Being Honest about enlightenment

[Guest guest]

Being honest about enlightenment:

 

If I want to be enlightened, I will be. It's that simple, I think.

But I don't really want to be enlightened. I want the attributes that

I think come with enlightenment. I want to be special, wise, happy,

and free of problems. If I am honest, this is what I want.

 

But being all these things that I think enlightenment will bring is

still being somebody with a story, my life, in time. My idea of

enlightenment is still just an idea. It's an idea that I chase after.

There is a movement of thought that wishes to create an experience

which matches my thought of enlightenment. Can the stupidity of this

be seen clearly? There is a thought, and then there are other

thoughts. No one is really chasing enlightenment. No one is standing

outside of this movement of thought.

 

It goes something like this:

 

1. Enlightenment = bliss, happiness, being special, peaceful,

compassionate. This is one thought.

2. At that moment that thought is occurring. Then, there is a

grasping, an energy of grasping, of desiring to have my experience

right now match this thought. The actuality of this life at this

moment is this grasping. Then, there is frustration because this

experience right now is so ordinary, and the grasping/desiring is

creating pain, a subtle tension.

 

But enlightenment is really the end of my story. In other words,

there's no one special to be. The whole desire to be other than

what I am now is finished.

 

If I am honest, I can see that I am still interested in my life and

my experiences. I'm really after a life of constant pleasure and

avoidance of pain.

 

Can this movement be seen? Seeing it once or twice will not bring

enlightenment, but it can clarify what is occurring in this mind.

When the absurdity of this is seen enough, perhaps interest will be

lost in thought chasing thought.

 

Joe

 

In the meantime, whoever makes it around the block first, wins! ;-)