How to emotionally deal with Children Blaming me for Divorce ?

May 17, 2009

Guruji,

My children for whom I tolerated a bad marriage for 20 yrs blame me for divorce

and have ignored me during the next 20 years. I still go through spells of pain

and anger. How can I stop expecting one nice word from them? they are not

children anymore.

Lost in wits

-------------

GITA TALK GROUP GUIDELINES: PLEASE -

1. Only responses that further clarify Gita message will be posted.

2. Quote Gitaji/scriptures wherever possible..

3. Limit personal feelings, opinions, beliefs etc. to the

extent that they further help in understanding the Gita shlokas

4. Be as concise, to the point, respecting sadhaka's time.

5. Focus on subject at hand only.

6. Do not include links to the other sites; personal information (Ph #, address

etc) or personalize message to particular person

7. All responses may not be posted and moderator at his discretion, may modify

the posting.

8. Please keep in mind novices, youth, westerners, non-

sectarian audience. Limit the use to Sanskrit words and provide English word

bracketed.

MODERATOR

Ram Ram

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------

May 18, 2009

Guruji,

My children for whom I tolerated a bad marriage for 20 yrs blame me for divorce

and have ignored me during the next 20 years. I still go through spells of pain

and anger. How can I stop expecting one nice word from them? they are not

children anymore.

Lost in wits-------------NEW POSTINGShree Hari-Namaskar:You have been suffering unnecessarily for twenty years, a dear Sadhak said in acomment to guide me, 'even saints get treated badly'.So do understand this, they are where they are, the children you gave birth to,(you notice I did not say your children).Now you are looking for advice from a family of a different kind, they will onlybe concerned in offering you their best advice based on the platform of theBhagavad Gita.I expect you do not wish at this point to be overrun by esoteric ideas, so Iwill paste in one Shloka from Gitaji.B.G. 12 :13. He who hates no creature, who is friendly and compassionate to all, who isfree from attachment and egoism, balanced in pleasure and pain, andforgiving,...I recommend you quietly read in chapter 12 verses 16-----19.With Respect and Divine Love,Mike (K)------------------------------Dear Lost in wits:As long as we desire for a return of our love from children, we willalways be disappointed. More so in your case it appears. May be thereis a good reason why things happen. It may be the calling of the''Supreme' to develop non-attachment that will lead to more blissfullife for yourself as many of the Sadhakas have pointed out in thisforum. Thinking about the possible positive outcome of a negativeencounter will relieve the pain of suffering. I had several of thosesituations and I always got benefited by developing any attitude that'Everything happens only for our Good'. . Analyzing and contemplatingon the Slokas Gita 2-61 to 2-65 will address the root cause of thisproblem and show the remedy also in my simple thinking. Thanks to themoderators allowing me to respond to this although I did not touch themeaning of these verses in detail. All the very bestregardsbvempaty------Hi,Whatever you did, you did it for your children. Now forget it. if you did it out of love , love does not demand anything inreturn. it was your duty and it was good of you to go through it for 20 yrs , why do you want to spoil your Karma by asking even one niceword from them because of your attachment on that feelings you will beborn again. Keep all the garbage's on the earth when you leave theearth. go free without any attachment and be happy and give happinessto others around you and you will find peace and harmony everywhere.be happy and do not worry because do not waste time in thinking aboutyou, think about others who have more problems then you and pray forthem. Pray that let there be peace, love and harmony everywhere.

"S. R Amin"

-------------

GITA TALK GROUP GUIDELINES: PLEASE -

1. Only responses that further clarify Gita message will be posted.

2. Quote Gitaji/scriptures wherever possible..

3. Limit personal feelings, opinions, beliefs etc. to the

extent that they further help in understanding the Gita shlokas

4. Be as concise, to the point, respecting sadhaka's time.

5. Focus on subject at hand only.

6. Do not include links to the other sites; personal information (Ph #, address

etc) or personalize message to particular person

7. All responses may not be posted and moderator at his discretion, may modify

the posting.

