------------

" Two Yrs. back I was also trapped in almost similar situation

related to my job -I literally wept in front of Lord Jagannath for

his help , undoubtedly I got it .

He gets away all your pain depending upon intensity and sincerity of

your prayer . "

 

 

Arun Sharma

---------------------------

dear Sophia,

 

What you need is a " break " from your mother's bedside and go for a

walk in the park. Ask a friend to relieve you for an afternoon and

go- to a spa or someplace that will make you feel " pampered " !

Practice your yoga, meditation on a daily basis at home, even

while caring for your mom. All the best and know that YOU are

fortunate to serve YOUR mother. Yu have no idea just how much of

karma you burn by doing that act lovingly- this same mother was the

one who cleaned up after us so many umpteen times without a

break!

 

Love and blessings,

Meenakshi

---------------------------

 

PRIOR POSTING

 

I AM DEEPLY TOUCHED AND SITTING HERE CRYING OVER THE KINDNESS OF ALL

WHO HAVE SPOKEN HERE TO HELP ME. CRYING. DOING AS SUGGESTED CRYING

OUT TO GOD STUDYING GITA AND FOR THE PAST 2 DAYS RESTING IN BED WITH

GITA EXHAUSTED. ALONG WITH MEDITATION, YOGA , MANTRA. I HAVE BEEN

IN THERAPIES WITH DRS FOR MANY YEARS HERE. EVERY WESTERN DR. HAS

TOLD ME TO GET AWAY FROM MY MOTHER to leave her to her own

sufferings and rot. This I would not do the many many layers of

emotional pain i have dealt with over the years with very little

healing. and i have forgiven her but one day when she was abusing me

so i yelled at her & then i felt guilty. the trick is to detach to

organically understand i am not the suffering. i know that but to

organically get that , well then i would be enlightened but that

is not the case. when i lived on the streets of nyc i did not shoot

heroin or kill myself because i knew this was karma and i had to

walk a spiritual path that has never changed. but i wish not to

speak of myself anymore. i have reached out and you have all been

spiritually gracious. i hope i may serve as well to help those that

suffer including crippled nyc pigeons that some children try to

hit. there is too much sorrow in this world. i wish i could wave a

magic wand

 

I LOVE THIS

 

Living in the West you may have heard of the poem 'Dark Night of the

Soul', by St. John of the Cross. " Oh Night! more glorious than the

Rising Sun! "

 

Look! Entering into the depth of 'Darkness', it is there that you can

see the Divine Light. The dawn is coming you know, I think maybe you

might just start to see it's first glimmer.

 

Brother Vyas gave a powerful piece of advice, I will paste it in

here with respect:

'Cry before Him- only before Him. Say now take over My Lord. He

surely will. Have trust. Have belief. Thank Him any way

 

I WILL SAY THIS AS MANTRA TODAY ON JAPA MALA - " Doosara na koi " -

There is " no one else " " None Other " .

 

Sophia

--------------------------

Hari Om

 

Swamiji Ramsukhdasji Maharaj would very rarely give mantras/

formulas. But once he wrote that if you distribute sweets / candy to

poor children then the grief DEFINITELY goes !

 

I believe it is an infallible formula for quick relief in

stress/worry/anxiety levels.

 

Jai Shree Krishna

 

Vyas N B

---------------------------

Dear Sadhak

 

Surrender your self to the feet of your God and offer sincere and

prayers to him urging your personal God to relieve your mother from

all these pains and also give you confidence and love for taking

care of your mother till her death.

 

Please keep confidence in God who will find a way our of your

worries and direct you about the action you have to take

 

Truly yours

 

S S Bhatt

---------------------------

Hi anonymous,

It is extremely difficult to look after a mentallyill person and

being a carer myself i know.

the most important thing to realise is that YOUR HEALTH IS

INTRICATELY CONNECTED TO YOUR MOTHER'S WELL-BEING. That is if you are

not there or breakdown , she goes to the streets.

so

1.Plan in case you are not there because one can never say. This will

give you lot of peace. If it makes sense, just harden your heart and

place her in an old age home if you can afford.

2.so your health and happiness and longlife is important for her

also.

3. Take time for some rest and relaxation - e.g. Music go to Music

concert, films, good food EAT, bhajans sing them. Just be happy for

that you must learn to enjoy life without being GUILTY.

 

4.Normally CARERS get a mental illness called DYSTHEMIA. You are

showing early signs so get out of it.

 

captain Johann samuhanand

 

---------------------------

This situation indeed is very difficult. Am sure many of us may

have gone thru similar situation (incl me). My humble suggestion

would be that before taking any decision, we must think 10 times.

Had this position been with a child then could any mother abandon

her child although she also at times be tired and be almost in

similar position but am sure she could not abandon. Secondly,

whatever action/step we take today, we must think 10-15 yrs

henceforward - and we may not regret the step that we take now. But

we all are human and feeling exhausted and tired is also human and

very right emotion too sp. when no other sibling is there to lend a

helping hand even temporarily. I remember myself crying loudly

oblivious of surroundings in the parking lot of hospital. Crying

out to God for his help and mercy. I do not know was it due to

stress, helplessness, anguish, unable to see my Mom suffering, out

of exhaustion, desperation, as I am also suffering from 3 major

diseases myself.

 

Pls seek temporary helping hand may it be physical / financial -

wherever it may come from, relax, take good care of yourself first

and then think about taking care of your Mom.

 

Wish you good health and peace.

 

Warm regards and lots of love to you who has stood by her Mom for so

many years which itself is commendable, when people can barely take

this for couple of months.

 

Mrs K Asani

 

---------------------------

Dear Sophia,

Your situation reminds me of my own. I am second number child of my

parents, the elder sister was married when I was only in tenth

standard. I completed my studies ( engineering) by tuitions

supporting my family. My younger brother who is 3 years younger to

me was adorned by my parents too much and always being treated with

much more love and affections as a result he became acute mental

patient for last 20 years. My parents always discarded me and my

wife, abused us inspite of living dependently with me on my income.

My mother used to support my sister family all along her life. She

was dominating and never even shown any affection to me, my wife or

my two kids. My brother was married but was divorced due to his

mental problem, so my wife was the only daughter in law of my mother.

In 2002 my father's both kidneys failed and after a prolong and

costly treatment of two years he survived. Myself and my wife alone

spent our day and night, borne all the expenses and he is still

survving and is a healthy person ( except that he cannot see

clearly). My mother never visited him in hospital and used to abuse

us as why we are getting him the treatment. My sister who is married

to a very top doctor never bothered to take any interest in the

treatment or support us, my brother as a mental patinet is totally

dependent on me.

Last year my mother met an accident in January 08 and she was

operated and inserted steel rod and was bed ridden for almost nine

months before she finally left for heavenly abode in Sept. Me and my

wife only took care for her during this period. My sister who lives

very near never bothered to provide any help or assistance but

ensured abusing us all the time on some or other pretext by finding

fault in the treatement given to her which I ensured in the best

hospitals in Jaipur. It was hell for us getting abused for the

responsibilty for treatment to parents by themselves and also my

sister. But we never lost our patience. My brother is on mental

treatment, needs daily medicines otherwise becomes extreme vilolent

and my wife used to give him also medicines, handle my mother

treatment who was bed ridden for nine months and also take care of

my father who is also now 80 years.

My kids some time ask me why amma, dada and bua are so cruel to you

are you their step son ? and why so are taking so much care of them?

Our neighbours were amused by our patience and handling of the

situation and always praised us, so were all our distance relatives

who used to come to meet my mother.

I run my own business and have to travel abroad frequnetly.I lost

lot of money in business during that period as I was badly stressed

all the time.

After my mother expired my sister abusued us publically that I

killed my mother but everyone knew the truth, so she herself got

a bad name.

I can visualise your situation , but I can only say time will pass

and these are the tough situations which as a human being any one

can come across so need to have a patience, and only thing in our

control is our work and discharge of duties earnestly.

 

I know every situation is unique but my own case will surely give

you some solace and strenght to bear the pain.

 

Ajay Gupta

------------------------------

 

PRIOR POSTING

 

Hello The Universal Individual (Trust me! there can be hardly

anybody who have not felt like you at one time or the other!!),

 

The complaint raises from the violation of one's core limits as well

as limitations - natural, psychological, physiological, financial,

social as well as spiritual - leading to exhaustion and distress. It

is essential to appreciate one's limits as well as limitations to

break them open for an expansive horizon. Also, I can assure, from

my experience, that one cannot attempt this while being bound within

a state of violent distress. One has to releive oneself from the

distress to clarify one's appreciation of the whole situation.

 

I do not know the individual limits and limitations here except for

the lack of support from the relatives (which is not surprising).

However, I urge you to seek professional help for yourself as well

as for your mother contacting appropriate agencies. Bhagavadgita and

the spiritual talk appeals ONLY IF you are ready for facing The

Truth stark naked. At this point, you may mentally not be ready to

face the same as your inner turmoil is churning your presence away

from any such possible appreciation. You have to releive your system

to relax before appreciating the depth of spirituality.

 

Therefore, seek some physical help from whichever source that is

congenial ... If it helps ... I learnt a lot by observing the

saintly nurses who were taking care of my father when he was

critically ill once ... pure service, so impersonal, and yet so

compassionate ... if we could be like that in spite of having

emotional relations ... it would be the best. It is easy to

preach ... therefore, let me restrain myself from that ... yet, if

possible, try it out along with all other possible psycho-physio-

medical help as well as financial aid that you could possibly

extract from yourself as well as from your environment.

 

One thing is for sure ... if you are not at peace within, you can

not comfort anybody else no matter what your understanding/

determination/ intention is. Also, if you break down, your mother

will have nobody to care of her ... think of that as well.

Therefore, my suggestion is to gather all your strength to establish

your integrity within first ... relax for that ... relax within as

much as possible in spite of the gruelling environmental demands ...

relax within in spite of the personal anguish and physical

exhaustion ...

 

Take it as an opportunity to appreciate how your relaxation is, in

fact, independent of all the relations in this life; to realize its

true transcendental nature as such ... if possible ... as much as

possible ... relax please ...

 

Best Wishes.

 

Naga Narayana

 

-----------------------------

 

-Shree Hari-

 

Dear Sophia,

 

To be apparently all alone in this situation is an added burden,

let me put you in the picture right now , my beloved wife is talking

to her sister, my wife and I have spent the afternoon with her

mother, and consultants. She needs to talk to lighten her load.

 

There was a time long passed, that I, it seems was the most hated

person on planet earth in my in laws eyes. The hatred was so intense,

that I actually started to stutter, I swear to all I never knew that

one could hate so much, I don't think I ever hated.

 

What a destructive force is hatred? And how indestructible is 'Divine

Love'. Some people will never abandon any needy, it is their very

nature to care.

 

Karma, yes indeed, I have watched the unfolding over the years, never

voiced it, just observed. My in laws watched helplessly, as the other

son in law died a slow and painful death, (we got on well, he and I).

Then my mother in law was widowed.

 

Old 'Black Sheep' moved interstate, to the same town in which my

mother in law lived.

It is I who picked her off the floor when she had a fall, who pushed

her around shopping centers, fixed things, etc.

Now I am a shining light in her eyes, " God must have brought you her

for a reason " , she has often said. She's got that right, but 'The

Divine Beloved', did it not just for her, but also for me, God who I

love so much, has exposed me to so much, helping my stony heart to

break.

 

Living in the West you may have heard of the poem 'Dark Night of the

Soul', by St. John of the Cross. " Oh Night! more glorious than the

Rising Sun! "

 

Look! Entering into the depth of 'Darkness', it is there that you can

see the Divine Light. The dawn is coming you know, I think maybe you

might just start to see it's first glimmer.

 

Brother Vyas gave a powerful piece of advice, I will paste it in

here with respect:

'Cry before Him- only before Him. Say now take over My Lord. He

surely will. Have trust. Have belief. Thank Him any way !'

 

Every one is different, but try this if you wish; go to a place where

none can hear you, ask out loud for GOD to help you, from your soul

cry out like a child who is lost and is looking for Mother or Father,

place no restriction call to Him as child, go where it takes you.

 

B.G. 7

At the end of his many births

The wise man takes refuge in Me.

He knows: " All is Vasudeva.3 "

How very rare is that great soul! (19)

 

With Respect and Divine Love,

 

Mike (Keenor).

------------------------------

 

Hari Om

 

Sadhak Sophia ! Real Sadhak you are !! This group is privileged to

have you as one of us. Please keep the divinity in you prospering.

 

Remove now old memories of ill treatment. It is necessary Dear

Sister for removal of pains. Could they have come to you without

divine will? Is it not now a real " experiential knowledge " for you

that " Nothing is mine " ( Doosara na Koi ) ?

You in fact paid a very little cost of " knowing " that precious

priceless knowledge.

 

What is needed now once " doosara na koi " is part of your direct

experience ? In fact - Mere to Girdhar Gopal (Only God is

mine ) !!! Once God is yours and no one else- why worry? Why

exhaustion? Why weariness? Why that subtle insistence on recovery of

Mom? As you are of God, is she not? What can you do , except doing

your duty? AND THAT YOU HAVE DONE and ARE DOING !

 

It is a law that duty doesnot generate sorrows. But you are not

feeling well. Where is the clue/ fault? Fault is linking duty with

old memories ! Check with your conscience, are you not reliving

those days? Are you not keeping the wounds green? Let them heal now!

This is final frontier which you should cross now . Forgive and

forget the past. Don't insist for any favourable or unfavourable

happennings in life. Past does not exist Dear Sister !

Nor does future exist now? Why worry then?

 

I am sure once you shed this insistence over the results of your

otherwise divine performance of duties, peace, much awaited peace

will generate in abundance in you.

 

Try it and keep in touch. Do take interest in other Qs also. That,

in itself, will make you happy and peaceful. " Sharing " reduces pain

and increases pleasure ! Isn't it?

 

May Paramatma bless you !

 

Jai Shree Krishna

 

Vyas N B

-----------------------------

I have been undergoing a similar situation for years. I can

empathise with you. Stressful days and even worst nights. not been

on a holiday for the last 15 years. Used to crib many years back,

then went deeper into astrology which perhaps if nothing else I

learnt to bear with this as my karmic destiny.

 

I remember my father used to say, " if God chooses to give me old

age I pray to him to give me good children " The full impact of this

sentence came in much later. But strive thru it all to remember that

perhaps of all the persons in our family we are the chosen ones. I

feel there are no options regarding caring for parents. We have to

do it. On bad days just tell yourself you are getting there full

blessings. And these special blessings can turn any negativity in a

patri to the most blessed and enriched life.

