I Am That chpts 90-101 almost halfway there!.Bravo..Bravo

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90. Surrender to Your Own Self

Questioner: I was born in the United States, and the last fourteen

months I have spent in Sri Ramanashram; now I am on my way back to

the States where my mother is expecting me.

 

Maharaj: What are your plans?

 

Q: I may qualify as a nurse, or just marry and have babies.

 

M: What makes you want to marry?

 

Q: providing a spiritual home is the highest form of social service

I can think of. But, of course, life may shape otherwise. I am ready

for whatever comes.

 

M: These fourteen months at Sri Ramanashram, what did they give you?

In what way are you different from what you were when you arrived

there?

 

Q: I am no longer afraid. I have found some peace.

 

M: What kind of peace is it? The peace of having what you want, or

not wanting what you do not have?

 

Q: A little of both, I believe. It was not easy at all. While the

Ashram is a very peaceful place, inwardly I was in agonies.

 

M: When you realise that the distinction between inner and outer is

in the mind only, you are no longer afraid.

 

Q: Such realisation comes and goes with me. I have not yet reached

the immutability of absolute completeness.

 

M: Well, as long as you believe so, you must go on with your

sadhana, to disperse the false idea of not being complete. Sadhana

removes the super-impositions. When you realise yourself as less than

a point in space and time, something too small to be cut and too

short-lived to be killed, then, and then only, all fear goes. When

you are smaller than the point of a needle, then the needle cannot

pierce you -- you pierce the needle!

 

Q: Yes, that is how I feel sometimes -- indomitable. I am more than

fearless -- I am fearlessness itself.

 

M: What made you go to the Ashram?

 

Q: I had an unhappy love affair and suffered hell. Neither drink

nor drugs could help me. I was groping and came across some books on

Yoga. From book to book, from clue to clue -- I came to Ramanashram.

 

M: Were the same tragedy to happen to you again, would you suffer as

much, considering your present state of mind?

 

Q: Oh no, I would not let myself suffer again. I would kill myself.

 

M: So you are not afraid to die!

 

Q: I am afraid of dying, not of death itself. I imagine the dying

process to be painful and ugly.

 

M: How do you know? It need not be so. It may be beautiful and

peaceful. Once you know that death happens to the body and not to

you, you just watch your body falling off like a discarded garment.

 

Q: I am fully aware that my fear of death is due to apprehension

and not knowledge.

 

M: Human beings die every second, the fear and the agony of dying

hangs over the world like a cloud. No wonder you too are afraid. But

once you know that the body alone dies and not the continuity of

memory and the sense of `I am' reflected in it, you are afraid no

longer.

 

Q: Well, let us die and see.

 

M: Give attention and you will find that birth and death are one,

that life pulsates between being and non-being, and that each needs

the other for completeness. You are born to die and you die to be

reborn.

 

Q: Does not detachment stop the process?

 

M: With detachment the fear goes, but not the fact.

 

Q: Shall I be compelled to be reborn? How dreadful!

 

M: There is no compulsion. You get what you want. You make your own

plans and you carry them out.

 

Q: Do we condemn ourselves to suffer?

 

M: We grow through investigation, and to investigate we need

experience. We tend to repeat what we have not understood. If we are

sensitive and intelligent, we need not suffer. Pain is a call for

attention and the penalty of carelessness. Intelligent and

compassionate action is the only remedy.

 

Q: It is because I have grown in intelligence that I would not

tolerate my suffering again. What is wrong with suicide?

 

M: Nothing wrong, if it solves the problem. What, if it does not?

Suffering caused by extraneous factors -- some painful and incurable

disease, or unbearable calamity -- may provide some justification,

but where wisdom and compassion are lacking, suicide cannot help. A

foolish death means foolishness reborn. Besides there is the question

of karma to consider. Endurance is usually the wisest course.

 

Q: Must one endure suffering, however acute and hopeless?

 

M: Endurance is one thing and helpless agony is another. Endurance

is meaningful and fruitful, while agony is useless.

 

Q: Why worry about karma? It takes care of itself anyhow.

 

M: Most of our karma is collective. We suffer for the sins of

others, as others suffer for ours. Humanity is one. Ignorance of this

fact does not change it. We could have been much happier people

ourselves, but for our indifference to the sufferings of others.

 

Q: I find I have grown much more responsive.

 

M: Good. When you say it, what do you have in mind? Yourself, as a

responsive person within a female body?

 

Q: There is a body and there is compassion and there is memory and

a number of things and attitudes; collectively they may be called a

person.

 

M: Including the `I am' idea?

 

Q: The `I am' is like a basket that holds the many things that make

a person.

 

M: Or, rather, it is the willow of which the basket is woven. When

you think of yourself as a women, do you mean that you are a women,

or that your body is described as female?

 

Q: It depends on my mood. Sometimes I feel myself to be a mere

centre of awareness.

 

M: Or, an ocean of awareness. But are there moments when you are

neither man nor women, not the accidental, occasioned by

circumstances and conditions?

 

Q: Yes, there are, but I feel shy to talk about it.

 

M: A hint is all that one can expect. You need not say more.

 

Q: Am I allowed to smoke in your presence? I know that it is not

the custom to smoke before a sage and more so for a women.

 

M: By all means, smoke, nobody will mind. We understand.

 

Q: I feel the need of cooling down.

 

M: It is very often so with Americans and Europeans. After a stretch

of sadhana they become charged with energy and frantically seek an

outlet. They organise communities, become teachers of Yoga, marry,

write books -- anything except keeping quiet and turning their

energies within, to find the source of the inexhaustible power and

learn the art of keeping it under control.

 

Q: I admit that now I want to go back and live a very active life,

because I feel full of energy.

 

M: You can do what you like, as long as you do not take yourself to

be the body and the mind. It is not so much a question of actual

giving up the body and all that goes with it, as a clear

understanding that you are not the body. A sense of aloofness, of

emotional non-involvement.

 

Q: I know what you mean. Some four years ago I passed through a

period of rejection of the physical; I would not buy myself clothes,

would eat the simplest foods, sleep on bare planks. It is the

acceptance of the privations that matters, not the actual discomfort.

Now I have realised that welcoming life as it comes and loving all it

offers, is best of it. I shall accept with glad heart whatever comes

and make the best of it. If I can do nothing more than give life and

true culture to a few children -- good enough; though my heart goes

out to every child, I cannot reach all.

 

M: You are married and a mother only when you are man-women

conscious. When you do not take yourself to be the body, then the

family life of the body, however intense and interesting, is seen

only as a play on the screen of the mind, with the light of awareness

as the only reality.

 

Q: Why do you insist on awareness as the only real? Is not the

object of awareness as real, while it lasts?

 

M: But it does not last! Momentary reality is secondary; it depends

on the timeless.

 

Q: Do you mean continuous, or permanent?

 

M: There can be no continuity in existence. Continuity implies

identity in past, present and future. No such identity is possible,

for the very means of identification fluctuate and change.

Continuity, permanency, these are illusions created by memory, mere

mental projections of a pattern where no pattern can be; Abandon all

ideas of temporary or permanent, body or mind, man or women; what

remains? What is the state of your mind when all separation is given

up? I am not talking of giving up distinctions, for without them

there is no manifestation.

 

Q: When I do not separate, I am happily at peace. But somehow I

lose my bearings again and again and begin to seek happiness in outer

things. Why is my inner peace not steady, I cannot understand.

 

M: Peace, after all, is also a condition of the mind.

 

Q: Beyond the mind is silence. There is nothing to be said about it.

 

M: Yes, all talk about silence is mere noise.

 

Q: Why do we seek worldly happiness, even after having tasted one's

own natural spontaneous happiness?

 

M: When the mind is engaged in serving the body, happiness is lost.

To regain it, it seeks pleasure. The urge to be happy is right, but

the means of securing it are misleading, unreliable and destructive

of true happiness.

 

Q: Is pleasure always wrong?

 

M: The right state and use of the body and the mind are intensely

pleasant. It is the search for pleasure that is wrong. Do not try to

make yourself happy, rather question your very search for happiness.

It is because you are not happy that you want to be happy. Find out

why you are unhappy. Because you are not happy you seek happiness in

pleasure; pleasure brings in pain and therefore you call it worldly;

you then long for some other pleasure, without pain, which you call

divine. In reality, pleasure is but a respite from pain. Happiness is

both worldly and unworldly, within and beyond all that happens. Make

no distinction, don't separate the inseparable and do not alienate

yourself from life.

 

Q: How well I understand you now! Before my stay at Ramanashram I

was tyrannised by conscience, always sitting in judgement of myself.

Now I am completely relaxed, fully accepting myself as I am. When I

return to the States, I shall take life as it comes, as Bhagavan's

grace, and enjoy the bitter along with the sweet. This is one of the

things I have learnt in the Ashram -- to trust Bhagavan. I was not

like this before. I could not trust.

 

M: Trusting Bhagavan is trusting yourself. Be aware that whatever

happens, happens to you, by you, through you, that you are the

creator, enjoyer and destroyer of all you perceive and you will not

be afraid. Unafraid, you will not be unhappy, nor will you seek

happiness.

 

In the mirror of your mind all kinds of pictures appear and

disappear. Knowing that they are entirely your own creations, watch

them silently come and go, be alert, but not perturbed. This attitude

of silent observation is the very foundation of Yoga. You see the

picture, but you are not the picture.

 

Q: I find that the thought of death frightens me because I do not

want to be reborn. I know that none compels, yet the pressure of

unsatisfied desires is overwhelming and I may not be able to resist.

 

M: The question of resistance does not arise. What is born and

reborn is not you. Let it happen, watch it happen.

 

Q: Why then be at all concerned?

 

M: But you are concerned! And you will be concerned as long as the

picture clashes with your own sense of truth, love and beauty. The

desire for harmony and peace is in eradicable. But once it is

fulfilled, the concern ceases and physical life becomes effortless

and below the level of attention. Then, even in the body you are not

born. To be embodied or bodyless is the same to you. You reach a

point when nothing can happen to you. Without body, you cannot be

killed; without possessions you cannot be robbed; without mind, you

cannot be deceived. There is no point where a desire or fear can hook

on. As long as no change can happen to you, what else matters?

 

Q: Somehow I do not like the idea of dying.

 

M: It is because you are so young. The more you know yourself the

less you are afraid. Of course, the agony of dying is never pleasant

to look at, but the dying man is rarely conscious.

 

Q: Does he return to consciousness?

 

M: It is very much like sleep. For a time the person is out of focus

and then it returns.

 

Q: The same person?

 

M: The person, being a creature of circumstances, necessarily

changes along with them, like the flame that changes with the fuel.

Only the process goes on and on, creating time and space.

 

Q: Well, God will look after me. I can leave everything to Him.

 

M: Even faith in God is only a stage on the way. Ultimately you

abandon all, for you come to something so simple that there are no

words to express it.

 

Q: I am just beginning. At the start I had no faith, no trust; I

was afraid to let things happen. The world seemed to be a very

dangerous and inimical place. Now, at least I can talk of trusting

the Guru or God. Let me grow. Don't drive me on. Let me proceed at my

own pace.

 

M: By all means proceed. But you don't. You are still stuck in the

ideas of man and women, old and young, life and death. Go on, go

beyond. A thing recognised is a thing transcended.

 

Q: Sir, wherever I go people take it to be their duty to find

faults with me and goad me on. I am fed up with this spiritual

fortune making. What is wrong with my present that it should be

sacrificed to a future, however glorious? You say reality is in the

now. I want it. I do not want to be eternally anxious about my

stature and its future. I do not want to chase the more and the

better. Let me love what I have.

 

M: You are quite right; do it. Only be honest -- just love what you

love -- don't strive and strain.

 

Q: This is what I call surrender to the Guru.

 

M: Why exteriorise? Surrender to your own self, of which everything

is an expression.

 

91. Pleasure and Happiness

Questioner: A friend of mine, a young man about twenty-five, was told

that he is suffering from an incurable heart disease. He wrote to me

that instead of slow death he preferred suicide. I replied to him

that a disease incurable by Western medicine may be cured in some

other way. There are yogic powers that can bring almost instantaneous

changes in the human body. Effects of repeated fasting also verge on

the miraculous. I wrote to him not to be in a hurry to die; rather to

give a trial to other approaches.

 

There is a Yogi living not far from Bombay who possesses some

miraculous powers. He has specialised in the control of the vital

forces governing the body. I met some of his disciples and sent

through to the Yogi my friend's letter and photo. Let us see what

happens.

 

Maharaj: Yes, miracles often take place. But there must be the will

to live. Without it the miracles will not happen.

 

Q: Can such a desire be instilled?

 

M: Superficial desire, yes. But it will wear out. Fundamentally,

nobody can compel another to live. Besides, there were cultures in

which suicide had its acknowledged and respected place.

 

Q: Is it not obligatory to live out one's natural span of life?

 

M: Natural -- spontaneously -- easy -- yes. But disease and

suffering are not natural. There is noble virtue in unshakable

endurance of whatever comes, but there is also dignity in the refusal

of meaningless torture and humiliation.

 

Q: I was given a book written by a siddha. He describes in it many

of his strange, even amazing experiences. According to him the way of

a true sadhaka ends with his meeting his Guru and surrendering to him

body, mind and heart. Henceforth the Guru takes over and becomes

responsible for even the least event in the disciple's life, until

the two become one. One may call it realisation through

identification. The disciple is taken over by a power he cannot

control, nor resist, and feels as helpless as a leaf in the storm.

The only thing that keeps him safe from madness and death is his

faith in the love and power of his Guru.

 

M: Every teacher teaches according to his own experience. Experience

is shaped by belief and belief is shaped by experience. Even the Guru

is shaped by the disciple to his own image. It is the disciple that

makes the Guru great. Once the Guru is seen to be the agent of a

liberating power, which works both from within and without, whole-

hearted surrender becomes natural and easy. Just as a man gripped by

pain puts himself completely in the hands of a surgeon, so does the

disciple entrust himself without reservation to his Guru. It is quite

natural to seek help when its need is felt acutely. But, however

powerful the Guru may be, he should not impose his will on the

disciple. On the other hand, a disciple that distrusts and hesitates

is bound to remain unfulfilled for no fault of his Guru.

