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Hari Om.

 

My father expired (died) suddenly and I am the youngest and his favorite. I am

hurt and devastated, my pati does not support me. He is cruel and hurtful to me

all the time and have little patience to even pay the slightest attention. From

the moment the rites were over and we return to home, he never cared that i am

hurting and grieving for my father.

He wants his food and his clothes and demands that everything be done for him

else he quarrels. All i hear is about him and how he feels and what he is doing.

He never bothers about how i feel. Most days i do not care to even get out of

bed and he starts to complain. My father is dead and my life is in hell with my

pati.

 

Please understand my desire to not state / publish my name. I am afraid.

----------------------------

Shree Hari

Ram Ram

Kindly suggest Gita shlokas as well and practical lessons and their application

from Gita to help sadhak.

From Gita Talk Moderators, Ram Ram

----------------------------

 

 

GITA TALK GROUP GUIDELINES: PLEASE -

1. Only responses that further clarify Gita message will be posted.

2. Quote Gitaji/scriptures wherever possible..

3. Limit personal feelings, opinions, beliefs etc. to the

extent that they further help in understanding the Gita shlokas

4. Be as concise, to the point, respecting sadhaka's time.

5. Focus on subject at hand only.

6. Do not include links to the other sites.

7. Do not include your personal information (Ph #, address etc).

8. Do not personalize message

9. All responses may not be posted.

10. Moderator at his discretion, may modify the posting.

11. Take into consideration the novices, youth, westerners, non-

sectarian audience. i.e. limit the use to Sanskrit words only.

Provide English word bracketed.

 

MODERATOR

Ram Ram

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------

 

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Hari Om.

QUESTION SUMMARIZE (DETAILS BELOW)

My father expired (died) suddenly. I am hurt, devastated, and

grieving deeply with no support from cruel, hurtful, quarreling,

complaining and insensitive pati (husband) does not support me. Most

days i do not care to even get out of bed. Please Help!

----------------------------

Shree Hari, Ram Ram

Kindly suggest Gita shlokas as well and practical lessons and their

application from Gita to help sadhak.

From Gita Talk Moderators, Ram Ram

----------------------------

NEW POSTING

 

Lord Krishna is there for us. Go to Him, have faith in Him, seek

solace and comfort in Him.

" He who follows the imperishable path of devotional service and

completely engage yourself with faith, making Me the supreme goal,

is very, very dear to Me " ( B.G 12-20).

 

Bhagavan instructs us not to grieve for the dead.

" While speaking learned words, you are mourning for what is not

worthy of grief. Those who are wise lament neither for the living

nor the dead " (B.G. 2-11)

 

Try to attain a state of equanimity. A pure devotee is never

disturbed in any circumstances nor envious of anyone. Nor does a

devotee become his enemy's enemy; he thinks that one is acting as

his enemy due to his own past misdeeds.

 

In the Srimad-Bhagavatam it is stated: tat te 'nukampam

susamiksamano. Whenever a devotee is in distress or has fallen into

difficulty, he thinks that it is the Lord's mercy upon him. He

thinks: " Thanks to my past misdeeds I should suffer far, far greater

than I am suffering now. So it is by the mercy of the Supreme Lord

that I am not getting all the punishment I am due. I am just getting

a little, by the mercy of the Supreme Personality of Godhead. "

 

Try to determine why is your pati behaving in this manner. Getting

to the source of the problem is most important.

 

Look into yourself. This is very difficult but you must also be

honest and try to determine if any aspect of your behavior and

lifestyle contributes towards dissonance and discord in the

marriage.

 

It could be that you are still in intense grief and expect him to

share that same level of grief. This is unrealistic.

 

It could be that your grief prevents you from reciprocating feelings

of love and happiness. This may lead to poor and insufficent

communications between the two of you.

 

There could be other unfavourable factors that are present in the

marriage but you and your pati may be focussing on the most obvious

ones. Look at all other aspects of the behavior of both of you.

 

In many cases, the state of careers of husband and wife is a source

of problems. One may be far more successful than the other in which

case there could be issue of envy and inferiority complex with

feelings of bitterness.

 

Try to start and deepen a dialogue with him. Be patient and be

prepared for pitfalls on the way. Pray to Lord Krshna for help. In

the end, it may not be successful but you must try and ask the Lord

for help.

 

As a practical matter, seek the help of respected/wise ones and

elders to mediate with you and your pati.

 

May Bhagavan Bless and protect both of you and you have an enjoyable

marriage.

 

Krishna S

---------------------------

-Shree Hari-

 

Dear Soul,

 

There is something that your pati can never take away from you, it is

the love you and your father had, it will be with you till the end of

this life, and beyond.

 

You appear to be in depression, and you may need help to lift

yourself out of its grip. (Maybe a good female companion to have a

cup of coffee with, and a good talk, maybe with a relative. Perhaps

take up Hatha Yoga, T'ai Chi, or power walking. Break the nexus.)

 

What appears to be happening, is what I call positive feedback, you

mope in bed, husband complains, you feel more retched, you mope in

bed, husband complains.........

 

Never the less read the verse below, does that generally describe

your pati, contemplate the last two lines

 

B.G. 16

Given over to egoism,

Power, insolence, lust and wrath,

These malignant people hate Me

In both themselves and in others. (18)

 

No one knows, but you, if you are complicit in the night mare you

find yourself. Where and why it all started to go wrong.

 

Remember all the grieving in the world cannot change reality, so dear

soul grieve, and then turn you attention to the Divine Indwelling, HE

will never leave you.

 

B.G. 12

He neither rejoices nor hates,

Nor grieves, nor desires, renouncing

Both good and evil, and full of

Devotion–he is dear to Me. (17)

 

With Respect and Divine Love,

 

Mike (Keenor)

 

---------------------------

This is intolerable and in that case we have to surrender ourselves

to God. Take help from family members and close friends Still

however this is the case of the " grief' for which I have a special

article. In such circumstances when we lose somebody from our house

Have courage and confidence in the grace of god and offer prayers

continuously requesting Him to relieve you from such circumstances

I request Gita Talk to keep my email to convey to him

Truly yours

 

S S Bhatt

---------------------------

Madam,

Could you first tell me whether you are living in bed room that is

in North east.

B.Sathyanarayan

---------------------------

Hello Dear,

 

Your father meant the world to you, but this is a part of life and

in due course of time you will get over his departure from this

world.

 

Once there was a group of mourners walking by in my sleep, and one

of the male mourners was very sad the others were happy as they

passed by. My dad died a few weeks ago before I got the dream.

 

So in my sleep I asked the man why he was so sad and he replied

saying: Look at all their candles burning brightly, only my candle

is offing all the time: I asked him why this was happening and he

replied " I am your father who passed a way a few weeks ago, and you

never stop weeping, your tears are dropping on the candle flame and

putting it off.

 

I then told him that I would never weep again, but offer prayers

instead , when ever I think of him or miss him .With this I never

had the same dream or the feeling of being sad, or missing my dad,

God helped me to get over his departure and today its 13 years, I

smile at the memories we had shared durng his life time.

 

Your Pati has every right to demand his needs, he is your life time

partner and next to God. You have to do your duty to him and not

keep thinking about your dad who is no more, this is what God wants

of you, to carry on your life, and do your duty to your husband.

 

Family life is next to Godliness so carry on with your every day

life and pray when you think of your dad, that his soul may rest in

peace amen.

 

Bye,

 

barbara

 

 

 

---------------------------

 

BHATTJI, KINDLY SUMMARIZE YOUR ARTICLE TO BENEFIT ALL SADHAKS AS

OTHERS TOO MAY BE EXPERIENCING THE SAME.

Gita Talk Moderators

---------------------------

SUMMARY - SADHAK RESPONSES

 

- it is part of life and in due time you will overcome

- love you and your father had, will be with you till the end of

this life, and beyond.

 

- find a female companion for sharing

- Lord Krishna is there for us. Go to Him, have faith in Him, seek

solace and comfort in Him.

- not to grieve for the dead says Bhagavan

- Try to attain a state of equanimity

- Whenever a devotee is in distress or has fallen into difficulty,

he thinks that it is the Lord's mercy upon him.

- Examine your own self! Expecting him to share that same level of

grief is unrealistic. Other factors may be causing bitterness, envy!

- Take help from family members and close friends

- ask the Lord for help

- Have courage and confidence in the grace of God and offer prayers

continuously requesting Him to relieve you from such circumstances

- Location of bedroom - North East?

- never weep again, but offer prayers instead when ever you think of

him or miss him

- God wants of you, to carry on your life, and do your duty to your

husband. Family life is next to Godliness.

