[RamanujaMission] FW: Difficulty faced by lone elders in getting suitable food.

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SRI : || Hare Krishna.

Dear Malathy Iyenga Lakshman,

 

Thanks for your considered opinion & views on the subject matter.

 

All problems of the unsupported elders emanate from FEAR - Fear of food, medical asistance, care and support needed both physical and emotional etc. Again the important factor that magnifies the FEAR is loneliness. We wish and pray people with sufficient knowledge of the ground reality put their efforts to gether to start moving towards finding solutions to this problem which is bound to explode in proportions in the times to come.

We intend initiating our efforts to give a shape to the matter of supplying acceptable food to the elders who are unable to prepare themselves due to old age and disabilty, through institutions like Mutts etc. Kindly let us hv your valued suggestions as to how we will proceed in approaching Institutions like the Mutts etc. In the meantime, what me and my wife are trying here at Salem, where we live our retired life, is to get a list of such elders and to arrange supply of food at their doors, against very nominal cost, to those who agree to this system. Till a fullfledged arrangement is made, we are trying to help the elders around our area.

If many can start doing this service in their repsective areas, which will keep us mentally happy and satisfied, a very essential service will get initiated to the good of many elders, who are suffering.We seek the good wishes & support from all kind hearted people like you. We are also approaching people in our area for their support , physical & financial, so that we can sustain our services on a long term basis and supply acceptable food at nominal cost to the needy elders, despite spiralling prices, with The Blessings of Our Lord Sri Krishna and support from like minded people. WithRegards / Best Wishes & Greetings for A VERY HAPPY NEW YEAR,

Kombur Vakeepuram Madhavan.

Please Help The Needy as it is Service To God.--- On Sun, 12/28/08, Nadadur Mathavan <nadadurmathavan wrote:

Nadadur Mathavan <nadadurmathavan[RamanujaMission] FW: Difficulty faced by lone elders in getting suitable food."andavan" <andavan >, , Cc: mayangarDate: Sunday, December 28, 2008, 6:27 PM

 

 

PrabhandhamCC: mayangar (AT) gmail (DOT) comFri, 26 Dec 2008 10:06:13 -0500Re: [Prabhandham] FW: Fw: Difficulty faced by lone elders in getting suitable food.

 

 

 

Dear Friends, Respected Elders, Grown Children of the Same:

Dandangal Samarpitthu:

 

The Problem:

 

Familial infrastructure has been slowly eroded by modernization and consequential increase in costly "NEEDS" available only by familial scattering by dispersion to far locations.

Even the basic & essential "NEEDS" of both the elder & their families are unmet unlike in earlier times, without possibly external interventions which will also really need grass-roots support from immediate families, in order to succeed.

A thought I am adding:

It is not just the basic tangible needs for essentials like food & shelter but there are also many intangible but equally or perhaps even, more important issues of extreme physical disability due to disease or frailness, but an unmatched mental sharpness and sensitivity- level leading to depression, etc.

 

 

 

 

Situation Now:

 

 

This state of affairs was not created in onle locale overnight, but has slowly crept through decades, into societies all over the world.

Religious & Community Organizations and Leaders are wanting to provide assistance to solve some essential needs like food to orthodox, frail, lonely elder(couples)

No mention of unchanged role of the grown children of these elders whose duty it is to care for them who have cared for them in their turn, is just touched upon but not considered in any depth as to how to re-educate etc., or, in terms of a possible solution, anywhere--(This is noteworthy because it is an essential ingredient wheter in person or through tele-means) to the success of the assistance given by the next tiers of Community, religious organization, etc.)

SOME GENERAL SUGGESTIONS TO CONSIDER: Since the family and its immediate members are the first-tier in mutual help & assistance through life, and since problems eralized in elder years did not come up over-night but grew with time down a wrong path,

1. Familes MUST first, re-create essential bonds, whether close at home in physical nearness or, long-distance through emails, web-cams, etc.

2. Already heard excuses(see PS below)* must be placed on a back-shelf for a moment, allowing the elders and their grown children to institute for the first time, or, re-establish the vital function of communicating heart-to-heart & in those communications to stick to discussing in a collegial, friendly, loving manner, the important subjects of elder-care/legacies /inheritance/ alternative decisions at end of life. Eg: "Koodi Vazhthal" and its "Kodi-nanmai. "

 

 

Consider:

It is the elder's continuing duty to instruct their own children in this as well as they have in other things throughout their lives.

