sunday funny

[Guest guest]

History of the world

 

 

History began some 12,000 years ago.(Actually, it was 40,000 years

ago.) Humans existed as members of small bands of nomadic

hunter/gatherers. They lived on deer in the mountains during the

summer and would go to the coast and live on fish and lobster in

winter.

 

 

The two most important events in all of history were the invention of

beer and the invention of the wheel. The wheel was invented to get

man to the beer. These were the foundations of modern civilization

and, together, were the catalyst for the splitting of humanity into

two distinct subgroups: Liberals and Conservatives.

 

 

Once beer was discovered, it required grain and that was the

beginning of agriculture. Neither the glass bottle nor aluminum can

was invented yet, so while our early human ancestors were sitting

around waiting for them to be invented, they just stayed close to the

brewery. That's how villages were formed.

 

 

Some men spent their days tracking and killing animals to barbecue at

night while they were drinking beer. This was the beginning of what

is known as " the Conservative movement. "

 

 

Other men who were weaker and less skilled at hunting learned to live

off the Conservatives by showing up for the nightly barbecues and

doing the sewing, fetching and hair dressing. This was the beginning

of the Liberal movement. Some of these liberal men eventually evolved

into women. The rest became known as girlymen.

 

 

Some noteworthy liberal achievements include the domestication of

cats, the invention of group therapy, group hugs and the concept of

Democratic voting to decide how to divide the meat and beer that

Conservatives provided.

 

 

Over the years, Conservatives came to be symbolized by the largest,

most powerful land animal on earth, the elephant. Liberals are

symbolized by the jackass.

 

 

Modern Liberals like imported beer (with lime added)( & foo foo

coffee), but most prefer white wine or imported, bottled water. They

eat raw fish but like their beef well done. Sushi, tofu, and French

food are standard Liberal fare.

 

 

Another interesting evolutionary side note: Most of their women have

higher testosterone levels than their men. Most social workers,

personal injury attorneys, journalists, dreamers in Hollywood and

group therapists are Liberals. Liberals invented the designated

hitter rule because it wasn't " fair " to make the pitcher also bat.

 

 

Conservatives drink domestic beer. They eat red meat and still

provide for their women. Conservatives are big-game hunters, rodeo

cowboys, lumberjacks, construction workers, firemen, medical doctors,

police officers, corporate executives, fighter pilots, athletes and

generally anyone who works productively outside government.

Conservatives who own companies hire other Conservatives who want to

work for a living.

 

 

Liberals produce little or nothing. They like to " govern " the

producers and decide what to do with the production. Liberals believe

Europeans are more enlightened than Americans. That is why most of

the Liberals remained in Europe when Conservatives were coming to

America. They crept in after the Wild West was tame and created a

business of trying to get MORE for nothing.

 

 

Here ends today's lesson in world history. It should be noted that a

Liberal will have an uncontrollable urge to respond to the above

instead of simply laughing and deleting or forwarding it.

 

Happy Days,

Judi

 

http://www.users.uniserve.com/~samuel/judi-1.htm

TheEndOfTheRopeRanch/