Split . . .

[Guest guest]

As I noticed, " split " is experienced

because of 'split consciousness'.

 

It is experienced when I do anything

'half heartedly'. And, in this regard,

it doesn't matter what I do but, only

" how " I do it.

 

I have seen that I can be TOTAL in acts

including anger, rage, sex, eating,

drinking, running, talking and thus,

experience no split consciousness.

 

I have also seen that I can be 'split'

even while performing so called " pious "

acts including puja, meditation, bhajan,

devotion, satsang.

 

It is commonly known as 'being here

but wanting to be somewhere else' or,

'doing this but, thinking that I should

be rather be doing something else'. But,

as I have seen the 'split' runs much

DEEPER than this.

 

I have seen that anytime I have 'awareness

of 'self'' - I am split.

 

And, then, it doesn't matter what I do.

Anything I do with the 'awareness of being

a 'separate' 'self'' - I am split. And, I

have seen that the awareness of 'self'

is always experienced as 'separation'. A

separation into - me ['self ] and all else.

Thoughts like " what I should be rather doing "

and " where I should rather be " only arise after

I first have an image of 'self' firmly in place

and after I have assumed it to have autonomity

to have a choice and the independence to make

its own decisions.

 

I have noticed that anytime I am TOTAL* [also

known as totally absorbed] in any act including

running, sex, writing, reading, talking,

looking, walking, working, sleeping, dreaming,

watching a movie - I am not there as a 'separate'

'self'. The awareness of 'self' comes much later

- as I realize, Oh, " I " was doing that.

 

In those moments, I was ONE with the act or, it is more

accurate to say that there was no " me " ** other than

the act being performed. I also experienced that

this way I had more energy and focus available to

the " act " as awareness was not spent trying to

simultaneously hold an 'image of self'.

 

As I had read [and had interpreted] many spiritual

texts, I had gathered it was a " spiritually bad "

state to be in. But, later as I experienced, I found

it quite beautiful as it was quite peaceful to be

this way. It was harmonious. It was being homogenous.

It was being ONE. And, being this way was being

free of stress. I noticed that carrying the 'image of

self' was a stress. In fact, that was perhaps ONLY

real stress or the " root " of all other stress.

 

 

 

 

---

 

 

*Now, that I think more about it; this 'totality

of action' is what is called being in zone, being

in flow. And, notice that awake or not we naturally

have plenty of those moments. I also noticed that

plenty of those moments used to occur in my own

life even before I had any context of spirituality.

 

As I see it, perhaps " humans " [like other animals]

were made to naturally live this way and [somewhat]

steady 'awareness of self' became necessary only

in order to observe many 'social rules' that we

made like this is " yours " , this is " not yours " ,

this is " your boundary " , this is " your woman " ,

this is " not your woman " and you " should not "

sleep with her even you feel very attracted and

she invites you over...

 

As the number of social rules increased,

became more and more complex and rigid -

the need of 'steady' 'separate' 'self'

'remembrance' [awareness] too increased...

 

I guess that our somewhat primitive

ancestors with much fewer rules lead

a life in which there was less need

to be aware of 'separate self' and, thus

observing basic natural responses and

intelligence was enough for most tasks.

 

Even when we let our awareness of 'separate

self' 'SLIP'; it is said - we have let

our " animal " nature rule!

 

 

 

 

**Strictly speaking, it is not that " me "

had necessarily died but I had no awareness of

it. And, since the " me " that I knew [and, still

know] is FULLY dependent on my awareness of

it in order to exist - when I am not aware of

it, it is as good as dead in those moments.

[Guest guest]

> As I noticed, " split " is experienced

> because of 'split consciousness'.

>

> It is experienced when I do anything

> 'half heartedly'.

 

precisely...

 

all begins with the heart.