8. Please keep in mind novices, youth, westerners, non-

sectarian audience. Limit the use to Sanskrit words and provide English word

bracketed.

MODERATOR

Ram Ram

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------

May 19, 2009

Guruji,My children for whom I tolerated a bad marriage for 20 yrs blame me for divorceand have ignored me during the next 20 years. I still go through spells of painand anger. How can I stop expecting one nice word from them? they are notchildren anymore.Lost in wits-------------NEW POSTINGHari OmTo my mind, the

Questioner is yet to "take real divorce". Real divorce is mental-

renouncing affinity from inside. If inside, we are still craving for an

acknowledgement from children , or worried about their views , then

where is the separation? "Moha/Mamata" is continuing and is inflicting

pains- 20 years no consideration. Both pains and pleasures

have "timelessness" in them. "Mineness with worldly

people/things/actions" - pains will continue for eons and ages (what is

20 years?)- after all it is "dukhalayam" ! "Mineness ONLY with

Paramatma" - pleasure will continue for eons and ages- afterall you are

"sahaj sukhraasi" and this world is Vasudev Sarvam.In fact as

Swamiji stated- Mamata gets destroyed either by rendering selfless

service or by establishing "mamata" (mineness) with Paramatma.

Questioner can only be adviced now to resort to the latter. In family

life too one can easily destroy mineness by rendering "selfless

service". Hence please do ignore blames by children and inside your

heart, shed "mineness" with them. There is no purpose served by travelling in the past. Nor "desire for happiness" (here for

acknowledgement by your children of your faultlessness; or desire that

they should not blame you) ever gives happiness. As a law, desire for happiness is the root cause

of sorrow in life. Jai Shree KrishnaVyas N B-------Dear Spiritual Traveller,You are going thru the agony and expectations of the unreal and is not under your control. I do share your feelings.I am not the expert in suggesting but please read the followings and see if it makes any sense to you:1.

You were chosen and assigned to be the parents of the God's children

and you were the baby sitter for them up to the time they grew, matured

and were married.2. Children brought their bank balance of their actions along with them and you were the trustee for them.3.

Any thing you did and spent for them was not yours and you utilized

and spent their bank balance thinking as if it was yours.4. You cared for them because you were given the responsibility to take care of them as the God' s children but you presumed as

if you owned them.5.

God says that if any one abuses, mistreats you, it is good for you

because you are humiliated and thus it reduces your Bad/Negative

Karmas and makes you humble.6. Imagine if God starts scolding you and mistreats you then what are you going to do, so treat the children same as the God 7.

Realize that it must be your relationships with them in any previous

time/ birth which you are experiencing now being on the other side of

the table. You must perform your duty up to the last breath8.You

must convey and make them realize always that you love them and not

their actions. Realize that the Soul in you is the same soul in them

irrespective of the body and the actions.9. You must love them unconditionally in spite of their ignorance towards you.10.

Now Please Pray Pray Pray with both hands joined and raised towards

Supreme Bhagavan to remove All of your Anger, Ego,

Jealousy, Hatred, Envy, Greed, Expectations, hurting others, Stress,

Anxiety and any Negative Thoughts. and also feel and pray that all of

these have been removed and gone to the source with Love and Light.11. Now you are clean have no negative thoughts towards any one including the children,12.

Now Pray with both hands joined and raised towards Supreme Bhagavan

to help, fill and bless you, with Unconditional Love, Compassion,

Kindness, forgetting all your deeds, and forgiveness to self and

others, Humility, Humbleness, respectful to all and Serving others,

Positive thoughts and energy in Abundance. 13. Realize that God has showered you with what you just prayed and have manifested in you. 14. Now smear these blessed hands all over your body starting from the head to toe.15. Pray at all the time. It may seems easy but practice of this will bring change in you and make

you stronger to pass thru all the situations.May God bless you and be with you and make you strong to fulfill the purpose for which HE has brought you in this world.

