Unable to Forgive for a Mistake, Please Help !!!

July 25, 2009

sir, I am an engineering student. I have been in depression and feeling suicidal tendency for last 4 months. Reason is that that I have a younger sister that I love more than my life, and I have always wanted to see her happy at all times. The problem happened few months ago when she told me something about her self. Last year she had gone for a month to Delhi with her college friends on an educational tour, where she got involved in a physical relation with a boy in her college After returning back home, she has been feeling very guilty for the wrong doing and had been in depression, unable to forgive herself. Four months ago she dared to tell me about her mistake and her emotional involvement and desire to never commit such a mistake.

After hearing this, I am feeling very upset. I have begun to hate her. I am feeling , my life is worthless and suicidal tendency is coming within me. I used to love her so much and used to treat her like a little girl, but i didn"t know that she was a girl having such a loose character. Why god has punished me by giving such a girl as my sister? Though I still want to love her like my sister as before, but i am not able to do so. I want to forget all these things but after trying so much i am not able to do that. Due to this I didn't study during these months and also am not able to do any thing. All the time these thoughts keep coming in my mind. Still i want to love my little sis so much and want to take her out from the sea of depresion. I want that things would be like before, forgetting all these things.

How do I convince myself as well as, my sis. kindly help me.

Anonymous

--------------------GITA TALK GROUP GUIDELINES: PLEASE -FOR QUESTIONER1. The questions as far as possible must be relevant to Gita, relevant toDharma, relavant to other scriptures and relevant to motivate Sadhaks to take upspiritual path2. The Questioner must commit to daily Gita study3. Only one question at a time.4. Question must be brief, to the point and relevant to the group's primary aimof deeper understanding of Gita.GITA TALK GROUP GUIDELINES for RESPONDER: PLEASE -1. Only responses that further clarify Gita message will be posted.2. Quote Gitaji/scriptures wherever possible..3. Limit personal feelings, opinions, beliefs etc. to the extent that theyfurther help in understanding the Gita shlokas4. Be concise, to the point, refraining from criticism or personal attacks. Berespectful of all sadhaks and avoid judging others.5. Focus on subject at hand only.6. Do not include links to the other sites; personal information (Ph #, addressetc) or personalize message to particular person7. All responses may not be posted and moderator at his discretion, may modifythe posting.8. Please keep in mind novices, youth, westerners, non-sectarian audience. Limitthe use to Sanskrit words and provide English word bracketed.MODERATORRam Ram------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------Post message: Subscribe: - Unsubscribe: - -------------------------------

July 25, 2009

sir, I am an engineering student. I have been in depression and feeling

suicidal tendency for last 4 months. Reason is that that I have a younger sister

that I love more than my life, and I have always wanted to see her happy at all

times. The problem happened few months ago when she told me something about

her self. Last year she had gone for a month to Delhi with her college friends

on an educational tour, where she got involved in a physical relation with a boy

in her college After returning back home, she has been feeling very guilty for

the wrong doing and had been in depression, unable to forgive herself. Four

months ago she dared to tell me about her mistake and her emotional involvement

and desire to never commit such a mistake.

After hearing this, I am feeling very upset. I have begun to hate her. I am

feeling , my life is worthless and suicidal tendency is coming within me. I

used to love her so much and used to treat her like a little girl, but i didn " t

know that she was a girl having such a loose character. Why god has punished me

by giving such a girl as my sister? Though I still want to love her like my

sister as before, but i am not able to do so. I want to forget all these things

but after trying so much i am not able to do that. Due to this I didn't study

during these months and also am not able to do any thing. All the time these

thoughts keep coming in my mind. Still i want to love my little sis so much and

want to take her out from the sea of depresion. I want that things would be

like before, forgetting all these things.

How do I convince myself as well as, my sis. kindly help me.

Anonymous

--------------------

NEW POSTING

-Shree Hari-

Dear Anonymous,

What stands out to me is you are too attached to your sister, your love is

conditional. Also did you ask yourself why she confided in you, did you feel

that she dishonoured you.

Did she want to make you feel worthless? I don't think so. Her guilt drove her

to seek solace. What she should understand, is her secret guilt is known to the

univers. Suicide cannot solve pain but will compound it.

Now never never hate! It a darkness that is so destructive, if you hate your

sister, then you hate yourself, hatred radiates a dark energy that pollutes all

around.

Try and think like a kindly uncle wise with years.

Refer to the Bhagavad Gita: Ch.14 below:

24. Alike in pleasure and pain, who dwells in the Self, to whom a clod of earth,

stone and gold are alike, to whom the dear and the unfriendly are alike, firm,

the same in censure and praise, 25. The same in honour and dishonour, the same

to friend and foe, abandoning all undertakings—he is said to have crossed the

qualities.

You and your sister may find benefit in contemplating on Ch. 9 below:

29. The same am I to all beings; to me there is none HATEFUL or dear; but those

who worship me with devotion are in me and I am also in them.

30. Even if the most sinful worships me, with devotion to none else, he too

should indeed be regarded as righteous, for he has rightly resolved. So your

fate and hers is not nailed down, the universe can forgive you for you hatred,

and her for her folly.

With Respect and Divine Love,

Mike Keenor

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Hari Om

You are contradicting yourself in more than one way. You said you loved your

sister more than your life and you want to see her happy at all times. What

happened to that love? Has that gone with just one wave of life's vicissitudes?

And so much so that you have now begin to hate her !! This is inspite of the

fact that she confessed her error to you as an elder brother !

What loose character? She is no different than you- born out of same parents !

Any body can make mistake any time. What about your own character ? Is it solid

enough? Never forget that brothers are there always to protect sisters, come

what may. She is already feeling guilty and you like her enemy are adding fuel

by hating her ! Is it love? Is it your duty? Any body , even Great Rishis can

fall under sway of senses ! It can happen. It happens !

