Awakening to Awareness/ list of teachers ~long post

November 3, 2005

The Simplicity of What Is

The secret of life and liberation is hidden right in front of our eyes in plain

view. It is present awareness (not the word or the concept, but the actuality),

awake to what is: the breakfast dishes, the laundry, the sunlight on the leaves,

the barking of a dog, the sound of traffic, the humming of the computer, the

taste of tea, the breathing.

And then perhaps a thought: " There must be more to life than this. " Thought

creates imaginary problems and tries to solve them. The complex human brain has

an astonishing ability to conceptualize, imagine, remember, project, and think

about things that have no actual reality.

As " you " are reading these words right now, little markings appearing on this

page in various combinations are being seen and instantly translated into

meaning.

Is there someone doing this remarkable activity, overseeing all these elaborate

optical and neurological processes, or is it all happening automatically, on its

own? We say, " I " am reading, " I " am seeing, " I " am hearing, " I " am thinking, " I "

stopped smoking, " I " overate. But what exactly is that " I " ? Do " you " really know

(or control) what " your " next thought or " your " next action will be?

Right here, there is the ability to put attention on your left foot and wiggle

your toes. But how does all that actually happen and what initiates it? Once the

mind tries to capture this happening in words, it instantly creates illusion and

confusion: the mirage of duality. Suddenly we are apparently lost in imaginary

problems and conundrums: Is there a person here or not? Is there free will? What

should I do? Can I do anything? Why do I do things I don't want to do? How can I

change?

This is all thought. But actuality is simple. It is undivided. HERE, there is no

confusion, no bondage, no problem, no free will, no absence of free will. You

are simply doing whatever you are doing. You are always doing something, even if

what you are doing is sitting motionlessly " doing nothing. " And actually, there

is no " you " doing any of it. That " you " is an after-thought, a mental image, a

grammatical convention, a reification of something that is truly no-thing at

all. In actuality, life is simply living itself through the appearance of " you "

and " me. " Truly seeing this eliminates all guilt and blame.

Given the " wrong " combination of genetics, neurochemistry, conditioning,

provocation, and opportunity, what we consider horrible things can happen. " I "

could be the perpetrator of such things, or " you " could. And while I would

almost certainly want a serial killer or a child molester locked up for the

protection of everyone, and might even feel angry at them, nevertheless, if I

looked deeply, I would see that they were blameless. No one would commit

atrocities if they really had a choice, if they were really free. Looking

closely, I would see that if " I " were in " their " shoes (that is to say, if " I "

had the same combination of genetics, neurochemistry, conditioning, provocation,

and opportunity), then " I " would do exactly the same thing " they " did, because

there is no " I " and no " them " apart from the " shoes " (the ten million conditions

-- nature and nurture).

Does that mean that we should be totally passive or inert or maybe wildly

licentious because " it's all just happening " and " we have no choice " ? No. It

means that " we " are not separate, isolated units disconnected from everything

else. Nothing is happening in the way that we conceptualize it. When that

illusory encapsulation and autonomy is seen for the mirage that it is, there is

simply undivided present awareness. Here alone is the natural response-ability

and intelligence that we could call wisdom or love, awake from all imaginary

conflicts and limitations -- the choiceless choice or effortless effort that is

exerted by life itself: breathing, circulating blood, dreaming, waking up,

clouding and clarifying. It isn't that there is no power or no response-ability

or nothing to do. It's that the source of all this is not what we think it is.

So-called choices are simply thoughts that arise unbidden that may or may not be

followed by the result they appear to select. A thought such as " I am going to

quit smoking " arises on its own out of the ten million conditions and may or may

not be followed by the cessation of smoking because that thought has no power.

The " I " to which it refers is a powerless mirage, an illusion. The only real

power is in presence-awareness, not in thought or the illusory separate self.

What is illusory is not you as pure cognizing awareness, but the apparent

separation, solidity and continuity -- the mental image, the story -- that we

think of as " me. " Reality is undivided seeing, hearing, feeling, breathing,

speaking, writing, reading, acting, doing, awaring without center or periphery

-- which is our actual direct experience here and now before thought divides it

up mentally and overlays it with commentary, analysis and ideas.