 

I am sure nobody on this forum or any other can refute this. You are

truly blessed believe me. Turn this into an oppurtunity rather than

a crisis. With you .

Take care.

Vats (Pradeep Sahai)

--------------------------

Jai Hanuman

 

Dear Sophiaji ! Thanks for sharing with us the voice of your soul. I

give a

small example to you to ponder.

 

You kept a nurse for taking care of your child. You pay her and she

takes care

of the child like you, yourself take care. One day there is some

disruption in

relationship/money/etc. You ask her to go . How easily she leaves

the affection

of that child? Will she look back? Will she enquire about the

child ? No !

 

Be like that. Do your duty and forget. Nothing is ours. Only

Paramatma is ours.

Serve fearlessly. If you get disrespect/ abuses in return , then

consider

yourself to be lucky. Results of your service are not getting

frittered away in

petty respects/praises/acknowledgements ! Higher results are in

store for you.

 

My Mom in law, 75, often says- Let Rupee remain Rupee ! (Don't seek

any

reciprocation for your good deeds, you are reducing the value of a

rupee to few

paise only, because you expect immediate result).

 

In your case, Dear Sophiaji - the Rupee is increasing in value with

every

disrespect, every abuse, every spit on the face ! Believe me on

this ! Let it

increase. Wish now that you don't need respect

honor/respect/acknowledgement .

Leave for ever " desire for happiness " . Immediately / Instantly

pains will

vanish.

 

You used the word " karmic " in your last post. Now if we look at Law

of Karma,

you will find that in your case the Divine is working with double

speed. On one

hand you are doing selfless duty and thus accumulating " assets " . On

other hand

with every abuse/disrespect/spit on the face your " liabilities " are

simultaneously getting wiped out- without any effort at your end !

By Divine

Will !

 

Tell me now honestly, do you want respect/praise etc in return for

your " duty " ?

With double speed , Sophiaji, Law of Karma is functioning in your

favour. Think

about it ! Tell me how I am wrong ? Do tell me or else become happy.

Become

peaceful. Become grateful to Paramatma ! He only is ours. Other than

Him there

is only " duty " !

 

Namaste Jee

 

Jee Jee

Shashikala

---------------------------

Sophia-ji you are on the right path. If you can sacrifice your

interest in favor

of birds and animals, you can sacrifice, only to the extent possible

and

bearable, for your Mother - not merely because she is your mother

but because

she is as much a manifestation of God as you or anyone else are/ is.

God,

genetics and previous experiences have giving you the propensity and

strength to

sacrifice for others, even if they do not tolerate you or behave

badly with you.

You are fortunate to have such properties. And, the current

experience in

dealing with the ailing, stuborn and unloving mother will enhance

your

capability to endure and love anyone and help anyone who needs. Pray

to God. You

are doing what He desires. He will give you the strength and lead

you to more

important, interesting experiences and knowledge. He will take care

of your

physical and mental health or change your duty. Submit to him and

pray to him

with the joy of doing what he has ordained for you.

Read Gita again and again. But only those portions on the concept of

God and

what the wise persons do.

Basudeb Sen

-----------------------------

Dear Annonimous,

 

The Nature has made all the life forms self-sufficient. Each one has

to face their own fate all alone. You know it very well, whosoever is

born, has to die one day. The ways of death are different for

different persons. so be brave...

 

G. Waman

 

 

---------------------------

PRIOR POSTING

 

 

 

I KINDLY THANK EVERY SOUL THAT HAS TAKEN THEIR TIME TO SPEAK WORDS

OF INSIGHT AND KINDNESS. I am in nyc and have reache d out over

the years to the caregiver s groups, alzheimers org and such.

I gave up my career as actress and opera singer and left hollywood

over 5 yrs ago to alone take care of a very abusive ill mother.I am

longtime sadhak, vegan , meditator a & practice yoga. the intensity

daily stress has broken me i am now ill myself. as of friday night

mothe r is back in the hospital.perhaps she will listen to the drs.

only God know. she also knows I can no longer take care of her the

way i have my strength is gone and now i am under drs. care.

i will bring Gita to hospital and read every day, continue to pray

and ask my self the query

who is sick and who am i ? i know i am not my body i know mother

is not mine. but the continuous activity of the daily taking care

of is done in this body which is now worn out I will follow all

suggestions kindly spoken of by spiritual friends here.

Karmically i think, it is interesting to note my mother threw me out

on the streets in the dead of winter with no winter coat or money

at age 17.5 (nyc streets). I was never allowed home again even when

i called terrified at 3 am in the snow sleeping outside.

i was abandoned by both mother and father in this life and

brother. i chose not to abandon my mother. i dont abandon birds

and animals i wouldnt abandon mother. my brother whom my mother

worships, and whom took care of my brother who is very wealthy

abandoned my mother years ago & has taken no responsibility or

offered any help of any kind.

she still cries for him while im trying to care for her knowing he

hates her & i shut up. i try i really try to do the right thing

i try and have tried to detach and be witness. it is very

difficult when getting screamed at and spit at within 1 inch of your

face while you a re trying to care physically care for a parent

who abused you growing up and , well, yes i see the only only

solution is deeply spiritual . i do i will go pray now and read

gita again i wish to thank everyone.

moksha

 

sophia

nyc

moskha

 

-------------------------------

Namaskaar.

 

After several years in the United States I returned to Trinidad to

take care of my mother. I have several sisters who do all they can

to help her but as a son to my dear mother, with whom I have a

special bond, I could not resist when Mataji asked me over the

phone, several times: when are you coming home? After about two

weeks of those questions it suddenly dawned on me that Mataji really

wanted me to come back, and as a true son I had an obligation to do

so. I packed my bags, bid goodbye to all, and returned home.

 

It wasn't an easy decision but I had to come home to her and I thank

Bhagavan for giving me the courage and determination to leave that

life and come home to her. Mata ji is 81, paralyzed and unable to

walk, and my sisters and I do all we can to make her comfortable

even though sometimes she can be difficult. But we know this is not

deliberate as it is symptomatic of old age and senility.

 

It can be tiring and difficult and it takes a lot from us and for me

it has been a sacrifice of much of my personal life but every day I

thank Bhagavan for giving me the opportunity and the honour to help

her and be there with her. Sometime Mataji forgets we are there with

her and when I enter her room she pleads with me 'not to leave her.'

I assure her I will never leave her and I will there for her as long

I am alive.

 

Yes, it consumes mental and physical energy, there are costs

nvolved, but I encourage everyone to take care of parents and elders

no matter how burdensome you may think it is and how much energy and

resources are necessary. Try as hard as you can to take care of

them at home rather than in a Senior citizens' home. I know for

sure that the day my Mataji goes into one of those places she will

not survive for more than a week so sending her there is like a

death sentence.

 

As Hindus, we have a long and glorious tradition of our extended

family and caring for all at our homes. Let us strive to maintain

that treasured custom, even in this hectic and tiring world. It is

most fulfilling to serve parents and elders as it is one of the

most exalted characteristics of Sanatan Dharma.

You should not ignore parents and elders - they are our Gods on

earth and if you can't honour and pray to them then it is

meaningless and even hypocritical to pray to Bhagavan.

 

Hari Om

 

Deosaran Bisnath

---------------------------

Shree Hari

Ram Ram

 

My heart aches on reading your email... and deep within long to

reach out ...I am certain many other sadhaks emotionally can

experience what you are going through simply from your note. But

remain ever in that LIGHT that you speak off... never turn away from

it. It is His eternal promise to us... in Gita 9:22 that He will

take care of us !

 

Key is detachment and only doing to the best of your ability what

you can do and forgetting the past or the future. Think of yourself

as a Nurse hired by the divine Light, the Source. You are only

hired to do this work, rather the chosen One, you are merely taking

care of her to the best of your ability and nothing more.

Absolutely nothing more. Live moment to moment guided by the

Light... Not thinking about what will happen or what has happened in

the past... but living only in the present, in that Light that you

speak off in your note and guided by That and That alone. If you

feel exhausted, sleep and rest it out. Do not take the entire burden

on your head.

 

Swamiji often speaks of a wonderful example of a dog who is walking

under a bullock cart filled with heavy goods. He is walking there

only for protection against the heat of the sun (i.e. for shade).

However, after sometime, the dog begins to feel he is the one that

is carrying the burden / weight of the entire cart and all the stuff

on it. We all are like that dog. We begin to carry all the weight

on our shoulder. Krishna clearly showed us with the Govardhan

mountain...that HE ALONE is the One holding up the mountain with the

tip of his tiny finger... that it is He and we are merely

instruments and basking in His glory... nothing more!!!! Therefore

do the best you can... if you miss a day of care, a nurse or someone

at the hospital will fill the gap.

 

As Vyasji and other sadhaks have said... be fearless, worriless,

doubtless, griefless.... without regreting the past or concern about

the future.. only doing what you are able to do... and leaving the

rest up to the Divine, the Beloved, the Light.. .the Spirit...

And as Mike said, you definitely have direct support from this group

therefore be strong. It is not an ordinary thing that you have

started receiving these messages and reading them... and seeking out

help from this group. You have done your part... let the rest

flow!!!! May That Divine Light Always be with you!

 

Meera Das

Ram Ram

 

---------------------------

PRIOR POSTING

 

Hari Om

 

You have every right to be peaceful. " Duty " - is what you CAN and

what you SHOULD. Once you have done what ever you could, there is no

need for you to feel guilty when you CAN NOT anymore. What you can

not do, it is not your duty to do.

Hence be brave, be guiltfree, and see God's hand in every result.

See God live in your Mom, in your mind, in your circumstances - and

for once with a simple heart surrender yourself completely into the

hands of Paramatma. Once you surrender, thereafter you should not

worry.

 

Stand erect. Be peaceful by realising that you did your level best.

Don't look at all at the conduct of " relatives " ! They are made like

that only. They were not " yours " , they are not " yours " , they will

not be " yours " - there is no possibility of their ever

being " yours " . Yours is only Paramatma ! Once you accept " mineness "

with Him (He is always yours) , it would not matter to you, if

anybody is " yours " or not. GUARANTEED !! Remain Doubtless.

Worryless. Griefless. Fearless.

 

Cry before Him- only before Him. Say now take over My Lord. He

surely will. Have trust. Have belief. Thank Him any way !

 

Jai Shree Krishna

 

Vyas N B

 

-Shree Hari-

 

Dear Anonymous,

 

My wife and I are in a very similar position to you, almost a

reflection of that which you have written.

My role in all this is to mainly support my wife.

 

May I point out the family members have washed their hands of much

more than caring for mother.

Surely if they find themselves incapable of helping her directly can

they not at least support you?

 

You have done something very important, you have contacted this site

with so much divine love and wisdom.

 

I feel that you need direct support, as I have no idea where you live

I cannot offer much, here in Australia there are support groups,

religious and none religious.

 

You do not have to remain anonymous, but if you wish to fine.

 

Do come back to this site, I personally promise you I will always

reply and support you to best of my abilities.

 

You may find this site of value, I cannot recommend it too much.

http://swamiramsukhdasji.net

 

May God bless you.

 

With Respect and Divine Love,

 

Mike (Keenor).

--------------------------------

 

Priy Anonimous

I say you are choosen by god to serve your mother.

It comes rarely occassion that U get such chance.

Whatever the situation please do all servings on the basis of

Almighty lord.

God is seeing every moment. He knows better than all of us.

In MANAS:

PRABHU BHANJIHI DARUN BIPATI, JAANAT JAN KI PIR.

God will take care coz he knows all ur pains.

Have faith. please.

Raja Gurdasani

--------------------------------

Namasthe anonymous, I read your message and I guess I understand

what you must be going through. do not worry much. God is there and

everything will be fine too. I just was wondering..where do you

live ? in which country ?

Please try to find the local support groups regarding these

alzeimers' illness. I guess, u are handling this all on ur own and

it would definitely get exhausting. Please find some of the members

who are going thro similar situations via support groups.

 

also, when u mention about exhausting financial resources..how is it

happening ? is it possible if some nurse or anyone can take care of

her 2 to 3 days a week and during that time..u can do other things

and you take care 2 to 3 days..so that you will also get a break

from the routine and get refreshed also.

 

Also, please think about this. in case if u are caring of ur any

family member..the other type of exhaustion we all may feel worried

thinking that it is our family member. Rather than that, if

possible, just try to think that whatever situation we are in

either by choice or circumstance, think its God's work and do it. In

the respect, although u may get physically exhausted, atleast the

exhaustion will not be much from the emotional perspective. once

the mental energy is not drained, you can be calm in every day's

action u do.

 

Please be strong and I am sure everything will be fine. Do not

thnk..its ur mother..just think that it is God's work whatever u are

doing to ur mother. Definitely, please check on the support

groups/non-profit organizations..they will definitely be there to

help the people who are taking care of the people with illness.

 

My prayers and good wishes and so u feel peac in ur heart even in

the midst of all these.

 

namsthe again,

Bharathi

----------------------------

Consider yourself as Arjuna in the battlefied of Kurukshetra, where

in the midst of the war between mother' illness including her

stubborn rejection of all help and your own physical and mental

resources, you are completely dejected and despondent. This is the

reality of the situation you cannot bear. Reading Gita is your Lord

Krishna: read this and identify the Truth. You are not responsible

for anything, you are not the cause of anything. You have done what

you have been doing and continue to be doing. But your actions do

not cause the consequences that you desire and you do not desire.

Whatever happens to Mother is destined to happen and you are neither

the cause nor the one responsible for. You are just an witness to

all happening.

You are only to act as per the propensities/ tendencies that have

been imparted in you by your genetics and past interactions/

experiences with the environment you have grown up. This you have no

alternative but to accept the pains and sufferings.

Get out of identification with this You. This you is just an

illusion that this you will have to live. But the Real You are the

God. Read Gita again and again to realize your Real You and get

beyond the chained you attached to the happenings of this World

around you. Pray and pray to God that He lifts you to the Real You.

Know that when you try in this way to get into your Real you, your

apparent worldy you will have no suffering at all.

All above are words and really cannot help you. Sincere and

continuous prayer and submission to God as you read Gita can only

help you.

Basudeb Sen

------------------------

Yes, on a physical level it is all very difficult to understand and

cope up with.

But these things do happen with many families and part of our

worldly existence.

 

What helps us in these and all other situations is the spiritual

wisdom/rules of our lives,

knowing ourselves, doing things by remaining at the source......

It may appear difficult but with some practice, one start getting

the results....

So please read the messages on this group and get into the spiritual

mode....

 

Humble suggestions:

 

1) You have to understand who you are. So, ask yourself " Who am I? "

and wait for the answer.