 

Q: What happens then?

 

M: Life teaches, where all else fails. But the lessons of life take

a long time to come. Much delay and trouble is saved by trusting and

obeying. But such trust comes only when indifference and restlessness

give place to clarity and peace. A man who keeps himself in low

esteem, will not be able to trust himself, nor anybody else.

Therefore, in the beginning the teacher tries his best to reassure

the disciple as to his high origin, noble nature and glorious

destiny. He relates to him the experiences of some saints as well as

his own, instilling confidence in himself and in his infinite

possibilities. When self-confidence and trust in the teacher come

together, rapid and far-going changes in the disciple's character and

life can take place.

 

Q: I may not want to change. My life is good enough as it is.

 

M: You say so because you have not seen how painful is the life you

live. You are like a child sleeping with a lollypop in its mouth. You

may feel happy for a moment by being totally self-centred, but it is

enough to have a good look at human faces to perceive the

universality of suffering. Even your own happiness is so vulnerable

and short-lived, at the mercy of a bank-crash, or a stomach ulcer. It

is just a moment of respite, a mere gap between two sorrows. Real

happiness is not vulnerable, because it does not depend on

circumstances.

 

Q: Are you talking from your own experience? Are you too unhappy?

 

M: I have no personal problems. But the world is full of living

beings whose lives are squeezed between fear and craving. They are

like cattle driven to the slaughter house, jumping and frisking,

carefree and happy, yet dead and skinned within an hour.

 

You say you are happy. Are you really happy, or are you merely trying

to convince yourself. Look at yourself fearlessly and you will at

once realise that your happiness depends on conditions and

circumstances, hence it is momentary, not real. Real happiness flows

from within.

 

Q: Of what use is your happiness to me? It does not make me happy.

 

M: You can have the whole of it and more for the mere asking. But

you do not ask; you don't seem to want.

 

Q: Why do you say so? I do want to be happy.

 

M: You are quite satisfied with pleasures. There is no place for

happiness. Empty your cup and clean it. It cannot be filled

otherwise. Others can give you pleasure, but never happiness.

 

Q: A chain of pleasurable events is good enough.

 

M: Soon it ends in pain, if not in disaster. What is Yoga after all,

but seeking lasting happiness within?

 

Q: You can speak only for the East. In the West the conditions are

different and what you say does not apply.

 

M: There is no East and West in sorrow and fear. The problem is

universal -- suffering and the ending of suffering. The cause of

suffering is dependence and independence is the remedy. Yoga is the

science and the art of self-liberation through self-understanding.

 

Q: I do not think I am fit for Yoga.

 

M: What else are you fit for? All your going and coming, seeking

pleasure, loving and hating -- all this shows that you struggle

against limitations, self-imposed or accepted. In your ignorance you

make mistakes and cause pain to yourself and others, but the urge is

there and shall not be denied. The same urge that seeks birth,

happiness and death shall seek understanding and liberation. It is

like a spark of fire in a cargo of cotton. You may not know about it,

but sooner or later the ship will burst in flames. Liberation is a

natural process and in the long run, inevitable. But it is within

your power to bring it into the now.

 

Q: Then why are so few liberated people in the world?

 

M: In a forest only some of the trees are in full bloom at a given

moment, yet every one will have its turn.

 

Sooner or later your physical and mental resources will come to an

end. What will you do then? Despair? All right, despair. You will get

tired of despairing and begin to question. At that moment you will be

fit for conscious Yoga.

 

Q: I find all this seeking and brooding most unnatural.

 

M: Yours is the naturalness of a born cripple. You may be unaware

but it does not make you normal. What it means to be natural or

normal you do not know, nor do you know that you do not know.

 

At present you are drifting and therefore in danger, for to a drifter

any moment anything may happen. It would be better to wake up and see

your situation. That you are -- you know. What you are -- you don't

know. Find out what you are.

 

Q: Why is there so much suffering in the world?

 

M: Selfishness is the cause of suffering. There is no other cause.

 

Q: I understood that suffering is inherent in limitation.

 

M: Differences and distinctions are not the causes of sorrow. Unity

in diversity is natural and good. It is only with separateness and

self-seeking that real suffering appears in the world.

 

92. Go Beyond the l-am-the-body Idea

Questioner: We are like animals, running about in vain pursuits and

there seems to be no end to it. Is there a way out?

 

Maharaj: Many ways will be offered to you which will but take you

round and bring you back to your starting point. First realise that

your problem exists in your waking state only, that however painful

it is, you are able to forget it altogether when you go to sleep.

When you are awake you are conscious; when you are asleep, you are

only alive. Consciousness and life -- both you may call God; but you

are beyond both, beyond God, beyond being and not-being. What

prevents you from knowing yourself as all and beyond all, is the mind

based on memory. It has power over you as long as you trust it; don't

struggle with it; just disregard it. Deprived of attention, it will

slow down and reveal the mechanism of its working. Once you know its

nature and purpose, you will not allow it to create imaginary

problems.

 

Q: Surely, not all problems are imaginary. There are real problems.

 

M: What problems can there be which the mind did not create? Life

and death do not create problems; pains and pleasures come and go,

experienced and forgotten. It is memory and anticipation that create

problems of attainment or avoidance, coloured by like and dislike.

Truth and love are man's real nature and mind and heart are the means

of its expression.

 

Q: How to bring the mind under control? And the heart, which does

not know what it wants?

 

M: They cannot work in darkness. They need the light of pure

awareness to function rightly. All effort at control will merely

subject them to the dictates of memory. Memory is a good servant, but

a bad master. It effectively prevents discovery. There is no place

for effort in reality. It is selfishness, due to a self-

identification with the body, that is the main problem and the cause

of all other problems. And selfishness cannot be removed by effort,

only by clear insight into its causes and effects. Effort is a sign

of conflict between incompatible desires. They should be seen as they

are -- then only they dissolve.

 

Q: And what remains?

 

M: That which cannot change, remains. The great peace, the deep

silence, the hidden beauty of reality remain. While it can not be

conveyed through words, it is waiting for you to experience for

yourself.

 

Q: Must not one be fit and eligible for realisation? Our nature is

animal to the core. Unless it is conquered, how can we hope for

reality to dawn?

 

M: Leave the animal alone. Let it be. Just remember what you are.

Use every incident of the day to remind you that without you as the

witness there would be neither animal nor God. Understand that you

are both, the essence and the substance of all there is. and remain

firm in your understanding.

 

Q: Is understanding enough? Don't I need more tangible proofs?

 

M: It is your understanding that will decide about the validity of

proofs. But what more tangible proof do you need than your own

existence? Wherever you go you find yourself. However far you reach

out in time, you are there.

 

Q: Obviously, I am not all-pervading and eternal. I am only here

and now.

 

M: Good enough. The 'here' is everywhere and the now -- always. Go

beyond the 'I-am-the-body' idea and you will find that space and time

are in you and not you in space and time. Once you have understood

this, the main obstacle to realisation is removed.

 

Q: What is the realisation which is beyond understanding?

 

M: Imagine a dense forest full of tigers and you in a strong steel

cage. Knowing that you are well protected by the cage, you watch the

tigers fearlessly. Next you find the tigers in the cage and yourself

roaming about in the jungle. Last -- the cage disappears and you ride

the tigers!

 

Q: I attended one of the group meditation sessions, held recently

in Bombay, and witnessed the frenzy and self-abandon of the

participants. Why do people go for such things?

 

M: These are all inventions of a restless mind pampering to people

in search of sensations. Some of them help the unconscious to

disgorge suppressed memories and longings and to that extent they

provide relief. But ultimately they leave the practitioner where he

was -- or worse.

 

Q: I have read recently a book by a Yogi on his experiences in

meditation. It is full of visions and sounds, colours and melodies;

quite a display and a most gorgeous entertainment! In the end they

all faded out and only the feeling of utter fearlessness remained. No

wonder -- a man who passed through all these experiences unscathed

need not be afraid of anything! Yet I was wondering of what use is

such book to me?

 

M: Of no use, probably, since it does not attract you. Others may be

impressed. People differ. But all are faced with the fact of their

own existence. 'I am' is the ultimate fact; 'Who am l?' is the

ultimate question to which everybody must find an answer.

 

Q: The same answer?

 

M: The same in essence, varied in expression.

 

Each seeker accepts, or invents, a method which suits him, applies it

to himself with some earnestness and effort, obtains results

according to his temperament and expectations, casts them into the

mound of words, builds them into a system, establishes a tradition

and begins to admit others into his 'school of Yoga'. It is all built

on memory and imagination. No such school is valueless, nor

indispensable; in each one can progress up to the point, when all

desire for progress must be abandoned to make further progress

possible. Then all schools are given up, all effort ceases; in

solitude and darkness the vast step is made which ends ignorance and

fear forever.

 

The true teacher, however, will not imprison his disciple in a

prescribed set of ideas, feelings and actions; on the contrary, he

will show him patiently the need to be free from all ideas and set

patterns of behaviour, to be vigilant and earnest and go with life

wherever it takes him, not to enjoy or suffer, but to understand and

learn.

 

Under the right teacher the disciple learns to learn, not to remember

and obey. Satsang, the company of the noble, does not mould, it

liberates. Beware of all that makes you dependent. Most of the so-

called 'surrenders to the Guru' end in disappointment, if not in

tragedy. Fortunately, an earnest seeker will disentangle himself in

time, the wiser for the experience.

 

Q: Surely, self-surrender has its value.

 

M: Self-surrender is the surrender of all self-concern. It cannot be

done, it happens when you realise your true nature. Verbal self-

surrender, even when accompanied by feeling, is of little value and

breaks down under stress. At the best it shows an aspiration, not an

actual fact.

 

Q: In the Rigveda there is the mention of the adhi yoga, the

Primordial Yoga, consisting of the marriage of pragna with Prana,

which, as I understand, means the bringing together of wisdom and

life. Would you say it means also the union of Dharma and Karma,

righteousness and action?

 

M: Yes, provided by righteousness you mean harmony with one's true

nature and by action -- only unselfish and desireless action.

 

In adhi yoga life itself is the Guru and the mind -- the disciple.

The mind attends to life, it does not dictate. Life flows naturally

and effortlessly and the mind removes the obstacles to its even flow.

 

Q: Is not life by its very nature repetitive? Will not following

life lead to stagnation?

 

M: By itself life is immensely creative. A seed, in course of time,

becomes a forest. The mind is like a forester -- protecting and

regulating the immense vital urge of existence.

 

Q: Seen as the service of life by the mind, the adhi yoga is a

perfect democracy. Everyone is engaged in living a life to his best

capacity and knowledge, everyone is a disciple of the same Guru.

 

M: You may say so. It may be so -- potentially. But unless life is

loved and trusted, followed with eagerness and zest, it would be

fanciful to talk of Yoga, which is a movement in consciousness,

awareness in action.

 

Q: Once I watched a mountain-stream flowing between the boulders.

At each boulder the commotion was different, according to the shape

and size of the boulder. Is not every person a mere commotion over a

body, while life is one and eternal?

 

M: The commotion and the water are not separate. It is the

disturbance that makes you aware of water. Consciousness is always of

movement, of change. There can be no such thing as changeless

consciousness. Changelessness wipes out consciousness immediately. A

man deprived of outer or inner sensations blanks out, or goes beyond

consciousness and unconsciousness into the birthless and deathless

state. Only when spirit and matter come together consciousness is

born.

 

Q: Are they one or two?

 

M: It depends on the words you use: they are one, or two, or three.

On investigation three become two and two become one. Take the simile

of face -- mirror -- image. Any two of them presuppose the third

which unites the two. In sadhana you see the three as two, until you

realise the two as one. A long as you are engrossed in the world, you

are unable to know yourself: to know yourself, turn away your

attention from the world and turn it within.

 

Q: I cannot destroy the world.

 

M: There is no need. Just understand that what you see is not what

is. Appearances will dissolve on investigation and the underlying

reality will come to the surface. You need not burn the house to get

out of it. You just walk out. It is only when you cannot come and go

freely that the house becomes a jail. I move in and out of

consciousness easily and naturally and therefore to me the world is a

home, not a prison.

 

Q: But ultimately is there a world, or is there none?

 

M: What you see is nothing but your self. Call it what you like, it

does not change the fact. Through the film of destiny your own light

depicts pictures on the screen. You are the viewer, the light, the

picture and the screen. Even the film of destiny (prarabdha) is self-

selected and self-imposed. The spirit is a sport and enjoys to

overcome obstacles. The harder the task the deeper and wider his self-

realisation.

 

93. Man is not the Doer

Questioner: From the beginning of my life I am pursued by a sense of

incompleteness. From school to college, to work, to marriage, to

affluence, I imagined that the next thing will surely give me peace,

but there was no peace. This sense of unfulfillment keeps on growing

as years pass by.

 

Maharaj: As long as there is the body and the sense of identity with

the body, frustration is inevitable. Only when you know yourself as

entirely alien to and different from the body, will you find respite

from the mixture of fear and craving inseparable from the 'I-am-the-

body' idea. Merely assuaging fears and satisfying desires will not

remove this sense of emptiness you are trying to escape from; only

self-knowledge can help you. By self-knowledge I mean full knowledge

of what you are not. Such knowledge is attainable and final; but to

the discovery of what you are there can be no end. The more you

discover, the more there remains to discover.

 

Q: For this we must have different parents and schools, live in a

different society.

 

M: You; cannot change your circumstances, but your attitudes you can

change. You need not be attached to the non-essentials. Only the

necessary is good. There is peace only in the essential.

 

Q: It is truth I seek, not peace.

 

M: You cannot see the true unless you are at peace. A quiet mind is

essential for right perception, which again is required for self-

realisation.

 

Q: I have so much to do. I just cannot afford to keep my mind quiet.

 

M: It is because of your illusion that you are the doer. In reality

things are done to you, not by you.

 

Q: If I just let things happen, how can I be sure that they will

happen my way? Surely I must bend them to my desire.