With Ever Flowing Eternal LoveWell Wisher

KAMLESH KUMAR HELP EVER HURT NEVER

HAVE A NICE AND A BEAUTIFUL BLESSED DAY

LOVE ALL SERVE ALL----------------------Shri Hari. Ram Ram.My father does not treat my mother properly.

Generally, I cannot say much to my father. So, my expectations from my

father are less. I know my mother will love me no matter what. So, I

expect from her more. I will always want my mother to act in such a way

so that my father does not get angry even though my father's actions

are not correct. I will start blaming her. Later on, I realized that I

am asking too much from my mother. Our human nature is that we take

things for granted. If mother is good, then we take her for granted.It is natural for mother to expect love. Especially if you did not

get love from your husband, then your need for love from others

increases. As you have gotten older, now you know that you will

die soon. So, it is good time to focus on your self which is not body.

Reading Swamiji's books everyday are helpful.Pray to Krishna to give the intelligence to you and also to your

kids.They are doing sin (pap) by not respecting you. So, pray for them

as respecting mother is good for them. If you remove expectation and take shelter of Krishna, you may find that they will start respecting you again.Ram RamGaurav Mittal

--

PRIOR POSTINGShree Hari-Namaskar:You have been suffering unnecessarily for twenty years, a dear Sadhak said in acomment to guide me, 'even saints get treated badly'.So do understand this, they are where they are, the children you gave birth to,(you notice I did not say your children).Now you are looking for advice from a family of a different kind, they will onlybe concerned in offering you their best advice based on the platform of theBhagavad Gita.I expect you do not wish at this point to be overrun by esoteric ideas, so Iwill paste in one Shloka from Gitaji.B.G. 12 :13. He who hates no creature, who is friendly and compassionate to all, who isfree from attachment and egoism, balanced in pleasure and pain, andforgiving,...I recommend you quietly read in chapter 12 verses 16-----19.With Respect and Divine Love,Mike (K)------------------------------Dear Lost in wits:As long as we desire for a return of our love from children, we willalways be disappointed. More so in your case it appears. May be thereis a good reason why things happen. It may be the calling of the''Supreme' to develop non-attachment that will lead to more blissfullife for yourself as many of the Sadhakas have pointed out in thisforum. Thinking about the possible positive outcome of a negativeencounter will relieve the pain of suffering. I had several of thosesituations and I always got benefited by developing any attitude that'Everything happens only for our Good'. . Analyzing and contemplatingon the Slokas Gita 2-61 to 2-65 will address the root cause of thisproblem and show the remedy also in my simple thinking. Thanks to themoderators allowing me to respond to this although I did not touch themeaning of these verses in detail. All the very bestregardsbvempaty------Hi,Whatever you did, you did it for your children. Now forget it. if you did it out of love , love does not demand anything inreturn. it was your duty and it was good of you to go through it for 20 yrs , why do you want to spoil your Karma by asking even one niceword from them because of your attachment on that feelings you will beborn again. Keep all the garbage's on the earth when you leave theearth. go free without any attachment and be happy and give happinessto others around you and you will find peace and harmony everywhere.be happy and do not worry because do not waste time in thinking aboutyou, think about others who have more problems then you and pray forthem. Pray that let there be peace, love and harmony everywhere."S. R Amin"-------------GITA TALK GROUP GUIDELINES: PLEASE -1. Only responses that further clarify Gita message will be posted.2. Quote Gitaji/scriptures wherever possible..3. Limit personal feelings, opinions, beliefs etc. to theextent that they further help in understanding the Gita shlokas4. Be as concise, to the point, respecting sadhaka's time.5. Focus on subject at hand only.6. Do not include links to the other sites; personal information (Ph #, addressetc) or personalize message to particular person7. All responses may not be posted and moderator at his discretion, may modifythe posting.8. Please keep in mind novices, youth, westerners, non-sectarian audience. Limit the use to Sanskrit words and provide English wordbracketed.MODERATORRam Ram------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------

