Guest guest Posted June 30, 2006 Report Share Posted June 30, 2006 --- Adithya K <adithya_comming a écrit : > I came back to USA after spending 3 weeks in India. > > In India, I experienced heat and humidity. I > traveled on some roads that were very jerky. I > walked in the lanes that were dirty, muddy and dark. > My son had episodes of diarrhea and fever. I > experienced power cuts and mosquito bites. I even > had some verbal arguments. I witnessed some > self-obsession, vain and jealousy. > > Yet, in general, I was quite peaceful. Plus, I had > a feeling of liveliness and intensity combined with > openness, eagerness and self-belief. > > > I came to USA with high energy and enthusiasm... > > yet, due to reasons yet unknown to me, I started > experiencing fear, doubts and low-grade unease very > soon. With most people that I met, I felt as if they > were afraid, as if they were uneasy within, as if > they were trying to hide something. As if I had > entered a place that was highly secretive, a place > where people were afraid as if they thought others > were plotting something against them. > > I felt as if most people are plagued with the > 'inner guilt'*. The guilt that arises when you live > with the constant feeling of 'not doing what you > know you should do' and 'doing what you know you > shouldn't do'. As if they were living with a > feeling of having lost their integrity. > > > And, even in myself, I noticed a subtle fear as if > I had to be always watchful, vigilant. As if I > needed to constantly protect something, as if > something within was always at risk... > > In some eyes, I saw fear that I had missed seeing > for some time. As if they thought, I was a threat or > if 'talking to me' or just 'talking' itself was a > risk. > > I saw hostility in some eyes that I had missed > seeing for a while as if I was some 'unwanted' human > embodying unknown dangers for them... > > > [interestingly, I felt this way even around people > of Indian origin too provided they have been in USA > for any considerable [4+ years] length]. > > I don't know why... > > > > ---- > > *I guess, It is kind of 'guilt' that I might feel > if I was aware of my younger brother dying of hunger > while I was feasting on 21 course dinner with my fat > wife and fat children in an expensive restaurant > with the money that my father gave me long time back > to buy my supplies for my brother... > > It is kind of 'fear' that I might have in this > situation fearing my father might see it, fearing my > younger brother might see it... .................................................... it is interesting this subject of fear. It seems that the more poeple have, the more they forget about their only essential possession, the one they cannot lose, their only treasure. When you only have beingness, it is easy to smile and share. When you have things, you got to watch out, and put all your energy in to guarding your treasures. Welcome back my friend. Patricia [Non-text portions of this message have been > removed] > > _________________________ Mail réinvente le mail ! Découvrez le nouveau Mail et son interface révolutionnaire. http://fr.mail. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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