Guest guest Posted January 14, 2010 Report Share Posted January 14, 2010 Shree Hari Ram Ram A SINGLE POSTING ON THIS TOPIC - on Jan 17, 2010. PLEASE BE BRIEF, RESPECTFUL AND RELEVANT. Gita Talk Moderators, Ram Ram --------------Sir, I like to know your opinion whether a son who is mentally retarded should be married or not ? Phadnis --------------- GITA TALK GROUP GUIDELINES for RESPONDER: PLEASE -1. Only responses that further clarify Gita message will be posted.2. Quote Gitaji/scriptures wherever possible.3. RESPECT all Sadhaks. Limit personal feelings, opinions, beliefs etc. to the extent that they further help in understanding the Gita shlokas4. Be BRIEF, RELEVANT (stay with the subject being discussed only) 5. Do not include links to the other sites; personal information (Ph #, addressetc) or personalize message to particular person6. All responses may not be posted. 7. Please keep in mind novices, youth, westerners, non-sectarian audience. Limitthe use to Sanskrit words and provide English word bracketed.GITA TALK MODERATORSRam Ram------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------Post message: Subscribe: - Unsubscribe: - Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 15, 2010 Report Share Posted January 15, 2010 Sir,I like to know your opinion whether a son who is mentally retarded should bemarried or not ?Phadnis --------------- NEW POSTING Dear Ones, Namaste!With utmost respects, I would like to point out that marriage in such a situation, generally, should be avoided. It will serve Son, parents, "would be spouse" of a son and the interest of the family, society.I am volunteering by befriending with such a one, once a week, for many years. In his case he even works and drives car, and yet, I feel it is better he remained unmarried! Married life carries many responsibilities with it as we married people know it, all too well! Having said this, it also depends on severity of the retardation too! If it is mild and suitable and willing partner of equal retardation can be found and parents are supportive to the their needs, then, marriage may be beneficial too! Medical help may be of use in determining the future of children by such a marriage!If parents of such a son has complete Trust in God, not just conditional, then they will make right decision because they will be guided by God, for sure! Namaskar.... Pratap Bhatt -------- A mentally retarded or derailed person needs care and should not be condemned asuseless. Marriage is a physical relationship that involves two. Before you finda girl and tie her up with the mentally retarted person, one has to think fromthe girl's angle.what right you have to punish her for the rest of her life? One may pseudophilosophically ask the question: what if the husband is mentally derailed aftermarriage? This question is stupid and inconsequential in this context. Ignorethe nonsense of Pati Bhakti and Pativrata etc. They are born out of malechauvinism. Law admits mental sickness as a ground for divorce. Tell mehonestly, when a man can marry a second one even as the first one is alive butdoes not bear children, why should not a woman marry another man iff the presenthusband is baron or mentally retarded?As per Indian or Vedic wedding, both the partners of the marriage have to makepromises not just to each other but to the universe as a whole. This is donegoing round the holy flame (Agni saakshi). Indian context is not superstitious.When I make a promise, I should know what I am talking. So when the bride groommakes a promise with which the marriage is vouched or completed, it is implicitthat the groom knows what he has promised. In the case off a mentally retardedor derailed person, it is hard to accept that such one understands the promisehe has made. Fact is that he does not even know that he made a promise. In Vedicspirit, then there is no marriage.It is essentialfor Vedic marriage that the both parties willingly partake in themarriage, no compulsions; there is no talk of money; and the parties makepromises knowing what they are doing. Any violation of any of these conditionsrendes the marriage void. Thus as per the spirit of Veda, a mentally retardedperson can not be married until he is cured and becomes normal and knows what heis doing.BUt, most of the marriages that take place now are of convenience and businessventures. A woman may wish to take advantage of a rich mentally retarded husbandand the otherway too. We are not discussing that issue. There are a few moviesin which the woman was forced by circumstances married to a mentally retardedman. It may sound noble on he part of such woman to accept the marriage and mendthe husband. They are just movies and are exceptions and not rule.MMARRIAGE OF A MENTALLY RETARDED MAN (WOMAN) IS NOT VALID AS PER VEDA FOR THESIMPLE REASON THAT A MENTALLY RETARDED ONE CAN NOT PROMISE AND MARRIAGE IS ABOUTPROMISES MADE AND NOT MAANGALYAS AND SUCH MEAINGLESS PARAPHERNALIA.krishna Samudrala ---------------------------- Marriage of a Mentally Retarded Son Q: I like to know your opinion whether a son who is mentally retarded should be married or not ? Wanting our off-springs to attain (even exceed) what we expected from ourselves is a natural expectation from anyone. However, any activity in one's life, particularly the marriage, has to meet certain basic qualities to fructify positively for oneself as well as for the soceity - Dharma, Artha, Kaama and Moksha. Dharma - should marrying your son conform to your nature (values that you nurture) or your son's? Son's life transcends the parents' in many dimensions as parents' contribution toward what a son should be remains very limited. Therefore, you have to consider the fact of mental retardation in your son carefully before you push him into a relation. Can he withstand the burden of a life-long relation and the forthcoming responsibilities to bear life or not? Artha - what does a marriage mean to your son? Also, what it really means to you? What purpose is catered to by the marriage of a retarded son? Progeny - have you consulted a doctor for potential transmittal of the same to his offsprings? Have you considered whether his off-springs would get a fatherly support that any child has a right for? Have you considered how the socio-economic integrity of the family would continue after you are removed from the scene? Kaama - How correct is it to enforce your desires onto a son, that too a retarded one? What are the repercussions? Even