Guest guest Posted April 11, 2003 Report Share Posted April 11, 2003 Hi Tanya .. I tried dying, but it didnt work .. they wouldnt open them pearly gates for me <g> and sent me back here to suffer a bit more. I can tell you tho, its not all its cracked up to be, this " dying " stuff .. but seeing as Im stuck here for the time being, given a choice of living, loving and learning, and walking around as the living dead, devoid of emotion and spewing out fear and hatred, I'll choose the first option every time ) So my excrutiatingly tedious posts deepen your suffering? .. well what can I say .. Im an open honest person, no six foot lead shields here, so how about I just tell you the truth. I sit here in my beautiful house, on my beautiful 17 acres of rugged, peaceful aussie bushland, with my beautiful koalas, my beautiful Irish Water Spaniels, my beautiful Arabian horses, my incredibly beautiful son and all the time I need, to do nothing else but look at " what {I} am " . Well gee whiz, my life is so god damn beautiful, I get very god damn bored .. so I write .. if you dont like it, you could always use the god damn delete button. In fact I wish you would. Then my poor little frayed fluffy bunny heart wouldnt be feeling so guilty that I have caused you suffering. There now, is that what you wanted? Open your eyes just a smidgeon Tanya, and look around you .. I think you might find there are quite a few people here who dont give a rat's arse what anyone thinks about them. blessings, love and light .. deb > The thing I really love about *Judi* is that she couldn't give a f*** > what I think of her, unlike the rest of you whining brats. > I personally feel privileged to be in dialogue with someone who can > actually help me to put myself out of my suffering. I guess I should > also thank Debs for her which help to > deepen that suffering to the point where I might just do something > about it. > I don't claim realization but I can recognize truth and integrity > from BS born of fear. > Thank you all for showing me to myself in all my ugliness. > Getting ready to die, - if not now when, - soon, you wondrous > creatures, soon. > > Tanya xxxx. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 12, 2003 Report Share Posted April 12, 2003 Realization , " deb " <willett@h...> wrote: > given a choice of living, loving and learning, and > *walking around as the living dead, devoid of emotion and spewing out fear > and hatred*, I'll choose the first option every time ) Isn't that exactly what you're doing here? Get honest for one second and feel it, taste it, the fear and hatred is oozing out of your every pore. Just look in the mirror. > So my excrutiatingly tedious posts deepen your suffering? .. well what can I > say .. Im an open honest person, no six foot lead shields here, so how about > I just tell you the truth. I sit here in my beautiful house, on my beautiful > 17 acres of rugged, peaceful aussie bushland, with my beautiful koalas, my > beautiful Irish Water Spaniels, my beautiful Arabian horses, my incredibly > beautiful son and all the time I need, to do nothing else but look at " what > {I} am " . Well gee whiz, my life is so god damn beautiful, I get very god > damn bored .. so I write .. if you dont like it, you could always use the > god damn delete button. In fact I wish you would. Then my poor little frayed > fluffy bunny heart wouldnt be feeling so guilty that I have caused you > suffering. > > There now, is that what you wanted? You say it all, girl, you've got it all and you still aint happy! If it is possible to END THE SUFFERING once and for all - gone - isn't that the only thing worth seeking? You can spend the rest of your life trying to *improve* things but nothing will fundamentally change. If you keep doing what you always did, you'll keep getting what you always got - and it hurts, don't it? If all that crap I want to believe is true - that, I am god / we are one / everything's perfect / love is all there is, stuff is true then why do I hurt? It seems to me the worst thing I can do is try to paper over the cracks and *try to be happy joyous and free* when I'm not. If this stuff is real - and I believe it is, then it needs to *be* and nothing else will do. Thank you for you're time and energy, See you in hell, Tanya x. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 12, 2003 Report Share Posted April 12, 2003 - Tanya Davis Realization Saturday, April 12, 2003 6:16 AM Re: deb's ghost Realization , "deb" <willett@h...> wrote:> given a choice of living, loving and learning, and> *walking around as the living dead, devoid of emotion and spewing out fear> and hatred*, I'll choose the first option every time )Isn't that exactly what you're doing here? Get honest for one second and feel it, taste it, the fear and hatred is oozing out of your every pore. Just look in the mirror. ********** Bingo! But you see that's the LAST thing a person wants to do is to see that in themselves, *as* themselves. Their business is all about escape, avoiding and covering it up. "Waking up" is about turning back *against* yourself, *realizing* yourself, NOT trying to *make something* of yourself. It takes GREAT maturity. Not for the timid or faint of heart. Judi Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 12, 2003 Report Share Posted April 12, 2003 - Carol Philo Realization Saturday, April 12, 2003 8:47 AM Re: Re: deb's ghost Yes, and it is very painful. But necessary. For me, this happened in 1980, when I realized that I had been abused as a child because my parents were unable, for whatever reason, to give me the normal love that a child should receive. Violence was their reaction to the normal demands of an infant. But, Judi, since I got past this point, my spirituality has progressed for past this. I