tanya's ghost

[Guest guest]

> Isn't that exactly what you're doing here? Get honest for one second

> and feel it, taste it, the fear and hatred is oozing out of your

> every pore. Just look in the mirror.

 

Dear Tanya ..

you say Im oozing fear and hatred, if thats how you perceive me I cant argue

with you, its your mind doing the perception. I present many things in my

persona, if you choose to only focus on my " fear " aspect, I will in turn ask

" why do you do that? "

 

All this talk of having to " lose " yourself in order to " find " yourself

confuses me. Wherever {I} go, Im still there, even in my mind. Or is it a

matter of having to lose my mind in order to find my mind .. huh?? I dont

think you can " die " spiritually until you " die " physically. Being a simple

person <g> I like to keep things simple, I perceive " it " (meaning

spiritual/personal growth, or realisation, or whatever you want to call it)

as purely and simply a mindset .. now how simple is this ....... if you

decide to be happy/peaceful/contented/fulfilled, then you will be. This

realisation stuff is just a matter of learning to control your thoughts. If

you decide youre realised, or enlightened, then you are! I wouldnt argue

with you, who am I to tell you who or what you are.

 

Tanya, you asked me " why do I hurt? " its because you choose to, thats all,

too simple. Now comes the difficult bit, why do {I} choose pain over love

and peace, only you can find the answer and all I can tell you is keep

searching, keep questioning, keep trying different things til you find whats

right for you. The reason you still hurt is cos youve been hurt, by other

people, and youre stuck on that, cos you still measure yourself by their

estimation.

 

I looked in the mirror Tanya, and saw someone smiling. I used to think I was

a goddess, and strangely, many people I meet call me so, why is that? Its

because thats what I project, my thought becomes my reality. I dont need the

goddess tag any more, I decided just to be me .. deb. But Im human, and I

make mistakes .. and when I do, I punish myself by thought and action ..

guess its just a matter of degree as to how much punishment you think you

deserve. And how long you wish to wallow in it. You can call me an idiot,

but it would be water off a duck's back, I know what I am, and how you

perceive me dont matter a bit because Ive realised every single person I

meet in life will perceive me in a different way, and I can never be all

that they want me to be .. so how about I just settle for being me. Of

course it would hurt me momentarily to be called an idiot, words carry

force, but these days I bounce it back in about a second, well .. most of

the time hehe.

 

Im probably the least well read person here, Im a lightweight piece of fluff

compared to the knowledge and understanding of " the teachings " some of you

guys have. Ive read one Ramana book, but that one book showed me everything

{I} need to know, its something every other religion teaches .. Judi

mentioned it a while back .. know thyself. Everything else is just

methodology.

 

Jeez Tanya, if you " need " someone like Judi to help you learn about

yourself, why dont you go find yourself an abusive husband or a parasitic

friend .. at least you would learn the lesson quicker and not draw it out so

long. People like Judi - Ive met many of them in my life, tho none quite as

unique as Judi - ARE a drug, think about it!

 

Ask yourself, where is she taking you? What is she making you look at,

within? Tanya, you've been to that place before, and you overcame it, I

admire you enormously for that, why do you want to go back there? Arent you

just swapping one drug for another, one thing that makes you feel bad about

yourself, for another? If you consider her a " teacher " thats fine, but she

will only ever help you learn more about all your nasty, sad, empty bits as

that is what her game is. Some people need to go there, I think youre

looking for something different now. YOU should know, more than most, the

more you feed your negative qualities, the more powerful they grow. I think

you need to find a teacher who will show you the true meaning of love,

someone who will help you feel good about yourself. Judi cant help you

there, she has discarded emotion, her doctrine is emptiness. Anyway she's

dead, and I make it a habit never to take dead people very seriously <g>

 

> You say it all, girl, you've got it all and you still aint happy!

> If it is possible to END THE SUFFERING once and for all - gone -

> isn't that the only thing worth seeking? You can spend the rest of

> your life trying to *improve* things but nothing will fundamentally

> change. If you keep doing what you always did, you'll keep getting

> what you always got - and it hurts, don't it?