If this is not done this way in your sixties and your grown childrens' forties, when both can do it with some time for inevitable emotional and relational-adjustme nts, they still will need to be covered and done by these same two parties, in a 'crisis-mode, ' when there is no adjustment time possible. Yes, it will be difficult, but are you not the same two parties that earlier in life, tackled together, equally difficult but MUST-cover topics of "feeding/eating grown-up" foods; "toilet" training, and brahmacharyam [sex-education in Western cultures] and other pivotal life-style guidelines?" Also, after coming to some understanding of lder-expectations & matching grown childrens' abilities to meet them, you will both have another couple of decades to practice what was mutually decided upon in a hands on manner.

 

At such a time and in such a repaired & evolved situation, it will become even easier for the religious institutions and other community benefactors to institute elder-assistance and other programs, clearly understanding the extent of the first-tier support of the progeny primarily responsible for this "opportunity to serve" the parents who had once served them the same way when they couldn't fend for themselves wheteher they had to find the means to support their families in far off locations or were perhaps physically disabled. [some people term these duties, obligations and better understand them thus].

 

PRACTICAL AMELIORATIVE STEPS:

 

1. Elders must empower themselves and thse who are willing to help AND, move closer [if not under the same roof] to relatives, close friends or their benefactor religious/community organization and MUST first, put an end to living isolated & by themselves.

 

2. They MUST set up at least once a month interactions with this group either in person or by tele-means like the telephone, emails & web-cams.

 

3. In these tete-a-tetes, the objective must be to keep it to less than two hours and over a simple but delicious meal, in name, provided by the elder [they can even resort to requesting the visiting grown children each to bring in an item, or if having the means, cater a simple meal from a trusted source for elder-rate costs], or if that's impractical, then to imparting valuable instruction through friendly, light-hearted anecdotes-sharing.

 

All-around practicality & mutual benefits of such brief but regular interchanges:

1. Estrangement lessens and eventually goes away. Mutual understanding grows and interacting becomes easier and in time, even difficult issues can be impassionately discussed and perhaps resolved, since personalities grown apart over time, would have had time to adjust to each other.

 

2. Re-iteration of our values and cherished way of life which has endured through generations, not just decades can be revoked and more recently learned misconceptions and values incompatible with our ongoing culture will be voluntarily quelled [by the learners, not the teacher].

 

2. The elders continue to use their minds and faculties and feel validated and useful. A good solution to avoid depression in old age caused by loneliness.

 

3. The offsprings & progeny get a glimpse into their heritage and have a legacy passed down first hand by their elders that they in their turn can pass down to weave the family fabric for generations.

 

4. In this day of modern technology which has made the world a village, no one has to really even leave his chair in front of the computer [only in the extremely debilitated cases]

 

This is how I think and thank you for giving me an opportunity to share it.

 

THANK YOU for reading what I had to share with patience

Sincerely

Malathi Ayangar Lakshman

 

 

PS: *Some standard, already heard excuses with a lot of truth in them: "I am done preaching to my children, they are now grown and have their own families and will not listen to me anymore"; I am too busy & stressed with finding the means to earn a viable salary, in this comeptitive world,children reared with no special instructions on bonding with parents and thereby having been given too much lee-way until even their forties"; "the "grandchildrens' many, many extra-curricular activities"; "different life-styles that may have crept into aachara (orthodox or even traditional) families because of mixed marriages, and resultant culturally mixed-families" ; "grown children or the elders living in different countries, states"; etc, etc, etc]

 

____________ _________ _________ _________ _________ _________ _________ _________ _________ _________ _________ _________ _________ _________ _____

 

 

 

 

 

 

On Tue, Dec 23, 2008 at 7:51 AM, Nadadur Mathavan <nadadurmathavan@ msn.com> wrote:

> - some food for thought

>

> ____________ _________ _________ __

> andavan@ .com

> sampath_govindachar i. in

> Tue, 23 Dec 2008 17:24:43 +0530

> RE: Fw: Difficulty faced by lone elders in getting

> suitable food.

>

> Haribol !

>

> Acharyan Thiruvadigale Saranam !

>

> Respected Swamins!

>

> An interesting topic indeed.

>

> The writer had gone through the various opinions rendered by Bhagavathas.

> Before we try to plunge in to any sort of a suggestion for one of the minor

> requirements at the advanced age , sorry to say this and please note that

> self also

> belongs to the very senior Citizen category as on date , what we can do is

> to try to get back to our earlier Tradition of staying together as one

> family in the true sense of the word.

>

> Kindly note that it is the present senior citizens and one /two of the

> earlier generations

> are purely responsible for this splitting of the family to pieces in the

> wake of modernization and advancement of technology and a dire personal need

> to satisfy self ego of some members of the family .

>

> It is not that we all are not aware of the proverbs such as

> "Koodi irunthaal kodi nanmai" , "Agathin azhagu mugathil theriyum" etc. etc.

> But it is all due to some social maniacs , who were quite adamant in holding

> to their guns and also a highly selfish and possessive attitude within the

> family ,that led to this problem.

