Guest guest Posted April 20, 2006 Report Share Posted April 20, 2006 I just stumbled across this account I wrote three years ago. It pertains to inquiry into the 'I am'. I had just emerged from a period of several months that was the one time in my life I would call " hell " . It was a pretty harrowing experience. I actually hadn't read much Nisargadatta for over ten years, but after some rough ride I got out my copy of 'I Am That' and read it as never before. I began understanding things as I had never understood them before. Not that I fully understood them, but I was at least confused on a higher level. I was reading something he said about the 'I Am'. I had nodded my way past those comments a million times before, but this time I stopped and realized that I didn't really have a visceral sense of what he meant, so I really went into it. I really dove into the moment. My mind was verbally silent. [Nothing unusual about that for me. I've long known that the quieting of inner dialog is no magical rite of passage to Nirvana.] It was beholding silently within, and on the left I sensed a subtly festering agitation. It was just energy, and it was kinda of pulsing, as subtle successive waves. I knew that if I were to take one of those waves I would ride out on some emotional crest full of content, but I remained in a " fasting state " , simply witnessing the succession of pulses. Then attention shifted to the right and I beheld a similar succession of pulses, but of a different quality. They seemed " cooler " and gave the impression of a bluish cast. I understood that each of these pulses was a potential thought, and should I pick one it would gladly elaborate itself, perhaps endlessly, fractal-like. Attention shifted to the left again and again beheld the stream of pulses there. Attention shifted to the right and beheld the stream of thought-seeds again. As attention shifted to the left again, something asked, " Hey, what is it that is looking here? What is beholding this movement from left to right? " Not in so many words of course, but BAM!, when that question hit me I suddenly came to sense the pure clarity that beholds it all with indifference. I realized in a flash (and not in words such as these) that that pure simple clear awareness could not care less about whether it was looking at the left side or the right side, whether I stayed in " fasting mode " or one of those pulses inflamed into a torrid scenario or thought or emotion. I realized that what I was was not the feelings or the thoughts or any of the seeds for such or even any source of the streams of seeds for such. And my identification with all that content dropped away that instant. 5-13-03 Bill Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 20, 2006 Report Share Posted April 20, 2006 --- billrishel <illusyn a écrit : I just stumbled across this account I wrote three years ago. It pertains to inquiry into the 'I am'. I had just emerged from a period of several months that was the one time in my life I would call " hell " . It was a pretty harrowing experience. I actually hadn't read much Nisargadatta for over ten years, but after some rough ride I got out my copy of 'I Am That' and read it as never before. I began understanding things as I had never understood them before. Not that I fully understood them, but I was at least confused on a higher level. I was reading something he said about the 'I Am'. I had nodded my way past those comments a million times before, but this time I stopped and realized that I didn't really have a visceral sense of what he meant, so I really went into it. I really dove into the moment. My mind was verbally silent. [Nothing unusual about that for me. I've long known that the quieting of inner dialog is no magical rite of passage to Nirvana.] It was beholding silently within, and on the left I sensed a subtly festering agitation. It was just energy, and it was kinda of pulsing, as subtle successive waves. I knew that if I were to take one of those waves I would ride out on some emotional crest full of content, but I remained in a " fasting state " , simply witnessing the succession of pulses. Then attention shifted to the right and I beheld a similar succession of pulses, but of a different quality. They seemed " cooler " and gave the impression of a bluish cast. I understood that each of these pulses was a potential thought, and should I pick one it would gladly elaborate itself, perhaps endlessly, fractal-like. Attention shifted to the left again and again beheld the stream of pulses there. Attention shifted to the right and beheld the stream of thought-seeds again. As attention shifted to the left again, something asked, " Hey, what is it that is looking here? What is beholding this movement from left to right? " Not in so many words of course, but BAM!, when that question hit me I suddenly came to sense the pure clarity that beholds it all with indifference. I realized in a flash (and not in words such as these) that that pure simple clear awareness could not care less about whether it was looking at the left side or the right side, whether I stayed in " fasting mode " or one of those pulses inflamed into a torrid scenario or thought or emotion. I realized that what I was was not the feelings or the thoughts or any of the seeds for such or even any source of the streams of seeds for such. And my identification with all that content dropped away that instant. 5-13-03 Bill What an account, ...........pure simple clear awareness could not care less about whether it was looking at the left side or the right side... Your truthfulness is hozzing out of that post. Thank-you, Patricia ** If you do not wish to receive individual emails, to change your subscription, sign in with your ID and go to Edit My Groups: /mygroups?edit=1 Under the Message Delivery option, choose " No Email " for the Nisargadatta group and click on Save Changes. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 21, 2006 Report Share Posted April 21, 2006 Nisargadatta , OConnor Patricia <gdtige wrote: > > > --- billrishel <illusyn a écrit : > > > > I just stumbled across this account I wrote three > years > ago. It pertains to inquiry into the 'I am'. > > I had just emerged from a period of several months > that was the one time in my life I would call > " hell " . It was a pretty harrowing experience. I > actually hadn't read much Nisargadatta for over ten > years, but after some rough ride I got out my copy > of 'I Am That' and read it as never before. I began > understanding things as I had never understood them > before. Not that I fully understood them, but I was > at least confused on a higher level. > > I was reading something he said about the 'I Am'. > I had nodded my way past those comments a million > times before, but this time I stopped and realized > that I didn't really have a visceral sense of what > he meant, so I really went into it. I really dove > into the moment. > > My mind was verbally silent. [Nothing unusual about > that for me. I've long known that the quieting of > inner dialog is no magical rite of passage to > Nirvana.] > It was beholding silently within, and on the left > I sensed a subtly festering agitation. It was just > energy, and it was kinda of pulsing, as subtle > successive > waves. I knew that if I were to take one of those > waves I would ride out on some emotional crest full > of content, but I remained in a " fasting state " , > simply witnessing the succession of pulses. Then > attention shifted to the right and I beheld a > similar > succession of pulses, but of a different quality. > They seemed " cooler " and gave the impression of a > bluish cast. I understood that each of these pulses > was a potential thought, and should I pick one it > would gladly elaborate itself, perhaps endlessly, > fractal-like. Attention shifted to the left again > and again beheld the stream of pulses there. > Attention > shifted to the right and beheld the stream of > thought-seeds again. As attention shifted to the > left again, something asked, " Hey, what is it that > is looking here? What is beholding this movement > from left to right? " Not in so many words of course, > but BAM!, when that question hit me I suddenly > came to sense the pure clarity that beholds it all > with indifference. I realized in a flash (and not > in words such as these) that that pure simple clear > awareness could not care less about whether it was > looking at the left side or the right side, whether > I stayed in " fasting mode " or one of those pulses > inflamed into a torrid scenario or thought or > emotion. > I realized that what I was was not the feelings or > the thoughts or any of the seeds for such or even > any source of the streams of seeds for such. And my > identification with all that content dropped away > that instant. > > > > 5-13-03 > > Bill > > What an account, > ..........pure simple clear > awareness could not care less about whether it was > looking at the left side or the right side... > Your truthfulness is hozzing out of that post. > > Thank-you, > > Patricia I liked it too!! from " both " side LOL hugs > ** > > If you do not wish to receive individual emails, to > change your subscription, sign in with your ID > and go to Edit My Groups: > > /mygroups?edit=1 > > Under the Message Delivery option, choose " No Email " > for the Nisargadatta group and click on Save Changes. > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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