kundalini

May 17, 2003

Hi Paul .. my name's deb, nice to meet you, I live in Australia.

> Hi,> > I had a Kundalini awakening but didn't know it.

How do you know it was a Kundalini awakening?

Did you have the experience then go looking for an event to explain the symptoms?

Had you been doing anything ie. spiritual practises, thought patterns, which laid the ground for the Kundalini awakening to occur or did it occur spontaneously?

> I took a lot of drugs and tried a lot of remedies to cure what I thought was chronic pain and depression.

We all do that to a lesser or greater degree, dont punish yourself over it, you did what you needed to do to get through it.

>It seems that the process is over. I am no longer in any pain. I no longer feel the energy.

Im glad youre no longer in any pain. You said you no longer feel the energy, but you also said you "feel different", I say the feeling different IS the energy.

> However, I am now in a state where life is unenjoyable.

Paul this usually happens after you have "glimpsed" something outside your understanding. You are confused, lost, and so full of questions which no one can answer. Eventaully you will realise the only one who can answer your questions is you. You will realise no one can help you but you .. it all comes back to you accepting responsibility for your life, your illnesses, and your personal and spiritual growth. Saying no to any more meds is a great start, youre on track!

> I had spent 8 days in a mental hospital where they hit me with bipolar drugs. Depakote (an anti-epileptic/mood stabilizer) and Geodon (an antipsychotic). I hardly have any desire to live.

The last sentence pulls at my heart, I know what that feels like. I went through, am going through, a similar "trough" to what you describe in exactly the same time frame ie. over the last 6 months. I also had immense problems dealing with emotion in any way, shape or form .. I pulled my miserable energy in around me and retreated into my cave, rarely venturing out to any of my usual activities. And I cried and cried and cried, so many tears Im sure I used up my lifetime supply. It wasnt depression, it was far far worse than that, I had absolutely no control over my emotions. I would be eating a meal and tears would just start flowing out of my eyes .. watching an advert on tv and the tears would flow .. the slightest stimulation and my shredded emotions would rise up and totally overpower me.

Nothing anyone said made any difference to me, I tried to explain it do my friends but they had no comprehension of what I felt like, there was this enormous, gigantic EMPTINESS inside me that nothing could satisfy and no matter how much I focused on it, and tried everything imaginable under the sun, nothing worked. All they could do was be there for me.

Someone suggested it was a "dark night of the soul" experience, I had no idea what this is, so I searched on the net (look at St John) and found explanations of a process that fitted what I was going through .. so what? .. what now? I still havent found out but 6 months later my life has changed immeasurably, I have changed immeasurably. My capacity to love has now been enhanced about a thousand fold, it just oozes outa me .. I had to forgive someone who didnt live up to my expectations - which I swore I didnt have (I was such a good, well trained, spiritual person) - I had to dive deep deep within and find out what I really wanted, what was really important to me? Did I want to live my life as an angry needy person who couldnt cope with emotional stress, or did I want to take control. I cant say I really answered the question, or did anything about assuming control as such, it seems just looking at the question bought the solution. A saying Ive read somewhere comes to mind here ... we do without doing. Was it taking control, or was it the ultimate surrender?

Have you got/had a pivotal emotional experience in your life recently Paul which may have triggered this trough of yours? My only advice to you is sit and wait, go with the flow and know you will be okay .. get lots of rest, drink heaps of water, take plenty of time to yourself and let your thoughts run wild .. what do you feel you need to do about this? Do you feel you need a healer, or a guru .. what feels right for you now?

> Do you know if a malfunctory Kundalini awakening could cause a lifetime depression?