Then try again...see what happens....what happens to the

feelings...the stress....Keep this practice

on whenever you can and find time or even while doing something....

 

2) Second question that may burst many myths is to understand who is

getting exhausted and

who is stressed....So ask your self " Who is getting exhausted " , " Who

is getting stressed "

and again wait for the answer........

 

Our mind/ Mann is a wonderful instrument and able to create things

out of nothing.....and we

slowly become slaves of thoughts and further thoughts....The above

questions help you to get rid of the

these absolutely unnecessary and unwanted thoughts. Once that begin

to happen, you can see the

light which shall direct you to do what needs to be done happily and

without much effort....

 

Best wishes....

Sushil Jain

 

-------------------------

Hi ,

 

God is only testing you, do your work and manage to distance

yourself from now or you will be heart broken when the time comes to

say good bye, god willing.

 

Pray more and carry on with your work, you have done your duty and

this is all you can do. You are answerable to only The Almighty, so

go about your work and pray when you find the time to do so.

 

All the best till you feel good.

 

BARBARA ALI

-------------------------

Dear Sadhak,

Under the circumstances of your mother please do not lose confidence

in your sincere caring of your mother who has given birth to you.If

you are tired then ask other members of your family to take care of

her If you have money please put her in a nursing home or any such

place where her care is properly taken

Matru devo Bhava " is a great obligation as narrated in Upnishad.

 

For her salvation please start reading one chapter of Bhagavat Gita

or the whole Gita on Sunday or any important day. Keep some chanting

program at your place for finding a solution and relief to both of

you. Have faith in God and a solutions will come within six months

of your resolution to seek peace in your family.

 

Truly yours

Shankerprasad S Bhatt

-------------------------------

Dear anonymous....

My heart truly goes out to you.....unless one has been in a

similar situation, it is impossible to understand the level of

stress that you are experiencing. I am presently caring for an 84

yr. old mataji, whose son passed away from cancer last November.

(2008). He was only 54. She has one other son, but he is not

vegetarian, so she does not wish to live with him, nor does she wish

to relocate away from the devotional community she has grown used to

in Los Angeles. I promised her son, who was not related to me, that

I would care for his mother. But I have my husband to help me. I

am constantly on the lookout for individuals from my temple who can

spare time and energy to stay with this sweet, elderly lady,

otherwise I take her everywhere with me, because to leave her alone

is quite scary...both for her, as she sits alone and doesn't move,

and for me, because I am so worried about her when she is alone!

And she doesn't even have alzheimer's, or anything like that. Just

incontinence, which of course brings a load of social

pressures......and she screams about having to take a shower. It

is certainly a demanding service....one which the Supreme Lord will

bless you millions of times over for executing so faithfully for so

long......may you always be guided by the Lord in your heart to know

how to continue pleasing Him.

respectfully, Mahalaksmi Dasi

------------------------------

Arvind Khetia, engineer and a Hindu:

Discouragement and hopelessness can arise due to many reasons.

Spiritual wisdom is essential to cultivating a balanced mind. Then,

one recognizes the negative influence of ego, greed and excessive

material pleasures on one's mind and society. Consequently, one

learns to cultivate self-control, discriminate between what is

eternal and transient, practice equanimity and follow one's dharma.

Dharma requires one to perform the duties of life in accordance with

universal ethical values.

 

Therefore, one's faith must be founded on spiritual reality to help

combat discouragement and hopelessness. The Bhagavad-Gita

states, " When spiritual wisdom is the highest goal, one's faith is

deep and senses restrained, then one attains wisdom and acquires

perfect peace. "

 

According to Vedanta, true faith begins with having faith in

ourselves. Then, through practicing the spiritual disciplines of

meditation and yoga, one achieves a transformation of one's

character. Thus, one's faith evolves into the realization of one's

inner spiritual nature and manifests as enlightened optimism.

 

Arvind Khetia

--------------------------

Dear Exhausted ,

 

The True answer must come from your ' inside ', from inside you.

No-one from outside can give you the correct answer for you, in your

particular situation

 

Meditation will lead you to your inner being .

Meditation is the only Way.....................

Sit for formal meditation , morning and evening, half an hour .

 

BUT..................

 

When meditation does not ' happen', especially in the beginning(

your mind does not move into it so easily), and Karma ( sewa) is

also so exhausting and stressful, ' prayer and satsanga' is the

answer ..........

 

A Prayer to God ( Krishna, Rama,Shiva, Allah, Waheguru ) for

strength and wisdom, whenever the mind falls ... Being at the feet

of a master can do wonders !

 

narinder bhandari

-------------------------------

 

 

SUMMARY OF SADHAK POSTINGS -

 

- Many good advices do not work... Only Bagavan can help, like in

the case of Drowpati being disrobed. Why attachment even in mind

level?

 

 

- complaint raises from the violation of one's core limits as well

as limitations - natural, psychological, physiological, financial,

social as well as spiritual - leading to exhaustion and distress.

- you are on the right path.

- You have already experienced " nothing is mine, " ... now the next

step... " only God is mine " . Why subtle insistence on recovery

etc., What can you do , except doing your duty? AND THAT YOU HAVE

DONE and ARE DOING ! Fault is linking duty with old memories ! Fault

is in re-living the past! which does not exist! Forgive and forget!

on shedding the insistence, peace will prevail.

- if you are not at peace within, you can not comfort anybody else

no matter

what your understanding/determination/ intention is.

- What a destructive force is hatred? And how indestructible

is 'Divine Love'. Some people will never abandon any needy, it is

their very nature to care.

- Do your duty and forget. Nothing is ours.

- think 10 times before taking any decision, so that there be no

regrets.

- you can sacrifice, only to the extent possible and bearable, for

your Mother -

not merely because she is your mother but because she is as much a

manifestation of God

- do work deligently and discharge of duties earnestly

- Nurse - pure service, so impersonal, and yet so compassionate ...

if we could be like that in spite of having emotional relations

- we are the chosen ones. there are no options regarding caring for

parents. We have to do it.

- as far as possible keep them (elders) at home.

- distribute sweets / candy to poor children then the grief

DEFINITELY goes !

- You only receiving suffering to the extent that you can handle.

- Don't seek any reciprocation for your good deeds

- Being Peaceful is your birth right! What you can not do, it is

not your duty! be guiltfree. See God in Mom, and take complete

refuge in the Divine (God); accept only Him as yours; thereafter do

not worry! Remain Doubtless. Worryless. Griefless. Fearless.

- you are choosen by god to serve your mother; a rare opportunity!

Serve as if serving Almighty! He knows what is best! He knows ur pain

- My heart truly goes out to you.....it is certainly a demanding

service. may you always be guided by the Lord in your heart to know

how to continue pleasing Him.

- YOUR HEALTH IS INTRICATELY CONNECTED TO YOUR MOTHER'S WELL-BEING.

- you are being tested; You have done your duty! continue working

but becoming detached. Pray. You are only answerable to God.

- Karma Favoring you - On one hand you are doing selfless duty and

thus accumulating " assets " . On other hand with every

abuse/disrespect/spit on the face your " liabilities " are

simultaneously getting wiped out-

without any effort at your end ! Become grateful to Paramatma ! He

only is ours. Other than Him there is only " duty " !

- you need a break, some relief. DO yoga/meditate regularly.

- Whatever happens to Mother is destined to happen and you are

neither the cause nor the one responsible for. Stop identification

with Body/Mind and identify with the Truth of the Gita. Read Gita

again and again! prayer and submission to God/Gita can only help you.

- Leave for ever " desire for happiness " . Immediately / Instantly

pains will vanish.

- Have tremendous trust in God doing just what is right. " this

shall pass too " .

- Write your prayer on a piece of paper. acknowledging you cannot

resolve this problem alone, seek help! place at His feet and become

worriless.

- we are just puppets. We are supposed to do our duty and not to

interfere with the result, just accept it. If you too accept this

fact then there will be no stress, no exhaustion, no disappointments.

- Spiritual wisdom is essential to cultivating a balanced mind.

True faith begins with having faith in ourselves.

- Question over and over again.. who am I? who is getting

exhausted? Who is getting stressed? and wait for the answer! Mind

creates things out of nothing! The above questions help you to get

rid of the unnecessary thoughts. thereafter light shall direct you

to do what needs to be done happily and without much effort

- Meditate and Pray... at lotus feet of Lord

- Pray to God. You are doing what He desires. He will give you the

strength and

lead you to more important, interesting experiences and knowledge

- Do not lose confidence. Seek Help! Read Gita! Have Faith in God

and solution will come.

- Read Gita again and again. But only those portions on the concept

of God and what the wise persons do.

- Take time out for personal rest and relaxation. Avoid getting the

carer disease...DYSTHEMIA

- you are getting their full blessings. And these special blessings

can turn any negativity in a patri to the most blessed and enriched

life. You are truly blessed believe me. Turn this into an

oppurtunity rather than a crisis.

- created a small sanctuary in my house where I hide to be with God

- You need direct support! Are there support groups / others?

Don't hesitated to rely on sadhaks in this forum. They are

personally committed to support.

- Please seek out a local support group! Possibly a break, through

hired nurse help, so can get some rest!

- Think of yourself as a Nurse only... taking care of her for short

time... not thinking of past or future. Live in present, guided by

the light.

- remember every day that I am Gods Only and no one else is mine.

Rest in Paramaatma as taking care of your self.

- think its God's work you are doing for your mother and do it!

There will be less emotional exhaustion, therefore you'll be calm

even though physical strain.

- The Nature has made all the life forms self-sufficient. Each one

has to face their own fate all alone. Whosoever is born, has to die

one day. so be brave...

- wrting three pages to God daily, first thing in the morning

- Please keep confidence in God who will find a way our of your

worries and direct you about the action you have to take

- Please be strong and all will be fine!

- relax please ...

- every day I thank Bhagavan for giving me the opportunity and the

honour to help her and be there with her

- keep confidence in God who will find a way our of your worries and

direct you about the action you have to take

- Let us strive to maintain that treasured custom, even in this

hectic and tiring world. It is most fulfilling to serve parents and

elders as it is one of the most exalted characteristics of Sanatan

Dharma.

- Entering into the depth of 'Darkness', it is there that you can

see the Divine Light.

- 'Cry before Him- only before Him. Say now take over My Lord. He

surely will. Have trust. Have belief. Thank Him any way !'

- cry out like a child who is lost and is looking for Mother or

Father, place no restriction call to Him as child, go where it takes

you - He gets away all your pain depending upon intensity and

sincerity of your prayer

- We can never repay the debt of mother's milk; therefore do not

shrink from your duty to serve your mother in her hour of need

- Life is what it has to be and NOT what you wish it to be.

ACCEPTANCE is key. rendering to your Mother is the service to God.

- Depression is tendency of mind to travel excessively into

NOTHINGNESS and into pessimism! Simply disown the mind emotionally.

When any worldly thought comes into mind – IGNORE. Neither like it

nor dislike it ! Just be indifferent, UDAASIN. Neither past nor

future exists NOW ! A thing which does not exist, why to worry about

the same? convert this DUKHALAYAM into VASUDEVAH SARVAM. A learned

persons tolerates this tax by wisdom, while a fool tolerates this by

regretting/ crying.) Hence be brave. One who has given beak to you,

will give food also ! Simply DON'T WORRY !!! NEVER NEVER WORRY

HENCE FORTH.

- Gita ends with advice of Lord Krishna : Ma Suchah - PLEASE DO NOT

WORRY !

- One stroke of will power .... just one ..... to Understand that

you are seeking freedom from pain, not just a relief for a short

duration ! And , only the self can help. Be yourself. Love

yourself. Love is the Way

- How can daughter of Paramatma be depressed? Is God not there? He

is alive. He is there. We all are with you. Our prayers will make

both of you alright. Please remain cheerful. Depression does not

like laughter. The moment you laugh , depression will run away.

- No tears please. Angels dont weep !

- Just dont bother about anything. Whatever is destined will take

place. Take sufficient rest. If sleep does not come easily, then

keep chanting God's name

- Day is over! ( Sorrow is gone) . Now have a nice sleep ! (Be

peaceful) !

 

- Pet a cow in a " Gaushala " ( place where there are cows). Take your

mom there with you. By caressing the body of cows is capable of

curing even incurable diseases.

 

- Mind may be depressed, but not our Divine Sophia. Nothing now can

harm you, once you have cried before God. Just feel jubilant.

- Be a witness to all happenings

- Do no encourage the depression by giving it importance..shoo is

away. think of those in worst of situations (Africa, all that

poverty and suffering); healing and spiritually cannot be separated;

- God wants you be His Happy child

-------------------------

My mother is once again hospitalized… im sorry im exhausted and

very stressed. After five years of taking care of her entirely on

my own, as other family members have washed their hands off, I feel

completely exhausted. She is also a alzheimers patient exhibiting

all behaviour related to this deadly disease. She continues to be

extremely stubborn in receiving any kind of help which is continuing

to exhaust and drain all her financial resources.

 

Caring for her for so long, I feel like I will have a stroke or a

heart attack. There have been many incidents where I have been

completely freaked out, totally drained of all energy. This extreme

physical and mental exhaustion has reached a point where I can

barely make it off the bed, with my eyes swollen from exhaustion.

 

I read the words in your daily posting and though i know they are

true, they mean nothing in my serious state of exhaustion. I can

no longer care for my mother and have told her doctors so and they

know and agree. Knowing that I still feel responsible, but at the

same time, feel completely unable to deal with the situation.

There appears to be no Light in sight! How do I connect to this

Light? I seek any guidance you can offer to be free of suffering

and to be at Peace!

 

May all souls cross over the horrid ocean of suffering

including me.

 

Sophia

 

 

--------------------------

 

GITA TALK GROUP GUIDELINES: PLEASE -

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2. Quote Gitaji/scriptures wherever possible..

3. Limit personal feelings, opinions, beliefs etc. to the

extent that they further help in understanding the Gita shlokas

4. Be as concise, to the point, respecting sadhaka's time.

5. Focus on subject at hand only.

6. Do not include links to the other sites.

7. Do not include your personal information (Ph #, address etc).

8. Do not personalize message

9. All responses may not be posted.

10. Moderator at his discretion, may modify the posting.

11. Take into consideration the novices, youth, westerners, non-

sectarian audience. i.e. limit the use to Sanskrit words only.

Provide English word bracketed.