There is only one solution to your problem:

You must give so much of love and affection to her, so much of understanding and

compassion, that she forgets that unfortunate incident forever. Allow her to

rebuild her life. Help her. Ask her to turn towards God and concentrate on her

studies. Forget the incident as if it never happened. Help her forgetting the

same too as we forget a bad dream. But First you forget and then set an example

before her of what is strong character and what does an elder brother mean vis a

vis little sister. Stand solid and make her solid too ! Protect her !

Get out of your own web of depression and negativity first. First remove the

looseness in your own character which is wildly swinging between intense love

and intense hate ! Establish yourself first in equanimity- (balance) and then

address her problems, her depression by love, compassion, understanding and

affection.

Change your attitude from Raksha Bandhan day forever.

Jai Shree Krishna

Vyas N B

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Dear Friend

God loves you as much as your sister or me or anyone else.God has full love for

everyone because they are his parts.Irrespective of whatever we do .God's love

never reduces.Punishment word does not exists in God's dictionary.

Our actions are dependent on our guna(traits).Due to momentarily strongness of

tamsik guna,we may do something wrong but God is aware and recognises that

and as such there is no loss of love from his side.

Your sister is certainly not of loose character otherwise she will not feel

guilty and depressed and will not commit to not to repeat the mistake.Consider

this

as temporary mistake by your sister in past.Let go past and extend full support

and love to your sister.

We are born into relationships to complement each other and provide support

whenever required,Every one has to under go journey of his life according to his

karma in this life and past life.We cannot change course of their life but can

provide support to them.We must take of our own life's journey.As such get

up,take charge of your

life and support your sister.

Let love flow from your heart towards your sister.Consider his mistake as

temporary.Let go past.

Message to your sister

Dear Sister,God and this brother loves you very much.There is no need for you to

suffer any more.Let go past and look to

future with hope and determination.The God is always and all ways with you.

regards,love and best wishes to you and your sister

Ashok Jain

------------------

My dandavat pranams,

Dear Anonymous..... my sincere respect for you that you are able to call

out, " help, how I can grow? " This is what I hear.

Is the image of your sister being what society sees as a " perfect angel "

what you are attached to, and your image of yourself in affiliation with that

perfect angel, or is it her? If it is her, and not the image that society in

general wants to hold up, then yes, you will be able to love her as before,

nay.....you will love her even more. Because your love will come from an

unconditional place.

It is not bodily gratification that your young sister seeks, it is part of

the maturing of the living entity in this world, to wonder, sometimes

unknowingly, if true love and affection can be found through the bodily

exchanges. It is impossible for me to say, " Oh, the bodily exchange has nothing

to do with love " because it is part of love, but it is secondary.

Unfortunately, without strong guidance and protection, the young ladies now

adays are easily fooled into thinking love is so easy to be found.

Pray that you can be a source of true love for your sister. After all,

one day she will leave that body, and perhaps be a : " perfect angel " all over

again.....but her past will always be the past.....perhaps the last life she

also had similiar circumstances....but not knowing, you were able to think she

was pure......actually she is pure. The soul has no connection with any of

these activities of the body. It is always pure. So do not let yourself,

through bodily identification, think anything except what a sweet, loving

beautiful being is your sister.....all your sisters. Disciple of the mind is

our duty, our greatest penance, austerity, and gift from the Lord. Pray for

that gift.

Bhagavad Gita....dehino smin yatha dehe

Kaumaram yauvanam jara

tatha dehantara praptir

dhiras tatra na muhyati. " As the embodied soul

continually passes, in this body, from boyhood, to youth, to old age, the soul

similarly passes into another body at death. The self realized soul is not

bewildered by such a change. "

With love, Maha Laksmi Dasi

------------------

sir,

i understand expectations all too well. Remember who you are...that you are Gods

only and only God is yours.

Attachment is an evil thing and when one gets attached to God there is no

disappointment...i have grandchildren i love dearly but they are Gods gifts of

love on temporary loan and when we lose them or when they disappoint us it is

message from God that it is testing time for you to draw near to Him, please to

pray 'let me never forget you whether walking, eating, sleeping, let me always

think of you , you can say ah yes what a good sister i have, she is so

perfect...but what is that but ego talking, ego and attachment are ugly things

and nothing good can be found in them.

It is good when Black Dog of depression arises it means to get busy and be so

occupied in Gods work so as not to be self involved and thinking only on

problems...this is too much idle time spent that can be spent in Godly manner

with satsang...with prayer of humility of one so undeserved...both of us..all of

us fail..but God loves us all the time and waits for us to come to His Lotus

feet for comfort with all tears to be washed away by His unconditional love.Who

could love you like this? who?We are so hard on ourselves to not forgive

ourselves but with a humble heart God is always there.

Love her through it all as God loves you.Because she has made one mistake

doesn't mean she has not learned lesson never to repeat specific action again

but if actions continue then turn away leaving this in Gods Hands but love

conquers all.

My daughter snuck in boy up to her bedroom on a continual basis and although not

wanting to speak of personal matters she was thrown out of home but i pray Gods

Will that she shall someday learn and will come back after lifes lessons and i

do love and miss her but it is all in Gods Hands and truly He gives all answers

in right and correct manner My Gopa

tenderly and compassionately understanding sadness of mind

Catherine Andersen

-------------------

Don't make yourself a football of others. Your happiness should not

depend upon others. It is natural for you to love your younger sister

and hold her in great esteem. It was because of her love for you that

she confided in you about her indiscretions. Now it has happened and

nothing can change it. But she is still your sister and you love her

very much. So I would advise you to behave as if nothing has happened

and keep up with your studies while telling her not to make the same

mistake again. Give up the negativity and think positively. You owe it

to yourself and your family.

Hari Shanker Deo

--------

My dearest Brother,

If she feels that she has done a mistake, that itself is and should be enough

for u forgive her. Show me one person in the history of Humanity, who did not

commit a mistake?