>

> In the present century , when humans can easily plan a trip to moon , this

> is not a big unsolvable major issue at all , BUT REQUIRES A HONEST

> COMMITMENT TO THE SYSTEM , ATTEMPT BASED ON IMPLICIT FAITH IN THE PAST

> SET UP AND A WILLINGNESS TO ACCEPT OTHERS VIEW POINT AND CLEVERNESS AT ANY

> TIME AND A DETERMINED MIND TO SHED THE SELF EGO IN TOTO . OTHERWISE THIS

> ONLY WOULD BE A NICE TOPIC FOR EXCHANGE OF IDEAS IN THE INTERNET , WHICH

> CAN GO ON FOR ANOTHER CENTURY. KINDLY PARDON THE WRITER FOR THIS FORCEFUL

> STATEMENT.

>

> The earlier joint family system had lots of advantages , out of which ,

> feeding the elderly person in the family was one of a minor issue. We had

> some one to look to inside the family, who knew the total strength and

> weakness of the family and could give a proper impartial solution to many

> major issues in running a family. We also had the greatest advantage of

> pulling up the resources of the family for common benefit of all. We also

> had a reasonable healthy competitiveness within the family for every ones

> growth in knowledge and position . We had the greatest strength of backing

> on the social status of the family background. Above all we could develop

> the habit of an empathy in ourselves and a good give and take policy in

> life, which could make us a better individual and live as a human in

> society.

>

> Our Smrithis , Sththis , Ithihasa Puranas , Vedas and the sermons of the

> Lord through the Bhagavad Gita , always showed us that it would be only wise

> for a human to live as a human and respect another ATMA in society . While

> we talk of these in many platforms vociferously , we tend to forget the

> essence , the moment we get down from the platform. Sri Krishna has vividly

> narrated how Kama and Krodha attacks the brain and destroys the peace of

> mind. We read it regularly and listen to lectures offered on these . But in

> action we do the very opposit. Unless we try to change ourselves from within

> , all these vagaries would exist.

>

> Some one suggested starting of a good kitchen to feed the elders , who had

> taken to Bharanyasam on payment basis . Have we reached that stage of

> toleration and accepatance of the quality of food that could be served there

> , since all are humans and no one wants to run a system on loss basis. If

> that person determines to price it up for a good quality , do we have that

> bent of mind not to criticize the service and question the integrity. Come

> on. We are all born ' doubting Thomases' and it could take a long to change

> ourselves.

>

> Again some body praised the services of the Mutts and other social

> organizations . Can anyone guess the amounts of criticism the organizers

> face day in and day out there . Reason is that we still have to develop the

> habit of having IMPLICIT FAITH on persons who have service oriented mind ,

> probably due to our past experience .

>

> Many places like Mutts / Ashrams / social organizations do serve food for

> all FREE OF CHARGE , even today as a service to humanity. But one should go

> and watch how people behave in getting that food. What hardships the fellow

> citizens go through and the hurdles the organizers face can be appreciated

> only when you see the service. We still have not developed that habit of

> forming ques , empathy and concern for others, discipline etc.

>

> Self is not trying to be critical or sinical on these. But what is being

> emphasized is to prepare the homeground and basement strongly , befoe we try

> to build a super structure , since this change of system has come into

> existence only because of us and one / two generations ahead.

>

> The only SILVER LINE IN THE CLOUD IS , some people have started thinking

> seriously on these issues and Lord Krishna would definitely help the human

> race to find a solution to this problem , created by humans only , in the

> near future.

>

> Sarve Jana Sukhino Bhavanthu .

>

> Adiyen , Ramanuja dasan - G.Sampath.

>

>

>

> --- On Tue, 23/12/08, narayan <narayan@tka- jbm.thyssenkrupp .com> wrote:

>

> narayan <narayan@tka- jbm.thyssenkrupp .com>

> RE: Fw: Difficulty faced by lone elders in getting

> suitable food.

> andavan@ .com

> Tuesday, 23 December, 2008, 2:26 PM

>

>

> Namaskaram Swamino!!

>

> It is only our greediness to go for big things and surplus in qty

> (especially in materialistic world)

> keping the parents and children apart.

> Secondly every one wants financial independence. It is agreed. But none

> wants to pool the energy and release in regulated steam. Thereby

> duplication

> of expenses, energy spending level all can be eliminated.

>

> Thirdly, listening to eldest person of family in toto is found only in few

> places.

>

> Like this we can list so many things we do which should not be done,

> and finally cry that our elders are suffering.

>

> I am sure all of you would agree that, we will suffer for doing

> all those which should not be done. We will also suffer for not doing

> the ones which ought to be done.