May 20, 2009

Guruji,My children for whom I tolerated a bad marriage for 20 yrs blame me for divorceand have ignored me during the next 20 years. I still go through spells of painand anger. How can I stop expecting one nice word from them? they are notchildren anymore.Lost in wits-------------NEW POSTINGPlease forgive your children and expect

everything from God for he is our provider. Pray for your children everyday

and God our father will bless you abundantly. K. Raheja------------------Shree Hari Ram Ram All situations are created only for your spiritual growth and evolution. Think how easy it becomes for you to be detached (vairaayga), to develop equanimity (samtaah) ...the state that Gita / Swamiji is requesting, pleading us to reach. See every situation as nothing but His divine grace and nothing short of that. The truth is you have only received these things for a short time to serve, to utilize for benefit of others. These people/things that are received are sure to part (with absolute certainty). Swamiji has been very clear that attachment to them will only lead to betrayal. Swamiji has been blunt enough to have us ask this question of our family members or our favorite possessions - "if I die today, will you go with me?" You will receive all the answers right here !!! Now! why must you hold on to a desire to "NOT BEING IGNORED?" why do you want to carry this desire with you and result in bondage and rebirth? why? is there one logical reason? Simply REJOICE in your situation! You are blessed with freedom! Absolute FREEDOM! Please think over this. With devotion, Meera Das, Ram Ram------------------Dear Sadhak