Who told you it was a malfunctory Kundalini awakening??? I say to you it was exactly as it needed to be. The only way you can ever have a lifetime of depression is if you decide to have it, quit blaming the kundalini! )

I am 30 and have had this for almost seven months. Things change but the underlying core has not. I would appreciate any guidance you can give me.> > Thanks,> Paul

If I can offer anything more specific please ask - I come from a new age/pagan type background and I get ribbed about it unmercifully by some ppl here hehehehe .. but Im brave enough to answer any questions you may have, from my own experiences. Blessings and dragon kisses to you Paul .. oops sorry bout the flames hehehehe .. deb x x x

May 18, 2003

Hi Deb,

thanks for responding!

i have responded to your questions, Paul

--- deb <willett wrote:

> How do you know it was a Kundalini awakening?

I know it was because in retrospect I had many of the

symptoms. Many of them.

> Did you have the experience then go looking for an

> event to explain the symptoms?

Yes.

> Had you been doing anything ie. spiritual practises,

> thought patterns, which laid the ground for the

> Kundalini awakening to occur or did it occur

> spontaneously?

I think it occurred spontaneously and then I furthured

it along accidentally by many things including yoga,

drinking yogi teas, smoking marijuana, drinking a lot

of alcohol, eating predominantly vegetarian,

" abstaining from sex " I had real a real hard time with

women, etc.

> We all do that to a lesser or greater degree, dont

> punish yourself over it, you did what you needed to

> do to get through it.

>

> Im glad youre no longer in any pain. You said you no

> longer feel the energy, but you also said you " feel

> different " , I say the feeling different IS the

> energy.

>

> Paul this usually happens after you have " glimpsed "

> something outside your understanding. You are

> confused, lost, and so full of questions which no

> one can answer. Eventaully you will realise the only

> one who can answer your questions is you. You will

> realise no one can help you but you .. it all comes

> back to you accepting responsibility for your life,

> your illnesses, and your personal and spiritual

> growth. Saying no to any more meds is a great start,

> youre on track!

>

> The last sentence pulls at my heart, I know what

> that feels like. I went through, am going through, a

> similar " trough " to what you describe in exactly the

> same time frame ie. over the last 6 months. I also

> had immense problems dealing with emotion in any

> way, shape or form .. I pulled my miserable energy

> in around me and retreated into my cave, rarely

> venturing out to any of my usual activities. And I

> cried and cried and cried, so many tears Im sure I

> used up my lifetime supply. It wasnt depression, it

> was far far worse than that, I had absolutely no

> control over my emotions. I would be eating a meal

> and tears would just start flowing out of my eyes ..

> watching an advert on tv and the tears would flow ..

> the slightest stimulation and my shredded emotions

> would rise up and totally overpower me.

>

> Nothing anyone said made any difference to me, I

> tried to explain it do my friends but they had no

> comprehension of what I felt like, there was this

> enormous, gigantic EMPTINESS inside me that nothing

> could satisfy and no matter how much I focused on

> it, and tried everything imaginable under the sun,

> nothing worked. All they could do was be there for

> me.

>

> Someone suggested it was a " dark night of the soul "

> experience, I had no idea what this is, so I

> searched on the net (look at St John) and found

> explanations of a process that fitted what I was

> going through .. so what? .. what now? I still

> havent found out but 6 months later my life has

> changed immeasurably, I have changed immeasurably.

> My capacity to love has now been enhanced about a

> thousand fold, it just oozes outa me .. I had to

> forgive someone who didnt live up to my expectations

> - which I swore I didnt have (I was such a good,

> well trained, spiritual person) - I had to dive deep

> deep within and find out what I really wanted, what

> was really important to me? Did I want to live my

> life as an angry needy person who couldnt cope with

> emotional stress, or did I want to take control. I

> cant say I really answered the question, or did

> anything about assuming control as such, it seems

> just looking at the question bought the solution. A

> saying Ive read somewhere comes to mind here ... we

> do without doing. Was it taking control, or was it

> the ultimate surrender?

>

> Have you got/had a pivotal emotional experience in

> your life recently Paul which may have triggered

> this trough of yours?

Yes, my lover broke with me and moved out and got with

a married man whom she has since married.