Careful attention will reveal this to be so. Time and space (past and future,

here and there) are thought-forms. Reality is immediate and undivided. Action

happens, but the actor, the director, the script writer, and the script are all

mental ideas. Zoom in close enough, or back far enough, and you find no-thing at

all -- empty space. Not a dead void, but luminous, vibrant aliveness, the heart

of this eternal present moment -- call it presence, pure awareness, beingness,

God -- the words are only words. You can't find it by thinking or straining, and

you can't avoid it either because there is no " you " and no " it " except in

thought and imagination. It is simply what is. No-thing playing as everything.

One without a second.

When the mirage of separation (or duality) is not seen clearly for what it is,

actions arise from a kind of hypnotic entrancement and typically produce what we

call suffering. The vow to quit smoking ends in failure and frustration.

Looking for love, we end up with heartbreak and wonder what went wrong. In the

extremes of such confusion, we torture and exterminate millions of people

because it seems like a good idea.

Naturally, as this false thinking and entrancement begins to be seen and

understood, the desire arises to wake up once and for all, to be done forever

with confusion, mirages and painful behavior patterns. " I " want to be an

enlightened person, someone who sees clearly and behaves wonderfully all the

time. " I " want to eliminate the self and " be here now " all the time. I want to

save the world. But in these very ideas, the mirage has reasserted itself, for

once again it is the illusory individual taking personally what is utterly

impersonal and then trying to manage and control the universe, all in the

imaginary future. Inevitably, the result is disappointment, for this kind of

thinking is the very essence of the delusion it seeks to eliminate.

It has been wisely said that so-called enlightenment is not final victory, but

final defeat. We could say that enlightenment is being totally without hope, not

because we have sunk into nihilistic despair, but because there is total

presence and simply what is, with no effort to make sense of it or control it or

make it something better. Paradoxically, when there is no resistance to what is,

no dreaming of something better, no effort to control, no sense of purpose, then

action flows naturally and effortlessly and what we think of as positive

transformation often occurs. But in the heart of things, nothing happens. It is

all play. Nothing is going anywhere; it's always right here.

In the face of suffering, what is truly liberating is awareness, seeing through

the conceptual overlay ( " this is unbearable, " " this shouldn't be happening, "

" everything is God's will, " " it's all just a dream, " " I'm a terrible person, "

" those folks over there are the axis of evil, " " it's all perfect just as it is, "

or whatever conditioned thoughts the brain pumps out). When this conceptual

overlay is absent or transparent, there is simply the bare actuality of what is:

present awareness, open, not knowing what it all means, not seeking an outcome,

not taking any of it personally. In the light of presence and awareness, what

happens to suffering? Is it still there? Is it solid?

And if the movie begins playing in which " you " are trying very hard to " do this

right, " to " stay open and aware all the time, " then notice that this is yet

another conceptual overlay, another movie, another appearance. There is only

Now, only what is. Clouds appear. Contraction appears. Pain appears. Turning

away appears. Mental movies appear. It's all part of the ebb and flow of the

manifestation. What is it that beholds all of this? Is there a boundlessness, a

spaciousness, that includes absolutely everything, even so-called contraction

and distraction and resistance, even so-called " evil " ? Is that spaciousness

actually our true nature, the heart of what we are, of what is? We can't see

this boundless presence or get it, but we can wake up to being it. Not as an

idea ( " I am awareness " ), but as that in which all ideas appear and disappear.

Liberation is not about picking up a new belief system or a new set of answers

(for example, that " All is One, " or that " Consciousness is all there is, " or

that " there is no free will, " or that " you create your own reality, " or that

" everything is perfect. " ). Liberation is the aliveness and immediacy beyond

belief. Liberation is when all the answers, explanations and positions

disappear, and what remains is the open mind of not knowing.

It is astonishingly easy for fundamentalism to slip in and take hold. Our human

desire for certainty and comfort runs deep.

Thus it has been said, if you meet the Buddha, kill it. Seeing through illusion

is not something that happens once in a great flash and then it's done forever.

It all happens now.

Ultimately, the universe is a fleeting dream, a bubble in a stream. Wipe your

forehead and you've killed and maimed billions of micro-organisms. Horrible

events and misfortunes are often the source of tremendous wisdom, insight,

compassion, and awakening.