 

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Ram Ram

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Shree Hari Ram Ram

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QUESTION SUMMARIZED (Details at end of posting)My mother is once again hospitalized… im sorry im exhausted andvery stressed. After five years of taking care of her entirely onmy own, I feel totally drained of all energy and extremephysical and mental exhaustion to the point where I canbarely make it off the bed. There appears to be no Light in sight! Iam also now diagnosed as severely depressed. How do I connect tothis Light? I seek any guidance you can offer to be free ofsuffering and to be at Peace!

Sophia===========================================================

NEW POSTING

Please have faith in god & his verdict.

Look ahead death is watching everyone. U me & everybody. But that doesnt stops u living. It will come on rite time. No one can stop it.

therefore focus on what lies beyond death. Try to find out it is learning time.

thanx & loves

raja gurdasani

----

 

Jai HanumanDear Sophiaji ! You got what Mike told ? O Dear Sister-DUKH KE ANDAR SUKH KI JYOTI, DUKH HI SUKH KA GYAAN !DARD SAH KAR JANAM LETA, HAR KOI INSAAN !WOH SUKHI HAI JO KHUSHI SE DARD SAH GAYAA !!SUKH KA SOORAJ USKA JEEVAN BAN KE RAH GAYAA !!In the sorrow only , in fact, there is light of pleasure ! After experiencing sorrow only , one can perceive pleasure! Only that one is happy, who has happily tolerated sorrow. For. Such a person the Sun of pleasure becomes the life!I love you, O Divine Girl !Namaste JeeJee JeeShashikala

-----------

How do I find the light? that is a good question.

Light has been potentised and is available as a homeopathic remedy termed 'Spectrum'.

so the solution to your problem is not a difficult as it seems to be. I do not know where you live but this remedy is

stocked by homeopathic pharmacies such as helios in london and again a single dose of 30 in the morning is advised. if you take this a night the light is likely to keep you awake!!!

ravi Bakhsi

--------

To whom so ever is wanting help and Sophia if this is still persisting ,I have a friend who has cured many Chronic diseases. and few of the people I know have been cured and many have found some immediate improvement. Let the moderator know if help still needed. B.Sathyanarayan

--------

PRIOR POSTING

-Shree Hari-

Dear Sophiaji,

My mother in law is a little further down the path than your motheritseems.I like to tell you what happened the other day; my wife and hersisterand I went to the hospital where she is under supervised care.They went directly to see the medical/welfare staff, I went downtownto buy some items, an returned before they had completed theirmeeting.So I went into the ward where my mother in law was staying.There was, (as you may understand), sad demented women all around;once fine minds gone.I sat down beside her, tuned out the distractions, we said verylittle, but oddly enough there was a silent connection, an air oftranquility, finally interrupted by my mobile phone, as my wifecontacted me.When my wife and her sister returned and started to talk to theirmother, she became agitated, and said,"Mike just sat with me, hedidn't come to annoy me".Thinking about this, I remembered a conversation we had with thisverysweet elderly lady some time ago. Although pretty sick herself, sheused to visit an old priest with advanced dementia. She remarked, "Wenever talk, but I think he is very close to God".The time will come dear sister, when the finest thing you can giveyour mother is silent compassion, there is great power in silence.

B.G. 17Steady serenity of mind,Kindliness, silence, self-control, Honesty of motive–all thisIs called mental austerity. (16)

This threefold austerity doneWith highest faith by those withoutDesire for fruit, also steadfastIs considered to be sattwic. (17)

I hope these humble reflections will be of value to you.

With Respect and Divine Love,

Mike Keenor--------------------------Hello

As Respected Vyasji pointed, a Satsang will definitely help you.

When you know that you are part and parcel of that Supreme and knowthat you are much more than what you see or perceive you are, youwill get the inner energy and feel peace.

You know when a poor man learns that he just won a million dollarlottery, his attitude changes, his walk changes, his communicationchanges, his perception to the whole world changes suddenly. He mayhave been cursing the world for his fate all this time. Like thatwhen you know that you are beyond your gross and subtle body, youwill start viewing Life from the Wide angle lens.

These situations come and goes like clouds. Both good and bad. Areyou saying that you were in trouble all your life or you were happyall the time? One cannot claim so, isn't it? You were happy forsometime and then for sometime you were unhappy. Again the samecycle repeats. So the first things is to understand the impermanenceof these changes in life. You are able to recognize thisimpermanence because you have something permanent within yourgross/subtle body. Something which acts like a reference point. Thatis the Self. Know that this Self is part and parcel of that GiridharGopal. In Satsang or a prayer you will surrender everything to HIM.Surrender is a process where you give away all the things you thinkof as yours; pleasure, pain, fame , insult whatever..

Second you have to let go the past. As the scriptures says, one willnot bath in the same river twice. The water in the river is flowingincessantly in one direction. So you are ever new -Punarnavam. Ifyou really observe you will know that. Even your body changes, yourcells have changed and replaced with new ones, your opinions orperception changes, your taste changes. Seeing GOD in everyone isnot an emotion, it is a state of mind. When you are at the pinnacleof devotion you will reach that state.

With warm regards= = = = = = = = =Venu= = = = = = = = =--------------------------thanks..Gitanjali singh

--------------------------PRIOR POSTING

Dear Sadhika,You said you are mentally exhausted and physically tired.Are you the body which is tired?Are you the mind which is stressed ?Are you the emotions which continuously overwhelming you ?????Stop my dear, stop identifying yr self with yr body, mind, emotionsand also with yr story, no matter how happy or sad yr story is, itis just a story, not you."Arise and Awake...." Know yr true Self. Connect yr self to theSource. That Source which is pure Existence, which is unboundedEnergy and unparallel Intelligence. Connect to IT, in other termsestablish yr self in YOGA. Unite with that Source of unmeasurableenegy!!Stop thinking that yr Mom is your Mom, she belongs to God. And whatare you thinking? You think that you are serving her ? Wrong mydear. Do any of us have any capacity to serve anybody? No, wedonot!!!, It is all a play, it is all His Will. If you have even aslightest notion that you are serving her, then drop it right now.Without His Grace no one can do anything in this world. So donotblock His Grace by thinking that you are serving her with yr limitedcapabilities.Take care of her(if you can) as she is a gift given to you by yrbeloved God. Her body is here for a while and yr body is also herefor a while, no body exist forever, one day all bodies will meet thesame end-dust."Do din ka jag main mela re, sab chala chali ka fera"(We all arehere for few days only, then we all must go, must leave this bodyand this world)Swamiji says-Ek bharosa, ek asara Tera..Trust only on His strength...Pray and meditate. Nothing exist forever.Change is invitable.With Love,A sadhikaSadhana Karigar-------------------------

PRIOR POSTINGYes i do understand this that God is all there is. i haveunderstood this but obviously not in the way to give me the physicaland emotional strength to carry on any longer it is also mostdifficult when getting beaten by your father abused and beaten andabandoned by both parents surviving on the streets in nyc and apanoply of tragically impossible situations, to continually bedetached and see all as god i am also a 9/11 survivor. i havebeen sadhak long time which has kept me from suicide and yes thisis all past.the sincere people having posted here to support me is greatlyrespected and appreciated.

to friend in londonyes we have the same caregivers support here in the u.sparticularly in nyc where i live for alzheimers. Mother has refusedeverything & as she is in early stages she cannot legally beforced. well now she is in the hospital and i have a weeks respite.unfortunately it is not enough time to physically get well. I will inthis time meditate and pray and sleep and perhaps i can organicallyrecognize the truth spoken of by sadhak friendsthankyou you all.every word i read reread and try to follow including

> Love and Love alone....>> Life is what it has to be and NOT what you wish it to be. Accept> this bitter Truth, you feel relieved of all your stress andtension.> Acceptance leads to surrender and the results in strength. My dear,> accept the service you are rendering to your Mother is the service> to God and by serving Him, you are reaching and realising theutmost> reality of your life. It is the way for you to reach the Ultimate> Goal. Accept it my dear, accept it.

thank you, Sophia-------------------------Shree HariRam Ram

Sophia, Please kindly read the recent prayer from sadhak dailymessages.

sadhaka/message/2199

I truely believe you will get comfort. You will regain yourstrength in due time. You will feel peace! You will feel Love! Youwill feel protected and not abandoned! after reading this prayer.Read it with total attentiveness, read it with an open mind, read itas if you are in the Light! Read it as if you are sitting in frontof yourBeloved, your only Love! Read it as if you are that littleyoung girl on the streets of NYC, calling for Help !

Let us know after reading what your thoughts are... not about thepast, notabout the future but in the moment!

Meera DasRam Ram

--------------------------

Hello,There is no "playbook" that we can refer to to live our life. Thereis no human who can alleviate our suffering. We need to understandthis clearly. We are always alone (rather only with our source) -and on our own. We ALL have the capacity to find life's answersdirectly from the source. Life itself is a teacher and we need noone else- all others are co- passengers and can only mouthplatitudes of empathy. Therefore let us get to the root of allanswers by ourself. You are your best guide- because there isreally no separation from you and HIM (Your Divine Light)!

RegardsAnand S

---------------------------PRIOR POSTING

Hari Om

I agree with Madanji Kaura. One should develop habit of 'seeing God'in every one, in every thing, in every happening, in everycircumstance, in every incidence !! That in itself provides relief!

Remember: There is GOD AND GOD ONLY EVERYWHERE ! Nothing else existsexcept you yourself and God. Rest all is illusion. There is God inMother. There is God in Father. There is God in husband. There isGod in wife. There is God in everybody/thing! Recognise in everycircumstance/every body Him only. Your eye should search Him only-you will find Him. The moment you separate 'x' and 'y' - he can't beGod , he can only be God_ you are lost in a never endingmaze/mirage ! Literally lost !

Hence all scriptures advice you to see God everywhere.

How to reconcile the above with 'Doosara na koi' (Nobody else ismine) ? Think about it. If you can give your views , give ! Allsadhaks are praying for and awaiting your recovery and contributionin deliberations. Answer me, Dear Sister ! How do wereconcile "Vasudevah Sarvam" with "Doosara na koi" ? Answer ishidden in this very posting . Search it !! Get going spirituallyonce you regain strength and vitality. Think of such questions.Occupy yourself on such issues. There is peace here ! Believe us onthat, Dear Divine Sister !

I am insisting on satsanga at this critical period of your life,because as one learned sadhak stated it is right time to getspiritual. When wax melts and you add colour into that, it becomespermanent. Every calamity, every crisis, every sorrow melts yourheart, purifies you, eliminates 'liabilities' from the Balance Sheetof your karmic life, and drags you towards your Father- Paramatma.Turn decisively towards Him. Then there will be only bliss, onlyPeace, only ANANDA ! Only Him ! Absolute Ananda with not even aniota of relativity !! Become Happy! Start dancing! You have knownnow that you are daughter of the King of all the Kings ! Dear DearDaughter! What is now there to worry for ! If some body tells Mr Xthat President of a Nation has adopted him to be his son, how happyMr X will become? Become more happy than him. You are daughter ofthe Emperor of all the Emperors !

Jai Shree Krishna

Vyas N B------------------------namastey,

In UK there are many services available for care givers like you.Once you contact social services dept I am certain you can receiveassistance, plus put you in touch with other care givers, arrangefor an off day where someone else can take on the responsibility ofcaretaking, while you catch up on sleep or chores etc.

In UK, if your mum is a pensioner, she would get free treatment whenshe hands over her pension book to care home. Council's socialservice dept would look after payments of services. Do check intoavailable services. There must be something comparable in USA.

Ramesh Jhalla

-------------------------PRIOR POSTING

Dear Sadhakas, Namaste!To Sophiaji,Please remember this: If suffering like the one you are goingthrough, comes our way for whatever reason or no reason, God willmake sure, it is not greater than you can bear!This I have seen in my life over and over again.Have tremendous trust in this, and in God doing just this right now.Also remember "this shall pass too". As simple as it may sound buthas power to withstand any pain if one keeps reminding oneself oftenwith faith.Another suggestion: Write your prayer on a piece of paper.Write it as if talking to God. Ask for help acknowledging you cannotalone resolve this problem alone, so you will appreciate the help.Be impersonal rather than asking for "me". Say this is what you liketo have but you will go along with whatever He knows is right forall of you including the other family members, mother herself, andyourself.Place this paper under His feet on alter if you have one.This may sound like rituals but it is more of what is to be feltdeep within as we do this offering to surrender our ego!Then Relax and do the best you can to do your part. As many sadhakashave suggested call for help of organization(s) who can help.Remember God helps through people only!While doing the best, try to find out the true meaning of God.Namaskar.............Pratap Bhatt

------------------------------

Jai Hanuman

Dear Sophia. Among many suggestions of learned sadhaks add thefollowing.

When you regain some strength and vitality , go to some "Gaushala" (place where there are cows). Take your mom there with you. If youkeep or let your mom keep caressing the body of cows for someperiod, the cow will get pleased. When cow gets pleased, what totalk of ordinary diseases, even incurable diseases get cured.

( From the last page of many books of Swamiji Ramsukhdasji Maharajpublished from Gita Press, Gorakhpur)

Dear Sister- Please do not worry ! Please !!

Namaste Jee

Jee JeeShashikala------------------------------

PRIOR POSTING

NAMASKARSORRY DEAR SADHAK MEMBERS I AM TRYING REALLY DO DO EVERYTHINGSUGGESTED. BUT TODAY WHEN I AM SUPPOSED TO TAKE HER HOME FROM THEHOSPITAL AND STAY WITH HER UNTIL AN AID COMES FOR A FEW DAYS ICANNOT GET UP AND I AM THROWING UP WITH A STOMACH VIRUS, i am burntout and weak and crying and thats iti cant do this anymore. Sophia------------------------Shree HariRam Ram

Sophiaji, it will be very helpful if you let us know the threethings that you are currently following through with from thesadhak's suggestions, but only after you regain some energy andstrength. It will be helpful to understand.From Gita Talk Moderators, Ram Ram-------------------------

Dear Sadaks,Did anyone solve Ravana`s distress on his last day of war with SriRama. Many good advises did not work. Same with Kans when Bagavanentered Mathura. Only Bagavan can help, like in the case of Drowpatibeing disrobed.

My humble opinion:Let only Sadhaks, Guru and GOD be dear to us. Why dear Sophia? Whyattachment even in mind level?B.Sathyanarayan

-------------------------PRIOR POSTING

Dear Sophie,So sorry to hear of your woes but remember every day that I am GodsOnly and no one else is mine. Rest in Paramaatma as taking care ofyour self is as if taking care of Gods Temple and rest at His HolyFeet knowing He would want you to take care of yourself as abeautiful child of Gods. Pray that you be granted equanimity asseeker I strive for this as well.God is Light and remember to prayall times to be Gods only and serve HIM with all that you have. Godwants you be His Happy child as He loves you like a good motherloves her child.

catherine andersen

---------------------------

Generally in India we are to respect our mothers like Goddessesbecause they brought us into this world. We can never repay Doodhka Karj, or the debt of mother's milk. We are perpetually indebtedto our mothers. So though it is a gruelling task, you should notshrink from your duty to serve your mother in her hour of need.

