Unpardonable Sin

[Guest guest]

Nisargadatta , " fuzzie_wuz " <fuzzie_wuz>

wrote: <snip>>

>

P.S. I married a Catholic once, though. Does that count for anything?

>>

 

Bad news, fuzzie! You should have stayed single. B/c you married a

Catholic means that Our Lord was reaching out to you, throwing you a

rope as you were doggie-paddling (or worse) in " ignorance sea, " as

the saying goes.

 

Anna's extended family killed the Lord, but you have ratcheted it up

a notch by turning your back on Him and rejecting His helping Hand.

 

No hope for you now, you Traditional Advaitin, you. (I saw where you

slammed the Neos).

 

Not even the Virgin Mary's intercession can help you now.

 

I'd lobby the Lord myself, on your behalf, but I called in all my

chits a long, long, long time ago. The Lord owes me nothing any more

and I have hardly any leverage with Him these day.

 

There's one thing you can do, however.

 

Contact Cardinal Law at the Blessed Pederast Conclave in Rome and

tell him " William " (in order to be baptized, I had to take the name

of a saint, and there were no saints named " Mr. Enlightenment " at the

time) from the Academy of St. Dorothy in Staten Island sent you.

 

Bring $50,000 in cash in a plain vanilla envelope. Give the envelope

to Cardinal Law's slender Asian house boy, and you will receive in

exchange what is called a " plenary indulgence. "

 

I'm not joking. This shit works! The only problem is that a plenary

indulgence, which used to cost a mere thou " back in the day " , is no

longer affordable to the average Catholic schmo who just wants to

make sure his wife and kids don't burn in Hell if they should happen

to die with a mortal sin on their soul. (Mortal sin= missing Mass on

Sunday and shit like that. Venial sin = using words like clit and

cocksucker.)

 

And you thought being Jewish was tough!! Forgetaboutit!

 

Once you have obtained your plenary indulgence, keep it in a safe

deposit box b/c those things are made out to the " Bearer " so if

anyone should steal it from you, they are, ipso facto, the

beneficiary of that particular indulgence (possession is 9/10 of the

Law).

 

Keep it hidden under your bushel and don't let it shine.

 

Once you die and they try to send you to either Hell or, if you're

lucky, mere Purgatory, all you have to do is present the indulgence

to the acting " St. Peter " (St. Peter is not an actual person, but

rather, a rotating divine function) and he will let you off the hook.

 

I know this is mere preaching to the choir, but don't EVER marry a

Catholic. Unless you like guilt by association.

 

Hope this helps.

 

Mea culpa and Dominus Vobiscum.

 

Mr. E(tcumspiritutuo)

[Guest guest]

Nisargadatta , " misterenlightenment "

<misterenlightenment> wrote:

>

> Nisargadatta , " fuzzie_wuz " <fuzzie_wuz>

> wrote: <snip>>

> >

> P.S. I married a Catholic once, though. Does that count for anything?

> >>

>

> Bad news, fuzzie! You should have stayed single. B/c you married a

> Catholic means that Our Lord was reaching out to you, throwing you a

> rope as you were doggie-paddling (or worse) in " ignorance sea, " as

> the saying goes.

>

> Anna's extended family killed the Lord, but you have ratcheted it up

> a notch by turning your back on Him and rejecting His helping Hand.

>

> No hope for you now, you Traditional Advaitin, you. (I saw where you

> slammed the Neos).

>

> Not even the Virgin Mary's intercession can help you now.

>

> I'd lobby the Lord myself, on your behalf, but I called in all my

> chits a long, long, long time ago. The Lord owes me nothing any more

> and I have hardly any leverage with Him these day.

>

> There's one thing you can do, however.

>

> Contact Cardinal Law at the Blessed Pederast Conclave in Rome and

> tell him " William " (in order to be baptized, I had to take the name

> of a saint, and there were no saints named " Mr. Enlightenment " at the

> time) from the Academy of St. Dorothy in Staten Island sent you.

>

> Bring $50,000 in cash in a plain vanilla envelope. Give the envelope

> to Cardinal Law's slender Asian house boy, and you will receive in

> exchange what is called a " plenary indulgence. "

>

> I'm not joking. This shit works! The only problem is that a plenary

> indulgence, which used to cost a mere thou " back in the day " , is no

> longer affordable to the average Catholic schmo who just wants to

> make sure his wife and kids don't burn in Hell if they should happen

> to die with a mortal sin on their soul. (Mortal sin= missing Mass on

> Sunday and shit like that. Venial sin = using words like clit and

> cocksucker.)

>

> And you thought being Jewish was tough!! Forgetaboutit!

>

> Once you have obtained your plenary indulgence, keep it in a safe

> deposit box b/c those things are made out to the " Bearer " so if

> anyone should steal it from you, they are, ipso facto, the

> beneficiary of that particular indulgence (possession is 9/10 of the

> Law).

>

> Keep it hidden under your bushel and don't let it shine.

>

> Once you die and they try to send you to either Hell or, if you're

> lucky, mere Purgatory, all you have to do is present the indulgence

> to the acting " St. Peter " (St. Peter is not an actual person, but

> rather, a rotating divine function) and he will let you off the hook.

>

> I know this is mere preaching to the choir, but don't EVER marry a

> Catholic. Unless you like guilt by association.

>

> Hope this helps.

>

> Mea culpa and Dominus Vobiscum.

>

> Mr. E(tcumspiritutuo)

 

 

LOL!!!

 

O help me, Jeebus!!!

 

I'm laughing, even though it's all so sad. If it wasn't true, it

wouldn't be funny. That's the sad part.

 

When I married that girl, I didn't even know what a Roman Catholic

was. But, she was so cute, in her granny dress and love beads (it was

a long time ago, Mr. E.). And, I was so young, dumb and full of cum...

what can I say? There, but for the grace of God, go I...

 

Yours,

 

fuzzie

 

P.S. If I had it to do all over again, I'd still do it.