if you notice a physiological urge from the retarded person, have you checked the sociological sanity of the same desire? How fit is the soceity around you and your son to be considerate toward such a desire? Please remember the fact that a soceity is nothing but many life elements pitted against each other for survival. Have you taken all the measures to maintain the immediate social environment congenial to your (and potentially your son's) desire for a marriage? Moksha - What is the salvation that you expect out of such relation? Does it salvage your burden of responsibilities eventually? Obviously, this is the front you are really concerned with - what after you? It is a very valid concern. Yet, have you considered all the repurcussions from a marriage to a retarded son to ensure that you have salvaged yourself from the burden of "what after me"? Also, have you considered the Dharma, Artha, Kaama and Moksha for the partner who may share your son's life and for the potential off-springs thereof? All these question draw particularl importance in this case since you, as a parent, are willing to take all the responsibilities for the event as the son cannot take any responsibility at all. If a wise lady volunteers to steer your son's life, it is definitely wonderful. I salute such a woman whole-heartedly. Otherwise, the burden of responsibility for such a step in life falls on the parents completely. Then, you will have to address all these questions and many other questions carefully and completely before you embark on such an action. WITH BEST WISHES AND RESPECTS. Naga Narayana. -------- Dear Sadhak, Ram Ram. There are different levels of mental retardation. You have to make your own decision. Whatever decision you make, please don't cheat the girl. The girl should know what she is getting into and she should willingly agree to marry. Regards, Gaurav Mittal --------------------- Dear Sadak,Definitely NOT. Knowingly committing suicide and causing great sin. Instead cure your son, it is possible however he may be bad. Nothing is impossible by Bagavan Giridhari who lifted a Govardhan. Sri Phadnis, from tomorrow the third day if you notice slight improvement in your son, contact Moderater.B.Sathyanarayan ----------------------- The only answer from Gita is that a mentally retarded person is going to meet his fate as per his destiny as determined by God. So, one need not worry about what will happen to him. A parent has to do his duty to all children - mentaltarded person does not lie in getting him married or keeping him unmarried. The duty is to do as is appropriate to the mentally retarded son's welfare. That is to provide him love and affection and not to get him to do anything that could harm the son later in life or prevent the son from doing any harm to any other person. If one os convinced that getting a mentally retarded son is going to enhance the welfare of the son and his future wife, the son may be got married. But how certain is one about that? Of course there is no certainty about anything in this world. But is a girl going to be seriously in love with a mentally retarded husband as it sometimes happen in films? This is what must be considered before such a marriage. Is there no other way of ensuring the welfare of a mentally retarded person instead of getting him married. Honest answers to such questions will tell the parents what is their duty in this regard. Just to think that a marriage will make the son alright is not a very good logic for gettinmg a mentally retarded son married. Basudeb Sen - Gita or any other such book is not to give a sermon on which side to take.When you are not seeking relief through results, future-the action is complete.There is no flawless choice. But you have to respond any way. When you understand that there is no choice which is flawless, you are hinged on to uncertainty. There is no way this uncertainty can be undone. The energy is concentrated, there arises response which is complete, relaxed, without any psychological dependence upon the outcome. You are pushed to respond, you can not undo the pain (resistance) of uncertainty. Life is hinged on this resistance. Being one with the resistance is the clue. What the mind is doing is to treat one side as satisfactory and proceed; it ignores the pain of uncertainty. There is nothing (ness) beyond this uncertainty.Y V Chawla ---------------- I think another human being (femeinine) with the same handicap is avaialble with the same set fo problem a marriage may give thne some pleasure. But the big responsibility shall be borne by the boy's as well as the girl's parents to give them some happiness. There offsprings may be normal too. Rammohan ---------------------- It all depends upon his condition of the mind,body and soul.Mostly we do not advise such person to get married,But if it is suitable he or she can be married to another retarded person after considering doctor's opinion. This is what I think Truly yours Shankerprasad S Bhatt ------- Dear Sir, Except severe M.R. the rest can marry. It is his right. Dr. B.T.Lawani -- Jai Jagath, Mentally Challenged People are not fit for Married life. Train them for Indipendent and community living skills. Spiritually Yours PUDUSSERY SREENIVASAN ----------- GITA TALK GROUP GUIDELINES for RESPONDER: PLEASE -1. Only responses that further clarify Gita message will be posted.2. Quote Gitaji/scriptures wherever possible.3. RESPECT all Sadhaks. Limit personal feelings, opinions, beliefs etc. to the extent that they further help in understanding the Gita shlokas4. Be BRIEF, RELEVANT (stay with the subject being discussed only) 5. Do not include links to the other sites; personal information (Ph #, addressetc) or personalize message to particular person6. All responses may not be posted. 