Guest guest Posted May 27, 2006 Report Share Posted May 27, 2006 There are reasons why I have found great value in Ramana's teachings on practice, developing strength of mind and elimination of Vassanas. Numerous times I have ended in state that can be called of: - no thoughts - freedom from [form] identification - Pure Awareness - Love - Bliss Yet, as soon as I have gained [secondary] Awareness of 'being in this state'; I have started asking myself - " am I still alive? " , " who is this who is living? " , " who am I? " , " what is the meaning of living like this? " . If this is really " living " then, what can " death " be like? And, I [or call it ego, mind, duality, person] have felt kind of " uncomfortable " ! I [or call it 'ego'] have felt like 'not existing'... I [or call it mind] as if along with 'identity'; I have also lot all my memories, relationships, all my " history " ... as I if I am living in a 'oblivion'... as if I have been " wiped out " ... As if I have seen my own " death " and now, I will rather go back to the " illusion " ... Where there is sense of " doing " , where there is sense of " being " , where there is some " stimulus " , where I " feel " ups and downs " ... Where I [or call it mind] can feel " alive " again... Where I can feel " normal " again... It has happened many, many times but, still I [or mind] still haven't found it comfortable enough... Guess, when 'living' like this, everything has started appearing like a 'drama', an 'act' to me and I [or ego] have longed to get 'normal' again. To get back to a 'state', a 'mode' where I feel like 'belonging' to this world, where I feel like 'living in this world', where I feel part of this world, where my desires, my wishes, my thoughts feel really serious and where I cry, laugh, feel sad, feel lust, feel anger, feel disappointment, passion, zest like any " human " ... Almost every time that it has happened, I [ego] have kind of hit a 'panic' mode and I have stated doing everything [internet, sports, movies, sex...] more in an attempt to 'burry' it..., to 'forget' it, to 'hide' it from 'myself'! And, I have wondered, will I [mind] ever get fully comfortable with this 'mode of being'... PS : Irrespective of peace, bliss, love... I have felt it like my own death and, question has been what " use " this kind of peace really is for " me " ... I don't even feel like 'living' anymore! I have asked, to " whom " does this peace has any significance and have answered – it is not for me. and, that's where, I think the notion of 'service' or 'devotion' comes into play! Maybe, these are nice ways to forget or cover my own 'non existence' and give " me " a new 'sense' of 'existing' and new 'purpose' of being. I think this is where the concept of being a monk, an awakened one or a sadhu, a saint too comes into play – taking a new but 'noble' 'identity'! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 27, 2006 Report Share Posted May 27, 2006 Nisargadatta , " adithya_comming " <adithya_comming wrote: > > There are reasons why I have found > great value in Ramana's teachings on > practice, developing strength of mind > and elimination of Vassanas. > > Numerous times I have ended in state > that can be called of: > > - no thoughts > > - freedom from [form] identification > > - Pure Awareness > > - Love > > - Bliss > > Yet, as soon as I have gained > [secondary] Awareness of 'being in this > state'; I have started asking myself - > " am I still alive? " , " who is this who > is living? " , " who am I? " , " what is the > meaning of living like this? " . > > If this is really " living " then, what > can " death " be like? > > > And, I [or call it ego, mind, duality, > person] have felt kind of > " uncomfortable " ! > > I [or call it 'ego'] have felt like > 'not existing'... > > I [or call it mind] as if along with > 'identity'; I have also lot all my > memories, relationships, all my > " history " ... > > as I if I am living in a 'oblivion'... > > > as if I have been " wiped out " ... > > > As if I have seen my own " death " and > now, I will rather go back to the > " illusion " ... > > Where there is sense of " doing " , where > there is sense of " being " , where there > is some " stimulus " , where I " feel " ups > and downs " ... > > Where I [or call it mind] can feel > " alive " again... > > Where I can feel " normal " again... > > > It has happened many, many times but, > still I [or mind] still haven't found > it comfortable enough... > > Guess, when 'living' like this, > everything has started appearing like a > 'drama', an 'act' to me and I [or ego] > have longed to get 'normal' again. To > get back to a 'state', a 'mode' where I > feel like 'belonging' to this world, > where I feel like 'living