Guest guest Posted December 19, 2005 Report Share Posted December 19, 2005 Before 'what I didn't understand' had happened only teachers that I had read to any considerable extent [beyond 2-3 pages] were: Osho, Tolle and Katie I had learnt from someone that enlightenment was extremely rare and was thus extremely unlikely to happen to me. With this, I had dropped all expectations, hope, desire or goal for it. .... I had done great work at office and my boss had in a way, given me paid vacation. I still occasionally read/heard spiritual stuff and would 'naturally' meditate i.e. enter in 'no thought' state. This 'gaps' were automatically getting longer and longer and many times would occur on its own... I was neither worried about any of it nor was I excited neither was I waiting about what would happen next. [maybe, because in a way, I was sure that nothing was going to happen]. .... Strangely and unexpectedly sex had also started disappearing from my life. Its frequency has naturally reduced greatly and the many times I ended without feeling the need to ejaculate after my wife felt completed. .... I kept getting quieter and quieter and then, I fell sick... My body ached... and, then I surrendered and finally slept... .... Next after I woke up and came to my senses... I was stunned... I felt as if my mind had stopped, as if I had no thought I felt absolutely clear like... Clear Sky... My perception had in a way changed and all I felt was void/emptiness/nothingness within and without... My first thought was that perhaps, I was dying... [that thought took really long time to ease and subside and for me to really accept that I could be 'not constantly thinking'... yet, not dead] I talked to two of my friends... they kind of drew blank... I talk to my doctor... she looked puzzled and concerned... I talked to the guy who had convinced me of 'impossibility' of enlightenment... I received no reply... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 19, 2005 Report Share Posted December 19, 2005 > > Teachers and their teachings became > true for me in kind of different way: > It took me quite a long time to realize and accept that I was neither really dead nor very likely to immediately die. Possibility that maybe, I got enlightened I never fully accepted and in a way, 'what was that which had happened?' began my journey into things 'spiritual'! .... I read Kiran and found the following closely match my experience: http://www.sannyasnews.com/Pages/Kiran.html ------------------- By and by, I began to understand that something was wrong with searching. I felt that it was wrong to be after something all the time. I woke up to the understanding that I was making a mistake by searching something, somewhere outside. I came to know that I was making a mistake by going to somebody, by asking for the way, by sitting at somebody's feet, by waiting for something to happen, by desiring that the realisation will happen with the help of effort and spiritual practice. I started simply watching myself. I was watching my mind. I was watching all inner processes that were happening. And - ever so slowly - I began to understand that the desire, the effort, the doings and practices were the actual disturbances of my peace. The seeking was the obstruction to realisation. Osho had told us many times that we had to drop all our doings and efforts. He had said that we never lost It, and that It was already our nature. Sitting right in front of him I had heard him say that so many times. But I could not understand him because I was sleeping and dreaming. I believe that's what happened to all of us - we fell sleep and therefore didn't hear him. I became aware of what was happening. I started to understand what was happening. Slowly, slowly, I began to awake. The first thing I " did " was to drop all my doings and practices for reaching somewhere and for achieving the goal of enlightenment. I just became an ordinary man. I worked in my business and I looked after my family. I did not desire anymore to reach somewhere. I was not after anything any longer. All my searching just dropped away by itself. I started accepting existence. I started accepting myself. I could accept myself as I was. I did not desire any change. I was not even asking to become something. I was not asking for enlightenment anymore. I was just relaxing with myself. I was happy, peaceful and relaxed with how and what I was in the present moment. I found myself saying to myself, " It's okay. It's fine. I don't want to become somebody. I don't want to get anywhere. " Therefore, when Osho came back to Pune, there was no energy inside me, which made me go to the ashram and see him. All questions had dropped. All questioning and searching were simply finished. I did not bother whether this was enlightenment or not. But I could definitely say that all searching had ended, all questions had dropped. I had no questions to ask anymore. I felt absolutely settled and at peace with myself. I could feel the silence descending on me. Slowly, slowly I was dissolving. I, as I knew myself, was just dissolving. I was feeling close to existence and to everything and to everybody. In my silence, I was becoming one with everything. Nothing could disturb the peace inside myself. ------------------- Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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