How to Overcome Fear of Suffering and Needing Comfort?

March 10, 2009

My mother is suffering from cancer. I dread to see her suffer, her death…mybeing alone… I have no one except her who i can truly call of my own. I knowGod is looking at me, but how do I fill the gap of wanting a physical comfort…please help me.Sarita Vijayan-----------------------

Priy Saritaji,

U have so many group members with U so plz dont feel alone.

God comes to U in many strange forms U dont know.

I pray to god to comfort ur mom & U

Thanx

Welcome

Raja Gurdasani

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Hari OmSaritaji ! Serve her to the best of your ability.See God in her ! Keep an eye for your future. Marry, if you are of that age. Equip yourself to be financially safe, if you can. Else, acquire education, and skills to face the future. Do everything, BUT PLEASE DO NOT WORRY OR GRIEVE ! Dear Saritaji ! God only is ours.My Mom often used to tell me in my testing days: Narottam ! You are complaining that no one is yours. Everyone is deserting you. No one is happy with you. All are annoyed. But think: If all are happy with you but not the God, then how will you feel? If God is happy and yours, then why do you bother about worldly people being yours or not?That God Saritaji ! He never deserts His children! Have that trust and belief! Simply refuse to worry or grieve ! That God ! Saritaji- He is particularly of those of whom no one is there. He only is there for us ! But that is enough ! More than enough ! Please don't worry! Tell God when you are alone -" Look Dad ! I have not done anything in my knowledge to deserve this. I don't know my past karmas. I don't want to know also. I did not choose who should be my parents. I did not decide how long shall they live or how I will find myself where. I did not choose my gender or circumstances. You dropped me on this earth out of your sweet will You will also not seek my permission before lifting me. It is you who decided, O Lord ! It is you who is at present also deciding. It is you who is going to decide in future also ! Did I want these circumstances ? You gave, now you only worry ! Now I am doing my duty. I will continue doing it-come what may . What else can I do ? It is upto you now, how you mete out what to me and when ! But I will not worry, My Lord ! I am telling you ! No ! I refuse to worry, being Your daughter ! Why should I worry ? With you around ! Am I here to worry? Am I here to grieve for the decisions which you make? Now ensure that I never worry in my life, come what may. I repeat, ensure, Dear Daddy !! I must not worry ! Do whatever you wanna do !! I can't stop you. I damn care now. But ensure that I never never have to worry ! It is my right, Daddy ! It is your duty, Daddy !! It is your job to ensure that ! I must not worry ! OK Dad ? " Saritaji ! Keep in touch with this Divine Forum. Keep sharing your thoughts. DONT WORRY, please !Jai Shree KrishnaVyas N B------------------

Dear Sarita

We deeply feel the fear and anguish through which you are passing.God is looking not only at you but at your mother and at every one else.

God appreciates and applauds human beings who are undergoing through emotional turmoils and waits for them with open arms for welcoming them as they have completed this life's lesson and mission successfully.

Your being fearful is increasing the pain of your mother as she too is worried about you.But,be assured that God have plan for your mother and for you for betterment in continuity of lives.

My invitation to you will be to do the following:-

1)Most important is, you read Gita as soon as possible and make it daily practice.

2)Start reading Gita to your mother ,morning and evening and whenever possible .

3)If you have audio CD of Gita ,you can play that.

4)In other time ,play on CD Mahamrityunjaya Mantra Gayatri mantra or Om Namah Sivay

Rest assured God is taking care of you and our energy will be with you whenever you recall.You only have to say I am connected with Gita-Talk Group Members.After all, we all are sons and daughters of the same God

regards

Ashok Jain

-----------.Dear Sadhakas, Namaste!Saritaji, the answer is in your opening statement: "My mother is suffering from cancer. I dread to see her suffer."If you do not want her to suffer as you dread that, then it should be easier to sacrifice you comforts, and let her suffering end in the best possible way for both of you!As you say God is looking at you, and if you mean it, be free of wanting to be physically comfortable! How can you or anyone be more comfortable when God is looking? I am sure you will be fine with God on your side, as He is now too, in the form of Mother!Don't expect to fill the gap due to whatever happens to Mom, rather, come face to face with such gap, and every time you feel missing her, remind yourself of her qualities, and try to live her dream! Be intensely grateful for the quality time you have together! What happens often that in missing someone, one may only be thinking of one's own comfort missing which was derived from another, not really missing another person! When you don't miss in this sense, you are truly loving someone, you are sharing her pains or joys so he or she is not alone in pains or joys! As we all know joy shared is joy multiplied!We are conditioned to think that missing someone is to love someone! Loving someone is not missing but sharing everything with someone even when someone is not physically there!Above all, Gita, friends who are like-minded and company with wise will make your life richer! You may discover by the Grace that what we love in a person is SELF that we are which never ends even in physical absence! Fragrance of such Companionship fills the gap you are looking to fill!Namaskar............Pratap Bhatt