 

M: Your desire just happens to you along with its fulfilment, or non-

fulfilment. You can change neither. You may believe that you exert

yourself, strive and struggle. Again, it all merely happens,

including the fruits of the work. Nothing is by you and for you. All

is in the picture exposed on the cinema screen, nothing in the light,

including what you take yourself to be, the person. You are the light

only.

 

Q: If I am light only, how did I come to forget it?

 

M: You have not forgotten. It is in the picture on the screen that

you forget and then remember. You never cease to be a man because you

dream to be a tiger. Similarly you are pure light appearing as a

picture on the screen and also becoming one with it.

 

Q: Since all happens, why should I worry?

 

M: Exactly. Freedom is freedom from worry. Having realised that you

cannot influence the results, pay no attention to your desires and

fears. Let them come and go. Don't give them the nourishment of

interest and attention.

 

Q: If I turn my attention from what happens, what am I to live by?

 

M: Again it is like asking: 'What shall I do, if I stop dreaming?'

Stop and see. You need not be anxious: 'What next?' There is always

the next. Life does not begin nor, end: immovable -- it moves,

momentary -- it lasts. Light can not be exhausted even if innumerable

pictures are projected by it. So does life fill every shape to the

brim and return to its source, when the shape breaks down.

 

Q: If life is so wonderful, how could ignorance happen?

 

M: You want to treat the disease without having seen the patient!

Before you ask about ignorance, why don't you enquire first, who is

the ignorant? When you say you are ignorant, you do not know that you

have imposed the concept of ignorance over the actual state of your

thoughts and feelings. Examine them as they occur, give them your

full attention and you will find that there is nothing like

ignorance, only inattention. Give attention to what worries you, that

is all. After all, worry is mental pain and pain is invariably a call

for attention. The moment you give attention, the call for it ceases

and the question of ignorance dissolves. Instead of waiting for an

answer to your question, find out who is asking the question and what

makes him ask it. You will soon find that it is the mind, goaded by

fear of pain, that asks the question. And in fear there is memory and

anticipation, past and future. Attention brings you back to the

present, the now, and the presence in the now is a state ever at

hand, but rarely noticed.

 

Q: You are reducing sadhana to simple attention. How is it that

other teachers teach complete, difficult and time-consuming courses?

 

M: The Gurus usually teach the sadhanas by which they themselves

have reached their goal, whatever their goal may be. This is but

natural, for their own sadhana they know intimately. I was taught to

give attention to my sense of 'I am' and I found it supremely

effective. Therefore, I can speak of it with full confidence. But

often people come with their bodies, brain and minds so mishandled,

perverted and weak, that the state of formless attention is beyond

them. In such cases, some simpler token of earnestness is

appropriate. The repetition of a mantra, or gazing at a picture will

prepare their body and mind for a deeper and more direct search.

After all, it is earnestness that is indispensable, the crucial

factor. Sadhana is only a vessel and it must be filled to the brim

with earnestness, which is but love in action. For nothing can be

done without love.

 

Q: We love only ourselves.

 

M: Were it so, it would be splendid! Love your self wisely and you

will reach the summit of perfection. Everybody loves his body, but

few love their real being.

 

Q: Does my real being need my love?

 

M: Your real being is love itself and your many loves are its

reflections according to the situation at the moment.

 

Q: We are selfish, we know only self-love.

 

M: Good enough for a start. By all means wish yourself well. Think

over, feel out deeply what is really good for you and strive for it

earnestly. Very soon you will find that the real is your only good.

 

Q: Yet I do not understand why the various Gurus insist on

prescribing complicated and difficult sadhanas. Don't they know

better?

 

M: It is not what you do, but what you stop doing that matters. The

people who begin their sadhana are so feverish and restless, that

they have to be very busy to keep themselves on the track. An

absorbing routine is good for them. After some time they quieten down

and turn away from effort. In peace and silence the skin of the 'I'

dissolves and the inner and the outer become one. The real sadhana is

effortless.

 

Q: I have sometimes the feeling that space itself is my body.

 

M: When you are bound by the illusion: 'I am this body', you are

merely a point in space and a moment in time. When the self-

identification with the body is no more, all space and time are in

your mind, which is a mere ripple in consciousness, which is

awareness reflected in nature. Awareness and matter are the active

and the passive aspects of pure being, which is in both and beyond

both. Space and time are the body and the mind of the universal

existence. My feeling is that all that happens in space and time

happens to me, that every experience is my experience every form is

my form. What I take myself to be, becomes my body and all that

happens to that body becomes my mind. But at the root of the universe

there is pure awareness, beyond space and time, here and now. Know it

to be your real being and act accordingly.

 

Q: What difference will it make in action what I take myself to be.

Actions just happen according to circumstances.

 

M: Circumstances and conditions rule the ignorant. The knower of

reality is not compelled. The only law he obeys is that of love.

 

94. You are Beyond Space and Time

Questioner: You keep on saying that I was never born and will never

die. If so, how is it that I see the world as one which has been born

and will surely die?

 

Maharaj: You believe so because you have never questioned your belief

that you are the body which, obviously, is born and dies. While

alive, it attracts attention and fascinates so completely that rarely

does one perceive one's real nature. It is like seeing the surface of

the ocean and completely forgetting the immensity beneath. The world

is but the surface of the mind and the mind is infinite. What we call

thoughts are just ripples in the mind. When the mind is quiet it

reflects reality. When it is motionless through and through, it

dissolves and only reality remains. This reality is so concrete, so

actual, so much more tangible than mind and matter, that compared to

it even diamond is soft like butter. This overwhelming actuality

makes the world dreamlike, misty, irrelevant.

 

Q: This world, with so much suffering in it, how can you see it as

irrelevant. What callousness!

 

M: It is you who is callous, not me. If your world is so full of

suffering, do something about it; don't add to it through greed or

indolence. I am not bound by your dreamlike world. In my world the

seeds of suffering, desire and fear are not sown and suffering does

not grow. My world is free from opposites, of mutually distinctive

discrepancies; harmony pervades; its peace is rocklike; this peace

and silence are my body.

 

Q: What you say reminds me of the dharmakaya of the Buddha.

 

M: Maybe. We need not run off with terminology. Just see the person

you imagine yourself to be as a part of the world you perceive within

your mind and look at the mind from the outside, for you are not the

mind. After all, your only problem is the eager self-identification

with whatever you perceive. Give up this habit, remember that you are

not what you perceive, use your power of alert aloofness. See

yourself in all that lives and your behaviour will express your

vision. Once you realise that there is nothing in this world, which

you can call your own, you look at it from the outside as you look at

a play on the stage, or a picture on the screen, admiring and

enjoying, but really unmoved. As long as you imagine yourself to be

something tangible and solid, a thing among things, actually existing

in time and space, short-lived and vulnerable, naturally you will be

anxious to survive and increase. But when you know yourself as beyond

space and time -- in contact with them only at the point of here and

now, otherwise all-pervading and all-containing, unapproachable,

unassailable, invulnerable -- you will be afraid no longer. Know

yourself as you are -- against fear there is no other remedy.

 

You have to learn to think and feel on these lines, or you will

remain indefinitely on the personal level of desire and fear, gaining

and losing, growing and decaying. A personal problem cannot be solved

on its own level. The very desire to live is the. messenger of death,

as the longing to be happy is the outline of sorrow. The world is an

ocean of pain and fear, of anxiety and despair. Pleasures are like

the fishes, few and swift, rarely come, quickly gone. A man of low

intelligence believes, against all evidence, that he is an exception

and that the world owes him happiness. But the world cannot give what

it does not have; unreal to the core, it is of no use for real

happiness. It cannot be otherwise. We seek the real because we are

unhappy with the unreal. Happiness is our real nature and we shall

never rest until we find it. But rarely we know where to seek it.

Once you have understood that the world is but a mistaken view of

reality, and is not what it appears to be, you are free of its

obsessions. Only what is compatible with your real being can make you

happy and the world, as you perceive it, is its outright denial.

 

Keep very quiet and watch what comes to the surface of the mind.

Reject the known, welcome the so far unknown and reject it in its

turn. Thus you come to a state in which there is no knowledge, only

being, in which being itself is knowledge. To know by being is direct

knowledge. It is based on the identity of the seer and the seen.

Indirect knowledge is based on sensation and memory, on proximity of

the perceiver and his percept, confined with the contrast between the

two. The same with happiness. Usually you have to be sad to know

gladness and glad to know sadness. True happiness is uncaused and

this cannot disappear for lack of stimulation. It is not the opposite

of sorrow, it includes all sorrow and suffering.

 

Q: How can one remain happy among so much suffering?

 

M: One cannot help it -- the inner happiness is overwhelmingly real.

Like the sun in the sky, its expressions may be clouded, but it is

never absent.

 

Q: When we are in trouble, we are bound to be unhappy.

 

M: Fear is the only trouble. Know yourself as independent and you

will be free from fear and its shadows.

 

Q: What is the difference between happiness and pleasure?

 

M: Pleasure depends on things, happiness does not.

 

Q: If happiness is independent, why are we not always happy?

 

M: As long as we believe that we need things to make us happy, we

shall also believe that in their absence we must be miserable. Mind

always shapes itself according to its beliefs. Hence the importance

of convincing oneself that one need not be prodded into happiness;

that, on the contrary, pleasure is a distraction and a nuisance, for

it merely increases the false conviction that one needs to have and

do things to be happy when in reality it is just the opposite.

 

But why talk of happiness at all? You do not think of happiness

except when you are unhappy. A man who says: 'Now I am happy', is

between two sorrows -- past and future. This happiness is mere

excitement caused by relief from pain. Real happiness is utterly

unselfconscious. It is best expressed negatively as: 'there is

nothing wrong with me. I have nothing to worry about'. After all, the

ultimate purpose of all sadhana is to reach a point, when this

conviction, instead of being only verbal, is based on the actual and

ever-present experience.

 

Q: Which experience?

 

M: The experience of being empty, uncluttered by memories and

expectations; it is like the happiness of open spaces, of being

young, of having all the time and energy for doing things, for

discovery, for adventure.

 

Q: What remains to discover?

 

M: The universe without and the immensity within as they are in

reality, in the great mind and heart of God. The meaning and purpose

of existence, the secret of suffering, life's redemption from

ignorance.

 

Q: If being happy is the same as being free from fear and worry,

cannot it be said that absence of trouble is the cause of happiness?

 

M: A state of absence, of non-existence cannot be a cause; the pre-

existence of a cause is implied in the notion. Your natural state, in

which nothing exists, cannot be a cause of becoming; the causes are

hidden in the great and mysterious power of memory. But your true

home is in nothingness, in emptiness of all content.

 

Q: Emptiness and nothingness -- how dreadful!

 

M: You face it most cheerfully, when you go to sleep! Find out for

yourself the state of wakeful sleep and you will find it quite in

harmony with your real nature. Words can only give you the idea and

the idea is not the experience. All I can say is that true happiness

has no cause and what has no cause is immovable. Which does not mean

it is perceivable, as pleasure. What is perceivable is pain and

pleasure; the state of freedom from sorrow can be described only

negatively. To know it directly you must go beyond the mind addicted

to causality and the tyranny of time.

 

Q: If happiness is not conscious and consciousness -- not happy,

what is the link between the two?

 

M: Consciousness being a product of conditions and circumstances,

depends on them and changes along with them. What is independent,

uncreated, timeless and changeless, and yet ever new and fresh, is

beyond the mind. When the mind thinks of it, the mind dissolves and

only happiness remains.

 

Q: When all goes, nothingness remains.

 

M: How can there be nothing without something? Nothing is only an

idea, it depends on the memory of something. Pure being is quite

independent of existence, which is definable and describable.

 

Q: Please tell us; beyond the mind does consciousness continue, or

does it end with the mind?

 

M: Consciousness comes and goes, awareness shines immutably.

 

Q: Who is aware in awareness?

 

M: When there is a person, there is also consciousness. 'I am' mind,

consciousness denote the same state. If you say 'I am aware', it only

means: 'I am conscious of thinking about being aware'. There is no 'I

am' in awareness.

 

Q: What about witnessing?

 

M: Witnessing is of the mind. The witness goes with the witnessed.

In the state of non-duality all separation ceases.

 

Q: What about you? Do you continue in awareness?

 

M: The person, the 'I am this body, this mind, this chain of

memories, this bundle of desires and fears' disappears, but something

you may call identity, remains. It enables me to become a person when

required. Love creates its own necessities, even of becoming a person.

 

Q: It is said that Reality manifests itself as existence --

consciousness -- bliss. Are they absolute or relative?

 

M: They are relative to each other and depend on each other. Reality

is independent of its expressions.

 

Q: What is the relation between reality and its expressions?

 

M: No relation. In reality all is real and identical. As we put it,

saguna and nirguna are one in Parabrahman. There is only the Supreme.

In movement, it Is saguna. Motionless, it is nirguna. But it is only

the mind that moves or does not move. The real is beyond, you are

beyond. Once you have understood that nothing perceivable, or

conceivable can be yourself, you are free of your imaginations. To

see everything as imagination, born of desire, is necessary for self-

realisation. We miss the real by lack of attention and create the

unreal by excess of imagination.

 

You have to give your heart and mind to these things and brood over

them repeatedly. It is like cooking food. You must keep it on the

fire for some time before it is ready.

 

Q: Am I not under the sway of destiny, of my karma? What can I do

against it? What I am and what I do is pre-determined. Even my so-

called free choice is predetermined; only I am not aware of it and

imagine myself to be free.

 

M: Again, it all depends how you look at it. Ignorance is like a

fever -- it makes you see things which are not there. karma is the

divinely prescribed treatment. Welcome it and follow the instructions

faithfully and you will get well. A patient will leave the hospital

after he recovers. To insist on immediate freedom of choice and

action will merely postpone recovery. Accept your destiny and fulfil

it -- this is the shortest way to freedom from destiny, though not

from love and its compulsions. To act from desire and fear is

bondage, to act from love is freedom.

 

95. Accept Life as it Comes

Questioner: I was here last year. Now I am again before you. What

makes me come I really ~o not know, but somehow I cannot forget you.

 

Maharaj: Some forget, some do not, according to their destinies,

which you may call chance, if you prefer.

 

Q: Between chance and destiny there is a basic difference.

 

M: Only in your mind. In fact, you do not know what causes what?