My only advice to you is sit

> and wait, go with the flow and know you will be okay

> .. get lots of rest, drink heaps of water, take

> plenty of time to yourself and let your thoughts run

> wild .. what do you feel you need to do about this?

That is the problem, I have no answer. And I grow

weary of waiting, I don't know how much longer I can

last.

> Do you feel you need a healer, or a guru .. what

> feels right for you now?

Nothing feel right for me anymore. I don't know what

to do. I am so miserable and nothing soothes me. I

have lost me, something inside is gone and I don't

feel I can get it back while I am still in this life.

> Who told you it was a malfunctory Kundalini

> awakening??? I say to you it was exactly as it

> needed to be. The only way you can ever have a

> lifetime of depression is if you decide to have it,

> quit blaming the kundalini! )

I don't want a lifetime of depression, I have tried so

hard to make me feel positive to no avail. Something

is broken in me, and it refused to get fixed. I don't

want to be this way but I can't do anything about it.

I have tried so hard to be happy, joyful, positive,

but it won't work. I can't hardly take it anymore, it

is killing me. I feel I am rotting away.

>

> If I can offer anything more specific please ask - I

> come from a new age/pagan type background and I get

> ribbed about it unmercifully by some ppl here

> hehehehe .. but Im brave enough to answer any

> questions you may have, from my own experiences.

> Blessings and dragon kisses to you Paul .. oops

> sorry bout the flames hehehehe .. deb x x x

>

The New Search - Faster. Easier. Bingo.

http://search.

May 18, 2003

Dear Paul:

I hope you don't mind me interjecting?

I would be willing to bet my life on this. If you do this process below and post it on the group each day and continue to do this process and submit your answers to this group and have them acknowledged, you will loose your depressive mental state and joy will return to your life..But you must be earnest.

If you do this process for at least one year and send your answers to this group and you still are depressed, I will take on all your negative karmas for the next lifetime. I do believe that this process will work a lot faster than one year. If I was single and had better finances, I would invite you to live with me after a year if this process did not work, but I am married so cant make this offer at this time.

What do you have to loose by doing the aforesaid?

Answer 50 rounds of the following questions. Try to at first give a different answer to each question, but if you cant and an answer pops into you mind it is ok to give the same answer. At the end of the questions that you answer please describe exactly in great detail how you are feeling each day. What your hopes and fear are etc. If you cant think of answers for the willing section than imagine them.

The Questions:

Tell us something about depression that you are unwilling to experience?

Type in you answer here.

Tell us something about depression that you are willing to experience?

Type in your answer here.

Repeat these two questions until you do 50 rounds.

If you are interested how this process will work please ask?

Some comments:

Any kind of loss in our lives, keys us in to all those traumas through eons of lifetimes. When your lover left you it restimulated all those negative experiences in the past. This is a natural reaction that many of us have had.