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GITA TALK GROUP GUIDELINES: PLEASE -FOR QUESTIONER1. The questions as far as possible must be relavant to Gita,relavant to Dharma, relavant to other scriptures and relavant tomotivate Sadhaks to take up spiritual path2. The Questioner must commit to daily Gita study3. Only one question at a time.4. Question must be brief, to the point and relavant to the group'sprimary aim of deeper understanding of Gita.FOR RESPONDER1. Only responses that further clarify Gita message will be posted.2. Quote Gitaji/scriptures wherever possible.3. Limit personal feelings, opinions, beliefs etc. to theextent that they further help in understanding the Gita shlokas4. Be as concise, to the point, relevant and respectful of sadhaka'stime.5. Focus on subject at hand only.6. Do not include links to the other sites.7. Do not include your personal information (Ph #, address etc).8. Do not personalize message9. All responses may not be posted.10. Moderator at his discretion, may modify the posting.11. Take into consideration the novices, youth, westerners, non-sectarian audience. i.e. limit the use to Sanskrit words only.Provide English word bracketed.MODERATORRam Ram------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------Post message: @grou ps.comSubscribe: - Un: -unsubscri be ------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------

March 11, 2009

My mother is suffering from cancer. I dread to see her suffer, her death…mybeing alone… I have no one except her who i can truly call of my own. I knowGod is looking at me, but how do I fill the gap of wanting a physical comfort…please help me.Sarita Vijayan-----------------------

NEW POSTING

-Shree Hari-Dear Sarita,It is in the 'Darkest' place you can see the divine light,as you have been told you are HIS daughter, call on HIM, he will definitelyembrace you, you are not alone!Ashok Jain's, advice I found very touching, and the suggestion of playing thoseclassic mantras, very insightful. I have heard of cases of the mantras bringing,divine peace to those who are suffering.May you find the Love and Bliss of GOD.With Respect and Divine Love,Mike (Keenor).

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Hari OmYes ! Saritaji ! Ashokji Jain has indeed given you perfect message. Keep Gitaji always handy. Keep Ganga Jal also always in home. And Tulsi Leaves ! Jap/Keertans should be frequently made. Read Gitaji loudly to Mom as a routine everyday for some fixed time. She will like it as it goes along. Keep increasing the frequency. Home environment should always be Godly. Beautiful suggestions. Worth implementing. Jai Shree KrishnaVyas N B ---------------------------

Loving Divine,

Pranam.

Please please please read B. Gita daily - you and mom together. However much you can read, no problem. Also read the simple meaning of the slokas. This understanding will start comforting both of you. Please read Chapter 2 daily. Most of the time we become selfish but we don't know that we are being that so here are few things you can check...

Saritaji, do your duty (whatever needs to be done, have it done w/o worrying about the results) lovingly and compassionately but without attachment; instead of expecting gaining from her, give as much as you can as Swamiji says. Regardless of one's age one can always give love and comfort. If one is ignorant of the truth this so called love and comfort proves to be actually the act of selfishness! So gain the right knowledge and understanding by reading Bhagwat Gita (BG) daily.

Digest the laws of nature and willingly accept them as one can not change them, e.g., one who is born is to die. I have chosen few verses for you to read to quickly gain little deeper understanding about life just incase you are new to BG. Please read, re-read, think, contemplate on their meanings - BG 2:9 / 19 / 20 / 27 / 43 / 51, BG 6:42, BG 13:8 / 9 and BG 16:20 . Please read entire Chapter 2 daily. Don't just read it mechanically, develop some understanding then it will become easy to accept these natural laws.

