False

[Guest guest]

I was surrounded by all kinds of religious people. I

felt that there was something funny in their behavior.

There was a wide gap between what they believed and

how they lived. This always bothered me. But I could

not call all of them hypocrites. I said to myself,

" There is something wrong with what they believe.

Maybe their source is wrong. All the teachers of man-

kind, particularly the spiritual teachers, conned

themselves and conned the whole of mankind. So, I have

to find out for myself, and I have no way of finding

out anything for myself as long as I depend upon

anyone. "

 

I found that whatever I wanted was what they [the

religious people] wanted me to want. Whatever I

thought was whatever they wanted me to think. So there

was no way out of this. Somewhere along the line

something hit me: " There is nothing there to be

transformed, nothing there to be changed. There is no

mind there, nor is there any self to realize. What the

hell am I doing? " That spark hit me like a shaft of

lightning, like an earthquake. It shattered the whole

structure of my thought and destroyed everything that

was there, all the cultural input. It hit me in a very

strange way. Everything that every man had ever

thought, felt, and experienced before was drained out

of my system. In a way, it totally destroyed my mind,

which is nothing but the totality of man's experiences

and thoughts. It destroyed even my identity. You see,

the identity is nothing but the input of the culture

there

 

- UG

 

 

 

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