Hari Shanker Deo------------------------Dear Sophia,My heart went out to you. I can totally empathise with you because Itoo am in a similar boat. Recently I created a small sanctuary in myhouse where I hide to be with God so I can get strength from him.Also I took a lesson from Julia Cameron and I have started wrtingthree pages to God daily, first thing in the morning, and this hasreally helped me. Her book called artists way I can recommend to you.BlessingsChandrika-----------------------------

-------------------------PRIOR POSTING

im sorry i am stupideveryone has been so very kindim sorry but the body um i have this stupid girl that hasincarnated into is exhausted and un well being. i am sorry i havetaken everyone's time and this is one truth i know better than most.

REMEMBER : TU JAANE MERE SANG BEETI, EK EK BAAR SABHI SANG BEETI ! (You are thinking that it (adversity) has happened in your case only.But the fact is that it has happened with each and every human beingonce). DEH DHARE KA DAND HAI, SAB KAHOO KO HOY ! GYAANI BHUGATEGYAAN SE, MOORAKH BHUGATE ROY !! ( Worldly sorrows is a universaltax to be borne by every human being.

Sophia---------------------------

Dear Sophia,

The 'Black Dog', is the name we have for serious depression here,and how many of us have had him howling at our door, dogging ourevery step as it were. You know, the sun is shining spring is in theair and you feel disconnected, joyless, a lump of existence.Yes I know the chemical balance may be out of balance in the brain,but, take some advice from one that knows, don't throw a bone to him,throw a stone instead shoo him away.(My medication is 'The DivineBeloved', none other).

A major turning point came about, when I,looking for some way ofhelping myself, sat before a High Lama, he said while we wereattempting to meditate, "Here we have very good condition, think ofAfrica, all that poverty and suffering", and you know what? I didjust that, I disconnected from my own miseries and for a moment I wasconcerned for others. A seed had been in sown in my heart by thatgreat man, I swear it is still growing.

The essence of this is TO FIND A WAY TO HELP YOURSELF. After my cryfor help I stumbled upon the Tibetan Buddhist, God took me there Iknow. Slowly my head started to turn towards the Great Indiantraditions.......

Look if you feel you need medical support, consider it temporary. Anddo all you can to connect to an M.D./Healer that is connected to anAshram. Oddly enough the Guide/Guru I had some years back, had asister who was an M.D. at an Ashram in the USA, and she herselfworked as a Homeopath/Naturopath in an Ashram in India for quitesome time. My present homeopath is a Sikh; healing and thespiritual, cannot be separated.Maybe other Sadhaks can give more information regarding healerswithin the Hindu society.

Please do not restrict you life to four walls and your sorrows.

In passing, I have sat in sweet bliss in meditation, tears pouringfrom my eyes, these are not tears of sorrow, oh no these aresomething else, I do hope you experience these tears, your heartwill be opening to the Universe.

One more thing dear friend, the 'Black Sheep', may not be bad, maybeshe/he marches to the beat of a different drum, or dances to the faroff tune of a Murali that non other can hear.(Echoing down thecorridors of Time).

With Respect and Divine Love,

Mike Keenor-------------------------Dear Sophiaji !

AAJ KAL MAIN DHAL GAYA, DIN HUA TAMAAM ! TU BHI SOJA, SOGAYEE RANGBHARI SHAAM !!

Today has converted into tomorrow. Day is over! ( Sorrow is gone) .Now have a nice sleep ! (Be peaceful) !

HAI BUJHA BUJHA SA DIL, BOJH SAANS SAANS PAR, JEE RAHEN HAI PHIR BHIHAM, SIRF KAL KI AASH PAR ! NEEND KAH RAHI HAI , MERI BAAHEN THAM !!

Very very dejected was heart. There was a weight on each and everybreath. Living only on a hope of a better tomorrow. But now PEACE (sleep ) is telling me - Hey come, hold my arms.

KAUN AYEGA IDHAR , KISKI RAAH DEKHE HAM ! JINKI AAHATE SUNI JAANEKISKE THE KADAM !!

APNA KOI BHI NAHIN, APNE HAIN TO RAAM !!

TU BHI SOJA, SO GAYEE RANG BHARI SHAAM !!

Who will come here? I should wait for whom? ( Nobody is mine) Thosesounds of steps were of strangers ( Illusion) !

No body is mine ! Only Raam ( Paramatma) is mine !

Day is over! ( Sorrow is gone) . Now have a nice sleep ! (Bepeaceful) !

Namaste Jee

Jee JeeShashikalaSophiaji Namaste!

Stand aside and be a witness! Yes, try to observe the happenings asa witness. Analyse it. Try to put into practise. It might be of somehelp.. Sandeep Pathak--------------------------Dear Sophia

Love and Love alone....

Life is what it has to be and NOT what you wish it to be. Acceptthis bitter Truth, you feel relieved of all your stress and tension.Acceptance leads to surrender and the results in strength. My dear,accept the service you are rendering to your Mother is the serviceto God and by serving Him, you are reaching and realising the utmostreality of your life. It is the way for you to reach the UltimateGoal. Accept it my dear, accept it. Wish you all the best and MayGod bless you.

Love and Love alone....

Paritala Gopi Krishna-------------------------------

---------------------------PRIOR POSTING

Dear Sophia Bahenji

No ! No tears please. You havent done anything bad to regret. Angelsdont weep. Your mother is not abusing you. Her sickness is as such.All mothers are good. There is benefit of you hidden in each of themoves of mother. She may not be knowing, but God knows that. Godcannot use a mother for hurting her children. If God does that , itmeans huge benefit is hidden in that. Even if she means to hurt you,because of karmic reasons, God will ensure your safety. Can any oneget killed by consuming nectar ? No Bahenjee! No tears please. Laughit out. What depression? As Sadhu Vyas told you she made you realisea truth which people dont realise in ages and eras. Nothing/Nobodyis Mine. What a truth. Could you have realised that without the helpof mother? You should not mind the abuses or ill treatment ofmother because all said and done, the very body of yours belongs toher only. Above all she is not in her senses. Believe me, she lovesyou more than anyone else. Is there no love in hate? Is there nolove in a slap of mother? Try it. She will never let others illtreat you, even when she is in this mental state. Past is past. Shemight have erred when you were 18 years old. But is she notsufferring? She is paying for that only. Dear Bahenji ! It is onlybecause she erred with your reference that she is in this shapetoday. Even in this mental state , does she not know about theconduct of her son? She knows. She is more sufferring than you.Believe me.

Hence it is time that you develop 'compassion" for her. Sadhu MikeKeenor loves to be compassionate. Learn from his experiences. Readold Qs on this site. Your depression will get cured the moment youforget and forgive. Replace weariness, hate, anger with love andcompassion, please. Immediately, you will get peace, Bahenjee!Immediately. You are so great otherwise. We all are proud of youand of your tolerance so far. Please oblige us by being divine.What a pleasure it will give you in future , when you would recallhow love healed the wounds.

No ! No tears please. Angels dont weep !

I bow to you Bahenjee.

Khan Jarsingh--

Hari Om

Depression / Mental Fatigue . What is Depression ? I am not adoctor. Hence In my language : Depression is tendency of mind totravel excessively into NOTHINGNESS and into pessimism! Your mindis capable only of travelling either in past or in future. Both donot exist NOW ! The cure is simple ! Simply disown the mindemotionally. Replace worldly thoughts automatically coming intomind, by thoughts of Paramatma dwelling within. How do you dothat ? "Become" of Paramatma by firmly resolving : MERE TO GIRDHARGOPAAL, DOOSARA NA KOI . ( Only Paramatma is mine, no one else ismine). That single resolution must make you peaceful in an instantand forever. Thereafter DO WHAT YOU CAN AND WHAT YOU SHOULD.Depression is self conceived. Don't feel that you are depressed andyou are not depressed. Don't let the worldly anxieties, oldmemories, fears for future haunt you. When any worldly thought comesinto mind – IGNORE. Neither like it nor dislike it ! Just beindifferent, UDAASIN , remain unruffled to those waves of oldmemories and anxieties. Think at that time : I am of God. Why Ishould bother about a thing on which I have no control. God willtake care if He desires to do so. Else whatever is to happen, let ithappen. See henceforth all the happenings in your life as you see amovie. Now that you have surrendered to God and you have experiencedthe world closely, now don't worry! Start dancing !! What a thingyou have got !! You are of GOD !!! God is your Father ! He has takenover your life with immediate effect. How beautiful. Now every ofyour burden is that of God ! You are free . Just take one care.Don't doubt this, don't fear, don't ever worry now. NEVER NEVERWORRY HENCE FORTH. What can happen ? You are immortal, the body ismortal. Your father is God. He is immortal. What can happen toyou ? Hence DON'T WORRY.

REMEMBER : Neither past nor future exists NOW ! A thing which doesnot exist, why to worry about the same? Depression causes you to dothat. See happiness in small small things. Admire beauty of a floweror a bird. Remember you are not alone. EACH AND EVERY HUMAN BEINGIS BURNING IN THE FIRE OF SORROW. This world has been defined as "DUKHALAYAM". ( Abode of sorrow) in the very Holy Gita. Your job nowis to convert this DUKHALAYAM into VASUDEVAH SARVAM. Keep in touchwith this divine site on a daily basis. Start replying to variousquestions that are raised in this forum. You will find peace here.

REMEMBER : TU JAANE MERE SANG BEETI, EK EK BAAR SABHI SANG BEETI ! (You are thinking that it (adversity) has happened in your case only.But the fact is that it has happened with each and every human beingonce). DEH DHARE KA DAND HAI, SAB KAHOO KO HOY ! GYAANI BHUGATEGYAAN SE, MOORAKH BHUGATE ROY !! ( Worldly sorrows is a universaltax to be borne by every human being. A learned persons toleratesthis tax by wisdom, while a fool tolerates this by regretting/crying.)

Hence be brave. One who has given beak to you, will give food also !Simply DON'T WORRY !!!

Jai Shree KrishnaVyas N B-------------------------Hare Krishna

Sophiaji ! Now that you have joined Sadhaks , every day should be anew day for you.. Every day you will get more and more peace ! Justthink that you are not depressed. Just think that you are alrightand you shall be so ! Brother Mike, Vyasji, Mira Dassji, Jee JeeShashikalaji all have given you sterling and really soul touchingmessages. Surrender to God is a complete solution in itself. Gitastarts with " Worry" of Arjuna. Gita ends with advice of LordKrishna : Ma Suchah - PLEASE DO NOT WORRY ! On the contrary be happythat now everything related with you is in the powerful hands ofGod .

Please keep sharing your experiences regularly.

Gopal Mehta

My dear Sophia,

narinder has been going through all the sharing on thesubject ........... and what comes to mind is this :

while all the love and consolation offered to you is worthy ofrepect and reverence , and is the truth of being .............

Sophia will not be helped, in any deep measure, by consolation andcomfort offered.......

when all things fail... and they do ..... only the self canhelp ....... you, yourself ..... your own being ..... with theright resolve .......

One stroke of will power .... just one ..... to be able tounderstand that you are seeking freedom from pain, not just a relieffor a short duration ! And , only the self can help.

Here comes the advice from all Knowers of Truth ........ when selftoo is down and out ...... seek the company of the saints, sages,and sadhaks true .... be with them for short periods of time ....physically, be in their presence .... let your mind self besubjected to the strength of the self , the aura of Nothingness,which is perpetually emanating from the Sages as love divine thatheals !

A prayer goes out to you, Sophia .... joy and love to you ......

The prayer

Rises in the heart when it rises.Out of nowhere does prayer arise in the Heart,No reason !It rises, this prayer, for Heart itself is nothing but PrayerNothing but the Light of One-nessNothing but LoveNothing but Silence .In Silence of Being, the Prayer blossoms:And, ah ! What Joy !The fragrance from the Blossoms knows no frontiers !!!The Heart is the Giver divineAll Gifts are from the Source, all !And the heart verily is the only Source, the One Source, the TrueSource.

And one day, Krishna's HeartChooses for KrishnaThe Gift of GiftsIt's own Self !And Krishna's flute resounds in EternityAs the soundless sound of OMAnd Krishna sleeps the sleepless sleep forever !Jai Krishna ! Jai Krishna !Krishna Krishna , jai jai KrishnaJai Jai Krishna Hare Hare

May Krishna fill you with strength, love and resolve

Be yourself. Love yourself.Love is the Way

AUMnarinder bhandari--------------------------You are great Sister Sophia. Nothing wrong with you. There is noreason for you to feel guilty. No body takes so much care of moms asyou took. Depression is a tendency of mind. Mind changes. In yourcase too it will change. Watch and enjoy in the meantime thisdepression also. Now God is with you. Depression cant reach you. Whois depressed ? Mind may be depressed, but not our Divine Sophia.Nothing now can harm you, once you have cried before God. Just feeljubilant. You tried to be a witness in the past. Try now , as youhave now taken shelter of God.

Wishing you very peaceful nice, sound sleeps and rest. Sleep well.Remember God when awake. See how the world has been made. See howthe God , your Father, is ! Trust Him. Give Love to all and sundry.Dont feel depressed. You are not depressed. You are tired.

Nisha Chatterji

--------------------------Sophiaji

Depression ? Nothing to worry. We shall make it run , Sister. Wewill not acknowledge that depression. So simple. How can daughter ofParamatma be depressed? Is God not there? He is alive. He is there.We all are with you. Our prayers will make both of you alright.Please remain cheerful. Depression does not like laughter. Themoment you laugh , depression will run away. Depression. Thesedoctors when they do not know call it depression. In those heartswhere God has entered , where is the space for depression? A goodsleep is the medicine. When God is yours, what can make you tense ordepressed. Dont acknowledge that you are depressed. Simple!

Thakurlingam-------------------------Dear Sophia

Just as relatives are not yours , similarly mind , intellect, bodyetc are also not yours. Experience yourself to be separate fromyour mind. Depression will evaporate. When mind is not yours , whatdifference does it make to you, whether it is depressed orsuppressed? Dont bother. Watch your mind as a separate entity. Itwill become like a dog. Just dont pay any attention. You can dothat. Take sufficient rest now. Just dont bother about anything.Whatever is destined will take place. Take sufficient rest. If sleepdoes not come easily, then keep chanting God's name and becomehappy. Wish : Let there be no sleep so that I can take God's namemore. Whatever be the case, feel cheerful. Depression has no basisto survive. Only when you provide it a shelter or respect orrecognition that it can survive. Be optimist.