- turn you attention to the Divine Indwelling, HE will never leave

you. " B.G. 12 - He neither rejoices nor hates, Nor grieves, nor

desires, renouncing, Both good and evil, and full of Devotion–he is

dear to Me. (17)

 

 

 

 

----------------------------

QUESTION DETAIL

My father expired (died) suddenly and I am the youngest and his

favorite. I am hurt and devastated, my pati does not support me. He

is cruel and hurtful to me all the time and have little patience to

even pay the slightest attention. From the moment the rites were

over and we return to home, he never cared that i am hurting and

grieving for my father.

He wants his food and his clothes and demands that everything be

done for him else he quarrels. All i hear is about him and how he

feels and what he is doing.

He never bothers about how i feel. Most days i do not care to even

get out of bed and he starts to complain. My father is dead and my

life is in hell with my pati.

 

Please understand my desire to not state / publish my name. I am

afraid.

 

 

---------------------------

GITA TALK GROUP GUIDELINES: PLEASE -

1. Only responses that further clarify Gita message will be posted.

2. Quote Gitaji/scriptures wherever possible..

3. Limit personal feelings, opinions, beliefs etc. to the

extent that they further help in understanding the Gita shlokas

4. Be as concise, to the point, respecting sadhaka's time.

5. Focus on subject at hand only.

6. Do not include links to the other sites.

7. Do not include your personal information (Ph #, address etc).

8. Do not personalize message

9. All responses may not be posted.

10. Moderator at his discretion, may modify the posting.

11. Take into consideration the novices, youth, westerners, non-

sectarian audience. i.e. limit the use to Sanskrit words only.

Provide English word bracketed.

 

MODERATOR

Ram Ram

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------

 

Post message:

Subscribe: -

Un: -

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Share on other sites
Guest guest

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Posted
Posted

Hari Om.

QUESTION SUMMARIZE (DETAILS BELOW)

My father expired (died) suddenly. I am hurt, devastated, and

grieving deeply with no support from cruel, hurtful, quarreling,

complaining and insensitive pati (husband) does not support me. Most

days i do not care to even get out of bed. Please Help!

----------------------------

Shree Hari, Ram Ram

SADHAKS KINDLY FOCUS ON SPIRITUAL TEACHINGS / ADVICE FROM GITA.

From Gita Talk Moderators, Ram Ram

----------------------------

NEW POSTING

 

Shree Hari

Ram Ram

 

When a loved one passes away, one can be heart broken, at that time

one can develop intense " vairaag " detachment too. This is the time

to transform spiritually. Even though it may appear to be

difficult, but draw your attention inwards. Swamiji says - We will

all experience death (of the body) some day and all alone. Entirely

all on our own, as no one will come with us. Can you think of

anyone? Therefore get to know Bhagwaan. It is the best of all. Grab

hold of Him. Are you able to hold on to anything else? Try to hold

on to time, can you? Ajaamil understood all this in the end! If God

of Death (Yamdoot) comes, to you today, then who will be your

support? Who is there that you will call on? You have to depend on

someone? One has to have faith in something or someone?

 

Therefore have faith in Bhagwaan (God). Only He is your eternal

support, Your Father, your Protector! the ONLY Patient One! the

ONLY One fully attentive! the Only One completely Empathetic and

Understanding! the Only One full of Compassion ! the Only One that

is nothing but Merciful! the Only One that does not DEMAND

anything! the Only One that does not Complain about anything! The

Only One that does not fight/quarrel! and the Only one that is

nothing but ATTENTIVE! Now why look / expect from others? Hey

Naath, He Mere Naath ! Call out to Him, because He ALONE is your

Eternal Father! your Beloved One!

 

In the absolute sense we are part of Him only – " Ishvar ansh, jeev

avinaashi…. " says Bhagwaan Himself. He is our Param Pita (Eternal

Father). Twameva Maata che Pita Twameva, …… Twameva Sarvam Mama Deva

Devah " . You are my everything. He Naath, he Mere Naath ! Hey Mere

Swami, Mein bhooloon nahin. Let me never forget You. With these

sentiments, he will surely protect you and has been protecting you

all along. Have faith! He will take care of everything, and it the

grace of Bhagwaan alone that is at work. The minute you remember

him, it will be alright, reaffirms Swamiji.

 

Meera Das

Ram Ram

------------------------------

 

Jai Hanuman

 

Some practical suggestions from Swamiji's books:-

 

1 If somebody's bhava (sentiments) against you is bad/ he or she is

annoyed , then everyday in the morning and evening in your mind

(mental only) bow to her/him. If you do that regularly , the other

person's sentiments (bhava) will change vis-a-vis you. Those who

are 'sadhaks', their 'mental pranaam' acts very fast !

 

2. If somebody's ( say hubby's) nature/habits (svabhav) are bad ,

then when he is in deep sleep, whisper to him - " You are very good.

Your habit is very good. There is no anger in you " etc. When you do

so for some days, his nature (svabhav) will improve.

 

3 If some one near and dear does not behave properly, stop

considering him/her to be " mine " ! The moment you

renounce " mineness " - improvements will start coming in him/her.

 

Namaste Jee.

Jee Jee

Shashikala

-------------------------------

 

I am surprised that ur somebody is calling husband as next to god so

far as the wife is concerned. Even if the husband is cruel she is

advised to take care of him as he is her life partner and serve him

faithfully. If you can't provide proper advise to people don't give

them reactionary views that ur husband is ur god.

 

" sdisrani "

 

-

 

Dear Annonymous Sadhika,

 

From your account, it is not clear whether you can survive in the

society on your own, whether you can do a job and earn, whether you

have any kids...Be brave . Do your duties as a wife and do not

expect any rewards...one day you will certainly be rewarded...have

hopes...

 

You may ask for help from your brothers and sisters or husband`s

relatives.

 

....Gee Waman

-----------------------------

 

 

 

Most humbly I submit that you are looking for sympathy/consolation

while you should be looking for the understanding of life /truth...

 

Try and understand who you really are? Who is your father?

Who died? Who is your husband? Why should you be grieving?

Why should not you celebrate?

 

Why we have come in this world? Certainly not for grieving......

Do we have a choice to choose happiness all the time?

 

Manan on these questions and answer to these will bring you out of

grief....

to joy full life........You change may change the husband too....

Try it out.......Be brave. to be free from the clutter........Best

wishes

 

Sushil Jain

----------------------------

 

 

 

Hari Om

 

You have many options Dear Sister. All, however, require you to

change your current attitude regarding your husband.

 

Your problem is that he is too ignorant, cold, vis a vis your

sentiments, emotions. Right? Of course he expects you to keep doing

his work meticulously. Your expectations/desires from him are going

abegging!

 

OPTION 1

 

Do not consider husband to be " yours " at all. Consider God to

be 'yours' instead. All expectations for a decent conduct from him

arise because of your 'mineness' with him. Throw that away. He will

change.

 

You sound hurt and he knows that. You are not retaliating and

obeying , he knows that. You are doing each of his work, he knows

that. He is under a belief that what can you do except obeying him.

You need to break his that belief ruthlessly. Remember he needs you

more than you need him. He will be crestfallen if you become a

fierce lioness ! He does not know female power. He is weak and is

trying to hide his weakness in the outer conduct of 'toughness'. He

knows you are 'afraid/shocked' and he has no option but to keep you

in that mode , if possible through out the life. Remember, he feels

that he has overdone everything. Now he doesn't see any point in

coming to normalcy and would like to continue that conduct as much

as he can. He is too unmanly to think beyond arrogance.

 

That gives you 'power' ! That gives you options !

 

A silent change in your inner expression from ' he is mine' to 'he

is not mine' will immediately get you relief and will cause his

attitude to change without your even telling him that you have

changed inside !! How it happens, I don't know. But it definitely

happens, I know !

 

In Shashikalaji's words- That is Swamiji Ramsukhdasji Maharaj for

you, Dear Sadhaks !

 

It is not a comprehensive reply. As deliberations progress we will

discuss many alternatives and discuss the above too. Let us think

together. In the meantime tell us a bit more about the family. Keep

in touch. Deliberate actively. Don't be afraid.

 

Jai Shree Krishna

 

Vyas N B

-------------------------------

 

More the affection more the pain. Time normally slowly erases. Visit

temples. A spiritual healer helps in such times. B.Sathyanarayan

----------------------------

 

The disciples of the teachings of Bhagwan krishna. The continued

debate and dialogues and words of wisdom flowing from all has been

very helpful and more than likley in the deppest of the deep heart

and spirit every one knows but the problem as I see is how to

How to get rid of external veil of I I I and why ME and ME and why

not others Some one wil say I have SELF PRIDE and why AHAM and how

to win or get rid of AHAM. Which is inherntly bonded in every human

being and how to surrender to niceties of the spirit and soul and

not mind or body is what we need Surrender to me by Bhakti or other

means like MEERA is what Krishna would say but practicalty ____ how

can we let go I I AHAM and break the barrier is the essence of

pursuit of happiness HOW TO

Thanks

Dinesh patel

 

-----------------------------

PRIOR POSTING

 

Lord Krishna is there for us. Go to Him, have faith in Him, seek

solace and comfort in Him.

