Guest guest Posted November 10, 2003 Report Share Posted November 10, 2003 Your Daily Moment of Zen (Modified to reflect contemporary wisdom): 1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me either. Just leave me the hell alone. 2. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a leaky tire. 3. It's always darkest before dawn. So if you're going to steal your neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it. 4. Sex is like air. It's not important unless you aren't getting any. 5. Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted. 6. No one is listening until you fart. 7. Always remember you're unique. Just like everyone else. 8. Never test the depth of the water with both feet. 9. If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments. 10. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes. 11. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you. 12. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day. 13. If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it. 14. If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything. 15. Some days you are the bug; some days you are the windshield. 16. Don't worry; it only seems kinky the first time. 17. Good judgment comes from bad experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment. 18. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket. 19. A closed mouth gathers no foot. 20. Duct tape is like the Force. It has a light side and a dark side, and it holds the universe together. 21. There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works. 22. Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your lips are moving. 23. Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it. 24. Never miss a good chance to shut up. 25. We are born naked, wet, and hungry, and get slapped on our ass ... then things get worse. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 10, 2003 Report Share Posted November 10, 2003 Nisargadatta , Sandeep <sandeepc@b...> wrote: > Your Daily Moment of Zen > > (Modified to reflect contemporary wisdom): > > 1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk > beside me either. Just leave me the hell alone. > and we'll be the closest friends > 2. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a leaky tire. > too bad you started in the wrong direction too > 3. It's always darkest before dawn. So if you're going to steal your neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it. > gosh i forgot the darn dog! > 4. Sex is like air. It's not important unless you aren't getting any. > so tell your wife to stop blowing so hard, air is free > 5. Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted. > you are irreplaceable until soon proven otherwise > 6. No one is listening until you fart. > the cosmic fart comes the louder > 7. Always remember you're unique. Just like everyone else. > we're all one in brahman but is it big enough for all of us? > 8. Never test the depth of the water with both feet. > keep foot one in the air > 9. If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments. divorce, sell your car and die in a trashcan if you wish > > 10. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, > you're a mile away and you have their shoes. > that was just an example because, they sleep with them and even if they are ruined and they hurt they would never take them of > 11. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you. > but hesitation is not an option, mother earth calls you real fast from up there > 12. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink > beer all day. > read on a sign for fishers: " in this part of the lake your cellphone or your tv won't have reception " > 13. If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it. > phew! this way i got rid of my last " best friend " > 14. If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything. > if you tell a lie better be the us govt > 15. Some days you are the bug; some days you are the windshield. > and brahman wipes, and brahman wipes, tirelessly > 16. Don't worry; it only seems kinky the first time. > then the thrill wear off too > 17. Good judgment comes from bad experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment. > good experience never comes tho', better stay put > 18. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket. > said a guru: or give to me and it'll triple your merit in heaven > 19. A closed mouth gathers no foot. > and if gathered from within, you are allowed to open and trow up (in the right place) > 20. Duct tape is like the Force. It has a light side and a dark side, and it holds the universe together. > how should we liken the force, young jedi,: the force is like, here i push you to the wall, and there you came closer to the wall > 21. There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works. > while you argue your logos out she gets the work done > 22. Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your lips are moving. > but you ain't gathering moss or dust either > 23. Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it. > experience is what you most need when you have no understanding of it > 24. Never miss a good chance to shut up. > oops i missed it again > 25. We are born naked, wet, and hungry, and get slapped on our ass ... then things get worse. > > a moment before all was perfect but their is no going back, they closed the door > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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