Light and dark are two ends of the same stick, and there are no one-ended

sticks. Seeing this, there is more acceptance of life as it is. But that

acceptance doesn't mean dissociation or a closed heart; true acceptance is total

intimacy. Each baby duck in the park, each newly blossoming flower, each drop of

dew, each snowflake, each piece of trash in the gutter is utterly unique and

precious, as is every human being. And in reality, there are no such " things " as

ducks and people and snowflakes; it is all the dancing of emptiness, the one

without a second. When we really see a flower, or an ant, or a bird, or a piece

of trash, or a human being, we see everything and no-thing, and that seeing is

love. In clear seeing, we may even find that it is possible to love a serial

killer or a child molester or even ourselves with all of our apparent failings

and imperfections.

Awareness, by its very nature, accepts absolutely everything. Whatever appears

-- whether it is confusion, resistance, pain, pleasure, efforting, bliss,

boredom, me-stories, clear skies or thunderstorms -- all of it is allowed to be

here. Awareness is like a mirror that reflects everything equally without

judgment or preferences. It isn't that " you " have to " do " this acceptance.

Rather, everything already is allowed to be as it is, even judgments and

preferences! It all is! Perhaps that is the real meaning of unconditional love.

Is there any limit to present awareness? Right now, if you close your eyes and

pay careful attention, can you actually find the place where " inside " ends and

" outside " begins? How solid is what you think of as " your body " ? Is the apparent

border between " you " and " everything else " really there, or is it actually

nothing more than an idea, a mental image, a river of ever-changing sensations,

a story appearing in awareness?

If you're beginning to think that " awareness " is actually something (a kind of

Big Blank Thing or a Giant Empty Container or a Mirror), notice that these are

all mental images, conceptual ideas, subtle imaginary objects. Awareness is what

remains when everything perceivable and conceivable falls away. Are you trying

to see what that is? Can you see the joke in trying to do that?

Don't think that everything perceivable and conceivable has to disappear (how

could it?). But how solid is anything perceivable or conceivable (any image, any

idea, any memory, any sensation, any thought, any emotion, any event, any

object, any experience)? Where is your childhood or yesterday or a minute ago or

the last second? On close inspection, everything is insubstantial, ungraspable,

vanishing. The mind keeps trying to get a grip. It wants answers, certainty, a

place to stand. What is this whole thing? The mind wants to understand the

whole. Thought imagines that " you " can step back and take a look at " it. " But no

matter how hard the mind tries, the eye cannot see itself. Experiences come and

go. This is not about having a special experience, a big event, a final

understanding, or a psychedelic vision of some kind.

Waking up is much more immediate and obvious.

Simply notice that everything (mental movies, dreams, perceptions, thoughts,

waking life, mirages, the I-illusion, apparent duality, time and space, chairs,

tables, expansion, contraction, meditation retreats, traffic jams, everything)

is without substance or continuity, and it all appears and disappears right

here. Here is always here. It's always now. Even memories of the past, fantasies

about the future, and thoughts of elsewhere can only appear here and now in the

timeless, spaceless no-thing-ness of present awareness. This is always here,

whether it appears clear or clouded by thoughts, mental movies and the story of

" me. "

Awakening is never about achieving something that isn't right here, right now.

So what is right here, right now?

Is the mind scanning for an answer (another word)? If all words and ideas drop

away, what remains?

Is the mind scanning for some experience, some special perception? If that

effort lets go, what remains?

There is no answer. Only the IS-ness of ungraspable actuality.

And what is that? Absolutely everything. Nothing at all!

Ordinary present awareness. The shape of these words, the hum of the computer,

the sound of the traffic, the listening presence, the sensations that appear and

disappear. It's all right here, right now. Only thought divides it up and tries

to figure it all out. And that very movement of thought is itself only energy

and vibration. No-thing at all. Listen to the thoughts and memories and

fantasies that bubble up out of nowhere, and notice how they create instant

mental movies and the image of a separate " me. " See how transparent it all is.

These thoughts are simply secretions of the brain, conditioned habit patterns,

mental weather -- there is nothing personal about them.

There is no need to resist or vanquish them; simply see them for what they are.

