Divine Madness

July 6, 2003

I want to share with you a short story I published some years ago

and which earned me a well deserved worldwide anonomity.

Divine Madness

by Pete

Rain burst into the bar. " Hey, close that door, " yelled the bartender.

" Look what the wind blew back in, " said the only customer at the bar,

a man called Harry.

The bartender took a second look at the slender, gray-haired man

hanging up his raincoat. " Juan, I thought you were half-way home by

now. "

" It's raining too hard. "

" Paul, give Juan a Johnny Walker, " said Harry. Juan sat down next to

Harry.

" Here, wipe your face. Isn't that a bitch! You got laid off today and

you have to get wet, too. What else is going to happen to you, eh? "

Harry handed his friend a paper napkin.

" I'm going to win the lottery. "

" Not with your luck. "

Juan grabbed Harry's shoulder. " Listen to me. A few minutes ago, on

my way out of here, it started to rain out of the blue. "

" I thought someone was watering the lawn downtown. " Harry laughed at

his own joke.

" Will you listen? "

" I'm listening. You said it's raining. I knew that. Did you know

that, Paul? "

" Listen to the man, for Christ's sake, " said Paul, bringing the

Johnny Walker over.

" No one can talk to this guy when he's drunk, " said Juan

" Okay, I'm listening. " Harry feigned attention.

Juan turned his back on Harry and spoke to Paul, " As I was saying, I

took cover in an empty doorway. I was brushing the rain off my coat,

when I hear this deep voice behind me, `Excuse me, sir.'

" It scared the pants off me. I turned around and saw him. He was

wearing an old suit, black and heavy with water. His hat was crumpled

and it hid his face.

" 'Could you spare a five, sir.'

" `No, I have no money.'

" `There's no need to lie, sir; just say you don't want to help. You

don't have to be afraid.'

" `I'm not lying and I'm not afraid.'

" `Juan, I know you have money.'

" `How do you know my name?' I tried to see his face.

" `I know everything about you, Juan, but you know nothing about me. I

could be God for all you know. This could be a test.' He drew closer

and the wind picked up driving the cold rain into the doorway.

Lightning flashed, and I saw the face beneath the hat.

" `Yes, well, you are right, I could spare a five.' I put the five in

his hand and said I had to go.

" `Wait, you passed the test.' He blocked my way. He seemed larger

silhouetted against the doorway. `Now you can have a wish granted.

Anything you wish.'

" `No thanks.' I tried to slip by, but he grabbed my arm.

" `Certainly there must be something you want. It's only human nature.

Only the blessed in heaven want not. You are not a saint, are you

Juan?'

" I saw the face in a flash of lighting the scraggly beard, the

twisted lips, the blue eyes that shone like acetylene flames.

" `Come on, Juan, one wish and we are even.'

" `The lottery, I want the lottery.'

" `Oh, yes, it's Wednesday, lotto night. Well, granted. You may go

now.'

" Let me tell you, I ran all the way back here. I needed another

drink. "

Paul nodded absently, drying a glass.

" Well, do you have a lottery ticket? " asked Harry.

" Yes, I do. " Juan pulled his wallet out and placed the ticket on the

bar. " You know, guys what gets me is how did this old bum know my

name? "

" It's engraved in your briefcase, isn't? " asked Harry with a

sarcastic look.

" Yes, but it was dark. "

" There was lightning, wasn't there? "

" Well, the whole thing was eerie. "

" Hey, Paul, I think our friend believes he met God. "

" We'll soon find out, " said Paul reaching for the TV's remote

control. " It's time for the lotto drawing. I expect a big tip if you

win. "

On the screen the young woman operating the lotto machine tried to

move like a fashion model. The large C.P.A. supervising the drawing

stared at the camera with a fixed smile.

Paul took the pencil from behind his ear and began to write the

numbers on a paper napkin. He lifted the ticket from the bar and

moved toward the light.

" Holy cow! I think you won. Look at this. " He ran toward Juan waving

the napkin like a flag.

" Oh, you are bullshitting! " Said Harry.

Juan looked at the numbers on the paper napkin and then at the

ticket. He blinked, rubbed his eyes and looked again at the ticket.

" My God. Look at this, Harry. The numbers are even in the same order.

What are the odds against that happening? "

" Give me that ticket. You two are pulling my leg. " Harry snatched the

ticket and napkin from Juan.

" I'll be damned! " Amazement was reflected in his red fat face. He

handed back the ticket.