Shyama Chhangani

--------------------------PRIOR POSTING

i have been DIAGNOSED NOW WITH DEPRESSION A ND CHRONIC FATIGUESYNDROME .. yes i am depressed, but who is depressed? i keep askingmyself these questions but meanwhile this body is exhausted and sois the small I here in this body to be a caregiver here in theunited states is legendary with the caregivers dying now orbecoming very ill & unable to take care of their parents withalzheimers.

i am going to rest today again she is in the hospital for a fewmore days i rest before i take her home & i pray. i have nothingleft to give no finances anymore no physical or emotional strengthbut i still do my duty & pray.

To ajay and all caregivers who have responded -it seems here all have been like me the black sheep the abused onethe disrespectedoone. but the one that took the responsibility. itis very odd. I'm sorry for all of your suffering. I think it isa good thing we speak of our pain with this group. Mother is mothershe gave us the birth to be able to know GodWe may have even chosen her in this incarnation.i know i should notcomplain but God I am so tired.. so so tired. I am going to laydown again...

Sophia---------------------------

Hare Krishna,I can understand a bit of the pain suffered by you, because I havemy wife (who is ill since 6 years). I am lucky that I have my son toshare the problems. Here you are alone. In my view (actuallyGita's) we should accept this fact that every thing/situation iscomposed by God and we are just puppets. We are supposed to do ourduty and not to interfere with the result, just accept it. If youtoo accept this fact then there will be no stress no exhaustion nodisappointments.May God bless you and give you enough courage and energy.Ashok Goenka-----------------------------"Two Yrs. back I was also trapped in almost similar situationrelated to my job -I literally wept in front of Lord Jagannath forhis help , undoubtedly I got it .He gets away all your pain depending upon intensity and sincerity ofyour prayer ."

Arun Sharma---------------------------dear Sophia,

What you need is a "break" from your mother's bedside and go for awalk in the park. Ask a friend to relieve you for an afternoon andgo- to a spa or someplace that will make you feel "pampered"!Practice your yoga, meditation on a daily basis at home, evenwhile caring for your mom. All the best and know that YOU arefortunate to serve YOUR mother. Yu have no idea just how much ofkarma you burn by doing that act lovingly- this same mother was theone who cleaned up after us so many umpteen times without abreak!

Love and blessings,Meenakshi---------------------------

PRIOR POSTING

I AM DEEPLY TOUCHED AND SITTING HERE CRYING OVER THE KINDNESS OF ALLWHO HAVE SPOKEN HERE TO HELP ME. CRYING. DOING AS SUGGESTED CRYINGOUT TO GOD STUDYING GITA AND FOR THE PAST 2 DAYS RESTING IN BED WITHGITA EXHAUSTED. ALONG WITH MEDITATION, YOGA , MANTRA. I HAVE BEENIN THERAPIES WITH DRS FOR MANY YEARS HERE. EVERY WESTERN DR. HASTOLD ME TO GET AWAY FROM MY MOTHER to leave her to her ownsufferings and rot. This I would not do the many many layers ofemotional pain i have dealt with over the years with very littlehealing. and i have forgiven her but one day when she was abusing meso i yelled at her & then i felt guilty. the trick is to detach toorganically understand i am not the suffering. i know that but toorganically get that , well then i would be enlightened but thatis not the case. when i lived on the streets of nyc i did not shootheroin or kill myself because i knew this was karma and i had towalk a spiritual path that has never changed. but i wish not tospeak of myself anymore. i have reached out and you have all beenspiritually gracious. i hope i may serve as well to help those thatsuffer including crippled nyc pigeons that some children try tohit. there is too much sorrow in this world. i wish i could wave amagic wand

I LOVE THIS

Living in the West you may have heard of the poem 'Dark Night of theSoul', by St. John of the Cross. "Oh Night! more glorious than theRising Sun!"

Look! Entering into the depth of 'Darkness', it is there that you cansee the Divine Light. The dawn is coming you know, I think maybe youmight just start to see it's first glimmer.

Brother Vyas gave a powerful piece of advice, I will paste it inhere with respect:'Cry before Him- only before Him. Say now take over My Lord. Hesurely will. Have trust. Have belief. Thank Him any way

I WILL SAY THIS AS MANTRA TODAY ON JAPA MALA - "Doosara na koi" -There is "no one elseNone Other".

Sophia--------------------------Hari Om

Swamiji Ramsukhdasji Maharaj would very rarely give mantras/formulas. But once he wrote that if you distribute sweets / candy topoor children then the grief DEFINITELY goes !

I believe it is an infallible formula for quick relief instress/worry/anxiety levels.

Jai Shree Krishna

Vyas N B---------------------------Dear Sadhak

Surrender your self to the feet of your God and offer sincere andprayers to him urging your personal God to relieve your mother fromall these pains and also give you confidence and love for takingcare of your mother till her death.

Please keep confidence in God who will find a way our of yourworries and direct you about the action you have to take

Truly yours

S S Bhatt---------------------------Hi anonymous,It is extremely difficult to look after a mentallyill person andbeing a carer myself i know.the most important thing to realise is that YOUR HEALTH ISINTRICATELY CONNECTED TO YOUR MOTHER'S WELL-BEING. That is if you arenot there or breakdown , she goes to the streets.so1.Plan in case you are not there because one can never say. This willgive you lot of peace. If it makes sense, just harden your heart andplace her in an old age home if you can afford.2.so your health and happiness and longlife is important for heralso.3. Take time for some rest and relaxation - e.g. Music go to Musicconcert, films, good food EAT, bhajans sing them. Just be happy forthat you must learn to enjoy life without being GUILTY.

4.Normally CARERS get a mental illness called DYSTHEMIA. You areshowing early signs so get out of it.

captain Johann samuhanand

---------------------------This situation indeed is very difficult. Am sure many of us mayhave gone thru similar situation (incl me). My humble suggestionwould be that before taking any decision, we must think 10 times.Had this position been with a child then could any mother abandonher child although she also at times be tired and be almost insimilar position but am sure she could not abandon. Secondly,whatever action/step we take today, we must think 10-15 yrshenceforward - and we may not regret the step that we take now. Butwe all are human and feeling exhausted and tired is also human andvery right emotion too sp. when no other sibling is there to lend ahelping hand even temporarily. I remember myself crying loudlyoblivious of surroundings in the parking lot of hospital. Cryingout to God for his help and mercy. I do not know was it due tostress, helplessness, anguish, unable to see my Mom suffering, outof exhaustion, desperation, as I am also suffering from 3 majordiseases myself.

Pls seek temporary helping hand may it be physical / financial -wherever it may come from, relax, take good care of yourself firstand then think about taking care of your Mom.

Wish you good health and peace.

Warm regards and lots of love to you who has stood by her Mom for somany years which itself is commendable, when people can barely takethis for couple of months.

Mrs K Asani

---------------------------Dear Sophia,Your situation reminds me of my own. I am second number child of myparents, the elder sister was married when I was only in tenthstandard. I completed my studies ( engineering) by tuitionssupporting my family. My younger brother who is 3 years younger tome was adorned by my parents too much and always being treated withmuch more love and affections as a result he became acute mentalpatient for last 20 years. My parents always discarded me and mywife, abused us inspite of living dependently with me on my income.My mother used to support my sister family all along her life. Shewas dominating and never even shown any affection to me, my wife ormy two kids. My brother was married but was divorced due to hismental problem, so my wife was the only daughter in law of my mother.In 2002 my father's both kidneys failed and after a prolong andcostly treatment of two years he survived. Myself and my wife alonespent our day and night, borne all the expenses and he is stillsurvving and is a healthy person ( except that he cannot seeclearly). My mother never visited him in hospital and used to abuseus as why we are getting him the treatment. My sister who is marriedto a very top doctor never bothered to take any interest in thetreatment or support us, my brother as a mental patinet is totallydependent on me.Last year my mother met an accident in January 08 and she wasoperated and inserted steel rod and was bed ridden for almost ninemonths before she finally left for heavenly abode in Sept. Me and mywife only took care for her during this period. My sister who livesvery near never bothered to provide any help or assistance butensured abusing us all the time on some or other pretext by findingfault in the treatement given to her which I ensured in the besthospitals in Jaipur. It was hell for us getting abused for theresponsibilty for treatment to parents by themselves and also mysister. But we never lost our patience. My brother is on mentaltreatment, needs daily medicines otherwise becomes extreme vilolentand my wife used to give him also medicines, handle my mothertreatment who was bed ridden for nine months and also take care ofmy father who is also now 80 years.My kids some time ask me why amma, dada and bua are so cruel to youare you their step son ? and why so are taking so much care of them?Our neighbours were amused by our patience and handling of thesituation and always praised us, so were all our distance relativeswho used to come to meet my mother.I run my own business and have to travel abroad frequnetly.I lostlot of money in business during that period as I was badly stressedall the time.After my mother expired my sister abusued us publically that Ikilled my mother but everyone knew the truth, so she herself gota bad name.I can visualise your situation , but I can only say time will passand these are the tough situations which as a human being any onecan come across so need to have a patience, and only thing in ourcontrol is our work and discharge of duties earnestly.

I know every situation is unique but my own case will surely giveyou some solace and strenght to bear the pain.

Ajay Gupta------------------------------

PRIOR POSTING

Hello The Universal Individual (Trust me! there can be hardlyanybody who have not felt like you at one time or the other!!),

The complaint raises from the violation of one's core limits as wellas limitations - natural, psychological, physiological, financial,social as well as spiritual - leading to exhaustion and distress. Itis essential to appreciate one's limits as well as limitations tobreak them open for an expansive horizon. Also, I can assure, frommy experience, that one cannot attempt this while being bound withina state of violent distress. One has to releive oneself from thedistress to clarify one's appreciation of the whole situation.

I do not know the individual limits and limitations here except forthe lack of support from the relatives (which is not surprising).However, I urge you to seek professional help for yourself as wellas for your mother contacting appropriate agencies. Bhagavadgita andthe spiritual talk appeals ONLY IF you are ready for facing TheTruth stark naked. At this point, you may mentally not be ready toface the same as your inner turmoil is churning your presence awayfrom any such possible appreciation. You have to releive your systemto relax before appreciating the depth of spirituality.

Therefore, seek some physical help from whichever source that iscongenial ... If it helps ... I learnt a lot by observing thesaintly nurses who were taking care of my father when he wascritically ill once ... pure service, so impersonal, and yet socompassionate ... if we could be like that in spite of havingemotional relations ... it would be the best. It is easy topreach ... therefore, let me restrain myself from that ... yet, ifpossible, try it out along with all other possible psycho-physio-medical help as well as financial aid that you could possiblyextract from yourself as well as from your environment.

One thing is for sure ... if you are not at peace within, you cannot comfort anybody else no matter what your understanding/determination/ intention is. Also, if you break down, your motherwill have nobody to care of her ... think of that as well.Therefore, my suggestion is to gather all your strength to establishyour integrity within first ... relax for that ... relax within asmuch as possible in spite of the gruelling environmental demands ...relax within in spite of the personal anguish and physicalexhaustion ...

Take it as an opportunity to appreciate how your relaxation is, infact, independent of all the relations in this life; to realize itstrue transcendental nature as such ... if possible ... as much aspossible ... relax please ...

Best Wishes.

Naga Narayana

-----------------------------

-Shree Hari-

Dear Sophia,

To be apparently all alone in this situation is an added burden,let me put you in the picture right now , my beloved wife is talkingto her sister, my wife and I have spent the afternoon with hermother, and consultants. She needs to talk to lighten her load.

There was a time long passed, that I, it seems was the most hatedperson on planet earth in my in laws eyes. The hatred was so intense,that I actually started to stutter, I swear to all I never knew thatone could hate so much, I don't think I ever hated.

What a destructive force is hatred? And how indestructible is 'DivineLove'. Some people will never abandon any needy, it is their verynature to care.

Karma, yes indeed, I have watched the unfolding over the years, nevervoiced it, just observed. My in laws watched helplessly, as the otherson in law died a slow and painful death, (we got on well, he and I).Then my mother in law was widowed.

Old 'Black Sheep' moved interstate, to the same town in which mymother in law lived.It is I who picked her off the floor when she had a fall, who pushedher around shopping centers, fixed things, etc.Now I am a shining light in her eyes, "God must have brought you herfor a reason", she has often said. She's got that right, but 'TheDivine Beloved', did it not just for her, but also for me, God who Ilove so much, has exposed me to so much, helping my stony heart tobreak.

Living in the West you may have heard of the poem 'Dark Night of theSoul', by St. John of the Cross. "Oh Night! more glorious than theRising Sun!"

Look! Entering into the depth of 'Darkness', it is there that you cansee the Divine Light. The dawn is coming you know, I think maybe youmight just start to see it's first glimmer.

Brother Vyas gave a powerful piece of advice, I will paste it inhere with respect:'Cry before Him- only before Him. Say now take over My Lord. Hesurely will. Have trust. Have belief. Thank Him any way !'

Every one is different, but try this if you wish; go to a place wherenone can hear you, ask out loud for GOD to help you, from your soulcry out like a child who is lost and is looking for Mother or Father,place no restriction call to Him as child, go where it takes you.

B.G. 7At the end of his many birthsThe wise man takes refuge in Me.He knows: "All is Vasudeva.3"How very rare is that great soul! (19)

With Respect and Divine Love,

Mike (Keenor).------------------------------

Hari Om

Sadhak Sophia ! Real Sadhak you are !! This group is privileged tohave you as one of us. Please keep the divinity in you prospering.

Remove now old memories of ill treatment. It is necessary DearSister for removal of pains. Could they have come to you withoutdivine will? Is it not now a real "experiential knowledge" for youthat " Nothing is mine" ( Doosara na Koi ) ?You in fact paid a very little cost of "knowing" that preciouspriceless knowledge.

What is needed now once "doosara na koi" is part of your directexperience ? In fact - Mere to Girdhar Gopal (Only God ismine ) !!! Once God is yours and no one else- why worry? Whyexhaustion? Why weariness? Why that subtle insistence on recovery ofMom? As you are of God, is she not? What can you do , except doingyour duty? AND THAT YOU HAVE DONE and ARE DOING !

It is a law that duty doesnot generate sorrows. But you are notfeeling well. Where is the clue/ fault? Fault is linking duty withold memories ! Check with your conscience, are you not relivingthose days? Are you not keeping the wounds green? Let them heal now!This is final frontier which you should cross now . Forgive andforget the past. Don't insist for any favourable or unfavourablehappennings in life. Past does not exist Dear Sister !Nor does future exist now? Why worry then?