Saritaji, if you were put in your mom's position, what would you prefer? If you prefer to die, then, don't hold on to your mom from going if that's what she wants and if that's what God wants. Pray daily for her peaceful departure. Actually, we all are on our departure journey, we just don't realize it. She will suffer more due to your attachments. Show her that you will be fine even when she is not physically around. She will guide you from within as she resides in your heart. This will comfort her.

Don't be upset if she leaves her body - neither with her nor with yourself. When we grieve in ignorance/with attachments, the soul has trouble moving forward to its journey. It is like this - if you are going for a shopping, you have certain window to finish it and suddenly someone calls you. Hearing your name or familiar voice, you stop, you look back, in anticipation to know who is calling, recognizing the person you forget your goal and chat. When you do that you are delayed completing your shopping, you digressed from your goal, you missed even some bus or train. Am I making any sense?

Please do not worry, it adds ghee to the fire rather handle the situation with calmness and prayerful attitude. You yourself remain healthy so you can take care of her. Unnecessary worries lead no where. If God has brought you here, He has manage. Have faith.

Sometimes, it seems like talking is easier... Yes, it is true but if it gives you any comfort, I will share my personal life. My father had cancer too so I understand what you are going through. Not too long ago (2007), I had to face not just one or two deaths but few in a row - month after month, including my father!!! How did I manage it all, only God knows because behind my feelings I knew it was only Him handling them...!!!!!!

My prayers are with you and your mom. Let God's will prevail. I shall be happy to have her recover but if God wants her to evolve fast, in her suffering she may realize the truth and become liberated from the sufferings of rebirth life after life. Please read Bhagwat Gita to her daily or listen on CD/tapes.

Lots of love and prayers from all of us.

humble regards,

always at Thy Caring and Compassionate Feet

Manjula Patel

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Dear Sarita ji

Only God can help you. But even God helps those who help themselves. Meanwhile we the people can be means for helping each other. We can share the pain and it could be done only through giving attention to the person suffering. Your mail does not reveal the stage of the cancer but still I would like you to consult a homeopathic doctor I have been using. He is not a professional doctor but sometimes suggests some homeopathy medicine to the patient. Now it depends on the patient or the relatives whether to use those medicine or not. I am a professional journalist based in New Delhi. His suggestion helped me and it seems that I am getting cured. It is just a friendly advise.

To get contact information of homeopathic doctor, please email the Moderators. May Allah help us to be in peace!

Yours

Asfar Faridy

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Dear Sarita:

Serving others, especially your parents, is the greatest good we can do and the highest sacrifice we can perform. All the work we do is done for our own salvation and is done for our own benefit. Through selfless work the love of God grows in the heart.

From Bhagavad Gita, Chapter 3 -

Every selfless act, Arjuna, is born from the eternal, infinite Godhead. God is present in every act of service. All life turns on this law, O Arjuna.

Strive constantly to serve the welfare of the world; by devotion to self- less work one attains the supreme goal in life. Do your work with the welfare of others always in mind. It was by such work that Janaka attained perfection; others, too, have followed this path.

The great swamis and Gandhi encouraged us serve others:

"Always do good to others. Be selfless. Mentally remove everything and be free. This is divine life. This is the direct way to Moksha or salvation."

--- Swami Sivananda

"Serve all. Love all. Service of humanity is worship of God. There is no greater yoga than service of mankind." --- Swami Chidananda

"The best way to find yourself is to lose yourself in the service of others. Selfless action is a source of strength." - Mahatma Gandhiji

Serving you mother does not mean you cannot get married. You should not live without a spouse and deny yourself the love and physical comfort you desire. There is nothing wrong in seeking and wanting the joy and pleasures of married life while at the same time serving your mother.

Go on, get married. Make sure your partner understands your commitment to your mother and discuss the potential sources of friction.

Hari Om,

Deosaran Bisnath

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PRIOR POSTING

Priy Saritaji,

U have so many group members with U so plz dont feel alone.

God comes to U in many strange forms U dont know.