agree that looking in the soul's mirror is necessary. Spiritually resolving the blockades is painful, but must be done. ( to me it was akin to cleaning up a room full of garbage to find myself in the center of the clean room when done) But the end of the rope is a waystation in the soul's journey, in my opinion, not the destination. Gelf ************ Yes, well as long as you think you're still going somewhere, that's NOT the end of the rope. Judi Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 12, 2003 Report Share Posted April 12, 2003 Yes, and it is very painful. But necessary. For me, this happened in 1980, when I realized that I had been abused as a child because my parents were unable, for whatever reason, to give me the normal love that a child should receive. Violence was their reaction to the normal demands of an infant. But, Judi, since I got past this point, my spirituality has progressed for past this. I agree that looking in the soul's mirror is necessary. Spiritually resolving the blockades is painful, but must be done. ( to me it was akin to cleaning up a room full of garbage to find myself in the center of the clean room when done) But the end of the rope is a waystation in the soul's journey, in my opinion, not the destination. Gelf - Judi Rhodes Realization Saturday, April 12, 2003 8:38 AM Re: Re: deb's ghost - Tanya Davis Realization Saturday, April 12, 2003 6:16 AM Re: deb's ghost Realization , "deb" <willett@h...> wrote:> given a choice of living, loving and learning, and> *walking around as the living dead, devoid of emotion and spewing out fear> and hatred*, I'll choose the first option every time )Isn't that exactly what you're doing here? Get honest for one second and feel it, taste it, the fear and hatred is oozing out of your every pore. Just look in the mirror. ********** Bingo! But you see that's the LAST thing a person wants to do is to see that in themselves, *as* themselves. Their business is all about escape, avoiding and covering it up. "Waking up" is about turning back *against* yourself, *realizing* yourself, NOT trying to *make something* of yourself. It takes GREAT maturity. Not for the timid or faint of heart. Judi ..........INFORMATION ABOUT THIS LIST..........Email addresses: Post message: Realization Un: Realization- Our web address: http://www.realization.orgBy sending a message to this list, you are givingpermission to have it reproduced as a letter onhttp://www.realization.org................................................ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 12, 2003 Report Share Posted April 12, 2003 Carol Philo Realization Saturday, April 12, 2003 8:47 AM Re: Re: deb's ghost Yes, and it is very painful. But necessary. For me, this happened in 1980, when I realized that I had been abused as a child because my parents were unable, for whatever reason, to give me the normal love that a child should receive. Violence was their reaction to the normal demands of an infant. But, Judi, since I got past this point, my spirituality has progressed for past this. I agree that looking in the soul's mirror is necessary. Spiritually resolving the blockades is painful, but must be done. ( to me it was akin to cleaning up a room full of garbage to find myself in the center of the clean room when done) But the end of the rope is a waystation in the soul's journey, in my opinion, not the destination. Gelf ************ Repost from the ranch list: Dan:> Obviously, 99% of anyone looking into this is taking it as> something to be into, something to be proud of knowing,> something to serve -- all kinds of crap.> > There's no "ism" here, nothing to follow, nothing to show> for all your work. All the love, bliss, gurus, joy, people> want so badly -- it's all just a way to confirm that they> are precious, can have something special, know something> really awesome -- no one wants to lose their self. Not> deep down. It's not something you would want to give up,> because everything else you have depends on having that.> > Anyone who sees this, it's only because they couldn't help> it -- they had no choice in the matter.> > ******* Yes, uh-oh! Honest osifer, I was just driving along minding my *own* business. :-)> I didn't *mean* anything by it. :-) > > LOLWhat's that? I'm leaking oil all over the road, and my signals aren't working properly? You want to know what those sounds are coming from my trunk? Say, look, I've got a very important wedding to get to, I'm sure you'll understand. Step out of the car? What?***** heheehe :-) Yes, what's this step out of the car business, can't you see I have a very important wedding to get to? What are you trying to do, ruin my whole life? Judi Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 12, 2003 Report Share Posted April 12, 2003 Realization , " Judi Rhodes " <judirhodes@z...> wrote: > > > - > Carol Philo > Realization > Saturday, April 12, 2003 8:47 AM > Re: Re: deb's ghost > > > Yes, and it is very painful. But necessary. > For me, this happened in 1980, when I realized that I had been abused as a child because my parents were unable, for whatever reason, to give me the normal love that a child should receive. Violence was their reaction to the normal demands of an infant. But, Judi, since I got past this point, my spirituality has progressed for past this. > I agree that looking in the soul's mirror is necessary. Spiritually resolving the blockades is painful, but must be done. ( to me it was akin to cleaning up a room full of garbage to find myself in the center of the clean room when done) But the end of the rope is a waystation in the soul's journey, in my opinion, not the destination. > Gelf > > ************ Yes, well as long as you think you're still going somewhere, that's NOT the end of the rope. > > Judi Yes. You may think you are getting somewhere with your experiences and evolution -- until the experiencer and all his/her experiences dissolve at once. The journey and journeyer are dissolved. That last step is a doozy. -- Dan Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 12, 2003 Report Share Posted April 12, 2003 - dan330033 Realization Saturday, April 12, 2003 1:50 PM Re: deb's ghost Realization , "Judi Rhodes" <judirhodes@z...