 

Tanya, I did this stuff 25 years ago .. if you keep doing what youre doing

you'll keep going where youre going, thats kindergarten stuff, so lets take

it another step further. And go round in circles a little bit. Why do I do

the things I do? .. because {I} choose to. At any given point in time, I can

choose to react in one way or another .. ahh we're back to square one, what

is it I deserve, what is it I want? What do I " need " to make me happy? And

how much effort am I prepared to put into making that manifest once I have

an answer. My problem (?) is Im a lazy soul, I know I could have anything I

wanted if I just put my mind to it, hmm but is it worth the effort? Most of

the time its .. effort vs thing .. how badly do I want it? So much easier to

just sit here in this comfortably numb place and wallow in all the " what

ifs " and " maybes " ... sometimes. Well anyway, so far Im doing okay, I live in

paradise, life is good and getting better every day, again.

 

Who says Im not happy? You said that, not me. I said I was bored. There are

a million things I could be doing around here, but its all so mundane - you

wash the dishes, you eat off them, then you have to do them all again. You

buy the food, you eat it, you have to go and buy it again. Boring stuff .. I

decided to have a lazy day today, I put my son on a plane yesterday to spend

holidays with his dad interstate, the next two weeks I have all to myself

yeehaa - time enough to get all those chores done then, and time for me, I

need it .. the last few months have been pretty intense, but Ive crawled up

over the edge of the plateau now and Im dancing around punching the air hehe

I made it. Over the next two weeks, I will put it/me all back together, and

decide where I want to go from here .. but today Im residing in the " now " ,

Im sitting here writing about my experiences, my thoughts. Im having fun,

but I'll get bored with it eventually too. Ahh .. consider the certainty of

change. Or is it a short attention span? I cant make up my mind.

 

> If all that crap I want to believe is true - that, I am god / we are

> one / everything's perfect / love is all there is, stuff is true then

> why do I hurt?

> It seems to me the worst thing I can do is try to paper over the

> cracks and *try to be happy joyous and free* when I'm not. If this

> stuff is real - and I believe it is, then it needs to *be* and

> nothing else will do.

 

Hey Tanya .. *be* who you are, and if that person is someone who is unhappy

and hurting, you have two options. You can either get used to it ie. accept

yourself for what you are and stop being so hard on yourself .. or, you can

change your perception of you. I cant tell you how to do that, no one can,

thats for you to find out - and therein lies the secret to EVERY SPIRITUAL

SEARCH!!! Aint it a bitch. No one else can tell you, only you know what

exactly you want to be. Im going back to something you said in your very

first posting here ....

 

" I felt that I had had a successful communication with my creator. I decided

that getting to know more about this was the only thing in life worth doing.

When I was younger I spent a lot of time searching, but I was doing a lot of

drugs and stuff as well so I got scared by some of my experiences. What has

amazed me over the past year is how consistent the messages that I am

getting are. Wherever I go, whatever I read/listen too/watch I seem to be

getting the same messages in a multitude of different forms. My life has

been and is being transformed and I look forward to sharing experiences with

you. "

 

I have one question only .. who is your creator???

Okay, two questions .. where do these " messages " come from???

I look forward to your answer dear sister in sorrow.

blessings, love and light ...

 

deb x x x

I *am* my own guru.

 

> Thank you for you're time and energy,

> See you in hell,

 

Hell is other people .. Satre.

 

> Tanya x.

 

It is now that you must speak.

For now is the time in which you are in.

All things bring us to the now.

Now you are to be.

Be that which you are.

[Guest guest]

..The best one liner IMHO of the year from Deb.

 

" Anyway she's

dead, and I make it a habit never to take dead people very

seriously " <g>

 

 

MT but full of the Self

[Guest guest]

Realization , " mark_twain11 "

<mark_twain11> wrote:

> .The best one liner IMHO of the year from Deb.

>

> " Anyway she's

> dead, and I make it a habit never to take dead people very

> seriously " <g>

>

>

> MT but full of the Self

 

Unless one can apply it to oneself that

one-liner is useless.

 

-- Dan