Destiny is only a blanket word to cover up your ignorance. Chance is

another word.

 

Q: Without knowledge of causes and their results can there be

freedom?

 

M: Causes and results are infinite in number and variety. Everything

affects everything. In this universe, when one thing changes,

everything changes. Hence the great power of man in changing the

world by changing himself.

 

Q: According to your own words, you have, by the grace of your

Guru, changed radically some forty years ago. Yet the world remains

as it had been before.

 

M: My world has changed completely. Yours remains the same, for you

have not changed.

 

Q: How is it that your change has not affected me?

 

M: Because there was no communion between us. Do not consider

yourself as separate from me and we shall at once share in the common

state.

 

Q: I have some property in the United States which I intend to sell

and buy some land in the Himalayas. I shall build a house, lay out a

garden, get two or three cows and live quietly. People tell me that

property and quiet are not compatible, that I shall at once get into

trouble with officials, neighbours and thieves. Is it inevitable?

 

M: The least you can expect is an endless succession of visitors who

will make your abode into a free and open guesthouse. Better accept

your life as it shapes, go home and look after your wife with love

and care. Nobody else needs you. Your dreams of glory will land you

in more trouble.

 

Q: It is not glory that I seek. I seek Reality.

 

M: For this you need a well-ordered and quiet life, peace of mind

and immense earnestness. At every moment whatever comes to you

unasked, comes from God and will surely help you, if you make the

fullest use of it. It is only what you strive for, out of your own

imagination and desire, that gives you trouble.

 

Q: Is destiny the same as grace?

 

M: Absolutely. Accept life as it comes and you will find it a

blessing.

 

Q: I can accept my own life. How can I accept the sort of life

others are compelled to live?

 

M: You are accepting it anyhow. The sorrows of others do not

interfere with your pleasures. If you were really compassionate, you

would have abandoned long ago all self-concern and entered the state

from which alone you can really help.

 

Q: If I have a big house and enough land, I may create an Ashram,

with individual rooms; common meditation hall, canteen, library,

office etc.

 

M: Ashrams are not made, they happen. You cannot start nor prevent

them, as you cannot start or stop a river. Too many factors are

involved in the creation of a successful Ashram and your inner

maturity is only one of them. Of course, if you are ignorant of your

real being, whatever you do must turn to ashes. You cannot imitate a

Guru and get away with it. All hypocrisy will end in disaster.

 

Q: What is the harm in behaving like a saint even before being one?

 

M: Rehearsing saintliness is a sadhana. It is perfectly all right.

provided no merit is claimed.

 

Q: How can I know whether I am able to start an Ashram unless I try?

 

M: As long as you take yourself to be a person, a body and a mind,

separate from the stream of life, having a will of its own, pursuing

its own aims, you are living merely on the surface and whatever you

do will be short-lived and of little value, mere straw to feed the

flames of vanity. You must put in true worth before you can expect

something real. What is your worth?

 

Q: By what measure shall I measure it?

 

M: Look at the content of your mind. You are what you think about.

Are you not most of the time busy with your own little person and its

daily needs?

 

The value of regular meditation is that it takes you away from the

humdrum of daily routine and reminds you that you are not what you

believe yourself to be. But even remembering is not enough -- action

must follow conviction. Don't be like the rich man who has made a

detailed will, but refuses to die.

 

Q: Is not gradualness the law of life?

 

M: Oh, no. The preparation alone is gradual, the change itself is

sudden and complete. Gradual change does not take you to a new level

of conscious being. You need courage to let go.

 

Q: I admit it is courage that I lack.

 

M: It is because you are not fully convinced. Complete conviction

generates both desire and courage. And meditation is the art of

achieving faith through understanding. In meditation you consider the

teaching received, in all its aspects and repeatedly, until out of

clarity confidence is born and, with confidence, action. Conviction

and action are inseparable. If action does not follow conviction,

examine your convictions, don't accuse yourself of lack of courage.

Self-depreciation will take you nowhere. Without clarity and

emotional assent of what use is will?

 

Q: What do you mean by emotional assent? Am I not to act against my

desires?

 

M: You will not act against your desires. Clarity is not enough.

Energy comes from love -- you must love to act -- whatever the shape

and object of your love. Without clarity and charity courage is

destructive. People at war are often wonderfully courageous, but what

of it?

 

Q: I see quite clearly that all I want is a house in a garden where

I shall live in peace. Why should I not act on my desire?

 

M: By all means, act. But do not forget the inevitable, unexpected.

Without rain your garden will not flourish. You need courage for

adventure.

 

Q: I need time to collect my courage, don't hustle me. Let me ripen

for action.

 

M: The entire approach is wrong. Action delayed is action abandoned.

There may be other chances for other actions, but the present moment

is lost -- irretrievably lost. All preparation is for the future --

you cannot prepare for the present.

 

Q: What is wrong with preparing for the future?

 

M: Acting in the now is not much helped by your preparations.

Clarity is now, action is now. Thinking of being ready impedes

action. And action is the touchstone of reality.

 

Q: Even when we act without conviction?

 

M: You cannot live without action, and behind each action there is

some fear or desire. Ultimately, all you do is based on your

conviction that the world is real and independent of yourself. Were

you convinced of the contrary, your behaviour would have been quite

different.

 

Q: There is nothing wrong with my convictions; my actions are

shaped by circumstances.

 

M: In other words, you are convinced of the reality of your

circumstances, of the world in which you live. Trace the world to its

source and you will find that before the world was, you were and when

the world is no longer, you remain. Find your timeless being and your

action will bear it testimony. Did you find it?

 

Q: No, I did not.

 

M: Then what else have you to do? Surely, this is the most urgent

task. You cannot see yourself as independent of everything unless you

drop everything and remain unsupported and undefined. Once you know

yourself, it is immaterial what you do, but to realise your

independence, you must test it by letting go all you were dependent

on. The realised man lives on the level of the absolutes; his wisdom,

love and courage are complete, there is nothing relative about him.

Therefore he must prove himself by tests more stringent, undergo

trials more demanding. The tester, the tested and the set up for

testing are all within; it is an inner drama to which none can be a

party.

 

Q: Crucifixion, death and resurrection -- we are on familiar

grounds! I have read, heard and talked about it endlessly, but to do

it I find myself incapable.

 

M: Keep quiet, undisturbed, and the wisdom and the power will come

on their own. You need not hanker. Wait in silence of the heart and

mind. It is very easy to be quiet, but willingness is rare. You

people want to become supermen overnight. Stay without ambition,

without the least desire, exposed, vulnerable, unprotected, uncertain

and alone, completely open to and welcoming life as it happens,

without the selfish conviction that all must yield you pleasure or

profit, material or so-called spiritual.

 

Q: I respond to what you say, but I just do not see how it is done.

 

M: If you know how to do it, you will not do it. Abandon every

attempt, just be; don't strive, don't struggle, let go every support,

hold on to the blind sense of being, brushing off all else. This is

enough.

 

Q: How is this brushing done? The more I brush off, the more it

comes to the surface.

 

M: Refuse attention, let things come and go. Desires and thoughts

are also things. Disregard them. Since immemorial time the dust of

events was covering the clear mirror of your mind, so that only

memories you could see. Brush off the dust before it has time to

settle; this will lay bare the old layers until the true nature of

your mind is discovered. It is all very simple and comparatively

easy; be earnest and patient, that is all. Dispassion, detachment,

freedom from desire and fear, from all self-concern, mere awareness --

free from memory and expectation -- this is the state of mind to

which discovery can happen. After all, liberation is but the freedom

to discover.

 

96. Abandon Memories and Expectations

Questioner: I am an American by birth and for the last one year I was

staying in an Ashram in Madhya Pradesh, studying Yoga in its many

aspects. We had a teacher, whose Guru, a disciple of the great

Sivananda Saraswati, stays in Monghyr. I stayed at Ramanashram also.

While in Bombay I went through an intensive course of Burmese

meditation managed by one Goenka. Yet I have not found peace. There

is an improvement in self-control and day-to-day discipline, but that

is all. I cannot say exactly what caused what. I visited many holy

places. How each acted on me, I cannot say.

 

Maharaj: Good results will come, sooner or later. At Sri Ramanashram

did you get some instructions?

 

Q: Yes, some English people were teaching me and also an Indian

follower of jnana yoga, residing there permanently, was giving me

lessons.

 

M: What are your plans?

 

Q: I have to return to the States because of visa difficulties. I

intend to complete my B.Sc., study Nature Cure and make it my

profession.

 

M: A good profession, no doubt.

 

Q: Is there any danger in pursuing the path of Yoga at all cost?

 

M: Is a match-stick dangerous when the house is on fire? The search

for reality is the most dangerous of all undertakings for it will

destroy the world in which you live. But if your motive is love of

truth and life, you need not be afraid.

 

Q: I am afraid of my own mind. It is so unsteady!

 

M: In the mirror of your mind images appear and disappear. The

mirror remains. Learn to distinguish the immovable in the movable,

the unchanging in the changing, till you realise that all differences

are in appearance only and oneness is a fact. This basic identity --

you may call God, or Brahman, or the matrix (Prakriti), the words

matters little -- is only the realisation that all is one. Once you

can say with confidence born from direct experience: 'I am the world,

the world is myself', you are free from desire and fear on one hand

and become totally responsible for the world on the other. The

senseless sorrow of mankind becomes your sole concern.

 

Q: So even a jnani has his problems!

 

M: Yes, but they are no longer of his own creation. His suffering is

not poisoned by a sense of guilt. There is nothing wrong with

suffering for the sins of others. Your Christianity is based on this.

 

Q: Is not all suffering self-created?

 

M: Yes, as long as there is a separate self to create it. In the end

you know that there is no sin, no guilt, no retribution, only life in

its endless transformations. With the dissolution of the personal 'I'

personal suffering disappears. What remains is the great sadness of

compassion, the horror of the unnecessary pain.

 

Q: Is there anything unnecessary in the scheme of things?

 

M: Nothing is necessary, nothing is inevitable. Habit and passion

blind and mislead. Compassionate awareness heals and redeems. There

is nothing we can do, we can only let things happen according to

their nature.

 

Q: Do you advocate complete passivity?

 

M: Clarity and charity is action. Love is not lazy and clarity

directs. You need not worry about action, look after your mind and

heart. Stupidity and selfishness are the only evil.

 

Q: What is better -- repetition of God's name, or meditation?

 

M: Repetition will stabilise your breath. With deep and quiet

breathing vitality will improve, which will influence the brain and

help the mind to grow pure and stable and fit for meditation. Without

vitality little can be done, hence the importance of its protection

and increase. Posture and breathing are a part of Yoga, for the body

must be healthy and well under control, but too much concentration on

the body defeats its own purpose, for it is the mind that is primary

in the beginning. When the mind has been put to rest and disturbs no

longer the inner space (chidakash), the body acquires a new meaning

and its transformation becomes both necessary and possible.

 

[picture]

 

Q: I have been wandering all over India, meeting many Gurus and

learning in driblets several Yogas. Is it all right to have a taste

of everything?

 

M: No, this is but an introduction. You will meet a man who will

help you find your own way.

 

Q: I feel that the Guru of my own choice can not be my real Guru.

To be real he must come unexpected and be irresistible.

 

M: Not to anticipate is best. The way you respond is decisive.

 

Q: Am I the master of my responses?

 

M: Discrimination and dispassion practised now will yield their

fruits at the proper time. If the roots are healthy and well-watered,

the fruits are sure to be sweet. Be pure, be alert, keep ready.

 

Q: Are austerities and penances of any use?

 

M: To meet all the vicissitudes of life is penance enough! You need

not invent trouble. To meet cheerfully whatever life brings is all

the austerity you need.

 

Q: What about sacrifice?

 

M: Share willingly and gladly all you have with whoever needs --

don't invent self-inflicted cruelties.

 

Q: What is self-surrender?

 

M: Accept what comes.

 

Q: I feel I am too weak to stand on my own legs. I need the holy

company of a Guru and of good people. Equanimity is beyond me. To

accept what comes as it comes, frightens me. I think of my returning

to the States with horror.

 

M: Go back and make the best use of your opportunities. Get your

B.Sc. degree first. You can always return to India for your Nature

Cure studies.

 

Q: I am quite aware of the opportunities in the States. It is the

loneliness that frightens me.

 

M: You have always the company of your own self -- you need not feel

alone. Estranged from it even in India you will feel lonely. All

happiness comes from pleasing the self. Please it, after return to

the States, do nothing that may be unworthy of the glorious reality

within your heart and you shall be happy and remain happy. But you

must seek the self and, having found it, stay with it.

 

Q: Will compete solitude be of any benefit?

 

M: It depends on your temperament. You may work with others and for

others, alert and friendly, and grow more fully than in solitude,

which may make you dull or leave you at the mercy of your mind's

endless chatter. Do not imagine that you can change through effort.

Violence, even turned against yourself, as in austerities and

penance, will remain fruitless.

 

Q: Is there no way of making out who is realised and who is not?

 

M: Your only proof is in yourself. If you find that you turn to

gold, it will be a sign that you have touched the philosopher's

stone. Stay with the person and watch what happens to you. Don't ask

others. Their man may not be your Guru. A Guru may be universal in

his essence, but not in his expressions. He may appear to be angry or

greedy or over-anxious about his Ashram or his family, and you may be

misled by appearances, while others are not.

 

Q: Have I not the right to expect all-round perfection, both inner

and outer?

 

M: Inner --- yes. But outer perfection depends on circumstances, on

the state of the body, personal and social, and other innumerable

factors.

 

Q: I was told to find a jnani so that I may learn from him the art

of achieving jnana and now I am told that the entire approach is

false, that I cannot make out a jnani, nor can jnana be conquered by

appropriate means. It is all so confusing!

 

M: It is all due to your complete misunderstanding of reality. Your

mind is steeped in the habits of evaluation and acquisition and will

not admit that the incomparable and unobtainable are waiting

timelessly within your own heart for recognition. All you have to do

is to abandon all memories and expectations. Just keep yourself ready

in utter nakedness and nothingness.

 

Q: Who is to do the abandoning?