" He who follows the imperishable path of devotional service and

completely engage yourself with faith, making Me the supreme goal,

is very, very dear to Me " ( B.G 12-20).

 

Bhagavan instructs us not to grieve for the dead.

" While speaking learned words, you are mourning for what is not

worthy of grief. Those who are wise lament neither for the living

nor the dead " (B.G. 2-11)

 

Try to attain a state of equanimity. A pure devotee is never

disturbed in any circumstances nor envious of anyone. Nor does a

devotee become his enemy's enemy; he thinks that one is acting as

his enemy due to his own past misdeeds.

 

In the Srimad-Bhagavatam it is stated: tat te 'nukampam

susamiksamano. Whenever a devotee is in distress or has fallen into

difficulty, he thinks that it is the Lord's mercy upon him. He

thinks: " Thanks to my past misdeeds I should suffer far, far greater

than I am suffering now. So it is by the mercy of the Supreme Lord

that I am not getting all the punishment I am due. I am just getting

a little, by the mercy of the Supreme Personality of Godhead. "

 

Try to determine why is your pati behaving in this manner. Getting

to the source of the problem is most important.

 

Look into yourself. This is very difficult but you must also be

honest and try to determine if any aspect of your behavior and

lifestyle contributes towards dissonance and discord in the

marriage.

 

It could be that you are still in intense grief and expect him to

share that same level of grief. This is unrealistic.

 

It could be that your grief prevents you from reciprocating feelings

of love and happiness. This may lead to poor and insufficent

communications between the two of you.

 

There could be other unfavourable factors that are present in the

marriage but you and your pati may be focussing on the most obvious

ones. Look at all other aspects of the behavior of both of you.

 

In many cases, the state of careers of husband and wife is a source

of problems. One may be far more successful than the other in which

case there could be issue of envy and inferiority complex with

feelings of bitterness.

 

Try to start and deepen a dialogue with him. Be patient and be

prepared for pitfalls on the way. Pray to Lord Krshna for help. In

the end, it may not be successful but you must try and ask the Lord

for help.

 

As a practical matter, seek the help of respected/wise ones and

elders to mediate with you and your pati.

 

May Bhagavan Bless and protect both of you and you have an enjoyable

marriage.

 

Krishna S

---------------------------

-Shree Hari-

 

Dear Soul,

 

There is something that your pati can never take away from you, it is

the love you and your father had, it will be with you till the end of

this life, and beyond.

 

You appear to be in depression, and you may need help to lift

yourself out of its grip. (Maybe a good female companion to have a

cup of coffee with, and a good talk, maybe with a relative. Perhaps

take up Hatha Yoga, T'ai Chi, or power walking. Break the nexus.)

 

What appears to be happening, is what I call positive feedback, you

mope in bed, husband complains, you feel more retched, you mope in

bed, husband complains.........

 

Never the less read the verse below, does that generally describe

your pati, contemplate the last two lines

 

B.G. 16

Given over to egoism,

Power, insolence, lust and wrath,

These malignant people hate Me

In both themselves and in others. (18)

 

No one knows, but you, if you are complicit in the night mare you

find yourself. Where and why it all started to go wrong.

 

Remember all the grieving in the world cannot change reality, so dear

soul grieve, and then turn you attention to the Divine Indwelling, HE

will never leave you.

 

B.G. 12

He neither rejoices nor hates,

Nor grieves, nor desires, renouncing

Both good and evil, and full of

Devotion–he is dear to Me. (17)

 

With Respect and Divine Love,

 

Mike (Keenor)

 

---------------------------

This is intolerable and in that case we have to surrender ourselves

to God. Take help from family members and close friends Still

however this is the case of the " grief' for which I have a special

article. In such circumstances when we lose somebody from our house

Have courage and confidence in the grace of god and offer prayers

continuously requesting Him to relieve you from such circumstances

I request Gita Talk to keep my email to convey to him

Truly yours

 

S S Bhatt

---------------------------

Madam,

Could you first tell me whether you are living in bed room that is

in North east.

B.Sathyanarayan

---------------------------

Hello Dear,

 

Your father meant the world to you, but this is a part of life and

in due course of time you will get over his departure from this

world.

 

Once there was a group of mourners walking by in my sleep, and one

of the male mourners was very sad the others were happy as they

passed by. My dad died a few weeks ago before I got the dream.

 

So in my sleep I asked the man why he was so sad and he replied

saying: Look at all their candles burning brightly, only my candle

is offing all the time: I asked him why this was happening and he

replied " I am your father who passed a way a few weeks ago, and you

never stop weeping, your tears are dropping on the candle flame and

putting it off.

 

I then told him that I would never weep again, but offer prayers

instead , when ever I think of him or miss him .With this I never

had the same dream or the feeling of being sad, or missing my dad,

God helped me to get over his departure and today its 13 years, I

smile at the memories we had shared durng his life time.

 

Your Pati has every right to demand his needs, he is your life time

partner and next to God. You have to do your duty to him and not

keep thinking about your dad who is no more, this is what God wants

of you, to carry on your life, and do your duty to your husband.

 

Family life is next to Godliness so carry on with your every day

life and pray when you think of your dad, that his soul may rest in

peace amen.

 

Bye,

 

barbara

 

 

 

---------------------------

 

BHATTJI, KINDLY SUMMARIZE YOUR ARTICLE TO BENEFIT ALL SADHAKS AS

OTHERS TOO MAY BE EXPERIENCING THE SAME.

Gita Talk Moderators

---------------------------

SUMMARY - SADHAK RESPONSES

 

- you are looking for the understanding of life /truth

 

- it is part of life and in due time you will overcome

 

- love you and your father had, will be with you till the end of

this life, and beyond.

- More the affection more the pain. Time normally slowly erases.

- find a female companion for sharing

- Do not consider husband to be " yours " at all. Consider God to

be 'yours' instead. All expectations for a decent conduct from him

arise because of your 'mineness' with him. A silent change in your

inner expression from ' he is mine' to 'he is not mine' will

immediately get you relief

- Do we have a choice to choose happiness all the time? Inquire on

who you are? purpose of life etc. Be brave. Be free !

- Lord Krishna is there for us. Go to Him, have faith in Him, seek

solace and comfort in Him.

- not to grieve for the dead says Bhagavan

- Try to attain a state of equanimity

- Whenever a devotee is in distress or has fallen into difficulty,

he thinks that it is the Lord's mercy upon him.

- Examine your own self! Expecting him to share that same level of

grief is unrealistic. Other factors may be causing bitterness, envy!

- Take help from family members and close friends

- ask the Lord for help

- Have courage and confidence in the grace of God and offer prayers

continuously requesting Him to relieve you from such circumstances

- Location of bedroom - North East?

- never weep again, but offer prayers instead when ever you think of

him or miss him

- God wants of you, to carry on your life, and do your duty to your

husband. Family life is next to Godliness.

- turn you attention to the Divine Indwelling, HE will never leave

you. " B.G. 12 - He neither rejoices nor hates, Nor grieves, nor

desires, renouncing, Both good and evil, and full of Devotion–he is

dear to Me. (17)

- The problem is how to get rid of external veil of I I I and why ME

and ME and how to win or get rid of AHAM, to let go, and break the

barrier is the essence of pursuit of happiness

- To help change a person - mentally bow to them, in sleep re-affirm

their goodness, or drop the mine-ness with them.

- get to know Bhagwaan. He alone is our Eternal Father... rest in

Him. Let Me Never Forget Him... and become at ease, peaceful.

 

 

 

 

----------------------------

QUESTION DETAIL

My father expired (died) suddenly and I am the youngest and his

favorite. I am hurt and devastated, my pati does not support me. He

is cruel and hurtful to me all the time and have little patience to

even pay the slightest attention. From the moment the rites were

over and we return to home, he never cared that i am hurting and

grieving for my father.

He wants his food and his clothes and demands that everything be

done for him else he quarrels. All i hear is about him and how he

feels and what he is doing.

He never bothers about how i feel. Most days i do not care to even

get out of bed and he starts to complain. My father is dead and my

life is in hell with my pati.

 

Please understand my desire to not state / publish my name. I am

afraid.

 

 

---------------------------

GITA TALK GROUP GUIDELINES: PLEASE -

1. Only responses that further clarify Gita message will be posted.

2. Quote Gitaji/scriptures wherever possible..

3. Limit personal feelings, opinions, beliefs etc. to the

extent that they further help in understanding the Gita shlokas

4. Be as concise, to the point, respecting sadhaka's time.

5. Focus on subject at hand only.

6. Do not include links to the other sites.

7. Do not include your personal information (Ph #, address etc).

8. Do not personalize message

9. All responses may not be posted.

10. Moderator at his discretion, may modify the posting.

11. Take into consideration the novices, youth, westerners, non-

sectarian audience. i.e. limit the use to Sanskrit words only.

