Guest guest Posted April 17, 2001 Report Share Posted April 17, 2001 When I was 17 I realized I was going to die. I was watching a film at school, and it was set in the civil war. Some Union soldiers had captured a Confederate soldier and were going to hang him. They set up a rope on a bridge going over a fast moving river. However, at the moment they strung him up, the rope suddenly broke instead, and he fell into the swiftly moving water and managed to escape downstream. He made his way back home, but at the moment he came to the front door and was about to embrace his surprised wife, he suddenly was back at the bridge, hanging by his neck. The entire escape had been a fantasy. The film ended and I thought about it. I thought " could this be the type of thing that happens when one dies? " The answer immediately popped into my head: " Well, you're going to find out. " At that moment I was struck with the absolute inevitability of my personal death. It was very, very disturbing and scared the hell out of me. I pushed it aside as best I could, and went on with the rest of my day. However, that evening it all came back in full force and could not be ignored. I was terrified. I quickly realized I had to figure out what death really was, and what the full import of my new awareness of it was. For example, I saw that since the world only existed for me when I was there to see it, for all intents and purposes, if I ceased to exist, so did the world. The world immediately assumed an unreal, dreamlike aspect. If it was all temporary, dependent on me, how could it be real? It even seemed that it shimmered a bit when I looked at it, like a mirage. I tried to explain my fear and the reason for it to other people, but nobody seemed to understand. It was clear to me that they had never faced the stark reality of personal death. They were lying to themselves when they said things like " I don't really fear death. " They were ignoring the obvious. It took me many months to get this constant terror under control. I was driven to eastern philosophy, religion, metaphysics, etc. out of a definite need; otherwise, I would literally come apart from the strong vibration of the fear. And I did find some comfort in these areas. I found descriptions of the void, and how everything really was this nothingness; this jibed with my feeling of the world's dreamlike quality and its dependence on me for its existence. However, I didn't think that the outer world would actually disappear on my death; it would only disappear from my point of view. I found an emphasis on living in the present moment, which amounted to another way of pushing the fear out of my awareness, a tool for me to use. As I dealt with this fear and its ramifications, I felt that the concerns of the other, normal, people around me were utterly and absolutely petty. I knew that they had not (yet) dealt with this fear; they were simply hiding it from themselves. This was how they continued to function. Enough for now, Michael Souther Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 17, 2001 Report Share Posted April 17, 2001 Nisargadatta, MSouther@e... wrote: > When I was 17 I realized I was going to die. I was watching a > film at school, and it was set in the civil war. Some Union > soldiers had captured a Confederate soldier and were going to > hang him. They set up a rope on a bridge going over a fast > moving river. This is a famous story, I think it was on Twilight Zone. It is a Brett Harte story called Incident at Owl Creek ( I think) > > However, at the moment they strung him up, the rope suddenly > broke instead, and he fell into the swiftly moving water and > managed to escape downstream. > > He made his way back home, but at the moment he came to the > front door and was about to embrace his surprised wife, he > suddenly was back at the bridge, hanging by his neck. The > entire escape had been a fantasy. > > The film ended and I thought about it. I thought " could this be the > type of thing that happens when one dies? " The answer > immediately popped into my head: " Well, you're going to find > out. " At that moment I was struck with the absolute inevitability of > my personal death. It was very, very disturbing and scared the > hell out of me. Yes, I have felt this all my life. > > I pushed it aside as best I could, and went on with the rest of my > day. However, that evening it all came back in full force and > could not be ignored. I was terrified. Your experience is very very similar to Ramana Maharshi's. You probably know that! However, I do not think he said in the end he was terrified. > > I quickly realized I had to figure out what death really was, and > what the full import of my new awareness of it was. For > example, I saw that since the world only existed for me when I > was there to see it, for all intents and purposes, if I ceased to > exist, so did the world. The world immediately assumed an > unreal, dreamlike aspect. If it was all temporary, dependent on > me, how could it be real? It even seemed that it shimmered a bit > when I looked at it, like a mirage. > Once again, this sounds so much like Ramana's experience. > I tried to explain my fear and the reason for it to other people, but > nobody seemed to understand. It was clear to me that they had > never faced the stark reality of personal death. They were lying to > themselves when they said things like " I don't really fear > death. " > They were ignoring the obvious. > > It took me many months to get this constant terror under control. > I was driven to eastern philosophy, religion, metaphysics, etc. > out of a definite need; otherwise, I would literally come apart from > the strong vibration of the fear. > > And I did find some comfort in these areas. I found descriptions > of the void, and how everything really was this nothingness; this > jibed with my feeling of the world's dreamlike quality and its > dependence on me for its existence. However, I didn't think that > the outer world would actually disappear on my death; it would > only disappear from my point of view. > > I found an emphasis on living in the present moment, which > amounted to another way of pushing the fear