Guest guest Posted July 22, 2004 Report Share Posted July 22, 2004 Welcome to an Article Update and words of Wisdom shared from INTUITION for 23rd July 2004 In Sharing please forward this on to those who might find this of interest. Hi there I hope you had a wonderful week May I share this thought with you... Unity in soulful thoughts shared from the heart , will become the corner stone foundation that will awaken and heal us all.... In thoughts and Love Iain ~~~~ ~~~~~ To transform the world, we must begin with ourselves. However small may be the world we live in, if we can transform ourselves, bring about a radically different point of view in our daily existence, then perhaps we shall affect the world at large, the extended relationships with others. ~ Jiddhu Krishnamurti INTUITION. . . .Awaken to the Journey within. http://intuition2vishnu.homestead.com Cape Town South Africa Intuitive Connections - Web Designs www.intuitiveconnections.com If someone forwarded this to you, why not visit the above site to obtain your own FREE subscription. Visit the Sites ARCHIVES (Previous Posted articles [129]) http://intuition2vishnu.homestead.com/otherarticals.html ARCHIVES for Articles on Intuition. (Previous Posted articles [20]) http://intuition2vishnu.homestead.com/articalsintuition.html To submit Articles, that Relates to an unfolding awareness or an expression of Intuition. Contact the above email address. Put as the subject: Article submissions. Article: The Art of Good Listening: 3 Steps to doing it well By Uzi Weingarten Article: 10 Steps to forgiveness By Diana Robinson Reflections: Human Needs ..... Which ones are not being met for you? ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~> The Art of Good Listening: 3 Steps to doing it well By Uzi Weingarten Good listening is one of the best and most loving gifts that we can offer to another person. This is especially true when somebody is hurt or upset about something and shares it with us. All too often, in spite of our good intentions, we find ourselves responding to others in ways that are not effective. Here are three principles that help us to respond with compassion and effectiveness when people share their feelings with us. 1. Listen with openness, not judgment. The first thing that people need when they share something that hurts or upsets them is a sense that it is safe to talk. That means that when they tell us what happened or how they are feeling, we will not judge, criticize, shame or blame them. This is what allows them to trust us and feel safe opening up. That we don't judge does not mean that we have no sense of right and wrong. What it does mean is that we put that aside and listen with compassionate ears. It is to focus on the heart that is sharing its hurt with us, rather than on our sense of right/wrong. 2. The key is the feelings and needs. The second thing that people want, after a sense of safety, is for their experience, and especially their feelings, to be understood. This is because the key to any situation is how the person feels about it. This attempt to understand how another is feeling in a given situation, and doing so with no criticism or judgment, is called " empathy. " One excellent way to express empathy is to reflect back to the person what we imagine the experience was like. There is an art to doing this that is hard to convey in a short article; in my Communicating with Compassion course we spend the first four sessions on this. (You can find an excellent introduction to empathy in " The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People, " by Stephen Covey, pages 236-260.) That having been said, here is a simple example: If somebody is sharing with us a story about how she was ridiculed for asking a certain question, we might ask ourselves how we feel when we are ridiculed. We would then reflect that feeling back and see if this indeed is how she felt. We might say, " So you felt embarrassed and humiliated. " It is of course important to say this in a gentle tone and a caring way. It is remarkable how often a simple reflection of feelings, when done with no judgment or criticism, creates an initial sense of relief. It also tends to open the speaker's heart to share more of the experience. She might add that she was going to be with these people for the next 10 hours, and was concerned that they might ridicule her again. To which we might respond, " So you were feeling unsafe. " This might go on for a few rounds. If we stay with reflecting feelings, with no judgment or criticism, and only a desire to understand the other's experience, the result will often be a sense of deep relief and the ability to arrive at a sense of resolution. 3. Wait before offering advice. We often have ideas and information that might be helpful to the other. And yet, it is very important to first understand and reflect the feelings, and only then to offer advice. When people are upset, what they need first, before anything else, is empathy. Only after the feelings have been heard and acknowledged are people ready for advice. Offering advice before that point might be well intentioned but is in fact misguided. It could easily result in people being irritated or hurt. When people are ready for advice, there are some keys to how to offer it. I discussed this in the last article, which you can access by visiting my website: www.uziteaches.com and clicking on the Articles link. Putting these three principles to work will make a significant difference in your relationships. Try it and you'll see! About the Author Uzi Weingarten has studied and taught the art of human communication for many years. He is an ordained rabbi with a Masters degree in the field of Education, and is presently pursuing a Masters degree program in Spiritual Psychology. Uzi teaches " Communicating with Compassion, " a 12-session course offered by phone conference. In addition, he is available for individual counselling. __________________________ __________________ 10 Steps to Forgiveness By Diana Robinson For many people forgiveness is one of the hardest steps of all in our progress toward freedom of spirit. Yet it is essential. For as long as we are unable to forgive, we keep ourselves chained to the unforgiven. We give them rent-free space in our minds, emotional shackles on our hearts, and the right to torment us in the small hours of the night. When it is time to move on, but still too hard, try some or all of these steps. (Note that these steps are appropriate for events resulting from an ongoing relationship with anyone. They may not all be appropriate for the random act of violence from a stranger.) 