7. Please keep in mind novices, youth, westerners, non-sectarian audience. Limitthe use to Sanskrit words and provide English word bracketed.GITA TALK MODERATORSRam Ram------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------Post message: Subscribe: - Unsubscribe: - Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 16, 2010 Report Share Posted January 16, 2010 Sir,I like to know your opinion whether a son who is mentally retarded should bemarried or not ?Phadnis --------------- NEW POSTING The only answer from Gita is that a mentally retarded person is going to meet his fate as per his destiny as determined by God. So, one need not worry about what will happen to him. A parent has to do his duty to all children - mentaltarded person does not lie in getting him married or keeping him unmarried. The duty is to do as is appropriate to the mentally retarded son's welfare. That is to provide him love and affection and not to get him to do anything that could harm the son later in life or prevent the son from doing any harm to any other person. If one os convinced that getting a mentally retarded son is going to enhance the welfare of the son and his future wife, the son may be got married. But how certain is one about that? Of course there is no certainty about anything in this world. But is a girl going to be seriously in love with a mentally retarded husband as it sometimes happen in films? This is what must be considered before such a marriage. Is there no other way of ensuring the welfare of a mentally retarded person instead of getting him married. Honest answers to such questions will tell the parents what is their duty in this regard. Just to think that a marriage will make the son alright is not a very good logic for gettinmg a mentally retarded son married. Basudeb Sen ------- -Shree Hari- Namaste! When I first read this question, I thought Dear GOD this question has an energy all of its own. It should be considered with respect and reverence! After my morning activities, before breakfast, I make tea and my wife and I like to talk about this and that, call it Satsanga if you wish. I brought up this question to her, she was thoughtful for a moment, and said to me,"Remember that fellow who came to the T'ai Chi classes we ran for people who were under care,(Downs Syndrome, autism, and others etc. etc.), he always wore a hat", I said, "Yes I remember him", "Well C. told me he had got married, his carer married him, the people around them loved them both, and a wealthy neighbor, with a posh house laid on a reception for them". There is this brilliant pianist in Australia, he lost normal faculties of the mind, when interviewed it is hard to understand a thing he says. But he got married, his wife is as much a carer as a wife. I think it takes a special soul, who would take on such a task with love and respect. I believe Dr. B.T.Lawani, said volumes using very few words. There is something so easy to overlook, when confronted by M.R., physical deformity, caused by birth defect, illness, accident, etc. And that is, as per Srimadbhagavadgita: Ch 10:20 I am the self, O conquerer of sleep, seated in the hearts of all beings, I am the beginning, the middle and also, the end of all creation. See Swamiji's Appendix to that Shloka, 'God is the beginning, middle, and end of all beings-it means there is nothing else besides God viz., all is God. Dear Phadnis these are my humble and respectful thoughts. Amen. Om... Shant... Mike. (K) ------------------------ Hari OmNo ! But - Marriages are made in heaven- arising out of outstanding contractual obligations. You have no role there except doing your duty diligently and faultlessly. ABSOLUTELY NO ROLE. Hence your desire or non-desire ; desirability or non desirability; feasibility or non-feasibility etc can only be viewed from 'Karma' point of view and not from 'result' point of view. One may become mentally retarded after marriage also. One may become alright also after marriage. It is also said that 'karmanusarini buddhih' - intellect changes based on prior karmas to make you reap the good, bad or mixed results of your old karmas. But Parents have a sacred duty to reveal the truths AS IT IS- to the other party. It is a duty. If you do not do so then there is no doubt that YOU ARE SINNING under the sway of mamata (mineness). Hence any one who becomes a MEDIUM for the arrangement of the same MUST MUST reveal the truth upfront. There should be no concealment. Absolutely no fishy here. It is a huge huge FRESH sin otherwise.Pranaams to all sadhaks.Sarve Bhavantu Sukhina.Narottam Dear Sir, I would like to tell you this. Mental retardation depends on certain parameters. Science is such that what was a disease yesterday can be cured today. what arrives newly as a disease today cannot immediately be cured, still the only thing you need to know is this. If the children born to the seed of such a human being will be normal, and you can find this out from medical doctors by looking at his sperm under medical inspection, then finding a woman who will look after him if he gives her healthy children should be fine, then go ahead, but remember the woman must be told everything. And Indian marriages usually are cold and calculating affairs, unless you find the exceptional girl who has compassion and heart to do this and who will want to be a nun in life and yet have children. Or you must as a parent allow her certain freedoms that an ordinary marriage cannot have, if she wishes to have male friends who are just that friends. TMPrashanthBabu ----- YES. A mentally retarded son should marry a mentally retarded girl, if it is a must. Raghunath--------------------------- Reverend Sirs,A scientific opinion is given at the bottom of this page : " except severe M.R. (Mental Retardation?) the rest can marry, Dr B.T Lawani" but, because of its cryptic nature - failure to clearly define severe M.R.- the discussion is being continued. Furthermore, it is being continued on the assumption that the woman destined to marry the mentally retarded person will have no say in the matter, because the marriage will be arranged by her parents, as still happens almost universally in Hindu society. To be socially useful the discussion should rather be concentrated on this aspect and it should be clearly admitted that we are no longer living in ancient Indian society when the Gita was elaborated but in an Indian society struggling to become rational (modern) and seeking all help it can obtain in this endeavour from more advanced societies including, today, not only the Occidental societies but also the Japanese and Chinese societies! Must India be left behind these countries in everything, including the most rational way of handling social problems? Respectfully,Jasmer Singh ------ Dear All Sadhaks, I pary to all of u pls Dont dont allow mentally retared person to get married bcs at prsent only 1 life is in trouble after marrige 2 lives will be in trouble . I do hope In Gita it has not been mentioned that Menatlly retared person should get Married or not . It can be done only if any girl herself willing to marry him & look after him all the life . Because a marriage is the union of soul & union will take place only if acceptace is from both side from Inner Heart. Mr Pandhi .. In reading please dont rope any one without their consent & explain the real fact & tell her the pain she had to bear all her Life . With hope that all can understand the pain . I too feel bad for a such a person .. Its all god wish ..I pray"" O GOD pls Forgive all & send all on Earth will all ability . so that a your child can feel & see & enjoy your Earth & appreciate -worship you --as the creator of Earth. " OM NAMO NARAYANAYA. Neeraj -------- PRIOR POSTING Dear Ones, Namaste!With utmost respects, I would like to point out that marriage in such a situation, generally, should be avoided. It will serve Son, parents, "would be spouse" of a son and the interest of the family, society.I am volunteering by befriending with such a one, once a week, for many years. In his case he even works and drives car, and yet, I feel it is better he remained unmarried! Married life carries many responsibilities with it as we married people know it, all too well! Having said this, it also depends on severity of the retardation too! If it is mild and suitable and willing partner of equal retardation can be found and parents are supportive to the their needs, then, marriage may be beneficial too! Medical help may be of use in determining the future of children by such a marriage!If parents of such a son has complete Trust in God, not just conditional, then they will make right decision because they will be guided by God, for sure! Namaskar.... Pratap Bhatt -------- A mentally retarded or derailed person needs care and should not be condemned asuseless. Marriage is a physical relationship that involves two. Before you finda girl and tie her up with the mentally retarted person, one has to think fromthe girl's angle.what right you have to punish her for the rest of her life? One may pseudophilosophically ask the question: what if the husband is mentally derailed aftermarriage? This question is stupid and inconsequential in this context. Ignorethe nonsense of Pati Bhakti and Pativrata etc. They are born out of malechauvinism. Law admits mental sickness as a ground for divorce. Tell mehonestly, when a man can marry a second one even as the first one is alive butdoes not bear children, why should not a woman marry another man iff the presenthusband is baron or mentally retarded?As per Indian or Vedic wedding, both the partners of the marriage have to makepromises not just to each other but to the universe as a whole. This is donegoing round the holy flame (Agni saakshi). Indian context is not superstitious.When I make a promise, I should know what I am talking. So when the bride groommakes a promise with which the marriage is vouched or completed, it is implicitthat the groom knows what he has promised. In the case off a mentally retardedor derailed person, it is hard to accept that such one understands the promisehe has made. Fact is that he does not even know that he made a promise. In Vedicspirit, then there is no marriage.It is essentialfor Vedic marriage that the both parties willingly partake in themarriage, no compulsions; there is no talk of money; and the parties makepromises knowing what they are doing. Any violation of any of these conditionsrendes the marriage void. Thus as per the spirit of Veda, a mentally retardedperson can not be married until he is cured and becomes normal and knows what heis doing.BUt, most of the marriages that take place now are of convenience and businessventures. A woman may wish to take advantage of a rich mentally retarded husbandand the otherway too. We are not discussing that issue. There are a few moviesin which the woman was forced by circumstances married to a mentally retardedman. It may sound noble on he part of such woman to accept the marriage and mendthe husband. They are just movies and are exceptions and not rule.MMARRIAGE OF A MENTALLY RETARDED MAN (WOMAN) IS NOT VALID AS PER VEDA FOR THESIMPLE REASON THAT A MENTALLY RETARDED ONE CAN NOT PROMISE AND MARRIAGE IS ABOUTPROMISES MADE AND NOT MAANGALYAS AND SUCH MEAINGLESS PARAPHERNALIA.krishna Samudrala ---------------------------- Marriage of a Mentally Retarded Son Q: I like to know your opinion whether a son who is mentally retarded should be married or not ? Wanting our off-springs to attain (even exceed) what we expected from ourselves is a natural expectation from anyone. However, any activity in one's life, particularly the marriage, has to meet certain basic qualities to fructify positively for oneself as well as for the soceity - Dharma, Artha, Kaama and Moksha. Dharma - should marrying your son conform to your nature (values that you nurture) or your son's? Son's life transcends the parents' in many dimensions as parents' contribution toward what a son should be remains very limited. Therefore, you have to consider the fact of mental retardation in your son carefully before you push him into a relation. Can he withstand the burden of a life-long relation and the forthcoming responsibilities to bear life or not? Artha - what does a marriage mean to your son? Also, what it really means to you? What purpose is catered to by the marriage of a retarded son? Progeny - have you consulted a doctor for potential transmittal of the same to his offsprings? Have you considered whether his off-springs would get a fatherly support that any child has a right for? Have you considered how the socio-economic integrity of the family would continue after you are removed from the scene? Kaama - How correct is it to enforce your desires onto a son, that too a retarded one? What are the repercussions? Even if you notice a physiological urge from the retarded person, have you checked the sociological sanity of the same desire? How fit is the soceity around you and your son to be considerate toward such a desire? Please remember the fact that a soceity is nothing but many life elements pitted against each other for survival. Have you taken all the measures to maintain the immediate social environment congenial to your (and potentially your son's) desire for a marriage? Moksha - What is the salvation that you expect out of such relation? Does it salvage your burden of responsibilities eventually? Obviously, this is the front you are really concerned with - what after you? It is a very valid concern. Yet, have you considered all the repurcussions from a marriage to a retarded son to ensure