I can go on quoting names of graet people, some of them saints, who had fallen

to the sex instinct. But GOD is compassionate and forgiving and he has made MAN

in his own image. So u should also do the same. Forgive and Forget.

To help u in doing this, i can recommend a ritual. Go to the Sea Beach. On the

sand write that " I forgive and forget the mistake of my sister "

After writing this wait till the waters of the ocean takes these words away,

while u imagine that the Goddess Ocean has taken away her sin and freed u of all

rememberances.

Please remember that Sex is a natural instinct and while it has to be

sublimated, it should not be controlled in an unreasonable manner. I have sat at

the feet of some of the greatest saints and i can assure u that u r making a

mountain of a molehill and instead of supporting her u are adding to her woes.

So go ahead and be a MAN.

Lovingly,

Ravi Pandit

--------

Hari Om!Though it seems natural to get shocked and feel annoyed by such action

of sister!

But this should not be the end of everything. If you analyse how come she

committed such a 'mistake' or sin you might get to know a few of the reasons!

Once we find out the apparant reasons, to negate them would be easy! Through

spiritual practices man can overcome his evil tendencies, and divine grace can

redeem even the worst sinner. Therefore one should not brood over the past

mistakes, but should develop a positive outlook on life by depending on God. Get

out of suicidal tendency. It is the worst thing & thing of the weakest, cowards.

Friend, try to be strong and positive. And remember the nice saying we come

across in our Scriptures - " Neither dwell in the past nor dream of the future.

Concentrate on the present! " Hope everything will be fine with you both.

Regards,

SANDEEP PATHAK

---------------------

GITA TALK GROUP GUIDELINES: PLEASE -

FOR QUESTIONER

1. The questions as far as possible must be relevant to Gita, relevant to

Dharma, relavant to other scriptures and relevant to motivate Sadhaks to take up

spiritual path

2. The Questioner must commit to daily Gita study

3. Only one question at a time.

4. Question must be brief, to the point and relevant to the group's primary aim

of deeper understanding of Gita.

GITA TALK GROUP GUIDELINES for RESPONDER: PLEASE -

1. Only responses that further clarify Gita message will be posted.

2. Quote Gitaji/scriptures wherever possible..

3. Limit personal feelings, opinions, beliefs etc. to the extent that they

further help in understanding the Gita shlokas

4. Be concise, to the point, refraining from criticism or personal attacks. Be

respectful of all sadhaks and avoid judging others.

5. Focus on subject at hand only.

6. Do not include links to the other sites; personal information (Ph #, address

etc) or personalize message to particular person

7. All responses may not be posted and moderator at his discretion, may modify

the posting.

8. Please keep in mind novices, youth, westerners, non-sectarian audience. Limit

the use to Sanskrit words and provide English word bracketed.

MODERATOR

Ram Ram

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------

Post message:

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-------------------------------

July 26, 2009

sir, I am an engineering student. I have been in depression and feelingsuicidal tendency for last 4 months. Reason is that that I have a younger sisterthat I love more than my life, and I have always wanted to see her happy at alltimes. The problem happened few months ago when she told me something abouther self. Last year she had gone for a month to Delhi with her college friendson an educational tour, where she got involved in a physical relation with a boyin her college After returning back home, she has been feeling very guilty forthe wrong doing and had been in depression, unable to forgive herself. Fourmonths ago she dared to tell me about her mistake and her emotional involvementand desire to never commit such a mistake.

After hearing this, I am feeling very upset. I have begun to hate her. I amfeeling , my life is worthless and suicidal tendency is coming within me. Iused to love her so much and used to treat her like a little girl, but i didn"tknow that she was a girl having such a loose character. Why god has punished meby giving such a girl as my sister? Though I still want to love her like mysister as before, but i am not able to do so. I want to forget all these thingsbut after trying so much i am not able to do that. Due to this I didn't studyduring these months and also am not able to do any thing. All the time thesethoughts keep coming in my mind. Still i want to love my little sis so much andwant to take her out from the sea of depresion. I want that things would belike before, forgetting all these things.

How do I convince myself as well as, my sis. kindly help me.

Anonymous

--------------------

NEW POSTING

Dear Sadak,

What if the whole matter was a dream?

On awakening you are not bothered. Be So. All things that happen is to certain extent destined. Teach her Bagavath Geetha. Share the leelas of Sri Krishna. Be divine and God protects you both.

B.Sathyanarayan

------------------------

Shree Hari:

Ram Ram.

In Gita verses 30 and 31 of chapter 9 Shree Krishna Bhagawaan has said "even if one of the most sinful conduct worships Me with exclusive devotion one should be considered a saint because one has rightly resolved and soon one becomes virtuous (very sacred) and obtains lasting peace. Oh Arjuna take an oath that My devotee never falls."

Both of you have resolved firmly to move on right path then you can't go into depression. First resolve firmly then see the result God has promised to us.

Ram Ram.

Sarvottam

-------------------------

Respected Sir,

Can I attempt to give my 2 cents worth. Please ignore it if not suitable.

Pardon my arrogance as well.

1) Firstly I have always believed that "TO ERR IS HUMAN"

Apart from LORD Acyuta, There is no one in the world who doesnt err.

And one of the most courageous things to do is to accept ones errors and even a greater courage is required to confide that in someone, as your sister has done for you.

2) Secondly brother, It is easy to love someone who possess all great qualties and seemingly doesnt have any faults.

But TRUE love firstly doesnt have any conditions. LOVE which has conditions stringed to it is Swarth.

IF you really love your sister - yes by all means correction is needed - but let not your love become lost in this. As actually this is the time she needs you most.

3) The Third quesion we need to ask is...What is Bhagavan adopted this unforgiving attitude? Rest assured that most of us will rot in HELL, if that was the case. Its that very same forgiving nature which saves us time and time again from his wrath. Please consider that. Closing that door for your sister would be telling Bhagavan that FORGIVING isnt an option.