> wrote:> > > - > Carol Philo > Realization > Saturday, April 12, 2003 8:47 AM> Re: Re: deb's ghost> > > Yes, and it is very painful. But necessary. > For me, this happened in 1980, when I realized that I had been abused as a child because my parents were unable, for whatever reason, to give me the normal love that a child should receive. Violence was their reaction to the normal demands of an infant. But, Judi, since I got past this point, my spirituality has progressed for past this.> I agree that looking in the soul's mirror is necessary. Spiritually resolving the blockades is painful, but must be done. ( to me it was akin to cleaning up a room full of garbage to find myself in the center of the clean room when done) But the end of the rope is a waystation in the soul's journey, in my opinion, not the destination.> Gelf> > ************ Yes, well as long as you think you're still going somewhere, that's NOT the end of the rope. > > JudiYes. You may think you are getting somewhere with your experiences and evolution -- until the experiencer and all his/her experiences dissolve at once.The journey and journeyer are dissolved.That last step is a doozy.-- Dan ******* Yes, and to call it merely a "slap in the face" is an understatement. It's worse, MUCH worse. So, for you guys that can't even take a little slap in the face, surely you're not anywhere near ready. Judi Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 12, 2003 Report Share Posted April 12, 2003 Hello, Deb, I liked that post because it was interesting ). When you said you couldn't die, did you mean it literally, as in the getting eaten by the worms kind of death? If so, don't die, simplify. There is no boredom in life. There is always boredom in imagining life. I love the Christian song I grew up with in my old presbyterian church, " In the Garden " . It starts with, " I come to the garden alone " and then it gets all happy and implies that Jesus is there walking and talking with 'I'. It's that alone part. All the imaginary friends have to stay home with everything else. Alone, utterly alone, the senses are clear, the emotions restored, and there's such a life returned that it does seem like " He " is every molecule and movement of light and sound. With no past and no future and no space beyond that projected by my own eyes, there is life and it seems that all the boredom was just the desire to live instead of imagine myself living. I like the Arabian horses, too, though. My old horse died two weeks ago and I won't have another one except for every one that I happen to see. Realization , " deb " <willett@h...> wrote: > Hi Tanya .. > > I tried dying, but it didnt work .. they wouldnt open them pearly gates for > me <g> and sent me back here to suffer a bit more. I can tell you tho, its > not all its cracked up to be, this " dying " stuff .. but seeing as Im stuck > here for the time being, given a choice of living, loving and learning, and > walking around as the living dead, devoid of emotion and spewing out fear > and hatred, I'll choose the first option every time ) > > So my excrutiatingly tedious posts deepen your suffering? .. well what can I > say .. Im an open honest person, no six foot lead shields here, so how about > I just tell you the truth. I sit here in my beautiful house, on my beautiful > 17 acres of rugged, peaceful aussie bushland, with my beautiful koalas, my > beautiful Irish Water Spaniels, my beautiful Arabian horses, my incredibly > beautiful son and all the time I need, to do nothing else but look at " what > {I} am " . Well gee whiz, my life is so god damn beautiful, I get very god > damn bored .. so I write .. if you dont like it, you could always use the > god damn delete button. In fact I wish you would. Then my poor little frayed > fluffy bunny heart wouldnt be feeling so guilty that I have caused you > suffering. > > There now, is that what you wanted? > > Open your eyes just a smidgeon Tanya, and look around you .. I think you > might find there are quite a few people here who dont give a rat's arse what > anyone thinks about them. > > blessings, love and light .. deb > > > The thing I really love about *Judi* is that she couldn't give a f*** > > what I think of her, unlike the rest of you whining brats. > > I personally feel privileged to be in dialogue with someone who can > > actually help me to put myself out of my suffering. I guess I should > > also thank Debs for her which help to > > deepen that suffering to the point where I might just do something > > about it. > > I don't claim realization but I can recognize truth and integrity > > from BS born of fear. > > Thank you all for showing me to myself in all my ugliness. > > Getting ready to die, - if not now when, - soon, you wondrous > > creatures, soon. > > > > Tanya xxxx. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 14, 2003 Report Share Posted April 14, 2003 Dear Deb, > I sit here in my beautiful house, on my beautiful > 17 acres of rugged, peaceful aussie bushland... The great novelist Tolstoy believed that getting what we want never makes us happy. You seem to be in a position to tell us whether this is true. Was he right? Best wishes, Rob - " deb " <willett <Realization > Saturday, April 12, 2003 12:30 AM deb's ghost Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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