that you have salvaged yourself from the burden of "what after me"? Also, have you considered the Dharma, Artha, Kaama and Moksha for the partner who may share your son's life and for the potential off-springs thereof? All these question draw particularl importance in this case since you, as a parent, are willing to take all the responsibilities for the event as the son cannot take any responsibility at all. If a wise lady volunteers to steer your son's life, it is definitely wonderful. I salute such a woman whole-heartedly. Otherwise, the burden of responsibility for such a step in life falls on the parents completely. Then, you will have to address all these questions and many other questions carefully and completely before you embark on such an action. WITH BEST WISHES AND RESPECTS. Naga Narayana. -------- Dear Sadhak, Ram Ram. There are different levels of mental retardation. You have to make your own decision. Whatever decision you make, please don't cheat the girl. The girl should know what she is getting into and she should willingly agree to marry. Regards, Gaurav Mittal --------------------- Dear Sadak,Definitely NOT. Knowingly committing suicide and causing great sin. Instead cure your son, it is possible however he may be bad. Nothing is impossible by Bagavan Giridhari who lifted a Govardhan. Sri Phadnis, from tomorrow the third day if you notice slight improvement in your son, contact Moderater.B.Sathyanarayan ----------------------- The only answer from Gita is that a mentally retarded person is going to meet his fate as per his destiny as determined by God. So, one need not worry about what will happen to him. A parent has to do his duty to all children - mentaltarded person does not lie in getting him married or keeping him unmarried. The duty is to do as is appropriate to the mentally retarded son's welfare. That is to provide him love and affection and not to get him to do anything that could harm the son later in life or prevent the son from doing any harm to any other person. If one os convinced that getting a mentally retarded son is going to enhance the welfare of the son and his future wife, the son may be got married. But how certain is one about that? Of course there is no certainty about anything in this world. But is a girl going to be seriously in love with a mentally retarded husband as it sometimes happen in films? This is what must be considered before such a marriage. Is there no other way of ensuring the welfare of a mentally retarded person instead of getting him married. Honest answers to such questions will tell the parents what is their duty in this regard. Just to think that a marriage will make the son alright is not a very good logic for gettinmg a mentally retarded son married. Basudeb Sen - Gita or any other such book is not to give a sermon on which side to take.When you are not seeking relief through results, future-the action is complete.There is no flawless choice. But you have to respond any way. When you understand that there is no choice which is flawless, you are hinged on to uncertainty. There is no way this uncertainty can be undone. The energy is concentrated, there arises response which is complete, relaxed, without any psychological dependence upon the outcome. You are pushed to respond, you can not undo the pain (resistance) of uncertainty. Life is hinged on this resistance. Being one with the resistance is the clue. What the mind is doing is to treat one side as satisfactory and proceed; it ignores the pain of uncertainty. There is nothing (ness) beyond this uncertainty.Y V Chawla ---------------- I think another human being (femeinine) with the same handicap is avaialble with the same set fo problem a marriage may give thne some pleasure. But the big responsibility shall be borne by the boy's as well as the girl's parents to give them some happiness. There offsprings may be normal too. Rammohan ---------------------- It all depends upon his condition of the mind,body and soul.Mostly we do not advise such person to get married,But if it is suitable he or she can be married to another retarded person after considering doctor's opinion. This is what I think Truly yours Shankerprasad S Bhatt ------- Dear Sir, Except severe M.R. the rest can marry. It is his right. Dr. B.T.Lawani -- Jai Jagath, Mentally Challenged People are not fit for Married life. Train them for Indipendent and community living skills. Spiritually Yours PUDUSSERY SREENIVASAN ----------- GITA TALK GROUP GUIDELINES for RESPONDER: PLEASE -1. Only responses that further clarify Gita message will be posted.2. Quote Gitaji/scriptures wherever possible.3. RESPECT all Sadhaks. Limit personal feelings, opinions, beliefs etc. to the extent that they further help in understanding the Gita shlokas4. Be BRIEF, RELEVANT (stay with the subject being discussed only) 5. Do not include links to the other sites; personal information (Ph #, addressetc) or personalize message to particular person6. All responses may not be posted. 7. Please keep in mind novices, youth, westerners, non-sectarian audience. Limitthe use to Sanskrit words and provide English word bracketed.GITA TALK MODERATORSRam Ram------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------Post message: Subscribe: - Unsubscribe: - Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 23, 2010 Report Share Posted January 23, 2010 Sir,I like to know your opinion whether a son who is mentally retarded should bemarried or not ?Phadnis --------------- NEW POSTING Shree Hari Marriage is no cure for mental illness. In fact it will cause misery to the woman and worse for the man. Marriage means responsibility which a mentally retarded person can never discharge. Also mental retardation is a valid ground for divorce. How will a mentally retarded man provide for the family? So my advice is don't.Hari Shanker Deo ----------------- Dear Friends,I speak as a father of a differently abled child (term mental retardation is nowgiven up) who is a 19 year old girl. I feel all have the right to seekrelationships which they understand. While ideally marriage is a possibility forevery individual in the case of the differently abled supervised relationshipsare important. The complexities of marriage are often beyond the comprehensionof such adults we should encourage such a relationship if two individuals ofsimilar understanding seek a life together. This can be called marriage or alive in relationship not with intention of