4) Did the LORD not forgive and shower his immense compassion on Ahalya? Was she not purified thereafter?

As far as feeling suicidal comes, I personally feel that the attitude of "GRATITUDE" in life gives us a lot to be happy for in life.

This very life-force given to us by the LORD indeed in itself the greatest gift of the LORD. We need to feel blessed for this. And a feeling of gratitude every second of our life will lead us from depression to happiness, from selfishness to selflessness, from hatred and despise to Universal love.

Humbly my 2 cents worth dear Brother.

Deepak Vinod

-

Dear

your have taken the right step in the right direction by sharing the thoughts in your mind....

and you are at the right forum to get some insights of what is the life all about....

Life is a grand play and take it like a game only.....don't get too serious on things....play your

part well.....and you can play it well when you are happy.....

Understanding is the key.....if you understand the rules of life, know the wisdom of life...

it is all very simple....one can get out of such events very quickly....

Now to the basics......

Events happen in life.....good or bad is our label....as per our assumptions or belief system...

Human model: belief system > Thinking > behaviour... you change the belief system and thoughts, your behaviour changes automatically....... belief system should be based on truth of life/wisdom of life/rules of life...... then there is no such situation.....you are always happy.....

Your sister is not at fault......something happened...just learn and move on.....

Imagine what she may be going through like you......She needs your help and love not hatred....

True love has no conditions.....you just love your sister...as she is....

You have to learn the wisdom of life and give the opportunity also to your sister to learn it too....

The world is beautiful....you can do so much....you can create so much....don't let a single event

hold your part.......learn from it....and get on.....to get the bliss....make your goals bigger...and impersonal...

Best wishes....

Sushil Jain

----

Namaskar,

I normally don't respond to the e-mails. However, given your statements, I am compelled to respond.

Please know the following:

a. Our life is a journey to learn and grow spirituality by actions on this earth. We get many opportunities in life to know God and ourselves. (Geeta talks about need for Action and our journey of knowledge/Yoga.) So you and your sister have had an opportunity to know more about yourself, your world, and the people around you in this world.

b. God has made us as humans with the emotional and physical needs and limitations.

c. The moral norms that you referring to, are based on the society around you and are partially culturally driven.

d. NONE of us have the right to judge the other soul or person and enforce our moral values on them.

e. YOU have the reasonability/duty to be there for your sister and support her. YOUR duty is to love her as a sister. You cannot change your love, support, or duty because of her actions. Since you are not allowed to judge the journey of another soul.

f. Your sister is discovering herself, her feelings, and how world interacts with her. She is looking for her learnings, her path to Nirvana. She is also dealing with her emotions. Be with her. Stand by your family and sister, as she finds her way. Give her your protection and brotherly love.

g. Trust in God. Surrender to Sri Krishna. Do your duty of supporting your sister and let Krishna take care of the results.

Krishna always told Arjun to avoid the escapist path and ACT. DO your duty. Serve others with selfless service and without any expectation of return. (I don't know why your are thinking of escapist thoughts of suicide or not caring for your sister.)

May God show you the right path and give you the strength to follow the right path of supporting your sister.

With respect and love for Krishna and fellow souls

Suneel Sekhri

-----

NamasteBhagavad Gita contains several references to Forgiveness including this in 16:2,3 (see Chapter 10 and 12 also) :

Non-injury, truth, absence of anger, renunciation, tranquility, absence of calumny, compassion to beings, un-covetousness, gentleness, modesty, absence of fickleness;

Boldness, forgiveness, fortitude, purity, absence of hatred, absence of

pride; these belong to one born for a divine state, O descendant of Bharata.

What is forgiveness and who can forgive? What is Forgive and Forget? Forgiveness is not possible without the capacity to forget. And, to forget is to wipe way all traces of memory. It is memory that distracts, being one of the greatest obstacles to Effortless Attention. The sadhak having his mind rendered mindless is forever free from the traces of memory and, therefore, is able to show forth the supreme virtue of forgiveness. Such a devotee is characterized by a generosity of heart, for, "he beareth no illusions to any being"and is "friendly and compassionate" to all.An agent who is free from attachment, non-egotistic, endowed with fortitude and enthusiasm and unaffected in success or failure, is called Saattvika. GITA 18:26Real friendliness and love is possible only in the background of forgiveness. The mind that remembers too much can never forgive and therefore must remain a stranger to friendliness. The characteristics of such a person is described in GITA 16:27-28 and elsewhere:

He who is passionate, desirous of the fruits of action, greedy, malignant, impure, easily elated or dejected, such an agent is called Raajasika.

Unsteady, vulgar, arrogant, dishonest, malicious, indolent, desponding and procrastinating, such an agent is called Taamasika. GITA 18:27,28

The world shrinks from those who demonstrate rajasik and tamasik behavorial traits. These are often cruel and aggressve - they are never relaxed and pleasant but always resistant. But a sadhak who does not wish to establish anything and is perfectly relaxed does not shrink from the world and the world does not shrink from him. You must not display rajasik and tamasik qualities. Now is the time for you to provide solace and support for your sister, not to be selfish and cruelly condemn her. Remove the false ego and self-centredness that influences you to believe that "God has punished you." Bhagavan has laid down the natural law that is applicable to all of us. Judge not yourself or your sister for you and your sister are powerless to dole out punishment or reward. Surrender unto Bhagavan and you and your sister will be liberated from all sins and will grieve not:Occupy thy mind with Me, be devoted to Me, sacrifice to Me, bow down to Me. Thou shalt reach Myself; truly do I promise unto thee, (for) thou art dear to Me.