Clearly seeing the mirage-world of thoughts and mental movies for what it is

gets more and more subtle. Being down on yourself for " thinking too much " is

just more thinking! There is no " you " doing the thinking or the seeing; that

" you " is only another thought, another mental image. This exploration isn't

about getting rid of anything; it's about seeing that thoughts and mental movies

are thoughts and movies, and seeing that the " me " who wants to wake up from the

movies, and stop thinking, and eliminate the self, and get enlightened is just

another mental image, another thought, another movie character in another story.

The seeing is what's real, the actuality or suchness of this moment, the smell

of rain, the song of a bird, the whoosh of traffic. That's your True Nature, the

nondual absolute. Totally alive. Ungraspable. Undivided. No final result, no

finish line, no Big Bang event -- just what is, as it is. No need for exotic

experiences. Nothing needs to be eliminated or held on to, and nothing needs to

be acquired. HERE is freedom.

If you're feeling confused, trying to figure out whether or not you have free

will, or whether or not you exist, or whether or not you should meditate or do

nothing, or whether to believe this teacher or that teacher, simply wake up

right now from these mental conundrums. Stop. Look. Listen. Hear the traffic,

the birds, the wind. Feel the breathing. Nothing special. Just the extraordinary

miracle of what actually is.

When I was a little child, my mother used to give me a pail of water and a

paintbrush, so I could paint on the sidewalk. Of course, my paintings quickly

disappeared and there was no fame and fortune involved! And therefore, it was

for the sheer joy of painting that I did it, for the dance. It needed no reward,

no praise, no permanence. It was complete in itself. As I grew older and became

an art student, I found myself concerned with all the things humans know so

well: comparing " myself " to " others " and coming up short, wondering if it was

worth painting if I wasn't Leonardo or Picasso or Somebody Enormous. What had

once been pure fun was now all about " me " and how " I " measured up to some

imaginary standard.

When this interest in waking up first appears, it frequently gets hijacked by

this old conditioning that drains the life out of our natural playfulness and

curiosity and creativity by turning it all into a goal-oriented pursuit of

ego-enhancement and meaning. We want spirituality to do something for us. We

want to succeed at it. We want to be a Special Enlightened Person. We want to

get rid of the ego and stop thinking and vanquish illusion. And, of course, we

are endlessly disappointed, frustrated, and confused.

Awareness is not goal-oriented. It is the natural state, what already is. It is

utterly simple and uncomplicated. The stories about you and your goals, your

successes and failures, the meaningfulness or meaninglessness of your life --

these stories are superimposed by thought. They create the mirage of suffering

that seems so real. If present awareness is something that " you " appear to be

" doing " for a result or to get somewhere else, it will disappoint you, and it

will only be some conceptual idea of " present awareness, " like an adult trying

to paint the sidewalk with water in the hopes that it will make him or her into

a great and successful artist at last!

So what to do? Effort or no effort, practice or no practice? The question is

like a cloud floating across the sky. Practices may appear or disappear, efforts

may happen or cease happening. Either way, there is only this one present

moment, just as it is. So-called meditation (in the truest sense) is nothing

other than a simplified space where everything can come to light and be seen for

what it is.

True meditation is not about going anywhere or achieving anything. It has

nothing to do with special postures, techniques, results or experiences. It is

simply effortless awareness, awake to what is. It can happen anywhere. It is the

direct discovery that there is no meditator and no possibility of stepping in or

out of the boundlessness of here and now. When that is seen, the whole concept

of " meditation " falls away. What remains is not a new belief system, but rather,

open wonder.

Maybe in clear seeing, the search for something bigger and better will be

revealed for what it is, and perhaps there will be the discovery of a simple

love for present awareness, for what is, like my love (as a child) for painting

with water. You can't force that love to happen any more than you can force

yourself to fall asleep or make yourself relax. However, this love is the

natural state, your true nature, and all that (apparently) stands in the way is

the story that this isn't it, that something more or less or different is

needed. You can't make that story disappear because that very effort is part of

the story!

The encapsulated, isolated little " you " who apparently " has " this story and

longs to be free of it is the central illusion. The stories and the illusion of

encapsulation can only be seen for what they are, not intellectually, but

directly, as they arise, here and now. And if they are not seen, then it may

appear that " you " are lost or bound or in trouble. But are you really lost? Is

the screen ever burned by the fire in the movie?