family or progeny. These decisionsare complex and individualitic and no firm opinion either way can be expressed.Sadhak Vispi Jokhi----------------------------- Dear Sadak,YES. A mentally retarded son should marry a mentally retarded girl, if it is a must says Sri Raghunathji, so that the situation doubles to acre taker who is worried as parents.B.Sathyanarayan ----------- Ram Ram A mentally retarded marries? For what reason? What does he understand the meaning of marriage? Such a marriage should take place with a mentally retarded girl only, or else without any reason both parties lives will be made even more helpless. Which scriptures directs one to do so? Marriage is of two healthy bodies, two healthy minds and two healthy beings in societal relation. Do not marry a mentally retarded son. So be it. Vineet Sarvottam ------------------ No. how he will shoulder the responsibility? N. Panda ---------------- The only answer from Gita is that a mentally retarded person is going to meet his fate as per his destiny as determined by God. So, one need not worry about what will happen to him. A parent has to do his duty to all children - mentaltarded person does not lie in getting him married or keeping him unmarried. The duty is to do as is appropriate to the mentally retarded son's welfare. That is to provide him love and affection and not to get him to do anything that could harm the son later in life or prevent the son from doing any harm to any other person. If one os convinced that getting a mentally retarded son is going to enhance the welfare of the son and his future wife, the son may be got married. But how certain is one about that? Of course there is no certainty about anything in this world. But is a girl going to be seriously in love with a mentally retarded husband as it sometimes happen in films? This is what must be considered before such a marriage. Is there no other way of ensuring the welfare of a mentally retarded person instead of getting him married. Honest answers to such questions will tell the parents what is their duty in this regard. Just to think that a marriage will make the son alright is not a very good logic for gettinmg a mentally retarded son married. Basudeb Sen ------- -Shree Hari-Namaste!When I first read this question, I thought Dear GOD this question has an energyall of its own. It should be considered with respect and reverence!After my morning activities, before breakfast, I make tea and my wife and I liketo talk about this and that, call it Satsanga if you wish. I brought up thisquestion to her, she was thoughtful for a moment, and said to me,"Remember thatfellow who came to the T'ai Chi classes we ran for people who were undercare,(Downs Syndrome, autism, and others etc. etc.), he always wore a hat", Isaid, "Yes I remember him", "Well C. told me he had got married, his carermarried him, the people around them loved them both, and a wealthy neighbor,with a posh house laid on a reception for them".There is this brilliant pianist in Australia, he lost normal faculties of themind, when interviewed it is hard to understand a thing he says. But he gotmarried, his wife is as much a carer as a wife.I think it takes a special soul, who would take on such a task with love andrespect.I believe Dr. B.T.Lawani, said volumes using very few words.There is something so easy to overlook, when confronted by M.R., physicaldeformity, caused by birth defect, illness, accident, etc.And that is, as per Srimadbhagavadgita:Ch 10:20 I am the self, O conquerer of sleep, seated in the hearts of allbeings, I am the beginning, the middle and also, the end of all creation.See Swamiji's Appendix to that Shloka, 'God is the beginning, middle, and end ofall beings-it means there is nothing else besides God viz., all is God.Dear Phadnis these are my humble and respectful thoughts. Amen.Om... Shant...Mike. (K)------------------------ Hari OmNo ! But - Marriages are made in heaven- arising out of outstanding contractual obligations. You have no role there except doing your duty diligently and faultlessly. ABSOLUTELY NO ROLE. Hence your desire or non-desire ; desirability or non desirability; feasibility or non-feasibility etc can only be viewed from 'Karma' point of view and not from 'result' point of view. One may become mentally retarded after marriage also. One may become alright also after marriage. It is also said that 'karmanusarini buddhih' - intellect changes based on prior karmas to make you reap the good, bad or mixed results of your old karmas. But Parents have a sacred duty to reveal the truths AS IT IS- to the other party. It is a duty. If you do not do so then there is no doubt that YOU ARE SINNING under the sway of mamata (mineness). Hence any one who becomes a MEDIUM for the arrangement of the same MUST MUST reveal the truth upfront. There should be no concealment. Absolutely no fishy here. It is a huge huge FRESH sin otherwise.Pranaams to all sadhaks.Sarve Bhavantu Sukhina.Narottam Dear Sir, I would like to tell you this. Mental retardation depends on certain parameters. Science is such that what was a disease yesterday can be cured today. what arrives newly as a disease today cannot immediately be cured, still the only thing you need to know is this. If the children born to the seed of such a human being will be normal, and you can find this out from medical doctors by looking at his sperm under medical inspection, then finding a woman who will look after him if he gives her healthy children should be fine, then go ahead, but remember the woman must be told everything. And Indian marriages usually are cold and calculating affairs, unless you find the exceptional girl who has compassion and heart to do this and who will want to be a nun in life and yet have children. Or you must as a parent allow her certain freedoms that an ordinary marriage cannot have, if she wishes to have male friends who are just that friends. TMPrashanthBabu ----- YES. A mentally retarded son should marry a mentally retarded girl, if it is a must. Raghunath--------------------------- Reverend Sirs,A scientific opinion is given at the bottom of this page : " except severe M.R. (Mental Retardation?) the rest can marry, Dr B.T Lawani" but, because of its cryptic nature - failure to clearly define severe M.R.