THE HIGH INDIFFERENCE FMW (PT.2)

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Throughout this whole experience and the following more profound

state, the egoistic or subject-object consciousness was actively

present. It was present, however, as a witness on the sidelines,

while all about and through and through there was an immeasurably

vaster Consciousness. Could I have asserted the egoistic will and

withdrawn from the State? I cannot give this question any certain

answer. I certainly had no wish to try to do so. The greater

Consciousness was more powerful than the egoistic energy, but on the

other hand I had no feeling of a will in It that would have been

asserted against my individual will to retreat from the State. It was

as though, all the time, the Higher Consciousness dominated the

individual energy, with my individual permission. Of course, I was

more than glad to give that permission, but I believe I could have

withdrawn if I had so chosen. There is one sense in which it may be

said that I, individually, made use of this Higher Consciousness but

could have, had I so chosen, abandoned myself to It completely and

forever. Not so to abandon myself was an act of sheer austerity.

Through the continued presence of the egoistic consciousness and its

activity in recording in the form of thought as much as could be

comprehended from the State, it has been possible to carry much of

Its value into my ordinary reflective consciousness. Among other

effects, this had made possible the expression that is now being

written down. Through the presence of this value in the reflective

consciousness I am enabled to recognize in the expression of some

others a reflection of a comparable form of Recognition. Also, I am

enabled to understand the Meaning behind the expression of such

writers. Further, I retain at all times in my personal consciousness

a memory and understanding relative to the Higher State that is

substantially more than a sense of a mere inchoate Thatness. One who

entered the Higher State with the relative consciousness completely

paralyzed either would be unable to return, or, if he did so, could

carry into his outer consciousness only a dim adumbration of a

something Other.

How long the state of complete Satisfaction continued I do not know,

save that it was for a protracted interval as measured in terms of

objective consciousness. But as time went on there was a gradual

dimming, or fusing, or being enveloped, on the part of the

Satisfaction, by another and considerably more profound State. The

only expression that reasonably well represents this higher State is

the term 'High Indifference.' Along with this was a sense of simply

tremendous Authority. It was an Authority of such stupendous Majesty

as to reduce the power of all Caesars relatively to the level of

insects. The Caesars may destroy cultures and whole peoples, but they

are utterly powerless with respect to the Inner Springs of

Consciousness, and in the domains beyond the river Styx they are as

impotent as most other men. But the Authority of the High

Indifference has supreme dominion over all this, as well as being the

Power which permits the Caesars to play their little games for brief

seasons. The Caesars, as well as many who are greater than they, are

capable of reaching only to some goal well within the limits of

Satisfaction. They certainly do not know the Powers lying beyond the

utmost sweep of individual desire. But there is such a region of

Authority, supreme over all below It, and this is the High

Indifference.

In this State I was not enveloped with satisfaction, but there was no

feeling, in connection with that fact, of something having been lost.

Literally, I now had no need of Satisfaction. This state or quality

rested, as it were, below Me, and I could have invoked it if I had so

chosen. But the important point is that on the level of the High

Indifference there is no need of comfort or of Bliss, in the sense of

an active Joy or Happiness. If one were to predicate Bliss in

connection with the High Indifference, it would be correct only in

the sense that there was an absence of misery or pain. But relative

to this State even pleasurable enjoyment is misery. I am well aware

that in this we have a State of Consciousness which falls quite

outside the range of ordinary human imagination. Heretofore I have

for my own part never been able really to imagine a state of so

superior an excellence that it was actually more than desirable. And

here I mean 'more' in the best possible sense. " Within the limits of

my old motivation there was nothing that craved anything like this,

and I do not find anything in man as man that would make such a

craving possible. Yet now, deep within me, I feel that I am centered

in a Level from which I look down upon all objects of all possible

human desire, even the most lofty. It is a strange, almost a weird,

Consciousness when viewed from the perspective of relative levels.

Yet, on Its own Level, It is the one State that is really complete or

adequate. What there may be still Beyond, I do not Know, but this

State I do know consumes all others of which I have had any glimpse

whatsoever.

The word 'Indifference' is not altogether satisfactory, but I know of

no other that serves as well. It is not at all indifference in the

negative or tamasic sense. The latter is a dull, passive, and inert

quality, close to the soddenness of real Death. The High Indifference

is to be taken in the sense of an utter Fullness that is even more

than a bare Infinity. To borrow a figure from mathematics, It is an

Infinity of some higher order, that is, an INFINITY which comprehends

lesser Infinities.

What is it that leads one on into this Level? As already shown, it is

clearly not desire. Further, the State certainly seems to be beyond

the limits of human imagination. Here we are in the presence of real

Mystery. Is it Nirvana? There are excellent reasons for believing

that It is something more than Nirvana in the simplest sense. Let us

consider this.

Nirvana, in the simplest and most customary sense, is not so far

beyond imagination as generally supposed. To be sure, Nirvanic

Consciousness cannot be expressed in subject-object terms and thus

must be approached largely through negative definition. But It does

have some marks that are partly understandable. It is a State

somewhat qualified by the terms 'blown out,' 'Bliss/ and 'Rest.' Most

certainly It is a desirable Goal for him who is weary from the burden

of egoism and the misery of world-consciousness. There is a stage in

spiritual progress such that the step of entering Nirvanic

Consciousness finally appears as a sort of temptation. I do not say

that every man who has reached the point where he may enter this

State in a relatively final sense necessarily fails of his best in so

entering. With some the state of soul-fatigue is so great that no

other course is reasonably possible. So no blame attaches to those

who do so enter. But there are some Men who reach this point with

such a reserve of strength that They can choose another course, and

there are alternative courses of superior dignity. But even for Them,

Nirvanic Consciousness is naturally highly attractive. But if They do

enter Nirvana, They may no longer aid suffering mankind, whereas by

following a certain alternative course They may be of the very

greatest assistance, and thus it follows that for Them Nirvana

appears as a temptation. All of this implies that here we are still

within the field of conceivable desire. Whatever course may be

chosen, desire in some sense is active, even though it is that lofty

kind of desire that is born out of pure Compassion.

 

(Pt. 3)....in next post..bn