Provide English word bracketed.

 

MODERATOR

Ram Ram

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------

 

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Shree Hari, Ram Ram

SADHAKS KINDLY FOCUS ON SPIRITUAL TEACHINGS / ADVICE FROM GITA.

Only respond if not already addressed by other Sadhaks.

From Gita Talk Moderators, Ram Ram

----------------------------

 

Hari Om

QUESTION SUMMARIZE (DETAILS BELOW)

My father expired (died) suddenly. I am hurt, devastated, and

grieving deeply with no support from cruel, hurtful, quarreling,

complaining and insensitive pati (husband) does not support me. Most

days i do not care to even get out of bed. Please Help!

----------------------------

----------------------------

NEW POSTING

 

Namasthe , This is my humble opinion.

As many of the other devotees have mentioned ,please surrender all

ur feelings of missing ur father to that SUPREME DIVINE and yes,

please remember that this time will pass too. Definitely God will

give u strength to overcome this situation for sure. As long as your

husband's attitude is concerned, please do not worry about it and

again, remember no one can be with you all the time other that

yourself and other that that SUPREME you believe in in whichever

form you are. As you know in Bhagavadgita, draupadi when she was

disgraced in the court of Duryodhana..who came to her resue..she

does not have one ..but five husbands. The husbands did not

anything..Only God Krishna had to come to her rescue. Just leave

everything to that God and that GOD is there with you and within you

all the time. Please try to remember that God has given you the

privilege to have the memories of your Father. The only reason you

miss someone is because we would have had pleasure with that someone

earlier..so it is ok. You can consider yourself lucky in a way u had

father..because so many people in the world would not have

experienced the love of parents at all. So, just be thankful and

greatful to God for have given u the gift of father to you so far.

Going forward, again, thank GOD for giving u the strength to

overcome the difficulty in missing your Father. HE (SUPREME) will

surely show u the way. also, remember that hundred years from

now..we all are not going to be on this earth..atleast in the

physical form which we are in today. another thing to remember is:

where and whatever form ur father is in now..he definitely does not

want u to be unhappy in any situation.I hope ur memories with ur

father may comfort you. With respect to ur husband..whatever you do

for him..just remember and try to surrender that complete action to

that GOD. God will take care of all the situations for you. Hope ur

heart is filled with peace and joyous memories of your Father.

Regards,

Bharathi

---------------------------

First of all my condolences on your bereavement. The callous

attitude of your husband must be compounding matters. On the other

hand the hard fact is that your loving Daddy is no more and that you

have only your husband to look after you. So while my sympathies are

with you must make an effort to come out of your grief and try to

get along with your husband as best as you can.

 

Hari Shanker Deo

---------------------------

Radhey Radhey

 

It is so nice to read flowing and highly charged message of Mira

Dassji. Indeed Paramatma is as such. However, as regards adjectives

such as " attentive " ,, " non demanding " etc for Paramatma I may state

that God is ONLY THAT MUCH ATTENTIVE TO YOU as you are to Him.

Otherwise He is only a DISINTERESTED friend of yours. Basically, He

neither loves nor hates any one.It cant be said to a normal human

being that God is " not demanding " and always merciful.. Nor it can

be said that He is the only PROTECTOR and no one /nothing else.

Dharma is , in reality, your protector. Your Good Karmas are your

protectors. It may be noted that even after surrender to Him under

Gitaji, the sorrows in your life do not cease, if you merit them

based on your Dharma or Karma. Hence His mercy is that He makes

you " carefree " . At the root level , of course, nothing can equal

Him. But that does not mean that He never metes out ruthlessness/

cruelty. He does not not leave in you even a trace of impurity and

He cleans you thoroughly. Hence to say that once you surrender to

Him , you get relieved of all pains and sorrows may not be befitting

under this Question. One has to suffer his pains in any case- even

when he is liberated. Hence I dont think that the suggestion will

work that easily. The biggest impediment in Surrender to Paramatma

is a condition that you should not worry. That is pretty demanding

in itself. You must conduct well so that future is rosy. You

must " Titikshva " ( BG 2) Bharat- you must tolerate the sorrows.

They cant be transferred. There is no immunity.

 

Nisha Chatterji

-------------------------------

 

Dear Annonymous Sadhika,

 

From your account, it is not clear whether you can survive in the

society on your own, whether you can do a job and earn, whether you

have any kids....You have to be brave and face the situation. You do

your duties as a wife and do not expect any rewards...one day you

will certainly be rewarded...have hopes...

 

You may ask for help from your brothers and sisters or husband`s

relatives.

 

....Gee Waman

----------------------------

 

I request Mira Dass to also clarify whether after doing what is

suggested by you, this divine soul has to do what practically ? Can

she after surrender stop doing her duties towards the household?

Should she stop paying any attention to her husband? How does she

solve her problems which she has narrated ? What Gita, scriptures

and Swami Ramsukhdasji say about it? Does surrender acquit her of

all of her responsibilities and duties? How worries/sorrow will

extinguish? What is advice in that regard?

 

Regards

 

Prepetina G

-------------------------------

Will Mr Vyas clarify to us the reasons for his change of stance

while replying to Shalini in an earlier question and now while reply

this soul's query to this forum?

 

Audrey

-------------------------------

 

 

----------------------------

PRIOR POSTING

 

Shree Hari

Ram Ram

 

When a loved one passes away, one can be heart broken, at that time

one can develop intense " vairaag " detachment too. This is the time

to transform spiritually. Even though it may appear to be

difficult, but draw your attention inwards. Swamiji says - We will

all experience death (of the body) some day and all alone. Entirely

all on our own, as no one will come with us. Can you think of

anyone? Therefore get to know Bhagwaan. It is the best of all. Grab

hold of Him. Are you able to hold on to anything else? Try to hold

on to time, can you? Ajaamil understood all this in the end! If God

of Death (Yamdoot) comes, to you today, then who will be your

support? Who is there that you will call on? You have to depend on

someone? One has to have faith in something or someone?

 

Therefore have faith in Bhagwaan (God). Only He is your eternal

support, Your Father, your Protector! the ONLY Patient One! the

ONLY One fully attentive! the Only One completely Empathetic and

Understanding! the Only One full of Compassion ! the Only One that

is nothing but Merciful! the Only One that does not DEMAND

anything! the Only One that does not Complain about anything! The

Only One that does not fight/quarrel! and the Only one that is

nothing but ATTENTIVE! Now why look / expect from others? Hey

Naath, He Mere Naath ! Call out to Him, because He ALONE is your

Eternal Father! your Beloved One!

 

In the absolute sense we are part of Him only – " Ishvar ansh, jeev

avinaashi…. " says Bhagwaan Himself. He is our Param Pita (Eternal

Father). Twameva Maata che Pita Twameva, …… Twameva Sarvam Mama Deva

Devah " . You are my everything. He Naath, he Mere Naath ! Hey Mere

Swami, Mein bhooloon nahin. Let me never forget You. With these

sentiments, he will surely protect you and has been protecting you

all along. Have faith! He will take care of everything, and it the

grace of Bhagwaan alone that is at work. The minute you remember

him, it will be alright, reaffirms Swamiji.

 

Meera Das

Ram Ram

------------------------------

 

Jai Hanuman

 

Some practical suggestions from Swamiji's books:-

 

1 If somebody's bhava (sentiments) against you is bad/ he or she is

annoyed , then everyday in the morning and evening in your mind

(mental only) bow to her/him. If you do that regularly , the other

person's sentiments (bhava) will change vis-a-vis you. Those who

are 'sadhaks', their 'mental pranaam' acts very fast !

 

2. If somebody's ( say hubby's) nature/habits (svabhav) are bad ,

then when he is in deep sleep, whisper to him - " You are very good.

Your habit is very good. There is no anger in you " etc. When you do

so for some days, his nature (svabhav) will improve.

 

3 If some one near and dear does not behave properly, stop

considering him/her to be " mine " ! The moment you

renounce " mineness " - improvements will start coming in him/her.

 

Namaste Jee.

Jee Jee

Shashikala

-------------------------------

 

I am surprised that ur somebody is calling husband as next to god so

far as the wife is concerned. Even if the husband is cruel she is

advised to take care of him as he is her life partner and serve him

faithfully. If you can't provide proper advise to people don't give

them reactionary views that ur husband is ur god.