Words and concepts are complicated; reality is utterly simple. You can't eat the

menu or live in the map, and these words are an invitation to give up all your

beliefs and ideas, even the very subtle ones you've gotten from Advaita or Zen.

Enlightenment is right here. Not in the future, but now. When all that mental

clutter of seeking and trying to figure everything out and trying to get

somewhere is seen to be nothing at all, the light of awareness shines clearly

and reveals the miracle of what is, just as it is. It's happening right now.

This is it. Even the clutter is beautiful. The beauty is in the seeing.

***

Below is a list of books, tapes, and movies:

<http://home.earthlink.net/~wakeupjt/rcommndd.htm>

```````

love, E

November 3, 2005

That's an excellent article. Thanks!

In a message dated 11/3/2005 11:10:46 AM Pacific Standard Time,

Nisargadatta writes:

The Simplicity of What Is

The secret of life and liberation is hidden right in front of our eyes in

plain view. It is present awareness (not the word or the concept, but the

actuality), awake to what is: the breakfast dishes, the laundry, the sunlight

on

the leaves, the barking of a dog, the sound of traffic, the humming of the

computer, the taste of tea, the breathing.

And then perhaps a thought: " There must be more to life than this. " Thought

creates imaginary problems and tries to solve them. The complex human brain

has an astonishing ability to conceptualize, imagine, remember, project, and

think about things that have no actual reality.

As " you " are reading these words right now, little markings appearing on

this page in various combinations are being seen and instantly translated into

meaning.

Is there someone doing this remarkable activity, overseeing all these

elaborate optical and neurological processes, or is it all happening

automatically,

on its own? We say, " I " am reading, " I " am seeing, " I " am hearing, " I " am

thinking, " I " stopped smoking, " I " overate. But what exactly is that " I " ? Do

" you " really know (or control) what " your " next thought or " your " next action

will be?

Right here, there is the ability to put attention on your left foot and

wiggle your toes. But how does all that actually happen and what initiates it?

Once the mind tries to capture this happening in words, it instantly creates

illusion and confusion: the mirage of duality. Suddenly we are apparently lost

in imaginary problems and conundrums: Is there a person here or not? Is there

free will? What should I do? Can I do anything? Why do I do things I don't

want to do? How can I change?

This is all thought. But actuality is simple. It is undivided. HERE, there

is no confusion, no bondage, no problem, no free will, no absence of free

will. You are simply doing whatever you are doing. You are always doing

something, even if what you are doing is sitting motionlessly " doing nothing. "

And

actually, there is no " you " doing any of it. That " you " is an after-thought, a

mental image, a grammatical convention, a reification of something that is

truly no-thing at all. In actuality, life is simply living itself through the

appearance of " you " and " me. " Truly seeing this eliminates all guilt and blame.

Given the " wrong " combination of genetics, neurochemistry, conditioning,

provocation, and opportunity, what we consider horrible things can happen. " I "

could be the perpetrator of such things, or " you " could. And while I would

almost certainly want a serial killer or a child molester locked up for the

protection of everyone, and might even feel angry at them, nevertheless, if I

looked deeply, I would see that they were blameless. No one would commit

atrocities if they really had a choice, if they were really free. Looking

closely, I

would see that if " I " were in " their " shoes (that is to say, if " I " had the

same combination of genetics, neurochemistry, conditioning, provocation, and

opportunity), then " I " would do exactly the same thing " they " did, because

there is no " I " and no " them " apart from the " shoes " (the ten million

conditions -- nature and nurture).

Does that mean that we should be totally passive or inert or maybe wildly

licentious because " it's all just happening " and " we have no choice " ? No. It

means that " we " are not separate, isolated units disconnected from everything

else. Nothing is happening in the way that we conceptualize it. When that

illusory encapsulation and autonomy is seen for the mirage that it is, there is

simply undivided present awareness. Here alone is the natural response-ability

and intelligence that we could call wisdom or love, awake from all imaginary

conflicts and limitations -- the choiceless choice or effortless effort that

is exerted by life itself: breathing, circulating blood, dreaming, waking

up, clouding and clarifying. It isn't that there is no power or no

response-ability or nothing to do. It's that the source of all this is not what

we think

it is.

So-called choices are simply thoughts that arise unbidden that may or may

