to care or not to care

[Guest guest]

So you're writing these letters as a favor to Judi? To try to

soothe her pain?

 

I'm really trying to understand YOUR motive for writing. I'm asking

a question about Deb, not about Judi.

 

Puzzled,

 

Robdear puzzled Rob,

 

youre digging deeper .. but its okay )

 

No Rob, since I knew Judi wouldnt answer me, obviously Im writing them for me ..

Im telling you my thoughts, sharing my emotions with you, telling you and the hundred something other people here how Judi makes me feel.

 

Now if I was trying to soothe her pain, that would mean I had the most gi-normous ego wouldnt it <g> to think that {I} could make a difference is sheer folly. And even if I could soothe it, I wouldnt want to, as Judi needs her pain, its her crutch, her church .. take away her pain and Judi is nothing, and she has a great desire to be something. So why would I go and do that to her, that would be cruel of me.

 

If she likes to supplicate herself at the alter of anger then I say "go for it" .. its a dirty job but someone's got to do it.

 

My motive for writing? .... its the way I "process" things, I seek to understand them. I didnt understand Judi, but now I think I do.

blessings on you Rob and thanks for digging )

 

deb

 

I know anger, I embrace it .. I express it, one way or another ..

I know my dark side .. I laugh at it and with it ..

lt overwhelms me at times when I am learning the hard lessons,

But thats okay .. I run at it and dive into it ..

 

Then having immersed myself totally in it, and wallowed for a while,

I get out of there ... real quick ... cos it is painful ..

And rage takes an enormous amount of energy to maintain,

Energy I would rather use for other things.

 

Like fixing me, instead of trying to fix others )

 

[Guest guest]

Dear Deb,

 

> youre digging deeper .. but its okay )

 

Ah good. I never go more than an eighth of an inch.

Going deeper doesn't really work, in my humble opinion.

It just makes the ground harder.

 

> No Rob, since I knew Judi wouldnt answer me,

> obviously Im writing them for me .. Im telling you my

> thoughts, sharing my emotions with you, telling you

> and the hundred something other people here how

> Judi makes me feel.

 

Isn't there a tiny bit more here? Don't you want to

convince all of us to see things your way? And when

we do, won't we look at Judi with scorn and contempt?

 

> Now if I was trying to soothe her pain, that would mean I

> had the most gi-normous ego wouldnt it <g> to think that

> {I} could make a difference is sheer folly.

 

Oh, I don't know. People say things that have little

hope of bearing fruit all the time. It's one of the things

that make us human.

 

> Like fixing me, instead of trying to fix others )

 

At last, something interesting in this God-forsaken

thread.

 

How are you going about fixing your brokeness?

 

Best wishes,

 

Rob

 

 

-

deb

Realization group

Saturday, April 12, 2003 12:41 AM

to care or not to care