 

" sdisrani "

 

-

 

Dear Annonymous Sadhika,

 

From your account, it is not clear whether you can survive in the

society on your own, whether you can do a job and earn, whether you

have any kids...Be brave . Do your duties as a wife and do not

expect any rewards...one day you will certainly be rewarded...have

hopes...

 

You may ask for help from your brothers and sisters or husband`s

relatives.

 

....Gee Waman

-----------------------------

 

 

 

Most humbly I submit that you are looking for sympathy/consolation

while you should be looking for the understanding of life /truth...

 

Try and understand who you really are? Who is your father?

Who died? Who is your husband? Why should you be grieving?

Why should not you celebrate?

 

Why we have come in this world? Certainly not for grieving......

Do we have a choice to choose happiness all the time?

 

Manan on these questions and answer to these will bring you out of

grief....

to joy full life........You change may change the husband too....

Try it out.......Be brave. to be free from the clutter........Best

wishes

 

Sushil Jain

----------------------------

 

 

 

Hari Om

 

You have many options Dear Sister. All, however, require you to

change your current attitude regarding your husband.

 

Your problem is that he is too ignorant, cold, vis a vis your

sentiments, emotions. Right? Of course he expects you to keep doing

his work meticulously. Your expectations/desires from him are going

abegging!

 

OPTION 1

 

Do not consider husband to be " yours " at all. Consider God to

be 'yours' instead. All expectations for a decent conduct from him

arise because of your 'mineness' with him. Throw that away. He will

change.

 

You sound hurt and he knows that. You are not retaliating and

obeying , he knows that. You are doing each of his work, he knows

that. He is under a belief that what can you do except obeying him.

You need to break his that belief ruthlessly. Remember he needs you

more than you need him. He will be crestfallen if you become a

fierce lioness ! He does not know female power. He is weak and is

trying to hide his weakness in the outer conduct of 'toughness'. He

knows you are 'afraid/shocked' and he has no option but to keep you

in that mode , if possible through out the life. Remember, he feels

that he has overdone everything. Now he doesn't see any point in

coming to normalcy and would like to continue that conduct as much

as he can. He is too unmanly to think beyond arrogance.

 

That gives you 'power' ! That gives you options !

 

A silent change in your inner expression from ' he is mine' to 'he

is not mine' will immediately get you relief and will cause his

attitude to change without your even telling him that you have

changed inside !! How it happens, I don't know. But it definitely

happens, I know !

 

In Shashikalaji's words- That is Swamiji Ramsukhdasji Maharaj for

you, Dear Sadhaks !

 

It is not a comprehensive reply. As deliberations progress we will

discuss many alternatives and discuss the above too. Let us think

together. In the meantime tell us a bit more about the family. Keep

in touch. Deliberate actively. Don't be afraid.

 

Jai Shree Krishna

 

Vyas N B

-------------------------------

 

More the affection more the pain. Time normally slowly erases. Visit

temples. A spiritual healer helps in such times. B.Sathyanarayan

----------------------------

 

The disciples of the teachings of Bhagwan krishna. The continued

debate and dialogues and words of wisdom flowing from all has been

very helpful and more than likley in the deppest of the deep heart

and spirit every one knows but the problem as I see is how to

How to get rid of external veil of I I I and why ME and ME and why

not others Some one wil say I have SELF PRIDE and why AHAM and how

to win or get rid of AHAM. Which is inherntly bonded in every human

being and how to surrender to niceties of the spirit and soul and

not mind or body is what we need Surrender to me by Bhakti or other

means like MEERA is what Krishna would say but practicalty ____ how

can we let go I I AHAM and break the barrier is the essence of

pursuit of happiness HOW TO

Thanks

Dinesh patel

 

-----------------------------

PRIOR POSTING

 

Lord Krishna is there for us. Go to Him, have faith in Him, seek

solace and comfort in Him.

" He who follows the imperishable path of devotional service and

completely engage yourself with faith, making Me the supreme goal,

is very, very dear to Me " ( B.G 12-20).

 

Bhagavan instructs us not to grieve for the dead.

" While speaking learned words, you are mourning for what is not

worthy of grief. Those who are wise lament neither for the living

nor the dead " (B.G. 2-11)

 

Try to attain a state of equanimity. A pure devotee is never

disturbed in any circumstances nor envious of anyone. Nor does a

devotee become his enemy's enemy; he thinks that one is acting as

his enemy due to his own past misdeeds.

 

In the Srimad-Bhagavatam it is stated: tat te 'nukampam

susamiksamano. Whenever a devotee is in distress or has fallen into

difficulty, he thinks that it is the Lord's mercy upon him. He

thinks: " Thanks to my past misdeeds I should suffer far, far greater

than I am suffering now. So it is by the mercy of the Supreme Lord

that I am not getting all the punishment I am due. I am just getting

a little, by the mercy of the Supreme Personality of Godhead. "

 

Try to determine why is your pati behaving in this manner. Getting

to the source of the problem is most important.

 

Look into yourself. This is very difficult but you must also be

honest and try to determine if any aspect of your behavior and

lifestyle contributes towards dissonance and discord in the

marriage.

 

It could be that you are still in intense grief and expect him to

share that same level of grief. This is unrealistic.

 

It could be that your grief prevents you from reciprocating feelings

of love and happiness. This may lead to poor and insufficent

communications between the two of you.

 

There could be other unfavourable factors that are present in the

marriage but you and your pati may be focussing on the most obvious

ones. Look at all other aspects of the behavior of both of you.

 

In many cases, the state of careers of husband and wife is a source

of problems. One may be far more successful than the other in which

case there could be issue of envy and inferiority complex with

feelings of bitterness.

 

Try to start and deepen a dialogue with him. Be patient and be

prepared for pitfalls on the way. Pray to Lord Krshna for help. In

the end, it may not be successful but you must try and ask the Lord

for help.

 

As a practical matter, seek the help of respected/wise ones and

elders to mediate with you and your pati.

 

May Bhagavan Bless and protect both of you and you have an enjoyable

marriage.

 

Krishna S

---------------------------

-Shree Hari-

 

Dear Soul,

 

There is something that your pati can never take away from you, it is

the love you and your father had, it will be with you till the end of

this life, and beyond.

 

You appear to be in depression, and you may need help to lift

yourself out of its grip. (Maybe a good female companion to have a

cup of coffee with, and a good talk, maybe with a relative. Perhaps

take up Hatha Yoga, T'ai Chi, or power walking. Break the nexus.)

 

What appears to be happening, is what I call positive feedback, you

mope in bed, husband complains, you feel more retched, you mope in

bed, husband complains.........

 

Never the less read the verse below, does that generally describe

your pati, contemplate the last two lines

 

B.G. 16

Given over to egoism,

Power, insolence, lust and wrath,

These malignant people hate Me

In both themselves and in others. (18)

 

No one knows, but you, if you are complicit in the night mare you

find yourself. Where and why it all started to go wrong.

 

Remember all the grieving in the world cannot change reality, so dear

soul grieve, and then turn you attention to the Divine Indwelling, HE

will never leave you.

 

B.G. 12

He neither rejoices nor hates,

Nor grieves, nor desires, renouncing

Both good and evil, and full of

Devotion–he is dear to Me. (17)

 

With Respect and Divine Love,

 

Mike (Keenor)

 

---------------------------

This is intolerable and in that case we have to surrender ourselves

to God. Take help from family members and close friends Still

however this is the case of the " grief' for which I have a special

article. In such circumstances when we lose somebody from our house

Have courage and confidence in the grace of god and offer prayers

continuously requesting Him to relieve you from such circumstances

I request Gita Talk to keep my email to convey to him

Truly yours

 

S S Bhatt

---------------------------

Madam,

Could you first tell me whether you are living in bed room that is

in North east.

B.Sathyanarayan

---------------------------

Hello Dear,

 

Your father meant the world to you, but this is a part of life and

in due course of time you will get over his departure from this

world.

 

Once there was a group of mourners walking by in my sleep, and one

of the male mourners was very sad the others were happy as they

passed by. My dad died a few weeks ago before I got the dream.

 

So in my sleep I asked the man why he was so sad and he replied

saying: Look at all their candles burning brightly, only my candle

is offing all the time: I asked him why this was happening and he

replied " I am your father who passed a way a few weeks ago, and you

never stop weeping, your tears are dropping on the candle flame and

putting it off.

 

I then told him that I would never weep again, but offer prayers

instead , when ever I think of him or miss him .With this I never

had the same dream or the feeling of being sad, or missing my dad,

God helped me to get over his departure and today its 13 years, I

smile at the memories we had shared durng his life time.

 

Your Pati has every right to demand his needs, he is your life time

partner and next to God. You have to do your duty to him and not

keep thinking about your dad who is no more, this is what God wants

of you, to carry on your life, and do your duty to your husband.

 

Family life is next to Godliness so carry on with your every day

life and pray when you think of your dad, that his soul may rest in

peace amen.

