Wisdom Jokes

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Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I

may not follow. Do not walk beside me either. Just pretty much leave me the

hell alone.

 

 

It's always darkest before dawn. So if you're going to steal your

neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it.

 

Sex is like air -- it's not important unless you aren't getting any.

 

Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you can't be promote

 

.. Never test the depth of the water with both feet.

 

If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car

payments.

 

Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes.

That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away, and you have their

shoes.

 

If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.

 

Give a man a fish, and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and

he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.

 

If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably

worth it.

 

Some days you are the bug; some days you are the windshield.

 

 

 

The problem with kinky sex is--It only seems kinky the first time.

 

Good judgment comes from bad experience, and a lot of that comes from

bad judgment.

 

The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it

back in your pocket.

 

 

There are two ways to win an argument with a woman. Neither one wo

 

Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

 

Never miss a good chance to shut up.

 

We are born naked, wet, and hungry, and get slapped on our ass...then

things get worse.

 

Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on

the same night.

 

There is a fine line between " hobby " and " mental illness " .

 

No matter what happens, somebody will find a way to take it too

seriously.

 

Most people seem normal until you get to know them.