Relinquishing all Dharmas take refuge in Me alone; I will liberate thee from all sins; grieve not. GITA 18:65, 66

Ram Ram Deosaran Bisnath

--

namasthe anonymous, This is my humble opinion. I understand what you must be going thro and as other sadhaks have already mentioned, this may be due to your extreme attachment to ur sister as well as her being the way you wanted her to be.

Based on your attitude/your thoughts, you have come to certain conclusions that this is right, this is wrong. We find ourselves in dissapointment as longa s we are attached even to the right things. But its better to get attached to right rather than to wrong. Again, this right and wrong is defined only by you alone. What is right to u may be wrong to another person.

So, try to dettach yourself from the right and the wrong and be compassionate to every situation and every human being you come accross. You need not have to dettach from ur sis but try to detach from teh concept of right and wrong. Then u wll raise above both and at that time,..you accept your sister as she is.

Again, if you are unable to forgive ur sis, please pray to God that to give you peace and strength to forgive ur sis as well as yourself. Unless we know how to forgive ourselves, we cannot forgive others. But to forgive , first we need toaccept the situation as is and only then u can forgive.

So, please do not worry. It may be difficult but not impoosible to forget. WHat I believe is that everything happens for good. But it may be difficult to understand under certain circumstances. But its ok..we do not know everything, and God is in control of every situation. Surrender onto HIM and he will take care. I remember these words. Hope you may like it.

"Some plants grow well under the Sun, some grow well in Shade. God knows what is bets for each and everyone of us and he places us where we grow Best". Maybe these situations bring you people together nearer/closer to God to undestand Life in a different perspective probably. We do not know God's plans. But HE is there whenever you want o talk to HIM.

take care, my prayesr and wishes so that you people feel peace in your hearts by God's grace.

Regards,

Bharathi

-------------------------------

Dear friend,

Be Cheerful.

You kindly look the whole incident in a very impersonal manner. You definitely dont expect a person to be perfect right from birth. One learns with experience. One learns to discriminate with time. We feel guilty because of our sky high expectations or that we are here as perfect beings. As immortal souls we are perfect but we have not yet known ourselves as soul. We are here to learn.

Continue to see your sister as a little girl only who has not yet developed discrimination. See, sex is not such a bad thing but attachment to it is bad, just as with any other thing. And sex being a very basic urge implanted in human beings, one can succumb to this, especially when one's discrimination and pure reason have not yet developed.

Your sister has put a trust on you and you must live up to her trust. You should not yourself fall in the well of despair. She expected you to bring her out of that state. Now you being more wiser than her must play well your role of a good brother instead of projecting your expectations on her and flounder when those expectations are thrashed. Remember the film Hare Krishna Hare Rama.

You are suffering because of your expectations. Love still and carry a wide heart. Real love is always without expectations (of return).

Watch the waves of hatred springing from the region of navel. Be detached with that. Open your heart and include everyone in that love.

Go to open places, be more with nature. Take your sister also alongwith you. Talk and be free to discuss everything- your hopes, expectations and everything you like to. Through conversation only everthing wilk get resolved.

Sailendra Singh Deo

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IN ENGLISH

Problems within a household must not be shared with the world, They will simply amuse themselves from it, whether it be an ascetic or a saint. Sentiments is also a enemy. "Ranjankumar"

IN HINDI

Apne ghar ki samasaya doosro ko nahi batani chahiya duniya kebal maza legi chahe wo sadhu/saint hi kyo na ho. Sentiments is also a enemy. "Ranjankumar"

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PRIOR POSTING

-Shree Hari-

Dear Anonymous,

What stands out to me is you are too attached to your sister, your love isconditional. Also did you ask yourself why she confided in you, did you feelthat she dishonoured you.Did she want to make you feel worthless? I don't think so. Her guilt drove herto seek solace. What she should understand, is her secret guilt is known to theunivers. Suicide cannot solve pain but will compound it.Now never never hate! It a darkness that is so destructive, if you hate yoursister, then you hate yourself, hatred radiates a dark energy that pollutes allaround.Try and think like a kindly uncle wise with years.

Refer to the Bhagavad Gita: Ch.14 below:24. Alike in pleasure and pain, who dwells in the Self, to whom a clod of earth,stone and gold are alike, to whom the dear and the unfriendly are alike, firm,the same in censure and praise, 25. The same in honour and dishonour, the sameto friend and foe, abandoning all undertakings—he is said to have crossed thequalities.

You and your sister may find benefit in contemplating on Ch. 9 below:29. The same am I to all beings; to me there is none HATEFUL or dear; but thosewho worship me with devotion are in me and I am also in them.30. Even if the most sinful worships me, with devotion to none else, he tooshould indeed be regarded as righteous, for he has rightly resolved. So yourfate and hers is not nailed down, the universe can forgive you for you hatred,and her for her folly.

With Respect and Divine Love,

Mike Keenor

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Hari Om

You are contradicting yourself in more than one way. You said you loved yoursister more than your life and you want to see her happy at all times. Whathappened to that love? Has that gone with just one wave of life's vicissitudes?And so much so that you have now begin to hate her !! This is inspite of thefact that she confessed her error to you as an elder brother !

What loose character? She is no different than you- born out of same parents !Any body can make mistake any time. What about your own character ? Is it solidenough? Never forget that brothers are there always to protect sisters, comewhat may. She is already feeling guilty and you like her enemy are adding fuelby hating her ! Is it love? Is it your duty? Any body , even Great Rishis canfall under sway of senses ! It can happen. It happens !

There is only one solution to your problem:

You must give so much of love and affection to her, so much of understanding andcompassion, that she forgets that unfortunate incident forever. Allow her torebuild her life. Help her. Ask her to turn towards God and concentrate on herstudies. Forget the incident as if it never happened. Help her forgetting thesame too as we forget a bad dream. But First you forget and then set an examplebefore her of what is strong character and what does an elder brother mean vis avis little sister. Stand solid and make her solid too ! Protect her !