They looked at each other in silence. Harry spoke first. " Hell, is

this a funeral? Let's start celebrating. Paul, stop staring at Juan.

Give us a drink; you get one too. Juan, you look like a ghost. What's

the matter? You won four millions, baby! "

Juan pointed toward the door. " That bum said I could have anything I

wanted and I said the lottery just to get rid of him. I could have

asked him… " Juan started running toward the door.

" What the hell! " Harry looked at Paul.

The rain had stopped. Juan ran as fast as he could. In the deserted

street his footsteps echoed wet and loud. He darted into the doorway.

It was empty.

At ten o'clock Juan went down the subway stairs to catch the train

northwest. The two teenagers at the foot of the stairs stopped

smoking their reefer and stared at Juan. He walked past, not

returning their looks. As he approached the first bench in the

station, his heart stopped. There, asleep on the bench, was the bum.

Juan was sure. He recognized the black wrinkled suit that smelled

like a wet dog. The man seemed to be sleeping peacefully, his hat

over his face. Juan was glued to the spot. His heart beat wildly.

Could this be God? He thought. Oh get off it! This is a bum. The

lottery was a coincidence, nothing more. Get on your train and forget

it. But wait. What if this is really God? What if he could grant me

another wish?

Juan moved toward the bench. He was shaking and found moving

difficult. He was about to touch the bum's shoulder when the sleeping

figure sat up abruptly. Juan gasped and pulled his hand back. The

blue, glaring eyes stared into Juan's. The bum laughed aloud, and his

laughter echoed down the tunnel.

" Dissatisfied already, Juan? You humans get bored easily, don't you?

Well I guess you want a second wish granted. Am I right? " He smiled

showing bad teeth.

" Yes, sir, matter of fact I do. " Juan swallowed, his eyes wide with

hope. " It's about my daughter, sir - - "

" Yes, you want me to resurrect her? "

The question hit Juan like a bombshell. " Yes, sir, please, I beg

you. " He fell on his knees.

The two teens, he had seen in his way down, walked by, looking on in

amazement. One said something to the other, and both exploded with

laughter. They moved away, performing an elaborate hand slapping

ritual.

A train pulled up to the station. Juan got up. He sat down next to

the bum, not daring to look at the passengers.

" Are you alright?

" Yes, " Juan said, his face red and sweaty. He put a cigarette in his

mouth and offered the bum one. They both smoked in silence.

" What shall I call you? "

" Osiris. "

" Osiris? That's the Egyptian god of the underworld. Is it not? I

thought you were God the Almighty? "

" I am, but I don't like to brag. When I visit Earth, I like to

assume a lesser identity. Humility is one of my favorite virtues. God

should be inconspicuous otherwise it gets too oppressive. Don't you

think? "

" Listen, Osiris, I don't want to sound ungrateful, but my daughter is

more important than the lottery. "

" Why did you ask for the lottery then? "

" I didn't believe you could grant a wish. "

" Exactly. But you asked for the lottery, and a deal's a deal. It's

done. "

" Osiris, how could I have believed you were God when you look like

this? Couldn't you at least wear the traditional dog face? "

" It's not a dog face, Osiris has the face of a jackal. Don't you

people study ancient history anymore? "

" Okay, but why come disguised as a bum? "

" Do I look like a bum, really? " Osiris stroked the graying stubble on

his face. That's my problem. See, I'm not self-conscious, and then I

have no proper mirror. You people are my mirrors. Juan, you are a

faulty mirror. I look like this because you don't believe. Is not

only that you don't believe in me, but also that you believe God is

evil. In reality I don't look like anything. I have no qualities. I

am empty. "

" Sorry, sir, I didn't mean to offend you. I know am a sinner, but

from now on I'll believe in you. "

" Juan, cut the crap. He, who believes in me, believes his own ideas.

No one knows me and I don't know myself, either. Besides, I can't

grant your wish. Don't kneel again, for Christ's sake. Another train

is coming. It's embarrassing! Look, it's no use. I just can't. "

" But, sir, you are God. You are omnipotent. You already granted me

the lottery. It was a miracle! "

" Juan, there are no miracles. I just told you in advance what was

going to happen anyway. People win the lottery every week. This time

was your turn. "

" I know you bring people from the dead. It's in the Bible. "

" Oh, well, excuse me. I must be wrong then. After all I'm only God. "

" I didn't mean you are wrong, but… "

" No buts. I can't, " said Osiris in a stern voice, flipping his

cigarette into a waste can three yards away.