Love,

Alton

Hi Deb,thanks for responding! :)i have responded to your questions, Paul--- deb <willett wrote:> How do you know it was a Kundalini awakening?I know it was because in retrospect I had many of thesymptoms. Many of them.> Did you have the experience then go looking for an> event to explain the symptoms?Yes.> Had you been doing anything ie. spiritual practises,> thought patterns, which laid the ground for the> Kundalini awakening to occur or did it occur> spontaneously?I think it occurred spontaneously and then I furthuredit along accidentally by many things including yoga,drinking yogi teas, smoking marijuana, drinking a lotof alcohol, eating predominantly vegetarian,"abstaining from sex" I had real a real hard time withwomen, etc.> We all do that to a lesser or greater degree, dont> punish yourself over it, you did what you needed to> do to get through it.> > Im glad youre no longer in any pain. You said you no> longer feel the energy, but you also said you "feel> different", I say the feeling different IS the> energy.> > Paul this usually happens after you have "glimpsed"> something outside your understanding. You are> confused, lost, and so full of questions which no> one can answer. Eventaully you will realise the only> one who can answer your questions is you. You will> realise no one can help you but you .. it all comes> back to you accepting responsibility for your life,> your illnesses, and your personal and spiritual> growth. Saying no to any more meds is a great start,> youre on track!> > The last sentence pulls at my heart, I know what> that feels like. I went through, am going through, a> similar "trough" to what you describe in exactly the> same time frame ie. over the last 6 months. I also> had immense problems dealing with emotion in any> way, shape or form .. I pulled my miserable energy> in around me and retreated into my cave, rarely> venturing out to any of my usual activities. And I> cried and cried and cried, so many tears Im sure I> used up my lifetime supply. It wasnt depression, it> was far far worse than that, I had absolutely no> control over my emotions. I would be eating a meal> and tears would just start flowing out of my eyes ..> watching an advert on tv and the tears would flow ..> the slightest stimulation and my shredded emotions> would rise up and totally overpower me.> > Nothing anyone said made any difference to me, I> tried to explain it do my friends but they had no> comprehension of what I felt like, there was this> enormous, gigantic EMPTINESS inside me that nothing> could satisfy and no matter how much I focused on> it, and tried everything imaginable under the sun,> nothing worked. All they could do was be there for> me. > > Someone suggested it was a "dark night of the soul"> experience, I had no idea what this is, so I> searched on the net (look at St John) and found> explanations of a process that fitted what I was> going through .. so what? .. what now? I still> havent found out but 6 months later my life has> changed immeasurably, I have changed immeasurably.> My capacity to love has now been enhanced about a> thousand fold, it just oozes outa me .. I had to> forgive someone who didnt live up to my expectations> - which I swore I didnt have (I was such a good,> well trained, spiritual person) - I had to dive deep> deep within and find out what I really wanted, what> was really important to me? Did I want to live my> life as an angry needy person who couldnt cope with> emotional stress, or did I want to take control. I> cant say I really answered the question, or did> anything about assuming control as such, it seems> just looking at the question bought the solution. A> saying Ive read somewhere comes to mind here ... we> do without doing. Was it taking control, or was it> the ultimate surrender?> > Have you got/had a pivotal emotional experience in> your life recently Paul which may have triggered> this trough of yours? Yes, my lover broke with me and moved out and got witha married man whom she has since married.My only advice to you is sit> and wait, go with the flow and know you will be okay> .. get lots of rest, drink heaps of water, take> plenty of time to yourself and let your thoughts run> wild .. what do you feel you need to do about this?That is the problem, I have no answer. And I growweary of waiting, I don't know how much longer I canlast.> Do you feel you need a healer, or a guru .. what> feels right for you now?Nothing feel right for me anymore. I don't know whatto do. I am so miserable and nothing soothes me. Ihave lost me, something inside is gone and I don'tfeel I can get it back while I am still in this life.> Who told you it was a malfunctory Kundalini> awakening??? I say to you it was exactly as it> needed to be. The only way you can ever have a> lifetime of depression is if you decide to have it,> quit blaming the kundalini! )I don't want a lifetime of depression, I have tried sohard to make me feel positive to no avail. Somethingis broken in me, and it refused to get fixed. I don'twant to be this way but I can't do anything about it. I have tried so hard to be happy, joyful, positive,but it won't work. I can't hardly take it anymore, itis killing me. I feel I am rotting away.> > If I can offer anything more specific please ask - I> come from a new age/pagan type background and I get> ribbed about it unmercifully by some ppl here> hehehehe .. but Im brave enough to answer any> questions you may have, from my own experiences.> Blessings and dragon kisses to you Paul .. oops> sorry bout the flames hehehehe .. deb x x x> > The New Search - Faster. Easier. Bingo.http://search...........INFORMATION ABOUT THIS LIST..........Email addresses: Post message: Realization Un: Realization- Our web address: http://www.realization.orgBy sending a message to this list, you are givingpermission to have it reproduced as a letter onhttp://www.realization.org................................................