Razor-sharp blades!!

[Guest guest]

Just for the conversation's sake... Don't take it

seriously

 

Suppressing the mind leads to torture. Once an idea

appears in the mind, I think it's wiser to observe it,

without any judgement, whatever the content. Observe

it from start to finish. Until the mind looses its

interest. I don't use marijuana anymore, but I have

gone through (ok witnessed ) many experiences in the

past. One of them was about being cut to pieces by

sharp razors. Oh my!

 

Ok, imagine this dialogue:

 

A: Hey, I have an idea!

B: What is it?

A: Oh, wait... I've changed my mind. I won't tell it.

B: Why? What was the idea?

A: Nope, won't tell it. I'm ashamed of it. It was a

bad idea.

B: Come on!

A: WILL NOT!

 

etc... Just get the idea. The mind is inclined to find

about what is trying to be hidden. When any experience

starts, and then is being suppressed, the mind wishes

to finish the scenario. I'm not good at any

terminology. But it's as if, a karma has been created,

and if you have something to say, just say it. Or it

will not leave you if you keep ignoring it.

 

In my sharp razors (blades) case, I wondered (when I

was high) what was it like cutting your arms or legs?

(I had read a book where Saddhu's offered their body

as a gift to the fire. I thought that was horrible.)

Or what must Jesus Christ have felt (physically) when

he was being crucified? Unconsciously I started to

identify with it. Immediately I tried to stop it. I

was high (let's say altered states of consciousness),

and images, sensations were very vivid. I indeed

thought it could happen physically right then! I

didn't want to loose my arms or legs because of a

simple thought! Just a thought! LOL!

 

For a few days I ignored the thought and it seemed OK.

But the next time I was high it came again,

stronger... At that point, a very warm inner voice

said: " We'll have to cut your arms off. Please relax,

and stop worrying. Yes, just like that... And please

the legs too! " For some reason, I knew that I should

stop resisting and being childish. I was afraid, but

trusted the warm voice (not a spoken, audible voice,

you could call it anything you want. Sadguru maybe.)

 

Almost every possible cutting scenario took place.

Let's say, I lived the ones I took to be most

frightening. And I stopped being involved in it

emotionally. It wasn't hurting. I was feeling it being

cut, but I even didn't tense my muscles. It just

happened as I watched silently. Then the experience

ceased. It wasn't interesting to me anymore. I had

finished my investigation, so to speak.

 

Then, I felt a gentle shower at the top of my head. As

if something, the size of an umbrella opened there. I

felt so light. I laughed from the heart. A great

burden leaved me. Peace came.

 

Of course, this whole bunch of experience is useless.

It is what it is. I won't make a statement out of it.

But I realized, this experience, even if I thought it

was horrible, was no more horrible than any other

experience, say, eating an ice-cream. I found the

experience " interesting " . Simply because, I never

lived a similar thing before. To judge it as good or

bad is another thing. But it was interesting.

 

Who knows? Maybe if I kept resisting it, it would

eventually manifest itself, until there is no place to

hide, no choice left other than accepting it, maybe as

a car accident or something?

 

Tansel