 

M: God will do it. Just see the need of being abandoned. Don't

resist, don't hold on to the person you take yourself to be. Because

you imagine yourself to be a person you take the jnani to be a person

too, only somewhat different, better informed and more powerful. You

may say that he is eternally conscious and happy, but it is far from

expressing the whole truth. Don't trust definitions and descriptions -

- they are grossly misleading.

 

Q: Unless I am told what to do and how to do it, I feel lost.

 

M: By all means do feel lost! As long as you feel competent and

confident, reality is beyond your reach. Unless you accept inner

adventure as a way of life, discovery will not come to you.

 

Q: Discovery of what?

 

M: Of the centre of your being, which is free of all directions, all

means and ends.

 

Q: Be all, know all, have all?

 

M: Be nothing, know nothing, have nothing. This is the only life

worth living, the only happiness worth having.

 

Q: I may admit that the goal is beyond my comprehension. Let me

know the way at least.

 

M: You must find your own way. Unless you find it yourself it will

not be your own way and will take you nowhere. Earnestly live your

truth as you have found it -- act on the little you have understood.

It is earnestness that will take you through, not cleverness -- your

own or another's.

 

Q: I am afraid of mistakes. So many things I tried -- nothing came

out of them.

 

M: You gave too little of yourself, you were merely curious, not

earnest.

 

Q: I don't know any better.

 

M: At least that much you know. Knowing them to be superficial, give

no value to your experiences, forget them as soon as they are over.

Live a clean, selfless life, that is all.

 

Q: Is morality so important?

 

M: Don't cheat, don't hurt -- is it not important? Above all you

need inner peace -- which demands harmony between the inner and the

outer. Do what you believe in and believe in what you do. All else is

a waste of energy and time.

 

97. Mind and the World are not Separate

Questioner: I see here pictures of several saints and I am told that

they are your spiritual ancestors. Who are they and how did it all

begin?

 

Maharaj: We are called collectively the 'Nine Masters'. The legend

says that our first teacher was Rishi Dattatreya, the great

incarnation of the Trinity of Brahma, Vishnu and Shiva. Even

the 'Nine Masters' (Navnath) are mythological.

 

Q: What is the peculiarity of their teaching?

 

M: Its simplicity, both in theory and practice.

 

Q: How does one become a Navnath? By initiation or by succession?

 

M: Neither. The `Nine Masters' tradition, Navnath Parampara, is like

a river -- it flows into the ocean of reality and whoever enters it

is carried along.

 

Q: Does it imply acceptance by a living master belonging to the

same tradition?

 

M: Those who practise the sadhana of focussing their minds on `I am'

may feel related to others who have followed the same sadhana and

succeeded. They may decide to verbalise their sense of kinship by

calling themselves Navnaths. It gives them the pleasure of belonging

to an established tradition.

 

Q: Do they in any way benefit by joining?

 

M: The circle of satsang, the 'company of saints', expands in

numbers as time passes.

 

Q: Do they get hold thereby of a source of power and grace from

which they would have been barred otherwise?

 

M: Power and grace are for all and for the asking. Giving oneself a

particular name does not help. Call yourself by any name -- as long

as you are intensely mindful of yourself, the accumulated obstacles

to self-knowledge are bound to be swept away.

 

Q: If I like your teaching and accept your guidance, can I call

myself a Navnath?

 

M: Please your word-addicted mind! The name will not change you. At

best it may remind you to behave. There is a succession of Gurus and

their disciples, who in turn train more disciples and thus the line

is maintained. But the continuity of tradition is informal and

voluntary. It is like a family name, but here the family is spiritual.

 

Q: Do you have to realise to join the Sampradaya?

 

M: The Navnath Sampradaya is only a tradition, a way of teaching and

practice. It does not denote a level of consciousness. If you accept

a Navnath Sampradaya teacher as your Guru, you join his Sampradaya.

Usually you receive a token of his grace -- a look, a touch, or a

word, sometimes a vivid dream or a strong remembrance. Sometimes the

only sign of grace is a significant and rapid change in character and

behaviour.

 

Q: I know you now for some years and I meet you regularly. The

thought of you is never far from my mind. Does it make me belong to

your Sampradaya?

 

M: Your belonging is a matter of your own feeling and conviction.

After all, it is all verbal and formal. In reality there is neither

Guru nor disciple, neither theory nor practice, neither ignorance nor

realisation. It all depends on what you take yourself to be. Know

yourself correctly. There is no substitute to self-knowledge.

 

Q: What proof will I have that I know myself correctly?

 

M: You need no proofs. The experience is unique and unmistakable. It

will dawn on you suddenly, when the obstacles are removed to some

extent. It is like a frayed rope snapping. Yours is to work at the

strands. The break is bound to happen. It can be delayed, but not

prevented.

 

Q: I am confused by your denial of causality. Does it mean that

none is responsible for the world as it is?

 

M: The idea of responsibility is in your mind. You think there must

be something or somebody solely responsible for all that happens.

There is a contradiction between a multiple universe and a single

cause. Either one or the other must be false. Or both. As I see it,

it is all day-dreaming. There is no reality in ideas. The fact is

that without you, neither the universe nor its cause could have come

into being.

 

Q: I cannot make out whether I am the creature or the creator of

the universe.

 

M: 'I am' is an ever-present fact, while 'I am created' is an idea.

Neither God nor the universe have come to tell you that they have

created you. The mind obsessed by the idea of causality invents

creation and then wonders 'who is the creator?' The mind itself is

the creator. Even this is not quite true, for the created and its

creator are one. The mind and the world are not separate. Do

understand that what you think to be the world is your own mind.

 

Q: Is there a world beyond, or outside the mind?

 

M: All space and time are in the mind. Where will you locate a

supramental world? There are many levels of the mind and each

projects its own version, yet all are in the mind and created by the

mind.

 

Q: What is your attitude to sin? How do you look at a sinner,

somebody who breaks the law, inner or outer? Do you want him to

change or you just pity him? Or, are you indifferent to him because

of his sins?

 

M: I know no sin, nor sinner. Your distinction and valuation do not

bind me. Everybody behaves according to his nature. It cannot be

helped, nor need it be regretted.

 

Q: Others suffer.

 

M: Life lives on life. In nature the process is compulsory, in

society it should be voluntary. There can be no life without

sacrifice. A sinner refuses to sacrifice and invites death. This is

as it is, and gives no cause for condemnation or pity.

 

Q: Surely you feel at least compassion when you see a man steeped

in sin.

 

M: Yes, I feel I am that man and his sins are my sins.

 

Q: Right, and what next?

 

M: By my becoming one with him he becomes one with me. It is not a

conscious process, it happens entirely by itself. None of us can help

it. What needs changing shall change anyhow; enough to know oneself

as one is, here and now. Intense and methodical investigation into

one's mind is Yoga.

 

Q: What about the chains of destiny forged by sin?

 

M: When ignorance, the mother of sin, dissolves, destiny, the

compulsion to sin again, ceases.

 

Q: There are retributions to make.

 

M: With ignorance coming to an end all comes to an end. Things are

then seen as they are and they are good.

 

Q: If a sinner, a breaker of the law, comes before you and asks for

your grace, what will be your response?

 

M: He will get what he asks for.

 

Q: In spite of being a very bad man?

 

M: I know no bad people, I only know myself. I see no saints nor

sinners, only living beings. I do not hand out grace. There is

nothing I can give, or deny, which you do not have already in equal

measure. Just be aware of your riches and make full use of them. As

long as you imagine that you need my grace, you will be at my door

begging for it.

 

My begging for grace from you would make as little sense! We are not

separate, the real is common.

 

Q: A mother comes to you with a tale of woe. Her only son has taken

to drugs and sex and is going from bad to worse. She is asking for

your grace. What shall be your response?

 

M: Probably I shall hear myself telling her that all will be well.

 

Q: That's all?

 

M: That's all. What more do you expect?

 

Q: But will the son of the woman change?

 

M: He may or he may not.

 

Q: The people who collect round you, and who know you for many

years, maintain that when you say 'it will be all right' it

invariably happens as you say.

 

M: You may as well say that it is the mother's heart that saved the

child. For everything there are innumerable causes.

 

Q: I am told that the man who wants nothing for himself is all-

powerful. The entire universe is at his disposal.

 

M: If you believe so, act on it. Abandon every personal desire and

use the power thus saved for changing the world!

 

Q: All the Buddhas and Rishis have not succeeded in changing the

world.

 

M: The world does not yield to changing. By its very nature it is

painful and transient. See it as it is and divest yourself of all

desire and fear. When the world does not hold and bind you, it

becomes an abode of joy and beauty. You can be happy in the world

only when you are free of it.

 

Q: What is right and what is wrong?

 

M: Generally, what causes suffering is wrong and what removes it, is

right. The body and the mind are limited and therefore vulnerable;

they need protection which gives rise to fear. As long as you

identify yourself with them you are bound to suffer; realise your

independence and remain happy. I tell you, this is the secret of

happiness. To believe that you depend on things and people for

happiness is due to ignorance of your true nature; to know that you

need nothing to be happy, except self-knowledge, is wisdom.

 

Q: What comes first, being or desire?

 

M: With being arising in consciousness, the ideas of what you are

arise in your mind as well as what you should be. This brings forth

desire and action and the process of becoming begins. Becoming has,

apparently, no beginning and no end, for it restarts every moment.

With the cessation of imagination and desire, becoming ceases and the

being this or that merges into pure being, which is not describable,

only experienceable.

 

The world appears to you so overwhelmingly real, because you think of

it all the time; cease thinking of it and it will dissolve into thin

mist. You need not forget; when desire and fear end, bondage also

ends. It is the emotional involvement, the pattern of likes and

dislikes which we call character and temperament, that create the

bondage.

 

Q: Without desire and fear what motive is there for action?

 

M: None, unless you consider love of life, of righteousness, of

beauty, motive enough. Do not be afraid of freedom from desire and

fear. It enables you to live a life so different from all you know,

so much more intense and interesting, that, truly, by losing all you

gain all.

 

Q: Since you count your spiritual ancestry from Rishi Dattatreya,

are we right in believing that you and all your predecessors are

reincarnations of the Rishi?

 

M: You may believe in whatever you like and if you act on your

belief, you will get the fruits of it; but to me it has no

importance. I am what I am and this is enough for me. I have no

desire to identify myself with anybody, however illustrious. Nor do I

feel the need to take myths for reality. I am only interested in

ignorance and the freedom from ignorance. The proper role of a Guru

is to dispel ignorance in the hearts and minds of his disciples. Once

the disciple has understood, the confirming action is up to him.

Nobody can act for another. And if he does not act rightly, it only

means that he has not understood and that the Guru's work is not over.

 

Q: There must be some hopeless cases too?

 

M: None is hopeless. Obstacles can be overcome. What life cannot

mend, death will end, but the Guru cannot fail.

 

Q: What gives you the assurance?

 

M: The Guru and man's inner reality are really one and work together

towards the same goal -- the redemption and salvation of the mind

They cannot fail. Out of the very boulders that obstruct them they

build their bridges. Consciousness is not the whole of being -- there

are other levels on which man is much more co-operative. The Guru is

at home on all levels and his energy and patience are inexhaustible.

 

Q: You keep on telling me that I am dreaming and that it is high

time I should wake up. How does it happen that the Maharaj, who has

come to me in my dreams, has not succeeded in waking me up? He keeps

on urging and reminding, but the dream continues.

 

M: It is because you have not really understood that you are

dreaming. This is the essence of bondage -- the mixing of the real

with unreal. In your present state only the sense 'I am' refers to

reality; the 'what' and the 'how I am' are illusions imposed by

destiny, or accident.

 

Q: When did the dream begin?

 

M: It appears to be beginningless, but in fact it is only now. From

moment to moment you are renewing it. Once you have seen that you are

dreaming, you shall wake up. But you do not see, because you want the

dream to continue. A day will come when you will long for the ending

of the dream, with all your heart and mind, and be willing to pay any

price; the price will be dispassion and detachment, the loss of

interest in the dream itself.

 

Q: How helpless I am. As long as the dream of existence lasts, I

want it to continue. As long as I want it to continue, it will last.

 

M: Wanting it to continue is not inevitable. See clearly your

condition, your very clarity will release you.

 

Q: As long as I am with you, all you say seems pretty obvious; but

as soon as I am away from you I run about restless and anxious.

 

M: You need not keep away from me, in your mind at least. But your

mind is after the world's welfare!

 

Q: The world is full of troubles, no wonder my mind too is full of

them.

 

M: Was there ever a world without troubles? Your being as a person

depends on violence to others. Your very body is a battlefield, full

of the dead and dying. Existence implies violence.

 

Q: As a body -- yes. As a human being -- definitely no. For

humanity non-violence is the law of life and violence of death.

 

M: There is little of non-violence in nature.

 

Q: God and nature are not human and need not be humane. I am

concerned with man alone. To be human I must be compassionate

absolutely.

 

M: Do you realise that as long as you have a self to defend, you

must be violent?

 

Q: I do. To be truly human I must be self-less. As long as I am

selfish, I am sub-human, a humanoid only.

 

M: So, we are all sub-human and only a few are human. Few or many,

it is again 'clarity and charity' that make us human. The sub-human --

the 'humanoids' -- are dominated by tamas and rajas and the humans

by sattva. Clarity and charity is sattva as it affects mind and

action. But the real is beyond sattva. Since I have known you, you

seem to be always after helping the world. How much did you help?

 

Q: Not a bit. Neither the world has changed, nor have I. But the

world suffers and I suffer along with it. To struggle against

suffering is a natural reaction. And what is civilization and

culture, philosophy and religion, but a revolt against suffering.

Evil and the ending of evil -- is it not your own main preoccupation?

You may call it ignorance -- it comes to the same.

 

M: Well, words do not matter, nor does it matter in what shape you

are just now. Names and shapes change incessantly. Know yourself to

be the changeless witness of the changeful mind. That is enough.

 

98. Freedom from Self-identification

Maharaj: Can you sit on the floor? Do you need a pillow? Have you any

questions to ask? Not that you need to ask, you can as well be quiet.