I pray to god to comfort ur mom & U

Thanx

Welcome

Raja Gurdasani

--------------------------

Hari OmSaritaji ! Serve her to the best of your ability.See God in her ! Keep an eye for your future. Marry, if you are of that age. Equip yourself to be financially safe, if you can. Else, acquire education, and skills to face the future. Do everything, BUT PLEASE DO NOT WORRY OR GRIEVE ! Dear Saritaji ! God only is ours.My Mom often used to tell me in my testing days: Narottam ! You are complaining that no one is yours. Everyone is deserting you. No one is happy with you. All are annoyed. But think: If all are happy with you but not the God, then how will you feel? If God is happy and yours, then why do you bother about worldly people being yours or not?That God Saritaji ! He never deserts His children! Have that trust and belief! Simply refuse to worry or grieve ! That God ! Saritaji- He is particularly of those of whom no one is there. He only is there for us ! But that is enough ! More than enough ! Please don't worry! Tell God when you are alone -" Look Dad ! I have not done anything in my knowledge to deserve this. I don't know my past karmas. I don't want to know also. I did not choose who should be my parents. I did not decide how long shall they live or how I will find myself where. I did not choose my gender or circumstances. You dropped me on this earth out of your sweet will You will also not seek my permission before lifting me. It is you who decided, O Lord ! It is you who is at present also deciding. It is you who is going to decide in future also ! Did I want these circumstances ? You gave, now you only worry ! Now I am doing my duty. I will continue doing it-come what may . What else can I do ? It is upto you now, how you mete out what to me and when ! But I will not worry, My Lord ! I am telling you ! No ! I refuse to worry, being Your daughter ! Why should I worry ? With you around ! Am I here to worry? Am I here to grieve for the decisions which you make? Now ensure that I never worry in my life, come what may. I repeat, ensure, Dear Daddy !! I must not worry ! Do whatever you wanna do !! I can't stop you. I damn care now. But ensure that I never never have to worry ! It is my right, Daddy ! It is your duty, Daddy !! It is your job to ensure that ! I must not worry ! OK Dad ? " Saritaji ! Keep in touch with this Divine Forum. Keep sharing your thoughts. DONT WORRY, please !Jai Shree KrishnaVyas N B------------------

Dear Sarita

We deeply feel the fear and anguish through which you are passing.God is looking not only at you but at your mother and at every one else.

God appreciates and applauds human beings who are undergoing through emotional turmoils and waits for them with open arms for welcoming them as they have completed this life's lesson and mission successfully.

Your being fearful is increasing the pain of your mother as she too is worried about you.But,be assured that God have plan for your mother and for you for betterment in continuity of lives.

My invitation to you will be to do the following:-

1)Most important is, you read Gita as soon as possible and make it daily practice.

2)Start reading Gita to your mother ,morning and evening and whenever possible .

3)If you have audio CD of Gita ,you can play that.

4)In other time ,play on CD Mahamrityunjaya Mantra Gayatri mantra or Om Namah Sivay

Rest assured God is taking care of you and our energy will be with you whenever you recall.You only have to say I am connected with Gita-Talk Group Members.After all, we all are sons and daughters of the same God

regards

Ashok Jain

-----------.Dear Sadhakas, Namaste!Saritaji, the answer is in your opening statement: "My mother is suffering from cancer. I dread to see her suffer."If you do not want her to suffer as you dread that, then it should be easier to sacrifice you comforts, and let her suffering end in the best possible way for both of you!As you say God is looking at you, and if you mean it, be free of wanting to be physically comfortable! How can you or anyone be more comfortable when God is looking? I am sure you will be fine with God on your side, as He is now too, in the form of Mother!Don't expect to fill the gap due to whatever happens to Mom, rather, come face to face with such gap, and every time you feel missing her, remind yourself of her qualities, and try to live her dream! Be intensely grateful for the quality time you have together! What happens often that in missing someone, one may only be thinking of one's own comfort missing which was derived from another, not really missing another person! When you don't miss in this sense, you are truly loving someone, you are sharing her pains or joys so he or she is not alone in pains or joys! As we all know joy shared is joy multiplied!We are conditioned to think that missing someone is to love someone! Loving someone is not missing but sharing everything with someone even when someone is not physically there!Above all, Gita, friends who are like-minded and company with wise will make your life richer! You may discover by the Grace that what we love in a person is SELF that we are which never ends even in physical absence! Fragrance of such Companionship fills the gap you are looking to fill!Namaskar............Pratap Bhatt