out of my > awareness, a tool for me to use. > > As I dealt with this fear and its ramifications, I felt that the > concerns of the other, normal, people around me were utterly > and absolutely petty. I knew that they had not (yet) dealt with this > fear; they were simply hiding it from themselves. This was how > they continued to function. > > Enough for now, > > Michael Souther Michael, I look forward to hearing more. I think the fear of death is very powerful and I think most people push it under the carpet. I am not sure even self knowledge eradicates it because it may be body based, mind based. The Self knows no fear, but what about the mind? I don't think Maharaj was afraid but he certainly had time for friviolous questions at the end. Thanks for you sharing. It is so true and genuine.. Cathy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 17, 2001 Report Share Posted April 17, 2001 Nisargadatta, cathywb@p... wrote: > Nisargadatta, MSouther@e... wrote: > > When I was 17 I realized I was going to die. I was watching a > > film at school, and it was set in the civil war. Some Union > > soldiers had captured a Confederate soldier and were going to > > hang him. They set up a rope on a bridge going over a fast > > moving river. > > This is a famous story, I think it was on Twilight Zone. It is a > Brett Harte story called Incident at Owl Creek ( I think) There's a (modern) movie out called " Jacob's Ladder " similar to the movie you mention above... it's a freaky, bizarre and wonderful meditation on death (and the dying process) with a HUGE twist at the end that still leaves me gaping in absolute awe after many viewings, sometimes even weeping. It's an absolute favorite movie and *highly* recommended. There's something deeply 'nondualistic' about it, and the main theme is letting go of attachments. Here's a link for it: http://us.imdb.com/Details?0099871 Namaste, Tim Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 19, 2001 Report Share Posted April 19, 2001 Nisargadatta, cathywb@p... wrote: > Nisargadatta, MSouther@e... wrote: > > When I was 17 I realized I was going to die. I was watching a > > film at school, and it was set in the civil war. Some Union > > soldiers had captured a Confederate soldier and were going to > > hang him. They set up a rope on a bridge going over a fast > > moving river. > > This is a famous story, I think it was on Twilight Zone. It is a > Brett Harte story called Incident at Owl Creek ( I think) > > > > > However, at the moment they strung him up, the rope suddenly > > broke instead, and he fell into the swiftly moving water and > > managed to escape downstream. > > > > He made his way back home, but at the moment he came to the > > front door and was about to embrace his surprised wife, he > > suddenly was back at the bridge, hanging by his neck. The > > entire escape had been a fantasy. > > > > The film ended and I thought about it. I thought " could this be the > > type of thing that happens when one dies? " The answer > > immediately popped into my head: " Well, you're going to find > > out. " At that moment I was struck with the absolute inevitability of > > my personal death. It was very, very disturbing and scared the > > hell out of me. > Yes, I have felt this all my life. > > > > I pushed it aside as best I could, and went on with the rest of my > > day. However, that evening it all came back in full force and > > could not be ignored. I was terrified. > Your experience is very very similar to Ramana Maharshi's. You probably > know that! However, I do not think he said in the end he was terrified. > > > > I quickly realized I had to figure out what death really was, and > > what the full import of my new awareness of it was. For > > example, I saw that since the world only existed for me when I > > was there to see it, for all intents and purposes, if I ceased to > > exist, so did the world. The world immediately assumed an > > unreal, dreamlike aspect. If it was all temporary, dependent on > > me, how could it be real? It even seemed that it shimmered a bit > > when I looked at it, like a mirage. > > > Once again, this sounds so much like Ramana's experience. > > > I tried to explain my fear and the reason for it to other people, but > > nobody seemed to understand. It was clear to me that they had > > never faced the stark reality of personal death. They were lying to > > themselves when they said things like " I don't really fear > > death. " > > They were ignoring the obvious. > > > > It took me many months to get this constant terror under control. > > I was driven to eastern philosophy, religion, metaphysics, etc. > > out of a definite need; otherwise, I would literally come apart from > > the strong vibration of the fear. > > > > And I did find some comfort in these areas. I found descriptions > > of the void, and how everything really was this nothingness; this > > jibed with my feeling of the world's dreamlike quality and its > > dependence on me for its existence. However, I didn't think that > > the outer world would actually disappear on my death; it would > > only disappear from my point of view. > > > > I found an emphasis on living in the present moment, which > > amounted to another way of pushing the fear out of my > > awareness, a tool for me to use. > > > > As I dealt with this fear and its ramifications, I felt that the > > concerns of the other, normal, people around me were utterly > > and absolutely petty. I knew that they had not (yet) dealt with this > > fear; they were simply hiding it from themselves. This was how > > they continued to function. > > > > Enough for now, > > > > Michael Souther > > Michael, I look forward to hearing more. I think the fear of death is > very powerful and I think most people push it under the carpet. I am > not sure even self knowledge eradicates it because it may be body > based, mind based. The Self knows no fear, but what about the mind? > I don't think Maharaj was afraid but he certainly had time for > friviolous questions at the end. Thanks for you sharing. It is so true > and genuine.. > Cathy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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