I am sure once you shed this insistence over the results of yourotherwise divine performance of duties, peace, much awaited peacewill generate in abundance in you.

Try it and keep in touch. Do take interest in other Qs also. That,in itself, will make you happy and peaceful. "Sharing" reduces painand increases pleasure ! Isn't it?

May Paramatma bless you !

Jai Shree Krishna

Vyas N B-----------------------------I have been undergoing a similar situation for years. I canempathise with you. Stressful days and even worst nights. not beenon a holiday for the last 15 years. Used to crib many years back,then went deeper into astrology which perhaps if nothing else Ilearnt to bear with this as my karmic destiny.

I remember my father used to say, " if God chooses to give me oldage I pray to him to give me good children" The full impact of thissentence came in much later. But strive thru it all to remember thatperhaps of all the persons in our family we are the chosen ones. Ifeel there are no options regarding caring for parents. We have todo it. On bad days just tell yourself you are getting there fullblessings. And these special blessings can turn any negativity in apatri to the most blessed and enriched life.

I am sure nobody on this forum or any other can refute this. You aretruly blessed believe me. Turn this into an oppurtunity rather thana crisis. With you .Take care.Vats (Pradeep Sahai)--------------------------Jai Hanuman

Dear Sophiaji ! Thanks for sharing with us the voice of your soul. Igive asmall example to you to ponder.

You kept a nurse for taking care of your child. You pay her and shetakes careof the child like you, yourself take care. One day there is somedisruption inrelationship/money/etc. You ask her to go . How easily she leavesthe affectionof that child? Will she look back? Will she enquire about thechild ? No !

Be like that. Do your duty and forget. Nothing is ours. OnlyParamatma is ours.Serve fearlessly. If you get disrespect/ abuses in return , thenconsideryourself to be lucky. Results of your service are not gettingfrittered away inpetty respects/praises/acknowledgements ! Higher results are instore for you.

My Mom in law, 75, often says- Let Rupee remain Rupee ! (Don't seekanyreciprocation for your good deeds, you are reducing the value of arupee to fewpaise only, because you expect immediate result).

In your case, Dear Sophiaji - the Rupee is increasing in value witheverydisrespect, every abuse, every spit on the face ! Believe me onthis ! Let itincrease. Wish now that you don't need respecthonor/respect/acknowledgement .Leave for ever " desire for happiness". Immediately / Instantlypains willvanish.

You used the word "karmic" in your last post. Now if we look at Lawof Karma,you will find that in your case the Divine is working with doublespeed. On onehand you are doing selfless duty and thus accumulating "assets" . Onother handwith every abuse/disrespect/spit on the face your "liabilities" aresimultaneously getting wiped out- without any effort at your end !By DivineWill !

Tell me now honestly, do you want respect/praise etc in return foryour "duty" ?With double speed , Sophiaji, Law of Karma is functioning in yourfavour. Thinkabout it ! Tell me how I am wrong ? Do tell me or else become happy.Becomepeaceful. Become grateful to Paramatma ! He only is ours. Other thanHim thereis only "duty" !

Namaste Jee

Jee JeeShashikala---------------------------Sophia-ji you are on the right path. If you can sacrifice yourinterest in favorof birds and animals, you can sacrifice, only to the extent possibleandbearable, for your Mother - not merely because she is your motherbut becauseshe is as much a manifestation of God as you or anyone else are/ is.God,genetics and previous experiences have giving you the propensity andstrength tosacrifice for others, even if they do not tolerate you or behavebadly with you.You are fortunate to have such properties. And, the currentexperience indealing with the ailing, stuborn and unloving mother will enhanceyourcapability to endure and love anyone and help anyone who needs. Prayto God. Youare doing what He desires. He will give you the strength and leadyou to moreimportant, interesting experiences and knowledge. He will take careof yourphysical and mental health or change your duty. Submit to him andpray to himwith the joy of doing what he has ordained for you.Read Gita again and again. But only those portions on the concept ofGod andwhat the wise persons do.Basudeb Sen-----------------------------Dear Annonimous,

The Nature has made all the life forms self-sufficient. Each one hasto face their own fate all alone. You know it very well, whosoever isborn, has to die one day. The ways of death are different fordifferent persons. so be brave...

G. Waman

---------------------------PRIOR POSTING

 

I KINDLY THANK EVERY SOUL THAT HAS TAKEN THEIR TIME TO SPEAK WORDSOF INSIGHT AND KINDNESS. I am in nyc and have reache d out overthe years to the caregiver s groups, alzheimers org and such.I gave up my career as actress and opera singer and left hollywoodover 5 yrs ago to alone take care of a very abusive ill mother.I amlongtime sadhak, vegan , meditator a & practice yoga. the intensitydaily stress has broken me i am now ill myself. as of friday nightmothe r is back in the hospital.perhaps she will listen to the drs.only God know. she also knows I can no longer take care of her theway i have my strength is gone and now i am under drs. care.i will bring Gita to hospital and read every day, continue to prayand ask my self the querywho is sick and who am i ? i know i am not my body i know motheris not mine. but the continuous activity of the daily taking careof is done in this body which is now worn out I will follow allsuggestions kindly spoken of by spiritual friends here.Karmically i think, it is interesting to note my mother threw me outon the streets in the dead of winter with no winter coat or moneyat age 17.5 (nyc streets). I was never allowed home again even wheni called terrified at 3 am in the snow sleeping outside.i was abandoned by both mother and father in this life andbrother. i chose not to abandon my mother. i dont abandon birdsand animals i wouldnt abandon mother. my brother whom my motherworships, and whom took care of my brother who is very wealthyabandoned my mother years ago & has taken no responsibility oroffered any help of any kind.she still cries for him while im trying to care for her knowing hehates her & i shut up. i try i really try to do the right thingi try and have tried to detach and be witness. it is verydifficult when getting screamed at and spit at within 1 inch of yourface while you a re trying to care physically care for a parentwho abused you growing up and , well, yes i see the only onlysolution is deeply spiritual . i do i will go pray now and readgita again i wish to thank everyone.moksha

sophianycmoskha

-------------------------------Namaskaar.

After several years in the United States I returned to Trinidad totake care of my mother. I have several sisters who do all they canto help her but as a son to my dear mother, with whom I have aspecial bond, I could not resist when Mataji asked me over thephone, several times: when are you coming home? After about twoweeks of those questions it suddenly dawned on me that Mataji reallywanted me to come back, and as a true son I had an obligation to doso. I packed my bags, bid goodbye to all, and returned home.

It wasn't an easy decision but I had to come home to her and I thankBhagavan for giving me the courage and determination to leave thatlife and come home to her. Mata ji is 81, paralyzed and unable towalk, and my sisters and I do all we can to make her comfortableeven though sometimes she can be difficult. But we know this is notdeliberate as it is symptomatic of old age and senility.

It can be tiring and difficult and it takes a lot from us and for meit has been a sacrifice of much of my personal life but every day Ithank Bhagavan for giving me the opportunity and the honour to helpher and be there with her. Sometime Mataji forgets we are there withher and when I enter her room she pleads with me 'not to leave her.'I assure her I will never leave her and I will there for her as longI am alive.

Yes, it consumes mental and physical energy, there are costsnvolved, but I encourage everyone to take care of parents and eldersno matter how burdensome you may think it is and how much energy andresources are necessary. Try as hard as you can to take care ofthem at home rather than in a Senior citizens' home. I know forsure that the day my Mataji goes into one of those places she willnot survive for more than a week so sending her there is like adeath sentence.

As Hindus, we have a long and glorious tradition of our extendedfamily and caring for all at our homes. Let us strive to maintainthat treasured custom, even in this hectic and tiring world. It ismost fulfilling to serve parents and elders as it is one of themost exalted characteristics of Sanatan Dharma.You should not ignore parents and elders - they are our Gods onearth and if you can't honour and pray to them then it ismeaningless and even hypocritical to pray to Bhagavan.

Hari Om

Deosaran Bisnath---------------------------Shree HariRam Ram

My heart aches on reading your email... and deep within long toreach out ...I am certain many other sadhaks emotionally canexperience what you are going through simply from your note. Butremain ever in that LIGHT that you speak off... never turn away fromit. It is His eternal promise to us... in Gita 9:22 that He willtake care of us !

Key is detachment and only doing to the best of your ability whatyou can do and forgetting the past or the future. Think of yourselfas a Nurse hired by the divine Light, the Source. You are onlyhired to do this work, rather the chosen One, you are merely takingcare of her to the best of your ability and nothing more.Absolutely nothing more. Live moment to moment guided by theLight... Not thinking about what will happen or what has happened inthe past... but living only in the present, in that Light that youspeak off in your note and guided by That and That alone. If youfeel exhausted, sleep and rest it out. Do not take the entire burdenon your head.

Swamiji often speaks of a wonderful example of a dog who is walkingunder a bullock cart filled with heavy goods. He is walking thereonly for protection against the heat of the sun (i.e. for shade).However, after sometime, the dog begins to feel he is the one thatis carrying the burden / weight of the entire cart and all the stuffon it. We all are like that dog. We begin to carry all the weighton our shoulder. Krishna clearly showed us with the Govardhanmountain...that HE ALONE is the One holding up the mountain with thetip of his tiny finger... that it is He and we are merelyinstruments and basking in His glory... nothing more!!!! Thereforedo the best you can... if you miss a day of care, a nurse or someoneat the hospital will fill the gap.

As Vyasji and other sadhaks have said... be fearless, worriless,doubtless, griefless.... without regreting the past or concern aboutthe future.. only doing what you are able to do... and leaving therest up to the Divine, the Beloved, the Light.. .the Spirit...And as Mike said, you definitely have direct support from this grouptherefore be strong. It is not an ordinary thing that you havestarted receiving these messages and reading them... and seeking outhelp from this group. You have done your part... let the restflow!!!! May That Divine Light Always be with you!

Meera DasRam Ram

---------------------------PRIOR POSTING

Hari Om

You have every right to be peaceful. "Duty" - is what you CAN andwhat you SHOULD. Once you have done what ever you could, there is noneed for you to feel guilty when you CAN NOT anymore. What you cannot do, it is not your duty to do.Hence be brave, be guiltfree, and see God's hand in every result.See God live in your Mom, in your mind, in your circumstances - andfor once with a simple heart surrender yourself completely into thehands of Paramatma. Once you surrender, thereafter you should notworry.

Stand erect. Be peaceful by realising that you did your level best.Don't look at all at the conduct of "relatives" ! They are made likethat only. They were not "yours", they are not "yours", they willnot be "yours" - there is no possibility of their everbeing "yours". Yours is only Paramatma ! Once you accept "mineness"with Him (He is always yours) , it would not matter to you, ifanybody is "yours" or not. GUARANTEED !! Remain Doubtless.Worryless. Griefless. Fearless.

Cry before Him- only before Him. Say now take over My Lord. Hesurely will. Have trust. Have belief. Thank Him any way !

Jai Shree Krishna

Vyas N B-Shree Hari-

Dear Anonymous,

My wife and I are in a very similar position to you, almost areflection of that which you have written.My role in all this is to mainly support my wife.

May I point out the family members have washed their hands of muchmore than caring for mother.Surely if they find themselves incapable of helping her directly canthey not at least support you?

You have done something very important, you have contacted this sitewith so much divine love and wisdom.

I feel that you need direct support, as I have no idea where you liveI cannot offer much, here in Australia there are support groups,religious and none religious.

You do not have to remain anonymous, but if you wish to fine.

Do come back to this site, I personally promise you I will alwaysreply and support you to best of my abilities.

You may find this site of value, I cannot recommend it too much.http://swamiramsukhdasji.net

May God bless you.

With Respect and Divine Love,

Mike (Keenor).--------------------------------

Priy AnonimousI say you are choosen by god to serve your mother.It comes rarely occassion that U get such chance.Whatever the situation please do all servings on the basis ofAlmighty lord.God is seeing every moment. He knows better than all of us.In MANAS:PRABHU BHANJIHI DARUN BIPATI, JAANAT JAN KI PIR.God will take care coz he knows all ur pains.Have faith. please.Raja Gurdasani--------------------------------Namasthe anonymous, I read your message and I guess I understandwhat you must be going through. do not worry much. God is there andeverything will be fine too. I just was wondering..where do youlive ? in which country ?Please try to find the local support groups regarding thesealzeimers' illness. I guess, u are handling this all on ur own andit would definitely get exhausting. Please find some of the memberswho are going thro similar situations via support groups.

also, when u mention about exhausting financial resources..how is ithappening ? is it possible if some nurse or anyone can take care ofher 2 to 3 days a week and during that time..u can do other thingsand you take care 2 to 3 days..so that you will also get a breakfrom the routine and get refreshed also.

Also, please think about this. in case if u are caring of ur anyfamily member..the other type of exhaustion we all may feel worriedthinking that it is our family member. Rather than that, ifpossible, just try to think that whatever situation we are ineither by choice or circumstance, think its God's work and do it. Inthe respect, although u may get physically exhausted, atleast theexhaustion will not be much from the emotional perspective. oncethe mental energy is not drained, you can be calm in every day'saction u do.

Please be strong and I am sure everything will be fine. Do notthnk..its ur mother..just think that it is God's work whatever u aredoing to ur mother. Definitely, please check on the supportgroups/non-profit organizations..they will definitely be there tohelp the people who are taking care of the people with illness.

My prayers and good wishes and so u feel peac in ur heart even inthe midst of all these.

namsthe again,Bharathi----------------------------Consider yourself as Arjuna in the battlefied of Kurukshetra, wherein the midst of the war between mother' illness including herstubborn rejection of all help and your own physical and mentalresources, you are completely dejected and despondent. This is thereality of the situation you cannot bear. Reading Gita is your LordKrishna: read this and identify the Truth. You are not responsiblefor anything, you are not the cause of anything. You have done whatyou have been doing and continue to be doing. But your actions donot cause the consequences that you desire and you do not desire.Whatever happens to Mother is destined to happen and you are neitherthe cause nor the one responsible for. You are just an witness toall happening.You are only to act as per the propensities/ tendencies that havebeen imparted in you by your genetics and past interactions/experiences with the environment you have grown up. This you have noalternative but to accept the pains and sufferings.Get out of identification with this You. This you is just anillusion that this you will have to live. But the Real You are theGod. Read Gita again and again to realize your Real You and getbeyond the chained you attached to the happenings of this Worldaround you. Pray and pray to God that He lifts you to the Real You.Know that when you try in this way to get into your Real you, yourapparent worldy you will have no suffering at all.All above are words and really cannot help you. Sincere andcontinuous prayer and submission to God as you read Gita can onlyhelp you.Basudeb Sen------------------------Yes, on a physical level it is all very difficult to understand andcope up with.But these things do happen with many families and part of ourworldly existence.