To be, just be, is important. You need not ask anything, nor do

anything. Such apparently lazy way of spending time is highly

regarded in India. It means that for the time being you are free from

the obsession with 'what next'. When you Are not in a hurry and the

mind is free from anxieties, it becomes quiet and in the silence

something may be heard which is ordinarily too fine and subtle for

perception. The mind must be open and quiet to see. What we are

trying to do here is to bring our minds into the right state for

understanding what is real.

 

Questioner: How do we learn to cut out worries?

 

M: You need not worry about your worries. Just be. Do not try to be

quiet; do not make 'being quiet' into a task to be performed. Don't

be restless about 'being quiet', miserable about 'being happy'. Just

be aware that you are and remain aware -- don't say: 'yes, I am; what

next?' There is no 'next' in 'I am'. It is a timeless state.

 

Q: If it is a timeless state, it will assert itself anyhow.

 

M: You are what you are, timelessly, but of what use is it to you

unless you know it and act on it? Your begging bowl may be of pure

gold, but as long as you do not know it, you are a pauper. You must

know your inner worth and trust it and express it in the daily

sacrifice of desire and fear.

 

Q: If I know myself, shall I not desire and fear?

 

M: For some time the mental habits may linger in spite of the new

vision, the habit of longing for the known past and fearing the

unknown future. When you know these are of the mind only, you can go

beyond them. As long as you have all sorts of ideas about yourself,

you know yourself through the mist of these ideas; to know yourself

as you are, give up all ideas. You cannot imagine the taste of pure

water, you can only discover it by abandoning all flavourings.

 

As long as you are interested in your present way of living, you will

not abandon it. Discovery cannot come as long as you cling to the

familiar. It is only when you realise fully the immense sorrow of

your life and revolt against it, that a way out can be found.

 

Q: I can now see that the secret of India's eternal life lies in

these dimensions of existence, of which India was always the

custodian.

 

M: It is an open secret and there were always people willing and

ready to share it. Teachers -- there are many, fearless disciples --

very few.

 

Q: I am quite willing to learn.

 

M: Learning words is not enough. You may know the theory, but

without the actual experience of yourself as the impersonal and

unqualified centre of being, love and bliss, mere verbal knowledge is

sterile.

 

Q: Then, what am I to do?

 

M: Try to be, only to be. The all-important word is 'try'. Allot

enough time daily for sitting quietly and trying, just trying, to go

beyond the personality, with its addictions and obsessions. Don't ask

how, it cannot be explained. You just keep on trying until you

succeed. If you persevere, there can be no failure. What matters

supremely is sincerity, earnestness; you must really have had surfeit

of being the person you are, now see the urgent need of being free of

this unnecessary self-identification with a bundle of memories and

habits. This steady resistance against the unnecessary is the secret

of success.

 

After all, you are what you are every moment of your life, but you

are never conscious of it, except, maybe, at the point of awakening

from sleep. All you need is to be aware of being, not as a verbal

statement, but as an ever-present fact. The a awareness that you are

will open your eyes to what you are. It is all very simple. First of

all, establish a constant contact with your self, be with yourself

all the time. Into self-awareness all blessings flow. Begin as a

centre of observation, deliberate cognisance, and grow into a centre

of love in action. 'I am' is a tiny seed which will grow into a

mighty tree -- quite naturally, without a trace of effort.

 

Q: I see so much evil in myself. Must I not change it?

 

M: Evil is the shadow of inattention. In the light of self-awareness

it will wither and fall off.

 

All dependence on another is futile, for what others can give others

will take away. Only what is your own at the start will remain your

own in the end. Accept no guidance but from within, and even then

sift out all memories for they will mislead you. Even if you are

quite ignorant of the ways and the means, keep quiet and look within;

guidance is sure to come. You are never left without knowing what

your next step should be. The trouble is that you may shirk it. The

Guru is there for giving you courage because of his experience and

success. But only what you discover through your own awareness, your

own effort, will be of permanent use to you.

 

Remember, nothing you perceive is your own. Nothing of value can come

to you from outside; it is only your own feeling and understanding

that are relevant and revealing. Words, heard or read, will only

create images in your mind, but you are not a mental image. You are

the power of perception and action behind and beyond the image.

 

Q: You seem to advise me to be self-centred to the point of egoism.

Must I not yield even to my interest in other people?

 

M: Your interest in others is egoistic, self-concerned, self-

oriented. You are not interested in others as persons, but only as

far as they enrich, or ennoble your own image of yourself. And the

ultimate in selfishness is to care only for the protection,

preservation and multiplication of one's own body. By body I mean all

that is related to your name and shape -- your family, tribe,

country, race, etc. To be attached to one's name and shape is

selfishness. A man who knows that he is neither body nor mind cannot

be selfish, for he has nothing to be selfish for. Or, you may say, he

is equally 'selfish' on behalf of everybody he meets; everybody's

welfare is his own. The feeling 'I am the world, the world is myself'

becomes quite natural; once it is established, there is just no way

of being selfish. To be selfish means to covet, acquire, accumulate

on behalf of the part against the whole.

 

Q: One may be rich with many possessions, by inheritance, or

marriage, or just good luck.

 

M: If you do not hold on to, it will be taken away from you.

 

Q: In your present state can you love another person as a person?

 

M: I am the other person, the other person is myself; in name and

shape we are different, but there is no separation. At the root of

our being we are one.

 

Q: Is it not so whenever there is love between people?

 

M: It is, but they are not conscious of it. They feel the

attraction, but do not know the reason.

 

Q: Why is love selective?

 

M: Love is not selective, desire is selective. In love there are no

strangers. When the centre of selfishness is no longer, all desires

for pleasure and fear of pain cease; one is no longer interested in

being happy; beyond happiness there is pure intensity, inexhaustible

energy, the ecstasy of giving from a perennial source.

 

Q: Mustn't I begin by solving for myself the problem of right and

wrong?

 

M: What is pleasant people take it to be good and what is painful

they take it to be bad.

 

Q: Yes, that is how it is with us, ordinary people. But how is it

with you, at the level of oneness? For you what is good and what is

bad?

 

M: What increases suffering is bad and what removes it is good.

 

Q: So you deny goodness to suffering itself. There are religions in

which suffering is considered good and noble.

 

M: Karma, or destiny, is an expression of a beneficial law: the

universal trend towards balance, harmony and unity. At every moment,

whatever happens now, is for the best. It may appear painful and

ugly, a suffering bitter and meaningless, yet considering the past

and the future it is for the best, as the only way out of a

disastrous situation.

 

Q: Does one suffer only for one's own sins?

 

M: One suffers along with what one thinks oneself to be. If you feel

one with humanity, you suffer with humanity.

 

Q: And since you claim to be one with the sufferers, there is no

limit in time or space to your suffering!

 

M: To be is to suffer. The narrower the circle of my self-

identification, the more acute the suffering caused by desire and

fear.

 

Q: Christianity accepts suffering as purifying and ennobling, while

Hinduism looks at it with distaste.

 

M: Christianity is one way of putting words together and Hinduism is

another. The real is, behind and beyond words, incommunicable,

directly experienced, explosive in its effect on the mind. It is

easily had when nothing else is wanted. The innards created by

imagination and perpetuated by desire.

 

Q: Can there be no suffering that is necessary and good?

 

M: Accidental or incidental pain is inevitable and transitory;

deliberate pain, inflicted with even the best of intentions, is

meaningless and cruel.

 

Q: You would not punish crime?

 

M: Punishment is but legalised crime. In a society built on

prevention, rather than retaliation, there would be very little

crime. The few exceptions will be treated medically, as of unsound

mind and body.

 

Q: You seem to have little use for religion.

 

M: What is religion? A cloud in the sky. I live in the sky, not in

the clouds, which are so many words held together. Remove the

verbiage and what remains? Truth remains. My home is in the

unchangeable, which appears to be a state of constant reconciliation

and integration of opposites. People come here to learn about the

actual existence of such a state, the obstacles to its emergence,

and, once perceived, the art of stabilising it in consciousness, so

that there is no clash between understanding and living. The state

itself is beyond the mind and need not be learnt. The mind can only

focus the obstacles; seeing an obstacle as an obstacle is effective,

because it is the mind acting on the mind. Begin from the beginning:

give attention to the fact that you are. At no time can you say 'I

was not' all you can say: 'I do not remember'. You know how

unreliable is memory. Accept that, engrossed in petty personal

affairs you have forgotten what you are; try to bring back the lost

memory through the elimination of the known. You cannot be told what

will happen, nor is it desirable; anticipation will create illusions.

In the inner search the unexpected is inevitable; the discovery is

invariably beyond all imagination. Just as an unborn child cannot

know life after birth, for it has nothing in its mind with which to

form a valid picture, so is the mind unable to think of the real in

terms of the unreal, except by negation: `Not this, not that'. The

acceptance of the unreal as real is the obstacle; to see the false as

false and abandon the false brings reality into being. The states of

utter clarity, immense love, utter fearlessness; these are mere words

at the present, outlines without colour, hints at what can be. You

are like a blind man expecting to see as a result of an operation --

provided you do not shirk the operation! The state I am in words do

not matter at all. Nor is there any addiction to words. Only facts

matter.

 

Q: There can be no religion without words.

 

M: Recorded religions are mere heaps of verbiage. Religions show

their true face in action, in silent action. To know what man

believes, watch how he acts. For most of the people service of their

bodies and their minds is their religion. They may have religious

ideas, but they do not act on them. They play with them, they are

often very fond of them, but they will not act on them.

 

Q: Words are needed for communication.

 

M: For exchange of information -- yes. But real communication

between people is not verbal. For establishing and maintaining

relationship affectionate awareness expressed in direct action is

required. Not what you say, but what you do is that matters. Words

are made by the mind and are meaningful only on the level of the

mind. The word `bread': neither can you eat nor live by it; it merely

conveys an idea. It acquires meaning only with the actual eating. In

the same sense am I telling you that the Normal State is not verbal.

I may say it is wise love expressed in action, but these words convey

little, unless you experience them in their fullness and beauty.

 

Words have their limited usefulness, but we put no limits to them and

bring ourselves to the brink of disaster. Our noble ideas are finely

balanced by ignoble actions. We talk of God, Truth and Love, but

instead of direct experience we have definitions. Instead of

enlarging and deepening action we chisel our definitions. And we

imagine that we know what we can define!

 

Q: How can one convey experience except through words?

 

M: Experience cannot be conveyed through words. It comes with

action. A man who is intense in his experience will radiate

confidence and courage. Others too will act and gain experience born

out of action. Verbal teaching has its use, it prepares the mind for

voiding itself of its accumulations.

 

A level of mental maturity is reached when nothing external is of any

value and the heart is ready to relinquish all. Then the real has a

chance and it grasps it. Delays, if any, are caused by the mind being

unwilling to see or to discard.

 

Q: Are we so totally alone?

 

M: Oh, no, we are not. Those who have, can give. And such givers are

many. The world itself is a supreme gift, maintained by loving

sacrifice. But the right receivers, wise and humble, are so few. 'Ask

and you shall be given' is the eternal law.

 

So many words you have learnt, so many you have spoken. You know

everything, but you do not know yourself. For the self is not known

through words -- only direct insight will reveal it. Look within,

search within.

 

Q: It is very difficult to abandon words. Our mental life is one

continuous stream of words.

 

M: It is not a matter of easy, or difficult. You have no

alternative. Either you try or you don't. It is up to you.

 

Q: I have tried many times and failed.

 

M: Try again. If you keep on trying, something may happen. But if

you don't, you are stuck. You may know all the right words, quote the

scriptures, be brilliant in your discussions and yet remain a bag of

bones. Or you may be inconspicuous and humble, an insignificant

person altogether, yet glowing with loving kindness and deep wisdom.

 

99. The Perceived can not be the Perceiver

Questioner: I have been moving from place to place investigating the

various Yogas available for practice and I could not decide which

will suit me best. I should be thankful for some competent advice. At

present, as a result of all this searching, I am just tired of the

idea of finding truth. It seems to me, both unnecessary and

troublesome. Life is enjoyable as it is and I see no purpose in

improving on it.

 

Maharaj: You are welcome to stay in your contentment, but can you?

Youth, vigour, money -- all will pass away sooner than you expect.

Sorrow, shunned so far, will pursue you. If you want to be beyond

suffering, you must meet it half way and embrace it. Relinquish your

habits and addictions, live a simple and sober life, don't hurt a

living being; this is the foundation of Yoga. To find reality you

must be real in the smallest daily action; there can be no deceit in

the search for truth. You say you find your life enjoyable. Maybe it

is -- at present. But who enjoys it?

 

Q: I confess I do not know the enjoyer nor the enjoyed. I only know

the enjoyment.

 

M: Quite right. But enjoyment is a state of mind -- it comes and

goes. Its very impermanence makes it perceivable. You cannot be

conscious of what does not change. All consciousness is consciousness

of change. But the very perception of change -- does it not

necessitate a changeless background?

 

Q: Not at all. The memory of the last state -- compared to the

actuality of the present state gives the experience of change.

 

M: Between the remembered and the actual there is a basic difference

which can be observed from moment to moment. At no point of time is

the actual the remembered. Between the two there is a difference in

kind, not merely in intensity. The actual is unmistakably so. By no

effort of will or imagination can you interchange the two. Now, what

is it that gives this unique quality to the actual?

 

Q: The actual is real, while there is a good deal of uncertainty

about the remembered.

 

M: Quite so, but why? A moment back the remembered was actual, in a

moment the actual will be the remembered. What makes the actual

unique? Obviously, it is your sense of being present. In memory and

anticipation there is a clear feeling that it is a mental state under

observation, while in the actual the feeling is primarily of being

present and aware.

 

Q: Yes I can see. It is awareness that makes the difference between

the actual and the remembered. One thinks of the past or the future,

but one is present in the now.

 

M: Wherever you go, the sense of here and now you carry with you all

the time. It means that you are independent of space and time, that

space and time are in you, not you in them. It is your self-

identification with the body, which, of course, is limited in space

and time, that gives you the feeling of finiteness. In reality you

are infinite and eternal.

 

Q: This infinite and eternal self of mine, how am I to know it?