You might have divorsed your wife from the points of view with

American system.As you have tolerated up to this time and now you have

children.Then now you can create love between you and your wife by

showing deep love and gratitudes towards her then I am sure she will

surely love you and come smiling with you.This very principle applied

by showing compassion and love towards your children.I advised one

family and now they are doing well

Please refer to me for any further guidance

Truly yours

S S Bhatt-----------------PRIOR POSTINGHari OmTo my mind, the Questioner is yet to "take real divorce". Real divorce is mental- renouncing affinity from inside. If inside, we are still craving for an acknowledgement from children , or worried about their views , then where is the separation? "Moha/Mamata" is continuing and is inflicting pains- 20 years no consideration.Both pains and pleasures have "timelessness" in them. "Mineness with worldly people/things/actions" - pains will continue for eons and ages (what is 20 years?)- after all it is "dukhalayam" ! "Mineness ONLY with Paramatma" - pleasure will continue for eons and ages- afterall you are "sahaj sukhraasi" and this world is Vasudev Sarvam.In fact as Swamiji stated- Mamata gets destroyed either by rendering selfless service or by establishing "mamata" (mineness) with Paramatma. Questioner can only be adviced now to resort to the latter. In family life too one can easily destroy mineness by rendering "selfless service". Hence please do ignore blames by children and inside your heart, shed "mineness" with them.There is no purpose served by travelling in the past. Nor "desire for happiness" (here for acknowledgement by your children of your faultlessness; or desire that they should not blame you) ever gives happiness. As a law, desire for happiness is the root cause of sorrow in life.Jai Shree KrishnaVyas N B-------Dear Spiritual Traveller,You are going thru the agony and expectations of the unreal and is not under your control. I do share your feelings.I am not the expert in suggesting but please read the followings and see if it makes any sense to you:1. You were chosen and assigned to be the parents of the God's children and you were the baby sitter for them up to the time they grew, matured and were married.2. Children brought their bank balance of their actions along with them and you were the trustee for them.3. Any thing you did and spent for them was not yours and you utilized and spent their bank balance thinking as if it was yours.4. You cared for them because you were given the responsibility to take care of them as the God' s children but you presumed as if you owned them.5. God says that if any one abuses, mistreats you, it is good for you because you are humiliated and thus it reduces your Bad/Negative Karmas and makes you humble.6. Imagine if God starts scolding you and mistreats you then what are you going to do, so treat the children same as the God7. Realize that it must be your relationships with them in any previous time/ birth which you are experiencing now being on the other side of the table. You must perform your duty up to the last breath8.You must convey and make them realize always that you love them and not their actions. Realize that the Soul in you is the same soul in them irrespective of the body and the actions.9. You must love them unconditionally in spite of their ignorance towards you.10. Now Please Pray Pray Pray with both hands joined and raised towards Supreme Bhagavan to remove All of your Anger, Ego, Jealousy, Hatred, Envy, Greed, Expectations, hurting others, Stress, Anxiety and any Negative Thoughts. and also feel and pray that all of these have been removed and gone to the source with Love and Light.11. Now you are clean have no negative thoughts towards any one including the children,12. Now Pray with both hands joined and raised towards Supreme Bhagavan to help, fill and bless you, with Unconditional Love, Compassion, Kindness, forgetting all your deeds, and forgiveness to self and others, Humility, Humbleness, respectful to all and Serving others, Positive thoughts and energy in Abundance.13. Realize that God has showered you with what you just prayed and have manifested in you.14. Now smear these blessed hands all over your body starting from the head to toe.15. Pray at all the time. It may seems easy but practice of this will bring change in you and make you stronger to pass thru all the situations.May God bless you and be with you and make you strong to fulfill the purpose for which HE has brought you in this world.With Ever Flowing Eternal