What helps us in these and all other situations is the spiritualwisdom/rules of our lives,knowing ourselves, doing things by remaining at the source......It may appear difficult but with some practice, one start gettingthe results....So please read the messages on this group and get into the spiritualmode....

Humble suggestions:

1) You have to understand who you are. So, ask yourself "Who am I?"and wait for the answer.Then try again...see what happens....what happens to thefeelings...the stress....Keep this practiceon whenever you can and find time or even while doing something....

2) Second question that may burst many myths is to understand who isgetting exhausted andwho is stressed....So ask your self "Who is getting exhausted", "Whois getting stressed"and again wait for the answer........

Our mind/ Mann is a wonderful instrument and able to create thingsout of nothing.....and weslowly become slaves of thoughts and further thoughts....The abovequestions help you to get rid of thethese absolutely unnecessary and unwanted thoughts. Once that beginto happen, you can see thelight which shall direct you to do what needs to be done happily andwithout much effort....

Best wishes....Sushil Jain

-------------------------Hi ,

God is only testing you, do your work and manage to distanceyourself from now or you will be heart broken when the time comes tosay good bye, god willing.

Pray more and carry on with your work, you have done your duty andthis is all you can do. You are answerable to only The Almighty, sogo about your work and pray when you find the time to do so.

All the best till you feel good.

BARBARA ALI-------------------------Dear Sadhak,Under the circumstances of your mother please do not lose confidencein your sincere caring of your mother who has given birth to you.Ifyou are tired then ask other members of your family to take care ofher If you have money please put her in a nursing home or any suchplace where her care is properly takenMatru devo Bhava " is a great obligation as narrated in Upnishad.

For her salvation please start reading one chapter of Bhagavat Gitaor the whole Gita on Sunday or any important day. Keep some chantingprogram at your place for finding a solution and relief to both ofyou. Have faith in God and a solutions will come within six monthsof your resolution to seek peace in your family.

Truly yoursShankerprasad S Bhatt-------------------------------Dear anonymous....My heart truly goes out to you.....unless one has been in asimilar situation, it is impossible to understand the level ofstress that you are experiencing. I am presently caring for an 84yr. old mataji, whose son passed away from cancer last November.(2008). He was only 54. She has one other son, but he is notvegetarian, so she does not wish to live with him, nor does she wishto relocate away from the devotional community she has grown used toin Los Angeles. I promised her son, who was not related to me, thatI would care for his mother. But I have my husband to help me. Iam constantly on the lookout for individuals from my temple who canspare time and energy to stay with this sweet, elderly lady,otherwise I take her everywhere with me, because to leave her aloneis quite scary...both for her, as she sits alone and doesn't move,and for me, because I am so worried about her when she is alone!And she doesn't even have alzheimer's, or anything like that. Justincontinence, which of course brings a load of socialpressures......and she screams about having to take a shower. Itis certainly a demanding service....one which the Supreme Lord willbless you millions of times over for executing so faithfully for solong......may you always be guided by the Lord in your heart to knowhow to continue pleasing Him.respectfully, Mahalaksmi Dasi------------------------------Arvind Khetia, engineer and a Hindu:Discouragement and hopelessness can arise due to many reasons.Spiritual wisdom is essential to cultivating a balanced mind. Then,one recognizes the negative influence of ego, greed and excessivematerial pleasures on one's mind and society. Consequently, onelearns to cultivate self-control, discriminate between what iseternal and transient, practice equanimity and follow one's dharma.Dharma requires one to perform the duties of life in accordance withuniversal ethical values.

Therefore, one's faith must be founded on spiritual reality to helpcombat discouragement and hopelessness. The Bhagavad-Gitastates, "When spiritual wisdom is the highest goal, one's faith isdeep and senses restrained, then one attains wisdom and acquiresperfect peace."

According to Vedanta, true faith begins with having faith inourselves. Then, through practicing the spiritual disciplines ofmeditation and yoga, one achieves a transformation of one'scharacter. Thus, one's faith evolves into the realization of one'sinner spiritual nature and manifests as enlightened optimism.

Arvind Khetia--------------------------Dear Exhausted ,

The True answer must come from your ' inside ', from inside you.No-one from outside can give you the correct answer for you, in yourparticular situation

Meditation will lead you to your inner being .Meditation is the only Way.....................Sit for formal meditation , morning and evening, half an hour .

BUT..................

When meditation does not ' happen', especially in the beginning(your mind does not move into it so easily), and Karma ( sewa) isalso so exhausting and stressful, ' prayer and satsanga' is theanswer ..........

A Prayer to God ( Krishna, Rama,Shiva, Allah, Waheguru ) forstrength and wisdom, whenever the mind falls ... Being at the feetof a master can do wonders !

narinder bhandari-------------------------------

SUMMARY OF SADHAK POSTINGS -

- Many good advices do not work... Only Bagavan can help, like inthe case of Drowpati being disrobed. Why attachment even in mindlevel?

- complaint raises from the violation of one's core limits as wellas limitations - natural, psychological, physiological, financial,social as well as spiritual - leading to exhaustion and distress.- you are on the right path.- You have already experienced "nothing is mine,"... now the nextstep... "only God is mine". Why subtle insistence on recoveryetc., What can you do , except doing your duty? AND THAT YOU HAVEDONE and ARE DOING ! Fault is linking duty with old memories ! Faultis in re-living the past! which does not exist! Forgive and forget!on shedding the insistence, peace will prevail.- if you are not at peace within, you can not comfort anybody elseno matterwhat your understanding/determination/ intention is.- What a destructive force is hatred? And how indestructibleis 'Divine Love'. Some people will never abandon any needy, it istheir very nature to care.- Do your duty and forget. Nothing is ours.- think 10 times before taking any decision, so that there be noregrets.- you can sacrifice, only to the extent possible and bearable, foryour Mother -not merely because she is your mother but because she is as much amanifestation of God- do work deligently and discharge of duties earnestly- Nurse - pure service, so impersonal, and yet so compassionate ...if we could be like that in spite of having emotional relations- we are the chosen ones. there are no options regarding caring forparents. We have to do it.- as far as possible keep them (elders) at home.- distribute sweets / candy to poor children then the griefDEFINITELY goes !- You only receiving suffering to the extent that you can handle.- Don't seek any reciprocation for your good deeds- Being Peaceful is your birth right! What you can not do, it isnot your duty! be guiltfree. See God in Mom, and take completerefuge in the Divine (God); accept only Him as yours; thereafter donot worry! Remain Doubtless. Worryless. Griefless. Fearless.- you are choosen by god to serve your mother; a rare opportunity!Serve as if serving Almighty! He knows what is best! He knows ur pain- My heart truly goes out to you.....it is certainly a demandingservice. may you always be guided by the Lord in your heart to knowhow to continue pleasing Him.- YOUR HEALTH IS INTRICATELY CONNECTED TO YOUR MOTHER'S WELL-BEING.- you are being tested; You have done your duty! continue workingbut becoming detached. Pray. You are only answerable to God.- Karma Favoring you - On one hand you are doing selfless duty andthus accumulating "assets" . On other hand with everyabuse/disrespect/spit on the face your "liabilities" aresimultaneously getting wiped out-without any effort at your end ! Become grateful to Paramatma ! Heonly is ours. Other than Him there is only "duty" !- you need a break, some relief. DO yoga/meditate regularly.- Whatever happens to Mother is destined to happen and you areneither the cause nor the one responsible for. Stop identificationwith Body/Mind and identify with the Truth of the Gita. Read Gitaagain and again! prayer and submission to God/Gita can only help you.- Leave for ever " desire for happiness". Immediately / Instantlypains will vanish.- Have tremendous trust in God doing just what is right. "thisshall pass too".- Write your prayer on a piece of paper. acknowledging you cannotresolve this problem alone, seek help! place at His feet and becomeworriless.- we are just puppets. We are supposed to do our duty and not tointerfere with the result, just accept it. If you too accept thisfact then there will be no stress, no exhaustion, no disappointments.- Spiritual wisdom is essential to cultivating a balanced mind.True faith begins with having faith in ourselves.- Question over and over again.. who am I? who is gettingexhausted? Who is getting stressed? and wait for the answer! Mindcreates things out of nothing! The above questions help you to getrid of the unnecessary thoughts. thereafter light shall direct youto do what needs to be done happily and without much effort- Meditate and Pray... at lotus feet of Lord- Pray to God. You are doing what He desires. He will give you thestrength andlead you to more important, interesting experiences and knowledge- Do not lose confidence. Seek Help! Read Gita! Have Faith in Godand solution will come.- Read Gita again and again. But only those portions on the conceptof God and what the wise persons do.- Take time out for personal rest and relaxation. Avoid getting thecarer disease...DYSTHEMIA- you are getting their full blessings. And these special blessingscan turn any negativity in a patri to the most blessed and enrichedlife. You are truly blessed believe me. Turn this into anoppurtunity rather than a crisis.- created a small sanctuary in my house where I hide to be with God- You need direct support! Are there support groups / others?Don't hesitated to rely on sadhaks in this forum. They arepersonally committed to support.- Please seek out a local support group! Possibly a break, throughhired nurse help, so can get some rest!- Think of yourself as a Nurse only... taking care of her for shorttime... not thinking of past or future. Live in present, guided bythe light.- remember every day that I am Gods Only and no one else is mine.Rest in Paramaatma as taking care of your self.- think its God's work you are doing for your mother and do it!There will be less emotional exhaustion, therefore you'll be calmeven though physical strain.- The Nature has made all the life forms self-sufficient. Each onehas to face their own fate all alone. Whosoever is born, has to dieone day. so be brave...- wrting three pages to God daily, first thing in the morning- Please keep confidence in God who will find a way our of yourworries and direct you about the action you have to take- Please be strong and all will be fine!- relax please ...- every day I thank Bhagavan for giving me the opportunity and thehonour to help her and be there with her- keep confidence in God who will find a way our of your worries anddirect you about the action you have to take- Let us strive to maintain that treasured custom, even in thishectic and tiring world. It is most fulfilling to serve parents andelders as it is one of the most exalted characteristics of SanatanDharma.- Entering into the depth of 'Darkness', it is there that you cansee the Divine Light.- 'Cry before Him- only before Him. Say now take over My Lord. Hesurely will. Have trust. Have belief. Thank Him any way !'- cry out like a child who is lost and is looking for Mother orFather, place no restriction call to Him as child, go where it takesyou - He gets away all your pain depending upon intensity andsincerity of your prayer- We can never repay the debt of mother's milk; therefore do notshrink from your duty to serve your mother in her hour of need- Life is what it has to be and NOT what you wish it to be.ACCEPTANCE is key. rendering to your Mother is the service to God.- Depression is tendency of mind to travel excessively intoNOTHINGNESS and into pessimism! Simply disown the mind emotionally.When any worldly thought comes into mind – IGNORE. Neither like itnor dislike it ! Just be indifferent, UDAASIN. Neither past norfuture exists NOW ! A thing which does not exist, why to worry aboutthe same? convert this DUKHALAYAM into VASUDEVAH SARVAM. A learnedpersons tolerates this tax by wisdom, while a fool tolerates this byregretting/ crying.) Hence be brave. One who has given beak to you,will give food also ! Simply DON'T WORRY !!! NEVER NEVER WORRYHENCE FORTH.- Gita ends with advice of Lord Krishna : Ma Suchah - PLEASE DO NOTWORRY !- One stroke of will power .... just one ..... to Understand thatyou are seeking freedom from pain, not just a relief for a shortduration ! And , only the self can help. Be yourself. Loveyourself. Love is the Way- How can daughter of Paramatma be depressed? Is God not there? Heis alive. He is there. We all are with you. Our prayers will makeboth of you alright. Please remain cheerful. Depression does notlike laughter. The moment you laugh , depression will run away.- No tears please. Angels dont weep !- Just dont bother about anything. Whatever is destined will takeplace. Take sufficient rest. If sleep does not come easily, thenkeep chanting God's name- Day is over! ( Sorrow is gone) . Now have a nice sleep ! (Bepeaceful) !

- Pet a cow in a "Gaushala" ( place where there are cows). Take yourmom there with you. By caressing the body of cows is capable ofcuring even incurable diseases.

- Mind may be depressed, but not our Divine Sophia. Nothing now canharm you, once you have cried before God. Just feel jubilant.- Be a witness to all happenings- Do no encourage the depression by giving it importance..shoo isaway. think of those in worst of situations (Africa, all thatpoverty and suffering); healing and spiritually cannot be separated;- God wants you be His Happy child-------------------------My mother is once again hospitalized… im sorry im exhausted andvery stressed. After five years of taking care of her entirely onmy own, as other family members have washed their hands off, I feelcompletely exhausted. She is also a alzheimers patient exhibitingall behaviour related to this deadly disease. She continues to beextremely stubborn in receiving any kind of help which is continuingto exhaust and drain all her financial resources.

Caring for her for so long, I feel like I will have a stroke or aheart attack. There have been many incidents where I have beencompletely freaked out, totally drained of all energy. This extremephysical and mental exhaustion has reached a point where I canbarely make it off the bed, with my eyes swollen from exhaustion.

I read the words in your daily posting and though i know they aretrue, they mean nothing in my serious state of exhaustion. I canno longer care for my mother and have told her doctors so and theyknow and agree. Knowing that I still feel responsible, but at thesame time, feel completely unable to deal with the situation.There appears to be no Light in sight! How do I connect to thisLight? I seek any guidance you can offer to be free of sufferingand to be at Peace!

May all souls cross over the horrid ocean of sufferingincluding me.

Sophia

--------------------------

GITA TALK GROUP GUIDELINES: PLEASE -1. Only responses that further clarify Gita message will be posted.2. Quote Gitaji/scriptures wherever possible..3. Limit personal feelings, opinions, beliefs etc. to theextent that they further help in understanding the Gita shlokas4. Be as concise, to the point, respecting sadhaka's time.5. Focus on subject at hand only.6. Do not include links to the other sites.7. Do not include your personal information (Ph #, address etc).8. Do not personalize message9. All responses may not be posted.10. Moderator at his discretion, may modify the posting.11. Take into consideration the novices, youth, westerners, non-sectarian audience. i.e. limit the use to Sanskrit words only.Provide English word bracketed.

MODERATORRam Ram------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------

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