>

> What my humble prayers to all is, first lets see how we can bring back the

> system of joint family system. For this we all should be prepared mentally

> to shoulder responsibility for everyone in the family and listen to the

> elderly

> people. It is also duty casted on elderly people that, their behaviour

> and

> judgements should be totally balanced, and reflects true justice and

> not lopsided. It should reflect their acharyatvam.

>

> Just by merely paying off to cooks, will be able to solve the problem for

> temporarily.

>

> All members of our community should try and address the solution to this

> situation

> and arrest the any more happening of the same by implementing small and

> continuous steps in their respective families. And I think, LORD himself

> will

> show so much of mercy that, all elderly people are protected to follow the

> acharam in full and no need to ask any help from others.

>

> As the quote in Tamil goes

> "Agathin azhagu mugathil theriyum", all pacth up work done out side the

> house

> without any repair inside the house is futile.

>

> It is not a simple task. But still it is a very much possible one.

>

> We all have forgotten the best Tamil quote

> "Koodi irunthaal kodi nanmai" . Lets revive it and give a heavenly

> atmosphere to our elders so that they will not have any obstruction

> in observing their utmost achaara anushtanams and nithya karmas.

>

> Any apacharam done because of the above writing by me, may please be

> pardoned. This is only my opinion and not that of the moderator.

>

> dAsan

> T R LAKSHMINARAYANAN

>

> ************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* *********

> ********* ******

>

>

> andavan@ .com [andavan] On Behalf

> Of soundararajan desikan

> Friday, December 19, 2008 10:11 AM

> andavan@ .com; Srinidhi Andavan Asramam

> Cc: Madhavan Ramabhadran

> Fw: Difficulty faced by lone elders in getting suitable

> food.

>

> Dear Swamin

>

> Kindly see the forwarded message

>

> The aged sishyas ,residing in flats/apartments/ houses not only in Chennai

> City but also in many places are forced to take food from unwanted persons.

> These elders would have undertaken " Bharanyasam" and in that case, it is

> very sorry state of affairs

>

> Sarvam Sree Hayagreeva preeyathaam

>

> Dasan

> Uruppattur Soundararajan

> Srikainkarya

>

> --- On Thu, 18/12/08, Madhavan <rammadhav > wrote:

>

> Madhavan <rammadhav >

> Difficulty faced by lone elders in getting suitable food.

> oppiliappan

> Thursday, 18 December, 2008, 9:01 PM

>

> SRI : ||

>

> Hare Krishna.

>

> Dear Bhagavatha Friends,

>

> Sub: Supplying Suitable Food Regularly To Needy Elders.

>

> Adiyen's PraNamams to you all.

>

> I wish to share my thought on a very vital problem faced by very many elders

> who live alone, esp in cities. There are many people who are unable to

> prepare food due to old age and physical inability.

>

> They are unable to accept food prepared in hotels , mess etc due to obvious

> reasons like AchAram, unacceptable ingredients, vegetables,

> preparations etc. It is a miserable state and we can see very many elders

> struggling due to this problem.

>

> Those who can afford to engage cooks, do not get suitable people and even

> when they get, they face difficulties like inability to control them,

> frequent absenting and their suddenly stopping to come to work etc.

>

> It is worthwhile to think of organising preparation of food by suitable

> cooks and supply the same at the residences of the needy old people, which

> is acceptable to them.

>

> Our Matams like Ahobila Mutt, Andavan Ashram, Vanamamalai Matam, Embar Mutt,

> Sankara Matams etc are doing great service to the community by constructing

> Marriage Halls, palces for stay in Divya Desams,and for performing Apara

> Karyam and Thiruvadhyanam etc.

>

> Likewise the Mutts can seriously consider commencing the services

> under able guidance and supervision of service oriented men & women,

> the matter of preparing regular food and supplying to the needy people at

> their residences against payment.

>

> The elders will be very happy & thankful and will be extremely benefitted

> by this service, as otherwise they are forced to practically starve.Also

> food prepared by such sources will be readily acceptable to the

> elders.Besides such institutions hv the resources to embark on the service ,

> like men, money, place etc.

>

> The children of these elders will also be greatly relieved of the problem

> and will in turn be obliged to lend their financial support also.

>

> Even interested individuals or group of people who are willing to render

> this noble service with love & care can think of starting this service of

> providing food to needy elders on a regular basis.

>

> This will be a very noble and excellent service to our community and

> the needy seniors will be much obliged if such a service of providing

> acceptable food is made available.

>

> The population of such seniors is fast increasing and it is time for us to

> find a suitable solution to help those who very much need the same.

>

> With regards, I am placing this matter for consideration of all concerned,

> on behalf of many suffering elders

>

> Dasan,

>

> Kombur Vankeepuram Madhavan.

>

> Please Help The Needy as it is Service To God.

>

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