The Art of Giving....From Intuition

[Guest guest]

Hi there

I hope you are having a wonderful weekend

On my travels I stumbled upon this article

and soulfully took time out to ponder its deeper meaning.

May it be insightful for you too.

In thoughts and Love

Iain

_____________________ ;-)

 

 

 

What does it mean to give? To give one's heart, to give a gift, or a helping

hand, or a pleasant glance? In defining giving, we see that it is a act of

self-giving, an act of love. We begin to see how giving is an important

part of relating to others. When we are able to give, we express who we are,

what we think, how we feel. Its important to realize that giving is an act

of choice, of one's decision.

 

Some of us grew up thinking to give of ourselves that you had to have

positive feelings, that when we gave we should have these warm feelings and

to give graciously and willingly. If we didn't have those warm, tingling

feelings when we gave than it meant we weren't giving from the heart. Its

been in that line of thinking we have run into the problem of what it means

to give. When one choices to give there can be warm feelings or no feelings

at all or even negative feelings. With or without feelings, the giving is

still a valid and positive act.

 

One of the areas I saw this truly illustrated was in my relationship with my

daughter. My daughter, Stephanie loves to go shopping, she could spend hours

going in one store and out into another, and then back again. This was

something I didn't share a interest in with her, in fact my idea of shopping

was going only when you had to have a certain item, a shopper who liked to

browse I wasn't. In fact, I am one I rather face a firing squad then to go

and browse through stores, to me it had to be less painful. Stephanie had

asked me to go with her shopping one day, I agreed to go with her, I had

stated to her " I will do this for you, even though it isn't something I

enjoy. " Several things happened on this, Stephanie was upset with me because

I didn't share her feelings about shopping, and I had to examine my own

feelings of why I felt guilty in not sharing her feelings in doing this. I

begin to see for myself, that the act of giving to my daughter was agreeing

to share with her in something she loved to do, it wasn't that I had to

enjoy shopping and share her feelings of shopping. The gift of giving was

agreeing to go share with her, in something my daughter found enjoyment.

 

Warm feelings certainly make the act of giving emotionally satisfying, but

when those feelings aren't there, or even if you have negative feelings,

that gift of giving is still a genuine act and is still important. Our

feelings shouldn't govern our self-giving, as they can be inconsistent and

not always something we have control of. If our commitments to others was

only based and subject to our feelings we would find that those commitments

wouldn't last due to the fact our feelings change. Even though we might be

hesitant in giving, if we act genuinely and freely and lovingly, harboring

no resentment, feelings of pressure or bitterness, we begin to find that

sense of satisfaction and peace in learning the genuine art of self-giving.

 

Some will say, isn't this giving in...and not give? Giving in has a

different meaning one that is negative, it bears resentment, hostile

resistance and being forced to do something we are unwilling to do.

Sometimes we act out of fear " What will happen if I don't do this? " or that

pressure we feel from someone else or even the pressure we put up yourself.

Let me see if I can show you the difference, of giving and giving in with

the incident with my daughter. Several occasions my daughter would ask me to

go shopping and I would end up taking her, after many exchanges of words

between us, her pressuring me and me resenting the fact her asking me to do

something I didn't enjoy...basically I caved into her demand, or " gave in " .

 

Earlier we had spoke of spending time together, and she chose to spend it

shopping. The difference was I wanted to share time with my daughter, and

the way she wanted to do this, was in shopping. I chose to spend the time

with her, the gift of spending time in something she enjoyed, not that I was

to have to enjoy the same feelings she derived from shopping, but in the

fact of enjoying the time of being together, see the difference?

 

It is important to recognize the difference the difference of giving and

giving in so we can keep clear the nature of our close relation- ships clear

in our minds. Realizing that others can't recognize how we really think and

feel. That if we don't share the same feelings/ willingness when we give

that it not be interpreted as implying negative resentment in being the

giver, while a smiling " yes " might mask an underlying hostility and

resentment. You see this occur in marriages/family/close relationships

communications where one are not open and honest, leading to troubled

relationships. Giving in has sabotaged many relationships, that intimacy

that then goes into a false, superficial closeness. We have seen couples

whom seen close never disagreeing or arguing, while the whole time the

spouses never indicated how they felt nor able to convert giving " in " into

" giving. " A good example of this, is of a child who never gives his parents

any trouble and later in life grows into a smiling, conforming teenager.

Then, out of the blue, the child explodes and engages in rebellious

behavior. No one enjoys living with a mouthy teenager as it presents a

hardship, but its important to see that this child is thinking/feeling and

expressing. Its important that we don't hide behind a deep need to be

accepted at the price of conforming and pleasing at any cost.

 

Giving in, in the long run sooner or later creates emotional conflicts

within the individual and eventually sabotages the relationships. Its

important then we learn to transform giving in to giving. Sometimes we have

a pattern of giving in which has become as natural as breathing. It will

require a conscious effort on our part to know what is going on within at

all times, being in touch with our inner self as much as possible, to break

this pattern. Dealing with our hidden mechanisms of giving in is part of our

emotional and spiritual growth, When we learn how to distinguish between

giving in and giving we learn what type of person we become in the type of

relationships we form. If we stay in that cycle or mode of thinking, we give

only when we are moved to by " good " feelings, we see how erratic and

inconsistent this becomes, our behavior, based solely on feelings, being

immature and even childish. A prime example of this, I was having a

discussion with a woman, who stated that she would never give her love again

due to past hurt in relationships. She went on to share, in order for her to

take that " risk " and to give again, certain conditions would have to be met.

Several issues were going on here, but in speaking further with her, she

begin to share how in her previous relationships that she was the giver in

the relationship, always the one trying to conform to what the other person

wanted. Over time, she felt such resentment and hurt. I asked her if she had

ever shared with these others her feelings about being the giver, she

replied, " No, I wanted them to accept me, and if I had shared how I really

felt I was worried they wouldn't love me. " See the pattern here? Was she

giving or giving in?

 

Hopefully, through this article you will see the significant of learning the

difference of giving and giving in, and begin that journey in learning the

true art of giving. Learning to live with realistic expectations, giving you

that ability to help form and control your own destiny within yourself, your

relationships and your spirituality.

 

 

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Published in Planet Starz Mystic Living Today

- July 2000 Edition

 

 

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