Independence of Now . . .

[Guest guest]

As I prepared to meet my lover . . .

 

I shaved. I took nice warm bath. I

wore cloths I like. I had the breakfast

of my choice.

 

Then, I noticed . . . I was immensely

enjoying all this " preparation " . This

putting on my shirt, slipping into my

favorite slipper . . .

 

I smiled at my joy and questioned - does my

joy of this moment really depends on my

later [expected] meeting with my lover?

The answer that came was - No. Will the

joy that experience now will really

become less or go away if in reality I

did not meet my lover. The answer that

came was - No.

 

And, then remembered that in past,

many time I had carried this false

belief that the joy that I " already "

HAD in preparing would " go away " if the

expected results didn't happen. I

remembered the anxiety that such belief

gave me while " preparing " . I remembered

the disappointment and resentment that

such belief helped create when the

expected result didn't happen.

 

And, I remembered how I had previously

thought in the events of not meeting my

lover that my " preparing " was " wasted "

and that I was a fool to prepare. When

in reality, I had immensely enjoyed

those moments of preparation. I

remembered how forgetful, ignorant and

even ungrateful I had acted in these

situation holding onto the lie that my

preparation was wasted when in reality,

I had immensely enjoyed every bit of

that " preparation " . When in reality,

the joy that I already had in those

moment were not really dependent on

what happened " later " neither did it

diminish when results were different.

 

Thinking this, I thanked my lover for

being so that I can engage in this

delightful preparation. Later, even if

she was not there, I already had so

much joy preparing . . . " meeting " was

just an icing on the cake.

 

 

Later that evening, I bought a lottery

ticket and started imagining what I

will do if I won this lottery. And, I

noticed how much joy I felt in

imagining this. And, I noticed that

the joy I was having right now was

independent of the results that

will be only announced few days later.

These moments that I would already

enjoy even before results came and

irrespective of how they came. . . .