------------------------

GITA TALK GROUP GUIDELINES: PLEASE -FOR QUESTIONER1. The questions as far as possible must be relavant to Gita,relavant to Dharma, relavant to other scriptures and relavant tomotivate Sadhaks to take up spiritual path2. The Questioner must commit to daily Gita study3. Only one question at a time.4. Question must be brief, to the point and relavant to the group'sprimary aim of deeper understanding of Gita.FOR RESPONDER1. Only responses that further clarify Gita message will be posted.2. Quote Gitaji/scriptures wherever possible.3. Limit personal feelings, opinions, beliefs etc. to theextent that they further help in understanding the Gita shlokas4. Be as concise, to the point, relevant and respectful of sadhaka'stime.5. Focus on subject at hand only.6. Do not include links to the other sites.7. Do not include your personal information (Ph #, address etc).8. Do not personalize message9. All responses may not be posted.10. Moderator at his discretion, may modify the posting.11. Take into consideration the novices, youth, westerners, non-sectarian audience. i.e. limit the use to Sanskrit words only.Provide English word bracketed.MODERATORRam Ram------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------Post message: @grou ps.comSubscribe: - Un: -unsubscri be ------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------

March 12, 2009

My mother is suffering from cancer. I dread to see her suffer, her death…mybeing alone… I have no one except her who i can truly call of my own. I knowGod is looking at me, but how do I fill the gap of wanting a physical comfort…please help me.Sarita Vijayan-----------------------

NEW POSTING

Dear Mr Jain and each one who has written back

I cannot express how overwhelmed I am with your genuine love and concern.

Yes, I will follow ( or at least try as hard as I can ) the advice given

Please keep my mother in your prayers always. God speed!

Sarita Vijayan

------------

Ram Ram

Dear Saritaji, You said "I have no one except my mother who i can truly call of my own." But there is one whom you can consider as your very own - GOD.

He Has Himself declared

Mamaevansho Jeevloke Jeevbhootaha Sanatana

"The eternal Jeevatma (embodied soul) in this body is fragment of my own Self" (Gita 15/7)

This may be difficult at this very moment, but it is the Truth. Scriptures and Swamiji has declared this is the only Truth. Have faith and accept Him as your very own because He is the only one who will never ever leave you. We don't even remember which body we were in? which family? which house? etc. in our previous lives. The same will happen with this life. We won't even remember it. None of us have any memory about preivious parents, whether we were male or female in our previous lives. Do we? If no then why worry about it so much? Why not believe and accept Him who will never leave you?

Thanks,

Hare Krishna

Varun P. Paprunia

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SaritaI have been in your shoes. My heart goes out to you.The greatest penalty for anyone on this earth is to suffer cancer. still greateris to be a bystander unable to relieve that stabbing pain and feeling totallyhelpless.Be as it may, in these circumstances, i dont know whether the spiritualteachings do mean anything to you or not. it is very easy to lapse into adisbelieving mode in those hard days. Then if you start disbelieving, where youcan end up.Now the first thing you need to do is to come to grips with the situation aroundyou. Do everything you can to your mother. Stop at nothing. Trust me, that willgive you a vindication of your days spent with her, when she is suffering, andwill give you unique satisfaction throughout the rest of your life. So dont lookforward and dread about the future. live in the present, make her life ascomfortable and as solaceful as possible.This could include reading scriptures or not. that is for her to decide.Next take care of your mental frame work. dont allow it to lapse intonegativity. Life must go on. and believe in God. Continue to believe in HIM. Hisways are mysterious. He knows best for every human being.Siva

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Dear SarithajiPlease accept my condolences on your mother;s illness.if you are open to hindu philosphy and ideas here is my inputdiseases esp severe ones are a result of past karma-your mother is being purged of her karmic debt-this is a favour to her and not a burden,however painful it is for you to see it.if she deosnt pay it off here,her karmic debts will accrue interest and will be more severe in later births.so she herself,before taking this birth chose to have it-we all choose our parents and circumstances to enable us to learn and elevate ourselves.now,i know it is scary for you to think of your impending misfortunes-please take one day at a time-just because your mother has it,doesnt mean you will-if ever you have to go thru something,be confident that you will be given the strength to bear it as well.see if you can chant the maha mantra -HARE RAMA HARE RAMA,RAMA RAMA HARE HARE,HARE KRISHNA HARE KRISHNA KRISHNA KRISHNA HARE HARE-whenver doubts assail you or wehn you are close to your mother-teh vibrations from it will help her and will soothe you too.

Rama Sreenivasan