Get out of your own web of depression and negativity first. First remove thelooseness in your own character which is wildly swinging between intense loveand intense hate ! Establish yourself first in equanimity- (balance) and thenaddress her problems, her depression by love, compassion, understanding andaffection.Change your attitude from Raksha Bandhan day forever.

Jai Shree Krishna

Vyas N B

------------------Dear Friend

God loves you as much as your sister or me or anyone else.God has full love foreveryone because they are his parts.Irrespective of whatever we do .God's lovenever reduces.Punishment word does not exists in God's dictionary.Our actions are dependent on our guna(traits).Due to momentarily strongness oftamsik guna,we may do something wrong but God is aware and recognises thatand as such there is no loss of love from his side.Your sister is certainly not of loose character otherwise she will not feelguilty and depressed and will not commit to not to repeat the mistake.Considerthisas temporary mistake by your sister in past.Let go past and extend full supportand love to your sister.We are born into relationships to complement each other and provide supportwhenever required,Every one has to under go journey of his life according to hiskarma in this life and past life.We cannot change course of their life but canprovide support to them.We must take of our own life's journey.As such getup,take charge of yourlife and support your sister.

Let love flow from your heart towards your sister.Consider his mistake astemporary.Let go past.

Message to your sisterDear Sister,God and this brother loves you very much.There is no need for you tosuffer any more.Let go past and look tofuture with hope and determination.The God is always and all ways with you.

regards,love and best wishes to you and your sister

Ashok Jain------------------

My dandavat pranams,Dear Anonymous..... my sincere respect for you that you are able to callout, "help, how I can grow?" This is what I hear.Is the image of your sister being what society sees as a "perfect angel"what you are attached to, and your image of yourself in affiliation with thatperfect angel, or is it her? If it is her, and not the image that society ingeneral wants to hold up, then yes, you will be able to love her as before,nay.....you will love her even more. Because your love will come from anunconditional place.It is not bodily gratification that your young sister seeks, it is part ofthe maturing of the living entity in this world, to wonder, sometimesunknowingly, if true love and affection can be found through the bodilyexchanges. It is impossible for me to say, "Oh, the bodily exchange has nothingto do with love" because it is part of love, but it is secondary. Unfortunately, without strong guidance and protection, the young ladies nowadays are easily fooled into thinking love is so easy to be found.Pray that you can be a source of true love for your sister. After all,one day she will leave that body, and perhaps be a :"perfect angel" all overagain.....but her past will always be the past.....perhaps the last life shealso had similiar circumstances....but not knowing, you were able to think shewas pure......actually she is pure. The soul has no connection with any ofthese activities of the body. It is always pure. So do not let yourself,through bodily identification, think anything except what a sweet, lovingbeautiful being is your sister.....all your sisters. Disciple of the mind isour duty, our greatest penance, austerity, and gift from the Lord. Pray forthat gift.Bhagavad Gita....dehino smin yatha deheKaumaram yauvanam jaratatha dehantara praptirdhiras tatra na muhyati. "As the embodied soulcontinually passes, in this body, from boyhood, to youth, to old age, the soulsimilarly passes into another body at death. The self realized soul is notbewildered by such a change."

With love, Maha Laksmi Dasi------------------

sir,i understand expectations all too well. Remember who you are...that you are Godsonly and only God is yours.Attachment is an evil thing and when one gets attached to God there is nodisappointment...i have grandchildren i love dearly but they are Gods gifts oflove on temporary loan and when we lose them or when they disappoint us it ismessage from God that it is testing time for you to draw near to Him, please topray 'let me never forget you whether walking, eating, sleeping, let me alwaysthink of you , you can say ah yes what a good sister i have, she is soperfect...but what is that but ego talking, ego and attachment are ugly thingsand nothing good can be found in them.It is good when Black Dog of depression arises it means to get busy and be sooccupied in Gods work so as not to be self involved and thinking only onproblems...this is too much idle time spent that can be spent in Godly mannerwith satsang...with prayer of humility of one so undeserved...both of us..all ofus fail..but God loves us all the time and waits for us to come to His Lotusfeet for comfort with all tears to be washed away by His unconditional love.Whocould love you like this? who?We are so hard on ourselves to not forgiveourselves but with a humble heart God is always there.Love her through it all as God loves you.Because she has made one mistakedoesn't mean she has not learned lesson never to repeat specific action againbut if actions continue then turn away leaving this in Gods Hands but loveconquers all.My daughter snuck in boy up to her bedroom on a continual basis and although notwanting to speak of personal matters she was thrown out of home but i pray GodsWill that she shall someday learn and will come back after lifes lessons and ido love and miss her but it is all in Gods Hands and truly He gives all answersin right and correct manner My Gopatenderly and compassionately understanding sadness of mind

Catherine Andersen

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Don't make yourself a football of others. Your happiness should notdepend upon others. It is natural for you to love your younger sisterand hold her in great esteem. It was because of her love for you thatshe confided in you about her indiscretions. Now it has happened andnothing can change it. But she is still your sister and you love hervery much. So I would advise you to behave as if nothing has happenedand keep up with your studies while telling her not to make the samemistake again. Give up the negativity and think positively. You owe itto yourself and your family.Hari Shanker Deo

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My dearest Brother,

If she feels that she has done a mistake, that itself is and should be enoughfor u forgive her. Show me one person in the history of Humanity, who did notcommit a mistake?

I can go on quoting names of graet people, some of them saints, who had fallento the sex instinct. But GOD is compassionate and forgiving and he has made MANin his own image. So u should also do the same. Forgive and Forget.

To help u in doing this, i can recommend a ritual. Go to the Sea Beach. On thesand write that " I forgive and forget the mistake of my sister"

After writing this wait till the waters of the ocean takes these words away,while u imagine that the Goddess Ocean has taken away her sin and freed u of allrememberances.