- the discussion is being continued. Furthermore, it is being continued on the assumption that the woman destined to marry the mentally retarded person will have no say in the matter, because the marriage will be arranged by her parents, as still happens almost universally in Hindu society. To be socially useful the discussion should rather be concentrated on this aspect and it should be clearly admitted that we are no longer living in ancient Indian society when the Gita was elaborated but in an Indian society struggling to become rational (modern) and seeking all help it can obtain in this endeavour from more advanced societies including, today, not only the Occidental societies but also the Japanese and Chinese societies! Must India be left behind these countries in everything, including the most rational way of handling social problems? Respectfully,Jasmer Singh ------ Dear All Sadhaks, I pary to all of u pls Dont dont allow mentally retared person to get married bcs at prsent only 1 life is in trouble after marrige 2 lives will be in trouble . I do hope In Gita it has not been mentioned that Menatlly retared person should get Married or not . It can be done only if any girl herself willing to marry him & look after him all the life . Because a marriage is the union of soul & union will take place only if acceptace is from both side from Inner Heart. Mr Pandhi .. In reading please dont rope any one without their consent & explain the real fact & tell her the pain she had to bear all her Life . With hope that all can understand the pain . I too feel bad for a such a person .. Its all god wish ..I pray"" O GOD pls Forgive all & send all on Earth will all ability . so that a your child can feel & see & enjoy your Earth & appreciate -worship you --as the creator of Earth. " OM NAMO NARAYANAYA. Neeraj -------- PRIOR POSTING Dear Ones, Namaste!With utmost respects, I would like to point out that marriage in such a situation, generally, should be avoided. It will serve Son, parents, "would be spouse" of a son and the interest of the family, society.I am volunteering by befriending with such a one, once a week, for many years. In his case he even works and drives car, and yet, I feel it is better he remained unmarried! Married life carries many responsibilities with it as we married people know it, all too well! Having said this, it also depends on severity of the retardation too! If it is mild and suitable and willing partner of equal retardation can be found and parents are supportive to the their needs, then, marriage may be beneficial too! Medical help may be of use in determining the future of children by such a marriage!If parents of such a son has complete Trust in God, not just conditional, then they will make right decision because they will be guided by God, for sure! Namaskar.... Pratap Bhatt -------- A mentally retarded or derailed person needs care and should not be condemned asuseless. Marriage is a physical relationship that involves two. Before you finda girl and tie her up with the mentally retarted person, one has to think fromthe girl's angle.what right you have to punish her for the rest of her life? One may pseudophilosophically ask the question: what if the husband is mentally derailed aftermarriage? This question is stupid and inconsequential in this context. Ignorethe nonsense of Pati Bhakti and Pativrata etc. They are born out of malechauvinism. Law admits mental sickness as a ground for divorce. Tell mehonestly, when a man can marry a second one even as the first one is alive butdoes not bear children, why should not a woman marry another man iff the presenthusband is baron or mentally retarded?As per Indian or Vedic wedding, both the partners of the marriage have to makepromises not just to each other but to the universe as a whole. This is donegoing round the holy flame (Agni saakshi). Indian context is not superstitious.When I make a promise, I should know what I am talking. So when the bride groommakes a promise with which the marriage is vouched or completed, it is implicitthat the groom knows what he has promised. In the case off a mentally retardedor derailed person, it is hard to accept that such one understands the promisehe has made. Fact is that he does not even know that he made a promise. In Vedicspirit, then there is no marriage.It is essentialfor Vedic marriage that the both parties willingly partake in themarriage, no compulsions; there is no talk of money; and the parties makepromises knowing what they are doing. Any violation of any of these conditionsrendes the marriage void. Thus as per the spirit of Veda, a mentally retardedperson can not be married until he is cured and becomes normal and knows what heis doing.BUt, most of the marriages that take place now are of convenience and businessventures. A woman may wish to take advantage of a rich mentally retarded husbandand the otherway too. We are not discussing that issue. There are a few moviesin which the woman was forced by circumstances married to a mentally retardedman. It may sound noble on he part of such woman to accept the marriage and mendthe husband. They are just movies and are exceptions and not rule.MMARRIAGE OF A MENTALLY RETARDED MAN (WOMAN) IS NOT VALID AS PER VEDA FOR THESIMPLE REASON THAT A MENTALLY RETARDED ONE CAN NOT PROMISE AND MARRIAGE IS ABOUTPROMISES MADE AND NOT MAANGALYAS AND SUCH MEAINGLESS PARAPHERNALIA.krishna Samudrala ---------------------------- Marriage of a Mentally Retarded Son Q: I like to know your opinion whether a son who is mentally retarded should be married or not ? Wanting our off-springs to attain (even exceed) what we expected from ourselves is a natural expectation from anyone. However, any activity in one's life, particularly the marriage, has to meet certain basic qualities to fructify positively for oneself as well as for the soceity - Dharma, Artha, Kaama and Moksha. Dharma - should marrying your son conform to your nature (values that you nurture) or your son's? Son's life transcends the parents' in many dimensions as parents' contribution toward what a son should be remains very limited. Therefore, you have to consider the fact of mental retardation in your son carefully before you push him into a relation. Can he withstand the burden of a life-long relation and the forthcoming responsibilities to bear life or not? Artha - what does a marriage mean to your son? Also, what it really means to you? What purpose is catered to by the marriage of a retarded son? Progeny - have you consulted a doctor for potential transmittal of the same to his offsprings? Have you considered whether his off-springs would get a fatherly support