1. Understand that forgiving does not mean giving permission for the behaviour to be repeated. It does not mean saying that what was done was acceptable. Forgiveness is needed for behaviours that were not acceptable and that you should not allow to be repeated. 2. Recognize who is being hurt by your non-forgiveness. Does the other person burn with your anger, feel the knot in your stomach, experience the cycling and recycling of your thoughts as you re-experience the events in your mind? Do they stay awake as you rehearse in your mind what you would like to say or do to 'punish' them? No, the pain is all yours. 3. Do not demand to know 'why' as a prerequisite to forgiveness. Knowing why the behaviour happened is unlikely to lessen the pain, because the pain came at a time when you did not know why. Occasionally there are times when knowing why makes forgiveness unnecessary, but they are rare. Don't count on it and don't count on even the perpetrator knowing why. 4. Make a list of what you need to forgive. What was actually done that caused your pain? Not what you felt, what was done. 5. Acknowledge your part. Were you honest about your hurt or did you hide the fact that the behaviour hurt you? Did you seek peace by reassuring the perpetrator that it was all right? Did you stay when you could or should have left? If so, then you, too, have some responsibility. (Here you start to move away from being a victim.) 6. Make a list of what you gained from the relationship, whatever form of relationship it was. Looking back you may be focusing on the negatives, the hurts. Yet if they were repeated, you must have stayed to allow the repetition. You did not remove yourself. Why? There must have been some positives if you chose to stay around. What were they? 7. Write a letter to the person (no need to mail it). Acknowledge what you gained from the relationship, and express forgiveness for the hurts. Allow yourself to express all your feelings fully. Do not focus only on the hurts. 8. Create a ceremony in which you get rid of your lists and the letter, so symbolizing the ending of the link between you. You may choose to visualize placing them on a raft and watching it drift gently away down a river. You may prefer to burn them and scatter the ashes. You may invent some other form of ritualized separation. 9. Visualize the person you are forgiving being blessed by your forgiveness and, as a result, being freed from continuing the behaviour that hurt you. 10. Now that you have freed yourself from the painful links and released the pain, feel yourself growing lighter and more joyous. Now you are free to move on with your life without that burden of bitterness. Do not look back in anger. About the Author: Diana Robinson, Ph.D. , Professional Life Coach, Writer, Editor, Counsellor, who can be reached at Diana, or visited on the web at http://www.ChoiceCoach.com. By focusing on their personal growth, Diana's clients enhance their understanding of what is truly important to them, and so are able to focus their time and energy on these things. The result is tremendous growth in both their outward success and their inner joy. __________________________ __________________ Human Needs..... Needs are the basic requirements of a whole human being. They are life enhancing, not life restricting. Needs differ from the desires and wants and glamour's of our personality. Which ones are not being met for you? Rate each out of 10 - 1 (low level of expression) and 10 (high level of expression). Do you need more balance physically, emotionally, mentally or spiritually? Physical: ~~~~~~~) Oxygen Fluids Nutrition Elimination Exercise Sunlight Rest Emotional: ~~~~~~~) To express or release what we feel To touch and be touched To belong and be included To give appreciation To build self-esteem Closeness and intimacy Devotion Care and personalized love Mental: ~~~~~~~) Analysis Concentration Meditation Contemplation Expression To perceive relationships To apply universal laws and principles (ethics) Spiritual: ~~~~~~~) To express love To accept everything To empower others To understand meaning in all things To show purpose To be open to the mysteries of God To express soul's qualities To be in the now __________________________ _________________ iain-intuition To submit poetry, that Relates to an unfolding awareness or an expression of Intuition. Contact the above email address. Put as the subject: Poetry submissions. http://intuition2vishnu.homestead.com/Poetrysubmittedsection.html " INTUITIVE QUOTES " http://intuition2vishnu.homestead.com/Intuitivequotes.html *** LINKS AND RESEARCH SITES (Listed links [43]) http://intuition2vishnu.homestead.com/Links.html iain-intuition To receive a weekly update of articles in a word document format, Contact the above email address. Put as the subject: Intuition Updates Comments are always welcome. Should you wish to please reply to this email with " " in the subject line. **************************************************************************** Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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