LoveWell WisherKAMLESH KUMARHELP EVER HURT NEVERHAVE A NICE AND A BEAUTIFUL BLESSED DAYLOVE ALL SERVE ALL----------------------Shri Hari. Ram Ram.My father does not treat my mother properly. Generally, I cannot say much to my father. So, my expectations from my father are less. I know my mother will love me no matter what. So, I expect from her more. I will always want my mother to act in such a way so that my father does not get angry even though my father's actions are not correct. I will start blaming her. Later on, I realized that I am asking too much from my mother. Our human nature is that we take things for granted. If mother is good, then we take her for granted.It is natural for mother to expect love. Especially if you did not get love from your husband, then your need for love from others increases.As you have gotten older, now you know that you will die soon. So, it is good time to focus on your self which is not body. Reading Swamiji's books everyday are helpful.Pray to Krishna to give the intelligence to you and also to your kids.They are doing sin (pap) by not respecting you. So, pray for them as respecting mother is good for them. If you remove expectation and take shelter of Krishna, you may find that they will start respecting you again.Ram RamGaurav Mittal-- PRIOR POSTINGShree Hari-Namaskar:You have been suffering unnecessarily for twenty years, a dear Sadhak said in acomment to guide me, 'even saints get treated badly'.So do understand this, they are where they are, the children you gave birth to,(you notice I did not say your children).Now you are looking for advice from a family of a different kind, they will onlybe concerned in offering you their best advice based on the platform of theBhagavad Gita.I expect you do not wish at this point to be overrun by esoteric ideas, so Iwill paste in one Shloka from Gitaji.B.G. 12 :13. He who hates no creature, who is friendly and compassionate to all, who isfree from attachment and egoism, balanced in pleasure and pain, andforgiving,...I recommend you quietly read in chapter 12 verses 16-----19.With Respect and Divine Love,Mike (K)------------------------------Dear Lost in wits:As long as we desire for a return of our love from children, we willalways be disappointed. More so in your case it appears. May be thereis a good reason why things happen. It may be the calling of the''Supreme' to develop non-attachment that will lead to more blissfullife for yourself as many of the Sadhakas have pointed out in thisforum. Thinking about the possible positive outcome of a negativeencounter will relieve the pain of suffering. I had several of thosesituations and I always got benefited by developing any attitude that'Everything happens only for our Good'. . Analyzing and contemplatingon the Slokas Gita 2-61 to 2-65 will address the root cause of thisproblem and show the remedy also in my simple thinking. Thanks to themoderators allowing me to respond to this although I did not touch themeaning of these verses in detail. All the very bestregardsbvempaty------Hi,Whatever you did, you did it for your children. Now forget it.if you did it out of love , love does not demand anything inreturn. it was your duty and it was good of you to go through it for 20 yrs ,why do you want to spoil your Karma by asking even one niceword from them because of your attachment on that feelings you will beborn again. Keep all the garbage's on the earth when you leave theearth. go free without any attachment and be happy and give happinessto others around you and you will find peace and harmony everywhere.be happy and do not worry because do not waste time in thinking aboutyou, think about others who have more problems then you and pray forthem. Pray that let there be peace, love and harmony everywhere."S. R Amin"-------------GITA TALK GROUP GUIDELINES: PLEASE -1. Only responses that further clarify Gita message will be posted.2. Quote Gitaji/scriptures wherever possible..3. Limit personal feelings, opinions, beliefs etc. to theextent that they further help in understanding the Gita shlokas4. Be as concise, to the point, respecting sadhaka's time.5. Focus on subject at hand only.6. Do not include links to the other sites; personal information (Ph #, addressetc) or personalize message to particular person7. All responses may not be posted and moderator at his discretion, may modifythe posting.8. Please keep in mind novices, youth, westerners, non-sectarian audience. Limit the use to Sanskrit words and provide English wordbracketed.MODERATORRam Ram------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------