 

M: The self you want to know, is it some second self? Are you made

of several selves? Surely, there is only one self and you are that

self. The self you are is the only self there is. Remove and abandon

your wrong ideas about yourself and there it is, in all its glory. It

is only your mind that prevents self-knowledge.

 

Q: How am I to be rid of the mind? And is life without mind at all

possible on the human level?

 

M: There is no such thing as mind. There are ideas and some of them

are wrong. Abandon the wrong ideas, for they are false and obstruct

your vision of yourself.

 

Q: Which ideas are wrong and which are true?

 

M: Assertions are usually wrong and denials -- right.

 

Q: One cannot live by denying everything!

 

M: Only by denying can one live. Assertion is bondage. To question

and deny is necessary. It is the essence of revolt and without revolt

there can be no freedom.

 

There is no second, or higher self to search for. You are the highest

self, only give up the false ideas you have about your self. Both

faith and reason tell you that you are neither the body, nor its

desires and fears, nor are you the mind with its fanciful ideas, nor

the role society compels you to play, the person you are supposed to

be. Give up the false and the true will come into its own.

 

You say you want to know your self. You are your self -- you cannot

be anything but what you are. Is knowing separate from being?

Whatever you can know with your mind is of the mind, not you; about

yourself you can only say: 'I am, I am aware, I like It'.

 

Q: I find being alive a painful state.

 

M: You cannot be alive for you are life itself. It is the person you

imagine yourself to be that suffers, not you. Dissolve it in

awareness. It is merely a bundle of memories and habits. From the

awareness of the unreal to the awareness of your real nature there is

a chasm which you will easily cross, once you have mastered the art

of pure awareness.

 

Q: All I know is that I do not know myself.

 

M: How do you know, that you do not know your self? Your direct

insight tells you that yourself you know first, for nothing exists to

you without your being there to experience its existence. You imagine

you do not know your self, because you cannot describe your self. You

can always say: 'I know that I am' and you will refuse as untrue the

statement: 'I am not'. But whatever can be described cannot be your

self, and what you are cannot be described. You can only know your

self by being yourself without any attempt at self-definition and

self-description. Once you have understood that you are nothing

perceivable or conceivable, that whatever appears in the field of

consciousness cannot be your self, you will apply yourself to the

eradication of all self-identification, as the only way that can take

you to a deeper realisation of your self. You literally progress by

rejection -- a veritable rocket. To know that you are neither in the

body nor in the mind, though aware of both, is already self-knowledge.

 

Q: If I am neither the body nor mind, how am I aware of them? How

can I perceive something quite foreign to myself?

 

M: 'Nothing is me,' is the first step. 'Everything is me' is the

next. Both hang on the idea: 'there is a world'. When this too is

given up, you remain what you are -- the non-dual Self. You are it

here and now, but your vision is obstructed by your false ideas about

your self.

 

Q: Well, I admit that I am, I was, I shall be; at least from birth

to death. I have no doubts of my being, here and now. But I find that

it is not enough. My life lacks joy, born of harmony between the

inner and the outer. If I alone am and the world is merely a

protection, then why is there disharmony?

 

M: You create disharmony and then complain! When you desire and

fear, and identify yourself with your feelings, you create sorrow and

bondage. When you create, with love and wisdom, and remain unattached

to your creations, the result is harmony and peace. But whatever be

the condition of your mind, in what way does it reflect on you? It is

only your self-identification with your mind that makes you happy or

unhappy. Rebel against your slavery to your mind, see your bonds as

self-created and break the chains of attachment and revulsion. Keep

in mind your goal of freedom, until it dawns on you that you are

already free, that freedom is not something in the distant future to

be earned with painful efforts, but perennially one's own, to be

used! Liberation is not an acquisition but a matter of courage, the

courage to believe that you are free already and to act on it.

 

Q: If I do as I like, I shall have to suffer.

 

M: Nevertheless, you are free. The consequences of your action will

depend on the society in which you live and its conventions.

 

Q: I may act recklessly.

 

M: Along with courage will emerge wisdom and compassion and skill in

action. You will know what to do and whatever you do will be good for

all.

 

Q: I find that the various aspects of myself are at war between

themselves and there is no peace in me. Where are freedom and

courage, wisdom and compassion? My actions merely increase the chasm

in which I exist.

 

M: It is all so, because you take yourself to be somebody, or

something. Stop, look, investigate, ask the right questions, come to

the right conclusions and have the courage to act on them and see

what happens. The first steps may bring the roof down on your head,

but soon the commotion will clear and there will be peace and joy.

You know so many things about yourself, but the knower you do not

know. Find out who you are, the knower of the known. Look within

diligently, remember to remember that the perceived cannot be the

perceiver. Whatever you see, hear or think of, remember -- you are

not what happens, you are he to whom it happens. Delve deeply into

the sense 'I am' and you will surely discover that the perceiving

centre is universal, as universal as the light that illumines the

world. All that happens in the universe happens to you, the silent

witness. On the other hand, whatever is done, is done by you, the

universal and inexhaustible energy.

 

Q: It is, no doubt, very gratifying to hear that one is the silent

witness as well as the universal energy. But how is one to cross over

from a verbal statement to direct knowledge? Hearing is not knowing.

 

M: Before you can know anything directly, non-verbally, you must

know the knower. So far, you took the mind for the knower, but it is

just not so. The mind clogs you up with images and ideas, which leave

scars in memory. You take remembering to be knowledge. True knowledge

is ever fresh, new, unexpected. It wells up from within. When you

know what you are, you also are what you know. Between knowing and

being there is no gap.

 

Q: I can only investigate the mind with the mind.

 

M: By all means use your mind to know your mind. It is perfectly

legitimate and also the best preparation for going beyond the mind.

Being, knowing and enjoying is your own. First realise your own

being. This is easy because the sense 'I am' is always with you. Then

meet yourself as the knower, apart from the known. Once you know

yourself as pure being, the ecstasy of freedom is your own.

 

Q: Which Yoga is this?

 

M: Why worry? What makes you come here is your being displeased with

your life as you know it, the life of your body and mind. You may try

to improve them, through controlling and bending them to an ideal, or

you may cut the knot of self-identification altogether and look at

your body and mind as something that happens without committing you

in any way.

 

Q: Shall I call the way of control and discipline raja yoga and the

way of detachment -- jnana yoga? And the worship of an ideal --

bhakti yoga?

 

M: If it pleases you. Words indicate, but do not explain. What I

teach is the ancient and simple way of liberation through

understanding. Understand your own mind and its hold on you will

snap. The mind misunderstands, misunderstanding is its very nature.

Right understanding is the only remedy, whatever name you give it. It

is the earliest and also the latest, for it deals with the mind as it

is.

 

Nothing you do will change you, for you need no change. You may

change your mind or your body, but it is always something external to

you that has changed, not yourself. Why bother at all to change?

realise once for all that neither your body nor your mind, nor even

your consciousness is yourself and stand alone in your true nature

beyond consciousness and unconsciousness. No effort can take you

there, only the clarity of understanding. Trace your

misunderstandings and abandon them, that is all. There is nothing to

seek and find, for there is nothing lost. Relax and watch the 'I am'.

Reality is just behind it. Keep quiet, keep silent; it will emerge,

or, rather, it will take you in.

 

Q: Must I not get rid of my body and mind first?

 

M: You cannot, for the very idea binds you to them. Just understand

and disregard.

 

Q: I am unable to disregard, for I am not integrated.

 

M: Imagine you are completely integrated, your thought and action

fully co-ordinated. How will it help you? It will not free you from

mistaking yourself to be the body or the mind. See them correctly

as 'not you', that is all.

 

Q: You want me to remember to forget!

 

M: Yes, it looks so. Yet, it is not hopeless. You can do it. Just

set about it in earnest. Your blind groping is full of promise. Your

very searching is the finding. You cannot fail.

 

Q: Because we are disintegrated, we suffer.

 

M: We shall suffer as long as our thoughts and actions are prompted

by desires and fears. See their futility and the danger and chaos

they create will subside. Don't try to reform yourself, just see the

futility of all change. The changeful keeps on changing while the

changeless is waiting. Do not expect the changeful, to take you to

the changeless -- it can never happen. Only when the very idea of

changing is seen as false and abandoned, the changeless can come into

its own.

 

Q: Everywhere I go, l am told that I must change profoundly before

I can see the real. This process of deliberate, self-imposed change

is called Yoga.

 

M: All change affects the mind only. To be what you are, you must go

beyond the mind, into your own being. It is immaterial what is the

mind that you leave behind, provided you leave it behind for good.

This again is not possible without self-realisation.

 

Q: What comes first -- the abandoning of the mind or self-

realisation?

 

M:. Self-realisation definitely comes first. The mind cannot go

beyond itself by itself. It must explode.

 

Q: No exploration before explosion?

 

M: The explosive power comes from the real. But you are well advised

to have your mind ready for it. Fear can always delay it, until

another opportunity arises.

 

Q: I thought there is always a chance.

 

M: In theory -- yes. In practice a situation must arise, when all

the factors necessary for self-realisation are present. This need not

I discourage you. Your dwelling on the fact of 'I am' will soon

create another chance. For, attitude attracts opportunity. All you

know is second-hand. Only `I am' is first-hand and needs no proofs.

Stay with it.

 

100. Understanding leads to Freedom

Questioner: In many countries of the world investigating officers

follow certain practices aimed at extracting confessions from their

victim and also changing his personality, if needed. By a judicious

choice of physical and moral deprivations and by persuasions the old

personality is broken down and a new personality established in its

place. The man under investigation hears so many times repeated that

he is an enemy of the State and a traitor to his country, that a day

comes when something breaks down in him and he begins to feel with

full conviction that he is a traitor, a rebel, altogether despicable

and deserving the direst punishment. This process is known as brain-

washing.

 

It struck me that the religious and Yogic practices are very similar

to 'brain-washing'. The same physical and mental deprivation,

solitary confinement, a powerful sense of sin, despair and a desire

to escape through expiation and conversion, adoption of a new image

of oneself and impersonating that image. The same repetition of set

formulas: 'God is good; the Guru (party) knows; faith will save me.'

In the so-called Yogic or religious practices the same mechanism

operates. The mind is made to concentrate on some particular idea to

the exclusion of all other ideas and concentration is powerfully

reinforced by rigid discipline and painful austerities. A high price

in life and happiness is paid and what one gets in return appears

therefore, to be of great importance. This prearranged conversion,

obvious or hidden, religious or political, ethical or social, may

look genuine and lasting, yet there is a feeling of artificiality

about it.

 

Maharaj: You are quite right. By undergoing so many hardships the

mind gets dislocated and immobilised. Its condition becomes

precarious; whatever it undertakes, ends in a deeper bondage.

 

Q: Then why are sadhanas prescribed?

 

M: Unless you make tremendous efforts, you will not be convinced

that effort will take you nowhere. The self is so self confident,

that unless it is totally discouraged, it will not give up. Mere

verbal conviction is not enough. Hard facts alone can show the

absolute nothingness of the self-image.

 

Q: The brain-washer drives me mad, and the Guru drives me sane. The

driving is similar. Yet the motive and the purpose are totally

different. The similarities are, perhaps merely verbal.

 

M: Inviting, or compelling to suffer contains in it violence and the

fruit of violence cannot be sweet.

 

There are certain life situations, inevitably painful, and you have

to take them in your stride. There are also certain situations which

you have created, either deliberately or by neglect. And from these

you have to learn a lesson so that they are not repeated again.

 

Q: It seems that we must suffer, so that we learn to overcome pain.

 

M: Pain has to be endured. There is no such thing as overcoming the

pain and no training is needed. Training for the future, developing

attitudes is a sign of fear.

 

Q: Once I know how to face pain, I am free of it, not afraid of it,

and therefore happy. This is what happens to a prisoner. He accepts

his punishment as just and proper and is at peace with the prison

authorities and the State. All religions do nothing else but preach

acceptance and surrender. We are being encouraged to plead guilty, to

feel responsible for all the evils in the world and point at

ourselves as their only cause. My problem is: I cannot see much

difference between brain-washing and sadhana, except that in the case

of sadhana one is not physically constrained. The element of

compulsive suggestion is present in both.

 

M: As you have said, the similarities are superficial. You need not

harp on them.

 

Q: Sir, the similarities are not superficial. Man is a complex

being and can be at the same time the accuser and the accused, the

judge, the warden and the executioner. There is not much that is

voluntary in a 'voluntary' sadhana. One is moved by forces beyond

one's ken and control. I can change my mental metabolism as little as

the physical, except by painful and protracted efforts -- which is

Yoga. All I am asking is: does Maharaj agree with me that Yoga

implies violence?

 

M: I agree that Yoga, as presented by you, means violence and I

never advocate any form of violence. My path is totally non-violent.

I mean exactly what I say: non-violent. Find out for yourself what it

is. I merely say: it is non-violent.

 

Q: I am not misusing words. When a Guru asks me to meditate sixteen

hours a day for the rest of my life, I cannot do it without extreme

violence to myself. Is such a Guru right or wrong?

 

M: None compels you to meditate sixteen hours a day, unless you feel

like doing so. It is only a way of telling you: 'remain with

yourself, don't get lost among others'. The teacher will wait, but

the mind is impatient.

 

It is not the teacher, it is the mind that is violent and also afraid

of its own violence. What is of the mind is relative, it is a mistake

to make it into an absolute.

 

Q: If I remain passive, nothing will change. If I am active, I must

be violent. What is it I can do which is neither sterile nor violent?

 

M: Of course, there is a way which is neither violent nor sterile

and yet supremely effective. Just look at yourself as you are, see

yourself as you are, accept yourself as you are and go ever deeper

into what you are. Violence and non-violence describe your attitude

to others; the self in relation to itself is neither violent nor non-

violent, it is either aware or unaware of itself. If it knows itself,

all it does will be right; if it does not, all it does will be wrong.

 

Q: What do you mean by saying: I know myself as I am?

 

M: Before the mind -- I am. 'I am' is not a thought in the mind; the

mind happens to me, I do not happen to the mind. And since time and

space are in the mind, I am beyond time and space, eternal and

omnipresent.

 

Q: Are you serious? Do you really mean that you exist everywhere

and at all times?