not be followed by the result they appear to select. A thought such as " I am

going to quit smoking " arises on its own out of the ten million conditions and

may or may not be followed by the cessation of smoking because that thought

has no power. The " I " to which it refers is a powerless mirage, an illusion.

The only real power is in presence-awareness, not in thought or the illusory

separate self.

What is illusory is not you as pure cognizing awareness, but the apparent

separation, solidity and continuity -- the mental image, the story -- that we

think of as " me. " Reality is undivided seeing, hearing, feeling, breathing,

speaking, writing, reading, acting, doing, awaring without center or periphery

-- which is our actual direct experience here and now before thought divides

it up mentally and overlays it with commentary, analysis and ideas.

Careful attention will reveal this to be so. Time and space (past and

future, here and there) are thought-forms. Reality is immediate and undivided.

Action happens, but the actor, the director, the script writer, and the script

are all mental ideas. Zoom in close enough, or back far enough, and you find

no-thing at all -- empty space. Not a dead void, but luminous, vibrant

aliveness, the heart of this eternal present moment -- call it presence, pure

awareness, beingness, God -- the words are only words. You can't find it by

thinking

or straining, and you can't avoid it either because there is no " you " and no

" it " except in thought and imagination. It is simply what is. No-thing

playing as everything. One without a second.

When the mirage of separation (or duality) is not seen clearly for what it

is, actions arise from a kind of hypnotic entrancement and typically produce

what we call suffering. The vow to quit smoking ends in failure and

frustration.

Looking for love, we end up with heartbreak and wonder what went wrong. In

the extremes of such confusion, we torture and exterminate millions of people

because it seems like a good idea.

Naturally, as this false thinking and entrancement begins to be seen and

understood, the desire arises to wake up once and for all, to be done forever

with confusion, mirages and painful behavior patterns. " I " want to be an

enlightened person, someone who sees clearly and behaves wonderfully all the

time.

" I " want to eliminate the self and " be here now " all the time. I want to save

the world. But in these very ideas, the mirage has reasserted itself, for

once again it is the illusory individual taking personally what is utterly

impersonal and then trying to manage and control the universe, all in the

imaginary future. Inevitably, the result is disappointment, for this kind of

thinking is the very essence of the delusion it seeks to eliminate.

It has been wisely said that so-called enlightenment is not final victory,

but final defeat. We could say that enlightenment is being totally without

hope, not because we have sunk into nihilistic despair, but because there is

total presence and simply what is, with no effort to make sense of it or

control

it or make it something better. Paradoxically, when there is no resistance

to what is, no dreaming of something better, no effort to control, no sense of

purpose, then action flows naturally and effortlessly and what we think of

as positive transformation often occurs. But in the heart of things, nothing

happens. It is all play. Nothing is going anywhere; it's always right here.

In the face of suffering, what is truly liberating is awareness, seeing

through the conceptual overlay ( " this is unbearable, " " this shouldn't be

happening, " " everything is God's will, " " it's all just a dream, " " I'm a

terrible

person, " " those folks over there are the axis of evil, " " it's all perfect just

as

it is, " or whatever conditioned thoughts the brain pumps out). When this

conceptual overlay is absent or transparent, there is simply the bare actuality

of what is: present awareness, open, not knowing what it all means, not

seeking an outcome, not taking any of it personally. In the light of presence

and

awareness, what happens to suffering? Is it still there? Is it solid?

And if the movie begins playing in which " you " are trying very hard to " do

this right, " to " stay open and aware all the time, " then notice that this is

yet another conceptual overlay, another movie, another appearance. There is

only Now, only what is. Clouds appear. Contraction appears. Pain appears.

Turning away appears. Mental movies appear. It's all part of the ebb and flow

of

the manifestation. What is it that beholds all of this? Is there a

boundlessness, a spaciousness, that includes absolutely everything, even

so-called

contraction and distraction and resistance, even so-called " evil " ? Is that

spaciousness actually our true nature, the heart of what we are, of what is? We

can't see this boundless presence or get it, but we can wake up to being it.

Not

as an idea ( " I am awareness " ), but as that in which all ideas appear and

disappear.

Liberation is not about picking up a new belief system or a new set of