 

Bye,

 

barbara

 

 

 

---------------------------

 

BHATTJI, KINDLY SUMMARIZE YOUR ARTICLE TO BENEFIT ALL SADHAKS AS

OTHERS TOO MAY BE EXPERIENCING THE SAME.

Gita Talk Moderators

---------------------------

SUMMARY - SADHAK RESPONSES

 

- you are looking for the understanding of life /truth

 

- it is part of life and in due time you will overcome

- be brave and face the situation. You do your duties as a wife and

do not expect any rewards.

- love you and your father had, will be with you till the end of

this life, and beyond.

- More the affection more the pain. Time normally slowly erases.

- find a female companion for sharing

- Do not consider husband to be " yours " at all. Consider God to

be 'yours' instead. All expectations for a decent conduct from him

arise because of your 'mineness' with him. A silent change in your

inner expression from ' he is mine' to 'he is not mine' will

immediately get you relief

- Do we have a choice to choose happiness all the time? Inquire on

who you are? purpose of life etc. Be brave. Be free !

- Lord Krishna is there for us. Go to Him, have faith in Him, seek

solace and comfort in Him.

- not to grieve for the dead says Bhagavan

- Try to attain a state of equanimity

- Whenever a devotee is in distress or has fallen into difficulty,

he thinks that it is the Lord's mercy upon him.

- Examine your own self! Expecting him to share that same level of

grief is unrealistic. Other factors may be causing bitterness, envy!

- Take help from family members and close friends

- ask the Lord for help

- Have courage and confidence in the grace of God and offer prayers

continuously requesting Him to relieve you from such circumstances

- Location of bedroom - North East?

- never weep again, but offer prayers instead when ever you think of

him or miss him

- God wants of you, to carry on your life, and do your duty to your

husband. Family life is next to Godliness.

- turn you attention to the Divine Indwelling, HE will never leave

you. " B.G. 12 - He neither rejoices nor hates, Nor grieves, nor

desires, renouncing, Both good and evil, and full of Devotion–he is

dear to Me. (17)

- The problem is how to get rid of external veil of I I I and why ME

and ME and how to win or get rid of AHAM, to let go, and break the

barrier is the essence of pursuit of happiness

- To help change a person - mentally bow to them, in sleep re-affirm

their goodness, or drop the mine-ness with them.

- get to know Bhagwaan. He alone is our Eternal Father... rest in

Him. Let Me Never Forget Him... and become at ease, peaceful.

- surrender all ur feelings to that SUPREME DIVINE and yes, please

remember that this time will pass too. Only god came the rescue of

Draupadi. God will take care of all the situations for you.

- Your father definitely does not want you to be unhappy.

 

 

 

 

----------------------------

QUESTION DETAIL

My father expired (died) suddenly and I am the youngest and his

favorite. I am hurt and devastated, my pati does not support me. He

is cruel and hurtful to me all the time and have little patience to

even pay the slightest attention. From the moment the rites were

over and we return to home, he never cared that i am hurting and

grieving for my father.

He wants his food and his clothes and demands that everything be

done for him else he quarrels. All i hear is about him and how he

feels and what he is doing.

He never bothers about how i feel. Most days i do not care to even

get out of bed and he starts to complain. My father is dead and my

life is in hell with my pati.

 

Please understand my desire to not state / publish my name. I am

afraid.

 

 

---------------------------

GITA TALK GROUP GUIDELINES: PLEASE -

1. Only responses that further clarify Gita message will be posted.

2. Quote Gitaji/scriptures wherever possible..

3. Limit personal feelings, opinions, beliefs etc. to the

extent that they further help in understanding the Gita shlokas

4. Be as concise, to the point, respecting sadhaka's time.

5. Focus on subject at hand only.

6. Do not include links to the other sites.

7. Do not include your personal information (Ph #, address etc).

8. Do not personalize message

9. All responses may not be posted.

10. Moderator at his discretion, may modify the posting.

11. Take into consideration the novices, youth, westerners, non-

sectarian audience. i.e. limit the use to Sanskrit words only.

Provide English word bracketed.

 

MODERATOR

Ram Ram

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------

 

Post message:

Subscribe: -

Un: -

Link to comment
Share on other sites
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Posted
Posted

Shree Hari, Ram Ram

SADHAKS KINDLY FOCUS ON SPIRITUAL TEACHINGS / ADVICE FROM GITA.

Only respond if not already addressed by other Sadhaks.

From Gita Talk Moderators, Ram Ram

----------------------------

 

Hari Om

QUESTION SUMMARIZE (DETAILS BELOW)

My father expired (died) suddenly. I am hurt, devastated, and

grieving deeply with no support from cruel, hurtful, quarreling,

complaining and insensitive pati (husband) does not support me. Most

days i do not care to even get out of bed. Please Help!

----------------------------

----------------------------

NEW POSTING

 

Hari Om.

 

Thanks to all who have advised me. I know my father is with God.I am

greiving because he was very loving and caring to me. I cry

everyday in front of God. I am a bit tired now, but it will work

out. thank you all once again.

 

----------------------

 

 

 

 

Hari Om

 

Ref: Sadhak S D Israni. I respect your observation.

 

There is no doubt that there cannot be any one equal to the

Paramatma. No doubt of any nature whatsoever. No human can ever be

equal to Him. He is the ONLY ! UNIQUE !!

 

But there the question was how one gets emancipated from worldly

circle by observing a particular dharma viz " pativrata dharma " .

That was the question. I must draw upon the the traits of Hubby and

Paramatma. And I did that to the best of my ability and belief.

The " bhava " or sentiments are key.

 

I hope I have clarifies.

 

Jai Shree Krishna

Vyas N B

 

 

 

-----------------------------

PRIOR POSTING

 

Namasthe , This is my humble opinion.

As many of the other devotees have mentioned ,please surrender all

ur feelings of missing ur father to that SUPREME DIVINE and yes,

please remember that this time will pass too. Definitely God will

give u strength to overcome this situation for sure. As long as your

husband's attitude is concerned, please do not worry about it and

again, remember no one can be with you all the time other that

yourself and other that that SUPREME you believe in in whichever

form you are. As you know in Bhagavadgita, draupadi when she was

disgraced in the court of Duryodhana..who came to her resue..she

does not have one ..but five husbands. The husbands did not

anything..Only God Krishna had to come to her rescue. Just leave

everything to that God and that GOD is there with you and within you

all the time. Please try to remember that God has given you the

privilege to have the memories of your Father. The only reason you

miss someone is because we would have had pleasure with that someone

earlier..so it is ok. You can consider yourself lucky in a way u had

father..because so many people in the world would not have

experienced the love of parents at all. So, just be thankful and

greatful to God for have given u the gift of father to you so far.

Going forward, again, thank GOD for giving u the strength to

overcome the difficulty in missing your Father. HE (SUPREME) will

surely show u the way. also, remember that hundred years from

now..we all are not going to be on this earth..atleast in the

physical form which we are in today. another thing to remember is:

where and whatever form ur father is in now..he definitely does not

want u to be unhappy in any situation.I hope ur memories with ur

father may comfort you. With respect to ur husband..whatever you do

for him..just remember and try to surrender that complete action to

that GOD. God will take care of all the situations for you. Hope ur

heart is filled with peace and joyous memories of your Father.

Regards,

Bharathi

---------------------------

First of all my condolences on your bereavement. The callous

attitude of your husband must be compounding matters. On the other

hand the hard fact is that your loving Daddy is no more and that you

have only your husband to look after you. So while my sympathies are

with you must make an effort to come out of your grief and try to

get along with your husband as best as you can.

 

Hari Shanker Deo

---------------------------

Radhey Radhey

 

It is so nice to read flowing and highly charged message of Mira

Dassji. Indeed Paramatma is as such. However, as regards adjectives

such as " attentive " ,, " non demanding " etc for Paramatma I may state

that God is ONLY THAT MUCH ATTENTIVE TO YOU as you are to Him.

Otherwise He is only a DISINTERESTED friend of yours. Basically, He

neither loves nor hates any one.It cant be said to a normal human

being that God is " not demanding " and always merciful.. Nor it can

be said that He is the only PROTECTOR and no one /nothing else.

Dharma is , in reality, your protector. Your Good Karmas are your

protectors. It may be noted that even after surrender to Him under

Gitaji, the sorrows in your life do not cease, if you merit them

based on your Dharma or Karma. Hence His mercy is that He makes

you " carefree " . At the root level , of course, nothing can equal

Him. But that does not mean that He never metes out ruthlessness/

cruelty. He does not not leave in you even a trace of impurity and

He cleans you thoroughly. Hence to say that once you surrender to

Him , you get relieved of all pains and sorrows may not be befitting

under this Question. One has to suffer his pains in any case- even

when he is liberated. Hence I dont think that the suggestion will

work that easily. The biggest impediment in Surrender to Paramatma

is a condition that you should not worry. That is pretty demanding

in itself. You must conduct well so that future is rosy. You

must " Titikshva " ( BG 2) Bharat- you must tolerate the sorrows.