" Look, I'm powerless. This is what I came to tell you. No one is in

control. Do you understand? No one is driving this bus. "

" I can't believe that. "

" Juan, look around. Do you think I'd allow so much suffering if I

could help it? Your daughter was raped and murdered, wasn't she? "

Juan nodded thoughtfully.

" And you're asking me to bring back the dead? What a Joke! "

" Wait a minute, you knew my name. You know my daughter had been

murdered. You must have some powers. "

Osiris smiled his crooked jackal smile. " Juan, do you know about

madness? "

" A little, " said Juan giving him a suspicious look.

" Is a madman aware of his own hallucinations? " Asked Osiris in a

whisper.

" Yes. "

" You bet. He's aware of every horrid detail. That's the pot he's

stewing in, but he can't change anything, can he? " asked Osiris

pointing his finger at Juan.

Juan shuddered. " No he can't. "

" That's right, and neither can I. I'm aware of every sordid deed you

bastards do, but can't change a thing. Come over here, Juan. Let me

tell you a secret. "

Juan leaned over.

" God is crazy, " whispered Osiris.

A train roared by. The noise panicked Juan. He stood up, gasping for

air. Osiris stood up, too. He shook Juan by the lapel.

" Steady, boy. This is heady stuff, isn't it? "

" What about my daughter? " asked Juan with tears in his eyes.

" What about her? Forget her. She never existed. You don't exist

either. I'm the only one who exist. " The manic eyes were inches away

from Juan's face.

" Isn't that a joke? Some people believe I don't exist and it's they

who really don't exist. This world is one of my worst hallucinations.

Do you know how I lost my mind? "

" No, and I don't want to know. Go away. "

" Loneliness. God is lonely. That's why I chose you. You understand

loneliness. I know how you hesitate before you open your front door.

How tears come to your eyes when that silence wraps itself around

you. Now imagine being alone in the universe. No one else, but you

ever. Just you for all eternity. Wouldn't you start seeing things,

hearing sounds, suspecting someone else was there? Soon those

phantasms take life. Things can get really complicated with an

infinite mind. What was a harmless amusement becomes reality. You

must help me, " Osiris said extending his hand.

Juan pushed the hand away. " You are crazy. You are not God. You are a

lunatic, " Juan shouted.

" Bingo! And the nightmare is going to get worse. "

" You killed my daughter, you bastard! "

" What's that phrase priest say in time of troubles? Oh, yes, `it's

God's will,' " Osiris whispered in Juan's ear.

" You Son-of-a-bitch, you are the murderer. That's how you know so

much about me. " Juan lunged at Osiris. Osiris fell on the tracks and

the screech of a speeding train drowned his last words.

As Juan fled the station he was sure the train's operator had seen

him push the bum onto the tracks. He mustn't linger downtown. He

hailed a cab. He got off six blocks away from his house as a

precaution.

He could not sleep that night. He listened to the radio all night

long. There was no news of the killing. He expected the police to

knock at his door any minute. In the morning when the Sun Times was

delivered, he inspected it for news of the killing. Not a word.

What's going on, he thought.

He went out and used a pay phone to call the Chicago Transit

Authority. He told the information clerk he was inquiring about the

person who had fallen on the tracks downtown.

" No one has fallen on the tracks downtown in years, " she said.

Juan hung up. He was completely puzzled. Was this guy really God? He

remembered the lottery ticket. He looked in his wallet it was still

there. He took it out, and dialed the lottery automated information

number. None of the numbers were the same. What was going on? Had

Paul memorized the numbers on the ticket and had he written down

those numbers on the napkin to fool him? He walked in a daze to the

nearest bar.

" What's it going to be? " asked the bartender.

" Uh? "

" What can I get you? "

" Beer. "

" Which one? "

" Old Style. " Juan looked at his watch. " I guess I'll have some

breakfast, too. A bag of potato chips, please. "

To those choosen few who are still here, thanks for reading,

Pete

July 7, 2003

Congratulation Pete , you are a fantastic writer .

Write another.

Thanks.

>Pedsie2 >Nisargadatta >advaitatozen >CC: nisargadatta > Divine Madness >Sun, 6 Jul 2003 15:07:38 EDT > >I posted the above short story, but AOL in its divine wisdom decided it was >spam >and many of you might have not receive it. How is that for divine justice? >Nevertheless, in case you want to defy fate it's posted to the list website. > >Pete