Please remember that Sex is a natural instinct and while it has to besublimated, it should not be controlled in an unreasonable manner. I have sat atthe feet of some of the greatest saints and i can assure u that u r making amountain of a molehill and instead of supporting her u are adding to her woes.

So go ahead and be a MAN.

Lovingly,

Ravi Pandit--------Hari Om!Though it seems natural to get shocked and feel annoyed by such actionof sister!But this should not be the end of everything. If you analyse how come shecommitted such a 'mistake' or sin you might get to know a few of the reasons!Once we find out the apparant reasons, to negate them would be easy! Throughspiritual practices man can overcome his evil tendencies, and divine grace canredeem even the worst sinner. Therefore one should not brood over the pastmistakes, but should develop a positive outlook on life by depending on God. Getout of suicidal tendency. It is the worst thing & thing of the weakest, cowards.Friend, try to be strong and positive. And remember the nice saying we comeacross in our Scriptures -"Neither dwell in the past nor dream of the future.Concentrate on the present!"Hope everything will be fine with you both.

Regards,

SANDEEP PATHAK

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July 27, 2009

sir, I am an engineering student. I have been in depression and feelingsuicidal tendency for last 4 months. Reason is that that I have a younger sisterthat I love more than my life, and I have always wanted to see her happy at alltimes. The problem happened few months ago when she told me something abouther self. Last year she had gone for a month to Delhi with her college friendson an educational tour, where she got involved in a physical relation with a boyin her college After returning back home, she has been feeling very guilty forthe wrong doing and had been in depression, unable to forgive herself. Fourmonths ago she dared to tell me about her mistake and her emotional involvementand desire to never commit such a mistake.

After hearing this, I am feeling very upset. I have begun to hate her. I amfeeling , my life is worthless and suicidal tendency is coming within me. Iused to love her so much and used to treat her like a little girl, but i didn"tknow that she was a girl having such a loose character. Why god has punished meby giving such a girl as my sister? Though I still want to love her like mysister as before, but i am not able to do so. I want to forget all these thingsbut after trying so much i am not able to do that. Due to this I didn't studyduring these months and also am not able to do any thing. All the time thesethoughts keep coming in my mind. Still i want to love my little sis so much andwant to take her out from the sea of depresion. I want that things would belike before, forgetting all these things.

How do I convince myself as well as, my sis. kindly help me.

Anonymous

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NEW POSTING

I think you should forgive her because in love one forgets everything. KINGS have given their thrones for the sake of love.B N Bhanot

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Priy Sadhak anonymous,

This anonymous is ur cowardy act, I support every spec of vyasji.n.b.

thanx

raja gurdasani

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Dear Sadhak-insight

First of the question of confessions comes for your sister.If any confession is requested before almighty God it is always forgiven.The same principle applies to youAs you are frank and asks for forgiveness for the act of your sister.During this modern time such actions are noticed every where but it becomes a habit then it is crime.For both of you please recite special prayers for forgiveness then I am sure almighty God will surely forgive both of you Your devotion,sincerity,sincere confession and faith will surely help you to make you happy This is my wish.

Truly yours

S S Bhatt

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Hari OmThe message of Vasudev Sathyanarainji is really divine.Gem of an arrow like Raam Baan advice. It also reflects Ultimate Truth of all times- NASATO VIDYATE BHAVO !!Forgetting as a dream- there cant be a more perfect way of addressing not only this particular one but each and every happening, incidence, circumstance,situation, happenning arising in or around us our life - Never ceasing chain of good/bad/strange happenings meted out by operation of Law of Karma. Every thing/trouble/sorrow can be addressed by forgetting the same as a dream. Applicable to entire humanity at large universally. Applicable to all types of human beings - they be sinful, virtuous, happy or sad (You meet only these four types of people in life, fifth type will have to be mix of the four) ! Personally I have no doubts that existence of dreams in life teaches a human directly some of the most important Truths stated in Scriptures, Gita, voices of Saints and Sages. For sadhaks this is very truthful, effective and peace giving alternative. There is renunciation ( Tyaag) hidden in that also ... Why also- in fact very renunciable is that only. They are means as well as end. Instant Peace comes by renouncing them.(BG 12:12). They are direct experiences with no bondage. So Dear Mr Anonymous and Dear Sister. Be bold. Forget that incident as a bad dream ! March ahead rock solid. A Dream never produces bondage. It is a law ! If you dont stick to it, dreams get forgotten in very short time, majority instantly. It is our direct experience !Jai Shree KrishnaVyas N B

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Dear Anonymous

Fact that you have not executed your suicida thought itself says that there is a greater energy within you that is taking care of you. You have taken a great step in defining your wuestion more and more clearly. As you move in this direction you may find many vesrses in the Gita that will lead you further. Unconditional love is the answer many time.

Pranam

Veena Hassan

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Dear brother,

Try to rehablitate your sister now.

her depression can be overcome with prayanama and yoga practice,

Make her forget her past.

try to make her do some course which will make her stand on her legs.

involve her in pasttimes like cooking, doing pooja, reading dharmic literature, gita press has good books on women also. let her spend time with religious channels like astha, sanskar etc. make her read newspaper, watch news, see moveis (less of obessesive romance) more value based. Let her spend time with mother grandparents and take their guidance and help. Make her do shopping.

Rememeber "to commit a mistake is a fault but ti repeat is error", " to err is humen to forgive is divine.

regards

kalrav pande----------------------------

Please study the life of ChhatraPati Shivaaji --- who could raise despite of adversities all his life.

Rajesh Patil

--------------------------Our society lays far too much emphasis on moral virtues and sexual chastity. Which is fine but what we should not forget is that, at your younger sister's age, people have tremendous curiosity about sex, especially the sex act.itself and some people do succumb to the temptation whenever an opportunity presents itself.. It is only human. What I find incredible though is that your sister was honest enough to confess and get this burden of her conscience.Which is commendable and practical thing to do. I think you should try to forget what you have heard and continue to give her the same love that she is used to getting from you to avoid making things more complicated for her as well as yourself. After all she is still the same sister you loved. Try and come to terms with the fact and come out of the suicide mode by keeping yourself involved in more worldly things Moreover, life is too precious to destroy for something which has only temporary value.. A few years down the line, when you will look back. when your sister would be happily married with children, the futility of the present emotions (moral conflict) would come home to you. Good Luck.

