april fool musings

[Guest guest]

what am I?

 

This is an intruiging question for me at the moment. I dont fit into any religion, my views, my experiences are unique, and complex. I see it all as stepping stones. I still do not understand many of the experiences I have had, this just means I still dont understand me. Other times, I sit back and see the experiences for what they are, the workings of my mind, then wonder why do I choose them for me, what is IT that makes me choose them and where is that place that I pluck them from?

 

I sought source and found it, I walked round punching the air, I was omnipotent. That was 2 years ago. Now, it matters for nothing, now I know source and realise it is all a distraction as ultimately it all comes back to me, me is all there is. Im being so precocious as to ask for the source of source, only to find it is me. I stand alone.

 

Im in a place right now where I have been emptied of everything, treading water, waiting for the next flood of events. At times in my life I have been tossed around like flotsam, bouncing off the rocks, learning the lessons, surviving against the odds. But now, it all means nothing as I grope around seeking the elusive me - I know I am close, I must wait patiently. I do whatever I can to drown out the pain, the flood that I await is composed of my own tears.

 

Im no longer searching so furiously because I finally accept that I am lost, and nothing I turn to will bring relief. So there is just me .. all those little bits of me I have created and refined over the last 48 years. None of it works any more, it all needs to change.

[Guest guest]

Realization , " deb " <willett@h...> wrote:

> what am I?

 

Thanks for your musings, deb.

 

" my views, my experiences are unique "

 

There is nothing unique about me.

There is not a thought I have had or could have that has not been

had, in essence by countless others.

There is not an opinion I could hold which would be essentially

different from every other opinion ever held, indeed most of my

opinions are merely my rehash of other's opinions. Nothing comes

freshly minted, original and new, into my mind - and if it did I

couldn't call it 'mine'.

My experiences similarly, are the same experiences in essence, if not

in detail, as experiences experienced by countless others.

There is absolutely nothing special about me.

I may pile my bricks in a slightly different way from the next

person, but they are the same bricks and the differences between us

are trivial.

 

Tanya.