articles about abuse in Vajrayana Buddhism and by Andrew Cohen

[Guest guest]

Healing From Abuse: A Framework

 

(From 'Relating to a Spiritual Teacher' by Alexander Berzin, Snow

Lion Publications, 2000. Berzin traces many complex psychological

issues and pitfalls that have come up for Western practitioners of

Tibetan Vajrayana Buddhism. If you're in early stage recovery, his

book may be confusing and seem invalidating, but after you've

reclaimed your boundaries and are curious to analyse the situation,

his book is likely to provide food for thought, even if you disagree

with some of it.)

 

'In (his book) 'Invisible Loyalties' Boszormenyi-Nagy, the Hungarian

founder of contextual therapy, suggested sensitive ways to heal the

psychological injuries of victims of physical or sexual abuse. The

methods he outlined parallel in many ways the approach taken in

sutra level guru meditation. His analysis may augment our

understanding of how the meditation may help to heal the wounds of

students deeply hurt by abusive spiritual teachers.

 

'Boszormenyi-Nagy explained that the first step in the healing

process is for abuse victims to acknowledge their pain and that they

are entitled to feel bad. They have in fact been violated and for

them to deny the truth will only add fuel to suppressed anger or

feelings of guilt. Similarly, if we have been personally abused by

our spiritual mentors or have learned from reliable sources that our

teachers have maligned other students, we too need to acknowledge

our pain and our " entitlement " to feel bad. We were in fact wronged

or let down...'Contextual therapy calls next for trying to

understand the context in which the abuse arose from both the

perpetrators' and the victims' sides. This does not mean one should

rationalize the faulty behavior or mistakes in judgment on the

perpetrator's parts, nor that the victims should take the entire

blame and feel guilty...

 

'Victims of abuse also need to acknowledge that they are entitled to

a better deal in life. In Buddhist terms entitlement to happiness

comes by virtue of having an innate network of positive potentials

as part of (one's) Buddha nature. Nevertheless abuse victims need to

earn that happiness by acting decently. For example, war refugees

are entitled simply as human beings to homes and a livelihood in

host countries. Yet they need to earn good treatment by following

the law and leading upright lives...'Many victims of abuse have

negative self-images. Either consciously or unconsciously, they

blame themselves for what happened and may feel they do not deserve

better treatment. Even if they feel entitled to better treatment

they may resign themselves to further abuse.

 

'A similar pattern often emerges with victims who are told and feel

that they are special. (eg when an unethical guru tells you that

you're enlightened and must now start a revolution amongst the

young, or if an abusive teacher singles you out to be his or her

favorite and you find yourself following orders to tyrannize over

others--my note, not Berzin's) During the abusive relationship, an

inflated sense of self worth may make them unaware of being victims

of abuse. They often deny the abuse or defend their perpetrators,

even if confronted with the facts. Then, when their abusers find

other " chosen ones " they feel humiliated, experience sudden

deflation of their self images and become deeply hurt or completely

outraged.

 

'In all such cases, the victims need to dispel their identification

with their negative self images in order to regain emotional

stability...so long as they identify with being unworthy, they

continue to open themselves to possible manipulation and abuse.'The

next step in the healing process in contextual therapy is

determining clearheadedly the legacy that the abuse victims may take

from their relationship with their perpetrators. Is it just outrage,

bitterness, and an inability to trust anyone in the future, or can

the victims take something positive with them? (At this stage, only

after legitimate pain and anger have been thoroughly acknowledged--

see previous steps--my note, not Berzins)

 

'The therapy encourages focusing on the positive factors gained from

the relationship and enables the victims to be loyal to the positive

aspects and to incorporate them into their lives. 'This process also

helps the victims to avoid acting with misplaced unconscious loyalty

to the abuser's negative aspects. Such loyalties may result in

victims being inconsiderate of themselves, and due to feelings of

guilt, denying their rights to have healthy relationships--

conforming to the subtle message conveyed by the abuse.

Consequently, victims of abuse frequently experience mental blocks

about emotional and physical intimacy and may not feel entitled to

get married or become parents...Dharma students traumatized by

abusive teachers often become so disillusioned that they are unable

to continue on the spiritual path.'

 

(From 'Relating to a Spiritual Teacher' by Alexander Berzin, pp 143-

146)

 

Note: In the Dharma and New Age worlds, there appears to be a taboo

against legitimate, appropriate anger even when one has been

horrendously abused. It is sad to see tormented students trying to

bear witness and anxiously declaring 'But I am not angry!'

 

It doesn't help that abusive teachers and their minions are quick to

pounce if someone show signs of anger and use that to invalidate

them and shame them.

 

But this recovery framework makes clear that legitimate anger is an

essential ingredient in the early stages of recovery from any kind

of abuse.

 

Its useful to see recovery from abuse as analogous to a multi-stage

rocket, the kind used to propel the Apollo moon expedition.

 

When the rocket blasted off from Cape Canaveral, the initial power

thrust was supplied by the first stage of the rocket. (eg the vital

anger stage of early recovery).

 

After the fuel burned out from Stage One, that portion would un-

couple from the rocket and fall away. The engines from the second

stage then fired up. After the rocket was free from the earth's

gravity and the second stage fell away, a smaller set of engines,

guided by precision instruments fired up and the expedition

continued its trajectory to the moon.

 

What assists in early recovery can become disabling in later

recovery. Compassion toward one's perpetrator, something vitally

important in advanced recovery, can hamper early recovery.

 

Unskillful use of non dual analysis (aka 'Advaita Shuffle') can also

be used by the victim or well-intentioned but unskillful helpers in

such a way as to derail recovery. Of course the perpetrator can also

use this trick to stop recovery, preventing the victim from gaining

independence from the dictates of the perpetrator.

 

- Much appreciation to the reader who send After Hours this article.

This is a very clear statement of the recovery and healing

process...further discussion is welcome.

 

 

posted by Helene @ 3:36 AM Nov 20-04

 

Tuesday, November 16, 2004

Empowering Survivors to Find Their Voice

Great site. I hope it empowers more survivors to find their voices,

and rediscover their essential dignity.

 

A book that many Cohen survivors may find helpful is 'Prophetic

Charisma' by Len Oakes (he reviewed Andre van der Braak's book).

 

If you've ever wondered why so many gurus sound alike and seem to

have attended the same training camp, 'Prophetic Charisma' is a must-

read. Oakes interviewed twenty charismatic leaders and many of their

followers, and was once a member of a group led by such a leader.

 

What Oakes learned was that none of these charismatics was capable

of ordinary, intimate relationships with peers. They all had some

form of narcissistic personality disorder, and compensated for lack

of intimacy and lack of empathy by becoming avid students of social

manipulation and communication arts.

 

Another feature Oakes observed was that the leaders often learned to

have 'canned' responses to any situation, and knew how to ruthlessly

exploit the slightest sign of self doubt or hesitation in an

adversary...

 

You can order a copy from amazon.com

 

There is another article, by Arthur J Deikman, available at his

website and is excellent. His take is the mark of a genuine

spiritual teacher is the ability to create conditions that support

spiritual development. An authoritarian, anxiety ridden community

would undermine such development, not support it.

http://www.deikman.com/eval.html

 

-letter from a reader

 

posted by Helene @ 3:19 PM

 

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