May 22, 2009

Guruji,My children for whom I tolerated a bad marriage for 20 yrs blame me for divorceand have ignored me during the next 20 years. I still go through spells of painand anger. How can I stop expecting one nice word from them? they are notchildren anymore.Lost in wits-------------NEW POSTINGHari OmWelcome Kamleshji ! A nice compilation indeed ! Please keep contributing regularly. One

must shun "mineness" with the worldly people/things/actions. There is

no alternative to it except changing the same by establishing mineness

with Paramatma. For children not obeying - Swamiji's Raam Baan ( Thanks

Miraji Dass for this word) Formula- stop considering them to be yours !

Believe me, they will become "Godly" because the difference between

"Vasudev Sarvam" and "Dukhalayam" is "mineness" ! Try it with faith.Said Kabirdasji Maharaj:Main Mere Ki Jevadi, Gal Bandhyo Sansaar !Dass Kabira Kyon Bandhe, Jaake Raam Adhaar !!"Me

and Mine"- by this chain the world is hanging by your neck. O Kabir,

why shall you get chained (bondaged) if you take shelter of Paramatma?

(If you develop mineness with Him rather than with the world) !Jai Shree KrishnaVyas N B

-----------------------Shree Hari Ram Ram Here is something super amazing that Swamiji has shared with us.... the secret to happiness !!!! Please read carefully and if able to live by these words, sorrow can never reach. Blame cannot reach! Others ignoring can have no effect... therefore READ CAREFULLY!!! Swamiji says - If someone complaints about you, do not worry, do not be concerned. From today, this moment onwards, release everyone. Give them complete freedom. Let them have free will to complain about you. By releasing them all, you will be released. You will be released and you will benefit immensely. Let them go ahead, full swing complaining about you. You, be quiet. Be Silent. Do not try to explain yourself. Let them say that you are bad, let them blame you, let them ignore you; You remain unaffected and remain happy! Be joyful at all times. Try it !!!!! Meera Das, Ram Ram --------------PRIOR POSTINGPlease forgive your children and expect everything from God for he is our provider. Pray for your children everyday and God our father will bless you abundantly. K. Raheja------------------Shree Hari Ram Ram All situations are created only for your spiritual growth and evolution. Think how easy it becomes for you to be detached (vairaayga), to develop equanimity (samtaah) ...the state that Gita / Swamiji is requesting, pleading us to reach. See every situation as nothing but His divine grace and nothing short of that. The truth is you have only received these things for a short time to serve, to utilize for benefit of others. These people/things that are received are sure to part (with absolute certainty). Swamiji has been very clear that attachment to them will only lead to betrayal. Swamiji has been blunt enough to have us ask this question of our family members or our favorite possessions - "if I die today, will you go with me?" You will receive all the answers right here !!!Now! why must you hold on to a desire to "NOT BEING IGNORED?" why do you want to carry this desire with you and result in bondage and rebirth? why? is there one logical reason? Simply REJOICE in your situation! You are blessed with freedom! Absolute FREEDOM! Please think over this. With devotion, Meera Das, Ram Ram------------------Dear Sadhak You might have divorsed your wife from the points of view with American system.As you have tolerated up to this time and now you have children.Then now you can create love between you and your wife by showing deep love and gratitudes towards her then I am sure she will surely love you and come smiling with you.This very principle applied by showing compassion and love towards your children.I advised one family and now they are doing wellPlease refer to me for any further guidance Truly yours S S Bhatt-----------------PRIOR POSTINGHari OmTo my mind, the Questioner is yet to "take real divorce". Real divorce is mental- renouncing affinity from inside. If inside, we are still craving for an acknowledgement from children , or worried about their views , then where is the separation? "Moha/Mamata" is continuing and is inflicting pains- 20 years no consideration.Both pains and pleasures have "timelessness" in them. "Mineness with worldly people/things/actions" - pains will continue for eons and ages (what is 20 years?)- after all it is "dukhalayam" ! "Mineness ONLY with Paramatma" - pleasure will continue for eons and ages- afterall you are "sahaj sukhraasi" and this world is Vasudev Sarvam.In fact as Swamiji stated- Mamata gets destroyed either by rendering selfless service or by establishing "mamata" (mineness) with Paramatma. Questioner can only be adviced now to resort to the latter. In family life too one can easily destroy mineness by rendering "selfless service". Hence please do ignore blames by children and inside your heart, shed "mineness" with them.There is no purpose served by travelling in the past. Nor "desire for happiness" (here for acknowledgement by your children of your faultlessness; or desire that they should not blame you) ever gives happiness. As a law, desire for happiness is the root cause of sorrow in life.Jai Shree KrishnaVyas N B-------Dear Spiritual Traveller,You are going thru the agony and expectations of the unreal and is not under your control. I do share your feelings.I am not the expert in suggesting but please read the followings and see if it makes any sense to you:1. You were chosen and assigned to be the parents of the God's children and you were the baby sitter for them up to the time they grew, matured and were married.2. Children brought their bank balance of their actions along with them and you were the trustee for them.3. Any thing you did and spent for them was not yours and you utilized and spent their bank balance thinking as if it was yours.4. You cared for them because you were given the responsibility to take care of them as the God' s children but you presumed as if you owned them.5. God says that if any one abuses, mistreats you, it is good for you because you are humiliated and thus it reduces your Bad/Negative Karmas and makes you humble.6. Imagine if God starts scolding you and mistreats you then what