They cant be transferred. There is no immunity.

 

Nisha Chatterji

-------------------------------

 

Dear Annonymous Sadhika,

 

From your account, it is not clear whether you can survive in the

society on your own, whether you can do a job and earn, whether you

have any kids....You have to be brave and face the situation. You do

your duties as a wife and do not expect any rewards...one day you

will certainly be rewarded...have hopes...

 

You may ask for help from your brothers and sisters or husband`s

relatives.

 

....Gee Waman

----------------------------

 

I request Mira Dass to also clarify whether after doing what is

suggested by you, this divine soul has to do what practically ? Can

she after surrender stop doing her duties towards the household?

Should she stop paying any attention to her husband? How does she

solve her problems which she has narrated ? What Gita, scriptures

and Swami Ramsukhdasji say about it? Does surrender acquit her of

all of her responsibilities and duties? How worries/sorrow will

extinguish? What is advice in that regard?

 

Regards

 

Prepetina G

-------------------------------

Will Mr Vyas clarify to us the reasons for his change of stance

while replying to Shalini in an earlier question and now while reply

this soul's query to this forum?

 

Audrey

-------------------------------

 

 

----------------------------

PRIOR POSTING

 

Shree Hari

Ram Ram

 

When a loved one passes away, one can be heart broken, at that time

one can develop intense " vairaag " detachment too. This is the time

to transform spiritually. Even though it may appear to be

difficult, but draw your attention inwards. Swamiji says - We will

all experience death (of the body) some day and all alone. Entirely

all on our own, as no one will come with us. Can you think of

anyone? Therefore get to know Bhagwaan. It is the best of all. Grab

hold of Him. Are you able to hold on to anything else? Try to hold

on to time, can you? Ajaamil understood all this in the end! If God

of Death (Yamdoot) comes, to you today, then who will be your

support? Who is there that you will call on? You have to depend on

someone? One has to have faith in something or someone?

 

Therefore have faith in Bhagwaan (God). Only He is your eternal

support, Your Father, your Protector! the ONLY Patient One! the

ONLY One fully attentive! the Only One completely Empathetic and

Understanding! the Only One full of Compassion ! the Only One that

is nothing but Merciful! the Only One that does not DEMAND

anything! the Only One that does not Complain about anything! The

Only One that does not fight/quarrel! and the Only one that is

nothing but ATTENTIVE! Now why look / expect from others? Hey

Naath, He Mere Naath ! Call out to Him, because He ALONE is your

Eternal Father! your Beloved One!

 

In the absolute sense we are part of Him only – " Ishvar ansh, jeev

avinaashi…. " says Bhagwaan Himself. He is our Param Pita (Eternal

Father). Twameva Maata che Pita Twameva, …… Twameva Sarvam Mama Deva

Devah " . You are my everything. He Naath, he Mere Naath ! Hey Mere

Swami, Mein bhooloon nahin. Let me never forget You. With these

sentiments, he will surely protect you and has been protecting you

all along. Have faith! He will take care of everything, and it the

grace of Bhagwaan alone that is at work. The minute you remember

him, it will be alright, reaffirms Swamiji.

 

Meera Das

Ram Ram

------------------------------

 

Jai Hanuman

 

Some practical suggestions from Swamiji's books:-

 

1 If somebody's bhava (sentiments) against you is bad/ he or she is

annoyed , then everyday in the morning and evening in your mind

(mental only) bow to her/him. If you do that regularly , the other

person's sentiments (bhava) will change vis-a-vis you. Those who

are 'sadhaks', their 'mental pranaam' acts very fast !

 

2. If somebody's ( say hubby's) nature/habits (svabhav) are bad ,

then when he is in deep sleep, whisper to him - " You are very good.

Your habit is very good. There is no anger in you " etc. When you do

so for some days, his nature (svabhav) will improve.

 

3 If some one near and dear does not behave properly, stop

considering him/her to be " mine " ! The moment you

renounce " mineness " - improvements will start coming in him/her.

 

Namaste Jee.

Jee Jee

Shashikala

-------------------------------

 

I am surprised that ur somebody is calling husband as next to god so

far as the wife is concerned. Even if the husband is cruel she is

advised to take care of him as he is her life partner and serve him

faithfully. If you can't provide proper advise to people don't give

them reactionary views that ur husband is ur god.

 

" sdisrani "

 

-

 

Dear Annonymous Sadhika,

 

From your account, it is not clear whether you can survive in the

society on your own, whether you can do a job and earn, whether you

have any kids...Be brave . Do your duties as a wife and do not

expect any rewards...one day you will certainly be rewarded...have

hopes...

 

You may ask for help from your brothers and sisters or husband`s

relatives.

 

....Gee Waman

-----------------------------

 

 

 

Most humbly I submit that you are looking for sympathy/consolation

while you should be looking for the understanding of life /truth...

 

Try and understand who you really are? Who is your father?

Who died? Who is your husband? Why should you be grieving?

Why should not you celebrate?

 

Why we have come in this world? Certainly not for grieving......

Do we have a choice to choose happiness all the time?

 

Manan on these questions and answer to these will bring you out of

grief....

to joy full life........You change may change the husband too....

Try it out.......Be brave. to be free from the clutter........Best

wishes

 

Sushil Jain

----------------------------

 

 

 

Hari Om

 

You have many options Dear Sister. All, however, require you to

change your current attitude regarding your husband.

 

Your problem is that he is too ignorant, cold, vis a vis your

sentiments, emotions. Right? Of course he expects you to keep doing

his work meticulously. Your expectations/desires from him are going

abegging!

 

OPTION 1

 

Do not consider husband to be " yours " at all. Consider God to

be 'yours' instead. All expectations for a decent conduct from him

arise because of your 'mineness' with him. Throw that away. He will

change.

 

You sound hurt and he knows that. You are not retaliating and

obeying , he knows that. You are doing each of his work, he knows

that. He is under a belief that what can you do except obeying him.

You need to break his that belief ruthlessly. Remember he needs you

more than you need him. He will be crestfallen if you become a

fierce lioness ! He does not know female power. He is weak and is

trying to hide his weakness in the outer conduct of 'toughness'. He

knows you are 'afraid/shocked' and he has no option but to keep you

in that mode , if possible through out the life. Remember, he feels

that he has overdone everything. Now he doesn't see any point in

coming to normalcy and would like to continue that conduct as much

as he can. He is too unmanly to think beyond arrogance.

 

That gives you 'power' ! That gives you options !

 

A silent change in your inner expression from ' he is mine' to 'he

is not mine' will immediately get you relief and will cause his

attitude to change without your even telling him that you have

changed inside !! How it happens, I don't know. But it definitely

happens, I know !

 

In Shashikalaji's words- That is Swamiji Ramsukhdasji Maharaj for

you, Dear Sadhaks !

 

It is not a comprehensive reply. As deliberations progress we will

discuss many alternatives and discuss the above too. Let us think

together. In the meantime tell us a bit more about the family. Keep

in touch. Deliberate actively. Don't be afraid.

 

Jai Shree Krishna

 

Vyas N B

-------------------------------

 

More the affection more the pain. Time normally slowly erases. Visit

temples. A spiritual healer helps in such times. B.Sathyanarayan

----------------------------

 

The disciples of the teachings of Bhagwan krishna. The continued

debate and dialogues and words of wisdom flowing from all has been

very helpful and more than likley in the deppest of the deep heart

and spirit every one knows but the problem as I see is how to

How to get rid of external veil of I I I and why ME and ME and why

not others Some one wil say I have SELF PRIDE and why AHAM and how

to win or get rid of AHAM. Which is inherntly bonded in every human

being and how to surrender to niceties of the spirit and soul and

not mind or body is what we need Surrender to me by Bhakti or other

means like MEERA is what Krishna would say but practicalty ____ how

can we let go I I AHAM and break the barrier is the essence of

pursuit of happiness HOW TO

Thanks

Dinesh patel

 

-----------------------------

PRIOR POSTING

 

Lord Krishna is there for us. Go to Him, have faith in Him, seek

solace and comfort in Him.

" He who follows the imperishable path of devotional service and

completely engage yourself with faith, making Me the supreme goal,

is very, very dear to Me " ( B.G 12-20).

 

Bhagavan instructs us not to grieve for the dead.

" While speaking learned words, you are mourning for what is not

worthy of grief. Those who are wise lament neither for the living

nor the dead " (B.G. 2-11)

 

Try to attain a state of equanimity. A pure devotee is never

disturbed in any circumstances nor envious of anyone. Nor does a

devotee become his enemy's enemy; he thinks that one is acting as

his enemy due to his own past misdeeds.