answers (for example, that " All is One, " or that " Consciousness is all there

is, "

or that " there is no free will, " or that " you create your own reality, " or

that " everything is perfect. " ). Liberation is the aliveness and immediacy

beyond belief. Liberation is when all the answers, explanations and positions

disappear, and what remains is the open mind of not knowing.

It is astonishingly easy for fundamentalism to slip in and take hold. Our

human desire for certainty and comfort runs deep.

Thus it has been said, if you meet the Buddha, kill it. Seeing through

illusion is not something that happens once in a great flash and then it's done

forever. It all happens now.

Ultimately, the universe is a fleeting dream, a bubble in a stream. Wipe

your forehead and you've killed and maimed billions of micro-organisms.

Horrible

events and misfortunes are often the source of tremendous wisdom, insight,

compassion, and awakening.

Light and dark are two ends of the same stick, and there are no one-ended

sticks. Seeing this, there is more acceptance of life as it is. But that

acceptance doesn't mean dissociation or a closed heart; true acceptance is

total

intimacy. Each baby duck in the park, each newly blossoming flower, each drop

of dew, each snowflake, each piece of trash in the gutter is utterly unique

and precious, as is every human being. And in reality, there are no such

" things " as ducks and people and snowflakes; it is all the dancing of

emptiness,

the one without a second. When we really see a flower, or an ant, or a bird, or

a piece of trash, or a human being, we see everything and no-thing, and that

seeing is love. In clear seeing, we may even find that it is possible to

love a serial killer or a child molester or even ourselves with all of our

apparent failings and imperfections.

Awareness, by its very nature, accepts absolutely everything. Whatever

appears -- whether it is confusion, resistance, pain, pleasure, efforting,

bliss,

boredom, me-stories, clear skies or thunderstorms -- all of it is allowed to

be here. Awareness is like a mirror that reflects everything equally without

judgment or preferences. It isn't that " you " have to " do " this acceptance.

Rather, everything already is allowed to be as it is, even judgments and

preferences! It all is! Perhaps that is the real meaning of unconditional love.

Is there any limit to present awareness? Right now, if you close your eyes

and pay careful attention, can you actually find the place where " inside " ends

and " outside " begins? How solid is what you think of as " your body " ? Is the

apparent border between " you " and " everything else " really there, or is it

actually nothing more than an idea, a mental image, a river of ever-changing

sensations, a story appearing in awareness?

If you're beginning to think that " awareness " is actually something (a kind

of Big Blank Thing or a Giant Empty Container or a Mirror), notice that these

are all mental images, conceptual ideas, subtle imaginary objects. Awareness

is what remains when everything perceivable and conceivable falls away. Are

you trying to see what that is? Can you see the joke in trying to do that?

Don't think that everything perceivable and conceivable has to disappear

(how could it?). But how solid is anything perceivable or conceivable (any

image, any idea, any memory, any sensation, any thought, any emotion, any

event,

any object, any experience)? Where is your childhood or yesterday or a minute

ago or the last second? On close inspection, everything is insubstantial,

ungraspable, vanishing. The mind keeps trying to get a grip. It wants answers,

certainty, a place to stand. What is this whole thing? The mind wants to

understand the whole. Thought imagines that " you " can step back and take a look

at " it. " But no matter how hard the mind tries, the eye cannot see itself.

Experiences come and go. This is not about having a special experience, a big

event, a final understanding, or a psychedelic vision of some kind.

Waking up is much more immediate and obvious.

Simply notice that everything (mental movies, dreams, perceptions, thoughts,

waking life, mirages, the I-illusion, apparent duality, time and space,

chairs, tables, expansion, contraction, meditation retreats, traffic jams,

everything) is without substance or continuity, and it all appears and

disappears

right here. Here is always here. It's always now. Even memories of the past,

fantasies about the future, and thoughts of elsewhere can only appear here and

now in the timeless, spaceless no-thing-ness of present awareness. This is

always here, whether it appears clear or clouded by thoughts, mental movies

and the story of " me. "

Awakening is never about achieving something that isn't right here, right

now. So what is right here, right now?

Is the mind scanning for an answer (another word)? If all words and ideas

drop away, what remains?

Is the mind scanning for some experience, some special perception? If that

effort lets go, what remains?

There is no answer. Only the IS-ness of ungraspable actuality.