that any child has a right for? Have you considered how the socio-economic integrity of the family would continue after you are removed from the scene? Kaama - How correct is it to enforce your desires onto a son, that too a retarded one? What are the repercussions? Even if you notice a physiological urge from the retarded person, have you checked the sociological sanity of the same desire? How fit is the soceity around you and your son to be considerate toward such a desire? Please remember the fact that a soceity is nothing but many life elements pitted against each other for survival. Have you taken all the measures to maintain the immediate social environment congenial to your (and potentially your son's) desire for a marriage? Moksha - What is the salvation that you expect out of such relation? Does it salvage your burden of responsibilities eventually? Obviously, this is the front you are really concerned with - what after you? It is a very valid concern. Yet, have you considered all the repurcussions from a marriage to a retarded son to ensure that you have salvaged yourself from the burden of "what after me"? Also, have you considered the Dharma, Artha, Kaama and Moksha for the partner who may share your son's life and for the potential off-springs thereof? All these question draw particularl importance in this case since you, as a parent, are willing to take all the responsibilities for the event as the son cannot take any responsibility at all. If a wise lady volunteers to steer your son's life, it is definitely wonderful. I salute such a woman whole-heartedly. Otherwise, the burden of responsibility for such a step in life falls on the parents completely. Then, you will have to address all these questions and many other questions carefully and completely before you embark on such an action. WITH BEST WISHES AND RESPECTS. Naga Narayana. -------- Dear Sadhak, Ram Ram. There are different levels of mental retardation. You have to make your own decision. Whatever decision you make, please don't cheat the girl. The girl should know what she is getting into and she should willingly agree to marry. Regards, Gaurav Mittal --------------------- Dear Sadak,Definitely NOT. Knowingly committing suicide and causing great sin. Instead cure your son, it is possible however he may be bad. Nothing is impossible by Bagavan Giridhari who lifted a Govardhan. Sri Phadnis, from tomorrow the third day if you notice slight improvement in your son, contact Moderater.B.Sathyanarayan ----------------------- The only answer from Gita is that a mentally retarded person is going to meet his fate as per his destiny as determined by God. So, one need not worry about what will happen to him. A parent has to do his duty to all children - mentaltarded person does not lie in getting him married or keeping him unmarried. The duty is to do as is appropriate to the mentally retarded son's welfare. That is to provide him love and affection and not to get him to do anything that could harm the son later in life or prevent the son from doing any harm to any other person. If one os convinced that getting a mentally retarded son is going to enhance the welfare of the son and his future wife, the son may be got married. But how certain is one about that? Of course there is no certainty about anything in this world. But is a girl going to be seriously in love with a mentally retarded husband as it sometimes happen in films? This is what must be considered before such a marriage. Is there no other way of ensuring the welfare of a mentally retarded person instead of getting him married. Honest answers to such questions will tell the parents what is their duty in this regard. Just to think that a marriage will make the son alright is not a very good logic for gettinmg a mentally retarded son married. Basudeb Sen - Gita or any other such book is not to give a sermon on which side to take.When you are not seeking relief through results, future-the action is complete.There is no flawless choice. But you have to respond any way. When you understand that there is no choice which is flawless, you are hinged on to uncertainty. There is no way this uncertainty can be undone. The energy is concentrated, there arises response which is complete, relaxed, without any psychological dependence upon the outcome. You are pushed to respond, you can not undo the pain (resistance) of uncertainty. Life is hinged on this resistance. Being one with the resistance is the clue. What the mind is doing is to treat one side as satisfactory and proceed; it ignores the pain of uncertainty. There is nothing (ness) beyond this uncertainty.Y V Chawla ---------------- I think another human being (femeinine) with the same handicap is avaialble with the same set fo problem a marriage may give thne some pleasure. But the big responsibility shall be borne by the boy's as well as the girl's parents to give them some happiness. There offsprings may be normal too. Rammohan ---------------------- It all depends upon his condition of the mind,body and soul.Mostly we do not advise such person to get married,But if it is suitable he or she can be married to another retarded person after considering doctor's opinion. This is what I think Truly yours Shankerprasad S Bhatt ------- Dear Sir, Except severe M.R. the rest can marry. It is his right. Dr. B.T.Lawani -- Jai Jagath, Mentally Challenged People are not fit for Married life. Train them for Indipendent and community living skills. Spiritually Yours PUDUSSERY SREENIVASAN ----------- GITA TALK GROUP GUIDELINES for RESPONDER: PLEASE -1. Only responses that further clarify Gita message will be posted.2. Quote Gitaji/scriptures wherever possible.3. RESPECT all Sadhaks. Limit personal feelings, opinions, beliefs etc. to the extent that they further help in understanding the Gita shlokas4. Be BRIEF, RELEVANT (stay with the subject being discussed only) 5. Do not include links to the other sites; personal information (Ph #, addressetc) or personalize message to particular person6. All responses may not be posted. 7. Please keep in mind novices, youth, westerners, non-sectarian audience. Limitthe use to Sanskrit words and provide English word bracketed.GITA TALK MODERATORSRam Ram------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------Post message: Subscribe: - Unsubscribe: - Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You are posting as a guest. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.