 

In the Srimad-Bhagavatam it is stated: tat te 'nukampam

susamiksamano. Whenever a devotee is in distress or has fallen into

difficulty, he thinks that it is the Lord's mercy upon him. He

thinks: " Thanks to my past misdeeds I should suffer far, far greater

than I am suffering now. So it is by the mercy of the Supreme Lord

that I am not getting all the punishment I am due. I am just getting

a little, by the mercy of the Supreme Personality of Godhead. "

 

Try to determine why is your pati behaving in this manner. Getting

to the source of the problem is most important.

 

Look into yourself. This is very difficult but you must also be

honest and try to determine if any aspect of your behavior and

lifestyle contributes towards dissonance and discord in the

marriage.

 

It could be that you are still in intense grief and expect him to

share that same level of grief. This is unrealistic.

 

It could be that your grief prevents you from reciprocating feelings

of love and happiness. This may lead to poor and insufficent

communications between the two of you.

 

There could be other unfavourable factors that are present in the

marriage but you and your pati may be focussing on the most obvious

ones. Look at all other aspects of the behavior of both of you.

 

In many cases, the state of careers of husband and wife is a source

of problems. One may be far more successful than the other in which

case there could be issue of envy and inferiority complex with

feelings of bitterness.

 

Try to start and deepen a dialogue with him. Be patient and be

prepared for pitfalls on the way. Pray to Lord Krshna for help. In

the end, it may not be successful but you must try and ask the Lord

for help.

 

As a practical matter, seek the help of respected/wise ones and

elders to mediate with you and your pati.

 

May Bhagavan Bless and protect both of you and you have an enjoyable

marriage.

 

Krishna S

---------------------------

-Shree Hari-

 

Dear Soul,

 

There is something that your pati can never take away from you, it is

the love you and your father had, it will be with you till the end of

this life, and beyond.

 

You appear to be in depression, and you may need help to lift

yourself out of its grip. (Maybe a good female companion to have a

cup of coffee with, and a good talk, maybe with a relative. Perhaps

take up Hatha Yoga, T'ai Chi, or power walking. Break the nexus.)

 

What appears to be happening, is what I call positive feedback, you

mope in bed, husband complains, you feel more retched, you mope in

bed, husband complains.........

 

Never the less read the verse below, does that generally describe

your pati, contemplate the last two lines

 

B.G. 16

Given over to egoism,

Power, insolence, lust and wrath,

These malignant people hate Me

In both themselves and in others. (18)

 

No one knows, but you, if you are complicit in the night mare you

find yourself. Where and why it all started to go wrong.

 

Remember all the grieving in the world cannot change reality, so dear

soul grieve, and then turn you attention to the Divine Indwelling, HE

will never leave you.

 

B.G. 12

He neither rejoices nor hates,

Nor grieves, nor desires, renouncing

Both good and evil, and full of

Devotion–he is dear to Me. (17)

 

With Respect and Divine Love,

 

Mike (Keenor)

 

---------------------------

This is intolerable and in that case we have to surrender ourselves

to God. Take help from family members and close friends Still

however this is the case of the " grief' for which I have a special

article. In such circumstances when we lose somebody from our house

Have courage and confidence in the grace of god and offer prayers

continuously requesting Him to relieve you from such circumstances

I request Gita Talk to keep my email to convey to him

Truly yours

 

S S Bhatt

---------------------------

Madam,

Could you first tell me whether you are living in bed room that is

in North east.

B.Sathyanarayan

---------------------------

Hello Dear,

 

Your father meant the world to you, but this is a part of life and

in due course of time you will get over his departure from this

world.

 

Once there was a group of mourners walking by in my sleep, and one

of the male mourners was very sad the others were happy as they

passed by. My dad died a few weeks ago before I got the dream.

 

So in my sleep I asked the man why he was so sad and he replied

saying: Look at all their candles burning brightly, only my candle

is offing all the time: I asked him why this was happening and he

replied " I am your father who passed a way a few weeks ago, and you

never stop weeping, your tears are dropping on the candle flame and

putting it off.

 

I then told him that I would never weep again, but offer prayers

instead , when ever I think of him or miss him .With this I never

had the same dream or the feeling of being sad, or missing my dad,

God helped me to get over his departure and today its 13 years, I

smile at the memories we had shared durng his life time.

 

Your Pati has every right to demand his needs, he is your life time

partner and next to God. You have to do your duty to him and not

keep thinking about your dad who is no more, this is what God wants

of you, to carry on your life, and do your duty to your husband.

 

Family life is next to Godliness so carry on with your every day

life and pray when you think of your dad, that his soul may rest in

peace amen.

 

Bye,

 

barbara

 

 

 

---------------------------

 

BHATTJI, KINDLY SUMMARIZE YOUR ARTICLE TO BENEFIT ALL SADHAKS AS

OTHERS TOO MAY BE EXPERIENCING THE SAME.

Gita Talk Moderators

---------------------------

SUMMARY - SADHAK RESPONSES

 

- you are looking for the understanding of life /truth

 

- it is part of life and in due time you will overcome

- be brave and face the situation. You do your duties as a wife and

do not expect any rewards.

- love you and your father had, will be with you till the end of

this life, and beyond.

- More the affection more the pain. Time normally slowly erases.

- find a female companion for sharing

- Do not consider husband to be " yours " at all. Consider God to

be 'yours' instead. All expectations for a decent conduct from him

arise because of your 'mineness' with him. A silent change in your

inner expression from ' he is mine' to 'he is not mine' will

immediately get you relief

- Do we have a choice to choose happiness all the time? Inquire on

who you are? purpose of life etc. Be brave. Be free !

- Lord Krishna is there for us. Go to Him, have faith in Him, seek

solace and comfort in Him.

- not to grieve for the dead says Bhagavan

- Try to attain a state of equanimity

- Whenever a devotee is in distress or has fallen into difficulty,

he thinks that it is the Lord's mercy upon him.

- Examine your own self! Expecting him to share that same level of

grief is unrealistic. Other factors may be causing bitterness, envy!

- Take help from family members and close friends

- ask the Lord for help

- Have courage and confidence in the grace of God and offer prayers

continuously requesting Him to relieve you from such circumstances

- Location of bedroom - North East?

- never weep again, but offer prayers instead when ever you think of

him or miss him

- God wants of you, to carry on your life, and do your duty to your

husband. Family life is next to Godliness.

- turn you attention to the Divine Indwelling, HE will never leave

you. " B.G. 12 - He neither rejoices nor hates, Nor grieves, nor

desires, renouncing, Both good and evil, and full of Devotion–he is

dear to Me. (17)

- The problem is how to get rid of external veil of I I I and why ME

and ME and how to win or get rid of AHAM, to let go, and break the

barrier is the essence of pursuit of happiness

- To help change a person - mentally bow to them, in sleep re-affirm

their goodness, or drop the mine-ness with them.

- get to know Bhagwaan. He alone is our Eternal Father... rest in

Him. Let Me Never Forget Him... and become at ease, peaceful.

- surrender all ur feelings to that SUPREME DIVINE and yes, please

remember that this time will pass too. Only god came the rescue of

Draupadi. God will take care of all the situations for you.

- Your father definitely does not want you to be unhappy.

 

 

 

 

----------------------------

QUESTION DETAIL

My father expired (died) suddenly and I am the youngest and his

favorite. I am hurt and devastated, my pati does not support me. He

is cruel and hurtful to me all the time and have little patience to

even pay the slightest attention. From the moment the rites were

over and we return to home, he never cared that i am hurting and

grieving for my father.

He wants his food and his clothes and demands that everything be

done for him else he quarrels. All i hear is about him and how he

feels and what he is doing.

He never bothers about how i feel. Most days i do not care to even

get out of bed and he starts to complain. My father is dead and my

life is in hell with my pati.

 

Please understand my desire to not state / publish my name. I am

afraid.

 

 

---------------------------

GITA TALK GROUP GUIDELINES: PLEASE -

1. Only responses that further clarify Gita message will be posted.

2. Quote Gitaji/scriptures wherever possible..

3. Limit personal feelings, opinions, beliefs etc. to the

extent that they further help in understanding the Gita shlokas

4. Be as concise, to the point, respecting sadhaka's time.

5. Focus on subject at hand only.

6. Do not include links to the other sites.

7. Do not include your personal information (Ph #, address etc).

8. Do not personalize message

9. All responses may not be posted.

10. Moderator at his discretion, may modify the posting.

11. Take into consideration the novices, youth, westerners, non-

sectarian audience. i.e. limit the use to Sanskrit words only.

Provide English word bracketed.

 

MODERATOR

Ram Ram

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------

 

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