Guest guest Posted May 28, 2002 Report Share Posted May 28, 2002 THE HORRORS OF BREAD A recent Cincinnati Enquirer headline read, "SMELL OF BAKED BREAD MAY BE HEALTH HAZARD." The article went on to describe the dangers of the smell of baking bread. The main danger, apparently, is that the organic components of this aroma may break down ozone. When are we going to do something about bread-induced global warming? Sure, we attack tobacco companies, but when is the government going to go after Big Bread? Well, I've done a little research, and what I've discovered should make anyone think twice .... More than 98 percent of convicted criminals are bread eaters. Fully HALF of all children who grow up in bread-consuming households score below average on standardised tests. In the 18th century, when virtually all bread was baked in the home, the average life expectancy was less than 50 years; infant mortality rates were unacceptably high; many women died in childbirth; and diseases such as typhoid, yellow fever and influenza ravaged whole nations. More than 90 percent of violent crimes are committed within 24 hours of eating bread. Bread is made from a substance called "dough." It has been proven that as little as one pound of dough can be used to suffocate a mouse. The average Brit eats more bread than that in one month! Bread has been proven to be addictive. Subjects deprived of bread and given only water to eat, actually begged for bread after only two days. Bread is often a "gateway" food item, leading the user to harder items such as butter, jam, peanut butter and even bacon. Bread has been proven to absorb water. Since the human body is more than 90 percent water, it follows that eating bread could lead to your body being taken over by this absorptive food product. You could quite literally be eaten by bread. Newborn babies can choke on bread. Bread is baked at temperatures as high as 400 degrees Fahrenheit! That kind of heat can kill an adult in less than one minute. Most bread eaters are utterly unable to distinguish between significant scientific fact and meaningless statistical babbling. In light of these frightening statistics, we propose the following bread restrictions: No sale of bread to minors. No advertising of bread within 1000 feet of a school. A 300 percent federal tax on all bread to pay for all the societal ills associated with bread. No animal or human images, nor any primary colours (which may appeal to children) may be used to promote bread usage. Heavy penalties to be incurred by bread manufacturers who do not comply with these sensible measures. Join me and let's put a stop to this madness. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 29, 2002 Report Share Posted May 29, 2002 It are definately not the end of jellie breds telled chan elf more crosslie than before. And sat straight down at the tadle and gived hinself five pairs of tootie frootie orange and lemon samidges > >THE HORRORS OF BREAD > >A recent Cincinnati Enquirer headline read, " SMELL OF BAKED BREAD MAY BE >HEALTH HAZARD. " The article went on to describe the dangers of the smell of >baking bread. The main danger, apparently, is that the organic components >of this aroma may break down ozone. When are we going to do something about >bread-induced global warming? Sure, we attack tobacco companies, but when >is the government going to go after Big Bread? Well, I've done a little >research, and what I've discovered should make anyone think twice .... > > > > a.. More than 98 percent of convicted criminals are bread eaters. > b.. Fully HALF of all children who grow up in bread-consuming households >score below average on standardised tests. > c.. In the 18th century, when virtually all bread was baked in the home, >the average life expectancy was less than 50 years; infant mortality rates >were unacceptably high; many women died in childbirth; and diseases such as >typhoid, yellow fever and influenza ravaged whole nations. > d.. More than 90 percent of violent crimes are committed within 24 hours >of eating bread. > e.. Bread is made from a substance called " dough. " It has been proven >that as little as one pound of dough can be used to suffocate a mouse. The >average Brit eats more bread than that in one month! > f.. Bread has been proven to be addictive. Subjects deprived of bread >and given only water to eat, actually begged for bread after only two days. > g.. Bread is often a " gateway " food item, leading the user to harder >items such as butter, jam, peanut butter and even bacon. > h.. Bread has been proven to absorb water. Since the human body is more >than 90 percent water, it follows that eating bread could lead to your body >being taken over by this absorptive food product. You could quite literally >be eaten by bread. > i.. Newborn babies can choke on bread. > j.. Bread is baked at temperatures as high as 400 degrees Fahrenheit! >That kind of heat can kill an adult in less than one minute. > k.. Most bread eaters are utterly unable to distinguish between >significant scientific fact and meaningless statistical babbling. >In light of these frightening statistics, we propose the following bread >restrictions: > > > > 1.. No sale of bread to minors. > 2.. No advertising of bread within 1000 feet of a school. > 3.. A 300 percent federal tax on all bread to pay for all the societal >ills associated with bread. > 4.. No animal or human images, nor any primary colours (which may appeal >to children) may be used to promote bread usage. > 5.. Heavy penalties to be incurred by bread manufacturers who do not >comply with these sensible measures. >Join me and let's put a stop to this madness. > _______________ Get your FREE download of MSN Explorer at http://explorer.msn.com/intl.asp. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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