in this > world', where I feel part of this > world, where my desires, my wishes, my > thoughts feel really serious and where > I cry, laugh, feel sad, feel lust, feel > anger, feel disappointment, passion, > zest like any " human " ... > > > Almost every time that it has > happened, I [ego] have kind of hit a > 'panic' mode and I have stated doing > everything [internet, sports, movies, > sex...] more in an attempt to 'burry' > it..., to 'forget' it, to 'hide' it > from 'myself'! > > > And, I have wondered, will I [mind] > ever get fully comfortable with this > 'mode of being'... > > > > > PS : Irrespective of peace, bliss, love... > I have felt it like my own death > and, question has been what " use " > this kind of peace really is for > " me " ... I don't even feel like > 'living' anymore! > > I have asked, to " whom " does this peace has > any significance and have answered – it is not for me. > > and, that's where, I think the > notion of 'service' or 'devotion' > comes into play! Maybe, these > are nice ways to forget or cover > my own 'non existence' and give > " me " a new 'sense' of 'existing' > and new 'purpose' of being. > > I think this is where the concept > of being a monk, an awakened one > or a sadhu, a saint too comes > into play – taking a new but > 'noble' 'identity'! > Hmmm...no need to force it I guess We'll all pop some day I think Thanks for sharing Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 27, 2006 Report Share Posted May 27, 2006 Nisargadatta , " adithya_comming " <adithya_comming wrote: > > There are reasons why I have found > great value in Ramana's teachings on > practice, developing strength of mind > and elimination of Vassanas. > > Numerous times I have ended in state > that can be called of: > > - no thoughts > > - freedom from [form] identification > > - Pure Awareness > > - Love > > - Bliss > > Yet, as soon as I have gained > [secondary] Awareness of 'being in this > state'; I have started asking myself - > " am I still alive? " , " who is this who > is living? " , " who am I? " , " what is the > meaning of living like this? " . > > If this is really " living " then, what > can " death " be like? > > > And, I [or call it ego, mind, duality, > person] have felt kind of > " uncomfortable " ! > > I [or call it 'ego'] have felt like > 'not existing'... > > I [or call it mind] as if along with > 'identity'; I have also lot all my > memories, relationships, all my > " history " ... > > as I if I am living in a 'oblivion'... > > > as if I have been " wiped out " ... > > > As if I have seen my own " death " and > now, I will rather go back to the > " illusion " ... > > Where there is sense of " doing " , where > there is sense of " being " , where there > is some " stimulus " , where I " feel " ups > and downs " ... > > Where I [or call it mind] can feel > " alive " again... > > Where I can feel " normal " again... > > > It has happened many, many times but, > still I [or mind] still haven't found > it comfortable enough... > > Guess, when 'living' like this, > everything has started appearing like a > 'drama', an 'act' to me and I [or ego] > have longed to get 'normal' again. To > get back to a 'state', a 'mode' where I > feel like 'belonging' to this world, > where I feel like 'living in this > world', where I feel part of this > world, where my desires, my wishes, my > thoughts feel really serious and where > I cry, laugh, feel sad, feel lust, feel > anger, feel disappointment, passion, > zest like any " human " ... > > > Almost every time that it has > happened, I [ego] have kind of hit a > 'panic' mode and I have stated doing > everything [internet, sports, movies, > sex...] more in an attempt to 'burry' > it..., to 'forget' it, to 'hide' it > from 'myself'! > > > And, I have wondered, will I [mind] > ever get fully comfortable with this > 'mode of being'... > > > > > PS : Irrespective of peace, bliss, love... > I have felt it like my own death > and, question has been what " use " > this kind of peace really is for > " me " ... I don't even feel like > 'living' anymore! > > I have asked, to " whom " does this peace has > any significance and have answered – it is not for me. > > and, that's where, I think the > notion of 'service' or 'devotion' > comes into play! Maybe, these > are nice ways to forget or cover > my own 'non existence' and give > " me " a new 'sense' of 'existing' > and new 'purpose' of being. > > I think this is where the concept > of being a monk, an awakened one > or a sadhu, a saint too comes > into play – taking a new but > 'noble' 'identity'! Wow, that's a lot to let go of, happy journey! > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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