Cathy/When I was 17

[Guest guest]

Cathy,

 

Thanks for your comments and words of encouragement. I may

add to the story (others have expressed interest in hearing more)

but of course, this is just the beginning of a very long one.

 

I'd never heard of Ramana until about a year ago, some 28 years

after the events I've described. Interestingly, on hearing his

story,

I didn't immediately notice the parallels. Perhaps because, in

my case, it was the beginning of the spiritual search, whereas,

for Ramana, it marked the end.

 

On another note, I too (like many others) have found your posts

on meeting Maharaj fascinating and illuminating. Please

continue; they are a rare and precious first hand view of a sage

we all admire so greatly.

 

Thank you,

 

Michael Souther

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Nisargadatta, cathywb@p... wrote:

> Nisargadatta, MSouther@e... wrote:

> > When I was 17 I realized I was going to die. I was watching a

> > film at school, and it was set in the civil war. Some Union

> > soldiers had captured a Confederate soldier and were going

to

> > hang him. They set up a rope on a bridge going over a fast

> > moving river.

>

> This is a famous story, I think it was on Twilight Zone. It is a

> Brett Harte story called Incident at Owl Creek ( I think)

>

> >

> > However, at the moment they strung him up, the rope

suddenly

> > broke instead, and he fell into the swiftly moving water and

> > managed to escape downstream.

> >

> > He made his way back home, but at the moment he came to

the

> > front door and was about to embrace his surprised wife, he

> > suddenly was back at the bridge, hanging by his neck. The

> > entire escape had been a fantasy.

> >

> > The film ended and I thought about it. I thought " could this be

the

> > type of thing that happens when one dies? " The answer

> > immediately popped into my head: " Well, you're going to find

> > out. " At that moment I was struck with the absolute

inevitability of

> > my personal death. It was very, very disturbing and scared

the

> > hell out of me.

> Yes, I have felt this all my life.

> >

> > I pushed it aside as best I could, and went on with the rest of

my

> > day. However, that evening it all came back in full force and

> > could not be ignored. I was terrified.

> Your experience is very very similar to Ramana Maharshi's.

You probably

> know that! However, I do not think he said in the end he was

terrified.

> >

> > I quickly realized I had to figure out what death really was,

and

> > what the full import of my new awareness of it was. For

> > example, I saw that since the world only existed for me when

I

> > was there to see it, for all intents and purposes, if I ceased to

> > exist, so did the world. The world immediately assumed an

> > unreal, dreamlike aspect. If it was all temporary, dependent

on

> > me, how could it be real? It even seemed that it shimmered

a bit

> > when I looked at it, like a mirage.

> >

> Once again, this sounds so much like Ramana's experience.

>

> > I tried to explain my fear and the reason for it to other people,

but

> > nobody seemed to understand. It was clear to me that they

had

> > never faced the stark reality of personal death. They were

lying to

> > themselves when they said things like " I don't really fear

> > death. "

> > They were ignoring the obvious.

> >

> > It took me many months to get this constant terror under

control.

> > I was driven to eastern philosophy, religion, metaphysics,

etc.

> > out of a definite need; otherwise, I would literally come apart

from

> > the strong vibration of the fear.

> >

> > And I did find some comfort in these areas. I found

descriptions

> > of the void, and how everything really was this nothingness;

this

> > jibed with my feeling of the world's dreamlike quality and its

> > dependence on me for its existence. However, I didn't think

that

> > the outer world would actually disappear on my death; it

would

> > only disappear from my point of view.

> >

> > I found an emphasis on living in the present moment, which

> > amounted to another way of pushing the fear out of my

> > awareness, a tool for me to use.

> >

> > As I dealt with this fear and its ramifications, I felt that the

> > concerns of the other, normal, people around me were utterly

> > and absolutely petty. I knew that they had not (yet) dealt with

this

> > fear; they were simply hiding it from themselves. This was

how

> > they continued to function.

> >

> > Enough for now,

> >

> > Michael Souther

>

> Michael, I look forward to hearing more. I think the fear of death

is

> very powerful and I think most people push it under the carpet. I

am

> not sure even self knowledge eradicates it because it may be

body

> based, mind based. The Self knows no fear, but what about

the mind?

> I don't think Maharaj was afraid but he certainly had time for

> friviolous questions at the end. Thanks for you sharing. It is so

true

> and genuine..

> Cathy