are you going to do, so treat the children same as the God7. Realize that it must be your relationships with them in any previous time/ birth which you are experiencing now being on the other side of the table. You must perform your duty up to the last breath8.You must convey and make them realize always that you love them and not their actions. Realize that the Soul in you is the same soul in them irrespective of the body and the actions.9. You must love them unconditionally in spite of their ignorance towards you.10. Now Please Pray Pray Pray with both hands joined and raised towards Supreme Bhagavan to remove All of your Anger, Ego, Jealousy, Hatred, Envy, Greed, Expectations, hurting others, Stress, Anxiety and any Negative Thoughts. and also feel and pray that all of these have been removed and gone to the source with Love and Light.11. Now you are clean have no negative thoughts towards any one including the children,12. Now Pray with both hands joined and raised towards Supreme Bhagavan to help, fill and bless you, with Unconditional Love, Compassion, Kindness, forgetting all your deeds, and forgiveness to self and others, Humility, Humbleness, respectful to all and Serving others, Positive thoughts and energy in Abundance.13. Realize that God has showered you with what you just prayed and have manifested in you.14. Now smear these blessed hands all over your body starting from the head to toe.15. Pray at all the time. It may seems easy but practice of this will bring change in you and make you stronger to pass thru all the situations.May God bless you and be with you and make you strong to fulfill the purpose for which HE has brought you in this world.With Ever Flowing Eternal LoveWell WisherKAMLESH KUMARHELP EVER HURT NEVERHAVE A NICE AND A BEAUTIFUL BLESSED DAYLOVE ALL SERVE ALL----------------------Shri Hari. Ram Ram.My father does not treat my mother properly. Generally, I cannot say much to my father. So, my expectations from my father are less. I know my mother will love me no matter what. So, I expect from her more. I will always want my mother to act in such a way so that my father does not get angry even though my father's actions are not correct. I will start blaming her. Later on, I realized that I am asking too much from my mother. Our human nature is that we take things for granted. If mother is good, then we take her for granted.It is natural for mother to expect love. Especially if you did not get love from your husband, then your need for love from others increases.As you have gotten older, now you know that you will die soon. So, it is good time to focus on your self which is not body. Reading Swamiji's books everyday are helpful.Pray to Krishna to give the intelligence to you and also to your kids.They are doing sin (pap) by not respecting you. So, pray for them as respecting mother is good for them. If you remove expectation and take shelter of Krishna, you may find that they will start respecting you again.Ram RamGaurav Mittal-- PRIOR POSTINGShree Hari-Namaskar:You have been suffering unnecessarily for twenty years, a dear Sadhak said in acomment to guide me, 'even saints get treated badly'.So do understand this, they are where they are, the children you gave birth to,(you notice I did not say your children).Now you are looking for advice from a family of a different kind, they will onlybe concerned in offering you their best advice based on the platform of theBhagavad Gita.I expect you do not wish at this point to be overrun by esoteric ideas, so Iwill paste in one Shloka from Gitaji.B.G. 12 :13. He who hates no creature, who is friendly and compassionate to all, who isfree from attachment and egoism, balanced in pleasure and pain, andforgiving,...I recommend you quietly read in chapter 12 verses 16-----19.With Respect and Divine Love,Mike (K)------------------------------Dear Lost in wits:As long as we desire for a return of our love from children, we willalways be disappointed. More so in your case it appears. May be thereis a good reason why things happen. It may be the calling of the''Supreme' to develop non-attachment that will lead to more blissfullife for yourself as many of the Sadhakas have pointed out in thisforum. Thinking about the possible positive outcome of a negativeencounter will relieve the pain of suffering. I had several of thosesituations and I always got benefited by developing any attitude that'Everything happens only for our Good'. . Analyzing and contemplatingon the Slokas Gita 2-61 to 2-65 will address the root cause of thisproblem and show the remedy also in my simple thinking. Thanks to themoderators allowing me to respond to this although I did not touch themeaning of these verses in detail. All the very bestregardsbvempaty------Hi,Whatever you did, you did it for your children. Now forget it.if you did it out of love , love does not demand anything inreturn. it was your duty and it was good of you to go through it for 20 yrs ,why do you want to spoil your Karma by asking even one niceword from them because of your attachment on that feelings you will beborn again. Keep all the garbage's on the earth when you leave theearth. go free without any attachment and be happy and give happinessto others around you and you will find peace and harmony everywhere.be happy and do not worry because do not waste time in thinking aboutyou, think about others who have more problems then you and pray forthem. Pray that let there be peace, love and harmony everywhere."S. R Amin"-------------GITA TALK GROUP GUIDELINES: PLEASE -1. Only responses that further clarify Gita message will be posted.2. Quote Gitaji/scriptures wherever possible..3. Limit personal feelings, opinions, beliefs etc. to theextent that they further help in understanding the Gita shlokas4. Be as concise, to the point, respecting sadhaka's time.5. Focus on subject at hand only.6. Do not include links to the other sites; personal information (Ph #, addressetc) or personalize message to particular person7. All responses may not be posted and moderator at his discretion, may modifythe posting.8. Please keep in mind novices, youth, westerners, non-sectarian audience. Limit the use to Sanskrit words and provide English wordbracketed.MODERATORRam Ram------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------