And what is that? Absolutely everything. Nothing at all!

Ordinary present awareness. The shape of these words, the hum of the

computer, the sound of the traffic, the listening presence, the sensations that

appear and disappear. It's all right here, right now. Only thought divides it

up

and tries to figure it all out. And that very movement of thought is itself

only energy and vibration. No-thing at all. Listen to the thoughts and

memories and fantasies that bubble up out of nowhere, and notice how they

create

instant mental movies and the image of a separate " me. " See how transparent it

all is. These thoughts are simply secretions of the brain, conditioned habit

patterns, mental weather -- there is nothing personal about them.

There is no need to resist or vanquish them; simply see them for what they

are. Clearly seeing the mirage-world of thoughts and mental movies for what it

is gets more and more subtle. Being down on yourself for " thinking too much "

is just more thinking! There is no " you " doing the thinking or the seeing;

that " you " is only another thought, another mental image. This exploration

isn't about getting rid of anything; it's about seeing that thoughts and mental

movies are thoughts and movies, and seeing that the " me " who wants to wake up

from the movies, and stop thinking, and eliminate the self, and get

enlightened is just another mental image, another thought, another movie

character in

another story.

The seeing is what's real, the actuality or suchness of this moment, the

smell of rain, the song of a bird, the whoosh of traffic. That's your True

Nature, the nondual absolute. Totally alive. Ungraspable. Undivided. No final

result, no finish line, no Big Bang event -- just what is, as it is. No need

for

exotic experiences. Nothing needs to be eliminated or held on to, and nothing

needs to be acquired. HERE is freedom.

If you're feeling confused, trying to figure out whether or not you have

free will, or whether or not you exist, or whether or not you should meditate

or

do nothing, or whether to believe this teacher or that teacher, simply wake

up right now from these mental conundrums. Stop. Look. Listen. Hear the

traffic, the birds, the wind. Feel the breathing. Nothing special. Just the

extraordinary miracle of what actually is.

When I was a little child, my mother used to give me a pail of water and a

paintbrush, so I could paint on the sidewalk. Of course, my paintings quickly

disappeared and there was no fame and fortune involved! And therefore, it was

for the sheer joy of painting that I did it, for the dance. It needed no

reward, no praise, no permanence. It was complete in itself. As I grew older

and

became an art student, I found myself concerned with all the things humans

know so well: comparing " myself " to " others " and coming up short, wondering if

it was worth painting if I wasn't Leonardo or Picasso or Somebody Enormous.

What had once been pure fun was now all about " me " and how " I " measured up to

some imaginary standard.

When this interest in waking up first appears, it frequently gets hijacked

by this old conditioning that drains the life out of our natural playfulness

and curiosity and creativity by turning it all into a goal-oriented pursuit of

ego-enhancement and meaning. We want spirituality to do something for us. We

want to succeed at it. We want to be a Special Enlightened Person. We want

to get rid of the ego and stop thinking and vanquish illusion. And, of course,

we are endlessly disappointed, frustrated, and confused.

Awareness is not goal-oriented. It is the natural state, what already is. It

is utterly simple and uncomplicated. The stories about you and your goals,

your successes and failures, the meaningfulness or meaninglessness of your

life -- these stories are superimposed by thought. They create the mirage of

suffering that seems so real. If present awareness is something that " you "

appear to be " doing " for a result or to get somewhere else, it will disappoint

you, and it will only be some conceptual idea of " present awareness, " like an

adult trying to paint the sidewalk with water in the hopes that it will make

him or her into a great and successful artist at last!

So what to do? Effort or no effort, practice or no practice? The question is

like a cloud floating across the sky. Practices may appear or disappear,

efforts may happen or cease happening. Either way, there is only this one

present moment, just as it is. So-called meditation (in the truest sense) is

nothing other than a simplified space where everything can come to light and be

seen for what it is.

True meditation is not about going anywhere or achieving anything. It has

nothing to do with special postures, techniques, results or experiences. It is

simply effortless awareness, awake to what is. It can happen anywhere. It is

the direct discovery that there is no meditator and no possibility of

stepping in or out of the boundlessness of here and now. When that is seen, the

whole concept of " meditation " falls away. What remains is not a new belief

system, but rather, open wonder.