 

M: Yes, I do. To me it is as obvious, as the freedom of movement is

to you. Imagine a tree asking a monkey: 'Do you seriously mean that

you can move from place to place?' And the monkey saying: 'Yes. I do.'

 

Q: Are you also free from causality? Can you produce miracles?

 

M: The world itself is a miracle. I am beyond miracles -- I am

absolutely normal. With me everything happens as it must. I do not

interfere with creation. Of what use are small miracles to me when

the greatest of miracles is happening all the time? Whatever you see

it is always your own being that you see. Go ever deeper into

yourself, seek within, there is neither violence nor non-violence in

self-discovery. The destruction of the false is not violence.

 

Q: When I practice self-enquiry, or go within with the idea that it

will profit me in some way or other, I am still escaping from what I

am.

 

M: Quite right. True enquiry is always into something, not out of

something. When I enquire how to get, or avoid something, I am not

really inquiring. To know anything I must accept it -- totally.

 

Q: Yes, to know God I must accept God -- how frightening!

 

M: Before you can accept God, you must accept yourself, which is

even more frightening. The first steps in self acceptance are not at

all pleasant, for what one sees is not a happy sight. One needs all

the courage to go further. What helps is silence. Look at yourself in

total silence, do not describe yourself. Look at the being you

believe you are and remember -- you are not what you see. 'This I am

not -- what am l?' is the movement of self-enquiry. There are no

other means to liberation, all means delay. Resolutely reject what

you are not, till the real Self emerges in its glorious nothingness,

its 'not-a-thingness.'

 

Q: The world is passing through rapid and critical changes. We can

see them with great clarity in the United States, though they happen

in other countries. There is an increase in crime on one hand and

more genuine holiness on the other. Communities are being formed and

some of them are on a very high level of integrity and austerity. It

looks as if evil is destroying itself by its own successes, like a

fire which consumes its fuel, while the good, like life, perpetuates

itself.

 

M: As long as you divide events into good and evil, you may be

right. In fact, good becomes evil and evil becomes good by their own

fulfilment.

 

Q: What about love?

 

M: When it turns to lust, it becomes destructive.

 

Q: What is lust?

 

M: Remembering -- imagining -- anticipating. It is sensory and

verbal. A form of addiction.

 

Q: Is brahmacharya, continence, imperative in Yoga?

 

M: A life of constraint and suppression is not Yoga. Mind must be

free of desires and relaxed. It comes with understanding, not with

determination, which is but another form of memory. An understanding

mind is free of desires and fears.

 

Q: How can I make myself understand?

 

M: By meditating which means giving attention. Become fully aware of

your problem, look at it from all sides, watch how it affects your

life. Then leave it alone. You can't do more than that.

 

Q: Will it set me free?

 

M: You are free from what you have understood. The outer expressions

of freedom may take time to appear, but they are already there. Do

not expect perfection. There is no perfection in manifestation.

Details must clash. No problem is solved completely, but you can

withdraw from it to a level on which it does not operate.

 

101. Jnani does not Grasp, nor Hold

Questioner: How does the jnani proceed when he needs something to be

done? Does he make plans, decide about details and execute them?

 

Maharaj: Jnani understands a situation fully and knows at once what

needs be done. That is all. The rest happens by itself, and to a

large extent unconsciously. The jnani's identity with all that is, is

so complete, that as he responds to the universe, so does the

universe respond to him. He is supremely confident that once a

situation has been cognised, events will move in adequate response.

The ordinary man is personally concerned, he counts his risks and

chances, while the jnani remains aloof, sure that all will happen as

it must; and it does not matter much what happens, for ultimately the

return to balance and harmony is inevitable. The heart of things is

at peace.

 

Q: I have understood that personality is an illusion, and alert

detachment, without loss of identity, is our point of contact with

the reality. Will you, please, tell me -- at this moment are you a

person or a self-aware identity?

 

M: I am both. But the real self cannot be described except in terms

supplied by the person, in terms of what I am not. All you can tell

about the person is not the self, and you can tell nothing about the

self, which would not refer to the person; as it is, as it could be,

as it should be. All attributes are personal. The real is beyond all

attributes.

 

Q: Are you sometimes the self and sometimes the person?

 

M: How can I be? The person is what I appear to be to other persons.

To myself I am the infinite expanse of consciousness in which

innumerable persons emerge and disappear in endless succession.

 

Q: How is it that the person, which to you is quite illusory,

appears real to us?

 

M: You, the self, being the root of all being, consciousness and

joy, impart your reality to whatever you perceive. This imparting of

reality takes place invariably in the now, at no other time, because

past and future are only in the mind. `Being' applies to the now only.

 

Q: Is not eternity endless too?

 

M: Time is endless, though limited, eternity is In the split moment

of the now. We miss it because the mind is ever shuttling between the

past and the future. It will not stop to focus the now. It can be

done with comparative ease, if interest is aroused.

 

Q: What arouses interest?

 

M: Earnestness, the sign of maturity.

 

Q: And how does maturity come about?

 

M: By keeping your mind clear and clean, by living your life in full

awareness of every moment as it happens, by examining and dissolving

one's desires and fears as soon as they arise.

 

Q: Is such concentration at all possible?

 

M: Try. One step at a time is easy. Energy flows from earnestness.

 

Q: I find I am not earnest enough.

 

M: Self-betrayal is a grievous matter. It rots the mind like cancer.

The remedy lies in clarity and integrity of thinking. Try to

understand that you live in a world of illusions, examine them and

uncover their roots. The very attempt to do so will make you earnest,

for there is bliss in right endeavour.

 

Q: Where will it lead me?

 

M: Where can it lead you if not to its own perfection? Once you are

well-established in the now, you have nowhere else to go what you are

timelessly, you express eternally.

 

Q: Are you one or many?

 

M: I am one, but appear as many.

 

Q: Why does one appear at all?

 

M: It is good to be, and to be conscious.

 

Q: Life is sad.

 

M: Ignorance causes sorrow. Happiness follows understanding.

 

Q: Why should ignorance be painful?

 

M: It is at the root of all desire and fear, which are painful

states and the source of endless errors.

 

Q: I have seen people supposed to have realised, laughing and

crying. Does it not show that they are not free of desire and fear?

 

M: They may laugh and cry according to circumstances, but inwardly

they are cool and clear, watching detachedly their own spontaneous

reactions. Appearances are misleading and more so in the case of a

jnani.

 

Q: I do not understand you.

 

M: The mind cannot understand, for the mind is trained for grasping

and holding while the jnani is not-grasping and not holding.

 

Q: What am I holding on to, which you do not?

 

M: You are a creature of memories; at least you imagine yourself to

be so. I am entirely unimagined. I am what I am, not identifiable

with any physical or mental state.

 

Q: An accident would destroy your equanimity.

 

M: The strange fact is that it does not. To my own surprise, I

remain as I am -- pure awareness, alert to all that happens.

 

Q: Even at the Moment of death?

 

M: What is it to me that the body dies?

 

Q: Don't you need it to contact the world?

 

M: I do not need the world. Nor am I in one. The world you think of

is in your own mind. I can see it through your eyes and mind, but I

am fully aware that it is a projection of memories; it is touched by

the real only at the point of awareness, which can be only now.

 

Q: The only difference between us seems to be that while I keep on

saying that I do not know my real self, you maintain that you know it

well; is there any other difference between us?

 

M: There is no difference between us; nor can I say that I know

myself, I know that I am not describable nor definable. There is a

vastness beyond the farthest reaches of the mind. That vastness is my

home; that vastness is myself. And that vastness is also love.

 

Q: You see love everywhere, while I see hatred and suffering. The

history of humanity is the history of murder, individual and

collective. No other living being so delights in killing.

 

M: If you go into the motives, you will find love, love of oneself

and of one's own. People fight for what they imagine they love.

 

Q: Surely their love must be real enough when they are ready to die

for it.

 

M: Love is boundless. What is limited to a few cannot be called love.

 

Q: Do you know such unlimited love?

 

M: Yes, l do.

 

Q: How does it feel?

 

M: All is loved and lovable. Nothing is excluded.

 

Q: Not even the ugly and the criminal?

 

M: All is within my consciousness; all is my own. It is madness to

split oneself through likes and dislikes. I am beyond both. I am not

alienated.

 

Q: To be free from like and dislike is a state of indifference.

 

M: It may look and feel so in the beginning. Persevere in such

indifference and it will blossom into an all-pervading and all-

embracing love.

 

Q: One has such moments when the mind becomes a flower and a flame,

but they do not last and the life reverts to its daily greyness.

 

M: Discontinuity is the law, when you deal with the concrete: The

continuous cannot be experienced, for it has no borders.

Consciousness implies alterations, change followings change, when one

thing or state comes to an end and another begins; that which has no

borderline cannot be experienced in the common meaning of the word.

One can only be it, without knowing, but one can know what it is not.

It is definitely not the entire content of consciousness which is

always on the move.

 

Q: If the immovable cannot be known, what is the meaning and

purpose of its realisation?

 

M: To realise the immovable means to become immovable. And the

purpose is the good of all that lives.

 

Q: Life is movement. Immobility is death. Of what use is death to

life?

 

M: I am talking of immovability, not of immobility. You become

immovable in reticence. You become a power which gets all things

right. It may or may not imply intense outward activity, but the mind

remains deep and quiet.

 

Q: As I watch my mind I find it changing all the time, mood

succeeding mood in infinite variety, while you seem to be perpetually

in the same mood of cheerful benevolence.

 

M: Moods are in the mind and do not matter. Go within, go beyond.

Cease being fascinated by the content of your consciousness. When you

reach the deep layers of your true being, you will find that the

mind's surface-play affects you very little.

 

Q: There will be play all the same?

 

M: A quiet mind is not a dead mind.

 

Q: Consciousness is always in movement -- it is an observable fact.

Immovable consciousness is a contradiction. When you talk of a quiet

mind, what is it? Is not mind the same as consciousness?

 

M: We must remember that words are used in many ways, according to

the context. The fact is that there is little difference between the

conscious and the unconscious --- they are essentially the same. The

waking state differs from deep sleep in the presence of the witness.

A ray of awareness illumines a part of our mind and that part becomes

our dream or waking consciousness, while awareness appears as the

witness. The witness usually knows only consciousness. Sadhana

consists in the witness turning back first on his conscious, then

upon himself in his own awareness. Self-awareness is Yoga.

 

Q: If awareness is all-pervading, then a blind man, once realised,

can see?

 

M: You are mixing sensation with awareness. The jnani knows himself

as he is. He is also aware of his body being crippled and his mind

being deprived of a range of sensory perceptions. But he is not

affected by the availability of eyesight, nor by its absence.

 

Q: My question is more specific; when a blind man becomes a jnani

will his eyesight be restored to him or not?

 

M: Unless his eyes and brain undergo a renovation, how can he see?

 

Q: But will they undergo a renovation?

 

M: They may or may not. It all depends on destiny and grace. But a

jnani commands a mode of spontaneous, non-sensory perception, which

makes him know things directly, without the intermediary of the

senses. He is beyond the perceptual and the conceptual, beyond the

categories of time and space, name and shape. He is neither the

perceived nor the perceiver, but the simple and the universal factor

that makes perceiving possible. Reality is within consciousness, but

it is not consciousness nor any of its contents.

 

Q: What is false, the world, or my knowledge of it?

 

M: Is there a world outside your knowledge? Can you go beyond what

you know? You may postulate a world beyond the

 

mind, but it will remain a concept, unproved and unprovable. Your

experience is your proof, and it is valid for you only. Who else can

have your experience, when the other person is only as real as he

appears in your experience?

 

Q: Am I so hopelessly lonely?

 

M: You are. as a person. In your real being vow are the whole.

 

Q: Are you a part of the world which I have in consciousness, or

are you independent?

 

M: What you see is yours and what I see is mine. The two have little

in common.

 

Q: There must be some common factor which unites us.

 

M: To find the common factor you must abandon all distinctions. Only

the universal is in common.

 

Q: What strikes me as exceedingly strange is that while you say

that I am merely a product of my memories and woefully limited, I

create a vast and rich world in which. everything is contained,

including you and your teaching. How this vastness is created and

contained in my smallness is what I find hard to understand. May be

you are giving me the whole truth, but I am grasping only a small

part of it.

 

M: Yet, it is a fact -- the small projects the whole, but it cannot

contain the whole. However great and complete is your world it is

self-contradictory and transitory and altogether illusory.

 

Q: It may be illusory yet it is marvellous. When I look and listen,

touch, smell and taste, think and feel, remember and imagine, I

cannot but be astonished at my miraculous creativity. I look through

a microscope or telescope and see wonders, I follow the track of an

atom and hear the whisper of the stars. If I am the sole creator of

all this, then I am God indeed! But if I am God, why do I appear so

small and helpless to myself?

 

M: You are God, but you do not know it.

 

Q: If I am God, then the world I create must be true.

 

M: It is true in essence, but not in appearance. Be free of desires

and fears and at once your vision will clear and you shall see all

things as they are. Or, you may say that the satoguna creates the

world, the tamoguna obscures it and the rajoguna distorts.

 

Q: This does not tell me much, because if I ask what are the gunas,

the answer will be: what creates -- what obscures -- what distorts.

The fact remains -- something unbelievable happened to me, and I do

not understand what has happened, how and why.

 

M: Well, wonder is the dawn of wisdom. To be steadily and

consistently wondering is sadhana.

 

Q: I am in a world which I do not understand and therefore, I am

afraid of it. This is everybody's experience.

 

M: You have separated yourself from the world, therefore it pains

and frightens you. Discover your mistake and be free of fear.

 

Q: You are asking me to give up the world, while I want to be happy

in the world.

 

M: If you ask for the impossible, who can help you? The limited is

bound to be painful and pleasant in turns. If you seek real

happiness, unassailable and unchangeable, you must leave the world

with its pains and pleasures behind you.

 

Q: How is it done?

 

M: Mere physical renunciation is only a token of earnestness, but

earnestness alone does not liberate. There must be understanding

which comes with alert perceptivity, eager enquiry and deep

investigation. You must work relentlessly for your salvation from sin

and sorrow.

 

Q: What is sin?

 

M: All that binds you.