DT (Devender Thakur)

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First of all, You are responsible for only your own sins of Omission or Commission, and which were committed with your own full knowledge of these, while committing them. So, there is no need to be suicidal over silliness.

Secondly, there is no such great sin that has been committed by your sister. She fell in love and perhaps committed an act, which is natural when one is in love. If she committed it for money, then that is a different story, but if she did it while she was in love, that is a forgivable act, especially if the two get married. Even if they do not, there is a lesson learnt from the entire experience, and it is time to move on in life, not become suicidal.

It appears like your family is overly emotional and easily commits suicide at the drop of a hat. Look around you and see how many dwell in poverty, and illiteracy, or are handicapped. If you have proper education, and a proper job, it is time to serve humanity,

and not dwell on such stupidities of life, to such an extent that emotion takes hold of your

entire being more than other realities of life.

It is time for both you and your sister to grow up and mature.

Durgesh Mankikar,MD

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My dear friend,

What you are undergoing now, I have also undergone the same kind of situation. I had also been through a phase of extreme emotional turmoil but with right understanding and wide acceptance I have come over through that phase.

You know what, we always try to see things in our own way, vehemently holding on to one idea but things are not just what we have taken them to be. Here what we need is a slightly loose grip and allow right understanding to develop. And it develops if we just allow it to develop.

See, the matters related to emotion are not to be treated with mind, its logics and conunterlogics. It would simply worsen. It is not a matter of mind at all !!

Here, you need to be a little receptive to the way of the heart. Heart has its own understanding and it is different from mind's. Out of many many logics and counterlogics, one would be correct so why to enter into that jumble. Stay with your heart and the right one would come without much effort on your part.

Here, I would suggest a few things that helped me during such phase :

1) Open up. Open the heart behind the heart.2) Look lovingly at an object. Only the object and forget everything else.3) Smile on the face of the thoughts when they recur and then gently, smilefully turn your face away from them.

This is the way of the Heart.

Sailendra Singh Deo

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PRIOR POSTING

Dear Sadak,What if the whole matter was a dream?On awakening you are not bothered. Be So. All things that happen is to certain extent destined. Teach her Bagavath Geetha. Share the leelas of Sri Krishna. Be divine and God protects you both.B.Sathyanarayan

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Shree Hari: Ram Ram. In Gita verses 30 and 31 of chapter 9 Shree Krishna Bhagawaan has said "even if one of the most sinful conduct worships Me with exclusive devotion one should be considered a saint because one has rightly resolved and soon one becomes virtuous (very sacred) and obtains lasting peace. Oh Arjuna take an oath that My devotee never falls."Both of you have resolved firmly to move on right path then you can't go into depression. First resolve firmly then see the result God has promised to us.Ram Ram.Sarvottam -------------------------Respected Sir, Can I attempt to give my 2 cents worth. Please ignore it if not suitable.Pardon my arrogance as well. 1) Firstly I have always believed that "TO ERR IS HUMAN" Apart from LORD Acyuta, There is no one in the world who doesnt err. And one of the most courageous things to do is to accept ones errors and even a greater courage is required to confide that in someone, as your sister has done for you. 2) Secondly brother, It is easy to love someone who possess all great qualties and seemingly doesnt have any faults. But TRUE love firstly doesnt have any conditions. LOVE which has conditions stringed to it is Swarth. IF you really love your sister - yes by all means correction is needed - but let not your love become lost in this. As actually this is the time she needs you most. 3) The Third quesion we need to ask is...What is Bhagavan adopted this unforgiving attitude? Rest assured that most of us will rot in HELL, if that was the case. Its that very same forgiving nature which saves us time and time again from his wrath. Please consider that. Closing that door for your sister would be telling Bhagavan that FORGIVING isnt an option. 4) Did the LORD not forgive and shower his immense compassion on Ahalya? Was she not purified thereafter? As far as feeling suicidal comes, I personally feel that the attitude of "GRATITUDE" in life gives us a lot to be happy for in life.This very life-force given to us by the LORD indeed in itself the greatest gift of the LORD. We need to feel blessed for this. And a feeling of gratitude every second of our life will lead us from depression to happiness, from selfishness to selflessness, from hatred and despise to Universal love. Humbly my 2 cents worth dear Brother.Deepak Vinod -Dear your have taken the right step in the right direction by sharing the thoughts in your mind....and you are at the right forum to get some insights of what is the life all about.... Life is a grand play and take it like a game only.....don't get too serious on things....play your part well.....and you can play it well when you are happy..... Understanding is the key.....if you understand the rules of life, know the wisdom of life...it is all very simple....one can get out of such events very quickly.... Now to the basics...... Events happen in life.....good or bad is our label....as per our assumptions or belief system... Human model: belief system > Thinking > behaviour... you change the belief system and thoughts, your behaviour changes automatically....... belief system should be based on truth of life/wisdom of life/rules of life...... then there is no such situation.....you are always happy..... Your sister is not at fault......something happened...just learn and move on.....Imagine what she may be going through like you......She needs your help and love not hatred.... True love has no conditions.....you just love your sister...as she is....You have to learn the wisdom of life and give the opportunity also to your sister to learn it too.... The world is beautiful....you can do so much....you can create so much....don't let a single event hold your part.......learn from it....and get on.....to get the bliss....make your goals bigger...and impersonal... Best wishes....Sushil Jain ----Namaskar,I normally don't respond to the e-mails. However, given your statements, I am compelled to respond.